


Daughter of the Moon

by mymoonyandstars



Series: The Moonlit Series [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Relationships, Bisexual Character, Boggarts, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Cruciatus Curse (Harry Potter), Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Female Friendship, Fenrir Greyback Is His Own Warning, Fluff and Angst, Good Slytherins, Historically Accurate Full Moon Calendar, Hufflepuff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Lesbian Character of Color, M/M, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Ollivander Knows ALL, Ollivanders Wand Shop (Harry Potter), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Parent Remus Lupin, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Drug Use, Pensieves, Professor Remus Lupin, Protective Remus Lupin, Referenced Suicide Attempt, Self-Harm, Sex Education, Sirius Black as Padfoot, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, Welsh Remus Lupin, Werewolf Culture, Werewolf Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:14:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 68
Words: 377,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24729547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymoonyandstars/pseuds/mymoonyandstars
Summary: Emma Lupin's second year at Hogwarts was terrible. Her third year is set to be her best year yet as her father is the newest Defense professor. However, there are two issues. There's a serial killer on the loose and her father is keeping big secrets from her. Will this be the year Emma learns the truth about her father? Or will this year's events push them further apart?☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾Year One:A Window to the PastYear Two:Dark Tranquility
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s), Emma Lupin/Persephone Moon, Remus Lupin & Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: The Moonlit Series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561660
Comments: 118
Kudos: 134





	1. Qui Vivra Verra

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, friends! I wasn't expecting to be back so soon after finishing Dark Tranquility, but year three has started to write itself. I have been desperately waiting to get to this point and I think my little muse is ready to launch into her third year. After the challenges of Dark Tranquility, I think we all need a reprieve from Emma's chaotic second year.
> 
> Of course, not everything will be all rainbows and butterflies, but this year will be a lot better. It's a huge turning point for Emma and Remus and I can't wait for their journey to play out. Also, who's ready for the start of some Wolfstar?
> 
> Welcome to Daughter of the Moon and thank you for being a part of this crazy, crazy, crazy journey.
> 
> Don't forget - there's TWO books before this one! While this book *can* be read almost like a stand-alone, there are a lot of bits and pieces that follow from the first two.

Remus Lupin had always considered himself a dreamer. His mother had always told him stories, weaving brilliant tales that captured him in the ways that only a mother's stories can. He fell in love with books and fell in love with the idea of true romantic love. He grew up as a very lonely child, dreaming of friendship, of hope, and of adventure. Remus Lupin lived for his dreams. They were the only thing that kept him going; until one day, all of those dreams started to come true.

No longer was he a lonely child, for he had friends. He continued to find solace in books, but less frequently as he had friends – real friends. Remus was terrified of them learning his darkest secret, of them learning that he was a beast, but they didn't care. He had everything he could wish for. He had hope, he had adventure, but most importantly, he had _friends._ But then Remus fell in love, sharing awkward first love, first kisses, first _everything_ with someone he thought he could keep forever. Remus believed that he could never love someone as much as he did.

That was until he fell in love with the tiniest little human he had ever laid eyes on. He could tell anyone who asked the moment he fell in love with his niece, pink-faced and exhausted from her entrance into the world. He could tell when his friends began to fall in love with her as well, their fear melting into pure joy at a new life born into the world. And then there was two and then, in less than a day, three babies for them all to love. Secret playdates, stories, toy broomsticks, and so many tears from laughter, of joy, of pain…

Even in the middle of a war, Remus could still hang onto his hope. He always dreamed, but his dreams were different. Instead of wishing for friends, Remus wished for a family. He wished for children, for marriage, and everything life would bring.

In an instant, he lost everything. Gone were the friends, the possibility of love, and family. All of the things that Remus held near and dear to his heart were gone. Remus fell into such despair that nothing seemed to matter. His happy dreams had turned to nightmares. Instead of finding solace in books, Remus found joy in the empty bottles of alcohol that littered his home. His happiness was found in the rare hits of Muggle drugs that he could get ahold of. He slowly began to succumb to the beast that he was, no longer remembering his humanity for he could no longer care.

Remus had given up on caring long before he had decided that he was tired of caring about not caring. If the world was no longer going to be kind to him, there was no point in him worrying about the world thought.

Fate was cruel and felt the need to thwart Remus's plans. It sobered Remus up quicker than he ever would have wanted, his recovery too fast-paced and painful. After nearly a decade of fate treating him as if he meant nothing, mocking him, and cutting him to the core, it gave him a gift. Maybe life wasn't a nightmare.

That gift came in the form of his niece, green-eyed, nervous, and looking much more like a young adult than he would have liked. She was not the small child that he remembered, and that was hard for him to accept. Emma was a child that grew up much faster than she should have, already seeing the darkness of the world. Broken and bruised, Emma approached the world carefully, always thinking well before she acted. She was guarded and unsure, and frequently needed reminders that it was okay to have fun.

Remus worried that their relationship would always remain cold. Emma didn't talk much, finding solace in books and dreaming of friendship, adventure, and hope. Remus could never blame her for the way she would skirt around him, observing him, waiting for _something_ to happen. She didn't want to trust, didn't want to let him in, but then she decided to be brave – she chose to love.

When Emma finally let her wall down, she became an entirely different person. She allowed herself to finally relax into the idea of affection, though she approached it shyly. Hugs were few and far between until they weren't. She had questions – so many questions – about everything and the world surrounding her. She asked questions that forced Remus to think, and often found answers before Remus had the chance to. She still sought solace in her books, but she allowed herself to be her brilliant and beautiful self. Emma was a gift worth cherishing.

Emma blossomed as a person right in front of his eyes. She was extraordinarily caring, very trusting, and sensitive. Emma saw the world through rose-colored glasses, and it was beautiful to witness. Her curiosity was unyielding, and she didn't let herself be held down. When Emma loved, she loved with her whole heart. It might not always be obvious, but she had a way of letting people know that she loved them.

One night when Emma, who frequently feared her dreams, lay asleep on his chest, Remus found himself lost in thought. This wasn't new for them, at least not anymore. It had come to be a sporadic routine that he had come to look forward to. It was something that she had done frequently when she was younger, and he didn't realize how much he had missed it. He found that it was always comforting to listen to the sound of her breathing. He found the weight of her body partially on his was soothing. It forced him to take the time and relax and not let his mind wander (too much). It had taken that night for Remus to realize two things – Emma was terrifyingly just like him, and he would do _anything_ for her.

It was on one of those nights that Remus realized that he _could_ have a family. It wasn't like how he always imagined, and sure Emma was his niece, but he _was_ her godfather. His life plan had never involved having biological children, though he wanted them. It might not have been opportune, he would have certainly preferred to have a different home, more money, more time…but Emma didn't seem to care. Remus, as hard as he tried, couldn't figure out for the life of him why Emma couldn't be _his_.

But then he remembered, and the thought haunted him. _He was a werewolf_. Not only was it bad enough that he was a werewolf, but it also turned out Emma was _terrified_ of werewolves. He had no idea where her fear came from, but it chilled him to the core. If she ever found out what he was… He couldn't allow himself to think of the possibility.

Instead, Remus did the only thing he could think of – he lied as much as he could. He never told her what he was (though he could write it off that she never asked). Remus lied to everyone who would ensure that he could adopt her. He even lied to himself to convince himself that what he was doing was okay. Remus _wanted_ to adopt her if she wanted him to, but he didn't hold his breath, didn't allow himself to hope. It didn't matter that her parents were still alive, right?

Remus supposed that it had been incredibly selfish that he never told Emma the truth about her parents from the start. It had been on Dumbledore's suggestion that they wait to tell her about her parents. It was all that they could do. Wait to see how she did with the changes, wait to see how she handled school, wait to see if she could handle the reality. That's all he could do – wait. Remus had found himself almost hoping that the day would never come, but then it arrived, and he wasn't ready for it.

Having to tell Emma just that one single truth had nearly broken him. She had been delighted to see him, clearly prepared to bombard him with stories from her first term at Hogwarts, and then he had _broken_ her. It wasn't betrayal that she felt; he could see that in her eyes, but she was _hurt,_ and it was his fault. All because he was the one who had to tell her. But Emma bounced back, her sunny disposition wading through her fear, but it was tainted. If just that one reality had hurt her, he could never tell her what he was.

Rather than dwell on the bad, Emma seemed to throw herself into things and go through life with optimism. It was an optimism that Remus had wished he possessed at her age. He wondered if it was a coping mechanism, but then oh Merlin, whatdidshesay? The thought had fled his mind as quickly as it came because Emma had done the unthinkable. After months of never knowing what to call him, Emma had finally said his name and even said that she _loved_ him.

 _Happyhappyhappyhappy_. That's what Remus was. It didn't matter that the holiday was marred by the full moon. It was the best Christmas that he had been able to have in years. He had been able to begin to repair his relationship with his father, and they were both able to spoil her. She deserved to be spoiled. But then Remus learned of Emma's fears and found himself very worried and very confused. _How did she know of Greyback's den?_

It didn't matter that the den was no longer in use and hadn't been in years. It was the fact that she _knew_ about it. Emma wasn't just scared of werewolves – she was somehow afraid of the most savage beast of all time. He couldn't blame her for the fear, but he wished he could understand where it came from. For Remus, it no longer became a want to adopt her, it became a need. There was a reason why she had the fear, and he needed to – no – he _had_ to keep her from that fear. He _had_ to keep her safe. It was his job.

The holiday had gone much too fast, not just for him, but for Emma as well. It was with resounding disappointment that Emma had to return to Hogwarts.

As happy as Emma was, it was clear that something bothered her. Remus was floored when she had expressed that she felt like she was just _there_. Emma didn't feel like she belonged in the family and was just floating. It didn't matter that she had been in Remus's care for a few months – she wanted a concrete family. To his disappointment, when he had mentioned the idea of adopting her, she seemed lukewarm to the idea. Emma never said no, but she didn't give an outright no.

To his surprise, that night, Remus received a letter from Emma. She wanted to be adopted. He had no doubt that Emma's answer had come with the insistence of her best friend, Persephone. He had quickly learned that Persephone was pure Slytherin but in the best ways possible. She was smart and ambitious and extremely loyal. Persephone knew how to manipulate the people around her, but she used her powers for good. There was no doubt it was a skill that she had learned from her parents, who were wealthy and brilliant in their own way.

Remus once again ran into his problem – he was a werewolf. There was no way that he would be able to adopt, but then he remembered one crucial fact. To keep his family safe, Lyall never allowed Remus to be added to the werewolf registry. Unless someone were to sit and research, no one would know that he was a werewolf. It would take someone having to say something to a Ministry worker, but the people who would tell his secret were either dead or incapacitated. Remus didn't have to worry; not that it ever stopped him from worrying anyway.

Remus knew that he needed to take things one step further. He couldn't just adopt Emma, he needed to make sure that she had the most reliable protection. It wasn't just a case of a simple name change and simple bonding magic – she had to be adopted through _blood_.

The thought made him ill. _By blood_. It was _by magic and blood_. One of Remus's biggest fears was passing on his lycanthropy to someone. The last person he would ever want that person to be was Emma. There was no choice in the matter – it was the only way it could be done.

Of course, Remus had spent most of his life researching his condition. He knew all of the ways that lycanthropy could spread, and though it mostly required the full moon, it was _always_ a possibility. Cursed wounds could occur at all times, which meant taking extra care to make sure he never scratched her. Transmission through bodily fluids at other times of the month wasn't as well researched. Some literature said yes, others said no. The only concrete proof he had was Animagi were not susceptible to the spread of lycanthropy, whether as an animal or human.

But that wasn't a possibility. _By blood_ seemed like an impossibility.

He spent long nights pouring over ancient blood magic rituals. He poured through whatever updated literature on his condition that he could find. He didn't want Emma to become an experiment for what he felt he needed to do. Every ritual involved the sharing of blood and of ingesting. It wasn't something that Remus was interested in. There had to be something that existed that didn't require blood transfer.

After three months of searching, when Remus was ready to give up, he finally found what he was looking for.

It was a new ritual, one that had been used for around forty years that didn't require the transfer of blood. It was susceptible to failing, but all it needed was a blood donation as a sign of good faith. The potion that was used could imbue through inhalation alone – there was no risk of transfer. Of course, it was expected that both parties partake in sharing the potion that bonded them together, but it wasn't needed. It ended like the other rituals, with a process very similar to the Unbreakable Vow. It was perfect. They would both have the family they wanted.

The idea of suddenly having a family terrified Remus more than anything, but he was excited. Emma was excited - _everyone_ was thrilled - she was finally right where she belonged. She felt secure, she was happy, and she was _finally_ able to be a child. Until she no longer felt any of those things.

Just like Remus, Emma's nightmares manifested and took hold. Emma having complications from the adoption didn't allow him to correctly set the wards around the cottage. He had expected Emma's friend to spend the night with her so she wouldn't be left alone. They would be fine left to their own devices. In a cruel twist of fate, it only seemed appropriate that Greyback planned to let himself be known.

He knew that it wasn't a coincidence that Greyback made an appearance, and he should have better prepared. _He should have known_. He couldn't be the father that he needed to be for Emma. He was only grateful that Persephone wasn't there as well. Greyback would have had a field day with two girls instead of one.

Emma was never quite the same after that night, and it showed. Emma's terror gripped fiercely to her heart and didn't let go. Remus could only send Emma back to school for a few months and hope that he could make things up to her when she returned.

His transformations started to become difficult again.

Instead of being able to fully enjoy the summer holiday, his sister's health took a turn for the worse. After being stable for a decade, something had changed, and no one knew what was happening. Remus's knowledge in healing magic was rudimentary, and his suggestions weren't of any use. Emma tried to put up a strong front, but deep down, she was struggling. The summer was spent with him working, worrying, trips to St. Mungo's, worrying some more, and doing his best to keep Emma happy.

But Emma was growing up faster than he was prepared for. He was grateful that Emma's sudden introduction to womanhood was in the company of other women as he was hopeless. It wasn't as if he didn't understand a woman's monthlies, but he was a man and could only really offer his support. He could understand the pain, but he couldn't understand the rest of what it entailed. It bought him time to prepare for the future conversations that they would eventually need to have. Remus was sure that he would _never_ be ready for "the talk."

Emma experienced frequent panic attacks, became jumpy and anxious in her own skin. The confidence that he had come to admire had all but disappeared. She always did her best to try and be strong, but it was always just a mask. Remus did his best to remind her that she was loved, and he spent as much time with her as he could. As long as she was safe and whole, he could be content.

Their first full summer together went even quicker than the first, which was saying something. Emma, who had never seemed to really recover after Greyback's visit, departed for Hogwarts with a forced smile and promises that she was okay. He knew that she wasn't.

Guilt was the dominating feeling that Remus had when Emma returned for the Christmas holidays. Emma hurting herself was _not_ on the list of things Remus could prepare himself for. The list of things he was ill-equipped for was growing. Remus knew of the panic attacks, knew of her anxiety, but self-harm was new. It was scary, and it hurt him in ways he never expected. He hurt because she hurt. Remus knew that Emma couldn't be happy all the time, but he never wanted her to get to the point of self-destruction.

Getting answers from Emma had been practically impossible, and he had to resort to unconventional methods. He wasn't proud of it, and when she would finally fall asleep, he would finally allow himself to break down. Remus wrote hurried and rushed letters and made sure that others knew. This was far beyond something he could handle by himself.

Just when Remus didn't think he could have his heart shatter anymore, Emma managed to surprise him. In a very sleep-induced haze, she said the one thing that he didn't know that he wanted – she called him dad. It didn't matter to him that he didn't think he would hear it again, but he broke. He had to do more, be better – he had to be the father that Emma needed.

Emma had managed to find a small bit of hope in her best friend, now girlfriend (though she didn't know that he knew), and that was a relief. It had been startling to him because Emma had never expressed any interest in relationships. It was even more shocking that said relationship was with another girl, but he didn't care as long as she was happy. How could Remus care when he had been with…

That was the past, and he needed to remain in the present.

Emma's smile was back, and Remus would allow himself to believe in the power of young love. However, Remus couldn't stop his guilt. He knew that a lot of Emma's issues resided in the walls of the castle, but all he could do was send her back. It wasn't something that he wanted to do, but it was all he _could_ do. Or at least that's what he thought.

Before they left his father's home to return to the cottage, Remus took the opportunity to go into the attic. There had to be something that he could find, something extra that could hopefully give Emma to hang onto. It had taken him a few hours, but Remus stumbled upon boxes of not just his old things, but his sisters. He felt guilty going through her things, but a black leather-bound journal struck inspiration. Just underneath it was a floral-patterned blanket that he had carried Emma in so many times. They were perfect. But what gift could he give from himself? He dug through the boxes, never finding anything of note.

Old quills, spare bits of parchment, and outdated textbooks weren't things that Emma would want. The final box Remus went through made him feel like he struck gold. He carefully pulled out his old Hogwarts uniform, memories flooding back to him in droves. Brushing his fingers over the fabric of the old black robes, Remus realized precisely what to give her. He continued digging through the box until he finally pulled out his school cardigan. Emma _always_ stole his cardigans, and she was more than deserving of wearing Gryffindor's colors. It was perfect.

And so, Remus sent Emma back to Hogwarts with the promises that he would be better and a way for her to learn who her mother was. He still wasn't sure if it was the best idea he had.

Her return for the Easter holidays had been surprising. Emma was once again broken, but not in the way he had expected. His heart stopped when he first took in her appearance, but luckily a very familiar face helped to fix her up. It was in Elara Douglas that he found a rekindled friendship, and he was grateful for it – it came just on time.

Margaret's passing had been a strain on everyone, especially Emma. Sweet and beautiful Emma tried _so hard_ to try and be okay, but every moment was challenging. Nothing Remus could ever do would ever make it better.

And still, he sent her back. Remus knew things were bad, but he didn't realize that there was the potential he was sending her back for the last time. He didn't know, and he should have known.

He should have realized that Emma's desire to live had been ripped away from her. Her spirit was broken, she had no faith in the world, and she had lost hope. The very things that had kept Emma going had been stolen away and slowly strangled until she felt that she had nothing left.

Remus had nearly lost her again, and the thought still made him sick. It had been forty days since he had seen her alive and not lying in a bed, struggling to survive. It had taken another ten for her to finally open her eyes, and the wave of emotion he felt was overwhelming. He was angry, he was sad, he was confused, he was lost. Guilt pitted itself right in his stomach, never ceasing to leave. And he knew why – the only reason Emma even survived was that he had to do the unthinkable.

That Godforsaken monstrosity of a potion from the bonding ceremony was kept in storage. Remus didn't understand why, still couldn't understand why, but that _stupid potion_ was the only reason she lived. It seemed almost like a joke that the one thing he hated about himself was the one thing that kept her alive. Lycanthropy wasn't a gift; it was a curse. Even if she would never be a full werewolf, he had still tainted her blood.

When Emma finally woke up, Remus felt terrible. He had been so incredibly angry with her. It wasn't her fault, not wholly, but the disappointment and the terror he felt nearly killed him. Emma could do nothing but apologize over and over and over again, but nothing was ever going to change what she had done. Nothing was going to change what _he_ had done.

It had taken Remus a few days to get over his anger at Emma. It wasn't until he finally was able to see what she saw in Dumbledore's Pensieve that he understood. That anger was quickly replaced with heartbreak. The place in his heart that Emma had nestled herself into was now fractured and bruised. He didn't blame her, could never blame her, but he was terrified of what the future held.

Nothing was ever going to be the same.

Emma's return home for the summer had been, for lack of a better word, miserable. If she wasn't crying, he was. If they weren't fighting with each other, it was stony silences. Both of them knew it wasn't healthy, knew that it wouldn't help, but they were stubborn to a fault. Their relationship as father and daughter was holding on by a thread. It got to the point that his father finally had to intervene.

Lyall had decided that he should stay at the cottage for a while to help aid in Emma's return. He knew the transition was going to be difficult. Emma could no longer be trusted to have freedom, and by extension, neither did Remus, but he had to work. Remus couldn't sit and watch her all the time. It eventually got to the point that Lyall, as he so eloquently put it, was "sick of their shit." He got them the first international Portkey out to Paris that he could. If they weren't going to be able to figure things out at home, then they needed to go someplace else and figure it out.

Lyall didn't care how much money it cost; he was paying for the entire trip. Emma, who had always wanted to travel outside of Great Britain, couldn't even find herself excited. Remus found himself considerably less enthusiastic.

However, it appeared that his father had been onto something.

The first three days of their trip had been terrible. Emma hated the Portkey, Remus hated not knowing what they were doing. Emma and Remus weren't people who generally got loud and could work out their differences in a mild manner, but even that was a struggle. After a day of far too many scream-filled arguments in the streets of Paris, they both gave up. There was an unspoken moment of understanding, but they realized the stupidity of what was happening. They were away from the cottage and in Paris – how could they be fighting so much? The next morning when they woke up, they both apologized to each other and then laughed. That laughter quickly gave way to crying and holding each other.

It would be a long road to recovery, for both of them, but they had each other, and that was what was mattered.

Realizing that they had already lost three days out of seven, they made plans. Remus wanted to show Emma all of Paris just like his parents had done for him and Margaret as children. It was her first time traveling somewhere other than London or Wales, and they had already lost so much time. As much as Emma wanted to do everything and go everywhere, she had to remind Remus that she was still exhausted.

Instead, they stayed near the hotel. Emma grew tired quickly, and as much as she wanted to see everything, her body was still recovering as well. Remus had to spend a lot of time supporting her as they walked, and he knew that Emma was disappointed.

"If we do everything this time, then there's no point in coming back," Emma said quietly over breakfast one morning. She looked thoughtful with her cup of espresso in hand as she met his gaze, her eyes holding the faint hints of their old sparkle.

"You're right," Remus answered with a smile. "We'll come back. There's no rush."

Emma had fallen in love with Parisian wizarding fashion, finding the colors and fabrics of the robes far more beautiful than in London. The fabrics were made of smooth, bright silks that she loved to touch. She enjoyed venturing into the French shops, always amused by how easily Remus could converse with the shop keepers. If Emma didn't know that he was Welsh, she would swear he was born and raised in France.

However, nothing made Emma happier than the hidden bookshops that Remus introduced her to. She couldn't understand any of the words, but the books were beautiful to look at. They were wrapped in leather with crisp, gilded lines that drew her in. The books were works of art that she could look at all day.

"I always try to come here when I'm in Paris," Remus said wistfully in one of the book-filled buildings. "You never know what you'll find."

On the sixth day of their trip, Remus had found himself feeling optimistic. They weren't yelling at each other during every waking moment. Instead, they were able to talk openly and honestly with each other. Everything seemed normal, and that was all either of them could ask for. Nothing could spoil Remus's mood. Things were finally getting better. Or so he thought.

That morning, when they visited Place Cachée, Paris's wizarding shopping area, Remus became distracted. As they walked by one of the magical newsstands, a familiar and haunting face was staring back at him. He anxiously purchased a copy of Le Cri de la Gargouille. He tucked it under his arm as he followed Emma down the street. Emma gave him a funny look but accepted his answer of "crossword" and left it at that. She had grown to be very attuned to Remus's emotions on their trip, but she didn't push, and for that, he was grateful.

The rest of the day had gone well enough, but Emma was growing tired.

"Emma, we'll come back, I promise," Remus said, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. He wasn't sure if it was because she was tired, but it was the first time she readily leaned into him. An arm snaked around his waist, and she rubbed her eyes with her other hand as she closed her eyes sleepily. She trusted him to lead her back while she rested her eyes for a moment.

"Fine," Emelyn muttered with a yawn. "Only because you promised we'll come back."

Remus had been grateful that Emma had needed an early night. They had a light dinner in the hotel's restaurant, and he tucked Emma into bed and sat out on the balcony to read his book.

The waxing moon had risen high in the night sky when he finally decided to look at the newspaper. His eyes refused to stray away from the man in the photograph blinking back at him. Remus could recall a time when the man in the photo didn't look haunted and had brilliant sparkling silver eyes. He could still feel the way the man's hair felt soft in his fingers and his barking laugh and –

Remus pushed the newspaper off the table, his breath catching in his throat for what felt like the millionth time. He shoved the palms of his hands into his eye sockets, finding solace in the different colors behind his eyelids. This was a nightmare, it had to be. Things had finally started to turn around, he had fallen asleep, and he was dreaming. That was the only logical explanation he had.

When Remus pulled his hands away from his eyes, they immediately found the paper lying on the ground. The paper was still there, the man was still staring, and Remus felt sick. He wasn't having a nightmare – he was living in one.

Sirius Black had escaped Azkaban, and against all the odds, Remus was still hopelessly in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	2. Lumos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma hates the fact that magic has gotten so much more difficult.

" _Lumos_. It's not working."

"Try it again."

" _Lumos_. _Lu - mos. Luuu – moooos."_

"All right, it's time to give it a break. We'll try again later."

Emma turned to look at her father, who was sitting on the couch, looking amused. He was leaning forward, elbows on his knees as he watched her. She planted her feet firmly on the ground, folding her arms over her chest with a determined look on her face.

"No, I need to figure out why I can't do this," she said resolutely. She raised an eyebrow at Remus, almost daring him to tell her no before turning back around and holding her wand out in front of her. She fixed the end of her wand with a sharp stare and gave it a small wave. " _Lumos_."

"Emma – you need to eat," Remus said, standing up and plucking Emma's wand out of her hand. He smiled at the disgruntled noise she made and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "We've been working on this since breakfast, and you need to take a break."

"But I need to figure out why I can't even do a simple spell," Emma whined, jumping up to try and grab her wand that was held high over her head. "Let me try again!"

"Lunch first," Remus said sternly, putting a hand on Emma's shoulder and gently pushing her down onto the couch. "You're already exhausted as it is, and you're just going to wear yourself out further. You can have this back later."

"Fine," Emma pouted, staring longingly at her wand. "Are you sure I can't try one more time?"

"Yes, I'm positive," Remus said, tucking Emma's wand into the inner pocket of his cardigan. "Now, what do you want for lunch?"

"I don't care."

"Emma," Remus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "please don't start this again. We've been home for less than twenty-four hours. I don't think I can take much more of us fighting, at least not so soon."

Emma fixed Remus a hard stare before sinking back into the couch cushions and averting her eyes. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly. She didn't really want to fight with Remus either. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's okay," Remus replied after a beat. "Sandwiches sound all right? I'm afraid we don't have much in the house right now."

"Yeah."

Remus studied Emma for a moment and then nodded to himself. "Did you want to eat here or in the kitchen?"

"Here? I'm tired," Emma reluctantly admitted. She frowned as Remus gave her a knowing smile.

"Perhaps a nap is in order," Remus said, holding a finger up to stop Emma from immediately protesting. "Eat, have a kip, and then we'll try again."

Emma let out a heavy sigh as she watched Remus head towards the kitchen. She had only been out of school for not even two weeks, and she was already tired of being home. She wanted to be back in Paris, where things were exotic and nothing like the vast expanses of land that made up Upper Helmsley. Honestly, if she had to choose between school or home, Emma would probably choose school. Then again, she wasn't entirely sure she was ready to go back at any time soon.

Emma was tired. She was tired of _being_ tired. She was tired of trying to get her stupid magic to work. Most of all, Emma was tired of always fighting with Remus. It felt like that was all they had done for nearly a straight week, but she understood. She wasn't stupid, and she knew that he was mad at her for what she had done. In fact, he had said it several times himself while they were in Paris. His words stung deeply, but she couldn't blame him.

"As much as you hate me, I don't think anyone can hate me more than I hate myself," Emma had shouted at him during their final argument. It had been the statement that had seemingly ended their constant feuding. Emma broke down into wracking sobs, not caring how embarrassing it was to be crying in the middle of the crowded sidewalk. She couldn't remember much of what happened after that, but she could recall the way Remus's face fell.

There was a moment of silent recognition on his face, and it was the first moment he didn't look at her with disgust. She remembered being pulled wordlessly into a bone-crushing hug, and that was it. The moment was never spoken of, almost as if it never happened, but Emma wished it would come up.

"You're thinking too loud," Remus said when he returned back to the living room. He handed Emma her plate and put a glass of water down in front of her on the coffee table. He straightened up and crossed his arms over his chest. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Emma said quietly, taking a bite of her sandwich. The ham briefly reminded her of the croque monsieur they shared at a quick stop at one of the cafés near the hotel. It took everything in her power to not blush at the memory of her mishearing and calling the sandwich a "Croak Monster." It was slightly more embarrassing than the crying.

Remus studied her again before returning to the kitchen to grab his sandwich. He seemed to do that a lot, lately - studying her. It was almost like when she first arrived at the cottage when they were both unsure and trying to learn each other's habits. If it were anyone else, it would've annoyed Emma. It _was_ annoying, but it was Remus. That was just what he did.

When Remus returned, he sat next to Emma and looked at her plate, seemingly to make sure she hadn't stopped eating in his absence. The silence that fell between them wasn't exactly comfortable, but it wasn't uncomfortable either. It just was. Meals that had once been full of conversation had become quiet as they got lost in their thoughts.

"You know I have to go back to work, right?" Remus said into the silence after a while.

Emma gave Remus a side-long glance but didn't say anything. She took another bite of her sandwich and chewed slowly. She gave him a small shrug in response. It wasn't like she didn't know that he had to go back to work, he had a life outside of her. She just didn't know what that meant. It wasn't as if he would leave her home by herself.

"I'm trusting you to not do anything rash being by yourself."

Emma nearly choked on the bite of sandwich she had in her mouth. "You're letting me stay home alone?" She asked incredulously. The idea seemed too good to be true. "Like, with no one around? No grandpa, no Mrs. Figg – no one?"

"Do you want me to have someone stay with you? I'm not sure who could come last minute, but I'm sure I can find someone…"

"No!" Emma shouted, staring at Remus with wide eyes. "No, please. I – I can be home by myself."

The hint of a smile played at Remus's lips. "Are you sure? Really it's no trouble for me to find someone."

"No, Dad, _please_ ," Emma pleaded, setting down her plate and grabbing onto Remus's arm, nearly knocking his sandwich off its plate. "I can be by myself. I promise! I won't do anything stupid. Please, please, pleasseee."

Remus smiled and shook his head as he shifted his plate to his free hand and put it down on the table. "Your grandfather will spend the weekend and the nights with you, but you'll have most of tomorrow to yourself. You'll be free of your grandfather for the entire afternoon and part of the evening on Monday and Tuesday," Remus explained, watching as Emma's hopeful expression turned to confusion. "If you can handle that then we'll discuss the possibility of having your friends over while I'm at work for the rest of the summer."

Emma's face fell at the news. "You're leaving tomorrow? We just got home yesterday."

"I know," Remus sighed. "It's not exactly opportune, but while we were in Paris..."

"You're going back to Paris?" Emma's shoulders sagged in realization. "Why can't I go with you again?"

"Because, my dear, I will be working with some unsavory types, and I don't need you to be exposed to that," Remus said, gesturing to Emma's plate. "Eat."

Emma pouted, but picked up her plate and continued to eat. "What are you doing?"

"The bookseller we visited near Place Cachée needs information on some dark objects that they are in possession of," Remus said. "Similar to the work I was doing in Knockturn during your first term last year, but far less intensive."

"But, you're working with unsavory types?"

"I might have to help them sell, too. Possibly buy. Not sure what it is I'll be looking at until I get there. He gave me a rundown, but I won't know for sure until I see what I'm working with."

Putting her plate back down, Emma sighed. "You know a lot about the dark arts," she said, her eyes scanning the bookshelves. It seemed like every other book was related to the dark arts in some capacity.

Remus looked around at the bookshelves himself. "I find it an interesting topic," he said slowly. He didn't think Emma would appreciate the fact that his interest stemmed from the fact he was considered a dark creature. He couldn't even tell her what he was, so how could he explain everything else?

With a slight nod, Emma yawned. "I suppose it's interesting," she said, rubbing her eyes. "I wouldn't know much other than what I've read here. It's not as though I've really had a good professor for the topic."

Remus finished his sandwich slowly and put his plate down. A small, amused smile crossed his face as he saw Emma's eyelids begin to droop. He grabbed a pillow from an armchair and placed it on his lap. "Come here," he said, guiding Emma down onto the couch. "You need to rest."

"No, I don't," Emma insisted as she curled up, settling her head on the pillow. She had started to add that she was perfectly fine, but she wasn't sure if she ever finished her sentence.

Emma felt as though she had just closed her eyes from her, apparently, well-needed nap when Remus woke her up.

"Emma, you need to get up and eat."

"I just ate," Emma groaned, snuggling into the warmth of the blanket that was draped over her body. She was so comfortable, and she had only eaten moments before she laid her head down. Why should she need to get up?

"Sweetheart, it's night, and it's starting to get late."

"What do you mean it's night?" Emma opened an eye curiously, taking in her much darker surroundings. The lamp was on, bathing the room in a warm glow, but it was definitely nowhere near as bright as the afternoon sun. She sat up, looking this way and that trying to figure out just how long she had been asleep.

"You were out for six hours," Remus said, sounding not at all surprised that she had been asleep for so long.

"Why did you let me sleep so long?"

"You needed it," Remus shrugged. "It gave me time to pack and pick up groceries. I didn't want to leave you without food."

Emma huffed and tossed the blanket off of her. Suddenly the comfortable warmth she was feeling felt stifling. "What are we having for dinner, then," she asked before turning to Remus with a questioning look. "You left the house without me knowing?

"Chicken soup," Remus said, his expression apologetic. He pressed a hand to Emma's forehead and let out a quiet hum. "I have a feeling that you're getting sick. I didn't expect you to sleep through me leaving. At the very least, I figured you would be up. I left a note and everything."

"I don't feel sick." Emma felt her forehead as Remus pulled his hand away. She had no idea what he was feeling for, but she felt fine. "You're the one who looks sick," she said, taking in the tired lines of his face.

Remus couldn't help but laugh. "I'm very tired," he admitted. "And you, my dear, wouldn't take such an extended nap if you weren't getting sick. I'll cook – get yourself comfortable. We'll just eat in here again."

An hour later, with dinner finished, Remus kept his promise of helping Emma try to practice her magic. Twenty minutes in, Emma found herself frustrated and even more exhausted than before.

"It's not working, still," Emma said, shaking her wand in front of her, wishing it would even just shoot off sparks. It just felt like a stick in her hand, and she felt foolish. It was almost like she had lost all magical ability, or she was a small child playing pretend. Either possibility sounded terrible.

"I want to try something," Remus said thoughtfully. He took Emma's wand out of her hand and put it aside and pulled his wand out, looking at it curiously. "This seems silly, but I think the problem is with your wand."

"With my wand?" Emma asked, not understanding.

"Here," Remus said, holding his wand out for Emma to take.

Frowning slightly, Emma took it, letting out a relieved sigh when she felt the subtle warmth that her wand once had. She was glad to feel the gentle and familiar surge of magic, but she felt strange holding a wand that wasn't her own. The differences between her wand and Remus's made her very aware that it wasn't hers, but it was nice.

"Go on, try," Remus encouraged, giving her a small smile.

"What if it doesn't work?" Emma asked, looking at the wand skeptically.

"I think it will," Remus said. "We might have to adjust your grip, but give it a try."

Taking a deep breath, Emma held the wand out in front of her. " _Lumos_ ," she said, almost quietly. She felt the surge of magic, however, seeing that nothing happen was disheartening. Emma looked over at Remus, half disappointed, and half desperate for just _something_ to happen. "Nothing happened. What if I'm a Squib?" She let out a pathetic wail as she looked at the wand in her hand. "I can't be a Squib!"

"Now, hold on a minute," Remus said, fixing how Emma was holding the wand. "We'll have to work on your wand grip again. Does it still hurt to hold things?"

Emma nodded, grimacing at how Remus repositioned her hand. "A little," Emma muttered. "It depends on what I'm holding, but trying to hold my wand has been bloody miserable. Yours is easier to hold than mine is, though."

All of the side effects Emma had from accidentally poisoning herself were unexpected and discouraging. Her still being alive almost seemed like a complete fluke as everything was so incredibly difficult. When she told Remus she hated herself, she truly meant it. She hated what she had done to herself, and having to relearn how to do things was disconcerting.

No, she didn't just hate it. She _loathed_ it. She loathed herself and her very existence. Having to learn how to walk without falling over had been humiliating enough. Finding out that she couldn't hold things as well as she used to? That had been even worse. It had been funny when Emma rejoined her classmates. They had all giggled awkwardly at meals, chalking it up to nervousness, but after dropping her spoon too many times… Well, the humor was quickly lost.

No matter how many reassurances she was given made her feel any better – at all. She couldn't understand why there wasn't a potion that would help her be better. She didn't want to have to relearn how to do things. But that was one of the things with poisoning yourself – accidental or not, there wasn't a quick fix. She desperately wanted to hold utensils without looking like a toddler. It was getting a little easier, but it bothered her. And God – her wand! She didn't want to look as though she'd never held a wand before. Draco would have a bloody field day at how stupid she looked.

"I noticed that you've been favoring holding your wand closer to the end," Remus said, making small adjustments to Emma's hold. "Is it more comfortable for you?

"Yeah," Emma said, looking over at her wand. "Mine already has the spot to hold, and it's further up. Yours doesn't, not really. With yours, you can almost pick and choose."

Remus nodded, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "Try it again and see what happens," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Let's see if having the proper grip helps. Just relax and don't overthink it."

"All right." Emma wondered if she looked as defeated as she felt. Her hand was _really_ starting to hurt, and not seeing progress was vexing. " _Lumos_ ," she said, not at all expecting for the wand to light up.

With a gleeful squeal, the end of the wand lit up. Emma's eyes lit up just as brightly as the end of the wand. "It worked!" she exclaimed, grinning as she looked over at Remus.

"Now try and put it out," Remus said, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

" _Nox_ ," Emma said, beaming as the wand's tip extinguished.

Remus took a look around the room, eyes narrowed until he settled his gaze on the book sitting on the coffee table. "Try levitating the book," he suggested.

Emma's brows pinched in worry, but she focused her attention on the book. " _Wingardium Leviosa_ ," Emma said, giving her best swish and flick. The book raised a couple wobbly inches before dropping to the table. She placed Remus's wand on the table and started to massage her hand.

"A little shaky, but that could be because it's not your wand," Remus said, gesturing for Emma to give him her hand. "Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere," Emma mumbled, wincing as Remus massaged her hand. She didn't think her fingers would be so sensitive. "So, what does this mean?"

"I would never consider myself an expert, so I can't say exactly," Remus said, looking at Emma's wand, "but the issue is with your wand." Remus looked up at Emma with a smile. "It has absolutely nothing to do with you."

"Well, it's good to know I'm not a total fuck up," Emma said, almost to herself.

"Emma," Remus said sharply, fixing her with a disappointed look. "I don't care about you swearing, because Merlin knows I do my own fair share when you're not around, but you need to get out of that mindset."

"Sorry," Emma whispered.

"You don't have to apologize – and don't apologize for apologizing because I know that's next," Remus said with a sigh. "Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself?"

"I'll have to be," she answered, her eyes welling up with tears. She pulled her hand out of Remus's and stood up. "I'm going to go to bed…"

"Hey," Remus said softly, drawing Emma's attention, "things will get easier. I know that it all seems impossible right now, but it'll all be fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	3. Snuffles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma finds a new friend in an oddly familiar stray dog.

Having to take care of a sick child was not how Remus planned to spend his morning. A part of him had been expecting it, but walking into Emma's room to find her shaky and pale was jarring. As usual, he wasn't prepared, even though he had tried in vain to be ready for the possibilities.

Remus kept correspondence with Elara after Emma was released from the hospital wing. They wrote lengthy letters discussing the possibilities of what would happen when the full moon came around. They really had no clue. There just wasn't enough research on werewolves to know precisely what would happen. After comparing the results of multiple rounds of testing, it was clear that Emma's blood was tainted, but her exposure was different. Remus hoped that she wouldn't feel any ill effects, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case. The only solace he could find was the fact she wasn't a full werewolf. He hoped.

He pressed his hand to Emma's forehead with a frown. "You're definitely warm," Remus said carefully. He didn't particularly like the fact that she was reacting to the waxing moon as if she were freshly turned. All Remus could do was remember that she had a similar experience after she was adopted. She would be fine – she had to be.

"I feel terrible," Emma moaned, pulling her blanket up over her head. "How do I feel so hot and so cold at the same time?"

"Is anything else bothering you?"

As if on cue, Emma sneezed. "I suppose that," she murmured from under the blanket. "And everything hurts. It's like when I got really sick that one time."

A heavy sigh left Remus's lips. "I'm sorry, love," he said earnestly. "I'm so sorry." Remus sat down on the bed next to Emma, gently rubbing her back. He knew that he should just stay, just to make sure that she was all right, but he really did need to leave. This time wasn't like the other times he had to make something up to leave for the full moon, and he couldn't adjust his plans. He had work to do, and he wouldn't be able to get a message to the man he spoke to quick enough.

"Bring me back something from that patisserie near the hotel we stayed at?" Emma said, pulling the blanket lower so she could look at Remus. Her eyes were glassy and pained, and Remus had to push aside the sinking feeling in his stomach. As usual, she was trying to put up a strong front.

"Of course," Remus smiled, watching Emma's eyes begin to droop. It wouldn't be too long before she would fall asleep again. It would be better for her to sleep. "What would you like?"

"I dunno," Emma yawned, her words nearly slurring together.

"Hmm…some chaussons aux pommes?"

"Is that the apple turnover thing?"

Remus couldn't help but chuckle. "Yes, it's the apple turnover thing."

"Oui," Emma said with a sleepy smile.

"Pain au chocolat?"

"Oh, I know what that is. Uh…s'il vous plait?"

"Anything else?" Remus asked with another chuckle. He would have to work on teaching her French at some point.

Emma fixed him with a sleepy stare, not really sure of what else she wanted besides everything, of course. "Not sure," she said after a few minutes.

"All right, well, if I see anything you might like, I'll pick it up." Remus stood back up, studying Emma. Her expression shifted as she looked back at him, only slightly more awake.

"You're leaving?"

"My Portkey is in 20 minutes, and I still need to get to the departure point," Remus said, feeling guilty at the sad expression on Emma's face.

"Okay," she said, closing her eyes again and settling back into her pillows. "When's grandpa coming?"

"He said he would be getting here around 7. He'll try and get an earlier day tomorrow, and then he'll be with you all weekend."

"Okay," Emma sighed. "I'll miss you…"

"I'll miss you more," Remus said, kissing her cheek and smiling at the unamused muttering under her breath. Emma had fallen back asleep before he had even left the room.

Waking up to an empty house had been terribly disorienting for Emma. She couldn't remember even falling back asleep, but she was alone, and this time it was different. Remus had left her alone in the house last summer, often working late, but this felt strange and new.

Emma found herself feeling surprisingly alone. Of course, she was by herself, so obviously she should feel alone, but she was really alone. She had all the time in the world, and she had no idea what to do with it, but she also felt like she was hit with a Bludger. It was almost like a cruel joke. Remus had left her a note reminding her to lock the windows at night and not to go outside the perimeter of the fence; she could barely handle walking from her bed to the couch – how did he even think that she would venture that far?

Settled on the couch, Emma looked around the living room. Should she watch television? Should she read? Should she even bother to work on any of her summer work? She scrunched her nose at doing classwork since she still struggled to write, and she was too tired to bother. Television seemed like a good idea. It was mindless enough and seemed like such a typical Muggle summer holiday thing to do. With a huff, she stood up – or tried to, at least. Now Emma was sick and tired of being both sick and tired.

Heaving a heavy, cough riddled, sigh, Emma peered out the window and jumped. A big, black dog was sitting just outside the open front gate, seemingly staring at the door. With an incentive to get up, Emma stood quickly and stumbled to the door. She took in a deep breath and opened the door, relieved and surprised that the dog didn't scurry. It looked at her curiously but didn't move.

"I've never seen you before," Emma said, walking out of the house slowly, looking at the dog. "I don't think you belong to anyone around here, do you?"

Emma sniffled, tilting her head slightly as she looked at the dog. It sat flat on the ground, its head ducked as it watched her. She sat down on the ground slowly to not startle the dog and sneezed. The dog flinched at the noise, and Emma cringed.

"I'm sorry," Emma said to the dog. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just feel like absolute shite."

The dog tilted his head before laying down, resting his head on his front paws.

"You're rather skinny," Emma noted, taking another deep breath. "Oh, Merlin, this is miserable… Anyway, dad's not going to be home until Tuesday night. Maybe I could take care of you for a little while. You look friendly enough, and I could use the company."

Emma held her hand out towards the dog, grinning as the dog crawled on its belly towards her. The dog cautiously sniffed her hand, and its tail began to wag lazily, dropping its head in her hand. With a smile, Emma began to scratch the dog underneath its chin. "Did you want to stay for a few days? I mean, my grandpa's going to be here for the weekend, but there's no reason why you can't hide under my bed, right? We'll figure it out."

With a massive amount of effort, Emma stood up. She looked over at the house and gave the dog a conspiratorial look. "Come on," she said, motioning for the dog to follow her, "he'll never know." She started to walk back towards the house and frowned, seeing the dog still in place. She tilted her head curiously, feeling rather silly as she looked to see if she was dealing with a boy or girl dog. _Definitely a boy_ , she thought to herself, narrowing her eyes as the dog seemed to give her an offended look.

"Come on, boy. I'll give you a bath and then find something for you to eat."

The dog seemed to consider her words for a moment before jumping up with an excited bark. He bounded over to her, tail wagging as he ran around her in circles.

"Well, you are a happy little guy, aren't you?" Emelyn asked through her laughter as she opened the door, letting the dog run in front of her. She watched as the dog seemed to stop and take in its surroundings, almost as if it had been there before. "Let's get you in the bath, and we'll eat. I'm rather famished, and dad got some good food."

The dog stared at Emma for a moment before trotting to the bathroom. "Smart," Emma said with a shrug. The dog was sitting next to the tub, tail swishing as she turned the light on. She smiled and knelt down next to the tub and scratched the dog behind his ear.

"I know we just met, but can I tell you how absolutely messed up my life is?" Emma asked the dog as she turned on the bath, checking the temperature. The dog placed his head on her arm, which she found oddly comforting. "First off – I just have to say that I've only been here for two years, and it's been a bloody nightmare. Well, not entirely. Dad's all right, I suppose when he's not being stupid. Not my dad, but my _dad_." Emma began to laugh, but it immediately turned into a coughing fit. "Sorry…"

The dog gently nudged her arm with his nose as if in understanding. He looked up with her with its silvery eyes, and Emma gave the dog a half-smile.

"You seem awfully familiar with those eyes of yours," Emma sighed, turning to watch as the tub filled with water. "Oh, well. I don't even know where to start. My dad's not really my dad, he's my uncle, but he was my godfather, but now he's actually my dad... It's confusing, I try not to think about it too much, or else I go bonkers. So, he's just dad, and that makes things easier." Emma turned the water off once she decided the tub had enough water.

Without Emma saying a word, the dog stepped into the water. Almost as if relieved, the dog practically laid down in the water. "You're really smart," Emma remarked, standing up to reach and grab her shampoo before frowning slightly. "I suppose I should give you a choice, after all, you're a boy and maybe boy dogs like boy things," Emma said, pulling down her shampoo and Remus's and presenting them to the dog.

"You've got green apple or…whatever this is." She flipped the top open on Remus's bottle of shampoo and immediately coughed. "Oh, Merlin, I can't smell right now, but that is bloody strong. I think he changed what he was using, or else my sense of smell is particularly wonky. So, which will it be?" The dog seemed to once again consider Emma's words before nudging the hand that held onto her bottle of green apple-scented shampoo.

"Smart choice," Emma said, putting Remus's shampoo back where it belonged, and she settled back onto the floor, pouring a generous amount of shampoo onto her hand. The dog stood back up as Emma lathered her hands together and started to rub the shampoo into his fur. "I need to give you a name," Emma said to the dog. "I can't call just call you 'Dog' the entire time you're here. Let me know if you like a suggestion." Emma sat back on her heels for a moment to look at the dog, who only blinked slowly at her. "You're rather scruffy. What about Han Solo?" The dog snorted and dropped himself back into the water.

"Well, tell me how you really feel," Emma scoffed. "How about Scruffy?" Another snort from the dog.

"Taco?"

Snort.

"Winston? Lucky? Tucker?"

The dog let out a bark that almost sounded like a laugh.

"You're difficult. _Snuffles_?"

The dog looked almost thoughtful before he stood out of the water again, tail wagging happily. The more the dog's tailed wagged, the more water splashed out of the tub. Emma let out a shout as the soapy water started to hit her, soaking her shirt.

"Snuffles it is, I guess," Emma said, reaching out to grab onto Snuffles' tail to get him to stop wagging. With a laugh, she turned the water back on so that she could rinse the soap out of his fur.

"Anyway, _Snuffles_ , life has been pretty weird," Emma began to laugh, and her laughter turned into coughing. She stopped rinsing Snuffles' fur to rest her head on the cold edge of the bath. "Dad said he thought I was getting sick last night. I guess he was right. This is bloody terrible." She straightened out and sighed.

Snuffles tilted his head at Emma, and she smiled as she finished washing the soap out of his fur.

"I suppose I could give you the really short version. I feel as though I've said the same thing several times already. Very long story short, I'm pretty sure my biological father is a Death Eater, and my dad's a werewolf, but we don't talk about that here. I can't exactly tell that to my friends, can I? Would probably drive them off. I hope you don't mind, though."

Snuffles gave Emma a look, almost as if in surprise, but Emma paid no mind. She continued on as if it were perfectly normal. "We don't talk about anything anymore, in all honesty. No one tells you that when you try to off yourself, you're treated one of two ways – like you're this super delicate thing or they don't want anything to do with you. And when no one wants to deal with you, no one tells you anything. If you're lucky, the same person treats you both ways, so at least that means something, I guess." She gave Snuffles an appraising look. "I think you're all done."

Snuffles snorted, almost as if understanding.

"Oh, you get that, too?" Emma said in surprise as she unplugged the bath drain. "Imagine that…it's like we were meant to be friends. Maybe you can be my new best friend! Effie would love to hear she's been replaced by a dog. Now, back to my, er…dads? Don't get me wrong – I don't have any real proof of anything, but it would be nice to know something. And want to know what's even crazier? If things were different, I would have _three_ dads. Dad said he was together with a man, but I have no idea who they are… I'm sure they would have been nice, though. Really it would be nice to have two parents." Emma's voice dropped lower, her throat tightening with emotion. "Dad always has to work, and I wish he didn't have to. It gets really lonely."

Emma sighed as she stood up, pointing a finger at Snuffles. "Do not shake off. I'm grabbing a towel, but first, I need to see if there's anything in the cabinet for my head." Emma stared at Snuffles for a moment and grinned as he sat down obediently. She turned to the mirror cabinet and gasped as her gaze settled on a box of razors.

Nearly everything that Emma could use to hurt herself had been hidden away so she couldn't touch it. She wasn't planning on hurting herself, especially in her current state, but the razors were oddly tempting. After making fun of Remus for being "archaic," alternating between using a straight razor and his safety razor.

"This has to be a test," Emma said slowly, almost to herself as she stared at the box. She could practically feel the insides of her wrist itching. She looked at the thick line that crossed her left wrist and cringed. It had been a month since she had hurt herself because there was nothing for her to use, but the razors were so tempting. So, so, tempting. As Emma began to reach into the cabinet, Snuffles began to growl.

"What?" Emma said, looking over her shoulder at the black dog that was now standing and staring at her. It was an oddly human-like expression on his face, and Emma found it unnerving. "Forget it, there's nothing in here," she said, closing the cabinet. "I'll just get a towel."

With Snuffles sufficiently dried off, Emma decided to rummage through the kitchen for something to eat.

"Well, we don't have as much as I thought. I can't make anything with half of these ingredients," Emma frowned, looking over at Snuffles. "How do sandwiches sound?"

Snuffles sneezed in agreement, and so Emma made sandwiches for them to share. One for her, and two for Snuffles (he looked like he needed it). Halfway through her lunch, Emma gave up eating and gave it to Snuffles instead.

"I need a nap," Emma yawned, looking over at Snuffles. "How does that sound?" When Snuffles didn't appear to care either way, she put their plates in the sink and made her way back into bed. Snuffles hesitated in the doorway, but she pat the spot next to her as she curled up on her side. "You're clean, come on. I'm sure this has to be comfier than wherever you've been."

Emma smiled as Snuffles finally climbed onto the bed and plunked down next to her. As he settled in, Emma began to stroke his fur. "You're a lot softer than you look," she said quietly. She felt herself slowly drift off, and that was the beginning of a comfortable relationship between her and her new friend Snuffles.

Lyall being at the house made things a little tricky, but she was able to sneak food into her room and feed Snuffles. Against her better judgment, she would let Snuffles out through her window to do his business. Luckily Snuffles was surprisingly limber and could climb back into her room with barely any noise, and Lyall was none the wiser.

The night of the full moon had been absolutely miserable with Lyall practically hovering outside her door. However, Emma didn't realize it was the night of the full moon as she had been sleeping most of the time. Her days blended together to the point she wasn't sure where one day ended, and another would begin. All she knew was Remus wasn't there, and despite everything, she wanted him home.

"I'm fine, grandpa," Emma said, sitting curled up on the floor next to her bed. The floor was cold, and she felt entirely too hot, but her whole body was shaking as if she was freezing. Snuffles practically climbed into her lap, resting his head on her shoulder, and she kept her arms wrapped around him. She was becoming increasingly grateful for the dog as he seemed to keep her shivering at bay. Unable to sleep, Emma whispered to Snuffles, and it made things a little easier. It was nice to be able to talk to someone so freely without having to worry about being judged. Snuffles was smart and wouldn't care – he seemed to understand her in a way that others didn't.

The next morning had been jarring as she found herself back in her bed. She had become acutely aware that someone had been taking care of her, but she couldn't recall Lyall ever coming into the room. She still swore that she could feel the touch of someone's fingers stroking her cheek and holding her close. She was sure that she had felt someone brush her hair off her face, murmuring to her. The only thing she knew was that if someone _was_ holding her, it didn't feel like Lyall with his strong arms. They felt similar to Remus, slender but not quite as solid, and they certainly didn't have the same sometimes overpowering warmth. She felt comfortable and safe, but in her painfilled exhaustion, none of it made sense.

Emma wasn't sure what exactly had happened, but she blamed it on her overactive imagination. What other possibilities could there be?

The next few days went much the same, but at least Emma started to feel better. She was still exhausted, but Snuffles didn't seem to mind. They had gotten into a routine, and it worked out well for both of them. Each morning, Emma would open her window to let Snuffles out. She would go out to the kitchen to join Lyall for breakfast, Snuffles would sneak back in, and Emma would sneak food back into her room. She would close her door, feed him, and then promptly take a nap. The cycle would continue that way until nighttime, where she stayed up half the night just to talk to the dog.

By Tuesday, Emma couldn't figure out what to do with Snuffles. She had come to enjoy their routine and enjoy Snuffles' company. When Lyall had left for the final time that morning, Emma decided to escape her room and sit in the kitchen for a while.

Snuffles joined her, seemingly tired of being in the same room for so long as well. He laid down at her feet with his tail swishing back and forth lazily. Emma sighed as she looked down at Snuffles.

"I wonder if dad will let me keep you," she said thoughtfully. Snuffles looked up at her with his large, silvery eyes. He seemed almost nervous, which Emma found strange. "He's really not that bad," Emma added. "Well, if you don't take into account the whole werewolf thing, that is. Which, to be fair, I'm still not sure is a thing."

Emma let out a yawn and propped her head on her hands. "I'm just resting my eyes," Emma said, smirking at the snort Snuffles made. "Oh, please – as if I haven't done the same thing." That was the last thing Emma could recall saying before sleep taking over again.

Remus arrived home at exactly 6 PM. He wanted to be back at the house earlier, but he couldn't convince them to move his Portkey time sooner. He was glad to be home, but the moment he stepped past the gate, his senses were on alert. The energy surrounding the house was different.

Stepping into the house, Remus was immediately overwhelmed. It didn't matter that it had been years since Sirius's scent invaded his senses – he would recognize it anywhere. It wasn't entirely the same, but Remus knew it well.

He nearly flew into a panic but forced himself to take deep breaths and steady himself. He was startled by the sound of quiet snoring, and his gaze turned to Emma resting on the couch. She was completely unscathed, clearly taking a very comfortable nap.

Sirius had been in the house, but Emma wasn't hurt? The papers had painted Sirius as a man who had completely lost his sanity, hellbent on killing everyone in his path. Even the photos that were published made Remus feel that way. But Emma was okay.

A glimmer of hope rose in his chest that Remus squashed down as quick as it came. Sirius couldn't be innocent. Could he? Maybe he imagined Sirius's scent. He had to be imagining Sirius's scent.

Remus refused to allow himself to think about the possibility and decided to go about life as if nothing had changed. He was home, and Emma was fine. All Remus could do was keep moving forward – he couldn't allow the past to come back and ruin everything he now had.

When Emma finally started to wake up, she woke slowly. She was surprised at how comfortable she felt when she had felt miserable earlier. As her brain caught up with her, she realized that someone was stroking her hair. Did Lyall decide to come back to the cottage? Where was Snuffles?

 _Snuffles_.

Her eyes shot open, and she sat up quickly, immediately regretting the decision as her head began to pound. "Ow," she said, pressing her hands to her temples. She looked down at herself and then looked around, finding herself even more confused. When did she make it into the living room? Why was she lying in the middle of the couch and not at the end? When did she put on one of Remus's cardigans? When did she get her blanket from her room?

"Did I wake you?"

"Dad?" Emma twisted herself so that she could look behind her. "I thought you weren't supposed to be back until later."

"It is later," Remus said slowly, closing the book that was sitting on his lap. "I've been home for hours."

"What time is it?"

"Just after midnight," Remus said, studying Emma carefully. "I was going to bring you to your room, but you looked comfortable. I thought I would sit with you for a while because I haven't seen you in nearly a week. I missed you."

"Oh," Emma said quietly, finding she had more questions than answers.

"How are you feeling? Your grandfather said you were sick the entire time he was here. He said you slept most of the time."

Emma shrugged. "I felt terrible earlier, but I'm all right now, I suppose. Well, besides my head hurting," she said, feeling herself flush. "I slept a lot and didn't really get to spend much time with grandpa."

"Don't feel bad. I used to do the same when he had to take care of me as a child," Remus said, giving her a small smile. "Your head probably hurts because you need to eat."

"Still feel bad, though. And I'm not really hungry," Emma sighed. She frowned, and then her eyes widened as her stomach growled. "I think I might be just a little bit hungry."

"I thought you might be," Remus chuckled. "I apologize as I already ate, but I can make you something. Go get yourself comfortable in the kitchen, and I'll be there in a minute."

With a grin, Emma stood up and gave Remus a quick hug. "I'm glad that you're home," she said. "I missed you, too."

Once Emma left, Remus's smile dropped. He put his book down on the coffee table and looked at the discarded blanket that sat next to him. Remus could easily write off the all too familiar scent that seemed to permeate the air, but the black hairs littering the blanket were an entirely different story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	4. Professor R.J. Lupin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dumbledore pays a visit to Lupin cottage and Remus teaches his first lessons as a professor. However, these lessons weren't in Remus's carefully structured lesson plans.
> 
> AKA - the chapter where Emma is humiliated by the "Birds and the Bees" talk.

"Dad?" Emma looked outside the window, a part of her feeling as though she was imagining things.

"What is it?" Remus shouted back from his study, sounding distracted.

"Er, why is Professor Dumbledore standing at the gate?"

"What? What are you talking about?" Remus stepped out of his study, looking positively ruffled. He had been busy pouring through research papers for his newest job, and he didn't understand why Emma was playing games. She knew that he was busy, and he would have an even more hectic day of work the next day. Remus had to admit that he found it mildly annoying.

"He's at the gate," Emma repeated, tennis-balling her gaze between the window and Remus. "He's just standing there. Do we let him in?"

Remus studied Emma for a moment, sure that she was playing an awful trick on him. "Emma, there's no reason for Professor Dumbledore to be outside," Remus said.

A popping noise made both Emma and Remus turn in the direction of the sound. Remus closed his eyes tightly, running a hand over his face as Emma look flabbergasted as Dumbledore was now sitting in an armchair, teacup in hand.

"Were you planning on inviting me in?" Dumbledore asked politely, taking a drink from his cup. "Tea, anyone?"

Emma was too stunned to say a word but shook her head.

"You look well, Emma," Dumbledore said kindly, his blue eyes twinkling as always.

"Er…thank you," Emma said slowly, turning to look at Remus in confusion.

"Emma, go to your room," Remus said sharply.

Emma made to protest, but the look he gave her made her immediately jump off the couch and leave.

"Close the door, Emma," Remus said, rolling his eyes at how slow she closed the door. "All the way," he added, listening for the click of the door latching.

"Now, Remus –"

"Hold on," Remus said, cutting Dumbledore off. "Emma, get away from the door."

Emma's groan was audible from outside the door, her footsteps loud as she stomped over to her bed.

Remus let out an exhausted sigh and cast a quick silencing spell so that she wouldn't be able to listen if she got up. "Sorry about that," Remus said, shaking his head. "She's been a handful."

"Not so different from yourself at that age," Dumbledore noted. "I heard that you two were in Paris two weeks ago. I trust it went well?"

"As well as it could go," Remus muttered, rubbing his temples. "Professor, I know why you're here, and the answer is still no. We have had this conversation several times, I'm not going to change my mind on the matter."

"I find that surprising," Dumbledore said. "I would think that you would take the opportunity just to be closer to Emma. Surely you taking the position this year would be most opportune."

"With what I am? It's impossible."

"And what about Harry?"

"I haven't seen Harry since he was a baby. Why would that change now?"

Dumbledore vanished his teacup and crossed his legs. "Remus, I trust you've seen the news about Sirius…"

"Of course, I have. Who hasn't?"

"Then your being at the school would be additional protection. I'm looking out for Harry as much as I'm looking out for Emma. If Sirius were to come to Hogwarts, then there's a strong possibility he would go to you. You always were able to talk him down."

Remus held Dumbledore's gaze and then shook his head. "No."

"What would James and Lily have wanted?"

"That's not fair, and you know it."

"Was it not a dream of yours to teach, Remus? If you take the position, it allows you to meet Harry. It'll give you a chance to keep an eye on Emma. You'll be able to make sure that they both stay safe."

"No, I can't do it."

"Not even for a supply of the Wolfsbane potion?"

The mention of Wolfsbane gave Remus pause. He had taken it several times before, and the relief of still being himself after his transformations had been a godsend. It made the monthly transformations tolerable, but he could never afford it by himself. "Excuse me?"

"I am fully prepared to offer you Wolfsbane for the duration of your contract and possibly well past your contract's end." Dumbledore pulled a roll of parchment from his robes and handed it to Remus. "And I daresay that the salary will be an added bonus."

Remus looked at Dumbledore skeptically but unrolled the parchment to read through the contract. The salary was more than adequate and far more than Remus would have expected. He would be able to take care of a lot of things and still have enough to put into savings. If his mental calculations were correct, there was more than enough to convert the attic into a proper second floor so Emma had a better bedroom. He had wanted to do it for a while, but there was never enough extra money to play with. Although, if Remus was honest with himself, he would have taken the job just for the Wolfsbane potion alone. Everything else was just a bonus.

"I need to talk to Emma first," Remus said, passing the parchment back to Dumbledore.

"Of course," Dumbledore said with a knowing smile. "I wouldn't expect you to make a decision without consulting her first."

Remus stood up and hesitated, giving Dumbledore a nod. "I'll send you an owl with my decision," he said, ending the conversation. He quickly made his way to Emma's room, his thoughts spiraling. Surely Emma wouldn't want him at the castle with her, but the Wolfsbane potion was calling to him.

He slowly opened Emma's door, smirking as he noticed her face-down on her bed, sulking. Remus hated to admit that sometimes it could be funny to see her so mad when she was so small. At least until the thought of a furious Lily Evans crossed his mind and his smirk was wiped away from his face.

Emma lifted her head from her pillow and shot Remus a glare before burying herself back into her pillows.

"Really, Emma? We're going to do this right now?"

"You're still keeping things from me," Emma muttered, scooting closer to the wall as Remus sat down on her bed.

"Emma, you really need to stop acting like a petulant child. It's getting old. You can be mad all you want, but until you start acting like your age, then you're going to be treated like a child. If you keep this up…"

"Then what? You're going to _ground_ me? I'm already bloody grounded."

"I could. Or I could give you a detention."

Emma scoffed. "A detention? It's not like you're one of my professors," Emma grumbled, looking over her shoulder to shoot Remus a look. She expected him to look annoyed, but instead, he wore the cheekiest grin that she had ever seen. "You _are_ one of my professors?" She sat up, giving Remus a skeptical look, not wanting to get too excited over the idea.

"I'm considering it, but I wanted to ask you first."

"Ask me what?" Emma practically shouted. She scrambled up onto her knees and grabbed Remus's face between her hands, fixing him with a disbelieving stare. "Remus Lupin, if you do not take that job, then I am going to be very, very, _verryyy_ mad at you."

Remus stared at her for a moment and shook his head, pulling Emma's hands away from his face. "Back to my name, again, are we?"

"Only because you're being ridiculous," Emma exclaimed, trying to keep herself from bubbling over in excitement. She sunk back onto her heels and gave a small shrug. "All I wanted last year was for you to be there. I don't want to have another year like last year, and I like the idea that if I really need you, you'll be there."

"You make it really hard to say no," Remus admitted with a wry smile. "It would only be for a year."

"Then don't," Emma said. "Don't say no. Dad, I've learned more from you in two weeks than I have in two years. I don't care that it's only for a year – it's a year I get to spend with you. And who knows, maybe you'll decide you want to come back for next year, too. Maybe even all of the years I'm there."

"You really want me there?"

"Don't be stupid. I just said I did." Emma looked through the open door into the hallway. "Is he still here?"

"As luck would have it, I have yet to leave," Dumbledore said, appearing in Emma's doorway, holding the roll of parchment. His eyes were bright as he began to unfurl the paper. "I didn't think it would take long for a decision to be made."

Remus shook his head with a huff before turning back to Emma. "You really think that I should take the position?"

Emma jumped off her bed and dashed over to her dresser, grabbing her ink and quill. She held them out to Remus wordlessly, her expression was so much more alive and hopeful than he had seen in weeks.

"You know I don't need the ink, right?" Remus asked, trying not to smile.

"It's _ceremonial_ ," Emma said, rolling her eyes. She opened the ink bottle with a grin. "Come on! Sign!"

Remus studied Emma for a moment and turned to Dumbledore with a sigh. He held his hand out to take the parchment back from Dumbledore and found himself not at all surprised when a small table was conjured up. Emma gleefully put her ink bottle and quill down on the table. Remus read through the contract one more time and carefully placed it down on the table and picked up the quill. He still had his doubts, but he could feel Emma looking at him expectantly.

"Just sign on the bottom line," Dumbledore said with a smile.

Taking a deep breath, Remus rubbed his chin with his other hand and looked at Emma. "You're positive that you want me to do this?"

Emma nodded fervently, her eyes glittering in excitement. "Yes, of course."

"You know you're going to change your mind and wish I was far away, right?"

"I'll get over it," Emma said, waving him off. "Dad, I really don't want another year like last year. Please just sign it."

Remus gave Emma a small smile and dipped the quill into the ink. He held the tip of the quill over the line, and with a half-glance at Emma, he signed his name on the line. Even though he was glad that Emma was delighted, practically tackling him with her hug, he couldn't help but feel as though he had signed his life away. He was sure that this wouldn't be the last time Dumbledore would ask for something from him.

DotMDotMDotMDotMDotM

Things at Lupin Cottage changed dramatically after Dumbledore's visit. Remus's schedule became incredibly busy, and Emma seemed to blossom into the happy child he remembered. She was still relatively withdrawn, but she seemed more receptive to each new day. She brightened considerably when he gave her permission to have friends over while he was at work. He didn't want to leave her by herself, and he trusted her just enough to allow select people over.

Emma was beyond relieved to be able to have friends over while Remus was away. Whether he was finalizing his time at his summer job or at the castle, Emma never knew. However, she knew having Persephone over was nothing short of a miracle, and she was at the cottage nearly every day. Remus still wasn't comfortable letting her out of the house just yet, but Emma was okay with it. She didn't want to leave the confines of the cottage just yet, anyway. A part of her hoped that Snuffles would return.

The girls decided to get back together for the summer, a secret just for themselves that the adults would never know. They spent the long summer days relaxing in the house during the hottest hours, working on their summer classwork. As the day would creep into the night, they would venture out into the backyard, sharing a blanket and the occasional snog. Persephone would stay for dinner, the two would retreat into Emma's room for a while, and then Persephone would go home for the night.

It took Remus a week and a half to catch on to what was happening while he was away. When the girls were together, they were always exceptionally silly, but there was something _different_. Emma, who had been relatively subdued and withdrawn until Persephone's daily visits, was always lit up with joy. There was giggling, so much giggling. The two passed love-struck looks at each other and shared dopey smiles. After watching them carefully, Remus didn't even know how he missed it. It was clear to him they didn't want to share that they were back together, and he was fine with it, but there was something more.

Remus had arrived home earlier than usual and quickly realized exactly what was happening to inspire their dopey faces. With absolute horror, Remus slunk out of the house wholly unnoticed. He would return at his usual time, but he quickly realized that the conversation he had been putting off would need to be had. Emma was growing up, and there was no way he could avoid it now.

He gave himself a few days to figure out how to best approach the discussion of "the birds and the bees." As long as he got the conversation over with _before_ they went to Lyall's, it would be fine. However, Emma seemed to pick up on the energy shift in the house. She had taken to avoiding Remus at every opportunity. Rather than telling her his schedule, he decided an ambush would be best.

One morning, Remus settled himself on the couch, waiting for Emma to finally come out of her room. It was a waiting game, but he was fully prepared to wait her out. When she finally made it into the living room, she immediately froze. She stared at Remus like a deer caught in headlights. It was clear she thought he had left.

"Come sit," Remus said, giving her tight smile. He wasn't any more comfortable than Emma, and that set her even further on edge.

"You know what? I'm just going to go back to bed – it's the summer, and I'm thirteen so…" Emma awkwardly pointed her thumbs in the direction of her room and began to inch backward. She didn't get very far before she backed into an invisible barrier, and she shot Remus a look. "Rude."

"Emma, would you please come here?"

"Clearly, there isn't anywhere else for me to go," Emma grumbled, returning to the living room, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Do you care to sit down?"

"Not particularly."

"All right, well, it doesn't matter whether or not you're sitting down or not. You're going to be fourteen, and erm, I think it's time that we talk about sex."

"Oh, no," Emma said quietly, her eyes growing wide. "No, please – we don't need to talk about it. I already know about _that_. We really don't need to have this conversation."

"Things are a little different in our world, Emma. We need to have this conversation," Remus said, clearing his throat. "Will you please just sit down?"

Emma took in a deep breath and sat in the furthest possible place from Remus. "Get it over with," she muttered, her face a bright shade of red.

"Okay, well," Remus started lamely before launching into a very well-rehearsed lecture about sex in the magical communities. As Emma quickly learned, sex wasn't as much of a taboo thing in the wizarding world as it was in the Muggle world. She supposed that it was nice to know, but the entire conversation seemed to get stranger by the minute. "Listen, I know that you and Persephone are together again and -"

"How do you know about that?" Emma asked in shock. "We never told anyone that."

Remus froze with the realization that Emma had _never_ mentioned it to him. Not only had she thrown him off of his well-rehearsed lecture, but she had _never told him_. Emma was looking at him expectantly, her eyes wide in surprise, and her eyebrows raised, waiting for his answer. "I just assumed…" Remus said with a cough.

"You _assumed_? And what led you to that assumption?"

"Well, you two have been, er…rather close again," Remus said stupidly. Emma looked at him in disbelief, and he cleared his throat, explaining further, "And I, er, may have come home early the other night…"

"Oh, Merlin," Emma said, slumping back into the chair, her face flushing to a bright red. It was one thing for Remus to know that they were together, it was entirely different for him to know what they had been doing without him around. They were both teenagers and very comfortable with each other, and the privacy they were given allowed them to experiment. The entire time she thought they were fairly secretive, but _of course,_ Remus would wind up figuring it out. It felt like she couldn't keep any secrets from him.

"It's okay!" Remus said quickly, cringing slightly. "There's nothing wrong with what you two are doing! In all honesty, I'd rather you be home and not… I'm just… I'm a little concerned that you're both so young, but as long as it's consensual and you're both staying safe…"

Emma covered her face with a cry. "Yes, we're being safe. Persephone and I aren't stupid, and I already went through half of this conversation with her mum last year. We're not…doing anything. Not exactly. Besides it's, er…different."

"But did she only talk about things from a female perspective? I mean, that's incredibly helpful, but, well, things are different from the male perspective."

Emma pulled her hands away from her face, completely appalled. "This is possibly the oddest conversation we've ever had," she muttered. "Yes, she did. Are we done yet?"

"Er, not quite…," Remus said, taking a deep breath. He had hoped that Sage would have gone more in depth with the conversation, but Emma admitted that the conversation was one-sided. "And here I thought this was going to be easy. All right, settle in because we now have a much longer conversation."

After what felt like hours, Emma couldn't take it anymore. The diagrams, the disturbingly specific explanations, and proper terminology were freaking her out. Having to awkwardly parrot the words for contraceptive spells was mortifying – "Though condoms are still preferred since they protect against Muggle diseases as well!" – and she was done. The entire conversation made Emma want to curl up into a ball and not listen anymore. It was one thing to have this conversation while in school or even with a close friend, but with a parent? It was traumatizing.

With a frustrated shout, she stood up and walked over to Remus, grabbing onto his face with both hands. "Re, Remus, dad, _father_ – for the love of God, _please_ stop," she implored, fixing him with a hard stare. "We don't need to talk about this anymore."

Remus quirked an eyebrow, and his lips twitched in amusement as he took Emma's hands in his and tugged her down to sit next to him. "We do need to talk about this. It's my job to make sure that you stay safe. Unfortunately, that involves us talking about sex and everything that entails."

Emma's eyebrows raised suspiciously. "What does 'everything' mean?" she asked slowly.

"Before I get into that, I just want to make sure that you understand something."

"What else do I really need to understand?"

"A few things. I want you to reiterate the fact that I want you to stay safe. If you think you're ready to have sex –" Emma groaned "– then I will support you in that decision. But I want you to understand that it's something that should be done with someone you really care about. That's not to say that you can't have it strictly for pleasure, but the important things are that you're safe and you're comfortable. Don't ever let someone pressure you into having sex if you don't want to. It should be consensual between you and your partner, and I trust that you'll know when it's the right time."

"Are we done now?" Emma whined.

"Not quite," Remus said with a wry smile. He looked down at their hands, surprised that Emma hadn't tried to pull her hands away. With a sigh, he met Emma's gaze, trying not to smile at how horrified she still looked. "I need you to know that when it comes time, that virginity is a social construct. Sex doesn't make you…impure in any capacity. And if you have questions – any at all, I want you to know that you can come to me, and I won't ever judge you. I just want you to have all the information you need so that you can make the decision yourself."

Emma couldn't help but blush. "I'm still…a virgin," she said, whispering the word. She gave Remus a funny look, trying to figure out why his expression had shifted. "I know most of what you told me already." She sighed, averting her eyes with a small shrug. "But I suppose it's good to know that things are, uh, different for the magical world – our world. Now, what is this 'everything' that you speak of as I'm sure we've run through the entirety of this conversation."

"Uh, well," Remus cleared his throat, almost as if he was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts. He straightened up and looked slightly panicked before saying, "Masturbation."

"Oh, Merlin no, we are not having _that_ conversation right now – or ever," Emma said, pulling her hands out of Remus's grip and covering her ears. "I'm just going to pretend that you _never_ said that word and that I'm having a nightmare. The last thing I need to think about is _that_ and then… _you_. I really _do not_ need that in my mind!" She looked and Remus and shuddered, trying to get the very thought out of her mind. Emma stood up quickly, nodded to herself, and made her way down the hallway, relieved that nothing was blocking her escape.

"It's a perfectly healthy thing to do – and a good stress reliever!"

"All a nightmare!" she shouted as she closed her door.

"That went well," Remus muttered, his face flushing out of sheer embarrassment as he massaged his temples. "No idea how mum did this twice."

It took a few days for things to settle back into normalcy in the cottage. Emma still avoided Remus like the plague for fear that there would be more conversations that she didn't want to have. However, one night, Emma managed to take him by surprise.

Persephone and Neville (who Remus was surprised to see) had left the cottage a few hours prior. Neville had left the cottage first, and Persephone stayed a little while longer just to talk to Emma. Remus was glad to still hear Emma giggling so much, smiling as he sat in the living room reading. 10 PM rolled around, and Persephone finally made her way home, bathing the living room in a flash of emerald as she Flooed home.

Emma let out a small sigh as Persephone left, and she turned to Remus with a sheepish look.

"Dad?"

"What is it, love?" Remus asked, looking back up from his book.

"Can I ask you something?"

Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise and nodded. Clearly, Emma wanted to ask him something important if she felt the need to ask if she could ask a question.

"Yes, of course, sweetheart. You can ask me anything."

"I think I want to start shaving my legs," Emma said shyly. "Could you teach me how?"

"Er, why don't you have Persephone show you how?" Remus asked, closing his book. That was certainly the furthest thing he was expecting her to ask. Emma had ways of surprising him sometimes.

Emma skimmed her toes over a whorl on the wood floor, focusing on what she was doing and avoiding his gaze. "I would, but she always nicks herself. I've never seen you nick yourself when you shave, so you're obviously better at it."

He regarded Emma for a moment, taking the time to think about how to respond. With a gentle sigh, he shrugged. There were worse things he could do. "All right," he said, standing up, "let's figure this out together. Can't say that I've ever shaved my legs, but I suppose there's a first time for everything."

Emma gave him a funny look before a grin crossed her face. "Really?" she asked, before letting out a giggle. "You're going to shave your legs?"

"How am I supposed to teach you if I don't do it myself?" Remus said with a grin. "Trust me, it'll grow fast – I'm not too worried about it."

Remus certainly didn't expect to have an impromptu spa night with Emma. Never in his life did he expect to have to try and teach her how to shave her legs and have to do it himself so that he could show her correctly. Having hair-free legs for a few days meant nothing to him with the full moon only being five nights away. The hair would grow back quickly, and if it meant another memory with Emma, he would take it. He was a little worried about the scarring on his legs, but Emma never seemed to care.

The happy smile on her face as she fell asleep had made it all worth it, and he dreaded the day he would have to tell her all of the truths he had been keeping from her.

For now, that could wait. There was a little over a month left until the term began, and he had lesson plans to complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	5. Aconite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma's second full moon isn't any better than the first and Remus accidentally lets slip his inner thoughts. Hogsmeade becomes a huge issue between Emma and Remus and Lyall doesn't see what the problem is. Remus discovers that Emma might not be handling things as well as he thought.

"Are you going to stay here, or are you going to head back?"

Remus rubbed a hand over his tired eyes and looked up at his father with a small sigh. He glanced down at Emma, who was curled up next to him on the couch fast asleep. Their time at his father's had been terribly marred by the lead up to the full moon. The first day had been fine, but by the time night rolled around, she became increasingly moody and withdrawn. She would never mention it, knowing Remus's need to make things better, but the flickers of pain were evident in her eyes. By the morning, Remus couldn't let her continue to deny that she was hurting, and he had to do what he could to help.

Just like the last full, Emma was struggling, but luckily, with a regiment of potions, she was sleeping through most of it again. It was hard for him to witness as he had only been given Lyall's account of the week he was away. He wasn't sure if Lyall had purposely downplayed the severity or if she was suffering more this time. Regardless, it was eating away at Remus.

"I want to stay here, but I should probably head back. It's been years since I've had the Wolfsbane potion, and this is the first time I've had it with Emma around. I don't know how I'll react."

The full moon had crept up entirely too quickly, and Remus was filled with far too much nervous energy. Between Emma being sick again and having his first doses of Wolfsbane, Remus felt like a mess. The uncertainty of the timing of summer full moons was already anxiety-inducing, but having everything else to worry about? Remus wasn't sure how to handle himself.

A soft whimper escaped Emma's lips, and Remus was immediately drawn out of his conversation with his father. His hands quickly flew to her hair, the only real safe place he could touch. He brushed her hair away from her face, smoothing it back from her overly warm face. She began to snivel, her legs curling up to her chest.

"How are you feeling, baby girl?" Remus asked, shooting Lyall a look to discontinue their conversation. He nearly let out an aggravated huff at the smirk on his father's face. Remus was more than aware of his slip, and he didn't need his father's very thinly veiled glee to distract him.

"Everything hurts," she whined, her eyes squeezed tightly closed. A shiver rolled down her spine, and Remus frowned at the familiar, pained motion. The pain potion he had given her a few hours prior had already worn off.

Remus turned to Lyall, his face set in a grim line. "Dad, there are two potions in my bag. Do you mind grabbing them for me?" Remus very carefully lifted Emma up from the couch and pulled her onto his lap, holding her close. She let out a small noise of protest, but she shoved her face into the crook of his neck. Her breathing was ragged and strained as she tried to breathe through the pain, and it broke Remus's heart. She always tried to be so strong, and he wished she wouldn't.

With Lyall gone, Remus felt safe to continue using his pet names for Emma. The only time he ever strayed from his strict list of names for her was in his mind, still afraid of overstepping boundaries. But if Lyall wasn't there to hear and Emma would never remember, he could indulge. Doting on Emma kept him distracted from the terribly itchy feeling underneath his skin and the sharp pains he was feeling as well. Her comfort was far more important than his discomfort.

"Hey, baby? I'm going to try something for you that might help a little better than just the pain relief potion since that wears off so quickly. I'm going to try that potion from the other day and see if that helps again." Emma nodded, leaning heavily into Remus and quickly slipping into a fitful sleep.

Lyall returned with two vials in hand, giving Remus a skeptical look. He handed Remus the vial full of a blue liquid, his brows furrowed. "The sleeping potion I understand, but is it safe to give her the other one? Isn't that -"

"It's very diluted," Remus explained, cutting Lyall off before he went any further. "I don't like the idea that we're experimenting with this, but Elara thought it could help and sent it last week. I gave her a dose a few days ago to make sure it wouldn't exacerbate her symptoms. With the wolfsbane present in the potion, well, we didn't want to be the ones to wind up poisoning her." Remus let out a dry laugh at the thought. "I think it held her over up until this point with that single dose plus the pain relief potions. It seems to have kept her fever down, at least."

"That would explain why she's been sleeping much more this time around," Lyall said with a sigh. "What'll happen when the term begins?"

"If this helps tonight, then the potency will be adjusted for next month. When the term begins, she'll have access to stronger pain potions and better fever reducers than I could get for her. I'd rather put her on that regiment than try to give her diluted Wolfsbane Potion every month. I can really only hope there's a time she won't need ever need any potions," Remus said, giving Lyall a wry smile. Remus popped the lid off the vial and gave Emma a gentle shake.

"What?" Emma whined, lifting her head to look at Remus.

"I want you to try that potion again," Remus said, kissing the frustrated crease that formed between Emma's brows. "It'll help like it did last time."

"It tasted terrible," she pouted.

"I know, sweetheart. Do you want help with it?"

"No," Emma said, taking the vial from Remus. "I don't want to take it."

"I know, but remember how much it helped?"

Emma let out a disgruntled hum, lifting the bottle closer to her lips. "All of it again?" she asked, sighing heavily when Remus nodded. She pressed the bottle to her lips, downed the blue liquid quickly, and shoved the bottle back into Remus's hand, pulling a face. "That's terrible." She put her head back down on his shoulder, closing her eyes again.

Remus snorted, knowing all too well how terrible the potion was. Considering how disgusting it tasted at full strength, he could only imagine a diluted form would be just as awful. He was quiet for a moment, gently rubbing Emma's back as he waited to see if Emma would have an adverse reaction. Remus was glad that the effects were near-instantaneous, but the waiting was stressful. Emma eventually let out a gentle sigh and relaxed against him.

"Feeling better?" he asked, keeping a tight hold around her.

"Yeah," Emma whispered with a tired nod.

"Hold on, don't fall asleep on me yet," Remus said, quickly taking the other vial from Lyall and popping the lid off with a finger. This time he pressed the bottle to Emma's lips, knowing she wouldn't be up for taking it herself. "It's just a regular sleeping draught."

She pulled back a little bit. "I thought I wasn't allowed to have those," she said quietly.

"It's not Dreamless Sleep, and I'm saying this is okay for tonight." Emma seemed to accept that explanation and allowed him to tip the terribly sweet potion into her mouth. Within moments, she was asleep.

"You're really good with her, Remy," Lyall said quietly, giving Remus an appraising look. "You always were."

"But I did this to her," Remus said, his voice thick. He cleared his throat, passing the bottles back to Lyall. "She should sleep through the night, I hope." Remus pulled Emma's arms around his neck and scooped her up into his arms, standing carefully. "I'll tuck her into bed and be on my way. There's only an hour left until…"

"You can stay here, you know. I know you said not to, but the basement…" Lyall trailed off as he walked over to kiss the top of Emma's head. "Just think about it." He clasped Remus's shoulder and left.

Thinking about it was what led to Remus sitting exhausted in the armchair of Emma's room in the early hours of the morning. The sun was steadily rising in the distance, the light filtering in through the window brought in a soft glow. It was almost cruel that the morning light could make things so beautiful after having to endure something so terrible. At least the sun meant the terror was over.

Remus was relieved that the Wolfsbane Potion worked exactly as he remembered. He was so sure that the sudden unfamiliarity of where he was would have stirred the wolf out of submission. Except for his solo trip to Paris, he spent his transformations at home, locked in a bunker far away from the house, hidden deep in the woods. It was safer that way.

Transforming in the basement of his father's house had brought back very early memories of when he was first bit. At least this time there were much fewer tears, much less screaming, and he didn't feel the need to escape. Remus didn't feel the need to bite himself just to relieve the constant bloodlust the wolf made him have. Despite having four paws and a tail, he felt relatively normal. The transformation into the wolf and back was still miserable, but being able to keep his own mind? It was priceless.

However, it didn't stop him from worrying about Emma. He knew it was irrational, but he needed to see that she wasn't a werewolf like he was. He didn't hear her screams, didn't have the sense there was another werewolf around, but he needed to see himself. He had nearly hurt himself as he forced himself up the stairs and to her room, throwing himself heavily into the armchair near the window. Though she slept soundly, he could see the stirrings of a fitful sleep, even with the potion.

Her blanket was wrapped around a leg, and a hand was fisted tightly in the fabric. One of her several pillows was tossed to the floor, and Remus didn't quite want to know what led to its departure from the bed. Her other arm was looped around Boris, the teddy bear still her constant companion at night. The bear had started to wear out, his seams beginning to split and causing Emma to go into a panic.

A smile tugged at his lips as he remembered the way Emma stared at him as he repaired the threads. She had been very appreciative of the fact he took the time to repair Boris the Muggle way. He was sure that Boris would eventually be more patchwork cloth than a bear, and he was glad he thought to make the purchase. Boris had very quickly become a security blanket, and the memory of how close she hugged the bear the first time was burned into his mind. That very thought made him remember something vital, and he let out a heavy sigh. How could he have been so stupid?

Remus had been taking care of Emma for two years, and he had failed to acknowledge it. He had wondered why she had looked so hurt the other day, but he had figured she was just in pain. Having had a fresh dose of the diluted version of Wolfsbane, she had brightened up considerably. All of the expectant looks and happy chatter that had all but disappeared by the end of the night made sense. Emma desperately wanted him to remember, but she would never express her disappointment. He looked up from Boris to take in Emma's face, grateful that she finally looked peaceful in her sleep. Remus supposed he had a lot to make up for.

"She's slept the entire time," Lyall said, standing in the doorway of Emma's room. "I don't think that you need to worry that she'll transform."

Remus looked over at his father, waving him off. "Doesn't matter," he said sleepily, returning his gaze to Emma. He grew quiet, his face contorting slightly before he rubbed his face with both hands. "Sometimes, I just have to watch her and make sure that she's still breathing. I can't sleep without just hearing her breathe for a little while." He let out a dry chuckle. "Then again, with the state she was in, it's a wonder that I find her breathing comforting. That was all she could do." He paused, thinking about it and giving a half-hearted shrug. "No, I suppose that makes sense."

Lyall nodded in understanding. "Your mother and I used to do the same with you. Fairly often, actually," he said quietly, running a hand through his hair. "It's hard for everyone."

"When did you stop?"

"We didn't. Not until you moved out," Lyall sighed. "Of course, it stopped being every night after a while, but we still had to check sometimes. Multiple times a night, even. You'll never stop."

"Does it at least get easier?"

Lyall let out a quiet hum as he stepped into the room, standing next to Remus. He draped an arm over the back of the chair as he leaned against it, his expression thoughtful. "It will, in time. You both need to heal first. You know as well as anyone that it doesn't happen overnight, as much as we want it to. I think you being at Hogwarts is going to help her a lot. You know all she does is talk about you, right?"

Remus let out a derisive snort. "You know I completely forgot that I've had her for two years, right? No wonder she looked so disappointed. I can't imagine why she would talk about me so much. I'm sure that'll stop as soon as she finds out what I did to her…of what I am."

"Does that mean you're finally going to tell her?"

"It's not as though I have a choice in the matter, is it? I haven't decided when I'll tell her, but I know I have to. The fact she's at all like me…it wasn't supposed to be like this." Remus let out a heavy sigh, leaning forward with his head in his hands. "She was always supposed to be happy and carefree. Her life was supposed to involve her being surrounded by the people who love her. We should have known what was happening to her when she was a baby and damn it, it should have been Jude who died and not Maggie." Remus trailed off quickly, his head jerking up as Emma let out an unhappy whimper and shifted in her sleep. He didn't realize that he had raised his voice. When she stilled, and her breathing evened out, Remus continued, speaking much lower, "I should have known what was happening to her."

"That's the thing with children, son – things don't ever work out the way that they're supposed to." Lyall put a hand on Remus's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "I should have known what was going on as well. I should have realized. It's no one's fault. It was wartime, Remus, we were all distracted. The only time I ever saw you was when you came around to mind Emma for a while. Otherwise, you were gone. You can't blame yourself."

"But if she was anywhere near Greyback's pack, I should have known," Remus said, realizing his voice sounded pathetic. "If he had been anywhere near Emma, I should have picked up on her scent – anything. It should have been obvious."

"Never blame yourself with anything involving Greyback. That blame will always be mine and mine alone," Lyall said sharply. He let out a weary sigh, patting Remus's shoulder. "A day doesn't go by where I don't regret everything." Lyall shook his head before giving Remus a soft and knowing smile as he changed the subject. "You called her baby girl last night."

Remus covered his face with a groan. "It slipped out. Seeing her that way…I just remember always calling her that when she was younger. Now I just hope she doesn't remember."

"Well, she is your baby now, Remus. There's nothing wrong with it."

Remus cleared his throat, patting Lyall's hand on his shoulder before standing up. "I think I should get some rest. Why don't you take her to Pentruf Mympwyol for the day? She enjoyed Place Cachée, and I think she should see more of the magical community."

"Of course," Lyall said quietly as he watched Remus leave. "Nos da."

Lyall stayed in Emma's room for a few minutes longer. As much as Remus blamed himself, Lyall knew that everything would be his fault. Remus's lycanthropy was an unfortunate side effect of making Fenrir Greyback angry, and he wished he could go back in time to change everything. With a sigh, Lyall made his way out of the room, closing the door behind him. At least his son was finally beginning to figure out the strength of his love for Emma.

Emma's Hogwarts letter arrived a few days later while they were still at Lyall's. The large brown owl swooped into the room and unceremoniously dropped the letter from its beak. The letter nearly fell into Emma's cereal, but luckily landed just beside her bowl. Remus glanced up from his book with a small smile at Emma's awed gasp. The past few days had been a lot better for her, and the color had finally returned to her skin that morning.

With an excited squeal, Emma ripped open her letter to read through the newest book list. Remus had refused to tell her what book they would be using, and she had been anxiously awaiting to see what she needed for her new classes. In her excitement of having Remus be her newest Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, she had completely forgotten that the third years were given a special privilege. It was a Hogwarts rite of passage.

Emma's eyes lit up at the new addition in her letter from school; the coveted permission slip to Hogsmeade. She had heard wonderful stories about Hogsmeade from the older students, and she had been looking forward to being able to join them. She placed the letter down, keeping the permission slip in her hand and held it towards Remus with a broad smile. Her booklist was already forgotten.

He took a quick glance up from his book to see what Emma held in her hand and shook his head. "No."

Taken aback, Emma looked at the permission slip and then back at Remus. She waved the permission slip in his direction. "No? You didn't even look at it," Emma said, brows furrowed.

"I did," Remus said, schooling his face into an impassive expression as he flipped his book to the next page. "And the answer is no."

"I can't go to Hogsmeade?"

Lyall started to walk into the kitchen and realized quickly that he was walking in at the wrong time. He studied the way Emma held her permission slip in her hand, staring at Remus with the same intensity as the storm outside. He took in the way Remus sat back in his chair, scanning the book in his hand with cool indifference. Whatever was happening wasn't good. He cleared his throat, announcing his entrance.

"Good morning, family," Lyall said, plastering a smile on his face. "I see you've both already had breakfast!"

Both Remus and Emma turned to look at Lyall; Emma's face was etched with a traitorous annoyance while Remus remained as indifferent as ever. Lyall was still trying to learn Emma's little nuances, especially now that she was a teenager. However, he had years of experience with Remus; he knew his son's aloofness was never a good sign.

Lyall's eyes grew wide as he once again cleared his throat, hoping to relieve the tension in the room. He put on a bright smile, looking down at the parchment in Emma's hand. "What's that you have there, Emma?"

The look Emma gave Lyall told him that he had made a colossal mistake.

Remus sighed and closed his book, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Here we go," Remus muttered under his breath, knowing what was about to come.

"Well, Grandpa," Emma spat, turning her attention back to Remus, shaking the paper in her hand at him again. "This is my permission slip for Hogsmeade that Dad doesn't want to sign for whatever reason."

"Emma, I already said no," Remus said with a tired sigh.

"You're not letting her go to Hogsmeade?" Lyall gave Remus a confused look. "I don't see why you won't let her go. You're going to be at the school, and the village is perfectly safe."

Emma pointed at Lyall in agreement and shook the permission slip in her hand dramatically. "See? Grandpa says it's fine!"

"But that is your grandfather's opinion and not your fathers, and _I_ say _no_ ," Remus said. He shot Lyall a warning look and turned to look at Emma, who was glaring at him, her green eyes flashing.

" _Why_? Why can't I go to Hogsmeade? I'm going to be one of the only people not going."

"The first and second years won't be going," Remus retorted.

"Out of the _third years_. I'm going to be fourteen _,_ and you're telling me that I can't go into Hogsmeade? I don't understand what the problem is."

"The problem is that there is a serial killer on the loose," Remus said with a growl. "You are too young, no one knows where he is, and I am _not_ letting you set foot in Hogsmeade where _Sirius Black_ could be lurking." Remus spat Sirius's name as if it were venomous.

"Remy, I'm sure with the amount of security that's going to be placed at the school -"

"What does Sirius have to do with this?" Emma shouted. "You told me he was in Azkaban!" Remus could see the gears in Emma's head turning as she tried to process what she remembered about Sirius and his significance. There was a small glimmer of recognition in her eyes as she remembered who he was, and Remus let out an aggravated breath. At least that was a conversation they wouldn't need to have.

"My answer is no, and that is final," Remus shouted, fixing Lyall with a piercing look in warning. He looked back at Emma, who stared at him, mouth open, with the permission slip still in hand, the edge crushed in her fist. She looked entirely taken aback by his outburst. Remus never yelled in any capacity, and it startled her.

The look on her face almost made him waver, but Remus knew that he needed to stand firm on his decision. He leaned towards her, elbows planted firmly on the table and kept his eyes locked on hers.

"You will _not_ be going to Hogsmeade this year, or at all, if Sirius isn't caught and placed back in Azkaban, _which he escaped_. You will _not_ be venturing off the grounds. And you certainly will _not_ be going anywhere where you can't be watched," Remus said sternly, his gaze unwavering. "In case you've forgotten, you forfeit your right to privacy."

Remus paused, wondering if he had gone too far. He felt his resolve start to waver as Emma's face twisted from anger to shame and ultimately to defeat. Her eyes dropped to the floor, trying to quickly think of a retort, but she had none. He watched as she slowly lowered her hand, and reluctantly placed the permission slip down on the table. When Emma met his gaze again, her glare was sharp, and her jaw clenched as she tried to keep her lip from trembling.

"I lost all of my best friends that night because of him," Remus continued, swallowing hard, his voice softer. "I'm not taking any chances of losing you. Not again. Not after how close you were…"

Emma nodded and stood up from the table, brushing past Lyall as she left. She stopped at the entryway and turned to look back at Remus, who met her now tear-filled eyes. He broke her, and his heart clenched almost painfully. Maybe he should reconsider…

"I bet mum would've let me go," she said, trying to ignore the bubble of joy that sprang forth at Remus's crestfallen face. "She would've realized it was just a mistake…" She straightened up slightly. "And I bet she wouldn't have let something as stupid as Sirius Black keep me from going and having fun – like I should be." She stared at him for a moment longer, her chin stuck out defiantly, before departing.

Remus stared at the spot where Emma had been just moments before and groaned, rubbing his face, not sure what he was feeling. "I can't do this," he said, not sure if he was telling himself or if he was telling his father.

Lyall sat down at the table across from Remus after grabbing an empty mug. "You have to," he said quietly. "I told you it wasn't going to be easy. Being a parent is never easy."

"Was I like this after…" Remus trailed off, not wanting to bring up his mother, who he missed dearly. She would know what to do – she always did.

"I don't know," Lyall admitted. "You were off running another mission for the Order immediately after. I never got to see you."

"And Maggie?"

"Well, our little Daisy Mae never listened to us either," Lyall sighed. "Clearly, our little darling has got her mother's attitude."

"It's not even just that," Remus said, covering his face with his hands. "She's angry. All the bloody time."

"Can you blame her, Remy? She's lost and confused right now. She's still trying to come to terms with what she's done, and she's worried about disappointing you. And, if we're going to be honest here, you haven't been treating her the same," Lyall said, fixing Remus with a stern look. "I know that you are angry, and I know that you are scared, but there's no reason why you shouldn't love that girl with everything you have. You shouldn't be saving it just for when she's feeling sick or because _you_ feel guilty over something foolish."

"I do love her," Remus said, feeling rather stupid and as if he were a small child being scolded. "I let her know that I love her all the time."

"But do you show her that? Outside of the other night, I haven't seen you interact with her the way you used to."

Remus snorted. "She was in pain, what was I going to do?" he asked, shaking his head. "I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing." He nearly threw up his arms in exasperation at the thought. He was genuinely completely lost.

"Remus, when was the last time you hugged her?"

"The other day, why?"

"But did you _really_ hug her?"

"Of course, I did," Remus said, giving his father a questioning look.

Lyall shrugged with a small hum and started to make himself a cup of tea. "Have you had a real conversation with her lately?"

"Yes," Remus said slowly. "What is this about?"

"I'm not sure that you've really talked to her."

"What are you talking about?"

"I think you need to talk to her."

"Tad, what are you talking about?"

"Remy, go talk to her. Really talk to her – don't half-ass it like you've been doing lately," Lyall said, glancing up at Remus. "The conversation we had the other day while we were in the village was very informative."

Remus was about to argue with his father, but he cowed at his expression. "I'm bloody thirty-three, and he can still make me feel like I'm a child," Remus muttered under his breath as he stood up. He swore quietly in a string of Welsh as he stood up. "Fine. I'll go talk to her, but I don't know what you expect to solve."

"Before you go, I have a question for you."

"What?" Remus snapped, whirling around to look at Lyall.

"Do you really believe that Sirius is guilty?"

"I don't want to believe that he did, I never wanted to believe he did, but the proof…"

"He never had a trial, you know," Lyall said, taking a drink from his cup. "He could be innocent."

Remus's eyes narrowed, and he straightened up. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"No," Lyall said simply. He waved Remus off with a hand, focusing on his cup of tea. "Go talk to Emma."

A low growl escaped Remus's throat, but he left the kitchen and made his way upstairs. Sirius killed James and Lily and then decided to kill Peter. If Sirius wasn't arrested right away, he would have gone for Remus, too. He was sure of it. It was only on sheer dumb luck that Remus was still alive and not dead at Sirius's hand. Sirius had them all fooled, thinking he had grown out of the mind-set of his Pureblood family.

If Remus hadn't arrived back home so late, Sirius probably would have gone after him before Peter. After all, Remus was the half-breed and considered as worse as a Muggle-born. Relationship be damned, considering Sirius killed someone who was supposed to be his brother. If Sirius could kill his own brother, he certainly wouldn't have had any issues killing Remus.

As Remus approached Emma's room, he paused. Was she crying? That wasn't what he was expecting, especially not with the intensity of her current sobs. He was sure that she would have holed herself up in her room in a rage like she'd been doing lately when Persephone wasn't around. He peered into the room, brows knitting together as he saw Emma sitting at the edge of her bed. She was clutching the dress she wore for her mother's wake, the velvet fabric bunched in her hands. He had forgotten that she had left it instead of bringing it home.

"Emma?"

Emma jumped, wiping her eyes quickly, but not letting go of the dress. She gave Remus an embarrassed sidelong glance and turned herself to avoid facing him. She took in a deep, shuddering breath as she tried to calm herself.

Remus lingered in the doorway for a moment before deciding to go sit next to her. He looked down at the dress in her hands curiously. He sighed with the crushing realization that her crying had nothing to do with him saying she couldn't go to Hogsmeade. He wasn't sure what exactly was wrong just yet, but it bothered him all the same.

"What is it, love?" Remus placed a hand on the back of Emma's head, gently stroking her hair. She only shook her head in response, clutching onto the dress tighter. "Sweetheart?"

Emma's leg began to bounce as she clutched the dress a little tighter in her hands. "I-I was looking at this dress and wondering," Emma said quietly, dropping the dress on her lap so that she could wipe away her tears.

"Wondering what?"

"If I didn't…if I had…" Emma took in a deep breath as she stared down at the dress. "I wondered if this is what I would've been buried in…"

Remus took in a sharp breath, not at all expecting to hear those words. He was completely floored by her statement, and he wasn't sure if it was her quiet resignation or her honesty that stunned him most. It wasn't as though the thought hadn't crossed his mind while waiting for her to wake up in the hospital wing. In fact, it had permeated his thoughts to a point it was all he could think about. To hear Emma voicing his unspoken thoughts was startling.

Completely lost for words, Remus took the dress from Emma and tossed it on the bed behind them. He knew that she was still struggling, and had been wondering when her wall would come back down, but this… Nothing would have prepared him to hear those words.

He turned Emma to face him and pulled her in for a tight hug. She tensed up in his arms before slowly hugging him back, her carefully crafted wall crumbling apart as she broke down into sobs. Her arms tightened almost painfully around him as if her life depended on it. Remus's heart broke at the realization that maybe, just maybe, perhaps it did.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Pentruf Mympwyol** \- loosely translates to Whimsical Village  
>  **Nos da** \- Good night
> 
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	6. Healing Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Remus make their way to Diagon Alley. Emma finally gets her new wand, but this time things are a little different.

After nearly three weeks at Lyall's, Remus decided it was finally time to head back home, but more importantly to Diagon Alley. Emma had been pestering him nearly every day to go, but he had wanted to get his lesson plans done. At least at his fathers, he could let Emma wander and play outside. It was the one place neither Greyback nor Sirius knew how to find, and he felt comfortable letting her entertain herself. Plus, he knew his father appreciated someone more than willing to de-gnome the garden, gnome bites and all.

Emma had leveled out emotionally with each passing day. The permission slip to Hogsmeade long since forgotten, and Remus made sure he spent more time with her. She brightened considerably, more than happy to receive his attention. It was rare that she didn't talk about how excited she was for the new school year, and it was such a relief to hear. Emma may have held onto him a little longer when they hugged and squeezed him a little tighter, but she appeared happier than she had been in ages.

Remus took the time to try and teach her how to play the piano. She was terrible at it, but she tried, and the endless laughter between the two of them was priceless. They worked on Emma's magic, trying to get her to the point she had been before. She was out of practice and easily discouraged, but she continued to try. That was all Remus ever asked of her – to continue to try each and every day.

Finally, the day Emma had been waiting for arrived, and she was beyond bouncy. Remus honestly found it adorable. Wanting to prepare for their day, Remus Apparated back to the house to drop off their things and when he returned to his fathers to find Lyall with Emma in a tight bear hug.

Lyall gave Remus a mischievous grin and picked Emma up, spinning them both around so that his back was facing Remus. "Your father's back," Lyall said, his voice dropping as if he was telling her a very important secret. "Perhaps if I pretend that you're not here and he can't see you, then you won't have to leave! You can stay with me for the rest of the summer, and we'll go to the zoo and the aquarium and stay up all night. Perhaps eat all of the chocolate you could ever want." The very ridiculousness of it all sent Emma into a fit of giggles as Lyall put her back down on the ground.

Remus shook his head, but a smile crossed his face. "As wonderful as that all sounds, I believe a certain someone still hasn't finished all of their summer work," Remus said, peering around his father to meet Emma's sheepish grin. "We have a lot of shopping to get done – for both of us."

"I could always skip a day of work," Lyall said, looking over his shoulder at Remus. He turned back to Emma with a wide grin. "I don't mind carrying our princess's bags."

"If you keep that up, it's just going to go straight to her head," Remus sighed. "I much prefer Her Royal Highness humble and not overly spoiled. And I imagine if you don't grace the Ministry of Magic with your presence, it'll be off with your head."

Emma snorted, and Lyall heaved a dramatic sigh. "Yes, I suppose I should let myself be seen. After all, they've tried to get me in nearly every day of my holiday," Lyall said. He looked at Emma fondly before pulling her into a tight hug. "Promise me you'll write?"

"Yes," Emma giggled. "I promise."

"You write every day, you hear?"

"Grandpa! I don't know about _every_ day!"

"Every other day?"

"Nooo!"

"Every _three_ days?"

"I don't know!"

"All right, fine – at least once a week, then," Lyall said, finally letting go of Emma. "And I expect you to remind your father to write as well."

"You say that as if you wouldn't send me a Howler for forgetting," Remus said, grinning at his father. He motioned for Emma to join him, and she let out a sigh, slipping underneath Lyall's arm.

"Just making sure that someone keeps you accountable," Lyall said as he glanced at the clock. "I'm already late as it is. I suppose I should head out, then. I love you both, let me know if you need anything. You know where to find me." He fixed Remus with a proud look. "My son – the professor." He gave Remus a beaming smile before turning on the spot with a _pop_.

Emma looked up at Remus, grinning at the pink flush that crept into his cheeks. "Never thought I'd see the day where you blushed," Emma said.

"Hush, I'm not blushing," Remus said, giving her an embarrassed smile. He cleared his throat and motioned to the fireplace. "Why don't we try going together this time? I don't need you falling like you normally do." Remus let out a laugh at the way Emma's face heated up. "Now who's blushing?"

"You're terrible," Emma said, covering her cheeks with her hands. She let Remus pull her under his arm and over to the fireplace.

"Come on," Remus said, taking a handful of Floo powder. "Hold on tight, I don't need you getting lost."

Emma let out a huff and put an arm around Remus's waist as they stepped into the fireplace. "If you let me fall, I'm doing this by myself next time," she said, her nose crinkling as she looked up at Remus.

"I promise I won't let you fall," he said, dropping the Floo powder with a very clear, "Diagon Alley."

One of the benefits Emma found with taking the Floo with someone was being able to close her eyes. She didn't have to worry about the nauseating and rapid change of scenery like she usually did. The second benefit, she quickly realized, was not immediately stumbling out of the fireplace. When her feet touched solid ground, she opened her eyes cautiously, almost not believing that they had arrived in The Leaky Cauldron.

"I told you I wouldn't let you fall," Remus said, stepping out of the fireplace and pulling Emma with him. She looked at Remus in a complete daze as he dusted them both off.

"How do you do that?" Emma said, looking over her shoulder at the fireplace as though it had betrayed her. "I always fall."

"It's a lot of practice," Remus admitted, his lips twitching as she gave him a skeptical look. "You didn't get to grow up taking the Floo like your mother and I did. You had cars and busses to get you everywhere you needed to go. The Floo is a lot quicker than driving. If you would just let me take you places with Side-Along…"

"No," Emma said quickly. "We are not doing that!"

"But it's a lot quicker. I swear you get used to it eventually."

"Nooo," Emma said, drawing out the word as long as she could. She gave Remus a cursory look. "You've got a bit of ash in your beard."

Remus bent down so that Emma could brush it away for him. "You know, I was thinking of keeping a mustache for when the term begins…really complete the whole professor look."

Emma raised an eyebrow at Remus, giving Remus a cursory look to make sure his beard was finally free of Floo dust. "A mustache? Maybe if you do one of those curly mustaches – like an old-timey villain. Might be interesting to try and scare everyone."

"I was thinking one of those skinny ones – like a really old professor. I once had a professor with a skinny mustache," Remus said thoughtfully as he straightened up. He frowned slightly, seeing the look on Emma's face. "What?"

"Dad, no," she said, shaking her head. "Just keep the beard or get rid of it all. Don't do the mustache."

"Oh, all right, then," Remus said, pretending to be offended. "No mustache."

"Good," Emma grinned, following him out of The Leaky Cauldron. A poster caught her eye as they passed, the words 'Wanted' sticking out over the photo of a familiar looking man. She frowned slightly, trying to get a better look, but Remus kept walking, and she needed to catch up. "Where are we heading first?"

"Ollivander's would probably be best as our first stop. I must admit that I'm rather curious to see what he'll have to say," Remus said, tapping his wand to the bricks in the wall separating the pub from the rest of the alley. He looked down at Emma, smirking at the expectant grin on her face. "I'm starting to think that the only reason why you won't let me take you here by Side-Along is that you like watching the wall change."

The same pink flush that crept up Emma's cheeks before they left made its return in full force. "You're not wrong," she said, follow him into the bustling lane, "but you're really, really, really not right."

"Of course, not," Remus smiled, leading them to Ollivander's.

Emma felt an odd sense of foreboding as they approached the unassuming store. The sign above the door just seemed to swing oddly, the colors too dull against the vibrancy of the other shops. It all just felt odd compared to the first time she set foot in the shop to get her first wand. She had been shy and apprehensive then, but she was more worried now. This felt far more significant than the first time.

"Maybe I don't need a wand to do magic," Emma said just before Remus could fully grasp the door handle of Ollivander's.

"What do you mean?" he asked, tilting his head slightly as he looked back at Emma. "What is it, love?"

She worried her lip between her teeth, staring at the door. "What if he says that there are no wands for me? That I can't do magic anymore?"

"Well, if he said that there are no wands, I could just give you mine since it works for you. Not as well as it could, but wands can be trained."

"But then you won't have a wand!"

"I can get another," Remus laughed. "Sweetheart, I don't claim to know everything, but I can tell you, without a doubt, that you are thinking about this too hard. I promise it'll be fine."

Remus opened the door and gestured for Emma to go first. "Ladies first," he said with a mock bow.

Emma rolled her eyes but stepped into the shop. There was a light twinkling noise from a bell overhead, and Emma felt like she was catapulted in time. It had only been two years since she had been in Ollivander's, but it felt like an eternity. So much had changed in such a short time, but the store certainly had not.

"Good morning."

Ollivander's voice was light and almost melodic, twinkling virtually like the bell that rang through the shop.

"Good morning," Emma answered quietly.

"Ah, yes, Miss Nickels – although I suppose it's Lupin now, yes? I suspected I would see you soon. Very unfortunate to hear, but it's wonderful that you're here today."

Emma looked at Remus with wide eyes. "Does he know _everything_?" Emma whispered out of the corner of her mouth.

"I'm sure there isn't much he doesn't know," Remus whispered back. He turned to Ollivander and smiled politely. "Hello, Mr. Ollivander."

"Mr. Lupin – cypress, 10 ¼ inches with unicorn hair, correct?"

"That would be correct."

"And you – cedar, 9 ¾ inches with phoenix feather, yes?"

"Er, yes…"

"But, you are having trouble with it now?"

"Uhm…I suppose you can say that."

"Let me see, let me see."

Remus pulled Emma's wand from his pocket and passed it to Ollivander. Ollivander promptly held the wand up to his ear, muttering quietly to himself.

Emma remembered how awkward it was the first time she had stepped foot into Ollivander's. She felt as though she went through the entire shop before a wand finally worked for her.

"Yes, well…it appears as though your wand has died, Miss Lupin."

"It's _died_? Kaput? Can't ever be used again?"

"Unfortunately."

"But… _kaput_? It can't be fixed?"

"It's how you say - 'kaput.' It cannot be fixed," Ollivander said gravely, miming an explosion with his fingers. "However, there's a possibility that we can transfer the Phoenix feather to a new wand for you. After all, the Phoenix rises from the ashes and can be reborn. Or I can fit you with an entirely new wand. A custom wand costs a little more if that's of any concern."

Emma wasn't sure how to feel about that. It wasn't as though she had become terribly attached to her wand despite it being her first. She looked up at Remus for guidance, not really knowing what to say. If a custom wand would be more money, she felt it would be better to just get something entirely new. Before she had the opportunity to speak, Remus answered for her.

"If the core can be salvaged, then perhaps that would be best," Remus said, looking slightly curious.

"Very well," Ollivander said with a small smile. "I'll be just a moment." Ollivander disappeared through a small door, and Emma gave Remus a funny look.

"How is this supposed to work now?" Emma asked, talking much faster than normal. "It's more money. I don't mind just getting something entirely new."

"It's fine," Remus said, waving off her concerns. "I'm not entirely sure how this works in all honesty, but I would rather see you with something that's partially familiar."

"But if it's cheaper -"

"Emma, hush. It's perfectly fine," Remus said, pulling Emma in for a quick hug. "How many times do I have to remind you that you're worth it? What I spend my money on is none of your concern, and your wand is a vital tool."

Emma was about to say something else but was silenced by Ollivander's sudden return. In his arms were multiple blocks of wood of varying lengths.

Ollivander laid the blocks of wood out on the counter and waited patiently for Emma to approach. He held something in his hand and motioned for Emma to hold her hand out. With a small frown, Emma held her hand out, and Ollivander deposited a small, red, and orange object in her hand.

"Is this –?"

"The Phoenix feather from your wand," Ollivander said with a nod. "How does it feel?"

Emma brought her hand closer to her face so she could look at it better. It was no more than three inches long – just the right size to fit in the handle of her old wand. The color of the feather seemed to change as the light changed – cycling between a warm yellow, a burnt orange, and a vibrant red. It reminded her of the first time she saw Fawkes sitting in Dumbledore's office and the way his feathers gleamed. She was surprised that the feather felt warm in her hand, almost like a small fire.

"It's warm," Emma said after a while. "Very warm, really."

"Good, good, good," Ollivander said, immediately snatching the feather back from her hand and gesturing to the wooden blocks sitting between them. "Now which of these calls to you?"

"Pardon?" Emma looked at Ollivander in confusion. This was much different than her first trip to the store.

Ollivander picked up the first wood block and placed it in Emma's hand. "How does it feel?"

"Like a block of wood," Emma said, feeling rather stupid. Ollivander pulled that block out of her hand and placed another in her hand. "Still the same."

"I want you to pick up each block and give me the ones that feel different," Ollivander explained, pulling the second block out of Emma's hand and putting it aside with the first.

"Right," Emma said, looking between the woods. This seemed like such a waste of time because they were all going to just feel like blocks of wood. With a sigh, she scanned the blocks and picked up one that seemed to be almost the same color as Remus's wand, just out of reflex. "Oh." The wood felt strangely warm in her hand.

"Cypress," Ollivander said, taking the block from Emma and putting it in a different spot. "Very interesting."

Emma looked at the other blocks, now fascinated, and began to pick them up one by one. It was a deceptively slow process to go through, but by the end, she had 9 different wooden blocks put aside. Several dark colored woods, a single red-colored, and the rest were varying shades of light.

"Hold out both hands," Ollivander instructed. "Which is your wand arm?" Emma raised her right hand, and Ollivander placed the Phoenix feather down on her palm. "Still warm?"

"Yes," Emma said, finding herself captivated by the feather once more. She looked over to her left hand as a wood block was placed in it.

"How does it feel now?"

Emma looked between the block and the feather. The feather had turned oddly cold in her hand, and it made her nervous. "It feels cold," Emma said, looking at Ollivander in alarm.

"Not to worry," he said, pulling the block from her hand. "It just means cypress is not for you."

It had taken several rounds of trial and error, but Emma was finally left with three different blocks of wood. To her left was a block of ebony, in the center was maple, and to her right was hawthorn. She was disappointed that cedar didn't make it back into the pile, but there wasn't much that she could do about it. Clearly, the witch didn't pick the wand, the wand picked her instead.

"Now I want you to place the wood blocks in the same hand with the feather," Ollivander said, his blue eyes practically boring into Emma's.

Emma was exhausted and just wanted to be done, but she bit back a whine. She felt Remus place a gentle hand on her back, and she turned to give him a small smile. With a sigh, she turned back to the blocks and placed them one by one in her right hand. The ebony felt warm in her hand with the Phoenix feather but didn't feel correct. She placed that one down and picked up the maple. That felt better but wasn't quite right either. With a frown, she picked up the hawthorn block and was sure the process would have to start over as nothing happened. She was about to put the block down, but then there was a warmth radiating up her arm, and she looked at Ollivander in surprise.

"I think we've found your match," he said with a gentle smile, taking the block and Phoenix feather and placing them on the counter. "Hawthorn makes for wands that are particularly adept at healing magic. Have you considered a career as a Healer?"

"I'm not sure," Emma said quietly, too tired to really care as Ollivander's tape measure began to take measurements. She remembered how ridiculous she felt the first time, and that was _without_ Remus present. It was odd enough for the object to do it by itself in the first place, and she let out a sigh as it wrapped around her head.

"Right, right, that's enough," Ollivander said, and the tape measure dropped to the floor. "Are you planning to spend your day shopping?"

"We are," Remus answered, gently pulling Emma back and putting his arm around her shoulders. "I think we have quite a list of things to get today."

"Wonderful," Ollivander said. "If you return to the shop around 4, I should have everything ready." Ollivander turned to leave, but Remus cleared his throat, forcing the man to turn back.

"I was wondering if there was a possibility of making a design request," Remus said, a smile on his face.

"Oh? And what would that be?"

"Well, Emma has been struggling with her wand grip lately after an accident," Remus said, pulling his wand out and handing it to Emma. "The grip on her old wand was difficult for her to hold, but I believe she would do much better with something similar to mine."

Ollivander approached again, inspecting the way Emma held Remus's wand. "Do you mind trying a simple spell for me?" Ollivander asked. "Perhaps a Lumos would do, Miss Lupin."

"Er, sure," Emma said, giving the wand a small wave. " _Lumos_."

The end of Remus's wand lit up, and Ollivander gave a small look of surprise. "Yes, I see what you mean," he said quietly, taking another look at Emma's hold. "Fascinating that it responds so well. There's a lot of trust between you two for it to answer to readily to another." Emma extinguished the wand and handed it back to Remus, her face flushing slightly.

"Yes, I believe that I can honor that request," Ollivander said, and without another word, he walked back through the door.

"I think that's our cue to leave," Remus said, pulling Emma out of the building and back into the shopping alley.

"Where to first?" Emma asked, watching as Remus pulled their shopping list out of his pocket.

"Well," he said slowly, looking through the list, "perhaps Madam Malkin's first since we need to pick up new robes for you."

"Oh, right," Emma whispered. She had forgotten that she had ruined her only school robe in addition to her uniform. A hand squeezed her arm gently.

"Don't let your mind go there," Remus said. "It's fine."

"It's not fine," Emma muttered, and then she was swiftly pulled into Remus's side in a tight one-armed hug.

"Don't," Remus chided gently. "We said last night that we were going to have fun today, and that's what we're going to do. The moment we get home, you can be as melancholy as you'd like."

Emma snorted and returned Remus's hug and sighed. "What if I want to be melancholy here?"

"Rather difficult to be morose in Diagon Alley, no?" Remus took a quick look around and grinned. "Why don't we go to Florean's first for a pick-me-up?"

"It's barely even eleven," Emma said quietly.

"And has there ever been a wrong time for ice cream? Besides, by the time we get there, it will be just past eleven and a very appropriate time to have ice cream."

"Who are you, and what have you done with my father?"

"I'm just learning to pick and choose my battles, and right now is one that doesn't need to be had. Come on, I'm sure they can whip up the most overindulgent chocolate creation ever just for you."

True to his word, Remus managed to convince Florean Fortescue to come up with a chocolate monstrosity. Fortescue was more than delighted to make it for Emma, but her eyes were far bigger than her stomach. Remus had to admit that he was impressed that Emma that she ate as much as she did while he allowed himself to indulge in a raspberry ice cream.

"It's a good thing that I can Apparate," Remus said with a wink as they left Fortescue's. He sat Emma down on a bench. "I'll just drop this off. Do not leave this bench."

"I'm not going to leave," Emma said, rolling her eyes.

"You are such a teenager," Remus said before explaining he needed to go to the Apparition spot and would be back very soon.

If Emma thought being home by herself was weird, it was even stranger being in Diagon Alley by herself again. She pulled her legs up onto the bench and folded them in front of her, watching as people walked by. A small smile crossed her face as she watched people shopping. She gave a small wave to Neville when she spotted him walking by, but he was pulled along by his grandmother and unable to stop. The last time she had been able to just sit and observe, she had been so optimistic. Things were new and exciting, and there was so much unexpected potential.

The same poster that was posted in The Leaky Cauldron was across the way, the lettering just barely large enough for her to read. The 'Wanted' bit was very clear, and as she stared at the photo, she couldn't help but feel that she had seen that man before. It was something about the man's eyes that stuck out, but who was he? Why was he wanted? More importantly, why did he seem so familiar to her? It was the sort of familiar one might have looking at a photo of an old friend, but she couldn't make the connection.

Emma found herself being brought back to the heated conversation she had with Remus after they argued about her going into Hogsmeade. Was that Sirius Black? Remus purposely kept newspapers away from her, so she was completely left in the dark. The only information she had to go off of was whatever Remus told her, which wasn't much. Emma wanted to get up and look, but before she could, Remus was back.

"Anything interesting happen while I was away?"

Emma jumped at Remus's sudden reappearance. Her eyes flicked back to the poster, but before Emma could spare another glance, Remus moved to stand in front of her, blocking her view. "That was quick," she said with a small glare.

"I told you I would be quick," Remus said with a lopsided grin.

"You're an absolute terror, did you know that?"

Remus shrugged and helped Emma stand up. "Wouldn't be the first time I've been told that. Let's get our shopping done."

Even on a normal day, their trip through Diagon Alley would be exhausting. Emma had only just started to build her stamina back up, and she was growing weary as the day continued on. Madam Malkin's had been relatively quick, though Emma and Remus had a minor tiff over him buying her an entirely new set of robes. No matter how much she insisted on second-hand, he wasn't hearing it. It was then, at Emma's insistence, that he buy himself a new set of robes if she was getting completely new robes. He purchased second hand for himself, instead.

Though Emma wasn't sure if she would be allowed to take potions, they made sure to refresh her potion's kit. To her embarrassment, Remus once again insisted on purchasing higher quality ingredients.

"You enjoy potions, so why not get you better ingredients?" Remus asked Emma as he paid.

"Because we don't _do_ anything with the potions, so why bother? You really didn't have to do that."

Remus only shrugged.

They visited Eeylops to pick up more treats and supplies for Aurora though the owl spent most of her time outdoors. When they made their way to Scribbulus, they spent far more time than usual in the store.

"Merlin," Remus said when they finally were able to leave. "And I thought getting the right quills as a student was complicated? Who knew that there was a particular red that teachers need to use. Apparently, not all red inks are created equal."

Emma couldn't help but find his response hysterical. Remus seemed to pick up an even bigger stockpile of chocolate than usual while at Sugarplum's Sweet Shop, making Emma raise an eyebrow.

"It's not all for you, you know," he said, grinning at Emma's awe-struck expression.

"Oh, what, you have another daughter you're buying chocolate for?"

"Very funny," he muttered, rolling his eyes as he added the sugar quills Emma picked up to his purchase. "I have a feeling that chocolate is going to be very much needed this year."

"Why?"

"I'll explain if it comes up before the first day."

After Sugarplum's, they returned to Madam Malkin's to pick up their robes. Emma couldn't help but giggle at the bags that Remus was carrying.

"Perhaps we should have had Grandpa come, after all," she said as they stepped into Flourish and Blotts. Emma reached into Remus's coat pocket with a grin, pulling out her supply list so she could read what books she needed. With her grin widening, she stuck her tongue out at him, giggling at his indignant huff. She unfolded the list and began to read, "So, I need The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 3, Unfogging the Future, Intermediate Transfiguration, The Monster Book of Monsters -" as if on cue, there was a loud growling noise to Emma's left. She peered at the cage full of hairy books, alarmed that they had eyes, and looked ready to tear each other apart.

One of the employees came running up to the front of the store, shouting at the books and prodding them with a stick. "Stop it!" they shouted, trying to push the books apart. Satisfied that the books weren't going to tear each other apart, the employee turned around and let out a small yelp. "Oh, no. Hogwarts? Here for your books?"

Emma nodded with a gulp and looked at Remus in alarm as the worker seemed to almost burst into tears. The worker put on the pair of gloves they had in their back pocket, and Remus set their bags to the side.

"I'll help," he said, pulling his wand out and pointing to the closest book. "That one there. Don't open the cage until, er…it can't move." Remus whispered something, and the book was bound by snakelike ropes. The book didn't seem to like what Remus had done and began to slam itself against the cage door. With a wince, he whispered another spell, and the book was motionless. The worker quickly reached in, pulled the book out, and shoved it roughly into Emma's hands.

"Thank you," the worker said earnestly as Remus tucked his wand back into his pocket. "Just for that, you can take that one for free. Honestly, I want them all gone as quick as possible. What else do you need?"

Emma passed the book list back to Remus, eyes wide as she held the Monster Book of Monsters away from her body. Not really sure what else to do, she awkwardly pet it, running a hand over its rough fur. The Monster Book of Monsters was quite literally a monster, and Emma couldn't help but find it terrifying.

"You don't need the book for Defense this year?" the worker asked conversationally as they made their way to the register.

"No, we already have a copy," Remus said politely.

"My dad's the Defense professor this year!" Emma piped up proudly, smirking as Remus blushed again.

The worker gave Remus an appraising look. "Well, it looks Hogwarts will have an excellent professor this year. Couldn't have picked out better books if I tried." The worker looked at the books on the counter and wrapped them. They stared at the pile for a moment, and then pushed the books towards Emma. "On the house."

"Oh, no – let me pay," Remus said, looking embarrassed.

"You saved me from getting bit by that…literal monster. I've been bitten several times today. I won't take no for an answer."

Remus's smile was suddenly tight, and he nodded. He fished a small handful of sickles out of pocket and placed them on the counter. "And I'm not leaving without paying you at least something."

With a truce finally met, the worker lifted the pile of books and handed them to Emma. "He's a good man," the worker said to Emma with a grin.

"I know," she said, giving the worker a wide smile. "Thank you!"

"Yes, thank you," Remus said with a small smile. "Come on, I believe we're nearly overdue for Ollivander's."

Emma frowned but followed Remus back out into the busy street so that they could return to the wand shop. Emma was less than thrilled to step foot back into Ollivander's, but she was curious to see her new wand.

"Ah, just in time!" Ollivander said, holding a box in his hand. "I just finished it only a few moments ago. Come along, come along."

Remus took Emma's books from her hands and placed them down amongst their shopping bags and joined Emma at the counter.

Ollivander opened the box, and Emma let out a surprised gasp. Her new wand was beautiful, and she was almost afraid to touch it. It was very similar to Remus's wand, featuring a rounded end with a smooth handle. Just past the handle, the rest of the wand featured intricately etched swirls and what looked like runes. When she took a better look at her wand, her eyes immediately flew back to the handle. The lighter color looked familiar to the light red cedar color of her old wand. It twisted intricately with the dark burnish of the hawthorn wood. She looked at Ollivander questioningly.

He gently pulled Emma's wand out of the box so that she could have a better look at it. "I was able to preserve some of the cedar from your old wand and added it into the design. The runes are designed to aid in both healing and defensive magic. It's 11 ½ inches and reasonably supple," Ollivander explained, holding the wand out for Emma to take.

Emma took the wand nervously and was extremely relieved to feel the very familiar thrum of magic. It was much easier to hold, and the warmth she felt in her hand was much different than her other wand. This wand felt more like an extension of herself.

"Why don't you try a Lumos for us again?" Ollivander suggested.

With a grin, Emma nodded. She wondered how hard she should focus but decided to take it easy since the wand was new. With a gentle wave, she gave a whispered, " _Lumos_."

The wand lit up as if it were an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know he's not really in this chapter, but I really want to say that I absolutely adore writing Lyall. This won't be where I go more in-depth with the relationship between Lyall and Remus, because we're not there yet, but I can't wait to share it. Perhaps I'll have to write a little bit of a one shot, just to give a further sneak peak.
> 
> Speaking of one shots, one of my one shots is very, very thinly referenced here! 
> 
> Your Song, from my one shot...work? series thing? (what's the proper term? I have no idea!) references Remus playing piano with Emma. It's just a bit of sweet Christmas-time family fluff that takes place during Dark Tranquility if you wanted to check it out.
> 
> The further in I get with this installment, the more one shots will be added. There's a lot of additional content that I've had written that just doesn't fit in except for as stand-alone bits, or its little bits that give away WAY too much. I've got to get through to what would be Emma's seventh year and I don't want to spoil EVERYTHING.
> 
> **come find me on:**  
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)  
> [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/mymoonyandstars)  
> [the moonlit stars discord](https://discord.gg/xpzefDeCZw)
> 
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> 


	7. Father Figures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma gets sick again and has to head off to St. Mungo's. She sees Neville while at the hospital and they have a quick conversation and she confides that she wished things were different.

The final weeks of summer went entirely too quick. Remus spent long hours sitting in the living room with Emma working on lesson plans and helping her with her spell work. Her new wand warmed up to her quickly. She seemed to have an easier time with troublesome spells, but it was still hard for her to hold her wand for an extended period.

Remus would sometimes have to leave for long stretches to work on his classroom, but he was never gone for very long. Persephone's family went away for the rest of the summer, and he didn't feel comfortable leaving Emma home by herself for too long. To Remus's relief, Emma didn't want to invite Neville over as she thought being home alone with a boy was strange. He silently and whole-heartedly agreed.

To Emma's frustration, she became sick again a few days before the term was to begin. Not only was she tired, but she also became increasingly snappy.

"Persephone was supposed to come over," Emma whined the morning her symptoms hit her. She sat at the kitchen table, pressing her against the wood, taking in the relief of the coolness against her forehead.

"It's a good thing that you have an appointment with Elara today, then," Remus sighed, wishing that he could do more than shove a diluted Wolfsbane Potion her way. "She might still be able to come over."

Emma picked her head up from the table with a grumpy breath. "When were you going to tell me that we were going to St. Mungo's?"

"To be honest? I wasn't," Remus said, his expression suddenly very apologetic. "This was scheduled before the last term even let out. It just so happens that it coincided with something else. Don't get mad, but -"

"I'm not seeing Jude," Emma said with a frown. "I'll do whatever it is I need to do with Elara, but I'm not seeing Jude."

"Then don't see him. Just be in the room with me. The Healer for the ward asked to speak to me. Well, asked for you actually, but since you're still underage…"

Emma let out a quiet growl as she glared at Remus. "Fine," she muttered.

An hour later, they were in St. Mungo's, and Emma felt practically dead on her feet. The last thing she wanted to do was be sitting in an exam room, and she certainly didn't want to be in the same room as Jude after. She leaned up against the wall, feeling rather stupid sitting on the exam table with her eyes closed. Emma heard a quiet snicker from Remus, and she opened an eye to look at him.

"What?" she asked, not even caring how bratty she sounded.

"I don't think you've quit muttering under your breath about how annoyed you are with me since before we left the house."

"Well, considering I feel like absolute shite, you weren't going to tell me about this appointment, and then you're going to make me be in the same room as Jude? You're not exactly off to a good start."

"Would you rather I went up to the ward by myself?"

"Was that even a question worth asking?"

Remus let out an exhausted sigh. "I suppose you're right."

There was a very gentle knock on the door, and Elara stepped in. "Did I come at a bad time?" she asked, peering between Emma and Remus.

"No, Emma's just been going on about how much she doesn't like me," Remus said with a grin. He stood up from his chair and walked over to Emma, leaning down to give her a kiss, but she moved her head away. "Ah, yes. Sick teenager – my mistake."

"Go away," Emma muttered.

Elara didn't look at all surprised by Emma's behavior and only grinned. "I'm going to say that's your cue to leave, dad," she said, waving Remus off.

"Emma, if I'm not back before you're done, go to the tearoom, and I'll get you there."

Emma only glared at Remus in response. He sighed and gave Elara a wave. "Good luck," he muttered, biting back his grin at Emma's aggravated huff.

Elara waited for the door to close behind Remus before turning back to Emma. "What's going on with you, kid?"

"I'm tired, my whole body hurts, and I want to go to bed," Emma grumbled, watching as Elara started waving her wand over her body. The action was so familiar that Emma barely even paid attention as Elara continued to check what was being scratched out onto the parchment next to her. "I don't know why I'm here, and I feel old."

"Well, we thought it might be good to get you in for a check-up before the term began. Although, I hear you haven't been feeling too well the past few months," Elara said. "Has your dad tried anything to help with that?"

"At the beginning of the summer, he couldn't because he had to go away. Last month he gave me this really nasty potion, and that helped, but it was absolutely awful. He gave me a fever-reducing potion earlier, and that's helped."

"Yeah, I can see that it's wearing off already based off of the readout," Elara said, pursing her lips. "You said the nasty potion helped last time?"

"It did for almost three days, and then he gave it to me again. He gave it to me the first day and then I took it again and was fine. Still tired, but I feel like most of that was from being in pain."

Elara frowned slightly at that and took a seat on the rolling stool in the room. "Has he given you a pain relief potion to help?"

"He has, but only the awful potion really helps. He hasn't given me one today if that's what you're wondering," Emma said, looking over at the parchment as the quill dropped. "What tests are you running exactly? This is all so unlike Muggle doctors where they poke and prod everywhere."

"Well, we have to poke and prod sometimes, too, but this helps take out some of the guesswork," Elara said. She picked up the parchment and hesitated for a moment before turning it around to show Emma. "It shows us a lot, really - your heart rate, your oxygen intake, your blood levels. It even gives us your height and weight… It's fascinating, actually."

"Part of my punishment was having to work with Madam Pomfrey because I wasn't allowed to go back to Potions," Emma said quietly, looking over the parchment. There was a lot of information in such a small area, some with double numbers that she assumed were comparison purposes. She pointed at a set of numbers. "What's this one for?"

"Your weight," Elara explained, chuckling at Emma's grimace. "No, it's good. You were under-weight back in June, and now you're at a healthy weight. Still a little low, but you want to stick around here."

"That's such a high number," Emma frowned.

"Emma, you're 154 centimeters. You're petite and not a giant like your father. You're at a very healthy weight, trust me."

Emma's frown didn't leave her face, but she pointed to another set of numbers. "What's this one?"

"That is your heart rate."

"And this one?"

Elara grew quiet for a moment before answering. "That is your blood count," she said, giving Emma a tight smile.

"Why are the numbers so different? It was very low the last time, but now it's way different."

"Well, kiddo, you had lost a lot of blood, so your numbers were very skewed back in June. It's nothing to worry about, but it has a lot to do with you getting sick. Other than that, you're healthy. How have you been doing mentally?"

Emma seemed to accept Elara's answer and nodded. "I've been all right, I guess. Some days are harder than others, still," Emma shrugged. "I'm worried about going back to school, but I'm glad that dad's going to be teaching. It'll be nice to have him there…did he tell you that he's a professor now?"

"He did," Elara said, setting the parchment aside with a grin. "Don't tell him I told you, but he's very excited that he gets to spend the whole year with you. I think he misses you a lot when you're at school."

"I miss him, too," Emma admitted quietly. She sat up straight, and her face hardened. "He can be really stupid sometimes, though. He's smart, but he's frustrating because he doesn't think, or he gets stuck in his own head. I don't even think he realizes it."

"He probably doesn't," Elara said with a laugh. "That's the problem with the smart ones – they fail to see what's right in front of them, sometimes. Just know that he loves you, and he isn't a complete berk on purpose." Elara put her hands on her knees, suddenly back to business. "Well, everything else seems to be fine with you, which is wonderful. However, I think I'm going to recommend that awful potion for you again."

"Again? What even is it?"

"It's a fairly newer potion designed to help symptoms like yours," Elara said. "Your body is still trying to readjust itself, so I think you'll wind up getting sick a few more times. I'll make sure to send Madam Pomfrey a note with a different regiment that should hopefully help. I just want to make sure that you're monitored consistently; otherwise, I would start it now."

Emma let out a groan. "So, it's like a cycle? Like my monthlies? Though I've been on the potion for that, so I guess not quite."

Elara startled, almost as if she was expecting a completely different comment from Emma, but she smiled. "Yes, almost exactly like that. Speaking of which, you're on the potion for that, right? Is that something that I need to grab?"

"I am absolutely on the potion. That first time was brutal," Emma said with a shiver.

"Hmm," Elara hummed thoughtfully. "Well – you're not going to like this – but I might want to take you off of it. Just for a few months, but we'll see."

"Oh, yes. Everyone is just full of wonderful news," Emma grumbled, pushing herself back against the wall. "Just what I want to look forward to – my monthlies."

Elara's laugh was bright, and she shook her head. "They're not the worst thing in the world, I promise," Elara said, standing up. "Before I go and grab that potion, Emma, I just want to let you know that if you ever need to talk to me about absolutely anything, you can send me an owl. Doesn't matter if it's about school, or about boys – or girls – or even if it's about your dad. I'm an open book if you ever need it."

"Oh," Emma said quietly in surprise. "Thank you."

"Anytime," Elara said brightly. "I'll be right back. I'm going to go grab a few bottles of that potion."

Just as Elara was leaving, Remus came back.

"What's the verdict? Which leg is coming off?" Remus asked, looking solemn as he sat back in the chair he had abandoned earlier.

"What?" Emma shot Remus a look.

"Which leg? Is a leg coming off? Oh, no…it's an arm. Well, do you still get to keep your writing arm, at least?"

Emma rolled her eyes, leaning back against the wall. "Why are you the way that you are, sometimes? Aren't you supposed to be old and not make weird jokes?"

"I have to get this all out before I have to be a weathered, old professor," Remus said with a grin. That mischievous glint was in his eyes, and Emma was sure that he would keep going.

"You're so annoying," Emma scoffed.

Elara was back quickly with several bottles and another folder under her arm. She popped open the top on one of the bottles and handed it to Emma. "Take the whole thing, kiddo. That should hold you over for the rest of the week."

"The _whole_ thing?" Emma asked, staring dubiously at the bottle in her hand. It was a much bigger vial than Remus had given her last month.

"The whole week?" Remus asked curiously.

"She said it lasted three days last time, so it's been adjusted. If I'm correct, it should be a one and done deal," Elara explained to Remus. She handed the bottles to Remus, who stuffed the bottles in the inner pockets of his suit jacket. Elara turned back to Emma. "Are you planning on drinking it, kiddo? You'll feel better right away."

"I'm trying to convince myself that it's worth it," Emma said, scrunching up her nose. She let out a groan and took a deep breath and took a long drink of the potion, pulling a face. With a huff, she looked at the bottle. "You're kidding me. I didn't even finish it?" Emma looked at Elara pleadingly.

"The whole thing, kid," she said, looking amused much to Emma's annoyance.

"Ugh," Emma muttered, taking another long drink of the potion. Seeing the bottle was empty, she shoved it back towards Elara. It took everything in Emma's power to hold the potion down. It tasted terrible.

"Feeling any better?" Elara asked, studying Emma carefully.

"Yeah, just wish that potion tasted better," Emma said, looking over at Remus. For a moment, his expression looked full of regret, but when she blinked, he looked fine again. It wasn't the first time that she had seen him look that way, she just wished she knew why.

"Perfect," Elara said brightly. "Hey, kid, do you mind waiting in the hallway for a moment? I need to talk to your dad about something."

If Emma was feeling her best, she would have complained about being left out of the conversation, but she hopped off the bed. "Sure," she said, stepping out of the room. She leaned up against the wall next to the door, closing her eyes. She really could sleep where she stood.

"Emma?"

Emma opened her eyes in confusion to see Neville heading her way. "Neville?"

"Oh," Neville said quietly as he walked over to Emma. "Are you all right? You look terrible."

"I'm all right, well, I am for right now. Got a nice, magic little potion that mostly fixed me up. I'm just very tired," Emma said with a yawn. "What are you doing down here? Shouldn't you be upstairs?"

Neville kicked his foot as he looked down at the floor. "I just wanted to get away for a bit. Gran's been worse than normal with the news of Sirius Black escaping Azkaban. Said everything is going to the dogs, and she's now telling my parents."

Emma glanced over Neville's shoulder, spotting one of the posters she had seen in Diagon Alley hanging down the hallway. She pushed off the wall, walking towards the poster. "I kept seeing this poster when dad and I were in Diagon Alley," she said to Neville as he joined her.

"Scary bloke, isn't he?" Neville asked with a small shiver.

"He looks…lost," Emma frowned as she watched the picture of Sirius move. He looked like a man on a mission, but he looked terrified. There was something about his eyes… "It's sad, really," she added. "To get to the point that he did? Dad only just explained it to me a few weeks ago. I don't think he wanted to tell me, but I just can't help but wonder how one gets to that point."

"I think he looks scary," Neville said. "I saw your dad upstairs before I left. Were you planning on heading up?"

"Why would I go up there?" Emma looked at Neville in surprise.

"Er…to see your dad?"

"That's not my dad," Emma said sharply, turning back to the poster. "Remus is my dad."

"Right, sorry," Neville said quietly.

"It's fine," Emma said, giving Neville a small smile. She jerked her head back towards the examination room and started walking back towards where she had been standing to wait for Remus. "I'm sorry. I've just been exhausted lately. Did I tell you dad's going to be teaching us this year?"

"Remus is going to be teaching at Hogwarts?" Neville seemed intrigued as he followed Emma.

Emma nodded, a proud smile crossing her face. "Newest Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

Neville's face lit up. "Really? Maybe I'll actually do well in Defense this year!"

"Neville, you were never bad, we just haven't had any good teachers," she said with a laugh. "Dad's a really good teacher." She looked at the door, wondering if Remus or Elara could hear what was happening in the hallway. She supposed that perhaps a silencing charm was put on the door since she couldn't ever recall hearing anything outside, but she wasn't sure. St. Mungo's was a surprisingly quiet hospital overall. "He's very patient, but you know that. It's not like he yells or says mean things like Snape does. Certainly not scary like McGonagall, either."

"Are you excited?"

"I am," Emma said with a sigh as she leaned sideways against the wall and looked at Neville. "Last year was really, really hard. I like that he'll be there with me and I really am excited. I'm nervous, of course, because it'll be strange, but I'm glad. I think everyone else will really like him too."

"Well, I certainly do," Neville said with a smile. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a Drooble's gum wrapper and ran his finger over the wax paper. "Do you ever wish things were different?"

Emma grew quiet as she rest her head on the wall. "Sometimes," she answered. "I wish that I didn't do what I did, I wish I still had my mother, but…I'm grateful that I have Re. I feel guilty about how much I hurt him before the summer hol." Emma shrugged. "I've mostly just accepted that things are the way they are, and I can't change them. What about you?"

It was Neville's turn to be quiet as he put the wrapper back in his pocket. "I don't know," he said. "I…I'm proud to be their son, you know, but Gran…"

"I know," Emma sighed. "You should be proud to be their son. There's nothing wrong with that. Your grandmother, well…she has very strong opinions. We both know that. It's okay if you wish things were different. Or even if you wished specific things were different. I know I certainly do."

"Do you wish things were different with Remus?"

"No, never." A wry smile crossed Emma's face as she found a spot on the floor to stare at. "Perhaps right now I do. Things have been awkward lately, but I get it, I really do. I just wish he treated me like he used to."

Emma jumped slightly at the contact on her shoulder. She looked over her shoulder to look up at Remus and eyed the folder under his arm suspiciously. Emma couldn't help but wonder how much Remus had heard, but his face gave nothing away.

"Hey," he said softly. "Didn't mean to startle you. Hello again, Neville."

"Hi Remus," Neville said, giving him a shy smile. "Oh, perhaps I should be calling you Professor Lupin now."

"You told him the news?" Remus asked, ruffling Emma's hair with a hand before shifting the folder behind his back with the other.

"Of course," she said, giving him a nudge before trying to smooth her hair. "I'm excited."

Remus turned to Neville with a shy smile. "Yes, I'll be teaching this year."

"I can't wait," Neville said with a grin. He looked down at the floor and then back up at Emma. "I should probably head back. See you in a few days?"

Emma nodded. "See you in a few days."

"Bye, professor!" Neville said merrily as he walked back down the hall to head towards the stairs.

Remus sighed as Emma turned around to look at him, giving him a sheepish look. "Do you tell _everyone_ that I'm going to be teaching?"

"Just about," Emma grinned. "And why shouldn't I? I'm proud!"

"You're proud?"

"Of course, I'm proud." Emma pouted slightly.

"All right, let's get out of here," Remus sighed, shaking his head.

Emma fell quickly in step next to Remus, taking his arm and putting it around her shoulders so she could tuck herself into his side.

"Why did you have to go see Jude?" she asked, curiously. She peered around him to look at the folder under his arm. "What's with the folder?"

"There was some paperwork that needed to be filled out."

"What sort of paperwork? Is that what's in the folder?"

"Standard paperwork, really. Signing off and relinquishing any responsibility to do with him." Remus frowned as Emma abruptly stopped, slipping under his arm. He turned around to look at her, raising an eyebrow.

"What does that mean?"

Remus gave a small shrug. "That he is none of our concern and won't be ever again."

"So, we don't have to come here anymore?"

"Not unless you get really sick or you get hurt, but even then, I would much rather not. I'm not entirely useless in healing spells."

"We _really_ don't have to come back? I never have to see him again?" A small but hopeful smile crossed Emma's face.

"You never have to see him. Ever."

Emma was positively beaming at the prospect of never seeing Jude again. After the revelations made before the term ended, she didn't even want to _think_ about Jude. He was dead to her. She took her spot back underneath Remus's arm and tucked herself into his side. "Let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **come find me on:**   
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> 


	8. Full Moon Influence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Persephone celebrate the last of the summer together at the cottage. The girls, in their infinite wisdom, decide to break every single rule that Remus has given them while at the cottage.

Emma had no idea what that awful potion was, but it did wonders for her. Immediately after getting home, Remus made a Floo call to the Moon's, and Persephone was over in a matter of moments, trunk in tow. At Remus's insistence, he took the time to bring both Emma and Persephone's trunks to the school, so it was one less thing to worry about when they went to King's Cross. Remus also decided to take Aurora with him on his last trip to the school before term and was situated happily within the owlery. All that was left to do was wait three more nights.

Persephone staying at the cottage was a welcome addition in Emma's life. After being exceptionally moody over her being away, Emma was thrilled to have her best friend. They took over the living room at night to sleep and used Emma's room as their hang out spot. It was much harder to partake in their usual activities with Remus around, but after sitting them _both_ down in Emma's room for a talk, neither wanted to anyway.

"At least you didn't get the full detailed talk," Emma muttered as she glared at Remus's back as he left the room. "I'm almost glad that your mum agreed to it, so I wasn't the only one who had to sit through it. Again."

"It can get worse than that?" Persephone asked, her eyes wide. Emma was sure she had never seen Persephone blush so much in her life.

"Unfortunately, Professor Lupin is far more detailed than anyone ever needs."

"I feel so sorry for you when you get a boyfriend," Persephone said, flopping back onto Emma's bed with a sigh.

"Never going to happen," Remus said, walking past Emma's room to the kitchen. As Remus passed by her room again, he popped his head in the room with an almost delighted grin. "And if she does, they both get to sit down for that conversation, as well." Remus popped his head out of the room and laughed the whole way to the living room.

"Quick – better get with Neville then," Persephone said solemnly. "I think he might be the only one who might keep you safe."

"Neville isn't safe either," Remus shouted from the living room. He took it as a cue to get back up, returning to stand in Emma's doorway, arms crossed with a paperback book in hand. If he was trying to look at all threatening, the book ruined it and set Emma off in a fit of giggles. "As long as Mr. Longbottom has any interest in Emma, he's a threat. If he so much as thinks of laying an innocent hand on her…that talk will be had. The only reason I know he hasn't is he grew up with Pureblood courting, and I dare say he doesn't want to set foot into that territory."

Emma couldn't help but laugh even harder, practically doubling over. She didn't know much about Pureblood courting, but she did know it was a process. It involved the boy asking for the parent's permission, which would then lead to a meeting between the parents, and then a conversation with everyone. Then the girl would either send a gift of acceptance or a polite letter declining. It was a lot to do with the expectation they would eventually marry. Emma couldn't help but find it absolutely ridiculous, but objectively she could see the charm to it.

"You have a fair point, Professor," Persephone said, a grin on her face. "I can't imagine Neville coming to you to ask for Emma's hand in eventual marriage." She nudged Emma's sides. "Sorry about your luck. You might be a spinster forever."

"Not forever. Just until she's 50," Remus grinned, dipping quickly out of her room as Emma flung a pillow in his direction.

"You're both absolute gits!" Emma shouted, grabbing another pillow and hitting Persephone with it.

Life at the cottage moved just the same, gentle teasing and witty comments shared between the three. Breakfast was a simple affair, lunch was leftovers from dinner, and dinner was always some sort of takeaway. Persephone, growing up with house elves, didn't get takeaway frequently, and it was fun for Emma to expose her to the joys of Muggle fast food. Emma almost wished that Persephone was really family because things were so much more fun. She enjoyed Remus's company, there was no doubt about that, but with Persephone there, things were perfect.

Two nights before they were set to leave, Emma couldn't help but stare at Remus, who was reading quietly in his usual armchair. Persephone had long since fallen asleep, curled up on one corner of the couch. The lamp next to Remus was lit, casting a warm glow in the cooling living room. A light breeze from the open windows made the sheer curtains flutter gently, and a small smile crept across Emma's face. This was perfect, but she couldn't help but notice how exhausted Remus looked.

Remus looked up at Emma with an inquisitive look in his eye, and Emma shook her head. To be fair, Remus looked a little better than he had the past few months, but the hints of dark circles around his eyes were there. He was pale, but she had seen him much paler before. He glanced over at Persephone for a moment before putting his book aside and standing up. He walked over to Emma's side and knelt down on the floor next to her. He gently brushed a hand through Emma's hair, looking concerned. "What is it?" he asked quietly.

"I'm happy," Emma said, surprised at how much she meant it. It seemed almost strange to her to even mention because she was so sure that she could never be happy again. Sure, there were still moments where she questioned herself, but for her, this was what she needed. The errant flutter of fear over the school year crept into her thoughts, and her smile slipped from her face. "But I'm scared."

"What are you scared of, love?"

Emma met Remus's eyes for a moment before she looked elsewhere. It wasn't as though they hadn't talked about things throughout the summer, but they didn't really _talk_. It was random snippets that hardly qualified as a full conversation, as if they danced around the topic, neither quite willing to break the silence. Things had been incredibly tense in Paris, finally leveling out to their current situation. In a way, Emma supposed it was better this way, but she could honestly say she was terrified.

She had nightmares of disappointing Remus again, of walking down that fine line and breaking. She worried that, even with Remus, things were going to be the same. Emma had frequent thoughts of Jocelyn and her cronies following her everywhere again, like shadows. She even had the fear that perhaps Snape would be more vindictive than ever – if he even let her back into his class, of course. So many thoughts were swimming through Emma's head, and she wasn't even sure how to make them cohesive.

Most of all, Emma thought maybe she was afraid of being happy. It was such a fleeting feeling anymore, only arriving in short snippets and never long enough for her to fully grasp onto. Of course, that's not to say that she didn't put on her best smile to pretend otherwise, but even that was hard most days. She thought that she would be better by now, within the safe confines of the cottage, but she felt trapped within herself.

Remus's hand moved from Emma's hair to her face, and his thumb brushed against her cheek to catch a stray tear that had fallen. "You know, it's okay to feel happy," Remus said quietly, gently turning Emma's face to look at him, "and it's entirely okay to not feel happy. I know I've told you several times before, but I'll tell you again – you don't have to pretend that you're okay."

"I just thought I would be better by now," Emma said, letting out a sigh.

"I know it doesn't seem like you're any better, but you are. I told you it won't be overnight." Remus kissed Emma's cheek. "Why don't you go to bed? I'll be up for a while so that I can get a few more things packed and ready so you can leave the window open."

Emma nodded, leaning back into her corner of the couch. Remus gently reached over Emma's shoulder to pull down her blanket and wrapped her in it. With a sigh, Remus stood up and did the same for Persephone with the throw blanket that stayed on the couch, and he rest a gentle hand on her head. Emma liked that Remus had grown to treat Persephone almost like his own.

"Sometimes, I think having two kids would be wonderful, but then I think of how much of a handful you two actually are," Remus said with a wink. Emma rolled her eyes, curling up so that she was comfortable.

"You know having two of me would be fun," Emma said quietly.

"I detest you saying that we're a handful, Remus," Persephone said sleepily from her corner as she stretched her legs out. "We're sweet and perfect, and we give you zero issues."

"Oh, yes, my apologies. It must be your evil twins I'm thinking of," Remus said, turning off the lamp.

"Exactly," Emma grinned, burrowing into her blanket. "'Night."

"'Night, Re," Persephone said, poking her toe out to nudge Emma who giggled at the sudden contact.

"Good night, girls."

August 31st felt like a complete blur. Emma was achy and tired, Persephone seemed to have an incredible amount of energy, and Remus had absolutely no clue how he was going to get through the full moon. Worst of all was trying to figure out how to get out of the house without either girl being too suspicious.

Remus had snuck in his final dose of Wolfsbane earlier that day and was feeling much more awake and himself. Emma, on the other hand, seemed to get worse as the day went on. She wasn't as bad as she was a few days prior, but he could see that she wasn't herself. It was the same pattern as normal, and it twisted Remus's insides with guilt. Apparently, Elara's hope of a one-and-done diluted dose wasn't at the right strength for Emma.

Persephone had been an enormous help all day, assisting Remus in last-minute things so that Emma could try and sleep. He continually checked on Emma all day, not at all surprised that she slept through most of what was being done throughout the house.

"Is she going to be all right?" Persephone asked, concerned by how much Emma was sleeping.

"Yes, she'll be fine," Remus said, pressing his hand against Emma's forehead to make sure she wasn't getting a fever again. "This might happen a few times over the school year. We had to give her a few potions to try and help her get better that have affected her. I'll give her something at dinner that'll at least get her through for a while."

Seeming to accept Remus's answer, Persephone nodded. "What else needs to be done?"

Night came much faster than Remus would've wanted, and Emma didn't seem at all thrilled about having to wake up to eat dinner. Remus gave her a potion for her headache, and she seemed to perk up a little bit, but she was still sluggish. She ate slowly, and it took the combined effort of both Remus and Persephone to keep her from nodding off into her chicken and broccoli.

When it became evident that Emma was going to be in for a long night, Remus knew he had to admit he would be leaving. He didn't want to leave them entirely unprepared on the off-chance Emma needed another potion or two. "I wasn't going to say anything, but I have to go somewhere tonight," Remus said, eying Emma as she cast him a puzzled look.

"Where do you have to go the night before we have to leave?" Emma asked, sitting up a little straighter at Remus's unexpected news.

"It's just something last minute that came up from the last job I was at," Remus said, pointedly avoiding Emma's questioning gaze. "You remember the one I was doing that involved the research? I'll be back before the morning."

Emma wrinkled her nose up, not quite believing Remus, and she looked at Persephone with a silent question. Persephone only raised her eyebrow an infinitesimal amount, and Emma narrowed her eyes slightly in response. Persephone gave a small tilt of her head, and Emma nodded. Remus knew they had managed to pick up an unspoken language between themselves, but he had never seen it in action before.

"All right," Emma finally said, wrenching her eyes from Persephone and poking a piece of chicken with her fork. "I wish I would've known earlier. I wouldn't have slept all day."

"You needed it," Remus said, studying Emma carefully. He wondered if perhaps Emma was finally picking up his trait of schooling her expression because her face gave nothing away. He then realized he wasn't sure if that made him proud or terrified.

"I thought we would go to bed early," Persephone said conversationally. "We did a lot today, and I imagine that we'll be getting up early to get to King's Cross, right?"

"Right," Remus said, turning to study Persephone as well. Persephone had always been much harder to read than Emma due to her family's upbringing. He wasn't surprised when he couldn't decipher what transpired between the two, but he found himself a little disappointed.

The rest of dinner was spent in silence as Emma stretched and looked pointedly at Persephone. "Eff, are you done eating? I think I'm ready to go to bed."

Persephone nodded, grabbing Emma's empty takeaway container. "I am," she said. "Are you done, Remus?" She turned to Remus with a polite grin, and he looked skeptically between the girls.

"Just leave the containers on the table, I'll take care of it," Remus said slowly. "Are you not planning on staying out here tonight?"

"No," Emma said simply, standing up from the couch. "We don't mind sharing my bed."

Remus absolutely minded, but he let it slide. "All right…"

Emma gave Remus a tight smile and led the way to her room, closing the door before Remus had a chance to complain that she shut it all the way.

"No," Emma immediately hissed, turning to Persephone. "We are not going out."

"Why?" Persephone hissed back. "Isn't it weird that he's going out tonight?"

"Of course, I find it weird! But that doesn't mean I want to go out and see where he goes," Emma groaned. "If he's just going to Apparate away, what purpose does it serve?"

"And what if he doesn't?" Persephone asked, raising an eyebrow. "Emma, you know what tonight is, or rather the morning, correct?"

"No?"

Persephone looked at Emma in surprise. "It's the full moon. Isn't it convenient that he's going out at the full moon?"

"I thought we already established that he's not a werewolf," Emma hissed. "He's stayed home almost all of the summer except for when he had to go to Paris. He's _not_ a werewolf."

"I'm just saying, it's the perfect night for you to finally figure it out. If he isn't, then you'll know for sure. If he is, well…guess we'd better run fast."

The girls jumped at the sudden knock at Emma's door.

"Girls? Is everything okay in there?"

Emma gave Persephone a warning look and plastered a smile on her face. "Yeah, Dad," Emma said, hoping her smile seemed natural and not too forced as Remus opened the door. "Everything is fine."

"Are you sure?" Remus asked slowly, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, it's all fine," Emma said. "We were just trying to figure out who gets what side of the bed."

"Right," Remus said. He glanced over at Emma's window. "Make sure you keep your window closed. I'll let you both get ready for bed. I'll come check on you both before I leave, but just in case you're asleep, I'll tell you both good night now."

"Good night," the girls echoed in near-perfect unison.

Remus cast them another skeptical look before leaving the room, not closing the door entirely.

"He knows," Emma mouthed silently, grabbing her pajamas.

"He doesn't know anything," Persephone mouthed back, her eyes darting to the door as she grabbed her pajamas. "Just get changed, and we'll pretend we're asleep until he leaves. If he goes out the front and Disapparates, then we go to bed. If he goes anywhere else, we follow."

"Fine," Emma grumbled, closing her curtains so that they could get changed.

The girls ran through the motions of getting ready for bed. They changed into their pajamas, brushed their teeth, Persephone braided her hair and Emma threw hers up in a messy bun. They made sure that their bags were packed for the morning and then climbed into Emma's bed, trying to get comfortable. They were much better off on the couch, but for their plan to work, they needed Remus to be none the wiser to what they were planning.

Persephone, who took the side facing the window, switched off the lamp, and they curled up to maintain their ruse.

Emma had no idea that she had fallen asleep until she was roughly shaken by Persephone. She jolted awake, sitting up in alarm.

"Emma – he went into the woods," Persephone said quickly, shoving a jumper and a cloak at Emma. "Quick! Get dressed!"

"Wait, what?" Emma said in her sleep-filled haze. "He went into the woods?" Emma slid out of bed and pulled her jumper on over her cami, and snapped the clasp on the front of her cloak.

"He _just_ left not even five minutes ago," Persephone said, pulling on her shoes and grabbing a spare cloak from Emma's closet to put on. "If we're quick enough, we can catch up."

"You're aware we're breaking every rule of this house by doing this, right?" Emma said, ducking around Persephone to pull out the pair of Doc Martens Lyall had purchased for her over the summer. She remembered falling in love with them on an excursion out to Cardiff with Lyall, and he surprised her with them. They were sturdy, and she felt they were more flexible than dragonhide.

"Yes, I'm aware," Persephone said, going into her bag and grabbing her wand and then grabbing Emma's from hers and tossing it to her. "But if it means you get answers, doesn't it make it worth it?"

Emma stared at Persephone. "Are you aware that's the most Slytherin thing you have ever said to me in my life?"

"And, are you aware that your desire to do anything to get your answers is a very Slytherin trait?" Persephone asked with a smirk. She took a moment to look at Emma and then at herself. "I think next time we need to work on our adventure gear. I'm not sure you in flannel and me in snitches is our best idea."

"You're the one who decided to do this," Emma said, flinging her door open and rushing to the back door, hand on the doorknob. "And you're absolutely positive he went into the woods?"

"Yes, absolutely positive. Now quick! Out before we have absolutely chance of finding him," Persephone said, shoving past Emma to unlock the door and pull it open.

"Effie, I swear, if you get us killed, I will kill you," Emma said, stepping out into the slightly chilly air. She let out a shiver as she looked up at the moon. She suddenly felt so much better than she had in a while, and though she didn't understand it, she wasn't going to complain. The dull ache in her bones was gone, she felt awake, and even the prickling itch under her skin had vanished. It was almost like she had never been sick in the first place. "Whatever you do, don't light your wand unless we need them. Keep it out, but don't do anything unless I say to."

"Got it," Persephone said, closing the door behind her. "By the way, if we get killed, we won't even know that we're dead." She grabbed Emma's hand to pull her towards the woods.

"Then I will come back as a ghost and then kill you again as a ghost," Emma said, nearly tripping over her feet as they walked through the wards. Emma looked over her shoulder, only just realizing she had never seen how Remus updated the wards. It almost seemed as though the cottage wasn't even there, as if it were a hazy mirage. She found it impressive that magic like that even existed.

"That I would almost like to see," Persephone said thoughtfully, trying to follow the path in the moonlight. "I'm not exactly sure that ghosts can kill each other, but I'm positive that you would make an absolute valiant effort to try."

Emma remained silent, finally pulling her hand away from Persephone's as they continued on the path. It didn't take long for the worn-in path to melt into thick foliage. Bushes and thick brambles suddenly lined their route, and Emma wasn't even sure they were even on a path anymore. The moonlight filtered through the leaves of the trees, and Emma let out a frustrated huff.

"Of all the stupid bloody things you could have had me do, this is probably the worst," Emma said, tugging her cloak out of a branch that snagged it as they passed. The further they went into the woods, the chillier it became, and the fresher the scent became. It was very evident the forest wasn't traversed often, left wild for whatever creatures lived there. Emma shivered again, but this time she wasn't entirely sure it was from the chilly air.

"It's fine," Persephone said, stepping carefully over a massive fallen branch. "All we're doing is seeing if anything is out here, and then we're going right back."

"That's wonderful, except I don't think we're even on a path anymore," Emma said, tripping over the same branch Persephone had just cleared. "So, not only was this idea stupid, we are now wandering in the woods on the full moon like absolute idiots. Eff, we don't know…" There was a crack of a branch that made Emma immediately freeze. She grabbed onto the back of Persephone's cloak to stop her from moving.

"What are you doing?" Persephone snapped, startled by how quickly Emma yanked her back.

"Shut up, I heard something," Emma hissed, straightening up to try and look around. With how thick the greenery was, it was near impossible to see anything even with the bright moon overhead. She tightened her grip on her wand, feeling rather foolish knowing she could barely even handle a simple Lumos.

"There's nothing out here," Persephone snorted. "It's just and whatever little critters there are and Re, wherever he is."

Emma's stomach suddenly lurched at a new possibility. "Effie…what if it isn't just us?" Another shiver ran down Emma's spine, and she pulled Persephone closer so that she could clamp a hand over her mouth.

The woods had grown almost entirely silent, the air becoming still, but Emma knew that meant absolutely nothing. Her thoughts immediately shifted to Greyback, and another shiver rolled down her spine. She could very easily remember the way Greyback had managed to slink in and out of her room, almost as if he was floating. As large as he was, he seemed terribly light on his feet, and she could imagine him stalking close to them without them realizing. The vision of Greyback attacking both of them crossed her mind, and Emma kept a tighter hold on Persephone. There was a light twinkling noise somewhere that met Emma's ears, and she tensed up like a rabbit catching the scent of a predator.

"Oh, fuck," Emma whispered, gulping hard. Her heart began to race almost painfully in her chest as her eyes frantically darted around. "We're not alone."

Persephone licked Emma's palm to get her to remove her palm. Emma let out a disgusted noise and let go of Persephone as she wiped her hand on her cloak.

"What do you mean?" Persephone asked, trying to look around to figure out what Emma was talking about.

"You didn't hear that noise?"

"What noise?"

Emma swallowed hard against the bile that was rising in her throat. She nearly let out a groan at the realization that Persephone didn't have to grow up having some sort of survival instincts. Persephone had the privilege of growing up in a home where she didn't have to always watch her back, meanwhile that had been Emma's entire life. If they managed to get home, perhaps Emma had something to thank Jocelyn for. After all, her acute and constant wariness might be the only reason they could escape.

That twinkling noise was back, but Persephone still seemed oblivious. Emma knew the sound, but she couldn't figure out why, but she knew it wasn't good. It was as if someone was trying to lure her in, and as much as she wanted to heed the call, she fought against it. They were practically sitting ducks where they were, and they needed to go back.

"Eff…we need to run," Emma whispered.

"Run?"

"Yes. We're not alone," Emma said, carefully tugging Persephone back with her as she took a few tentative steps backward. "Do you remember Greyback?"

Persephone tensed up at the mention. "The werewolf? You think-?"

Before Emma had a chance to say another word, there was a feral growl and the noise of the foliage being disturbed. It wasn't the sort of disturbance that came from a small creature, but something much bigger than them. Branches snapped, leaves and bushes rustled violently, and it was getting closer. With absolute terror, Emma realized she had unintentionally issued a challenge, and there was almost no doubt it was against Greyback.

"Run," Emma hissed, grabbing onto Persephone's hand to pull her in the direction they had come. "Keep your wand out!"

In all honesty, Emma wasn't even sure if running would even help them. She shoved her wand into the pocket of her cloak and took off at a sprint. They had gone so far into the woods that the thick branches were tripping them up as they ran and slowing them down. It was still early enough that maybe the moon wasn't high enough in the sky, but Emma knew they would have issues with Greyback all the same. The very thought forced her to move her legs even faster. Emma had read enough about Greyback to know this was the sort of thing he enjoyed, but she wasn't going to take chances. If there was any possibility they could make it behind the safety of the wards, she was taking it.

Persephone's hand suddenly slipped from Emma's, and as Emma tried to skid to a halt, she crashed into something solid. She glanced back to make sure that Persephone was still behind her, positive that she had run into a tree, but then the thing in front of her grabbed onto her wrists. With a squeak, Emma's head whipped around so fast that it made her dizzy, and she tried to pull away, but whoever was holding her was stronger. For a moment, she was almost resigned to the fact they had run straight into a trap, but then Persephone slammed straight into Emma's back, and she was back in the present. If Emma wasn't being held up, she would have fallen face-first onto the ground instead of being shoved closer to whoever was in front of her.

"What are you _doing_?"

With the amount of adrenaline running through her, Emma didn't even realize that she had run straight into Remus. His voice was rough and thick with anger and came out with a growl. If Emma wasn't already terrified, his voice alone would have made her knees buckle in fear. Emma finally stopped fighting, and she was so relieved that it was Remus that tears sprung to her eyes. The need to start laughing was almost instantaneous, but she wasn't given a chance to let her helpless giggle spring forth.

Remus didn't bother waiting for an answer as he lifted Emma easily and tossed her over his shoulder. He then grabbed onto Persephone's cloak and pulled her along as he quickly made the trek back towards the house. Emma desperately wanted to protest being carried like a sack of potatoes, but his grip on her was almost painful. She dared to push herself up enough so that she could watch behind them, and she gulped as she finally saw the reflection of eyes. A part of her had hoped that the rapid disturbance of greenery had been Remus trying to get to them, but the eyes behind them told her she had been right. Even in the dark, Emma could still see the calculating slant of Greyback's eyes. Casting her eyes down to the ground, Emma couldn't help but wonder if Greyback never left after the first time.

Emma let out a small sigh of relief when they made it within the confines of the wards and cringed as Remus spoke, evidently to Persephone. She could tell that he was trying to restrain himself as he let go of Persephone as his grip on her tightened.

"You are to go home. _Now_ ," Remus said, reaching into his pocket to pull out his wand and pointing it towards the door. It slammed open, and it made Emma tense up at the sudden noise, and she started to push herself up further to watch Persephone leave, but Remus gave her a squeeze in warning. Emma understood it to mean that he didn't want them passing secret messages to each other, and she flopped back over. There was no point in angering him further.

Emma wasn't even sure that she wanted Remus to put her down because she didn't want to see how angry he was. Emma gripped onto the back of his jacket, but he practically ripped her off of his shoulder and set her on the ground much gentler than she anticipated.

She kept her gaze averted, not wanting to look at Remus, but he placed a single finger under her chin and tipped her face up. If it weren't for the slight sneer on his lips, Emma wouldn't even think he was angry, but she knew better. A disturbingly calm Remus was a dangerous Remus, and it made Emma gulp. She had been subject to this look several times over the summer, and it wasn't any less terrifying than the first time.

"You are so incredibly lucky that I was the one who got to the both of you first," Remus growled. "You know better, Emelyn Theodosia Lupin."

Emma's stomach did a flip at the use of her name. He knew that she hated her full name, and it stung. She started to pull away, wanting to look anywhere besides at Remus, but he gripped her chin firmly. Not hard, but just enough to know he wasn't letting her go without finishing what he needed to say.

"I-I know," Emma said, meeting his gaze for a moment before settling for looking at his shoulder instead.

"You should be damned ashamed of yourself for following along. You are not a follower, so the fact you went along with such an incredibly stupid idea has me completely baffled. I have given you far more freedom than you should have had, and I have given you _very_ simple rules to follow. The fact you cannot follow those rules is astounding. Those rules are for your safety, Emelyn, and I am absolutely amazed at how you blatantly disregarded them."

Emma bit her lip, unsure of what to say, and only met his gaze when another low growl rumbled up his throat. "I'm sorry," she said, realizing that she sounded terribly pathetic as her voice cracked.

There was a flicker of pain that passed across Remus's face, and he barely glanced over his shoulder towards the woods. He released Emma and took a step back, his stare hard and unwavering as he turned his attention back to her. "You are to go to your grandfather's and nowhere else. Do not bother taking your things."

With a small nod, Emma began to turn away to head back into the house, but for some reason, she felt the need to look at the moon again. She immediately froze as the desire to run back into the woods crashed over her, and she quickly met Remus's stare. It was the first time his stony exterior broke, and there was suddenly fear etched into his face.

Time almost stood still as they stared at each other. The vision of the sandy-colored wolf with the green eyes that she had seen in her dream immediately sprung to the forefront of her mind. The moonlight reflected off Remus's hair just like it reflected off the wolf's fur, not quite glittering, but highlighting the silver streaks and casting a cool-colored sheen to the mixture of browns and blond. Emma had to blink several times – the wolf wasn't sandy-colored at all, it just looked that way in the moonlight. Her eyes flicked back to the moon, almost curiously, and then back to Remus, who looked absolutely miserable.

"Dad?" Emma asked, watching as a worried crease appeared between his brows. Her mouth went dry. She knew that she should just ask him for the truth and end the stupid back and forth they had for the past few years. There was almost no doubt about the fact he was a werewolf, but still, she wanted to ask or have him willingly tell her. The question sat on the tip of her tongue, and Remus immediately tensed up as if he was waiting for that breach of secrecy to be made. "I'm sorry," Emma said instead.

Remus visibly relaxed though he looked confused. He tilted his head ever so slightly, as if not quite believing that Emma _didn't_ ask. There was a silent recognition behind Remus's eyes, and for a moment, his anger his gone and anxiety took over.

"I…" Remus started to speak, but then immediately trailed off. He ran a hand nervously through his hair and then waved Emma off. The anger had returned. "Go."

Emma nodded and made her way back to the house and closed the door behind her. When she looked through the window to give Remus one final look, he was already gone.

She slowly made her way to the fireplace but paused as she walked by the bathroom. Emma glanced over her shoulder to make sure that she didn't see Remus before she dipped into the room. She flicked the light on and pulled open the cabinet behind the mirror with a small frown. If she was riding the high of bad decisions, she might as well keep up the trend. Emma grabbed the box of razor blades that sat on the shelf and pulled two out and made sure to put the box back correctly.

When she shut the cabinet, she startled as her reflection stared back at her. Her reflection in the mirror was judging her hard, and Emma's lips curled up in disgust. She just wanted to have them, just in case.

"Oh, shut up. No one ever said I would use them," Emma said to herself as she flipped off the light and went into her room to tuck the blades into the bottom of her bag. Hopefully, Remus wouldn't go through her bag in the morning.

With a sigh, Emma waffled over taking her wand with her and decided to just bring it. She made her way guiltily to the fireplace finally, grabbed a handful of Floo powder, and stepped in. The fire was still subtly warm from the magic used when Persephone left, and she let out a quiet groan before speaking Lyall's address.

When she stumbled out of the fireplace, she was surprised to see Lyall sitting on the couch, looking through what looked like paperwork. She was just glad he was still awake.

"Emma? What are you doing here?" Lyall pushed his papers aside and stood up, crossing the room and holding Emma at arms-length. "Not to say that I'm not glad to see you, but why are you here?"

Emma gave Lyall a wry smile and pulled herself out of his grip to throw her arms around his middle. "I did something incredibly stupid. Dad told me to come here," she said, closing her eyes tightly to keep her tears from falling.

"Oh, cariad," Lyall said softly. "Do you want to tell me what happened over tea? Or maybe even a hot chocolate for you?"

"That would be nice," Emma said, reluctantly pulling away from Lyall. She unclasped her cloak and folded it carefully over her arms. "Thanks, Grandpa."

"Fy nghariad bach," Lyall said, taking Emma's cloak from her and tossing it on the couch. "Let's go sit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	9. Something Wicked This Way Comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey back to Hogwarts doesn't go at all to plan...

Emma was exhausted, but not even the rumble and rocking of the train could lull her to sleep. It had been a miserable morning if Emma was going to be honest with herself. She had been looking forward to stepping onto the Platform 9 ¾ with Remus and Persephone, but instead, she had to go with Lyall. She thought that she would be sharing a compartment with Remus. Instead, she was with Persephone, Caspian, one of his friends, Tracey Davis, and Daphne Greengrass.

She had woken up with the hopes that things would be fine, but stepping into the living room to Remus's glare quickly told her no. He looked tired, but most of all, he looked angry. His anger was to be expected, but a part of her secretly imagined he would set aside that anger just for the day. Instead, he shot Lyall a look, handed Emma her bag, and left.

Caspian's laugh echoed through the compartment and pulled Emma out of her thoughts. She had taken the seat closest to the window and had been leaning up against it watching the world pass by. When she looked up, Persephone was staring at her.

"You want to talk to him, don't you?" Persephone asked.

"I do, but I shouldn't," Emma said quietly. "You should have seen him this morning. I now understand that phrase, 'If looks could kill.' He was pissed."

"What did you two do," Daphne asked curiously from next to Emma.

"Broke just about every rule the man had set," Persephone said with a grimace. "I almost wouldn't be surprised if we both got detention for the rest of the year because of it."

"That would be funny," Tracey said with a snort. "I think you two would be making history with getting detention before even getting to the school."

Caspian's friend perked up at the mention of getting detention. "Oh, no. Plenty of people get detention before making it to the school," he said. Emma couldn't remember what the boy's name was for the life of her, but she knew he was a swotty little Ravenclaw.

"Rotten luck, then," Daphne said with a shrug. She returned to reading her book.

Emma leaned back against the window and curled up as best as she could to not bother Daphne. "I'm taking a nap," Emma said to Persephone. "Wake me up in an hour or two, and then I'll go try and find him."

When Persephone woke Emma up later, the landscape had changed completely. Persephone had let her sleep much more than an hour. The sky had been dark and gloomy in London, but the closer they got to Scotland, the heavier the rain fell. It had darkened considerably as the lanterns were lit in the compartment and in the hallway. At some point, Daphne and Persephone had switched seats, and Tracey and Daphne were leaning on each other, asleep. Caspian and his friend were playing a game of Exploding Snap that was more snap than exploding as they cast a silencing charm on the cards.

"It's gross out," Emma said with a frown. "It's like how I feel."

"Come off it," Persephone said, standing up. "Let's go, I was the reason you went out, so I'm coming with you."

"Ah, yes, so it'll be off with both of our heads," Emma said, standing up as well. She grabbed a pumpkin pasty from the communal snack pile they had and followed Persephone out into the hall. She grinned slightly as the noise of Caspian and his friend's grumblings faded with the door closing as they had to stop their game. "Do you know which compartment he's in?"

"One of the ones up front," Persephone said, leading the way. "I saw him when we got onto the platform. I think he was sleeping, though."

"Yeah, he probably was," Emma sighed as she followed Persephone. They pressed up against the wall as people would pass. A door shot open as the girls passed a compartment, and Draco Malfoy and his perfectly coiffed hair popped outside of the door.

"Lupin," Draco called out, his grey eyes boring into Emma's.

"What is it, Malfoy? We're busy," Emma said, her lip curling up into a sneer.

"Rumor has it that you're related to the newest professor." Draco's eyes scanned Emma slowly as if he was trying to figure out the validity of the rumor before she answered.

"It's my dad," Emma said slowly. "Surely, I would think that you're smart enough to have figured that one out." She walked over to Draco, glaring at him for a moment, and then peered into the compartment with a quiet hum. Draco was sharing his compartment with Vincent, Gregory, Pansy, and Blaise. "Or has your intelligence gone down to match your usual company? We all know only Pansy and Blaise are the ones who have any intelligence."

Draco glared at Emma, but the one corner of his lip twitched up, and he smirked. He reached up and brushed a bit of Emma's hair behind her ear. The place his fingers brushed against her cheek tingled, and Emma nearly shivered, but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"Oh, I get it," Draco said with a chuckle. "How sweet."

"What's sweet, Malfoy?" Emma asked, narrowing her eyes.

He leaned down a little closer to Emma, his nose inches away from hers. "The sweet little Hufflepuff needs a bodyguard."

"Oh, fuck off, Draco," Persephone said, grabbing Emma's hand and pulling her away. "You know just as well as I do that Emma doesn't need a bodyguard. She can fight dirty when she wants to, she chooses not to."

"I'd pay to see that," Draco said, straightening up. "Looks like this year just got a little more interesting."

"Ignore him, Emma," Persephone said, pulling Emma back down the hallway.

"What was that about?" Emma asked as they got further away from Draco's compartment.

"It's Draco being stupid," Persephone grumbled. "Looks like he decided he still likes you."

"I don't even talk to Draco," Emma muttered under her breath, casting a glance over her shoulder as if he had decided to follow them.

"That's _why_ he likes you, you idiot. Draco's an arrogant berk, but he enjoys a challenge."

Emma wrinkled her nose up at the thought. She would have to make it a point to talk to Draco more so that he would leave her alone. She didn't like Draco like that…at least she didn't think she did. Emma knew that he was incredibly intelligent and held conversation well, but she never talked to him long enough to make a real opinion. Of course, there was also that time that he had come to her defense, but it wasn't as though she had shaken his hand. There was no agreement that she had agreed to. Was there?

Persephone finally stopped in front of a compartment, and the occupants immediately turned their way. Emma's heart skipped a beat at the realization that Remus was in a compartment with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and Remus seemed completely oblivious to the world. Ron and Hermione sat next to each other, and Harry was sitting on the same side as Remus, closest to the door. Her stomach then did a funny little flip at the thought that there could've been a time where this moment would've been mundane and normal. Did Remus even know who he was in the compartment with?

"Are you going in?" Persephone asked, looking at Emma in confusion.

"Oh, yeah," Emma said, sliding the door open and giving the trio a sheepish grin. "Hi, sorry to bother you." She gave a pointed look at Remus. "I was wondering if my dad was up."

Ron's forehead wrinkled as he looked at Emma, to Remus, and then back to her. "This is your dad?"

Hermione gave an exasperated sigh. "Honestly, Ronald," Hermione said. "They share the same last name. Who else would it be?"

"Well, I 'unno," Ron said defensively. He gave Persephone an annoyed look, as if he just remembered that she was in Slytherin. "You never know with wizarding families. Just because they have the same last name doesn't mean they're related."

Ron and Hermione were suddenly pulled into a hushed argument, and Harry turned to watch for a moment in amusement. He turned to Emma and Persephone and gave a small shrug as he stood up and took the seat next to Hermione, who was now cradling an ugly-faced orange cat in her arms. Persephone took Harry's abandoned place by the door.

"Sorry," Harry said, gesturing for the two to join them in the compartment. He looked over at Remus. "He seems to have been sleeping the entire time. Is he all right?"

Emma glanced up at the battered suitcase sitting on the luggage rack and taking in the peeling letters – Professor R. J. Lupin. She nearly let out a laugh, having never seen it before, and she gave Harry a small smile as she sat next to Remus. "Yeah, he's fine," Emma said quietly as she took a moment to study Remus's face. She found it almost funny that he had taken the exact same seat that she did, just in a different compartment. She carefully reached around him to drop the pumpkin pasty on the small shelf by the window. Emma knew that he liked them on the rare moments he indulged. "We just had a bit of an argument. Thought I'd bring him a pumpkin pasty, just in case."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Harry said sincerely.

"It's all right," Emma said, almost to herself. "We usually figure it out in the end."

Persephone graciously pulled Harry into a polite conversation as Ron and Hermione continued to argue. Emma decided it would be best to take the brief bit of privacy she could get.

Remus was curled up in a way that seemed entirely like his personality – leg's crossed and arms folded, a hand wrapped loosely around each arm to hold his cloak around his body. It was a relaxed pose to anyone who didn't know him, but there was a silent preparedness. For a moment, Emma thought he might really be asleep, but she had her doubts. It wasn't as though the compartment was entirely quiet, especially with Ron and Hermione's arguing. Though she had seen Remus sleep through some heavy thunderstorms, Emma didn't think he would sleep through this.

Deciding to test her theory, Emma placed her hand gently on his and waited. His pinky finger gently curled around hers, subtly in a way that unless anyone was watching, they wouldn't notice. She let out a breath and lifted herself up on a knee so that she could lean against Remus, resting her chin on his shoulder so that she could whisper in his ear. She didn't particularly want anyone else to listen to what she had to say.

"Hey, Dad," Emma whispered. "I just want to come and say hi and…apologize for last night. I know you're mad, and I'm really sorry, honestly. It was stupid and…and irresponsible. I know that." She sighed, taking a moment to look over at Persephone for a moment before turning back. "Effie's really sorry, too. She came with me and wanted to tell you, but I imagine you'd rather wait to hear it." Remus gave her finger a gentle squeeze with his, which she assumed meant yes. Emma frowned slightly and wondered if she was bothering him.

"I hope you got some sleep, at least, you look tired." He gave her finger another small squeeze. "Are you mad that I came to see you?" There was a moment where Remus did nothing, and he gave a gentle tap instead of a squeeze. He was telling her no.

Emma spared a glance over at Harry. "Are you aware that you're sharing the compartment with Harry Potter?" Emma whispered to him. She felt the muscles in Remus's arm tense up underneath her fingers, and he gave a tap. "I didn't think so," she said, dropping her voice a fraction lower. "I didn't want it to be a surprise when you saw him. He looks like the photos that you showed me of James." Remus gave her finger a tighter squeeze than before. Emma let out another sigh, resting her forehead on Remus's shoulder for a moment. "All right, I'll go and leave you alone," she said, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "I love you...and I'm still really glad you'll be here with me this year. Even if you're cross with me." She gave him another quick kiss on the cheek and stood up.

"Couldn't get him up?" Persephone asked.

"Nope," Emma lied. "He can be hard to wake up sometimes. Thought I'd leave him a pumpkin pasty on the off chance he wakes up. Ready to go?"

"Yeah, let's head back," Persephone said, standing up.

"Thanks for letting us crash," Emma said to the trio. "I really appreciate it."

"Of course," Harry said. "Where are you lot if he wakes up?"

"Two cars back, third compartment in," Persephone answered. "We're with my little brother, his friend, Tracey, and Daphne. Rather full car, but there's no issues making room if…Professor Lupin wakes up and wants to visit."

"God, when you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous," Emma said. "I can't wait for the first time I slip up and call him Dad in the middle of class. That's going to be embarrassing."

"You must be terribly excited to have your father teaching," Hermione said. "Does he know a lot about Defense?"

"Hermione, with the exception of the Muggle novels, I think a fairly large fraction of the books at home are related to the dark arts in some capacity," Emma said with a laugh. "It's a little frustrating really because sometimes I want to read something different and then it's some book with a bunch of defensive spells. You…you should ask him to show you some of the better ones. He brought most of them to the school, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind having someone else to talk to."

"He's incredibly smart," Persephone added, opening the door of the compartment. "It's scary sometimes. He's like a living and breathing encyclopedia."

"He's brilliant," Emma acknowledged. She looked over at Remus for a moment and grinned that the hint of an embarrassed smile was playing at his lips. "I've been lucky to have him as my teacher for the past few years. It was time for me to share him with the rest of the world."

"So, he's not here because you tried to off yourself last year?" Ron asked, yelping as Hermione stomped down on his foot.

"Ronald! How incredibly insensitive!" Hermione huffed.

Emma felt her cheeks heat up as she looked at Persephone. She knew that a lot of people were going to think that considering the timing. "No, he's not. Apparently, Dumbledore's been trying to get him to teach for a few years now. The timing is just, er…very unfortunate," she said, turning back to face the others.

"Well, I'm pleased that we'll have what sounds like a wonderful Defense professor this year," Hermione said. "I just wish you would've written to me and told me."

"Sorry," Emma said quietly. She hadn't really written to anyone that summer. "Things got away from me, but you know now, at least?" She cleared her throat and followed Persephone out into the hallway. "Thanks again."

"Well, that was a bust," Persephone said, closing the door and heading back the way they came.

"I expected it, really," Emma said. "He was awake, you know. I don't think he wanted to really be bothered."

"I figured as much," Persephone said with a nod. "I saw that little secret language you two had going on. Clever."

"It was obvious?" Emma asked in surprise.

"To me, yes, but to those three? Completely clueless," Persephone laughed as she looked over her shoulder at Emma. "Are you sure Remus was a Gryffindor? He probably would've fared well in Ravenclaw or Slytherin like you."

"Considering I have one of his old school cardigans, I can safely say he was a Gryffindor." She had considered the possibility that Remus could have made an excellent Slytherin before, but she didn't think it was that obvious. Of course, Ravenclaw was a more obvious option, but she couldn't see him as anything but a Gryffindor. He had too much of the Gryffindor chivalry to be anything but.

Emma began to frown as they continued heading towards their compartment. Suddenly it felt like they were walking faster than the train was moving. "We're slowing down. Why are we slowing down?"

Persephone stopped abruptly, and Emma nearly walked into her. Persephone cupped her hands and held them to the window to peer outside. "It doesn't look like we're there yet," Persephone said. "Do you think we should head back? Maybe Remus knows what's going on."

"Oh, perhaps you're right," Emma said, bracing herself against the wall as the train jerked to a complete halt. There were thuds and crashes along the train as luggage fell out of racks, and people fell. She grabbed Persephone's hand and pulled her back in the direction they came. Emma let out a yelp as the lights went out.

"Well, that's not good," Persephone said, pushing Emma forward. "Keep going. I think we're pretty close."

Emma kept her hand on the wall as she blindly felt her way along the car. When she was sure that they were almost where they needed to be, Emma moved a little quicker, but she collided right into someone else.

"Ow! Who is that?" Emma asked, stumbling backward into Persephone, who squeaked in alarm. "Sorry, Eff…"

"It's Neville. Is that you, Emma?"

"And Persephone!" Persephone added, pushing Emma away and back towards Emma.

"And Persephone," Emma said, rolling her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"I was looking for Harry," Neville said. "What are you doing?"

"I was coming to find dad. I'm pretty sure this is the compartment he was in."

"Well, then we're going the same place," Neville said.

The three grew quiet as the compartment door opened. There was quiet shuffling and then a thudding noise as someone fell.

"Sorry!" Called Neville's voice from inside the compartment. "Does anyone know what's going on?"

"Two more coming in! Hello, again," Emma said, entering slowly as she heard someone lift Neville off the floor. She froze when she heard a hiss and a startled noise from Neville. He had clearly tried to sit on Hermione's cat. Feeling sure that everyone was seated once more, Emma reached out blindly to find a place to sit. She flinched back as she made contact with someone's face with her hand. "I'm so sorry. Who was that?"

"It's Ron."

Emma suddenly couldn't remember the previous configuration of the compartment. "Sorry," Emma said. "Does someone mind figuring out where we should sit?" There was hushed whispering, and then someone grabbed her arm and pulled her further into the compartment. She was gently tugged down onto the seat, and her eyes slowly adjusted to the dark as she tried to peer out the window. They had placed her right back next to Remus, which she was grateful for and decided to put Persephone back on her other side.

There was an annoyed huff that she imagined came from Hermione. "I'm going to go and ask the driver what's going on," Hermione said into the darkness. There was more shuffling as someone, presumably Hermione, stood up and the noise of the door opening again. There was another set of thuds and two sharp yells of pain.

"Who's that?"

"Who's _that_?"

"Ginny?"

"Hermione?"

"What are you doing?"

"I was looking for Ron -"

"Oh, all right. Someone will need to budge over and make space, but come in and sit down."

There was more shuffling as everyone moved closer to each other, and Emma was glad that they had put her next to Remus. She unconsciously fisted her hand into his cloak, the familiar feel of the fabric making her feel better. She let out a small gasp as his hand founds her, gently unfolding her fingers from his cloak and giving her hand a small squeeze.

"Quiet," Remus called out into the darkness as he let go of Emma's hand.

The compartment grew quiet, surprised by the addition of another voice. There was a gentle crackling noise, and blue light filled the compartment as Remus held a handful of blue flames. Emma looked over at Persephone, who looked equally as surprised and then turned to look at the others. The expressions on everyone's faces ranged from confusion to nervous.

Remus, on the other hand, looked very alert. Tired, but alert.

"Everyone stay where you are," he said, standing slowly with the flames held in front of him.

To everyone's horror, the door began to open before Remus could reach it. A massive, cloaked figure appeared in the doorway, and the creature seemed to take a long, rattling breath. The compartment suddenly grew terrifyingly cold, and Emma felt her breath seize in her chest.

The cold felt bone-deep, and it made Emma nauseous. She had never experienced a cold this bitter before. She went to reach out to grab Persephone's hand, but there was a quiet and anxious cry from Ginny that distracted her. A similar noise came from Neville, and then Emma followed suit, covering her eyes with her hands.

The cold was suffocating her, taking over her entire being, and then there was screaming. Who was screaming? Why were they screaming? Emma wanted to scream too, but she couldn't. It was all so, so cold.

And then the screaming stopped; the warmth was back. She pulled her hands away from her eyes, alarmed at how much she was shaking. The train began to move, the lights were back on, and Emma allowed herself to look around at everyone. Neville and Ginny looked as pale as she felt. Hermione and Ron immediately dropped to the floor next to Harry, who had fallen onto the floor. Emma looked over at Persephone, who looked mostly okay and gave her a small, reassuring nod.

Remus sunk down in the spot that Harry had been occupying, rubbing his hands over his face. He looked over at Emma, but she refused to meet his gaze. Instead, Emma took in a shaky breath and looked at Persephone.

"You're crying," Persephone said quietly.

Emma wiped her eyes on her sleeve, not even realizing that she was crying. Whatever that thing was, she didn't like it. She wasn't sure where to look, so she looked down at her hands in her lap.

"Harry! Harry! Are you all right?" Ron was slapping Harry's face trying to get him awake.

"What?" Harry finally opened his eyes and tried to take in his surroundings.

"I'm going to go check on Cas," Persephone said, carefully standing up and stepping around Harry. She slipped out of the compartment, making space for everyone else. Emma moved into the spot Remus had been sitting in as Ron helped Harry into the spot next to her. She went to stand so she could join Persephone but found herself wobbly on her feet and sunk back down in the seat.

There was a sudden loud snap that made them all jump. Emma's eyes shot over to Remus, and she raised an eyebrow at the bar of chocolate he was breaking into pieces. She still found it hysterical that he carried a bar of chocolate with him, and it nearly sent her into a hysterical fit of giggles. He gave her an apologetic look as he continued to break the chocolate into pieces.

"Here," Remus said, handing Harry a particularly large piece. "Eat it. It'll help."

"What was that?" Harry asked, taking the chocolate but not eating it.

"A Dementor," Remus said, handing chocolate out to everyone else, handing the final piece to Neville. "One of the Dementors of Azkaban." He crumpled the empty chocolate wrapper and put it in his pocket.

"Eat," he repeated, giving the others a pointed look. "It'll help. I need to speak with the driver, excuse me." He stood up and stood in front of Emma, offering his hand for her to take. "Come on, I'll walk you back to your compartment."

Emma stared at his hand for a moment, aware that everyone was staring at her and then took it. She didn't realize how shaky she was until she tried to stand again, wobbling precariously. She gave Remus an embarrassed smile as he steadied her and guided her out into the hallway.

"Where did Persephone say you were, again?"

"Two cars back," Emma said, leaning her head against Remus's arm.

"I'll have to see if someone has an owl back there. If not, then I'll have to head up to the driver," Remus said thoughtfully. Emma clung to him a little tighter as they passed by Draco's compartment. "Let me guess, that was Draco?" Remus asked, switching Emma to his other arm so that no one would notice Emma first as they walked back.

"Yes," Emma said quietly.

"I'll have to keep an eye on him," Remus said roughly as he peered into the compartments they passed. "How are you feeling?"

"Miserable."

"From the Dementors or something else?"

Emma looked up at Remus, grimacing slightly. She leaned her face into his arm, not wanting to answer.

Remus hummed quietly. "Hmm, that's what I thought," he said. He cleared his throat when he realized it sounded meaner than he intended and continued, his voice much softer, "I meant from the Dementors. We'll talk about what happened last night later, so don't worry about that right now. Perhaps tomorrow night."

"Looking forward to it," Emma grumbled. She let out a small sigh. "Still feel miserable. I thought I knew what it felt like to not…feel anything, but that was just something else."

"Yes, they have that effect on people. More so on those who have had traumatic events take place in their lives. It's a wonder that you didn't have a similar reaction to Harry," Remus said. "Thank you for letting me know that Harry was in the same compartment. I caught bits of their conversation, and I couldn't help but find myself secretly hoping that it wasn't the same Harry. It almost felt like some sort of prank James would've played on me while we were in school."

"Maybe it was his way of telling you that everything would be okay," Emma said quietly.

"Perhaps you're right," Remus said with a huff of a laugh. "Thank you for bringing the pumpkin pasty for me. I'll have it later."

Persephone's head popped around the corner of one of the compartments further up. Her eyes grew wide, seeing Emma and Remus and she popped back into the compartment without a word.

"I imagine that's your stop," Remus said, shaking his head. He continued on, opening the door and guided Emma to a seat, giving Persephone a polite smile.

"Hello, Persephone," Remus said kindly.

"Hi, erm…Professor?" Persephone gave Remus a sheepish grin that made Emma snort.

Remus took a close look at Emma with a hum and then reached into his pocket. He pulled out another bar of chocolate, and Emma immediately started to laugh.

"You carry more than one bar of chocolate on you?"

"Don't laugh," Remus said, giving her a look. "With you, I never know when there's going to be a chocolate emergency. Now eat it – both of you – or else Madam Pomfrey will have my head."

Emma snorted and opened the wrapper, breaking the chocolate in half. She passed half to Persephone and then split her half, holding it out to Remus. He declined it with a wave of his hand, and Emma frowned. "Shouldn't you have some, too?"

"I'll be fine," Remus said, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "I'm just going to head back up and speak to the driver. I need to let someone know that the Dementors came on board. I imagine we'll be arriving soon, and you need to get changed." He began to leave the compartment and paused in the doorway, his eyes narrowed. "Eat – I'm worried enough as it is. You never delay eating chocolate."

Emma took a large bite of chocolate as dramatically as possible but then sunk back into the seat. The cold that was permeating her bones melted away, and she felt so much better. "This chocolate is like magic," Emma said, looking at the chocolate in her hand skeptically.

"I told you," Remus said with a wink as he closed the door.

"That man is a bloody menace," Persephone said, taking a tentative bite of the chocolate. "Oh, this is like magic."

"Try living with him," Emma said. "Menace doesn't even begin to cover it." Emma frowned slightly. "Where did everyone else go?"

"Tracey and Daphne went to go bother Mandy. Caspian and his little friend went off to go find their other friends," Persephone said, taking another bite of chocolate. "Hogwarts clearly isn't going to know what hit them with the two of you together."

"Good," Emma shrugged, taking another bite of chocolate. "That means Jocelyn will stay away."

The Hogwarts Express began to slow down again as they approached Hogsmeade station. Emma had spent most of her time relishing in the chocolate and frowned as she looked at Persephone, who had already gotten changed.

"You git!" Emma said, peering out the window. "Why didn't you tell me you were getting dressed?"

"Mate, I did. You were off in your own world," Persephone laughed.

" _Shit_ ," Emma said quietly, jumping up and pulling her bag off the floor. She pulled out the first bits of her uniform she could find and tossed her wrinkled clothes at Persephone.

"My little Hufflepuff is growing up," Persephone said, wiping away an imaginary tear.

Emma groaned as she closed the shades of the compartment windows and began tossing off pieces of her clothing. She kicked her boots off as quickly as she could, and unbuttoned her jeans, slid them down her legs and kicked them off. "Give me the tights!" Emma shouted at Persephone, snatching them out of Persephone's hands. She struggled to pull them up her legs and let out a groan, wishing she opted for trousers instead. Persephone began to snicker at Emma as she pulled on her skirt, zipping up the side and hoping that she had it on straight.

"Oh, shut it, Eff," Emma said, shedding her shirt for her white oxford. "You're the worst."

"I'm the worst?" Persephone questioned, tossing Emma's shoes onto the floor. "I'm the best because I've brought you over to the dark side. Never thought I would hear you swear so casually before. You normally save it for when you're stressed. Is there more where that came from?"

"Well, there's only one way to find out," Emma said as she finished buttoning up her shirt and pulling on her cardigan. "Like right now, for example. Why the _fuck_ did I pick the skirt?"

Persephone let out a squeal of delight, tossing Emma her tie. "Yes! I have finally corrupted my little 'puff! This year is going to be bloody fantastic!"

"Don't expect it often. Dad'll have my head," Emma said, draping her tie around her neck and slipping her feet into her shoes. "However, he did recommend that I, er, take out my emotions in a colorful way. I don't believe he meant my language, pretty sure he actually meant my drawing, but he hasn't really bothered to complain about it. Honestly, he encourages it fairly often." She pulled her Hufflepuff robe out of her bag and then bent down to pick up her Muggle clothes and tossed them in her bag.

"Don't expect it often? What frequency are we talking?" Persephone grinned, watching as Emma gave a frustrated groan as she buttoned her cardigan incorrectly.

"Probably fairly bloody often," Emma muttered, quickly fixing the buttons. "Although, if you keep it up, I might stop just to annoy you." Content with her cardigan being buttoned, Emma grabbed the ends of her tie. All knowledge of tie tying escaped her mind, and she turned to Persephone. "Eff, how do I tie a tie?"

"Oh, no. You are on your own for that one," Persephone said, standing up as the train slowed to a halt. "Just tie it in a knot. It's not as though anyone really cares for the feast."

Emma groaned and tied her tie as best as she could. She glanced at Persephone's tie for comparison and scoffed at the difference. Persephone's tie was nice and neat, and Emma's was a complete mess. At least she was dressed, she thought to herself as she threw her robe on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	10. Another Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma meets the Thestrals of Hogwarts and has mixed feelings over her return to school.

Stepping off the Hogwarts Express was an almost surreal experience for Emma. She took a look around the station and watched everyone filtering out towards the carriages. She tipped her head back towards the gently falling mist, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. The air was so similar but so different from Upper Helmsley, and it seemed almost sweeter knowing that she got to experience it again. When Emma opened her eyes, Persephone grabbed her hand, and they made their way to the carriages together.

The chocolate had really helped to lift their spirits. Persephone felt it was necessary to re-enact Emma's entire experience getting dressed in dramatic pantomime. Emma didn't want to find it funny, but she was nearly doubled over from laughter. She must have looked manic getting dressed, and she was glad that no one else had been there to witness the moment. Her laughing died in her throat as they approached the carriages.

She staggered backward, alarmed at the massive black horse-like creatures that were attached to the carriages. She knew that she had never seen them before, but it seemed as though the people surrounding them weren't bothered. It was like no one even knew they were there. Persephone stopped where she stood and looked at Emma in confusion.

"Are you okay?" Persephone asked, trying to peer at whatever Emma was looking at, but not seeing anything.

"What is that?" Emma refused to take her eyes off the closest creature. She watched as students boarded a carriage, and the horse-like creature shook its head and trotted towards the castle.

"What is what?"

"Pulling the carriages. What is that?"

Persephone looked at Emma as though she had completely lost it, looked at the carriages, and then back to Emma. "Em, there's nothing there."

"Persephone, why don't you go on ahead?" Remus appeared next to Emma, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"All right," Persephone said, giving Emma another funny look as she climbed onto the nearest carriage.

"What are those?" Emma asked, looking up at Remus, horrified.

"They're Thestrals," Remus sighed. "I wasn't sure if you would be able to see them. I apologize, I didn't even think to tell you about them."

"But why doesn't anyone else see them?" Emma looked around, trying to see if anyone else reacted to the Thestrals, but no one did. She turned back to stare at the Thestral that stepped up, taking in its dark coat. It was covered in something not quite like hair, but not quite like flesh either. Its bones stuck out against its dark velvet coat, its head oddly dragon-like while still very much like a horse. The massive wings attached to its body made Emma feel as though they belonged to another creature, but upon further consideration, they made perfect sense.

Remus opened the door to the nearest carriage and held his hand out to assist Emma up. With a frown, she took his hand and stepped in, sitting so she could watch the Thestral. Remus stepped in behind her and turned to see if others were joining them, but most people hung back. He closed the door of the carriage and sat across from Emma. The Thestral gave a mighty shake of its head and started off towards the castle.

"The only people who can see them are people who have seen death," Remus explained, giving Emma an apologetic look at her further horrified expression. "But there also has to be acceptance of death, as well."

Emma nodded slowly, staring at the Thestral, trying to let that sink in. Had she really accepted her mother's death? She supposed that she must have since she could see the Thestrals, but it didn't seem like she did most days. It crossed her mind that Remus could see them too, meaning he had seen death as well, but she didn't want to ask. She finally allowed herself to look at him and immediately looked away when she realized he was studying her.

"I'm sorry we didn't go the platform together this morning," Remus said after a while. "I was still angry."

"I thought we were saving this conversation for tomorrow night?"

"We are, but I wanted to apologize. Today hasn't really gone to plan, and I know I promised you that we would start the year together – on the right foot."

"Well, it's a little too late for that, isn't it?"

"I'll make it up to you somehow," Remus promised. He studied her for another moment, before tilting his head slightly as if he didn't believe what he was seeing. "What in the bloody hell have you done with your tie?"

"Oh," Emma said with a sheepish grin. "I forgot how to tie a tie for some reason. That…spooky curtain thing was a little too unnerving."

Emma blanched as she noticed the Dementors floating at the massive wrought iron gates. She felt the sweeping cold threaten to take over again, and she turned to look over her shoulder and turned back to Remus in a panic. "Again?" she practically shouted, trying to swallow back her fear.

"Close your eyes," Remus said quietly. "I'll let you know when we're past. In the meantime…"

Emma reluctantly closed her eyes and felt Remus tug her tie out from where she tucked it in her cardigan. "You have made an absolute mess of this. I haven't seen a tie tied this terribly since…" Remus grew silent, his words trailing off at what he was about to say. He worked quietly, carefully undoing the knot Emma had created and carefully straightening her tie underneath her collar.

The wave of cold that had seeped right under Emma's skin disappeared, and she cautiously opened an eye. Everything was warm again. "Since when?" Emma asked quietly, curious. Remus had trailed off so suddenly that she had almost thought the Dementors got to him, too. He only seemed slightly bothered by the Dementors. She would have to ask him how they didn't affect him.

He sighed, wondering if he should tell the story, but Emma looked expectant. Her face immediately brought Remus back in time as he was reminded of a pair of silver eyes that looked at him just as curiously. He finished tying Emma's tie and let it go so that she could fix it to her liking.

"The last time I saw a tie tied that terribly was my first year. Sirius and James had gotten close very quickly, and they made it a competition to see who could wake up the latest and make it to class on time. Sirius had pushed things a little too far one day and came into Transfiguration looking much how you just did." Remus shook his head at the memory. "You know how Professor McGonagall can be. I panicked and forced Sirius to sit next to me so that I could fix his tie for him. I wasn't about to let him lose us house points because he felt he could wait until 10 minutes before class to wake up. You just reminded me of that day."

"It sounded like you and Sirius were very close."

Remus gave Emma a tight smile. "We were, but unfortunately, he wasn't the person I thought he was. I won't make that mistake again."

The carriage stopped at the front of the castle, pulling Remus out of his memories. He stood up, smoothed out his clothes, and picked up his case. With a grin, he stepped out of the carriage and once again held his hand out to assist Emma.

"Always the gentleman, you are," Emma laughed. "Thank you."

Emma turned to look back at the Thestral and approached it slowly. In a moment of daring, she held her hand out towards the creature near where its nose should be. She cringed as the Thestral sniffed at her hand, its breath hot as it nudged her hand. Curious to know what it felt like, Emma ran a hand over its sunken and hollow cheek. A smile crossed her face – it felt like the softest velvet she had ever touched. The Thestral's hide felt almost scaly, but in the dark, she couldn't be too sure.

Realizing that she must look absolutely insane petting what would appear to be empty space, Emma backed away from the Thestral. It seemed to stare at her for a moment with its milky white eyes and then departed with a shake of its head. She watched it for a few moments and then turned to find Remus, but he was gone.

With a sigh, Emma continued on the path to the castle. It didn't take her long to find Remus as he towered over most of the students. He stood at the bottom of the stairs leading into the castle, and Emma joined him at his side.

"You know, I have a lot of wonderful memories here," Remus said quietly. "I've got terrible ones as well, but I'm grateful that Professor Dumbledore's given me opportunities to create new memories with you."

Emma gave Remus a smile, gently bumping into him. "Now's not the time to get sappy, old man," Emma said with a grin. She shifted her bag to her other shoulder, and this time she was the one to hold her hand out. "You deprived me of the train this morning. Can we at least do this together?"

Remus let out a breath of a laugh and switched his case to his other hand and took Emma's hand. "Lead the way," he said with a smile.

With a broad smile, Emma pulled Remus up the stairs. It was going to be a good year.

Or so she thought. Remus suddenly slipped away just as Emma heard McGonagall's voice ring out from the crowd, calling for her. He flashed her an overly apologetic look, and Emma rolled her eyes. Of course, he would leave her to suffer.

"Oh, damn it," Emma muttered, walking over to McGonagall, who already had Harry and Hermione at her side. "Hello, Professor McGonagall."

"Welcome back, Miss Lupin," McGonagall said hurriedly. "I just wanted to let you know that you are to report to the Headmaster's office following the feast." Without another word, McGonagall turned and was rushing off.

"Er, all right," Emma said, feeling flustered as McGonagall left with Harry and Hermione in tow. Hermione turned to give Emma a small shrug as they started up the stairs, and Emma was entirely unsure over what just happened. "That was odd…"

Emma walked into the Great Hall and took a seat between Sally and Leanne with a grin. Susan, Hannah, Justin, and Ernie sat on the other side of the table, and everyone else sat a little further along.

"Hey, Em! How was your summer?" Susan asked with a wide smile.

"It was, er…fascinating," Emma said honestly. "What about yours?"

The Hufflepuffs shared stories of their summers while Emma listened. At some point, everyone had entered the Great Hall as the massive doors were reopening, bringing in the newest first years with Flitwick leading the way. Emma glanced up at the staff table and frowned slightly. McGonagall hadn't returned, and she usually started the sorting.

"McGonagall's not leading the sorting this year?" Sally asked out loud.

"She had Harry and Hermione with her earlier," Emma said, turning to Sally.

"Oi, who's that man that looks like Emma?" Roger asked, scanning the staff table and looking at Emma in confusion.

The other Hufflepuffs peered curiously at the table and then at Emma. Before anyone else could say anything, the Sorting Hat began its song, and the Great Hall grew quiet.

When the hat had belted out its final word, Ernie looked around at the others. "Weird song this year," he said.

"It's weird every year," Hannah said, nudging Ernie's side. "Now, let's try and solve the mystery of Emma's apparently older twin."

Emma groaned, trying to hide her face while trying to pay attention to the sorting. In between each new student, the Hufflepuffs would stare intensely at Emma and then look at Remus curiously. Caspian looked amused by what was happening and gave Emma a cheeky grin, but luckily, he said nothing.

By the end of the sorting, Hufflepuff had gained 18 new students. 10 boys and 8 girls. Compared to the past two years, Hufflepuff had earned most of the first years with Gryffindor and Slytherin having the least. It was very exciting for the Hufflepuffs.

Dumbledore stood up as the applause died out for the last student. Professor Flitwick took the Sorting Hat and walked it out of the Great Hall. Dumbledore's sweeping gaze took in everyone, and he smiled.

"Welcome! Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have a few things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious, I think it best to get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast. As you will all be aware, after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the Dementors of Azkaban, who are here on Ministry of Magic business."

There were quiet murmurings at Dumbledore's announcement, but it died out quickly as Dumbledore raised a hand to silence everyone.

"They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds, and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave school without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises – or even Invisibility Cloaks. It is not in the nature of a Dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. I look to the prefects, and our new Head Boy and Girl, to make sure that no student runs afoul of the Dementors."

Dumbledore's eyes found Emma, and she immediately blushed. There was no doubt in her mind that Dumbledore was moving along in announcing Remus as a professor. She turned around in her seat, looking past the Gryffindor table to try and find Persephone amongst the Slytherins. Persephone smirked and silently cheered, forcing Emma to let out a groan. Sometimes she couldn't help but wonder how she was friends with Persephone.

"On a happier note, I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year. First, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

It was impossible to not notice the immediate quiet and sudden murmurings at Dumbledore's announcement. Emma saw eyes begin to turn her way, rather than paying attention to the front of the room. She immediately turned back around and sunk down in her seat, trying to make herself as small as possible. She joined in the somewhat scattered and unenthusiastic clapping and kept her head ducked. People in the Great Hall were bouncing their gazes between Emma and Remus, and Emma couldn't help but cover her face. She couldn't look. It was far too much attention that she wasn't prepared for.

The news of what she had done last year had been a very popular topic. Other than the first years, everyone had known what had happened. It wasn't as though Snape had kept his mouth shut about it, and she was sure that people were questioning Remus's sudden appearance. She was grateful that everyone who had been in the compartment clapped as hard as they could, but Emma was too busy trying to melt into the floor.

There was a sudden collective "oh" that came from each of the third year Hufflepuffs and Caspian beamed.

"Knew you weren't going to say a word about your dad being here," Caspian said. "Now Persephone owes me a Galleon."

"That's your dad, Em?" Ernie asked.

"That's my dad," Emma muttered, her voice muffled from behind her hands.

"Look at Snape!" Susan said, nudging Emma.

Emma peered between her fingers to look at Snape, who looked absolutely murderous. He didn't seem at all thrilled, and he kept shooting Remus dagger filled glares.

"Well, it's no wonder after last year," Emma hissed. She pulled her hands away and met Remus's gaze with a small, apologetic smile. He shook his head, giving her a very understanding smile. She could never understand how the man could be so incredibly forgiving.

"As to our second new appointment. Well, I am sorry to tell you that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs. However, I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who had agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties."

"Oooh, that explains the book," Emma said, setting Hannah off into a fit of giggles.

"Well, I think that's everything of importance. Let the feast begin!"

"So, Emma," Justin said, leaning forward towards Emma with a sly grin. "Your dad's our new Defense professor this year?"

Emma nodded, slowly adding things to her plate. She picked up her goblet and took a drink. "He, uh…yeah. Dumbledore came by over the summer to offer him the job. Apparently, he's been trying to get him to teach for years."

"Is he any _good_?" Leanne asked.

"What sort of stupid question is that?" Emma asked, offended. "He's going to be the best Defense professor that Hogwarts has ever seen!"

"He's brilliant," Caspian said from further down the table.

" _You_ know Emma's dad?" Ernie asked, looking between Emma and Caspian curiously.

"Yeah," Caspian said with a scoff. "Of course, I do. Our families do Christmas together. Although I'm not sure that we are this year. Besides, Em and my sister are dating."

"Cas!" Emma shouted, grabbing a roll and chucking it at Caspian. Caspian ducked down, laughing, and the roll Emma threw bounced off of his shoulder.

"You're going out with Persephone?" Hannah asked. "How did none of us know?"

"You like girls?" Roger asked stupidly.

"We're not together," Emma muttered, purposely ignoring Roger. "It was just for the summer."

"Yeah, and for most of the time after Christmas hols," Caspian said with a cheeky grin.

"Caspian Moon if you dare tell any more secrets, so help me God, I will destroy you. I'm positive that Persephone would give me full permission."

Caspian shrugged, turning to his friends with a smirk.

"How did none of us know?" Leanne asked with a frown.

"Well, it's not as though anyone was really paying attention to me last year, was it? Ern and I got into our fight, and that was it," Emma said, popping a mouthful of mashed potatoes in her mouth so she didn't have to talk.

"Oi, Lupin."

Emma turned around to see Fred and George Weasley looking at her with matching grins. They sat a few seats away from her at the Gryffindor table, and the students sitting around them were watching curiously.

"Yes?" Emma asked nervously. She had never talked to either of the twins before and wasn't sure what either of them could want.

"That's your dad, eh?" One of the twins asked.

"Er, yes?"

"Wicked," said the other twin. "Oi, Freddie, do you think she has what it takes?"

"I dunno, Georgie. She seems like she might be the type to run and tell. She might be a daddy's girl."

"Pardon, but what are you two even talking about?" Emma asked, raising an eyebrow at the twins.

"I think they're trying to figure out if you'll help them with pranks," said another voice. Emma turned back around to see Cedric Diggory looking at her with a smirk. "Fred and George play a prank on every new Defense professor that we have on the first day."

Emma turned around with a grin. "Do you really?"

"Have you never heard of our first day pranks?" Asked the one twin that Emma assumed was George.

"You didn't hear about us turning Lockhart's hair blue?" Asked Fred.

"Or the time we left garlic everywhere for Quirrell? Granted, that was a few days after, but it was the first week, so it still counts."

"No," Emma admitted with a shrug. "I've had a rough start both first and second year."

"Hmm, I dunno about her then, Fred," George said, stroking his chin in thought. "If she's never even heard about our first day pranks…"

"I've heard about all the other ones," Emma said quickly. "All of the ones with Peeves, the time you made all of McGonagall's books sing... I'm not entirely clueless." She grinned, lowering her voice. "Besides, if it involves pranking my dad in any capacity, I want in."

Fred and George looked at each other in surprise. "Well, maybe we were wrong about you," George said. "Would you ever tell him what we're planning?"

"And ruin the fun? Never."

"Emma!" Hermione shouted from further down the table, having heard the entire conversation. Harry and Ron turned to look at Emma questioningly. "That's your father, _and_ he's a professor!"

"So?" Emma raised an eyebrow at Hermione. "That just makes things that much more fun."

"But he's a professor! You could lose points – or get detention!" Hermione looked absolutely frazzled at the idea. Harry and Ron looked at each other and snorted.

"I think losing points or getting detention is the least of my worries when it comes to my dad, Hermione." Emma turned back to the twins and stuck her hand out. Hermione let out a huff of disbelief and returned to eating, shaking her head. "I want in," Emma said.

"What's your name again? Don't need to get you and Professor Lupin confused," Fred said with a wide grin at his twin.

Emma couldn't help but roll her eyes. "It's Emma. So, are we going to do this? Not sure I want to torture the poor man on the first day, but the rest of the year? I'm absolutely in."

Fred shook Emma's hand with a grin. "We look forward to doing business with you, Emma."

George took Emma's hand, holding onto it a little longer than Fred. "Can't wait to see what you come up with," he said, giving Emma a smile that made a flush creep up her neck.

As Emma turned around, she met Remus's gaze. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she shrugged.

"Did you just make a deal with the Weasley twins to prank your father?" Cedric asked, an amused smile on his face. "You know I'm a Prefect and can get you in trouble, right?"

Emma paled slightly, her eyes widening. "But you wouldn't, right?"

Cedric laughed. "And miss out on what the three of you will come up with? Never. I'm looking forward to it." He cast a glance over at Remus at the staff table and then laughed. "The Weasley twins and his own daughter? The man

The rest of the welcome feast went well. Emma had mostly been able to tune out the curious murmurings that floated across the hall as the name 'Lupin' would come up. She was even proud of herself when she forced herself to ignore Jocelyn, who spoke loudly about how she thought Remus would be a terrible teacher. She couldn't hide her smile when Persephone started to shout at Jocelyn in Remus's defense.

For the first time, Emma found herself entirely at ease during the feast. Emma wasn't sure if it was because it was her third year or if Remus's presence calmed her more than she thought, but it was wonderful. She was convinced that she had never eaten so much at the feast, barely able to indulge in the plentiful sweets. Emma enjoyed herself so much that she barely even remembered that she had to go to Dumbledore's office until he told them all to head to bed.

Emma awkwardly hung back as the members of her house departed. Leanne stopped and turned to look around at Emma in curiosity.

"Aren't you coming?" she asked, causing Megan and Sally to turn around as well.

"I'll be there later," Emma said with a shrug. She glanced back at the staff table to see Remus just standing up. Emma turned back to the trio with a nervous smile. "There's just something I have to do. Don't wait up for me if I'm gone too long."

"We're moving the sleepover into the common room this year," Sally said. "Don't worry – we'll be up."

Emma nodded and watched as they departed. She startled as Remus gently touched her shoulder.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," Remus said. "Everything all right?"

"Yeah," Emma said quietly, giving him a sheepish look. "I'm sorry that I didn't really…"

Remus couldn't help but laugh. "Emma, I'm hardly going to be upset over you being embarrassed," Remus said, motioning for Emma to follow the crowd out of the Great Hall. "I was nearly positive that you were going to go through the floor. It was fascinating to watch, really, so thank you for that."

Emma let out a groan. "Yes, but you're my dad, and I'm thrilled that you're here and I should've at least clapped and not gotten all weird, but I got nervous -"

Remus pulled Emma off to the side of the marble staircase and gently took her face between his hands. "Fy nghariad," he said, giving her a fond smile. "You are babbling again. I promise it's fine. We've got an entire year together, and I'm more than aware there's going to be more moments like this." His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at her. "Did you make some sort of deal with the Weasley twins?"

Emma blushed, pulling her face out of Remus's hands. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Merlin, help me," Remus said, shaking his head. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Want to see something cool? There's a short cut to Professor Dumbledore's office."

"Not sure that that's really cool, but all right," Emma muttered, following Remus in the direction he pointed. She was terribly confused as to why Remus led her into what looked like an empty hallway. "Er…Dad? This is a hallway."

"Hold on," Remus said, waving a hand at Emma in dismissal. "Give it a moment."

There was a rumbling noise, and Emma gave Remus a funny look. He looked so much younger with the incredibly excited look he had on his face. Emma didn't have the chance to really watch him as stairs appeared underneath their feet, not unlike the staircase to Dumbledore's office.

"Moving stairs?" Emma huffed out a laugh in amusement. "You're excited about showing me moving stairs?"

"Moving stairs that basically go all the way to the top of the castle and cutting out the rest of the time," Remus said delightedly. "Merlin, I don't think there was much of the castle that my friends and I didn't discover." He turned to Emma with a wide grin. "I can't wait to show you all of the shortcuts. Of course, there are shortcuts that students aren't supposed to use, but I'll show you. I would be incredibly disappointed if my daughter didn't know the secret passages of the castle."

"I never pegged you as a rulebreaker," Emma said in surprise.

"I wasn't," he said, giving Emma a stern look. He then let out a snort, unable to hide his smile. "I just didn't get caught."

"Huh," Emma said. "I'm impressed."

"Impressed? How so?"

It was Emma's turn to give Remus a mischievous grin. "I didn't know that you were actually cool."

Remus threw an arm around Emma's shoulders and pulled her close. "You ought to be careful, I can give you detention for saying things like that."

"Oh, please," Emma said with a laugh. "You'll have to catch me saying them first." She grew quiet as the stairs continued upwards. She was almost tempted to turn around and look, but Remus put a hand on her head to keep her from looking.

"Trust me, you'll scare yourself if you look," Remus said, giving her a small smile. His brows furrowed slightly at the expression on her face. "What is it?"

"Nervous," Emma admitted.

"Ah, I see," Remus said in understanding. "It'll be fine."

"I know it'll be fine," Emma said, leaning more into Remus's side. "You're here with me."

Remus gave Emma a small squeeze and cleared his throat just as the stairs stopped moving, and they were on a landing with a single door. "Ready for another set of stairs?"

"Not really," Emma frowned, following Remus through the door. She turned back around to see the door disappear from the wall and looked to her right to see the gargoyle that guarded Dumbledore's office. "How does that even work?"

"Magic," Remus said simply. Remus bit back his smile as he said the password for Dumbledore's office, and the gargoyle jumped aside. He was about to step into the alcove, but Emma grabbed onto the back of his robes.

"Dad, before we go up, can I ask you something?"

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, concerned. "Is it because you're nervous?"

"No," Emma said with a shake of her head. "Well, yes, I'm nervous, but I just wanted to ask you how you're feeling. I know it had to have been weird seeing Harry for the first time. And then being here…I'm sure it has to be hard for you."

Remus considered Emma for a moment, surprised by her thoughtfulness. "It was a little unsettling to see Harry, yes. It was very bizarre to be looking at James only to realize it wasn't James at all," Remus said, swallowing hard at the memory. "I'm nervous about teaching, but I'm excited to be here with you. It's nice to be here with my best friend." He slipped into the alcove, not bothering to elaborate.

Emma blinked slowly at Remus's back before rushing into the alcove after him. "Did you just call me your best friend?" She cursed as the stairs began to move. "Did you only say that to get me in here?"

"No, of course not," Remus said, looking offended at the very thought. "I really mean it." All too soon, the stairs stopped, and only a door separated them from the meeting Emma wasn't looking forward to. "Are you ready?"

"Not really," Emma said, the pleased smile falling off her face. "Let's get it over with."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	11. Never Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma finds out what additional rules she'll have to endure for the school year after her incident the prior term. She's very surprised to learn it's nothing like Remus told her.

"I wasn't expecting so many people," Emma whispered as she stepped into Dumbledore's office. There was a small crowd of filled seats surrounding Dumbledore, and it made her stomach twist in fear. It didn't matter that she knew everyone; the conversation wasn't one that she particularly wanted to have. "It's basically everyone."

"I promise it won't be that bad," Remus said, pushing her forward. "And it's not everyone. Your professors for your electives aren't here, and neither is Binns. And ah, Professor Sinistra isn't here either as you only meet with her once a week."

Emma was about to make a comment that Binns being present could have been relevant if things were different, but she didn't think that would go over well. The last thing she needed was to agitate Remus again.

"Ah, Emma! Remus! Welcome," Dumbledore said, seeing that more company had arrived. "Please, sit and be comfortable." Dumbledore waved his wand to transfigure the straight-backed chairs into plush purple armchairs.

Emma gave everyone a polite smile and sat slowly in her chair, ducking her head so that she didn't have to look at anyone. Remus sat in the chair next to her, and she raised an eyebrow at him with a slight frown.

"You're on the wrong side," Emma said quietly, jerking her head towards the other professors. "It's fine – go be Professor Lupin."

Remus gave Emma a confused look and thought about it for a moment. He stood back up and then moved the chair to a spot that seemed appropriately in the middle. He still kept himself within arms-reach, and that made her feel a little better. He gave her a conspiratorial smile, and Emma had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from giggling. Remus, she had to admit, could be brilliant.

Dumbledore, Flitwick, and McGonagall watched on equally as amused. Snape could only roll his eyes with an aggravated breath, and Sprout smiled warmly.

Emma watched Remus stretch his hand out towards her, letting it hover in the space between their chairs. She stared at his outstretched hand for a moment before taking it with a grateful smile. She watched in further confusion as he adjusted their hold, threading his fingers with hers with a squeeze. It was an unfamiliar gesture, but she found it comforting; he was trying to give her strength. Remus moved his seat back closer to hers so that he could rest their joined hands on her armrest. He intended to wind up exactly where he started in the first place, and she shook her head. She gave him an appreciative smile and turned back to Dumbledore with a steadying breath. She could get through this.

"It's heartwarming to watch you two together," Dumbledore said with a smile. "You two have such a strong bond, and it was wonderful to witness this summer. The love you have for one another is very evident, and I believe I speak for the rest of the staff when I say we look forward to seeing your relationship grow."

Remus gave Emma's hand a hard squeeze in warning, and she looked over at him, brows knitting together. When he didn't look at her, she took a look around and discovered what the squeeze was for – it was Snape. It took every bit of willpower she had to keep from laughing at the look on Snape's face. Remus ran his free hand over his mouth to provide himself with a moment to keep a smile off his face.

While McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout still looked delighted, Snape looked as though he was about to lose his dinner. Emma took another deep breath and tried to focus on the rhythmic pattern of Remus rubbing his thumb on hers. There was absolutely no way she could start laughing as much as she wanted to.

"However, we're not here so that I can wax poetic on a wonderful father and daughter relationship," Dumbledore continued. "We have quite a few things to discuss tonight, and I will do my very best to make sure that we don't keep you here all night." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, and Emma gave him a polite smile. "Now, Emma, it's to my understanding that your father has already explained to you the procedures regarding reentry into Hogwarts following a suicide attempt?"

"Uhm, yes, Professor." Emma winced slightly. It sounded far too official for Emma's liking, even though she had several very long conversations with Remus about it. That was the only conversation topic that they touched upon regarding her suicide attempt.

"And you are aware that since it occurred on school grounds, that the guidelines are a little more restrictive?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Wonderful," Dumbledore said, sounding oddly delighted by the prospect. "Now, has your father also mentioned that since he will be present, and a very-welcomed faculty member, that certain allowances have been made?"

"No?" Emma looked over at Remus curiously, but his face gave away nothing. She took a moment to look at the other professors who seemed equally as stoic. She sat up straighter in her chair, now curious about the turn of events.

"Yes, well, after our discussions, we've all come to an agreement that these changes will be most beneficial to your recovery. After all, your parental guardian will be on school grounds at all times."

"I - what?"

Dumbledore continued as if Emma hadn't said a word. "Now, not every policy can be adjusted, but I believe that these changes will be more than appreciated.

"As your father is a professor here, his quarters have been modified to include a bedroom for you. For simplicity, it is located within the confines of the office attached to the Defense classroom. This is so that you can find your father whenever you may need him or need a safe place to go. The expectation is that you will spend the weekends in his quarters, and you will spend the rest of the week in the dorms. If, however, you would prefer to stay in your room, that is permitted as well. However, you are _not_ permitted to spend all seven nights in the Hufflepuff dorms. I believe that you will find those arrangements much more satisfactory than having to spend several nights in the hospital wing."

Dumbledore paused, waiting for Emma's acknowledgment. She knew that she should speak, but she found herself suddenly incredibly emotional. The long days Remus had spent at the castle obviously weren't just for setting up his classroom like he said. He had taken the time to sit through lengthy meetings to have plans put into place so that she would be comfortable. This was _not_ the usual procedure, and not at all as Remus told her.

She felt Remus give her hand another gentle squeeze, and all Emma could do was nod. She didn't trust herself to speak.

"You have required check-ins on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday afternoons and Thursday mornings. This will only be a 10 minute, at most, check-in during meals to ensure that everything is going well. It will allow you to bring up any concerns that you may have for the day and to set any emergency meetings you may need. On Friday evenings, you will have a mandatory session in which you can go over your week and any concerns that you might like to discuss at length. If these sessions need to continue into next year, we will have a meeting before the end of this school year.

"There will be consequences if you miss your check-ins. These check-ins are meant to make sure that we are aware of any issues that you may have. Specific allowances may be made, but it is expected that you will follow these guidelines. It's been requested by both your father and Professor Sprout that you join one of the clubs here at Hogwarts – one of your choice within the month. If not a club, then perhaps an internship of sorts. I know Madam Pomfrey has expressed interest in having you back. Of course, you're not limited to just one thing; it's only requested that you pick one thing for right now.

"Before the end of last year's school year, I'm sure that you remember that we had implemented a system for you to follow. If I remember correctly, you were very receptive to it, and we will be continuing that system. However, this time it cannot be another one of your housemates in the same year. Professor Sprout has suggested that for certain classes, Cedric Diggory will be your walking partner. He is one of Hufflepuff's newest prefects and is held in very high esteem. However, we are aware that you may not have someone with you at all times, and we have allowed for those exceptions. Times in and out of class during class periods will continue to be monitored. Someone must know where you are at all times."

Emma knew that as well, but not having another Hufflepuff from her year walking her from class to class was surprising. She assumed it made sense, but it was slightly frustrating as it meant figuring out who would be with her. She could only hope that her schedule would make it easy.

Dumbledore continued with a firm look, "As a reminder, you may not enter another classmates' common room. If you would like access, you must have explicit written permission from their head of house. However, your friends have permission to join you in the Hufflepuff common room or within the confines of your father's classroom. Do you have any questions so far?"

"Er, a few, really, but," Emma trailed off, glancing over at Remus before returning her attention to Dumbledore. "I'm sorry, professor, but you haven't said who's going to be, for lack of a better word, 'managing' me."

"Before I inform you of who your mentor is, I would just like to inform you of the results of last year's conversation. Both Miss Carmichael and Miss Duffy have been given appropriate punishments for their actions from last year," Dumbledore said, glancing back at Snape and Professor Sprout, who nodded. He leaned forward in his chair. "If, however, there are any issues, I expect you to tell any member of the staff, and the issue will be taken care of right away. They have been given their warnings." Dumbledore then sat back in his chair, his eyes twinkling. "As for your mentor, provided that there are no objections, it would seem that you're sitting next to them."

Emma could only stare at Dumbledore in response, her jaw dropping in shock. Emma was positive that she looked like a deer caught in headlights and clamped her mouth shut. What was happening? She couldn't pull her eyes away from Dumbledore, and he chuckled.

"We considered the possibility of a third party, which is still always an option if you would prefer," Dumbledore began to explain. "We have had very long conversations over who would take on your mentorship. It was not your father's idea, but Professor Sprout's. We thought that the uniqueness of your situation would be more beneficial if you worked with someone you would feel most comfortable with. However, if you prefer someone else, I can assure you, there are no hard feelings from anyone involved."

"I'm sorry, what?" Emma looked over at Remus, who smiled back at her. When she looked over at Dumbledore, he looked as though he had given the best surprise ever. She had spent the summer imagining and accepting the fact she would be spending long days in the greenhouses with Professor Sprout. She had all but pictured herself having to divest her innermost thoughts to Professor McGonagall or Professor Flitwick. She didn't even consider the fact that it could be Remus.

"I think we might have broken her, Headmaster," Remus said with the mischievous grin that he had once worn consistently around Emma. He gave Emma's hand another small squeeze. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't be allowed to be your mentor, as it's highly unusual, but since I'm a member of staff… Well, it's entirely up to you, of course."

Snape rolled his eyes and made a noise of disgust.

"Ah, Severus," Dumbledore said, almost as if he had forgotten Snape was there. "Is there anything you would like to add since a major component of this involves you, as well? Everyone else has agreed to the current plans, but you had your own concerns to address."

"Yes, Headmaster. First, I would like to say that I don't support the decision to bring you back into the castle; however, that was not my decision to make," Snape sneered, causing Emma to duck her head. "Now, I am sure that you are wondering if you are allowed back into my class, and I have yet to make a decision. My current answer is no. Luckily for you, it has been requested by…other…faculty members-" Snape's eyes darted over to Remus "-that I reconsider. I will have my answer to you by the end of the day tomorrow."

Emma nodded, disappointed by what Snape had to say, but not expecting anything less.

Dumbledore nodded and turned back to Emma. "Now, Emma, your father, has mentioned that you have been having issues with your wand work during your recovery?"

"Er, I have."

"Do you mind showing us? I believe that it will be helpful to see so that everyone may be better prepared." Dumbledore turned to Snape. "Severus, as wand work isn't a primary component to your class, you may leave."

Snape stood with a polite nod to Dumbledore and stalked out of the room, and Emma visibly relaxed. Snape's eyes had been practically boring into her skull the entire meeting, and she didn't realize how on edge it made her.

"Are you all right?" Remus asked softly, pulling his chair closer to Emma and brushing a hand over the back of her head and stroking her hair.

"I'm fine," Emma said.

"Everyone in this room knows that Severus is a lot to deal with," Dumbledore said. "You are more than welcome to speak freely within the confines of this room. However, would you mind showing us your wand grip, first?"

Emma nodded, fishing her wand out of her robe pocket and holding it as she would normally. It still felt awkward in her hand, and she felt her cheeks heat up as she tried to fix her grip herself. She felt so much like a first year trying to learn how to hold a wand correctly.

"I spent time trying to help her figure it out, but I'm afraid that's not quite my area of expertise," Remus said, frowning slightly, seeing that Emma was shaking so terribly. Snape's presence had bothered her more than he thought it would.

Professor Flitwick stepped around the desk with Professor McGonagall to look.

"New wand, Miss Lupin?" Professor Flitwick asked, smiling as Emma nodded. He gestured to her hand. "There's no need to be nervous. Do you mind?"

Emma nodded, permitting Professor Flitwick to adjust her grip. "It's brand new – Dad insisted that I get it custom made, even though I told him not to," Emma said, giving Remus a pointed look. "I didn't mind getting something entirely new. It's a beautiful wand, and I just really want to do it justice. Mr. Ollivander did a wonderful job making it for me."

"Does it cause you any pain to hold it?" McGonagall asked.

"Not so much. I'll sometimes get an ache that starts in my hand and shoots up my arm, though. Dad and I spent a lot of time just working on me holding my wand. Because it's so similar to dad's, I practiced with his to try and get the grip right."

"And surely he didn't allow you to practice magic, did he?" McGonagall raised an eyebrow at Remus. "After all, underage magic isn't allowed outside of school."

"I'm afraid I can't answer that question, Professor," Emma said with a snort. Remus looked positively flustered, and Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling.

"Do you mind trying the levitation spell for me, Miss Lupin? Perhaps the glass on the desk?" Flitwick asked, motioning to the glass goblet on Dumbledore's desk.

"Er, is _glass_ a good idea, sir?"

"Not to worry, any of us can fix it if need be. Perhaps just levitate it a few inches to start and let it hover before placing it back down."

"Right." Emma cast Remus a nervous glance as she pointed her wand at the glass on Dumbledore's desk. " _Wingardium Leviosa_ ," she said, giving her wand her best swish and flick. Even despite spending time working with her new wand and practicing that spell consistently, it still felt funny. She concentrated on making sure that she didn't drop the glass as she lifted it and let out a sigh of relief when she placed it back down. She didn't break the glass.

"Yes, I see what you mean, Remus," Flitwick said thoughtfully. "It's a little wobbly, but nothing to worry about."

"Miss Lupin, would you mind trying the Avifors spell for me?" McGonagall asked. "On the glass, please."

The Avifors spell had Emma a little worried as she struggled with it the previous year, but she decided to give it a try. It certainly wasn't one that she practiced with Remus. She pointed her wand back at the glass. " _Avifors_."

To Emma's surprise, the glass turned into a white dove, its feathers sparkling like glass. She couldn't help but feel proud of her spell-work. Flitwick clapped in delight, "Oh, well done!"

"Excellent work, Miss Lupin," McGonagall said with a rare smile. "Yes, I believe that with time you'll be right back on track."

"We can work on your wand grip in class," Professor Flitwick said. "I'm more than confident that we'll get you back on track. Remus, if you'd like, I can take some time to show you how to help a student fix their grip. I believe that it would be helpful for the younger years, as well."

"That would be wonderful, thank you," Remus said. "If Emma and I didn't have similar wands, I'm afraid I would have been terribly useless."

"Not to worry, it's very easy! We'll talk more about it throughout the week."

Professor Sprout stepped around the desk, placing a gentle hand on Emma's shoulder. "Emma, dear, do you believe that you'll need any accommodations during class?"

"I'm not too sure, Professor Sprout. I don't believe so, but…"

"Well, I can tell you that the third years are paired with Gryffindor for class again. We'll be starting with a lot of partner work, and I am sure that Mr. Longbottom will be more than willing to help."

Emma nodded. "I don't doubt it," she said quietly.

"Now, Emma, we're not quite done, but I would like to open the conversation up to you. We've all been doing a lot of talking, and you haven't had an opportunity to speak yourself," Dumbledore said.

"Er, yeah…it's a lot to take in," Emma sighed. "Uhm, I don't have much to say, since so many of my questions have been answered already. I would really like to apologize for last year. I don't know that I can ever say it enough. I didn't mean to worry anyone, and I certainly didn't mean to make things more difficult for everyone else at any point. It was incredibly selfish of me considering what was happening at the time…"

"No one blames you, Emma," Professor Sprout said gently. "I think we all concluded that we let you slip through the cracks."

"We promise not to let that happen again," McGonagall added with a rare smile.

Remus chuckled softly and put an arm around Emma's shoulders when he noticed her lip begin to quiver. "I'm afraid that someone is getting tired," Remus said pointedly to Dumbledore.

"I am not," Emma said, wiping her watering eyes on her robe sleeves. "I-I don't know how much of a say I get in the matter, but I was wondering if I could make one small request."

"You won't know unless you ask," Dumbledore said gently.

"I was wondering if it was possible if I could stay in my room during the week and then the dorms on the weekend instead."

Remus looked over at Professor Sprout. "What do you think?"

"Well, I know my Hufflepuffs usually have study group during the week…"

"I could always have them over during the week," Remus said thoughtfully. "They can use my classroom. I think I can handle turning the room into a study hall for a few hours."

"Then I think that can be arranged if that's what you would like," Professor Sprout said to Emma.

"Am I allowed to sleep in the dorms tonight, though? I'll stay the weekend in my room instead if I have to…"

"You can stay in the dorms tonight and for the weekend," Remus said with a soft chuckle. "I'm not going to keep you from seeing your friends. I dare say you saw enough of me over the summer."

"Now, before I send you off to bed, there's just one other matter to discuss," Dumbledore said, steepling his fingers on his desk.

"What's that, sir?" Emma asked, straightening up slightly.

"Ah, the matter of your self-harm."

"Oh," Emma said quietly.

"Now, ordinarily, when we are aware that a student is self-harming on school grounds, further precautions are taken."

"I know," Emma said, flinching slightly. Remus had told her that some sort of device was used to track to make sure that a person wasn't self-harming and hiding it. It was a sort of thin bracelet like object that did an incredible amount of monitoring on the wearer. It read moods, it provided location tracking, and was very much the magical version of an ankle monitor. Emma wasn't too thrilled over the idea of it, but she understood why it was needed.

"Your father has insisted that we not go that far."

She blinked owlishly at Remus in surprise. "Oh?"

"You've shown growth over the past few months," Remus explained. "I figured that you're going through enough right now that we didn't need to pile something else on, especially since I'm here. That's why you have so many check-ins with me throughout the week. If something were to come up, then we will figure out an appropriate course of action."

"Thank you," Emma said appreciatively to everyone. "I was worried about this year. Thank you."

"Wonderful," Dumbledore said with a smile. "Now that we have all but exhausted this conversation, I think we have spent enough time together tonight. If we need to all sit down together, we will at a later date. I think it's time for bed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	12. Tasseography

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the first full day of school!

The moment Emma sat down at the Hufflepuff table for breakfast, still bleary-eyed and sleepy, she was surrounded. She had taken her time leaving the common room since they had spent most of the night awake since everyone had asked her questions about Remus. Moving the sleepover out of the dorms and into the common room meant that other years had joined in on the fun.

The common room that was already full of squashy couches and pillows had the floors almost entirely covered. Someone had raided the kitchen for snacks, and food and drink were free-flowing. The only students who were in their dorms were the first years and some of the shyer second years. Emma wasn't at all surprised that Chloe had gone to the dorms, and Caspian seemed to be leading the festivities, sharing his stories of Remus as well. It wasn't until 4 in the morning that everyone settled down, and Emma was finally able to sleep.

Emma was pouring herself a cup of very strong coffee. It wasn't particularly her favorite, but she needed as much caffeine as possible. Emma glanced up at the small crowd that had swept upon her, crowding in close and sitting shoulder to shoulder with her. She continued to make her coffee as she usually would, making sure to add a little extra sugar than normal. It was easier to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary, but everyone was looking at her expectantly.

"Er, yes?" Emma asked, looking at the oddly overjoyed faces around her. Something had happened, and she was wondering what she had missed. As if everyone had been waiting for Emma to ask, they exploded into noise and started talking over each other.

"Emma, you won't believe it!" someone said.

"It was _amazing_!" someone else said, fervent nods coming from the others.

"He's _so cool_ ," Caspian said fondly, resting his head on his hand as he looked at Emma.

 _Amazing? He's so cool_? It was far too early for Emma to process what was going on. She had been awake for exactly a half-hour, and this was too much. Persephone pushed a gap between the chattering Hufflepuffs and sunk down into the space next to Emma, a smirk on her face.

"All right, little Hufflepuffs, give Little Lupin some space. You'll give the poor thing a heart attack if you dare mention that Remus – er, _Professor_ Lupin is cool again."

Emma turned to Persephone, blinking slowly. She held a finger up to Persephone and took a long drink of her coffee, pulling a face as she managed to add too much sugar. "What in Merlin's beard is going on?" she asked, putting the cup back down. Everyone was watching her with an incredible amount of glee.

"Well, a certain someone managed to capture everyone's attention by, uh, in his very Remus way, threatening Jocelyn and Chloe," Persephone said quietly. She reached out and took Emma's schedule from Professor Sprout, who seemed to also be beaming, and passed it to her.

"Excuse me, he did _what_?" Emma took the schedule from Persephone without looking at it, her eyes growing wide. "He's a _professor_ , he wouldn't."

"Oh ho, he did. And it was wonderful," Persephone said, wiping away an imaginary tear. "I think he only did it because you weren't in here yet, but it was honestly brilliant. You know how he can be – sharp words that just drip with the subtlest amount of sarcasm. Judging by the clueless looks on Jocelyn and Chloe's faces right now, I don't think they even know what happened."

"What did Snape say? I have a feeling that Dad… _Professor Lupin_ – that sounds bloody ridiculous - Dad and I are going to be on Snape's shit list after last year."

Persephone's smirk grew wider. "That's the thing, Snape only just showed up a few minutes before you did. He never saw a thing," Persephone said, her smirk turning to a lopsided grin. "And anyone presently in our company completely ignored what Re did."

Emma nodded slowly, trying to process what was happening. She turned around to look over at the Slytherin table, where Jocelyn and Chloe were sitting together. They were wearing matching perturbed looks and whispering to each other, their heads low. She glanced over at the head table, and it appeared that no one seemed to have been bothered by what apparently transpired. "What did he even say? He really said something to them?"

"Don't worry about it," Persephone grinned. "And he really said something to them? Merlin, you're going to ask me that question? It's all everyone is talking about, if you haven't noticed. All eyes have been on you since you walked in."

"No, they haven't," Emma said, looking over her shoulder and blanching as she noticed that people were staring at her. "Okay, well, it's only because of, you know…Plus, they were all giving me the same looks last night."

A small shudder rolled through Emma as she thought of the announcement at the welcome feast. Everyone had been ignoring her up until that point, which had been a relief. The moment "Professor Lupin" left Dumbledore's lips, she felt hundreds of eyes turning in her direction. It never occurred to her that people might find it curious. Lupin was not a common surname, and with how much she looked like Remus, she couldn't play it off as coincidence.

"It's not," Persephone said, shaking her head. "Trust me, they would be giving you different looks if it was about that. Also, would you take a look at your schedule? I'm not leaving you alone until you look and start eating."

Giving Persephone a pout, Emma looked down at her class schedule and found herself reading it multiple times.

"Is this…there's no way that this is really my schedule." Emma pouted slightly, reading through it once more. "No potions for me, but look at this – a lot of walking today, but this is just…perfect. Herbology in the mornings before it gets too hot, we've got Defense and Transfiguration together…"

"Honestly, I think Hufflepuff has the best schedule this year," Persephone said, her smile growing even more prominent. "Wish we had History of Magic together, but you can see it's been staggered for prime nap time. Double history on Wednesday means you get an excellent nap before dinner. You've got a great nap time after Divination today, and then nap time just before lunch tomorrow. And really your Friday is perfect. Double Herbology, History, lunch, and then finishing out with double Defense?"

"There's no way this is possible," Emma muttered. "But no potions…"

"Don't worry about that right now. Just relish in the perfection that is your schedule."

"But there's no way! I don't understand how this happened."

"I have an idea. Now start eating," Persephone said, beginning to shovel food onto Emma's plate. "Don't make me feed you myself. We're not having a repeat of last year."

"Merlin, all right," Emma grumbled, stuffing her schedule into her bag and taking a piece of toast and biting into it dramatically. "Happy?"

"Yes, but have more than that," Persephone said, standing up. "I'll be back, and then we can head up to Divination."

"Where are you going?"

"Going to go and compliment _Professor_ Lupin, of course," Persephone smiled, before grimacing. "And I wanted to apologize again for the other night."

"Oh, good luck with that," Emma laughed. "I get the lecture after dinner tonight, so you have fun."

"Thanks, you arse."

"Anytime, Effie!"

Emma watched Persephone make her way to the front of the Great Hall towards Remus. He was speaking with a very animated Professor Flitwick who had just sat back down from passing out schedules. She was pleased to see that Remus looked a lot better than the day before and didn't look as though he would fall asleep at any moment. Though he still looked tired, color was returning to his skin, and he didn't look sick. With a sigh, Emma returned to eating, watching curiously until she noticed Snape stalking towards her.

"Lupin."

"Er, good morning," Emma muttered, looking past Snape to watch Persephone and Remus for a moment. She noticed Remus's attention be pulled from Flitwick, surprise crossing his face at seeing Persephone. Then he looked in Emma's direction, and she quickly turned back to Snape. "Was there something you needed, sir?"

"Yes," he drawled, folding his arms in front of his chest. "I was thinking this morning about whether or not to allow you into my class this year. I'm sure that you could see from your schedule that Potions is noticeably absent."

"I did, sir," Emma nodded, glancing back to see if Persephone and Remus were still talking. The last thing she needed was Remus to come over now. Luckily, he was still sitting at the table, listening patiently to whatever Persephone was saying. Feeling Emma looking at him, he looked up and met her gaze, concern flashing across his face.

"Do you plan on paying attention to what I have to say, Lupin? Or are you more concerned with what your father is doing?"

Emma felt her cheeks heat up, and she looked up at Snape for a moment before averting her eyes. "Sorry, Professor."

Snape said nothing for a beat. "You will come to my classroom at noon if you would be interested in learning how you can return to class. Any later, you will forfeit that right, and you will be on your own for the rest of your Hogwarts career. Do I make myself plain?"

"Yes, sir," Emma muttered. She cringed slightly, seeing that Remus had stood up from the staff table and was clearly on his way over. Persephone had returned back to the Slytherin table to talk to Daphne.

"Noon, Lupin. Do not be late," Snape said, barely sparing a glance over his shoulder before he swept out of the room.

With her mind going a million miles a minute, Emma quickly flung into action. _Look casual_. She promptly turned back around and pulled a book out of her bag to pretend to look through as she ate. Emma spared a glance up at Caspian, who bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, and she noticed Cedric further down who wore a similar expression. _Gits_.

"You know, that might have worked if you pulled the book out as soon as you got in here. Unless, of course, your goal was to look terribly suspicious."

Emma cringed but straightened her face out before turning around to look at Remus. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she said before a smirk crossed her face. " _Professor_."

Remus rolled his eyes at that. "You're going to be a handful this year, aren't you?"

"Well, where's the fun in having your dad be a professor if you don't get to be annoying about it?" Emma asked. She sighed, closing her book and putting it back in her bag. "I suppose that was stupid."

"You have much to learn about the art of subtlety, my dear," Remus sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. "What did Professor Snape want?"

"Nothing," Emma said, perhaps a little too quickly as Remus's eyebrows shot straight up. She cleared her throat, silently cursing herself. "He just wanted to remind me that I'm still not allowed back into Potions. Just the usual."

The look on Remus's face told her he didn't believe her in the least, but he gave her a gentle smile. "I'll let it slide – for now. What's your first class today?"

Emma reached back into her bag to look. "Divination first," Emma said, scanning through the schedule again. "Did you have something to do with this?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Remus said with a smirk.

"Thank you," Emma said quietly. "When's your first class?"

"Second period. I'm starting with the fifth years. Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. Merlin, help me when I get to my Gryffindor and Slytherin fourth year class," Remus gave Emma a slightly nervous smile before giving her a pointed look. "Eat. I'll see you later today."

"You'll do great. Everyone's going to love you. You've already got several people here who already do, including a Slytherin, so I think you've already got it made," Emma said with a laugh. "Plus, your biggest fan is here."

Remus only smiled in response, his cheeks turning slightly pink. He cleared his throat and ran a hand over his mouth to try and wipe away his smile, which made Emma laugh even more.

"That might have worked if you didn't already smile," Emma said, parroting Remus's words back at him. She turned back around so that she could finish eating, a smile on her face.

"Ah, so this is my punishment from my school days," Remus said with a snort. "My own daughter is going to be the troublemaker in my class."

"I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that," Emma said, looking over her shoulder at Remus to give him a pointed look. "Now, if you could so kindly go on your way, _Professor_ , I would like to finish eating." Emma turned back around and nearly broke down into giggles when Remus gave a dignified sniff and finally went on his way.

"What did you do to Re?" Persephone asked, sitting back down next to Emma. "Was he _blushing_?"

"Just told him he'd be great today," Emma said, taking a final bite of toast. "Then he said that his punishment was going to be me being a pain in the arse in his class. He's not wrong."

Persephone gave Emma a nudge. "You're finally growing up, I'm so proud of you," she said.

"And you've gathered that by the possibility of me being a pain in the arse in dad's class?"

"It's everything with you," Persephone said, making a vague gesture towards Emma. "I mean, you're still you, but you're…an older you." Persephone's eyes grew wide. "Oh, no…"

"What?" Emma asked Persephone in a panic. "What is it?"

"Emma…I think you're turning into _your father_."

"Oh, no, don't you dare," Emma said, gathering her things and standing up. "I am _not_. Come on, we have to figure out where this bloody classroom is."

"No, no, I think it's finally happening," Persephone said with a smirk.

"Effie, pleeease," Emma pleaded as she grabbed onto Persephone's hand and dragged her out of the Great Hall. "I don't need to hear it! Ignorance is bliss!"

Persephone practically laughed the entirety of their trek up to the Divination classroom. It was a relief that Persephone knew precisely where they were going because Emma was sure that she would have gotten lost. Sometimes she felt fortunate to be friends with someone who had no problems being friends with the older students.

"Why the hell is this class in the stupidest place in the castle?" Emma grumbled as they ascended a set of tightly spiraling stairs.

"Professor Trelawney is a little…different," Persephone said, pausing so that they could take a breather against the wall.

"I'm so glad this class is only twice a week," Emma said, leaning her head on Persephone's arm. "We're either terribly out of shape, or this class is way too far away."

"Maybe we should ask Re if we can have breakfast in his office on Thursdays. It'll make the walk a lot easier," Persephone muttered as she straightened up. "Onwards, Little Lupin!"

Emma groaned and continued to follow Persephone. It felt like it took forever for them to finally reach the landing where a few students were gathered. Emma looked around and then gave Persephone a look, not seeing any doors. "Effie, did we go to the right place? There are no doors." Persephone pointed up to the ceiling, and Emma looked up to see a trapdoor with a brass plaque. "Right…and how are we supposed to get up there?"

"There's a ladder," Persephone said. "It'll drop when she's ready to let us in."

Their Divination class seemed to be on the smaller side, Emma noted as more people started to arrive. It looked as though it was mostly the Gryffindors who decided to take Divination with a smattering from the other houses.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione had arrived, joining the crowd.

"How are we supposed to get up there?" Harry asked, staring up at the trapdoor. The door suddenly opened, and a silver ladder dropped at Harry's feet.

Ron gave Harry a nudge. "After you," he said with a grin.

Slowly they began to climb the ladder, and they entered what looked like an attic. The walls were covered in warm-colored wood paneling. Small circular tables were crammed inside the room with armchairs and poufs. Everything was very crimson as the lamps were covered in dark red scarves. The room was terribly warm, and Emma immediately took off her robe, and a few others did as well.

"What the hell did we sign up for, Eff?" Emma hissed to Persephone. Persephone was looking around just as confused. Persephone was about to open her mouth to speak but jumped as an ethereal sounding voice suddenly spoke from seemingly out of nowhere.

"Welcome. How nice to see you in the physical world at last."

A small woman appeared into the light, and Emma wasn't sure if they were being pranked. The woman in front of them was almost like a caricature of what Emma would imagine a fortune teller to be – all massive shawl and large glasses that magnified her already large eyes. Her fingers were covered in numerous rings, and multiple necklaces hung around her neck. Her arms jangled with her multitude of bangles.

"Sit, my children, sit," she said, and everyone snuck furtive glances at each other before taking seats around the tables.

Emma and Persephone chose a table with two armchairs, and she was grateful that they did. The heavy perfume that seemed to be coming from the fire was making her feel terribly sleepy and stupid.

"Welcome to Divination," Professor Trelawney said, settling herself into a winged armchair in front of the fire. "My name is Professor Trelawney. You may not have seen me before. I find that descending too often into the hustle and bustle of the main school clouds my Inner Eye."

No one said anything and only continued to watch Professor Trelawney. She rearranged her shawl and continued, "So you have chosen to study Divination, the most difficult of all magical arts. I must warn you at the outset that if you do not have the Sight, there is very little I will be able to teach you. Books can only take you so far in this field.

"Many witches and wizards, talented though they are in the area of loud bangs and smells and sudden disappearings, are yet unable to penetrate the veiled mysteries of the future. It is a Gift granted to few." Trelawney suddenly turned to Neville, who nearly fell off of his pouf in alarm. "You, boy. Is your grandmother well?"

"I think so," Neville said.

"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you, dear," Professor Trelawney said. She continued on as if she hadn't said something surprising. "We will be covering the basic methods of Divination this year. The first term will be devoted to reading the tea leaves. Next term, we shall progress to palmistry. By the way, my dear," she turned to Parvati, "beware a red-haired man."

Parvati immediately looked back at Ron who was sitting behind her, and she shifted her chair away from him.

"In the second term, we shall progress to the crystal ball – if we have finished with fire omens, that is. Unfortunately, classes will be disrupted by February by a nasty bout of flu. I myself will lose my voice. And around Easter, one of our number will leave us forever."

There was a very tense silence as a few of the class whispered to each other in alarm. Professor Trelawney seemed utterly unaware.

"I wonder, dear," she said to Lavender, who was nearest and shrank back in her chair, "if you could pass me the largest silver teapot?"

Lavender let out a sigh of relief and stood up, grabbed an enormous teapot from the shelf, and placed it down on the table in front of Professor Trelawney.

"Thank you, my dear. Incidentally, that thing you are dreading – it will happen on Friday the fifteenth of October."

Lavender gulped and shivered.

"Now, I want you all to divide into pairs. Collect a teacup from the shelf, come to me, and I will fill it. Then sit down and drink, drink until only the dregs remain. Swill these around the cup three times with the left hand, then turn the cup upside down on its saucer, wait for the last of the tea to drain away, then give your cup to your partner to read. You will interpret the patterns using pages five and six of _Unfogging the Future_. I shall move among you, helping and instructing. Oh, and dear -" Professor Trelawney grabbed Neville's arm as he began to stand "- after you've broken your first cup, would you be so kind as to select one of the blue patterned ones? I'm rather attached to the pink."

Neville had scarcely made it to the shelf of teacups when there was the crack of breaking china. Professor Trelawney swept over to him with a dustpan and brush and said, "One of the blue ones, then, dear, if you wouldn't mind… thank you…"

Emma and Persephone sat together at a table and began to drink their tea. "This room is making me so sleepy," Emma said, glaring at the tea in her cup. "I think she's spiked it with a sleeping draught."

"Shut up and drink," Persephone said, putting her cup down to rub her temples. "I think you're giving me a headache."

"I think this room is giving you a headache. Don't blame me."

They made similar frustrated noises and drained their cups, swilled the dregs, drained their cups, and swapped.

"Remind me to never let you convince me to take a class again," Emma grumbled as she flipped her book to pages five and six and peered into Persephone's cup. "Dad was onto something when he told me it was a bad idea to take this. I should've taken Arithmancy instead or given myself a free period. I could still be sleeping right now…"

Persephone snorted as she stared into Emma's cup, her brows knitting together as she tried to consult the book and decipher the dregs. "Today, we have learned that the youngest Lupin does _not_ have the Seer ability in her family," Persephone said, turning Emma's cup. "If it makes you feel any better, apparently neither do I. What are you getting from mine?"

"Just…bits of tea leaves in blobs. You?"

"Much of the same."

"Broaden your minds, my dears, and allow your eyes to see past the mundane!" Trelawney cried out, forcing Emma and Persephone out of their haze.

"Right, okay," Emma said, giving Persephone's cup another twist. "Well, this looks like it could possibly be an apple. That means a long life, so that's good, right? Oh, but this could be a knife, which means disaster through fighting. That's rather silly. I can't figure these out."

Persephone immediately devolved into giggles, forcing Trelawney to look their way. "I can't figure out yours," Persephone said, grimacing when she saw Trelawney heading their way. "Oh, no, she's coming here."

Emma paled as Trelawney approached them with her eyes wide. "Hello, my dears, and how are you fairing in your readings?"

"Uhm, well, thank you, Professor," Emma said, trying to give a polite smile.

Trelawney motioned to take the cup from Emma, and she handed it over. "And what did you see, my dear?"

"Er, I saw what I think is an apple and a knife, which is very conflicting."

"Yes, yes, I see both the apple and the knife," Trelawney said, turning to Persephone solemnly. "You will have a long life, but there will be a period of great trouble. You also have wings, which means a message will be coming your way." Trelawney passed the cup back to Emma. Upon receiving the cup back, she gave it another curious twist. Trelawney then took Emma's cup from Persephone and immediately began to make tutting noises.

"Oh, my dear," Trelawney said, reaching out to pat Emma's hand gently. "Do you see this frog being attacked by a snake? It means that you'll need to expect a big change in your life due to an enemy. A thimble means that there will be changes at home, but you have a full moon as well, which means that romance is ahead." Trelawney handed the cup back to Persephone and practically floated away.

"Uhm," Emma looked over at Persephone with raised eyebrows. "Let it be said, for the record, that I absolutely hate you right now."

The class started to grow quiet, and Emma was almost sure everyone had fallen asleep. She was half-way there herself. Emma sat up and took a look around to find that everyone was now focused on watching Professor Trelawney at Harry and Ron's table.

"The skull… danger in your path, my dear…"

Everyone was now watching Professor Trelawney, transfixed. She gave the cup in her hand a turn, gasped, and then screamed. There was another tinkle of breaking china as Neville broke his second cup. Professor Trelawney sank into an armchair, her hand at her heart, and her eyes closed.

"What did I miss?" Emma hissed to Persephone, her eyes flicking between Harry and Professor Trelawney.

"Harry apparently has a bad cup. He had a falcon and a club, too," Persephone whispered back.

"My dear boy… my poor, dear boy no – it is kinder not to say… no… don't ask me…"

"What is it, Professor?" Dean Thomas asked, standing up. Everyone got up to try and crowd around Harry and Ron's table.

"My dear," Trelawney said, her eyes opening dramatically. "You have the Grim."

"The what?" asked Harry, looking around.

Emma looked around, glad to see that she wasn't the only one who didn't know what the Grim was. She shared confused looks with Harry and Lavender, and Dean looked just as puzzled. However, it appeared that most of the class had covered their mouths in horror.

"The Grim, my dear, the Grim!" Trelawney cried out, appearing alarmed that Harry had no idea what she was talking about. "The giant, spectral dog that haunts churchyards! My dear boy, it is an omen – the worst omen – of _death!_ "

Hermione had gotten up and walked around to the back of Trelawney's chair and gave a great huff.

"I don't think it looks like a Grim," she said.

Professor Trelawney surveyed Hermione with apparent and mounting dislike.

"You'll forgive me for saying so, my dear, but I perceive very little aura around you. Very little receptivity to the resonances of the future."

Seamus stared at the cup, tilting his head from side to side.

"It looks like a Grim if you do this," Seamus said, squinting his eyes, "but it looks more like a donkey from here," he said, tilting his head to the left.

"When you've all finished deciding whether I'm going to die or not!" snapped Harry. Everyone immediately looked away, surprised by Harry's sudden outburst.

"I think we will leave the lesson here for today," Professor Trelawney said in her mistiest voice. "Yes… please pack away your things."

The class slowly brought their teacups to Professor Trelawney and packed away their books. No one looked at Harry out of fear they would set him off into another fit of anger.

"Until we meet again, fair fortune be yours," said Professor Trelawney. "Oh, and dear -" she pointed at Neville "- you'll be late next time, so mind you work extra hard to catch up."

Emma and Persephone descended the ladder in relative silence, and Emma took in a deep breath. "Do you think it's too late to change classes?" Emma asked Persephone.

"No idea," she said, shaking her head. "One day, and you're already giving up?"

"I don't know that I really like it," Emma sighed. "Where are you off to now?"

"Charms. You've got History of Magic, right?"

"Yes, thank Merlin, I'll be taking a well-deserved nap," Emma said.

"All right. See you at lunch?"

"Uhm, there's something I have to do at noon, so I'm not sure," Emma said quietly. "Maybe, though."

"Oh, right. Well, see you in Care of Magical Creatures at least," Persephone said, giving Emma a small wave as she made her way down the stairs.

"That's if I even survive whatever Snape has me do," Emma muttered under her breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally worst summary ever, I apologize, but - First day, first day, first day.
> 
> What do you think Snape is going to have Emma do? Do you think Emma is eventually going to like Divination? Why are Emma and Persephone two halves of a whole and absolutely ridiculous together? See you all in chapter 13~
> 
> Also, it's come to my attention that THIS is a lot of reader's first adventure into Emma's world. While this one can be read as a stand-alone (for the most part), a lot happened in the first two stories of the series! If you're ever super confused, I recommend starting at the very beginning. 
> 
> There's still another four more years to write after third year is done, so I don't want you all to be confused if you continue reading. 
> 
> Love you all and thank you, thank you, thank you for the kudos so far!
> 
> **come find me on:**  
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)  
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> 
> [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/r6xi6203vwza01epk6askwk15?si=t4wwYBERRymTJvw09FJG3Q)  
> 


	13. Scene of the Crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma visits the Potions classroom to find out what Professor Snape wants. Neither Emma nor Remus are happy about the turn of events.

Stepping into the Potions classroom was slightly daunting. Emma couldn't help her eyes flickering to the last spot she remembered standing in the classroom. She could almost imagine her blood still on the stone floor, and she shuddered. Every single thought she'd had come rushing at her, and it made her nauseous. Emma was glad that she skipped eating lunch as she was sure she would've have lost it from sheer nerves.

"Remembering what you did the last time you set foot into this room, Lupin?"

Emma's eyes shot up to find Snape, and she frowned. "Something like that," she said quietly.

"I imagine you are wondering why I requested you to come here today," Snape drawled, waiting for Emma to nod. "I am still not sure if I am willing to welcome you into my class. I believe that a test would be best before I make my final decision."

"A test, Professor?"

"Yes. You seemed very sure that you could create a satisfactory Draught of Living Death at the meeting before the year let out. Do you still believe that to be the case?"

The classroom door flew open, and Emma flinched violently at the sudden noise. She whirled around to see Remus breathing heavily in the doorway. Clearly, he had run very fast from wherever he was to get to the dungeons. How did he even know that she was here? She never told him.

"What a surprise, Lupin," Snape said, turning his dark eyes to Remus, who shot a look back. Snape turned to Emma, his dark eyes unreadable. "Are you to blame for this intrusion?"

"No," Emma said, panicking as she met Snape's gaze and then turned back to Remus. "I never said anything…"

"You didn't have to," Remus said, taking a deep breath as he shot Emma a warning look. "I heard elsewhere." He turned to Snape. "Severus, you are not subjecting her to this. I don't care how much you don't like me, do not take our issues out on my daughter."

"The world – the moon – doesn't revolve around you, Lupin," Snape said, raising an eyebrow. "Your _daughter_ insisted that she can make an adequate potion. If she would like to set foot into this classroom again, then she has thirty minutes to complete the potion."

Remus's eyes narrowed as he looked at Snape, and he turned to Emma. He crossed the room to where she stood, putting his hands on her shoulders. "You don't need to do this. Your grandfather and I already discussed paying for a tutor for you. It would mean starting in a few weeks, but I was planning on reaching out to the people that were recommended to me this weekend."

"No," Emma said, shaking her head. "I'm here, so Professor Snape should be the one teaching me. I'm not putting you or grandpa out."

"Emma, I have told you time and time again – you don't need to worry about that," Remus sighed as he lowered his voice. "He's not doing this because of what you did, he's doing this to get back at me for something that happened when we were in school. I don't need you accidentally making the potion wrong again – it's too advanced. It's a N.E.W.T. level potion, you're only one day into your third year."

"Dad, I can do it," Emma muttered, feeling slightly annoyed that Remus doubted her abilities. She glanced over at Snape, who was staring at them, unblinking. She turned back to Remus, straightening herself up. "I want to do this. I need to prove that I can make it – not for him, but for me."

"Fy nghariad bach please," Remus pulled Emma a little further from Snape. "He is taking a very old grudge out on you. Just let your grandfather and I -"

"I'm not worth the trouble. You two aren't paying for a tutor for me. That's absolutely ridiculous when I'm already here."

"You're not worth the trouble? Emma, I'm not particularly fond of potions, but I know you want to take the class all the way to the N.E.W.T. level. We will pay for a tutor."

"The more time you take dawdling, the less time you have to work," Snape drawled from where he stood.

Emma let out a frustrated groan. "Yes, I do want to take potions through to N.E.W.T., and that's why you're not paying for a tutor. _He_ already gets paid to teach, and he should be teaching me as well. I know I messed up, but I deserve a second chance. If this is what I have to do, then I'm doing it." Emma sighed at the look on Remus's face. His worry was very evident, and he didn't want to relent. "Dad, I promise I can do this. I know what I did wrong last time, and I know what to do. I was scared the last time I made it. Please – I need your support on this. It's not as though I need to drink it."

"The clock doesn't stop if you don't look at it," Snape said impatiently.

Remus sighed, looking down at the floor to try. He took a deep breath to try and compose himself. When he looked back up at Emma, he seemed resigned to the fact that she wasn't going to change her mind. Remus took Emma's face in his hands and kissed her forehead and pulled her in for a tight hug. "Okay," he whispered into her hair. "But I'm not leaving this room."

Emma pulled away from Remus and took her bag off her shoulder and handed it to Remus. She gave him a small nod and turned to Snape.

"How touching," Snape said with disgust. "Do you need the recipe?"

"No," Emma said sharply. She had the recipe for the Draught of Living Death tucked in the back of her mind because she didn't want to forget it. She took her robe off and handed that to Remus as well. She fixed Snape with a look as she rolled up her sleeves and pulled back her hair. She could do this – she knew she could. The only thing that might set her back was how much she was trembling from her nerves.

"Very well. Pick any cauldron of your choosing and begin. You may borrow an extra kit as I imagine you have not brought yours with you. You'll have 45 minutes to complete the potion. If you brew it correctly, you will only need 25."

Emma gulped, picking a cauldron furthest away from the one she had used the last time she had been in the class. She approached the walls full of ingredients and frowned, putting her hands on her hips. Everything was moved and in a different order. This could be a problem with how large the classroom was.

Rather than reading the labels, Emma tried to scan the vials by their contents alone. She found the Sopophorous beans first, followed by the valerian root, which was close by. It took her a little bit of time, but she came across the African sea salt and added that to her hand. The wormwood and asphodel seemed to be hidden. She brought the ingredients she had over to the cauldron she chose. She wanted to get the cauldron lit, but she knew she needed the wormwood early on.

She let out a small hum, trying hard to ignore the way Remus was staring as he took a seat. Emma knew that he was worried, but that wasn't going to help her. She took another look around the classroom and found the wormwood. The asphodel was still nowhere to be seen, but she would come back to it. Emma brought the wormwood back over to the table and lit the flame underneath the cauldron.

Before she could forget, Emma ran to grab a potions kit, and her nerves kicked into high gear. She couldn't mess the potion up twice, especially not with Remus so close. She dropped the kit back with everything else and pulled out the large measuring cup and filled it.

Emma remembered her thoughts from the last time she had been in the classroom. She had to shake her head to keep the thoughts from creeping back in. Now was not the time. Measuring cup full, Emma returned to the cauldron and carefully measured out the sea salt. She wanted to add it to the water right away, but she forced herself to wait for the second hand on the clock to hit the 12. She wasn't taking any chances.

The moment the second hand hit the 12, Emma dropped the salt into the measuring cup. She had five minutes to get herself situated.

Unlike last time, she now knew that the Sopophorous didn't necessarily need to be added all in one shot. She pulled out 13 beans but made sure to only crush 12 and drop the liquid into a vial. If she needed the thirteenth bean, it would be available and could be added later. She felt the color drain from her face as she pulled a knife out, once again brought back to that morning. The silver blade seemed to mock her, but Emma pulled a small bunch of beans close, turned the knife on its side, and crushed them.

She grabbed a vial, crushed the beans further with her fingers to drop the juice into the container, and repeated the action. Crushing the beans was far more effective than cutting them. As Emma looked back up at the clock, she realized she still had three minutes before she had to add the water into the cauldron. Her quest for the asphodel was on, and she kept a close watch on the clock.

A frustrated growl escaped Emma's lips as she still couldn't find the asphodel, but she returned back to the cauldron, pouring in the water. She grabbed the essence of wormwood and a graduated cylinder, vaguely falling into the steady pattern of making the potion. She poured the green liquid, almost smirking at the familiarity, and made sure that she measured precisely 40 ounces. She wasn't making that mistake again.

Emma wasn't quite sure when she had forgotten the fact that Remus and Snape were in the room, but it made the situation more manageable. Blocking them out and pretending they weren't there meant that she could focus on what she was doing. She went through the next few steps smoothly and was in the process of cutting her valerian roots when Snape spoke.

"I should have probably mentioned that you will be testing the potion when you're done," Snape said slowly, his dark eyes boring into Emma's.

Remus shot up quickly from where he stood, his eyes blazing. "Absolutely not, Severus. I was fine with her making the potion, but she is _not_ going to take it."

"If she is going to participate in this class, then she will be taking it, Lupin. If she is so confident that she can brew the potion, then she will be confident enough to take it as well."

Emma gulped, speeding up her cutting. She still needed the asphodel, and she wasn't about to ask Snape for it. Emma practically slammed the knife down on the table once she was finished cutting the valerian and had it added to another beaker with water. As long as her potion was turning the right color, she would have five full minutes to search again.

Peering nervously back into the cauldron, Emma saw the potion darkening in color. She double-checked the clock – she had four minutes.

"Dad, it's fine," Emma said, practically shoving Remus back down onto the stool he had been occupying as she went in search of asphodel. She clambered onto the floor to check the lower shelves.

Remus let out an aggravated huff. "What are you looking for?" he asked Emma, not at all amused.

"You are not to help her, Lupin," Snape said sharply.

Emma tuned them out again, the stakes much higher. She glanced up at the clock. She had a minute left before she had to work, and then she had to add in the Sopophorous. She crawled a little quicker as she scanned the shelves. Emma was about to give and abandon her search, but she finally found the light green powder tucked behind several bottles. Snape had to have hidden it, knowing what he was going to have her do. It was just the sort of thing that the potions master would do but would deny if anyone asked.

With another glance at the clock, Emma shot up from the floor, slamming her hip into the side of a table as she rushed back. She winced, setting the bottle of asphodel down and picking the vial up with the Sopophorous bean juice. She slammed her hip pretty hard, and she couldn't help muttering expletives under her breath, but she refused to let it deter her from finishing. Emma stood carefully on her toes to look at her potion. At least it had turned to a dusty grape-like color, just like how it should've looked the first time.

She sat down and tipped the bean juice into the cauldron and carefully grabbed the beaker of valerian. This time she would make sure there was no root as she grabbed a dropper and filled it. She wasn't taking any chances – she couldn't, not now. But of course, Emma's cockiness would be her downfall. She watched in utter horror as an eighth drop of valerian slipped from the dropper. Her hands were shaking too much.

"No," Emma muttered as she put the dropper down, leaning her head down on the table. "No, no, no, no, no."

What was she supposed to do now? Should she add the thirteenth bean? The valerian was meant to add to the sedative qualities, and because she added that extra drop on accident, it would force that quality to cancel out. That was where she messed up last time. Was it worth just saying she couldn't make it and just take Remus's offer? It was the last thing she wanted to do, but it was starting to look like that was her only option.

"Breathe," Remus said softly from where he sat. There was a considerable amount of restraint in his voice that made Emma nervous. "Think about what you're doing. Think of what it is you can do next to fix the problem."

Emma looked over at Remus, her brows furrowing. Emma frowned as she turned back to the cauldron. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself as she thought about what to do. She could figure this out. Glancing up at Snape gave her no answers as he stared back at her. She felt stupid thinking that Snape was going to bother helping her. There had to be a solution considering how complicated the potion was. Though the ingredients were cheap, no one wanted to just throw away a potion and this was such an old recipe. It had to be fixable.

The solution practically jumped out at Emma, and she stood up, her hip throbbing by the action. She needed to add another drop of valerian. The even amount of valerian had been what messed up the potion last time with the addition of the root. If she added a ninth drop, it might be a little more potent, but she could add that final Sopophorous to rebalance the potion. If there was any further issue, she could add Flobberworm mucus, and it wouldn't ruin the integrity of the potion.

Emma carefully added another drop of Valerian and immediately crushed the bean and added it. She glanced up at Snape, but of course, he gave nothing away. She would be fine, she thought to herself as she stirred the potion, making sure to keep her stirring slow.

Each stir made the potion lighter and lighter until finally, it was a near-perfect lilac color. Letting out a sigh of relief, Emma stirred the potion counterclockwise. As long as it turned transparent, she was fine.

"Come on," Emma muttered to the potion, watching it impatiently.

Clear! It turned clear! Thank Merlin, the damned potion turned transparent.

Emma added the seven pieces of valerian slowly, stirred the potion again, and measured out the asphodel. She made sure that she made the measurement exact, triple checking it before adding it to the cauldron. She stirred, and she stirred, and she stirred. Finally, all she could do was wait another 2 and a half minutes.

Snape slowly approached Emma's cauldron, peering into it as she focused on the clock. "Make sure you're paying attention to the clock, Lupin," Snape said just to the side of her.

"I know," Emma growled through gritted teeth, carefully reaching for a piece of valerian root as the time approached the two-minute mark. Then there were only seconds left.

 _5, 4, 3, 2, 1_ … Emma quickly dropped the valerian root into the cauldron, and Snape whisked the cauldron off the flame before Emma could make sure that it looked like water. Emma made to protest but thought better of it, turned off the fire, and leaned forward on the table, resting her head on her arms. She was incredibly dizzy and was shaking more than she had the first time she made the potion.

Remus was at her side in an instant, a hand rubbing her back gently. "Are you all right?" Remus asked, leaning down to whisper in her ear.

Emma nodded weakly, her eyes watering. She wiped her eyes off before standing back up to look at Remus. "Yeah," she said, biting her lip in an attempt to keep herself from breaking down. "I think it was worse this time around." She hesitated for a moment before adding, "At least last time, you were only in my head…"

Remus sighed, pulling Emma into a hug and cradling her head against his chest. He had to have faith in Emma's abilities and remember that Severus wouldn't dare actually kill a student. Snape wanted to see Remus panic, and he wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. Up until half-way through making the potion, Emma had been confident, but Snape shook her up. Her nervous trembling aside, Emma seemed to have figured out what she needed to do. He had to tell himself that it would be fine.

Snape returned back with a dark goblet in hand just as Emma pulled away from Remus. He inclined his head towards the floor. "I would suggest sitting down unless you plan on bleeding out on my classroom floor again."

Emma felt her face flush and was about to sit, but before she had a chance, Remus took a spot on the floor, leaning against the table leg. He grabbed Emma's hand and tugged her down so that she sat between his legs. She turned to look at Remus over her shoulder with a frown. "This is weird," she muttered, protesting slightly as he pulled her towards him so that her back was pressed against his chest.

"Trust me, it'll hit fast if you did it right," Remus said, taking the goblet from Snape and handing it to Emma. "I would rather make sure you stay in one spot and not fall over."

"You will drink the potion, and I will wait for five minutes before reviving you," Snape said, completely ignoring Remus. "If you suffer no ill effects after five minutes, then you made the potion correctly and will wake up in the same spot. However, if you were unsuccessful, then I'm sure you have a personal bed in the hospital wing already waiting for you."

Remus tensed up behind Emma, but he put a hand on her arm so that he could keep her steady as soon as she fell under the effects of the potion. "I trust your abilities," Remus whispered to her. "You're going to wake up right here on this…disturbingly frigid dungeon floor, and everything will be fine."

Emma leaned slightly to the side to look at Remus and gave him a weak smile. She let out a small, nervous breath, glanced up at Snape, and then looked into the goblet. It was dark, so she couldn't see what color the potion turned, but at least it wasn't a large amount of potion. In truth, it was probably the amount that she should have taken the first time. Taking a deep breath, Emma tipped the potion into her mouth, and she was out before she had a chance to put the goblet back down.

Jerking awake wasn't exactly how Emma expected to leave the relative peacefulness that she had just been in. Her eyes flung open, and she went to sit up straight, but she was held where she was. She took in a deep, gasping breath and looked around, trying to force her brain to process what happened. She was confused by how warm her back felt until she remembered that she had been leaning against Remus. The man was like a furnace and the rest of her body felt cold. Emma felt entirely far more disoriented and groggier than she thought she would. She heard Remus let out a relieved sigh from behind her.

"You said five minutes, Severus. Not fifteen," Remus snarled, gently brushing her fringe off of her forehead. "She's absolutely freezing."

"Surely, if you paid attention in class while we were in school, you would have remembered the potion works in stages," Severus said slowly to Remus. "Five minutes for the potion to take effect, at least five minutes of being in the potion induced sleep state, and then _at least_ another five before one is revived. Too soon and it causes ill effects. Because she somehow managed to brew an adequate potion, she exhibited the proper effects. In an hour, she will have warmed back up. If not, then I recommend she visit the hospital wing."

Emma finally looked up at Snape, not trusting her voice. Did he really just say that she made the potion correctly? She must have if she was still on the floor of the Potion's classroom, sitting several feet away from where her failed attempt took place. Snape finally met her gaze, and Emma felt herself hold her breath. Surely, he didn't make her do all that work for nothing.

"I suggest taking it easy for the rest of the day. While I am aware that you are not yet required to have a walking partner, I recommend that you have someone with you at all times. You will feel weaker than normal until you have a decent night's rest, do you understand?" Snape asked, eyebrows raising as Emma only nodded in response. "Very well. Then I shall see you in class tomorrow after lunch. Your class is shared with the Ravenclaws again this year. I expect everything to be back in its proper place by the time I return." Snape shot Remus a look and swept out of the room.

Remus immediately began to run through a string of expletives in Welsh, forcing Emma to break out into a fit of giggles. "Absolute fucking bastard," Remus muttered, making Emma laugh even harder. He wrapped his arms around Emma's shoulders and placed a kiss on the back of her head. "Do not ever repeat that to anyone. And please, do not ever do something like this again. I don't think my heart can handle it."

"I make no guarantees," Emma said quietly, budging up so that Remus could stand up. He reached down to help her up, and Emma immediately wobbled. She felt incredibly unsteady on her feet, and she gave Remus a sheepish grin. He looked terribly concerned, and she felt guilty that she had worried him so much. "I'm sorry, but I had to do it. You understand, right?"

"I know," Remus sighed. "I just wish you would've said something. At the very least, given me time to talk to Dumbledore again." He shook his head, leaving Emma's side only long enough to grab her things. He slung her bag over his shoulder and draped her robe over an arm. "You are going to be the death of me, little one. At the very minimum, you're going to be the reason why I go completely grey before the school year is done. Where's your next class?"

"I've got Care of Magical Creatures," Emma said with a small grin that grew wide. "Then Ancient Runes, and then your class."

"Come on, let's get back upstairs. I should really walk down to Hagrid's with you, but I don't know if there's enough time," Remus said, holding his arm out for her to take. He studied her carefully, watching as she walked gingerly. "How's your hip? You hit the table pretty hard."

"He told me to clean up before leaving," Emma said, looking over her shoulder as Remus guided her out of the room.

"Severus is a grown man. He can figure it out himself," Remus said with a small shrug. "You didn't answer my question, though, little one."

"It hurts, but it's fine," Emma muttered, sucking in a sharp breath as she stepped the wrong way and aggravated her hip. _Perfect timing_.

Remus frowned and looked down at Emma. "All right," he sighed. "Let's get you at least upstairs, and then I'll let you go. I just hope that Persephone is waiting."

Emma leaned against Remus's arm with a smile and nodded. "Lead the way, Professor Dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	14. Expect the Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma is terribly dramatic and has mixed feelings over Care of Magical Creatures. She finishes out her first day with Defense Against the Dark Arts and finds herself with a curious friend.

* * *

"What did you just say Snape had you do?" Persephone asked, walking arm in arm with Emma down the stone steps towards Hagrid's Hut. Remus had waited patiently with Emma until Persephone left the Great Hall for Care of Magical Creatures and then dutifully passed Emma off. Persephone waited until Remus made his way towards the stairs to make Emma explain what happened.

"He, er, decided that I needed to make the Draught of Living Death, again," Emma said quietly.

"And Remus didn't stop you?"

"I, uh…didn't let him." Emma said with a small shrug.

Persephone shot Emma an annoyed look. "Em, are you aware of how incredibly stupid that was?"

"Effie, I am more than aware that it was stupid, but I wasn't letting Dad and Grandpa pay for a tutor."

"You could have hurt yourself again!"

"I know, but I didn't." Emma gave Persephone a smug little smile. She was rather proud of herself for being able to make the potion, and she very rarely gloated. She would allow herself the moment to be proud of herself.

"Merlin, now I understand why Remus worries about you so much. You're reckless!"

"Says the one who told me it was a perfectly fine idea to go out during a full moon."

"Fair point, but you didn't say no."

"Well, it was nearly a case of 'curiosity killed the cat,' or in our case, the badger and the snake."

Emma and Persephone joined the rest of the class that had gathered in front of Hagrid's hut. He stood waiting at the door of his hut with his massive boarhound at his heels. She took a look around, and it appeared that Care of Magical Creatures was being taken by at least half of the third years. Persephone pulled Emma over to the small crowd of Slytherins.

"What's with you, Lupin?" Draco asked, giving Emma a once over. "You look dead on your feet."

"That's because I was," Emma said dryly, her face as serious as could be. "I died today."

"Merlin, Emma," Persephone scoffed. "Professor Snape had her make the Draught of Living Death so that she could still take Potions. She didn't _die;_ she's just being dramatic."

"Dad said I looked dead just before he passed me off to you. So, therefore, I died," Emma said with a pout.

"Yes, traumatizing Remus the first day is the best way to make sure he stays our professor."

"Consider it payback for the talk," Emma shrugged.

"I think she should have been with us," Pansy said with a sniff. "Lupin doesn't belong with the Hufflepuffs at all."

"Don't tell her that," Persephone said, giving Emma a small nudge. "It'll apparently go straight to her head today."

Emma snorted and took another look at Hagrid. Out of all of the people in Hogwarts, Hagrid was high up on the list of people Emma rarely interacted with. She was sure that she had talked to the ghosts far more than she had ever spoken to Hagrid. She had vague memories of seeing him in Diagon Alley the day she met Remus and had obviously seen him around the castle, but they had never talked.

Everyone had heard the story of Hagrid having a baby dragon since Draco didn't know how to keep his mouth shut. Everyone knew about Hagrid being arrested for his supposed involvement in opening the Chamber of Secrets. Everyone knew that Hagrid had a love for any and all magical creatures. Anything else was an unknown. Emma knew that Harry, Ron, and Hermione were apparently close friends with Hagrid. According to Remus, Hagrid was very kind, but sometimes he went a little overboard with his love for creatures.

"C'mon, now, get a move on!" Hagrid called out as the rest of the class approached. "Got a real treat for yeh today! Great lesson comin' up! Everyone here? Right, follow me!"

Emma and Persephone looked at each other and followed the class. For a moment, Emma thought they were going to go into the Forbidden Forest, and she grew excited. It was the one place she had never gone before, and the idea was exhilarating, but then Hagrid only kept to the edge of the forest. After a few minutes of walking, they were outside of a makeshift paddock, but there was nothing there.

"Everyone gather 'round the fence here," Hagrid called out. "That's it – make sure yeh can see – now, firs' thing yeh'll want ter do is open yer books -"

"How?" Draco asked, his eyebrows raising.

"Eh?" said Hagrid, fixing Draco with a confused look.

"How do we open your books?" Draco repeated, pulling out his copy of _The Monster Book of Monsters,_ which had been wrapped with rope. Others began to take their books out too. Some had belts wrapped around their books, a few had ropes just like she and Draco did, and others had them held shut by other methods.

"Hasn' – hasn' anyone bin able ter open their books?" Hagrid asked, looking crestfallen.

The class all shook their heads.

"Yeh've got ter _stroke_ 'em," Hagrid said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Look -"

Hagrid took Hermione's copy of the book, removed the Spellotape that bound it, and ran a finger down its spine. The book tried to bite him, but it gave a great shiver and lay quiet in his hand.

"Oh, how silly we've all been!" Malfoy sneered. "We should have stroked them! Why didn't we guess!"

Emma cautiously pulled her book out of her bag, letting out a small yelp as it tried to break free of the rope, and ran her finger down the spine. Just like Hermione's copy, it shivered and calmed down.

"How long do these things stay knocked out?" Emma whispered to Persephone, who shrugged in response. Emma let out a huff. "I think you're two for two on bad class choices, Effie."

"I – I thought they were funny," Hagrid said to Hermione.

"Oh, tremendously funny," said Draco. "Really witty, giving us books that try and rip our hands off."

There weren't a lot of things that Emma agreed on when it came to Draco, but she had to admit she understood his annoyance. She wasn't particularly fond of the book.

"Shut up, Malfoy," Harry said quietly.

"Righ' then," Hagrid said, looking to try and find his footing again, "so – so yeh've got yer books an' – an' – now yeh need the Magical Creatures. Yeah. So I'll go an' get 'em. Hang on…"

Hagrid strode away into the forest and disappeared out of sight.

"God, this place is going to the dogs," said Draco loudly. "That oaf teaching classes, my father'll have a fit when I tell him -"

"Shut up, Malfoy," Harry repeated.

"Careful, Potter, there's a Dementor behind you -"

"Ooooooooh!" squealed Lavender Brown, pointing towards the opposite side of the paddock.

Emma turned to see where Lavender was pointing, and she wasn't sure if she found the creatures heading their way beautiful or terrifying. Trotting just ahead of Hagrid were massive bird-like creatures, but as Emma really looked, she realized they weren't birds at all. The back half of its body looked to be like a horse, but the front half was all large bird, like an eagle. They had brilliant orange eyes that seemed to take in the entire class in turn and had massive talons on their front legs. Each of the beasts had an enormous leather collar around its neck, which was attached to a long chain that was held in Hagrid's large hands.

"Gee up, there!" Hagrid roared, shaking the chains and urging the creatures closer towards the fence. Everyone took a few steps back as Hagrid approached and tethered the creatures to the fence.

"Hippogriffs!" Hagrid said happily, waving a hand at the creatures. "Beau'iful, aren' they?"

Emma and Persephone gave each other looks and immediately turned back to look at the hippogriffs. To some degree, Emma could find them beautiful if she ignored the massive claws. Her mind was struggling to grasp the fact its coat changed from feather to hair and kept trying to trick itself into thinking it was all feather or all hair. Emma quickly realized that perhaps there would be some things in the magical world she would never be able to comprehend. This odd horse-bird creature was just one of those things.

"So, if yeh wan' ter come a bit nearer -"

The only people who moved closer were Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Emma was more than content staying where she was.

"Now, firs' thing yeh gotta know abou' hippogriffs is, they're proud," Hagrid explained. "Easily offended, hippogriffs are. Don't never insult one, 'cause it might be the last thing yeh do."

Emma nearly let out a giggle as her brain immediately decided she would rather deal with Greyback again then the hippogriffs. Remus would have a fit if she ever told him that, and she made sure to tuck the thought deep in her mind.

"Yeh always wait fer the hippogriff ter make the firs' move. It's polite, see? Yeh walk toward him, and yeh bow, an' yeh wait. If he bows back yeh're allowed ter touch him. If he doesn' bow, then get away from him sharpish 'cause those talons hurt.

"Right – who wants ter go first?"

A majority of the class backed away. The hippogriffs were throwing around their massive heads and spreading their wings. They didn't seem to like being tethered.

"No one?" asked Hagrid.

"I'll do it," Harry finally said. He hesitated for a moment and then climbed over the fence.

"Good man, Harry!" Hagrid shouted. "Right then – let's see how yeh got on with Buckbeak."

Hagrid untied one of the chains and pulled a grey hippogriff from the group and slipped off its collar. Emma found herself watching in absolute horror as she listened to Lavender and Parvati mentioning Harry's tea leaves from Divination.

"Do we take bets?" Persephone whispered out of the corner of her mouth.

"On what? Whether or not Harry gets attacked by the bird horse?"

"Pretty much."

Emma scratched the spot behind her ear nervously as she watched Hagrid talking to Harry. "What's the bet?"

"What are you choosing? Then I'll tell you the wager."

"Hmph. I say Harry'll be fine," Emma said thoughtfully. "You?"

"Attacked. If Harry's fine I'll do your history homework for a month, if Harry isn't fine, you're doing my potions."

"Deal," Emma said, holding her hand out for Persephone to shake. With the deal made, the girls stared at both Harry and the hippogriff more closely.

Harry and Buckbeak seemed to be having a staring contest. Harry was awkwardly bowed towards the creature, and it only stared back. The longer they stared, the more Emma was sure she was about to lose. As Hagrid began to try and usher Harry away, she could feel Persephone bounce with the excitement of winning their bet.

However, something unexpected happened. Buckbeak bowed.

"Shit," Persephone said. "Ruddy bird."

Emma clapped along with the rest of the class, but it was more from her being excited about winning their bet. She stopped clapping and watched as Harry began to climb onto Buckbeak's back.

"What is he doing?" Emma asked.

"Being a showoff, clearly," Draco sneered in response. "Do either of you fancy a bet?"

"No way," Emma said, watching in awe as Buckbeak started to fly around the paddock with Harry on his back. "I know when to throw in the towel."

"Good work, Harry!" Hagrid roared as Buckbeak touched down on the ground again. "Okay, who else wants a go?"

"When in Rome…" Emma muttered under her breath as she climbed over the fence and into the paddock. It probably wasn't the best idea as she felt extremely dizzy and wobbled on her feet, but she was determined.

Persephone led them to a dark grey hippogriff, and Emma immediately had to stuff her fist in her mouth to keep from laughing.

"What?" Persephone snapped. "Why are you laughing?"

"Well," Emma said, staring at the hippogriff as it turned its sharp-beaked head towards her. "I was thinking earlier about how I would much rather deal with Greyback again than deal with a hippogriff. And then you decided we take the hippogriff with a grey back."

"Emma!"

"Shut it," Emma grinned, "I'll go first." Persephone scoffed and backed away to clear the way for Emma.

Emma awkwardly stepped in front of the hippogriff, and it clicked its beak together, seemingly annoyed. "Right, then," Emma said, dipping into a bow and immediately looking up at the beast. It stared back at her with one of its great orange eyes and then dipped slowly into a bow.

"Ha! I'm a natural!" Emma said, slowly approaching the hippogriff and petting its feathers.

"Yes, you're the hippogriff whisperer," Persephone said, rolling her eyes. "How could I ever forget?"

There was suddenly a loud scream that made Emma jump. The girls turned to see Draco on the ground clutching his arm and Hagrid wrestling Buckbeak back into his collar.

"I'm dying!" Draco yelled. "I'm dying, look at me! It's killed me!"

Emma, who still had her hand on the hippogriff's back, immediately pulled her hand away. "Don't do that to me," she said to the creature who blinked at her in response. "I already died once today. I don't need to do it twice."

"Get away from it!" Persephone hissed at Emma. Emma gave the hippogriff another look and slowly moved away to join the rest of the class as they gathered their things.

The class slowly made their way back to the castle. Most of the Slytherins were yelling about Hagrid, Pansy in tears, and the Gryffindors were arguing back. Emma made eye contact with Justin, Ernie, Megan, and Wayne and shook her head. That was an entirely far too eventful class.

Rather than go back to the common room, Emma decided that she would wait outside the Ancient Runes classroom. She knew that she was supposed to walk with someone, but she chose to manage the journey by herself. Finding herself winded by the third floor, Emma let out an annoyed huff. She wasn't sure if she was tired from being out of practice walking around the castle or from Snape's little stunt earlier. With a sigh, she leaned up against a wall and closed her eyes. She needed a break.

"Emma? Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

Emma's eyes shot open, and a cheeky grin crossed her face. "Aren't _you_ supposed to be in class, Professor?"

Remus let out an exhausted sigh as he approached Emma, looking concerned. "I let everyone go early," Remus said, studying Emma carefully. "You're not skipping classes on your first day, are you?"

"No," Emma said with a grimace. "There was…an incident."

"Merlin, I told Hagrid starting with hippogriffs wasn't a good idea," Remus said, shaking his head. "Why didn't you go back to your common room to relax?"

"Considering it took me forever to get here, I think it's better that I didn't," Emma said, straightening up. "After all, Ancient Runes is on the sixth floor…"

"You know Professor Snape said for you to walk with someone, right?"

"I know, I'm just a terrible listener."

"I think the problem is you're incredibly too proud to admit when you need help," Remus said, giving Emma a knowing look.

"Am not," Emma said, taking what she was positive was a sure-footed step towards the next set of stairs. She immediately wobbled, and Remus grabbed her elbow to steady her, his look much more pointed than before.

When Emma just stood there, not saying a word, Remus cautiously let go of her elbow. She swung her head around to glare at him.

"I'm not going to ask, you know," Emma said sharply. She tried to take another step and immediately reached back to grab Remus's arm to steady herself. "Fine…but I'm still not asking."

"I'll take what I can get." Remus stepped up next to Emma, took her bag from her, and held his arm out. Emma scowled at Remus and took it. "You are much too proud, little one," Remus said, carefully walking up the stairs with Emma. "You have no problems at home, but the moment we set foot in the castle, you changed completely."

Emma was quiet and took in a deep breath. "The moment I show weakness is the moment everything will fall apart again," Emma said. "It's easier this way. Plus, I don't need people to think the only reason you're here is because of me."

The rest of their walk was silent until they reached the sixth floor. Remus sat Emma down on one of the benches closest to the classroom and frowned, seeing her wince. "How's your hip?"

"Persephone looked at it for me. It bruised," Emma said with a shrug, taking her bag from Remus. "It's not a big deal."

Remus nodded slowly and looked at his watch. "You've got another twenty minutes before classes let out. Did you want me to stay?"

"No, I'll be fine," Emma said, reaching into her bag and pulling out her mother's diary. "I brought my own entertainment. I finally got to mum's third year. I'm hoping she has some words of wisdom." She gave Remus an appreciative smile. "Go, I have your class after this one."

"All right," Remus said reluctantly, peering at the leather book in Emma's hand. He bent down to kiss Emma's forehead, laughing at her aggravated huff of protest. "Don't worry – your reputation as a stubborn troublemaker isn't going to be tarnished. I'll leave you alone."

There were only a few more students in Ancient Runes than in Divination, but less than Care of Magical Creatures. While Divination was mostly dominated by the Gryffindors, Ancient Runes held the more studious Ravenclaws and Slytherins. The only other Hufflepuffs besides her were Susan, Roger, and Wayne. Emma wasn't at all surprised to see Hermione. Half-way through the class, Draco finally appeared, right arm bandaged and held up in a sling.

Professor Babbling hardly looked up from her syllabus and continued the class as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. Emma watched Draco for a moment as he took an empty seat next to Blaise. It was perhaps the most subdued Emma had ever seen Draco be.

Emma walked down to Defense with Wayne, who didn't seem to want to stop talking about the day. Wayne was ordinarily talkative on an average day, but he seemed extra chatty today. She was more than happy to abandon him at the door of the Defense classroom and wait for Persephone.

Persephone practically skipped up to Emma. "Are you ready? It's your first time going in, right? You didn't take any secret trips to the classroom?"

"First time walking in, I promise," Emma said. "Not for lack of trying on Dad's part from last night. Just glad our schedules worked out the way they did, or else I'm sure we would've had to sneak in this morning."

"Good," Persephone said, stepping into the classroom and Emma following close behind.

Emma blinked once, then twice, and then three times. The entire classroom seemed to be almost entirely transformed, and everyone was looking around curiously. It was far different than Lockhart's set up, and Quirrell's class was taught in an entirely different classroom. This was a _proper_ classroom, and Emma was in awe like everyone else.

"Bloody hell," Persephone said, looking around. "Where did all of this come from?"

"Absolutely no clue," Emma muttered, peering at an odd-looking skull that was close by. She put her bag down and tilted her head as she looked at it. "I've never seen any of this before."

"I'm sure he got a lot of things here, but a lot of this has to be his," Persephone said, taking a look at a silvery instrument next to the skull. "Are you sure you've never seen any of this?"

Emma rolled her eyes. "You've been in my house. You were literally there for forever and didn't you help him close up the house? Where would it even all fit?"

"In a basement?"

"We don't have a basement. Have you ever seen a basement?"

"Then in the attic."

"We don't have an attic either."

"Emma, you definitely have an attic," Persephone said, looking at Emma as though she had grown three heads. "If you don't have a basement, then there's definitely an attic. There is some form of hidden storage that you are clearly clueless about."

Emma frowned at Persephone, having never considered the possibility of having an attic at the cottage. Where would it even be? Emma shook her head and continued looking at the objects as Draco sidled up next to her.

"So, he deals in dark objects, does he?" he asked, cautiously poking a cylindrical object with his finger. "Looks as though he's a frequent shopper of Borgin and Burkes."

"Suppose so," Emma said, glancing at Draco.

"How does he afford anything? He dresses terribly," Draco said with a sniff as he looked Emma up and down. "You don't, though. At least your robes are new."

"He dresses comfortably," Emma said sharply, raising an eyebrow. The Draco she knew was back. "Do you have a problem, Draco?"

"Just wondering if he teaches as badly as he dresses."

"At least he can shop in the men's section," Emma smirked, giving Draco the same once over he gave her. "You, on the other hand, still shop in the little boy's area, don't you?" Draco's lip curled, and he stalked away to take a seat. Hannah and Susan burst into a fit of giggles.

"I don't think I've ever seen you tell Draco off before," Susan laughed.

"Yes, well, someone has to put him in his place, don't they," Emma asked. She looked around at Persephone and let out a groan seeing that she had taken the desk right at the very front of the class, taking the middle desk in the row of three. "Effie, really? I am not sitting up there."

"Why not?" Persephone shouted back. "It's his first day! Come on!"

"Do you really think I want to sit up in the front in my father's class on the first day? You know if we sit there, we're stuck there all year!"

"Good afternoon, class."

Emma let out a groan as the rest of the class sat while Remus made his way down from his office, and Emma just remained where she stood. She gave Persephone a pleading look, folding her arms over her chest and stomping her foot like a child having a temper tantrum. Persephone only began to snicker, and Remus raised an eyebrow as he looked at Emma.

"Emma, do you care to join the rest of the class?" Remus asked, biting back a grin. He glanced at the empty seat next to Persephone pointedly.

Emma shot Remus a look as the rest of the class began to laugh. She felt her face being to heat up, and she glared at Persephone as she picked up her bag. With a frustrated growl, she walked up to the front of the class and took the seat next to Persephone. "Happy?" Emma hissed, giving Persephone a light kick under the desk.

"Worth it," Persephone said, rubbing her shin.

Remus stared for a moment, not sure whether it was more appropriate to be appalled or amused by Emma's antics. Momentarily taken off guard, he cleared his throat and turned to the rest of the class.

"Welcome, everyone," Remus said, looking around at the class. "My name is Professor Remus Lupin. Most of you, I'm sure, have expressed doubts about my abilities as a teacher amongst your peers. After all, you've had a new Defense professor every year since you've started your education at Hogwarts. I do not blame you. I can assure you that I have more than enough knowledge to teach this class, and I will do so to the best of my ability.

"Now, a little about me," Remus said, standing in front of his desk and leaning against it. "I have always had an interest in the dark arts. My father is head of the Spirit Division in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Because of his job, I grew up with interest in all types of dark creatures and dark magic. I don't actively partake in the dark arts, but I do find the theory behind it fascinating. During my time at Hogwarts, Defense Against the Dark Arts easily became one of my favorite subjects, in addition to Arithmancy and Ancient Runes. All three classes put together enabled me to further my knowledge within the dark arts and I continued all three all the way through N.E.W.T. level. I also enjoyed Care of Magical Creatures as it allowed me to come in close contact with some of the creatures I read about."

Emma took a quick look around and was pleased to see that everyone seemed to be paying rapt attention to Remus. Even she found herself paying attention; it was hard not to. Remus was entirely in his element, and he was more confident than she'd ever seen.

"After leaving Hogwarts, I fought in the war as I'm sure many of your family members did. I am not here to judge, regardless of which side they were on. As many of you know, it was a challenging time for all, and many were lost. Once the war was over, I took a break from the wizarding community, and I worked at a Muggle university. While at the university, I also interned at a medical office for a Muggle doctor called a psychiatrist. That would be the equivalent to a Healer that specializes in mental health – something that would be valuable in our community if it were offered. When I felt I was no longer needed to teach, I took the time to take some freelance work. I traveled to various countries and assisted in several jobs that involved moving dark creatures and researching them. Eventually, I began to take jobs for clients that involved buying and selling dark objects for collecting purposes.

"I'm also skilled in curse breaking, warding, and I have a particular fondness for non-verbal magic – it's a particularly valuable skill when you're fighting for your life. Does anyone have any questions for me thus far?"

Emma frowned slightly, surprised to realize how little she actually knew about Remus. She had figured that he had an interest in the dark arts. After all, the house was littered with books on the topic, but she didn't realize the extent. Nearly everything he said was new information about him that he had never told her before. In her mind, it seemed as though life had been segmented into two sections - Before and After the children's home. The problem is, she didn't really know much about "the before" when it came to Remus, only the "after." She had spent so much time living in the present that she never really thought of the past.

The class might not have questions, but Emma felt like she suddenly had a million. Who was Remus Lupin, and why did she know so little about the man she called her father?

Seeing that no one raised their hands, Remus gave the class a small smile and continued, "Very well. Now, I'm sure you are not going to enjoy this as I've heard several complaints today, but I have a survey that I would like you all to fill out."

There was a collective groan from the class, and Emma just put her head down on the desk. She couldn't even force herself to be surprised by Remus's declaration.

"Good going, Emma!" Pansy shouted several seats back. "The first day, and we already have a quiz."

"Really, Emma?" Justin grumbled from where he sat a few desks back to her left.

"Oi," Emma said, sitting up and turning around to look at the rest of the class. "I'm not the bloody professor. I didn't tell him to decide to give us a quiz on the very first day."

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. Of course, Emma's class would be the first one to really give him trouble, and it appeared that Emma was going to be the ringleader. The rest of his classes were mild complaints, but Emma's class was carrying on as if it was all that mattered. It was clear all of his transgressions as a Marauder were going to come back and hit him hard now that he was a professor. He just never expected Emma to somehow be all of the Marauders rolled into one.

"It's not a quiz," Remus said, putting an emphasis on his statement. "It's a survey so I can make sure that my lesson plans are on track. My goal is to make sure that when it's time, you are prepared for your O.W.L.S. as that will be the deciding factor in your future careers. You will not be graded on your answers."

"Do I need to remind you lot of the quiz Lockhart gave us the first day last year?" Persephone shouted over the continued grumbling. "At least he's trying to teach us something and not tell us stupid stories all class."

"Don't discount the stupid stories," Emma muttered, causing Draco to snort from the desk behind her. Emma glanced over her shoulder with a frown. She hadn't even realized Draco had taken the desk behind hers and Persephone's.

"I think it's a wonderful idea, Professor Lupin," Hannah piped up, the other Hufflepuffs murmuring their agreement.

"Teacher's pet," Draco muttered, forcing Emma to stuff her fist into her mouth to keep from giggling. She was sure that Draco hadn't meant for her to hear it, but the comment was funny all the same. It also wasn't wrong – Hannah was always one of the first students who liked to try and lend a helping hand or a helpful comment.

Remus let out an exhausted sigh as he waved his wand to distribute the papers. "Please fill out the _surveys,_ and when you are finished, you may leave for dinner. Just be sure to come prepared for class tomorrow as we will be starting our lessons." Remus sat down wearily at his desk, and he had to admit that he was relieved the day was almost over.

Emma and Persephone whispered to themselves as they read through the survey and then looked at each other.

"What is any of this?" Persephone whispered as she looked back down at the paper.

"Do you think that I know?" Emma asked, looking up at Remus and just mouthing the word "Why?" at him.

"Seriously, Lupin?" Draco hissed at Emma. "Are we supposed to know any of this?"

"I don't know," Emma grumbled over her shoulder at Draco.

"You know we did lose a whole year with Lockhart," Roger said from the desk directly to Emma's left.

There was a general agreement amongst the rest of the class. Even the Slytherins had to agree with that statement. The room finally fell silent as everyone started to pull out their quills to fill out the survey.

Emma was surprised by how diligent the Slytherins were. It was the first time the Hufflepuffs had Defense Against the Dark Arts with the Slytherins, and it was so much more different than with the Ravenclaws. There was light conversation that filled the room. It wasn't obnoxiously quiet like with the Ravenclaws. She had been concerned that there was going to be push back from the Slytherins, but they asked Remus genuine questions when they didn't understand something on the survey.

Apparently, there was one question in particular that had everyone utterly lost as the entire class seemed to ask each other what it was referring to. It was a question on some spell that the class should know, but no one had heard of it. Everyone tried to convince Emma to ask, but after multiple refusals, Persephone finally decided to ask.

There was an emphatic "Oh" that came from everyone in the room as Remus answered, and then the room was filled with scratching quills. Slowly, one by one, the class began to get up, drop their papers off at the front of the room, and leave.

Finished filling out her survey, Emma sat just tapping the end of her quill, staring at Persephone. "You're still not done?" Emma asked after a few minutes of just watching Persephone read through her next question.

"Stop staring at me like that," Persephone grumbled. "I've got 6 more questions. I'm trying to be a good student." Persephone peered over at Emma's paper. "You, however, seem to be taking advantage of having your father being a professor."

"Correction, it's called I am not Hermione Granger, and I know how to answer questions fully without extra details that don't need to be included. It's called brevity, Effie, you should try it sometime."

Persephone raised her eyebrows at Emma and turned back to her paper, quill scratching away.

"Oh, Merlin, you're slow," Emma muttered. She pressed her forehead to the desk for a moment and then tilted her head so that she could continue staring at Persephone.

"Lupin, are you done?" Draco asked, pausing next to Emma.

Emma turned her head to look at Draco. "I've been done. Persephone takes forever."

"Then what are you waiting for? Don't you want to get to dinner before it ends?"

"I have to be walked like a dog again – like last year," Emma said, biting back her grin as Draco's lips started to twitch up in a smile.

"I'll walk with you. Why don't you sit with us for dinner instead of Persephone sitting at yours?"

Emma sat up and looked over at Persephone, who shrugged in response. She looked back at Draco and shook her head. "I don't mind waiting for Effie, even though she's bloody slow."

Draco just blinked at Emma, clearly not expecting her to say no. "Pansy's already left, and Crabbe and Goyle are going to be slower than Persephone. Just walk with me. You know a Slytherin doesn't walk alone. We had that conversation last year."

Frowning, Emma took a look around at the half-empty classroom. Draco had a point. She turned to Persephone, trying to give her a sneaky, pleading look. She didn't really want to walk to dinner with Draco, where everyone would see her. It wasn't like Emma didn't have friends in all of the houses, but to be seen walking into the Great Hall with Draco Malfoy?

"I'm going to be a while," Persephone said with a shrug. "Go with Draco. I'll wait for Crabbe and Goyle."

"That answers that," Draco said, snatching up Emma's paper and dropping it off on Remus's desk. He walked back over and picked up Emma's bag and handed it to her. "Let's go, Lupin."

Emma stood up slowly, feeling terribly confused. "Er, all right," she said slowly. "Funny that your other arm seems to be working now. Weren't you having problems with that one, too?" Emma and Draco shared a smirk as he gave a shrug. Whatever issue had been bothering Draco earlier had gone away.

With a small sigh, Emma looked over at Persephone again, but she was purposely ignoring Emma. Emma waited a few minutes before pulling her bag onto her shoulder and following Draco. Maybe entering the Great Hall with Draco _wouldn't_ be a bad thing, she thought to herself. At the very least, it meant more people would leave her alone. She hoped.

"Emma," Remus shouted from the front of the room. Emma turned around, almost hoping that he would tell her to stay. "Don't forget to come back here after dinner." He looked at his watch and then looked back at her, his expression impassive. "Around eight would be perfect."

"Okay, da…Professor," Emma said, scrunching her nose up slightly at the slip. It was going to take a while for her to get used to having to switch all the time. She turned back to face Draco, and she felt herself blush because he was waiting for her. He opened the door and motioned for Emma to go through it first, and she gave him a shy smile in thanks.

Remus watched the scenario that played out in front of him, finding it somewhat curious. He looked over at Persephone, finding it interesting that she had been watching the pair leave intently. Remus remembered the way Persephone had vehemently insisted that Draco liked Emma, and he wondered if there had been a hint of truth to the statement. Emma didn't appear to share the same feelings, but that meant nothing. He was quickly learning that she was much different at Hogwarts than at home. If she was anything at all like the Marauders, he was in trouble.

Though Remus wasn't one for gossip, this might be the one thing he would have to look into. Remus would have to learn everything he possibly could about Draco Malfoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **come find me on:**   
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> 


	15. Home Away From Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Remus have the other talk she's been absolutely dreading.

The Defense classroom was much different looking in the light of the setting sun. Emma stood near one of the windows, taking in the pink and purple hue of the sky as she looked at the strange objects in the room. Everything was cast in a warm glow and made things look even more fascinating. It was nice to see all of the books spread out throughout the room instead of clustered in one place and she smiled. Remus had done well.

It looked as though Remus had taken the time to sort things by subject matter. In one spot, there were books devoted to creatures, in another, to spell casting. Even the more obscure books seemed to find a place together. She was finding herself looking forward to digging through his collection now that they were separated. Remus's organization was much different at home, and she had given up trying to decipher it.

Emma pulled a face when she came across a particularly strange-looking skull. It looked almost human, but not really, and she couldn't quite decide what it was. Staring at the skull suddenly reminded her of the trip they took to Knockturn Alley that past Christmas. She gave a small shiver as she remembered the shop with all of the bones in the window.

"I'm proud of you, you arrived right on time," Remus said, stepping into the class with a stack of books tucked under his arm. "Come along – I want to show you your room."

Emma quirked an eyebrow at the pile of books Remus was carrying and followed him up the stairs to the office. "Dad, do you remember when you brought me to Knockturn last year?"

Remus glanced over his shoulder, giving her a curious look. "Yes?"

"Why didn't you tell me that _you_ were the type of person to buy bones?"

Remus began to chuckle as he set the books down on his desk. "I didn't believe you would appreciate knowing that at the time," Remus said, looking startled as Emma looked appalled. She stood frozen in the doorway, looking at the even more expansive collection of items.

"There's _more_? Dad, where do you keep any of this?"

Remus looked around his office and took in his collection of objects. He had more bits of creature skeletons and dark magic detecting objects. She was almost sure that a few of the things he owned _were_ dark objects. He gave a small shrug. "In the attic, mostly. A lot of it is borrowed from the school, but a fair amount of what you see is mine." Remus walked over to the blank section of the wall. "A lot of it is in the study, too. Have you really not seen any of this?"

Emma stepped up to the wall. "We have an attic? Where?"

"Of course, we have an attic," Remus said slowly. His forehead wrinkled slightly, and he gestured to the wall. "Touch the wall, please."

Emma touched the wall and watched as Remus tapped the wall with his wand and saying something under his breath. "What are you doing?"

"Making sure that the door will work without me here. I think you would be fine since you're my daughter, but I feel better knowing that it'll just let you in if I'm not in the area. I have to have it keyed to your magical signature like the wards at home." Remus pulled his wand away. "Remove your hand and then place it back. Let's see if it worked."

The magical world was weird, Emma finally decided. Blood wards, magic doors in walls that appeared with a touch, strange half-bird, half-horse creatures… it still made her head spin. She took her hand off the wall and then touched it again, letting out a fascinated hum as a door appeared. Emma gave Remus an inquisitive look and opened the door when he gave her a delighted nod.

"I think you'll be pleasantly surprised over our new home for the year," Remus said.

Emma snorted and opened the door. She thought it was incredibly sweet that he said that it was their shared space and not just for him. She knew that it was, but it was still nice to hear that he didn't disown her after the other night. Emma took a few tentative steps through the door and stopped, blinking slowly. Was the cottage somehow transported to the castle?

"Uhm," Emma said, stepping in a little further, scratching her head. The living room was set up to the left, and the room to the right appeared to be a study. The living room was almost exact, down to the armchairs tucked against the short wall, the couch along the long and the fireplace just across the way. She stared down the hallway and blinked slowly and walked towards the back of the flat. To the left was clearly Remus's room. Immediately past the study was a closet, next to the closet was a bathroom, and the next room was hers. The kitchen was set up exactly the same as the cottage and even had a window set in almost the exact same spot near the table. A small smile reached Emma's face. Maybe magic could be wonderful if it could do things like this.

"It's the cottage," she said, turning around to look at Remus.

"I thought you might appreciate the familiarity. Of course, the furniture is different, but it would take nothing at all to transfigure any of it if you'd like. And obviously, there's no television because the amount of magic within the castle would keep it from working." He watched Emma peering through the rooms with a wide smile on her face.

"You brought my blanket from home?" Emma shouted from her room. She popped her head through the doorway, looking absolutely delighted. "This room is huge!"

"I thought you might like having a bigger room," Remus said. "I know you don't mind doing your work in the living room, but I thought you might like a desk in your room."

"Dad, I'm almost positive that you could have stuck me in a shoebox, and I would have been happy. I always bring Boris, but having my blanket is really nice." Emma dropped her bag in the doorway of her room and rushed to the living room to give Remus a hug. "Thank you."

"Emma, do you mind if I ask you something?" Remus asked, returning Emma's hug.

"What is it?"

"Have you ever gone into the study at home?"

"Maybe once or twice, but never really looked. Why?" Emma asked, pulling away from Remus so that she could look up at him.

"Ah, that explains things," Remus said. "You access the attic through the study. I'll have to remember to show it to you when we go home at the end of the year. I'm just surprised that you haven't gone in there."

"I just felt like it was your space," Emma shrugged, deciding to head into the kitchen to investigate more. It was really like being at home and as bizarre as it was, she loved it.

"I know you just came from dinner, but did you want anything?"

"No, I'm fine," Emma said, opening and closing the cabinets. "I was just curious at how similar things were." She turned to look at Remus with a grin. "How was your first day torturing students with quizzes?"

"Oh, Merlin, it wasn't a quiz," Remus said, sitting down at the table. He peered out the window, taking in the cotton candy-colored sky for a moment. "I need to make sure I get everyone where I need to be. It's important to make sure that you're all set for the O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s when they come around."

"It certainly felt like a quiz," Emma said, shucking off her robe and tossing it over the back of a chair. "I didn't know half of what was on that thing you gave us."

"Unfortunately, that's how it was for all of the classes I had today. Everyone is behind, so I have some extra work to do," Remus sighed.

"What are we doing tomorrow?" Emma asked, taking the seat across from Remus. She felt rather silly sitting at a square table instead of a circular one, but she didn't mind. "I've got a double with you. Surely, you're not going to give us another quiz, are you?"

"It was a _survey_. You're going to keep calling it a quiz, aren't you?" Remus shook his head at the fervent nod Emma gave him. "Merlin, save me. Well, I thought we could go over the syllabus and then get to work. I think it'll mostly be revising for the next two classes and then we'll start something new. I haven't had a chance to look at your class's surveys just yet, but I imagine it'll be much the same." Remus pulled his wand out and gave it a wave to summon a tea kettle and a mug. He gave the kettle a gentle tap. "How were the rest of your classes? What did you think of Ancient Runes?"

"Hmm, they were all right," Emma said with a small shrug. "I felt stupid using my wand today in Charms, though. Hermione pointed out that I wasn't holding it correctly, and it was embarrassing." Emma heaved a heavy sigh. "I suppose I should've expected it, though."

"But Professor Flitwick helped you, right?" Remus asked, glancing up as he made his cup of tea, opting for chamomile.

"Oh, of course. Far more subtly than I thought he would, which was appreciated. But it doesn't change the fact that almost everyone knows I can't even hold a wand correctly now. It won't take long for everyone else to realize, as well."

"It'll get easier," Remus said gently. "Give it two weeks, and I guarantee it'll be like you've had no trouble at all. Remember, it's also a new wand as well. You would have to readjust anyway."

"Still," Emma said quietly with a yawn. "You know, I didn't realize how much I didn't know about you until you introduced yourself to the class. I wasn't aware that you worked at a University. Or that you worked for a psychiatrist?"

"Both jobs were unpaid and at different points in my life. I thought maybe if I was a teacher's assistant at a University, I could at least sit in on classes," Remus said. "I wanted to get a Muggle degree, but clearly, life had other plans for me."

"You'll have to tell me about it sometime," Emma said with another yawn. "I feel like I should know more than I do."

"Tired already? Thought you had a good few hours left," Remus said with a smirk. "And I'm sure we'll talk plenty over the year."

"I feel like I've traversed the whole castle today on wobbly legs," Emma said, folding her arms on the table and laying her head down. "I'm absolutely knackered." She lifted her head up for a moment to give Remus a sheepish look. "I know you said I could stay in the dorms, but I'm already here…"

"I can have a house-elf bring you your pajamas, or -" Remus gave Emma an incredibly knowing smile "- you can just borrow mine for the night. Merlin knows you do it enough at home."

Emma's smile met her eyes, and she stood up and practically skipped to Remus's room to find something to wear. In no time at all, she skipped back out wearing flannel bottoms rolled up several times and the navy-blue jumper she always seemed to favor.

Remus raised an eyebrow at Emma over his mug as she flashed an incredibly delighted smile at him as she dropped her clothes off in her room. If only she realized the gravity of the conversation they would be having. Rather than returning to the kitchen, Emma made her way to the living room, and Remus followed.

She tossed herself on the couch and let out an appreciative hum. It even felt like the couch at home, well-loved and soft in all the right places. There wasn't a hint of the annoying lumpiness that the Hufflepuff couches had that had to be smacked out of the pillows. Perhaps she would like to stay here every night instead of the dorms. She stretched herself out lengthwise on the couch and closed her eyes with a sigh. Just like home.

"Any space for me?"

Emma opened her eyes to glare at Remus and heaved an overdramatic sigh. She sat up just enough to push herself further into the corner and pulled her legs up to grant Remus space. The moment he sat down, Emma dropped her feet into his lap.

"It's just like being home," she said fondly, running a finger over the fabric of the sofa back. "Not completely the same, but close enough. You said it could be transfigured, though?"

"If you'd like," Remus said, taking another drink of tea before setting his cup down on the coffee table. He gave Emma's ankle a squeeze. "I hate to admit that we're both creatures of habit. This was just as much for you as it was for me."

"I like it," Emma said, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks. "Back at the children's home, I always wondered what it would be like to actually have a real home to go back to after school. Not that I didn't have a home to go back to since being with you, but this is so much different. A part of me still feels like none of this is real, as silly as that sounds."

"It's not silly," Remus said. "I can understand that."

"I don't think my imagination is that good, though. It doesn't matter how many books I've read, there was no way I could imagine something like a hippogriff," Emma continued quietly. "Or think that ghosts could actually be real, or…half-giants in Hagrid's case, or -" Emma met Remus's gaze "- werewolves."

Remus was positive that if he was still holding his mug, he would have dropped it. It took everything in his power to not react. Emma knew – he knew that she knew, but he couldn't understand why she wasn't _saying_ that she knew. She had been so close to asking the other night, and she had just given him the most pointed stare that he had ever seen from her. But there was no accusation, nothing that told him that the idea scared her. Emma was always okay with Elara, which he had hoped would happen, but surely that ease wouldn't extend to him. Could it?

"Funny that you mentioned werewolves," Remus said, rubbing the back of his neck. An inquisitive look crossed Emma's face, almost as if she was waiting for him to finally answer her unasked question. "We need to talk about the other night." Emma's face immediately fell, and her inquisitive look quickly turned to shame.

"Oh," she said quietly, pulling her legs back as she curled herself up in her corner. She quickly averted her eyes.

"Oh, indeed," Remus said, trying to summon every bit of absolute fear and anger he had the other night. He needed to be properly mad at her – she had been incredibly reckless. "Emma, _what_ were you thinking?"

"I…I don't know," Emma said, wincing when she reluctantly decided to meet Remus's eyes. Emma _hated_ the look Remus was giving her because she knew there was a rolling sea of emotion hidden beneath the impassive stare – for that's what it was. A stare.

He had only given her this particular look a few times, but it was terribly effective at making her feel nothing but pure guilt. It was terrifying because there was no indication of what he was feeling. There was no subtle set of his jaw to announce his anger, no narrowing of the eyes to show his skepticism, and no upturned brows to show sorrow. The usual mischievous and twinkling gleam of his eye would just disappear, and you would be left with nothing. He just stared and damn it, it was Remus's best weapon.

It was the sort of stare that told one that he didn't feel you were worth the hassle of showing his emotions. Emma felt sorry for any student that found themselves going toe-to-toe with _this_ particular version of Remus. It was the sort of stare that told you that you had greatly disappointed Remus. Knowing his gentle and kind nature made that realization that much worse.

"I'm sorry," Emma said lamely. "I…I really don't know."

This was the other damning part of disappointing Remus. He spoke in the same mild, even-tempered tone as his expression. His voice might rise an octave to get his point across, but that was the extent of his voice raising. Most people would become loud and yell, but Remus held such incredible self-restraint that he never did. Remus, at his angriest, never yelled.

"You don't know?" Remus asked slowly, letting out an exhausted sigh as he ran a hand over his face. "Is that all you're going to say for yourself? You've said that you're sorry several times now, but I'm starting to think you don't really mean it. You're really just going to repeat the same things over and over again by way of explanation?"

"I don't know what you want me to say," Emma said, throwing up her arms in exasperation as she focused on staring at the fireplace. Perhaps she didn't like the flat looking like the cottage anymore. The similarities suddenly reminded her of too many late nights having conversations she didn't want to have. "I should have known better, I know that. I just… I don't know. Things have been so different between us, and I just thought…"

"Thought what?"

"That I would get answers," Emma said, daring to meet Remus's eyes for a brief moment. She had hoped that it would have broken the impenetrable wall that was Remus Lupin, but it did nothing.

"Emma, you know that if you have questions for me, you can ask."

"But would you answer me honestly if I did? You've got quite a track record of not actually answering my questions."

That little dig gave Remus pause, his eyebrow quirking. He greatly underestimated how much Emma truly paid attention, sure that her youthful spirit kept her from noticing. Instead, he was met with a child who had to grow up well past her years, cunning and resourceful to keep herself guarded. He knew that she stopped at nothing to find out the answers she sought out, choosing to be on the sidelines so she could observe. Emma was a force to be reckoned with, and he pitied the poor person who had to be on the receiving end when she figured it out.

As Remus silently debated with himself, he nearly let out a laugh realizing that he was an absolute idiot. He was her first victim, but today was not the day to let her know. He would just have to watch her more carefully so that she didn't continually get the upper hand on him.

Remus studied her for a moment longer, taking in the defiant set of her jaw, her face tilted up ever so slightly. She was issuing him a silent challenge, daring him to deny that he had ever done anything of the sort. Emma hadn't quite learned how to school her expressions just yet, her emotions worn on her sleeve for the world to see, but she would get there. The world hadn't completely destroyed her spirit just yet, and he would do everything he could to keep it from happening.

"Emma, are you aware that Greyback was in the woods with you the other night?"

Bingo. Remus struck a nerve, and Emma's defiance slipped off her face, and her defensive position sagged. She lost her footing, and she was fumbling to find it again.

"I realized that," Emma finally said, holding herself close. "It felt like someone was following us."

"Because he was," Remus said dryly. Emma shivered, her brows furrowing slightly.

"How did you know that he was following us?" Emma asked quietly. "What were _you_ even doing in the woods?"

"Never you mind what I was doing. The wards aren't just to keep people out," Remus said, an eyebrow raising. "They're to let me know if you leave for whatever reason. If I didn't know, didn't go back to look… Emma, he could have killed you – both of you."

"I know," Emma said, hesitating for a moment. "But he wouldn't." She hugged her knees closer to her chest, tapping her fingers on her leg as she worried her lip between her teeth. "If he kills me, then he loses his chess piece. I'm a pawn for someone, for something, I just haven't figured out what. I don't think he would've done anything to Persephone, either."

"You don't know that, Emma."

"I think I do, though." Emma met Remus's gaze. "Besides, didn't you put the wards up after you adopted me? He still came in anyway. He clearly didn't care about the wards then, why would he care now? And he didn't hurt me then, either."

"I did put up the wards then, but they didn't have their full strength. Now they're powerful because of your blood. So, therefore, the blood wards now work."

Emma's eyes narrowed, and Remus leaned back slightly. He just made an egregious error in his choice of words, and she was back on the defensive, looking to analyze what he just said. The bitter edge to his voice didn't help.

"What's the difference?" Emma asked slowly, her eyebrow arching ever so slightly. "If the wards didn't work then, why are they 'powerful' now?"

"Time," Remus said quickly. "You were sick at the time since the overall bond was fighting against the change. It relied on your magic being just as stable."

"But they're blood wards."

"Yes, and if you recall that everything in your body was fighting against that as well."

Emma studied Remus as though she didn't believe him, but she seemed to accept his explanation. It was hard for both of them to forget the strain from that week that fell entirely too convenient the week before the full moon.

"And what about now? Ever since… Well, it's the same thing all over again. I'm always getting sick."

"You lost a lot of blood then," Remus said. He wasn't exactly anticipating having to keep so far ahead of Emma's thoughts, and he was slowly losing the higher ground. She was too smart for her own good, sometimes. Really, she was too smart for him sometimes. "Consider the fact that our blood replenishment potions work like a Muggle blood transfusion."

"That conveniently leads me to being sick around the full moon?"

"It just so happens that the full moon is around the same time. Your heaviest potion rotation was just before the full moon, so it's not a surprise that you're affected around the same time." Remus could see that Emma didn't believe him. Doubt was written across her face, and it was evident in her scowl.

"That makes no sense," Emma said. "I don't know much, but I doubt that blood transfusions work like that."

"Well, things work differently when magic is involved, Emelyn," Remus said sharply. He sighed, rubbing his chin because he needed something to do with his hand. "This isn't the conversation we're meant to be having right now. I need you to understand how incredibly reckless you were being."

"I know," Emma said, letting out a frustrated shout and turning her face away from Remus. "I don't know what you want me to say. Clearly, nothing I say is going to be good enough for you right now."

"I need to know that you understand, and right now, I don't think that you do," Remus said, sliding over so that he was closer to Emma. "Do you understand why it's important for you to stay within the confines of the yard?"

"Because you don't want me to have fun?"

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had no idea how their conversation devolved so quickly. When he opened his eyes again, Emma was staring at him out of the corner of her eye.

"The wards I have set keep you from being seen. As long as someone is outside of the ward's lines, they can't see you. You can see the house because you live there and because the wards permit you to see it, but others don't. They see nothing, almost like it was protected by the Fidelius. Even Persephone isn't able to see the house, which is why she had to Floo in," Remus said, leaning slightly to the side to look at Emma better. "You are allowed in the yard because that is where it's safe. As far as anyone knows, from what they're allowed to see, you don't even live at the cottage. Because you went through, now anyone that was in the area knows you are still there."

Emma looked over at Remus in surprise. She didn't know that, but he had never told her that. She had only just now learned that the warding was somehow more potent, but she didn't understand. His explanation of 'time' just didn't seem right. She sighed, giving in. He wasn't going to really answer her questions – like always.

Remus gently tipped Emma's face up to look at him. "Emma, if you're blatantly going to disobey me, then I can't keep you safe. Things could have been so incredibly dire as a result of your carelessness? I expect so much more from you. Greyback aside, Emma – there's a _serial killer_ on the loose, and he knows where we live. I'm not sure who's more dangerous at this point. Quite honestly, both possibilities of either monster being near you is terrifying. "

"Well, with Greyback, I can only imagine," Emma said quietly, her eyes flicking to the scars on Remus's face.

"And that's how I would like to keep it – you only imagining. Same with Sirius. Emma, I do everything in my power to keep you safe from harm, but I need you to work with me."

"I know," Emma frowned. "It's just that sometimes I feel like you treat me like a child. You don't tell me things, and I don't understand why. I'm going to be fourteen in a week!"

"I treat you like a child because you _are_ a child, Emma. You being fourteen doesn't make you an adult," Remus said gently. "Emma, my job is to make sure that you are taken care of and that you are safe, but I can only do so much when you're reckless and blatantly disregard the rules I've set. We established that while you are under my roof, you and your friends will follow those rules."

"I'm sorry," Emma whispered.

"Sorry isn't going to save you if someone were to go after you, Emma. I can't always be there to protect you. Staying within the wards is the single most important rule of our home, and you know that."

"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't think."

"No, no, you didn't," Remus said, rubbing his hands over his face. "Emma, have you ever thought about how I would feel if something were to happen to you? Cariad I love you dearly and the idea of something happening to you…" Remus trailed off, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. "I've already lost you once, almost twice. I don't know that I could live with myself if you were to get hurt again, especially if it were on my watch."

When Remus pulled his hands away from his face, Emma felt terrible. He looked scared, and that was rare for her to see. He let out a heavy sigh and took Emma's face in his hands. "When we go home at the end of the year, I need you to listen to what I tell you. Everything I do and ask of you is for your safety. It's not to keep you from having fun, it's so that nothing happens to you. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," Emma said quietly. "I understand."

Remus studied Emma's face for a moment and then leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I think that's enough for tonight. Go, get some rest – you're tired. I need to go through these surveys and figure out what I need to adjust."

Emma nodded, getting up from the couch. She started to walk away and then turned around to give Remus a kiss on the cheek. "'Night," she said quietly, heading down the hallway to her room. When she reached the doorway, she paused. "Uhm, Dad, can I ask a favor?"

"What is it, little one?"

"Uhm," Emma hesitated for a moment, glancing into her room before looking back at Remus, her cheeks heating up. "I'm, uhm…I'm actually scared of the dark? And I need a light… Please."

"Oh," Remus said, surprised. He had no idea, but it explained why she always left her curtains open at night. "Oh…We could leave the hall light on at night…or if you'd like I could conjure something up for you?" He thought about it for a moment and gave her an understanding smile. "I think the blue flames would be perfect."

"Are you sure? I don't mind just leaving the hall light on."

"It's fine. Go get yourself settled, and I'll find something to keep the flames in. They'll never go out unless you want me to put them out. Or until I teach you how to make them yourself."

"Thank you," Emma said, giving Remus a sheepish look before going into her room.

Remus stood up slowly from the couch wondering just how many little things he didn't actually know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **come find me on:**   
>  [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)   
>  [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/mymoonyandstars)   
>  [the moonlit stars discord](https://discord.gg/xpzefDeCZw)
> 
> [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/r6xi6203vwza01epk6askwk15?si=t4wwYBERRymTJvw09FJG3Q)  
> 


	16. Recipe for Disaster

"Emma – wake up, wake up, wake up!"

Emma groaned and shoved her head under her pillow. She expected a gentle, _normal_ wake up from Remus and not Persephone's overly bright and excited voice. She especially didn't expect to be shaken around like a dog with a toy. It was only the second full day of school, and this was going to start a precedent she wasn't sure she wanted. "How did you even get in here?"

"Re let me in," Persephone said gleefully, jumping onto the edge of Emma's bed to sit. "And the best part is I can just come waltz in whenever I'd like."

With a glare, Emma pulled her head out from underneath her pillow. "I'll kill him," she said, sitting up with a stretch. "I am going to kill my father…and then I'm going to kill you next."

"Rather violent this year, aren't you?" Persephone asked, waggling her eyebrows at Emma. "Get ready! Let's get down to breakfast!"

"Why are you so happy today?" Emma asked, slipping out of her bed and stretching. "It's terrifying. I don't like it. Almost as terrifying as waking up and remembering I'm at Hogwarts and not actually home."

"I'm always this happy, you're just too clueless to see it," Persephone shot up and immediately ran to Emma's closet and began to toss bits of her uniform on her bed. "This room is nice. It's big, and you finally have a desk. Didn't you say you wish you had one at home?" Persephone moved to the dresser to try and find Emma's underthings and tossed over a bra and underwear like it was perfectly normal.

"Effie, shush!" Emma shouted with a blush. She stuffed her bra and underwear underneath the rest of her clothes out of fear someone else would walk in. She wasn't sure if Remus was still in their quarters, and she didn't need him hearing because she knew he would try to figure out how to fit a desk in her room. Really, it was more like he would figure out how to afford to buy her a desk that he deemed good enough for her. She didn't want him to do that. "My room at home is fine. I like that…everything is er…close."

Persephone turned and gave Emma a look. "But didn't you say -"

"Eff, please," Emma implored. "My room is fine."

"All right," Persephone said slowly, holding onto Emma's robe awkwardly. "Well, I've got you set up to at least get dressed. I'll be exploring."

"You know everything is almost exactly the same, right?" Emma asked, gathering the things Persephone pulled out for her.

"Ah, you don't know that," Persephone said. "Maybe Re put the mugs in the wrong cabinet. I need to make sure." She nodded towards the jar of blue flames on Emma's nightstand. "Cool flames, by the way." And then she was gone.

Emma sighed, looking over at the desk that was sitting in the corner of the room. She really did like having the desk, even though she hadn't been able to use it yet. It was such a stupid thing that she always dreamed about at the children's home since the only desks that existed were for younger children. The older children were given long tables to work at, and even the "desks" in the computer room had been glorified tables.

She knew that there was a desk sitting in Remus's study that she was allowed to use, but it was the one room in the house she never felt comfortable going into. In her mind, she always saw it as Remus's space, though he used it infrequently. She knew all too well what it was like to want to be alone, and with how small the cottage was, it was hard to avoid each other. Remus had his study, and Emma had her room. It was a perfectly fine arrangement.

Though she realized she didn't know as much about Remus as she thought, she knew he always felt the need to keep her happy. If he had any idea that she secretly wished to have a desk, there would be one. As much as she wanted one, she could never voice that thought out loud. She didn't want him to feel like he needed to go out and buy her one for that is precisely what he would do – buy one. He had some strange need to buy her things new versus second hand whenever he could. Emma had no idea she could simultaneously hate and love a simple action so much in her life.

It was frustrating that to Persephone, money meant nothing. If she wanted something, she could always get it, no questions asked. Remus insisted that Emma could do the same, but she never wanted to because he would insist on paying. He would never take it from the family account she had access to; it always had to be his. Emma just wished he would use his money for himself.

It was no secret that everything Remus owned was very well used. If the cottage itself wasn't any indication, then everything else was. His clothes had been patched and repaired so many times and had been worn so often that their redeeming quality was every piece was _soft_. She enjoyed taking his jumpers so much because they felt like soft blankets, and they just smelled like home.

The plates and mugs and bowls all had some bit of damage; a chip here, a chip there, and the most terrifying prospect was the bowl with the crack. They both avoided that bowl since neither of them wanted to fall victim to it potentially breaking. When they felt like being extra cheeky, they would move it to a spot where they knew the other would accidentally grab it. They had an unspoken rule that if you took the bowl, you _had_ to use it.

Most of the furniture in the house was secondhand and also received the same patchwork treatment as Remus's clothes. Emma was almost positive that the furniture in her bedroom were the only new bits of furniture in the cottage. Perhaps it was secondhand, she wasn't sure, but none of it had that worn wood look yet. There were no chips taken out of the wood, no scuffs or scratches.

Emma never cared about any of that though; how could she? It didn't matter that her bedroom door sometimes made an obnoxious squealing noise of protest. It didn't matter to her that there was a floorboard that occasionally lifted and would trip you if you weren't watching. It didn't matter to her that perhaps Remus's clothes weren't the best. Remus gave her a home and was easily the most loving and caring she'd ever met. The quality of the items he owned was just physical manifestations of that. He cherished and took care of the things that he loved to the best of his ability, including her.

"Cariad, are you all right?"

Emma startled slightly and looked over at Remus, who stood in her doorway, looking concerned. She gave him a small, sleepy smile and nodded. "Not a morning person," Emma said quietly. "Trying to figure out if I can convince myself to get up."

"Oh, yes," Remus said, giving her a knowing look. "Merlin knows you try to think of every hex possible to use to get your revenge on me at home."

"Yes," Emma said with a laugh. "I can never figure out what would be best to exact my revenge. You're lucky."

Remus let out a huff of a laugh. "You're probably right." He studied Emma for a moment. "Are you sure that you're all right?"

"Yes. Now go away so I can ready. Also, how dare you give Effie access. You know that means I'll never get to sleep in, right?"

"That was the point," Remus said, closing Emma's door before she had the chance to chuck a pillow at him.

"Git," Emma muttered as she stood back up. She looked over at the door next to her closet in debate. The expanded room meant that she had her own private bathroom. It was one of the other welcome additions, not that she minded the single bathroom at home, but having her own bathroom was nice. Her room here was more of a private domain, and it was wonderful. She was genuinely considering just having all of her things moved from the dorm, and she would pack a bag when she stayed with the rest of Hufflepuff.

Decision made, Emma stood up and made her way to the bathroom. She took a shower before bed, but another quick one wouldn't be bad just so she could try and clear her head.

However, her shower didn't help to quell her thoughts. The bruise that had blossomed on her hip yesterday had faded considerably. Not entirely, of course, but it looked as though it would disappear in another day or two instead of the week it usually took.

When Emma finally left her room, she found Remus and Persephone sitting in the small kitchen as if it was something they did every day. It almost made her laugh at how casual it was. Emma couldn't help but wonder if in another life, would this have always been normal? If Emma had grown up differently, would such a sight be seen? Would it have been often? Would she have ever even become friends with Persephone?

"Cariad, are you sure you're all right?" Remus asked, breaking through her thoughts. "I haven't seen you like this in months."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Emma said, taking in the worried look on Remus's face and the confused one on Persephone's. Her skin suddenly felt prickly as they stared, and she rubbed the back of her neck.

Remus didn't seem too convinced. "All right, well, I'm having breakfast here as I have a first-period class. You're both welcome to join me for breakfast if you'd like."

Persephone seemed to consider the idea for a moment but looked at Emma. "What are you thinking?"

"I was thinking the Great Hall?" Emma suggested sheepishly. "I need to figure out who's walking the dog today, anyway."

"Is that really what you call having a walking partner? 'Walking the dog?'" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Considering the threat of a collar if I step out of line, it's appropriate, I think," Emma said with a shrug.

Remus sighed, not wanting to get into an argument so early in the morning. Something was already weighing heavily in Emma's thoughts, and he didn't want to make it worse. "I wish you wouldn't call it that," he said softly. "Go on. I'll see you both in class later."

"You're not having lunch in the Great Hall?" Emma asked curiously.

"No, there's something I need to do, so I'll be staying here. I might leave for dinner, but you have your first session tonight." Remus gave Emma a pointed look, and she groaned.

"We can't start that next week?"

"I should have had you somewhere over the summer. The sooner, the better, Emma."

"Fine," Emma grumbled. "Let's go, Eff."

Persephone stood up. "See you later, Professor," she said with a wide grin, walking past Emma to leave.

Emma sighed and turned to follow, but Remus called her back. She gave him a puzzled look and waited.

"I know that you have potions after lunch today," Remus said after a moment. "Don't let Severus push you around. If he says or does something that makes you uncomfortable, I need you to let me know. I'm not going to let him take out his issues with me on you – you did nothing wrong."

"But I did, Dad. He was -"

"You did _nothing_ wrong," Remus said slowly, cutting her off. He met Emma's eyes to find the same unsure look he had seen several times before from her. Something finally switched in her mind, and she gave him a determined nod. "Good. Have a good day, sweetheart."

"Who do you have first today?" Emma asked curiously.

"Second years, this morning," Remus said, the hint of a cheeky grin on his face.

"I'm just going to pretend I have no idea what class you're teaching – forget I asked."

"You asked me something?"

Emma stared at Remus for a moment in surprise, confused by his puzzled expression, but then she noticed the telltale mischievous glint in his eyes. When he wasn't annoying, he could be brilliant, and she couldn't stop her wide grin. She walked back to Remus to give him a kiss on the cheek. "You learn fast," Emma said. "Have a good day, Dad. Love you, I'll see you later."

Breakfast seemed almost traitorous as she found herself sitting with the Slytherins again. Apparently, it appeared that others seemed to think the same thing as there were quiet whispers that didn't escape her notice. Halfway through breakfast, Emma decided to take leave and sit over with the Gryffindors. After all, she needed someone to walk with to Herbology, and who better than Neville?

"Why do you hang out with those snakes?" Ron practically snarled at her as she sat down next to Neville.

"Well, good morning to you, too," Emma grumbled.

"Emma is allowed to sit with whoever she'd like, Ron," Hermione said, immediately jumping to Emma's defense.

"She's Professor Lupin's daughter, she should know better," Ron said, still glaring at Emma.

"Well, the funny thing is he's my _father_ and not my _keeper_. I'm not an animal," Emma said dryly.

"Freddie, I think I'm in love," George said, from a few seats down. "The professor's daughter has no issues arguing with ickle Ronniekins, even if she does have questionable tastes. We'll have to fix that, won't we?"

Emma turned to look at the twins who were wearing matching grins, and she blushed. She had no idea what it was about those two that inspired her to turn into an absolute giggling mess. It was honestly horrifying. "I didn't hear of any pranks yesterday," Emma said, raising her eyebrows.

"Ah, because the best is yet to come, don't you worry," Fred said, rubbing his hands together. "Trust me, you'll know when it happens. Then the real fun will begin."

"I'm looking forward to it," Emma said, turning to look at Neville. Her eyes met Hermione's for a moment, and Emma was terribly confused by the funny look on her face. What was that look for? "Right…Neville, ready for Herbology?"

"Yes!" Neville said, shooting up. "I'm excited that we have a double today."

Herbology was one of the classes Emma had learned to love quickly. Even though, much like her other classes so far, it was spent revising, Sprout had them work with the plants for a little bit. There was something about digging into the dirt or working with the plants that Emma found relaxing.

"Wonderful, as always, Miss Lupin," Professor Sprout said proudly as Emma replanted a Puffapod plant. "10 points, my dear!"

After Herbology was History of Magic, the trip chaperoned by Cedric Diggory.

"Did you get sucked into this?" Emma asked halfway into their trip to the History of Magic classroom. "I'm really sorry…"

"I volunteered, actually," Cedric said. "I didn't think you would want to deal with Jessica. She's nice, but she can be rather abrasive sometimes." Cedric gave Emma a smile at her confused look. "Besides, it gives me an excuse to get out of class early."

"Oh, all right," Emma said slowly. "I get it – you get to leave class early to walk the dog. I would probably do the same, actually. I don't blame you, I'm just sorry that you have to do it."

"Don't be," Cedric said with a laugh. "I remember you from my third year, actually. Came and sat in my compartment on the way back from Easter hols. You looked like you needed a friend then. I apologize that I didn't do more last year."

"You're apologizing to me because I was a lonely little git?"

"No, because I always thought you'd be a good friend. You're good with others."

Emma stopped walking and just stared at Cedric until he turned around. "What do you mean?"

Cedric chuckled and gave a small shrug as he thought about it. "You take care of others before you take care of yourself," Cedric said. "I've seen you in the common room, helping the younger students. And then helping whoever you can, when you can. It was rotten what the rest of your year did to you, you didn't deserve it. Loyalty is a great quality to have when it's applied correctly."

"Yes, well…" Emma shrugged, stepping back up next to Cedric. "There wasn't much I could do about that. I did what I had to do, just wasn't expecting to survive it, in all honesty."

"I know I don't know Professor Lupin well at all, but I think it's safe to say he would have been distraught if you didn't," Cedric said, putting an arm around Emma's shoulders. "I don't think he'd like you knowing this, but he keeps a photo of the two of you at his desk."

"What? No, he doesn't," Emma said, trying to think of everything she had seen in the classroom so far. She didn't see any picture frames on his desk in the classroom or in his office. Was there one in the study? Had _Cedric_ been in their quarters?

"He keeps it in the far-right drawer in the classroom. I only saw it because I had to ask him something, and he needed a quill, which he also keeps in the same drawer."

"Oh, excellent. My father keeps a photo with me in a drawer full of feathers," Emma laughed, giving Cedric a nudge. She had heard people say that Cedric had a way of making you feel comfortable around him, but she had never experienced it herself. If he was anyone else, she would have hated having his arm around her, but she found she didn't mind. It was almost as if they'd known each other their whole lives.

"That's a high honor," Cedric laughed. "Think of the frequency he has to use a quill." Cedric looked down at Emma and stared at her for a moment. "You know, the two of you are a lot alike, I think."

"Oh, no, that's the second person that's said that." Emma pulled herself out from underneath Cedric's arm as they reached the classroom with a grimace. "That's the last thing I need – to be like my father. And you figured that out in the whole three days we've been at Hogwarts?"

"It's not a bad thing, you know," Cedric said, crossing his arms over his chest. "And it's not just three days. You forget that I've seen you two at King's Cross, too."

"Oh, so you're a stalker then."

"No," Cedric smiled. "Just observant."

A silence fell between the two of them, and they both looked away from each other, looking in the directions they needed to go.

"You should go so you're not late to your class," Emma said with a small shrug.

"Yes, I should probably get to Transfiguration. We all know how McGonagall gets," Cedric laughed. "Not sure what the schedule will be like next week, but at the very least – see you same time next week."

For the second time that week, History of Magic flew by, but only because she was too busy thinking about anything _but_ history. This school year was so much different than last year. She knew a lot of had to do with Remus's presence in the castle, but the noticeable absence of Jocelyn was more than she could have wished for. She didn't feel entirely relaxed, not yet, but she felt as soon as she had a routine, it would be fine. She could skate through the rest of the year and take advantage of the extra time with Remus to finally get to know him. She didn't think she would ever get over how much she didn't know about him.

Lunch found her sitting with the Hufflepuffs. They had Potions right after lunch, and it gave her more anxiety than she thought it would.

"He let you back into the class, so that has to count for something, right?" Leanne said. "I think it should be fine."

"Yes, but she could've nearly killed herself again," Wayne said, his mouth full of sandwich. "That potion is notoriously hard to make."

"Yes, but Emma made it. Not at all surprising considering she's the best potion maker out of our year," Susan said, leaning into the conversation.

"Oh, shut it," Emma said, crossing her arms on the table and resting her head. "We all know Hermione's the best one out of all of us."

"Yes, but would she know how to fix the potion if something was going wrong?"

"I don't know. Haven't had the chance to see her make it, have I?"

"Then my point still stands," Susan said smugly. "You're the best potion maker in our year."

"You're one of the only few he doesn't take points from that isn't a Hufflepuff," Justin said. "You remember that time he took 20 points from me last year? If it weren't for you making those points up in class…"

Emma snorted. "Well, I guarantee that'll change this year. You'll see."

As it turned out, things were far worse than she expected. Emma stepped into the classroom, expecting to work, but Snape had other ideas.

"Do you mind explaining to me why you are sitting at a cauldron, Lupin?" Snape asked in his usual aggravated drawl.

"Uhm, to make today's potion?" Emma answered lamely. Her eyes met Snape's dark gaze, and she realized very quickly she was very, very, _very_ wrong.

"Lupin, in case you're forgetting, the deal was to allow you into the classroom. There were absolutely no stipulations of you making potions. You are to find a partner, and your only contribution will be towards preparing ingredients."

"But Professor -"

"You will be working with a partner. If I deem you worthy of participating actively in class, then you will do it at a time of my choosing."

"But Professor, I -"

"10 points from Hufflepuff for arguing. I suggest you find your partner quickly, _Lupin_. A Ravenclaw so that you don't kill anyone else."

There were quiet gasps from the other Hufflepuffs and then immediate angry mutterings about Snape.

"Would any of the other Hufflepuffs be interested in losing points for their house today? I assure you I have no issue with it and will take great pleasure in any insolence," Snape said sharply. The rest of the class grew silent.

"Emma, you can be my partner," Mandy said softly from a few tables away. "Anthony can work with Kevin."

With angry tears in her eyes, Emma picked up her things and sat next Mandy. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve and found the clock. 55 minutes still left. It was going to be a long class. Emma found herself focusing on the spot…she couldn't think about it. She returned her gaze to the clock. 54 minutes left.

Emma nearly smashed right into Persephone the moment the bell rang as she rushed out of the class. Snape had kept up his comments through the entire class, and she felt like a ticking time bomb as she continually blinked back tears. He was just hitting every possible insecurity that she had, and she hated that it affected her.

"Perhaps I should reconsider having you in my class if you can't keep your emotions in check, Lupin," Snape said at the end of class, the final nail in the coffin for Emma. "Having someone as unstable as you in this classroom is dangerous for everyone involved."

That had been the comment that had nearly broken Emma, but she refused to let him see her cry. At least not in the classroom.

"Merlin, Emma, what happened?" Persephone asked, pulling out of Emma's clutches and holding her at arms-length. She studied Emma for a moment and then pulled her back in for a hug when Emma burst out into tears.

"Your head of house is a twat," Justin said as he exited the classroom. "He shouldn't be allowed to teach."

"He shouldn't have said that, Emma," Ernie said sharply. "You didn't deserve any of that."

Persephone sighed and put an arm around Emma's shoulder. "Come on, let's get you to Defense. We'll tell Re."

"No," Emma said, almost pleading. "I don't want him to know."

"Emma don't be stupid," Persephone said, giving Emma a sharp look. "Snape's my head of house, but if he was a complete dick…"

"I don't want Dad to know," Emma repeated. "Please."

It turned out that telling Persephone not to say anything had been completely useless. The other Hufflepuffs had converged on Remus well before Emma and Persephone arrived.

"Professor Lupin, you have to talk to Professor Snape," Emma heard Megan say emphatically. "It was terrible to watch."

"She didn't deserve it at all," from Justin.

Remus held his hand out to placate the angry Hufflepuffs, and he glanced at Emma as she froze where she stood. He turned to the group of agitated badgers with a sigh. "I'll speak to Professor Snape, thank you."

This was the one area that none of the other Slytherins wanted to touch, and she didn't blame them for being silent. They could admit when someone was wrong, but since none of them were there to witness what happened, they made no comment. Instead, they gave her curious looks but kept to themselves. What happened in the Defense classroom would stay in the Defense classroom.

"Eff, can we sit in the back today? Please?" Emma begged, looking at the desk in the far-right corner furthest away from Remus. She wanted to take the desk by the door, but that was already occupied by Crabbe and Goyle. "I don't know if I can…"

Persephone nodded in understanding, and they settled in at the back desk. Emma could feel Remus staring at her, but luckily, he didn't try to engage in conversation with her and acted as though nothing was wrong. She wasn't sure that she could handle talking about what happened just yet.

Emma barely ran on autopilot through the entirety of Remus's class. She could honestly say that she had no idea what happened. If it weren't for Persephone prompting her to do things she wouldn't know that anything was happening. She spaced out to the point that she didn't even realize two hours had passed, the bell had rung, and everyone had left.

She lifted her head from her hand, looking around in confusion before looking over her shoulder at the clock. It was just after 5, meaning class had been out officially for over a half-hour. A part of her felt as though Remus had ended class much sooner, but she found she really couldn't remember. Brow furrowed, she looked back at the front of the class to see Remus watching her from his desk. His head was propped up on clasped hands, and the worry on his face made her immediately look away. She didn't want his pity.

"I think that's the longest I've ever seen you do that," Remus said quietly. He sighed and stood up and made his way to where Emma was sitting. He sat down next to her and ran a hand through her hair. "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Emma said quietly, leaning against Remus. _She was safe_. "I really, really don't want to talk about it. Sorry I wasn't paying attention at all. I honestly have no idea what you even said at any point." She looked down at the papers on her desk, the only clue to what happened during class was his syllabus written carefully in his loopy scrawl.

"You didn't miss anything. I would've tried to grab your attention if you were. I hardly doubt my syllabus is anything exciting, I assure you," Remus chuckled, gathering the things on Emma's desk for her. "I wound up just letting everyone go early. I didn't feel the need to get started on any actual course materials. Did you want to go downstairs and eat with everyone else?"

Emma thought about it for a moment before turning to wrap her arms around him. She tucked herself into his side, settling her head in the spot underneath his chin. "I want to stay here…if you don't mind."

"Of course, I don't mind," Remus said, kissing the top of Emma's head and giving her a tight squeeze. "Come on, let's get your things put away. I'm sure the house-elves will be more than happy to make you anything you'd like."

"Even if that thing is just ice cream?"

"I would like to see you have something a bit more substantial than ice cream, but if that's what you'd like, I'm sure that could be accommodated."

"Good. I need it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	17. Therapy

Emma was curled up in her preferred corner of the couch, staring at the now lit fireplace. She always liked to take the corner closest to where the door was at home. Clearly, it wouldn't be much different at Hogwarts.

It was much cooler at Hogwarts, and the fire was welcome to add warmth to the room. Remus had managed to convince Emma to have something other than ice cream for dinner, but her steak sat mostly uneaten. The steak had been ordered out of curiosity on Remus's part as they hardly ever had it at home. Remus was curious to see just how much her food preference could have changed. He knew that Emma had a preference for medium-well, but she didn't even balk at the fact it was rare. For a moment, he thought she realized the difference because she stopped eating, but then he realized she just didn't have the appetite.

"You know, I was fine until he said that I was unstable," Emma finally said after being quiet for most of the night.

Remus looked up from the papers sitting on his lap. He was doublechecking his lesson plans to make sure everything was in order for the first month. "Severus said that?"

"Said that I was unstable and a danger to everyone involved."

"I think that was a thinly veiled comment about me, actually," Remus sighed, rubbing his forehead. Severus Snape had always given Remus a headache, but he had grown used to the comments while in school. He didn't like that he was taking his nearly twenty-year-long grudge out on Emma. "I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"Don't," Emma said quietly. "It'll only get worse if you do. I don't want him to treat me as terribly as he treats Neville."

"What does he do to Neville?"

"More like what _doesn't_ he do to Neville? Neville is petrified of him," Emma sighed. "I guess I'm lucky I even managed to go this long without him saying something to me. I know he didn't like me from the very beginning. He absolutely resented when he couldn't say Lupin as if it were an insult because it was my actual last name, but now…"

"I know you don't believe me, but I can promise you that most of Severus's issues have nothing to do with you. I know that really doesn't help either, but please just let me talk to him."

Emma finally met Remus's gaze. "You never told me _why_ he doesn't like you. You said he was jealous, but this seems like so much more than just jealousy."

"There was…an incident," Remus said slowly as he tried to figure out how to explain what happened without starting an entirely new conversation. "Let's just say that this incident led to very unfavorable feelings from all parties involved."

"But the jealousy thing?"

"It was a few different issues, in all honesty," Remus said, leaning back into his armchair. He set his papers aside on the side table and crossed his legs. "I can't deny that he's angry about what you did, but his biggest issue is with me. He fought very hard to try and keep me from coming to teach."

It was almost like they both knew what time it was as they both looked at the clock on the mantel. Emma immediately pulled a face, and Remus sighed. Her session was supposed to start at 6, but they had pushed it until 8 instead.

"Are you sure we can't start next week?" Emma asked, pulling at her skirt. She had every intention of heading back to the dorms tonight since there was going to be a party in the common room. After the day she had, she wasn't sure if she wanted to go or if she just wanted to go to bed. Plus, the entire thing made her nervous.

"Cariad, if I thought it would help to wait, I would," Remus said, standing up. "You're not going to eat anymore?"

Emma shook her head. "There's supposed to be a party in the common room in an hour," she said, giving Remus a hopeful look.

"And you can go afterward," Remus said, collecting their plates to bring to the kitchen. He straightened up to fix Emma with a hard stare as a thought crossed his mind. "Back when I was a student here, the Hufflepuffs always seemed to have…spirited parties. Do I even want to know if that still holds true?"

It had been true. The Hufflepuff parties always seemed to rival the Gryffindors, whereas the Slytherins and Ravenclaws were more refined. The proximity to the kitchen meant the best food and more than enough older students to bring in alcohol. The more Herbology inclined students had been known to dabble in creating new marijuana strains or use some other magical plant. The day the Marauders discovered weed had been a total game-changer, especially for Remus. Even if Hufflepuff never consistently won any of the competitions, they always won the proverbial trophy for best parties.

"Uhm," Emma turned bright red. "It uh…they're fun?"

"And…do you partake in the more spirited activities?"

"No!" Emma said, perhaps a little quickly. She grimaced slightly at the look on Remus's face. "Maybe once…" Emma covered her face. "Possibly twice…" Remus cleared his throat, and Emma peered at him through her fingers. "Possibly more than twice?" She groaned and pulled her hands away from her face. "The older students keep the younger ones away from the worst of it. There were only a few of us that would sneak into the parties, but promptly get kicked out. The unspoken rule is you're not allowed to attend until you're in your third year. Sprout pretends it doesn't happen, and the Prefects are on high alert and babysit everyone."

Remus sighed. "Do I even want to ask what you've done?"

"I'd prefer if you didn't," Emma said, cringing.

"Well, I suppose that's a conversation for another day," Remus said, making his way to the kitchen.

Emma looked absolutely flustered by the time Remus came back into the living room. She watched him closely as he sat back down in his armchair, a folder and quill tucked under his arm.

"You're not mad?" she asked quietly, almost in disbelief that he didn't make it a big deal.

"Should I be?"

"No," Emma said after a beat.

"Then I'm not mad," Remus said simply. He crossed his legs, placed the folder on his lap, and put the quill to the side.

"Even though I'm only thirteen?"

"Weren't you just complaining last night that you're going to be fourteen, and I treat you like a child?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow. He sighed, opening up the folder, and fixed Emma with a displeased stare. "Believe me, I'm none too thrilled with the idea of you sneaking into parties to drink, but I think that's the least of my worries. Besides, I would be a complete liar if I said I wasn't doing the same thing at your age, and I was the youngest of our group. You at least get the benefit of being the oldest in your year. I didn't have that luxury."

"You snuck into parties?" Emma asked, sitting up a little bit straighter.

"Every single one," Remus reluctantly admitted. "And then my friends and I were the ones providing the alcohol for the parties. I'll just say that it's part of the experience of attending Hogwarts and remember that I was a teenager once. I might give myself a heart attack otherwise."

"Huh," Emma said quietly. "You really were cool once, weren't you?"

"I'll pretend that you didn't say that," Remus said, his lips twitching ever so slightly into a smile. "I might be old, but I'm still cool, thank you very much."

"Says the one wearing a jumper with elbow patches."

"Cheeky little monkey," Remus muttered, shaking his head. He gestured to the folder on his lap. "Shall we?"

Emma worried her lip between her teeth. "Not like I have a choice, do I?"

Remus's smile was gentle. "Not really," he said, "however, I would like to say that before we begin, that if at any point you object to me being the one to do this, just say the word. I won't be at all offended. Professor Sprout and Professor Flitwick have already expressed to me that they would be willing to take over if needed. If that is not to your liking, then other arrangements will need to be made, but that involves removing you from the grounds. It's not an ideal situation as, unfortunately, mental health is not really a concern in the magical community. I think it's safe to say that we would all prefer to avoid taking you out of school, if possible."

"What would that even involve?"

"It would really depend," Remus sighed. "A lot of it would come down to whether or not St. Mungo's would be willing to take you in long-term…"

"Oh," Emma said quietly, "but that would mean…"

"Being in the Janus Thickey Ward as it's their only long-term ward in the hospital. And the fear with placing you in a Muggle hospital means the possibility of affecting your magic due to the medications that are often used. I can't even make any guarantees of what they could do at St. Mungo's as mental health is really not a focus like it is in the Muggle world. So, for now, we'll do something as close to Muggle therapy as we can."

Emma frowned, not really liking any of the options presented. She felt strange having Remus act as her therapist, but she didn't know if she felt comfortable with Flitwick or Sprout. The idea of having to leave Hogwarts to be shoved into a room with Jude for an unknown amount of time was Hell on Earth. She wasn't left with many options.

"However, when school lets out for the summer, if you feel as though you want to continue this, we can find an actual Muggle therapist for you. My hope is that we get to the point that this doesn't need to be every week, but I think, all things considered, it's a good place to start." Remus's smile was as gentle as always. "Besides, I think it'll be the perfect opportunity for us to actually talk. You've been so closed off."

"Am I allowed to say that I hate all of this? Or is that going to be a red flag for something?" Emma asked, glancing at the folder in Remus's lap.

"Of course, you're allowed to say that you hate this," Remus said with a laugh. "I would be more concerned if you didn't in the beginning."

"I just…I don't know," Emma groaned. "I just don't feel comfortable with someone else, but you already do so much. Father, teacher, _and_ therapist?"

"Believe it or not, I've been all three roles for you already. Now I'm just sectioning those roles off." Remus leaned forward in his chair. "Emma, trust me – if I didn't think that I could handle doing this, I wouldn't have even considered the idea. If you'd really like someone else -"

"I don't want someone else doing this," Emma said, cutting Remus off. "I just…"

"You feel guilty."

Emma nodded after a while. "A little difficult not to with how much you do for me as it is."

"And I am more than happy to do all of it."

"That's the problem," Emma laughed, though there was no humor to the sound. "You just _do_ it, no questions asked."

"I have done it since the day you were born, and I will do it until the day I die, which will not be happening any time soon," Remus said, studying Emma closely. "Perhaps we can take this time so that you can also learn more about me as well. I thought about what you said last night, and I realize that I might not have shared as much of my life with you as I thought. What do you think?"

"I think I'd like that," Emma said quietly.

Remus looked over at the clock and smiled. "And look at that, nearly twenty minutes in, and you've had no idea."

"You're kidding," Emma said, looking over at the clock. Sure enough, it was nearly 8:20, and she was terribly confused. Time had gone so quickly, even with the long pauses. "This is all this is supposed to be? How?"

"Well, the point is for it to feel natural. Really, tonight is also for me to figure out if I feel comfortable taking on your care – which I do, provided you wish to continue with me," Remus leaned back in his chair. "Therapy isn't meant to be scary, and I know it's been bothering you since it came up. I figured by just starting without you realizing it would be easier."

"That's rather rude," Emma said, resettling herself on the couch. "But you're not wrong. Because you're the one doing this, doesn't this break some weird parent-doctor-patient rule?"

"Ordinarily, yes," Remus said thoughtfully. "But those rules don't exactly exist in the magical community for this specific form of treatment. I promise you – what we talk about here can stay here unless you want to open up the dialogue during the week. During class, I'm your teacher. During these sessions, I'm whatever you'd like to call me. Every other time I'm just dad. If for whatever reason, you really need me to be someone else, I'll do it – no questions asked."

Emma considered his words and glanced back over to the clock. Nearly another ten minutes had passed by, and she had no idea how. Perhaps all of the long pauses extended longer than she thought, and it didn't feel like it because she trusted Remus. "All right, I guess you should keep going then."

"Just for curiosities sake, did they ever give you any form of therapy while you were at the children's home?" Remus asked, finally opening the folder and picking up his quill to write something down.

"Not that I know of," Emma said after a few moments. She frowned slightly as she watched Remus write. "Who else is meant to be part of my care? I don't think that was ever really discussed."

"Me, mostly, at least for this part. Elara and Madam Pomfrey as well."

"No one else?"

"Not directly, no. As much as you'll hate to hear this, there's a strong possibility that Professor Snape will be indirectly involved if any potions are needed. However, my goal is to minimize that possibility. Most likely, that would come from Elara and Madam Pomfrey if I feel it's beneficial."

"So, would he know if it was something that was needed for me?"

"Never – he'll never see the contents of what's in this folder," Remus said, giving Emma a reassuring smile. "That particular confidentiality does exist."

"Why is Elara part of my care? She's the only one I've ever seen at St. Mungo's except for the Healer that came to the house the first full day I was home."

"Mostly as a favor to me, but she likes you. She normally works with children, so it worked out well," Remus said, looking concerned. "Why? Do you have an issue with Elara?"

"No," Emma said quickly, her eyes widening. "Not at all. I really like her. I just wasn't sure why I've only seen Elara and no one else."

"Well, it would be no different than with a Muggle doctor. If you were to see a doctor, you would really only work with one physician so they could become familiar with you. Did they not give you medical care while you were at the children's home?"

"We had yearly checkups, but it was never the same person. They came to the children's home, so I didn't realize that people saw the same person. Really if anything needed to be done, someone would be brought in. Unless it was something drastic that required the hospital, no one ever left."

Remus stared at Emma for a moment and then nodded. "Well, then let me ask you this – do you feel that your medical needs are taken care of?"

Emma snorted. "Probably more than I want, actually," she said. "I suppose I should add Healer to the list of things you already do for me."

"Yes, well, I unfortunately have a lot of experience in that particular area, as well," Remus said, shaking his head. "Off the record, if you ever feel that I'm not doing enough for you, please let me know. If there's ever something that you need to see Elara for, I have no issue with bringing you or seeing if she can do a house call."

"I will, but I think you generally know before even I do."

"I try to anticipate the need before it arises if I can. I don't want you to ever be uncomfortable. Now, what do you want to get out of these sessions?"

"I…well, I don't know. I've never really thought about it. This was mostly sprung on me, wasn't it? Am I allowed to say that I don't know?"

"Of course, you're allowed to say that you don't know. These sessions are for you."

"Not entirely," Emma said dryly. "These are required for me to be here."

"They are a requirement, yes," Remus said slowly, "but they're also for you. It…" Remus sighed, rubbing his chin. "During one of our several meetings here during the summer, it was a near-unanimous decision that a lot of us didn't do what we needed. You were neglected and pushed aside because of everything that was happening, both here and at home. I am more than aware that I was, regretfully, a part of that."

"But you weren't…"

"I was," Remus said firmly. "Emma, please forgive me, but to be quite frank, you are depressed. I think you have been for a while, and I should have taken the time to address that, but I didn't. That is my fault and mine alone because I wasn't meeting your needs."

"I'm not depressed," Emma said defensively. She wasn't really depressed, was she? The thought had gone through her mind, but Emma always felt that she was normal. She couldn't recall a time where she didn't feel the way that she did consistently.

"You are," Remus said softly. "You have been for a while, and I was aware of that, especially around Christmas. I just didn't know what to do for you because I wasn't sure what was hurting you so terribly. The only sure thing that I was aware of was you being upset over your mother, and then when I did find out what was wrong…" Remus trailed off, scratching his chin with the top of the quill in thought. "Well, a lot of the blame can be placed on me, and I will never stop apologizing for that."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Emma said quietly. "You were scared of the idea of being my father, I get that now. God knows that conversation we had was…terrible. I haven't been able to ever forgive myself for saying that I hated you."

"I knew you didn't mean it. You were hurt, and I pushed you too far."

"But I still shouldn't have ever said it. I could never hate you…"

Remus gave her a sad smile. "I sincerely doubt that," he said, almost as if he didn't want her to hear. He straightened up in his chair and switched his crossed legs. "Just out of curiosity, how long have you felt the way you do?"

"Uhm." Emma wasn't sure exactly what Remus meant. "I…I always have, I think. But what do you mean?"

Remus looked pensive as he leaned back in his chair and looked at the fireplace. "I think a lot about you makes sense now," he said, almost thoughtfully. "Your depression has come and gone in waves. For as long as I've had you in my care, you've always struggled to sleep. There are times where you struggle really hard to concentrate on your tasks, and you seem to be sad more often than not. There are far more issues than just those alone, but those are some of your biggest tells. You've trained yourself to the point that you think it's normal because it's all that you're familiar with."

He met Emma's eyes and gave her a gentle smile seeing the worry on her face. "It just means that there are other things we need to work through and figure out. It's not entirely unexpected from the little I know of your time in the children's home. There is nothing wrong with you, you just need a little help to see that things should be different."

Remus hesitated for a moment, looked over at the clock, and then closed the folder on his lap. "It's been just over an hour. I purposely blocked us out for two hours for the next few weeks just to split our time, but I know you want to go to that party. We can stop here for now. I'm not going to force you to keep going tonight."

"We-we can keep going," Emma said quietly. She shrugged at Remus's look of surprise. "I don't need to go, plus you looked like you were about to tell me something, and I'm curious."

"Did I hear you right?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow. "You're willing to skip the first party of the year to sit here with me?"

"There'll be others," Emma said with a sheepish grin. "Besides, we technically had a party the first night, it just wasn't very…er…festive?"

"You had a party the very first night?"

"Hufflepuff is a party house," Emma said, her cheeks heating up. "I-I skipped most of them, in all honesty, especially last year. Even at the parties the younger years could go to, I didn't really go."

"Well, that's a relief to hear," Remus chuckled. "But I don't want you to feel like you're obligated to stay."

Emma grew quiet, tracing the hem of her skirt. "I actually wanted to stay here again tonight, anyway," she admitted. "I like feeling like I'm home, even if we're doing…this."

"The questions are only going to get more difficult," Remus explained, opening up the folder again slowly and looking at another paper. "Are you sure you want to do this instead of going to the party?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I never thought you'd be the one to tell me to go to a party, especially one where you know there's alcohol involved."

"Purely off the record, I think you could stand to do some more troublemaking," Remus said, his eyes twinkling. Emma's mouth dropped in surprise, _really_ not expecting Remus to tell her to basically break the rules. "You _are_ only going to be fourteen, not forty-one. I have no issue with you enjoying reading and preferring a quieter life, but it's okay to let loose sometimes. I don't want you to feel as though you can't just because I'm here. As long as you're not wholly irresponsible, I can turn a blind eye."

"When did you suddenly become cool?" Emma asked in awe.

"I told you, I've always been cool," Remus said, feigning an offended look. "I just need you to promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"If you ever need my help, for any reason at all, I want you to promise that you'll come to me. I don't care what it is, I will not judge you. Ever. I don't care what time of day it is; I don't care if I'm with a class – I want you to promise that you'll come to me."

Emma regarded Remus for a few moments and then nodded. "I promise," she said quietly. "Uhm, do you mind if I get changed?"

"Go, get yourself comfortable if you plan to stay the night. Were you planning on raiding my clothes again?"

"Is that even a question?" Emma grinned, standing up quickly from the couch. "I-I was thinking maybe we should move my things up here, and then I can pack a bag for when I go down to the dorm. On Monday, perhaps."

"Why don't we see how you feel about it at the end of next week?" Remus suggested. "I think you'll be sick of seeing me far quicker than you think."

"I don't," Emma said, rushing off before Remus could say another word. When Emma returned to the living room, she looked infinitely more comfortable in another pair of Remus's flannels and a grey jumper. There was a silent apprehension that she tried to keep off her face, and she heaved a heavy sigh when she sat back down. "How bad do the questions get?"

"They're not bad, they're uncomfortable," Remus explained. "We're going to work a little more recently just because it needs to be documented further. Then we'll slowly but surely work backward. Not in the same session, of course. This is all a process." Remus hesitated again, and Emma picked up on it quickly.

"You're keeping things from me," she accused, her eyes narrowing slightly. "That's twice you've hesitated to say something."

Remus sighed, tapping the end of the quill on his knee, his foot bouncing. "There are…certain things that I haven't quite figured out how to tell you," Remus said, trying to choose his words carefully. He met Emma's gaze, and he frowned. "I'll just say that I'm trying how best to approach it delicately as it deserves the utmost care. I don't want to keep secrets from you, but I must admit that I am hesitant to tell you."

"I don't know that I like the sound of that," Emma admitted. "Does it have anything to do with my memories?"

"It has everything to do with your memories. It's a big reason why I worry about telling you. I know that you need to know, but I don't want to throw too much at you at one time."

Emma ran her hands over the red and gold flannel fabric of the pajama bottoms she borrowed from Remus. She never understood why she always grabbed this particular pair. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact they were in Gryffindor's colors – they made her feel brave when she wasn't. "Okay…"

"Why don't we finish things up and then relax for the rest of the night? I have to be up early for breakfast duty tomorrow, and I imagine you want to play for the weekend – after you do your homework, of course."

The shy and unsure grin Remus had seen on Emma's face lately had appeared, and she began to run a finger across the fabric of the couch. "Just like how I always imagined," she said, almost to herself. He wondered what she meant by that comment. "All right, let's get on with it."

"Now, remember, these questions are uncomfortable," Remus said, clearing his throat to give himself a moment to shift his mindset. "However, they're needed so I can determine what's needed in the present and how to proceed."

"Right," Emma said with a determined nod. "Got it."

"If, at any point, you feel you need a break, let me know. We'll take a brief recess so that you can gather yourself."

"Oh, so _this_ is the real session," Emma said, laughing nervously. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and nodded, rubbing the back of her neck. "All right…"

"All right," Remus said, flipping to a different page in the folder. "We're going to discuss your suicide attempt."

"Just…really getting into it, aren't you?" Emma sighed, readjusting herself so that she could lay down on the couch. For some reason, that seemed like a better idea.

"Would you like a pillow?" Remus asked. She nodded, and he grabbed one of the pillows off the other armchair and tossed it to Emma. She tucked it underneath her head and gestured for him to continue. "Remember, if you need to stop, let me know. I'm not so much concerned about what you did as I think we've all but exhausted those details, but I'm more concerned on the why and how you feel about things now."

"Is there anywhere specific I need to start?" Emma asked, readjusting the pillow again as she curled up on her side.

"Wherever you feel comfortable is fine."

Emma took a steadying breath before beginning to speak, "Well, I guess the answer to both questions is, well, the answers are complicated. I can't change anything that led up to what I did, and I can't change the fact that it happened. I think right now, I mostly wished that I didn't do it. The only defense I have is that I never expected to be…here." Emma took a look around the room for a moment. "It wasn't like I planned to make it to this point."

"Why do you wish that you didn't make your attempt?"

"Because I hurt too many people," Emma answered after a beat. "I hurt you. And I had to see that I hurt people. I didn't consider the fact people would actually care if I was dead, I just didn't want to deal with how I felt anymore. I hated the idea of 'growing up' and 'becoming a woman' and not having mum. Effie's mom was a great help, but it's not the same thing. And then coming here and having to deal with Jocelyn all over again, it was like a nightmare. It just added to all of the nightmares I already had to live with inside my brain."

Emma let out a shaky laugh. "You know, I don't really understand it, but I feel like things fell apart after seeing Greyback and knowing that I knew him from before. I…" Emma hesitated and bit her lip, another nightmare – a memory – coming to mind. "There was…another memory, or dream, that I didn't share with you when Professor Dumbledore asked me to share what he thought might help. With Greyback… I didn't want you to see it."

"Did you want to share it with me now?" Remus asked curiously.

"Yes and no," she answered quietly, curling up a little more on the couch. "I can't help but feel like it somehow has something to do with what you're not telling me… I don't really know why I feel that way, but I do."

Remus studied Emma for a few moments and then closed the folder and set it aside with the quill. He crossed the room and knelt down on the floor in front of her.

"Fy nghariad bach if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to," Remus said, running a hand through Emma's hair. "If you think I need to know, if you think it'll help, then tell me, but I'm not going to force you to. If you would prefer to tell someone else…"

"I don't want someone else to know this," Emma whispered, meeting Remus's eyes. "I feel like you'd know if it was real or not…"

A heavy silence fell in the room, neither Remus nor Emma seeming willing to break it. Remus continued to run his hand through Emma's hair, having completely given up on continuing on any form of therapy for the night. The fact that Emma felt it might have something to do with what he wasn't telling her was concerning. Of course, if it did, the rest of the contents of that folder would hold that information, but he wasn't sure now was the right time to show her.

Remus had no idea how to explain to Emma that his anger from the other night had nothing to do with her and everything to do with Greyback. She didn't see the disgusting and thrilled smile when Greyback realized he could have two girls for the price of one. She didn't know the way his smile twisted on his face when he realized that Remus was almost too far to do anything to stop things. Magic could have only done so much.

After all, werewolves as a whole were notoriously difficult to kill, especially with the full moon only a half-hour away from being in perfect alignment. It would have been a field day for Greyback, and Remus was fully aware of the sick and twisted thoughts going through his mind.

Remus had never felt more relieved that Emma somehow realized they weren't alone. He wasn't sure where her innate survival instincts came from, but he was grateful that she had them. If it weren't for the fact she made the decision to run back in the direction Remus was, they never would have stood a chance. Remus would've been far too late to change anything.

His thoughts strayed to what Emma had said the night before. Was there a disturbing truth to what she said? That he was using her as a pawn for something? Remus didn't want to believe it, but the fact Greyback backed off so quickly made him start to think otherwise. If that was the case, what did it all mean? Did Greyback intend to make good on a promise that Jude had to have made that Emma should have never been a part of? He didn't want to think about the possibility. All roads were starting to lead to a future that Remus would have to fight to keep from happening. He feared the possibility that he wouldn't be able to stop it.

Emma yawned, and the spell of Remus's thoughts was broken. Her eyelids had grown heavy, and she was struggling to keep her eyes open as he gently massaged her scalp. With a sigh, Remus brushed back Emma's fringe and kissed her forehead.

"You've had a long day," he said softly. "How about we just pick things up next week, and you get some rest?"

"It's been a long week," Emma said, frowning slightly as Remus stopped rubbing her head. "Getting sick, running from a werewolf, dealing with Dementors, having to take the Draught of Living Death, deal with Snape, and then this?" She forced her eyes open long enough to look at Remus and let out a sleepy laugh. "I think I've had enough for the rest of the year." Emma lifted a hand to grab Remus's so that she could put it back on her head, but not before noticing the subtle shake of her hand. Had her hand always done that?

Remus gently took her hand in his and used the other to return to her hair. He could see the confusion in her eyes as she looked at her hand, and he didn't need her to focus on that. Now wasn't the time. "It's certainly been a long week," he agreed.

With another yawn, Emma stretched out her legs. "I think I want to stay here for right now. When I get back up, I'll get into bed," she said, closing her eyes again.

"I'm just going to do some work out here for a little bit if you don't mind," Remus said, standing up. He was grateful that he kept the setup the same as he pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and tucked Emma in.

Emma gave a sleepy hum of approval and fell asleep well before Remus sat back down in his chair to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	18. Birthday Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Emma's fourteenth birthday! It starts off magical, but things don't always seem to work out in Emma's favor as an unexpected gift appears.

"Bore da Emma. Pen blwydd Hapus fy nghariad."

Emma let out a groan, but a sleepy smile crossed her face. "Let me sleep in, you wake me up entirely too early, and it's my birthday," Emma grinned, burrowing her face in her pillows.

Remus laughed, and he leaned down to kiss Emma's cheek. "Fine," he said. "Five more minutes – because it's your birthday. If you're not up in five, then I'm coming in here and dumping a bucket of cold water on your head."

"You wouldn't," Emma said, her eyes flying open to look at Remus, who was smirking.

"Stay in bed for longer than five minutes, and then you'll find out," Remus said with a small shrug.

"Menace," Emma muttered, stretching her arms over her head.

Emma had been thinking about her birthday more than usual. Her birthday falling in September was unfortunate because she didn't get to spend it with Remus, but she was delighted for the opportunity. She was even excited that they could celebrate his birthday together as well. Emma had to admit that the day was almost bittersweet because she didn't think she would make it to her fourteenth birthday. She wouldn't let herself think about that fact – it was going to be a good day.

Her first full week at Hogwarts seemed to have gone by in a blur. She had spent far more time in her shared quarters with Remus than in the dorms. Emma had to admit that she didn't really miss the dorms at all – it was often too noisy for her, but this was perfect. Remus had finally relented to Emma's pleading a few days prior and had a house-elf bring her trunk from the dorms. With her room now decorated, and her belongings spread out, Emma truly felt at home. She stayed the weekend in the dorms, but she was beyond exhilarated to return to the safety of their shared space Monday morning for breakfast.

Being woken up by Remus was far nicer than being woken up by her clock or one of the other Hufflepuff girls (or Persephone for that matter). He had a much gentler approach and thus far, had arrived with tea for her each morning. She wasn't a fan that he seemed to get her up as just as the sun was cresting the horizon, but it led to her mornings being much less chaotic. Tuesday had been jarring as Persephone decided to take it upon herself to slip into Emma's room and wake her up herself again. How Persephone managed to get past Remus, she still had no idea.

With another stretch, Emma rolled onto her side. She tapped the jar of bluebell flames on her nightstand, grinning at the way the flames shivered in their container. She was just sitting up in her bed to grab the cup of tea Remus left her when a flash of black and green tackled her back into her pillows.

"Happy birthday, Emma!"

"Effie, you are strangling me," Emma laughed, wrapping her arms around Persephone. "Did Dad let you in?"

"Deal with it. It's your birthday," Persephone said, rolling off of Emma and jabbing a finger into her side. "More like I snuck past him again. He left the door open, and I took the opportunity. Go take a shower and get dressed so I can do your makeup!"

Emma sat up and let out a huff. "Everyone is really demanding for my birthday," she said, climbing over Persephone and grabbing a fresh uniform. "Makeup? Really?"

"It's your fourteenth birthday, mate. Have to have fun with it," Persephone grinned, stretching out in Emma's bed. "Your bed is so much nicer."

"And I would appreciate if you didn't have your shoes on," Emma snorted.

Persephone immediately toed off her shoes and kicked them across the room, batting her eyes at Emma. "Better?"

"Merlin, help me make it through today," Emma muttered under her breath with a grin.

Emma barely left her bathroom when she was swept into the living room, where Persephone had set up what seemed like a small arsenal of makeup. "Eff, what is all of this?" Emma asked, raising an eyebrow. Emma's only real experience with makeup was the occasional mascara, and only while at school. It wasn't something that she was interested in, but seeing it all laid out was intriguing.

"Magic in an art," Persephone beamed, shoving Emma down on the couch. "Now shut up and let me work."

"I'm terrified," Emma grinned, taking a real look at Persephone. Persephone always had perfect makeup, and she wasn't really worried, she just felt the entire thing was silly. It had been something that Persephone had picked up near the end of their second year, and she had picked up the art scarily quick.

Persephone immediately jumped into applying eyeshadow to Emma's eyes, her grin widening as she worked. She would occasionally stop and look down at the things she brought with her, hum quietly, go to pick something up, and then change her mind.

"Eff, what was the point of bringing all of this if you're not going to use it?" Emma asked after what felt like the fiftieth time of Persephone changing her mind. "You've done my eyeshadow, and I'm afraid you're just going to leave me like this."

"The problem is that you're so pretty I don't want to touch your face that much," Persephone said, finally picking up what Emma figured out was eyeliner. "Close your eyes again. I need to make sure I do this right."

"Shut it," Emma said, wishing that she could stop herself from blushing. "I am not."

"You are," Persephone said sincerely. "You need to accept it, and I don't know why you keep saying that you're not."

"Have you _seen_ my dad?" Emma asked, scrunching up her nose.

"You look like your mother, you git. She was beautiful, and I've seen the photos of your grandmother, and she was absolutely beautiful as well," Persephone said. She gave Emma's face gentle slaps with a frown. "Don't scrunch up your face, you're going to mess me up doing your eyeliner."

Emma sighed and tried to relax her face. "Still look like dad, though."

"I love you, Emma, but you are absolutely hopeless," Persephone said, giving Emma a gentle tap on the face so that she opened her eyes. "Have you not heard what people are saying about him?"

"What? What are they saying?" Emma looked absolutely appalled. She looked over at the mirror Persephone had, wanting to look at herself, but Persephone pushed it aside. Emma huffed as she tried to figure out what Persephone was talking about.

She hadn't heard anyone talking about Remus at all, but she was too busy trying to figure out her schedule. Having a walking partner for each class meant that she wasn't actively paying attention to what was said around her. That and she spent far more time in their quarters than out of it, by choice. For once in her life, she didn't know the latest castle gossip, and she felt she was better off for it.

Persephone wore the cheekiest grin on her face, and Emma grew nervous. "Well, it seems that our wonderful Professor Lupin has become the next Gilderoy Lockhart," Persephone said, snorting at the look on Emma's face. "It's that whole tall and awfully mysterious look he's got going on. Even Pansy, who is far gayer than I am, admits that's he's absolutely handsome. Plus, most of the girls absolutely adore how sweet he is with you. I would be absolutely filthy rich if I had a Galleon for every single time I heard someone say he's sexy."

Emma shoved her hands over Persephone's mouth. "Please – stop," Emma said, gagging. "I do not need to imagine people going around and calling him sexy. That's just a bit much for me."

The laugh that came from Persephone was a deep belly laugh that had her doubled over with mirth. "Oh, Merlin," Persephone said when she finally calmed herself down. "You really haven't heard people talking?"

"You're not joking?" Emma let out a groan. "That's so gross."

"Emma, just accept it – you come from a good-looking family. Even Lyall is incredibly handsome," Persephone said, picking up mascara and applying it to Emma's lashes. She paused when she finished with one eye and gave Emma a knowing smile. "No wonder you had no idea about Draco."

"Why did you have to go and ruin today by bringing up Draco?" Emma grumbled. "Are you going to finish with my other eye?"

"My dear sweet little Lupin," Persephone tutted as she applied mascara to Emma's other eye. "You quite literally have no idea how many people actually look at you, do you?"

"They do not," Emma pouted.

She didn't think she was ugly, exactly, not after her seemingly overnight changes to herself. The soft waves to her hair had added a massive boost to her self-esteem. Her hair had always made her incredibly self-conscious when she was younger since it was made fun of so much at the children's home. The other children used to say that it was too straight and had the color of burnt hay. She never quite understood that comment because who had seen burnt hay before to make that comment? Regardless, it bothered her.

Emma had always hated it when she looked in the mirror and saw Jude. She could see his sharp features on her face, but then, almost like with magic, they were gone. Whatever had changed to make her look more like a Lupin had been welcome. Her eyes had always been her favorite feature about herself.

Objectively, she _supposed_ Remus could be considered a good-looking man. Her mother was definitely pretty, and her grandmother had appeared equally as beautiful. But could Emma ever see herself as such? She had spent so much time hating herself that she wasn't sure that she could. Maybe the makeup would help.

"Oh, yes, they do," Persephone said, putting the mascara aside and giving Emma a cursory look. "I don't even know what else to do for you because you've got the perfect natural blush, and I don't want to do anything else. You don't need foundation, either. Perhaps lip gloss…yes, lip gloss would be good." Persephone picked up a tube of clear lip gloss, gave Emma a cheeky grin, and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

"Are we still together? I thought it was only for the summer." Emma raised an eyebrow as if she was annoyed, but she smiled anyway.

"Well, technically, it's still summer. Besides, the birthday girl needed a kiss," Persephone said, squishing Emma's face with a hand, forcing her to relax her face long enough that she could apply the lip gloss. The cheeky grin disappeared, and Persephone put on a mock-serious look. "I'm so sorry to do this on your birthday, but Emma Lupin, I am officially breaking up with you and releasing you to the world."

Emma snorted and shook her head as Persephone handed her the mirror so she could look at herself. As per usual, Persephone's work was meticulous, and Emma was surprised at how different she looked with just her eyes done. She was grateful for Persephone's foresight to use neutral eyeshadows, and she was fascinated by the cat-eye eyeliner she now wore. It was such a simple thing that made her look different – older even. Maybe she was pretty.

"How unfortunate that you are giving me up," Emma said, trying to pout but grinning instead. She placed the back of her hand on her forehead with a huff, playing the role of overdramatic, spurned lover. "Whatever shall I do?"

"Persephone Moon, are you breaking my daughter's heart on her birthday?"

The girls turned to look at Remus wearing equally matching embarrassed looks.

"On the contrary, Professor Lupin, I am giving her the gift of going out into the world and having as much fun as she'd like. She's free to snog anyone now!"

Remus looked taken aback, making the girls dissolve into giggles. He cleared his throat and shook his head, trying to shake the thought from his mind. Instead, he turned to Emma, who gave him a questioning look, clearly wanting to know his thoughts on her makeup, and he smiled. He couldn't help but look at Emma and still think of her being pint-sized and barely taller than his knee. The girl – no, the young woman in front of him was growing up far too quickly for his liking. He had missed out on far too much time.

"Beautiful, like always," he said sincerely.

A small but pleased smile crossed Emma's face, but she shook her head as she turned to watch Persephone gather her things.

"That's what I tried to tell her," Persephone said as she tucked her makeup into her bag.

"She doesn't listen to me either," Remus said with a sigh. "I try to tell her, but she just rolls her eyes at me."

"Because you're both liars," Emma added with an eye roll for emphasis.

"I suppose it works in my favor," Remus chuckled. "You're not allowed to date anyone else until you're 30, anyway. However, that won't stop me from reminding you whenever I can how beautiful you are."

"Good luck with her not dating until she's 30," Persephone snorted, running her fingers through Emma's hair with a quiet mention for her to let it air dry. "You'd better keep a close eye on her."

Remus sighed, "Please, don't remind me. Are you both ready? We're having breakfast downstairs in the classroom."

"We're not eating in the office? Or the kitchen for that matter?" Emma asked, swatting Persephone's hands away. " _Or_ the Great Hall?"

"Oh, no – I have too many things out right now, and I should think you would want to get out of here, even if it's just to go downstairs into the classroom," Remus said, turning on his heel and walking away.

Persephone grinned and grabbed Emma's hand.

"Oh, no, you two planned something, didn't you?" Emma said, letting out a whine as she let Persephone drag her out to the classroom. She couldn't help but notice the distinct lack of anything out of place in Remus's office. Persephone only shrugged as Emma tried to pull her back, and she tugged Emma out the door of the office, beaming.

"Surprise!"

Emma was terribly touched and entirely embarrassed by the fact that the Defense classroom had been transformed and was covered in streamers, and so many of her friends were there. Even the skeleton of the dragon hanging from the ceiling appeared ready for the occasion, party hat sitting comically on its head as it held up streamers. The class had been turned into a small party space with trays of breakfast foods, music playing on Remus's absolutely ancient record player, and Emma had no idea what to do with herself. She looked over at Persephone, and she shook her head, unsure of whether she wanted to laugh from being so happy or cry from joy.

"Oh, Merlin," Persephone said, tugging Emma down the stairs to the classroom. "Remus, I think she's broken."

Remus's eyes widened at the completely bewildered expression on Emma's face and laughed. "I told you she hasn't had a birthday party since she was very small," Remus said to Persephone. He sighed and took Emma from Persephone, pulling her into a hug.

"Which one of you decided to do this?" Emma asked, looking up at Remus.

"Persephone came up with the idea, I just offered the space," Remus said, holding Emma at arms-length. "Go eat, have fun. You've got a good hour before you need to leave for Divination. But before you go…" Remus let go of Emma and turned to grab a small wrapped box and a bouquet of gerbera daisies. He held them out for Emma, and she took them with a laugh.

"Flowers?" Emma asked, smelling the bouquet. "Really laying that Gryffindor chivalry on thick." Her smile faded slightly. "Other than Neville giving me the succulent for Christmas, I don't think anyone's ever given me flowers…"

"Really? All the more reason to give you flowers all the time then," Remus said, plucking a daisy from the bouquet and tucking it behind Emma's right ear. "Here, let me take those back and get them in a vase for you. Really – go have fun."

Emma grinned, handing Remus back the bouquet and nodded, joining the party.

The entirety of the third year Hufflepuffs had shown up. Anthony Goldstein and Mandy Brocklehurst showed up from Ravenclaw, Neville and Hermione showed up, and Daphne Greengrass and Tracey Davis showed up from Slytherin. Even Caspian came to join in on the fun.

Emma was entirely overwhelmed by her gifts. She had so much candy that she didn't know what to do with it. Neville gave her another new succulent that she was excited to put next to the one she received at Christmas. Hermione gave her a book on more modern-day wizarding history. It wasn't something Emma thought she would be interested in, but she flipped through the pages and was pleasantly surprised.

Persephone practically shoved her gift into Emma's hands, taking the box she received from Remus. "Open mine before you open Re's!"

"All right, fine," Emma said, sitting down at the desk that was covered in the gifts she had already gone through. She unwrapped the paper and pulled the lid off the box. She gave Persephone a questioning look seeing that a jewelry box was tucked in the box. Emma was even more confused when she saw the box contained a dainty set of stud earrings. "Effie, I love you, but did you forget my ears aren't pierced?"

"Yet," Persephone said smugly.

"I believe that there's a shop in the village where one might be able to get their ears pierced if they would like," Remus said, putting a hand on Emma's shoulder, having returned to the party finally.

"But you said I couldn't go to Hogsmeade," Emma said, looking between Remus and Persephone in confusion.

"Ah, yes…I did, didn't I," Remus said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a folded sheet of parchment. "As much as it pains me, I can admit that I was wrong." He held the paper out towards Emma, and she took it from him cautiously.

Emma let out a small gasp when she unfolded the parchment. "You signed the permission form for Hogsmeade?"

"You made a very valid point. I shouldn't keep you from having fun," Remus said with a small shrug. "While I'm loath to let you go, it's not as though I'm not here. You deserve it."

"Thank you," Emma said quietly, standing up to hug Remus tightly.

"You haven't even looked at my actual gift for you," Remus laughed, taking the box back from Persephone. "You've been carrying it around this whole time like a trophy when you should have opened it."

Emma gave Remus a sheepish grin as she added the permission slip to the pile and unwrapped Remus's gift. She opened the box and blinked several times. "A camera? I already have the one from Persephone…"

"I'm not at all offended that Re borrowed my gift idea from your first year," Persephone laughed. "This one is _better_."

"We _both_ thought you might like a camera that's capable of printing bigger photos," Remus said, pulling the camera out of the box and making sure that it was set up. "The film you'll have to send out to be developed but works much the same as your other one with magical photos. I thought since you'll be able to go into Hogsmeade, you might want to have another way to document your memories."

"Here," Persephone said, taking the box from Emma's hands and then taking the camera from Remus. "Only fitting that the first photo is of you two."

"Oh, I don't know that that's a good idea," Remus said, looking as though he had suddenly regretted his gift choice.

"Don't be ridiculous," Emma said, tugging on Remus's lapels so he would bend down and she could wrap her arms around his neck. "It's perfect."

Remus sighed, putting an arm around Emma. "Remind me to think twice about what I give you," he said, shaking his head and kissing Emma's cheek.

"Never," Emma grinned as she turned to face the camera.

"Typical," Persephone laughed. "All right, 3, 2…1."

The moment Persephone said 1 and hit the shutter, Remus immediately began to tickle Emma's sides and making her let out a squeal of laughter. "Dad, stop!" Emma cried through her laughter as she tried to push herself away.

"That's going to be a good one," Persephone said, very amused by what was happening in front of her. "Now, a nice one, _Professor_."

"Oh, fine," Remus said, immediately stopping his tickling and turning to face the camera. He put his arm back around Emma just like before and wore a perfectly polite smile. He gave Emma a puzzled look, but his eyes held a glint of mischief. "Come on, now – you heard Persephone. We're supposed to be taking a nice photo!"

"Can you believe this man?" Emma asked, tugging Remus back down so she could put her arms back around his neck to hug him. "I'd much rather not look like that American Gothic painting."

"How do you know about that painting?" Remus asked, surprised.

"An art book," Emma said simply. She pressed her cheek to his and gave Persephone her best smile and poked Remus's cheek when he didn't. "Smile, you menace."

Persephone snorted and held the camera back up and gave them another countdown. "Much better," Persephone said. She handed the camera to Remus. "Do you mind taking one with everyone?"

"Not at all," Remus said, shooing Persephone off to gather everyone.

"Dad, this is amazing," Emma said quietly, watching as Persephone tried to get some semblance of order and organizing everyone at the back of the room. "Thank you."

"I've wanted to do something like this for you the past few years," Remus said quietly. "Perhaps next year, we'll just have to celebrate a little early. I think your grandfather would be more than willing to host a birthday party for you next summer."

Emma looked up at Remus in absolute delight at the idea. "You know that every birthday is going to wind up being spent here now, right?"

"Oh, I know. I don't mind it at all," Remus smiled. "Some of my best memories were created here. I'd like to make sure that everyone else can make those memories as well if I can, of course."

"Excuse us for interrupting, but we heard there was a party!"

Fred and George Weasley stepped into the room carrying gifts with a very frazzled Cedric Diggory in tow.

"I tried to stop them," Cedric said apologetically. "But you know how Fred and George are, Professor Lupin."

Emma couldn't help but laugh, walking over to the trio. "Please, there's plenty of food. The more, the merrier!"

"Well, look at that, Diggs," Fred said, nudging Cedric with his elbow. "Told you it would be all right! We're becoming fast friends."

"I'm sorry," Cedric said to Emma. He took a look around the classroom, in awe of the streamers. "Happy birthday, by the way. I'm sorry that I don't have anything for you, it didn't arrive yet."

"Thank you, and please – you didn't have to get anything," Emma said, giving Cedric a quick hug. She looked at Fred and George curiously. "And you two certainly didn't have to bring me anything. How did you even know it was my birthday?"

"How could we _not_ know your birthday? Can you believe this one, George? How could she think we wouldn't know our favorite professor's daughter's birthday?"

"If you think that'll make up for the points I took from you earlier this week, you're mistaken, Fred," Remus said with a grin.

"Ah, worth a shot," George said with a shrug.

"Oi, are you going to get in the picture or not?" Persephone shouted grumpily.

"Picture, eh? What do you think, Gred?"

"Might as well, Forge. Is that all right with you, Emma?"

"It's fine," Emma laughed, gesturing over to the group that Persephone had gathered. "Cedric, come join us, please. You lot are here now, might as well join in on the fun."

It took another few minutes of Persephone adjusting everyone before she was content. When she was finally happy with the configuration she created, she turned to Remus with a smile. "All good now, Professor!"

Remus shook his head, counting down and taking the photo just as Fred and George set off multicolored sparks from their wand.

"That was a good idea," Ernie said with a nod.

Emma had no idea that she could ever be _this_ happy in her life. Her cheeks ached terribly from smiling too much, and she turned back to Fred and George, who thrust their gifts out at her. "One magical box of all the mischief-making joke products one might need from Zonko's – plus a few of our own creations," said Fred, handing his box to Emma and then pulling her in close and dipping her as if they had done a ridiculous waltz and passing her off to George.

"And one very lovingly made Weasley sweater," George said, dropping his box on top of the one from Fred and twirling Emma to finish off their dance. "Arrived just this morning from mum."

"Which means, now that mum knows about you and you have a Weasley sweater, you're practically family. Be sure to expect a personal package at Christmas. Mum's mince pies are the best."

"Why, thank you," Emma said with a laugh, putting the boxes from Fred and George down with a grin.

"Did you get that on camera, Professor?" Hannah asked Remus with a wide grin.

"Wouldn't miss it," Remus said, finally putting the camera down.

Emma blushed as she shot Remus a look. "I'm sure Dad'll love me having things to torture him with. And I can never pass up a good jumper. Steal dad's all the time."

"We know," Fred and George said together with matching grins. "He spent nearly half a class period complaining about how you stole his favorite jumper Monday morning."

"Sounds about right," Emma grinned. She had indeed run off with Remus's jumper tucked in her bag on Monday after his class. She felt like only wearing her shirt and tie, but the weather was always unpredictable, and she didn't want to be completely caught out. She giggled the entire time Remus tried looking for it at breakfast. Emma waited until his class was over before revealing the missing garment. She waited until she nearly exited the room to show him it was stuffed in her bag and ran before he could cross the room to take it back. That must have meant the twins had class right after her if Remus had been complaining about it.

"This came for you at breakfast," Cedric said, holding out a small box for Emma.

"Oh," Emma said, taking the box. She turned to Remus curiously. "Dad, was Grandpa sending anything?"

"No," Remus said, a small frown crossing his face as he started to clean up the room. "The boots he bought you before we left were your birthday gift. That's not to say that something won't show up, but I wasn't made aware of anything set to arrive."

Emma frowned as she looked at the box. It was very nondescript, wrapped in plain brown paper. Before Remus could tell her not to open it, Emma unwrapped the paper, lifted the lid of the box, and froze. She gave Cedric a smile. "Thank you for bringing this for me, Cedric," Emma said. "I, uhm, should probably grab my things. Have to get all the way to Divination, you know. Thank you again, Fred, George." She grabbed the two still-wrapped gifts from Fred and George and made her way up the stairs to the office and went straight to her room.

"Emma? Is everything all right?" Remus asked only moments after Emma had settled herself on her bed, staring at the box, tears in her eyes.

"No," Emma said quietly, taking the top off the box and pushing it towards Remus. "I don't understand. How?"

Remus was puzzled until he picked up the box and looked at what was inside. He wasn't expecting to see Emma's old charm bracelet again, slightly dirty, and more than a little beat up. The most concerning part were the new additions – a wolf and a charm with the letter 'G.' There was only one explanation, and Remus didn't like the possibilities or threat behind it.

"I don't know," Remus said quietly. "I really don't know." Remus took the bracelet out of the box and started to pocket it. He had to get rid of it.

"Wait, no," Emma said, biting her lip and meeting Remus's gaze. His expression was puzzled, and Emma looked at the bracelet half in Remus's front pocket. "I still want it. Just without the extras."

"Emma, I can get you a new one."

"No. That would be stupid." Emma slid off of her bed to gather her things. She turned back to Remus as she put on her robe. "Just fix it for me, please?"

"If you're sure," Remus said slowly. He didn't expect her to say that, but Emma did always have a way of surprising him. Remus pulled the bracelet back from his pocket and looked at it. Perhaps it could be salvageable if he got it cleaned. Greyback's scent was all over it, and he couldn't stand the idea of it being on Emma's skin. Not with the werewolf's scent so strong. "By tonight, all right?"

Emma nodded and gave Remus a half-hearted smile. She paused in the doorway and looked at Remus over her shoulder. "That noise I heard that night…it was my bracelet. It had to be. I spent so many nights just moving it around to have it make that noise," she said with a choked laugh. "It's almost ironic…the last person I would ever want to have something of mine – and then trying to use it to try and lure me in like a cat. It's like he knew that it would work." She sighed, lifting her bag off the floor and slinging it over her shoulder. "Thank you again. I'll see you in class later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	19. The Boggart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma's birthday is turning out to be one of the best days she's had in a while. At least until she finds out what her father has planned for their first real lesson.

It was the most relaxed day of classes Emma had ever had in the entirety of her Hogwarts career. She felt as though the castle somehow magically banded together to make sure that her birthday was the best it had ever been. At least until she found out what they would be doing in Remus's class that afternoon.

News spread like wildfire about the other third year class's lesson that day. Boggarts. The entire thing had made Emma feel uneasy, and Neville's Boggart had become a legend. There was an incredible amount of giggling over the idea of Snape being in a dress with a handbag. Emma, knowing Neville's grandmother, could only imagine that it had to have been a vision. She could almost envision it herself, and the visual sent her into giggles.

Though nervous, how bad could her Boggart really be?

By the time Emma and Persephone made it to the Defense classroom at the end of the day, the room was full and loud. Everyone seemed to be excited about their first real lesson as the first few classes had been spent revising. Emma couldn't help but be pleased that the Slytherins appeared to be receptive to Remus being their teacher. They would never admit it outside of the class, but with the Hufflepuffs, they were afforded the ability to let loose. It was an unspoken rule between the Hufflepuffs and the Slytherins that what happened in their shared classes never left that room.

The loud banter of the room would sometimes be punctuated by silence as the wardrobe at the front of the class would shake, and their attention would be grasped. The class had been expecting to visit the staff room, but it appeared Remus had brought the lesson to them instead. The desks were pushed to the back of the room, leaving a wide, empty expanse between the students and the wardrobe.

The class jumped as the door of the classroom slammed open.

"Ah, sorry about that," Remus said apologetically as he stepped into the class. Emma eyed the pile of books under his arm and couldn't help but wonder how much time he spent in the library. He had to have been a complete swot as a student, and Emma had to suppress her giggles at the thought. Remus had to have been like Hermione while he was a student.

The wardrobe gave another violent shake, and the entire class grew quiet. Apparently, the Boggart decided it was ready to start the class as soon as Remus dropped his books off at the front of the room.

"I think your dad might rival Hermione with all of the books he gets," Hannah whispered just over Emma's shoulder. "Does he read _all_ of them? How does he even get to the library and here so fast?"

"Would you believe me if I said he did?" Emma said, looking over her shoulder to look at Hannah. Susan, Justin, and Ernie seemed both terrified and impressed. She couldn't hold back her snort. "No, of course, he doesn't read all of them. When he finds what he's looking for, he's done. As to how he gets here so quickly? Magic."

Hannah gave Emma a shove with a good-natured grin. "You're lucky it's your birthday."

"Good afternoon class," Remus said, stepping up to the spot next to the wardrobe. "Now, I'm sure you've all heard the excitement from the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw class already -" there was giggling from the Hufflepuffs and a resounding groan from the Slytherins "- which means that you all already know that there is a Boggart inside that wardrobe. I thought it would be prudent if I were to bring the Boggart here rather than bringing you all to the staffroom. I imagine you all anticipated a bit of a field trip, but don't worry – there will be plenty of those in the future."

The prospect of field trips made everyone perk up. They had never gone on a field trip for any of their classes before.

"Now, can anyone tell us what exactly a Boggart is? Wayne, perhaps?"

Wayne's eyes widened. "Oh, uhm…well, no one knows, yeah? It shifts into whatever our biggest fear is."

"Wonderful, Wayne. The Boggart in this wardrobe _is_ the one from earlier, but it's very strong and ready for another go. Though it has taken shape earlier today, it doesn't yet know what it will turn into this time. When it is released, it will become whatever each of us most fears."

Emma had been trying to figure out what her biggest fear was ever since she heard about what happened in the other class. Apparently, the rest of the class was now trying to figure that out as well as someone would shiver at random.

"Now, my next question is this – where can a Boggart be found? Emma?"

Of course, Remus would pick her for the next question, and she immediately rolled her eyes. She looked at the wardrobe, trying to remember if she had read anything about Boggarts yet. Clearly, Remus had to have gotten the Boggart into the room somehow. She took a look around to see what might give her a clue, and she spotted Remus's beaten up briefcase sitting near his desk. What did the briefcase and the wardrobe have in common? It obviously wasn't the size. She wasn't sure if it necessarily needed to be enclosed. What else could there be?

"Oh, dark spaces?" Emma finally offered. "So that it can hide until its ready to change?"

"Excellent! So, now we have two facts about the Boggart. It's a shape-shifting creature that takes the form of our biggest fear. It also likes to hide in dark spaces. In fact, I had once encountered a Boggart that had taken lodging in a grandfather clock." Remus allowed the class to laugh at that before continuing, "Knowing those two facts, has anyone spotted the advantage that we have over a Boggart? Tracey?"

"Our advantage is that there's so many of us it won't know what to turn into?"

"Correct! When dealing with a Boggart, it's always best to have company. When a Boggart is in the company of multiple people, it becomes confused and doesn't know what to turn into. I once saw a Boggart try to frighten two people at once and turned itself into half a slug. Not at all terrifying, is that?"

"What was it trying to turn into, Professor?" Pansy asked, intrigued.

"Well, it was torn between a flesh-eating slug and a headless corpse. Instead, it turned into a headless slug."

"Do slugs even _have_ heads?" Goyle asked, causing the class to burst into raucous laughter.

"Obviously it has a head," Draco sneered. "It wouldn't have turned into half a slug if it didn't."

Remus had to bite back his own laugh. He didn't think it was appropriate to laugh, but he had to admit that he found the comment rather funny. Instead, Remus remained professional and continued, "Luckily, the charm that repels a Boggart is simple, but it requires force of mind. I believe that you all know what really finishes off a Boggart – after all, you've all done plenty of it already."

Everyone looked at each other for a moment, trying to figure out what they had done already.

"Laughter," Blaise said simply. "Laughter finishes off a Boggart."

"Precisely, Blaise!" Remus said with a smile. "You need to force a Boggart to assume a shape that you find truly amusing. Now, let's practice the charm – without wands, please. After me… _Riddikulus!_ "

"Riddikulus," the class said together.

"This bloody class is ridiculous," Draco muttered.

Emma turned around to glare at Draco. "Would you like a broken foot along with a broken arm that isn't even _actually_ broken?" Emma said sweetly, feeling pleased when Draco flushed. Persephone had to stifle her giggles and shoved her face into Emma's shoulder in an attempt to hold back her laughter.

"Good," Remus said, shooting Emma and Persephone a curious look before continuing on. "Unfortunately, that was the easy part. The incantation alone is not enough." Remus scanned the room, and everyone tensed up, not wanting to be the first victim of the Boggart. Emma had sworn that Remus was going to pick her first and seemed to think better of it as he looked just over her shoulder. "Justin, why don't you join me?"

There was a collective sigh of relief as the group separated to let Justin through. He looked absolutely pale and startled as the wardrobe gave a sudden violent shake.

"Thank you, Justin," Remus said politely. "Now, what would you say is the thing that frightens you most in the world?"

Justin was quiet for a moment, looked at the wardrobe, over his shoulder at everyone, and then back to Remus. "Zombies," he said quietly.

Emma grimaced at the declaration. Justin was afraid of the Muggle version of zombies, which were terrifying, but she wasn't sure if the magical world's versions of zombies would be worse. She could vaguely recall the topic of zombies when Quirrell was teaching, but she couldn't really remember much.

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "Justin, what would make a zombie less frightening? Is it the walk that you find scary?"

"And the fact they're constantly trying to eat you!" Justin said, covering his mouth quickly. "The way they walk is rather terrifying."

"What do you think of the idea of a finely dressed zombie trying to dance? Perhaps a ballroom waltz?"

Justin gave Remus a small grin. "I suppose that would be rather funny, wouldn't it?"

"If Justin is successful, the Boggart will shift his attention to each of us in turn," Remus said, turning back to the rest of the class. "I would like all of you to take a moment to think of the thing that scares you most and imagine how you might force it to look comical."

The room once again went quiet. What truly and honestly scared Emma most in the world?

Her first thought was obvious – not having Remus. But did she find that terrifying enough for the Boggart? She didn't think so, as much as it pained her to say. She also didn't particularly want the Boggart to turn into Remus dead on the ground. That was one of the last things she needed to see. She thought harder, deciding to dig a little more into her thoughts.

She didn't mind heights but hated the idea of falling. She didn't really think that would translate well with a Boggart. How could a Boggart make the fear of falling manifest into reality?

Emma felt incredibly stupid as amber eyes and a sharp smile floated into her vision. It should have been obvious right from the start. Her biggest fear was Greyback. But then, to her surprise, Jude suddenly popped into her mind, and the entire thing made her uncomfortable. She didn't particularly like Jude, but was she scared of him?

Persephone gave a small shudder and turned to Emma, startled. "Em, you all right? You look absolutely terrible." Persephone whispered. Her eyes grew wide, and she looked worried. "Oh, Em…it's Greyback, isn't it? This morning reminded you of him, didn't it?" Mixed with Persephone's concern was fear – she had no idea what Greyback looked like. Persephone only had Emma's descriptions of the werewolf to go off of, and the small look of panic from Emma told her what she needed to know.

Emma nodded anyway, trying to blink back her tears. She didn't want people to have to _see_ Greyback, but now that the idea was her mind, it wasn't leaving. There was no doubt in her mind that her Boggart was going to turn into the werewolf, and she wasn't sure that she was mentally prepared for that. While she had been excited for most of the day, she now wished that Remus would have moved this lesson to another day.

"Right, everyone ready?"

Emma felt her stomach do a somersault. There was absolutely no way she was ready. How was she supposed to make _Greyback_ funny? That was an impossible task as far as she was concerned. There was nothing that could possibly be made funny about the monstrous werewolf. Her eyes met Remus's for a brief moment, but he quickly looked away.

"Justin, we're going to back away now," Remus started to explain. "It'll give you a clear field, and then I'll call the next person forward."

Emma let out a sigh of relief. Maybe she wouldn't have to face the Boggart at all. Remus had to know what her Boggart would turn into; he wouldn't make her take on the Boggart.

The class backed away from Justin to give him a wide berth. Remus gave Justin a countdown, pointed his wand at the wardrobe's door. Within moments, a great, lumbering, and slightly green, rotting zombie stepped out of the wardrobe. Persephone let out a quiet, "Ew," and Emma nearly started laughing right then and there.

Justin shivered as the zombie lumbered slowly towards him, but then he squared his shoulders and pointed his wand. " _Riddikulus!_ " he shouted.

The zombie staggered backward with a crack and was suddenly dressed in ballroom attire. It still had a funny walk, but it gave a tremendous and dramatic bow with its limbs barely hanging on, and then began to lead itself in a waltz. It was the stupidest thing Emma had ever seen in her life, and her laughter was genuine as she joined the rest of the class in laughing. Suddenly the idea of the Boggart didn't seem so bad anymore.

"Millicent, forward!" Remus shouted.

Millicent let out a groan, shooting Remus a look, but she stepped up next, and the Boggart turned into an octopus. There were gentle titters at Millicent's Boggart, but that immediately died out the moment Remus gave a warning look. He was not going to let anyone's fear be made fun of.

" _Riddikulus!_ " The octopus had party horns in its tentacles and wore a massive party hat. Honestly, Emma found it brilliant as she laughed.

"Hannah, you're up next!"

Hannah rushed past Millicent, who stepped back. With a crack, the octopus was gone and became a massive rattlesnake. She let out a nervous squeak, covering her face for a moment and then thrusting her wand out. " _Riddikulus!_ "

The snake was no longer a snake, but large maracas, shaking as though a ghost were playing them.

"Excellent - Pansy!" Remus shouted.

Hannah and Pansy immediately switched places.

Pansy let out an almost feral growl as a mannequin showed up in front of her. It was such an innocent thing that Emma never would have considered it an issue. That was until multiple mannequins started to appear around the room. It was off-putting to suddenly have a random mannequin appear in front of her, its lifeless painted eyes staring back at her. In this situation, she could understand why Pansy found them terrifying.

" _Riddikulus!_ " Pansy shouted all the conviction she could muster.

One by one, the mannequins that had multiplied in the room disappeared, floating away as if they were balloons just let out. Remus didn't even get a chance to pick someone else, as it was impossible to figure out where the Boggart had moved to.

Dread filled Emma when she quickly realized there were only two mannequins left. Hers and Persephone's. They shared terrified looks, and when Emma saw the Boggart disappear from in front of Persephone, she knew that it had chosen her. _Wonderful_.

The collective gasp from the class told her the Boggart had shifted. She almost didn't have to look to realize what was standing in front of her. Just like when he had slipped into her room, the Boggart's gaze was unwavering, and she could feel it. She flinched slightly at the low rumble of a growl. _It's not real_ , she tried to tell herself, but she still struggled to get herself to look.

Several of the Slytherins seemed to have negative responses as if they too recognized what her fear was. She supposed that made sense considering his reputation and who would know better than a Slytherin whose parent may have run in the same crowd. It didn't really make her feel better.

Even though she knew it wasn't real, Emma couldn't help but be startled to see Fenrir Greyback standing in front of her. He was exactly as she remembered – tall and imposing with his clothes stretched tight over his muscles. She couldn't help but take a small step back, unable to take her eyes off the man. Something funny…how could she make Greyback funny? Her mind immediately thought of the silly black dog that had come to the cottage, practically dancing circles around her and making her feel better. The black dog was perfect. She could do this; he wasn't real.

Emma raised her wand, the incantation on the tip of her tongue, but then something entirely unexpected happened. The Boggart talked. Instead of Fenrir's smooth rasp, it was Jude's clear and posh accent.

"You know what happens to little girls like you…"

The words shattered Emma, and she let out a small gasp. Her breath hitched, and tears filled her eyes. It was disorienting to expect Fenrir's voice and hear Jude's instead. Especially with that phrase. The Boggart had decided that it was the best way to pull on both of her fears, digging deep, and she hated it.

The sickening feeling of pure fear swept through her veins, chilling her, and she began to tremble as though the room was full of Dementors. She couldn't fight, not with those words echoing in her mind. Emma could only slip her wand back into her robe, almost as if she would readily accept whatever would happen if he were really there.

Emma's mind went completely blank as she looked over to Persephone. She couldn't stand the idea of having to look at Remus and refused to turn her face that way. When Emma looked past Persephone, she could see Draco and Theo looking at her with something that looked like pity. Did they know who Fenrir was, as well?

Persephone quickly realized that Emma was in no shape to take on the Boggart and jumped in front of Emma, forcing the Boggart to shift again. The sudden movement broke Emma's trance.

A whimper escaped Emma's lips, her tears threatening to fall. She couldn't stay in the room any longer. Not caring how it would look, Emma turned on her heel and left. She didn't bother to grab her things – they didn't matter. It was half-way towards the courtyard that Emma realized she didn't know what Persephone's Boggart turned into.

Emma didn't care how many stupid rules she broke by leaving Remus's class. She went to the beech tree by the lake, wanting to be outside in the open air and away. Emma had finally stopped crying, mostly out of embarrassment than anything, and her drying tear tracks grew cold with the gentle breeze. She wiped her face off with her sleeve, disturbing the Bowtruckle that was sitting on her shoulder.

Why did Fenrir have Jude's voice? Why was that particular phrase such an issue? It crept into her nightmares every so often, but the frequency the two would show up wasn't often. Not anymore. She had suspected that Remus slipped her calming draughts before she went to bed, meaning her mind couldn't readily conjure either man, but that phrase... That phrase was nearly becoming as bad as seeing either Jude or Fenrir. There was a twisted meaning to it, and she wasn't sure she wanted to understand.

"Sorry," Emma muttered, holding her hand up for the Bowtruckle to climb onto. She held a finger out for it to grab onto, and she lifted it up so that it could climb over her fingers. "Happy birthday to me." She leaned her head back against the tree, closing her eyes, and focused on letting the Bowtruckle play on her hands. Its little limbs were practically feather-light as it walked over her palms and slightly pointy as it would grip onto her fingers to climb. It almost tickled, and it was a good distraction. At least the Bowtruckle was having fun.

There was a soft rustle of someone sitting next to her, and Emma tensed up. The hair on her arms raised, and she fought to keep herself steady for the sake of the small creature walking on her. She felt herself relax as she recognized the familiar scent of Remus's cologne – she was okay.

When she opened her eyes, Remus was looking at her, clearly trying to figure out what exactly to say to her. He sighed and held out his cupped hands towards her. Emma gently deposited the Bowtruckle into his palms, and the small creature seemed even more delighted. Remus's hands were far bigger than Emma's, and the Bowtruckle now had more room to play.

"I loved to come out here to read," Remus said, watching the creature in his hands. He glanced up to look around at the lake. He nodded his head towards a patch of reeds. "In our seventh year, James and Lily would bring out a blanket from the common room and be just over there." He turned his head to the left, towards a smooth patch of dirt. "Peter would often be over there trying to find the best rocks to skip on the water." He looked back out towards the lake with another sigh. "And Sirius, when he wasn't bothering me, would wade into the lake to taunt the squid. What he wanted it to do exactly, I never found out. He certainly made a valiant effort."

Remus lifted his hand and held it close to the tree's trunk so that the Bowtruckle could climb back up the tree. With the small creature back in the safety of the tree, Remus put his arm around Emma's shoulders. He placed a gentle kiss in her hair, and Emma let out a sigh, leaning against him. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Emma said quietly, closing her eyes as she relaxed against Remus. "I thought I would be fine – and I was, I thought – but then he spoke. It was surprisingly worse to hear Jude's voice instead of Greyback's."

"I should have waited until tomorrow for the Boggart. Could have left it where it was and worried about it tomorrow. Given you more time to prepare or let you try alone."

"Don't change your lesson plans because of me," Emma said, opening her eyes and giving Remus a small smile. "I'm fine, I promise. Just find it interesting that the things I want to avoid are a general trend for today."

"I know, but it's your birthday…"

"And it's been the best day I've ever had," Emma said. She snorted as she added, "With obvious exceptions."

"Speaking of exceptions," Remus said, reaching into his pocket to pull out Emma's bracelet. "I, uhm…I took my free period to get out to the village so I could Apparate home. I took the ones he added off for you, cleaned it up, and took the liberty of adding a few of my own." Emma gently took the bracelet from Remus's hand to look at what he added.

"You went all the way back home?" Emma asked, giving Remus a curious look before peering at the bracelet. She began to laugh as she looked at what was added. "Really? A badger _and_ a lion? How did you even find these? I easily have the strangest bracelet ever, but I love it."

"Yes, the saleswoman was very confused when I made the purchase initially. It was very difficult to find a store that had everything I was looking for."

"The book?"

"Because of your love of reading."

"Should have figured. Another sun?" Emma asked, giving Remus a knowing grin.

"I'll never stop reminding you that you're my sun."

Emma shook her head and turned back to inspecting her bracelet. She brushed a finger over the charm of the crescent moon. "The moon?"

Remus hesitated for a moment. "Because you can't have the light without the dark."

Emma held her left wrist out and passed Remus back the bracelet. "Could you put it on for me, please?"

"Of course," Remus said, carefully unclasping the bracelet and fastening it around Emma's wrist.

She gave her wrist a gentle shake, smiling slightly at the familiar noise. Emma pulled her hand up so she could look at the charms again, finding the moon. "Dad, I have a question," she said, immediately wishing that she didn't by how Remus tensed up next to her.

"What is it, love?" he asked.

"Are…" Emma trailed off, hesitating. Did she really want to ask Remus if he was a werewolf right now? She put her hands in her lap, gently twisting her bracelet to find the charm of the sun. The sun was fastened directly across from the moon and sat next to the badger while the lion was next to the moon. In between the sun and the moon were the house, the flower, and the book. Remus had taken the time to rearrange the placement of the charms, and the configuration felt so deliberate. Was he trying to tell her the truth without actually speaking the words out loud?

"Uhm, are we doing anything for dinner?" Emma looked at Remus, barely catching the faintest shiver of relief that crossed his face. "I wasn't sure if you or Persephone were planning on surprising me again. I think I'd rather know this time."

"No," Remus said, letting out the breath he was holding. "Not for lack of trying on Persephone's part, of course. Unless you'd like to do something. I managed to mess things up today, so your wish is my command."

"Oh, all right then, genie," Emma laughed, leaning against Remus's arm. She thought about it for a moment and then shook her head. She plucked out the flower that had sat behind her ear all day and looked at it. "I think this morning was enough, in all honesty."

"Oh, before I forget - Draco left a gift for you," Remus said, sounding surprised.

"Draco? Really?"

"It looks like it might be a book of some sort, but I thought I would let you unwrap it."

"Odd," Emma said quietly, trying to figure out why Draco, of all people, would bring her a gift.

A comfortable silence fell between them, and Remus put his arm back around Emma's shoulders. She snuggled into his side, more than content to just sit there with Remus. If this was all they did for the rest of the night, she would be more than okay with it. Remus always felt like a furnace, and it was always comforting.

"You know what, I do have another thing I can do…to try and make up for class," Remus said thoughtfully. "It's not going to be something I can physically give to you, though."

Emma looked up at Remus inquisitively. "Your current track record today has me worried."

Remus laughed and shook his head. "Tell you what, let's go back inside. You can eat, and I'll talk to Professor Dumbledore," Remus said. He reached back into his pocket and pulled out a bar of chocolate. He unwrapped it and broke off a small piece, handing it to Emma. "In the meantime, eat this – you'll feel better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half book scene, half movie scene, all chaos.
> 
> I love Remus (clearly), and I'm sure the Boggart lesson is a right of passage for all Hogwarts students, but I absolutely cannot stand it. I'm sure the point is to show that everyone is afraid of something, and we can overcome those fears, but it bothers me.
> 
> I don't know about any of you, but I would be an anxious mess before/during/after this lesson, and that's without me knowing what my Boggart would be. I tried to figure out what mine would be while writing this, and honestly, I have no idea. I know the things I'm scared of, but I don't know what the creature would pick or if it would dig deeper. At this point, my Boggart _is_ a Boggart, and I have no idea how that would manifest.
> 
> Do you know what your Boggart would be? You don't have to say what it is. I'm just genuinely curious to know if people _know_ 100% what their Boggart would turn into.
> 
> **come find me on:**  
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)  
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> 
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> 


	20. What Could Have Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has the best idea ever to cap off Emma's birthday. Emma has to agree.

Emma felt strange in Dumbledore's office without Dumbledore present. Remus had been absolutely delighted to inform her that they were making the trip after she was done eating. He truly meant it as they made their way to Dumbledore's office right away, and she was mildly irritated that she didn't get to change.

"What are we doing here exactly?" she asked, peering around the office. Dumbledore's office always had so many funny looking gadgets to look at. Emma was in the middle of staring at a strange floating silver object hovering over a small table when she finally turned to look at Remus. Emma wasn't sure she had ever seen Remus look so excited before.

"We are here for the next bit of your birthday present," Remus said simply, his smile unwavering. He gestured to a shallow stone basin sitting atop Dumbledore's desk. It was a funny-looking object with carvings along the edge of runes and symbols that Emma hadn't yet learned. She approached it slowly, tilting her head slightly as she investigated its contents. The silvery substance in the bowl seemed familiar to her as it floated. It wasn't quite liquid, but it wasn't quite like a gas; it just _existed_.

"What is it?" Emma asked, watching as the substance within the basin shifted and moved. It was a dazzling silver color, beautiful to look at and mesmerizing. It almost reminded her of when Dumbledore borrowed her memories.

"This is a Pensieve. It's designed to allow someone to view memories."

"Oh," she said quietly, worrying her lip. That's why the substance was familiar – it _was_ the color of memories. But what did that have to do with them being here? "This is what you used to look at mine?"

Remus nodded. "I figured that I needed to make up for how terrible today has been. I had the idea when we were outside. I know that you don't remember what things used to be like, but I can show you."

Emma's expression was curious and hopeful and terrified at the same time. She whirled around to look at Remus with wide eyes. "What?"

"I can show you."

"With this?" Emma turned back to the Pensieve and immediately back over at Remus, trying not to get too excited. "How?"

Remus stepped up next to Emma, his smile possibly wider than it had been moments before. "There are three different ways. One way is just viewing it through the top, the second is a projection – but that generally works for singular memories, and the third way, for lack of better explanation, is experiencing it."

"Experiencing a memory?" Emma placed her hands on the desk and stood on her tiptoes to peer into the bowl. "How? These are _your_ memories?" She paled at the thought, reminded of sharing her memories with Dumbledore. She tilted her head slightly towards Remus with a grimace. "Is that how you looked at mine?"

"It's a little peculiar to experience memories," Remus admitted, reaching out to stroke Emma's hair to try and soothe her nerves. "And yes, that was exactly how Professor Dumbledore and I viewed yours. It was easier to understand what you were seeing. You can view almost the whole picture that way."

A blush crept up Emma's cheeks as she turned back to the Pensieve. It was one thing to know that both men had viewed her memories; it was another to know _how_ exactly they did. "How do you go in?"

"You dive in head-first," Remus said without hesitation.

Emma turned to look at him, once again horrified and let out a sigh of relief at the smirk on his face. "You're terrible," Emma pouted.

"It was entirely too easy, and you look about ready to dive in as it is," Remus chuckled, his eyes glittering with mirth. "All you have to do is touch it. It's an odd sensation when you enter the memory, just as fair warning."

"I touch it?" Emma lifted her hand to hover just above the swirling substance, looking at Remus skeptically.

Remus smiled. "That's all you have to do. Why don't you go first?"

With a deep breath, Emma touched the silvery substance and felt her feet leave the office floor. She plunged through darkness, falling until her feet touched ground again, and she was no longer in Dumbledore's office. It took Emma a moment to process what had happened as she was alarmed to no longer be at Hogwarts.

She looked around, her curiosity finally taking over, and let out a small gasp when she realized that she was in what appeared to be an older version of St. Mungo's. She took a few tentative steps towards the welcome desk, spotting a calendar just past the welcome witch's head. Why was this a memory that Remus showed her?

_9 September 1979._

"Happy birthday," Remus said from behind her.

Emma whirled back around to give Remus a wide smile. He brought her back to the day she was born. She was about to open her mouth to speak, but her attention was immediately pulled towards a rather tall man who was pacing the waiting room.

_Lyall!_

She walked towards the younger version of her grandfather in awe. He looked almost exactly the same, but he had fewer wrinkles, and his hair was still brown. His glasses were lopsided on his face as if he had adjusted them several times in annoyance, and Emma giggled. Looking past Lyall, Emma spotted a much younger Remus watching Lyall with a bemused expression on his face. Looking at the younger Remus evoked an unexpected feeling of familiarity from deep within her. She _knew_ this Remus very well, even if her mind couldn't quite place the memories back where they belonged.

"Your hair was long," Emma noted, turning to look at present-day Remus. Even though they were the same person, time had made a great deal of difference in the man. She turned to study the younger Remus again, trying to mentally calculate how old he would be in this memory. _Nineteen_ , she thought to herself. Even as a teenager, he looked as though he had already seen too much of the world. Remus didn't yet know what would occur in two years.

"It was too long," Remus sighed, standing just to Emma's side. "I didn't get a chance to get it cut just yet." He paused for a moment and frowned slightly. "Oh, bollocks. I should have thought about starting this memory a little later."

"Why?" Emma asked, pulling her gaze away from the younger Remus to watch Lyall's frantic pacing. Her grandfather still paced like this often.

"Where's Jude?" asked the younger Remus, who took a look around the waiting room curiously.

"No one bloody knows. He disappeared a few days ago and hasn't returned," Lyall growled, giving Remus an aggravated look. "Hopefully the fucker is dead."

Emma's eyes widened, and she held a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle her giggles.

"And that's why I should've started it later," Remus grimaced. "It was terribly embarrassing at the time."

"Grandpa gets feisty, doesn't he?" Emma peered around at the other faces in the waiting room. They appeared to be in various states of shock, and Emma snorted. The man certainly knew how to draw attention to himself and was not ashamed of it.

"That's an understatement," Remus said quietly, looking down at Emma. As much as he felt as though he should've pulled his memory to start later, he couldn't deny that he adored the smile on Emma's face. It had been so long since he had seen her look so genuinely happy that he was afraid that she couldn't feel such joy anymore.

"Now, where is this baby? It's taking its sweet time, innit?" Lyall asked, finally sitting next to Remus, tapping his foot anxiously.

"No one knew what I was?" Emma asked curiously.

"No, your mother didn't want to know," Remus answered, glancing over at the clock on the wall. "If I'm correct -"

"Mr. Lupin?"

Emma turned in the direction of the voice. A shy looking young Healer stood to the left of the waiting room, standing at an entrance to a hallway.

"Mr. _Remus_ Lupin?" the Healer corrected as both Remus and Lyall looked at the witch. "Margaret would like to see you."

It was hard for Emma to figure out where to keep her focus as there seemed to be so much happening. She turned to watch as past Remus stood up to approach the Healer, concern etched into his expression. Even back then, Remus looked older than he was. He was nineteen, but he looked several years older than that.

His hair looked as though it had just started to turn grey, small patches of silver streaking through his wavy hair. He looked tired as if he was just getting over a cold, but Emma had seen him look that way so often that it wasn't even surprising. His clothes weren't as threadbare, and his outfit at the time was extremely familiar. Emma was positive that she had seen this particular shirt and tie combo worn several times. It was with a funny squirm in her stomach that Emma realized the cardigan Remus was wearing was the one she "borrowed" most often. It looked to be on the newer side, not yet having been patched up or resewn at the seams just yet.

Emma was so busy studying the younger Remus again that she had missed his conversation with the Healer completely. The present-day Remus placed a gentle hand on her back and guided her to follow past Remus down the hallway.

They were walking in a direction that Emma never paid attention to when visiting St. Mungo's. She was wondering where exactly they were going as they passed through several doors and entered a circular room. The Healer had left Remus on his own to go who knows where. Multiple rooms lined the circular room, and the younger Remus paused for a moment, his brow furrowing as he tried to figure out where exactly to go. There was a sudden cry towards the right side of the massive room, and a small smile broke on his face. Once again, they followed, and Emma immediately stopped outside the door at the terribly familiar and unfamiliar voice she heard.

"Dad's going to be livid. He wanted to see the baby first."

In all the times Emma tried to imagine what her mother actually sounded like, the voice she heard wasn't it. It was soft with a hint of fierceness that Emma often wished she had. Margaret was tired sounding but overjoyed and nervous. Tears filled Emma's eyes in pure delight at finally knowing what her mother sounded like. It was so much better than she could have imagined.

Emma felt Remus's arm drape over her shoulders as he guided her into the room, wordlessly. Emma's face was starting to hurt from all of the smiling she was doing.

"Her name's Emelyn," Margaret said, glancing up at Remus before looking at the bundle held in her arms. "Emelyn Theodosia."

"She's beautiful," the younger Remus said, his lips twitching as he watched baby Emma's arms swinging out.

"You really were," Remus said, looking at baby Emma fondly before looking at the now fourteen-year-old girl standing next to him. "You're even more beautiful now."

Emma blushed as she looked up at Remus and leaned into him as she put an arm around his waist. She returned to watching the scene in front of them and giggled at Remus's hesitation to hold her. He looked terribly awkward holding her in his arms. "You thought you were going to break me?"

"I was," Remus said, shaking his head at how awkwardly he initially held Emma as a baby. "I had never held a baby before, and it was terrifying. You were the first." He sighed, watching as his younger self's face shifted from pure fear to captivation. "I was smitten with you. I knew I loved you when I saw you, but the moment you grabbed onto my finger…Well, let's just say you've had me wrapped around your finger since the very beginning."

At his words, Emma immediately snuggled into his side, throwing her other arm around Remus to hug him, but keeping her head turned to watch.

"Why does mum look so worried?" Emma asked, confused by the closed-off expression on Margaret's face. She appeared happy, but there was another emotion that Emma couldn't read. Perhaps she was just nervous about being a mother.

"I thought it was because she was asking me to be your godfather," Remus said quietly. He remembered how he felt when she asked, confused and elated and not understanding why she even asked him. He couldn't see any logical reason for why she would ask him, knowing that Margaret had plenty of friends that would have been better. After everything he knew now, he had an idea of what was happening behind closed doors, and his chest tightened. He pulled Emma tighter to his side, trying to keep his own emotions at bay. Life hadn't been fair to any of them.

"Please, Remus. I can't ask anyone else," Margaret pleaded, her expression pained.

Baby Emma let out a huge yawn and closed her eyes as Remus looked down at her. She appeared to be settling comfortably in his arms, and Emma wondered idly if Remus was overly warm even then. "Okay," Remus eventually said with a small nod.

"You'll be her godfather?" Margaret's entire demeanor changed, though she still appeared anxious. Her smile was tight, almost as if she wasn't sure she could believe him. "You'll really do it?"

"Yes," Remus said, returning Margaret's smile before looking back at Emma in his arms. Emma noticed the way the younger Remus's face softened, and then the scene dissolved, and they were somewhere more familiar.

Even though some of the furniture looked new and the pictures weren't all in the same spots, she could recognize the living room at Lyall's easily. Emma detached herself from Remus, trying to figure out where exactly in time they were. She tried to identify the photos on the wall, but before she had the opportunity, the front door slammed open. Emma jumped as she rushed over to peer into the entryway.

"Is she here?" asked a surprisingly familiar voice. It wasn't Remus's voice she heard, but she found herself recognizing the posh and proud voice without seeing who it came from.

Three men stumbled in through the front door as if they were fighting to be the first one into the house. Emma snickered as she spotted Remus fighting hard against the two dark-haired men to get into the house first. The man with long dark hair made it in first, followed by the man who looked disturbingly like Harry Potter, and then Remus, who entered with a dramatic huff.

Sirius was as cool looking as he could be with his hair pulled back in a loose bun and leather jacket. In some of the older photos Emma had seen, Sirius's hair had been shorter, but it had clearly grown in the time after Hogwarts. His jeans were torn at the knees, and he wore leather boots. There was dark stubble on his face that gave him a ruggedly handsome look. His smile was bright and infectious, and based off of his expectant look, it was clear he was the one to have shouted into the house. She clearly knew Sirius well at one point to have such a clear remembrance of his voice in her mind. This Sirius wasn't yet haunted like the Sirius in the wanted posters.

"Lyall! Your sons are here!" James shouted, his grin lopsided and excited. His hair was just as messy as Harry's, and he ran a hand through it, making it even messier. James was dressed simpler, wearing a jumper and trousers with well-matched shoes. Emma could easily see Harry Potter in his father – except for his eyes. They weren't the same brilliant color as Harry's at all.

Remus surprisingly looked much younger in this memory than he did in the memory of the hospital. However, it was clear time had passed. He looked healthy, his eyes bright and excited, and his cheeks carried a light flush. He was wearing a brown blazer with matching trousers with a light blue button-down. The top few buttons were undone, and it made him look so much more care-free. It was hard for Emma to imagine that _this_ Remus existed at one point.

The three men immediately started kicking their shoes off, chattering excitedly amongst each other. It was hysterical for her to see three grown men acting like children, especially Remus, who gave Sirius a playful shove.

"Keep it down, you lot," Lyall said, appearing around the corner, holding a small bundle to his chest.

Emma recognized the blanket almost immediately. It was the one that he had given her earlier that year except the fabric in the memory was much brighter, clearly new. Time had not yet touched the floral-patterned blanket.

"Give her to me!" Sirius said, shouting in a whisper. He made a grabbing motion with his hands, clearly wanting to get Emma in his arms.

"Excuse me," Remus said, giving Sirius a nudge. "I'm her uncle _and_ her godfather, so I should be getting her first."

"I'm as good as her godfather," Sirius whispered back with a scowl.

"Excuse the both of you – I'm the one having a baby soon," James interjected, shoving his way to the front. "I need all the practice I can get."

Lyall looked between the three men in amusement before passing Emma off to James with a small shrug. Sirius and Remus looked terribly disappointed, but James was delighted. "He needs all the help he can get," Lyall said in explanation. "Also, _Lily_ is having the baby – not you, James. You best remember that before the baby comes."

"It was a constant battle to see who would get you first," Remus said, smiling at Emma's inquisitive expression. "Most times, it wasn't me unless you were shrieking the moment we got in the room."

"Just as a fair warning," Lyall said as he started to step out of the room, "she started teething a few weeks ago."

"Ah, that's nothing," Sirius said, waving Lyall off. "Go and rest. We've got her."

"How old was I?" Emma asked, trying to get a look at herself in James's arms.

"You just started teething, so I think you were nearly six months old," Remus said thoughtfully. "Your mother had just started going back to work, so we were able to sneak by and see you often. Your grandfather took a step back at the Ministry and worked from home to help take care of you."

Out of nowhere, baby Emma let out an ear-piercing wail, and James immediately passed her off to Remus. James looked frazzled and let out a breath the moment baby Emma was in Remus's arms. The young man was clearly at a loss, and Emma giggled. Harry made that exact face when he was confused.

"I forgot you used to scream like that," Remus said, wincing at the noise.

"Sorry," Emma snorted.

"You couldn't help it," Remus sighed. "Growing teeth was painful for you. I could hardly blame you for it." Sirius cast a quick cleansing charm on Remus's hands so that they were clean and baby Emma immediately grabbed onto them and shoved his fingers in her mouth to chew on. A smirk crossed present-day Remus's face. "You also used to do that a lot, as well."

Emma's light blush warmed up to red, and she covered her face. "I did not," she said, peering through her fingers in embarrassment.

"Not just to me, either," Remus laughed. He watched fondly as Emma's loud crying gave way to quiet sniffles as he massaged her gums. He had forgotten how fussy she was when she was teething.

"What are you _doing_?" Emma asked, absolutely appalled as she watched herself chewing on Remus's fingers.

"Rubbing your gums," Remus said with a shrug. "It helped, and you wouldn't let anyone else do it besides your mother. You preferred to just chew on everyone else – and everything. At least you let me try to help you."

"You're kidding," Emma said. She walked over to where Remus stood with Emma on his hip and gave the baby version of herself a hard stare. "You were a terror. Cute, but an absolute terror," she said to the miniature version of herself, eyes narrowed. She looked around, surprised to see James and Sirius were no longer in the room. "Where did the other two go?"

"I believe they went to go bother your grandfather," Remus said, watching as baby Emma settled her head on his younger self's shoulder, eyes starting to close. "You were so small."

"I'm still small," Emma sighed as she watched the younger Remus settle himself on the couch. Baby Emma let out another loud cry as Remus pulled his fingers out of her mouth.

"Shh blodwyn tatws," Remus soothed, rubbing Emma's back.

"Blodwyn tatws? I know it's Welsh, but what does that mean?"

Remus snorted and shook his head with a smirk. "I would tell you, but I value my life."

Emma frowned, but let it slide. She tilted her head slightly, watching how she laid on Remus's chest, her crying turning to feeble whimpers, and her eyes closed completely. "Did I really do that a lot? Just sleep like that?"

"You did," Remus said with a smile. "Like I told you, it was the easiest way to get you to calm down. I can't get over the fact that you do that even now. You're practically out like a light when you do."

The scene shifted again, but this time they were outdoors in the garden at Lyall's. Streamers were set up along the hedges, and a banner hung between the two trees, the words "Happy Birthday Emma" written in pink lettering.

"Your first birthday," Remus said, taking a look around. It was hard for him to see everyone all together again like this. He was sure that Margaret only invited his friends because they had just had their children, but he was grateful. James, Lily, and Harry shared a table with Alice, Frank, and Neville. Sirius was sitting next to who she recognized as Peter on one side, and an empty seat sat next to him on his right. Neville and Harry were a little over a month old and so incredibly tiny.

Emma immediately walked over to the table, amused at the tinier versions of Harry and Neville. Harry had a shock of black hair that mirrored James, and Neville's blonde hair hadn't come in yet. She seemed confused for a moment by Alice and Frank until her mouth formed a small "Oh" in realization as she recognized who they were. Emma lingered for a moment before looking around, curious about the other people present. A few people she remembered from her mother's wake, but the others were unfamiliar. A frown crossed her face as she noticed Jude, and she gave Remus a questioning look.

"I know," Remus said quietly, "but just wait a moment." There was a mischievous glint in Remus's eye, and Emma was worried. If Remus wore that look, she could only imagine what was about to happen.

A few more moments passed, and Emma walked through the tables until she was drawn in by the start of "Happy Birthday" being sung. Margaret had returned to the party at some point, carrying Emma on her hip. Jude was at Margaret's side in an instant, an arm around her waist, but the gesture seemed off to Emma. Rather than being an affectionate gesture, it seemed almost possessive, and Margaret's smile was tight. The moment the singing started, she slipped out of Jude's grip and towards the cake that Remus and Lyall were carrying in.

"Don't worry about him," Remus said softly, pulling Emma's attention away from Jude. "Watch what happens."

With her brow furrowed, Emma returned her attention to her one-year-old self. She had to admit to herself that she was rather cute, looking much more like Margaret than Jude. She wondered at what point her face had started to change. Her hair was in tiny pigtails, and she was clapping along with the singing with a wide smile. Her stomach did a flip as she approached Margaret and realized she was around the same height as her mother. Clearly, Margaret didn't inherit the height gene either. Did that mean that Hope was on the smaller side, too?

Margaret blew out the single candle on the cake for Emma, and Lyall removed the candle, leaving Remus holding the cake by himself. Margaret put Emma on her other hip so that she was closer to Remus, who bent down to kiss her cheek. Curious to see what Jude was doing, Emma started to turn her head, but Remus gently tapped her arm to keep her focused on the scene in front of them.

In a matter of seconds, Emma's hands dug into the cake, and she immediately wiped her cake and icing covered hands on Remus's face. Emma immediately burst out into laughter at the younger Remus's shocked expression on his face. He recovered quickly, giving Margaret an amused look before swiping a finger into the cake's icing and wiping it on Emma's nose. She let out a peal of laughter, and Margaret shook her head as the other party-goers laughed.

"How does ice cream sound?" Margaret announced to the party, apologetically. In this memory, her voice was soft and sweet and had the same gentleness that Remus's voice had. Her voice seemed much more familiar here.

There were noises of agreement from the rest of the party.

"You, my little llygad y dydd, are a mess," Margaret said to Emma with a smile. She said something in Welsh that she didn't understand and placed a kiss on Emma's head, artfully dodging Emma's hands as she reached out for her mother's face.

"I'll take her," Remus said, passing the ruined cake to Lyall with a grin. "I apparently have to get cleaned up myself." He held his hands out to take Emma, looking over at the table of his friends. Sirius let out a loud barking laugh, his eyes bright as he met Remus's gaze.

Now in Remus's arms, Emma ran her hands over his face, further smearing cake over his face. Baby Emma couldn't stop giggling and continued rubbing her hands over Remus's face.

"Oh, Merlin," Margaret said, biting back a laugh. "I'm sorry, Remy. There's a clean outfit in Tad's room. I was hoping she would get through the party and stay clean, but that was a little too hopeful for a one-year-old. Good thing I came prepared."

"It's fine," Remus said, smiling at Margaret. He took his free hand and pulled Emma's hands away from his face gently. "Let's get you cleaned up, Princess."

Emma half expected the memory to shift, and this time she followed Remus as he followed his younger self towards the house. It was strange for Emma to see how similar things were, but how different they had become. She blushed when she looked over at the spot Persephone first kissed her and Remus gave her a knowing look as they stepped into the house.

"Dadadadadadada," Emma babbled as Remus set Emma down on the downstairs bathroom's counter. She reached back up to Remus's face, still smiling.

"You are a mess," Remus laughed, grabbing a towel to try and clean her hands. He took a look at himself in the mirror and snorted. "When did you get cake in my hair? Too bad I can't just use a Scourgify to get you clean. I don't think your mother would appreciate it if I brought you out still sticky from the icing."

Emma was about to ask Remus something but froze as Jude walked through them to stand in the doorway. Emma didn't realize that could happen and put out a hand curiously and watched as her hand seemed to push straight through Jude's body. The much younger version of herself whimpered seeing Jude before breaking out into a cry. "Dadadadada," she continued to say, her babbling turning into loud screams as she reached for Remus.

"What are you doing, Remus?" Jude asked as Emma stepped through him to enter the bathroom to better see what was happening.

Jude's gaze was cold and calculating, and it made her feel uncomfortable. She looked at the younger Remus's face in the reflection of the mirror and then looked at herself. It seemed that even then, she didn't like Jude. But why?

"I'm trying to get your daughter clean," Remus said after a few moments. He barely met Jude's gaze in the reflection before grabbing a clean towel and wetting it with warm water and soap. He was about to clean off the rest of Emma's hands, but Jude ripped the towel out of his hand.

"I'll do that," Jude said sharply, shooting Remus a look. He took a step further into the bathroom, and Remus sighed, seemingly exhausted by a fight that hadn't even really started.

Baby Emma began to cry harder, and Remus looked torn. He took his wand out of his pocket and cast Scourgify to clean off himself and looked at Emma, who was still reaching for him. One of Emma's hands managed to grab onto Remus's shirt, and he gently pulled the fabric out of her grip. He stepped aside and around Jude.

"Fine," he said, putting his wand back in his pocket. Remus cast another glance in Emma's direction with a sigh and made his way back towards the party.

"I knew even then," Emma said quietly, frowning as her cries got louder. "I was calling you Dada." Remus only met her gaze in response, seemingly making the same realization that she did. He wasn't expecting to find anything in one of his own memories.

The memory shifted again, and they were back in the living room. Remus sat on the floor with Emma on his lap as she happily waved his wand around. It was much quieter, a brief reprieve that was just for the two of them. He was wearing an unfamiliar olive-colored jumper, and his hair was longer again. She let out a squeal of delight as colorful sparks came from the end, and Remus gave her a hug.

"Look at that, Sunshine," Remus said softly to her. "You did magic. You are going to be such a powerful witch, baby girl. I can already tell."

Emma's hand immediately flew to her necklace, gently touching the pendant. The necklace suddenly held even more meaning. Remus really did call her that when she was smaller.

"Mooooo," baby Emma said delightedly, waving the wand around again and setting off more sparks with happy giggles.

Remus looked worn down, almost sad, but he smiled at Emma's giggles.

"This was the last time I saw you," Remus said sadly. Emma looked at him in alarm, letting out a small gasp at the tears that filled his eyes. He wiped them away quickly and hugged Emma from behind and bent down to rest his chin on top of her head. "You were bloody brilliant. You were just about to turn two, and you knew how to make sparks already. You've always been incredibly intelligent, and it's always bothered me thinking about how much lost potential you had. Not that you haven't made up for it - please, don't think otherwise - but I've always wondered how much more you could have done."

Emma leaned back into Remus, holding onto his arms with both hands. "I think I came out mostly okay," Emma said, snuggling into Remus's arms. She felt as comfortable as her younger self looked on Remus's lap, and she grinned as the younger Remus took his wand back to conjure butterflies for her.

"You've come out more than okay," Remus said, kissing the top of her head. "You're perfect."

"No, I'm not," Emma snorted. "I'm far from it."

The front door opened, and Emma felt Remus tense up. "I should probably pull you out now," he said.

"No," Emma said, not wanting to leave the memory. She gripped Remus's arms tighter, the action reflexive as she heard Jude's voice. "It's fine."

Remus didn't relax, but he pulled Emma tighter as Jude stepped into the room.

"I thought Maggie was coming to get Emma," the younger Remus said, keeping his arm around Emma as she whimpered, turning herself into his chest.

"She was, but she had to stay at work," Jude said, an eyebrow raising. His hair was slicked back, and he ran a hand to slick back a piece of hair that had fallen out of place.

There was a sinking feeling in Emma's stomach as she looked at Jude. The maroon suit with the black shirt and black tie – she had seen that outfit before. She reluctantly looked down at the shoes – dark dragonhide. The only thing missing was the –

Jude summoned a dark cloak that he draped over his arm. Emma's breath hitched, and she turned her face into Remus's arm, closing her eyes tightly. The action was reminiscent of her younger self in this memory. Seeing Jude in _that_ outfit made her sick.

"Maybe we should leave," Emma agreed, tightening her hold on Remus's arms. Emma only opened her eyes as her feet touched solid ground again and sighed. She spun around in Remus's arms, hugging him tightly.

"I'm sorry cariad," Remus sighed, holding Emma just as tight. "I was trying to make up for earlier, but I think I've made a right cock-up of your birthday anyway."

Emma shook her head with a huff. "No, this was perfect," she said quietly. "I didn't remember what mum sounded like. For the longest time, it felt like the stories you told me weren't real because I don't remember them. I feel like now maybe I could." She pulled herself away from Remus, wiping her tears from the corners of her eyes and giving Remus a small smile. "I could've done without the Boggart today, but this was more than I ever could've asked for. Thank you."

Remus let out a heavy sigh, allowing himself to return Emma's smile. He seemed to want to say something, but his voice didn't seem to be working, and he could only shake his head.

With a huff of a laugh, Emma hugged him again. "It's fine, I swear," Emma said. "Now, about that cake I wrecked…it looked rather good."

"As long as you promise not to rub it on my face again, perhaps we can see if one of the house-elves will make one," Remus said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I make no guarantees." Emma pulled back and looked up at Remus with a mischievous look. "It _is_ my birthday, after all."

"I suppose I would deserve it after how today's gone," Remus sighed. "Let me just get those memories back, and we'll go."

Emma was positively beaming at the idea of cake and waited for Remus to retrieve his memories impatiently. She tried to fight back a yawn and failed, the noise loud and echoing in the large office.

"I think after cake, it's time for bed," Remus smiled as he pocketed his wand, his memories safely back in his mind. The sheepish grin she gave him in response told him she agreed. He knew that Emma would have questions, as he had them for himself, but she appeared to be happy. That was all he could ask for. Perhaps he didn't make things as bad as he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a text post I found on Tumblr once upon a time that talked about the Pensieve and Harry just going in headfirst that made me cackle. I saw it just before writing this chapter weeks ago, and I couldn't stop thinking about it because there's nothing that says you _have_ to enter a memory that way. I can't really imagine a group of people trying to crowd around a Pensieve looking like ostriches, so I went with my version instead.
> 
> If you want to read the entirety of the first memory, I have a one-shot of it! [Happy Birthday](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21662209/chapters/51657571)
> 
>   
> **llygad y dydd** \- Daisy
> 
>   
>  **come find me on:**  
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)  
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> 
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> 


	21. Living on a Prayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma has her second therapy session. The Hufflepuffs throw yet another fun party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **tw: talks of suicide, underage drinking**

Emma was curled up in the corner of the couch, knees tucked up to her chest as she tried to figure out what she wanted to say. She could hardly believe that the first full week of classes had already gone by. Rather than go down to the Great Hall for dinner, Emma decided to stay in with after his class. It was much easier considering she planned to go down to the dorms that night to spend the weekend. As it turned out, yet another Hufflepuff party was taking place. This time she wouldn't miss it.

Remus sat in his armchair, folder on his lap just like the previous Friday, patiently watching Emma. His original plan was to start where they left off last week, but after going into his memories, he knew Emma had questions. Unfortunately, he seemed to now have more answers.

A giggle escaped Emma's lips, and she turned her face into the back of the couch in an attempt to cover them up. Remus did really manage to put together the best birthday she'd ever had, and she was still amused by the entire day.

True to his word, Remus decided that he would ask a house-elf to whip up a chocolate cake the previous night. After a really long, terribly sung, and drawn-out rendition of Happy Birthday being sung, Emma couldn't help but beam expectantly at him. Remus's look of horror had made the entire thing absolutely worth it. He had given her permission to destroy the cake, and that was precisely what she planned to do. The temptation was too great.

Instead of fighting it, he allowed her to take two massive handfuls of cake and smear it on his face and in his hair. However, Emma didn't anticipate that now that she was older, he could do the same to her.

She had nearly missed his intentions too late, only _just_ catching the mischievous glint in his eye, and she had only a split second to bolt. With a squeal of laughter, Emma had bolted out of their quarters, through the office, and had nearly made it downstairs into the classroom, but Remus caught her. With a triumphant shout, he grabbed onto her, and she was given the same cake-faced treatment.

Their reflections in the shared hallway bathroom mirror when they finally went to clean up had sent them both back into raucous laughter. Emma had no idea how Remus managed to get so much cake in her hair, but then again, he didn't look much better. Feeling guilty about not trying the cake, she wiped off some of the icing on her cheek and popped it into her mouth.

"Oh, that is good," she said seriously as if she wasn't currently covered in the chocolate confection. She gave Remus the most serious and solemn expression she could, and they immediately burst into laughter again.

Even though Remus complained, she insisted that she grab her new camera to take even more silly photos. It was the first time, in a long time, that Emma was sure that they finally shared another moment of genuine and honest joy. Her heart was fit to burst, and she felt that she hadn't truly felt this way since Remus took her home the first time. It had been far too long.

Remus gave her a puzzled look as she finally removed her face from the sofa back, and it only sent her into another fit of giggles.

"I was just thinking about yesterday," Emma said when her giggles subsided enough for her to speak. She wiped away her tears of mirth. "With the cake," she added when she saw Remus still looked puzzled.

"Oh, yes," Remus said, trying to keep his face straight at the memory still fresh in his mind. The corners of his lips twitched into a smile, and all serious pretense was lost. "The cake."

"I couldn't resist after you said that I could smash it," Emma said, letting out a happy sigh. It truly had been one of the best days of her life thus far - easily in her top three. She was almost positive her top three memories were now tied; it was impossible to pick. "All right, I suppose we should get tonight over with at some point."

Remus nodded. "Where did you want to start? With yesterday? Or should we pick up where we were last week?"

"Probably with yesterday," Emma said after a beat. "I'm…" Emma trailed off, worrying her lip as she thought. "That last memory, with Jude - do you think that was the same day from my memory?"

"I think there's a strong possibility that both memories could be related," Remus said slowly. "The issue I personally find is that it was a ubiquitous outfit of Jude's, with only minor differences."

"It was like his uniform," Emma said almost to herself, understanding. Her brows furrowed ever so slightly as she looked at Remus. "But what does that mean? If it's from the same day?"

Remus sighed, tapping the quill in his hand ever so gently on the folder. It could mean a lot of things. Half of the potential answers were sitting in the folder, but he didn't know how to bring any of it up. "I'm not sure," he said, hoping that Emma didn't pick up on his half-lie.

Emma ran a hand over her jeans in thought. She glanced down to the folder on Remus's lap and sighed. "Maybe we should just move on to where we were last week," Emma muttered, gesturing for Remus to give her a pillow. She stretched back out and placed the pillow under her head and stared at the ceiling.

"Are you sure?" Remus asked, surprised that Emma wanted to move along so quickly.

"Yeah, let's just get this over with."

"All right," Remus said with a nod. He was sure that Emma would ask him questions later. Remus resituated himself, studying Emma for a moment before speaking again. "Why don't we talk about your fear of the dark? I confess I find myself curious since I've honestly had no idea this entire time. Where did that come from?"

"Honestly?" Emma frowned as she pondered Remus's question. "I don't know. I don't know that there was a specific event that took place. I just get this incredible sense of dread, like nothing good happens in the dark."

"Was it something that you read? Or perhaps something from a movie or television show that you saw?"

Emma considered the possibility but shook her head. "Not that I can think of, no. It's just always been there since I can recall. I, er, try to not make it obvious."

"I can tell, I had no idea. Is that why you always insist on the curtains being left open in your room at home?"

Emma nodded and rubbed her cheeks as they turned pink as she let out a huff of a laugh. "I always need to see what's going on. Half the time, I'm surprised I can even sleep."

"Does it bother you that much?"

"Not always, but there are moments where it gets to be a bit much. Well, I hardly think I need to bring up Fenrir for the millionth time. I think we've practically exhausted him as a conversation topic."

This time Remus frowned ever so slightly as he wrote down a note. Fenrir had indeed come up far more than Remus could have ever wanted in recent years. Unfortunately, the werewolf had been an almost daily topic that week in one way or another. It was random slips in conversation - an innocuous question from Emma or a subtle mention from Remus about Emma's misbehavior the night of the full moon. Of course, yesterday had come in the form of Greyback's "gift" that nearly set Remus off into a rage.

Much like Emma, he had no idea how Greyback had gotten ahold of her bracelet, the one thing that she cherished most. There was no logical explanation that Remus could find that could explain how he came to be in possession of it. The only possibilities he came up with involved the werewolf being much closer to her without him realizing, and that made him sick. He knew Greyback was intelligent, but could he have really been near Emma more than once in her life without him knowing? Remus didn't want to think of those possibilities.

Remus had always harbored a certain level of disgust towards Greyback after he found out he was the one who bit him. He had grown to accept his reality, but Emma's fears had led him to become increasingly unsettled. It was one thing for him to fear Greyback, but he didn't want the werewolf plaguing Emma as well. She didn't deserve it.

"Well, I don't feel entirely comfortable giving you Dreamless Sleep anytime soon because I don't need you getting addicted to it again, but I think I could permit a regular sleeping draught. I'm not sure, just yet. Perhaps a calming draught at the bare minimum. Don't be ashamed of letting me know if you're struggling." Remus gave Emma a pointed look. "You know that sleep is a significant factor in your mental health, yes? I'll be sure to pay more attention now that I'm aware of the issue."

"Great, that's exactly what I need…" Emma turned onto her side to shoot Remus a glare.

"Emma, you don't have to suffer needlessly," Remus said softly. Emma sighed and turned her face to watch the low flames in the fireplace. "How are you feeling right now?" Remus continued on.

"All right, considering," Emma said, smiling slightly thinking of the day before. "I just think any day involving Snape is miserable. I'm just glad that I have his class before yours. It's like he saves his aggravation for the end of the week. At least when I'm with you, I know I'm fine."

"Has he still been giving you a hard time?"

"It's Snape. When doesn't he give me a hard time?"

Remus sighed, not entirely surprised. "I'll talk to him again."

"Please, don't," Emma groaned. "It got worse when you did. I just need to get used to dealing with him again."

"It got worse?"

"I-uh," Emma hesitated, her eyes widening as she looked at Remus. There was no point in her trying to lie if his raised eyebrow was of any indication. "Yes."

"Emma, why didn't you say anything? You had multiple opportunities over the week."

"Because I knew you would get like this," Emma huffed, gesturing vaguely over at Remus.

"Get like what?"

"You go into Mama Bear mode," Emma said, sitting up when Remus gave her a puzzled look. "I don't need help for every little thing – especially with him. He's going to be an absolute ass no matter what. You trying to step in only makes things a million times worse. Besides, I already made Cedric go with me to talk to Madam Pomfrey, so I'm not too worried about the fact he's not letting me make anything in class. I decided I'll work with her because she'll let me make the potion stores for the hospital wing so I can still get practice."

"You went and talked to Madam Pomfrey? When?" Remus sat back in his chair. This was news to him, and he was highly impressed.

"This morning, actually. After breakfast," Emma said with a shrug. "I haven't decided, but I'm thinking of working with Professor Sprout again, too. I wouldn't mind picking fresh ingredients for the potions myself, and Snape isn't going to let me do much else, so I have to learn somehow."

Remus let out a surprised hum. "Well, well…I'm proud of you, you're being proactive with your education," he said. "Have you considered the art club, though? I don't want to overwhelm you, but I think it would be nice."

"We have an art club here?" Emma laid back down, returning her gaze to the fire. "I knew about the frog choir - Professor Flitwick already tried to poach me for that, but that's too much pressure."

"It's one of the lesser-known clubs, but we have one here. It's a mix of Muggle and magical art, and I think it would be good for you. I know that you stopped drawing a while ago, but I think it would be good for you to pick back up again. Plus, the spell work needed for magical art is fascinating."

"Do you know the spells needed?"

"I do."

"Then why don't you just teach me?"

Remus gave Emma a knowing smile as she looked at him. She liked comfort in what she knew, and it wasn't at all surprising to find her hesitating trying something new. "Try the art club, and if you don't like it, then I'll teach you."

Emma pursed her lips and sighed. The fireplace became her focus again as she thought about the possibility. "Did you draw a lot?"

"I did. I still do, just not as frequently as I used to."

"What do you normally draw?"

"Animals and magical creatures mostly. Sometimes landscapes. Portraits…"

"Portraits?" Emma's eyes shot from the fireplace back to Remus, curious. She knew that Remus had been a drawer at one point, but she didn't know to what extent. The conversation just never seemed to happen.

Remus felt his cheeks heat up, but he smiled at Emma's inquisitive expression. "There's a possibility that you might have been one of my favorite subjects to draw when you were a baby."

"Do you still have them?" Emma asked, perking up considerably. "I don't think I've ever seen anything you've drawn. I had no idea."

"I might have my sketchbook somewhere back home," Remus said slowly. "If I ever get a moment to check on the house, I'll try and look, or perhaps I'll see if your grandfather can take a look. Perhaps one day we'll have to go out to the lake together. Professor McGonagall told me that you drew a brilliant rendition of the squid before term let out."

"I want to draw the Bowtruckle," Emma said quietly, a pleased smile crossing her face. "I really like them."

"Then perhaps we'll go out together, and we can both draw the Bowtruckle. They seem to like you, too." Remus's smile slowly faded slightly as he peered down at his folder. "I apologize for changing the subject, but I don't want to lose out on our time. We never quite made it to the 'why' of your suicide attempt last week. We started discussing how you felt about it, but we got sidetracked. I want to talk more about it, but I want to back up a little further if you don't mind. How long have you had suicidal thoughts?"

"A while…"

"How long is a while? A year? A few years?"

"Uhm," Emma hesitated, worrying her lip. "Probably since I was 8."

Remus's quill hovered over the paper on his lap as he stopped writing. He spared a half-glance up at Emma, who was watching him anxiously. He put the quill down, feeling that he needed to give her his full attention. He could write his notes later.

"Was there anything specific that led to you starting to have those thoughts?"

"Yes and no, I suppose." Emma felt weird talking about this. "Multiple things, really. Primary school was miserable. The other kids, not all of them, were mean to me a lot. That was around the time Jocelyn and Chloe moved into my room, and that just made things worse. I just wanted to be their friend, but… I think the worst part was the open houses when families would come in to see if there was anyone they wanted to adopt. I just wanted to go home with someone, anyone, and there were times I thought that would happen." Emma let out a small and slightly sad laugh. "I suppose it doesn't matter now. I wound up where I was supposed to, but I never thought that I would. Sometimes…sometimes I still worry I'm going to wind up right back where I started."

Remus rubbed his chin in thought. "You worry that you'll end up right where you started? What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that I'm afraid I'll wind up back in the children's home," Emma said, trying to ignore the tightness in her throat. "It's stupid, but sometimes I get scared you'll get tired of me and send me back."

"Emma, you will never set foot back in that place. Ever," Remus said earnestly. "Is that a thought that leads you to consider hurting yourself?"

"Do I need to answer that?" Emma sat back up, curling up into her corner.

Remus immediately closed the folder and set it aside. Emma's thoughts clearly went a lot further than he expected. "How about we just talk," Remus sighed and got up to sit down on the couch next to Emma. "How frequently do the thoughts occur? I figured that you still had them after that one day at your grandfather's."

"Nowhere near as often as it used to," Emma admitted reluctantly. "It's…I feel really weird talking about all of this. We never talked about any of this after the fact."

"I know, but that's why we're talking about it now. Is there anything specific that brings it on?"

"I don't think there's anything specific." Emma screwed up her face in thought. "Well…"

"What is it?"

"Water," Emma said, feeling stupid saying it out loud. "I don't know what it is about water."

"What does water do?"

"Sometimes, when I'm taking a shower, my mind just – it goes to a different place. Or sometimes when I'm by the lake." Emma cringed slightly. "I'm drawn to the water, and I don't know why. Like, almost like I feel as though I need to d-drown myself."

Remus frowned at that. That would have to be something that he had to figure out. He was hoping it was just a coping mechanism, but the fact she said she felt she needed to drown herself was concerning.

"Are your thoughts strong?" he asked.

"I don't know… No." Emma waffled for a moment as she peered over at the fire again. "Yes, sometimes."

Remus followed Emma's gaze towards the fire. "Have you thought about ending your life recently?"

Emma gave Remus a sidelong glance and shrugged. "Depends on what you mean by recently."

"At any point over the summer holiday?"

It took a few minutes, but Emma eventually nodded. "Perhaps," she said quietly. She let out a nervous laugh and turned her face away to peer down the hallway. Emma didn't want to see the expression on Remus's face when she answered. "Perhaps more recent than that."

"How recent?"

This time Emma refused to answer. She didn't exactly want to mention that it had only been just last week when she had felt so ill she thought she would die anyway.

"Emma, excuse me for being so blunt," Remus said slowly, "but do you have a suicide plan?"

Emma looked at Remus with absolute terror. It was one thing to ask if she had thoughts of suicide but to ask her if she still had a plan? The very question made the room spin as she tried very quickly to think of how to answer. Her stomach knotted, and her throat grew tight. She didn't want to admit that she had another plan, or that she had the idea well before she even made the first. Emma didn't want to know what sort of red flags that would raise if she answered his question. Emma tried to swallow against the rock that had formed in her throat, but her mouth had gone completely dry.

"Emma?" Remus prompted, a worried crease forming between his brows.

Unsure of what else to do, Emma pulled her knees up closer to her chest and ducked her head, focusing on the grain of the fabric of her jeans. She traced the spot on her knee, where the material was thinner, nearly ready to split. She shifted nervously, trying to pull her knees closer and the fabric split. It was almost like a terribly ironic physical manifestation of her emotions as her tears spilled from her eyes. She couldn't help but begin to laugh, the sound coming out between choked sobs.

"Yes," she whispered when she was finally able to breathe for a moment long enough to say the word.

Remus sighed and carefully pulled Emma into his arms, and she clung onto him just like she had at Lyall's. All Remus wanted to do was take away her pain, but all he could do was hold her. Remus knew that returning to Hogwarts would be difficult for her, especially now that he realized how much she held back. She had been on edge all week, trying to readjust to life at the castle. He thought Persephone's idea of a surprise party was a brilliant way to give Emma a momentary reprieve from her thoughts. If he had an opportunity to try and make her happy, he would take it. It was the perfect thing to try to do, but even that had been ruined to some degree.

"Thank you," Remus whispered into her hair, holding her as tightly as she held onto him.

"F-for what?" Emma finally choked out between her sobs.

"For telling me. I know that it was hard for you to admit. Please just try to remember you're not alone, and I am always going to be here for you, no questions asked."

It took a while for Emma's crying to finally calm down long enough for her to tell Remus the plan she had in her mind. While he didn't think that she would act on it, he appreciated knowing what to look for. He never expected to hear her say that she would jump from somewhere, especially knowing that she didn't like the idea of falling. His stomach dropped when she told him there was a finality to jumping that drowning didn't have. Remus would have to watch her closely, but he hoped that the more they talked, the better she would feel.

Thoroughly cried out, Emma was snuggled into Remus's side, staring listlessly into the fire. It had been at least a half-hour since she had said a word, but she still sniffled as the threat of her tears would return. Her eyes were slowly sliding shut with sleep, but Remus would give her a small squeeze to keep her up. He wanted her to make good on her plans to stay in the dorms for the weekend. As much as he loved having her with him, she needed to be a teenager, too.

"You probably don't want me to go to that party, now," Emma said between sniffles.

"On the contrary, I think you should go," Remus said, peering at the clock on the mantel. "It's only 8:30, I don't see why you shouldn't go and have some fun." Emma looked up at him in confusion, and he ran a finger down the bridge of her nose with a soft smile. "It's okay to have fun, you know. Just do me a favor and promise not to drink. You'll only feel worse – trust me."

And that was how Emma somehow found herself in the common room just past 9 o'clock. Her friends were delighted that she showed up, the rest of the third years were reveling in being able to attend the party with no issue. Emma just felt awkward and out of place, standing around with a cup of pumpkin juice while the others were drinking alcohol. Hannah, Susan, and Leanne waved at Emma fervently from where they stood, trying to get her to join them. Emma gave them a sheepish shrug in return and stayed where she stood, leaning against the side of one of the couches.

After watching Ernie and Wayne take long pulls off a joint, Emma briefly considered the idea of joining them. After all, Remus said not to drink. As long as she stayed away from the more heavily laced plants, regular weed would be fine, right?

"What's with you, Loops?" Cedric said, sitting down on the couch next to Emma. He reached over and pulled Emma over the arm of the sofa so that she was practically settled in his lap.

Emma stared at Cedric in alarm, her face immediately heating up. She had her cup held high in the hopes it would keep from spilling, she was sat next to Cedric sideways with her legs draped over this. If someone had told her last week she would be next to Cedric Diggory like this, she never would have believed them. She slowly pulled her drink closer to herself and began to giggle, feeling absolutely ridiculous.

"Oh, shit, I'm sorry," Cedric said, his eyes widening and his cheeks turning pink. "I shouldn't have done that. Did I make you spill your drink?"

"No," Emma said, sure that her pinks weren't losing their pink flush as she peered into her cup. Neither Cedric nor Emma seemed to want to be the one to break their unexpected contact as Emma's legs remained where they were. "Looks like it's all there. It's only pumpkin juice, anyway. Wouldn't have been too much of a loss."

"Pumpkin juice, eh? Not even tempted for butterbeer?" Cedric asked curiously, resting a hand on Emma's ankle.

"No, I, er…I had to do something with Dad tonight, and he told me that I shouldn't drink tonight. He insisted even butterbeer wasn't necessarily a good choice, either."

Cedric looked at Emma curiously, almost as if in understanding. "Did it have anything to do with what happened with you last year?"

Emma nodded. "Unfortunately. Are you at all familiar with what goes on?"

"The Prefects get the rundown of the process after, well... They don't tell us who, of course, but just so we know what to look for. You're not the only one, by the way – so don't think I immediately thought of you. I just didn't realize that your dad was your mentor," Cedric said thoughtfully. He screwed up his face in thought. "That's allowed?"

"Apparently," Emma laughed. "It's a little weird, but he's the person I trust most. I don't know that I would comfortable with someone else. I love Professor Sprout, but I can't exactly see myself talking about my _feelings_ with her, you know?" She turned her face away from Cedric to watch the rest of the party. The Hufflepuffs really did have loud and boisterous parties. There was dancing in the center of the room, friends in groups laughing and talking loudly. Couples stood together along the wall, some leaning against walls, others sitting on stairs, or cuddled up in armchairs. Emma was sure she turned even redder at the realization that the couple closest to them were sitting almost exactly how she was with Cedric. Even worse, they were snogging something fierce, and it made Emma blush.

Clearing her throat, Emma pulled her legs off of Cedric's and turned to sit correctly on the couch. She took a long drink of her pumpkin juice and swilled it around, suddenly unsure of what to do. It wasn't as though she hadn't snuck into the parties before, but this was different. She was freshly fourteen, apparently the oldest in her year, and was sitting with _Cedric Diggory_.

"Hey, do you want to dance?" Cedric asked suddenly, his gaze set on the group of Hufflepuffs dancing.

"Do I want to dance?" Emma asked Cedric, looking at him curiously. She was wondering just how sober Cedric was, but he didn't have a drink in his hand. Perhaps he didn't have anything alcoholic to drink either. She looked back at the others dancing and tried to figure out what was playing. The Wizarding Wireless wasn't playing one of Celestina Warbeck's jazzier numbers, it didn't sound like the Weird Sisters. Instead, it sounded like something Muggle. "Is that Bon Jovi?"

Emma practically doubled over laughing at the realization. The Wizarding Wireless was notoriously slow at adding Muggle music, so hearing someone like Bon Jovi at Hogwarts was absolutely hysterical. She would have to tell Remus about it later, especially since the record this particular song came from had been a staple for a good two weeks at home.

"Bon Jovi?" Cedric asked curiously. "Muggle?"

"Muggle," Emma said, putting her cup down. She stood up quickly, grabbing Cedric's hand. "Yes, I want to dance."

"Yes! I knew you would know this!" Justin shouted as Emma and Cedric joined the group dancing.

Justin, being the Muggle-born Hufflepuff in their year, delighted in the fact that Emma knew so much about the Muggle world. Though most of their year was half-blood, their other house-mates families stuck to the magical world. Remus maintained a healthy dose of both the magic and the Muggle world at home, and Emma always felt it was one of his better decisions. She couldn't imagine missing out on Muggle music when there was so much of it.

"It's Bon Jovi. Of course I know it," Emma said with a laugh as Cedric pulled her in close to give her a spin. It didn't matter that it made absolutely no sense for the song, it made the transition into actually dancing easier.

"Yes!" Justin said brightly, continuing in his dramatic rendition of the song. " _Take my hand, we'll make it I swear, whoa, livin' on a prayer._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	22. Rising Tides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another full moon has arrived. Things get a little, well... _very_ unexpected.

Popularity, in any context, was not something that Emma ever sought out. She was shy, to a fault, and had a strong preference for keeping her circle small. However, with each passing day, Remus's popularity with the student body had given Emma a significant boost. Emma was no longer known as the girl who tried to off herself in Snape's class, she was suddenly the daughter of the best professor ever.

Emma always knew that Remus was going to be extremely popular amongst her peers. He was incredibly hard to not fall in love with. His gentle and incredibly kind disposition made everyone comfortable and at ease. He was open and free with the knowledge that he had attained over the years. If he didn't have an answer, he always made sure to find it. No question was left unanswered.

Even she was finding a new-found appreciation for Remus. After finally admitting to him how she had been feeling over the past few months, it felt their entire relationship had changed. Some days were still tricky, especially their Friday nights, but the conversations were becoming easier. Nearing the end of the month, Emma started to become more open with Remus, and she finally started to learn more about him. He was still relatively guarded speaking of his time during the war, but he often told her stories of his time during school. Sometimes, he would even tell her about the decade they missed out on.

Remus often strayed away from the more challenging aspects of that time, but Emma was captivated all the same. He had traveled a lot, mostly because he had to, but he was brilliant. Remus's knowledge of the dark arts ran deep, and even she was starting to find the topic fascinating. Emma couldn't help but smile each time she thought of the excited expression on his face when he spoke on the topic.

For the first time in her life, Emma was both envied and respected, and she had no idea what to do with that. It was a powerful status to have, and Emma desperately didn't want it to get to her head, but sometimes she relished in it. Everyone suddenly wanted to be friends with her, and it was just as exciting as it was overwhelming.

"Just be careful," Remus told her one morning in the kitchen of their flat. While he seemed glad that Emma was making new friends, she could see that he was concerned.

"Why?" Emma asked, not understanding.

"Not everyone wants to be friends for the right reasons."

It gave Emma pause, and she frowned at him as he stood up from their small kitchen table to kiss the top of her head. His words initially stung, but the more she sat down to think about it, the more she realized he was probably right. She knew her housemates well, knew most of her year reasonably well, but the other students? Not so much. She knew Caspian and his friend Elijah, and they were all right. She had become fast friends with the Weasley twins and Cedric, but those three were already vetted by the entire student body. If there was anyone she could trust, it was those three. There were very few people that didn't like them.

Emma enjoyed the humor of the twins and enjoyed listening to their previous pranks. They had several failed attempts in Remus's class, but he always seemed to be several steps ahead of him. Their determination alone made Emma laugh.

"You really can't tell us anything?" one of the twins had asked her at lunch.

"No, I won't, Fred," Emma said with a grin. "You need to figure out how to prank him the first time, and until you do, I refuse to assist."

"How did you know I was Fred?"

It had taken her a few weeks to differentiate the twins, but once she figured it out, it was incredibly easy. She just wasn't sure that she could handle explaining that she knew which twin was which by the shape of their lips. Of course, there were other ways, it just happened to be the easiest way to tell right away, especially when they smiled. Emma could only imagine how much they would tease her if they knew. It was already bad enough she was starting to find George the more adorable of the two. She pushed her hair down to cover her ears as she felt them grow hot.

"It's easy, George is the quieter one," Emma said, grinning at the looks on Fred and George's faces as she stood up from the table. "Bye, Fred."

Cedric had not been her most surprising friendship. Much like Remus, Cedric was hard not to love as a person. She knew after their first real conversation that she would enjoy spending time with him, but she didn't realize just how much. Cedric was practically the perfect Hufflepuff student.

He was extremely kind and very loyal. He didn't care what year someone was in, or what house they belonged to, he just wanted to help anyone he could. He was intelligent and had a humor that rivaled the Weasley twins, but he was much more subdued and quieter about it.

"The Weasley twins are more than enough for Hogwarts to handle," Cedric explained one day. "I'm more than content watching the chaos."

Truer words could never be said.

Perhaps the most significant and most unexpected friendship Emma found was with Draco Malfoy. Emma and Draco had always had a particular level of friendliness towards each other. They had almost always walked a very fine line that neither would cross. Their friendship had always been a series of snarky comments and friendly rivalry, and it was fun when he wasn't overly pompous. It was no secret that Draco and Emma had an unspoken competition among each other to be the best potion maker. The fact that neither shared potions together just yet made their game that much more fascinating.

Snape always favored his house over any other, but up until the present, she had been the best. It was always Emma, Draco, Hermione, and then most of the other Slytherins. It was a position that Emma relished being in, and she enjoyed knowing she was better than Snape's own precious house. Not being able to do more than measure ingredients, Emma was miserable. The few times she was allowed to use a knife, Snape made sure it was the dullest possible knife. She hated it. Potions, a class that she had once loved and adored, quickly became the class she hated most.

Unfortunately, Snape's behavior led to Draco loving nothing more than goading Emma with the little reminders she couldn't participate in class. It didn't matter to him that they didn't share their class together that year, he loved to hear about her aggravation. However, Emma took it in stride. She loved to remind Draco that she heard multiple times that he wasn't even cutting his own ingredients. The sling that Draco no longer needed, but still wore, had been removed quite quickly after that.

Draco loved a challenge, and as Persephone said, Emma was one of his biggest. Everyone knew of his rivalry with Harry, but his fascination with Emma was a mystery to everyone except for the members of Slytherin house. As much as Emma pressed, none of the other Slytherins would divulge Draco's secret. The other Hufflepuffs were never quite sure if there was something more going on. Emma and Draco always made sure to keep their friendship as quiet as possible.

For Emma, she kept their friendship a secret due to the sheer embarrassment of him helping her the previous year. She had no issues being friends with a Slytherin, but she didn't need him to lord his assistance over her head. Draco kept it secret due to his upbringing. They both decided it was best to keep it confidential. The main rumor was that he was only trying to be "friendly" because Remus was her father. It was a story even Remus expressed concerns over. Other than Crabbe, Goyle, and Jocelyn and her friends, no one knew the truth. No one knew of Draco coming to her aid when she needed someone most. Their friendship, as odd as it was, had started much sooner than anyone thought.

Draco's upbringing was possibly the hardest hurdle to tackle. Draco was very surprised to learn that Emma knew next to nothing about the Malfoy's, and he took great pride in telling her. She learned all about the peacocks that roamed the lawns, the stables that housed magical horses, and the small pack of Crups that Draco adored. She learned all about the Malfoy's business ventures and how his mother enjoyed taking care of the home and gardens. It was during these conversations that Emma learned that Draco was a lot like his father, rude and terribly ignorant. However, he also seemed to be a lot like his mother. His mother sounded like she was very caring, and Draco loved the time he spent with her in the gardens. It was evident to Emma that he loved his mother best.

But the Malfoys were a very proud and respected family with extreme beliefs. The Lupins, though mostly respected because of Lyall, didn't carry the same weight the Malfoy name did. They were both far too proud to ignore those facts.

Their friendship was mostly left to stolen moments in hidden alcoves and hastily written notes left in books or sneakily passed notes during class. It was their little secret, and Emma couldn't help but find Draco much more fascinating with each passing day. She had no issues with pointing out when he was an arrogant prat, only he would give Emma a sly smirk in response. He practically relished in pointing out how much of a daddy's girl she was, and she would have to bite back her grin. Emma would never deny the truth, and neither would he.

In fact, their relationship was an almost twisted game of cat and mouse. It was all witty and sharp quips in public, and an unexpected softness when they were alone.

At first, Emma hated Draco insisting that he walk with her to classes. She didn't mind waiting for Persephone. Even though she was absolutely thorough in everything she did and took longer than their other classmates, Emma didn't care. Still, Draco insisted. It left Persephone in an absolute snit each and every time, but she relented. After all, Emma was Persephone's best friend and how dare Draco Malfoy, of all people, try to steal her away.

It took Emma a good week and a half to realize that Draco was _flirting_ with her. Draco Malfoy, of all people – the envy of most Slytherin girls and a fair few Ravenclaws. Persephone had tried to tell her, but it never occurred to her that there was any truth to the statement. Since Emma was no longer with Persephone, where was the harm in flirting back?

Draco always walked with Emma from Ancient Runes to Defense Against the Dark Arts each Thursday. It quickly became an unspoken rule that no one else was to ask. Even Cedric Diggory, who expected to make the walk, backed off immediately. It was on the second to last week of the month that they discovered a small alcove behind a tapestry near the Defense classroom that they could relax in.

A tall window was set into the wall with a ledge just perfect for sitting on. They both wondered why the window was covered by the tapestry and had quickly decided it was made for people like them; people with a secret. They would meet up and sit in their little alcove up until the warning bell and then would leave for wherever they were headed. On Thursdays, before Defense, they would stop in their alcove and talk. Often, they waited until the last possible moment to leave. Remus only seemed mildly agitated that they were always the last two to make it to class, but they were still on time. To Emma's relief, Remus never questioned her about it.

Emma enjoyed sitting on the ledge of the window, peering out onto the grounds. Since the shelf was so large, she could twist her body sideways and lean against the bricks and watch the world outside. Draco would lean ever so casually against the wall, and they would talk freely about whatever they'd like.

Like clockwork, at the end of September, Emma found herself getting sick again. Though Remus was extremely quick with the potion she hated, she was still edgy and uncomfortable. She was tired, frustrated, snappier than usual, and she had an itch that she wanted to scratch. Said itch she could never disclose in polite company but made sure to complain to Persephone about. _That_ was new.

Her aggravation grew when the morning of the thirtieth, Remus suggested that she stay in the dorms a night earlier. He insisted that she needed an extra day without him and all but insisted that she go to the dorms after dinner. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but he looked just as terrible as she felt. She tried to push her aggravation aside, and agreed, packing an extra set of clothes in her bag. However, her irritation persisted throughout the day.

Draco seemed to pick up on Emma's energy very quickly, giving her heavily veiled concerned looks all through Ancient Runes. Emma would have found it endearing if she didn't find his staring extremely annoying.

Despite trying to shake Draco off after class, she found herself stepping foot into their alcove near the Defense classroom. She jumped up on her ledge and folded her arms, waiting for Draco to appear.

When Draco arrived, he just stared at Emma in complete disbelief. The fact he wasn't saying a word was annoying Emma even more.

"What?" she snapped at Draco, raising an eyebrow at him.

"What's going on with you?" Draco asked sharply.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been off all day."

"I have not."

"Are you sure?" Draco scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "I've never seen you so pissed off at everything before."

"I am not pissed off."

Draco's comments were making her feel particularly sulky, and she couldn't help the pout that came to her face. Emma wasn't even sure why she was acting the way she was. It was almost as if someone else was taking over because she wasn't usually like this. Not for such an extended time, at least.

"Are you seriously pouting right now?"

"No," Emma said, pushing her lower lip out a little further.

A look, unlike anything she had ever seen on Draco, crossed his face. The only time she had seen a look similar had been from Persephone.

Oh. That itch that Emma had been feeling all day showed up in full force, but would it be worth scratching it? Especially _just_ before her own father's class?

Draco, someone who always seemed sure of himself, was suddenly nervous.

Emma unconsciously slid herself forward on the ledge, fully intending to jump off, but Draco stopped her. He slotted himself in the spot between Emma's parted knees, his hands sitting on the ledge, boxing her in. "Perhaps I should get rid of that pout for you," Draco said, his voice low as his face edged closer to hers. His eyes darted to Emma's lips before meeting her eyes, and _oh, Merlin_ , Draco had terribly pretty eyes.

"I might not be entirely opposed to that," Emma said, raising an eyebrow in challenge. She wasn't even sure what possessed her to say that, but the words were put out into the world, and she couldn't take them back now. If Emma was going to be honest, she didn't want to take them back at all. Draco was here, he wasn't as terrible looking as she insisted he was, and if he was interested in her, well…she wasn't going to turn down the opportunity.

Draco sucked in a breath and blinked at her in surprise. "Really?"

"I – well, yes," Emma said, blushing. The strange energy radiating between them fizzled out slightly. It had been so heated moments before. "But are the rumors true?"

"Which rumors?"

Emma bit her lip. "The rumors that you're a little more er…experienced? I've heard a few girls talk about snogging you before. I've only ever kissed Persephone."

"They're not rumors, not exactly," Draco said softly, nervously. "Does that bother you?"

"Not really," Emma said after a moment. "I just don't want to look stupid."

"Only one way to find out," Draco said, closing the space between them.

The press of Draco's lips against hers was delectable and so incredibly different from the way Persephone's lips had felt. Draco's kiss wasn't quite soft, but it wasn't quite hard either – it was something that bordered right in the middle, just like they did. His tongue swiped ever so gently across her lips, requesting access, which she gladly granted. Heat pooled in her belly as their tongues met in a slow dance as they explored each other's mouths. This was _different_.

Draco pulled his mouth away from hers to press gentle kisses along her jawline, and _oh, Merlin_ , she couldn't hold back the low moan that escaped her. This was so much more different than anything she had felt with Persephone. These stolen moments with Persephone had been lovely, but _this_ was exquisite.

Emma could, without a doubt, 100 percent say that she liked boys just as much as she liked girls.

She had to bite back the sudden giggles that she had. This felt far naughtier than anything she and Persephone did, and that was saying a lot as they did a lot. At her house, no less. This was with a _boy_ and said boy was Draco Malfoy. Who was she to pass up the opportunity to have a sneaky snog with the Slytherin Prince before class? After all, it wasn't as though Remus would ever know, right? They were hidden in their perfect little world, shielded from prying eyes. Emma grabbed Draco's face and pulled his mouth back to hers. She could easily get lost in this.

The warning bell ran out throughout the castle, and Emma and Draco let out equally disappointed groans.

"We should go," Emma muttered, pressing her forehead against Draco's. "I don't want to, though. Maybe we should just bunk off class and keep doing this instead." She pressed a soft kiss to Draco's lips and couldn't hold back her grin as Draco smiled against her lips.

"And get in trouble with your father? I don't believe my godfather would appreciate me getting in trouble with your father, of all people."

Emma pulled back to look at Draco in confusion. "Who's your godfather?"

"Er, Professor Snape," Draco said, flushing slightly.

"Snape's your – oh, Merlin," Emma said, pushing Draco away so that she could slide off the ledge and fix her skirt. How had she had no idea? "Yes, I think you've got a point." She sighed, leaning her head against Draco's chest as he put an arm around her. Draco smelled _really_ lovely. "This can be our little secret. It's probably best."

Draco smoothed out Emma's hair. "I think so, as well." He gave her a rare smile, handed Emma her bag, and pushed the tapestry aside. "Let's go. I think we need to run to make it on time."

"You running? I could never imagine." With a laugh, Emma darted out from behind the tapestry, rushing towards the classroom. "Catch me if you can!"

"Is that a challenge, Lupin?" Draco shouted as he followed after her.

"It's only a challenge if you can keep up, Malfoy!" Emma shouted back, playfully.

It was only on sheer dumb luck that Draco and Emma crossed the threshold to the class only seconds before the final bell rang out. They were panting hard and wearing nearly matching smiles.

Remus looked up from his desk, eying the two warily, but Emma and Draco had learned to mask their expressions well. They schooled their expressions quickly as they dropped their things at the back of the room and grabbed the things they would need. They gave each other sneaky grins as they took their usual seats — Emma at the front with Persephone and Draco somewhere near the back with Theodore Nott.

Remus studied them carefully, trying to find a reason why they were nearly late, and to Emma's relief, he seemed to find none. They looked windswept rather than just freshly snogged, and that was the exact look Emma was going for. If it meant keeping their secret safe another day more, it was worth it. He slowly stood up from his desk but kept his eyes trained on Emma as he did and finally addressed the rest of the class and started his lesson.

The day's class consisted mostly of revision, which was fine, but it meant that Remus often traversed the classroom as he taught. He usually walked around the class during his lectures, often making small corrections to someone's notes. He usually walked the aisles two or three times, before returning to his desk. Today, in particular, he was relentless and wasn't stopping. Emma had to work much harder than Draco to keep her face impassive. She wasn't just receiving stares from Remus but also from Persephone, who looked utterly perturbed.

"Emma, why do you smell like Draco was all over you?" Persephone hissed at Emma half-way through class when she felt Remus was far enough away.

"What are you talking about?" Emma hissed back, glancing over her shoulder to make sure that Remus's back was turned away from them.

"You smell like you've just taken a bath in Draco's cologne."

"I do not," Emma insisted. She turned her head slightly to give herself a subtle sniff. She absolutely _reeked_ of Draco's cologne. If Persephone could smell it, that meant…

It was almost as if Remus was drawn immediately back to the front of the class at Persephone's words. He seemed to have made it from the back of the room to the front in no time at all, and it made Emma nervous.

Remus strolled past Persephone, crossed in front of their desk, and turned on his heel to make his way back up the aisle. He paused ever so slightly as he started to pass Emma's seat again, and Emma gulped. He was moving far too slow for her liking.

In a panic, Emma quickly propped her head upon her hand, trying to look as bored as possible as she doodled in the margins of her notebook. She could practically feel Remus's eyes boring into her skull as he finally continued on his path.

Persephone let out a smug hum, which told Emma she had just been subjected to Remus's very close scrutinization. Emma glared at Persephone, annoyed at the amused look on her face. It must have been Remus's milder looks based off of how gleeful Persephone looked. That didn't bode well for Emma at all. The more unassuming he appeared, the more disappointed he would be.

Emma desperately wanted to turn around to look at Draco to see if he looked as panicked as she felt, but she knew he wouldn't. Draco was skilled at hiding his true feelings, but she knew Remus had a way of making people sweat under pressure.

If she wasn't so used to receiving "the look" from Remus, she might have cracked right then and there. She had already heard that he had managed to guilt several students into confessing to cheating on a test, which wasn't at all surprising. He knew how to lay his disappointment on thick.

There was a giggle from the back of the room in the direction Pansy and Daphne sat. If they were giggling, then Remus must have given Draco the same look. She tried listening carefully to his footsteps and heard him pause to speak quietly to Justin.

Emma glanced over at Remus as he was distracted, pointing something out in Justin's notes. She took a moment to study him, and an errant thought crossed her mind as she took in his appearance. It had been a month since the nearly ill-fated trip into the woods behind the cottage. He looked very much like he did that night, rather pale and very tired.

Curious, Emma flipped to the front of her notebook. She had taken to adding in calendars to all of her notebooks because she was never sure which one she would bring to astronomy. Her stomach did a flip at the realization it was the full moon that night.

It was the first time that Emma ever desperately hoped she was utterly wrong about Remus being a werewolf. There was no possible way that Emma smelled _that_ strongly of Draco's cologne that Remus would notice. At least not by just walking past her, unless, of course, he had a much stronger sense of smell.

She snapped her notebook back to the page she was on previously with a frown. This was a problem.

"Problem with your notes, Emma?" Remus asked, his tone level.

Emma finally dared to look up at Remus as he returned to his desk at the front of the class, and she truly wished that she didn't. He stared at her, his gaze unwavering. It was far milder than any look he had given her before. There was no doubt in her mind that he knew precisely why she was nearly late to his class.

"Nothing's wrong," Emma said, hoping that her expression was equally as blank as his. " _Professor_ ," she added, glad that for once in her life, her voice remained steady.

Remus continued to stare for another moment longer but drew back as the rest of the class looked up in curiosity. He would give Emma her little victory and make her think that he was none the wiser. Remus could acknowledge her subtle little dig at him in her attempts to distance herself.

He had to admit that he was somewhat impressed that Emma was finally starting to gain a poker face, he wasn't sure that she had it in her. He picked up his quill to write himself a note, but not before glancing pointedly in Draco's direction. The flush that he saw creep up Emma's cheeks had been entirely worth it – she knew she was caught.

Dad – 1. Daughter – 0.

Remus let out an exhausted sigh and shook his head. He needed to force himself to calm his thoughts so that he could get through the night's transformation. He should have canceled since there were only a few hours before the moonrise, but he thought he would make it through. He just wasn't expecting to be presented with a new potential issue with Emma. As much as he tried to push the thoughts from his mind, he couldn't help but find himself worried about her.

In all the time Remus spent during the wizarding war, he could honestly say having a teenage daughter was far more terrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole fanon decided idea of Draco being Snape's godson thing will forever make me giggle. I love fanon over canon so much sometimes, especially when it gives me the opportunity to write things like this chapter.
> 
> By sometimes, I really mean almost all of the time, honestly.
> 
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	23. Page 394

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus's secret finally begins to unravel at the seams and Professor Snape is determined to make that happen.

Emma stood at the sink in the girl's third-floor lavatory, staring at herself in the mirror. She looked terrible, but she didn't feel as bad as she looked. Emma stared at the dark circles around her eyes and sighed. The night had been miserable in the dorms, and she was tired of getting sick every month. The weird potion that Remus had her take again really did wonders for how she felt but didn't help how she looked. She could do with a nap, and she wondered if Remus would let her leave class early for a kip. It was a double, and surely he wouldn't mind if she left half-way through.

She frowned as she leaned forward on the sink. It had been a long time since she had let Persephone cut her hair. As Emma stared at herself, she had to concede that it had gotten far too long. Emma made a mental note to ask Persephone to cut it for her over the weekend. She didn't trust herself to do it herself, and she didn't need Remus to have a fit. She could almost hear his voice in her head as he scolded her for touching something sharper than a butter knife.

Tilting her head quizzically, she lifted her fringe, wondering if she should grow it out or keep it. She dropped her fringe and fixed it with a frown. Out of curiosity, she parted it to the side. After staring at herself for a few more moments, she decided that she would leave her fringe and just start parting it to the side to grow out. It was rather cute.

The lavatory door suddenly burst open, causing Emma to let out a yelp as she flinched back from the noise.

"I can't _believe_ him!"

Hermione Granger was pacing the floor at a frantic pace, an incredulous look on her face. It seemed that she didn't even realize someone was in the room with her until she finally froze, pointing an accusatory finger at Emma. "You!" Hermione practically roared. "I can't believe _you_!"

"Er, pardon?" Emma asked, watching Hermione in the mirror for a moment before turning to the very frazzled witch. Hermione immediately pointed her wand at the door and locked it with a muttered spell. "What's going on, Hermione?"

"Professor Snape! He was teaching for Professor Lupin today. I told him that we weren't studying werewolves yet and then he took points away from Gryffindor and I –"

"Wait, back up a moment," Emma said, crossing her arms over her chest. "My dad wasn't teaching today? _Werewolves_? Hermione, what are you on about?"

"Of course not. Why would he be teaching?"

Emma raised her eyebrows at Hermione, finding herself at a loss. Remus not teaching was news to her. "Why wouldn't he be teaching?" Emma scratched her head, turning to look at herself in the mirror again. "Maybe he had to do something with my grandfather today…"

"Wasn't there a full moon last night?" Hermione asked, exasperated.

"Yes, and what's your point?"

"My point is that Professor Lupin – your father – is a werewolf. That's why Professor Snape was teaching, wasn't it? It's obvious, and I want to tell everyone, but I can't! He's brilliant, but he's _a werewolf_. And I certainly don't understand why _you_ never said anything!" Hermione continued pacing, still ranting on and on about Emma and Snape and Remus.

If Emma's heart wasn't caged in her chest, underneath her ribs, she was sure that it would have burst out of her body. A chill ran down her spine at Hermione's words. Emma had always thought that she knew the truth, but hearing someone else say it made her uncomfortable. She still had her suspicions, but Remus never said one way or another. To have the information come from Hermione and not from Remus? That stung in a way that she didn't expect. If Hermione was telling her, it had to be true. Hermione was very rarely, if ever, wrong.

Emma swallowed hard against the lump that had formed in her throat and turned herself around to look at Hermione. She gripped tightly onto the sink behind her.

"Hermione, I'm sorry," Emma said slowly, watching as Hermione skid to a halt. "What did you say? Did you just say that my father is a _werewolf_?"

Hermione stared at Emma, the gears in her brain turning as she tried to process what was happening. Clearly, the conversation she rehearsed in her head was not what was not going to plan, and Emma had just thrown her off completely.

"I…well, yes," Hermione stammered, her eyes wide in surprise. "But you knew that, didn't you?" Hermione continued to stare at Emma, taking in her blank expression. After a beat, Hermione gasped and covered her mouth. "You didn't know?"

"Well," Emma said slowly, looking down at her feet. "I think a part of me had figured he might be – especially after our first year – but he's never said that he is." She frowned as she noticed a brown rat scurrying across the bathroom. It had to be another student's rat that had gotten lost, and Hermione's exhausted sigh answered that.

Hermione rushed over to the rat and scooped it up in her hands. "Ronald really needs to pay more attention to you, Scabbers," Hermione said quietly, running a finger over the rat's head before turning back to Emma. "You _live_ with him! I would think he would tell you."

"Yes, you would _think_ that he would, but that would only be if he was a werewolf," Emma scoffed. "What makes you think that he's a werewolf? Other than the full moon being last night, of course. Of all of the things that you could suggest, this is the most outlandish thing I've ever heard."

"Well, he wasn't in class today," Hermione started, looking away from Emma and running through her thoughts. "Professor Snape assigned us an essay on the werewolf chapter and I –"

"He probably had to do something with my grandfather today," Emma repeated, taking a deep, shuddering breath. She would think Remus would tell her such a thing if that was the case. "It's just coincidence that the full moon was last night."

Hermione looked at Emma as though she had been slapped across the face. "You can't tell me that you don't see it," Hermione said quietly. "You've lived with him for nearly three years, and you don't think that he's a werewolf?"

Emma turned back around and looked at herself in the mirror before turning her gaze to Hermione's reflection. Emma tried to channel the coolness that Remus sometimes had, wanting desperately to appear impassive. "How positive are you that he's a werewolf?"

"Very," Hermione said. "I have no doubt…"

"Tell me why."

"Well, he's been sick around the full moon, hasn't he?"

Emma scoffed at the notion. "Yes, but so have I."

There was a slight flicker of fear in Hermione's eyes, and she quickly averted her gaze. "Are _you_ a werewolf?"

"Hermione, I think I would know if I was a werewolf," Emma laughed. "I assure you I'm not turning into a bloodthirsty wolf every month. I'm absolutely positive that I would know if that were the case."

Hermione nodded slowly, barely meeting Emma's eyes. "You know his Boggart is the full moon, right?"

Emma didn't, but that meant nothing. She had a perfectly reasonable explanation, "And you know he was attacked by a werewolf, right?"

As soon as the words left Emma's mouth, it sounded incredibly stupid. She _knew_ he was attacked by Greyback, but he was very deliberate in not telling her _when_ he was attacked. It was clear to her that his evasion to her questions was so that he didn't have to tell her it was during the full moon. Her thoughts immediately went back to the morning they sat at the kitchen table, and he showed her the extent of the scars on his arms. Remus's scars were caused by cursed wounds…Greyback had been transformed.

Remus was a werewolf.

Emma met Hermione's sympathetic gaze, and she leaned heavily against the sink. "He's a werewolf," Emma whispered, almost to herself. It was the first time she had ever said it out loud without being able to deny it. She quickly straightened up in a panic and pointed a finger at Hermione.

"You can't tell _anyone,_ Hermione. I need you to promise me that you won't say a word of this to anyone. He…he deserves to have that secret. He's a really good man. If people were to find out, I don't know what would happen to him."

Hermione looked torn as if she wanted to desperately tell everyone. The rat in Hermione's hands seemed to have completely relaxed and finally stopped squirming, almost as if he was listening.

"Hermione, please," Emma pleaded. "You know how he is. He wouldn't dare hurt anyone. He's nothing like how the books make werewolves seem. He's not…he's not a monster like Greyback is. This is the happiest I have ever seen him, and he needs to be here – _I_ need him here. _Please_ – if not for him, then for me."

Silence stretched between the two witches, both unsure of what to do. It was tense, and it was incredibly uncomfortable, and neither wanted to back down. Emma's loyalty would always remain with Remus, but Hermione had a desire for justice. If Hermione felt that Remus shouldn't be allowed at the castle just because of what he was, that could be an issue. Emma just hoped that Hermione's need to see what was best for people would prevail. She was a Muggleborn, so she wouldn't have been raised with the prejudices against werewolves. Emma just had to believe Hermione could see reason and hold true to that Gryffindor loyalty and be faithful to her friendship.

Even though their friendship wasn't as close as it could have been, they had been each other's first magical friends. The two witches shared an experience that only two people thrown into an unfamiliar situation could.

"Okay," Hermione said quietly. "I won't tell anyone…"

Emma let out a sigh of relief, pressing a hand over her heart. Her fingers found the small sun pendant on her necklace, and she pulled it between her fingers. _She was the sun_. She was the sun because he wanted to escape the moon. Such a simple declaration made last Christmas made so much more sense. It gave her a much deeper understanding of his gift choice.

"Thank you," Emma whispered. "Really, thank you."

Hermione worried her lip and tucked Scabbers into her pocket. "You really didn't know that he was a werewolf?"

"I wasn't sure," Emma said quietly, turning back around to look at herself in the mirror with a frown. She inspected the dark circles around her eyes. Why _did_ she get sick around the full moon like Remus? "I thought maybe it was a possibility, but he's my father. Who can honestly look at their father and be able to think of them being a werewolf?

"Why were you looking up werewolves so much in our first year, then?"

"I was genuinely trying to figure out who Greyback was. Remember? You were the one who told me where to look to find out who he was." Emma turned back around with a huff. "I came across a few things that _might_ have matched up with Remus, but I just wanted to find out who Greyback was. I think I've known since then, but I can't see it – my father being a werewolf? It sounds ridiculous."

"But it's true…"

"It has to be," Emma said quietly, meeting Hermione's gaze. "But tell me why else you think he's a werewolf."

Emma felt incredibly ill by the time she finally left the girl's lavatory to go to class. She was late, and Hermione had left at least a half-hour before to make it to her next class on time, but Emma stayed. She needed some time to process her thoughts.

_He's a werewolf, he's a werewolf, he's a werewolf._

The words repeated through Emma's head as if her life depended on it. It was a broken chant, a mantra to the new confusion that she was experiencing. Her thoughts were spiraling quickly out of control. A part of her had always known the truth, she had seen the signs herself, but now she couldn't deny it. After listening to Hermione, she had no doubts. After hearing how the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw class went, Emma was sure that this one wouldn't be any better. Snape was trying to make it was glaringly obvious to everyone else.

Emma had always been able to easily write off Remus's quirks as something else over the years. She had readily accepted Remus's disappearances as work-related. She had figured that he would get sick from his lack of sleep and overworking so often. It was logical, and it made all the sense in the world. After all, she certainly got sick from not sleeping enough, so why wouldn't he?

Those were the easiest things for her to explain to herself, though.

Remus always seemed to know when something was amiss, almost like having a sixth sense. He seemed to always pick up on how her emotions changed, sometimes before she even registered them herself. He was always anticipating her next move, ready to step in whenever he was needed. Emma thought of his avoidance of chocolate, very rarely indulging in the sweet when she offered. She thought of the way he winced at particularly harsh scents and thought of how easily he seemed to navigate in the dark. Remus had a terrible habit of forgetting to put the light on sometimes, but she chalked it up to knowing the house. There were a lot of things she could quickly write off, but the real explanation made things much more apparent.

An involuntary shudder crept through Emma as she remembered how angry Remus was when she and Persephone went out the night of the full moon. The look on his face had been twisted with an anger that she had never thought possible from the generally sweet man. A part of it had to have been Greyback's intrusion, but what if there was a much darker reason for his anger? What if _Remus_ had wanted to bite _her_?

"You're late, Lupin," Snape said sharply when Emma finally made her way into the classroom.

Emma sat next to Persephone and fixed Snape a sneer as he paused his stalking through the aisles. "Woman issues, professor," Emma retorted. It was the last thing she wanted to say out loud, but it was the only excuse she could think of. Her nerves were already making her shaky and agitated, and she wasn't really in the mood to deal with Snape for the next hour and a half. "I wasn't expecting to see you twice today. Don't you have your own class to teach?"

The look on Snape's face was pure revulsion, which filled Emma with glee. "Yes, but my sixth years can handle a class period reading from a book," Snape drawled. "As it would turn out, you're all completely useless in this class and need all the help you can get. Although I don't have much hope. Turn to page 394."

Persephone gave Emma a look, watching as she slowly flipped to the back of the book. "Are you all right?" Persephone asked under her breath. "I thought you were on the potion?"

"Fine," Emma answered quietly, frowning as she reached page 394. "Decided to stop taking the potion…It was making me sick."

Both complete lies, but Emma wasn't about to correct herself. If she was going to need to keep Remus's secret, she was going to have to start to learn how to keep her own. Remus being a werewolf didn't change how she felt about him. Still, she knew that other people's opinions would change quickly. There had been such a wave of unexpected anger in Quirrell's class when he taught them how to clean werewolf inflicted wounds. Her classmates did _not_ like werewolves.

As they carefully mixed dittany and silver together to learn the proper ratios, she listened to her classmates. Several of the boys said that they would gladly kill a werewolf if they met one. She had seen first-hand how people hated werewolves, only offering a half-hearted agreement because she didn't understand the animosity. Werewolves were human every other day of the month – why were they being judged on the one night they couldn't control? It wasn't as though people went around getting bit on purpose. Though she was scared of werewolves herself, her fear was based on a single person, and that was Fenrir Greyback.

If people were to find out that Remus was a werewolf, she didn't want to know what would happen. At least half of the people in the very room she was in would turn against him. They would hear the word werewolf and shut him out as if that one fact alone made him a completely different person. Remus was always going to be Remus to her. If she had to lie to every single person she knew to keep Remus safe, she would do it.

Even though Hermione had already prepared her for the lesson, it was still jarring to read the words ' _Werewolves – Man or Beast?'_ She took a deep breath, looking up to meet Snape's dark gaze.

"Were you planning on teaching, professor?" Emma asked bitterly, mildly alarmed at the sudden rage that she felt. "Or were you planning on just standing there all day?" There was a sharp intake of breath from someone, and the quiet mutterings began.

"Quiet," Snape said sharply to silence the class, his eyebrow quirking up. "I suggest you bite your tongue, Lupin, or else you will be joining me in detention."

Emma really couldn't understand what possessed her, or what was going through her mind, but she was angry. She leaned forward on the desk, and mirrored Snape's raised eyebrow, and spoke words that she never would have said if she was thinking rationally. "My father will hear about this," she said, trying to keep her voice level. Emma could hear the shocked murmurings of the class, but she couldn't back down. Not now.

Snape glared back at Emma, his lip beginning to curl, but to everyone's surprise, he said nothing in response. He understood her threat loud and clear. He walked to the front of the class and stood behind the desk, his hands planted in front of him as he scowled at the class.

"Easy there, Emma Malfoy," Persephone hissed under her breath, giving Emma a swift kick under the desk. "What's your deal?"

The lesson was mostly unremarkable as Snape lectured. Emma could barely pay attention; her mind still too focused on her conversation with Hermione. This was all things that Emma already knew but had mostly ignored. She was starting to get aggravated with Remus the longer the lesson went on. _Why didn't he tell her?_ Why was Hermione Granger the one to come to her in an absolute snit and tell her that Remus was a werewolf? Granted, Hermione had no idea that she was there, but still. It just didn't make sense.

She had given him so many opportunities to tell her the truth, but he never did. He just went along as if absolutely nothing was amiss. Would he have even admitted it to her if she had been brave enough to outright ask him? Emma couldn't be entirely sure, and that worried her. How far was Remus willing to go to not tell her?

The general mood shifted as the chapter moved along from identifying a werewolf to killing them. The chapter shift was the point that Snape decided to break out the projector, and Emma refused to look up from her book.

"Lupin," Snape said sharply, forcing Emma to look away from her book and at Snape. She had already pushed him several times that class, and she didn't want to test him further. It was best for her to just give in to whatever he wanted. The last thing she wanted was detention with the man. "I seem to recall that you were heavily researching werewolves in your first year. I would imagine you would be knowledgeable about the beasts. I imagine you're so knowledgeable that it would be almost as if you've lived with them before. Tell us, how do you _kill_ a werewolf?"

Emma felt her blood run cold as she glanced at the photo showing on the screen. Snape was really trying to sell the illusion that werewolves were absolute monsters with finding gruesome images to display. "Professor?"

"The fact I need to repeat my question has proved how utterly useless you, in particular, are. How does one kill a werewolf?"

If Hermione's explanation didn't make things obvious, Snape's obvious contempt would have done it for Emma. Was this a schoolboy grudge like Remus had been telling her, or was this evidence of the issues people had with werewolves? She wouldn't put it past Snape for it to be both, and now she was singled out, and it was disgusting. Emma could respect Snape's potions skills, but she could no longer respect him as a person.

Emma took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, glancing over at the office door. She desperately hoped that Remus wasn't listening at the door. Emma couldn't let Snape win, not when he wasn't in his own classroom. This was Remus's domain and damn it, as annoyed as she was becoming with him, she would defend it. The last thing she wanted to do was explain how to kill a werewolf, but she was a Lupin. Lupins were stubborn.

"There are three guaranteed ways to kill a werewolf," Emma said, clearing her throat. She could get through this. "Two methods are more effective than others."

"And what are the methods of _executing_ a werewolf?" Snape drawled each word out for maximum emphasis. He was trying to get under her skin, and Emma knew it. She scratched anxiously at her arms with a slight frown. Perhaps he already had.

"The first method is by removing its heart," Emma said. "Although when you're dealing with an angry werewolf, this method is difficult. Often this method involves the other person being bit or killed, but there are known records in history of this method being effective." Emma felt her throat tighten. She didn't want to continue being in the class, but if she left, she knew it would make people suspicious. Maybe if she could force herself into thinking about Greyback, this conversation would be much easier.

"What is the second method?"

"D-decapitation."

"Why?"

"It-it's arguably more effective than removing a werewolf's heart, but just as difficult," Emma said, her voice shaky. The more she tried to pull Greyback's twisted smile up in her mind, the more Remus's face showed up instead. Persephone put a hand on Emma's knee, picking up on how uncomfortable she was getting. The thoughts flooding through Emma's mind were terrible, and she could only hope that it was all coincidence. Hermione had to be wrong. Remus couldn't be a werewolf; he just couldn't.

"And what is the final method of execution?"

Execution. It was a very deliberate word choice on Snape's part, and it only fueled the sick feeling Emma felt.

Emma took in a deep breath to try and steady herself. The only thing that worked in her favor was her aversion to talking about death in any capacity. Everyone in that room would be thinking of her suicide attempt. It helped that she had a minor and unexpected meltdown when she made it to Remus's class the Friday prior. Snape had been antagonizing her over her incident last term the entire class, and she completely lost it when she made it upstairs. This was just another Friday in Defense.

"The final method is waiting until a werewolf is in its human form. One can then utilize typical magical…methods, however, the werewolf's ability to heal often makes these methods equally as difficult." Emma leaned forward towards Snape. She could land one final blow, and she did it with a smirk. "Werewolves are notoriously hard to kill in case you didn't know."

The contempt Emma felt of herself was nearly palpable as she sat back. She shouldn't know all of this information, and she shouldn't be the one to be sharing it. Especially with the possibility… Snape stared at Emma through narrowed eyes but seemed pleased enough as he returned to leading the lecture.

"Breathe," Persephone whispered, squeezing Emma's knee gently. With a small nod, Emma took a breath, trying to push aside her lightheadedness.

Emma's eyes flicked back up to the office door, wanting desperately to burst through them and question Remus, but she couldn't. Instead, she found the clock – only a half-hour left of class and then another hour and a half until she was meant to see him. In two hours, she would finally have her answers.

The only problem was that she wasn't sure she was ready to know the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canonically, I'm well aware that this lesson isn't meant to happen for another month. HOWEVER, a certain She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named literally did not understand the importance of having an accurate full moon calendar with a _werewolf character_. For the sake of the story, and for the sake of my sanity, I've moved this lesson earlier.
> 
>   
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	24. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
> 
>  **TW:** mentions of suicide

"Are you okay?" Persephone asked, carefully stabbing a bit of potato on her plate.

Dinner had been a much quieter affair than usual. It seemed as though Emma had mostly drowned out the din of the Great Hall as she lost herself in her thoughts.

"Yeah," Emma said, looking at the clock that hung behind the head table. It wasn't six yet, but she couldn't stand the idea of sitting in the Great Hall for much longer. "I, uhm, I should probably go. Dad didn't cancel for tonight."

"You didn't eat," Persephone said with a frown as she looked at Emma's empty plate.

"I'm not really hungry," Emma admitted, gathering her things. "Not after that class. Three hours of Snape in a row was too much. If I get hungry, I'm sure Dad can get something for me, or I'll just go to the kitchens later. I'm not too worried about it."

"You don't need someone to walk you?"

"No, it's fine."

"All right," Persephone said, pursing her lips. She didn't believe Emma in the slightest, but she wasn't going to push. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Emma said, rushing back out of the Great Hall quickly. She wanted to get changed, and she had some spare clothes in the dorm, but she couldn't convince herself to go. She needed to know the truth, and delaying it would do nothing.

Emma's walk back up to the third floor was slow. The longer she took, the more she could allow herself to think, but all too soon, she was back in the classroom. She crossed the length of the room and made it up the stairs to the office in even less time.

The door opened a quarter of the way before she had a chance to knock. "Come in," Remus croaked from the other side of the door.

Emma listened to the noise of Remus shuffling away from the door, a part of her wondering how he knew she was there. It was the first time that she didn't just stay with Remus after class, and she wasn't expecting him to be waiting for her. Then she realized why he had opened the door so quickly.

 _It's because he can hear you, stupid,_ Emma thought to herself bitterly as she slipped through the gap. She kept her head low as she closed the door behind her, not sure if she could look up at Remus. As the door clicked close behind her, she found that she couldn't take her hand off the handle. The air in the office was thick with tension, and Emma was afraid to wade through the fog. What if this changed everything even after telling herself it wouldn't?

"I don't believe that the door needs any assistance staying in its frame," Remus said softly, his voice unsteady. He sounded just as nervous as Emma felt.

"I know," Emma said, trying to force herself to let go of the handle and look at Remus. She dropped her bag by the door, not wanting to hold onto it any longer. It suddenly felt like a lead weight on her shoulder.

"Emma, please look at me."

There was a hint of pleading in Remus's voice that made Emma feel uncomfortable. It sounded terribly out of place coming from Remus. Even at his worst, he still sounded sure, but this was far from it. It was pained and terrified as if he couldn't get himself to say her name.

Emma looked up at Remus slowly, taking in his appearance. She had seen him after a full moon before, had seen how terrible he looked the first day of term, but this was completely different. She was positive that she had never seen Remus look quite like this before.

Remus's pale face somehow managed to look even whiter than usual, forcing the dark circles around his eyes to stand out like a mask. The bags under his eyes were puffier, almost as if he had been sick for weeks. His expression was alarmingly pained - regret and disgust and the hint of something else lying underneath the surface.

He leaned carefully against his desk, wincing as he did so. His heavy quilt from home wrapped around his shoulders, and he let it hang like a cloak. Emma nearly let out a snort, feeling as though she was looking at a caricature of herself as she often walked around the house that way.

It was strange for her to see him wearing flannel pajama bottoms and a grey t-shirt with bare feet. She was so used to seeing him already put together before she ever woke up, and she honestly couldn't recall him in pajamas even when she went to bed. He would change, of course, but it was often a variation of what he was already wearing just without the tie. Was this how Remus always looked when she wasn't home? Remus studied Emma carefully, cautiously. With a deep breath, Remus pulled his quilt off of his shoulders and began to fold it carefully.

Emma found herself staring at the lines of scarring on Remus's arms. The scarring was much worse than she thought and far more extensive than he had allowed her to see. When he had revealed more of his scars to her last year, it was to show her the horrors of Greyback, but this was so much more. The scars stuck out, agitated and raw against his pale skin. Her eyes finally settled on a crescent moon set of scarring on his left arm, and her stomach sank. It was stretched from age and growth, but she could recognize it for what it was. She had seen similar marks in the photos of the books that she poured through in her research.

Dragging her eyes away from the marks, she met Remus's gaze. The pained expression that had been there disappeared, and he was back to being a stone wall. With the quilt put aside, resting on the desk, there were no longer any barriers. The truth sat out in front of her. There was no more hiding.

"You look like shit," Emma said quietly, almost conversationally.

Remus let out a mirthless laugh. "I feel like shit," he said, a wry smile crossing his face. He crossed his arms over his chest. "I know what Professor Snape did today. He shouldn't have done that to you."

Emma was sure her expression mirrored Remus's as she took a similar stance. She didn't know what to do with herself, with her arms, with _anything_. "It's not as though it's the first time," she offered, looking down at her feet. "It's not going to be the last, either I'm sure. It's nothing new."

"You've known the entire time," Remus said after a long pause.

His tone wasn't accusing, nor was he asking, but it made Emma freeze as she met his gaze. "I've known what?"

"Emma," Remus said with a dark and bitter chuckle. "You haven't even bothered to come anywhere near me since you came into the room."

Emma paled, realizing that he was right. She hadn't taken another step further, instead choosing to remain close to the door. To run? For safety? She wasn't even sure of what her logic was. Remus was still Remus – werewolf or not; it didn't change the fact that he took care of her. It didn't change the fact that he was the kindest and gentlest soul she had ever met. Why was she acting like this? Emma took a few steps forward, swallowing hard as she held Remus's gaze. "I don't know what you're talking about…"

As if to prove a point, Remus took a step towards her. He let out a derisive breath as Emma took a step back and returned to his place, leaning against the desk. "How long have you known?"

Emma looked down at the floor and then found a book on the bookshelf to stare at. She didn't mean to shrink back from Remus, and Emma felt incredibly guilty. It was such a disturbingly reflexive action that she didn't even mean to do. She tried to read the title of the book and sighed. It was something written in German that she didn't understand. Probably some sort of specialized guide on other European magical creatures. Remus had a lot of those.

"Since my first year," Emma said quietly after a while. She reluctantly met Remus's gaze again.

Remus nodded slowly, seemingly resigned to that fact. "What made you realize that I'm a werewolf?"

There it was. Nearly three years of wondering and there it was. It sent a chill down Emma's spine. Her shiver was involuntary, and she felt even guiltier the moment she saw Remus's face fall.

"I don't blame you," he said with a tight smile. "I'm dangerous."

"You're not," Emma said quietly, hoping she sounded as honest as she felt. She didn't believe that he was dangerous at all. She took a few steps forward, making up for the distance that she had put between them.

"I'm a werewolf, Emma," Remus snapped, a harsh conviction in his voice. "I'm always dangerous."

Emma flinched back slightly at his words, startled by his sudden outburst. She had never been scared of Remus before, but the way his face flashed with unbridled anger was worrisome. She unwittingly found herself rooted to the spot, every part of her body poised and ready to run.

Remus recoiled as he saw the fear in Emma's eyes, immediately becoming disgusted with himself. Remus Lupin, the man who worked hard to keep his emotions and actions in check, felt as though he was about to unravel at the seams. This was not how the conversation should have happened.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice barely louder than a whisper. He looked away from Emma, pulling the quilt off the desk and letting it unfold so he could drape it back over his shoulders like a shield. He had wanted this conversation to be on his own time, not so shortly after the full moon. Remus had every intention of telling Emma and telling her soon, but that opportunity was now beyond lost. He should have realized something like this would happen.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

This time Remus was reluctant to meet Emma's eyes. The hurt was evident in her voice, and that only added to the disgust he felt of himself. No explanation he could give would ever make up for hiding the truth from her, especially since she had known for so long. He could tell her it was to keep her safe, but that wasn't entirely true. Emma was smart and would see right through him if he wasn't honest with her.

"I was afraid," he said, letting the truth hang out in the open. He had no other explanation.

"Afraid of what?" Emma took a few more steps forward, leaving only a few feet of space between them. She wasn't quite willing to break through into his space and nervously started to rub her left arm.

"I was afraid that you would be scared of me," Remus admitted. He glanced down as he saw Emma rubbing her arms and frowned. "Did you hurt yourself again?"

"I thought we were talking about you," Emma said, a wry smile crossing her face as she looked down at her arm. "You know, it's hard to be scared of you when you're worried about whether or not I hurt myself. Werewolf or not, you're still you."

Remus was instantly reminded of being thirteen when a dark-haired, grey-eyed boy sat across from him and said those exact same words. It was weird to hear those words twenty years later coming from Emma. "I'm still dangerous," he sighed.

"I can hardly consider you dangerous when you've spent so much time being worried about me," Emma huffed. "Overbearing, maybe. Dangerous? Never. Buckbeak is scarier than you are."

That pulled an errant grin from Remus, but it faded quickly. He reached a tentative hand out, palm up – a remarkably unthreatening gesture. "May I see?"

With a sigh, Emma stepped closer and rolled up her sleeve. She extended her arm out for Remus to take, and just like he had done so many times before, he turned it so that the inside of her wrist was facing up. "They were worse an hour ago," Emma said, frowning slightly at how faded the scratches already looked. They had been angry and red, just beginning to cut through her skin. Remus's grip tightened convulsively on Emma's wrist, and he let go quickly, folding his arms over his chest.

"That's not the only thing I haven't told you," Remus said quietly.

"I doubt there's anything that you could tell me that's more dramatic than you being a werewolf," Emma said with a disbelieving laugh. "I'm fine with it; I just wish you would've said something earlier." Things were fine; they were fine. This was just another ordinary day, with just a new piece of information about her father. It didn't change a thing except give her a better understanding of who he was. She rolled her sleeve back down, but when she met Remus's gaze, the warmth in the room faded.

"I think you need to sit down."

Emma frowned, suddenly nervous. "Why?"

"Please, just sit. I don't know how you're going to react. I would much rather you be sitting."

Reluctantly Emma walked over to the armchair by the fire, hoping that being near the flames would warm her back up. Remus pulled one of the wooden chairs over and abandoned his quilt on the desk. He placed the chair down in front of Emma and sat down, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

"You are…different," Remus said slowly, trying to choose his words carefully. He let out a frustrated breath and rubbed his hands over his face. "But that doesn't make sense unless I explain other things."

"What other things?"

"I have to go back to before you were adopted," Remus said with a heavy sigh. "Every little thing I have done has been to avoid getting to this point, to avoid explaining what I've done, of what I am."

Emma leaned back in her chair, fixing Remus with a confused look. "You haven't done anything," she said quietly.

"I wish I could say that was true."

"Dad? What are you talking about?"

"I suppose that's where all of this begins," Remus said quietly, looking down at his hands clasped in front of him. "Well before then, really – before you were adopted. When we went through with the adoption, there had been a long period where I wasn't sure that it would be possible. Blood magic is very rarely done, mostly left to the goblins and their magic. A lot of the spell work is antiquated and very ritualistic, which I'm sure you realized. Still, I realized it needed to be done. The value of blood warding was a benefit that I wanted to have for you if the need arose. It was rather unfortunate to find out it was indeed going to be needed.

"I spent weeks researching after you wrote to tell me that you wanted to move forward with it. Of course, we could have just changed your name and be done with it, but I needed to make sure you had the most protection you could. However, blood adoptions are generally done as a three-step process.

"The first step involves the creation of the potion used during the ceremony. The second step is the blood donation, which we couldn't get around, but I conceded to it. It was required for the potion, and I couldn't find a suitable option to avoid it. The third step involves, well, it involves consuming the finished potion to complete the ceremony. It took me a very long time to find out that the third step wasn't required, provided both parties readily accepted the bond. It's not quite a full-strength bond, but it creates the tie, and that was what was needed."

"So, how does that work then?" Emma shifted in her chair, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I had researched blood adoptions myself after the fact and found that curious. I just didn't want to ask about it."

"Inhalation," Remus explained. "With some minor adjustments, the bond could be made by inhalation alone. It's not typical, it's not as strong, but it's possible with more potent brews. I didn't want to risk the possibility that my condition would pass to you."

"I guess that makes sense," Emma said quietly. "So, we're bound by magic, and by blood, but not really?"

"We are now," Remus said with a short laugh. His voice was full of disgust, and it left Emma feeling hurt and confused. Remus picked that up quickly and let out a sigh. "Emma, I love you more than anything in this world. I will never expect you to forgive me after this. I would never dare ask for your forgiveness as I don't deserve it, but I want you to know that I love you dearly. Even - even if you decide you want nothing to do with me, I am always going to love you no matter what."

Emma took a deep breath and nodded, her words failing her completely. What could Remus tell her that was so dramatic that he would say any of those things?

Remus studied Emma for a moment and took a steadying breath before speaking again. "After your suicide attempt, there were struggles to revive you. You had managed to poison yourself to the point that it was attacking your vital organs. You were alive, and everything was being done to counteract its effects, but we weren't sure how long your body would continue to fight. You were trying so hard to pull through, but the poison seemed to be working harder. It was on Elara's suggestion that we try a different route as nothing else seemed to be working. It was very evident that you needed a shove in the right direction, but you couldn't do it by yourself. We weren't sure that it would even work, and I was wholly against the idea when Elara told me.

"After every blood adoption, the potion created is kept. It's stored at both the Ministry and at St. Mungos. I'm not quite sure about the reasoning, but it's kept in stasis until needed. Elara suggested that the potion could possibly be the key to pulling you through."

"Why would she suggest the potion?"

"There were two reasons. Both rely on me and me alone because of what I am. Although, I'm almost positive that Elara would have done it herself if I didn't agree…"

What did the potion have to do with anything, and why did it rely on Remus? Emma blinked owlishly at Remus, not understanding.

After a few minutes of silence, Remus continued, "What is possibly one of the most important features of a werewolf's survival?"

The question was confusing to Emma, given the context of their conversation. "I imagine you're not referring to the ability to spread lycanthropy," she said, unsure of what he wanted her to answer.

"Not entirely, no. Although, to some degree, that plays a factor," Remus sighed. "The most important feature is the ability to heal. It's slow, but it's considerably faster than the average human's, magical or otherwise. We're forced to have our entire bodies destroyed – bones broken and reshaped, muscles torn, organs shifting to be that of a wolf. If we weren't able to heal, then we wouldn't survive. _You_ wouldn't have survived."

Emma's eyes flicked to her arm, and her eyes narrowed as she looked back at Remus. "I still don't understand what you're trying to say. How would I not have survived?"

"Well, that's where possibly one of my biggest nightmares comes in – spreading my condition."

"But you didn't bite me. At least, I don't think you did," Emma let out a huff, almost tempted to look at her limbs to make sure that she hadn't missed something. "Not like I can remember much since I was out for most of it."

"No, I didn't bite you. The world would have to be ending before I considered the possibility of biting anyone, especially you. I would much rather die. However, I admit that I acted on pure selfishness when it came to you."

"If you didn't bite me, then I don't see what the problem is."

"Lycanthropy isn't spread only through bites, Emma."

There was that conviction to Remus's voice again. It only aided in the bone-chilling horror of what Remus was trying to convey. Emma knew that lycanthropy could be spread in other ways, but those other possibilities were far less researched. The rarity of it spreading outside of a bite was only documented in scratches or bites outside of the moon, but even that research was lacking. No one wanted to document the effects or get close enough to someone infected to find out.

Her eyes returned to her arm, and she rolled up her sleeve, gently brushing her fingers over the scratches she had made earlier. Even in the time they had been talking, the scratches had become even less pronounced. She swallowed hard, trying to mull over the thoughts that were spinning in her mind.

Realizing Emma wasn't going to say anything, Remus continued, "You had been out of the world for a week, and you weren't recovering. You were in a state of existence, but you weren't living." Remus let out a disgusted breath. "We weren't even sure what the potion would do or if it would even help. For all we knew, you would never wake up and be forced to transform with each moon and suffer. That very thought still haunts me but seeing you lying there, practically half-way to death...I couldn't do it. I had lost you once; I couldn't lose you again."

Emma met Remus's gaze, startled at the tears in his eyes. It took her off guard, and her stomach dropped. She found a spot on the floor to focus on instead and listened as Remus continued.

"I was desperate. It was the full moon the night I made my decision, I was tired, and I was scared. When the wolf – when Moony – is present, I don't think clearly. I always try to, but sometimes it still gets the best of me. I had somehow managed to convince myself it would be fine, that if I had done the unthinkable, I would figure it out. It no longer mattered to me as long as you were alive – that was all I could care about. I didn't bother to truly think of the implications of what I allowed to happen. It was selfish, and I am so sorry. If I could go back and do things differently…"

"You would have let me die?" Emma asked, cutting Remus off. It was the only thing that came to her mind, and a tidal wave of nausea hit her.

"I would have tried to find another solution," Remus said, sharply. "But if I had been in a stable state of mind, then yes, I would have learned to accept it if that's what would have happened. It would have been better than you being a werewolf and suffering every month."

Remus's declaration was like a slap in the face, and it stung more than Emma expected. Her eyes watered, and she blinked back her tears and took a steadying breath. It wasn't as if death wasn't her ultimate goal at the time, but the harsh truth that he would have let her go was painful. He said that he loved her, but that told her a completely different story. What was she supposed to believe? Emma absentmindedly began to scratch at her arms again until Remus reached out and pulled her hand away.

"Don't do that," Remus said gently. He let go once he was sure that Emma would stop scratching. "You'll make it worse. Even though you won't ever be a true werewolf, wounds you inflict on yourself by your own means might not ever heal properly. I'm not sure how it will work with you, and I would rather you not take the chance."

"I suffer anyway," Emma whispered. "I might not be a werewolf, but it's still hurt every month since…"

"I know," Remus said, the disgust returning to his voice. "Because we share the same blood, I've cursed you to a life of suffering, and I'm so sorry. I can guarantee that I'll be spending the rest of my life trying to figure out how to make it up to you."

Emma reluctantly met Remus's gaze as another thought came to mind. "It's not a coincidence that I look more like mum now…that I look like you."

"No."

"All of this is why I have weird cravings; why my food preferences have changed?"

"I wasn't sure you'd noticed," Remus admitted. "You never said anything."

"I couldn't figure out if I'd imagined it. It just seemed like something too weird for me to remember incorrectly, so I didn't question it too much. But…all of this is why that's changed?"

"Yes."

"And it's why I get so sick?"

Remus nodded slowly. Emma stared at Remus, not sure if she wanted to believe him. His being a werewolf was a far easier pill to swallow than finding out that _she_ had lycanthropy in any capacity. The entire thing was bizarre, and she didn't think it was at all possible. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat as another question burned at her thoughts.

"Because…because the adoption was fully completed…does that make me –?"

Something flashed behind Remus's eyes as he met hers. "It now makes you undeniably mine. A paternity test would show you as mine," Remus said quietly. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. "In fact, it does."

Emma felt faint, and she now understood why Remus wanted her to sit. Rage was suddenly simmering just underneath the surface of her being. She wasn't even mad that he never told her that he was a werewolf anymore. Now she was furious that he had known what was wrong with her and kept it from her. He had known why she looked more like him but decided it wasn't important enough to explain it to her. In one moment, her entire life and her entire existence had changed to the point that her whole biology was different. The Emma that had once existed no longer did anymore. Even though she had no attachment to Jude in any capacity, and didn't mourn the loss of that connection, she suddenly found herself not knowing who she was. Though she didn't die, Emma suddenly felt as though a part of her did.

"You have let me go _months_ feeling like I've gone mad," Emma said sharply. She stood up quickly, knocking the chair back. She clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms as she glared at Remus. "You let me go years not knowing the truth about you. You let me suffer for three months now without explaining to me _why_. There have been so many opportunities where you could have told me, but you went on as if nothing was wrong. Are you telling me that in all this time, you didn't trust me to know? That you were so selfish in your need to protect _yourself_ that you decided my feelings weren't worth taking into consideration? I don't even know who I'm supposed to be anymore because apparently, that person doesn't exist."

Remus could only stare back at Emma for a moment, but he looked away, and that was all Emma needed to know.

"I can't believe you," Emma spat, angry tears filling her eyes. "I honestly can't believe you right now. You've gone on acting as if nothing has been going on, shoving a disgusting potion at me and telling me it would help." Emma let out a single bitter laugh, no longer able to process what was happening. She felt as though she was going completely mental. "What even is that potion, anyway?"

"It's Wolfsbane," Remus whispered.

"It's-it's the Wolfsbane Potion?" Emma took fistfuls of her hair into her hands and shook her head with another laugh. "That's absolutely bloody brilliant. So, correction – not only have you lied to me, but Elara has as well? You two have just been giving me the Wolfsbane Potion, and _neither_ of you decided to say something? I can't believe either of you. I trusted the _both_ of you - especially you. If you truly and honestly cared about me, you would have told me the truth from the start. I have never cared about the idea of you being a werewolf, but I do care that you never told me the truth about _anything_."

Emma kicked the chair further away and walked to the door, grabbing her bag roughly from the floor. She turned to shoot Remus a look and shook her head. "You don't love me like you say you do," Emma whispered, her voice breaking. "I can't be in this room with you right now. I'm going."

Emma flung the door open and stormed out of the room, and she was glad that Remus didn't follow. She didn't know what she would do when Monday came around, but she would figure it out when it did. For now, she just wanted to curl up and go to bed, and that was precisely what she would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there it is. It's all out in the open now. 
> 
> _But those aren't the only secrets that exist._
> 
> I find it highly fitting that this is the chapter I post on the one year anniversary of The Moonlit Series. I didn't post the first story on here first, but it's existed online for exactly one year. W o w.
> 
> If you didn't get to start at the beginning or would like to start back at the beginning with me all over again, please do! I'm going through and editing the first book and I'll be posting them on Tumblr as I go. The story is going to be the same, but chapters are being fixed up and some more context will be added. I realized when I did my read through at the beginning of last month that there were some issues that need to be fixed.
> 
> That being said, I'm incredibly emotional today.
> 
> If you've been with me since the beginning, thank you.  
> If you're just discovering Emma and her story for the first time, thank you.  
> If you don't want to continue reading, but gave it a shot, I sincerely and honestly thank you.
> 
>   
> **come find me on:**  
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)  
> [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/mymoonyandstars)  
> [the moonlit stars discord](https://discord.gg/xpzefDeCZw)
> 
> [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/r6xi6203vwza01epk6askwk15?si=t4wwYBERRymTJvw09FJG3Q)  
> 


	25. Old Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma doesn't know how to accept her new reality, and slips back into old habits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **tw: self-harm**

Two weeks felt like an eternity when one wasn't at all sure of what they were. It took less than two minutes for Emma to revert to self-destructive habits. Time passed quickly and far too slowly for Emma's liking, and she found herself wanting the entire school year to be over. She didn't want to have to see Remus anymore.

The night she left Remus's office was difficult. She must have looked scary as anyone she encountered immediately jumped out of her way as she stormed down to the dorms. Within the confines of the dorm, she flung her bag on the floor, closed the curtains, jumped into her bed, and just laid there. As an afterthought, she pulled out her wand, cast a silencing spell, and screamed. She didn't know what else to do.

There had been several flaws in her plan that she didn't consider in her anger. For one, she didn't have _any_ of her clothes as she had them moved into her private room. A few of her belongings remained in the dorm, but her clothes all stayed in her room. Her second issue was that she had come to rely on the bluebell flames. The nice part of the third year and up dorms were the beds were situated into the walls like little burrows, and she wouldn't have needed to worry about disturbing her dormmates. However, she didn't have her flames, and she would have to rely on the single window that sat over her bed. Third, she was starving, but she couldn't convince herself to get up or to really care.

She stared at the ceiling, half in tears as she waited for night to finally come. Her skin was prickly from her anxiety, and she wanted to scratch, but she didn't want to make things worse. Emma couldn't figure out if she was angrier at herself or with Remus. All she knew was that she was confused. Fuck Remus being so incredibly like himself and fuck everything about her entire existence.

Sometime after midnight, Remus must have discovered Emma's issue as a house-elf startled her out of her half-asleep thoughts. The oil lamp on her nightstand had been lit at some point and cast a warm glow around the space. The tiny elf awkwardly carried Remus's battered suitcase on its head, which Emma took right away. It was a wonder the poor thing could even manage to hold it up.

"Thanks," she muttered to the elf that was watching her with its large bulbous eyes. Emma could never figure out if the elves were male or female until they spoke.

Emma placed the suitcase on her bed with a sigh, carefully flipping the latch. It wasn't all of her clothes, of course, but Remus seemed to have a knack for picking out the things she would want the most. It could easily be stretched out for a month if she had her clothes laundered frequently. She took her clothes out, trying to take stock of what was there and immediately blushed.

"Oh, bloody hell," she muttered, realizing that Remus had to not only pack knickers for her but _bras_. The knickers had been one thing, having already dealt with him washing her clothes for the first year, but dear Merlin, imagining the man having to pack her bras? That was too much.

Emma had drawn the line when she got her first bra and forced Remus to teach her how to wash her clothes magically, so he didn't have clean hers as well. She could only imagine him trying to figure out how to pack them correctly so that they weren't damaged. The entire thing was both horrific and terribly funny. She tried to bite back her laughter, but only managed to sound like a trumpeting elephant. There was no use in being embarrassed about trivial things such as underwear at the cottage.

"Does Miss Emma need anything else?" the elf asked, making Emma jump.

"Oh, Merlin, no," Emma said, quickly pulling the rest of the suitcase's contents out. "Just hold on a mo'." She was about to just tip the case over to divest it from its load, but she was glad that she didn't. She would have upset the jar of blue flames, and though it was sealed tightly shut, she didn't want to disturb the balance of the magic. With a sigh, she placed the jar on her nightstand and continued on.

Emma blinked at the last few items in the suitcase. There was a thick envelope and two bars of Honeydukes chocolate sitting on top of the jumper she stole the most from Remus. She stared at them for a moment, before taking them out as well and setting them aside. Emma took a moment to take in the hastily scrawled note on the front of the envelope – 'Read only when you're ready.' What if she was never ready?

Closing the suitcase carefully, Emma brushed her fingers over the peeling letters and handed it back to the elf. "You can just bring this back to him, thank you," Emma said, watching as the elf disappeared.

She peered at the items spread out on her bed and slowly began to put them away in her dresser. Another pop jarred Emma back out of her thoughts with a small shout as the same elf returned with a plate with two sandwiches on it and a note.

"Mister Remus said that Miss Emma didn't have dinner tonight. Mister Remus asked Zeeley to bring Miss Emma a sandwich and his note. Zeeley brought two just in case."

"Erm," Emma stared at the plate and took it from the over-expectant elf. "Thank you. I'll bring the plate back in the morning."

"Miss Emma needn't worry. Zeeley will come back later."

Emma watched the elf disappear with an alarmingly loud crack, and looked at the plate in her hand, frowning as her stomach rumbled. She really _was_ hungry. Curious about the note, Emma put the plate down so she could pick it up.

_'I know that you're angry with me, and I understand. I do not blame you. I just ask that you please take care of yourself. If you decide that you want nothing to do with me, I will understand. Just know that I love you. X.'_

Emma had just finished reading the note, frustrated tears in her eyes when Zeeley returned with another pop.

"Zeeley is sorry for scaring Miss Emma," the elf said, holding out a small vial of purple liquid with yet another note in her tiny hands. "Mister Remus asked that I bring you this."

"Thanks," Emma huffed, taking the vial. "If he asks you to do something else, please don't listen to him. I'm going to bed."

The elf gave Emma a nod and disappeared once more.

"Bugger," Emma grumbled, unfurling the note from the vial.

_'I thought you might appreciate Dreamless Sleep for the night. X.'_

That left Emma feeling at a loss. She lifted the vial up, swirling it curiously. It had been months since she had the potion, and it was tempting.

She stared at the vial for a few moments longer before tucking it into a drawer with the rest of her things. Tonight wasn't the night to use it.

Emma dropped all of the responsibilities she was meant to have, much to the ire of most of her professors. The first week wasn't terrible, but it was noticeable to anyone who knew what she was meant to be doing. She refused to walk with anyone, skipped all of her check-ins with Remus, and readily skipped out on their Friday session. One week after finding out the truth, Emma wasn't at all ready to speak to him. She still hadn't read his letter.

She couldn't find it in herself to eat, readily skipping mealtimes in favor of staying in the dorm. Sleeping at night had been plagued by her nightmares again, keeping her up well into the morning. Fenrir only seemed to haunt her dreams more now, the scenarios getting increasingly grotesque or downright terrifying. If Emma had a Galleon for each time Fenrir bit her in her dreams, she was sure that she would be rich.

The dark circles that had appeared around her eyes around the full moon never seemed to go away. Even makeup wasn't doing much to cover them. Between not eating or sleeping, she looked eerily like she had just before the Christmas holidays the previous year. The glow that had returned to her skin was dull, just like her eyes.

The moment people started to comment on it, Emma felt herself shutting down. Just like the previous year, Persephone was angry with her, but now there were others. It had somehow become a group effort to fix her, and Emma hated it.

Neville came up to her several times, bringing her fruit in an attempt to get her to eat something. Cedric tried to gently convince her to speak to Remus multiple times. Fred and George, much to Emma's annoyance, somehow managed to get Emma and Remus in the same place numerous times. Caspian tried to convince Emma to curl up on the couch with him, trying to get her to at least sleep at night. Even worse, even _Draco_ tried to persuade her to just "do something" because he didn't like what he was seeing. If Emma thought her peers were bad, nothing compared to the rest of her professors.

Binns was never an issue since he very rarely knew what was going on in his class; however, the others weren't so oblivious. Trelawney was irate that she kept falling asleep in the middle of lessons, but the heat and the perfumes made her sleepy. Hagrid would look at her and shake his head, but he was too busy worried about Buckbeak to comment. Emma was nearly positive that Babbling spoke to Remus multiple times, but never made direct comments to Emma since Hermione seemed to take that upon herself.

Flitwick was generally less than pleased, but he at least tried to be helpful and offer snacks. Snape seemed to enjoy Emma's miserable attitude and enjoyed taking points away each time she would accidentally start to doze off. His comments were more biting than usual. McGonagall and Sprout, on the other hand, were less than thrilled. They had all but confronted Emma together with threats of going over Remus's head and having her admitted to St. Mungo's. They didn't realize that Emma knew that Remus wouldn't dare let that happen without him speaking to her first.

That was the weird part of it all, though. Remus never said a word to her the entire time, not about her behavior, at least. He would offer corrections to her work, but other than that, he never pushed her. The only thing that separated her from any other student was the way Remus would touch her shoulder softly to wake her up when she inevitably fell asleep. It was a wonder that he even did that because she had been saying some outright vile things under her breath about him as he passed. It felt wonderful to say in the moment, but she felt guilty about it after. If she hurt him in any way, he hid it exceptionally well. The growing look of concern on his face each time he saw her wasn't hidden well at all.

The second week went much the same as the first, but Remus increased his efforts in trying to get her to at least eat. On Monday, he left her two apples on her desk, but Emma refused to take them. On Thursday, when Emma was really starting to feel the worst of things, he left her an apple with peanut butter. That had almost been tempting because she loved peanut butter, but she left that as well. The next day, during their double where Emma was struggling to stay awake listening to him lecture, he left her a bar of Honeydukes chocolate. It was a peace offering, but she didn't want it.

Emma didn't want a peace offering. She wanted a sincere and honest apology from Remus. He had kept so much from her and had lied to her for months. It had become clear to her that he kept the information to himself for _his_ benefit and not hers. The trust she thought they shared wasn't as strong as she thought, and it broke her heart. He was meant to be the one that she could trust no matter what, but she was beginning to have her doubts. Did he even really love her like he said?

She was startled out of her third nap that class by Remus's hand on her shoulder again. It was frustrating to her how easily Remus's voice just put her to sleep without fail. Emma frowned as Remus leaned down next to her, his eyes meeting hers for the first time in days.

"Emma, a word after class, please," he whispered to her, the worry evident in his voice as he searched her face. Emma stared back, her brow furrowing slightly, but she nodded. He sighed, giving her shoulder a squeeze before standing up to continue the rest of his lecture.

It had been the first time he had said anything directly to her since their last conversation, and she regretted agreeing. Perhaps she could just slip out with the rest of the class, but the way he kept himself close by told her she had no chance. He wasn't going to let her leave without her hearing what he had to say.

Not wanting to deal with Remus meant that the rest of the class flew by far quicker than Emma would have wanted. She didn't even get the chance to consider sneaking out as Remus had kept a firm grip on her shoulder just before the bell went off. Just like she thought, he wasn't going to let her leave right away.

Persephone cast them a curious look, but Emma rolled her eyes in response. It wasn't as though Emma would have gone to dinner anyway. She pursed her lips with an aggravated huff at Emma and left with the rest of the class.

When the class finally emptied out, Remus sighed and crouched down next to her. He took her chin gently in his hand to turn her face to look at him.

"You haven't been sleeping at all, have you?" he asked softly. Emma scowled at him, and Remus sighed again, letting go of her chin. He stood up, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I suppose that was rather foolish of me to ask. Did you ever take the Dreamless Sleep I sent you?"

Emma glanced up at him as she started to put her things away and shook her head. When Remus didn't say anything, she looked back up at him.

"Is that it?" she finally asked.

"No," Remus said after a moment. "I wanted to give you fair warning that I'm at the end of what I can reasonably do to keep you from being admitted to St. Mungo's. I'm afraid that there have been several complaints about your behavior over the past few weeks and if Professor Dumbledore has to step in…"

That made Emma's blood run cold, and the sudden rush of nervous adrenaline coursing through her veins made her incredibly dizzy. It was like all of her blood had been siphoned from her brain, and it left her feeling foggy. "I thought you had the final say," Emma said quietly. "You said –"

"I can only do so much, Emma," Remus said softly. "Any decision I make can be overridden by Professor Dumbledore. As your..." Remus hesitated, pulling a hand free of his pocket to rub the back of his neck. He cleared his throat and continued, "As your father, the only option I'll only be left with is to send you home if it gets to that point. I know that you're angry with me, but you can't keep doing this."

"It's not as though it really matters," Emma said bitterly, looking down at her feet.

"It doesn't really matter? Emma, do you really still not see how many people care for you? No one wants to see you like this again," Remus bent down to be level with Emma. "There are so many people that are worried about you. Be mad at me all you want, but don't do this to yourself. You're not just hurting yourself; you're hurting others as well."

Emma shook her head, avoiding Remus's eyes. She didn't want to hear any of this. "Is that all? I'd like to leave now," she said sharply.

"I suppose," Remus said quietly, standing back up and stepping aside for Emma to leave.

She stood up quickly, pulling her bag onto her shoulder, and nearly fell over from her dizziness. Remus grabbed her elbow to steady her, and Emma ripped it out of his grip with a growl.

"Don't touch me," she snarled with a sharp glare. Without another word, Emma left and made her way to the dorms.

One of the most significant issues Emma had always known about herself was when she was overly stressed, she internalized everything. She refused to let her emotions be seen and became a frenzied ball of chaotic thoughts and irrational actions. Everything had built up to a point where she knew that she needed to release the energy, but Emma wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to go down _that_ route again.

Everything was too hard for her to process. Remus being a werewolf was never an issue, and she was sure that he thought it probably was. No, her problems were of herself again. She felt equal parts disgust and self-loathing that no matter what, she was always going to be a freak. She was neither werewolf nor entirely human anymore. She suffered as though she had the full disease, and the worst part of it all was there was a strong possibility she was alone.

She had, against her knowledge, become some freakish science experiment, and it was eating away at her. Regardless of the fact it kept her alive, she hated it. It wasn't fair.

The moment she made it back into the dorms, she ripped open her nightstand to pull out one of the razors she had stashed at the beginning of the year. If Remus had noticed their absence, he never commented on it. She changed quickly, cast a silencing charm, sat down on her bed, and set the razor in front of her and just stared at it.

Remus's information had made her nervous and terrified. She didn't particularly want to have to go home, although she was sure that meant living with her grandfather. That idea could possibly be all right, but she _really_ didn't want to have to go to St. Mungo's. Her mind was a whirlwind of frazzled thoughts. Everything about her hurt, both mentally and physically. Her self-imposed hunger strike left her stomach feeling like a gaping cavern. Her lack of sleep made her emotions and thoughts echo through her being a million times worse.

The sky outside her window had gone dark, leaving her only light source as the blue flames. Emma's heart was racing, and her foot was shaking in a chaotic rhythm as she tried to work through her thoughts. With a frustrated groan, Emma shoved the heels of her palms into her eye sockets until she started seeing different colors. She needed help.

So, Emma did the only rational thing in her mind – she picked up the blade.

It had felt like forever since Emma found herself in this exact position. She rolled up her left sleeve slowly, analyzing all of the previous scars from the last time she'd cut. Her old injuries reflected in the shine of the blade lit up by the cool blue light being cast in her direction. Disgust filled her stomach, and the acidic tang of it crept up her throat. Her scars were ugly, and the last one she had inflicted at the end of May was still slightly pink. It had never quite faded like the others, and she hated it.

Taking a steadying breath, Emma ran the blade across her skin, her breath coming out in a relieved hiss. _She missed this_. The razor was so much smoother than the scissors she used to use, and the release was intoxicating. How did she ever stop doing this?

A breathy laugh escaped her lips as she watched her blood pool within the cut. It was still red, just as she'd thought. For a moment, she thought it might have been black from the curse. That would have been a fascinating story to try to explain.

Rather than dwell on the color of her blood, Emma moved the blade to a new section to cut. She added another cut and then two more, the tension she held finally leaving her body. This was precisely what she needed. This was nice, and she was entirely in control of what happened. It was everything she wanted it to be and more.

She was in the process of adding another cut when a loud noise across the dorm room made her slip up. She cut far deeper than she intended to and _fuck,_ it hurt. The blood flow was still slow, which was a relief, but it throbbed and left a painful ache. It was with complete and utter horror that Emma realized that she had absolutely nothing to try and fix it with. She had returned the bottles of Dittany and Murtlap to Remus months ago. Now she wished that she hadn't.

"Fuck," Emma whispered to herself, the disgust thick in her voice. She wiped the razor off on the small towel she had brought with her and tucked the blade back in the drawer of her nightstand. "Fuck!"

She had felt fantastic only moments before, but seeing the way her blood was pooling on her wrist suddenly made her ill. She wasn't any better than she was previously, and this was proof of it.

Emma ran her shaking right hand through her hair, trying to figure out what to do. Her wrist was hurting something fierce, and her nerves were catching up to her quickly. She wasn't sure whether her trembling was over what she had just done or the culmination of everything she had been doing. She wasn't sure that she wanted to really know, all Emma knew was that she needed help.

She couldn't go to Pomfrey in this state. The matron of the hospital wing had been trying to get ahold of her for the past two weeks, and Emma absolutely fled at each sign of the woman. If Emma went to her, then she was near positive she would call Dumbledore down. She couldn't go to any of the other professors as they would do the same thing. Snape was possibly the only exception, but she would _never_ go to him. That left her only option as Remus.

The crippling look of disappointment on his face nearly kept Emma rooted to the spot, but she looked at her wrist and groaned. She had no choice.

For a brief moment, she considered trying to figure out the spell to fix things herself, but her medical knowledge didn't extend that far. All she had done with Pomfrey that year was brew potions and hadn't been actively assisting like she had the previous year. Unable to do much else, Emma grabbed the towel and wrapped it around her wrist as best as she could. Dressed in just her pajamas, Emma crept out of the dorm, through the common room, and out into the corridor.

Luckily for her, it seemed as though Hogwarts knew what she needed that night. She made it to the marble staircase with no issues, a miracle on its own. As long as she didn't meet someone on the stairs and as long as the stairs remained in place, she would be all right.

Emma hissed as the dull ache in her wrist grew, and she clamped her hand tighter over the spot where the cuts were. Dizziness threatened to take over by the time she reached the second floor landing. She just needed to go one more floor, but it seemed like a daunting task. Why did it hurt so terribly? What if she had done far more than she thought? What if she…Emma couldn't allow herself to go down that train of thought.

Now, even more nervous, Emma forced herself up the next set of stairs. The landing couldn't have come soon enough. Concerned by the sudden warmth that touched her hand, Emma forced herself to look down and nearly fainted. She had started to bleed through the towel.

With a whimper, Emma forced herself to straighten up and walk down the hall to get to the Defense classroom. She could only hope that Remus was still up because she had no idea what time it was. When she arrived, she found herself grateful for the fact most of the doors at Hogwarts were latches and not knobs. She was too afraid to take her hand off of her cloth-covered wrist. It took a bit of effort, but Emma managed to twist herself so she could use her elbow to drop the latch and pull open the door.

"Emma?"

Emma's gaze flew up to the front of the classroom, where Remus was sitting at his desk. She hadn't bothered to look up when she entered the room and immediately froze where she was. Now what should she do?

Remus was sitting up slowly, as though he had fallen asleep where he was. His hair was mussed, and his shirt sleeves were rolled up high, and a quill was still in his hand. Was this how his weekends without her always were? Emma wondered to herself.

His expression was wary for a moment as if he didn't believe she was actually there, before shifting to a welcome surprise. That surprise was almost immediately washed away as he sat up straighter, worry taking over as he processed what happened.

He was calm as he rushed over to where Emma stood. He put an arm around her to help guide her further into the room and up the stairs to the office. Remus sat her down in the armchair by the fireplace, reigniting the flames to bring warmth back into the cold room. She obediently placed her arm into Remus's outstretched hand like she'd done several times before so he could investigate what she'd done. He frowned slightly as he glanced at her bloodied hand and the state of the towel but said nothing.

Remus unwrapped her arm, setting the towel down on his desk and barely flinching as he studied the cuts. Emma stared up at him for a few moments before casting her gaze towards the fire. She didn't want to see the look of disappointment when it came.

"Keep your arm up," Remus said softly, releasing his hold on Emma's arm. "I'll be right back."

It was incredibly embarrassing for Emma that Remus talking to her nearly broke her down into tears. She did not want his steadfast kindness to be her downfall, and she quickly blinked back her tears. Emma was angry at him, but she needed his help. It was a complicated situation for her to be in.

"You did a number on yourself this time cariad," Remus said when he returned to the office. Emma glanced over at him, and then she looked at the washcloth and basin in his hand. The level cadence of his voice helped to assuage some of her fears, but it threatened to break her angry resolve.

That anger slowly gave way to guilt as Remus knelt down in front of her, setting the bowl next to him. He took her blood-covered hand and cleaned it off gently with the warm cloth. Remus had clearly done this far too many times. He then proceeded to clean her cuts, frowning as he could finally see what she had actually done. Not wanting to watch anymore, Emma turned her face back towards the fire, but not before noticing the bowl at Remus's side.

Her breath hitched in her throat as she saw the water had changed from a crisp, clear color, but was now stained with red. That same incredibly overwhelming feeling of drowning that she experienced at her mother's wake was looming over her. She couldn't breathe anymore, she was drowning. Why was she still like this?

A finger gently cupped her chin, pulling her gaze away from the basin. Emma reluctantly met green eyes that were full of concern and full of love, and she felt her lip begin to quiver traitorously.

"Breathe," Remus said calmly. "Keep your focus on me. Take a deep breath."

That was something she could do, she thought. Emma tried to take in a deep breath, but her breath caught again. She tried once more, only to stop half-way through. She was fighting a losing battle and doing it spectacularly.

"It's all right," Remus reassured, taking in a long, exaggerated breath and letting it out slowly. "Can you do exactly what I just did for me?"

Emma wasn't sure that she could. Her thoughts were too muddled, her brain too foggy, but she tried again. Instead, a pathetic and pleading whine escaped her lips when she couldn't figure out how to breathe. Who forgot how to breathe?

Remus still seemed unbothered as he took her right hand and pressed it to his chest right over his heart. He held her hand there, and Emma went to recoil, knowing her hand had been blood-stained, but she was frozen. His heartbeat, erratic like her own, betrayed his outward appearance. He was scared, too.

"Try again. Follow my breathing. Deep breath in, and then out," Remus instructed as if it were just another one of his lessons. He took another deep breath in and let it out slowly, keeping his eyes on hers. "You can do it, sweetheart."

It took Emma a few tries, but with Remus's gentle urging, she figured out what to do. The feeling of the steady rise and fall of Remus's chest beneath her hand was surprisingly helpful, but his heartbeat made her worried. That was her fault, but she couldn't focus on that right now.

"Perfect," Remus praised, finally letting go of her hand. "Keep your hand right there and close your eyes. Don't pay attention to what I'm doing and just focus on how it feels as I breathe."

Panic threatened to take over again, but she nodded. Closing her eyes, Emma tried to keep herself focused enough to follow his breathing. Deep breath in, slowly out…perhaps she wouldn't drown after all.

"I'm going to apply Dittany now, okay cariad?"

Emma wasn't sure how much time had actually passed as it felt like an eternity before Remus spoke again. The smell of the Dittany hit her nose, and she frowned but nodded. She braced herself, anticipating the hissing burn as it healed her cuts, but it wasn't as terrible as she remembered. It felt nothing like the last time it had been used on her skin.

And then her hands were placed gently in her lap, and Remus was gone. She opened her eyes, confused for a moment. She searched for the basin and the towel that had been set aside, but everything was gone. Not sure where to look, Emma decided to look at the new pink marks lining her wrist. Emma brushed a finger over the sensitive skin and shivered at the shooting pain. The cuts were painful to touch, and it bothered her, but once again, she had done this to herself. She was so focused on looking at what she had done that she didn't realize that Remus had returned. He knelt down on the floor in front of her, gently turning her face to look at him.

"You were doing so well," he said gently. His gaze was sympathetic and warm and not at all accusing and disappointed like she expected. "What happened? What can I do for you? How can I help?"

That was far too many questions at once for Emma to even consider answering. How was she supposed to be able to explain that the past two weeks had been the worst she'd had in a while? How was she supposed to tell him that she was so tired that she could fall asleep right there, and she wanted to be mad? How could she say to him that now she couldn't be mad at him because he was still kind and gentle with her even after she had been miserable to him? She couldn't.

"You're exhausted," Remus said with a sigh, cupping her cheek. He glanced down at his watch before meeting Emma's eyes again. "We don't have to talk about this tonight, but we do need to talk."

That was something else to add to Emma's list of things she didn't want to do. She didn't _want_ to have to talk to Remus. Instead, Emma broke down and finally began to cry after managing to hold her tears back for so long. Remus was quick to put his arms around her and hold her close just as he always did for her. Maybe he did love her even if he lied…

"I'm sorry," she managed to choke out as she cried on his shoulder.

"Hush, little one," Remus whispered, pressing a kiss to her hair. "You made a mistake – it's okay. Things spun out of your control. It happens, even to the best of us, and you have been under an incredible amount of stress. I understand."

Remus wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say, as it only made Emma begin to sob harder. Unsure of what else to do, he just held her a little tighter. The entirety of this situation was once again his fault because he let her spiral out in the hopes that she would come to him. While his plan had worked, it didn't work exactly how he wanted it to. Things should have never gotten this far, and it worried him.

As Emma's sobs finally subsided, he asked if she wanted to stay in her room. When he received a hesitant nod, Remus stood up, picking Emma up with him. On an average day, she would have complained about being picked up like a small child, but she was too tired to fight him. He tucked her into bed, conjured up another jar of blue flames for her, and brought her a sleeping draught, but she had fallen asleep before he returned.

Remus rubbed a hand over his face and tucked the draught in his pocket. He was also exhausted, but he was grateful to see Emma finally sleeping. Remus already knew Emma's inner turmoil after already going through this with her before. For her to fall asleep so easily was nothing short of a miracle. As relieved as he was, his fear overshadowed the feeling as he watched her for a few minutes.

He couldn't help the nagging feeling that things felt exactly like they were before everything fell apart. Emma, though she struggled, had made so much progress, but due to his carelessness, she had slipped even further backward.

The last thing he wanted to do was agitate Emma further, but things were going to have to change. It was going to be difficult for both of them, but it was needed. He couldn't stand the idea of actually losing her this time. He knew deep down that if things got that far again, he would, and it would be entirely his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	26. Jekyll and Hyde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma starts to learn the realities of being a werewolf while dealing with her conflicting emotions.

"Where the fuck are you going, Emma?" Persephone was following Emma out of the Great Hall at a brisk pace. "You promised!"

Emma's morning was not going at all like she expected. Sneaking out of her room and back to the dorm to change had been far easier than she expected despite Remus being asleep on the couch. He could be an incredibly light sleeper, but apparently, he had been just as exhausted as she was. However, Persephone was quick to change Emma's overall mood. After spotting the fresh pink scarring on her wrist, Persephone was even quicker to voice displeasure. Loudly. Emma was sure the whole entire castle knew what had happened again. How long would it be before the rumors started again?

"I promised what?" Emma shot back at Persephone over her shoulder as she made her way to the stairs.

"That you weren't going to do _that_ again!"

Emma ignored Persephone as she walked. She thought she had been better at hiding the cuts, but Persephone had been checking every morning without her realizing it. That knowledge had set Emma off. Everyone had been on her case the entire time, and she was tired of it. They didn't understand what had happened or what led her to what she did. It wasn't like she could tell anyone, either. Emma started to storm up the stairs to go to the library and escape, but that wasn't meant to be. Remus was coming down the stairs for breakfast duty, and she let out a frustrated shout. Could her morning get any worse? The two people she didn't want to deal with stood on either side of her.

"Emma!" Persephone shouted, one foot planted firmly on the staircase, and the other on the ground floor. "Where are you _going_?"

"I don't know," Emma shouted, whirling around to look at Persephone. "I don't have a fucking clue. My only concern right now is getting away from _you_."

"Emma? Persephone? What's going on?" Remus paused on the stair next to Emma, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Merlin's saggy tits," Emma muttered under her breath. She shrugged his hand off her shoulder. "Don't touch me," she growled, shooting Remus a look.

"Don't be like that, Emma," Persephone said in disgust. "He didn't do anything."

"Oh, he didn't do anything?" Emma said, stomping down the stairs, not caring people were watching. She threw her hand back to point at Remus as she stood in front of Persephone. " _He_ is the problem. But no, wait, perfect Professor Remus Lupin could _never_ be a problem, could he? No, my father's an absolute bloody saint that can do no wrong in the world. Had me fucking fooled for years."

Persephone stared at Emma in shock, glancing over Emma's shoulder to look at Remus, who hadn't moved from where he stood. "Emma, don't do this in the middle of the entrance hall like this," Persephone pleaded.

"You're the one who fucking chased me out of the Great Hall while I was trying to actually eat, _Persephone_. So, therefore, I will do whatever the fuck I want because, surprise! I'm back to being the massive fuck up all over again." Emma shoved her way past Persephone and stormed through the massive front doors and out onto the grounds.

"Just give her space for now," Remus said, watching Emma's retreating form.

"What happened? Why has she been like this?" Persephone asked. "Is this actually because of Draco? Did he do something? I'll kill him…"

"No," Remus chuckled bitterly. "No, it has nothing to do with Draco. She received some distressing news, and she's struggling to cope. This time it really is my fault."

"To the point that she's cutting again?" Persephone asked with a dry sob. "I thought she was past that."

Remus sighed as he descended the stairs. "She was, for a little while. She's done wonderfully the past few months, but accidents happen. It was an accident, and she feels guilty over it."

"She feels guilty? She certainly doesn't act like it," Persephone said with a huff. "Emma shouldn't have said that about you!"

"She wouldn't be so angry if she didn't feel guilty. Trust me, she's said much worse to me before," Remus frowned, looking out the open doors again. "I should probably make sure she doesn't do anything rash."

Persephone's eyes widened, quickly understanding what Remus wasn't saying. "She wouldn't…She promised."

"Yes, well, I don't think she's in the right mindset to think clearly. Would you mind going back to the Great Hall and telling Professor McGonagall that there's something I need to take care of? She'll understand." Remus said, stepping around Persephone. "If you'll excuse me…"

Remus rushed through the doors and into the bright outdoors. He walked quickly through the courtyard, trying to figure out where Emma actually went. His first thought was to the bridge, but he didn't want to entertain that thought. With a sigh, Remus started to head in the direction of the lake. With any luck, she would just be sitting at the tree. It was one of her favorite spots to go when she wanted time to herself, just like it had been his at one time.

It had felt like ages since Remus felt adrenaline running so steadily through his veins, even though it hadn't been that long at all. His entire body ached with the sheer force of it as he propelled himself quickly forward. He desperately wished he could just Apparate on school grounds as it would make the entire situation that much easier. Remus swore that Emma was going to be the death of him.

He couldn't stop himself from panicking as he approached the lake and didn't immediately see Emma. Remus wasn't even aware that he could move quicker than he already was as he got closer. He sucked in a deep breath when he finally spotted her, tucked into the deep-set middle of the tree trunk. She was so small that the tree hid her incredibly well, though he was sure that was on purpose. She didn't want to be found.

"What the fuck do you want?" Emma snapped at Remus as he approached. She angrily wiped away the fresh tears on her face and glared at him.

Remus studied Emma for a moment before sitting down next to her. He was a little taken aback, but not too surprised by her reaction. She was scared, and that made her lash out. It wasn't the worst thing she'd ever said to him.

"Do you always come out here?" he asked curiously.

"Usually," Emma muttered. "But normally people leave me alone if I'm out here. Or at least don't get comfortable unless I asked."

Remus hummed but said nothing to that and just peered out at the lake. The squid was out today.

"What are you doing out here?" Emma asked, breaking the silence. "Aren't you supposed to be making sure students don't muck up the Great Hall?"

"Ah, yes, well…as it turns out as your mentor, my duties can be adjusted at a moment's notice. As luck would have it, I'm also a professor, which means I need to be concerned about the wellbeing of my students." Remus looked over at Emma. "And as your father, you will always be my priority. We need to talk."

"I don't want to talk to you," Emma said, starting to get up only to be pulled back down by Remus's grasp on her wrist. "Will you let me leave?"

"No," Remus said firmly. "Things need to change, and if you're not willing to talk, then I will."

"I'm supposed to work with Professor Sprout today."

"I took care of that before leaving my office this morning. Your Saturday is free."

Emma growled, tugging her wrist out of Remus's grip and pushing herself back to sit against the tree trunk. "Is there any reason why you insist on interfering in my life?"

"Because I'm your father, and right now, I need to _intervene_ \- not interfere - with your life. I'm worried about you, love."

"That's great, but maybe you should have thought about that before you lied to me."

"I know," Remus said quietly. "I'm sorry."

" _Now_ you're sorry?" Emma scoffed, folding her arms in front of her. "Great timing."

"Emma -"

"No. I don't want to hear it, because quite honestly, I really don't bloody care to hear what you have to say."

Remus stared at Emma for a moment, his expression blank as he nodded. "Well, unfortunately, you have to hear it," he said quietly. He turned his face back towards the lake. "You can't keep doing this to yourself, Emma. I know you're angry at me, and understandably so, but you can't keep hurting yourself. If you're trying to hurt me by hurting yourself, it won't work. It worries me immensely, but there are far more effective ways of hurting me."

"I wasn't…" Emma sighed, rubbing her hands down her face. She didn't want to do this right now. "I wasn't trying to hurt you, not exactly. Believe me, I'd like to because I'm so bloody angry with you, but I just..."

"You just what?" Remus looked back over at Emma.

"I just wanted to feel something other than anger." She pulled up her sleeve and looked down at her wrist. She brushed a finger over one of the new pink lines. "But then I realized last night that I'm scared. I'm angry, and I'm scared, and I don't understand any of this. I don't understand…me. What even _am_ I? Who am I?"

"You're Emma," Remus said simply. "You are Emma Lupin. That will never change. You are incredibly stubborn and far too proud to admit when you need help. But I'm proud of you for coming to me because you needed help," Remus said. He tentatively lifted his arm as if he was going to put it around her shoulders. She eyed him suspiciously, but slid closer, tucking herself underneath his arm and against his side. "You're forgetting I've gone through a lot of what you're experiencing, too. I meant it when I told you that you're not going through any of this alone. You never will; I've been exactly where you are right now."

Emma sniffled as fresh tears threatened to fall. She laid her head on Remus's shoulder and wiped at her eyes. "Am I always going to feel like this? With…whatever I am?"

"I can't say for certain, because the circumstances are different," Remus said, draping his arm around her shoulders, "but no, I don't think so. There are a lot of things we don't know. I would like to bring Elara here to do some more tests. I would have Madam Pomfrey do them, but Elara would be far more knowledgeable on the subject."

"Ugh," Emma groaned. "I don't want to see her. Even us right now is a stretch."

Remus chuckled, pulling Emma a little closer. "I know you don't, but I think we need her to check a few things. Who better to help figure things out than another werewolf? I fear that something might have...changed, but I'm not exactly sure what."

"Like what?"

"How about we go inside for this conversation? I'd rather not have it where someone could hear. I know there's no one nearby, but I'd rather not take the chance."

"Not yet," Emma said quietly, glancing up at Remus. "I'm not ready."

"All right."

Remus settled in and gently stroked Emma's hair. Her eyes slowly began to close as she relaxed, and he smiled at the sight. These were always Remus's favorite moments – when they weren't fighting and could just be content in the moment. She could become so incredibly relaxed, but those moments were nowhere near as frequent as they used to be.

He knew that Emma was angry still, but he was grateful they were at least communicating. Remus wasn't entirely sure that she would be interested in talking to him later on, though. It became evident that morning that he needed to utilize the monitoring bracelets with Emma. He had hoped they wouldn't get to that point, but the moment had arrived, and he couldn't put it off.

For the time being, he would take the reprieve that they had. It wasn't often that he got to see Emma looking somewhat at ease. He wanted to prolong the moment for as long as he could. It meant that for just a little bit he didn't have to worry.

After a while, Emma finally opened her eyes, and she looked up at Remus with a half-hearted smile. "I think I'm ready to go in now."

Things were not any better when they returned inside the castle and made their way to their shared quarters. Emma had every intention of staying in the dorms, but Remus wasn't allowing that to happen.

Remus more than expected the tears when they made it back to their quarters and he told her he was going to use the bands to monitor her. What he wasn't expecting was the pushback to it - an _actual_ pushback. Emma was not a violent person in the least, but it was almost like an entirely different part of her took over. To have her fight him to the point where he had to hold onto her until she stopped fighting? It was miserable, and he didn't like the guilt provoking feelings he felt because of it. This was his fault.

Was it the stirring of her own wolf? It had to be; there was a flash of it in her face – this wasn't like her. She wasn't a full werewolf, was she? This particular behavior was unexpected. They knew they were stepping into dangerous territory to keep her alive, but this was terrifying. What had they actually done to Emma? Her reaction only proved his point that something changed, and he wished that it didn't.

He felt terrible having to hold onto her, her back pressed to his chest as he kept his arms locked around her to keep her arms down. His father had to hold him exactly like this so many times when he was younger, and Remus felt like it was payback. It was worse when he was freshly turned, every feeling and emotion too intense to handle. That had to be what was happening with Emma. It took him a long time to figure out how to control himself, but the sad looks from his mother and the disgusted look from Margaret forced his hand. He couldn't act out anymore, and he worried he would have to teach Emma the same restraint.

The worst part was the fact Emma was incredibly strong. She might be tiny, but she knew how to throw her weight around, and he had to brace himself. If she had any real experience fighting like he did, she could most likely stand her ground. It was a terrifying prospect, but slightly relieving that she would fight if she needed to, but this wasn't one of those moments.

He would have to get ahold of Elara much sooner.

"Are you done?" Remus asked the moment Emma sagged in his arms. She had finally worn herself out, but the sharp gasp that came from her told him she broke out of her haze. Her entire body grew tense, and for a moment, he thought she was going to struggle again. Instead, she nodded weakly and leaned against him for support.

"If I let you go, will you try to run again?"

"No," she whispered, her voice faint.

Remus relaxed his hold on Emma just enough to test if she was lying. All fight and energy had left her body as she was practically a ragdoll in his arms. He felt her body begin to shake as she started to cry. She didn't understand what happened any more than he did. With a sigh, he bent down to scoop her up in his arms and carried her to her room. He deposited her on her bed, and she turned on her right side, staring out her window listlessly.

"I'll be right back," Remus said, though he wasn't sure if she had even heard him. She barely reacted when he returned and sat down on the edge of the bed. He set the small box he brought with him down and peered down at her, his heart breaking from her tears. He hated to see her cry. "Cariad?"

She let out a breath as he pulled her out of her thoughts, and she turned her face ever so slightly to look at him. "I'm sorry," she whispered, wiping away her tears. "I don't know what happened…" Emma glanced down at the box. "Is that -?"

Remus picked up the box, opened it, and pulled out a thin black band. It wasn't at all like Emma expected, but she eyed it warily all the same.

"It's not the end of the world," Remus said, taking her left hand in his so he could extend her arm out. He carefully fastened the band around her wrist, whispered something quietly, and the band glowed for a fraction of a second before sealing itself shut. "This is to keep you safe. Do you understand?"

Emma pulled her hand back to investigate the strange black band around her wrist. It wasn't entirely molded to her wrist and had a tiny bit of give, but it felt stifling. There were no visible clasps that she could see, just a thin black band. Her charm bracelet jingled as she moved her arm to test the band's movement, and she scowled at it. She didn't like the two bracelets together. She shoved her arm back out towards Remus. "Could you take it off for me?" Emma asked. She sighed at Remus's look and added, "The charm bracelet."

It took a moment, but Remus carefully undid the gold bracelet and placed it on her nightstand along with the box. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I don't know," Emma whispered back, pulling her hand close to her face so she could investigate the band further. "How does this even work? You're not wearing one."

"I had it keyed into my watch for during the day. I'll only wear the receiving one at night. If there is a pressing matter, it'll heat up. I'm not going to go into the specifics. Of course, at any given time, it'll inform me of wherever you're at. Don't think about any midnight jaunts, you won't get very far. I might consider taking it off at night while you stay here, but for the time being, it's staying on full time."

"You make it sound as though I frequently go on late night walks." A wry smile crossed Emma's face, and she pulled her pillow close and snuggled into it. "I don't want to feel like this anymore…"

"You won't. I told you we were going to work through things and -"

"That's not what I mean," Emma said, giving Remus a reproachful look. Her eyes moved to where his bite mark was hidden underneath his sleeve for a moment before she closed her eyes with a huff. "What were you talking about outside? About something changing?"

"I fear that there's a possibility that you might be a little more like me than I anticipated."

Emma cracked open an eye to look at Remus curiously. "What do you mean by that?"

"There is a certain duality to being a werewolf. It's like two separate beings are sharing the same body; there are two different minds. It's always there, but the closer the full moon is, the worse it becomes."

"That's why you called the wolf Moony a few weeks ago?" Emma asked, trying to understand. "To differentiate your thoughts?"

Remus nodded. "It became convenient to refer to the wolfish side of me as Moony. I don't really like it having a name, though. I'm starting to think that there's a possibility of you having the same thing, to some degree."

"But you don't know."

"I don't know. And I don't think you know either. You haven't expressed anything that would say otherwise," Remus said quietly. "There are certain things that I know are a given, such as your food preferences, but the mood swings are troublesome. I don't think that they're entirely related to you growing up. I'm trying to determine what is going on with you, so I understand how to help you."

"For a werewolf, you don't really know much, do you?" Emma asked, raising her eyebrows.

"The issue is that your situation is unique," Remus explained. "There's a very strong possibility that you're the only one like you. It's not exactly standard medical practice to introduce werewolf blood into another's system the way we did. I don't think I need to explain to you that what we did to keep you alive would be highly frowned upon. If people were to find out…"

Emma sat up and looked at Remus, her expression nervous. "What would happen?"

"Never you mind, love," Remus said, cupping Emma's cheek and wiping away the remnants of her tears. It wouldn't do well for him to scare her with the possibilities. He had done that enough to himself, and she was stressed enough. "Would you be opposed to me seeing if Elara can come to see you tonight? I think after what happened earlier, it might be better to see her sooner rather than later."

A blush crept into Emma's cheeks, and she deflated. "I'm really sorry about that," she whispered. "I suppose that would be all right."

"Don't apologize. I'm sure it won't be the only time it'll happen, especially if you have two warring forces. I've dealt with far worse, believe me," Remus said, standing up and picking the box up off the nightstand. "Have a kip – you didn't sleep much last night. I'll see if Elara can come tonight."

As it turned out, Elara could visit that night. Whether she did it as an emergency call or whether she was working already, Emma wasn't sure. She didn't particularly like making the trek to the hospital wing, but she did it only because Remus let her go by herself. She decided it would be best to take advantage of her permitted freedom.

Madame Pomfrey led Emma towards the back of the hospital wing, closed the curtains, and Emma was utterly alone. It was almost funny that she had rejoiced in her solitude the past few weeks, but now she hated it. When the curtains were pulled, a silencing charm was put up, and it was far too quiet in her little bubble. She folded her legs underneath her and folded her arms, unsure of what else to do by herself. Perhaps she should have brought a book with her, that would have at least distracted her from her swirling thoughts.

"Hey, kid," Elara said, popping around the curtain. "Have you been waiting long?"

"Hi," Emma said quietly. "Not long at all. I don't think. Lost track of time, actually."

Elara smiled back at her. "I would've knocked, but it's not quite the same with curtains." She grabbed the chair next to the bed and placed it in front of Emma and sat down. "What's going on with you? I hear you've been having a rough time."

"Something like that," Emma said dryly, earning a snort of amusement from Elara.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I didn't mean to laugh, it's just sometimes you open your mouth, and your father comes out. You two are incredibly alike."

"Ugh," Emma groaned. "Stop it. Everyone keeps saying that." She stretched her legs out in front of her and dangled them over the side of the bed. "I just wasn't expecting to find out just how alike we really are."

Elara reached into her robes with a wry smile and pulled out a folder which Emma assumed held her medical records. It looked similar to the one Remus had. "Don't be mad at Remus for that; be mad at me. It was my suggestion to use the potion because it was the best way to get you to pull through. He was entirely against it in the beginning."

"I understand that. I really do." Emma shrugged as she tried to think of what she wanted to say. "Don't get me wrong, I _am_ mad at you, but only because you didn't tell me either. I didn't get the truth from you, and I didn't get it from him. I only found out about Dad because Snape's a dick, and one of the girls in my year figured it out and went off on me. Then the rest all came out, and I'm…I'm confused."

"I know," she said, cringing slightly. "You're not mad about what we had to do?"

"I'm alive, aren't I?" Emma said quietly. "I just wish I would have known sooner, so maybe I could have started to understand. Like, what am I? I'm not a werewolf, am I?"

"No," Elara said quickly, shaking her head as she tossed the folder on the bed next to Emma. "You're not a werewolf. Not exactly."

"What does that mean?"

"To put it simply, you don't transform ergo you're not a werewolf."

"Oh," Emma said, feeling stupid. "I should have known that…"

"Not really," Elara said thoughtfully. "You're not a werewolf, but you do carry the disease. It's a werewolf's saliva at the full moon that generally causes the change. However, because your transmission is unique, we don't know what the end result will be. What we do know is that you get ill around the full moon, which is very common in werewolf caused wounds. Your food preferences have changed, and obviously, you heal a lot faster than the average witch or wizard now." Elara glanced at Emma's arm. "Although, I did hear that you needed some assistance last night. How do things look now?"

"God, I can't keep any secrets, can I," Emma said, pulling her sleeve up to show Elara since she clearly wanted to see the damage.

"Unfortunately not," Elara said, sliding the chair closer to Emma and taking a look at the pink lines that marked Emma's wrist. "He used Dittany to heal them?"

"Yes, the one was…deep."

"I think if you use Murtlap for the next two days, there will be considerably less scarring this time. Just a drop or two and rub it into the cuts. They should disappear," Elara said, leaning back and looking at Emma. "You used a razor this time?"

Emma's eyes widened. "How did you know?"

"Your father. Plus, the lines are smoother."

"How did _he_ know?"

"You're apparently not the best at hiding things, kid," Elara said, giving Emma a knowing look. "Remus knew the morning term started that you took his razors. He went through your bag and found them after he noticed them missing. He left them because if you were to start hurting yourself again, he wanted you to have something clean. The scissors were not one of your better ideas."

"That's wonderful." Emma covered her face with her hands, embarrassed that Remus had known the entire time.

"Emma, it's fine." Elara stood up and pulled her wand and a quill from her robes. "He's just worried about you." She picked up the folder and moved it to the side table, opened it, and set the quill up. "You know the drill with this."

Emma watched as Elara began to wave her wand in the usual complicated patterns, and she sighed. She didn't want to do this anymore. "So, now that I know everything, what are you _actually_ looking for?"

"Well, I really am looking to see how the rest of you is functioning, but I'm more concerned with how the lycanthropy could be spreading. There's quite literally no research on your situation. I'm just trying to make sure that we're not going to have any surprises. Do you mind me asking you a few questions?"

"Not like I can go anywhere," Emma sighed. "Might as well."

"That's the spirit," Elara said with a snort. "Other than what we know, have you had any discomfort any other time? Any sickness, any moodiness you don't have an explanation for?"

"Well, that's a rather loaded question, isn't it?" Emma asked. "Dad's quick to write a lot off on me being a teenager, so I don't really know how to answer that."

"Have you perhaps been extremely angry? To the point where you want to attack someone?"

"Uhm…today," Emma said with a flush.

"That's why Remus was worried. That's incredibly common with new werewolves," Elara said. Elara gave Emma a gentle smile when she noticed her panicked expression. "Don't worry about it – he's been with the packs before and has dealt with far worse. Do you feel that way often?"

Emma frowned at Elara with that information. Had she ever accidentally made Remus that mad before outside of the full moon? "Other than Dad waking me up too early? No."

"Getting pissed at your father for waking you up early in the morning is normal teenager, so that's good," Elara grinned. "However, having such a strong reaction _is_ concerning. Perhaps we could blame it on the past few weeks and an emotional outburst, but I'm not too sure."

"I didn't mean to act that way. I've never felt like that before," Emma said quietly, once again embarrassed.

Elara hummed, peering over at the folder. "How have you been doing with the past few doses of Wolfsbane you've been taking?"

"It's all right, I suppose. Tired, achy, the usual, I suppose. It's absolutely disgusting."

Elara knew all too well how disgusting the potion was, and she laughed. "Well, for the most part, it sounds like the Wolfsbane has been helping. I'll know if we have to readjust the dosage once I'm done. Now, leading up to the full moon, do you ever feel like there might be someone else in your mind?"

"What do you mean? Dad and I talked about it, but I don't really understand exactly what he meant. He makes it sound like a Jekyll and Hyde situation."

"That's a surprisingly apt description, actually," Elara said with an impressed hum. "But I'm mostly wondering if you have you done anything lately that you might not ordinarily do? Gotten into any fights, perhaps? Or, perhaps felt more amorous than normal?"

"Amorous?"

Elara grimaced slightly as she reworded her question, "Have you wanted to just have a shag with someone you normally wouldn't? Like something is telling you it's a good idea when you might not consider it any other time of the month? To erm, jog your memory, have you done something that might have given your father a near heart attack two weeks ago?"

Emma's face went bright red. "Oh," Emma said quietly. "Oh! Oh, no." She covered her face again, realizing what Elara was bringing up. "I didn't…I…Oh, Merlin, I knew that he _knew_ that I was with...We snogged! That's it! Does Dad think I went and had _sex_ with someone before his class?"

"He is, er, acutely aware that something might have happened," Elara said slowly. "But he didn't want to outright ask or accuse you of anything. There's no other way of putting it, but because we're werewolves, we're very aware of chemical changes, and well…"

"Is _that_ how he knew what Persephone and I were doing?" Emma yelped. She had read that little bit of trivia in the books she had gone through while trying to research, but she had forgotten about it. Emma was sure that it couldn't have been accurate and had ignored it entirely. It just seemed bizarre that enhanced senses were an _actual_ thing and surely a work of pure fiction. This was _not_ good.

"Not entirely, no. Remus told me that he really did arrive home earlier than normal, and it took him a while to figure it out," Elara said, watching as the quill finally stopped. "You can hide now if you'd like." Emma immediately laid down and grabbed the pillow to cover her face. "The reason I ask is I'm trying to figure out what's you and what could possibly be wolf talking for you. There's a strong possibility your thoughts are heavily swayed from the condition."

"Because I share Dad's lycanthropy?" Emma asked, lifting the pillow slightly to look at Elara.

"Unfortunately, yes," Elara sighed. "And that's partially what we're trying to figure out with you. We can't blame the wolf for everything, but I believe that we can blame it for a few things."

"And that's why the Wolfsbane Potion is important for me, as well? As a 'just in case?'"

"Yes and no. It does a far better job in the pain-relieving properties for you than a regular potion, but there's more to the potion than that."

"What's exactly does the Wolfsbane Potion do? I can't get into the restricted section, and I wasn't about to ask dad to sign the form for me, so I couldn't look it up myself."

"The main function is mind alteration, but there are a lot of pain relief properties to it as well," Elara explained, glancing up from the folder to meet Emma's eyes. "It doesn't remove the pain of the transformation, but it'll alleviate a majority of the symptoms leading up to the full moon. It's partially why we're struggling to find the correct dose for you. I'm trying to piece together a specific recipe for you that won't harm you."

"So, you both think that I might have…two sides of me?"

"To some extent, possibly," Elara said, picking up the folder and flipping through the papers to compare the readouts. "It's harder to decipher as you don't transform, but I think there's a much stronger possibility than we think. Would you be all right with letting me take a blood sample so I can actually compare? I get a fair amount of information through magic, but actual testing is helpful. I'm going to ask Remus if I can take one from him as well, so I can get a better idea of what's happening."

"Urgh," Emma groaned. She hated needles, and she shivered. She thought she would never have to see one again with magic. "If you think it'll help…"

"I'll do it before I let you go," Elara smiled. "Don't worry about it just yet. I have to get your father down here, so there's time."

Emma frowned, but she nodded. A thought crossed her mind as she tried to understand what Elara was saying. "So, does this mean my thoughts aren't entirely my own?"

"I don't want to say that your thoughts aren't your own, because they are, they just might be more skewed the week of the full moon. And you might be a little more, er, horny and angrier during that time, which does not help with you being a teenager. Hormonal teenagers are scary as it is. Hormonal teenagers with lycanthropy? Your father has his work cut out for him," Elara said.

Emma screwed up her face at the thought and then immediately paled. "Ew. Ew ew ew! I don't need to think about that," Emma groaned, covering her face with the pillow again. She lifted the pillow up a fraction a few moments later and looked at Elara, her eyes wide. "So, if he knew about Persephone and me…and he thought that Draco and I might have done more than kiss. Erm, does that mean he knows with just…er, _me?_ "

"I'll just say that he gives you your space and leave it at that," Elara said, biting back her amused grin.

Emma gasped and immediately pulled the pillow back over her face and screamed into it. _This was a nightmare._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	27. Hidden Costs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma learns the unfortunate costs of being a werewolf and a certain furry friend returns. After dealing with her demons, Emma learns to conquer her biggest fears.

"You're such a perfect little Pup."

Fenrir's face loomed closer and closer, his sharp teeth bared in a twisted smile. Emma didn't like it, she knew that she didn't like it, but she was completely and utterly helpless to the werewolf's advances. She could feel his hands on her, roving, touching, _groping_ everywhere he could. His stubble was rough on her face, and it made her skin itch. Why could she do nothing about it?

She didn't want this; she didn't want him touching her. This couldn't be real. It wasn't allowed to be real – Remus would never let this happen to her.

Emma woke up with a quiet cry. When was the last time she had a dream _that_ vivid? It felt too real as if she had lived that moment before. The fact she couldn't fight back had been concerning. Why couldn't she fight back? Why _didn't_ she fight back?

She pressed her hand over her heart, willing herself to calm down. Emma sat up, looking around just to make sure she was where she was supposed to be. The bluebell flames flickered calmly in their jar, the sky outside her window was dark, Boris was chucked halfway across the room. Emma's legs were tangled in her blanket, and her pillows were strewn about. At least she had tried to fight in the present if not in her mind.

Emma took in a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment as she tried to steady her rapidly beating heart. She was safe, she was in her room, Remus was just across the way like at home. Greyback was nowhere near her. Still, a part of her felt incredibly terrified.

She felt incredibly stupid, but she really just wanted to be with Remus in his room. There was no possible way for Greyback to get to her at Hogwarts, but she didn't want to be alone. She knew she was safe, but she needed the comfort of having Remus right there just in case.

Slipping out of her bed, Emma padded out into the hallway and stood outside Remus's door. She hesitated as she stared at the wooden door, feeling as though she should turn back around and head to her room.

She was fourteen, she shouldn't be going to him like a small child asking to sleep in their parent's bed after a bad dream. The problem was that it was exactly what she wanted to do. After moving back into her room at Remus's insistence, she realized how much she relied on him. It wasn't something she wanted to admit, after having to take care of herself for so long, but she needed him. He helped keep her grounded when she couldn't do it herself. Decision made, she raised her hand to knock, but the door opened by itself. He knew she was there.

Sighing, she opened the door and peered around the corner with a sheepish grin. It appeared that Remus had just been settling in as he was still sitting up in bed, one of the books he borrowed from the library on his lap. Emma still found it incredibly strange to see him in a short-sleeved shirt, but she was glad that he didn't have to hide around her anymore.

"Bad dream?" he asked, closing the book. "Do I have to ask?"

"Don't really think you have to ask," she said quietly. "I'm sure you already know. Same as usual."

Remus nodded, setting the book aside on the side table. "Come here," he said, lifting his blanket and patting the empty spot to his right. "Did you want to talk about it?

Emma closed the door behind her and climbed into his bed. She settled into the empty space next to her father and sighed, curling up on her side, facing him. Relief flooded through her – this was safe.

"Not really," she whispered, embarrassed. "Sorry, I know I'm too old for this. Just didn't want to be alone."

"Hush," Remus said, sliding himself down and turning on his side to face Emma. He pushed her hair back behind her ear. "I did this with my mum all the time, even when I left school. Your grandmother used to kick your grandfather out of bed, too." Remus smiled fondly at the thought of Lyall's grumblings because he wanted to talk to Hope alone. His mother always had a knack for knowing exactly the right things to say. He just wished he could do the same for Emma; he was rotten at it. "You'll never get to be too old for this. I don't mind."

"I do," Emma said with a sniffle. She wiped at the corner of her eye, hoping that she could keep her tears at bay. "I rely on you too much. I never used to be like this."

"On the contrary, Little One – you insist on taking on too much by yourself. I fear that you're going to push yourself too hard again. I'm here to help."

Emma hummed quietly, not knowing how to really respond to that. She settled herself further into her pillow, wishing she could just go back to sleep quickly. The separation, though Emma had wanted it, had been torture. As angry as she was, she had missed Remus and having moments like this. She could never understand how he could be so kind to her – especially after having to see Elara.

She had been incredibly embarrassed to find out she had basically no real secrets from the man. The fact he knew that she had stolen his razors but said nothing made her sick. How did he trust her? Her thoughts drifted back to her finding out just how much he _really_ knew, and she felt her ears heat up.

However, she realized that it didn't really matter how much he knew. It wasn't like how their lives had been separated by a "before and after" anymore. This was an all the time thing. It was just a fact of how their lives were. The time to be embarrassed had passed by years ago.

"Dad?" Emma looked over at Remus, not at all surprised to see him watching her. It used to bother her, but she had gotten used to it. This was just how Remus was – always watching, studying, learning.

"Yes, love?"

"Can I ask you…" Emma trailed off, feeling rude asking if she could ask Remus questions about being a werewolf. There was only so much she could get from books, and she wanted to understand him better.

"You want to know what it's like being a werewolf?"

Emma frowned. "How did you know?"

"Everyone more or less gets the exact same look," Remus said with a wry smile. "Not that many people knew, but when they found out, they had that look."

"I'm sorry," Emma grimaced. "I just…"

"You're curious. It's fine. I'd be a little more worried if you never asked me," Remus propped himself up on his elbow. "What do you want to know?"

"I don't know," Emma muttered. She rolled onto her back and pulled Remus's arm towards her so she could look at his bite mark. Had she known that he was a werewolf when she was smaller? Her mind couldn't connect a moment that stuck out where it might have been obvious. The only definitive feelings she could really remember were the senses of good and evil.

When she looked at Remus, she knew he was good. When she thought of Greyback, she knew that he wasn't good at all. Perhaps a deeper part of her had somehow made the connection, despite her younger self not knowing what either man was.

It made sense in a way, she thought. Even if she wasn't aware that either man was a werewolf, she could readily see herself associating Remus with someone safe. That was something she had recognized the moment she saw him again _before_ she knew who he was. In the brief moment that he was just a stranger across the way in The Leaky Cauldron, she _knew_. Of course, she had felt terrible staring at him – he had been staring first, she argued with herself – but the moment she looked away, she had wanted to look at him again. But he was gone, and the moment was lost for the time being. At least until she was given a proper introduction to Remus a few days later.

Emma hadn't thought about that day in such a long time. Receiving her Hogwarts letter had changed her life, sure, but that was her first adventure back into the life she should have always known. There had been so much potential, and perhaps Emma had been truly happy in the beginning. She knew that she was going to have a home, a family. Emma could have never imagined herself falling so far from grace and being the way that she was. Then again, maybe she could. It wasn't as though life at the children's home had been kind to her.

"Does it hurt?" she asked after a while, meeting Remus's gaze. "Your transformations?"

"Very much so," Remus answered quietly. "The Wolfsbane helps take the edge off the worst of it, but it can't stop all of it. With the Wolfsbane, I suppose it's more uncomfortable than painful, but I also know what to expect."

"What about the rest of the month? Are you in pain all the time?"

"Usually only a few days after the full. After all, my entire body destroys itself to inhabit that of an animal. It's exhausting trying to heal from it. Three weeks out of the month aren't bad, though. However, it can be a little frustrating when a certain someone worries me." Remus gave Emma a pointed look, and she blushed, letting go of his arm. She turned back on her side, and she turned her face into the pillow to hide. Remus snorted and leaned down to kiss Emma's cheek. "It's the week before the moon that's always been the worst."

"It's miserable," Emma answered. "And the Wolfsbane helps you, too?"

"It does."

"I know Elara explained the Wolfsbane Potion to me, but how does it work for you? Is it the same for everyone?"

"I don't know the ins and outs of the potion, as potions were never my strong suit. I can't say if it's exactly the same for other werewolves, but it helps me keep my mind when I transform. Instead of becoming an aggressive monster, I can still keep my mind and be a tame wolf." Seeing the question in Emma's eyes, Remus held up a hand to keep her quiet and continued, "Even though I've been taking it since the end of July, I still didn't want to transform around you because I wasn't sure how I would react. It had been years since I had been able to take it, and I wasn't going to put you at risk if something went wrong. Besides that, there are the pain-relieving properties, but being able to still keep my mind is the most important thing to me. It always has been."

"That's where you were going before term, then? To wherever you go to transform?"

"Yes," Remus said with slight hesitation. "There's a hidden basement out in the woods I had built. I go out there to make sure that there's no possibility that anyone could find me while I'm transformed."

"What about the times you said you were going away? Did you even really go to Paris?"

"I have a few different places that I can go to if I'm not home. Although, that was why I preferred you to be somewhere else during the full. It was an added layer of protection that meant I wouldn't have to worry about attacking you," Remus explained. "I really did go to Paris. How else would I have gotten you your treats? Elara's family lives out in France, and they allowed me use of their home for the full."

Emma frowned, thinking about the past few years with Remus not having the Wolfsbane Potion. She tried to think of all the times he looked exhausted, frequently sleeping during the day and falling asleep as soon as he got home from work. Emma felt terrible thinking about it. Just the lethargy alone was awful, and then the moment the other symptoms kicked in? It was like the worst possible flu one could experience, and Remus had gone through it for so long?

"I'm sorry," Emma said quietly.

"Sweetheart, I have dealt with it for nearly thirty years. I'm used to it by now."

"But it shouldn't be so difficult. It's not fair. Why weren't you taking the potion before?"

Remus gave Emma a small smile before laying back down. He reached out to stroke Emma's hair, and she gave him an expectant look. "It's a very expensive potion," Remus said. "It does wonders for me, but I could never afford it on my own."

"How expensive?"

"How are you with the exchange rates between the Muggle world and our world? I know I haven't taken the time to sit and explain it to you yet," Remus said. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Suppose that might be a good idea to do before letting you go off to Hogsmeade. Probably shouldn't let you go off without knowing how much things actually are; I've never given you completely free reign in Diagon Alley."

"I'm all right with it, but I would still understand Pounds far easier."

"Well, it's around 8 Galleons per dose, which is around 40 Pounds, depending on the exchange rate. At one dose per day…"

"It's around 280 Pounds? Each month?" Emma asked, absolutely appalled. "Why is it so bloody expensive? It shouldn't be! There can't be a single bloody ingredient that exists that can make the potion that expensive. You can't tell me that it has to be made individually every single day when my doses are…" Emma's eyes widened. "If it's so expensive, how was I getting it in the summer?"

Remus cleared his throat. "Elara was…er…stealing it for you, actually. Professor Snape makes the modified version of it for you based on Elara's specifications. He doesn't know who it's going to, though. I'm sure he has his suspicions, but…"

"Elara was _what_? _Snape makes my potion?_ " Emma rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She pressed her palms to her temples as if the idea pained her. "Is she absolutely insane? What if she -"

"I have had that conversation with her several times already."

"And you _let_ her?"

"She didn't really give me a choice. Once she modified the potion for you, it was no longer of any use to someone else. I'm not proud of it, but if there was any possibility of it helping you…I can never afford it on my own for you."

"You're both absolutely mental," Emma groaned. "It's not…Dad – why?"

"Remember how I told you that I would do absolutely anything for you?"

Emma looked at Remus in alarm. "I thought you were just saying that to make me feel better!"

"Yes, well, I truly meant it."

"You're insane," Emma said, turning back onto her side. "Then why didn't you get it from her before for you?"

"Because I refused it. Elara tried to convince me to take it from her. I did a very long time ago, but I felt incredibly guilty, and that was why I stopped talking to her."

"And yet you don't feel guilty taking it for me?"

"It's different with you."

"How is it different? I fail to see how it's any different. Dad, if it could have helped you this entire time –"

"I am used to this. This life is all I've ever really known."

"Doesn't make it any better." Emma frowned. There was no way the potion should be that expensive. Was it some sick bias against werewolves that made the price so high? Was it because people just didn't want to make it? She couldn't understand what the issue was in the least.

If it was something that could help so many people, why wasn't the Ministry trying to help? Perhaps she could figure out how to make it so that Remus didn't have to suffer. The only problem with that is it meant asking Snape to teach her. Emma didn't think Remus or Snape would appreciate her asking. If the potion was so important to Remus, she would have to suck it up and do it. He didn't deserve to struggle through the moons.

Exhaustion was starting to take over again, and Emma failed miserably at stifling her yawn. "I should probably go back to my room."

"Don't be silly," Remus said. "You're already here, it's not like it makes a difference. This bed is massive."

"It is rather large, isn't it?" Emma said, closing her eyes and snuggling back into the pillow. In truth, she wasn't sure she could muster up the energy to go back across the hall. "You're sure it's fine?"

Remus chuckled softly. "I'm rather used to sharing a bed with others," Remus said, thinking back to his school days. "It was a very rare night indeed if one of my friends and I weren't sharing a bed. We used to stay up all night fairly often and would be too exhausted to move. At least you smell nice – teenage boys do not. Besides, it's far more comfortable than when you decide to use me as a makeshift pillow on the couch."

Emma giggled at the very thought and allowed herself to get comfortable. It wasn't her fault that he was practically a furnace, and it made her sleepy. Her eyes suddenly shot open as another thought crossed her mind, and she gave Remus a sheepish smile.

"I know that look very well as well," Remus said, shaking his head. "Everyone smells different. It can be terribly overwhelming sometimes, but it's manageable. I imagine you want to know what you smell like?"

"I feel silly wanting to know, but yes," Emma muttered.

"Well, that was partially why I started to call you Sunshine when you were small. You've always smelled like sunshine, to me."

"That's a thing? Smelling like sunshine?"

Remus nodded. "You're like clovers and daisies with just a hint of cinnamon. It reminds me of a late spring or early summer's morning, everything fresh and new after a long night."

"That's rather poetic," Emma said, trying to imagine exactly what Remus described. Did she really smell like that?

"Well, it's the only thing I've ever been able to like about my condition, but only with you. It's always been one of my favorite things about you. When you were small, Merlin…New baby smell is wonderful to everyone, but no one else really understood why I never wanted to let go of you. Well, perhaps - perhaps Sirius, but no one else knew."

"Now it's just getting weird," Emma snorted, closing her eyes again. "I'm going to bed. 'Night."

"Nos da cariad."

Emma found that the bracelet around her wrist gave her some newfound freedom. It might have been because they were on a mid-term break, but she didn't mind. Remus allowed her to wander without being chaperoned, and Emma enjoyed it. Even though she had been ditching everyone, it was much nicer to know that she wouldn't get in trouble for it. He recognized that perhaps it was too restrictive and would amend her current plan to give her some more freedom. As long as he had a way of knowing where she was, he could relax the restrictions and allow her to travel on her own.

The air outside was crisp, and she relished being able to walk the grounds by herself, and she enjoyed relaxing out by the lake. She brought her blanket from the dorm outside and spread it out on the grass and just read to her heart's content. Sometimes Persephone would join her with Neville, and they would have a little picnic. When the twins were daring, they would come to find her as well, and they would all joke around. Perhaps she should have let people in much sooner.

However, as their break started to come to a close, something strange happened. A black dog appeared.

Emma had been in the middle of reading _The Great Gatsby_ , stretched out on her stomach under the lukewarm sun when she spotted him. Persephone had just left to head back into the castle, not quite enjoying the cooler temperatures like Emma did. The dog sat near the lake, hidden just behind a thatch of reeds, watching her curiously. She stared back at the dog, equally curious, tilting her head. _Could that be?_

"Snuffles?" she asked in disbelief.

The dog perked up, jumping up onto all fours. He took a tentative step into the open, his tail wagging.

"Snuffles, is that really you?" Emma asked, closing the book and sitting up. She gave the dog a smile as he got a little closer. When she noticed the dog's eyes, she laughed. "It _is_ you! Come here!"

Without being asked twice, Snuffles bounded over to her with an excited bark. Apparently unaware of his own strength, he leaped onto Emma, knocking her backward onto the ground. Emma laughed as Snuffles licked her face, and she tried to push the massive dog off of her.

"Snuffles, stop it!" Emma said through breathless laughter. "I'm happy to see you, too! What are you doing here?"

Snuffles backed off and plopped down on the blanket next to her, rolling over onto his back with his tongue lolling out. He wiggled on his back, nipping at his back feet and making Emma laugh. Snuffles had done this exact routine a few times at the cottage, seemingly just to make her laugh, and she loved it. The black dog had endeared itself to her, and Emma desperately wished she could keep him as a pet. As much as she loved Aurora, she wanted something fluffy for a pet.

She wondered if Remus would finally be okay with them getting a dog now that she knew the truth. Surely, it could help him. She had read something about werewolves getting along fine with dogs. Perhaps _this_ dog could be that dog.

"Did you somehow follow me all the way here for belly rubs?" Emma laughed, obliging his request. "I'm just glad that you're here. I have so much to tell you."

Emma laid down next to Snuffles, absentmindedly running her hands through the dog's fur as she gave the dog every possible update that she had. She didn't give him _all_ of the updates, of course. She didn't understand her strange blood status, and she didn't think Snuffles would either.

He always seemed to actually be listening to her, and Emma appreciated it. Chances are the dog had absolutely no idea what she was saying, but it was nice to have someone she could talk to so openly. Snuffles seemed fascinated when she talked about finally having the werewolf conversation with Remus. He growled when she brought up Greyback, and she whole-heartedly agreed with him. She winced as he poked the new pink lines on her wrist with his nose, and he just stared at her looking almost concerned.

"Oh," she said, looking down at her wrist. "Uhm, yeah…that just happened." He seemed to give her a look as if he was asking her why, but she didn't get a chance to answer.

"Well, well, look at this – Lupin is finally with her own kind. Always thought she'd be a great dog considering she looks like one."

Emma gave Snuffles a look, and she turned to look at Jocelyn, who was walking with her sister and one of the nameless Slytherins she was friends with. Chloe seemed to shrink in on herself as if she didn't want to be a part of whatever was going to happen.

"Surprised it took you this long to say something to me. I think it might be a record," said Emma. "What? Decided to try and take another crack at me because you couldn't kill me the first time?"

"Me?" Jocelyn scoffed. "Last I checked, you were the one that botched up the potion and bled out on Snape's floor. I had nothing to do with that."

"You're well aware that it was your shit that led me to do it in the first place, right? Or did your lovely head of house conveniently leave that part out?"

Emma stood up, crossing her arms over her chest to keep herself from doing anything rash. As enjoyable as it was finally punching Jocelyn in the face last year, she didn't want to have a repeat of the moment.

"Again, I had nothing to do with that," Jocelyn insisted. "That was all you, Lupin. Don't think that I've forgotten your pathetic attempt at punching me."

"Pathetic attempt?" Emma asked, crossing to where Jocelyn stood. She hated that she had to stare up at Jocelyn now instead of being at the same height. "Last I checked, I heard you cried for hours after I did."

"Oh, is that what you heard? You heard very wrong," Jocelyn spat. She leaned back to look at Emma, giving her a once over with a smirk.

"Now, what, Jocelyn? What more can you honestly say that you haven't said to me before?"

"Nothing at all, Lupin."

"It's clearly not 'nothing' Jocelyn. Just spit it out."

"Well, I was just laughing at the fact that you needed daddy here to take care of you," she said, looking highly amused. "Just finding it amusing that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with you for years, and now all of a sudden, he's acting like he gives a shit about you."

Snuffles was suddenly up on his feet and at Emma's side, growling at Jocelyn. Emma put a hand on the dog's back and crouched down.

"This is nothing," Emma whispered to the dog, who stopped growling long enough to lick her cheek. He turned and kept his eyes locked on Jocelyn but stopped growling. Emma suddenly had a brilliant idea, and she leaned her face towards Snuffles as if he was whispering a secret to her, and she nodded.

"Ah, yes, you're right, Snuffles. I agree. Jocelyn _is_ a complete piece of shit."

"You cunt," Jocelyn said, reaching down to pull Emma up by the front of her shirt, but Snuffles put a quick stop to that. He snapped at Jocelyn, and the girl stumbled backward with a scream. "God, you and the fucking dog belong together. Just like you and your drug-addict father. Fuck this."

Emma snickered as Jocelyn stormed off with her friend. Chloe hung back for a moment and gave Emma a quick "cool dog" before rushing off to follow her sister.

"Thanks, Snuffles," Emma said, kissing the dog's nose. "But I didn't really need your help. She's shit, but I'm used to it. I think Dad would have had a field day if he finally had an excuse to get her in trouble. I'm just glad that she won't say anything about a dog to him. I think she's actually afraid of Dad, which is absolutely hysterical.

"Apparently, she's been carefully walking the line in his class, and he hasn't been able to find a reason to give her detention. Oh, well…" She sighed, standing up and making her way back over to the blanket and settling back down.

Snuffles plopped down next to her, pressing his body against hers. Emma frowned as she went back to petting him. "You're so skinny," she said with a frown. "You know…I think Dad's letting me off the hook for a bit, so I don't have to walk with someone all the time. I can come and bring food out to you."

The dog immediately perked up, his tail wagging excitedly.

"That's what I thought," Emma said with a smile. "I'll try and come back out tonight and bring you something to eat. I don't have anything on me right now, but I'll give it a try. I can't guarantee that I can come out all the time, but I wouldn't mind having company when I can come out here. This is the only place I come out to so you can always find me here. Does that sound good to you?"

Snuffles barked in response, and Emma's smile grew. "Then we have a deal."

Friday had come far too quickly for Emma's liking, and she wasn't at all looking forward to sitting in a session with Remus after missing the last two. Their dialogue had become increasingly open over the week, but she was afraid this week would be extremely emotional. She took her customary place on the couch and waited and waited and waited. Where was Remus?

"I want to do something different today," Remus said when he finally arrived. He didn't even bother to sit down in his armchair.

Emma eyed Remus suspiciously. "Why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like whatever it is you're insisting on doing?"

Remus only smiled. "Grab your wand, let's go downstairs," he answered, heading back out of the room.

"Oh, excellent, I'm going to hate this," Emma grumbled, pushing herself off the couch and grabbing her wand from her room. She stepped out of the office and walked down the stairs to the classroom and froze. The desks were moved, and there was a lone trunk in the middle of the room. As she stared at it, it rattled violently, and her eyes shot over to Remus standing just off to the side of the room. "Please don't tell me that's a Boggart."

Remus once again smiled in response. "That is precisely what it is. 10 points to Hufflepuff. Merlin knows you have to make up your lost points somehow…"

"Dad, no," Emma said, scratching her head as she returned to staring at the trunk.

"Emma, yes," Remus said, walking over to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and guided her to stand in front of the trunk. "It's just a Boggart, and you're going to need to be able to handle it. They're going to be a part of your final exam, after all."

"What?" Emma asked in shock. "You're going to make us take on a Boggart for our final?"

"That's the current plan," Remus shrugged. "I would feel much better knowing that you can handle one. It can't hurt you."

"Says you," Emma grumbled.

"Emma Lupin, are you telling me that you are content with having a silly Boggart keeping you from reaching your full potential?"

"No…"

"Then give it a try. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

"But Dad -"

"Wand at the ready, Emma," Remus said, standing just behind Emma and pointing his wand at the trunk. "Come on. Think of something funny – you already know what it'll turn into."

"Dad, I can't," Emma whined. "Please don't make me do this."

"Wand at the ready," Remus repeated. "I won't release it until I know that you're ready."

"Dad, please," Emma pleaded, stepping back nervously. She whimpered as she stared at the trunk, and it gave another rattle.

"Sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere, I promise you," Remus said, kissing the back of her head. "I know that you can do this. Come on, wand out."

Gulping, Emma pulled her wand out of her pocket, trying to force herself to remember the black dog. The dog was funny. Remus was there. She had to do this because clearly, he wasn't going to let her out of it.

"At the ready, love," Remus encouraged. "Are you thinking of what you want it to turn into?"

Emma looked over her shoulder at Remus and nodded, really _not_ wanting to do this. She turned back to the rattling trunk and bit back her whimper. Slowly, she raised her wand, trying to keep the spell on the tip of her tongue.

"Very good," Remus said. "I'm going to unlock the trunk now."

The trunk unlocked with a flip of the claps, making Emma wince at the oddly loud noise in the quiet classroom. Dear Merlin, was her breathing _always_ this obnoxiously loud? The lid of the trunk lifted, and those amber eyes peered out at her, and Emma fought to keep her eyes open. She tried to step back as Boggart Fenrir climbed out of the trunk on all fours, but Remus placed a hand on her back to keep her where she was.

"It's just a Boggart, Emma – he's not here," he said quietly.

Emma closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Not real, not real_ …but it felt so incredibly real when she opened her eyes again. She could see his lips begin to curl back to speak before he did, and she tried to brace herself, but she couldn't.

"You know what happens to little girls like you."

It made Emma's resolve waver again, and she took in a sharp breath. It was disorienting expecting Fenrir's raspy voice only to hear Jude speak instead. Somehow it made a sick concoction that just enveloped her into a thick, icy cold. Fenrir she could almost handle, but the combination with Jude was what bothered her. Her arm began to drop, and her eyes squeezed shut, already giving up, but Remus gripped her arm to keep her steady.

"He's not real. Think of something funny," Remus encouraged, letting go of her arm when he was sure that she wouldn't immediately back down.

 _The dog_. Emma needed the dog. There was something about the dog that would make this better. She was thrown off when she opened her eyes again – Fenrir wasn't standing in front of her any longer. It was Jude. Was it Jude she was actually afraid of? It almost made her angry that her Boggart had shifted. This wasn't right. She started to picture the dog more clearly in her mind.

" _R-riddikulus_ ," Emma said, far too quietly for her liking. Well, that wasn't going to help her, was it? Her fear shifted to anger as she stared at Jude, exactly how he looked in the memory where he brought her to Greyback. She needed the dog before she completely lost it.

" _Riddikulus!_ "

Jude morphed into the black dog that immediately began to gambol around the room, barking in pure delight. Emma didn't want to laugh, but she found herself laughing anyway out of sheer relief.

Within moments, the dog was gone, and the Boggart was shoved back into the trunk. When Remus turned around, he gave Emma a curious look, but she couldn't figure out why. He looked curious, but he looked equal parts annoyed and scared. Had she done something wrong?

"It's not Greyback you're afraid of," Remus said after a moment. "It's Jude."

Emma stared back at Remus and looked past him at the trunk. "I'm scared of the both of them," she said quietly. "I didn't think it would shift like that, and it…it made me angry, actually."

"I could tell," Remus said. He rubbed his chin in thought as he studied Emma. "Boggarts can shift sometimes. I'll admit I wasn't expecting that. It almost makes me wonder if it would have changed again if you waited."

"It wouldn't have turned into you if that's what you're thinking," Emma said, placing her wand back in her pocket. "I'm not afraid of you."

Remus sighed, and his expression softened. "You did well," he said. "I told you that you could do it."

"Didn't mean I liked it…"

"No one enjoys a Boggart," Remus laughed. "Has anyone ever told you the story about how your grandparents met?"

"No," Emma said quietly.

"Really?" Remus said in surprise. "Let's head back upstairs and have some tea. It all started with a Boggart…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	28. Padfoot's Tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another full moon has come and gone, and the first Hogsmeade trip of the year arrives. However, Emma's trip to the village is interrupted by a furry friend that might not be so furry after all.

The full moon was set to arrive the day before Halloween, and Emma was less than thrilled the moment she felt the pull of the moon. That was what it had to be – _moon sickness_ as she had decided to dub it to Remus's amusement. Emma was fairly positive it didn't actually _have_ a name, but it was good enough for her. She had decided to stay the night after dealing with the Boggart and woke up Saturday morning feeling extremely agitated. Remus was not any better.

At least she finally was starting to understand what was happening. It made her feel a little better, but she was exhausted, and her diluted dose of Wolfsbane didn't seem to help as much as it usually did.

Remus served his breakfast duty, canceled his office hours, and they both spent the entire day napping on the couch together. Sunday was spent much the same, but a letter from Elara finally arrived and unfortunately didn't give any answers. The only thing Elara had been able to confirm was that Emma's infection rate was higher, but she couldn't discern what that meant. It just meant that Emma was still left with her strange blood-status.

"I don't understand what I am," Emma grumbled into Remus's chest as he pulled her into a tight hug. "At least you know what you are. I feel like I'm in perpetual limbo."

"You're you," Remus said simply. "You don't need to be anything other than that."

"That's fine, but that's not the problem. The problem is, you can't say I'm entirely human anymore, but I'm not wolf either. I don't understand it."

Remus had no idea what to say to that, and so he said nothing at all. He didn't understand either. He was just relieved that another month would go by where she wouldn't transform. That worried him most of all. Remus understood Emma's need to want to have a clear idea of what she was, but could they consider her half-wolf like Elara suggested to him? It was unheard of.

The only two things that really managed to keep Emma going throughout the week was the fact the Hogsmeade trip was on Halloween, and she kept going to see Snuffles. It was hard to get outside sometimes, but she always made it a point to bring food to the dog, and he seemed excited to see her. After what felt like the longest week ever, Emma packed her things to spend the weekend in the dorms and left Remus Friday night with a long hug. It was the first time the full moon would pass by with her knowing what he was actually going through, and she wished she could help.

"Are you excited about Hogsmeade tomorrow?" Megan asked Emma Saturday night as the girls got ready for bed.

"Yeah, of course," Emma said, peering out her window. The sky had grown dark very early, and she was trying to pinpoint when Remus would actually have had to transform. He had started to teach her how to find the correct times, but her knowledge of the proper lunar timing was shaky. Emma knew the full moon rose earlier in the night, but she wasn't sure exactly when. She wondered if it was anywhere around when she started to feel her worst. There had been a point at dinner when she was sure her head was going to explode, and she was going to be sick. The potion did _not_ help this time.

"Are you even going to be able to go? You look terrible," Susan said, looking at Emma in alarm. "You should go to the hospital wing."

Emma was more than aware that she must look like an absolute wreck. Without the help of the makeup that she had washed off her face, she looked _terrible_. She gave the rest of the girls a weak smile. She was feeling feverish, but she didn't want to make the trip to the hospital wing and potentially miss out on Hogsmeade. Pomfrey would try to keep her there. "I'll be fine in the morning."

It had possibly been the worst night Emma had felt in a while, and her cold sweats didn't break until just before 5 in the morning. That must have been around the time the moon finally shifted, and she breathed out a sigh of relief. If this was only a fraction of what Remus felt, how did he survive for so long? She wanted to call it quits hours ago.

She was sure that she had only just closed her eyes when she was woken up by Persephone.

"Whoa, you look like shit," Persephone said, yanking open Emma's bed curtains.

"Well, good morning to you, too," Emma grumbled, shoving her head under her pillow. She whined as Persephone pulled her pillow off of her and sat up. "Can't I just sleep?"

"I would, but we've got Hogsmeade to go into today. Come on, I'll fix you up, and we'll get you breakfast in the village before we get your ears done. Remus wants to talk to you before we head out – I already grabbed your earrings. I promised Daph that I would do her makeup today, too, so we can all meet in the courtyard before we go."

Emma begrudgingly pulled herself out of bed, got dressed, and allowed Persephone to work her makeup artistry. She needed it far more than she thought as she continually kept drifting off as Persephone worked. Emma had forgotten entirely that she was meant to ger her ears pierced while in the village. That was something to look forward to, at least.

"Merlin, we need to get you some coffee or something. Your dad said he would be in his office," Persephone said, dragging Emma out of the common room.

"I'm sick of stairs!" Emma shouted as she entered the Defense classroom. The office door was open, and Remus peered through the doorway, wincing ever so slightly as he walked.

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked, making his way down the stairs and gesturing for Emma to sit at his desk.

"I should be asking you that," Emma said, sitting down and propping her head on her hand. "How have you done this for so long? I don't even have to do what you do, and I'm just done."

"The potion didn't help at all?"

"No," Emma huffed. "Apparently taking it every single day this week didn't help at all."

"You should have told me. I could have gotten you something else to help or so you could have had it on hand, at least. I'll have to let Elara know tomorrow."

Emma huffed again, mildly annoyed at the possibility of having to change the potion again. She wasn't even sure what exactly they were changing, but she supposed it was better than having to suffer consistently. She would have to get the recipe for the Wolfsbane Potion sooner rather than later just to study it.

"Persephone said you wanted to talk to me, though, so what did you want?"

Remus's eyebrows raised at Emma's bluntness. He gave her an appraising look and then gestured for her to give him her hand. She looked at him questioningly but decided to acquiesce his request. She started to lift her right hand since it was free, but he shook his head, and she gave him her left instead. He fixed her with a hard stare that was full of unspoken warnings. "Do not make me regret doing this," Remus said firmly.

Emma opened her mouth to speak but immediately closed it. She was much more awake by this sudden change of events. Remus pulled out his wand and flipped her hand so that the inside of her wrist was facing up. He pressed the tip of his wand to the bracelet and caught it swiftly as it fell from her wrist.

"You took it off?" Emma asked in surprise. She pulled her hand out of Remus's so that she could rub the oversensitive skin where the bracelet had been. It wasn't a tight fit, but the band still aggravated her wrist.

He nodded, placing his wand on the table and placing the bracelet down next to it. "Yes," he said, "for the day. I didn't think you would appreciate the idea of me practically looming over you even when you're away from the castle. I am giving you a full day of freedom as a Halloween treat. Please – do not make me regret this decision."

"I won't!" Emma said delightedly, a broad smile crossing her face. She went to launch herself into his arms before quickly stopping herself. Her smile faded into a sheepish grin, and she leaned into him, giving him a much softer hug.

Remus chuckled softly. "I'm not delicate," he said, returning her hug. "I've had nearly thirty years of full moons." Remus felt her shake her head before pulling away to look up at him.

"Doesn't mean I want to make it worse if I can help it. If I feel like this, I can't imagine how you feel," Emma said quietly. She gave him another squeeze, unable to contain her excitement. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"Go, Persephone's probably waiting very impatiently for you." Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out a dark, cloth pouch, jingling it. "I think there's enough in here for you to pick up at least two dozen bars of Honeydukes chocolate for yourself. Possibly more."

"That's a lot of chocolate," Emma said, her eyes widening. "Surely you're not serious."

"You don't want any money for Hogsmeade?" Remus asked teasingly. "Then I suppose I should just take this back." Remus went to put the pouch back into his pocket, and Emma looked torn. He sighed and took Emma's hand, deposited the bag in her hand, and folded her fingers over it. "Emma – please, it's fine. Consider it payment for picking up the orders I placed at Honeydukes and Scrivenshaft's. Just give my name, they already know you'll be the one picking up my orders. Don't get into too much trouble and have a butterbeer for me."

With another quick, delighted hug and a kiss on the cheek, Emma ran downstairs to the courtyard to find Persephone.

The walk to the village was bright and spirited, and Emma felt much better in the fresh air. Perhaps it was the excitement of the day, but she felt that it was going to be a good day. The air was perfectly crisp, the leaves smelled terrific, and she was excited to be going someplace other than the grounds for once.

Stepping into the village was like stepping into another world. It immediately reminded her of Pentruf Mympwyol, and she found herself wanting to go _everywhere_. Persephone had been to Hogsmeade before and wasn't as enamored, but she indulged Emma and her curiosity.

Their first stop was to The Three Broomsticks, where Emma did, in fact, have a butterbeer for Remus. It was just before noon, and she didn't want to get too full knowing the feast was later, so she split a platter of fish and chips with Persephone.

"How have you never had fish and chips?" Emma asked Persephone in pure awe. No one should ever go through life without experiencing a chip.

"Well, you know how mum and dad are," Persephone said, taking another chip off of the plate. "The only times I have anything less than wizarding style cuisine is with you and Remus."

"I'll make sure we have this every day the next time you come over if that's the case!"

"I'm looking forward to it," Persephone grinned.

With food out of the way, Persephone led Emma to a rather small building where she was meant to get her ears pierced. It didn't appear to be much when they walked in, and Emma was worried they had walked into someone's home. "Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Yes," Persephone said with a heavy sigh. "This is where my piercings were done."

Within moments, an older witch stepped into the room. After greeting the girls, they were swept into the back of the building. Emma was still positive they had just walked into someone's home to do this, but the woman seemed to know what she was doing. Remus wouldn't have let her go if he didn't investigate himself. In barely anytime at all, Emma had earrings in her ears, and she was _thrilled_ by it. She had always loved how ear piercings looked. She had only told Persephone in secret, which led to her talking to Remus about it, but now she _had_ them.

Staring at herself in the mirror, Emma turned to the woman with a grin. "How much would it be for two more?"

Emma left the shop with four piercings in total, three in her left ear – two in her lobe, and one in her helix, and the single matching lobe piercing on the right.

"Remus is going to kill you," Persephone snickered as they walked out of the shop.

"He'll get over it," Emma said. "I'm not too worried about it, to be quite honest. They look _cool_."

When they stepped back onto the High Street, Emma couldn't help but look around longingly. "Effie, is it…all right if I went off on my own for a bit?" Emma gave Persephone a sheepish grin. "Dad's given me complete freedom for the day, and I just…"

"Mate, I get it," Persephone said with a laugh. "I can go meet up with Trace and Daphne. Just meet me around 3 at the gate? Gives you a good three hours of pure freedom."

Emma gave Persephone a quick hug. "You are the best," she said, kissing Persephone's cheek.

"Go – have fun, Little Lupin! You deserve it."

With a delighted smile on Emma's face, the girls parted ways. It made her entirely nervous, but she was filled with a giddy exhilaration. She could go anywhere for any reason at all.

With no destination in mind, she strolled aimlessly down the crowded lane of the shopping area. Spotting Zonko's Joke Shop, a mischievous grin crossed her face. She wondered what nonsense she could find to prank Remus with. The twins were always talking about the store, and she wanted to see it for herself before visiting Scrivenshaft's and Honeydukes. It didn't matter that he would probably anticipate her mischief, she still wanted to try.

As she approached the door to Zonko's, a sudden blur of black knocked into her leg. She stumbled slightly and recovered, startled to see an entirely too familiar black dog.

"Snuffles?" Emma asked, grinning at the dog. "What are you doing? Are you following me again?" The dog always seemed to follow her wherever she was like a shadow. In a way, she supposed he was.

Snuffles rammed his head into her hip with a small, almost urgent yip. He quickly bolted away, and Emma took that as the dog's way of telling her to follow. She frowned slightly, watching as people laughed as he ran through the crowds. Snuffles turned to look back at Emma and let out a louder bark, his tail swishing excitedly.

Emma knew that it was probably a terrible idea, but she ran after Snuffles anyway. She had plenty of time to go through the shops, and Snuffles seemed like he wanted her attention for something.

Snuffles was leading her further and further away from the shops and into the residential area. He made sure to keep several feet ahead, only looking back to make sure she was following. He made a sudden turn, and their journey was suddenly on an incline.

"Snuffles!" Emma shouted, panting from their chase. "Would you please slow down?" It took a while for Emma to figure out where they were going, and she skid to a halt. "The Shrieking Shack? No way! Don't you know that place is haunted?"

Snuffles was already at the fence line and stared back at her. He tilted his head in that adorable, curious dog way, and she sighed, resigned. Continuing towards Snuffles, Emma started to get a bad feeling. There was no one around, she left her wand at the castle, and there was _nowhere_ for her to go. The way Snuffles pulled back a piece of loose barbed wire back made Emma nervous. He looked far too expectant for a dog, but Emma had no idea what to do. They were incredibly alone.

It was a very poor time for her to remember McGonagall's class on Animagus, but the thought fluttered through her mind anyway. She stopped immediately in her tracks, staring at Snuffles with wide eyes. Emma was in even worse trouble than she thought.

"Shit," she said in a sharp whisper. "You're not a dog at all, are you?"

There was an almost panicked expression on the dog's face, and he growled, but Emma held her hands up in surrender.

"I'll come with you," Emma said, her stomach twisting into knots. "But please don't hurt me…"

Snuffles seemed almost offended that she would even say such a thing, and his growl turned to a whine. Taking a steadying breath, Emma crawled under the barbed wire that Snuffles moved for her, and she followed the dog as he led the way up to the shack.

"Do I know you?" Emma found herself asking the dog as she followed him. "I must if you keep coming to me…"

The moment Snuffles looked over his shoulder, and Emma truly looked at the dog, she gasped. It was almost as if several hazy memories broke through all at once. Her dreams with the black dog and a much younger and handsome man with long wavy hair made sense. At one time, she knew a man who could turn into a dog at will.

"Padfoot," she breathed, not sure if she should continue to follow or try to run. "Is that you, Sirius?"

The dog tensed up and seemed to sense that Emma was terrified and immediately stopped. He made no indication that he would do anything if she ran and just sat down. All he did was stare at her, his ears pushed back with his head low. Was he somehow just as terrified as she was?

"Well…at least you're not Greyback," Emma laughed nervously. "Lead the way."

She only received a blank look in response, but on they went until they cleared the corner of the dilapidated house. Emma didn't like that they were so far from the village, and she couldn't be seen, but she had to rationalize with herself. If this was truly and honestly Sirius Black, he had every possible opportunity to kill her while Remus had left her alone. Of course, it all depended on if this was the exact same dog, but she couldn't see it being anything but. Emma peered back the way they came, wondering if she would be able to escape if she needed to, but she was tired. It was such a long way that she had no idea if she could.

Emma shrunk back against the side of the house when she turned back and saw a rather tall and dirty man standing feet away from her. It was Sirius, but he was a shell of the man that she had seen in the photos. His hair was long and matted just like his fur, and his face looked almost skeletal. If it weren't for his eyes, Emma would swear that she was looking at a corpse. The only thing alive about the man was his shining grey eyes.

His robes were dirty and tattered, clearly worn out from months being on the run. At least he was dressed at all; McGonagall had said sometimes Animagus forget to remember their clothes when transforming back.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said quickly. His voice was hoarse as if it had been ages since he had used it. "I would never hurt you," he added sadly. "How did you know who I was, Moonshine?"

 _Moonshine_? The name brought back very vague memories to Emma, but she couldn't pinpoint any of them. Sirius seemed genuinely sad, and that was not at all what Emma was expecting. She had pictured Sirius to be almost like Greyback, feral and violent, but this man just reminded her of Remus. He was nervous and shy and unsure. But was this just a trap?

"I didn't," Emma said quietly. "Not until a moment ago, at least." She gulped, trying to figure out what exactly she should do. Seeing how skinny Sirius actually was, she was sure that she could fight him if she had to, but if he transformed…She wasn't too sure how she would fare. "Why did you call me Moonshine?"

"One of the many names I had for you. Used to drive Remus mad that I never picked a name for you." Sirius stared at her a moment and leaned from side to side to look at her ears. "Did you just get your ears pierced today?"

"Yes, but that's beside the point," Emma huffed in annoyance. Why wasn't she more terrified? "Why didn't you hurt me when you were at the cottage?"

"Moonshine, I would never hurt you. I truly mean that," Sirius said, looking hurt. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you. I just needed to get you somewhere we could talk. I need your help."

"My help? If you're here to ki-"

"I'm not here to kill Harry," Sirius said sharply. "I'm trying to protect Harry. I know what everyone and everything says – I know what Remus thinks – but none of it is true."

"What's not true?"

"What everyone thinks. I-I'm not here for Harry. I'm here to get Peter."

Emma stared at Sirius as if he had gone mental; he must have in Azkaban. Remus had told her the story of what Sirius had done. Peter Pettigrew was dead, and he had killed him, so why would Sirius tell her he was here for him?

"Peter? Peter Pettigrew? The one you killed?" she asked in disbelief.

"Dirty bastard isn't dead. He's here." Sirius grabbed onto Emma's shoulders as if to implore her to believe him, and she flinched. There was a flicker of remorse in his face, and he let out a frustrated growl. Sirius reached into his robe pocket and pulled out a torn bit of paper. He quickly unfolded it and shoved it at Emma. She took the proffered paper skeptically but looked down at it anyway. It was a clipping from The Daily Prophet from when the Weasley's were in Egypt.

"This is a photo of the Weasley's," Emma said, glancing up at Sirius in confusion until he pointed a skinny finger at the rat sitting on Ron's shoulder. "You think Scabbers is Peter?"

"Scabbers?" Sirius asked, clearly aggravated. "No, that's Peter. He's an Animagus like I am. Look at his toes – he's missing a toe."

 _Wormtail_ , Emma thought to herself. Peter was a rat.

"Dad said the only thing they found of Peter was -"

"- his finger. Bastard cut it off and blew up the whole street and left me to deal with the aftermath."

"But why did you go after Peter? Weren't you the Potter's Secret-Keeper?"

"No – Peter and I switched so that I could be yours. But I won't deny that I as good as killed them by switching."

Emma stared blankly at Sirius. This was getting weirder and weirder. Remus had told her that Sirius was the Potter's Secret-Keeper, and he had defected to Voldemort's side during the war. Sirius was the spy; he was the traitor. None of this made sense. Bile rose in her throat as she remembered Scabbers being in the girl's lavatory with her and Hermione at the beginning of the month. She wasn't sure if she hoped Sirius was lying to her or not. What was she supposed to do?

"I – what? What do you mean by that?"

Sirius heaved a heavy sigh, pulling an elastic off of his skinny wrist to pull his hair back. Emma stared at it for a moment, sure that it was one of the ones from her room that had gone missing, but she wasn't about to ask.

"There was a lot that we all kept from Remus. Peter had us all convinced that Remus was a spy because of all the time he spent living with the werewolves during the first war." His eyes grew wide. "I know that you know he was a werewolf, but did he tell you that he lived in the packs?"

"Yes, I know," Emma frowned. "I mean, you know that we weren't talking for the first half of the month, but it's come up."

"And you don't care, right? That he's a werewolf?"

"I already told you last week when you were Snuffles that I didn't. What happens one night a month doesn't change who he is the rest of the month."

"He always used to worry that you would never understand when you got older," Sirius said softly. "You were always the most important thing to him."

"Can we go back to you being my Secret-Keeper? What are you talking about?"

Sirius considered Emma for a moment. "I'll tell you more if you promise to help me. I can't tell you everything right now because I might need your help again, but I will tell you."

"What makes you think that I'll help you?"

"I don't, not really," Sirius admitted. "But you're a Hufflepuff, and if there's any trait that's guaranteed in a Hufflepuff, it's fairness."

"That's not really...fair...to use against me."

"That's not it. Not entirely." Sirius shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. His gaze softened as he looked at her as if he remembered something. "I'm very sorry to hear about your mother. She was a brilliant woman. She…I need you to promise to help me get Peter."

"And you'll tell me what you know?"

"Yes," Sirius said quickly. "Not all of it, not yet. There are certain things that I'm still trying to figure out from what you've told me as Padfoot, but I will tell you."

It was Emma's turn to consider Sirius, trying to put together their confusing conversation. The idea of knowing more about her past was tempting. He seemed genuine, but should she really trust him? He never hurt her at the cottage, and he didn't seem to have any intention of hurting her now. In fact, he had even kept his distance from her. If Sirius was as deranged as everyone said, he would have hurt her already. Worst case scenario, if she felt there was something wrong, she could go to Remus. She hoped.

She was excellent at terrible decisions.

Biting her lip, Emma held out her hand, and he gave her an awed look. "I'll help as long as you promise to tell me everything."

Instead of shaking her hand, Sirius pulled Emma into a hug. "Moonshine – thank you. If you help me get Peter, then…then my name can be cleared. I can be a free man again. Perhaps we can be a proper family again…"

The boniness of Sirius' frame made Emma sad, but she struggled to understand Sirius's comment about being family again. What did that mean? "The night of the full moon back home…you transformed back. I thought that someone was holding me, but I wasn't sure."

"I couldn't stand watching you in so much pain. You reminded me too much of Remus just before he transformed. But you're not a werewolf?"

"No, it's…complicated, and I don't know if I really understand. We're still trying to figure that out. I imagine you remember everything I've told you so far?"  
Sirius pulled back from Emma, letting her go, and nodded. "Everything," he said.

"So, you recall when I said I tried to off myself?"

  


"Unfortunately," Sirius grimaced. "Moonshine, why would you do such a thing?"

"Well, I told you already. I didn't think Dad really cared about me. He called me his daughter for about a month before he stopped out of nowhere. Then mum got sick, and then this girl I was with at the children's home was making my life absolute hell. Mum died, Dad and I got into huge fights, and then I just didn't want to live anymore."

"The girl from the lake – was she the one?"

"That would be her. With everything going on, I just gave up. I decided that I would try and make the Draught of Living Death just to end things. I figured if I botched it up, it's not like it would matter, and I could just go to sleep and never wake up."

"But she said you bled out on the floor of the classroom?"

Emma paled slightly. "I uhm, may have cut myself just to _really_ make sure I didn't make it through. Joke's on me, though, because Dad's Healer friend suggested that we use the potion made from when we did the whole adoption deal. She figured that if a werewolf can heal itself every month that the potion could do the same for me.

"It was never even a thought for Dad because he never wanted to fully complete the whole thing because he was afraid that it would turn me. Now I'm just some weird cursed thing because his blood was introduced to mine, but at least I can say he's my dad now..."

Sirius's eyes flicked down to the fresh scar that was exposed under her sleeve, and Emma nervously covered it up. "And yet you hurt yourself again even after everything? After what he did for you?" Sirius sounded almost angry, and it made Emma scared. This was the Sirius from the posters. "He did what he had to just to keep you alive! Remus _never_ wanted to be the reason someone turned, but he took a chance on you!"

"That was exactly why I did it," Emma said defensively. "He didn't tell me what he was, let me suffer for months, and didn't explain to me _why_ I suffered. I didn't know what to do, so I just…I broke." Tears sprung up in her eyes, now more aggravated. This conversation was ridiculous. "I think he thought I was going to try and off myself again. Got collared up, but he let me off my leash for the day."

Sirius nodded in understanding, mood shifting. "I think I might have had the record for wearing those things," he said quietly. "Moony did too, for a while. Did he tell you?"

"He did," Emma said dryly. "Now, can you tell me about this whole Secret-Keeper, thing?"

"All right, fine. It was at some point during your first birthday, your mother came up to me. Remus had gone inside with you because you'd managed to ruin the cake -"

"Dad showed me that…"

"H-he showed you?"

"Yeah, he, er…for my birthday this year, we used Dumbledore's Pensieve, and he showed me some of his memories."

"Did he? Bloody sentimental prat, of course he would. He always was the best gift giver out of all of us…I'm getting off track – your mother came up to me, rather frantic, begging me to serve as Secret-Keeper. She said that she was afraid something would happen to you, and she needed to make sure that you were kept safe. But she made me promise to not tell Remus and that he would figure out what to do when the time came. Your mother told me that she was positive that something would happen to her, and she didn't care, but she wanted you kept safe."

"She said that she knew something was going to happen to her?"

"That was what she said. I didn't know the context or what she thought would happen. I wasn't particularly fond of not telling Remus, but again – it was a time where none of us was sure what was happening. I think that was around the time I got worried that Remus was the spy…

"I don't know exactly what happened, other than Margaret and Jude were brought to St. Mungo's, and you were nowhere to be found. Obviously, you must have been because you're here now. How long were you in the children's home before Remus finally got you? A year? I can't imagine it took them long to find you. Although how you wouldn't know Remus was a werewolf in that time -"

"Almost ten years," Emma said quietly, cutting Sirius off. "I didn't meet him again until August before my first year. I didn't even remember him. I seemed to remember everyone else, but I didn't even know who he was. All I knew was that he was my uncle, and somewhere deep down, I trusted him with my life, but he was a stranger. I don't understand because I remember other people, just not him."

"T-ten years?" Sirius's voice was almost strangled. "Merlin, I-I would have thought… The Muggles Harry lives with…" He clenched his fist for a moment before relaxing it. "Are you still friends with Harry?"

"Not really," Emma said quietly, lifting her hand to run it through her hair. "His one friend doesn't like me for some reason. I'm very close to Neville, though."

Sirius seemed slightly placated by that. "Well, at least one of the kids got their Moonshine back. Shame what happened to Neville's parents as well, they were good people…" Sirius suddenly grabbed onto Emma's wrist and lifted it to stare at her hand. "Who used the Cruciatus on you?" he breathed out.

"The what?"

Sirius met Emma's confused face and swallowed hard, his brows pinching. "The torture curse…do you know who used it on you?"

"I don't understand," Emma said quietly. "I don't even know what that is."

Sirius let go of Emma's wrist and held his hand up. "Watch my hand," he said softly. "And then watch yours."

Emma didn't understand, but she watched Sirius's hand for a moment. It was still for a moment before giving a gentle shake. It was the exact same motion she saw her hand doing a while ago. She watched for a few moments longer before lifting her hand and waiting to see if started to do the same. It wasn't nearly as severe as the way Sirius's hand shook, but it was there. But Remus said it was from being stressed when she asked him about it…did he lie to her again?

"People who've had the Cruciatus cast on them will have this tremor. I always wondered when you were smaller…" Sirius sighed, putting his hand down. "Moonshine, you have to talk to Remus and ask him about it. I can't…You have to talk to him."

Whenever Emma felt as though she had just processed one thing, it seemed as though another thing had come up. "The torture curse?" Emma asked breathlessly. She could remember the vestiges of pain, a blood-red light…was that what that was? Was that what she remembered that one night? "Sirius, I-I have to go…"

"Moonshine…" Sirius reached out and grabbed Emma's hand. It felt so strange in hers, but so familiar.

"Sirius, I have to go. If you're telling me the truth…" Emma stared at Sirius for a moment longer and sighed seeing the worried look on his face. "I'll help you get in tonight," she said quietly. "During the feast, I'll make sure that the doors are open near the covered bridge. Not sure how I'm going to do it, but I will. Be waiting. I won't tell Dad that I saw you or know who you are. Just don't get caught."

Sirius nodded and let go of Emma's hand with a small nod. He looked at her sadly and gestured for her to leave.

Today was not a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing down the conversation with Sirius was chaotic, but I felt the situation called for chaotic. Talking in circles, never quite answering one thing, shifting to another...
> 
> ANYWAY - any theories? Ideas? Slowly starting to unravel some of the mysteries set from the first two books. Curious to know where people think things are going after all this time.
> 
> **come find me on:**  
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)  
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> 
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> 


	29. No More Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The realities of the first wizarding war hit a little closer to home than anyone wanted...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **tw: ref/implied child abuse, ref/implied sexual assault, suicidal thoughts - check tag list just in case**

Emma wasn't sure how to process the waves of emotions going through her as she made her way back to the castle. It wasn't as though she hadn't felt them all before at several points in her life, especially recently, but everything felt multiplied. She was angry, she was sad, she was confused, she was disgusted…and it all rolled in a tumultuous cycle that she couldn't decipher. Perhaps they everything she felt was beginning to blend together, but Emma wasn't too sure.

The only decipherable feeling she knew was her need for Sirius to be lying to her. He had to be lying to her, and she would tell Remus everything, and then Sirius could go straight back to Azkaban. He was completely mental, that was the only reasonable explanation she had.

Nothing about her life made sense anymore, and it seemed like something new came up every week. Emma had long since gotten over the fact Remus was a werewolf. The idea was a complete non-issue to her by that point; it was just a fact of life. She knew he was nothing like Greyback and had figured that out just from the books she read. Remus wasn't a monster, but Greyback had made it his goal to be one.

The fact that she had cursed blood and was now far more Lupin than she ever was Nickels was a strange thought to her. The fact that she was considered entirely Remus's was perfectly fine with her. She _wanted_ to be his daughter; she always did.

Emma had spent so much of her life being told that she was weird growing up. If she was strange then, what was she now? Elara and Remus both said that she _wasn't_ a werewolf, but neither of them knew enough to elaborate more. It wasn't as though she needed a label, she just wanted to understand. Was she human? Was she wolf? Was she half-wolf? Or was she none of the above? No one knew.

Then to have Sirius Black, of all people, tell her that someone had used a _torture_ curse on her as a baby? A curse that was so powerful to leave her with a tremor that only seemed to get worse when she was stressed? The very curse that had destroyed her mother and Neville's parents? Emma couldn't take it. She was an absolute freak. Remus had to know the truth.

Emma almost wished that the door to the Defense classroom was closed so she could slam it open. It might have made her feel a bit better, but instead, Emma rounded the corner of the door with a huff. When she did, Remus was already staring, clearly anticipating someone's arrival. The concerned look on his face told her that she wasn't who he expected.

"Emma? What are you doing back so early?" Remus asked cautiously, setting his quill down on his desk.

"Did someone use the Cruciatus curse on me when I was a baby?" Her question came out as a snarl, and Emma nearly flinched at the ferocity behind it. She didn't like how half of her emotions came out anymore.

Remus's expression immediately closed off, and he leaned forward on his desk. "Where did you learn about the Cruciatus?"

"Answer. The question," Emma snarled through gritted teeth. Her anger only intensified as angry tears flooded her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She had cried far too much over the past year, and she was sick of it. "Don't lie to me."

Remus could only stare at Emma, trying to figure out what exactly had led to her sudden question. Perhaps it had slipped from one of the older students as they had just covered Unforgiveable Curses. Maybe it came up in impolite conversation that she heard while in the Three Broomsticks. Or, perhaps, and he certainly hoped this wasn't the case, she had come across someone who recognized the long-term effects. Remus didn't like the possibilities of any option and decided to try and focus his attention momentarily elsewhere as he tried to think.

He tilted his head over so slightly, a frown crossing his face as he looked at Emma's pierced ears. Remus had only expected her lobes to be done, had mentally prepared himself for it really, but the additional two in her left ear was surprising. That wasn't at all what they had agreed on, and he pursed his lips. It was just another one of those things that were completely and utterly out of his control. Though he wanted to comment on it, he knew it wasn't the right time. Perhaps letting her go to Hogsmeade was an even worse decision than he thought.

Still unsure of what to say, Remus took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. He had expected Emma to go out and enjoy Halloween in the village before the feast. He had hoped for her to finally have a reprieve from all of her swirling thoughts. Instead, it appeared that it had all been for naught. No good deed goes unpunished.

"Well? Are you planning on answering me?" Emma demanded, mirroring his stance and crossing her arms.

There was a glint of fear in Emma's eyes that radiated underneath her anger. He could hardly blame her for trying to push that feeling aside, trying to build up her wall to mask her true feelings. If it were any other time, Remus might have laughed at the way she was standing – arms crossed, hip jutting out with a defiant, set jaw. It was such a typical teenage girl pose, but she was terrified. This wasn't funny.

Remus picked up his wand from his desk and pointed it at the door behind her to close it. He studied Emma's face a moment more and stood.

"Come on, I need to show you something," he said, torn between going over to her and hugging her or leaving her be. The worried crease that sometimes appeared between her brows sprung up, and all Remus could do was sigh. Her walls were cracking, and the illusion she was trying to portray was slipping. "It's about the things I haven't been able to tell you…"

Emma let out a small gasp and suddenly looked as though she didn't want to know, as if she regretted ever storming into the room. Her tongue darted out to nervously lick her lips, and she pulled one of her arms free to rub the back of her neck. She stared at Remus for a few seconds longer, and then her eyes began to look at everything but him. Remus knew Emma was scared, but her curiosity and need to understand more would win out in the end. It always did. All he could do was be there for her.

When she finally met his eyes again, she nodded, and they proceeded to their living room.

"Get yourself comfortable," Remus said. "I'll get you something to drink."

Remus gave Emma's shoulder a gentle squeeze as he walked past her. He needed a few moments to gather himself for the impending storm that was sure to come. Preparing drinks for both of them, though far too quick for his liking, would allow him that time.

It wasn't as though Remus wasn't expecting to have this particular conversation with Emma, it was the fact that he didn't want to. Telling her meant that he had failed her in so many ways in her young life. Elara and his father tried to tell him that none of it was his fault – he was too distracted, too many places at once…but he _should have known_. The fact that there were _records_ told him that he should have known.

Realizing his hands were shaking too much, Remus waved his wand to have their drinks made with magic. Even though he preferred to do it himself, he feared he would drop everything and unsettle his nerves further. Instead, he made his way to his room to retrieve the folder that held Emma's medical records.

Elara had managed to get ahold of them after a lengthy search. She couldn't understand how there were no records for Emma at St. Mungo's outside of the new file made when he took her in. If Emma was born in the wizarding hospital, there was no reason why a file didn't exist. They kept records for hundreds of years, so it had to exist somewhere. It was the file that Elara had presented to him on the last visit to St. Mungo's after duplicating its disturbing contents. After searching for weeks, she finally found the original folder started in 1979 that went until mid-October 1981.

The first issue that had left them confused was the name attached to the folder – Emma Hope Lupin. That had made zero sense to him as Margaret had explicitly told him that her name was Emelyn Theodosia at birth. Inside was two separate birth certificates. The first one, the original, declared her legal name as Emma Hope Lupin with no father listed. The other, amended nearly a year later, stated that it was Emelyn Theodosia Nickels with Jude's information added.

That alone had been concerning and left both werewolves confused as they tried to figure out what happened. It went against everything Remus ever knew about Emma, but the only person they could ask for answers was Jude. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to be possible. It had been one of the things Remus had wanted to consult with Dumbledore about but hadn't had a chance to. Suddenly it appeared that particular conversation would need to be had much sooner since Emma would find out in minutes.

The issue regarding Emma's name wasn't even the worst part. It was the reports from the Aurors and the eventual Muggle authorities that set Remus off that day. The fact that his sister had needed to try and go to two different authorities to try and fix what was happening behind the scenes was painful.

Every concern that came up when Elara ran her tests in June was a reality. They tried to explain most of it away, but there was undeniable proof. They could no longer ignore the existence of the things that had happened to Emma.

He was grateful that the examination rooms at St. Mungo's had powerful silencing charms and was even more thankful for the calming draught Elara insisted on. Without it, he would have run back up to the Janus Thickey Ward to kill Jude himself. It didn't even matter to him that Jude couldn't defend himself, he wanted to tear the man limb from limb. And then he would have gladly gone to seek out Greyback and done the same to him. Remus already harbored his resentment towards Greyback, but now his anger went even deeper. It would only make Greyback's death that much sweeter. The only benefit was Emma didn't seem to remember any of it.

But then Remus remembered their first lengthy Friday discussion, and he felt sick. Maybe she actually did.

Remus joined Emma in the living room, folder tucked under his arm and both mugs in hand. Emma sat in her usual corner, curled into a ball, and looking incredibly small. She gave him a shaky smile as she took her mug from him and gave an appreciative hum as she took a tentative sip of her hot chocolate. He would have preferred to give her tea, but he couldn't deny the therapeutic qualities of chocolate.

"You're not going to wait for it to cool off?" Remus asked, trying to keep the mood as light as possible. "You usually wait until it's cold." He sat down next to her, not wanting to be so far apart from her for this conversation. The armchair somehow felt like it would be miles away. He placed the folder down on the table, and Emma's eyes were immediately drawn to it.

"Where's the fun in waiting for hot chocolate to cool off?" Emma eventually asked, finally meeting his gaze over the top of her mug. "It's in the name, you know."

"Yes, I suppose you're right." Remus took a drink of his tea – chamomile for his nerves – set the mug down and picked up the folder again. "None of what's in here is going to be easy to take in," Remus said slowly, turning to Emma. Her breath caught slightly as she looked at him, alarmed at the grave look on his face, and she took another sip of her drink. She needed liquid courage, and the hot chocolate helped.

"It's that bad?" she asked quietly, taking another nervous sip.

"I'll just say that admitting what I am to you was far easier than this."

Emma nearly dropped her cup, but she recovered quickly, only managing to slosh it around in the cup. She took a much longer drink of hot chocolate. Remus winced, knowing that it still had to be incredibly hot, but Emma made no indication it bothered her. She set her cup down on the table, and she took a deep breath as she turned back to him.

"So…what life-changing things are you going to bestow upon me today?"

Remus sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down at the folder in his hand. "The first thing I need to tell you is that you are so much more than what this folder contains," Remus said firmly. "In a very roundabout way, I have been trying to prepare you for all of this. I wasn't planning on showing you any of this just yet because I didn't think it was the right time. I wanted to wait for a time where you were more settled and at ease. However, it appears that once again, life has other plans. I do not have all of the answers for certain things, but whatever questions you have, I'll try to answer to the best of my ability. We are still trying to find the rest of the truth. Do you understand?"

With another deep breath, Emma nodded. "I understand…" she answered but didn't sound entirely sure.

Opening the folder, Remus frowned as he shifted through pages to find both copies of Emma's birth certificate. "The first thing that we're trying to figure out is this," Remus said, handing the ornate pieces of parchment to Emma.

She looked at them curiously, but to Remus's surprise, she only looked mildly puzzled by the birth certificates. Emma stared at one and then the other, her forehead wrinkled in thought as she tried to process her thoughts. Finally, she handed one of the birth certificates back to Remus, the one that read Emma Hope Lupin and looked at him as though he was stupid.

"This is me," she said with a resolute nod. She looked at the other birth certificate still in her hand. "This isn't. This was never me…"

Remus glanced over at Emma curiously and then down to the parchment in his hand. "What makes you say that?"

"I'm a Lupin," Emma said with the hint of a smirk. She handed Remus the other piece of parchment to Remus and then shook her head. "I had to have always been Emma Hope…that was one of the things I remembered about Grandpa when I saw him again. It confused me, but it was such a strong memory of him calling me Emma Hope. The only people who I can recall calling me Emelyn are you and my teachers while at primary at the start of the year. Oh, and I suppose here as well, in the beginning… But I've always been Emma. Just Emma."

She huffed out a laugh. "I know it's too late to change it now, but Emma Hope Lupin sounds way better than Emelyn Theodosia Lupin."

"I have to agree," Remus said with a soft smile. "Perhaps we'll have to look into getting this amended again when the year lets out."

That brought a delighted smile to Emma's face, but it quickly fell. "I'm going to assume that was the easy bit of information," she said quietly.

"Unfortunately. And here I thought that was going to be difficult."

Emma gave him a wry smile before gesturing for him to continue.

"Before I show you the rest of this, I need you to realize that a lot of this explains a lot of who you are today. It also explains a lot of your later behaviors when you were a baby before you disappeared.

"You were always very particular with who you would let hold you or touch you. You had an extreme aversion to men in general except for me, your grandfather, and as much as it pains me to admit it, Sirius. You would tolerate James and Peter, but you never seemed to be comfortable with everyone together unless I was holding you. You had absolutely no issue with women whatsoever. You loved and absolutely adored Harry's mother, Lily, and you absolutely adored Neville's mother.

"What you didn't see from your first birthday is that it was a constant rotation between me, your mother, and Sirius holding you. You weren't happy unless you were with one of us. You didn't want to be put down, you just wanted to be carried everywhere, and we could only hold you a specific way. You would cling on to us tightly, not quite relaxing, and we couldn't figure out why. If we tried to give you to someone else, you made your thoughts very well known. We just thought it was because you didn't like having so many people around. I don't believe that was the case."

Emma picked up her mug thoughtfully and tried to piece together the memory Remus showed her along with what Sirius had said. Perhaps Sirius had been telling her the truth, but now she wished she had stayed to ask him more questions. She didn't get much information from him as she'd wanted. Emma took another sip of hot chocolate and set her cup back down. "Why do you believe that it's something else?"

"Because there's proof of it," Remus said, reaching into the folder and pulling out another piece of parchment. He stared at it for a moment before passing it to Emma, who only looked back at him in confusion. Remus cleared his throat, trying to keep his emotions from rushing to the surface. "That is an Auror's report from when your mother found Jude casting the Cruciatus on you," Remus said, his voice thick. "This was after your first birthday, but I have strong suspicions, and apparently your mother did as well, that it was not the first time it happened."

"Oh," Emma said, turning pale as she turned her attention to the parchment in hand. The further she read, the more ill she became. "What does the Cruciatus do exactly? I feel like I recall someone mentioning it to me before, but I don't know why."

"I was the one who told you about it a few years ago. It's the curse that was cast on your mother and Jude, and the very same one used on Neville's parents," Remus said, taking back the parchment from Emma as she held it out. "It was prevalent during the first war amongst dark wizards, regardless of whether or not they followed Voldemort. It's a curse that's designed to torture someone. It…it attacks all of the pain receptors in the victim's body. Its effectiveness is fueled by the caster's desire to inflict pain on their victim. It's hard for an average wizard to handle as it is…I can't imagine…"

The more Remus spoke, the more Emma's skin began to prickle. "It's a red color when the spell is cast, isn't it?" Emma asked, rubbing her arms as if the ghosts of the spell was coming back to touch her all over again. _Screams_ …she could remember screaming—a white-hot pain and then nothing.

"Yes, but not always," Remus answered quietly, looking pale. "You remember it, don't you?"

"I remember…the light and -" Emma stopped rubbing her arms and held her hand up in front of her face to watch the subtle shake "- I remember pain, but I don't, if that makes sense. Just…heat."

"It's one of the worst pains imaginable," Remus said sadly. "Jude deserves a fate far worse than death for it." He hesitated as he picked up a small packet on regular paper, and Emma was very quick to pick up on his reluctance.

"Why wasn't he taken to Azkaban? If it was considered an Unforgiveable…"

That was one of the questions that Remus asked himself the most, but he knew the answer. He just wished it wasn't the case. "They were Unforgiveable, but they weren't considered illegal during the war. The laws were much different then."

That was unfortunate, Emma mused. At least now she knew she had a concrete reason for not liking Jude, but she had a feeling that didn't quite explain everything. There was something in the packet that Remus held that he clearly didn't want to show her. He was holding onto it so tightly that she imagined it was the same way a dragon would hoard its treasure.

"But there's more?" Emma asked Remus quietly.

"There is," Remus said, turning to face Emma. "I need you to know that I love you – I have loved you since the day you were put in my arms. There was a part of…Moony that saw you immediately as his - I know that sounds incredibly possessive of me. My love for you has always been very strong, and I need you to understand that. If I had any idea, any at all, that this was happening, I would have done everything in my power to keep you from harm…" Remus trailed off as if he couldn't bear continuing on, and he swallowed hard.

Emma held her hand out for the packet slowly. Remus wasn't even this worried admitting he was a werewolf. He was nervous, sure, but he didn't close off like he was now. What could possibly be worse than what she already knew? And then, as she read the words at the top of the page, her stomach dropped. Things could get worse.

An old memory from her days at the children's home resurfaced. She remembered something she had seen on the television once. It was a story about a young girl, around her age at the time, who had been molested, and they were looking for the culprit. Emma didn't understand what that meant, and she regretted asking one of the workers about it shortly after. She couldn't imagine the idea of someone doing such vile things to someone. Emma never could have guessed that she was a victim as well.

She felt herself being ripped in several different directions. Simultaneous feelings of rage and complete sorrow gripped her painfully. Emma thought she knew pain, but this was the worst she'd ever felt in her life.

Unlike the Auror paperwork, which was done on parchment, it was evident this was done with the Muggle cops. The form was filled out on regular paper, the answers typed up on a typewriter and not hand-written. She tried to imagine her mother making her way to the Muggle authorities to try and fix things. Clearly, if the Ministry failed, then the Muggle police would be able to make things right. Right?

Oh, how wrong she was. The first page was mostly information she expected - names, numbers, other important information. She paused briefly in confusion as she noticed the emergency contact information held two names instead of one – Sirius Black and Remus Lupin – along with a phone number. Had they owned a telephone? What was the significance of both Remus and Sirius's names being together? She spared a glance up at Remus, trying to read his expression, but his face was blank. Emma continued on, trying to ignore how much her heart hurt as it pounded in her chest.

The second page was worse. It held actual details. Details of what her mother found, details of what the Muggle hospital found. There were mentions of more information being included in the packet, mentions of photos and diagrams that Emma wasn't sure she wanted to see.

There was a box that contained descriptions of each possible thing that could have been done to her. The possibilities seemed almost endless, and each checkmark she saw that was listed in the affirmative, the worse she felt. How could any of this have happened to her? What had she done to deserve it? _She was only two_.

An errant huff of a laugh escaped Emma's lips at the final boxes on the page. They listed the suspect as unknown, but Emma knew precisely who it had been. Her huffed out laugh came out again, and she dissolved into laughter. Emma was sure it came out in the same way Sirius's laughter came out in the photos they used in the Prophet – wild and crazed. Something she deemed entirely impossible had happened, and she knew right then and there that Sirius was telling the truth. No one could laugh so manically unless the unthinkable had happened. She closed the packet, unable to continue, and set it down in front of her as her laughter turn to sobs.

How did her life get to be this way? What sort of sick and twisted person was Jude that he would hurt her? How could so much power have been given to someone so that they could take advantage of her in a way no one should have been allowed to? She felt broken in a way that she hadn't felt in months. _She was only two_.

Emma couldn't help herself from crawling onto Remus's lap and burying her face into the crook of his neck as she cried. His arms gingerly wrapped around her, holding her close as he stroked her hair. This was safe, it had always been safe; Remus had always been safe.

The soft string of Welsh that he whispered to her evoked the stirrings of memories that she couldn't quite form. There had to be dozens of moments of him holding her exactly like this when she was smaller, trying to speak all of the things he couldn't say in English. Even though she couldn't understand everything he was saying, it was soothing all the same.

"I know who it was," Emma eventually stuttered out when her crying slowed to a point she could speak. Remus said nothing and only pulled her closer. "D-do you remember when I mentioned the memory with Greyback I didn't want you to see? It was him…"

Remus sucked in a sharp breath. He already figured that, but hearing it was worse. He gently tipped Emma's face up with a finger and leaned back to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"The…memory I didn't want you to see in the Pensieve with Dumbledore," Emma said, sniffling. "He…his hands…everything." The memory swept over her, and she felt sick. She couldn't think about it; she didn't want to think about it. Emma climbed off Remus's lap and curled back up in her corner. Suddenly she didn't feel safe at all anymore. "I think I want to be alone…"

Emma made to stand up, but Remus gently took her hand and sat her back down. "I'll go," he said quietly. "I should probably head into the village before it gets too late."

"Oh," Emma said quietly. She reached into her pocket to pull out the pouch he gave her earlier and held it out for Remus to take. He gently closed her fingers back around the pouch.

"Keep it," he said. "Consider it your allowance. I refuse to take it."

Emma stared at the pouch in her hand and nodded, dropping her hands to her lap. Her heart ached as Remus very softly took her face in his hands and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. It was such an incredibly caring gesture that it almost physically hurt. This was how her life should have always been. She should have grown up with someone who cared for her like this, but now she didn't know how to handle it. It didn't feel right anymore, as if she didn't deserve it.

"I love you so much, sweetheart," he whispered. "We'll take things one day a time. I will never, as long as I live, let someone hurt you again." Remus gently brushed his thumbs over her cheeks to wipe away the fresh tears that started. "I promise."

Emma could only give him a weak nod in response. As Remus let go of her face to head into Hogsmeade, all she could think of was the fact she wasn't sure that she could handle "one day at a time." Emma met his gaze as he turned back to look at her, looking as though he felt that he shouldn't leave. Remus paused as he searched her face, but he gave her a small smile and continued on.

With Remus gone, Emma anxiously rubbed at her arm, trying to remember not to scratch at it even though she desperately wanted to. This was too much – all of it was too much. Not only was she some weird cursed being, she now had to live with everything else? She was now not only a freak, but no one would ever want her if they knew the truth. How could she ever try to explain that to someone – that Greyback had preyed upon her so young? She couldn't.

The moment Emma hurt herself again, she knew she was walking a fine line. Admitting it to herself was difficult, but she had been walking that line since her first attempt to end her life. The rational side of her said to have someone get Remus. That would be the sensible thing to do, but there was another side that was fighting her. The warring force was telling her to just end things once and for all.

Remus had recognized her wobbling along that line, and that was why he had taken further measures to try and keep her from acting on her plan. But he hadn't put the band back on her before leaving. The only thing that kept her tethered to that line was him and her overwhelming guilt over her first attempt. However, his security measure wasn't there to save her. The more her thoughts swirled, the more Emma couldn't find it in herself to really care anymore.

Emma scrubbed her hands over her face as a sob threatened to take over again. A loud noise coming from Remus's office made her jump. Temporarily pulled out of her internal debate, Emma jumped up from the couch and walked out to Remus's office. Sitting across the way was a massive tank with a strange-looking creature. She hadn't noticed it before, but she was so focused that it was easy to miss. Curious, Emma approached it and let out a shout as it shoved its face up against the glass.

"What the hell are you?" Emma asked the creature, walking over to Remus's desk to see if there was anything that would explain what it was. Not finding anything of note, Emma sighed and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. Curiosity slowly taking over, Emma searched Remus's shelves until she found a book on dark creatures. Flipping through the pages, she searched for a picture that looked like the odd monster that was currently staring at her and making faces.

"Oh, you're a Grindylow," she whispered, looking at the creature and then down at the page. She frowned slightly as the Grindylow shoved its fingers in its mouth and bared its teeth at her. "Ugly little bugger."

As Emma kept staring at the Grindylow, she realized she could draw. Yes, she could draw the stupid ugly Grindylow and forget about everything she read. That would be perfect. It had been a while since she had bothered drawing anything, but it would be fine. She rushed out to her room, grabbing her sketchbook and pencils, and returned to the office. She turned Remus's chair around and settled herself into it, pulling her knees up to her chest.

Emma was okay, she knew she was okay. It didn't matter what happened to her, did it? No, she was fine. Remus would take care of her – he always took care of her, had always taken care of her. Even when she was small, she knew that she could trust Remus. He might have lied to her over the years, but she could understand why.

She didn't really agree with it, in fact, it still made her angry that he could be so incredibly dense, but she loved him. Remus wasn't a perfect father, but he tried his best. Right? Was there even such a thing as a perfect father? It wasn't as though she had much to compare to, but Remus had to be very close to being the definition of one.

The Grindylow pulled another face, and that was where Emma started. She made the outline of the ugly creature, trying to make sure she made its eyes right. She sketched out it's eerily pointy and thin fingers that didn't seem to match the rest of its fat body and head. Content with the outline so far, Emma moved along to its teeth. The Grindylow's teeth were like sharp little razors, and the more Emma drew them, the more Greyback's sharp smile came into focus. The Grindylow was mocking her. With a cry, she tossed her sketchbook on the floor and threw her pencil at the wall, the intensity snapping the wood in half. Her grief overtook her, tears spilling out of her eyes. She shoved her fists into her eye sockets, trying to push away the vision of Greyback's face, but it loomed closer and closer in her mind.

Emma couldn't live like this; she didn't want to live like this. Everything she learned just confirmed to her that Greyback was never going to stop going after her. Her story was woven with his years ago, and his constant presence was never going to go away. She just didn't understand _why_. She just knew Greyback was ruthless, and there was only so much Remus could do; Remus had to know that. As long as Emma was alive, her story would always involve the werewolf in some way.

If she didn't end things herself, he would be the one to do it for her. Emma saw no other possible ending. She couldn't stand the idea of Greyback being able to take more from her.

Taking a deep breath, Emma tried to reframe her thoughts. That was wrong. Remus would do whatever he could to keep her safe. She would force herself to go down to the feast with everyone else. She would get dressed in her robes and dutifully join everyone like she was supposed to. She would make sure that Sirius had a way to get into the castle and take care of that obligation. He wasn't lying to her like she thought, so maybe he was telling the truth after all.

When she opened her eyes again, the Grindylow stared back at her. For a moment, she was fine, but it bared its teeth at her again, and Greyback returned to the forefront of her mind. As much as Emma didn't want to admit it to herself, she knew that she couldn't live with the truth. She would try to make an effort to not disappoint or hurt Remus again, but she made no guarantees. She wasn't sure she was going to make it through the night. Emma just hoped that Remus could forgive her if she didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned this wasn't an entirely happy tale, right?
> 
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> 


	30. The River Styx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing good ever happens on Halloween.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **warnings are the same as previous chapter; also reminder to check tag list**

Halloween and Remus clearly weren't going to get along no matter what. His transformation from wolf to man had been in the early morning hours, and he passed out immediately after. He swore his head had only just touched his pillow when he had to get back up again. One half-dose of Wideye potion and a very hot shower later, Remus set about his day. It was a miracle that breakfast duty went by much quicker than he expected, and he made a hasty retreat back upstairs. As long as he took it easy for the rest of the day, it would be fine. He could take a well-needed nap.

It had been mildly distressing for him to see how Emma looked when she made her way up from the dorms. Everything about her screamed exhausted. Her eyes were half-closed, her movements slow, and he half expected her to fall asleep the moment she sat down at his desk. The knowledge that the Wolfsbane Potion didn't help her this time around was concerning, but he knew she would recover quickly. She always would.

Remus, in an attempt to brighten Emma's dampened spirits, decided to remove her monitoring bracelet for the day. She had been diligent in doing the things that she needed, and he felt he could trust her. Emma deserved to have a stress-free day of fun the first time she visited Hogsmeade. Remus didn't yet know it was potentially the worst mistake he ever could have made.

When Emma left, he managed to get in two more hours of well-needed sleep. He took delivery of a Grindylow from Hagrid, had tea with Harry, and then settled in to work on grading papers.

He felt the crackle of magic in the air before he heard the sound of footsteps rapidly heading in the direction of the classroom. Remus was already bothered to see Emma back so early, but her emotional state was even worse.

Every emotion on her face was conflicting in a way that Remus had never seen on her before. It had been jarring to have seen her leave so happy and excited only to have her return looking like the world was about to end. He had been taken aback by the oddly familiar scent on her, but he didn't have the chance to dwell on it. There was no possibility of Sirius being near her again was there?

"Did someone use the Cruciatus curse on me when I was a baby?"

Those words were incredibly unexpected, and it left Remus with only one choice – he had to tell her everything. It wasn't the right time, but the proper time would never be able to come now. Emma knew there was something wrong, and the incredibly determined and fearful look on her face told him he couldn't hide it any longer. He just wasn't sure how she would handle knowing _everything_.

To his surprise, she seemed to take most of it in stride. She was so incredibly strong. Her name she was so sure of, and for the first time in a month, she seemed so sure of who she was. It was refreshing to see her almost light up at the idea that she had an entirely different identity, delighted even. She had given him such an exasperated look as she passed back the birth certificates.

If Emma wanted to be known as Emma Hope Lupin, he would make that happen for her. He felt it suited her much better, but he didn't understand the mystery of her name in the first place. They only had theories, but Remus wasn't sure he believed any of them, though he wanted to. He just couldn't help but feel guilt over the last conversation they had over her name back in April. He should've paid more attention to her then.

The rest of the conversation went downhill from there. Emma took the Auror report surprisingly well, but the next report wasn't handled well at all. He had all but figured that Emma's assault had been from Greyback, but to hear her say it had been chilling. Remus hated that all he could do was hold her as she cried. It seemed to be the only thing he could do for her lately, and he felt useless. He wanted to be able to do more.

When Emma said, in such an incredibly small voice, that she needed to be alone, he couldn't deny her. He almost didn't leave, the nagging feeling he had settled uneasily in his stomach. All of this felt exactly like before, but once more, he pushed the thought aside. She wouldn't dare think of trying to end things again.

He had been surprised to not find Emma in her room when he returned from Hogsmeade. The only evidence that she had stayed at all was her discarded sketchbook sitting on his office desk and the broken pencil on the floor. Remus had to have just missed her as fresh steam was still coming from her shower. He had hoped to talk to her before the feast, but he would have to wait until after. His concern for her was growing by the minute.

Remus was pulled entirely out of his thoughts as Filius prodded his elbow to grab his attention. The feast hadn't been going on for long, but admittedly his mind wasn't there. He had just been going through the motions to try and get through the night. It was the first time he hadn't thought of how much his life had changed on Halloween. He looked at Filius, who gestured to turn his attention forward. Persephone stood in front of him, bouncing anxiously on the balls of her feet, and looking incredibly unlike herself.

"Persephone," he said in surprise, sitting up straighter. "What can I do for you?"

"Er," Persephone glanced over her shoulder towards the Hufflepuff table. "Professor Lupin, is Emma all right? She's still not here."

Remus stared at Persephone for a moment before peering over at the Hufflepuff table, sure that he would find Emma. Emma had to be there, he heard Hannah mention seeing her just before entering the Great Hall. Persephone had to just be missing her since the Gryffindor table sat between them. He scanned each individual seat, trying to push aside his panic when he didn't see Emma anywhere. This was a problem.

"I completely forgot," Remus said, giving Persephone a tight-lipped smile. "She asked if she could just go back to her room to rest. Hogsmeade completely knocked her out. Everything is all right, although I should probably go check on her."

Persephone stared at Remus as if she didn't quite believe him. She nodded and gave him a shaky smile before returning back to her seat.

"Hogsmeade tends to knock students out the first time they visit," Filius said with a resolute nod. "It's all the fresh air! I like to joke and say that it's different in the village."

Remus chuckled politely. "Yes, she's been wanting to get off the grounds for a while," he said quietly. "I need to make sure that she's not trying to set an elaborate prank for me to walk into. She's been spending a lot of time with the Weasley twins."

"Oh, yes, that might be a smart idea," Filius said with a laugh. "They can manage to influence anyone to their ways. And even if she decided to go on a walk, you'll find her right away with the bracelet!"

"Right, of course," Remus grimaced, trying to ignore the way his stomach flipped with absolute dread. The fact that he had no real way of tracking her meant the possibilities were endless. Emma was incredibly reckless when she was emotional, and with her struggling as it is, there was potentially a dire situation at hand. He sincerely hoped that she just wanted to be alone for a while, but where would she go to escape?

Emma would have never returned back to her room, especially if she was seen. She wouldn't have gone down to the dorms; there would have been too many people filtering in and out. His daughter wasn't the type of girl to run to a bathroom stall and cry, and after her first Halloween with the troll, he doubted she would consider it.

The library was closed as Madam Pince was sitting at the other end of the table, and Emma wasn't powerful enough to unlock the doors. Madam Pomfrey had decided to join in the festivities as she had no students to care for, so Emma wouldn't be there either. His thoughts idly drifted to the Potion's classroom, but Severus had warded those himself. Emma wasn't allowed in the room unless Severus was present, and Emma could never break those charms. That sent Remus's mind spiraling in a different set of thoughts, and he nearly shot up from his seat.

One of the things that had always scared him about Emma was how calculating and resourceful she was when she wanted to be. She could be manipulative, quickly twisting situations to benefit her needs, but she often chose not to. Her stubbornness and defiant determination made her an absolute terror because once her mind was set on something, she wouldn't back down. Emma could be ruthless and cynical to the point that she could easily lead herself back into danger.

Remus peered around the room and forced himself to breathe despite his tightening throat. This was the perfect situation for her – everyone was distracted.

Emma would have easily taken advantage of the commotion of the feast and his momentary lapse in judgment. He wanted desperately to blame those traits on the company she kept, but the more time he spent with her, the more he realized she was like that on her own. It was no longer a surprise to him why she was considered for Slytherin.

However, it was Emma's other qualities that had kept her from the house of the snake. Emma was incredibly sensitive and empathetic. She was loyal, fair, kind, and possessed compassion that unfortunately didn't extend to herself. He wished that he could convince her to start treating herself better.

Remus had felt incredibly guilty outright asking if Emma had another plan to end her life, but now he was glad he did. It had been difficult to get the details out of her, but it was helpful to know where she would go. He didn't want to think about it, but with the full moon just passing and the information she was given, her threshold would have been crossed. The entire night was perfect for her to act on her plan without worry and fed into her opportunistic nature. Everyone would be too distracted, exactly how she'd want it. He just had to hope that he wasn't too late.

"I'm going to head out," Remus said, giving Filius a tight smile. "I believe that she might have gone on a walk instead, and I should go join her. If anyone asks, please inform them I have retired for the night. If I run into any issues, I'll send word."

Filius eyed Remus curiously but nodded. "Of course," he said after a beat. "We'll continue our conversation tomorrow at lunch?"

"Of course," Remus agreed, standing up slowly. He slipped out of the Great Hall at the back of the room, utilizing one of the passages reserved for staff. He couldn't stand the idea of walking the length of the Great Hall in front of everyone, though it would have been much quicker. When he made it out of the hall and to the entrance hall, Remus made sure the doors of the Great Hall were closed and took off at a sprint. He ignored the sharp ache of his pleading muscles as he ran through the castle towards the courtyard attached to the clocktower. He always did hate Halloween…

The massive doors to the courtyard were cracked open, just wide enough for a rather small person to slip through. He was relieved that she hadn't changed her plan, but what would meet him when he got outside? He wrenched the doors open and out into the moonlit courtyard. Remus spared a glance at the traitorous ball of light and growled in frustration. It would have only fueled Emma's thoughts, even in its waning state. Emma still didn't understand that just yet, but perhaps that didn't matter.

In an entirely different circumstance, Remus would have let out a sigh of relief seeing Emma on the bridge. However, Remus knew that haunted look on her face. He had seen it before he had sent her back to Hogwarts after her mother's passing.

Remus had to assess the situation and fast. She clearly didn't plan to make things easy if she were to get caught. It appeared she had planned to go to the feast, but changed her mind last minute. Emma's robe lay discarded where he stood, her wand sitting almost carefully on top of the crumpled garment. Rather than wearing a skirt, she had opted for trousers for practicality. It was almost as though she had prepared herself for a possible encounter. Her trousers were tucked into the boots that Lyall purchased for her before term, ready for a hasty retreat. It appeared her plan was more thought out than he'd hoped.

The quiet resolve on Emma's face worried him, but there was a flicker of doubt that had settled itself in her expression. If he hadn't seen this exact trance-like state in her before, he wouldn't have known what to look for. Her decision hadn't yet been made. Still, her eyes were focused on the ravine down below. Though her crying was silent, her tears shone in the silvery moonlight. She was hurting, and all Remus wanted to do was take that pain away from her, but he needed to get her somewhere safe first. This couldn't be how things ended.

Emma's hand gripped tightly to the slim wooden frame that made up the architecture of the open-air window. One foot was planted firmly on the skinny ledge, but her other leg dangled safely within the confines of the bridge. It wasn't a perfect situation, but it was slightly more reassuring. If he could get her entirely within the confines of the bridge, he was confident he could clear the distance and grab her. Not all hope was lost.

"Emma," he called out, just loud enough to pull her out of her thoughts. The last thing he needed was to startle her and have her let go before he had the chance to talk her down. There was no outward recognition that she heard him other than her involuntary shiver. The average person would have missed it, but he didn't. He always knew – _Moony_ always knew.

Remus took a cautious step forward, and Emma's illusion immediately broke. Though she didn't move and didn't turn her head, she cast him a wary side-long glance, her lips parting to let out a slow breath. Her concentration was broken quickly, and that worked in his favor. She wasn't anticipating his presence. "Emma," he repeated, watching her tense up, her fingers gripping tighter to the wood. Emma's attention returned to the ravine, wanting to block him out, but it was too late.

"I know that you hear me," Remus said, taking another few steps forward. He wondered if she would let him get close enough that he could pull her back if she didn't do it herself. "I can _see_ that you hear me."

Emma's face twisted slightly with aggravation as she watched him out of the corner of her eye. He had already messed up her plan by being there, but she was determined to try and shut him out. Her brows pinched as she shuffled herself slightly further along the ledge.

"What are you doing out here?" Remus asked, taking another step, which caused Emma to finally look at him in a panic. He had gotten too close to her, though there was still at least 15 feet between them. He put his hands up in surrender. "I won't come closer."

Emma studied him carefully, swallowing hard. Her eyes flicked to the spot she knew he kept his wand in his jacket, an eyebrow raising. Remus sighed, reaching into the inner pocket of his blazer and pulling out his wand. He made sure to show it to her before placing it down on the ground. The action seemed to appease her as she visibly relaxed, but she was still poised for confrontation.

"There," Remus said softly, keeping his eyes locked on hers. "I'm no longer armed. I would like to talk to you. Will you please come down from there?"

A contemptuous snort left Emma's nose. "You might not have your wand, but I'm not stupid," she said, her voice full of disdain. She pushed herself to the other side of the window, her back was pressing against the frame. There was a moment of hesitation where she stepped off only to step onto the ledge of the next window. "We both know that you not having your wand means nothing."

"You're right," Remus admitted, "but I wouldn't dare insult your intelligence by trying to use wandless magic."

Rage flickered across Emma's face, her eyes narrowing. "You know that's not what I mean, _Moony_."

Remus sucked in a sharp breath at the scathing use of Moony's name. Though he didn't blame her, it upset him that she was so quick to want to hurt him by using the one thing that he hated most. The way it was spat out with venom brought unexpected tears to his eyes. She really wanted nothing to do with him…but that wasn't his focus right now.

"You should have just let me die the first time, Remus," she said, her voice breaking as she looked out at the ravine.

His name sounded incredibly foreign coming from Emma's mouth. It had been so long since she had said it with that tone of voice – cold and impersonal. She was trying to distance herself in any way that she could with her words, but the rest of her painted a different picture that left him confused. Emma looked defeated; her shoulders slumped as she leaned against the window frame. Her defiant expression had dropped, and she just looked hopeless and sad, all of her weight being held up by the thin railing.

Remus took another step forward and immediately stopped as her head whipped around to look at him. Something had cracked in her expression to give way to fear that she quickly masked. That was the information Remus needed – Emma was scared, and she desperately needed reassurance. She didn't want to end her life, she wanted to know that she was still wanted despite everything.

"Why would I have let you die?" he croaked out, trying to force his voice to remain steady.

That wasn't the answer she was expecting. She stared at Remus for a moment, her lips parting as she tried to process his words, and then her eyes were looking everywhere besides him. "Y-you said that you would have let me die if things were different," she said almost breathlessly, pulling up the conversation they had earlier that month. "Things are different now, so you should just let me go…"

Remus never regretted saying those words more than he did then. He wasn't sure why he had said them in the first place because he never meant them. He rubbed his forehead, trying to figure out how he could get out of it. He realized if she still believed that, she never read the letter he sent with Zeeley earlier that month. She had gone an entire month believing the words he had said, not understanding what he was trying to tell her. That made the situation more complicated, but he had to stay in the moment and try to fix it somehow.

"I know that's what I said," he had to admit, slowly inching himself closer. "I never wanted you to die, Emma. I'm so sorry that I ever made you believe that."

"B-but you said you would have," she said, blinking quickly as she met his gaze. "Y-you said that y-you would have preferred I die than be like you."

 _Fuck_ , he was so incredibly stupid. Why couldn't he have just told Emma everything he meant in person instead of relying on a letter that she never touched? If he could only say the words and tell her, she would understand. He said it because he was afraid she would never wake up. He couldn't stand the idea of her transforming at all, but transforming while never waking up? That was an absolute nightmare.

"I never meant it," Remus said, shaking his head. "I regret saying that because it wasn't true. And you're not like me - you're _you_ , Emma."

"You d-don't say things you don't mean," Emma said, her gaze calculating as she tried to determine if he was lying. "You think about what you want to say too much to not mean what you say."

"I do, most of the time," Remus said quickly. "But I'm not perfect, I'm far from perfect. I never wanted you to die, I just didn't want you to suffer. Those are two absolute truths that I can give you."

"And yet you've lied about so much," Emma said, her voice breaking as her tears started to fall again. "How am I supposed to trust you? Do you even actually love me at all?"

"Emma, please," Remus pleaded, rubbing his hands over his face. This was his fault. He let out a shout as Emma turned herself, almost as if she was about to jump. "Please – don't. Don't jump. God, yes, Emma, I love you so much."

Emma turned again to look at him. "Are you sure? Because you lied to me for so long, I don't know what to believe anymore," she said, taking in a deep breath. "You didn't tell me that you were a werewolf for years. You acted as though it was coincidence that Greyback showed up my first year, and I _believed_ you. You didn't tell me that the reason I lived was because of you. You never told me that I was taking the _Wolfsbane Potion_ , a potion that, by all rights, should have killed me from the aconite alone. You have known this entire time what happened to me and never said a word. You never thought to tell me any of it?"

She scoffed, leaning slightly into the bridge's confines. "If you would have just told me any of it…about _you,_ I could have helped this entire time. You didn't have to make stupid excuses as to why you had to leave." Emma wiped away her tears with a huff. "Do you honestly think I've ever cared that you're a werewolf? Because I never have! I don't understand why you thought that I would ever care."

"Emma, I swear to you that I didn't know any of what happened to you until a few months ago," Remus said, his voice thick. "I never would have…If I had any idea of any of it, I would have never let you out of my sight. I _never_ would have thought someone would use the Cruciatus on you. You were so small.

"Yes, I was aware that you had a slight tremor, but there were so many reasons why you could have had it. You were incredibly nervous around me in the beginning, and you never discussed your time at the children's home. It wasn't until Elara brought me your old records that I understood. If anyone else knew, they never told me. My heart breaks every time I think about it, and I'm angry with myself for never realizing. I should have known before, and I am so incredibly sorry."

Remus dared to take another step forward, but that was apparently too much for Emma's comfort. She stepped down off the ledge and took a few steps back, but this time she didn't climb back on the ledge. Her hand skimmed the railing as if she wanted the option, but she remained within the confines of the bridge.

Emma peered over her shoulder, freezing slightly before whipping back around to stare at Remus and keep him in place. Though the situation wasn't opportune, at least Emma was precisely where he needed her to be. As long as Remus could keep her talking, that was good.

"I didn't want to tell you the truth because I never wanted you to think that I was like Greyback," Remus said earnestly. "I know what he can do to a person, and I didn't want you to be scared that I would hurt you. It was selfish of me to not tell you, and I realize that now. Cariad, I never would have kept anything from you had I realized it would have hurt you anyway."

He sighed, running his hands through his hair. "I don't want you to feel as though you have to help me. I leave so that you don't have to worry about me and so I don't have to worry about attacking you on accident. You say that you don't care what I am, but I'm still incredibly dangerous."

"But I don't _care_ ," Emma said quietly. "You shouldn't have ever had to go through it or alone or have been uncomfortable because of me." A noise that was half sob, half bitter laugh escaped Emma's lips. "But it doesn't matter. I can't keep going knowing…knowing that _he's_ had me. How am I supposed to live with knowing what Greyback's done to me? No one would ever want me after knowing that…I'm disgusting. I'm not…it wasn't my choice. I didn't get to have a choice…"

"I didn't get to choose either," Remus said softly, taking a few steps forward. He just wanted desperately to pull her in his arms so that he could try to communicate what he was trying to say. Remus didn't like being vulnerable, preferred to tuck everything away, so he didn't have to think about things, but Emma needed it. He took in a shaky breath and took another step closer. She had allowed him to get at least another five feet closer to her in her confusion. "He never gave me a choice either…and I'm not talking about the fact he was the one to turn me."

Emma stared at Remus blankly, her tears slowing as she tried to make sense of what he was trying to convey to her. She blinked slowly, her hand slowly dropping from the railing as she stared. It seemed to hit her all at once, her eyes widening with a soft gasp as she shook her head.

"No, you can't," she managed to splutter out. "You're lying…"

"I'm not, Emma," Remus said, his stomach twisting painfully. "I told you – if anyone understands you, it's me. I have never once lied to you about that. I have never said it as a way to try and make you feel better. I say it because I truly and honestly understand. None of it was your fault, please, I need you to believe that. You are perfect just as you are, and I love you. I will always love you. I will always be on your side, sweetheart."

Emma could only shake her head, still not quite able to believe him. "I don't want to live like this," Emma whispered, her voice raspy with the effort of talking through her tears. Her eyes began to dart everywhere, unable to focus on one thing.

"You won't always feel like this," Remus whispered back. "I know that it's hard, but you're not alone. I know that you are scared, but you are so incredibly strong. I have so much faith in you."

"Please," Emma cried, her hand finding her necklace and clutching onto the pendant. Remus could see that she wanted to believe, she wanted that hope, but she couldn't find it herself. "I can't…I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. I'm not strong like you are."

"Baby, _please_ , you are far stronger than I am," Remus said, praying to every deity he could think of. He needed this to be the one thing that would convince her he wasn't lying.

Emma's eyes shot back up to meet his, her gaze glassy and unsure. She straightened up for a brief moment before her shoulders slumping in confusion. Her thumb rubbed against the sun that sat between her fingers, and that glimmer of hope he longed for was in her eyes. It was faint, but it was there.

"What did you say?" she asked breathlessly. "You've never…you've never called me that before."

Remus let out the breath he had been holding and dared to get closer to her. She watched him warily, but she made no indication she would run.

"I have," Remus said shakily. "I-all the time when you were small. And I have more recently, but evidently, you don't remember."

"I-I would remember if you did – if you said that," Emma said, almost accusingly. "When? You're lying to me again."

"Sweetheart - baby girl - I am not lying to you," Remus said, closing the distance between them slowly. "The last time was at your grandfather's, during the worst of when you were sick before the full. You were…it was terrible. I was desperate to ease your suffering, and I was terrified you were going to turn that night. I didn't know what to do for you because nothing was helping. I wasn't at all sure that the Wolfsbane would have even helped you so close to the full, but I tried. All I could really do was just hold you…"

Remus trailed off, took an unsteady breath, and continued, "I held you in my arms, and I called you baby because it was what soothed you when you were smaller. At the time, it felt like a slip of the tongue, but it wasn't. I have spent far too much time worrying about what other people would think about how things would look, without considering what _you_ wanted. I never stopped to think that you would be okay with it, and I am so sorry. I don't know that I'll ever be able to explain to you how sorry I am."

He grew quiet, wanting to give Emma a moment to let his words sink in. He needed a moment to breathe before divulging more of his innermost secrets and thoughts. Remus had spent so much time keeping his thoughts hidden away, had worried about them for so long that saying them aloud was terrifying. But Remus knew that he needed to break through to Emma somehow to make her understand. She was his whole world, but she didn't believe him.

"I don't understand, and I don't know that I ever will, but there's a part of me that feels like this was meant to be," Remus said, his voice trembling. "Not this exact moment – I don't think anyone could have expected this – but I mean with us. Emma, the day you were born changed me completely. Moony immediately connected with you on a level that I've never understood; _I_ connected with you.

"I don't know why, but I feel like you were always meant to be my daughter in the end. I think that you were always meant to be my baby girl, my sunshine, from the very beginning. I can't explain to you why, because I don't know, but that is the absolute truth. The idea of having a child at all…you know that scares me, but you are such a radiant part of my life that you've made it easy. I promise, with everything that I have, that I will do whatever it takes to care of you – because you are my daughter. I will never break that promise again, and I will do whatever it takes to show you that."

Emma's breath seized in her chest, and she broke down with a heartbreaking sob. She began to crumple to the ground, but Remus surged forward to catch her in his arms and held her tightly. He carefully sank to the ground, pulling her close, grateful that she was going to stay alive for another day.

"I'm sorry," Emma sobbed, her hands fisting into the front of his shirt. "I'm so sorry…"

Remus held her close, running a hand through her hair and finally letting his tears fall. "Shh," he soothed, "I've got you, baby girl. I promise that I will always be here for you, no matter what." Unable to speak, Emma just nodded, burying her face in his chest as she cried.

They stayed that way for what felt like an eternity, just holding each other. Remus had never been more relieved, and to some degree, he hoped that Emma was as well. He had never planned to tell her so much, but she needed him.

Remus chanced a glance up at the sky, but the moon had barely moved. A moment that felt like hours had only taken at most a half-hour. The feast would still be in full swing. He would have to get her back inside before it was over.

Emma was slowly coming down from her heightened emotions, her sobs becoming soft sniffles and hiccoughs. She leaned heavily against him, not fighting him as he gently wiped her face with a handkerchief.

"I'm cold," Emma murmured, her voice tired and hoarse.

Without a second thought, Remus pulled off his robe and wrapped Emma in it. Fueled by pure adrenaline, Remus scooped her up in his arms and stood slowly. Every bone and every muscle in his body ached, but he knew that Emma was too exhausted to try. It wouldn't be the last time he would have to take care of her like this, but he had a job to do. He wouldn't let Emma fall again.

She tucked her head into the crook of his neck, her crying starting anew as she held onto the front of his shirt. Not wanting to stay out on the bridge any longer, Remus began his journey back to the castle. He only stopped to bend down and pick up his wand. With some careful shuffling, he wordlessly summoned Emma's robe and wand as they passed.

Instead of entering through the main doors, Remus walked through the courtyard and took one of the side doors. The last thing he needed was someone to come across them. He didn't need someone to get the wrong idea and have her put into St. Mungo's, the last place he ever wanted her to go. If she had to go, then he knew without a doubt he would never see her again.

He could bring her back to their quarters, convince her to eat, and then tuck her into bed. He could figure things out in the morning when they were both well-rested. They both needed sleep.

If Remus had been paying more attention, he would have noticed a black dog slipping in through the doors he had failed to close. Emma, who had turned her head up slightly, had been watching over Remus's shoulder the whole time had noticed. When the skinny body of Padfoot disappeared into the castle with a swish of his tail, she buried her face back into Remus's neck without saying a word.

Remus had no idea what had just transpired or the additional damage that was about to be caused. He had no idea that Emma's breakdown created the perfect diversion to distract him. He had no idea that he had just been an accomplice to helping Sirius Black get into the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	31. Same Story, Different Tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The same moment, told different ways.

Being Padfoot was a much easier task than being Sirius Black. As Padfoot, Sirius was left with much simpler thoughts that didn't leave his head spinning. He almost preferred living as his much hairier self these days. Simple thoughts, dog emotions, but human reactions – it was the perfect way to live. Being Padfoot meant that he didn't have to remember the crippling cold of the Dementors or the constant reminders of what he'd done. He could just exist, and that was what he needed to do.

Sirius wasn't at all sure that his Moonshine would come to help him like she said. He sat anxiously amongst the tall rocks of the stone circle at the end of the covered bridge. All he could do was hope.

He had taken a considerable risk by revealing himself, but he couldcn't wait any longer. Emma seemed to trust him as a dog, perhaps she could trust him as a man. It had been so long since he'd seen her, but he thought about her as much as Harry. Moonshine had always been a very sweet girl, except for when she pulled on his hair as a baby, of course.

Sirius had been so nervous to see her the first time at the cottage he had shared briefly with Remus. He had been worried when he caught Remus's scent, but instead, a girl came through the front door. He had been alarmed to see a child coming towards him, not expecting it at all. Had Remus had a child? But then he gave a sniff, and he understood. It was _Moonshine_ , and Merlin, she looked exactly how he'd always hoped. Green eyes, the same soft and wavey light brown hair that he adored on Remus, and the sweetest little face he'd ever seen. She was perfect.

But her story wasn't as happy as he'd expected, and it had only gotten worse when he finally got to speak to her. It was a convoluted tale, unexpected and not at all what it should have been. His heart broke hearing what it took to actually get to where they were, but then he had gone and screwed things up. He _had_ to mention the Cruciatus Curse.

Sirius had known about it when it happened, remembering the frantic cries of Margaret, but he had never said a word. They weren't sure who the spy was, and he was afraid Remus would have done the same. If only Sirius had known…

Padfoot perked up from his perch in the stone circle when he heard movement ahead. He gave a sniff, hoping to catch a scent on the wind. Was she really helping him? He nearly barked with excitement when he caught the scent of her apple shampoo that made him sneeze. He could hardly believe his luck!

However, something was wrong. Emma's scent was tinged with something else. _Fear_. Fear and sadness. He stepped cautiously onto the bridge to try and figure out what was going on. Even as Padfoot, he felt those feelings the most, and it made him worried.

He watched, head tilted, as Emma stopped at the entrance of the bridge. Tears were falling down her face, and she hesitated where she stood. After a moment of thought, she unclasped the front of her robe and let it fall to the ground. She then pulled out her wand and placed it on top of the crumpled clothing, and stared at it for a moment. Her hands went to the necklace around her neck, and that was where Emma completely stalled out. Emma's hands slowly moved from the clasp at the back and brushed her fingers over the pendent. A heartbreaking sob suddenly tore through her, her knees buckling slightly, and her hands dropped back to her side. Straightening up, Emma took a deep breath. When Emma stepped onto the bridge, it was Sirius's thoughts that broke through Padfoot's mind.

Sirius dared to transform back into a man – something was terribly wrong. Emma was in such a trance-like state that she barely even registered that he was there. He moved quickly, meeting her in the middle of the bridge where she stopped and turned to face out towards the waning moon.

"Moonshine? What are you doing?"

Emma's head shot up, her all-too-familiar eyes meeting his, and Sirius's stomach dropped. He felt like he was looking at a much younger Remus all over again, broken and destroyed. Emma's face was wet with tears, and there was such anguish behind her eyes, and the nervous energy coming off of her was crushing.

"T-the door's open – just go," she rasped, her voice barely higher than a whisper.

"And where are you going?"

A mirthless laugh left Emma's lips as she gestured out towards the open windows of the bridge and towards the ravine down below. "Away," she said simply.

"Where exactly is 'away?'" Sirius asked.

"Down there," Emma said, walking over to the windows and standing on the tips of her toes to lean out and look down. "Into the river."

 _Shit shit shit, this wasn't good_. Sirius had done this before with Remus, but it had been years. He couldn't let this happen. What had happened that would lead her to want to try and end her life again? The first time he could understand, but this couldn't be a reaction to just the Cruciatus Curse. What could she have learned that would make her feel this way?

"From where you are now, Moonshine?"

"Don't call me Moonshine," Emma snapped, turning her face towards him with a glare. Her tears had stopped for a moment as she studied him. Her gaze turned swiftly back out and to the ravine. "Yes. From where I am now."

Sirius felt sick, reminded far too much of the time Remus wanted to jump from the astronomy tower. Of course, that had been entirely his fault – he had never stopped to think, but he couldn't dwell on the past. Moonshine needed help, and with an anxious flip of his stomach, he realized it was once again his fault. If he had only kept his mouth shut…Remus would never find a reason to try and forgive him if Emma jumped.

"And why do you think that's a good idea?"

Emma turned to look at him as if he was absolutely mental. Perhaps he was. Azkaban did strange things to one's mind, but he was entirely in the present. "Because it's the only thing I can do now," she said quietly. "No one could ever love me for what I am…"

The fact that Emma looked so much like Remus made her words that much more haunting. Sirius sucked in a sharp breath and shook his head. "Why would you say that?" he asked softly. "Moony – Remus – loves you. _I_ love you."

"I don't even _know_ you anymore, Sirius," Emma spat. "How can you say that you love me?"

Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair, ignoring the pain as it caught on the tangles. There was so much that he wanted to tell her, but he couldn't. He couldn't tell her any of it because no one knew.

"Because I have always loved you," Sirius found himself saying. It was a truth that he could give her, but he wanted to tell her more. "I know it's been a very, very long time, but I have never stopped loving you."

A frustrated huff left Emma's nose, and she placed her hands on the railing and leaned over the side of the bridge. "Be that as it may, no one else could ever love me. I'm a _freak_ , used…who would ever want anything to do with a used and destroyed half-werewolf freak like me?"

"Moonshine, sweetheart, what are you –"

"Call me Moonshine one more time!"

Sirius never expected such a deep rage to come from such a small body. Her face twisted and her eyes flashed in a way that he was sure that she would try to attack him. He had seen that same flicker of anger in Remus's face, it was an almost animalistic response, and it worried him. Half-werewolf? What had they done to her? Sirius understood that she was cursed, she had told him, but he didn't understand. Had Remus bit her? No, she said there was a potion. It was making his head spin as he tried to understand.

The whole entire thing was bizarre and sounded like the exact opposite of what Remus would ever do. However, he could see Remus doing anything to save the small and terrified girl in front of him. Remus had always adored Emma more than anything. After she was born, it was all Remus could talk about for weeks. Remus would do anything for her.

It was the "used and destroyed" comment that left Sirius at a bigger loss. Was she referring to her self-inflicted scars? What did she mean by used? Sirius almost wanted to transform back into Padfoot to avoid the impending headache, but he couldn't.

"Moon – Emma – what do you mean?" Sirius asked, taking a few steps closer to Emma. She tensed up as he took the spot next to her, and he lifted a hand slowly. Emma watched him in confusion but didn't move. When she didn't flinch away, Sirius ran his hand down the back of her head and stroked her hair. A surprised breath escaped her lips, but she leaned into his touch.

"T-they think that…that I might have a wolf or whatever, but they don't know," Emma said, her voice trembling slightly. She closed her eyes, shifting a little closer to Sirius.

Sirius was relieved that she didn't seem to mind him stroking her hair. It was almost like she desperately needed it, and if it kept her anchored to the bridge, he would keep doing it. Her hair was incredibly soft, just like Remus's.

"Who is 'they?'"

"Dad and Elara," Emma answered.

"E-Elara Douglas?" Sirius asked in surprise.

Emma opened her eyes and turned to look at Sirius in surprise. "You know Elara?"

"If it's the same woman, she's a werewolf that Remus met during his time in one of the packs," Sirius explained. "It was one of the few times Remus ever spoke about a mission. She was freshly turned, and he felt terrible. Elara was one of the few werewolves that he tried to convince that she could live a normal life."

"Well, I guess it worked," Emma said, unconsciously leaning against Sirius as he continued to stroke her hair. "She's been my Healer for the past few years."

"A werewolf at St. Mungo's? I never would have seen that being possible…"

"Because it's really…not meant to be possible," Emma whispered. "I'm not too sure how she gets away with it because she won't tell me. Whatever she does works, though. Her goals have been nothing but noble. She's made it her goal to try and help as many werewolves as she can with whatever they need. If the system won't actively help, then why couldn't she?"

"She sounds impressive," Sirius answered quietly. He couldn't help but wonder if that meant Remus and Elara were together. It wasn't as though Sirius ever expected Remus to wait and pine for him, but it still hurt. They had so many plans. "But what about the rest of what you said? What do you mean?"

Emma immediately closed off, and she straightened up, taking a few steps away from him. "You were right about the Cruciatus," Emma said quietly. "Jude h-he cast it on me. I don't know why, but he did. But that's -" Her face twisted as she started to cry again. "T-that's not the worst part."

Sirius frowned, unsure of what he should do. He wanted to pull Emma into his arms and hold her to try and ease the pain, but he didn't want to push. It wasn't his place to be that person, not anymore.

"What is it, Emma?"

Emma's cry was strangled as she tried to hold it back. She wiped at her eyes angrily. It was clear that she was frustrated and hurt. Her hands gripped hard to the railing of the bridge, and she shook her head.

"I was…I was assaulted, Sirius," she choked out. "By Fenrir fucking Greyback when I was two. No one could ever love me because of that…"

Sirius was positive that he stopped breathing, and he had to force himself to remember to take air into his lungs. That was the last thing he ever expected to hear come from her mouth, and he was fueled with a wave of new anger. How had he not known? Why had Margaret never told him? Unless it happened near the end of October, where everyone had been too busy, he should have known. Margaret never would have kept that from him.

It was unthinkable, impossible, but it was hard for Sirius to forget what things were like during the war. The entire landscape was a wasteland of depraved acts and violent crimes. If Emma was subjected to Greyback at such a young age…The werewolf was ruthless, and there were no boundaries to his vile actions. No one was safe from the monster, but Sirius couldn't understand how that would happen. He desperately wished he could talk to Remus to find out.

"Emma…" Sirius whispered, feeling incredibly helpless. Emma retreated into herself in the exact same way Remus used to, but it wasn't entirely the same. Remus easily compartmentalized his trauma, had grown used to sectioning off portions of himself to survive; but Emma didn't do that. Emma wore her heart out on her sleeve, hoping and begging for others to not hurt her. But now she was broken and lost and confused.

"I can't do this, Sirius. I can't live like this," Emma managed to say through her tears. She looked at Sirius for a moment and looked back out at the ravine. Her mind made up, she gripped hard to the wooden frame and planted a foot firmly on the ledge. "I can't do this. I have to end this…Fenrir won't stop. He's already…"

"He's already what?"

"He's tried to come after me," Emma hiccoughed. "He's never going to stop. I can't – I won't let him get me. Not again."

Emma pulled herself a little higher, fully prepared to pitch herself over the side, but Sirius grabbed onto the back of her shirt.

"Emma, _please_ think about this," Sirius pleaded. "Remus loves you so much. I know that you're scared, but I'm scared for you, too. He wouldn't ever let Fenrir get to you."

"But what if he can't stop him, Sirius? I know what he's like…"

"Remus would _never_ let it happen. You need to trust him – he loves you," Sirius said quickly. "If you jump, there's no coming back."

"How do you know that he would never let it happen? Sirius, he lied to me. If he loved me, he wouldn't have lied."

"And you know how incredibly stupid Remus can be. He gets scared, and he worries too much, and he doesn't think about his actions all the time. Believe me, I've felt the same way as you so many times." Sirius sighed as Emma relaxed her grip and moved a little further into the bridge as she looked at him. She looked as though she didn't entirely believe him, but she seemed curious to hear more.

"Remus can be incredibly stupid. Don't get me wrong, he's brilliant, but he…growing up wasn't easy for him. It wasn't easy for him, and it wasn't easy for me, but we had each other, and we got through it. You have to trust him and take care of each other. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I can promise you that he needs you just as much as you need him. He can be absolutely terrible at showing people that he loves them, but I've seen how much he loves you. I can tell you that without a doubt that he loves you more than anything. I promise you."

Sirius fell silent and turned his head in the direction of the door as they slammed open. He took a sniff of the air and frowned. "That's Remus," Sirius said quickly. "I can't stay...he wouldn't understand, not yet." He let go of Emma's shirt, reluctantly. "Don't do this, sweetheart. I know that you don't believe it right now, but he loves you. I love you. Trust him, trust yourself – you are strong. Don't do this."

Emma stared at him out of the corner of her eye, and as he transformed back into Padfoot, she turned to stone. He had kept her from going over the edge, he just had to hope Remus could stop her completely.

He didn't want to watch, but he felt compelled to in the shadows of the stone circle. Sirius was positive that if he wasn't Padfoot, he would have lost it completely. Remus could be terrible at situations like this, though he tried. He worried that if Remus said the wrong thing, it would set Emma off again. The only benefit that Remus had on his side was Emma wasn't as confident in the idea as before. But could he keep her grounded where she was?

It was incredibly painful to watch. The scent of fear was so strong from both of them, intermingling in their similar scents but dividing in their pain. It made Padfoot bristle nervously, wanting to run far away from the heavy emotions, but he had a job to do. All had could do was wait and watch and hope. Their exchange was heartbreaking, though, and it took everything in his power to keep from making a noise.

He nearly made a noise the moment Remus tried to explain to Emma how much he understood the thoughts in her mind. Sirius didn't know that Greyback had done the same thing to Remus. He had just thought Remus's sudden and overwhelming withdrawal had only been from guilt. They all thought he was the spy, but that wasn't it at all; Remus was trying to cope with what happened to him. Sirius had never felt guiltier in his life, remembering the angry conversations they had. Those arguments were what led Remus to buying the cottage in the first place and leaving. If only he could take it all back…

There was an overwhelming sense of relief the moment Remus finally broke through her wall and continued to try and get Emma to see reason. All it took was one word – baby.

Merlin, Sirius could remember all of the times any of them would pick her up and call her anything besides her given name. Baby, baby girl, babyface, baby chick – if it was a word that could go with baby, she was called it. Of course, there were other names said with an incredible amount of love – Moonshine, Chocolate Frog, Princess, Pumpkin, and Remus's personal go-to, Sunshine. Still, nothing made Emma happier than just "baby."

Sirius personally loved when Remus would speak to her in Welsh, enamored by the simplicity of called her Cyw or even Blodwyn Tatws. It didn't matter what Remus ever said to her because he loved the way the words sounded rolling off his tongue. Emma did as well, giving him delighted smiles and giggles as Remus would tickle her sides. It didn't take long for Sirius to realize Remus did so much because Emma loved it. They loved each other. Life should have been so much different.

There had always been an unspoken desire for the two of them to have children, and in Remus's mind, Emma was the closest he would ever get. If only Sirius could have told Remus the truth. If only he could realize what was now right in front of him…

To Sirius's relief, Emma dropped to the ground, no longer able to support herself, but Remus was there to catch her. Remus had always been there to catch her, perhaps far more than Sirius ever had when she was smaller. Remus and Emma always had such a strong connection, and Sirius was glad that it didn't break, they just need to figure out how to strengthen it. Sirius hoped with everything he had that this was the turning point for them.

Sirius watched as Remus carefully gathered Emma into his arms, and he watched longingly, wishing that it was the both of them. In a way, he supposed it had been both of them working together. It was just done separately.

Emma turned to look over Remus's shoulder, having caught him watching earlier. She silently pleaded with him with her eyes, begging for forgiveness. While Sirius would grant it to her, now wasn't the time. He had too much work to do, and it all started with a rat.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

Emma's entire body ached, but not in a good way. Her head was pounding, her muscles were sore, and she felt she had never felt more tired in her life. She had felt tired before, but this was a full-body tired that started at the tips of her toes and ended at her pounding head.

The only real consolation to her physical ailments was the fact she felt incredibly warm. The castle was slowly starting to grow cold as the autumn air prepared itself for winter, and she was bundled comfortably in her blankets. It helped that there was a steady warming charm in her room, but the blankets helped.

Emma cracked an eye open and let out a relieved sigh that it was still dark. Her blue flames were still flickering, and in the soft glow, she noticed the thin black band that was attached to her left wrist. Every single memory of the day prior came back at her, and she felt her stomach sink. She fucked up. Again.

The memories of the night prior cycled through her mind over and over again; the nauseating realization of what happened to her as a child, Sirius's words in Hogsmeade and on the bridge, the devasted look on Remus's face. Her stomach clenched painfully with remorse. Emma had never meant to have Remus live through her selfishness again. She certainly didn't mean for him to find her. Emma swallowed back the bile that rose up her throat at the realization of how he must have felt. She was the absolute worst daughter in the world.

The worst part of it all was how incredibly gentle Remus was with her, especially when they made it back into the castle. He took such an incredible amount of care with her that she didn't deserve. Emma had tried to take advantage of the things she knew would hurt him the most, but he still took care of her. The man was a bloody saint for dealing with her. She hadn't been at all kind to him the entirety of October.

A soft gasp escaped her lips at the further realization of what she'd done. She _knew_ Remus hated Halloween, and she nearly gave him a reason to hate it further. Halloween had changed both of their lives, and she almost made it even worse. Emma suddenly felt as though she was the worst person in the world. What was wrong with her?

Emma could vaguely remember the way he cleaned her face off with a warm cloth. He didn't once complain when she would immediately start crying half-way through, and he would have to start the process all over again. The way he helped her get changed out of her clothes into her pajamas was done with such an incredible delicacy. It had been a process all by itself, but he was so careful to help her maintain her modesty. She would have just fallen asleep in what she was wearing, but her pajamas were truly appreciated.

He stayed with her once he managed to get her into bed. He tucked her in with all the tenderness in the world, toed off his shoes, and laid on top of the blanket on his side next to her. He ran his hand through her hair, staying close but leaving a space between them so that he didn't break the already fragile bubble she had. When her crying started with her broken apologies, he only summoned the warm cloth again and proceeded to clear her face. In her eyes, it was such an impossible task after everything she'd done, but he _never once complained_.

But of course, he couldn't stay. Dumbledore requested his assistance – Sirius had made it into the castle. He didn't want to leave, trying to think of an excuse to stay, but he had a duty to try and find Sirius. With a hastily given Sleeping Draught, Remus made sure that she was tucked in and left, locking her door on the way out. She didn't particularly enjoy the idea of being trapped in her room, but she wasn't given much time to dwell. The potion worked fast.

The entire reminder of the previous night made Emma sick to her stomach. Did Sirius manage to get Peter? She wasn't sure how she could even manage a conversation with Remus to find out. Emma wasn't even entirely convinced that she could _look_ at him again, not with how sorry she felt. She truly was the best at making bad decisions.

With the threat of breaking down again, Emma forced herself to sit up. She wasn't even sure what time it was, but when she turned to look at her clock on her nightstand, she found it wasn't there.

It was evident that Remus had come back into her room at some point. Otherwise, the bracelet wouldn't be back on her wrist. Did he really need to take her clock, though? With a sigh, Emma got out of bed and made her way to the curtains to pull them open. Nothing made sense – it was far too bright. Had Remus made the curtains darker? Normally the light would filter through at this time of day.

Curious, Emma took a look around her room to try and figure out what else was amiss. Her wand was a given – Remus wouldn't trust her with it. She heaved a heavy sigh at her missing potion's kit, and then realized even her bag was missing. It didn't appear as though too much else was missing, which was a relief, but she wasn't looking too hard.

Not wanting to think about it, and wanting to wash the previous night away, Emma decided to take a shower. Perhaps she would feel better when she was clean. Apparently, it made things worse – Emma couldn't stop thinking.

She had every possible plan of jumping despite hating the idea. It wasn't her first choice, but potions were out when all she had was her kit and no cauldron. She planned to be up and over the railing before anyone even noticed her missing, but Sirius ruined that. If it weren't for Sirius, she probably would have jumped, but she had been fascinated. No one ever had a bad word to say about Remus except for Snape. Sirius knew a different side of Remus, a more human and imperfect side.

But then Remus came out and made things worse. She didn't want to have to listen to what he had to say when she already had her mind made up about him. Remus didn't love her, he didn't care, but the more he spoke, the more she understood that he did. He was genuinely terrible at showing that he loved her, but he'd always been miserable at it because he was afraid. There had been silent boundaries that he put up and refused to cross, but he was trying. He planted seeds of doubt in her mind that she didn't know could be sowed. _Did she want to end things?_

There was a big part of her that did. She didn't want to deal with the reality of her past, but did she want the reality of her future? Emma wasn't entirely sure, but then Remus gave her such incredibly precious secrets that left her dizzy. Greyback had done far more to Remus than she'd ever expected. _He understood her pain_.

It seemed unreal to Emma that there was such an immense depth to Remus's understanding. She never considered the possibility, had been so sure that those things couldn't happen to men as well, especially to Remus. He was strong, and he was fierce, and he was everything she looked up to. If he could get through it, perhaps she could, too, but that wasn't what broke her.

Remus downright terrified her by telling her that he had always seen her as his. The very idea, as much as she had always longed for it, was terrifying. It was all she ever wanted to hear him say, to have someone tell her that she was theirs, but dreams were often better than reality. Wishful dreaming didn't fill you with dread, reality and the truth did. By Remus telling her his reality, admitting that he felt that she was his, it meant she had to be better than she was.

The person she wanted to be was afraid of constantly disappointing Remus all the time. He didn't deserve to have to try and figure her out all the time. He shouldn't have to deal with her continually lost mind.

The idea of being Emma Hope Lupin for the first time since she was born had suddenly become an impossible task. Could she ever be the person that she had once been named?

While Emma wasn't sure that she could, Remus seemed determined to try. He had told her the entire time he laid with her. Remus wasn't giving up on her, even though she had given up on herself. Remus planned to help her in any way he could, and God, Emma had never been more unsure of anything in her life. She wanted his help, never wanting to put him through the horror of what she'd done, but could Remus really help her?

"Try," he told her in a broken voice. "That's all I ask."

Emma decided she could try, but where did that leave them now?

Shutting off the shower, Emma got dressed and tried to leave her room. The door was locked, and she pulled at the knob with a whimper; she couldn't be trapped. She gasped in surprise when the lock clicked, but suddenly she didn't want to leave. Instead, she crawled back into bed, staring at the door. When nothing untoward occurred, she curled back up under her blanket, turning on her side and facing the wall. Sleeping seemed like a much better idea.

Her eyes had just closed when her door opened. She wasn't sure if she should try to pretend to be asleep, but instead of opening her eyes, she kept them closed. Maybe Remus would believe she was sleeping and would leave; she wasn't sure that she could handle looking at him. She had never been more ashamed of herself.

Apparently, that was all wishful thinking as she felt the mattress dip. She felt a gentle hand rub her arm, and she was sure that she would break again. How could he be so kind to her?

"I would ask if you were awake, but I think we both know how pointless such a question is," Remus said softly. "How are you feeling, baby?"

There it was again – that single stupid word that gave her such an overwhelming feeling of hope. She felt her face twist almost threateningly with a suppressed sob, and she buried her face in her pillows. She was tired of crying.

She couldn't understand how just hearing one word could throw her entire world upside down. It was such a spiraling feeling of confusion. Emma loved it, and she hated it all at the same time. Someone loved her enough to consider her their baby, and she didn't know how to handle it. Remus didn't care how old she was, didn't care that so much time had passed and that she was a complete mess. She was his baby girl, and nothing she ever did was going to change that in his mind.

It made Emma feel guilty. Hopeful, but guilty. She couldn't understand how Remus could still feel that way after everything she'd done.

"I don't know," Emma answered, rolling over so that she was facing Remus. She couldn't convince herself to look at him fully, but she took in his teaching robes with curiosity. "What time is it?"

"I actually just let my last class out. The school day is over."

"It's four-thirty already?" Emma asked, daring to meet his eyes for a moment in alarm.

"Just about four, actually. I have a double on Monday afternoons, remember?"

Emma didn't remember, actually. Even if she did, she would have been far too busy dwelling on the fact that she had missed an entire school day, and Remus let her. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You needed to sleep," Remus replied. "You wouldn't have slept so long if you didn't need it."

"I'm still tired," Emma murmured, closing her eyes as Remus pushed her hair back behind her ear. He was still incredibly gentle with her.

Remus chuckled softly, running his fingers through her hair, careful not to touch the fresh piercings in her ear. "It was a rough day for you."

"It was for you, too," Emma said, opening her eyes to meet Remus's gaze. Her guilt only intensified as he gave her such an incredibly loving look. He looked worried, but his eyes were so full of love, and she felt herself breaking all over again. "I'm sorry…"

Remus sighed and shook his head. "Just so you know, I'm not upset with you," he said softly. "I'm incredibly worried, but I'm not upset."

"I don't know how you're not," Emma croaked, turning her face into her pillow, not wanting to break down into tears again. She felt a sob trying to work itself through her body, but she forced herself to take deep breaths.

"Because I know what's going through that brain of yours. I've been there, I understand how you're feeling right now. Do you understand that now?"

"I wish that I didn't…"

"That makes two of us," Remus said, standing up for a moment to shrug off his robe. "I truly wish that I could go back in time and change everything for you. If it was possible, I would do it in a heartbeat."

"But what about you?"

Remus sighed as he unbuttoned his shirt sleeves to roll them up. "I did what I had to do to survive. I've had a lot of time to come to terms with what happened. You, on the other hand, became the victim of a war that you never should have been a part of."

"But –" Remus pressed a finger to Emma's lips to silence her. She looked up at him in confusion, fully prepared to protest, but she thought better of it.

"I don't want to hear it, Little One. You don't need to worry about me – ever," Remus said with a huffed-out laugh. "It's my job to worry about you, not the other way around."

"Things are going to change, aren't they?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," he said softly. "It's going to be hard, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here every step of the way."

Emma sighed, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Remus held Emma's gaze for a few moments, and she nodded. He held his arms open for her, and Emma leaned into his embrace, holding onto him tightly. The idea of everything terrified her, but perhaps she could believe Remus for once and trust him like Sirius said.

Perhaps she could try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	32. The Physical Manifestation of Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Difficult problems unable to be solved by typical solutions require a new way of thinking. Sometimes it takes an unusual route to find the answer.

Remus had no idea how things could be okay and not okay at the same time, but that was exactly how things were. It was quite possibly the longest week he'd ever experienced, and he had just dealt with the lead up to the full moon only days prior.

The days went in waves, some moments better than others, and Remus couldn't help but muse that the weather outside seemed to match Emma's inner turmoil. Monday started out nice and sunny – hopeful, but by Friday night, the weather had shifted dramatically. The sky was dark, the wind was violent and howling, and the rain slammed hard against the windows. Lightning would flash across the sky, leaving odd shadows against the walls. Remus felt that the atmosphere only made Emma's mood worse; the change in weather left her worried as if it was her fault.

Friday nights were always difficult, but this one, in particular, was more challenging than usual. Emma didn't want to talk, and only half-listened to what Remus had to say. He knew that he should be more willing to push the conversation they were meant to have, but it was clear he wasn't going to get anywhere. Emma was only sitting there because she had to be. Part of him wanted to just let Emma go to bed, but a part of him wanted to keep her there. There had to be something he could do.

Remus let the silence continue between them just so he could observe Emma for a few minutes. She sat in her usual corner on the couch, knees pulled up to her chest as she tried to wedge herself further in the corner. Emma ran a finger against the fabric of her pajama bottoms, the action almost methodical as she tried to distract herself. Emma couldn't even get herself to fidget as much as she usually did, thoroughly exhausted from everything. He allowed himself to reflect on how the rest of the week had gone, trying to figure out how to try and pull Emma out of her thoughts.

Against his better judgment, Remus allowed Emma to take Dreamless Sleep three times that week. A regular Sleeping Draught wasn't strong enough to keep her asleep. Her thoughts were keeping her up late, and the moment she managed to fall asleep, she would wake up screaming. Emma's nightmares had never been so terrible before.

She had abandoned her room in favor of staying in his room. Between the potion and having him close, it was the only thing that kept her calm enough to sleep. It was exhausting, and Remus wasn't entirely sure he had really slept at all. His thoughts were going a mile a minute as he was at a complete loss. The possibility of having to pass Emma's care off to someone else was looking like more of a reality. He knew that Emma didn't want that, but he was terrified for her. Things were swiftly moving out of what he could handle, but he would give it another week or two before making his decision.

After avoiding him for most of the week during the day, she had finally gone to him Thursday night, and it felt like how things used to always be. It was refreshing to not have her be around him and say that she was sorry several times in a conversation. He wasn't sure that he could handle hearing those words from her anymore. Remus knew that she was sorry, and he tried to tell her that, but she still continued to say it. He thought that perhaps she had been tired of saying it too that night, but it was something else that had her distracted.

Emma stepped into the living room like she'd done every night that week before going to bed, just watching him. Remus had picked up on Tuesday night that she didn't like him acknowledging that she was there, so he went about things like usual. Rather than looking up from the papers he was grading, or the lesson plans he was reworking, he let her just watch. There had been many nights when Remus first brought her home where she had done the same thing. He didn't mind it at all because it meant that she wasn't anxious; she was curious, trying to work through the things in her mind. However, there had been something that seemed almost insistent about Emma's gaze that evening.

A part of his brain told him to shift from his armchair to the couch to see what she would do. He was worried it might disturb their routine, but Remus could practically feel her mentally pushing the thought into his mind. The moment he lifted himself from his armchair and moved to the sofa, the energy in the room shifted with a slight buzz of pure excitement. In practically no time at all, Emma sat down next to him, and that was when Remus noticed the photo album sitting on her lap. He had completely forgotten all about the photo album his father gave her their first Christmas together.

It was a simple hardbound book, unironically in Gryffindor colors – the cover was in a brilliant Gryffindor red and bound at the spine in gold. Remus had no idea that Lyall was giving it to her that Christmas morning, and it now looked very well-loved. Remus could see in his mind the younger version of Emma sitting anywhere she pleased, just flipping through the pages watching as the scenes played. She had always loved that the photos moved. Even though she couldn't remember what was happening, she told him it made her feel like maybe someday she could. Much like with other books, he had often found the album next to her as she fell asleep. When was the last time he had seen her with it?

Curious, Remus looked at her, surprised to see that she actually met his eyes. She opened her mouth to say something and then immediately closed it, her gaze turning to the photo album in her lap. To his surprise, Emma then lifted his arm, pulled it around her shoulders, and snuggled into his side. It had been so unexpected that Remus needed a moment to process, and he felt Emma tense up. Before she had a chance to second-guess herself, he relaxed, rubbing her arm gently to reassure her that what she did was okay. It took her a minute, but she followed suit, snuggling contentedly into his side.

She set the album on his lap and flipped through the pages until she found the photo that she was looking for. Unable to figure out how to use her voice, Emma just looked up at him expectantly, gently tapping the photo. She wanted to know the story behind the picture, and a soft smile crossed his face. There had been many nights where they had done precisely this, but they had never gotten through the entire album. Lyall had stuffed the album with nearly every photo worth sharing from the first two years of Emma's life that he had, and there were a lot.

Remus looked down at the photo and sighed, his chest tightening as he really took a look at it. The moment was chaotic, and Remus wasn't even sure if he could describe it accurately. The time before the photo was actually taken had started out well but then dissolved into what the picture had become.

It was meant to be a group photo with some of the Order members and their three "newest members" – Emma, Harry, and Neville. It was just before the Potters went into hiding, well before Frank and Alice were tortured, and well before Emma disappeared. It was taken around Christmas in 1980, meaning Emma was a little over a year old and energetic, and Harry and Neville were only six months old. Remus had purposely slipped away from his mission at the time just to be home for Christmas, and he was grateful that he did. When they were all gathered together, things were simple.

Emma, who was in Remus's arms, was pulling hard on Sirius's hair and giggling at the pained look on his face. Harry was crying in James's arms, looking at Lily in a panic as she just shook her head. Neville sat calmly in Alice's arms, looking at the other two, looking as confused as a six-month-old could. Frank and Peter were laughing at the entire situation. A charmed plush toy dragon of Emma's would fly by the group, and all three children would stop to watch before immediately returning to what they were doing.

He couldn't remember who had even taken the photo; perhaps his father did because they had all gathered in Wales that year. Maybe Margaret, he couldn't remember. He recognized the fireplace in the sitting room and the garland that lined the mantel.

By the time Remus finished with the story of the photo, a small smile had found its way to Emma's face. She immediately flipped to another photo and then another and another, and he told her the story of each one. Seemingly pleased with Remus's stories, she picked the album up and began to close it, but a loose photo from the back fell out.

A quiet huff left her mouth as she looked at the photo that had fallen on the floor. She pried herself from Remus's side to bend down to pick it up, her brows pinching slightly.

Remus couldn't even remember the photo being taken, and Emma quietly whispered the same, finally finding her voice. She wondered when the photo was even added to the album because she had never seen it before but admitted it had been a while since she'd gone through the album. They both watched as the scene played itself out over and over. Life had changed entirely for them in that photo, and neither of them really knew it.

They couldn't pinpoint the exact moment the photo was taken. It was a completely candid photo at some point during the dinner that Dumbledore took them to after Remus adopted Emma officially. It felt like so much time had passed since that day that it didn't even seem real anymore.

At some point that night, someone decided the moment needed to be remembered and took the photo, and Remus was wondering why. It seemed as though nothing of importance was going on. Dumbledore was sat at the end of the table, talking to Sage and Ellis. Caspian was looking around at everyone, just listening. Persephone appeared to have been talking to Lyall, her hands gesturing animatedly about whatever she was saying. Then Remus finally figured out why the picture was taken. It wasn't meant to show the entire scene, it was meant to show Emma and Remus how they once were together.

Emma's chair had been pressed up to Remus's at some point, and she was leaning into his side with his arm around her shoulders. Her smile, sleepy and happy, reached her eyes; it was genuine, and it was when Emma always used to smile like that. She would sneak a glance up at Remus before nuzzling her face into his chest, closing her eyes, and forgetting the others were there. Remus, when Emma wasn't looking, would peer down at her as if nothing else in the world mattered. He would gently brush her hair out of her face, a slow and loving smile crossing his face, and he would pull her a little closer. It was exactly what he wanted at the time, and God, he wished he could go back to that moment to fix things.

Though they were surrounded by others, it was like they were in their own little world, taking on the world as father and daughter for the first time. Remus had been nervous but delighted about Emma finally being his, and Emma was ecstatic to have him be her father. They were both excited at all of the possibilities, all of their unspoken plans.

It was a completely different time, one that wasn't ruined by fear or death or Greyback. The horrors of Emma's past weren't yet brought to the surface, and Remus wasn't completely terrified of Emma being exposed to the world just yet. Neither of them knew that their happiness would last less than a week. Even worse, Remus guiltily remembered that he had so quickly taken a step back and ignore all of the promises he made to Emma that day.

He never stopped taking care of her or worrying about her, of course, but he felt that he couldn't be her father. Remus felt that he had already failed her by allowing Greyback to get close to her, and he didn't want that responsibility anymore. After Greyback broke into her room, he felt the entire thing was a terrible decision, that it was his fault that the werewolf paid a visit. Remus had felt that having Emma as his was his way of acting on the selfish and guilt-provoking thoughts he had when she was just born. He just couldn't be that person anymore.

Remus remembered so many nights spent talking to Sirius discussing the possibility of just taking her and running off together. He remembered the way Sirius would laugh and say that they should – just run away from the war, move somewhere no one could find them, and raise Emma together. Sirius joked that they could fake their deaths, change their names, teach her magic themselves, and raise the strongest little witch that the world had ever seen. Of course, it also meant trying to figure out how to bring the others with them, but they would figure that out later. Sirius refused to go anywhere without James, and Remus admitted he would love Lily's company to help with the little girl. They both agreed that Peter had to come with them – he was such a huge part of their family of misfits.

Remus and Sirius desperately wanted a family together, and Emma was right there, ready-made. With the use of blood magic, it would be easy to make her look like the two of them. No one would ever know. Emma had inspired so much hope between the two of them, and he frowned as that thought flit through his mind.

He looked down at Emma, his brow furrowing slightly. One of the theories that he had come up with Dumbledore had involved Sirius. In fact, Sirius came up frequently in their discussions, and Remus hated it. He hated the possibility that Sirius could have been Secret-Keeper for both the Potters and Emma. Remus hated the idea that Sirius had been the traitor. He hated the potential that Emma could have died because of Sirius. But was that true? As Remus looked at the girl under his arm, he found himself doubting everything.

None of it made any sense, and he almost wished he could confront Sirius himself. Remus had almost wanted to find Sirius on Halloween, just to make him suffer for ruining everyone's lives. He had spent years imagining the moment but had given up on the idea – Sirius had been in Azkaban where he belonged. However, now Remus just wanted to hear what Sirius had to say and ask questions.

Remus knew that Sirius was lurking close by and could catch his scent on the breeze sometimes. The guilty part of him knew that he should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus, but he couldn't convince himself to tell the man. By telling Dumbledore that truth, it meant admitting he betrayed his trust while in school. Remus already felt enough guilt without adding that to his ever-growing list. He needed to talk to Sirius first.

If he were to confront Sirius, could Remus believe him? He wasn't sure that he could easily accept what Sirius had to say. However, Sirius had been _in_ the cottage with Emma for days and didn't hurt her. All it would have taken was a swift killing curse using Emma's own wand, but he didn't. In fact, Sirius had taken care of her, something that had left him confused. Sirius's scent was the only one on Emma when he had returned from Paris and found her asleep on the couch. He had been the one to carefully wrap her up and move her to the couch, but Emma never said a word. She had no idea.

The very possibility running through his mind was impossible. That selfish part of him almost hoped for it to be true, but it _made no sense_. It would change so much, make him feel more guilty, but it didn't matter. It was impossible – it _had_ to be impossible. Remus would have known. The new theory in his mind wouldn't have been something Sirius would have kept from him. _Unless Sirius thought Remus was the spy and was a threat_.

Remus couldn't help but suddenly feel like it wasn't a coincidence that Emma had been named Emma Hope at birth. It no longer felt like a coincidence that he was told an entirely different name for Emma.

"I think Professor McGonagall took the photo," Remus had said quietly, needing to pull himself out of his thoughts. He could think more about his theories later. Emma had come to him because she wanted to spend time with him, and he needed to be present for her.

Remus tried to take in everyone who was in the photo and noticed that she was the only one missing. He would have to thank her for it, but it didn't quite explain how the picture appeared in the first place. Perhaps it had been sent to Lyall, and he had tucked it into the album on one of their visits. Remus couldn't remember anyone having a camera, but Minerva could effortlessly transfigure a working camera. It wouldn't surprise him in the least.

Emma only hummed in agreement, staring at the photo for a little while longer. "This was only two years ago," Emma whispered, finally setting the image aside to nestle into Remus's side, just like in the picture. She curled up, tucking her head into the spot underneath his chin, and sighed. "What happened to us?"

That was the very question Remus asked himself often, wishing he had another answer than the only one he had. "Fear," he said softly, running his fingers through her hair. "Fear happened to us."

Another huff left Emma's lips as she closed her eyes, relaxing against him for the first time in what felt like months. Remus couldn't remember the last time Emma had been this relaxed in a cuddle, soft and serene. "That's stupid," she muttered with a yawn. It didn't take long for Emma to drift off, snoring lightly.

"It is," Remus whispered in agreement to her sleeping form as he watched the photo continue to play out.

Remus pulled himself back into the present, still watching as Emma ran her finger over her pajamas. She didn't appear to have noticed that he had stopped talking at all, too focused on her thoughts. Thinking about the previous night gave Remus an idea. He wasn't sure if it would work, but he would give it a try. They figured things out in the beginning, why couldn't they figure things out now? Things were a little more complicated now, but Remus was determined to help Emma again. He refused to give up on her.

"I want to try something," Remus said, finally ending their silence. She jumped slightly at his voice, her eyes lifting slightly and her brow furrowing at his interruption.

"What?" Emma asked quietly, just barely meeting his gaze.

"I want to teach you the Patronus charm."

Emma's face twisted in confusion. "Why? What good is it going to do?"

"It's the physical manifestation of happiness. Why shouldn't I teach you?"

"Because I'm not happy." Emma's eyes finally met his for the first time that night. There was such incredible sadness behind them, but there was curiosity. That curiosity was what Remus needed to bring forth and keep strong. She knew that the Patronus charm was extremely advanced magic and had expressed wanting to learn. Remus wasn't opposed to trying an unusual solution to help reframe Emma's thoughts, and she always liked a good challenge.

"Well, the good news is that the Patronus relies on happy memories," Remus said, sitting back in his chair. "You don't necessarily have to be happy to cast it; you just need to be able to pull that happiness from within."

"What if I don't have happy memories?" she snapped, curling into a tight ball on the couch.

That was the reaction Remus was afraid of. She was prone to lashing out in her fear, already having it in her head she couldn't accomplish things. Remus had gotten quite skilled that week at deciphering whether she was speaking out of fear or anger. This was absolutely fear.

"You mean to tell me that you've _never_ felt happy before? I find that hard to believe." Remus knew what Emma was like when she was happy, had been reminded of it just the night prior, but she was _scared_. If he could convince her that she could cast the charm, then perhaps she could start to see things differently. Remus knew that he would never be able to change her past, but he needed her to see the possibilities of the future. He knew that Emma had the power to cast it, but it was all going to come down to whether she felt that she could.

Emma was quiet as she studied him, and then doubt came back in. She shook her head, turning to watch the fire. "I can't do it…"

"You've never even tried, so how do you know?"

"Because I do!" Emma said sharply, fixing him with a glare. "I know I can't." She turned her back to him, curling into the couch the opposite way.

Remus sighed and stood up from his chair and crouched down next to the couch. She begrudgingly met his gaze when he brushed the backs of his fingers against her cheek. It was a gesture he used to do frequently, a silent expression of his adoration for her. There was a flicker of recognition at the familiarity of the action in her eyes, and she relaxed slightly. Perhaps she missed the gesture; he would have to remember that.

"Will you please try for me? I know that you can do it."

"Fine," she said after a beat. She stretched herself out and made her way to her room to retrieve her wand. When she returned, she looked down at her wand in her hand and sighed. "I really don't think I can do this."

"You can," Remus said. He stepped in front of her, gently gripping her shoulders as he bent down to be on her level. "I promise – you are far stronger than you think. You can absolutely handle this."

"You told me that most people can't make a Patronus, though," Emma said, looking nervous.

"I did, but you're not like most people. Do you know the incantation?"

"No," Emma said, shifting Remus's hands off of her shoulders. "You never told me."

"Well, it's very simple," Remus said, straightening up and placing his hands in his pockets instead. "Repeat after me -" A small smile crept onto Emma's face, but she quickly rubbed it off her face. It was easier for her to handle Remus as a teacher, but not much else, and he was okay with that. They were taking things one day at a time, after all. "- _Expecto patronum._ "

" _Expecto patronum_."

"Very good," he said softly. "But that's the easy part, much like any spell that requires force of mind. You have to think of a happy memory and allow that memory to fill you up. Do you think you can do that?"

"No," Emma answered quietly. "But I know that's not what you want me to say."

Remus chuckled and stepped off to the side to clear the way. He thought about bringing her down to the classroom to try and teach the spell, but their living room would be adequate. It would be some time before she could achieve anything substantial. "Because I know that you can do it," he said. "Close your eyes – try to think of something that has made you happy in the past."

Emma cast Remus a doubtful look but closed her eyes anyway. This was like the Boggart all over again, but harder. With the Boggart, all she had to do was visualize something funny, but the Patronus meant she needed something more concrete. Emma supposed that there had to be some time where she felt truly happy. It wasn't as though she had lived her life entirely feeling as though she was locked in her mental prison. But what made her happy?

Chocolate, of course. She adored dogs, and despite knowing that Snuffles – Padfoot – was actually a man, she had enjoyed her time with him when he was a dog. She loved books a lot. But did any of those lead to true happiness?

She knew that she had to dig a little deeper, but it was frustrating. The only moment that she could really think of off the top of her head was the first time Persephone kissed her. It was her first kiss, so that had to be a happy memory, right?

"I think I have one," Emma said, opening her eyes and looking up at Remus, incredibly unsure.

"Do you think that it's strong?"

Emma frowned, trying to think about that moment again. "I think so."

"Then give it a try."

Taking a deep breath, Emma held her wand out, trying to imagine that night. The entirety of dinner had been terribly awkward, but she remembered the nervous look on Persephone's face. She remembered the way they just seemed to gravitate towards one another, the nervous holding of hands, the gentle brush of their lips. It had been ages since Emma had felt that same fluttery feeling, and that was the feeling she tried to bring forth.

" _Expecto patronum_ ," Emma said, willing for something, anything to happen. When not even the wisp of the spell came from her wand, she looked up at Remus crestfallen. She couldn't do it, just like she'd said.

Remus's smile was gentle, just as it always was. "Don't get discouraged – that was only your first try. Try it again. Try to bring that memory up again, allow it to fill you up, and speak the incantation."

Emma didn't think that she would get anywhere with the spell, but she would try. Maybe if she just focused a little more? She tried to think more about that night, about what was said. What had they even talked about? Emma could scarcely remember. Her thoughts shifted to where they had been earlier that day – no, that wouldn't do. They were at St. Mungo's earlier in the day, that wasn't what she was meant to be thinking of. No, she needed to remember that fluttering feeling, that small glimmer of hope in the darkness. When she was sure that the feeling had settled into her being, Emma decided to try it again.

" _Expecto patronum_." Again, nothing happened, and Emma unconsciously leaned against Remus's arm. "I can't do it…"

"You lost your focus half-way through," Remus said, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side. "That's where most people find they struggle. They have the memory, but for some reason, something else slips in. Here, straighten up." Remus stepped behind Emma and placed his hands on her upper arms to keep her upright. "Close your eyes and try and think about that memory again. Let me try and walk you through this."

She heaved a heavy sigh but closed her eyes. "Now what?"

"Now, I just need you to listen and focus on what I'm saying. I want you to pull up that memory again – bring it to the forefront of your mind and focus on it. Don't worry about the details just yet, just remember being in the moment."

That part was easy. It didn't take Emma much to think of the garden behind her grandfather's home, and it didn't take her long to think of herself and Persephone. It was cold – that she knew, and she was present. Unsure of how much Remus wanted her to think about, she gave a small nod.

"Good. Now I want you to think of what was happening in your memory, but don't focus on the details just yet."

Well, they were talking. Emma could remember that. She had been aggravated the entire time, but then things took a sudden turn. She remembered the way Persephone looked at her more nervous than she had ever seen in her life. She remembered Persephone closing most of the space between them and just standing in front of her and the two of them staring at each other. It had been nerve-wracking, and it was –

"Sweetheart," Remus said gently, giving her a small shake, "relax, you're tensing up. Don't lose your focus."

Oh. She was tense, wasn't she? She could feel the stiffness of her shoulders, and she took a deep breath to try and force herself to settle back into the memory. For some reason, all she could focus on was how she couldn't get her shoulders to relax. As if reading her mind, Remus gently rubbed her arms, and she felt herself finally lose the tension that she had. Maybe she could do this.

"Now, I want you to start to remember the small details. What was the weather like? What colors can you see? What smells can you remember? I want you to imagine all those tiny details."

It was cold, Emma had already remembered that. It wasn't terribly cold because they were both bundled up in their cloaks. The ground was covered in fresh snow, but Lyall had moved most of it aside earlier that day, leaving most of the ground clear. She could see the way their breaths rose in the cold air. The air was crisp and clear. Persephone wore a dress in emerald green, while Emma had on her black velvet dress – Remus gave her arms a squeeze as if he knew where her thoughts were about to wander – but mostly she remembered how close they stood together. Emma had never stood _that_ close to someone before.

She could remember the nervous glitter of Persephone's eyes, the shy smile on her lips. Emma could never deny the fact that her best friend was absolutely beautiful. Emma took another deep breath and gave another small nod.

"Perfect," Remus praised. "Try to keep all of those things in focus and think about what exactly it was that made you happy."

That was going to be a little harder, Emma thought to herself. But as she dove into the memory, she realized that it wasn't that hard at all. She had been nervous, sure, but there was a sort of giddy energy that one could associate with a first kiss. There was the fluttering of butterflies in her stomach, the excitement over someone _wanting_ to kiss her, the tingling, and the feeling as though she was about to burst. And then they had kissed again, less nervous and far surer than before. It was an intoxicating feeling, and she huffed out a laugh as she felt herself smile at the memory.

"I have it," Emma said, opening her eyes. "It's hard to keep it there, though."

Remus stepped over to her right side so that he could look at her. "I can see that you have it," he said, gently tapping her temple. "It's all right here. Just try to focus – let those feelings consume you and try again."

Emma lifted her wand and tried to keep a tight hold to those feelings. " _Expecto patronum,_ " she said. At first, Emma was sure that nothing had happened and was about to deflate, but Remus reached out and kept her arm held up.

"Don't," Remus said quickly, his eyes trained on the end of her wand. "I saw something. Try it again."

Was he lying to her to try and get her to try again? She cast him a skeptical look, but he shook his head, and she faced forward and stared at her wand. She saw nothing happen. She sighed and figured it wouldn't hurt to try and focus a little harder.

" _Expecto patronum_."

This time Emma _did_ see something happen, and she let out a gasp at the faint wisp of silver that escaped her wand. Her awed wonder fell to confusion and then annoyance. "That's _it_?" she huffed out. "I thought it was supposed to _be_ something."

Remus had to clear his throat to cover his snort at the indignation in her voice. There was a pure innocence that sometimes came from somewhere deep within Emma. Such a rare moment just seemed to happen at near inopportune times and would catch Remus off guard, but this was good. If this was how he had to help her find her happiness, then he would take all the time in the world to help her figure it out. It was incredibly advanced, he knew that, but her stubbornness would guide her. Emma was a Lupin, after all.

"Well, when you have the right memory, it'll form a creature – a shield that's an extension of yourself," Remus said thoughtfully. "Do you think you could manage that again?"

"Yes, but better," Emma said, determined to have something more than a wisp. There was the fire that Remus had always admired. This was what she needed. He just wished he'd thought of it much sooner.

"Good. Try it again, but don't be disappointed if it's not much." Remus knew it wouldn't be much. He had almost seen the exact memory in her mind – it wasn't hard to figure out. The most common memories people used involved the people that they loved. It would be entirely logical for Emma's first thought to go to Persephone and their first kiss. It was a start, but Remus knew firsthand that wasn't a strong enough memory to use, no matter who the person was.

Emma nodded and forced herself to focus on the memory again. This time it was much easier for her to pull the feeling out – to remember that overwhelming sense of joy.

" _Expecto patronum!_ " Though the silver wisp was still a wisp, it was more substantial than the first, but Emma was disappointed. And terribly exhausted. Was it supposed to be this exhausting? She allowed Remus to pull her back into his side, and she leaned into him willingly, putting her arm around him and closing her eyes. "That wasn't anything…"

"On the contrary, that was impressive for a fourteen-year-old witch," Remus said proudly. "I told you that you could do it."

"But I didn't actually make a Patronus," Emma muttered, turning herself so that she could put her other arm around Remus to hug him.

"Not a corporeal one, no, but you proved that you can cast the spell," Remus said, leaning back so that he could take Emma's face in his hands. "You are stronger than you think. Most can't even get as far as you did."

"Really?"

"Really."

Emma frowned slightly and pulled her face out of Remus's hands so that she could bury her face in his chest. "Well, they didn't have you as a teacher."

Remus was taken aback and wasn't sure what to say to that, but he couldn't help but find him secretly pleased. Instead of saying anything, he allowed himself to just be content. Maybe they both needed this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hi, hello - FINALLY finished my complete edit of the first story of the series. I went from 89k-ish words to 114 (oops). Lots of minor content added, issues with characters (that I 100% thought I fixed before posting) have been adjusted, and just over-all major grammar updates - it's a good time.
> 
> Really, if you haven't read or it's been a while since you've read [A Window to the Past](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20823701/chapters/49500332) I recommend it. It's not dark like the rest of the series has been and will be.
> 
> A few things I want to just throw out there, just because I feel like I need to say it - 
> 
> 1\. We're out of the MAJOR angst for year three. There'll be some light angst as certain things come up, but we're out of the proverbial and literal dark for this book.
> 
> 2\. I literally scrapped the original second half of this book to change directions because I found original plot points that I forgot from the first book. In order to avoid having to retcon myself in the next four installments, I decided to switch things up. I'm keeping my schedule to a chapter a week, but I plan to catch up quickly. This means there might be more/less chapters than anticipated. We have a lot of ground to cover.
> 
> 3\. I would like to mention that the "Fenrir is a warning of himself" tag is genuinely Fenrir is a warning of himself. Please, please, PLEASE keep that in mind as we get through the rest of Emma's third year and beyond.
> 
> **come find me on:**  
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)  
> [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/mymoonyandstars)  
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	33. Dementors and Determination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Patronus lesson inspired Emma in a way that Remus never truly expected and he finally knows what to do. Emma has no idea how Remus convinced her to go to first Quidditch match of the year in miserable weather.

If Remus were to say that Emma made a complete turnaround, he would be telling the biggest lie he's ever told – and he's told many. Though he wanted to be optimistic and hopeful, it was too soon. However, he could see that the Patronus lesson inspired something in Emma, could see something clicking in her mind. After their short lesson, she settled back onto the couch, her expression thoughtful, and then Remus saw it – the fire was back in her eyes. She _wanted_ to be able to cast the Patronus.

"What's your Patronus?" she had asked him quietly.

Remus met her insistent and curious stare. He hated his Patronus, always casting a non-corporeal form so that he didn't have to see it, but it would help her see that he could cast one. For a moment, he wasn't sure how to answer, and then he had an idea.

"I'll show you when you can successfully cast the spell," he answered.

A slight frown crossed her face, and Remus worried he said the wrong thing, but then that fire behind her eyes was stronger than before. Rather than fighting him, she nodded and settled back into her corner of the couch to curl up. When she turned her gaze to the fireplace, it wasn't with despondency, it was with determination. By some sheer miracle, he figured out the one thing that reignited Emma's spirt. He just had to hope that it remained.

It was only mildly surprising to him to wake up the next morning and find Emma sitting on the living room floor surrounded by stacks of books.

Remus couldn't help but allow himself to lean against the wall to watch her, just as she had been doing to him all week. She was so immersed in what she was reading that she didn't even realize he was there. It worked in his favor because he didn't want to forget this moment, silently praying that this was what truly helped her. The Patronus would force her to dig into her thoughts and remember the feelings of happiness. It wouldn't solve all of her problems, but it was a step in the right direction.

He glanced over at the title of the closest book he could see and grinned. She was trying to dig up any information she could, determined to figure out how the Patronus worked. A quill was stuffed in her hair, holding up the messiest bun he'd ever seen on top of her head. A pen was held between her teeth, and a notebook was clutched in her hand as she flipped through the book sitting on the floor in front of her. To his amusement, she must have used the wrong end of her pen to scratch her face as ink was smeared on her cheek. This was how Remus always wanted to remember Emma – curious and hopeful.

It took Emma a few moments longer to register that she wasn't alone and looked up at Remus, blinking slowly. She took a look at the books around her, pulling her pen from between her teeth to give him a shy, but genuine smile. Remus could have cried just from that alone; he was overjoyed to see it.

"Hi," she said quietly, setting her notebook down and pen down.

"Bore da cariad," Remus said softly with the realization that this moment was bittersweet. There had been a possibility of this moment never even happening, and he had to slyly try and wipe the corners of his eyes from the tears that sprung up. It had been for naught as Emma had been watching him closely.

Her brow furrowed in concern, the determined look on her face washing away to worry. Remus realized that she thought she did something wrong, but she didn't understand he was just relieved. Her worry just wasn't going to do.

Remus crossed the room to crouch down next to Emma, looking at the books with an amused grin. "It looks as though you've taken half the books from downstairs and brought them up here," Remus mused. "How long have you been up?"

Emma studied Remus for a minute, and a small smile crossed her face when she realized he wasn't upset. "A few hours," she admitted. She leaned forward, craning her neck to peer out the closest window. "The storm woke me up. It's miserable out there."

Remus hummed thoughtfully, inspecting Emma's face. Though the dark circles around her eyes were still evident, they weren't as harsh. "You looked like you finally slept well."

"Much better than usual," she admitted, stretching her arms high over her head. She sighed and took a look at the books surrounding her. "I really did grab a lot, didn't I?"

"You did, indeed," Remus chuckled, switching to kneeling so that he was a little more comfortable. "Must have been one hell of a levitation spell to get everything up here."

Emma's face immediately fell, and she covered her face with a moan. "Oh, why didn't I think of that?"

"Y-you brought these all up by hand?" Remus looked around at the books – there had to be at least fifty she decided she needed. The entire situation was much more amusing than it was moments before.

"I forget that I can do magic!"

Remus couldn't hold back his laughter at the visual of Emma going up and down the stairs with stacks of books. He felt terrible laughing as Emma let out an embarrassed whine, but he absolutely adored her and the forgetfulness of her magic. He tentatively reached out to pull her into a hug, and she leaned readily into his embrace.

"Oh, I love you so much," Remus said, kissing the top of her head.

"I love you, too," she mumbled into his chest. She immediately groaned as he pulled her closer. It had been weeks since she'd said it, and it made him happy, so incredibly happy.

"I was trying to figure out the blue flames, too," she muttered, trying to peel herself out his arms. Realizing that he wasn't about to let her go, she relented and wrapped her arms around him. "Do you plan on letting me go at any point?"

"Shh," Remus whispered. "Just let me hold you for a few minutes. Besides, I need to keep a hold on you to get that ink off of your face."

"Get the what?"

Remus didn't answer and instead made an overdramatic show of licking his thumb in preparation to wipe off the ink that was on Emma's cheek. She let out a shriek and tried to pull away at the realization of what he was doing, but Remus didn't relinquish his hold. Emma was not at all thrilled to have him use his spit to remove the ink on her face when magic would have done it, but she was laughing.

The sound was like music to his ears, and he couldn't resist kissing her cheek once, twice, three times, and kept going until she was breathless from laughter. He only stopped at the incredibly audible sound of her stomach growling, looking at her in amusement.

"Merlin, I believe the entire castle heard that," Remus said, finally letting go of his red-faced, but smiling daughter. He gently brushed away her tears with his thumbs, glad that they were from laughter and not sadness.

"Stop it," she said, giving him a playful shove. "I've been up for a while. I'm hungry."

Remus sighed, feeling as though things could change for the better. "How about this. Let's get ready to head downstairs, and I'll finally teach you how to make the flames?"

"Oh," Emma said quietly. "Well, I thought I would stay and try to learn more about the Patronus Charm."

"Could you be tempted to join me downstairs if I asked the elves to make cinnamon toast for you?"

"Cinnamon _sugar_ toast," Emma corrected, sounding absolutely exasperated.

"Oh, right," Remus grinned. "Silly me. What do you say?"

It took a moment for Emma to think about Remus's proposition. He knew it was hard for her to resist her favorite breakfast food, but she wanted to go through the pile of books she had. For a moment, he thought she would decline, but he was rewarded with a smile instead.

"Okay," she said quietly.

In between trying to get dressed for the day, brushing teeth, and combing hair, Remus managed to teach Emma how to make the blue flames. It wasn't a hard spell to learn, but her recent exhaustion made things challenging. After several attempts, she was able to reignite and extinguish the flames in the jar next to her bed, and Remus couldn't be prouder.

He would have to make a list of simple spells to teach her. As long as she was willing to learn, he was more than willing to teach. Though he wasn't meant to pick favorites, Emma was by far his favorite student. But of course, he was also terribly biased.

Remus peered out the windows with a slight frown as they crossed the length of the classroom. "It's a miserable day for Quidditch," he noted, turning to Emma, who hummed in agreement. "It's Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff. Are you planning on going?"

"Oh," Emma said in surprise. "I don't ever go to the games."

"What?" Remus was equally surprised. They had talked about her going to games before, and he was confused. Did she just tell him that she went? "Have you ever gone to a Quidditch match?"

"A few times my first year, I think I went maybe once last year," Emma shrugged. "I've never really been interested in it."

"Well, that just won't do," Remus said. He couldn't have his daughter not going to Quidditch games while at Hogwarts. It was _Quidditch_ – there wasn't a witch or wizard that didn't enjoy the game. "You're going to that game today."

"Pardon?" Emma was completely taken aback. "You like Quidditch?"

"Of course, I like Quidditch!"

"You do?"

"It's Quidditch! Everyone likes Quidditch!"

Emma was quiet for a moment as she slowed her pace. "I don't," she said quietly.

Remus skidded to a halt and turned to Emma, who stared back at him with wide eyes. "You don't like Quidditch? Oh, this _really_ won't do. Now you're absolutely going."

"Daddy, there's a storm going on outside!"

"And there are charms to keep you from getting completely soaked through," Remus said, crossing his arms. "Did you already forget that you can do magic again?"

Emma huffed and mirrored his posture, crossing her arms as well. "No," she said, but the blush on her cheeks betrayed her.

"I'll make you another deal," Remus said thoughtfully. "Go to the game, and we can work on the Patronus charm again later."

"That's not fair," Emma frowned, looking out the closest window. The weather was absolutely miserable, but the allure of working on the Patronus charm again was tempting. "Fine, you win again," she said grumpily. "You promise?"

"I solemnly swear it."

Emma's eyes narrowed slightly at the word choice. "Why do you say it like that? You solemnly swear...It's odd," she said.

"It's the ultimate promise that one can make," Remus said. "It was how my friends and I knew that we wouldn't break our promises. It's the highest honor, I assure you."

"You and your friends were strange when you went to school here," Emma said, deciding that it would be better to just continue the trip to the Great Hall and walking away. "And you were obviously an absolute oddball swot," Emma muttered under her breath.

Remus snorted as he followed her this time. "You know I heard that loud and clear, right?"

Emma threw her arms up in exasperation and shot Remus a glare. "That is incredibly inconvenient," she said.

"If only you knew," Remus said dryly.

That remark made Emma fall silent in pure embarrassment, and she practically booked it down the stairs to get to the Great Hall. Remus snorted in amusement, a smile on his face. These were all good things.

By the time Remus made it into the Great Hall, Emma had been swept into an over-enthusiastic hug from one of the Weasley twins while the other was shouting in delight. It took him a moment to figure out which twin was which, but he shouldn't have been surprised. Of course, the one currently latched onto his very embarrassed daughter was George. He noted with a hint of smugness that Draco looked absolutely annoyed. _Good_ , he thought with a smirk. Draco wasn't good enough for his daughter.

"I'm going for _Hufflepuff_ ," Emma laughed, not trying too hard to get out of George's embrace. "I'm not going for _you_!"

"Don't lie to us! We know that you're coming for us and not Diggs over there!" George said, looking as though he didn't really want to let go of Emma. Remus had seen the looks he'd given Emma before, but he was grateful that she was blissfully unaware. However, the blush on her face seemed to tell a different story.

"Oi," Cedric shouted over at George. "We'll see what happens on the pitch!"

"Save it for the Quidditch pitch, gentlemen," Remus said, walking with purpose in the direction of Emma and George, forcing them to separate. George looked embarrassed, and Emma just shot him an annoyed look.

 _Ah_ , _and there's my answer_ , Remus thought to himself as he walked past the two red-faced teenagers. He had felt Emma would have a crush on Cedric, most of the girls did. Emma and Cedric were getting close, but he wasn't entirely surprised that she fancied George instead. He was the calmer of the two twins, something that Emma needed. Fred, though incredibly good-natured, was the instigator of most attempted pranks and far too energetic for Emma.

True to his word, Remus made sure to discretely call up a house-elf to order Emma's toast. When it showed up in front of her at her seat, she let out a delighted squeal and flashed him a smile in thanks. It made Remus's heart swell with joy, and he finally felt comfortable enough to start eating breakfast himself.

Remus found himself fixated on his thoughts from the other night as he ate. There were so many unknowns to figure out; the incomplete birth certificate, the name he was told when she was born. There were the old conversations with Sirius that Remus found himself thinking about more and more. Ghosts of those memories kept returning, but he didn't understand. What did all of it mean? He glanced up to watch Emma for a moment, wondering when it really clicked in his mind that he saw Emma as his daughter. Was it at nineteen when he only imagined the possible stolen life he would have with Sirius? Or was it much later, more recently, when he had finally given in to his own feelings? Remus wasn't entirely sure.

He ate slowly, only dragging his eyes away from Emma long enough to speak to Minerva, who sat to his right. His old professor, now colleague, was discussing her thoughts on that day's match, both worried and excited. Remus must have been too slow to turn back to her, for she was looking at him with such a knowing smile that he felt himself blush.

Minerva turned to look over at Emma, her expression soft. "You know, Albus told me seeing you two together recently was wonderful to see," she said, "but I think it's nicer to see how you look at her. Especially now – you've always looked at her with nothing but fondness, but now I see pride. I always knew you would be a wonderful father."

"I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing," Remus said quietly. "Being here with her has been incredible, though. It's been challenging, though."

"No one knows what they're doing," Minerva said sagely. "Parenthood isn't meant to be easy, Remus. Although, I truly do believe that you've figured it out."

"Oh, I don't know about that. I'm struggling to get through to her. I think I might have figured it out, but I'm afraid it's still the wrong thing."

Minerva grew quiet for a moment, watching Emma for another moment. "I would say that whatever you did between yesterday and today was the correct thing," she said. "What brought about that change? I haven't seen her smile like that in a long time."

"The Patronus Charm," Remus said. "I wasn't sure what else to try. She gets stuck in her head, and with everything now out in the open…" he trailed off with a slight frown. "The idea of her past scares her, and I'm afraid she won't let herself work through it. I just felt that if she could _see_ that she was happy at one point before knowing, perhaps she could still continue to be happy. It's not as though she wasn't living with her demons, she just wasn't aware of it."

Minerva hummed in understanding. "You know, she's very much like you, Remus. If it weren't for her name at the time, I would have thought she was yours right from the start. When I picked Emma up from the children's home to take her to Diagon Alley, it was like looking at you." Minerva turned to smile at Remus. "She's always been a curious child, but that went away for a long time. It's slowly coming back. You might not see it, but having you here has made her much more confident, even in her worst moments."

"I don't know about that…I kept so much from her."

"Never doubt her love for you, Remus. You have both made mistakes, but it's how you grow from them that'll shape how she sees the world. Do you mind if I make a suggestion?"

"Please, anything," Remus said earnestly. "I want to be able to help her the best way that I can."

"Teach her how to play," Minerva said simply. "She had to grow up far too quickly, Remus. Emma is very much like a shy little Gryffindor I once knew, but he had three friends that helped him figure it out. She's made good friends, but she's afraid to join them when they decide to do things less than academic. Emma needs to see that it's all right to let her hair down sometimes. It's a miracle that you convinced her to go to the Quidditch match today. I've seen her attend maybe five matches in total. She needs to see from you that it's okay to have fun. However," Minerva wore an almost conspiratorial grin on her face, "I think a particular Ravenclaw girl might be able to help."

Remus rubbed his chin in thought as he watched Emma for a few moments more. He looked over at the Ravenclaw table, his eyes immediately finding the blond-haired second year girl he was looking for. He hummed quietly to himself and looked over at Emma again. Perhaps Minerva was right – they had similar situations to relate to. He just wasn't sure how to bring the two of them together without making it obvious. Emma wouldn't be too thrilled if he tried to make friends for her.

"They can absolutely help each other," Minerva said to Remus before turning to Filius on her other side to tell him Remus's unspoken idea.

"Oh, excellent idea!" Filius said, clapping his hands in delight. "Those two will be fast friends. How did I never think of that?"

As if Emma knew she was being talked about, she turned to look at Remus with a questioning look. He earned an eye roll when he waved her off, and she turned to speak to Leanne so that she could ignore the animated game of Exploding Snap between Ernie and Justin next to her.

By the time breakfast was over, Remus was sure he had a plan. As he watched Emma and Persephone leave for the Quidditch match, Remus felt much more confident about things. He had a lot of work to do, and in time, Remus knew it would pay off. Emma could be happy again; he was sure of it.

Emma had no idea how Remus managed to convince her to go to the Quidditch match so easily. He was going to teach her the Patronus charm regardless, but why had she been so easily swayed to go?

Even with Remus casting seemingly charm after charm on both her and Persephone and their umbrella, she was less than thrilled. Emma loved storms, but she preferred them when she could stay inside next to the fire and read. Being outside with the gusty winds and rain was not her idea of a good time, but spirits were high, almost infectious.

She didn't particularly like being so high in the stands, but Persephone insisted. Chatter was loud and raucous over the wind, and Emma was finding the energy slightly infectious. Maybe she could let herself enjoy herself if everyone else was, even with terrible weather. It was fun to watch people starting chants for the team they were supporting that day. It was hard to tell who had more team spirit as the stands were equal parts red and yellow.

"What's with the dog? Did Hagrid get a new dog?" Persephone asked suddenly, peering just past Emma. "It keeps staring at you."

"Dog? What dog?" Emma had been so busy fascinated watching everyone else that she was confused by the mention of a dog. She turned her head to follow Persephone's gaze and frowned at the massive black dog that was sitting close by in the stands. "What are you doing here?" she hissed.

Padfoot had decided to make an appearance and looked absolutely pathetic with his fur plastered to his body. He sat at the end of the row, hidden just enough that most people wouldn't even notice that he was there. He must have peered out a little too far at them for Persephone to notice. Luckily, it seemed as though most people were distracted enough that they didn't see him.

"Why are you talking to it like that?" Persephone looked at Emma as though she was mental.

Emma huffed and grabbed Persephone's arm, standing up. "Come on, we need to move to a different spot. You have to promise me that you won't say anything to my dad about this. Dad's not really a fan of strays," Emma said, pulling Persephone through the stands to a much emptier section. She shot Padfoot a glare as they approached but held her hand out in greeting anyway. He stepped up quickly next to her, butting her hand with his nose in return.

"You know the dog?" Persephone asked curiously.

"I do," Emma said. "Very well, apparently," she muttered under her breath, grateful for the strong wind.

They made their way further up in the stands, and Emma took the umbrella from Persephone. "Could you use the drying charm on Snuffles? He's completely soaked through."

"Snuffles?" Persephone questioned, taking out her wand and pointing it at Padfoot, who seemed more than excited to be dried off. He shook out the remaining water droplets off of his fur and pressed himself up against Emma's leg so that he could stay underneath the umbrella.

"He liked the name," Emma muttered, wiping off the water droplets that had hit her. "Effie, I need you to use every ounce of Slytherin discretion that you have. My father cannot know about this dog, no matter what."

Padfoot let out a grumpy woof, though, to what, Emma wasn't sure. She let out an aggravated huff and tried to shove him off of her leg, but he refused to budge.

Persephone looked at Emma and then down at the dog, who was staring at her intently as if he was daring her to say the wrong thing. "He's scary," Persephone frowned, taking the umbrella back. "Are you sure he's safe?"

"He's a complete lap dog," Emma said. "Trust me, he's harmless. Do I have your promise?"

"Well," Persephone sighed, "it's not the first time you've forced Slytherin honor on me to keep your secrets. No one will know."

"Good," Emma said, sitting down. She turned to the dog with a pointed look. "We have to talk later." Padfoot only gave her a look that said, ' _Yes, we do_.'

"Merlin, if I didn't know you like I do, I would think you've officially gone completely mental," Persephone said, sitting down next to Emma and eying the dog suspiciously. "Why can't Remus know about the dog?"

"Uhm," Emma frowned as she looked at Padfoot and absentmindedly scratched the spot behind his ears. She didn't mind Sirius like this in the least. It was surprisingly comforting, and it eased her anxiety of being so high up in the stands. "I'm going to invoke my honorary Slytherin card, and I'll just say it's a long story."

"Damn you and the stupid 'Honorary Slytherin' thing," Persephone muttered. "Funny how you forget that the hat was considering you for Slytherin when you feel like it."

Emma was nearly positive that Padfoot gave her the dog equivalent of 'if looks could kill' and she cleared her throat. "Oh, look," she said, squinting down into the pitch. "I think they're finally coming out."

Padfoot hopped onto the seat next to Emma, pressed his nose to her cheek like a kiss, and turned to face the pitch. His tongue flopped out as he smiled, and his tail was wagging furiously. Emma couldn't help but grin at her furry friend and his excitement. She was grateful he didn't lick her face again. She might have cried now that she knew what he was.

"Absolutely mad," Persephone said, turning to face the pitch, shaking her head.

It was hard to hear what Lee was saying, but luckily, she could figure out who was who, even if it was just barely. It was only with Persephone's commentary that she had any idea of what was happening.

The sky was a blur of red and yellow amongst the heavy raindrops. It was all so _fast,_ and it was oddly fascinating to watch. She had never actually paid attention to Quidditch before, and the happy dog next to her made it that much better. Quidditch wasn't entirely about the game; it was the entire experience. How he could see what was happening, she had no idea, but he seemed delighted as he kept his eyes trained on Harry.

Emma watched in fascination as the twins dipped and swerved around each other to keep the Bludgers away. She watched Cedric scan the stadium, searching for the elusive snitch. The lightning that cracked across the sky made the game that much more dangerous and fascinating. Perhaps Remus had a point. Quidditch was rather interesting if you paid attention.

As a time out was called, Padfoot ran further up into the stands so he could get a better view. He wanted to be in the topmost row, and she didn't blame him. If she felt like leaving the cover of the umbrella, she would have joined him too. The game suddenly started back up again, and the blurs of red and yellow returned to the sky.

The crowd suddenly went wild, and Emma watched in awe as Cedric went flying across the pitch towards the extremely tiny snitch. How did they even _see_ it? She could barely notice it herself. She was too fascinated by the beaters and the chasers of both teams. However, something strange was happening. There was suddenly no noise in the stadium.

Emma frowned, and she looked over at Persephone in a panic. Where had all of the sound gone? She could see people cheering, but she couldn't hear a sound. A sweeping cold swept over her, and she saw Persephone point down into the pitch, and Emma's eyes followed. A swarm of Dementors had descended into the pitch, and that cold, suffocating feeling she felt on the train returned.

She turned her face into Persephone's arm and held on for dear life, hoping that it would anchor her, but that awful screaming came back. It was horrible, pained screaming. But then it got worse – it wasn't just screaming she heard, it was Fenrir's laugh. Was _she_ the one that was screaming? The implications of what she was hearing in her mind was terrifying.

Emma pulled her face from Persephone's arm with a jolt as she felt something wet and cold pressing against her face. She sucked in a deep breath, her eyes wide as she found Padfoot staring at her in concern. She turned to Persephone and then took a look around, searching for the Dementors.

"Emma, they're gone," Persephone said. "You're fine – everything's fine…well, mostly."

"W-what happened?" Emma asked, her breathing coming out ragged. One of her hands immediately flew to Padfoot's fur. She didn't care that he was soaking wet again; she needed something to ground her.

"Well," Persephone frowned. "Hufflepuff won, Cedric caught the snitch, but…"

"But what?"

"Er, Harry fell off his broom when the Dementors came."

"H-Harry fell?"

Padfoot made a whining noise, and Emma looked over at him. He looked distressed, and Emma wasn't sure what else to do besides wrapping her arms around the massive black dog.

"Is he all right?" Emma asked, turning her face to look over at Persephone. Emma tried to slyly wipe her tears off in Padfoot's fur. The Dementors made her cry again, and it annoyed her.

"He's fine. Dumbledore stormed out onto the field and slowed Harry down before he hit the ground. He cast a Patronus like Remus did to make them leave only a few minutes ago." Persephone sighed. "Come on, we should get you back to Remus."

Emma nodded, letting go of Padfoot. "Harry's fine," she said, smoothing back his fur. When Padfoot gave her a look as if to ask if she was okay, she nodded. "I'll be fine. I'm sorry I haven't been able to come out and bring you something to eat. Dad's got me on lockdown, but I'll get out. You know where to find me."

Padfoot stared at Emma for a moment and gave her a quiet whine, but quickly retreated up to the topmost steps and ducked down so that people wouldn't notice him. With one final look back at the shaggy black dog, Emma and Persephone followed the crowds back into the castle.

Remus immediately swooped in to take Emma from Persephone the moment they returned to the classroom. He sat Emma down, shoved half a bar of chocolate in her hand, and passed the other half to Persephone.

"Eat it, both of you," Remus said firmly. "You'll feel better."

Emma snorted, taking a bite from the chocolate and letting out a relieved sigh. She leaned heavily into Remus as he sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders.

"Guess that means you know what happened already?" Emma muttered, watching as Persephone sat down at the desk next to them.

"Professor Dumbledore is absolutely livid," Remus said, smoothing back Emma's hair. "There'll be a meeting about it later, but he made sure to let everyone else know right away. The Dementors are getting restless, and with all the excitement…well, it was a feast for them."

He wasn't entirely surprised when a small crowd of hesitant looking students appeared at his door. Remus sighed, pressed a kiss to the top of Emma's head, and stood to address the newcomers. "How does hot chocolate sound?" Remus asked, motioning for the others to come into the classroom. There were quiet murmurs of agreement, and one by one, the classroom began to fill.

The Defense classroom had never been so full before. People sat at desks, on the tables, on the stairs up to the office, and even on the floor. Remus called up service from the house-elves to accommodate everyone. It appeared that a lot more people were shaken up by the Dementors than he expected, and Remus idly wondered if it was this bad on the train. Perhaps not, he thought to himself, there had been only one Dementor that night, and it focused on their compartment.

He wanted nothing more than to stay with Emma, but she had Persephone to one side and a freshly showered and changed George on the other. She seemed relaxed, even unconsciously leaning on George, who immediately blushed when she did. It brought a smile to Remus's lips. Though he didn't want her dating until she was _at least_ thirty, it was sweet.

Eventually, Persephone left, leaving Emma and George alone, and it allowed him a rare glimpse to see how they interacted. Fred was busy talking to Angelina, leaving his twin to speak with Emma. Emma and George spoke shyly to each other with quiet, nervous giggles. He kept an eye on them as he checked on his other students. Emma could be okay without him for a little bit. He could trust George.

It was a long while before the classroom cleared out to finally leave Emma and Remus alone. He set about gathering the mugs that were left about the classroom and turned back to Emma.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"All right," Emma answered back quietly.

"Don't tell me what I want to hear," Remus said, sitting down next to Emma and pulling her into his side. "How are you really feeling?"

Emma molded herself into his side, gripping tightly to his shirt like she always used to when she wanted comfort. "Confused," she said quietly. "I remember what Harry said…about hearing screaming on the train, but no one else did. Except I did. I heard screaming, too. I-I thought for the longest time it was mum, but it wasn't." Emma looked up at Remus and swallowed hard. "It was me."

Remus frowned as he met Emma's gaze. "What makes you say that?"

Emma slowly separated herself from his embrace and stood up and slowly crossed the room to peer out one of the windows. "Because I heard Fenrir, too…"

Remus was torn between standing up and pulling Emma back into his arms and remaining where he was. "Maybe we should work on the Patronus another day," Remus said gently. He was surprised when Emma turned to look at him and looked offended.

"Why? Today just showed me that I need to learn it," she huffed out in annoyance. She fixed Remus with a hard stare before peering back out the darkened window. "But I need to know more. I know that you tell me you're going to be there to protect me, but we know that won't be possible all the time. I know that there's going to be a time where you can't be there to help me. I don't want to be unprepared when it happens."

Emma turned her face to look at Remus, an obstinate look on her face. "I've had a lot of time to think about it. I think it would be rather foolish of us to pretend that we've seen the last of Fenrir. I think when he showed up my first year, the message wasn't just for you; it was for me. Not so much a threat, but a promise." Emma sat back down next to Remus, pulling his arm back around her shoulders. "I need you to help me be ready. I don't want to be afraid of him anymore."

Remus wanted to deny it all, pretend that there was a potential truth to Emma's words. He wanted to tell her everything was fine, but he knew how Fenrir worked. If Jude truly promised Emma to Fenrir, the werewolf would never stop until he had her. The idea of it being a reality made him sick. Remus couldn't let Emma be unprepared; he needed to teach her how to fight back. He didn't want her to be afraid anymore, either.

"All right," Remus agreed. "We'll start tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	34. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma ultimately chooses to try and change things and asks some hard questions while doing it.

"Well," Remus said slowly, looking at the paper in his hand, "at the very least, you'll know how to subdue me as a wolf if it came down to it – which it won't."

Emma was lying on the couch with her head on Remus's lap, wand in hand trying to figure out if she could cast a non-verbal Lumos. After an exhausting hour and a half of working on the Patronus Charm the previous night, they decided to make their Sunday relaxed. Remus didn't mind because Emma wanted to genuinely spend time with him. Any day they weren't having problems was a good one, and he missed their simpler moments.

She screwed up her face with one final attempt before meeting Remus's gaze with narrowed eyes. "I wouldn't have to," Emma said with an indignant huff. "You wouldn't hurt me, anyway."

Remus set his list down and smoothed back Emma's hair, turning his head to look at her better. "You don't know that cariad," he said softly.

"I do," she insisted. "It's obvious, isn't it? I mean, you never _said_ it, but I imagine that with my, er…situation, that I have to smell somewhat like you."

"And what makes you think that?" Remus asked, his eyebrows lifting slightly.

A sheepish grin crossed Emma's face. "I might have gone through one of the books you told me not to go through."

Remus groaned, running a hand over his face. He knew exactly what book she was talking about. It was a book on dark creatures that was extraordinarily detailed and far more than she needed to see. It had resided in his father's home for years, initially meant to serve as a warning of the horrors of werewolves until Remus became one.

He hated the book when he was growing up, not wanting to continually be reminded of his father's thoughts on werewolves. If it weren't for Emma, there was a strong possibility they never would have reconciled at all. Hope had been the glue to keep their family together for the longest time, but then Emma came along and changed everything.

Remus initially took the book to annoy Lyall, but quickly realized it was a valuable resource on other creatures, so he kept it. He had to admit that while it wasn't completely accurate, it offered a better depiction of what it was like to be a werewolf.

"Emma, I _told_ you time and time again not to look through that book. I knew I should have hidden it away from you."

"Well, I've never been much of a good listener," Emma said with a shrug. She held her hand up for the list that Remus made and pulled it towards her face the moment he placed it in her hand. "So, am I right? I've got some secret werewolf scent that you can pick up on?"

When Remus didn't immediately answer, Emma looked up at him curiously. She studied his face for a few moments before humming quietly, pleased that she was correct. "Knew it," she said, returning to looking through the list, her brow furrowing. "All of these are spells meant to attack. Why are none of them for actual defense?"

"Because you're better off attacking a werewolf than defending yourself against one," Remus explained, heaving a heavy sigh as Emma pressed the list back into his hands, a displeased look on her face. "And yes, your scent has…it's changed, but I don't know if that would be enough. It's not strong, and you don't transform. You might smell different, but you're still human."

"Doesn't mean that you would attack me, though," Emma said, sitting up and twisting herself to look at him. "Hey, maybe we should –"

"Absolutely not."

"You didn't even let me finish what I was about to say!"

Remus gently took Emma's face in his hands. "Because I know you were going to say that you want to test that theory, my sweet girl," he said, leaning forward to kiss her nose. "And I will absolutely not allow you to be anywhere near me while transformed."

Emma rubbed her nose, trying to wipe his kiss away with a frown. "But you take the Wolfsbane Potion!"

"And all it takes is one accidental slip involving my teeth, Wolfsbane or not."

"I'm already half-way there as it is," Emma muttered.

"You can't even say that it's half-way," Remus sighed. "You shouldn't even be able to say that at all, but here we are. I will not be the reason you become a werewolf."

A slight crease appeared between Emma's brows. "But what if you had to bite me so that Fenrir couldn't?"

"There is absolutely no reason why you would be in a situation where he could get close enough to you to do so," Remus said. "I think you now understand the importance of not going out during the full moon –" Remus fixed Emma with a hard stare "– and the wards back home are as safe as I can possibly make them. As long as you're here, you're safe. As long as you listen to what I have to say at home, you are safe. Nothing is going to happen to you with me around."

Emma studied Remus for a moment and nodded. "All right," she said quietly.

Remus smiled, kissing the spot between Emma's brows and chuckling at her aggravated noise at the gesture. "By the time we leave here for the summer, I will have taught you so much that you will never have to be afraid of anything ever again. If I can't be there to protect you, then I'm not going to let you be unprepared. Now, go to bed. We're starting your new class schedule tomorrow."

Emma groaned, pulling away and standing up with a frown. She had already forgotten that Remus adjusted her schedule to lighten her course load for "at least a few weeks."

"You need to find balance, and right now, you don't have it," Remus had told her the previous week, a conversation that led to a heated argument.

She didn't want to think about that conversation again; Emma understood what Remus was trying to do, but she didn't like it. "What am I permitted to go to tomorrow? I already forgot," she said quietly.

"Everything except for Potions and Care of Magical Creatures."

"Well, I suppose that's all right," Emma sighed. "Wasn't feeling up to dealing with Snape or the Flobberworms anyway."

"I thought not," Remus said. "Go to bed, sweetheart. We'll be working in class tomorrow morning, and I want you well-rested."

"You are such a mum," Emma muttered, starting to walk away. She paused before leaving the room entirely and turned back around. "Dad?"

"What is it? Did you want a Sleeping Draught tonight? I'm not sure I want to give y–"

"No," Emma said quickly, cutting him off. "It's not that. It's something else."

Remus straightened up slightly, cocking his head to the side. "What is it?"

"I need you to promise me something," Emma said quietly. "But I know you're not going to like what I ask you."

"What do you need me to promise you?"

There was a long moment of hesitation where Emma stared at Remus, looking incredibly unsure of what she wanted to say. He immediately understood why when she opened her mouth; he wasn't expecting the words that she said at all.

"If there ever comes a time where I find myself in a situation where Fenrir could turn me, please don't let him. I need it to be you."

Remus was utterly floored, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He opened his mouth to speak and promptly closed it, trying to process what Emma was asking of him. He rubbed his hand over his mouth and then shook his head.

"Sweetheart, there is no possible way that you could find yourself in that position," he said quietly.

"But if I did a-and it came down to it being you and him. Please, tell me that you would be the one to do it."

"Sweetheart, I…I've already…" Remus wasn't sure what to say. Emma was asking him to do the absolute unthinkable – the very thing he swore to never do to someone, _especially_ her. It was bad enough that she had cursed blood in any capacity because of him. For her to ask him to be the one to turn her for a hypothetical scenario that could never happen? He could never imagine doing something so horrid. He had already done more than enough. "I couldn't. Emma, I-I could never do that to you – to anyone. But you'll never have to worry about it because you would never be in that situation."

Emma stared at Remus for a few moments longer, her face falling slightly. "Forget I ever said anything," she said quietly. "G'night, Dad."

Trying to be happy was not an easy task for Emma in the least, but she had things that she needed to do. If she needed to live by Remus's much more restrictive rules, she would do what she needed. If it meant _choosing_ to be happy, well, she had done much more difficult things in her life. She was tired of crying, anyway.

Monday was at least easy to get through. Having Remus's class Monday mornings generally set her weeks up decently. He made an effort to make the classes fun on Mondays, and he had decided to make it one of their better classes. Though they had worked on the Knockback Jinx in their first year, Remus insisted that they perfect the spell.

"You'll need to know it for your exam," he said to the class before putting everyone into pairs. Emma had a sneaking suspicion that the lesson was partially for her benefit, but she didn't mind. Any excuse to be able to knock Persephone over (for educational purposes, of course) was enjoyable.

After class, she decided to go back to her room for a short kip. She had Transfiguration third period, and then she would be spending her lunch and fourth period with Madam Pomfrey. A nap would be helpful to get through McGonagall's lesson for the day. She finished her day with Divination and Ancient Runes, and the moment she set foot back in her room after dinner, she had to plan for the next day. Emma was determined to try and convince Snape to teach her how to make the Wolfsbane Potion, but she needed to mentally prepare herself.

Tuesday felt like the longest day possible. Her double Transfiguration class, though with the Slytherins, felt as though it lasted forever. Herbology afterward moved a little quicker, but then she had to get through _lunch_. Lunch had never been more excruciating, and her nerves were clearly showing.

"Are you all right?" Remus asked, getting up from the head table to check on her.

"'M fine," Emma muttered, trying to school her expression into something more neutral. "Just a little tired."

Remus hummed quietly, studying her. "You look tense," he said. "Is it because you have Potions next? We can still get you a tutor instead if that would help."

"No," Emma said quickly. "No, really. I'm just tired."

It was evident that Remus didn't believe her as he tilted his head slightly, his lips pressing into a thin line. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Dad," Emma said quietly, dragging out her words. "I swear I'm just tired."

"All right," Remus said with a sigh, giving her shoulder a squeeze. "If you decide that you don't want to go, just come see me. Otherwise, I'll see you at dinner."

Emma shook her head as Remus started to leave and was about to turn back around, but she stopped herself. "Hey, Dad?" Remus paused and turned back to look at Emma curiously, but didn't say a word and just shoved his hands in his pockets. "Just wanted to say I love you," Emma said quietly.

Remus's expression softened, and he shook his head. "I love you, too," he said with a smile before turning back around to leave.

"Wow," Persephone said slowly. "Whatever it is you're planning, you are _really_ laying it on thick, mate."

Emma turned back to sit correctly at the table. She hadn't noticed Persephone leaving the Slytherin table to sit across from her. "Am I not allowed to say that I love my dad?"

Persephone leaned forward on the table. "Considering you two have been at each other's throats for the past month and a half?" Persephone laughed in disbelief. "It might work for him, but you're certainly not fooling me. So, what is it you're doing that you're trying to throw him off the trail?"

"I'm not doing anything," Emma huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. She stared at Persephone, who only stared back with a smirk on her face. "Fine!" Emma said, throwing her arms up in exasperation. "I'm going to ask Snape if he'll let me start making potions again, and I never told Dad. I didn't want him to know." It wasn't entirely a lie, but she couldn't explain that she had a singular purpose for talking to Snape.

Leanne and Justin were immediately pulled from their conversation and turned to look at Emma in shock.

"You are absolutely not," Leanne said, her mouth falling open.

"I am," Emma said. "I make potions for Madam Pomfrey all the time. So, why can't I brew in class?"

"Woowww," Persephone said. "No wonder you're trying to get on Professor Lupin's good side. You know he's going to have an absolute fit for not running it by him first, right?"

"Hence trying to get on his good side," Emma said, finding the clock in the Great Hall. "Well, wish me luck."

If Emma thought the rest of her day was dragging, getting through potions was even worse. She watched impatiently as Mandy and Anthony worked on their Wiggenweld Potion, something they had made in class several times. Emma had made it repeatedly with Pomfrey, and she could make the potion in her sleep. In fact, Emma nearly fell asleep watching, and when the bell rang, she jumped.

Emma packed her things slowly, hoping to wait out the rest of the class. It took longer than she would have wanted as Justin was hanging around, but the room eventually cleared out. Emma straightened up slowly, peering around to make sure no one else was present and sighed. It was now or never.

She walked up slowly to Snape's desk and stood waiting. It was going to be a waiting game, and she knew it, but she didn't care if she was late for Charms. Professor Flitwick wouldn't be too mad if she showed up just past the bell.

"To what do I owe this displeasure, Lupin?" Snape said, not bothering to look up from whatever he was writing.

"I wanted to ask you something, Professor."

"If you are here to ask me to allow you to brew in my class, the answer is no."

"That's not what I wanted to ask you, sir." Snape looked up at Emma. When he didn't say a word, Emma realized he was waiting for her to continue speaking. "Not exactly, at least. I was wanted to ask if you would be willing to teach me how to make the Wolfsbane Potion."

An eyebrow immediately arched on Snape's face. "And why would I teach you how to make the Wolfsbane Potion? There's absolutely no need for you to learn such a potion."

"I'm not stupid, professor," Emma said, trying to force herself to keep her voice steady. "I don't think just anyone would make the potion for him. I would like to learn how to brew the potion; it would be one less thing that takes up your time. Besides, there's only so much I can learn with Madam Pomfrey."

A sneer curled the man's lips, but Emma wasn't about to back down. "How…thoughtful of you," he drawled. "And tell me, Lupin - are you the one I have to make the diluted brew for?"

"That would be correct, sir," Emma said. There wasn't any point in trying to hide that fact from Snape when he obviously knew. It didn't make her feel comfortable in the least, but she had no other option.

"A werewolf and a half-wolf…Hogwarts is truly going to the dogs," Snape sneered. Emma's skin prickled, but she refused to look away from the potion's master. She needed to learn to make the potion for Remus, and she needed to learn it correctly. Emma could never forgive herself if she tried to learn on her own and hurt him.

Snape considered Emma for a few minutes, not saying a word. He leaned forward on his desk. "I do not have any desire to teach you considering your history; however…if I don't have to continue to make the potion, then it will free up my time," Snape sneered. "I will teach you under several conditions. Do you understand?"

Emma nodded, trying to smother down her excitement. "Yes, sir," she answered.

"Very well," Snape drawled. "You will not tell your father that you are learning to make the potion. I do not need him swooping in here like a rabid dog. You will only be permitted to brew during class periods under my direct supervision the week of the full moon. You will be required to attend all classes that week and spend a portion of your lunch to brew the potion. While it does not have to be taken at the same time each day, it does have to be made fresh each day and taken within the hour."

Snape paused for a moment, letting his second condition sink in, but Emma nodded in understanding. It was a potion with a time limit; she had never realized. Emma wanted to ask why she didn't need to take her doses right away, but she would have to ask Elara instead. She figured it had something to do with the aconite, but she wanted to be sure.

"You will research the recipe for the potion on your own," he continued. "It is not a potion that you can fix along the way, and the ingredients are difficult to come by. The book can be found in the Restricted Section. It is your responsibility to get access on your own – I will not give you permission. If I so much as hear you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will cease all lessons. Do you understand?"

Well, at least half of Snape's list was easy, Emma thought to herself. She didn't want Remus to know what she was doing, so she didn't have issues with that. Emma wasn't about to tell anyone else, either. However, getting into the Restricted Section and attending class preceding the full moon was going to be a challenge. Remus would ask too many questions about why she needed a permission form, and the other professors would as well. That really left her with only one option – she had to forge Remus's signature. She wondered if the twins knew anyone good at forging signatures that could help. Although, she was sure she could do it herself if she had to. It helped that his handwriting was rather loopy.

"Yes, sir," Emma answered. "I understand."

Snape nodded slowly. "We will discuss further near the end of the month." Snape returned to whatever he was writing, and Emma took that as her dismissal. At least that was one hurdle down. Now she just needed to get outside for an hour to talk to Sirius. They hadn't spoken since Halloween, and she had questions.

Emma was only a few minutes late getting to Charms, and she flashed Flitwick an embarrassed smile. "Sorry, Professor," Emma said, sitting down in the empty seat next to Ron and pulling out her things. "Got caught up with Professor Snape."

"Quite all right, Miss Lupin!" Flitwick said. "I didn't start class just yet."

It appeared that Emma's lie about being tired was meant to come true as she was exhausted when she made it downstairs to dinner. However, her day still wasn't over, and it depended entirely on whether she could convince Remus to let her outside for a bit. Luckily, she came prepared.

She sat down at the table, trying to eat quickly but not too quickly. Emma didn't need to raise Remus's suspicions. Her eyes shot up towards the windows, and she frowned. It was already starting to get dark.

Taking a deep breath, Emma stood up, bid her friend's goodnight, and made her way to the head table. She was relieved that Remus had taken a seat at the end of the table for dinner. It would mean fewer people were paying attention. Emma just wasn't anticipating the immediately skeptical look on his face as she approached.

"You're coming here to ask me something," Remus stated. "That's a little worrisome."

"That shouldn't be worrisome," Emma said. "I'm your daughter. That's rather rude."

"That's exactly why I'm worried," Remus said dryly.

Emma pursed her lips. "Fair point," she grumbled. "No, I wanted to come and ask if you'd be all right with me going out by the lake for an hour or so. I'll come back in before it gets dark."

Remus set down his knife and fork to study Emma. "And why might you want to go out by the lake?"

Emma came prepared, and she reached into her bag to pull out her sketchbook. "It's been a while," she said quietly. She flipped through the pages. "Not sure what I'll draw, but I'm sure something will catch my eye."

"Why am I having a hard time believing you?" Remus asked. "This sounds a little too well-rehearsed."

"That's rude," Emma said. "Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?" Remus raised his eyebrows, and Emma rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine, I just really want to go outside to be alone for a bit. I don't know if I'll draw or not. It rained all week and this weekend, and it's going to start getting too cold for me to go outside. I just want to take advantage of the last bits of not-winter weather. The snow here isn't exactly the same as being at home."

"Well, that's at least believable," Remus said, giving Emma another once over before peering down at his watch. "All right. Come back in by seven. That'll give you a little over an hour."

"Perfect," Emma said, bending down to kiss Remus's cheek and scrunching up her nose. She rubbed her hand over his cheek and frowned. "Your face is scratchy. I think you need to shave." Before Remus could say a word, Emma quickly dashed away.

Her first stop was back downstairs to the kitchens to grab extra food from the elves. She gratefully shoved several very stuffed sandwiches into her bag and made her way out onto the grounds. Emma quickly made her way down to the lake and let out a relieved sigh when she saw Padfoot lurking over by the Forbidden Forest.

Making sure that no one else was around, Emma walked towards the edge of the forest to meet him. Padfoot sniffed her bag with a single wag and turned around so that she could follow him. The moment he felt they were deep enough into the forest, he transformed.

"What the bloody hell were you thinking?"

Emma crossed her arms and glared at Sirius. "Oh, there's the scary man from the posters. And here I thought you were just a sweet dog," Emma grumbled. She scrunched up her nose at the thought. "A dog that I bathed and let sleep in my bed…and lick my face. Oh, that's gross."

"Forget about that right now! I don't even bloody know where to start with you!" Sirius said sharply. "How dare you put Remus through that again!"

"Sirius, I already went through this with Dad. I feel like complete shit about it, I don't need to hear it from you, too!"

"You do need to hear it from me!" Sirius growled. "You said that you were just going to open the damned doors. You trying to off yourself again was _not_ part of that plan. How _dare_ you put Remus through that. How dare you put _me_ through that!"

"Oh, like he was such a saint," Emma scoffed. "God, Sirius, it's not like you're my dad."

Sirius looked highly taken aback and hurt. He huffed out a breath and held onto Emma's shoulders, bending down to look her in the eye. "I…I might not be your father, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't care if something happened to you. In case you're forgetting, I've loved you for a very long time as well."

There was something about Sirius's expression that struck a chord with Emma, but she didn't understand why. She shook her head, trying to blink back the tears that had suddenly welled up in her eyes. Sirius was being incredibly unreasonable.

"Sirius, please," Emma pleaded. "I can't have two people being disappointed in me. Besides, if I get too upset, the stupid band…"

With wide eyes, Sirius looked down at the band on Emma's wrist. "Probably wouldn't be a good idea to get you upset."

"I told him I was just coming out for some alone time, so I don't need him to come running out because I get upset." Emma reached into her bag to pull out the sandwiches she had and handed them to Sirius. He sat down on the ground and immediately tore into one. She watched him for a few moments and sighed. "What happened, anyway? You completely destroyed the Fat Lady's portrait."

"She wouldn't let me in without the password," Sirius said with a growl between bites of sandwich. "I thought if I destroyed the portrait, it would let me into the common room."

"Well, that was stupid," Emma said, raising an eyebrow. "We might not have a portrait to get into Hufflepuff, but even I know that the castle won't let you in if you're not doing things correctly."

"I have to get the bloody rat. I need to get Peter before he hurts Harry."

"He's lived with Harry for two years in the dorm. Do you really think he would do something to him now?"

"Now would be a perfect time," Sirius muttered. "I would just be the one to get the blame." Sirius's eyes suddenly widened, and he reached up and grabbed onto Emma's wrist. "Harry! How's Harry?"

"Harry's fine," Emma said. "He's a little shaken up, but he's fine. Dad plans on teaching him the Patronus charm next term, just in case."

"Why doesn't he teach him now? What is he waiting for?"

Emma sighed and pulled her wrist free. "I've taken up far more time than he expected, so he's got a lot of work to catch up on. I haven't really made his teaching career easy."

"I can see why," Sirius said sharply.

"Sirius, you are not my father," Emma said icily. "I really absolutely do not need to hear it from you." Emma fixed Sirius with a stare. "What's our next plan?"

Sirius looked at Emma in confusion. "Did you just say, 'our next plan?'"

"Yes?" Emma raised an eyebrow. "Don't we still have to get Peter? I told you I would help. Although, you really should be telling me more about the whole Secret-Keeper thing. I knew that I had one, but I didn't realize that it was _you_."

"Before we get into that, how are you? We couldn't talk after the Quidditch match, and I was worried that you had such a strong reaction."

Emma sat down on the ground next to Sirius and ran her finger through the dirt. "I'm fine, I suppose. Just trying to work through everything," she said quietly. "I think I figured out the moment that keeps coming up in my mind is, uhm, I think it's with Fenrir when..." Sirius's head snapped up with his brows turning up. Emma cleared her throat and continued on, "I've mostly decided that I should at the very least stick around for Dad. I'm going to try and learn the Wolfsbane Potion for him. I've been an absolute shit daughter, so it's the least I could do for him."

"You're not a shit daughter, Emma," Sirius said softly. "The fact you would even consider doing that for him tells me that you're not. What happened to you never should have occurred. I think your mum was worried something like that would happen, and I think that's why she asked me to serve as Secret-Keeper for you."

"Dad said that my file from the children's home said I was found in the floor or whatever? Is that right?"

Sirius nodded. "I wish I could tell you more than that. It's a little more than just 'being in the floor.' I was never sure if it was because she was afraid of the war or something else, she never said," Sirius said with a bitter laugh. "I should have realized that it was because of Jude…"

"Were there any other Secret-Keepers?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, just myself and your mother. She didn't want a lot of people knowing. I'm just glad that the right person heard me when they hauled me off to Azkaban."

"Were you and my mum close? Dad said he wasn't entirely sure but said you two were at least friendly."

"I was close with your entire family. You would have adored your grandmother," Sirius said sadly. "She passed a few weeks before you were born, and she was so excited to meet you."

Emma frowned slightly. "My grandmother's name was Hope, wasn't it?" Emma asked, looking over at Sirius curiously.

"It was."

"Was I named after her?"

Sirius froze, his eyes wide as he stared back at Emma. "What did you just ask?"

"I-forget it," Emma said quietly. "It's stupid." She turned her face away, focusing on the patterns she was drawing in the dirt.

"No," Sirius said softly, reaching out to take Emma's hand in his. "How do you know about that?"

Emma looked back at Sirius in confusion. "Well, did I ever explain to you that Elara found my old records from St. Mungo's, and that's how I found out about everything? I don't remember what we've talked about at this point. We keep talking in circles, and I feel like there hasn't been enough time to really talk to you…" Emma trailed off with a sigh.

Sirius gave her a sad smile. "There's so much I want to talk to you about," he said quietly. "Now, what about these records?"

"Right," Emma said quietly. "Well, my records had two birth certificates. The original one where I was named Emma Hope Lupin, but then another one later with Emelyn Theodosia Nickels. Sent me on a bit of an identity crisis for a moment, but…Emma Hope Lupin immediately made sense to me. When I first met Grandpa again, he called me Emma Hope, but only when Dad wasn't around…which tells me that he knew my real name the entire time. Dad didn't know that name, though. It seems as though you've known my real name this entire time, which I find odd."

"I have," Sirius said quietly, his eyes focused on their joined hands as he ran his thumb over Emma's knuckles. "We were worried that…that Remus was the spy because of his time with the werewolves. We just assumed that by telling him a different name just similar enough that it would throw people off and keep them away from you. I don't understand why the birth certificate was amended, though. It was always decided that you would be Emma Hope."

"Do you know why a father wasn't listed on the first birth certificate?" Emma asked almost excitedly. Sirius knew more than Remus did and _had_ to have answers. It was impossible to miss the way that Sirius turned pale and pulled his hand from hers.

"I do," he said, his voice tight.

Emma was about to ask Sirius about it, but the clock tower's bell was ringing. "Oh, shit," Emma hissed, shooting up from the ground and grabbing her bag. "Dad said for me to be back by seven. Merlin, he's going to bloody kill me." She turned to Sirius with an apologetic grimace. "I have no idea how we're going to make things work because Dad's really paying attention to me now, but I'll try and get out more. I can't guarantee anything. Just…try to stay safe, Sirius. We clearly have a lot to talk about, a-and I feel like I need to get to know you. I'll see what I can do from the inside."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	35. Harsh Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma learns that there are far more issues to being a werewolf than just the transformations.

Emma hated being in the hospital wing on a typical day; she hated it more when it involved her getting tests done. The worst part of it all was having to be up earlier than usual to do it all before first period. Her life had long since moved past daydreams and fairy tales and into a strange reality that she was still trying to comprehend.

Even though Remus was undergoing the same tests she was "for the sake of research," Emma found her patience only extended so far. She felt like a science experiment, and the only thing that kept her _almost_ okay with it is that she trusted Elara. If Elara wasn't taking additional time out of her life to research, then things would be far more uncertain. It was something that Elara didn't need to do, but she chose to do so that they all felt better. Emma just had to try and trust the process as much as she could.

Remus watched as Elara worked through the numbers she was working through, stroking Emma's hair as she laid her head on his lap. Emma was curled up on the hospital bed, her eyes closed, just wanting to rest. Elara needed to take another blood sample, and Emma was not a fan of needles, and it stressed her out. Remus pulling her from her morning classes was the only thing getting her through, but he was doing that regardless. At the very least, it meant that she could quickly try and work on the next condition of learning the Wolfsbane Potion. It didn't take much to convince him to let her stay in the library until lunch.

Emma didn't need to have the heightened senses of a werewolf to pick up on the sudden shift in energy. It was like a thick fog had just entered their curtained off area of the hospital wing, sweeping out the gentle warmth there usually was. Emma opened her eyes to find Elara looking at her with an expression both guilty and worried.

"How are you feeling?" Elara asked after a while.

"Fine," Emma said slowly, sitting up and looking between Elara and Remus. "What's going on?" She watched as Remus leaned forward and held his head in his hands, his expression grave. They had to have been having a silent conversation over her head as she had her eyes closed. That wasn't good.

Elara looked at the parchment held in her hands. "I can't be certain," she said slowly, "but there could be a possibility of you eventually transforming even without a bite."

"What? But how?" Emma asked quickly. "Is that even possible?"

"That's the problem, I don't know," Elara answered with a frown. "Your case is unique, and I can't find one that's similar enough to compare to."

"The biggest issue is that you had a dose of the potion during the full moon," Remus added quietly. He lifted his head just enough to look at Emma. "We don't know if that will have led to a slower infection since there wasn't a bite to facilitate it. You're infected, there's absolutely no doubt about that, but the disease is still mutating."

"But wouldn't all of that be negated because the potion was started before the full moon rose?" Emma asked, looking between Elara and Remus with the hopes their logic was flawed.

Elara sighed and set aside the parchment. "It would have made it more potent," she said quietly. "Lycanthropy almost feeds on itself to grow; otherwise, it wouldn't be such a potent disease. Once it's introduced into your blood, there's no turning back. There's no cure. It's impossible to eradicate because of the biological changes it causes. For you, that would have changed regardless, but because you specifically share Remus's blood, things are much different."

"Which was why things were done the way they were in the beginning. It was so that I never had to touch the potion," Emma said quietly, finally understanding Remus's hesitations. "So, why do you think that there's a possibility that it could still happen?"

"Well, I can reassure you and say that I won't need another blood sample from you for a few months," Elara said, trying to ease the tension. "The thing is, is that with you, your numbers keep going changing, but they're steady. That's a big reason why I keep asking if things _feel_ different to you. We've established that your emotions go a little haywire, but I'm trying to determine what else might occur. Unfortunately, it means that we're approaching a point where it's 50-50 that you do or don't transform."

Emma groaned, rubbing her temples as she tried to process what Elara was saying. "Will you at least have an indication of _when_ it would happen if it did?"

"I'm certainly going to try. If things stay steady, there are at least a few months before we have to worry. I can't make any guarantees, though. Right now, if I'm correct, I think April or May."

"Well, guess that's good news for you then, Dad," Emma said, trying to lighten the mood. "You wouldn't have to bite me like I asked if that's the case."

Remus shot Emma an aggravated look. "Emma, she just told you that you could be a full werewolf because of me, and _that's_ what you say? I don't understand how you can be so cavalier about it."

"I told you, I didn't want it to be Fenrir," Emma snapped.

"Hold on, do you mind backing up a moment?" Elara interjected. "We didn't get to discuss much before I got here, Remus, so for once, I'm completely in the dark."

"Emma asked me earlier this week to be the one to bite her in a hypothetical situation that will _never_ occur, and I told her absolutely not," Remus sighed.

"Which is stupid because would you really want Fenrir to bite me?" Emma said sharply.

"You would never be in that situation!"

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do!"

"Dad, we already established that the memory I had matched up to what you showed me in the Pensieve. You can't tell me that Fenrir's end goal isn't going to be to turn me. If Jude gave me to him –"

"My memory was faulty! Jude did terrible, terrible things to you but even that's –"

"But is it, Dad? You don't forget a thing, and you know it. If I was in a position where Fenrir could –"

"Erm, if I may?" Elara said, holding her hands up as Emma and Remus both turned to glare at her. "I would certainly hope that you're never in a position that it could be a possibility, Emma. Remus, please don't hate me, but I agree with Emma."

"What?" Remus growled. "How could you agree with Emma? She doesn't know what she's talking about."

Elara grimaced, looking between Emma, who looked grateful, and Remus, who looked ready to rip her head off of her shoulders. "Remus, here's the thing – if she's a full werewolf without the bite, then she's better off. At least she didn't have to suffer through the bite. If she's not a full werewolf at the end of this, then that's even better. If, and it's a big if, there was a possibility of a situation where it would come down to you or Fenrir biting Emma, it would be better if it were you."

"You've got to be bloody kidding me, Elara. There is absolutely no way in Hell that I would do that to her."

"Remus, if Emma's in the position where Fenrir _could_ turn her, there's absolutely no guarantees she would even survive. If you were there and could be the one to stop him from being the one to turn her, I would do it. I might not have been one of Fenrir's, but Remus…you know what he's like."

"I've ruined her life enough. The fact that neither of you understand me –"

"You act like you're the only one who's terrified about all of this, Dad!" Emma said, her voice coming out much sharper than she meant to. Remus looked at Emma with wide eyes, and Emma stared back, deflating. "I'm scared, too, you know. Fenrir's taken so much from me already. I can't let him have that, too."

Remus sighed, taking Emma's hand. "All of this is my fault."

Emma pulled her hand from Remus's so that she could hug his arm, laying her head on his shoulder. "It was actually mine," she said sadly. "If I didn't…"

"And it was my suggestion," Elara said with a shrug. "If we're going to play the blame game, we're all at fault, but we need to move forward. Just…one day at a time at this point."

"You hear that, Dad?" Emma said with a snort. "Elara said, 'One day at a time.' Isn't that what you've been telling me?"

"Those were meant to be words of encouragement, not a lifestyle," Remus muttered.

"Well, we've never done things the normal way, have we?"

Remus frowned at Emma and looked at his watch. "I suppose we should leave if everything's all done. I'm afraid that I have a class to teach in ten minutes."

Emma let go of Remus's arm and looked over at Elara. "Is it all right if I talk to Elara for a moment?" Emma asked Remus quietly.

Remus stood up and studied Emma for a moment. "All right, but be quick because she has to head back to St. Mungo's." He turned to Elara and gave her a small wave before stepping through the curtains.

"There's a silencing charm up, right?" Emma asked Elara quietly.

Elara pulled out her wand and cast the charm again with a grin. "Just in case. What's up, kid?"

"A lot," Emma said. "Obviously. I'm sure Dad's at least updated on you on what happened on Halloween."

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?"

"Yes and no? I feel incredibly guilty over it. I know that I shouldn't have…I was scared, you know? I feel like it's been one thing after another, and I'm not sure I've ever really managed to recover from even finding out that I can do magic." Emma looked down at her hands in her lap. "I'm not really sure how I feel about anything. I just feel…numb at this point."

"Well, that's to be expected," Elara said gently. "You went through an incredible shock, and I can't imagine how confusing it was to find everything out. You know, I gave your father the name of someone who I think could really help you."

"I know, he's told me several times. But that's the thing, though. It wasn't exactly confusing to find out. I mean, I knew most of it already – obviously – it just felt as though things suddenly made sense. I've had nightmares about Fenrir for years without knowing who he actually was. At least now I understand why, but that's not what I'm confused about."

"What's been bothering you, then?"

"The birth certificates. When I saw them, it was like everything made sense in the world, but I don't understand why there wasn't a father listed. What does that even mean? I tried talking to –" Emma stopped herself before she said Sirius's name. She met Elara's questioning gaze and cleared her throat before continuing, "I was talking to Persephone about it. Neither of us understand."

Elara looked skeptical. "Are you sure that's who you were talking to?"

"Persephone's my best friend. Of course, I talked to her about it."

"And yet you're calling her Persephone, not Effie."

"I switch back and forth," Emma frowned.

Elara hummed quietly, pursing her lips. "It's because you're trying to hide something from me," Elara said, studying Emma closely. "Emma, I'm going to tell you this because I see you as family - I'm worried about you. Your father has expressed concerns that you could possibly be associating with Sirius Black. I doubt that I need to explain to you how or why he has those suspicions."

Emma desperately wanted to deny that she was seeing Sirius, but she was sure that Elara would see right through her. She looked down at her hands, fidgeting nervously. Emma didn't like that Remus had known about Sirius the entire time, but he never said a word to her. She wanted to ask him why, but that would mean admitting to him she'd met with Sirius a few times.

"Your silence leads me to believe that he's been correct," Elara sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Emma, you are an incredibly smart girl, but this…this is worrisome. It's _Sirius Black_ , Emma. He's dangerous."

"More dangerous than Fenrir?" Emma asked, lifting her eyes to meet Elara's.

Elara took a deep breath and started to put together her things to leave. "There are multiple reasons why a father might not have been listed. It could be a paperwork issue; it could be that there was a question about your paternity at the time…" Elara looked up at Emma. "Or someone else's name was meant to be on there, for multiple separate reasons, but the time wasn't right."

"Whose name, though?"

"I've already said too much, Emma," Elara said, standing up from her chair. "I don't want to tell you something that we don't have answers for or might not ever get answers for. Your father, Professor Dumbledore, and I have been trying to gather as much information as we can."

"But you know whose name is meant to be on there."

"We only have theories. There's nothing concrete."

"But you _know_ of a possible name."

Elara looked down at her watch. "I can't say anything more, Emma. I won't say anything to your father about you and…and Sirius. I'll file it under Healer-Patient confidentiality, but I am worried about you. You don't know what he's capable of, and I don't want to see you getting hurt. I've seen you hurt enough times already, kid. I'd be heartbroken if something happened to you again. Come on, I'm sure your father is having a fit with us taking too long."

"Elara, wait," Emma said quickly, sliding off the bed. "I need to ask you one more thing before you leave."

Elara turned back to Emma, her hand on the curtain, ready to open it. "What is it, kid?"

"If I were to try and research the recipe for the Wolfsbane Potion, what book would I need to look for?"

"For…educational purposes, I assume?" Elara asked, the corners of her lips twitching.

"Something like that," Emma said with a non-committal shrug.

"Find the research paper from Damocles Belby. He's the one who created the potion. It'll offer you far more information than a book. If you need a book, I believe _Moste Potente Potions_ might have the recipe," Elara said, giving Emma a wink. She shook her head and dropped her hand from the curtain, turning to look at Emma with a grin. "There should be more people like you, kid. I know you don't see it yet, but I can see that you're going to try and help a lot of people when you graduate from Hogwarts. Just be careful when working with the aconite. You have to get it into a powder form, and it burns like an absolute bitch if you get it up your nose. A small amount is fine, but if you're worried that you'll accidentally ingest more, keep your nose covered."

Emma snorted and nodded. "I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Elara."

The walk to the library was incredibly quick, and it involved Remus complaining about being late for his own class.

"You're the _professor_ ," Emma said, rolling her eyes. "It's not a big deal if you're late."

"It is extremely unprofessional for me to be late," Remus complained, turning on his heel to look at Emma as they reached the library doors. "You are to stay here."

"I know," Emma said, rubbing her smile off her face.

"You are to work on your homework and study for the classes you weren't in today."

"I'm aware."

"You will not cause Madam Pince any issues."

"Do I ever?"

"Not that I know of, but with you, I'm learning there's always a possibility."

Emma heaved a long and dramatic sigh. "I promise that I won't antagonize Madam Pince. I'll be perfectly quiet, study like the perfect student, and she won't hear a peep from me."

"Good," Remus said, leaning down to kiss the top of Emma's head. "I'll come to get you for lunch."

"All right," Emma said, waiting impatiently for Remus to leave. "I'll be good. Now go, or else you'll be even later for your own class."

Remus eyed Emma suspiciously, shoving his hands in his pockets and hummed. "I'll see you in a few hours."

"Have a good day of teaching, _Professor Lupin_." Emma giggled at the exasperated look on Remus's face as she crossed the threshold of the library. She made a show of sitting down at one of the nearby tables and taking out her things. Remus watched her suspiciously for a moment but finally turned to leave.

Emma let out the breath she had been holding. It felt like it was near impossible to keep secrets from Remus. She still wasn't too sure how she felt about Elara knowing about Sirius, but at least it meant someone knew if something were to happen to her.

When she was sure that Remus had completely cleared the area, Emma dug back into her bag. She had spent several hours the night prior practicing forging Remus's signature, and she was positive that she had it nearly perfect. At the very least, it looked like a hastily scrawled signature and shouldn't arouse too much suspicion. Emma pulled out her forged permission slip for the Restricted Section and took a deep breath. It was now or never, and she anticipated she wouldn't have a lot of time to research at all if Madam Pince suspected it was fake.

Squaring her shoulders, Emma walked over to Madam Pince and held the permission slip out to the witch with a smile. Pince looked up at Emma for a moment and stared at the permission slip far longer than Emma wanted. Emma was nearly positive that she was going to start sweating; she was so nervous.

"Miss Lupin, are you quite positive that it was your father who signed this and not you?" Madam Pince asked, her eyebrows lifting as she looked up to appraise Emma.

"Yes, of course," Emma smiled. "He knows I wanted to do some further research into, er…well, you understand, I'm sure. I just want to make sure that I understand him better."

"And you didn't do enough of that in your first year?"

"No, Madam Pince. I didn't know then, and the more detailed books are in the Restricted Section."

With a scowl, Madam Pince pointed her wand over at the roped-off section. The long, bewitched rope unlatched itself so that Emma could pass through, and Emma gave the witch a grin.

"Thank you," Emma said earnestly, practically skipping over to her things and bringing them into the Restricted Section.

Emma knew she wouldn't have much time at all to find what she needed. Madam Pince clearly knew the form was fake, but she was leaving Remus to be the one to dole out punishment. Emma knew that she only had until the end of Remus's first class before he would come back. She had no doubt that Madam Pince was contacting Remus at that exact moment. She had to work fast.

She scoured the shelves quickly, unsure of whether she should be looking at the potion's books or research papers. Emma decided to look for both. At least she could cross-reference things if she had both to look at.

Her search through the potions books was easy. _Moste Potente Potions_ was much easier to find since she had a title to look for. She flipped to the index and sighed in relief, seeing that the Wolfsbane Potion was listed. However, that sigh of relief gave way to a gasp. The Wolfsbane Potion single-handedly had the most ingredients she had ever seen for a potion.

"Merlin's saggy tits," she muttered as she scanned the list. It wasn't so much that the ingredients were expensive; it was the sheer number of things needed. Most of it was standard, such as honey water, Flobberworm mucus, Dittany, and lavender, but then it got interesting. Other ingredients were Lacewing flies, powdered horn of bicorn, Jobberknoll feathers, and of course, wolfsbane, the ingredient the potion was named after. The most fascinating component of all was actual werewolf hair, something Emma found surprising and yet not at all. It seemed as though the list went on and on, combining different potions to create the Wolfsbane Potion.

The instructions were equally as complicated. It had to sit out at night at points, certain ingredients had to be collected the previous full moon or within a certain amount of time after. It was no wonder the potion was so expensive – one small slip would mean a whole entire weeks' worth of potion would be ruined.

Feeling almost dizzy, Emma wrote down the ingredient list and the instructions into her notebook. She would never want to forget any of the steps or ingredients needed, and she would have to do further research. There was no possible way that so many things were required for the potion; the issue was figuring out which ones didn't need to be included. The Wolfsbane Potion was essentially several potions in one, so _something_ could be adjusted somewhere. Eventually, Emma would commit the potion to memory, but for now, she had more research to do.

Her next stop was to find the research paper written by Damocles. She hoped that it would offer more information than the book. Perhaps it would explain why the number of ingredients was needed and what testing he'd already done. Emma was searching for anything that would really help. Unfortunately, she quickly realized, the research didn't offer as much information as she'd hoped.

It was certainly informative, explaining the effects of the potion in more detail, but much like most werewolf research, he stayed away. He wasn't willing to step in to investigate a werewolf up close to research its effects and relied on the testimony of the trials. Emma felt incredibly ill finding out how many werewolves died during testing. Wolfsbane was lethal in large doses, and the Wolfsbane Potion required a lot of it.

Emma set the paper aside, trying to process that people had died just to test the potion. She wasn't even entirely sure of why it made her so upset, but it bothered her. Such a life-changing potion had ended the lives of people who needed it. While many of the trial participants were Azkaban prisoners, a lot of them were not. Emma wiped at her eyes, trying to ignore the swirling thoughts in her mind. She didn't want to know.

The thoughts of werewolves being in Azkaban sent a chill down Emma's spine, and she went on the search for another book. She wandered out of the Restricted Section for a moment to find the text on the wizarding community laws. Emma wasn't entirely sure she should look, but she wanted to know what laws they had regarding werewolves.

Much like most of Emma's research thus far that day, it wasn't good.

Emma never understood what Remus meant when he said it would be a problem if people were to find out what they'd done for her. She had thought that he meant something along the lines of the spread of lycanthropy, of using an unorthodox method of having her recover. It was much, much worse.

Werewolves were considered creatures and only creatures and were treated as such. They were looked down on, seen only as dangerous beasts for something that affected them for one single night. Werewolves had little to no rights because of their status. They could hold employment, but only if the owner permitted it. Based on what she was reading, they clearly weren't meant to be able to adopt. Not being placed on the registry was one of the more significant issues, but at least that just involved a fine. Petty theft was a crime that could be punishable by death. Instances of disorderly conduct as simple as a single screaming match could be punishable by death if perceived as a threat. It seemed as though most potential crimes could lead to execution if someone saw fit. It was horrifying.

Every single thing that Remus had done to take care of her was such an incredibly dangerous thing for him to do. Elara, according to magical law, was incredibly guilty of illegal things, despite it helping others. Emma knew that the things she did were questionable, but she didn't expect execution as a possible outcome. Emma wanted to cry, but she couldn't. She was too stunned, too terrified of the possibilities. No one could ever know the truth over what either of them had done, and Emma was determined to take their secrets to the grave.

Immediately, Emma went to find the books that held actual court cases and their rulings. She wanted to know more, and she returned to the Restricted Section with several large books to go through. Madam Pince was shooting her disapproving looks each time Emma walked by, but she didn't care. She flipped through the back index to find each case involving werewolves and wasn't surprised when she found many of them involved Fenrir.

It seemed that even though Fenrir was a part of many of the cases, if there were others with him, Fenrir would not be touched. The other werewolves would be sentenced, and Fenrir would be let free. Most of the court proceedings led to some form of a bloodbath if Fenrir was involved, while other cases were much tamer. He liked to leave destruction in his path, it seemed. Emma wondered if the lack of recent cases meant that they had completely given up. What was it about Fenrir that made him so difficult to keep a hold of? What would she have to deal with when it came to Fenrir?

She was so focused on her thoughts that she jumped at the noise of someone clearing their throat. Emma's eyes shot up to find Remus staring at her in mild frustration. His arms were crossed, his foot tapped slowly, and his jaw was set.

"Well, well, I never expected _this_ to be one of your biggest misdeeds," Remus said, holding up the forged permission slip. "Explain yourself."

Emma looked down at the book in front of her, clenching her jaw to keep her lip from trembling. She'd stopped at a case where the werewolf wasn't let go. Seeing Remus just made everything hit her that much harder. She rubbed the back of her neck with a sniffle, trying to ignore the stinging of her eyes. How could either Remus or Elara risk so much for her? Unable to speak, Emma just pushed the book in Remus's direction.

Remus was taken aback, fully prepared for Emma to argue with him like she did on most things lately. He stared at her for a moment before shoving the permission slip into his pocket. Curious, Remus stepped up to stand just beside Emma to peer at the book she'd been looking at. He sighed as he read through the page she had stopped at.

"You know, I can't begin to tell you how many times you've made it incredibly difficult to be cross with you," Remus said, crouching down next to Emma. "I told you – it's not your job to worry about me. I'm the one who's meant to do all the worrying."

"But if the wrong person were to find out…"

"Don't think about the possibilities right now. There are much bigger things to worry about, such as finding out what your Patronus is going to be when you finally make one."

Emma could only frown at Remus in response. He was trying to lighten the mood, to give her something to look forward to, but it didn't work.

"Come on," Remus said softly, straightening up. He pulled his wand and gave it a wave so that the books she had put themselves away. "Let's head back so you can rest – we can talk during lunch. I think you've already had an exhausting day, and you still have your classes this afternoon to get through."

With a slight nod, Emma packed up her things and tucked herself under Remus's arm. She didn't want to leave his side.

The moment they crossed the threshold of Remus's office, Emma broke down into tears. She tried to hold them back, but she was scared of all the possibilities and realities she had learned of that day. The idea of being a werewolf she had come to terms with weeks ago, but there was so much more to it that she had never known.

It took an incredible amount of convincing on her part to try and tell Remus that she was fine, and he should go back to the classroom to teach. Remus insisted that he had to do _something_ to try and make her feel better. She relented and allowed him to tuck her in for her nap, a gesture that set her off into a fit of tearful giggles. Emma was starting to think that the act of Remus tucking her in was more for his benefit than for hers. She was nearly positive that as long as she lived with him, he would always tuck her in. Emma didn't think she would mind that too much. Much like how most of her thoughts went, she didn't have much time to dwell on it.

Emma cried herself to sleep to visions of the unimaginable. She wasn't entirely sure what woke her up, but she was groggy, and after her twisted dreams, it was hard for her to process her surroundings. She opened her eyes slowly and looked up to see Remus sitting on the edge of her mattress. He must have just sat down, and that was what pulled her from her sleep. Emma wasn't quite sure if he had come back during the break between classes or if she'd managed to sleep until lunch.

"Hi, baby girl," Remus said softly, turning himself to look at Emma better. As if reading her mind, he gestured to the small bowl of berries on her nightstand. "It's lunchtime, but I didn't think you'd be up for eating much."

"Why didn't you tell me about how bad the laws were?" Emma asked. "I thought you weren't keeping anything else from me."

"In my defense, I wasn't keeping it from you this time," Remus sighed. "The knowledge is out there; I just wasn't sure how long it would take for you to find out by yourself."

"You could have told me, though."

"But this is one of those things that would have been far worse coming from me. I've noticed that you process things better if you read it first and then we talk about it."

Emma couldn't argue that point at all because she had started to realize the same. Reading things gave her more time to work through her thoughts first. It made conversations _slightly_ less emotional when she could approach things with a better understanding. She sighed as she sat up, picking up the bowl of fruit and plucking a blueberry up and popping it in her mouth.

"It's not right," Emma said quietly. "It's only one night. Things shouldn't be so extreme."

"When you have werewolves like Greyback around, it doesn't exactly help our cause."

Emma's eyes shot up to give Remus a severe look. "Werewolves like Greyback are the exception, not the rule."

Remus reached out to cup Emma's cheek. "Unfortunately, the world doesn't see it that way."

"Well, the world is stupid," Emma grumbled, leaning back out of his touch and finding a raspberry. She held it out, offering it to Remus, and he took it with a sigh – he could never resist raspberries. "I want to change things," she said. "That's what I want to do when I graduate."

"Emma, that's incredibly dangerous. People will –"

"I don't care what other people have to say."

"Sweetheart, it'll be incredibly difficult –"

"I don't care," Emma said firmly. "Those laws are nearly a hundred years old and haven't changed. If the Wolfsbane Potion is available, there's absolutely no reason why the Ministry shouldn't be helping. There's no reason for people to be afraid when something is available that can help. Even if I have to be like Elara and do things the way that she does, I want to do it. It's not right, and it's not fair."

"You know, you never cease to amaze me."

Emma peered up at Remus curiously. "Maybe with my terrible decisions," she said quietly.

"No, it's not that. Although, you have made some award-winning decision making," Remus said, a corner of his lips lifting into a lopsided smile. "It's the fact that despite everything that's ever happened to you, you still find it somewhere in your heart to want to help others. You know, I remember very clearly the first time you wrote home when you first got here. You were excited to be here but terrified to tell me that the Sorting Hat wanted to put you in Slytherin. I never said to you that it made a lot of sense for you. I've brought it up for before, briefly, but I've never told you that I always thought that's where you would wind up. Did I want you to be in Slytherin? Not particularly. I felt you didn't need the stigma of being a Slytherin.

"I'll admit that even now, I sometimes feel that it would have been a much better house for you. You get along with your other housemates, of course, but your interactions are more subdued. You don't need the near-nightly study sessions and don't feel the need to constantly be surrounded by others. The Slytherins challenge you, force you to dig deep into yourself to pull out the qualities that drive you to succeed in the things you do. You're very determined, and you have next to no issue using that very determination to get what you want. It's both terrifying and fascinating to see. But it's your heart that has always and consistently shined. At the very core of who you are, your heart is what drives you, but your determination to do more pushes you through what you went through."

"Yes, well, it's led to some incredibly stupid decisions, too."

"They're not stupid decisions, Emma. You've just been a little lost because you feel every little thing that comes your way. It's understandable. You've had to go through horrors that no one should have to go through. You're incredibly sensitive, sweetheart, and there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make you weak like you say, it makes you stronger," Remus said, earning an eye roll from Emma that made him smile. "You really think it's something that you'd want to do? You're only fourteen, you don't need to dedicate yourself to a cause that people won't understand."

"I know it's what I want to do. I don't think it, I know it," Emma said earnestly. "I don't know what I would do without you. You can't tell me that I'm the only child in existence with a werewolf father who would be upset if they weren't around."

Emma frowned as Remus's face fell, and she put her bowl of fruit aside, leaned forward, and tucked her arms under Remus's to hug him tightly. "Believe me when I say that you are far from being perfect, but - I honestly can't believe I'm actually admitting this to you - but you're my best friend. No one is ever going to understand me like you do. You're absolutely bloody annoying, but you're my father. I think I can give you a pass on being annoying. One night doesn't change who you are, and I want the entire wizarding community to realize that." Emma leaned back from Remus with a small grin. "I don't think you need to worry about me. I've got too much work to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **come find me on:**   
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>  [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/mymoonyandstars)   
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> 
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> 


	36. Luna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma makes another completely unexpected friend.

Even though Remus had lightened up her class load, Emma found herself increasingly exhausted. There was still a week and a half until the full moon and at least four days before she would start to feel its effects, but she was _tired_. Perhaps it was the amount of sneaking around she was doing. She was getting out to feed Sirius whenever she could, artfully dodging Draco, who had been aggravating her lately and trying to spend time with her friends. Emma still wasn't used to people other than Persephone wanting to do things with her.

Maybe it had something to do with her sitting in the library for hours on end researching laws and comparing court cases as if she were a magical lawyer. She would spend even more time trying to push the ideas out of her head so that she could get some semblance of peace.

Of course, Emma could _never_ forget her frequent nightmares involving Fenrir's snapping teeth that led to her scrambling into Remus's room every night. She felt terrible over it each time, knowing that she was disturbing Remus's sleep as well. Just like with everything else he had to do when it came to her, he never complained. Instead, he would only sigh softly and pull her close, whispering nonsense to her in a mix of Welsh and English that calmed her down to fall asleep again. It just felt as though she couldn't catch a break.

The moment Charms was over, she rushed to the Defense classroom wanting to take a nap during lunch. Remus wouldn't mind in the least, and even if he didn't wake her up, Persephone would come to track her down. She was just grateful that she didn't have to go down to the dorms.

Emma dropped her bag off near the door and shucked off her robe as she crossed the classroom. Remus's office door was open, which meant that he was around, and that was helpful. It meant that she didn't have to leave him a note to wake her up. She was in the process of pulling her jumper over her head as she stepped into the room, not wanting to have too many extra layers. Her blouse would be heavy enough if she asked Remus to add a warming charm to her blanket.

"Hey, Dad. Just thought I'd come by because I –" Emma immediately trailed off the moment her jumper was off and blinked slowly, surprised to see two sets of eyes staring at her. A girl with long blonde hair was sitting in the chair in front of Remus's desk and smiling at her. Emma met Remus's eyes questioningly, unsure of who the girl was. It wasn't uncommon for Remus to have students in his office, but the way the girl was staring at her made her feel odd. It was like the girl was reading her mind.

"Ah, hello, sweetheart," Remus said with a gentle smile. "Come for a kip?"

"Er, yeah," Emma said, looking between Remus and the girl. "Hello…"

The girl continued to stare at Emma with a wide smile but said nothing. Emma stared at Remus, hoping that he could read her mind and explain who the girl was.

"Oh, right, right," Remus said quickly. "Emma, this is Luna Lovegood. Luna, this is my daughter Emma. She's the one I was telling you about."

"Oh, hello, Emma," said the blonde girl, her dreamy smile still on her face. "Are you a werewolf, as well?"

"Uhm," Emma looked just past Luna to look at Remus, who gave a small shrug. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do.

"Luna figured it out very early on. My secret is safe, don't worry," Remus explained before turning to Luna. "No, Emma isn't a werewolf, but she has been inflicted with the disease to some degree. She experiences some of the effects of the full moon, but she doesn't transform every month like I do."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Luna said, looking over at Remus and then back to Emma, her eyes wide and unblinking. "At least you have someone who understands what you're going through."

Emma scratched her head, completely confused and unsure of whether she was talking to her or to Remus. She clamped her mouth shut and gave Luna a stiff nod with a polite smile. The idea of someone else knowing Remus's secret made her terribly uncomfortable.

"Emma, why don't you come join us?" Remus said, beckoning Emma over to his desk. "I was just about to make tea."

He seemed uncharacteristically unbothered, and Emma was sure that something had happened to Remus. This wasn't her father at all. Someone had taken him and replaced him with whoever this man was.

"Uhm, I was coming back to take a nap," Emma said quietly. "So, I think I might just do that if that's all right."

"Of course," Remus said, standing up and making his way to the wall to reactivate the hidden door. Luna clapped in delight as the door appeared as if it were a magic trick, and Emma shot Remus a look. "I'll be back in a moment, Luna." Remus smiled at Luna as he opened the door and allowed Emma to step in first.

Emma waited for Remus to close the door again before whirling around to look at him. He held his hands up to keep Emma from speaking first.

"I know you're worried," Remus said, "but I can assure you our secret is safe. Even if Luna were to say something, people wouldn't believe her. She's incredibly misunderstood, but she's very smart."

"And I'm supposed to believe that? Dad, the more people who know…"

"Emma, I can assure you – it will not leave the walls of the office." Remus quickly pulled Emma into his arms when he saw her panicked look. He sighed as she held onto him tightly. Remus had noticed that Emma held onto him a little tighter lately as if she was afraid he would disappear. "There are a few other students who have figured it out, unfortunately. Your generation is apparently a lot smarter than mine was. Everyone has been sworn to secrecy, but Luna, in particular, is not someone to worry about. She's a very sweet girl." Remus kissed the top of Emma's head. "In fact, I think the two of you could be good friends."

"Is this a not so subtle dig at me and my friend choices?" Emma asked as she leaned back to look up at Remus. He only smiled but said nothing, and Emma groaned, burying her face into his chest. "Well, aren't you cheeky?"

"That's not it," he said gently. "Luna won't mind me telling you this, but she lost her mother when she was younger. I thought, perhaps, she could be someone you could talk to sometimes. You don't really talk much about your mother, and she would understand. She doesn't have a lot of friends, and the ones she does have, she keeps close."

"So, you're making friends for me, then?"

"I just think you need someone who understands you, and because Luna knows what I am, you could speak freely with her."

Emma sighed, pulling away from Remus and shaking her head. "Maybe next time," she said. "I really would like a nap."

"You look like you need one. You look absolutely exhausted. Did you sleep at all?"

Emma frowned slightly. "I did, but I'm still tired."

"Well, I suppose that shouldn't surprise me since I still find you've made your way into my room most mornings," Remus said with a slight frown. "Emma, there are a few things about Luna you need to know…"

"All right, forget it," Emma groaned in exasperation. "Make the bloody tea, let me go out and talk to her. If she wants to tell me, she can tell me herself." Remus gave Emma a pleased smile as she made her way back to the office. "Git," she muttered under her breath.

"I heard that!" Remus said as Emma started to open the door.

"That was the point," Emma said back, stepping through the door and leaving it open. "Hi, Luna."

Luna turned her head slowly to look at Emma, and Emma couldn't help but feel Luna's eyes were far too big for her head. They were large and unblinking, and her expression seemed to maintain an air of being mildly surprised. "Oh, did you decide to join us, Emma?"

"I did," Emma said, taking the empty seat next to Luna in front of Remus's desk. She looked down at the floor, unable to keep eye contact with Luna and immediately frowned. For some reason, Luna was only in socks with no shoes in sight. "Luna, pardon me for being rude, but where are your shoes?"

"Oh," Luna said, looking down at her feet and wiggling her toes. "Well, they seem to have disappeared. People like to take them and hide them from me. I don't mind, it's all in good fun."

Emma looked up at Luna, blinking slowly. That didn't seem fun at all. "People take your things? Why?"

"Well," she shrugged. "I believe that they think me a bit odd, you know."

Emma wasn't sure what could really be odd about Luna. Her first impression of the girl was that she seemed airy, but Emma was sure people could say the same about her. Remus said there were other things that she needed to know about Luna, but what? Was he referencing the fact that people took Luna's shoes? It was something that reminded her of something Jocelyn used to do to her at the children's home. Part of the reason she left Saint Nicholas's with so little was that Jocelyn had taken and hidden some of the few belongings she owned. Did that mean Luna was bullied for being a little different, too? Emma gave herself a moment to try and figure out what Remus was talking about by throwing her jumper back on.

She knew that she should say something to Luna, but she wasn't sure what to say. When Luna pushed her hair back behind her ear, that's when Emma noticed the soft scars on her wrist. Emma nearly let out an audible gasp when she saw them. Luna was just like her. Her head snapped over to Remus the moment he stepped back into the office.

"I took the liberty of preparing them for both of you," he said, giving Emma a questioning look. "I hope I made them both correctly."

Emma looked between Luna and Remus as he set their mugs down on the desk. She cleared her throat and turned to Luna, plastering a smile on her face.

"Luna, I know you came to have tea with my dad, but did you want to take a walk? I'm sure Dad wouldn't mind us taking our tea to go," Emma said with a soft smile. "Er, I can let you borrow a pair of my shoes, too. I think they might fit."

"Oh, you don't have to," Luna said. Emma wasn't sure if Luna was surprised because her eyes were already so wide. "I don't want someone to take your shoes as well."

"No, it's fine. It's terribly chilly out. We're half-way through November, I don't think it would be comfortable walking around in socks."

"Well, I suppose that would be nice. Do you mind us taking our tea with us, Professor Lupin? I imagine your mugs are very well-loved and I don't want to take it out if you'd rather they stay. They look as though they have a wonderful home."

"I don't mind at all," Remus said, giving Emma a fond smile as she rushed back through the door to go to her room.

Emma returned with her well-worn beat-up Converse high tops that now had her last name written along the heels. If anyone dared to take them from Luna, Emma would be the first to know. Lyall would buy her another pair if they really went missing, but she was partial to the pair that she had. She didn't mind sharing with Luna, though. Emma understood all too well what it was like.

"They're a little beat up," Emma said sheepishly as she handed them to Luna. "I hope you don't mind, but…they're my favorite pair. You're welcome to borrow them as long as you need."

Luna smiled as she took Emma's shoes. "They're very you," she said as she carefully put them on her feet.

"They are?"

"They're yellow. You're like the color yellow," Luna said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Like sunshine."

"You know, Luna, I have to say that I agree," Remus said, his terribly fond and loving smile still on his face. "Just like sunshine."

Emma felt her cheeks heat up, and she ducked her head for a moment, reaching a hand up to touch her necklace. She cleared her throat again and reached out for the mug that Remus passed her, and she took a tentative sip. "Oh, you made it perfect. Thanks, Dad." Emma turned to Luna. "Ready to go?"

Luna nodded, taking her mug from Remus and taking a sip. "Wonderful as always, Professor Lupin," Luna smiled.

"Let's go," Emma said with a grin.

"Emma, before you go, may I talk to you for a moment?"

"I'll wait downstairs," Luna said. "Thank you, Professor Lupin. I'll be sure to return the mug."

Remus waited until Luna had made it downstairs before turning to Emma. He wore possibly the proudest and extremely loving look he had ever given her, and she felt herself turn bright red.

"Dad don't look at me like that," Emma said, taking another drink of tea so that she could hide behind her mug. She pointed a finger at him in warning. "And don't start, either."

"Emma," Remus started, walking over to Emma slowly and putting his hands on her shoulders. "You are a wonderful, wonderful, _wonderful_ girl…"

"Daaad," Emma said slowly. "I told you not to do this."

"You have such an incredibly kind heart…"

"Dad!"

"You're brilliant…"

"Oh, Merlin…"

"If there were more people like you, this world would be a much better place…"

"Are you done?"

"And I am so incredibly proud of who you are." Remus leaned down and kissed the top of Emma's head. "I am the luckiest man in the world because I get to call you my daughter."

"And you are an incredible sap," Emma said, pulling herself from Remus's grip. She couldn't mask her pleased smile as she left, though. She cleared the corner of the office door but immediately popped her head back in to give Remus a beaming smile. "I'm the luckier one, by the way, because I get to call you my father."

Remus sighed as he listened to the girls talking as they left the classroom to wherever they decided to go. He had caught on early to Luna's struggles and frequently had her visit for tea. Remus had no idea why he had waited so long to try and bring the girls together because their stories were similar enough. He had been alarmed when Luna had brought up his lycanthropy during tea one day, but she wasn't bothered in the least. Remus didn't like other people knowing, but she was far from the first.

For the first time in a long time, Remus found himself not worried about letting Emma leave the confines of their shared space. Emma's shyness would be easily overcome by Luna's easygoing nature, and they could find solace in each other, he was sure of it.

No longer having anything to do or people to entertain, Remus had no idea what to do with himself. He'd been able to catch up on most of his grading as Emma mellowed out, and his lesson plans were set until the winter holiday. So much of his time had been devoted to Emma, to his work, to his colleagues, and to his students that Remus wasn't sure how to handle himself. He could honestly say that he enjoyed nearly every moment, but he wasn't used to being by himself with nothing to do anymore.

He made his way to the living room, took a look around, and picked up the first book he found with a smile. If no one was there to see him picking up his now extremely worn copy of _Fellowship of the Ring_ , a book that now evoked extremely fond memories, it never happened.

Remus settled himself on the couch, stretching out with a groan. He was just as exhausted as Emma was. He smirked at the fact he didn't take off his shoes, much like Emma, and began to read.

On the other side of the castle, Emma and Luna had found their way onto the grounds. Emma and Luna had somehow gotten onto the topic of the Thestrals, and Luna thought it would be a good idea to visit them. Luna mentioned that she frequently went out to see the Thestrals out at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Emma was surprised to find that they ran wild, but she supposed it made sense. Most of the student body couldn't see them, so it wouldn't be fair to keep them in a paddock.

"The Thestrals are really sweet," Luna said, gently petting one of the strange horse-like heads in front of her.

Emma looked over at Luna, her brow furrowed slightly before doing the same. Remus mentioned that Luna's mother had passed, but it didn't occur to her that Luna would have seen it happen. Instead of asking, Emma turned to the Thestral in front of her and ran a tentative hand over its face. She had to agree that they were rather sweet. They were strange, but they were adorable. If they got to work with creatures such as the Thestrals in Care of Magical Creatures instead of Flobberworms, the class would be a lot better.

"Professor Lupin said it was your mother who passed?" Luna asked softly.

"Yeah," Emma said quietly, glancing over at Luna, who kept her attention on the Thestral. "Just this past April. It wasn't unexpected, I think they wanted me to leave so I didn't have to watch her die, but it didn't seem right. She gave birth to me and was there for my first moments; it was only fair that I was there for her last. I just wish I would have gotten the chance to know her, you know?"

Emma tried to be subtle about rubbing the tears out of her eyes. She hadn't ever even talked about any of this with Remus. They had spent so much time yelling at each other over different things that normal conversation had been impossible. Instead, they grieved in private, processing Margaret's death on their own time, only just barely coming together. The moment had simultaneously brought them closer and torn them apart. Then again, Emma had done an excellent job of pulling the two of them apart several times herself.

"My mum, too," Luna said softly. "I was nine. She was experimenting with a spell, she did that rather often, but it went bad. I think a part of me knew that that was how she would go. I like to think that her final moments were happy because she died doing something she loved."

"I'm sorry," Emma said quietly. "That had to have been terrible to see."

"It was scary, but I've still got my father," Luna said serenely. "We have each other, and it was hard for a while, but we take care of each other."

Emma nodded in understanding. Remus was the one who did most of the caring, but that was well before she knew the truth. Now that she knew, she wanted to do whatever she could to help Remus as well. They needed to figure out how to take care of each other, too.

"You know, I see you have a lot of Wrackspurts around you," Luna said.

"Wrackspurts?" Emma asked curiously. "What are those?"

"They're invisible creatures. They float in through your ears and make your brain go fuzzy," Luna said, walking over to the tree stump she had set her cup of tea on. She began to bat at the air surrounding her with her hands as if small bugs were surrounding her. "You always have them, I've noticed. They've been going away, though. Sometimes they come back when you're around George Weasley or Draco Malfoy, and you get a little funny. But when you're with Professor Lupin, they go away entirely."

Emma stared at Luna curiously, unsure of what to make of that. She had no idea that Luna had even paid attention to her at all when she'd never noticed the girl before. At first, she had been annoyed with Remus for trying to make friends for her, but she was finding Luna more and more enjoyable. Emma didn't understand half of what she was saying, but somehow it all made perfect sense. "Luna, if Wrackspurts are invisible, how can you see them?"

Luna smiled at Emma, almost mysteriously. "I just know." Luna tilted her head as her gaze turned to peer past Emma. "Oh, it looks like someone's come to see you."

"Who?" Emma asked, turning to see Padfoot watching curiously. "Oh, that's who. Come over here, Snuffles. She's all right."

Padfoot looked between Emma and Luna before slinking over slowly, his head low. He sat dutifully next to Emma, his tail wagging lazily, and Emma snorted. She couldn't believe that Padfoot had come over as if he were her pet dog.

"Luna, come say hello to Snuffles," Emma said, crouching down next to Padfoot and rolling her eyes as he licked her face. She had given up on finding it weird and just accepted it. She had a werewolf for a father; nothing could be stranger than that. "He seems scarier than he is with how big he is."

Luna smiled, set her cup back down, and approached them, bending low. "Hello Snuffles," Luna said, holding her hand out and smiling as Padfoot placed his paw in her outstretched hand. "It's very nice to meet you. I rather like your name. My name is Luna." With introductions made, Padfoot stood up and began to prance around Luna with happy yips, clearly wanting to show off.

"In case you haven't noticed, Snuffles can be rather playful," Emma said, unable to keep herself from smiling. "He's a bit of a show-off. He's done that for me several times." Emma could vaguely remember something from long ago where he had done something similar for her. Perhaps she had even ridden on his back as he pranced around, almost like he was a show horse. The thoughts coming to her mind were terribly fuzzy, and she wasn't sure if she was making them up. She would have to ask Sirius the next time she saw him.

Emma stood back up and returned to the Thestral she had been petting just to watch. She ran a hand over its side, still unsure if its skin was velvety or scaley because it looked like both in the daylight. Watching Padfoot with Luna was rather sweet, but then Padfoot turned to look at Emma curiously. He cocked his head to the side in question.

"Yes, I can see the Thestrals, Snuffles. Mum, you know," she said quietly. Immediately Padfoot returned to her and jumped up on his back two legs putting his front paws on her shoulders. Emma couldn't hold back her snort – he was as tall as his human-sized self when he stood up on his back legs. She reached up to scratch his back and shook her head. "You didn't have to give me a hug, you know. It's hard, but I see them because I've accepted it. Besides, the Thestrals aren't as scary now that I've really looked at them. They're rather pretty, actually."

"Oh," Luna said suddenly, her hands flying to her mouth to cover it. "The Wrackspurts around you are gone again! How lovely!"

Emma looked over at Luna, gently pushing Padfoot's face away before he could try to plant another kiss on her cheek. "They are?" Emma asked, wishing she understood what exactly a Wrackspurt was. Perhaps Remus would know.

Much like how their conversation had gone, Luna suddenly switched tangents. "You know, my mum always said that the things we lose always have a way of coming back to us in the end. If not always in the ways we expect."

A small frown crossed her face as she turned to look into the grey eyes that were staring back at her. Was Luna letting on more than she knew, or was it a general statement? She had been starting to feel as though she was missing something about Sirius, but she didn't understand what. Emma had found it increasingly curious that Sirius seemed to always remind her that he loved her when he could. What did it all mean?

Sirius was almost like her shadow while on the grounds. Even if he didn't approach her, she knew that he was watching, almost as if he was trying to keep her safe when Remus was busy. Sirius watched her in the same protective way that Remus always did. It was curious, and she was sure that there had to be something more to her story with Sirius.

"Luna, does my dad have Wrackspurts, too?" Emma asked, giving Padfoot another head scratch before gently pushing him off of her.

"Oh, yes. Fairly often, but they go away when he's with you, too."

Emma looked down at Padfoot, who still continued to stare back at her. She turned to look at Luna, trying to figure out what she was trying to say. Wrackspurts had to mean something else; they couldn't be real.

"Can animals get Wrackspurts?"

"Oh, of course," Luna said with a nod. "Anyone can get Wrackspurts."

"Does Snuffles have Wrackspurts, too?"

"He did when he was sitting over there," Luna said, pointing towards a spot in the forest. "But just like Professor Lupin, they went away around you."

That had to mean that Wrackspurts stood for something else, but what did they symbolize? Emma tried to run through the few things that Luna told her about the invisible creatures. If her Wrackspurts went away around Remus, and his Wrackspurts went away around her, what did that mean? Even more curious, the same thing happened with her and Sirius together? But Luna said that she had Wrackspurts around George and Draco.

"Luna, do I get Wrackspurts around anyone else?"

"You get a lot of Wrackspurts around Persephone," she said, looking almost nervous. "I would suggest moving your hand around to keep them away."

Emma grinned at Luna's advice and felt she was starting to understand. Perhaps Wrackspurts were meant to be a sort of metaphor for love? She did still get butterflies around Persephone, and she certainly got them around Draco. Emma even had to admit that she sometimes got them around George. However, Emma was a little stuck on the fact that the Wrackspurts seemed to go away around Remus and Sirius. Perhaps it didn't stand for love, though if the Wrackspurts went away. She would have to think about it more. Emma had a suspicion that Remus had thoughts on the matter, and she was curious to see what he had to say.

She turned to look back at Padfoot and crouched down, petting his head gently. His tail was swishing behind him as he looked at her. If Sirius's supposed Wrackspurts went away around her, then Emma was really missing something. With a sigh, she leaned forward to kiss Padfoot's nose, an action that made his tail wag faster.

"You know, Luna, I think your mum was right," Emma said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been waiting **SO STINKIN' LONG** to put Luna into the story. I'm so excited to finally add her to the mix. I confess I find myself super hesitant to write her because I don't want to write her _incorrectly_. However, I adore Luna and hopefully, I meet expectations for her character.
> 
> **come find me on:**  
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)  
> [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/mymoonyandstars)  
> [the moonlit stars discord](https://discord.gg/xpzefDeCZw)
> 
> [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/r6xi6203vwza01epk6askwk15?si=t4wwYBERRymTJvw09FJG3Q)  
> 


	37. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things aren't nearly as bad as Remus thinks they are.

It seemed as though the week before the full moon came far too quickly, and Remus was more attentive than usual. She couldn't understand what it was that set Remus on edge, but he seemed to be watching her far more closely than usual. Emma couldn't figure out if he had always paid attention to her so closely before, but it made her feel slightly uneasy. It would be much harder for her to get out to feed Sirius that week.

She felt terrible lying to Remus on Monday morning after his class, but she was able to sneak down to Potions and attend class. She felt awful telling Remus that she was going to the library, but hopefully, he wouldn't feel the need to double-check. Snape, apparently impressed that Emma could actually keep a secret, agreed to teach her the Wolfsbane Potion. Their conversation after class was lengthy as he went over his expectations, but Emma made sure to pay attention. She would only be observing the process the first few months, and she was okay with that. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Remus when she was trying to help him.

That night, while Emma was working with Madam Pomfrey, Snape made a trip to the hospital wing. With him were two vials that Emma eyed suspiciously.

"One is your regular dose for tomorrow, but the other I would like you to take tonight. It's diluted further to prep your body for the additional Wolfsbane that you'll be taking with the second dose," Snape explained in his drawl. "Surely, I don't need to explain to you the lethality of the Wolfsbane as your dosage has been increased. You seem to have an innate ability for poisoning yourself, and I would prefer not to go through that experience again."

 _One bloody time_ , Emma thought to herself bitterly as she accepted the first vial from Snape. She unstopped the vial and tossed the potion into her mouth, instantly regretting it. She screwed up her face at the taste and shoved the empty bottle back to Snape.

"Do not vomit, or else you will only have to retake it," Snape warned. "It appears that once is your limit, and I do not believe you want to take it again."

Covering her mouth, Emma swallowed hard to keep the potion from coming back up. "Yes, yes, it is," she muttered. She couldn't imagine what a full-strength Wolfsbane Potion tasted like because the diluted brew was rough. "Professor, if the potion is meant to be made fresh, why can mine be taken at any point?"

"The longer you wait to take it, the more diluted it becomes. Since you are neither human nor werewolf, a stasis charm serves well enough to preserve the potion itself. This means that depending on how it metabolizes in your system, the frequency in which you require it may change." Snape watched as Emma worked on the Calming Draught that Pomfrey was having her make.

Emma frowned at Snape's mention of her not being human or werewolf but continued to work. She couldn't let him distract her, and she was nearly finished for the night.

"Knowing how to make the Calming Draught will make learning the Wolfsbane Potion easier," Snape said before placing Emma's dose of Wolfsbane for the next day down on the table and leaving.

The corners of Emma's lips twitched. It was the closest she would get to a compliment from Snape, and she wasn't about to pass it up. She couldn't wait to see Remus's face when she told him. He would be absolutely appalled and never believe her, but it would make her entire night.

The next day, Emma stood diligently next to Professor Snape as he worked on the potion during their double class period. The downside of the increased Wolfsbane in her potions meant that she was more tired than she'd ever been. She didn't think it was possible to be so exhausted, and Snape noticed right away.

"I'll readjust the dose again," Snape said, as he mixed the cauldron slowly. "As exhausted as you may be, I still expect you to pay attention."

"Sorry, sir," Emma said, straightening up and shaking herself out. She needed to watch what he was doing while cross-referencing with her notes. The potion was fragile as far as potions went due to its mind alteration qualities. Even one too many stirs could render the potion completely useless.

Emma watched as Snape added powdered Wolfsbane to a mortar and pestle and began to crush it further. "Why do you grind the powder again?" Emma asked curiously. It looked as though it was as fine as it could be, and she didn't understand why he was grinding it again.

"It helps to break up what may have possibly fused while waiting," Snape explained. "It allows for more accurate measurement and creates far less waste. You should already be doing this with most powders."

Emma quickly wrote that down in her notes. She continued to watch as he worked, only glancing up to see her classmate's curious looks. The Hufflepuffs knew that Emma had planned to speak to Snape and had been aware that something might change, but the Ravenclaws were lost. Mandy kept giving her questioning looks, but Emma only shook her head in response.

The moment Snape got to the point of adding the werewolf hair, Emma's brow furrowed. Where did they even come from? She didn't anticipate having issues getting werewolf hair, since her source could be Remus, but where did it come from ordinarily?

"Sir, where does your supply come from?" Emma asked, curious.

"This particular supply is from a source that's close to you," Snape said slowly, not looking up. "However, most of the supply comes from donors that are no longer with us."

"Oh," Emma said quietly, feeling incredibly ill. That meant that the werewolf was killed while transformed, and someone harvested the fur. Emma frowned and made sure to write in her notes to find alternative methods of getting her supply if she couldn't get enough from Remus. Emma wondered if her hair could possibly be sufficient, and she added it to her notes of things to test. She was determined to never have to purchase werewolf hair if she didn't have to. A smirk suddenly crossed her face as she added an additional note – 'Greyback is the exception. Harvest all of his fur to create the potion for all of his victims.' Emma made sure to underline that note several times with glee.

Emma wasn't entirely sure when her fear of Fenrir had shifted towards being angry with him. She still had her nightmares, but the more she thought about the werewolf, the angrier she became. Perhaps it fell under things that Emma had to choose to do. She had to choose to be happy, she chose to love the people that she did, she chose to learn to trust Remus, and now she chose to not let herself be scared. There was absolutely nothing that she could do about what happened to her, and it terrified her, but she couldn't let him win. Emma just wasn't sure how she would react the next time she saw him.

The rest of the week went smoothly. It was much easier to observe Snape making the potion during her lunch period. Remus preferred to take lunch in his office the week before the full moon, so she didn't have to worry about running into him. It meant that she could watch Snape brew, wait a little bit, and then make her way to see Remus as if she'd gone to lunch. She paid for skipping lunch, but she made up for it at dinner.

By Friday morning, Emma was starting to hit the point where the effects of the moon were much more potent. With the full moon arriving on Monday, she needed as much rest as she could get. Remus decided they would take the night off from any sort of therapy or spell work, which felt like a miracle. With a Quidditch game the next morning and Hogsmeade on Sunday, she was going to be busy.

The only thing that made her Friday easy was the fact it was easy to skip heading back to the Defense class after lunch. Emma begged the twins to keep Remus distracted for their class, so he didn't have time to question why she didn't return. As long as Remus was sufficiently annoyed, she was free and clear to go to Potions. She was going to pay for it, she was sure of it, but Emma needed to learn how to make the Potion. There were only a few more days that she had to get through, and then she didn't have to worry about it until the holiday.

"I believe that I will permit you to start to work on your doses next month as we will be on break when you require it," Snape said, just loud enough for Emma to hear. "I do not particularly enjoy the idea of allowing you to brew in my class again. However, it will allow me to have more time to work on my other potions while supervising you."

Emma was incredibly excited by the idea of making the potion herself. She had been expecting Snape to drag out her observation period for months, but he somehow changed his mind. She was tired of brewing Pepper-Up Potions and Calming Draughts and Wiggenweld Potions – this was _exciting_.

However, her excitement wasn't meant to last as exhaustion quickly took over. Snape didn't allow her to sit while he brewed, and being on her feet for so long didn't help. Emma would have to ask Remus if he would consider adjusting her class schedule to be full days again. The shorter days had been helpful, and she kept up with Remus's help, but it was hard to not be in class like everyone else.

To Emma's relief, Snape dismissed her from class early. She considered going up to her room, but she went to the dorm instead. She had a good half hour before Remus's class, and it would give her a chance to take a catnap.

However, her catnap wasn't a catnap at all and went much longer. Emma's eyes shot open the moment she felt herself wake up, fully aware that something was terribly wrong. She glanced over at the clock and nearly fell out of her bed in a panic. Emma was _very_ late, and Remus was going to kill her. How did she sleep for so long?

Emma picked her shoes up off the ground, slung her bag over her shoulder, and slung her robe over her arm. Surely, Remus would understand why she was late. It wasn't like he didn't know what things were like; he couldn't be too mad at her. She blanched as she ran out of the dorms as she remembered what she asked the twins to do. All she could do was hope that Remus wasn't too annoyed.

Running as fast as she possibly could, Emma ran down the hall, up the flight of stairs to the entrance hall and up the staircase. She tossed on a shoe once she reached the first flight of stairs and continued on up the second. When Emma reached the landing of the second floor, she tripped and fell.

" _Fuck_ ," Emma hissed, ignoring her stinging hands and knees as she threw on her other shoe. She looked down at her stockings and groaned at the torn fabric of the one knee, but she couldn't think about it. As quick as she fell was as quick as she got up and ran to the third floor.

It felt like an eternity for her to make it to the Defense classroom, and she was just getting her robe put back on as she slammed the door open. The entire class turned to look at her, and Emma felt her face heat up. She didn't mean to slam the door open like that.

"Sorry," Emma said, her voice barely higher than a whisper. She looked around for Persephone and was about to go and take the empty seat next to her, but Remus met her where she stood.

"You're late," he said sharply.

"I-I know," Emma said, muttering a low, "Ow," as she adjusted her bag on her shoulder, and the leather touched her scrapes. She looked up at Remus, expecting him to look worried, but he was the exact opposite. He was furious. Emma opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't get past the look on his face and averted her gaze.

"We went over this at the start of term, Emma. I don't tolerate lateness."

"I know. I didn't mean to be…I just – can I please just go sit?"

"Can you? Sure," Remus said, shrugging. Emma started to walk around him, but he grabbed onto her shoulder firmly. "But will I let you? No."

" _May_ I go sit?" Emma asked, looking over at Persephone pleadingly for back up.

"No," Remus said simply, glancing over his shoulder to look at Persephone. "And I suggest trying not to help her, Miss Moon, or you can expect detention."

Persephone looked at Emma in surprise and quickly turned around. "Why are you being like this?" Emma asked softly, looking back up at Remus. "I didn't mean to be late. I'm sorry…"

"Sorry isn't going to cut it. Not this time."

"But Dad -"

" _Professor Lupin_."

Emma ignored Remus's correction. "I didn't mean to be late. Please, just let me stay."

"Your actions need to have consequences, Emma. You can't just come barging in here and interrupt my class. It's rude to your classmates, and it's disrespectful to me."

"But –"

"No, _Miss Lupin_."

Emma's mouth clamped shut, as embarrassed tears flooded her eyes. Remus was never like this, and she didn't know how to react. Emma wanted to blame it on the full moon being so close, but she wasn't sure. She readjusted her bag again, wincing as the strap touched the scrapes on her hand.

Remus gave her a once over and gently took her free hand, flipping it over palm side up and sighed. "Go to the hospital wing and get fixed up," he said, his voice fractionally softer than before. "We'll talk tonight."

"But Daddy…" Emma's voice broke, but she refused to let her tears fall. Not in front of everyone, not again. She had been doing so well, and she couldn't ruin her streak, but Remus was making it hard for her to keep herself together.

"Go," Remus said sternly, fixing Emma with a hard stare before turning back to the class and resuming his lesson. He was acting as if she wasn't even there.

Emma stood in the doorway, staring at Remus's back incredulously for a moment. She let out a noise that was in between a laugh and a cry and left.

Remus glanced up at the doorway as the door closed, feeling slightly guilty, but continued on. He knew that he was harsher than he needed to be, but Remus had been worried when Emma didn't show up after lunch. He could apologize to her later.

As much as Remus didn't want to worry, he worried. He had his brief moment where he didn't have to worry when she went off with Luna, but he _always_ worried about Emma. Emma not showing up after lunch had made him sick with worry, dread pitting in his stomach. Dealing with the twins and their antics didn't soothe his nerves in the least. It didn't take him long to realize it was on purpose, but he didn't understand _why_. Remus was so positive that Emma had finally gotten past her issues with not talking to him, but it felt like they took several steps back. What was she trying to hide?

He let the class out early and went down to dinner, hoping to talk to her there, but there were no signs of Emma at all. He had expected that, but when he stopped by the hospital wing before heading back to his office, it turned out Emma never made it there either. Things didn't feel completely awry, but something was making him feel uneasy. He tried to tuck his worry away and give Emma the benefit of the doubt, but he wanted to storm off to find her.

Remus went back to his office to work on the quizzes that he needed to grade. He didn't want to get a backlog of papers again after catching up, and at the very least, Emma would show up sooner rather than later. She usually did.

The sky had grown dark when Remus finally registered that Emma hadn't made her way back to her room. Remus looked up from the essay he was reading and frowned. He looked up at the clock and did a double-take. Not believing the time, he double-checked his watch. It was well past the curfew that he had given Emma, and it was growing steadily later towards castle-wide curfew. His dread came back full force and knotted his stomach and made his heart race. This was a problem, and though things had started to improve, Emma was nowhere near being close enough to being better. The approaching full moon wouldn't help her mentally, and he feared for the worst.

He stretched, taking several deep breaths to try and clear his head. Emma had to be okay; no one had heard anything that would indicate otherwise. Still, he couldn't help but feel that something was terribly wrong. He gently tapped his watch to try and pinpoint Emma's location, something he hadn't been able to do before. Remus wasn't entirely sure how the charm would work on his watch, and he was fascinated to see it transform almost like a map.

For a moment, Remus was briefly fascinated by the similarity to the long-lost Marauder's Map he made during his school days. Remus quickly shook his head to shake the thought from his mind – he had to focus. He was just glad that he thought to add additional charms to the monitoring bracelet Emma had to wear.

Remus's blood ran cold at the realization of where Emma actually was. Why was she in the astronomy tower? She wasn't allowed there except during class where someone could watch her.

He shot up quickly from his desk, tossing down his quill, and rushing out as quickly as he could. He just hoped that he wasn't walking into another bad situation so soon after the first. If he did, he knew it would be entirely his fault for his behavior earlier.

Remus had forgotten how exhausting it was to get up to the astronomy tower when one had to rush to make it to the top. The last time he had to ascend the stairs that fast he had been terribly late for the class. It was funny how that was one of the most stressful parts of his life. He steeled himself as he reached the landing, unsure of what would await him when he turned the corner.

He peered around the corner cautiously, not wanting to startle Emma. Remus let out a sigh of relief that Emma seemed okay. He wasn't thrilled that she was sitting at the ledge with only the thin metal guard rail keeping her from falling, but she was okay. The moment Remus saw a flash of metal gleaming in the moonlight, he changed his mind about Emma being okay. He immediately panicked at the sight and began to rush over.

"Emma, drop what you have and get away from the ledge."

Emma shouted, completely startled. She hit the back of her head against the metal railing with a heavy thud as she sat up straight and whirled around to glare at Remus. "What?" she snapped, rubbing the back of her head with watering eyes.

Remus's eyes immediately went to the metal object in Emma's hand, and his mouth fell open. Was that what he thought it was? "Emma, what do you have in your hand?"

"It's a bloody snitch," Emma grumbled, making no moves to leave where she was sitting. "What do you want?"

"You didn't come back," Remus said slowly. "And Madam Pomfrey said you never made it to the hospital wing, and no one's seen you for hours. I was worried – very worried."

"I didn't want to see you. I wanted to be alone," Emma said, turning back around, reactivating the snitch and letting it go. She let it hover in front of her for a few moments and quickly grabbed it out of the air. "You didn't even let me explain, so I just came up here after you made me leave."

"Where did you get a snitch from?" Remus asked, sitting next to Emma, letting his legs dangle over the edge like she was.

"Draco nicked it for me. Brought it to me a few hours ago with dinner, so I at least had something to do," Emma said quietly. She released the snitch, let it fly further out, and snatched it out of the air. She gave Remus a sidelong glance and repeated the action of letting the snitch fly away so she could catch it. "He stayed with me for a while, too. Only left about an hour ago, I think. What do you want?"

Remus was quiet, watching as Emma continued to let the snitch go and catching it again. "We need to talk," he said when he realized he should probably say something.

"So, talk," Emma said, grabbing onto the snitch by the tips of her fingers.

" _We_ need to talk," Remus clarified. "Meaning you too, not just me." He watched Emma for a moment, surprised at how quick she snatched the snitch out of the air. "Have you thought of playing Quidditch? You're the perfect size to be a seeker."

Emma gave Remus a disgusted look. "And get on a broom? No, thank you. Besides, Cedric's the Hufflepuff seeker." She deactivated the snitch and tucked it into her pocket.

"Why are you afraid of flying?"

"I'm sure that you didn't come here to talk to me about flying," Emma said icily. "So, just get it over with. What punishment do I have to deal with now?"

"You know, typically in this situation, I should be the angry one," Remus said, mildly amused.

"Well, you'd be pretty angry if someone scared you and made you hit your head on a metal bar."

Remus sighed and placed his hand on her head. "Does it still hurt?"

"Of course, it hurts, are you daft? The railing is metal," Emma said, glancing at Remus as if he had said the stupidest thing possible. Her frown deepened as she leaned into Remus's hand as he gently massaged the spot that hurt. Emma wanted to be angry at him, but the warmth of his hand was soothing. At least that was one benefit to being a werewolf, she supposed.

"Sorry," he said. "I just saw the gold, and you were near the edge..."

Emma immediately rubbed her hands over her face and groaned. "Yes, Dad, I found a magical golden dagger to stab myself with because I needed to be extra dramatic. I'm not going to try and off myself again," Emma said, her face falling. "Why would you even think that after I told you the things I want to do? I knew you didn't trust me…"

"It's not that I don't trust you, Emma," Remus sighed, dropping his hand to Emma's shoulder. "I just…"

"You worry, I get it," Emma said, shooting him a look. "But I made you a promise, and I plan to keep it. If you trusted me, you wouldn't fly off the handle." Emma snorted at what she said and shook her head. "And that's why I don't like flying."

"It's because of your fear of falling."

Emma nodded, looking out at the grounds and peering up at the nearly full moon. "It's not a very pleasant feeling…no matter what height you're at."

"So, if you didn't feel as though you were going to fall, you would be okay with flying?"

Emma shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't really been on a broom since we stopped lessons in first year. I played Quidditch with Persephone and Caspian when I stayed over last year, but we stayed low."

"I'll have to take you flying, then. It seems scarier than it is, and I know Madam Hooch takes things very seriously," Remus said thoughtfully. "Your mum played for Hufflepuff. Did you know that? She joined the team in her fourth year. Have you gotten that far in her diary, yet? I'm sure that she will have written about it. It was a big deal."

"No, I didn't know," Emma said, surprised to hear that. "I didn't think she was that interested in Quidditch. I know she's written about matches, but I didn't think she liked it."

"She wasn't," Remus admitted with a chuckle. "She actually got mad…at my partner for something he said and tried out for the team. Turns out she was good enough to make the team. I have a feeling you would be good, too."

"What did she play?"

"Chaser, but she would sometimes swap with the keeper and play that instead. She was excellent at both. The Gryffindor and Hufflepuff matches were always fun to watch."

Emma folded her arms over the railing and rested her chin on her arms. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Why were you late today?"

"I fell asleep," Emma said with a slight shrug. "I was tired."

"Why were you tired? Emma, you were supposed to come back after lunch – you could have taken a nap then. Where did you go?"

"To class."

Remus was momentarily stunned, sure that Emma would have been off doing something she wasn't supposed to. After discovering she had no remorse over forging his signature to get into the Restricted Section, he didn't put much past her. She was more of a trouble maker than he thought, but going to class? That was completely different. Strictly speaking, she wasn't meant to be in class, but that was the last answer he expected. "You went to Potions?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah," she said quietly.

"Why?"

"I just wanted to go," Emma shrugged. "I'm weird enough as it is without being taken out of classes. I just wanted to feel like everyone else for a little bit."

"But you understand why I pulled you from your classes, right?"

"I do, but that doesn't mean I like it. It's been a month already, and you haven't budged on changing things. I know that you're scared, but if you want me to trust you, then I need you to trust me, too," Emma said, tilting her head to look at Remus. "I know I haven't given you a reason to trust me lately, but how can I earn your trust back if you don't give me a chance to? I don't like lying to you, and I don't like having to sneak around."

Remus sighed, peering out at the grounds. "Why didn't you just talk to me?" he asked softly. "Sweetheart, I thought we were meant to get past this."

"Dad, I _do_ talk to you," Emma insisted, "but you're not listening to me."

"Maybe I have been a little overbearing lately," Remus admitted. "I just –"

"You _worry_. Dad, I know." Emma scootched herself closer to Remus and rest her head on his arm. "I don't want you to worry about me. At least not so much. I'm not going to disappear again. I'm not going anywhere."

"I would certainly hope not," Remus sighed. "How about we get through until the end of term, and then you can start going to class like normal next term? Would you be all right with that?"

"I suppose. It's only for a few more weeks," Emma said quietly. "At least now I know you finally listened to me. Maybe I'll have to come up here more often when I need you to pay attention."

"I would really rather you not," Remus said, shaking his head as Emma snorted in amusement.

The silence that fell was comfortable, but Remus frowned as he found himself growing cold. "Emma, have you been out here all night? It's freezing out."

"Well placed heating charms," Emma muttered sleepily. "Although the last one I cast wore off when you got here, so I'm absolutely bloody freezing."

"Merlin, Emma," Remus said, taking his cardigan off and wrapping Emma in it. "You should have said something."

Emma shrugged, pulling his cardigan tight around her shoulders. "I'm considering it practice for this weekend. Need to be there when Hufflepuff kicks Ravenclaw's arse tomorrow at the match, and then I need to be ready for Hogsmeade on Sunday."

"All right, you've been out here long enough. I think you're delusional – you're talking about Quidditch," Remus said, standing up and helping Emma stand as well.

"Or you've created a Quidditch fiend," Emma said, poking Remus in the side. She yawned and turned to Remus with a sleepy grin. "Do you mind giving me a ride back?"

Remus sighed, grabbed Emma's bag, and then bent down so that she could climb onto his back. "You're lucky it's late, and no one should be out to see this. It would be rather ridiculous for a professor to be carrying a student like this."

"Shush," Emma said, resituating Remus's cardigan around her shoulders so it wouldn't fall as she got herself comfortable. "You're my dad, and you did it for me over Christmas last year. Besides, you're warm, and I'm tired. Let me enjoy not having to walk downstairs. I think I deserve it after you were a complete arse earlier."

Remus grinned to himself, not wanting to admit she was right and made the walk back down to their rooms. He wasn't at all surprised that Emma had fallen asleep by the time he set foot back into the Defense classroom. It took her a little longer than he thought, but she was resting peacefully, and that was what he wanted. Her nights had been plagued by nightmares, and sleep didn't come easy for her lately. Remus took the time to get Emma as comfortable as he could with well-practiced movements. A smile crossed his face as he remembered how anxious he used to be over just removing her shoes. Now he could do that and much more without any real thought at all.

As he carefully tucked Emma in, pulling her blanket up and folding her arm around Boris, he realized Emma had a point. If he wanted her to trust him, then he needed to extend that trust to her as well. It would be a little harder for him to do, but Emma was worth it. She always was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	38. Speak of the Devil and He Shall Appear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of Emma's nightmares comes to life. Emma quickly finds out that everything she knows might not be as it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fenrir Greyback is his own warning.

After Hufflepuff's miserable defeat in Quidditch the previous day, Emma was determined to enjoy her time in Hogsmeade. She had no idea what made Quidditch suddenly enjoyable, but she was sure a part of it had to do with George Weasley standing so close to her in the stands. Emma wasn't entirely sure if her cheeks were red from the cold or from having the red-head so close to her. She had spent the majority of Saturday night trying to figure it out to no avail.

With plans of meeting Persephone later in the day, Emma stepped into the village with the rest of her classmates. The air would soon be growing much chillier, and they all wanted to take advantage of the weather before it grew too cold. Emma just hoped that when she set foot into the village, things wouldn't dissolve into chaos like the first time.

Strolling down the High Street, Emma had to take a few steadying breaths. There was something that was made her nervous as she walked down the street. Emma wasn't sure if it was memories of her last visit that made her feel uneasy, but the atmosphere felt odd. Emma had to pause for a moment and look around, but all she could see were the smiling faces of other Hogwarts students.

Emma scanned the street, trying to study everything a little closer, trying to be more observant, but nothing seemed amiss. It felt almost like the night she ventured into the woods with Persephone. Emma had the overwhelming feeling of being watched, almost as if by Fenrir once more, but that was silly. Fenrir wouldn't dare set foot into the village and be so close to Hogwarts, would he?

She took another deep breath to try and calm her suddenly racing heart and peered down at the thin black band on her wrist. If anything went wrong, Remus would know. Whether he would come down to the village to meet her, she wasn't entirely sure. Remus was starting to look as if one strong breeze would knock him over. Even though she knew Remus was fine, he certainly didn't look it, and it made her a little worried.

Taking another look around, Emma moved her wand to the back pocket of her jeans and made sure her coat covered it. She had never been more grateful for the peacoat Lyall purchased her so she could keep her wand concealed. It would be far too much effort to try and undo the buttons of her coat if she needed it right away. Emma felt it was better to be safe than sorry, even though she knew she was okay. It had to be that she was nervous from her last trip – Sirius had scared her terribly that day.

She looked at one of the nearby clock poles and sighed. She had around an hour before she was meant to meet Persephone at the Three Broomsticks. With no Padfoot in sight, she decided to start her journey at the end of the street and work forward, which, to her delight, meant a leisurely stroll through Tomes and Scrolls. It was impossible to have too many books, and she was curious to see what they actually sold after missing out on it the previous month.

Emma walked at a slow pace towards the bookshop. She waved to people that she knew, paused by windows of Honeydukes, salivating over the sweets in the window, and just enjoyed the weather. The sky was overcast, threatening the first sprinklings of snow, and she found herself almost excited for it. There was something about snow that always made her happy.

"Lupin!"

Emma's head immediately shot up from where she stood in front of Scrivenshaft's. There was a bright red quill on display that had caught her attention because it reminded her of one of Fawkes's feathers. She looked around and frowned, not seeing anyone in the direction of where she heard the voice. Emma turned around to look at the quill again but was immediately yanked back and pulled away into a nearby alley. She was about to shout, but a hand clamped over her mouth, and she was held tight, her back pressed against someone's chest. With no time to react, Emma was practically lifted off the ground so her captor could whirl her around to face the back of the alley.

Was she being kidnapped in the middle of the day? And if she was, by who? Was _this_ why she was so on edge?

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to be seen."

 _Draco_.

Emma exhaled and relaxed against Draco's chest, leaning back into him heavily; she should have recognized his cologne right away. She gently pulled his hand from her mouth. "You didn't have to grab me like that," Emma said, not letting go of Draco's hand. It was chilly in hers – he always had such cold hands. "Why did you pull me over here? Why didn't you want me to be seen?" Emma turned her head so that she could look up at Draco, but he was peering over his shoulder, staring hard into the street.

"Draco?"

"Shh," he whispered. "I'm waiting for him to leave. I don't know why he's here, but I don't think it would be good if he saw you."

As if reading her mind, Draco turned just enough so that she could try and look. People were moving quickly to either side of the streets with shouts, and it was making Emma nervous. _This_ had to be why she felt odd walking into the village. She wanted Draco to move closer to the entrance of the alley so that she could see who it was. Anyone that was getting those reactions was clearly not good, and the fact Draco didn't want this person to see her made things worse. Her heart was beginning to race at the possibilities. It couldn't be…

"Just go with what I'm about to do," Draco whispered, whirling Emma around by her shoulders. Her green eyes met stormy grey with confusion, and he pressed himself up against her as he pushed her against the wall. A quiet gasp left her lips in shock, and then his mouth was on hers in no time at all.

_What was happening?_

All previous thoughts of what was happening on the street left Emma's mind. If Draco was willing to snog her in the middle of Hogsmeade, risking others seeing, she wasn't going to turn him down. They'd done this so many times in private that she couldn't help but wonder if he wanted to make their secret known. It was an incredibly silly way to reveal their secret, but not much made sense when it came to her relationship with Draco.

With his lips on hers, she had to admit to herself that she felt just _a little_ guilty for avoiding him. As annoying as he had been with his constant teasing lately, he was an excellent kisser. Her hands slid up his chest and around to the back of his neck, pulling him a little closer. She smiled as his tongue swiped against her lips, and she permitted him access. Emma decided right then and there that Draco's cologne had to have some strange witch trapping pheromone because she was _hooked_.

Emma separated herself from Draco's mouth just enough to speak against his lips, "You didn't have to scare me like that. If you wanted to have a snog with me, all you had to do was ask."

The voice that spoke out with a slight growl made Emma's blood run cold. "And what if I were to ask, Pup?"

Emma pulled away from Draco with a gasp, her head turning to the entrance of the alley to meet Fenrir Greyback's gaze. Her breath caught in her chest as she stared at Fenrir, and she swallowed hard as the werewolf's eyes raked her entire body.

Apparently, Fenrir _would_ step foot into Hogsmeade and be close to Hogwarts.

Fenrir loomed menacingly at the entrance of the alley; arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the wall. He was exactly how she remembered. Seeing Fenrir in the day was much different than in her lamplight, but no less terrifying. His long hair was once again pulled back, his amber eyes dark, calculating, and just as ravenous, and his face was once again covered in thick stubble.

The first time she had seen Fenrir, Emma didn't realize just how tall he was. He was as tall as Remus but built much differently. Remus was lean, but Fenrir was pure bulk, and it was clear that Fenrir liked to show it. He wore a black overcoat that was left open, revealing the rest of his clothing. The dark shirt he wore was stretched tight over his chest, but thankfully this time, his shirt was closed. Emma was sure that he kept his clothing tight on purpose; Fenrir liked to look imposing, and he did it well. His trousers stretched obscenely over his hips and thighs and were tucked into what looked like the same boots she saw him in last.

"Oh, don't stop on my account," Fenrir growled, a smile playing at his lips. "I was quite enjoying the show."

Emma wanted to say something, but she was too stunned to say a word. Her hands slid down from Draco's neck to rest somewhere on his chest, trying to figure out what to do. Draco gulped, meeting Emma's gaze with an almost pleading look. When he finally turned to Fenrir, his perfected sneer was on his face.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be, Greyback? Mudbloods to terrorize, perhaps?" Draco sneered. Emma had to resist the urge to glare at Draco for his word usage. They had heated arguments over how terrible the word was, but now wasn't the time to bring it up. She had more important things to worry about, and that was trying to form a plan. Unfortunately, nothing was coming to mind.

Fenrir's eyebrow raised, and his eyes raked slowly over Draco this time. "I think the only place I need to be is right here. I find myself fascinated. A Malfoy…with a Lupin." Fenrir tutted. "What would your father think if he knew?"

"Don't you dare bring my father into this, Greyback," Draco spat. "If my father found out that _you_ were here –"

"What is _Daddy_ going to do? No one would ever catch me," Fenrir growled. "And if they did, I'll make sure that I'm right outside your window."

"Draco, go," Emma said sharply, ducking her head to avoid looking at Draco's eyes. She didn't need him getting hurt because of her, even if it meant she had to deal with Fenrir alone.

"Emma?" Draco said, turning to Emma in alarm. "What are you –"

"Go," Emma said firmly, swallowing hard and meeting Draco's confused face. She took a deep breath, straightened up, and set her jaw. There was no way that Emma was going to let Fenrir get to her again. What did she have to lose? He already took everything away from her.

"But he –"

"Draco, I need you to listen to me and leave," Emma said slowly. She turned to Fenrir, feeling her lips curl into a sneer. "And you are going to let him leave, Fenrir. He isn't a part of whatever _this_ is."

Fenrir looked delighted and more than willingly stood aside to let Draco pass. Draco stared at Emma for a moment before backing away from her slowly. He looked over at Fenrir, back to Emma, and then ran. Emma knew that Draco wouldn't say a word to anyone about what was happening. She wasn't sure if she found the idea of that terrifying or an absolute relief.

Emma was painfully aware of how alone she was with Fenrir in the alley. It didn't matter that there was a whole village of people when none of them would do a thing to help her. The town was full of students, and anyone sensible would stay away. Would anyone think to go find Remus or find someone who would help? Emma wasn't convinced that anyone would, especially Draco.

She slowly pulled herself away from the wall and turned herself to face Fenrir, slowly backing up as he sauntered towards her. As Emma kept her eyes locked on Fenrir's, she wondered if she was trapping herself by heading towards the back of the building, but it was the only direction she could go. Trying to run towards the street left her guaranteed to be grabbed by the werewolf.

"I missed you, Pup. You're growing up to be a very, very pretty little thing," Fenrir said as he looked her over. "You know the Malfoy brat isn't going to help you, right?"

"I'm afraid that I can't say that I've missed you," Emma said defiantly as she continued her slow walk backward. She hoped that by pretending she wasn't scared, she would start to feel brave, but her heart was racing. "I think I could have gone my whole life without seeing you again, honestly."

Rather than moving faster, Emma found herself freezing up as Fenrir quickly closed the space between them. Her steps back were too tentative and his steps, though equally as slow, were much larger. Emma felt her breath hitch again, and she felt herself shrink in on herself the moment Fenrir was right in front of her. She held herself tightly, dropping her gaze and focusing her gaze on Fenrir's heavy boots just in front of her. This wasn't at all what she thought she would do when confronted with the werewolf. Emma was positive that she would fight, wand blazing so that she could take back everything he had destroyed, but she didn't. She was the exact opposite of what she wanted to be. Emma was a trembling, nervous wreck that had felt much braver with Draco's feeble attempt at bravado.

"You know, I'm disappointed that you didn't allow me to have you in the woods behind your home," Fenrir said with a long drawn out sigh as he cupped Emma's chin and lifted her face to meet his gaze. The implications of Fenrir's words made Emma's stomach drop. "I was quite looking forward to having you then, but you had to alert your father that you were there, didn't you?"

"I didn't even know he was there," Emma stammered, looking away. What would Remus tell her to do in this situation? Fight, obviously, but _how_? He had barely skimmed the surface of the spells he needed to teach her, and Emma doubted her wispy Patronus or weak Flipendo would do much. It wouldn't hurt to try, she supposed as she slowly reached back for her wand.

"You fancied yourself a moonlit stroll, then?"

"S-something like that," Emma managed as her hand snaked around to her back to grab her wand. She shivered when she went to grab her wand and found it wasn't there at all. Where had her wand gone?

"Looking for this?" Fenrir asked, dropping his hold on Emma's chin and dangling her wand in front of her face. Emma stared helplessly at her wand, a whimper escaping her lips. She should have realized that Fenrir would have known what she was doing, and he tutted at her as if she was a small child. "Shame that your father is a professor and didn't even teach you to keep your wand out of reach of dangerous men." He pocketed her wand and bent down so that his nose was nearly touching hers. " _Run_."

Emma didn't need telling twice as she scrambled back from Fenrir and ran the rest of the length of the alley. As Emma turned the corner of the building, she realized with absolute horror that she was surrounded by tall wooden fencing on all sides. There was no escape. Fenrir had her wand, and she was left defenseless.

Her eyes quickly darted around to figure out what she could use to climb over the fence, but there wasn't much. There was a rubbish bin she could flip over to climb onto, but it looked too full. The crates lying about would take too long for her to stack, and she certainly wasn't tall enough to reach the top of the fence by jumping. The pickets were too smooth and too close together for her to climb. The fence supports that she could readily climb were on the opposite side of where she was.

"No…no, no, no, no," Emma moaned to herself as she ran up to the fence, running her hands along the pickets in hopes she was missing a gate. There _had_ to be a gate - anything that could get her out and away, but there was nothing. She whirled around in a panic as she heard Fenrir's pleased growl as he turned the corner.

"It's always more entertaining when you think you have a chance," Fenrir purred, licking his lips as he drank in her terrified expression.

"You set me up," Emma choked out, unable to stop the tears that had welled up in her eyes from falling. "T-this was all planned."

"Not really," Fenrir said with a shrug. "I wasn't sure where the fences ended. I just knew you wouldn't get far."

Emma felt herself sag, and she leaned against the fence for support, her finger brushing against the black band around her wrist. She looked down at it and huffed out a watery laugh. Emma idly wondered if finding something to cut herself on would get Remus there faster. One look at Fenrir told her that it would be a terrible move. She had to somehow figure this out without Remus's help because there were no guarantees he could even get to her in time.

"What do you want, Fenrir?" Emma asked, meeting Fenrir's gaze, feeling exhausted. She allowed herself to really take a good look at the werewolf and realized he didn't look fatigued at all. It appeared that the moon had the exact opposite effect on Fenrir as he seemed incredibly relaxed. It was unsettling and made Emma that much more nervous. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I haven't done anything to you. Not yet."

"You…Fenrir, I saw the police reports," Emma said quietly, wiping at her tears. "I'm not stupid. I know what you did to me. You can't tell me that you haven't done anything to me. The first time wasn't enough for you?"

The smile on Fenrir's face dropped, and his eyes narrowed slightly. He leaned against the side of the building; a single arm crossed over his chest as he rubbed his chin in thought. "You know about that, then? I should be offended that your first thought was that it was me."

Emma's tears slowed considerably as her fear gave way to confusion. She opened her mouth to ask what he meant, but her voice had disappeared entirely. Why would Fenrir ever deny such a thing? That was the exact sort of thing he lived for – all of the books said so, even _Remus_ said so. She was rooted to the spot as Fenrir crossed the space between them and bracketed Emma's head with his hands. He bent low to stare into her eyes, his eyes glittering in amusement.

"Do you want to know what you remind me of?"

"I have a feeling that you're going to tell me regardless of what I say," Emma managed to whisper, ducking her head. She couldn't hold Fenrir's gaze, nor did she want to.

"You always were smart," Fenrir murmured as he leaned in to smell her hair. "You remind me of a rabbit that's just been caught by a predator. You're scared because you know there's no escape. Do you know how intoxicating that is to a werewolf? It's nearly impossible to break free once you get that first sniff of fear. Perhaps that's what I'll call you from now on – Rabbit."

Fenrir's words gave Emma pause, and she lifted her gaze to look at him again. "You were surprised that I seemed to remember you last time," Emma said quietly. "But the way you just said that I was always smart…you make it sound as though I've always known you."

"Because you have. In fact, you've known your father your entire life as well, but clearly don't remember," Fenrir said with a slight growl. He pressed one of his clawed fingers to her temple, caressing it. "Whatever they did to you has made you forget. Your memories are all there, it's just a matter of pulling them back out."

"Fenrir, that makes absolutely no sense. I can't have seen Remus. Besides, Fenrir, I saw the reports."

"I know what you saw," Fenrir said sharply, "but you don't know the truth, Rabbit."

"What are you talking about?"

"Did anyone tell you of the potion used at the hovel you were stuck in?"

Emma sucked in a breath, her eyes widening. "How do you know about that? How do you - you can't be talking about the children's home."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about."

"I don't…Fenrir, what are you talking about?" Emma leaned her face away from Fenrir, not wanting him to touch her anymore. It was already bad enough that he was so close to her – he smelled horrible. He smelled of a strong mix of dirt and sweat, and there was a coppery tang that she was sure was blood. It was nauseating, and she just wanted to be far away.

"If I tell you everything, you won't have a reason to come to me for answers," Fenrir smirked, dropping his hand to stroke her cheek. "All I'm going to tell you is that I wasn't the reason the police had to get involved. That was Jude's fault for letting you get out of sight when he visited my pack. I can tell you that the man responsible was taken care of."

Emma studied Fenrir's face, trying to figure out if he was lying to her. "Then who was it? If it wasn't you, who was it?"

"A young werewolf in my pack named Montgomery. Freshly turned and didn't know how the pack worked. He thought he could have what was mine, but he learned his lesson quickly."

That wasn't at all what Emma expected Fenrir to say. "What happened to him?"

"I killed him," Fenrir said simply. "I couldn't have that around the other children. If he tried with you, he would have tried with the others. I run my packs well, and I wasn't about to have it fall apart because of him. If you don't believe me, ask your father. He'll remember ol' Monty." Fenrir decided to run his fingers through her hair, playing with the strands between his fingers. "You were far too young for me then, but now…Well, I'd say you're perfect."

Emma's breath came out as a sharp gasp, and her throat tightened up. She wanted desperately to recoil from Fenrir, but his fingers curled in to grip her hair tightly in warning. She whimpered at the pull of her hair in his hand but was grateful he didn't tug any harder. Emma needed small victories, and unfortunately, that was one.

"Relax," he said, his voice dropping into what Emma assumed was meant to be a soothing tone. "I'm not going to do anything to you. I told you – not yet."

If Fenrir's words were meant to be reassuring, they failed miserably, but Emma needed to push through. She needed to keep Fenrir talking. The more she could get him to talk, the more of a possibility someone could find her before something happened. She hoped.

"What does Jude have to do with any of this?" Emma stammered. "And why don't you call him my father when you know that I'm not actually Remus's."

"You were promised to me years ago by Jude, Rabbit. You're mine, and there's nothing you can do to change that," Fenrir said, his voice holding a slight warning in it as he tugged her hair a little harder. He slowly relaxed his grip so that he could run his fingers back through her hair, gently massaging her scalp. "Biologically speaking, Jude might have been the one to help make you, but you were never meant to be his. You should have been with my Pup much sooner."

"How do you know that?" Emma asked breathlessly. "Fenrir, what aren't you telling me?"

"Where's the fun in telling you everything now? I already told you that I need a reason for you to come back to me. All I will tell you is that you're my Pup's child," Fenrir said softly. "You're smart, Rabbit, and I'm sure that you'll be able to figure things out on your own. If you're not, well…it won't take much for you to find me if you really try. I'm always keeping an eye on you. I always have."

"How do you know all of this? I…you're lying to me." Emma was sure he was lying to her. There was no way that Fenrir should know so much. She couldn't help but find herself focused on two things, though. Fenrir told her that not only was she _meant_ to be Remus's, but she had known him her entire life. How could that be possible?

"Have I ever lied to you?" Fenrir asked, watching Emma closely. Emma wasn't sure how to answer that question, and Fenrir picked up on that quickly. "You really don't remember much at all, do you? I would have thought by now you would have remembered; we have such fond memories together. Such a shame. I wonder if I could help with that."

"Help? Help how?"

"I think I know a way of releasing those memories for you."

Emma stared at Fenrir, even more confused. Nothing he was saying made sense, and she was frustrated with herself for becoming intrigued.

"You smell like me, Rabbit," Fenrir said, drawing out each word. "Do you think I would miss my own scent? I just find it curious."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Fenrir chuckled, "Ah, so you're not as innocent as you look, Rabbit. Never would have expected such a smart little mouth on you." He grabbed onto Emma and tossed her onto the ground hard and threw himself on all fours over top of her. "Don't act as if you haven't seen it in yourself. You've got all the makings of a wolf that's begging to be released. All it would take is one bite to release her; she's already there. I'm just wondering why your father hasn't bothered to do it himself and left you for me instead. If would be far more tempting for him…unless he's finally accepted you as his child. That would change things…"

Emma felt herself begin to tremble again at the underlying threat in Fenrir's words. He didn't outright say that he planned to bite her, but it sounded like he planned on it.

It was almost like Fenrir knew where her thoughts went as he started to chuckle. "You know," he said slowly, "I bet I could even fix things right now. I think a bite would be more than enough to release all of those hidden thoughts in your mind."

Time felt like it froze. Everything grew still, and Emma felt her entire body grow cold with pure fear. It was exactly where she hoped the conversation wouldn't go, and she was terrified. A very pleased smile crossed Fenrir's face, and the noise rumbling from his chest was a mix of a purr and a low growl. Was there truth to his words? _Could_ he bite her, and that would be it? How did Fenrir know that she wasn't a full werewolf already? Was it possible that it could be a way of her getting the rest of her memories back? Emma didn't want to find out. She just knew that she didn't want Fenrir to be the one to bite her.

"W-what?" Emma managed to choke out.

"Ah, there it is," Fenrir cooed. "Took longer than I thought to get you there, but I knew you'd really get scared eventually." In one smooth motion, Fenrir captured both of Emma's wrists in one hand. He peered down at the black bracelet underneath his fingers and grinned. He looped a claw of his free hand underneath the band and pulled hard, splitting it in two. He grabbed onto the fractured band and tossed it over the fence.

"I'm doing you a favor. A wolf shouldn't be chained up, and luckily for you, as a werewolf, I can save you," Fenrir said. "Although, I have to admit that I find myself a little hurt that you're not wearing my gift. I kept it safe for you."

Emma desperately wished she could stop the tears that spilled from her eyes. She knew it was precisely what Fenrir wanted from her, but that stupid band was her last hope. If Remus had realized something was wrong and was making his way to the village, he would no longer find her. All of the enchantments on the bracelet would have broken the exact moment Fenrir snapped it, and she sobbed even harder. Emma was as good as dead.

As useless as it was, Emma struggled against Fenrir as hard as she could. With no use of her hands, she was only left to trying to flail underneath the werewolf. The hand not gripping tightly to her wrists came up to grab her chin hard to hold her in place.

"Trying to fight me isn't going to change a thing, Rabbit," Fenrir snarled, drinking in Emma's face. "In fact, I _enjoy_ it the more you fight."

Fenrir's words forced her to take several deep, shuddering breaths to try and stop her tears. She hated how much he was enjoying her crying, but she couldn't stop.

"P-please, F-Fenrir," Emma stuttered out through her sobs. "Don't. N-not like this."

"And how else would I do this, Rabbit?" Fenrir asked.

"I d-don't know," Emma whined. "J-just please, Fenrir. D-don't."

Fenrir was clearly tired of talking as he growled at her, all vestiges of his twisted smile melting to a deadly serious expression. He dipped his head low with teeth bared as he angled himself for the soft spot where her shoulder met her neck. Emma couldn't stop herself from finally screaming, closing her eyes tightly as she sobbed. There was nothing more she could do.

Emma could feel the sharp press of his teeth on her skin, and she could only cry harder, bracing herself for the tearing of her skin. This was the situation she was trying to avoid. If Fenrir was telling her the truth, she didn't want him to be the reason she was a werewolf. Her odd status meant that they didn't know what would happen if she received a bite at any other time. Emma just knew that she didn't want to find out regardless, and Fenrir was taking his time. It felt incredibly cruel that he was waiting, not just biting into her and ending her suffering. But then Emma heard a vicious snarl and understood. _They weren't alone_.

She forced her eyes open to find Padfoot's snarling face around the corner of the building. Emma's eyes darted between the angry black dog and Fenrir, who had lifted himself up just enough to look at the dog. Emma desperately hoped that he thought it was an angry dog that had joined them and not an Animagus. She felt only the faintest bubble of hope, but it was instantly squashed down.

Fenrir sat back further, still maintaining his grip on Emma's wrists. He stared at the dog for a moment before inclining his head.

"Well, well," he said slowly, looking back down at Emma as he turned her face to look at him. "I see your…pet…has issues with my being here." Fenrir bent back down to whisper in her ear, "Too bad he's shown himself to me before. It would have been a wonderful trick, but even Sirius Black isn't stupid enough to transform to protect you. Such a shame he'll have to watch me tearing into your throat."

Padfoot didn't stop snarling, but he looked worried. A small whine slipped from him as he looked between Emma and Fenrir. Emma desperately wanted to say something to him, but she wasn't sure what to even say.

Dread pitted itself in Emma's stomach as Fenrir turned back to her, once more baring his teeth and looking more excited than before. Emma had to get a grip on herself, and she took another shuddering breath and set her jaw as she glared at him. If this was going to happen, then she wanted to at least say she pretended she wasn't scared. Padfoot being there gave her strength, and she hoped it was just enough to get through.

"Oh, are you tired of playing?" Fenrir asked, an eyebrow quirking at Emma's sudden shift. "I was just getting started."

"Really? So was I," Emma snarled, spitting in Fenrir's face as he made his way back towards her neck. The moment she spit at Fenrir, she regretted it. He pulled back, his expression dark as his nostrils flared with anger. His grip on her wrist grew painfully tight, and she sucked in a harsh breath at the ache. The smile that crossed his face held an unspoken threat, and it chilled her to the core. His head suddenly whipped around to Padfoot, who had gotten closer, fully prepared to attack, but the dog backed away quickly.

"Well, well," Fenrir said, looking at Emma with disgust, "Rabbit's got claws, after all. Who knew?" Fenrir finally let go of Emma's face to wipe his face off, looking far less pleased than he was before. "Just for that, I'll be generous. Now that I know you'll play along, I think I'd rather wait for the moon. It's close, but not close enough. I want to hear your pretty little screams turn into howls under the moonlight. Besides," he said, running his claws teasingly across her face, "I think you'd be rather pretty if you had the same scars as your father. I've always been rather partial to him as my first…perhaps next time I'll decorate your face for you."

Fenrir's trailed down Emma's throat, his fingers resting where her pulse was racing. He grunted at the feeling beneath his fingers, tightening his grip ever so slightly. "I can't wait for the night I can finally bite into that delicious throat of yours and claim you. It'll be so hard to resist tearing you apart, but I will do my best, Rabbit. You're mine, and everyone will know it."

He finally let go of Emma's wrists and rolled off of her, dropping her wand next to her. He turned to Padfoot with a snort and shook his head as he stood. With one final, twisted smile, Fenrir turned back to Emma. "You'll have to tell me how your father reacts when he finds out I nearly had you, Rabbit. I'm sure he'll be…delighted," he said. "I would make sure your dog is on a leash next time. I'll have no problem disposing of him if he tries to interfere when we meet next."

Emma watched as Fenrir Disapparated, and she began to cry again. She couldn't convince herself to get up from where she was, feeling limp and boneless from relief. Emma felt a warm, furry body press up against her, and she turned onto her side to throw an arm around Padfoot as he laid next to her. He whined softly, nosing Emma's hair as she buried her face into his fur.

"You couldn't have done anything," Emma whispered when her sobs died out to hiccoughs. She met his silvery eyes, frowning because he looked guilty. She scratched the spot behind his ears and pressed her forehead to his. "I'm just glad that someone found me." She sat up slowly and ran a hand over her neck, trying to make sure that he didn't actually bite her.

"Is there anything there?" Emma asked Padfoot, sniffling as he slowly approached her to double-check. He stared at the spot on her neck, his ears flattening back, and Emma frowned. "He didn't break skin, though, did he?" Padfoot gave a slight shake of his head, which led to him shaking out the rest of his fur to soothe his nerves. Emma hoped that it meant that she was still all right. As long as he didn't break skin, she assumed that she would be fine. She stood up shakily and watched Padfoot pick up her wand in his teeth to give back to her.

"Thanks, Pads," Emma said softly, running her sleeve over her face to dry it. She started to head back down the alley and turned back to Padfoot quickly. "Don't follow me. Dad's going to be a complete mess, and the last thing he needs to do is see you. I'll be fine…"

Padfoot didn't seem thrilled by the idea but sat down with a whine. She gave Padfoot a small wave before rushing out of the alley and onto the street. It seemed bizarre that life had moved along in the village with people not knowing what had transpired. Nervously, Emma took a look around, stuffing her wand in the inside pocket of her coat before heading up the street back towards the castle. Her only concern was getting to Remus and quickly.

"Emma! There you are!"

Emma whirled around to see Persephone, who was walking with Ellis. She had no idea that Persephone's father was visiting the village, and she had completely forgotten about their plans.

"Effie, Mr. Moon," Emma grimaced, wanting to head towards the castle but feeling stuck. She didn't want to be rude but heading back was more important, and they had to see that she was distressed. "I'm really sorry, but I have to –"

"Nonsense," Ellis said, grabbing onto Emma's shoulder and steering her in the direction of the Three Broomsticks. "There is more than enough time to have lunch. Whatever it is can wait. You wouldn't want to break your promise to Persephone, would you?"

"Sir, I really need to head back to the castle…"

Her words seemed to fall on deaf ears as Ellis began to speak of some sort of goings-on at the Ministry. Persephone looked at her in concern but didn't say anything as they continued on their way. Emma just had to hope that the entire village wasn't torn apart by Remus trying to look for her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know that [Vine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTMb2UkW4xY) with the umbrellas and the audio track that just goes "Run" with that heavy bass? Yeah, I would be a complete liar if I said that didn't come up a million times while writing this. I blame my husband because he pointed it out to me and I laughed for a solid amount of time every time he brought it up.
> 
> In case you're wondering, Fenrir has made himself a huge part of the story, and I don't even know how it happened exactly. He was never even meant to be in the series AT ALL. However, now he's here, and he's staying.
> 
> I don't know what happened when I wrote the first book, but somewhere along the line, Fenrir happened. It's to the point where I have an entire back story for him in a series of bullet points. I'm not sure if I'll ever flesh it out, but I want to. He's a creepy dude and surprisingly fun to write - as much as I hate him.
> 
> **come find me on:**  
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)  
> [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/mymoonyandstars)  
> [the moonlit stars discord](https://discord.gg/xpzefDeCZw)
> 
> [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/r6xi6203vwza01epk6askwk15?si=t4wwYBERRymTJvw09FJG3Q)  
> 


	39. A Marauder's Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma learns new information that leads her to a discovery that could have changed her entire life.

Emma didn't mind having to fulfill social obligations, but this was the one time she wished she would have just left. Every part of her knew that she should get up and just go straight to the castle, but she didn't. She was stressed and confused, and her head was spinning with everything that Fenrir had said. None of it made sense, and it only made her realize how much she didn't know about her own past. The idea of not actually remembering a decade of her life was terrifying. It made no sense, but Fenrir had a point. What _did_ that potion from the children's home do to her?

Did she know Fenrir more than she thought? Was there truth to her knowing Remus over the years? Was Remus truly correct in feeling as though he was hers – a small fact that was confirmed by Fenrir himself? Was _anyone_ telling her the truth anymore? It was evident that she couldn't even trust her own thoughts anymore, so what was she meant to believe?

She was mostly quiet during lunch with Ellis and Persephone. Emma only spoke to order her food that remained untouched and to answer questions she didn't care about. Emma continually ran her hand over the spot Fenrir's teeth had been, only half-listening to what Ellis was saying. It might have been some business with the Ministry he was discussing, but Emma wasn't sure. She wasn't really paying attention.

"How's Remus handling the news of Sirius being out of Azkaban?" Ellis suddenly asked Emma. "I'm afraid Remus and I didn't get to chat much before you girls left for school."

Emma met Ellis's gaze with wide eyes. She glanced over at Persephone, who was looking at her questioningly and then returned her attention to Ellis with a shrug. "I mean, he's taking it as well as he can, I imagine. We don't really talk about Sirius, so I wouldn't know."

Ellis nodded slowly, picking up his glass of whiskey. "I suppose that would make sense. I imagine he must be hurt, though. They were a popular couple when we were in school. It's such a shame what happened."

"My dad and Sirius were together?"

Ellis froze, his glass nearly at his lips. "You didn't know?"

Emma shook her head. "No," she said quietly, finding herself even more confused. Why was she learning information from every other person besides Remus? Certain things she could understand, but learning he was with Sirius should have come from him. "I had no idea. I knew he was with someone while at Hogwarts, but I wasn't aware that it was Sirius."

"Well, that's incredibly embarrassing," Ellis said, taking a drink and not looking embarrassed at all.

Emma's eyes narrowed slightly as she looked at Ellis. She had never seen Ellis seem anything less than caring, but this was a different man. It was almost like he was distant, and she wasn't sure what to make of it. There was an air around him that reminded her almost of the memories she had with Jude, but perhaps that made sense. They _were_ friends, after all. Emma decided to blame it on the alcohol. She had never seen him drink anything more than wine at dinner.

"Em, you haven't eaten anything," Persephone said, breaking up the silence.

"Not really hungry," Emma said quietly, looking down at her uneaten sandwich in front of her. She lifted a hand to rub the back of her neck, only looking up as Persephone gasped.

"Emma, why are you bleeding?"

"What?"

"Y-your wrist. Em, you weren't…not again?"

Emma stared at Persephone for a moment before looking at her wrist with an almost choked breath. She had been running on pure adrenaline the entire time that she didn't realize that Fenrir had managed to cut into her skin. Emma blanched, looking at the cut that ran up the inside of her wrist. With absolute horror, Emma realized it had to have been when Fenrir snapped the bracelet off of her wrist. She was too focused on trying to get out from underneath him that she wasn't paying attention. Now that she was aware of it, she could feel the burning itch of her skin.

"N-no, it's not that," Emma stammered, covering her wrist up quickly. She started to gather her things, almost frantic. "I need to go. I never should have come here."

"Emma, what happened? What is that cut from?"

Emma froze, looking at Persephone, her coat half put back on. "That is from Fenrir Greyback," Emma said slowly. "Which is precisely why I was trying to get to the castle in the first place."

Ellis choked on the last of his drink. "What did you just say?"

"Before you grabbed me an insisted that whatever I had to do could wait, I was trying to get to the castle to tell my Dad that Fenrir was here," Emma snapped.

Persephone looked over at her father, looking nervous. "Dad," she said quickly, grabbing onto his arm.

"Go," Ellis said, waving Emma off. "Had I realized – shit. I have to leave. Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I tried, sir," Emma said dryly as she tugged the rest of her coat on. "If you had given me a chance to talk, I would have told you that it couldn't." A hand touched her shoulder, and she jumped, not expecting it at all. She turned quickly to shoot whoever it was a glare and felt herself relax at the realization it was only Remus. However, he wasn't alone. Elara stood just off to the side of him, looking relieved.

Remus gave Emma a quick once over before turning to Ellis with a polite expression. It was a testament to Remus's self-control that he could manage to make himself look so calm.

"Ellis, I didn't know that you would be here today," Remus said, his tone clipped. "If you had sent an owl, I would have come to join you."

"I thought I would come and spend some time with my daughter," Ellis said, standing up and pulling on his cloak. "However, it now appears that I need to make a stop at the Ministry. I doubt they'll be too thrilled to hear that Greyback was here."

Remus's grip on Emma's shoulder tightened as he pulled her back into his side. "I agree," Remus said tightly. "Persephone, were you planning on staying longer? You're welcome to come back with us."

Persephone looked between her father and Remus, nervously. "I was planning on staying," she said quietly, standing up and pulling on her cloak. She looked over at Emma. "Em, were you –"

"She'll be coming back to the castle," Remus answered, pulling Emma a little tighter to his side. He gave Ellis a terse nod and started to steer Emma towards the exit.

"Emma," Persephone called out. Emma turned herself to look at Persephone curiously, trying to read her expression. Persephone looked over at Elara for a moment, giving her a small grin when she realized who it was and then turned back to Emma. "I'm sorry…" Emma stared at Persephone for a moment before nodding, tucking herself back into Remus's side.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

Emma couldn't remember the last time she sat on the floor in front of the fire just to watch the flames and think. She was leaning back against the coffee table, a cup of tea held in her left hand, staring as the crackling fire licked the air. It felt like she had the longest day ever, and she was equal parts awake and exhausted.

The moment they stepped foot back into the castle, it felt like things moved incredibly fast. Remus immediately pulled Emma into a side room off the Great Hall that she felt had too many people. Dumbledore, McGonagall, Sprout, and Pomfrey were standing waiting for their arrival. Pomfrey had immediately swooped in, but Elara politely had the woman step aside so that she could assess Emma herself.

It was a sheer miracle that the only wound Emma had was the single cut on her wrist, which Elara delicately healed with Dittany. As an afterthought, she rubbed powdered silver gently into the cut that only half-healed.

"I thought powdered silver was only for bites," Emma had said shakily as she watched Elara work.

"If this were any other werewolf, I wouldn't have bothered," Elara answered her softly. "I'm not taking any chances with you."

Elara had gone slightly pale when she noticed the red marks on Emma's neck but was quick to mask her horror. Remus, on the other hand, was not. Despite being across the room talking to Dumbledore, his wide eyes were fixed on the spot Fenrir's teeth had been. The only thing that broke Remus's intense stare was Emma shoving her hand over the area, but it was too late. She knew he was imagining the possibility.

"Is it bad?" Emma whispered to Elara in concern.

Elara shook her head. "No, but you can see what he was trying to do," she answered back with a sigh as she glanced over at Remus. "It'll fade by tonight."

With Elara's job complete, Emma had to tell everyone the story of what happened. It was near impossible for Emma to get through retelling her encounter. After several panic attacks in a row, Pomfrey gave Emma a Calming Draught. With Remus's arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders and Elara holding her hand, Emma was finally able to explain what happened. There were a few spots where the adults all looked at each other in obvious concern, but by the time Emma reached the end, they looked ill. Emma was careful not to mention Sirius – he wasn't a big part of the situation and didn't need to be brought up.

The room was quiet, except for Emma's sniffles. Remus pulled her a little tighter into his side, gently rubbing her arm as he passed silent messages with Dumbledore with his eyes.

"I think that we need to start back at the beginning to find the answers that we are looking for," Dumbledore eventually said. "Thank you for being brave enough to tell us what happened today. I think, for now, you deserve some rest."

With Remus's gentle urging, he managed to convince Emma to go upstairs with Elara so that he could speak with Dumbledore and the others. She didn't want to leave Remus's side, but she desperately wanted to take a shower and change. Emma quickly learned that she didn't mind Elara's presence at all. Elara was calm, and she seemed to know the things that Emma desperately needed. To Emma's embarrassment, Elara didn't even care that she fell asleep on her. She had already felt terrible that Remus Floo called Elara to meet him in the village on her day off to try and track her down but falling asleep felt worse. Emma had become relaxed by Elara brushing her hair out after her shower and her aimless storytelling, but Elara honestly didn't care. Emma had to admit that she was sad to see Elara leave when Remus finally returned hours later.

Things had fallen silent with Elara gone, both Emma and Remus trying to process the day on their own terms. Dinner was quiet, they were quiet, everything was still and calm – relaxed as they navigated towards the point they would finally talk. Emma had been sitting on the couch, staring at the same page of her book, when Remus approached her with a cup of tea. She took it with a half-hearted smile and had moved from the couch to the floor as Remus departed, lighting the fire as he left.

Emma was so lost in her thoughts that she wasn't aware of Remus's return.

"Hey," he said softly, pulling her back into the present. Emma noticed that he was already sitting down, which meant he'd been there for a while. His lips pressed into a thin line. His expression was sympathetic as he lifted his hand to brush the backs of his fingers against her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"About as well as one would feel after dealing with Fenrir," Emma said, giving Remus a small smile. She returned her gaze to the fire, rubbing her neck for what felt like the millionth time. It was almost a compulsion to run her fingers over the ghosts of where Fenrir's teeth were. Emma lifted her cup of tea to her lips, froze upon seeing the silver-filled scratch, and placed her cup down on the floor in front of her. "I can't figure out if I'm relieved or bothered knowing that he's truly never going to stop coming for me."

"I'm bothered by it," Remus said, picking up Emma's cup of tea and taking a drink.

Emma snorted, turning her wrist to watch the subtle shine of the silver in the light of the fire. Elara had decided to mix powdered silver with Murtlap essence instead of Dittany before leaving just to soothe the burning, and the silver still shined. Elara refused to take any chances. "Would you say this is my first battle scar? Or are all of my self-inflicted scars my first?"

Remus looked at Emma in disbelief. "You're joking."

"Nope," Emma said, looking up at Remus, her lips twitching slightly. "I think I'm going to say this one's my first. I think saying I was attacked by a werewolf sounds much better than saying I was depressed."

"Only you could somehow find a way to try and turn the situation around."

"Well, it's certainly better than the alternative, yes?" Emma took her cup of tea from Remus's hands to take another sip and handed it back. "When did we start sharing things like this, anyway?"

"Back in June when it didn't really matter anymore," Remus sighed. "I'd already infected you by that point. There wasn't much use in worrying anymore."

"Right," Emma said with a small nod. Her breath caught as all of her emotions started to catch up to her again. "Today was really scary…"

Remus set the cup of tea aside so that he could envelop Emma in his arms and hold her close. "I know, baby girl," Remus whispered into her hair. "I've got you. You're safe right here with me."

"I don't know what I did to deserve this," Emma whispered, her voice breaking.

Every time Remus thought Emma couldn't break his heart any further, she managed to find something else that would destroy him. He was sad, and he was angry, and he was absolutely terrified for her. It wasn't fair that she was brought into a situation she had no choice in, and he had to figure out how to stop it before it escalated.

"Nothing. You did absolutely nothing – none of this is your fault."

"It feels like it is."

"This is the work of two incredibly sick men. This is not your fault."

Emma sighed, wrapping her fingers into the fabric of Remus's jumper. "They're monsters…"

Remus shifted Emma a little closer, resting his chin on top of her head. "They are." He couldn't stop himself from squeezing Emma tightly. "I didn't know that I could be so terrified in my life. I could have lost you again today. If I'm going to be honest, I never want to let you go again."

"Then don't," Emma said quietly, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I don't understand how so much he said made sense and yet didn't. I don't know how I feel about the possibilities…"

"Which is why we're starting right back where we started – _all_ the way back at the beginning. For Fenrir to know so much, we're missing something from when you went missing, but we're not sure what."

"Does that mean there's a possibility he was telling the truth?"

There was a long pause before Remus finally answered, his voice thick with emotion, "I think it all was."

Emma leaned back so that she could look up at Remus. "Which means we've always known each other, then? But how? Wouldn't you have known it was me if you saw me?"

"Do you remember when I told you that I wasn't a good person?"

"Which I don't believe one bit, still," Emma said earnestly. "I told you, you were hurting yourself in a different way. I still stand by that."

"That is because you think far too highly of me," Remus said, leaning down to kiss Emma's forehead. "The problem, at least on my part, is that I'm not sure I would have recognized you. Nearly that entire time was spent in a haze because I couldn't cope. I only functioned enough to get through whatever job I had at the time, but…" Remus trailed off, swallowing hard. "I don't know that I would have ever recognized you because I could barely recognize myself."

Emma sighed, snuggling back up against Remus. "I would hope that I would have at least recognized you," she said quietly. "But I truly don't. It's not like with Grandpa, where I immediately knew him because I _remembered_ him. With you, I knew that I knew you somehow, but I had no real recollection. It was the same feeling the first time I saw Fenrir."

"Do you think you recognized Fenrir because of your nightmares?"

"No, I don't think so," Emma said. "His face never started showing up until I saw him, and that was when my nightmares changed, though they always took place in the same meadow." Emma trailed off thoughtfully, slowly piecing things together. "Daddy, when Elara and I were talking earlier, she mentioned that she was with Fenrir's pack for a while. Was that where you met her?"

"No," Remus sighed. "I met her in another pack, but she made her way to Fenrir's pack later on."

Emma ran through her thoughts some more and rubbed her forehead as she felt a headache start. "Was Montgomery even real?"

Remus tensed up at the mention of Montgomery. "He was very real."

"I get the feeling you don't want to tell me about the story behind him," Emma said quietly.

"Because I don't. Fenrir brought it up because he wanted you to see me differently and have you ask," Remus admitted.

"Why?"

"Because Fenrir wasn't entirely at fault for Montgomery's death."

"He wanted you to be the one to do it," Emma said after a beat. "Is that why you don't want to tell me?" When Remus didn't immediately answer, she knew that was precisely why he didn't want to say anything. It made her a little nervous that Remus could genuinely be capable of such a thing. She only knew him as he was with her – gentle, kind, and very loving. Emma couldn't imagine the possibility of him killing someone, but she still had a lot to learn about him. "You don't have to give me details," she added quietly.

Remus carefully separated himself from Emma and pulled his knees up, hugging them to his chest. "I did terrible things to people during the war just so I could survive. I tried to avoid it whenever I could, but Fenrir's pack was brutal during that time. Everyone was on edge, not sure of what was going to happen next, and everyone was angry all the time. Some days could be harmonious, but Fenrir liked to encourage fighting to weed out the weak members. Not even the few women and children were safe… I only benefited because Fenrir, well…you know that he had a specific interest in me.

"Montgomery had only been attacked a few months prior, and he was always fighting with someone. He was confused, and even though I tried to convince him otherwise, he was determined to follow Voldemort to the end. One day, Montgomery completely disappeared, and when he returned, it was with Fenrir – beaten and bloody beyond belief. Fenrir's only explanation was that he had harmed one of the children in the pack, but no one knew which child as everyone was accounted for. Of course, no one was going to ask more. Fenrir was…he was angry. It was better to just accept his word.

"I never expected him to demand that I be the one to kill Montgomery. I had no issue with Montgomery, that I knew of then, and didn't feel comfortable doing it. But I had a mission to try and complete; it wouldn't have done me any good to deny Fenrir. I knew he was testing my loyalty to him, something that would have given me additional privileges and a chance to overthrow his power. But…"

"You couldn't do it," Emma said quietly.

Remus shook his head. "I couldn't do it. I paid for it dearly, but I couldn't."

"Did you ever actually kill anyone?"

"No, never."

Emma hummed quietly to herself in thought. She was tempted to ask Remus if he ever used the Cruciatus on someone, but she didn't want to know. "So, do you think it was Montgomery and not Fenrir, then? With me?"

"After what you said, I have almost no doubt it was Montgomery who hurt you," Remus said, glancing at Emma. "As much as it pains me to admit, Fenrir has a sense of decorum with his pack, especially with the children. That's not to say that he wasn't cruel, as he often was, but he would take care of the younger children as if they were his own. I wouldn't have put it past him to be the one to hurt you, but you certainly would have been far too young for him to have considered it. I'm not too sure how I feel about it – it doesn't make it any better."

"I'm not sure that Fenrir and decorum belong in the same sentence," Emma said, scrunching up her face. "It partially fits the few things that I do remember."

"And that's why we're starting back at the beginning."

"What if that's the wrong move, though?" Emma said thoughtfully. "You know how you told me in class one day that perhaps I need to read things backward to understand? What if that's what we should all be doing?"

Remus looked at Emma with a glimmer in his eye. "And here I thought you didn't pay attention in my class," he said with a slight smile.

Emma grinned back and gave him a playful shove. "Don't be stupid," Emma said quietly. "I've looked in your grade book. I know I'm tied with Hermione."

"You've gone into my things?"

A flush crept up Emma's cheeks, and she giggled. "I would never do such a thing," she said.

"Merlin, you are my child," Remus said with a chuckle. "It's the exact sort of thing I would have done if I were you."

"That's because you were an absolute swot."

"Do I need to repeat what I just said? You are my child, fy nghariad bach."

"I am not a swot!" Emma said indignantly. She let out a huff and looked down at her hands, playing with her fingers. "I'm not much of anything…"

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that I don't know anything about myself and everything I thought I knew. I told myself that if I ever saw Fenrir again, I would fight him, but I did the exact opposite. I froze."

Remus stretched his legs back out and pulled Emma back under his arm. "Are you really not aware of how incredibly brave you were today? Cariad, I know it didn't seem like it, but you stood your ground and did more than what most would do in your situation."

"I floundered!"

"You _fought_. It might not have been much, but you dared to try and do something."

"I wish I could see it the way you see it."

"Emma, Fenrir is much larger than you and caught you by surprise. You're fourteen, and I think you forget that sometimes. It's not fair to blame yourself when most grown adults wouldn't even know what to do. You are the bravest little badger I have ever met in my life."

Emma snuggled into Remus's side with a frown. "I think you think too highly of _me_."

"I think too highly of my daughter?" Remus said with mock offense. "There's no such thing."

"At least one positive came out of today," Emma said with a yawn.

"What's that?"

"You were right about me being yours." A sleepy smile crossed Emma's face as another yawn took over. "Not sure that I particularly like who the endorsement came from, but...I think that was the only thing I truly believed right away from him."

"I just wish I understood how," Remus said. "I love the idea of you being mine, but I don't understand the circumstances. I desperately wished I could ask your mother."

"Work backward, like you've told me to do. At least I can help with anything recent."

As yet another yawn escaped Emma's lips, Remus chuckled. "Perhaps it's time for bed for you, Little One."

"I'm not that little," Emma grumbled, throwing her arms around Remus and snuggling as close as she could possibly get. She wasn't leaving until she felt like it. "Besides, I'm not done talking to you."

"Can it wait until the morning? You know the full is tomorrow night, and we both need rest to get through the day."

"No, it can't wait," Emma said with a huff. "There are two more things I want to talk about tonight."

Remus sighed, kissing the top of Emma's head. "What's the first thing?"

"Something Fenrir said that I didn't understand. He said that if you accepted me as yours, it would change things. What did he mean by that?"

"Ah," Remus said in understanding, almost nervously. "Because it does to some degree. It involves some bizarre magic that isn't covered in books since only werewolves would know about it. It's a little difficult to explain, so I need to show you. Hold out your hand."

Emma pulled back from Remus to look up at him curiously, but she held her hand out. She watched as Remus laced his fingers through hers, pressing their palms together.

"Do you see how our hands are connected? This is how close I felt to you the first time I held you. That moment created a connection that I wasn't even aware existed. I heard stories from other werewolves – parents – who spoke of a connection with their children, but I didn't believe it. I just thought it was something that all parents say, but the connection I have with you feels almost tangible like this. It's the strongest when we're together, but the moment I realized I saw you as mine, our connection has always felt like this."

Remus pulled his hand away so that their palms were no longer touching, but their fingers were still laced together. "When we're separated, to some degree, this is how I know that you are still all right. We're still connected, even though we're apart. I don't know how you're feeling, of course, but we're connected. This was how it immediately felt when I saw you for the first time all over again. It like a loose string being tightened after being slack for so long."

A sigh escaped Remus's lips as he pulled his hand further away so that only the tips of their fingers were touching. "And for the entire time you were missing, this was how my connection to you felt. We were connected, but we weren't. Some days, it was the only thing that kept me going because I knew wherever you were, you were at least alive. Sometimes the connection would disappear completely, and it broke me. But then it would come back, and I would know you were okay again. Some days it would be even stronger than others for no reason at all."

"I think to some degree I've always felt that," Emma said quietly, lacing their fingers back together and studying their joined hands. "Not as strong as you feel it, I imagine, but I think I know what you mean. Is it like that with anyone else?"

"The people I'm closest to, yes, but you especially so. As ridiculous as it sounds, I'll have to use Fenrir's phrasing, but it's…it's like we're our own little pack. It's…it's a very possessive trait to have, and I hate it. And the reasoning Fenrir finds it fascinating is worse."

"Why?"

"Because, if it came down to it and he truly challenged me, I would…" Remus trailed off, clearing his throat.

"You would what?" Emma asked quietly, slightly worried over what Remus could possibly mean.

"Is it all right if we talk about this another time? It's too close to the full, and if I think about it too much…"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Emma said, feeling her face heat up. "I understand."

"Don't apologize," Remus said softly. "Any other time I would be, well, I don't want to say I'd be fine as I don't really like to talk about it, but…"

"You don't have to explain it to me if you don't want to," Emma said, glancing up at Remus. "I know you don't like talking about it." Emma took a deep breath, pulling her hand from Remus's. "Everything is going to change again, isn't it?"

"It's all to keep you safe, cariad. I'm not letting anything happen to you – ever. Besides, the good news for you is I've completely given up on the bracelet to keep track of you. For the most part, it's been completely useless."

"Except to bother me in the astronomy tower?" Emma asked with a slight smile.

"Which you weren't supposed to be in, might I add," Remus said. "But I do suppose that I deserved it," he added softly.

"Another victory for Emma Lupin," Emma said with a grin. "I love it when you admit that I'm right."

"Yes, and you seem to remind me of every time you're right whenever you can. But I'm sure that wasn't the second thing you wanted to talk about."

Emma looked up at Remus, suddenly nervous, and sat up straight. She looked down at the floor and began to trace aimless patterns with her finger, watching the invisible shapes she made. Emma wasn't entirely sure she could look at Remus for her next question. "It's something that Ellis brought up, actually."

"Oh?" Remus said, intrigued. "And what did Ellis bring up?"

"He…uhm," Emma dared to look over at Remus, "he said that you and Sirius were together."

Remus's expression was closed-off as he stared back at Emma, his jaw clenching slightly. His posture was tense for a moment before his shoulders slumped, and he hung his head, a disbelieving smile crossing his face.

"It appears that it's impossible for me to tell you things on my own time," he murmured.

"It's true?"

"Yes," Remus whispered in response.

Emma wasn't sure that she could process any more information. She was just glad that Remus admitted to being with Sirius because Remus still often deflected the things he didn't want to talk about. However, his admission made things quickly fit into place, and it was adding to her overwhelm.

Her musings of what Sirius was to her had been floating around her thoughts after talking to Luna. There was something more to Sirius, and Remus confirmed it by his admission that he had been together with the man. Her thoughts took a sudden turn, but the idea in her head didn't make complete sense. She knew that she could just ask Remus the question she had, but he was already uncomfortable. It had been an incredibly long day, and she didn't want to make things worse.

Emma nodded slowly, trying to run through her spiraling thoughts. "I should probably go to bed," she said quietly, rubbing her forehead. "I don't know if I can handle much more information."

"You haven't really had a moment to decompress today," Remus said softly. He stood up, wincing as his knees popped. "I know that you have more questions, and I promise that I'll answer them…just perhaps not this week."

"Wouldn't be me if I didn't have questions," Emma said, taking Remus's outstretched hands and letting him help her up. "I think I'll try staying in my room tonight and leave you alone for once."

"Are you sure? I know that today was hard for you."

"I think I'll be fine," Emma said, giving Remus a quick hug. "Not sure I could handle your snoring tonight, anyway," she added with a cheeky grin.

"I do not snore," Remus said, trying to bite back his smile.

"No, of course not," Emma said, making her way towards her room. She paused before she rounded the corner of the living room and turned back to look at Remus. "Daddy, can I ask you one more question?"

"You don't have to ask it," Remus said quietly, his expression pained. "I know what you're going to ask me."

"You do?"

He nodded, shoving one of his hands in his pocket and running the other through his hair with a half-hearted shrug. "I am still utterly and hopelessly in love with Sirius," Remus said, shoving his other hand in his pocket and clearing his throat. "I've never stopped," he added shakily.

It wasn't quite the answer she was expecting, but she could understand. Though she knew very little about Sirius, it was clear that Remus and Sirius were close. Several photos she'd looked at showed a closeness that she should have realized was more than just a close friendship. There was a hidden fondness for each other in their expressions.

Rather than making Remus suffer further, she decided she would talk to Sirius instead. She wasn't sure when she would be able to, but she needed to hear what he had to say. Her story with Sirius was more closely woven together than she initially thought. She just wondered how close it was actually meant to be. Perhaps she also needed to work backward, as well. If she couldn't talk to Sirius right away, she had her mother's diary. There had to be something hidden within the pages that would help.

Rather than let her father wallow in his self-pity, Emma smiled at him in response. "It's a little scary that you always know what I'm thinking," Emma said, hoping that Remus understood what she was trying to convey. She wasn't going to be upset with him for who he loved.

A soft and relieved smile crossed Remus's face. "You have a terrible memory," he said.

"What do you mean?" Emma asked, her brow furrowing.

"You're my daughter. Of course, I know what you're thinking," Remus said, giving Emma a pointed look. "Do you mind if I ask you a question before you go to bed?"

"What do you want to ask me?" Emma asked, looking at Remus curiously.

Remus studied Emma for a moment, looking unsure of whether or not he wanted to ask the question he had. He eventually sighed and shook his head. "Never mind," he said. "It's not that important. Get some rest, sweetheart. We'll talk in the morning."

Emma nodded, giving him a small smile. "Nos da, Dad."

"Nos da fy nghariad bach."

Closing her door quietly, Emma sighed and looked longingly at her bed. She wanted to sleep, but she knew her mind wasn't going to be quiet anytime soon. Instead, she made her way to her bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror.

While a lot of things made sense, there was still a lot more she wasn't sure that she understood. She brushed her fingers over her face in the same pattern as Remus's scars and frowned. Would Fenrir really rake his fingers through her face like that? Her stomach knotted fiercely, and she dropped her hands to the counter, holding tightly to the edge to keep steady. If she couldn't figure out how to keep herself safe, then there was a strong possibility that he would.

Not wanting to think about Fenrir anymore for the night, Emma let her other thoughts take over. She stared at her reflection hard, her forehead wrinkling in concentration. If Remus was with Sirius and she was always meant to be his, then a lot of unanswered questions made sense. Elara was free with her information but refused to tell her who they thought her actual father was meant to be. Fenrir confirmed that biologically she was Jude's, but that wasn't meant to be the case. Remus's avoidance of telling her about Sirius answered some of her questions about the man. The worst part was Emma's sudden understanding of why Sirius worried so much about her.

Tears filled Emma's eyes for what felt like the millionth time that day as Sirius's words from the bridge came to mind. "Because I have always loved you," he had told her that night. "I have never stopped loving you." She had found his words curious and slightly annoying at the time because she didn't want to hear it, but they suddenly made sense.

The idea made absolutely no sense, but as she tried to imagine herself with Sirius's dark hair and silver eyes, she knew the truth. There was no other explanation.

Emma was meant to be the biological child of Sirius Black and not Jude Nickels.

With an aggravated huff, Emma shut off her bathroom light and threw herself into bed, curling up under her blankets. One twist of fate had changed her entire life to become what it was, and she wasn't sure how to feel about it.

She buried her face in her pillows to silence her crying so that Remus wouldn't come and check on her. As she tried to imagine what her life should have been, she was unaware that Remus was doing the exact same thing on the other side of her door.

Remus stood just outside Emma's door, hand on the door handle, but he slowly dropped it back to his side. He knew that eventually they would talk about everything, but it wasn't the right time – not yet. Remus had no doubt that Emma's hasty retreat meant that she had worked out her unanswered questions on her shaky paternity herself. It didn't change Jude's involvement from the very beginning, but there were potions to change that. Remus had opted to give her the very exact brew that made her entirely his and created more issues, after all.

He remembered when Elara was the one who had suggested the possibility that Margaret was playing surrogate when she showed him the birth certificates at St. Mungo's. It was at his meeting with Dumbledore earlier that month that things started to make sense. The Headmaster was the one who had suggested Sirius was meant to be the other party.

Remus was both heartbroken and overjoyed at the idea – Emma could genuinely be his. But if that were the truth, why had Sirius never said a word to him? Why had Margaret never said a word? There were two years that they both could have brought it up. If that were the truth, why would Sirius ruin all of their lives by defecting to the wrong side of the war? Why would Sirius break up their entire family – all of the Marauders?

A shiver rolled up Remus's spine as he thought about Sirius. He knew that Emma had been seeing him – he couldn't miss Sirius's scent on her skin – but he couldn't outright ask her. He had brought up his concerns to Elara, but she had never confirmed or denied what Emma was doing. He wanted to ask, he nearly did, but it scared him. If Fenrir didn't get to Emma first, would Sirius decide to be the one to hurt her? Or worse – what if Emma decided she loved Sirius more than she loved him?

Remus lingered outside Emma's door for a few moments longer before retreating to his room with a heavy heart. He knew that they would have to talk about it, but they needed to get through the incident with Fenrir first. As soon as the Christmas holiday arrived, Remus knew they would both be in a better place to handle that conversation. Remus just had to help Emma get through the next three weeks and keep her as relaxed as possible. Sitting down on his bed, Remus heaved a heavy sigh. Emma was no longer the only one with a lot of work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was A LOT to unpack this chapter. It's probably the longest in the entire series (I'll have to check), but it needed to all be put out there.
> 
> I'm finding I like writing notes at the end of chapters the further I get into the series. I hope you don't mind them. I read something online about someone hating notes in Fanfics, so I apologize if you hate these. I have a lot of thoughts on my own writing and this series overall. This is the first series I plan on seeing through to the end, and I really like talking about the little alternate universe I created.
> 
> First, let me get into the ending of this chapter - it wasn't originally planned, and it changes things (but not entirely). This entire series is a fix-it - of sorts...
> 
> Second - dabbling into werewolf culture is **super** weird. I have done an insane amount of research, and I think I know way more than any sane person should on werewolves. The mix between Potterverse canon, myths, and urban legends has provided me with a decent insight on how it all works? Of course, I don't believe there's any specific correct answer, but wow - there's a lot to work through.
> 
> I think the hardest part for me is working through which werewolf tropes I like and don't like. I understand why they're tropes, but some are just a little weird to me especially when you consider they're humans every day except for one night. I believe in the idea of werewolf magic, as they're essentially magical "dark" creatures, but there are definitely things that I think don't apply. 
> 
> **come find me on:**   
>  [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)   
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>  [the moonlit stars discord](https://discord.gg/xpzefDeCZw)
> 
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> 


	40. Firewhiskey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December brings in new changes, hope, and misguided ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **tw:** underage drinking, lots of language

November faded nearly imperceptibly into December. Life within the castle went on as if nothing had changed. Lessons continued on, the Heads of Houses took the names of students staying for the holidays, and there was an overall buzz of Christmas spirit. The ghosts floated by singing carols, brilliant green garlands, and trees were placed everywhere, and the castle seemed to glitter with sparkling lights at all times. The closer Hogwarts got to the holiday, the more the stone walls seemed to thrum with spirit, and the excitement was infectious to everyone except Emma.

At the beginning of the month, Emma felt as though she had taken two steps forward and one step back. If it weren't for Remus's incredibly delicate guidance, she was sure she would have slipped even further. For once, Emma didn't intentionally forget to eat, and Remus had to remind her to do simple things. She was becoming withdrawn, and she knew it, but Remus kept up a steady stream of activity for her. He wasn't going to let her slip back into her old habits again.

He took a small step back in their extra lessons in favor of getting Emma out and doing different things. After weeks of trying to convince her to at least look into the art club, Emma reluctantly agreed. To Emma's surprise, she found that she almost enjoyed it, but was far too shy to do anything more than look at everyone else's art. She didn't miss the relieved look on Remus's face when she picked up her sketchbook after that first meeting and started to draw. Emma had no intention of going back, but she could start drawing on her own again.

To Emma's absolute horror, she learned that she actually enjoyed flying. Even worse, she realized that not only did she like _watching_ Quidditch, she liked playing it even more.

Only a week after the incident in Hogsmeade, the Weasley twins and Cedric asked Emma to play Quidditch with them. It was strange to have all three boys standing excitedly in Remus's office, but their request was even more bizarre.

Unbeknownst to her, there was a small group that got together and played Quidditch outside of practices and the school matches. She was surprised that they played even when it was cold, but George gleefully said, "There's never a bad time for Quidditch," and that did it. If George was giving the endorsement, she could find the courage to play. Remus was going to take her out flying but going with George seemed _much_ more appealing. Emma was immediately sold, and with Remus's blessings to "Just have fun," she followed the boys to the Quidditch pitch. She was sure that Remus had a very smug look on his face as they left.

It had been awkward having to explain to the boys that she didn't really like flying, but they took it in stride. It seemed they already knew that fact, which made her explanation that much more embarrassing. Cedric and Fred joined the others to start their match while George stayed behind to give Emma a quick flying lesson. She was grateful for the cold air making her cheeks pink because she blushed the entire time. At least George's lesson was much more relaxed than any of Hooch's, and he promised that he wouldn't let her fall.

"Even if you do – which you won't – I'll come swoop in and save you. Don't you worry about a thing," George said with a wink.

Once George was positive that Emma would be all right, they took to the sky. Emma wasn't entirely thrilled with being so high up in the air, but she took one look in the stands and found a familiar furry face watching. Her stomach did a funny little squirm seeing Sirius in the stands, and she nearly landed on the ground again out of nerves. However, he was watching with such intense curious excitement, that she felt that she couldn't disappoint him. With an incredibly nervous puff of breath, Emma joined in the game, gladly playing as chaser for Cedric's team.

To everyone's surprise, she made a goal. It was because the opposite team's Keeper wasn't paying attention, but she did it. A goal was a goal no matter which way anyone looked at it. Out of curiosity, Emma immediately looked to the stands to see if Sirius was still watching. To her delight, he was and was practically dancing on his paws with joy, and she beamed at him. She wished that Remus had been there to see it, but Sirius was a good close second. Her chest suddenly tightened as she looked at him at the dawning realization of what she should have had, but she powered through. They had a game to play.

The longer they played, the more she found herself enjoying the game and was becoming less afraid of falling. Even though they played on the opposite team, George and Fred shouted their encouragement, and it made things a little easier.

Thoroughly wiped out and after a resounding loss on her team's part, they landed back on the ground. It was hard for Emma to wipe the smile off of her face as everyone pulled her into a tight hug, apparently proud that she'd played decently enough.

"You know, we're always looking for reserve chasers," Cedric said thoughtfully as they made their way back to the castle. "Maybe you should consider trying out when term starts up again next month."

Running off of the high of playing with everyone, Emma agreed. She wanted to play again. When she told Remus, babbling in a stream of excited chatter, he couldn't have looked prouder.

However, not everything went so smoothly.

Sleep had become such a precious commodity some days that half of the professors pretended to not notice when she would accidentally fall asleep in class. Flitwick and McGonagall would very gently wake her up if one of her classmates didn't, and Binns never noticed. Remus would just let her sleep, often going back over their lessons with her after dinner. Snape, of course, had plenty of choice comments each time she started to doze, but the threat of stopping her Wolfsbane Potion lessons kept her awake.

Emma had to continually be reminded of what she was meant to be doing in class, often getting lost in thought. She couldn't help herself, though. Trying to go through her mother's diary hadn't helped answer any questions like Emma had hoped. Pages near the end of the diary were torn out, and she had no idea where they were. It had been a very unfortunate discovery when she realized that entries skipped, sometimes for days. Her mother wrote in that diary every single day up until she'd been born, it seemed, but then Emma noticed the pages were gone. The pages were removed neatly as if someone had taken great care to cut them out. She had no idea what that meant.

When she wasn't thinking about the missing diary entries, she was trying to figure out what to do about Fenrir. Emma had next to no doubt that she was going to wind up seeing Fenrir more and more, but she needed to know what to do. She didn't want to be afraid of him, and if he was telling her the truth, then at one point, she wasn't. Emma just wished she knew how that was possible and what made her not afraid of the werewolf. Could she ever get back to the point of not being scared of him?

Other times, she was trying to think of the memories she couldn't remember, hoping something would break its way through. She wanted to remember Remus, but mostly she wanted to know if Fenrir was telling the truth about Montgomery. Despite Remus confirming he was real, she had nothing to go off of. She refused to ask Remus what he looked like, not wanting to force the memories she had to have a different face just to have the blame on someone. Unfortunately, nothing ever came to mind.

She had become increasingly jumpy, startling at the smallest of noises and careful to scan everywhere she went. Emma suddenly didn't feel comfortable if she didn't pick out at least two ways she could get out of wherever she was. It wasn't until Elara came to check on her a few days after the full moon that she realized that she had become wary of everything. It had been a behavior she had picked up at Saint Nicholas's to avoid Jocelyn. She had grown out of the action after living with Remus, finally feeling comfortable and safe, but it made a strong resurgence.

After a long walk with Elara through the castle and a lengthy conversation, Emma finally agreed to receiving outside help and seeing the therapist she suggested. She wasn't too thrilled about the idea of having to talk to someone she didn't know at all, but Elara promised they were kind. It was the start of Elara coming by every few days during the week, as a friend, just to give Emma someone else to talk to. Emma found that she really enjoyed talking to Elara about incredibly stupid things, and she liked having an older female to talk to. Elara was almost like a cool older sister, and Emma couldn't have been more thrilled by it. Sometimes it felt too personal to talk to Remus about certain female related things, and Elara was more than willing to talk.

Emma experienced her first real heartbreak and an unexpected glimmer of hope in the span of a weekend. The weekend before term let out, Emma found herself terribly devastated to see Draco walking hand in hand with a fourth year Slytherin girl at breakfast. She had wondered why he kept avoiding her and became closed off, but it all made sense. Emma had hoped that because Draco knew Fenrir because of his father's old alliance with Voldemort that he would understand, but it seemed he didn't. In one fell swoop, not only did their secret relationship end, it appeared their friendship did as well. Draco didn't even bother making stupid comments about her anymore.

As much as it hurt, Emma knew she was better off. She knew that she didn't like having to hide their relationship, but she liked Draco. When he wasn't a complete arse, Emma really loved the way he talked about his mother and his hobbies. She loved the way Draco's face would light up talking about the animals at the manor. He would drop that snotty air around her, and it made her happy to see that he could be _nice_. Rather than dwell on it too much, Emma tried to let it slide. She didn't want Remus to know how much it bothered her or how much she actually liked Draco and tried to bottle it up. However, Remus knew better – there wasn't much gossip he missed in the castle.

Emma had been able to keep herself together up until that night. She went through her day, took a very long shower, and made her way to the living room. It was routine to end her night with Remus relaxing on the couch as he worked in his armchair, but he wasn't there.

She settled on the couch to read, unsure of where he had disappeared to. It was odd for him to not be there when she was. She saw him at dinner, but then he had vanished entirely, almost like out of thin air. A part of her was beginning to worry because Remus never said he had to do anything.

With a twinge of uncertainty, Emma allowed herself to get lost in her book. On a whim, Remus had purchased _Anne of Green Gables_ for her, and she had quickly taken to the story. Her father was nothing if not painfully obvious with his motives on occasion, but this time she didn't mind. It was a good story, and she wondered why she avoided picking it up at the children's home.

Emma was so lost in Anne's adventures in Avonlea that she jumped at the sudden crashing noise that came from Remus's office. For a moment, she thought it was the Grindylow, but the noise was too loud. The ugly little creature usually made gross squelching noises as it pressed itself against the glass and not the toppling of items onto the floor. She closed her book and turned herself so that she could try and see what happened but could see nothing from where she sat. Emma held her breath, waiting nervously for something to happen.

"Oh, bugger me sideways!" she heard Remus shout, and she immediately relaxed, letting out the breath she had been holding. She should have known.

Sometimes the man had all of the elegance of a newborn giraffe as if he completely forgot how to use his limbs. It wouldn't be the first time Remus had walked straight into something and knocked it over. Perhaps he had been in the library and had accidentally tossed all of his books onto the floor instead of his desk. It was the rare side of Remus that only she got to see, and it made her lips twitch slightly as she returned to her book.

As collected as Remus often was, he could be a complete mess, and it only made her love him a little bit more. Her father was imperfect and was not without very human flaws, something she took great pride in reminding him of when he got in his own head.

She had started to notice more and more how often he got lost in his thoughts, much like she did. The moments she found Remus lost in thought sitting somewhere were far more frequent than she ever noticed. Emma didn't mind having to pull Remus out of his thoughts, often walking over and standing beside him, resting her head on his shoulder. His hand would come up reflexively to run through her hair, and whatever anxiety they were both feeling was momentarily soothed.

Somehow Fenrir's unexpected visit had pushed Emma and Remus closer together. They were quickly learning to figure out how to take care of each other. It wasn't as though they were particularly argumentative, but they were more willing to talk things through. Things became more logical and less emotionally fueled. Every day was becoming more instinctual as if they were becoming more aware of what the other needed. When Luna commented on it to her one day, Emma knew they were finally on the right track.

Emma had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from giggling from the very long string of Welsh that suddenly left Remus's mouth. He had started to teach her the Welsh she had long since forgotten and could only catch bits and pieces of what he was saying. Whatever it was he had done, he was very annoyed by.

She was briefly startled again when a very haphazardly put together bouquet of flowers was thrust into her vision. Emma stared at it for a moment and turned her head to look at Remus, who looked flustered.

"I know about…well, I know you're probably upset right now," he said softly, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand as he stared at the bouquet. "I, er…thought I would try and make you feel better, but I might have gone and accidentally buggered it up anyway. I just thought you could use the reminder that no matter what, I'll always love you."

Rather than being upset that Remus knew about Draco, Emma burst into an absolutely helpless fit of giggles. He was bothered that he had managed to drop what must have been a beautiful bouquet arrangement, but magic only managed to gather the flowers back together. Still frazzled, Remus set the flowers aside to reach into the pocket of his blazer to pull out several bars of chocolate with a sheepish grin. She could see he was starting to doubt that he had done the right thing, and all Emma could do was hold her arms up from her reclined position on the couch for a hug.

Emma immediately dissolved into tears as he bent down to hug her tightly. She didn't even understand why the situation with Draco bothered her so much. It wasn't as though she was ever officially in a relationship with Draco, but he left her confused. Draco never said a word.

Remus held her tightly and let her vent for as long as she needed. He refused to let go until he was sure that she understood that he would always be there for her. Emma felt she had the absolute best dad in the world.

"I don't even understand why it bothers me so much," Emma said, snuggling into Remus's side as he sat down next to her. "It's not like we were actually together."

"It's okay to be sad about it," Remus said softly, gently wiping the fresh tear tracks off her face with his sleeve. "You two have gotten close over the past few months."

"It's stupid, though," Emma muttered. "I shouldn't care." A grumpy little huff left Emma's nose. " _He's_ stupid. If he thinks he's too good for me, he's wrong. I'm too good for him."

Remus had to agree, but he kept his opinions to himself. He sighed and reached out for one of the bars of chocolate. He carefully unwrapped the top half of the foil and broke off a piece and handed it to Emma. "Eat – it'll help," he said, a slight smile in his voice. "I fear you haven't had been meeting your chocolate quota lately."

With a skeptical look, Emma took the chocolate and took a bite with an appreciative hum. He was right – it helped.

The next day was a little easier but seeing Draco with the nameless girl still hurt. The girl was very pretty, so Emma didn't blame Draco at all, but a part of her still wished it was her he was doting on. But Emma should have known; their upbringing was too different for that to ever happen, and Fenrir, of all people, had been the one to point it out. Fenrir just seemed to ruin everything.

Emma was in the middle of having a conversation with Persephone at lunch when Luna came up to her, looking absolutely delighted.

"You don't have Wrackspurts when you see Draco anymore," Luna said to Emma, sitting down next to her cheerily. "How wonderful!" she added with a happy clap, before frowning and batting at the air around her head. "I think I have one, though. I'll have to write to my dad and see if he can send me something for them."

Without another word, Luna stood up, skipping the length of the Great Hall to head off wherever she was going. A blush crept into Emma's cheeks as she watched Luna leave. Did _Luna_ like her? Emma covered her mouth to try and hide her smile – maybe she could like Luna, too.

"What is a Wrackspurt?" Persephone asked, looking over at Emma with confusion.

"Absolutely no idea," Emma said with a snort.

Persephone stared at Emma for a moment before a knowing smile crossed her face. "I know that look," she said. "You've got a crush on her, don't you?"

"Absolutely no idea what you're talking about," Emma blushed, standing up quickly to avoid further questioning. As she turned to leave, she found herself looking over at the Gryffindor table and freezing. She wasn't sure if George had just so happened to be looking in her direction or if he'd been looking at her, but their gazes suddenly met. They stared at each other in surprise and quickly looked away, both red-faced.

"Uh, oh," Persephone snickered. "Someone's also got it bad for one of the Weasley twins, doesn't she? Perhaps both? Look at you, Emma Lupin. You've got options."

"Oh, shut up," Emma said grumpily to Persephone. "And if you're wondering, it's only _one_ twin, thank you very much," she added before making her hasty retreat to avoid further scrutinization.

It shouldn't have come to anyone's surprise that with the month Emma had been having, she was more than willing to do something she usually wouldn't. After three very long weeks, the final day of the term had arrived, and Emma finally felt the same excitement as the rest of the castle.

Emma just so happened to overhear Pansy discussing the idea that they should have a send-off party to celebrate the end of term, and Emma felt inspired. She knew that Remus kept a bottle of Ogden's in his room that sat untouched. It sat in his drawer next to where he kept his now steady stockpile of Sleeping Draughts. She was sure that he wouldn't miss it, and if she was correct, she could get someone to replace it before he ever noticed. Emma had needed them less and less, and as long as she didn't need one anytime soon, she was sure she could get someone to get a bottle from Hogsmeade to replace it.

"Emma, you wouldn't," Persephone said with an amused grin. "You absolutely wouldn't steal from your dad."

"It wouldn't be the first time I've stolen something. I used to do it all the time at the children's home," Emma said with a small shrug. The statement came out so naturally that it gave her pause. An errant memory came to mind involving her younger self at one of the convenience stores nearby, and it made her a little nauseous. How could she ever forget something like that so easily? She wasn't proud of doing it, but it had been one of the ways she managed to survive living in the children's home, and she'd done it frequently, too. It was always small things, easy candies that no one would miss. Sometimes cheap, funny little toys that Jocelyn would always take days later. It almost made her wonder how she wound up in Hufflepuff when she was sure none of her housemates would consider doing such a thing.

"In case you're thinking of backing out, I _dare_ you to steal your dad's Firewhiskey," Pansy said with a smirk.

"Don't need to dare me when I was already planning on doing it," Emma said smugly. "I'm just going to need a little help."

With some well-placed distractions, Emma was able to act on their plan. It was highly convenient that their final class of the term was Remus's as it made things much easier. Emma purposely worked slowly on her test to keep pace with Persephone. Pansy, Tracey, and Daphne did the same. Persephone handed in her test first and immediately got Remus into a conversation. Emma waited a moment, pretending to go through her test answers, and turned in her test next. She gave Remus a quick kiss on the cheek and made her way upstairs to get changed, but not before snagging the bottle of Firewhiskey first.

Emma carefully wrapped the bottle in her coat and grabbed a book for extra coverage. When she stepped back into the class to meet Persephone, Remus eyed her suspiciously.

"Eff and I were going to go on a walk," Emma said quietly to Remus, putting on an innocent grin. "We're going to stop at the kitchens for dinner. We just wanted to spend some time together before she goes home for the holiday."

"You know we're going home for a few days next week, right?" Remus said, an eyebrow quirking. "You'll see Persephone for Christmas Eve."

"I know, but that's _at home_ and not _here_. It's different," Emma said, giving Remus a pointed look. "I'll see you tonight!" The look Remus was giving her made her nervous, and she wanted to get out of the room as quickly as possible.

Emma grabbed Persephone's arm and pulled her out of the classroom so that they could wait outside the door. After what felt like forever, Pansy and Daphne came out, followed by Tracey shortly after. They walked down the hallway for a bit before Pansy turned to Emma with a grin.

"Did you get it, Lupin?" Pansy asked in a hushed voice.

With a drawn-out sigh, Emma pulled aside her coat to reveal the bottle. "I can't believe you would even doubt me."

"Looks like we're having a party, ladies!"

The group of girls immediately took off at a run and giggling. Emma made the stop to the kitchens to gather a basket of food while the other girls got changed. When the Slytherin girls made their way up to the basement floor, Emma was surprised to find that more had joined their little group. Mandy and Alice decided to join from Ravenclaw, and Alice convinced Fay Dunbar and her friend Charlotte from Gryffindor to join them.

Their strange little group made their way outside and down to the lake. They decided it would be their best bet to be as it offered a better vantage point so they could see if someone was coming. With carefully placed warming charms, blankets, and a cleared-out spot of land, they gathered in a circle. It didn't take long for the basket of food to be dug into and the bottle of Firewhiskey to be passed around. It took even less time for them all to feel a nice, pleasant buzz despite the rough cinnamon aftertaste.

Mandy and Alice, who hadn't gotten changed, had their ties wrapped around their heads as if they were warriors preparing for battle. Fay had her cloak pulled up high on her face so that only her eyes could be seen and had Charlotte's head sitting on her lap as she sprawled out. Tracey was lying, face down on the ground, with her head propped up on her hand, looking almost bored. Emma was leaning on Persephone, and Pansy and Daphne were snuggled up with each other.

At some point, Persephone had snatched Charlotte's glasses and insisted on wearing them. She peered around at the other girls in absolute, unfocused awe. "Char, you can't see _shit_ ," she declared vehemently after another drink of Ogden's.

Charlotte shrugged, grabbing the bottle and passing it to Fay. "I know, it's tragic," she sniffed. "We have all this magic, and I still can't see a damn thing. You're all a bunch of Flobberworms."

Emma's mouth fell open at the sheer audacity – how dare there not be magic to fix the need for glasses. She held her hand out towards Persephone. "Hand 'em over. I wanna give them a try."

Persephone very carefully put the glasses on Emma's face, snickering at Emma's gasp. Persephone rubbed her eyes and watched Emma looking around. "My eyes burn," Persephone said. "It's miserable."

"Merlin's saggy tits," Emma said in awe. "You all look like you've melted!" Emma accepted the bottle of Firewhiskey from whoever passed it to her. She took a long swig, and her face twisted. "This is absolutely dreadful."

"The whiskey? Or Char's eyesight?" Daphne asked sagely.

"Both," Emma said, taking another quick drink and passing Charlotte back her glasses.

Alice suddenly flopped backward onto the ground, folding her arms under her head with a sigh. "Oi, what do you all think of Professor Lupin? He's absolutely fit," she said with a giggle.

Emma, who had been in the process of having yet another sip of Firewhiskey, gagged and the mouthful she had dribbled out. "You did not just say that."

"He is rather sexy," Pansy said with a shrug. "I don't even like men, but he is really fit. It's that whole dark and mysterious thing."

"Nah, mate – he's got that sexy professor look down," Fay said, looking at Mandy, who immediately started giggling.

Emma made a retching noise and passed the bottle off to someone else. "Are you all forgetting that's my dad?"

"Oh, come off it, Lupin. He's not your real dad, right?" Pansy asked, looking to Persephone for confirmation.

"Oh my God, please stop. He basically is," Emma groaned, pulling her legs up and dropping her head on her knees.

Emma looked up as she noticed a shadow over by the reeds and frowned at the black dog staring at her. She hadn't been able to talk to Sirius all month, and her stomach lurched at the thought. Then again, that could have been from the alcohol. With a groan, Emma felt her head begin to spin, but she couldn't figure out if it was from the alcohol or her thoughts.

"Urgh," Emma moaned, rubbing her temples. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Persephone's hand went to Emma's back and began to rub soothing circles. "Let it out, Little Lupin. You're in the circle of trust."

"Trust? I think the bloody circle of trust is trying to kill me."

"That would be your fault," Tracey said, the bottle of Firewhiskey in hand. "You're the one who knicked this from _Daddy_ Lupin."

"Remind me to never take a dare from Pansy again," Emma grumbled, leaning on Persephone.

"Didn't think you had it in you," Daphne admitted.

"Neither did I," Tracey said in agreement.

The Slytherin girls all burst into laughter. "He's going to have an absolute fit when he notices," Pansy cackled. "If only the rest of you could see Professor Lupin when he gets mad at Emma. It doesn't happen often, but it's hysterical."

"It's only hysterical because it's not you," Emma said, changing positions again and laying out on her stomach, resting her head on her folded arms.

"You know what we should do?" Pansy asked, waggling her eyebrows. "We should play Truth or Dare."

"I'll go first," Tracey chirped. "Ask me, Pansy!"

Pansy grinned and turned to Tracey. "Trace, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Tracy said, narrowing her eyes. "Give me your worst."

"I dare you to ask Daddy Lupin to tell you all about sex after our next class when term starts back up."

"That's it?" Tracy laughed. "Done."

"I swear, if one of you calls him Daddy Lupin again, I will not only vomit right here, but I will be hexing everyone's tits off."

"The only person with tits here is you and Pansy," Persephone laughed. Persephone reached up and grabbed at her chest. "I've got nothing. What about you lot?"

The other girls reached up to their chests as well.

"Well, I've got a bit of something," Fay said. "Shame that the shortest one out of all of us is the one with the biggest tits."

"They're not even that _big_ ," Emma grumbled. "It's a handful if that. That's not a lot. Also, I'm the oldest in our year. Hermione's got 'em too, you know."

Persephone looked down at her chest as if she was trying to convince her breasts to grow right at that exact moment. "Well, maybe I'm next, then. My birthday's in two weeks. Maybe I'll blossom like you lot."

"Fat chance with how skinny you are," Daphne snickered.

"And Em isn't skinny?" Persephone asked, offended.

"I'm fat!" Emma wailed.

"You are not fat, Emma, shut it."

"Someone ask another question!" Mandy shouted.

"Fine, someone ask me," Persephone said, snatching the bottle back from Daphne.

"Truth or dare?" Fay asked.

Persephone thought about it before passing the bottle over to Alice. "Truth."

"Did you shag Grant Page in the Quidditch changing room after one of Ravenclaw's practices?"

" _You_ _shagged a boy_?" Emma asked in alarm.

"Thought I'd give it a shot," Persephone shrugged. "Definitely don't like boys, though. I don't really get the fuss at all. He was in, and that was it. No idea why I even bothered, really. It's absolutely not like that with girls," Persephone said with a giggle as she turned to Emma with a wink. "Em, truth or dare?"

"Ugh," Emma grumbled. "Truth. I do not want to know what sort of dare you would give me."

"What's going on with you and Draco?"

"Nothing," Emma said, feeling her chest tighten painfully. "Thought maybe we were going to be a thing, but then he got with that fourth year."

"I fucking _knew_ it!" Pansy shrieked with laughter. "Professor Lupin was giving Draco a death stare that one class!"

Emma glanced up to see Padfoot leaving, and she frowned. She had already forgotten he was there, but why was he leaving? Perhaps it was better if he left. She'd already said too many things with him around that she would never say around Remus, but he was a _dog,_ and that was okay.

"Em, truth or dare," Charlotte said, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"What the fuck," Emma said. "Aren't I supposed to be asking someone else something?"

"You were too slow. Plus, your answer was boring," Charlotte shrugged. "Truth or dare?"

Emma groaned, switching to lying on her back. The world felt like it was suddenly spinning much faster than she was, and she was incredibly dizzy. She closed her eyes, relishing in the cold as her body was beginning to heat up. "Truth." She wasn't about to agree to a dare while drunk, and she was most definitely drunk. How many drinks of Firewhiskey did she even have? She had no idea.

There was a resounding groan from the circle, and a shouted, "Boring!" from Pansy.

"If you could fuck anyone in the castle, who would it be?" Charlotte asked.

Emma had to genuinely think about that question. "Anyone?" Emma clarified.

"Literally anyone."

"You'd better not say a ghost," Alice said, almost alarmed.

"Ew, no," Emma said, thinking about it for a moment. If she had to pick, there were a few people that she wouldn't mind getting with, but there was absolutely one person in particular. A small grin crossed her face as she thought about it. "If I had my choice, I wouldn't mind fu–"

Emma couldn't finish her question because Persephone's hand suddenly clamped down on her mouth. Her eyes shot open to see what the issue was, and her eyes grew huge in her head. Remus was crouched down just behind her head, looking angrier than she'd seen in months. She could curse Sirius for not giving her any warning that Remus was approaching, but it at least explained why he left.

"That was a wise decision, Miss Moon," he said dryly as he stared down at Emma. He lifted his gaze to look at the rest of the group, schooling his expression to be somewhat impassive.

"Ah, Miss Greengrass, I see you've found my Firewhiskey," he said with a tight-lipped smile. "If you could just leave it right there, that would be wonderful."

Daphne let out an almost choked noise, and Emma sat up the moment Persephone removed her hand from her mouth. The girls all looked at each other in panic, trying to cast blame on one another with their eyes for not paying attention. They were sobered up _very_ quickly.

"I think it would be best if you all went back up to the castle," Remus said mildly. "I won't tell your heads, but I _will_ be writing to each of your parents over the holiday. That'll be 20 points from each person present - 40 from Hufflepuff." When no one moved, Remus added a low, " _Now._ " Everyone except for Emma shot up, gathering their things, and ran without a second look.

Emma made to get up and join the others, wanting to escape to the dorms and hide, but Remus's hand was locked around her wrist before she could even stand up fully. She whimpered, watching the others running off, wishing that she had been able to go with them.

With a gulp, Emma turned to look at Remus as he straightened up. She attempted to give Remus her most innocent smile that she could manage, but he gave her a scowl in return. Emma immediately cowed under his gaze, quickly casting her eyes downward with a mix of shame and embarrassment. Her eyes flicked to the near-empty bottle of Firewhiskey, and she grimaced. She never should have taken it – this was just as much her fault as it was Pansy's for suggesting their little celebration.

"You have absolutely no idea how in trouble you are, young lady," Remus said, every other word punctuated with a growl. His hand went from her wrist to the back of her coat as he pulled her back towards the castle, only stopping long enough to retrieve the bottle.

Emma let out another groan. If the expression on Remus's face was any indication, it was going to be a _very_ long break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	41. Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma suffers the consequences of her actions, but not in the way she expected.

Emma knew she was in trouble when she realized she would rather be in a room with literally any other person in the world than with her angry father. The idea of having tea with Fenrir and Jude seemed like a much more appealing thought than the current scenario. The thought nearly made her giggle at how twisted it was but laughing would make things much worse.

Remus's anger with her was palpable, tethering her to where she was, and his disappointment radiated off of his body in waves. It was terrifying.

She sat, shamefaced, on the couch, trying to avoid his gaze as he leaned back in his armchair, tapping his fingers on his knee. Remus was thinking and thinking hard. It was a grim prospect to consider all of the thoughts running through his head. Remus took in a deep breath and held it, his fingers tapping even more feverishly. He let it out slowly, shaking his head. She could feel his eyes almost literally boring holes through her skull. He took the same steadying breath once more, then twice, before speaking. It was the softness of his voice that made the situation that more off-putting.

"Emma Hope Lupin, _what_ were you thinking? This is quite possibly the last thing I ever expected from you."

 _And that's saying a lot_ , Emma was sure Remus wanted to add. It was almost a shame that the first time he'd used her full name for the first time was when she was in trouble – it really did sound much better. Rather than answer, Emma stared down at her feet, holding herself close. She fidgeted anxiously with whatever she could – her fingers, her jumper, and then finally her hair.

"Well?" Remus asked, his tone slightly sharper, rough even. "Are you going to explain yourself?"

Emma shook her head and immediately regretted the action. As sober as she felt, the effects of the alcohol still made her head swim in a lightheaded daze. She let out a whimpering moan as she held her head in her hands to try and keep the room from spinning.

"Emma, answer me," Remus said, his tone firm.

She didn't want to, but she reluctantly met his gaze. "I don't know," she said quietly. "I just thought…"

"What did you think, Emma? That you were going to look cool? That you were going to impress your friends?"

"I don't…" Emma felt hot tears burning in her eyes, and she bit her lip, averting her gaze.

"I could handle you forging my signature to get into the Restricted Section, I could handle you sneaking off to go to class – Hell, I can handle the fact that you're not just smoking weed at the dorm parties, but you're drinking there, as well. But I cannot accept that you _stole_ from me, Emma." Remus's breath came out sharply as he ran a hand over his face. "Emma, you should know that anything of mine I will share with you. If you really felt it was necessary to drink, I would have gotten you something that would have been much safer than Firewhiskey. I might be a professor, but I would have been willing to turn a blind eye to what you were all doing. You have had a rough few months, and if that was how you felt the need to blow off steam, I would have been fine with it. Merlin knows I was doing much worse than you at your age, but I never _stole_ from anyone."

Remus leaned forward in his chair, elbows on his knees. "Do you even know why I have never touched that bottle? Are you aware of how absolutely disrespectful it was that you took it?"

Emma lifted her gaze to meet Remus's eyes and shook her head.

"I didn't think so," he said with a huff as he leaned back in his chair, fingers tapping once more. "I don't touch it because I needed a reminder that I stopped drinking because of you. I don't touch it because you are the reason I need to be better than what I was."

A soft gasp left Emma's lips. She had never even considered the idea, and her stomach knotted as she turned to look at the crackling fire. "Dad, I…" Emma's voice broke, and she tried to piece together all of the things she wanted to say but couldn't. "I don't…I'm sorry…"

Remus's fingers went still. The only sound that existed in the room was the crackle of the fire that suddenly felt far too warm, and Emma's sniffles as she held back her tears. "Forget it," Remus said, waving her off. "Go to your room."

It was a phrase that Emma had only heard uttered from Remus a few times, and it sounded foreign to hear. She looked back over at Remus, brows knitting together as she found him already lost in thought, staring into the fire rubbing the side of his jaw. It didn't take much for Remus to retreat into his own thoughts lately. That stomach knotting guilt only served to remind her that it was once again her fault.

With shaky legs, Emma stood, bracing herself for the world around her to spin violently, but it didn't. With a final, guilt-driven look, Emma made her way to her room, tossing herself on her bed so that she was half-on, half-off. She didn't particularly care how she landed on her bed – she felt like absolute shit. She was once again the worst daughter in the world. Emma closed her eyes as the world started to spin again. Not having to look helped.

It was hours later that Emma had the agonizing realization that she understood why people became alcoholics. She groaned as she woke up with the thought that it would almost be worth stealing the Firewhiskey again to dull the throb of her head and her thoughts. The numbness that Firewhiskey provided was long gone, leaving her in an almost blindness at how badly her head hurt. Then again, it was probably because she had yet to open her eyes.

With a pained moan, Emma sat up, trying to get her bearings. It seemed silly to know that she was in her room, but not feel like she was in her room. A lot of her disorientation had to do with the fact she woke up not entirely in the same position she had fallen asleep in. Of course, Remus had come in to get her comfortable, taking every bit of care in the world as he always did. The man was an absolute saint, and she needed to figure out the perfect Christmas gift she could think of just for dealing with her. He deserved it, and she felt he deserved much better than her for a daughter. She had treated him terribly for the entire duration of 1993.

She squinted down at her nightstand, trying to focus her eyes on her clock long enough to figure out what time it was. The blue flames in their jar seemed to dance mockingly, casting funny shadows across the clock, and she gave up. Instead, Emma looked towards her door, trying to discern whether or not there was a light on. She flicked her lamp on with an audible groan as the light practically exploded in her vision. If she thought her head hurt before, nothing compared to the sudden blast of angry crackles behind her eyes.

Everything was bright – too bright, but the damage was already done. Emma blinked against the harsh glare, face twisting into a scowl at the audacity and concept that light was _bright_. She started squinting at the nightstand once more to find her clock – three in the morning. That meant that Remus could either be awake or not at all. She hoped that he was asleep. The bags under his eyes told her that he slept just as infrequently as she was lately. She suddenly spotted two vials, one in purple and one of an almost calming blue color, and a glass of water sitting atop of note.

With another broken noise of pain, Emma carefully slid the note from underneath the glass tubes.

' _Drink the blue potion first and then the purple_. _\- Dad_ '

Did that mean Remus was giving her a reprieve from her suffering? With all the obliviousness of the world, Emma picked up the vial of blue liquid and removed the stopper. She gave it a tentative sniff, but that told her nothing. It could be any number of potions, but Remus wouldn't ever give her something damaging. Or so she thought.

At first, Emma was sure it was a potion to help with her pounding headache, but nothing was happening. She mused over it for a moment, hand reaching for the other vial, but then she knew _precisely_ what Remus gave her. The bastard. In all fairness, it served her right.

It was a rough scramble to her toilet, and she was grateful that she had an en suite. Emma never would have made it out of her room to the bathroom on time if she were back in Upper Helmsley. She had been sick before, but not so violently. The room was too hot, _she_ was too hot, and she was sure that she was sweating, but her face was dry except for her tears. The entire situation was miserable. If she thought the Firewhiskey was hot going down, it was even worse coming up.

Emma ran through every possible curse and hex she could think of to cast on Remus. She was angry that he didn't write down what the potion was, and she was livid that she didn't know enough to recognize it for what it was. Each time she thought she was finally done being sick, the cycle would start anew. All she wanted to do was move from her new home on the floor in front of the toilet and go back to bed.

An unwelcome shadow was cast in the doorway, but Emma refused to turn her head. It was partially because she was angry and partly because she'd finally stopped sicking up. She was afraid that she would move, it would start the cycle again.

With a soft sigh, Remus crossed the short length of the floor and sat down next to Emma. He gently pulled her hair back away from her face, tying it back loosely with an elastic that he pulled from the sink counter, and he rubbed soft circles on her back.

"Go away," Emma managed to huff out before having to pull herself over the toilet with an aggravated cry. Was it ever going to stop?

Remus chose to say nothing and kept rubbing her back despite Emma's protests. She didn't want him there. It was only when he felt that she was finally done being sick that he stopped. He reached for the glass of water he'd settled next to him and passed it to Emma, who took it shakily. She eyed Remus and then the glass cautiously before taking tentative sips. She wasn't sure that she could trust him not to slip her something else.

"Drink the whole thing," Remus said gently when she tried to pass the glass back after only a few small sips. "Trust me, you need it." She didn't want to trust him at all, but she did as she was told.

"You could have told me what that did," Emma said weakly, all resistance lost.

"I was just speeding the process along," Remus said as he reached into the pocket of his cardigan to pull out the second vial. "If my suspicions are correct, and it appears that they were, you had far too much to drink. You should've stopped a bit ago. The only reason you didn't poison yourself again…well I'll say it's one time I consider it lucky that we share the same blood. Because you have a faster metabolism, it wasn't as damaging, but it could have been much worse. I would rather not have a repeat of you poisoning yourself, thank you."

Emma blanched, taking the vial from Remus's hand. He really knew how to lay the guilt and disappointment on thick. "What's this one for?"

"The hangover," Remus said simply. "It doesn't work right away, but you'll at least feel normal when it does. You'll have to sleep the rest off."

Not wanting to get into an argument, Emma downed the liquid, nearly purring at the slight relief of her pounding head. It wasn't much, but it was just enough.

She leaned slowly towards Remus, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes. Emma's head felt infinitely better with her eyes closed. After a long moment, Remus put his arm around her, tucking her into his side and rubbing her arm gently. It was almost a good side effect to Remus's lycanthropy that he had a much higher body temperature, and that heat lulled her so quickly to sleep. She wasn't sure what it felt like to be him, but it was comforting. It was unfortunate that he gave her a small shake just as she was just starting to drift off.

"Come on," he said softly, "let's get your teeth brushed and get you back in bed."

Emma gave up resisting Remus's help; she desperately needed it. She brushed her teeth, eyes half-closed, leaning on Remus for support. She mused in her haze that it was pathetic that they even had a system to get her changed for bed with his assistance while still giving her privacy. If she wasn't so exhausted, she would have half a mind to be embarrassed about it.

The moment Remus had her tucked back into bed, Emma was out like a light. She could worry about not being so terrible in the morning.

Except morning came far too quickly for her liking. It felt strange for the morning to feel normal, the pale, cold morning light shining in through her half-parted curtains. If she wasn't at Hogwarts, for a split second, she would swear she was actually at home. Perhaps, in its own way, the strange magical castle had finally become home because she got to share it with Remus.

Stepping into the shower, Emma allowed herself to shut her mind off. She had used the shower as a place to think for so long, that for once – just once, she didn't want to think. So, she didn't. At least not until she was dressed and had a touch of makeup on and stepped outside of the relative comfort of her room.

Emma was always very aware that her normal wasn't exactly _normal_ , but for a moment, it felt like it. Most people weren't magical, and most people certainly didn't have a werewolf for a father. In a different world, things would be exactly as they were just outside her door, only slightly different.

She could imagine herself back in Upper Helmsley with Remus, where she just so happened to attend the same school he taught at. English, probably. Remus seemed like he would be an English teacher, talking about all classic authors and when he felt like having fun, whimsical fairytales. Perhaps history – absolutely not science, especially chemistry because she learned he was absolute bollocks at Potions because of his over-sensitive nose. He attempted to help her _one_ time while working with Pomfrey, and it nearly ended in disaster. Much like she was banned from cooking at home for creating chaos, Remus was forbidden from touching her Potions supplies.

In a different world, Remus would be sitting at the kitchen table pouring through tests he needed to grade. He would have that pinched look of concentration he had now, tongue poking out between his teeth as he chewed on the end of his pen. Emma had to suppress her snort because so many people had commented that she did the exact same thing.

He wouldn't be a werewolf in her alternate universe, though. Remus would be an ordinary, boring Muggle and a slightly overbearing mother-like parent. He would make sure that she was all set for the day, never letting her leave without a hug and a kiss that she would pretend to hate. Perhaps, if she allowed herself to imagine it, even Sirius could be sitting across the table from Remus drinking tea. Or coffee. She had no idea what the man would have for breakfast, but she could _see_ it.

He would be equally as dull and Muggle-like, but the other proud parent in their strange little family. Based on his reactions to Quidditch, Emma knew Sirius would be the one teaching her to play soccer and taking her to practices. He would be the parent screaming from the sidelines while Remus would watch with that soft, proud smile he sometimes wore.

Instead of Sirius being a dog, they would have a massive black Irish Wolfhound with some silly name. Sirius never would have gone after Peter. He would have stayed home with them, where he belonged, but that's even if her theory was correct. Was it worth having a fantasy if it could never come true?

She must have been standing in her doorway for far too long as Remus looked up at her, concern cutting through the still-disappointed look on his face.

"Are you all right?" he finally asked, setting his pen down and tilting his head.

"Yeah," Emma said quietly, looking over at the kitchen counter curiously. There was a single bowl there, but she wasn't sure if it was for her.

Remus studied her for a moment before returning to what he was doing. "I know you're probably tempted to have something greasy, but fruit will be much healthier for you right now. As tempting as a full English would be, trust me – you'll regret it later."

It was terrifying that he knew that she wanted exactly that for breakfast, but she wasn't in a position to argue. She padded, almost cautiously, across the kitchen to pick up the bowl of fruit. Rather than bothering with a fork, she dug right in with her fingers. It was mostly assorted berries and cut bits of melon that were easy to eat. No fork necessary. She plucked a raspberry out and held it out towards Remus who gave her a look before taking it from her and putting it in his mouth.

"You know, it's rather rude that you try to win me over with raspberries," he said, marking the test he had, setting it aside, and picking up another.

"And it's rather rude that you try to win me over with chocolate," Emma replied, sitting across from Remus and looking curiously at the tests.

"They're not for your class," he said, glancing up at Emma with a mischievous glint in his eye that she hadn't seen in some time. "Now that I know you've been going through my things, I'm taking great care in making sure you don't find my grade book."

"And you call me rude?" Emma grumbled. "Not my fault you left it right on your desk for anyone to see."

"I have never left it right on my desk."

"You have when you've fallen asleep in your office chair," Emma countered, watching almost nervously as Remus's eyebrows practically reached his hairline. He paused what he was doing and looked up at Emma fully, almost as if he was looking at her for the first time. There was a long moment of hesitation where he just tapped his pen on the table, debating with himself.

"Sometimes, you do things that make complete sense to me, but then there are times when I wonder who you get your quirks from," Remus said quietly. "I see it with Harry, too, but at least him I understand. You, I'm still not sure of, but there's no doubt that either of you are the children of Marauders."

There was a flicker of recognition in Emma's mind – the Marauders. Remus said the word sometimes, but it only came up randomly, almost by accident. She was always sure that Remus never meant to say it, but it slipped out anyway. She knew it was something from his school days, but she didn't understand what it actually meant. Emma had to stuff her mouth with several berries to keep herself from talking. She feared that if she did, Remus would stop talking.

It was rare for Remus to start a story or talk about anything significant to him without any prompting on her part. When he did, she always made sure to listen because it happened so infrequently. Remus had become increasingly open, but most times, she still had to try and bring up her questions herself. Conversations on their every-day life or her were easy because it didn't involve Remus having to talk about himself. Still, she wished he would tell her more. She enjoyed learning about the person he was, and his stories from his Hogwarts days were always her favorite.

Her hopes were short-lived as she saw that flicker of doubt in Remus's eyes, and he retreated back into himself. He studied her for a moment longer before returning to the test he was grading, and the moment was lost.

Emma stared down at the bowl of fruit in her hand, taking a raspberry for herself and then holding out another for Remus. He looked at the raspberry, sighed, and to Emma's surprise, leaned forward to take it very carefully with his teeth.

"Never thought I'd see that day you do that," Emma said in amusement.

"Yes, well, as I said, it's rather rude of you to try and win me over with raspberries when you know I can't resist them," Remus said, gesturing pointedly to the test in front of him. "I'm not sure a student would be too appreciative of me getting raspberry on their test."

"I see your point," Emma said, biting back her grin. This was normal – she enjoyed normal, but she was worried. This was _too_ normal. Remus had yet to bring up what happened the day before again, and it made nervous. Emma couldn't believe that she was willingly turning herself into the equivalent of Hermione, reminding a professor they had work to hand in.

"Sooo," she said slowly, toying with the blueberry between her fingers, "you're not mad about yesterday?"

"Oh, no, I'm quite angry about it," Remus said after a beat. "But I think that, for now, we should have our break be relaxing as possible. You deserve to be punished for your actions, but we both need to rest. I'll reserve my real punishment for when term starts again." He looked up from the note he was writing on the current test in front of him. "You're not quite out of the woods yet, my dear." He punctuated his sentence with a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

Emma grimaced, her stomach sinking at the thought. Now she had to sit and wonder what her punishment would be for nearly three weeks. She had no idea what to expect since she'd never gotten into _big_ trouble with Remus before. She set her almost empty bowl of fruit on the table, needing a moment to let her nerves settle. Emma hoped that Remus would somehow forget all about what happened by the time break was over, but she knew better. Remus forgot nothing, but at least he got through the worst of it the previous night. She hoped. "What are our plans for break? Not sure what to expect with having a Hogwarts Christmas."

"Well, we've got three nights at home, at least, possibly four. We're not going to be here the entire time. You have your appointment with the therapist next week, so we'll be in London for –"

"London? I thought they were coming here?"

Remus sighed, setting his pen down. "Elara Floo called this morning to say the therapist wants to meet at St. Mungo's for the first appointment."

"But you promised I wouldn't have to go to St. Mungo's again…"

"I know," Remus said, holding a hand up to keep Emma quiet. "I'm not too thrilled about it either, but it would be more difficult for them to get here for possibly only a single appointment. Remember, they're a Muggle with a magical sibling, sweetheart. They know of our world, but they're not directly a part of it. Elara did her best to find someone that would most likely work best for you. If everyone decides to move forward, then we'll discuss them coming here."

"But it's St. Mungo's…"

"You're not going to be there alone. Elara said, if you'd like, I can be in the appointment with you. If not me, then Elara was willing to sit in with you if you wanted someone with you."

Emma frowned, grumpily grabbing a strawberry and biting into it. "I don't even want to go anymore."

"I know, but I promise it'll be fine. I thought we could spend the day in London since we haven't ventured out into the city. It's Christmas time, so there will be plenty to do. Perhaps we'll go to another Christmas market since you enjoyed the one in Cardiff last year."

The idea of going to a market perked Emma up slightly. "I did like it," she admitted. "I liked it a lot."

"Then we'll find a market to go to. Multiple if you'd like, and you can get all of the hot chocolate in the world. Or we'll find something else to do while in London. Your appointment is early, so we'll have all day. Besides, I've had absolutely no time to get any Christmas shopping done for you."

A small smile crossed Emma's face. Leave it to her father to know to win her over with the prospect of hot chocolate and Christmas lights. Christmas presents were always a bonus since Remus always seemed to have the best gifts for her. She met Remus's gaze to find that he was smiling back at her.

"What else are we doing?" Emma asked, now finding herself intrigued by what else they could be doing.

"Well, I thought we would go home for a day so that I can check on things. I thought you'd appreciate being home for a little bit, and there are a few things I'd like to take care of. Then, we'll go to your grandfather's for Christmas Eve and come back here on Christmas day."

Emma's smile dropped as she ran through the dates of when they would be away. "What about your potion?" Emma asked suddenly. She didn't even consider the possibility of not being around to work on making the Wolfsbane Potion with Professor Snape. As much as she didn't want to see the dungeon bat, she would have to talk to him.

"I'll Apparate into Hogsmeade and meet him there each day we're away. We've already made arrangements this morning," Remus said, shaking his head. "I told you – you're not supposed to worry about me. Although, he did say something curious…"

"What did he say?" Emma's eyes were wide. Did _Snape_ tell Remus what they were doing?

"Well, imagine my surprise when he said to wish you a Merry Christmas," Remus said slowly as if he didn't quite believe it himself. "But then he also said to not worry about what you had previously discussed and to see him when we returned. What's that about?"

Emma sunk back into her chair with relief. "Just some extra credit I'm doing," Emma said, for once not feeling bad about lying to Remus. But was it a lie? It wasn't as though she was getting any real credit for it, but it was beneficial. "I didn't realize how much I'd fallen behind. It's a research project."

"A research project?" Remus asked. "Extra credit? From Severus?"

"Yeah," Emma said, reaching for the last strawberry in her bowl. "Had to practically beg for it, but it's fine. It's just about…healing potions and their overall effectiveness. Thought it might be a good use of my time since I've been working with Madam Pomfrey." Was it a lie if it was partially true? Theoretically, the Wolfsbane Potion could be considered a healing potion if one considered its other effects. Emma added a nod, deciding that it wasn't a lie, just a stretch of the truth.

Remus nodded slowly, and though he still looked suspicious, he looked as though he partially believed her. "Well, I suppose that's all right then. I'm sure you would have my head if you fell behind in Potions. Anyway, we need to discuss what's happening when we get back here…"

"Oh, no," Emma muttered. "You're using that tone that tells me you're going to tell me something I don't like."

"Professor Sprout told me that you're the only Hufflepuff staying over Christmas," Remus said, bracing himself for Emma's reaction.

"I'm _what?_ How?"

"It seems everyone wanted to go home this year, but the issue is that the full is on the twenty-eighth, and I don't want you by yourself. You do a wonderful job of getting yourself into trouble, and I fear what will happen if you're entirely on your own."

"So, then I just stay here. You're not going to do anything to me if you're taking the potion."

"Absolutely not," Remus said firmly. "I told you that you will never be near me when I'm transformed. Don't even consider the idea. So, you have two options. Hermione will be staying over break, and you can either spend the night in Gryffindor tower, or she can join you in Hufflepuff for the night."

"You've got to be kidding me. _Hermione_?"

"Do you have any other ideas? I'm afraid there aren't many of you staying this year, and only you, Harry, Ron, and Hermione are staying from the third year."

"Yes! I do have another idea!" Emma said in alarm. "It's called you let me stay here!"

"No," Remus repeated. "Fy nghariad bach, please – it's just one night."

Emma didn't at all like the idea of having to spend the night with Hermione Granger of all people. "Fine," she muttered. "But she's coming down to Hufflepuff. I'm not going into the lion's den."

"Did you just refer to Gryffindor tower as 'the lion's den?'"

"It's fitting if those three are together," Emma said quietly. "Ron doesn't like me, Hermione can be rather annoying, and Harry… Well, Harry's all right, I suppose. But the three of them together are an absolute bloody nightmare. I have nothing in common with them."

Remus noticed the start of Emma's panic attack well before it started and was on his feet, tugging Emma up and pulling her to the living room. He settled her on the couch, leaving her confused, and grabbed a blanket, wrapping her in it tightly. Emma looked sufficiently baffled by his actions, and he smirked at his job well done.

"What did you do that for?" Emma asked, ruffled by the sudden change.

"I needed you to stop thinking for a moment, and clearly, it worked." He bent down to kiss her forehead. "You need to relax. You're on break. In the meantime, I still have work to do, but I'll move it in here, and you can sit and be grumpy on the couch. Just because I'm waiting until after the holiday to give you your punishment, you're not entirely off the hook."

"Fine," Emma said with a glower, pulling the blanket tighter around her body as she laid down on the couch.

Remus smiled and made his way back to the kitchen to collect the tests he'd been grading. He dropped them off in the living room and decided that he should finally use a quill to work on grading the rest and went to grab that, too. At least that could be easier to be controlled by magic if he eventually gave up on actually looking at the tests. For good measure, he grabbed a book for Emma to read whenever she felt like it. There was a strong possibility she would want to sleep most of the day away.

When Remus returned, he wasn't expecting Emma's eyes to zero in on the book held in his hand, gears spinning rapidly in her mind. He wasn't sure what was making Emma's forehead wrinkle in such intense concentration as she stared at the book. There was nothing about _War and Peace_ that could inspire such a startled look on her face. He opened his mouth to ask, but before he had a chance, Emma was already sitting up.

"I have to go to Hogsmeade today," she said abruptly. She looked up at him almost pleadingly. "I-I know you're going to want to say no, and I know I really don't deserve to go after yesterday, but I _really_ need to go to Hogsmeade."

It wasn't even a thought in his mind to allow her to go on the final Hogsmeade trip of the year. Even without Emma's blatant disrespect, they had already discussed that she wouldn't be going weeks ago. It was too dangerous, too open, and with little protection. It wasn't as though anti-werewolf enchantments could be placed just because Remus needed to frequent the village. Emma would be too exposed, and it didn't sit right with him. She had already agreed, not wanting to visit without him or even Elara, but she was suddenly insistent.

"Sweetheart," he said slowly, setting the book down and watching as Emma's eyes followed it. There was no reason for her to be so focused on the book or have a sudden need to go into the village. "We already talked about this."

"I know," Emma said quickly, her eyes darting between the book and Remus's face as if she were trying to piece together an intricate puzzle. "But I need to go. I…" She hesitated, pulling the blanket off of her shoulders, leaning forward and staring intently at the book. "I need to do something. Please, it's really, _really_ important."

"But Emma…if Fenrir's there –"

"Then he's there," Emma huffed out, rubbing her forehead. "I can't be scared of him or let him keep me from doing things. I know I'm not making any sense right now, but…I need to go. For an hour, an hour and a half – at most. Please, Dad."

Remus looked down at the book and back at Emma. The idea of letting Emma back into Hogsmeade by herself left him with an intense feeling of foreboding. His lips pressed into a thin line as he thought about it, taking in Emma's expectant expression. "Give me a moment," he said with a sigh, stepping into his bedroom to retrieve something. He picked up the Sickle on his dresser, careful to hold it on the edges, and stared at it. Remus was sure that he was making a terrible decision.

He stepped back into the living room, not at all surprised that Emma was waiting for him impatiently. It was clear that there was something important in her mind that she needed to take care of; he just wished he understood what. This wasn't a normal reaction from Emma, and he didn't know what to think of it.

"This is a Portkey," Remus said, holding up the Sickle. "It's not a real Sickle, and it will bring you right back here. Dumbledore and I decided it would be the best bet if you needed to get out of a bad situation and quickly. Technically speaking, it shouldn't exist as only me and Professor Dumbledore know about it. I am only giving this to you because we haven't come up with another solution yet. Do you understand?"

Emma nodded fervently, her eyes wide.

A frown crossed Remus's face, unable to believe what he was doing, but he struggled to deny Emma most things. She had gone without so much for so long that he couldn't stand the idea of being the reason she was kept from doing something. "You are not to store this with your other money. You are to keep it in your pocket and your pocket only. It will activate if you hold it in the palm of your hand for three seconds."

"Yes," Emma said quickly. "I-I understand."

"Get your things," Remus sighed, watching Emma practically launch herself off the couch to get ready.

Dread was pitted in his stomach, and he was getting lightheaded. He hated the idea of letting her go back into the village so soon, especially since he taught her absolutely nothing of use. Remus had plenty of reasons to force her to stay, but her pleading puppy dog eyes did him in every time. Emma very rarely begged him for something, and he knew, almost without a doubt, that she would win against him every time if she did.

She quickly returned, making a show of making sure to keep her wand stored in the inside front pocket of her coat. He eyed her boots curiously and had to concede at least it was a better option than what she usually wore. Remus found himself surprised that she had even taken the time to tuck her hair into her slouched knit hat. She was trying not to take any chances. At the very least, she learned quickly, but it didn't make him feel much better. Emma pulled open the front right pocket of her coat, waiting impatiently for Remus to drop the pseudo Sickle into it.

Reluctantly, Remus dropped the Portkey into her pocket. He pulled Emma into a tight hug to try and stifle his growing anxiety. "Maybe I should just go with you," Remus muttered, about to let go of her to grab his things, but Emma held onto him tighter.

"No," she said, "I need to do this by myself." She pulled away, her smile tremulous. "Are you a Gryffindor or not? Where's the lion?" she asked, giving him a gentle, playful shove. "I'll be fine. I promise."

Before Remus even had a chance to say another word, Emma was out the door. He couldn't help but feel as though history was about to repeat itself. Remus knew that he should follow her, keep her from wandering far, but instead, he forced himself to sit down to work on grading his pile of tests. As nervous as he was, he couldn't allow himself to imagine the worst and trust that Emma's instincts didn't fail her. Remus looked at the book sitting on the coffee table, wishing he understood its significance, sighed, and picked up his quill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	42. Lighting Strikes Twice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma learns of the Marauders legacy before heading into Hogsmeade. While in the village, something unexpected happens.

Emma never thought that a book could bring back such an intense memory that had been tucked into her mind. Seeing _War and Peace_ in Remus's hand jogged such a random set of memories that she was sure had to have involved him. She could have very quickly tested her theory by pulling the copy she had off of her bookshelf but going to Honeydukes was more important. She needed to recreate the exact moment that came up in her mind. Emma needed to know if Remus needed help remembering too.

She was dead set on getting into the village and quickly. Emma told Remus she would only be there for an hour and a half, and that was all the time she needed. Even less if the Muggle candy section of Honeydukes was as expansive as she'd heard – she wouldn't know, she still hadn't been. She would try and visit the other stores while she was there, just to say she had finally gone.

Emma quickly made her way down the marble staircase, giving Fred and George a quick wave as she passed them, but then she heard something that made her stop.

"Do you really think Moony was correct in telling us to give this to Harry?" she heard George ask Fred.

Emma's head whipped around so fast that she nearly stumbled back down the stairs. She held tight to the banister to keep herself from slipping. "I'm sorry, but did you just say Moony?" Emma blurted out, covering her mouth quickly as she said it.

George turned around to look at Emma, his brows raised. "Possibly," he said slowly, looking at his brother. "Why?"

"How do you know that name?" she asked, sure that her eyes were bulging out of her head in shock. "No one else should know that name."

Fred and George looked at each other, and slow smiles crossed their faces as they walked back down the stairs to meet her.

"Why, Emma, it almost sounds as though you know the identity of who Mr. Moony is," Fred said, standing in front of Emma with his arms crossed.

Emma felt her face turn red. She probably shouldn't have said a word, but she couldn't help it. The fact the name Moony came up so casually in their conversation made her a little worried. Did they know? "I, erm…I don't," she said, clearing her throat.

"Well, well," Fred said in amusement. "George, I think she's lying to us."

"Am not!"

"Emma Lupin, are you at all familiar with the names Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, as well?" George asked, stepping up next to Fred.

 _What?_ Emma looked between the twins in alarm. "How?" she asked, her mouth dropping open. "How do you two know those names?"

The twins looked at each other again, and George grabbed Emma's hand to pull her up the stairs and into one of the empty classrooms. He held his hand out, and Fred placed what looked like an old piece of parchment in his hand. She stared at George in confusion and tuned him out after he pressed his wand to the parchment and the words, "I solemnly swear," left his lips. There had been so many times that Remus had said those exact words to her that she couldn't believe George had just uttered them.

Fred pointed down to the parchment, and Emma gasped as ink began to spread across the parchment by themselves. She watched the lines in curiosity and then let out another gasp as words started to appear at the top:

 _Mssrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs  
_ _Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers_  
_are proud to present_  
_The Marauder's Map_

"Does this mean anything at all to you?" George asked, his voice brimming with excitement. He practically shoved the parchment into Emma's hands, and she took it reverently. It meant everything to her.

Emma ran her fingers over the inky text with a short laugh. "You've got to be bloody kidding me," she muttered, smiling at the strange bit of parchment in front of her. She was about to ask what it was, but it was spelled out right at the top – it was a map. A brilliant, incredible, and highly detailed map made by the Marauders.

She looked through the parchment in amazement. The map seemed to show nearly every detail about Hogwarts, and she shook her head. That wasn't the impressive part, though. While there had been a lot of care in detailing every aspect of Hogwarts, the amazing part was the small ink dots that moved around. When she peered closer, she saw that the dots had labels with names written in minuscule writing.

"This is amazing," she breathed out. She had so many questions she wanted to ask Remus about the parchment in front of her. The Marauders – her father and his friends, had made this intricate object, and she wanted to know everything about it. It seemed like fate wanted her to understand why Remus brought up the Marauders that morning. "How did you two get this?"

"You know who made this?" Fred asked insistently.

"I do," she said, staring at the map some more. "Very well, unfortunately. Or fortunately. Depends on the day, really." Her brow furrowed slightly as she noticed passages that she had never seen before. Suddenly it made sense to her how Remus seemed to know so many different paths around the school. They had to have wandered the castle from top to bottom to make the map.

Curious to see if Remus had left their quarters after she left, she searched the map for the third floor. She sighed as she found his name now moved to the classroom. He appeared to be pacing as his dot moved from one end of the room and then to the other repeatedly.

When she finally pulled her eyes away from the map, Fred and George were looking at her in amazement. George, perhaps, with a slight adoration that made her flush. Did he like her, too? Merlin help her if she fell for George Weasley because the boy was a different sort of trouble that Draco wasn't.

"How do you know them?" George asked.

"How well do you know them?" Fred added.

"Can we meet them?"

" _When_ can we meet them?"

Emma's eyes widened. "Uhm, well…I know two of the four, though I knew all of them at one point," she said, trying to figure out how much information she could divulge. "Of the two I do know, I know one much better than the other." Again, not a lie. "For meeting them? I'm not entirely sure that's a good idea. They're dangerous," she added, cringing inwardly. Not quite a lie, but a lie all the same. She couldn't exactly explain that one was only dangerous once a month and the other was dangerous only because people thought he was.

"Dangerous?" George scoffed. "They're brilliant!"

"They single-handedly got us through our entire Hogwarts career thus far," Fred said with an amused grin.

"How did you get it, though?" Emma asked again. "I didn't even know that this existed."

"Well, it's a brilliant tale," Fred said fondly.

"We were in our first year," George added.

"We ran into Filch, you see. We had just set off a Dungbomb, and it bothered Filch for some reason."

"So, he dragged us off to his office with his usual threats. You know them, right? Just the usual -"

"- detention -"

"- hanging upside down by your ankles -"

"- ah, yes, my personal favorite that one is -"

"- you're forgetting disembowelment, but anyway, we noticed a drawer labeled _Confiscated and Highly Dangerous._ "

Emma gasped, peering down at the map. "You two nicked it from Filch's office?"

"How could we not?" George asked. "I set off another Dungbomb, Fred whipped open the drawer, and grabbed _this_."

"The Marauder's Map," Emma whispered. "This is…brilliant. I never – I had no idea!"

"Took us a while to figure out how to work it, too," Fred said, looking at the map fondly. He looked at George and hesitated for a moment. "We were planning on giving it to Harry."

Emma looked up at Fred and then over at George, eyes darting between the two brothers in confusion. "Why? I would never let this go."

"Well, he can't get into Hogsmeade, you see," George explained. "We thought it might be a good Christmas gift. We already know all of the paths in and out of the castle and the passageways by heart." He pointed to a spot that was near where they were, further along the corridor. "This passage right here leads all the way into Honeydukes basement. It's through the one-eyed crone's statue."

"It goes right into Honeydukes?" Emma's jaw fell open again. "You're kidding."

"Maybe you ought to give it a try," Fred said, waggling his brows. "Go on an _adventure_. You just give the statue a tap and say, 'Dissendium,' and it'll open right up."

"I think I'm just a touch adventured out, but perhaps another time. I'll have to have you two take me," Emma laughed. She looked down at the map, wanting to keep the map for herself out of selfishness, but it made more sense for Harry to have it. She brushed her fingers over Prongs's name and sighed. Harry deserved it. She at least had the real Moony, and perhaps she had Padfoot, as well. "I think giving it to Harry is a wonderful idea. I think they would all like him to have it."

George was openly gaping at her now. "You know them that well?"

"Like I said, I know two of them," she said, handing the map back. "I can safely say that they would most likely want him to have it."

" _Mischief managed_ ," Fred murmured, tapping his wand to the parchment. The inky lines wiped themselves away, and Emma stared in amazement.

"Brilliant," she breathed. Once again, she found herself having a newfound appreciation for Remus. Her father was incredible, but why did he hide this part of himself? This was his Hogwarts legacy, and it was amazing. She knew Remus was talented, and the magic involved in creating the map was impressive. It was no wonder he was so good at charms work – there had to be at least half a dozen custom charms used to create the map.

Did he keep her from knowing about the Marauders so that she wasn't tempted to follow in his footsteps? That had to be why he brought up the Marauders that morning. He had to have realized that she already was, even without knowing the full story of who they all really were. It gave her a thrill that she could possibly be as brilliant as her father one day.

"We think so," Fred said with a grin. "Right, then. I'm going to see if I can go track down Harry. I'll see you in a few, Georgie." Fred looked over at George and gave him a wink before walking away.

Emma had never been alone with George quite like this before, and she immediately blushed.

"Uhm," George said, suddenly nervous, "were you heading into the village? Or were you just planning on just walking the grounds?"

"Oh, I'm going into Hogsmeade, but just for a bit," Emma said quietly, hoping that the cold air of the castle would be enough to explain her pink cheeks. "Have something that I need to take care of at Honeydukes, and I have to come straight back."

"Right, right," George said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Erm, do you think you'd maybe want to go together?"

Emma did, in fact, want to go with George to Hogsmeade, but she didn't have a lot of time to waste. "I want to," she said quietly, "I really, really want to, but I can't. Not this time." She grimaced at the look on George's face. "It has nothing to do with you. It's just Dad's a little worried about me going, and I don't want to keep him waiting. I told him I'd only be there an hour."

"Oh, right," George said, his face brightening up. "Because of last time. Well, perhaps the next trip then."

"Yeah, perhaps," Emma said with a grin. "I really should go, though, not much time, you know. Go help Fred find Harry." Emma started to leave the classroom before turning back to look at George. She gave a startled gasp as he stopped short to not walk into her. They were _very_ close. "Uhm, are you staying for the holiday or going home?" Emma managed to choke out.

"I'm going home," George said quietly. "But Ron's staying."

"Right, Dad told me that," Emma blushed. "Uhm, if I don't see you before you leave, Happy Christmas, George."

"Happy Christmas, Emma," George said as Emma practically ran out of the room.

Emma could scarcely breathe by the time she made it to Hogsmeade. Fueled by her nerves, she found herself making it to the snow-covered village far quicker than she planned. A chill ran up her spine the moment she stepped foot into the village.

Fenrir was there again, and she knew it.

Taking a deep breath, Emma squared her shoulders and stepped further into the High Street. It wasn't as full yet as stores were just opening, and Emma was okay with that. She had an hour, and she was taking it – Fenrir Greyback be damned. If Fenrir was telling the truth, then there was no reason for her to be scared of him. If she had been okay with him growing up, then she could be fine with him now.

Emma had only intended to visit Honeydukes and leave, but she found herself walking past the bright pink candy store. She was going to enjoy more than just Honeydukes, even if it was a single store. Emma had the Portkey in her pocket if she needed it, but she was determined to hold her ground this time.

She felt his intense stare well before she saw him. She was determined to go to the bookstore this time, and the wide berth she was given told her to be prepared. He was following her. There was no doubt in her mind that was the case as she took in the furtive glances of other students. Emma felt herself begin to tremble, but she shook herself out to keep her nerves at bay. She wasn't going to give Fenrir a chance to trap her again.

His presence was looming closer, and Emma caught his reflection in the shiny windows she walked by. He was a decent length behind her but was getting closer. She dared to look over her shoulder to see how close he actually was and startled, not at all expecting him to be only several feet away. He cleared the space between them far quicker than she thought he would. Instead of scaring her, it made her angry.

"God damn it, what the fuck do you want, Fenrir?" Emma snapped, whirling around to glare at the werewolf who immediately stopped in his tracks. She was surprised at herself and slightly taken aback that he had stopped so suddenly, his eyebrows raising. Clearly, he didn't expect her reaction either. They stared at each other, and the people surrounding them stared as well before Fenrir turned to growl at them. It was almost funny how quickly people scattered, and she might have laughed, but then he turned to look back at her.

Fenrir studied her, crossing his arms over his chest. "Is that how you're going to greet me, Rabbit?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Emma scoffed, mirroring his stance. "I wasn't aware that we exchanged pleasantries, especially after last time. I thought we just cut to the chase, almost literally."

Emma was confused when Fenrir started to laugh. An honest to God, barking laugh that sounded absolutely bizarre to hear because it sounded _wrong_. He was clearly insane, and she felt her nose practically twitch with her aggravation – just like a damned rabbit. She wasn't dealing with him. He wasn't scary; he was infuriating, and she felt her anger bubble underneath the surface of her skin. She didn't want to use her wand to hex him; she wanted to rip out his cold, scheming, hungry eyes. With a derisive breath, Emma turned back around and practically stomped to Tomes and Scrolls. She dared Fenrir to follow her.

Despite having the werewolf in tow, Emma allowed herself to walk slower past Scrivenshaft's. That same beautiful quill was still in the window, and she wanted it. Perhaps she would treat herself to it as she admired the iridescent color shift in the feather. Her eyes lingered on it a little longer, imagining herself in class with the prettiest quill out of everyone in the room. But then she noticed Fenrir in the reflection of the window, and she huffed out her annoyance, making her way to the bookstore instead.

The twinkling sound of the bell as she entered the shop and the smell of old books made her relax visibly. It was as if a Calming Draught was swept through her, or a Draught of Peace which was relaxing instead of numbing.

The shop was small, with only a few aisles on the bottom floor and an apparent expansive second floor, but she loved it. She gave the shopkeeper, an elderly witch not much taller than her, a small wave and walked down one of the aisles, looking curiously through the books. The selection was similar to Flourish and Blotts, but there were far more educational books. Emma walked down another aisle and gasped as she stepped foot into a selection of new wizarding fiction books. Remus had a few fiction books from wizarding authors, but nowhere near as many as his Muggle selection.

She was about to pick up the first book she saw, but then she heard the twinkle of the door opening, and she waited. The shopkeeper gave a yelp, but then she listened to the growl that followed, and Emma groaned. The twinkling sounds that followed told her that the few people in the store were leaving quickly. Fenrir followed her after all.

Once again, Emma knew that no one would come to her aid, but she didn't care. She didn't need saving this time, and she didn't want the poor woman to try and help. That anger she felt was simmering just underneath the surface, and she almost dared Fenrir to provoke her.

It didn't take long for him to find her several aisles over. The store was too small to get lost in, and Emma just pressed her forehead up against the bookshelf, waiting and listening to Fenrir's low growls. Did he _ever_ stop growling? He was like a cat with an incessant rumbling from his chest like a purr that didn't quite move with his breathing – it was just _there_ at all times.

"Go away," Emma said with a growl of her own. She tapped her head on the shelf in aggravation. "I don't want to deal with you today. I'm busy."

"Funny. You never used to tell me to go away when you were younger. In fact, you used to cry when I would leave because we had fun."

Emma turned her head to look at Fenrir, her face twisting with disgust. "I find that incredibly hard to believe. I was probably crying about how disgusting you are and the sheer relief you were leaving. How did you even know I was going to come to Hogsmeade again?"

"I didn't," Fenrir replied, "but I thought I would visit anyway. Just in case."

One of Fenrir's eyebrows arched as he looked through the shelves. He hummed to himself, eyes narrowed as he tried to find whatever book he was looking for. Fenrir suddenly picked up a book, _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_. He turned it around to show Emma the cover, and she just stared at him, shrugging as if it were to make any sense. She had no idea what was so significant about the book, and she had read Remus's copy a few times. Fenrir let out a long-suffering sigh and flipped through the pages.

"You know, it's funny that _Babbity Rabbity_ was your favorite story for me to read to you," Fenrir said slowly, watching Emma closely. "Although _The Fountain of Fair Fortune_ was always a close second." He watched her a moment longer before starting to read, "High on a hill in an enchanted garden, enclosed by tall walls and protected by strong magic, flowed the Fountain of Fair Fortune. Once a year, between the hours of sunrise and sunset on the longest day, a single unfortunate was given the chance to fight their way to the Fountain, bathe in its waters and receive Fair Fortune for evermore."

"Stop it," Emma said quietly, straightening up quickly in alarm. It was alarming at how hard the words suddenly hit her as if someone had read them to her a million times. "Don't keep reading." She ripped the book out of his hands to read the next few lines and paled at the realization that when she read it at home, she heard _Fenrir's_ voice reading it to her. He wasn't lying after all, but why didn't she remember that?

"It appears that you _can_ remember things."

"Barely," Emma muttered, closing the book and setting it back on the shelf. She rubbed a hand over her face, trying to understand. "I think I'm more impressed that you can read at all, honestly." She stared at Fenrir as he laughed again, and she finally bothered to take in his appearance.

He was wearing a red shirt this time, one that actually fit him correctly, she noticed, but had the same overcoat, pants, and boots. It was more impressive that he seemed to at least be cleaner than last time. She didn't smell him from where she stood, and that was a miracle in itself. He wasn't trying to be threatening today, and that worried Emma more.

"What do you want? I'm sure you didn't follow me to read to me."

"No, I didn't. I have something for you. A gift."

"A gift?" Emma snorted. "I don't want a gift from you, Fenrir. Knowing you, your gift is probably you trying to bite me in the middle of the store." She turned to walk down the aisle to leave and groaned when she realized her only way out was past Fenrir. Emma heard him chuckle in amusement, and she looked over her shoulder to glare at him. "What's so funny?"

"The fact that you keep getting yourself trapped with me."

"Oh, yes, absolutely bloody hysterical," Emma snapped as she turned back around, arms crossed over her chest. "Move."

"Not until I give you what I have."

"Fenrir, I don't _want_ whatever you have."

"You'll want this," he said, looking at his nails, sounding almost bored.

Emma was surprised by the sudden feral growl that rolled up her throat, and she clamped her hand over her mouth. That was new, and it seemed wrong coming from her. Fenrir's eyes lifted just a fraction, looking at her in amusement.

"Well, well, you _are_ a wolf in sheep's clothing, after all," Fenrir said slowly. "Or a rabbit's clothing in your case." He regarded Emma for a moment with a smirk. "You're incredibly like your father, but that's the one thing that separates you from him. You know deep down that your wolf is waiting, and I think you're starting to let her out to play because you're not resisting her pull. He never learned to accept what he is and pays for it. You'll accept it when the day comes. In fact, I think you already have."

As much as Emma wanted to deny it, she couldn't. Fenrir could read her just as easily as Remus could, and that worried her. Fenrir _knew_ her, and he knew her well. He knew that she would learn to adapt and accept her reality just like she had with everything else so far. But she wasn't going to give Fenrir the satisfaction of knowing that he was right by confirming it with her words.

Emma schooled her expression to look bored as she turned back to the shelves of books. If he was going to stay, then she would at least look and see what the store had to offer. As long as he kept his distance, she could tolerate his presence.

Each cover offered something different, something new, but Emma knew to never judge a book by its cover. She glanced over at Fenrir, who remained where he stood. He was waiting for her to make the next move as if he had gone through this with her a million times.

"You're still here," Emma noted with a slight huff, not bothering to lift her gaze from the book she had in her hand. Wizarding books were _weird,_ she mused as she read the book's description. So many books were similar to Muggle fairytales, but the books were very anti-Muggle, and it left a bitter taste in her mouth. She wasn't sure she would enjoy the books as much as she thought.

"I already told you. I'm not leaving until you take what I have, but you've waited too long. Now you're not getting everything."

Emma looked at Fenrir with a sneer on her face, but it faltered as she looked at the folder in his hand. It was similar to the one Remus had, like her file from St. Mungo's, but this was plainer. Older, worn as if it had been moved hundreds of times. It was dirty but looked as though it at least preserved its contents.

"What is that?" Emma forced herself to ask, unable to pull her gaze from the folder.

"The answers to the missing decade of your life," he said as he opened the folder, flipping through what appeared to be expanses of paper. "You have a choice. You get one thing from here."

Emma immediately shook her head. "There's nothing in there that they haven't found already," Emma said, hoping desperately that she was calling Fenrir's bluff. She didn't want to be curious. There wasn't anything new in that folder, she was sure of it, and she picked up a new book on the shelf to inspect.

Fenrir hummed thoughtfully. "Tell me something – are you in possession of a diary, Rabbit?"

"I have several," Emma said with a shrug, not looking up. It wasn't a lie. She had received several diaries that she barely touched, keeping them in the event she decided to write in them.

"One that isn't yours? That's possibly missing entries?"

She froze – she couldn't help herself. How could he know about that? Emma dragged her gaze from the book in her hand slowly to see Fenrir holding a stack of pages that were far too familiar. It was the back of the page – completely blank so she couldn't see, but she _knew_. Those were the pages missing from her mother's diary. She reluctantly met his eyes, and she knew he had her captivated – hook, line, and sinker.

"How do you have that?" Emma asked, setting the book aside and turning fully to look at Fenrir.

"Everything in this folder was found with you," Fenrir said simply. "Well, nearly everything. A few things have been added over the years."

"But how do _you_ , of all people, have it."

Fenrir's lips pulled back into his signature twisted, sharp-toothed smile. "I told you, Rabbit. Word travels fast, and I have my sources. I'm surprised that you haven't worked it out for yourself yet."

"What does that even mean, Fenrir?"

"It means that I hope I get to see your face when you finally figure it out," Fenrir smiled. "I hope that I get to see your heart break the moment when you realize what's been happening right under your nose this entire time."

Emma scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. There was the Fenrir she knew, saying absolute nonsense just to try and scare her. It wasn't going to work this time, though.

"Typical," Emma muttered. "All right then, fine – what are my other choices?"

It seemed impossible that Fenrir's smile could grow any wider, but it did. He placed the stack of pages back into the folder and flipped through. "There's paperwork in here that I'm sure you'd be interested in seeing. A letter, a long one from what it appears…and my personal favorite - the photographs."

"Photos? Of what?"

"You growing up – the photographs that weren't given to your father from the file they gave him when you left the hovel. There are even a few that would answer questions."

Emma hated that Fenrir seemed to know her so well. "I get one thing?" she asked, her eyes flicking between both of his. There was an uncharacteristic amusement to his eyes that Emma felt she recognized in him. It was more familiar than when he was cold and aloof, and then she understood why. They had done this before at some point in time. He was playing a game with her. He wanted her to ask for more, but she knew better.

"One. Single. Thing," he said slowly. "Because you waited too long."

"Don't be stupid," Emma said, clearing her throat to hold back the growl that wanted to come back. "You never would have given me the whole thing."

Fenrir shrugged. "Perhaps you're right, but you'll never know now, will you? What'll it be, Rabbit?"

She wanted all of it, but she wasn't begging. The paperwork she could care less about, though she was sure it had information she needed. The letter was intriguing, as were the photographs, but what would either of them hold? That left the diary pages, and her mother was very thorough in her entries.

"Let me see the first line of the first page of the diary. I need to make sure it's real," Emma insisted. "Your hands are big enough to cover the rest of the page. I can't make a decision until I see the first line."

For a moment, Emma was sure that Fenrir was going to deny her that request, but he slowly picked up a page, closed the folder, and tucked it under his arm. He held the page out, making sure to cover every line except for the first, but held it so that Emma was forced to get closer to him.

Rolling her eyes, Emma took several steps forward to read the page. It took everything she had to not immediately gasp at seeing her mother's writing.

' _Sirius asked me to the absolute strangest thing of me today. He asked me –'_

And that was it. That was all she had to go off of, and she knew that was what she needed.

"The diary pages. I need the pages – every single one," Emma said quickly, holding her hands out desperately, begging for what she was sure to answer questions. She didn't want to beg, but she _needed_ the diary entries. "That counts as one thing because they're all from the same book!"

"A shame that you chose that of all things," Fenrir sighed, handing Emma the single page and reaching under his arm to pull the folder back out. He carefully gathered the rest of the entries. "The photographs were much more interesting."

Emma snatched the stack of papers from Fenrir's hands and held them close to her chest, worried he would take them back. She watched as he tucked the folder somewhere inside his coat, and Emma suddenly felt like a caged animal again. There was a weird part of her that wanted to growl at him again, and she hated it. Was this one of the changes Elara told her to look out for? She wasn't sure that she liked it.

"I have something else for you," he said, reaching into the front pocket of his coat. Emma watched carefully and wasn't at all expecting what he pulled out next.

In Fenrir's disturbingly clawed hand was the quill she had been staring at, sitting in a shiny black, windowed box and tied with a yellow bow. The damned thing was wrapped in Hufflepuff colors. Emma was speechless. Was that why it took him so long to get to the bookstore? Was he intimidating the poor shopkeeper to give him the quill? As if he knew her thoughts, he reached back into his pocket and pulled out a pouch, shaking it so that she heard the jingling of coins.

"Am I just going to hold it all day, or are you going to take it?" Fenrir asked, almost impatiently. "I got it for you, Rabbit. You were looking at it last time, and I saw you looking at it again. Hard to miss with how hard you were staring at it," he said with a low chuckle.

Was this like shaking hands with a Slytherin? Emma stared at the box, wanting to take it but worrying that she was agreeing to something if she did. What would Remus say if she took it? What was Remus going to say when he knew about _any_ of this?

Fenrir was apparently tired of waiting for Emma to make a decision and took matters into his own hands. He grabbed onto her hand, ignoring her yelp of surprise, deposited the box in her palm, and closed her fingers around it.

"It's _yours_ ," Fenrir said slowly, his hand lingering on hers a touch too long before he let go. "I got it _for you_. Merry Christmas." He stared at her for a moment, bending low to be eye level with her. "You know me, Rabbit, don't forget that. Whatever your father tells you about me is what he wants you to think. I'm not entirely the monster everyone makes me out to be."

Emma watched in pure confusion as Fenrir finally started to leave. She swallowed hard, trying to understand what just happened and why this encounter was much different than the last.

She reluctantly went to stick the box in her pocket and huffed out a laugh as she felt parchment beneath her fingers. Emma turned the box over to see a receipt tucked underneath the ribbon. She was sure that he had made the poor worker give him the quill, but he had actually paid for it.

Emma stuffed the diary pages into the inside pocket of her coat, next to her wand. She made to leave but walked straight into Fenrir instead. She thought he'd left, but she realized she never heard the bell of the door opening and closing.

Fenrir stared down at her, and she backed up a few paces, but only so she could actually look at him. He studied her closely as if he were sizing her up for the future. Fenrir said nothing as he reached back into his coat, a move that made Emma nervous, but he only pulled the folder back out. "It wouldn't be right to give you a gift but not give one to my Pup," Fenrir said, pulling out what a photograph. "Tell him Merry Christmas from me," he added, handing the picture to Emma and finally departing the store.

Emma could only watch Fenrir from inside the store, her eyes wide.

"Oh, Merlin!" the shopkeeper shouted. "Are you all right, Miss? Oh, Merlin…Greyback! Of all the monsters in the world! A werewolf! In my shop! I'm so sorry – I would have called someone but –"

"I-I'm fine," Emma stammered, looking at the poor witch who looked petrified. "Really, it's fine. You did the right thing. He's…I don't know what he is." She deflated slightly as Fenrir was finally out of her view.

"Anything – absolutely anything you want – free!" The woman said, gesturing to the entire shop.

"No, that's not necessary," Emma said quickly. "I, erm…thank you, but there's somewhere else I need to be."

Emma quickly fled the shop and breathed out a sigh of relief when the atmosphere finally felt all right. She could _breathe_. As much as she wanted to finally enjoy the village, one look at the clock told her she had spent far too much time in the bookshop with Fenrir. She walked quickly back up the street towards Honeydukes, the photograph still in hand. Emma turned her head as she passed Scrivenshaft's, and sure enough, the very quill she had been looking at had disappeared. She wasn't even sure what the quill was, didn't bother to look at the receipt, but that wasn't her concern. It was hers, and Emma wasn't sure how to feel about it. Would she even want to use it now?

The smell of fresh chocolate and sugar hit Emma's nose hard the closer she got to Honeydukes. It seemed that the snow and the cold air was pulling the warm smells out of the shop, and even the air smelled _sweet_. She felt victorious, even though Fenrir hadn't been threatening at all. She had won, in a way, but Emma wondered to what cost as she finally looked at the photo in her hand.

Her breath came out in a sharp wheeze as she stared at it. Fenrir had told her the truth.

At the children's home, when they were lucky, one of the workers would bring them over to Rowntree park to play. It was a place she frequented just on her own on her personal secret excursions just because she liked to sit by the river. Whenever they went to the park, photos were taken to give to prospective parents to show that their upbringing wasn't terrible. It was a lie, a façade they showed to make it seem as though they were brought up like normal children.

It was a Muggle photo, of course, but she could still remember the day. She was either eight or nine, dressed in her pathetically shabby clothes from the children's home. It might have been when school had just started again, she wasn't entirely sure. There was something odd about herself in the photo, but she couldn't figure out exactly what. She was sitting on a swing with what appeared to be one of the more genuine smiles of her youth, but that wasn't what she was focused on.

Emma staggered a few steps back from the candy store, not caring how many people she stumbled into. It seemed impossible for this photo to exist, for this exact moment to be immortalized in photographic evidence, though she knew that it wasn't. It was the exact reason she had even bothered to go into Hogsmeade.

Just behind her, sitting on the nearby bench was Remus reading. But that wasn't what left her floored. It was the book that he held in his hands – the same book that had jogged her memory that morning.

In Remus's hands was a copy of _War and Peace_ \- the very same worn copy that was sitting in her room, given to her by a very kind man years ago. The very same man who just so happened to be her father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	43. War and Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma has the opportunity to confront Sirius for keeping huge secrets from her. She gets to share a bittersweet moment with Remus that changes everything they've ever known about the years they missed out on.

Emma's pace was near feverish as she made her way back to the castle. It seemed that luck was on her side as Honeydukes had what she was looking for. She wasn't sure that the store would have exactly what she needed, but the expansive Muggle selection of candies was perfect. All she could do was hope that Remus remembered what she did, but the idea that he might not worried her. It was stupid when she had the proof herself, but she _needed_ him to see it himself, to remember a moment that they actually shared. Their story together was broken and disjointed, and she wanted to be able to piece it all together – they _had_ to piece it all together.

For good measure, to soothe her entirely shot nerves, Emma picked up several bars of chocolate and some sugar quills. There was no point in wasting the trip when it would be much harder to get to the village once Remus knew what transpired. She could practically feel the quill in her pocket growing heavier and heavier. Emma wished she had any idea of what to do with it.

Needing something to distract herself, Emma tucked her bag from Honeydukes under her arm and pulled out the ripped pages of her mother's diary. She carefully made sure that the photo Fenrir gave her was tucked safely in her pocket and continued on. There had to be answers in the pages – why else would they have been ripped out? Her mother didn't want them seen and kept them in a folder meant to be with her, but somehow Fenrir had it. The idea of it was terrifying, but there wasn't much she could do. She had to take what she was given and hope it was exactly what she needed.

Emma had to read through what she could and fast. The moment Remus caught any scent of Fenrir, she was doomed. She just wasn't sure what reaction he would have since she didn't use the Portkey, but she was glad that she didn't. For once, she didn't feel threatened around him, but his words stuck out to her – _"Whatever your father tells you about me is what he wants you to think. I'm not entirely the monster everyone makes me out to be."_

That couldn't be true, could it? She knew what Fenrir was like. He had tried to bite her behind a shop in Hogsmeade, he had tried to track her down when she went out on the full moon, _and_ he had slipped into her room uninvited. He was a complete monster and absolutely insane, but he was different in the bookshop. No – Fenrir could only be a monster. He did terrible things to people who didn't deserve it. Whatever Remus told her had to be the most accurate depiction of who Fenrir Greyback was, but if she knew Fenrir…

She couldn't allow herself to think about it. Fenrir had completely ruined her father's life by turning him into a werewolf. Her father was a talented man who was incredibly skilled but was forced to take jobs well beneath his skill level. Fenrir Greyback was the monster everyone said he was, and nothing could change her mind about that.

Emma flipped through the pages almost violently, searching for the page with that single stupid sentence that she read. For some reason, Fenrir had tucked it between pages instead of placing it back on top where it belonged. She gave a jubilant shout the moment she found it and read with the same fevered pace as she walked.

' _Sirius asked me to the absolute strangest thing of me today. He asked me to be a surrogate and have a baby for him and Remus – on my bloody birthday. Imagine getting ready to go into your seventh year, and your brother's boyfriend asks you something like that. Git. At least he made up for it with the promise to get me anything I want before term starts. I fully plan on taking him up on that offer._

_'At first, I thought he was joking, but you know how Sirius gets. He gets, well, he gets serious when he means something. Serious Sirius. God, I can see him laughing if he were to see this, practically rolling on the floor, laughing his arse off. Sirius has this ridiculous obsession with making jokes with his name. Sometimes I wonder what Remus sees in him, but I get it. He's handsome, and they've been thick as thieves since day one. I just wish Remus hadn't been so stupid for years and realized that the arsehole was in love with him since I started at Hogwarts. I'll never get over how many times Remus would come home for the summer pining over Sirius and telling mum all about him._

_''Mags, Maggie, Daisy Mae,' he says to me in that pathetically ponce voice, 'you need to do this.' Damn it, he_ begs _me. Can you believe it? Sirius Black begging? Seems absolutely unreal. Anyway, I digress – it was hysterical to have Sirius try to explain what surrogacy actually was. Of course, it would be some incredibly insane idea Remus would come up with. He reads far too much, feeling the need to fill his brain with useless trivia. Sirius had to be truly desperate to come to me, but I get why he did. If not me, then who else?_

 _''Maggie,_ Daisy _, we_ want _kids,' Sirius pleaded with me. 'We want to get married, have a house with dogs, and we want children. A boy and a girl. We have to have both. A little girl for Remus and a boy for me. But we don't care what they are, not really. But we need someone of your type to have one for us!'_

 _'Ordinarily, I would be rather offended, but I knew what he was trying to say. I couldn't resist teasing Sirius, though. It was absolutely worth it. '_ My _type?' I asked him, hoping that my face was dead-straight, and he couldn't see that I was stringing him along. 'You know, a woman! With your…woman bits,' Sirius said all panicked, doing that awkward flailing gesture he sometimes does when he's at a loss._

_'And I laughed. I couldn't help it. I really tried to hold back but messing with Sirius is so enjoyable. Being able to mess with Sirius Black is just one of the perks of being Remus Lupin's little sister, I suppose. I laughed so hard I cried, nearly had a wee I laughed so hard because Sirius Black and women genuinely don't mix. It's a wonder that all the other girls could never see it. Sirius Black has always mooned over Moony, and my brother's absolutely ridiculous nickname has never been more fitting._

_'Of course, I agreed. I'm of age now, and Merlin knows Remus needs a bit of happiness in his life.'_

Emma couldn't read any more of the entry. Her eyes were too blurry with tears.

' _Remus needs a bit of happiness in his life.'_

_'A little girl for Remus.'_

Emma was sure she would be repeating those words for the rest of her life. If all of that was true, she was truly her father's daughter. It had to be true – her mother wrote it. The very person Remus was so sure hated him had done something incredible for him. She was so happy that she felt that she could _finally_ cast her Patronus. Emma was ripped from one emotion to the next – happy, sad, excited, confused.

She had one bit of truth to the mystery that made up who she was. It wasn't the entire story, but it was a start, and honestly, if that's all she ever knew about herself, that was fine. She could care less about Fenrir and the fact he was hell-bent on during her into a werewolf. She could care less about whatever Jude's involvement in her life was – he didn't matter anymore. The one part of her identity, and possibly the most important, _finally_ had one bit of proof she could latch onto.

But then she noticed Padfoot watching her, tucked in the foliage outside the gates of Hogwarts, and she was angry. She was angry that Sirius wasn't her biological father, and she was angry that he never said a word to her. Jude should never have been a part of her story, but he was. Sirius was partially why she existed in the first place, and he wasn't a part of her life like he should have been. It made her feel a white-hot rage that she had never felt before.

" _You_ ," Emma snarled, stuffing the diary pages back into her coat and seizing her wand, brandishing it at the nervous dog. She was grateful that most of the students were still in the village and would stay there for a while – she didn't want anyone watching her rip Sirius to shreds. She wanted to hurt him so badly and make him feel every bit of pain she experienced. If it weren't for Sirius, things would have been so much different, and that elation she felt was gone. "You ruined _everything_."

A part of her wanted to cast some sort of hex at Padfoot, but he cowered, and she couldn't do it. He was defenseless, and he didn't understand why she was angry. Instead, she kicked the snow at him with a shout of rage. If anyone were to walk down the drive, Emma was sure they would think she finally lost it. Why would someone be yelling at a dog the way that she was?

She shoved her wand back in her coat, dropped her bag from Honeydukes on the ground, and picked up a pile of snow. She held the cold powder between her fingers, not caring that it was so cold it made her fingers numb. With another angry shout, she threw the snow at Padfoot. Emma felt absolutely no remorse when the pile in her hands landed right in his face. If Padfoot was really a dog, Emma never would have thrown the snow at him like she did, but he deserved it.

Padfoot stared at her, shaking the snow out of his fur. He looked confused, but then the look on his face shifted. He had seen the papers in Emma's hands – he had to know that she knew everything. Remus told her that her mother never went anywhere without the journal, and they all knew about it. It had been the one thing she never let anyone touch – Sirius had to know all about it considering how often he was actually mentioned in the pages.

"Y-you ruined absolutely everything! And you fucking know it, don't you?"

The pathetic whine that left Padfoot told her that he knew that he did. He wasn't going to try and hide it anymore. She ripped off her hat to run her shaking hands through her hair as she paced back and forth, not caring when her fingers tore through knots. Her heart was racing so hard it made her chest hurt. "Forest. Now," Emma snarled, gathering the fallen contents of her Honeydukes trip.

Emma knew she was acting ridiculous as she stomped towards the Forbidden Forest, she knew it deep down, but she was _angry_. There was no point in trying to reason with herself when she was furious. Sirius's role in her life was inconsequential, but it wasn't all at the same time. He could have changed so much, and suddenly those sad little daydreams she had actually held meaning because they should have been a reality.

The moment they reached a spot where they couldn't be seen, Sirius was already transformed.

"Emma, I can explain," he said quickly, holding his hands up in surrender as Emma barreled up to him, throwing her bag back down.

"What is there to explain, Sirius? My entire life is all your fucking fault!" Emma shouted at him. She lifted her hands, wanting to hit him, but her hands fisted her hair again. She turned and yelled into the forest with such an intensity that she swore it was a roar. Emma paced, trying to run through her thoughts, rubbing her face hard. "You never said a thing to me! You could have told me! There were many times you could have told me before, but you said _nothing!_ Hell, you could have written me a bloody letter, Sirius!"

"Emma, I…I didn't…" Sirius could only stammer, choking on his words as he tried to figure out what to say.

His hesitation was all Emma needed to convince herself to stop herself and turn back to him. "You could have said something, Sirius! If you had told me from the fucking start, I wouldn't have completely lost it! I would never have put Dad what I put him through! Do you know how I feel every day knowing I almost ruined everything? On _Halloween,_ of all days! You _knew_ that I knew absolutely nothing, and you used that against me to make me help you!"

"I know, but –"

"You're a fucking _coward!_ And you were a fucking Gryffindor? I don't even understand how you could be a bloody fucking Gryffindor!"

"I know…" Sirius's face was pained, but he let Emma's verbal assault continue.

"You _left_ me, Sirius. You left _us_." And then Emma remembered a crucial piece of information Remus told her, and her anger intensified. "You left more than Dad and me. You left _Harry_ – you left every single one of us. All four of us should have been a family!" Emma went back into her coat and ripped out the page she had been reading, her chest heaving as she found the spot she wanted to read.

"Do you know what my mother wrote? You should because it was something you said. Do you know what it was you said?"

Sirius's eyes flicked between the page in Emma's hands and her eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but promptly closed his mouth.

"Convenient. Cat's got your tongue. Rather ironic for a _dog_ ," Emma said with a derisive breath. "She wrote, and I quote this verbatim from something that _you_ said, _'We want to get married, have a house with dogs, and we want children. A boy and a girl. We have to have both. A little girl for Remus and a boy for me.'_ Do you recall saying that?"

"Yes," Sirius choked out.

Emma shoved the page back in her coat, going back to pacing, crossing her arms to keep herself from lashing out. "You had everything. _We_ had everything. Fuck, Sirius! Do you even understand how much this changes _everything_?"

Sirius looked stunned, his mouth falling open, tears filling his eyes. "I know," he said, his voice cracking. "I know what I did. I know that I ruined your life and Harry's. I know that I hurt Remus, but I…"

"How could you?" Emma shouted, shoving Sirius hard because she didn't know what else to do. When he didn't stop her, she did it again.

"You had to go –" she shoved him "– and play the fucking hero –" she pushed him once more "– and look at what you did!" Emma went to shove him again, but she grabbed onto the front of his robes, pulling him close as her anger gave way to grief. She held tight to the flimsy fabric beneath her fingers and pressed her forehead to his chest, needing something to ground her as she cried.

"But it's not your fault," she choked out with gasping breaths. "Fucking…the fucking _rat_. This is _Peter's_ fault. This is Jude's fault…"

Sirius tentatively wrapped his arms around Emma, resting his chin on top of her head. "It's still my fault. I was angry," he said. "I was angry, and I was scared. James and Lily were family, and we all loved Peter because he was our brother. He completely blindsided us." Sirius took a shuddering breath, his voice breaking. "And Remus…Remus was with Fenrir's pack, and I was so sure that it was him for a while. He never said that's where he was going, but when he came back one time, I knew. It's…it's hard to miss Fenrir's scent. We were all so young, and so many people we loved were dying around us. We were all terrified of what it could mean if Remus was living with Fenrir. He would leave to go back to the pack and come back completely changed and refuse to talk about it." Sirius tightened his hug as Emma's arms snaked around his body.

"All Maggie and I were trying to do was keep you safe. Emma, I need you to understand something - Never for one moment believe that I have ever loved you any less because you aren't biologically mine. Maggie was scared because things went wrong, and she was so sure I would be upset over it. She wasn't even worried about having a child so early, but she wasn't sure if we would still want you. But I always wanted you – it didn't matter to me, and I knew it wouldn't matter to Remus. You were ours, even if you came way earlier than any of us expected.

"At the end of the day, I knew there were potions to change that, and when it was safe, that was what we planned to do. You would have been the perfect little Lupin-Black child, and Margaret was excited to see what you would look like. I knew, or at least I thought I knew, that Remus wouldn't have chanced it with you with his condition. I was shocked when you told me that he went through the process anyway to make you entirely his. You always were meant to be for him, so it was a relief to hear that Remus accepted it on his own without knowing. I'm glad that he did, because Merlin, you are as perfect as I thought you would be, but I'm sorry that…I'm sorry that you suffer.

"I meant it when I said that I've always loved you. Your father and I both did, even when you were just an idea and didn't exist. You were the reason we fought – he was fighting for you even before he knew what you were to him. I'm so sorry that I never said anything – to either of you. I never would have expected Jude to be so cruel to hurt you so badly. He was a complete arsehole, but I never…I'm sorry. We were so busy making sure that you were kept from Remus until he was done with his missions, and we could be sure it wasn't him. We were waiting for the war to be over before I finally took you home to be a family; when we knew that Remus wasn't the problem. Maggie was…I had no idea…"

"Sirius, he folds his bloody socks," Emma sniffled when her crying slowed enough to finally speak. "How could you ever think he would have hurt anyone?"

"I know, but Peter got in our heads. Every single one of us. I didn't want to think it was Remus, I never wanted to…"

"But you did."

"I did."

Emma pulled away from Sirius, wiping away her tears angrily. "That's really fucking sad because he _still_ loves you. He _loves_ you, Sirius, and you went and threw that away because of what Peter said? Did you even actually love him? Just because he's a bloody werewolf, it doesn't mean he's a bad person. Just because Fenrir made him what he is, it doesn't mean he's the same!"

"I know that! Merlin, I know that," Sirius cried out, clutching at his chest. "Every day, I have to live with the fact that I believed that he was working with Voldemort! I was twenty-one and an absolute idiot!" Sirius took several deep breaths, his eyes growing wide. "Did you just say that he still loves me?"

"Yes, you idiot! He still loves you despite everything! Do you know how hard it is for me to finally understand why he gets sad all the time? Do you know how hard it is for me to watch him sometimes, knowing there's nothing I can do to help him? I thought it was because of me, but it's because of you, too!"

That rendered Sirius completely speechless, and Emma leaned against the closest tree to catch her breath. Her heart hurt, her head hurt – everything hurt. She had just gone through an insane rollercoaster of emotions, and she felt as though she would be sick.

Emma groaned as the clock tower's bell went off. "Fucking why?" Emma shouted, gathering everything she had thrown. She still had one more thing to do before she could settle in for the longest nap ever. "I have to go, or Dad's going to completely lose his shit even more. He's already pissed at me about yesterday, thanks for the warning, by the way – and he didn't want me to go to Hogsmeade as it was…"

"Fenrir," Sirius breathed out, his eyes widening. He rushed over to Emma and quickly stopped himself at the look on her face. "I caught his scent and got worried. I was going to look for you when you were coming up the drive. Did he –"

"He kept his distance. I'm fine," Emma said, waving Sirius off. "He's how I got the diary pages. He had a folder with a bunch of papers he said was found with me."

"Fenrir has the folder?"

Emma glanced over at Sirius, taking in his panicked expression. "I'm guessing the folder's important?"

"The folder means everything," he said. "Everything you needed to know – everything Remus needed to know…it was all in that folder!"

"That's why I took the diary pages," Emma muttered. "Fenrir seemed keen on me having photographs, but I thought the diary pages would be more beneficial than whatever else there was."

Sirius nodded fervently. "Yes, yes, that was good," he said, his eyes still wide. "The paperwork…well, it wouldn't help anyone's case right now. It's important, but the diary is evidence."

Emma stared at Sirius for a moment and shook her head. "We need to talk…but I need time right now, Sirius. I can't…"

"I understand," Sirius said earnestly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Emma. I truly…Go – Remus has probably paced a hole into the floor by now."

"Probably," Emma admitted, starting to walk away. She paused, turning back to Sirius. He looked as lost as she felt. "Sirius, can you answer a question for me?"

Sirius looked up at Emma slowly. "Yes, anything," he said, blinking at her in surprise.

Emma bit her lip, shuffling the snow underneath her feet. "Would I have been a Black? If things were different?"

"Oh, God no," Sirius said with a barking laugh, the start of a genuine smile on his face. "I never would have done that to you."

"Good," Emma said with a resolute nod. "Emma Hope Black sounds weird. Emma Hope Lupin makes much more sense."

Emma turned to leave, but Sirius called her back. "Emma, wait!" he shouted, drawing Emma back just enough to shoot him an annoyed look. She had to go before Remus really tried to find her – she wouldn't be able to explain being in the forest with Sirius. "If…If Fenrir has the folder, then that means…" Sirius trailed off, trying to run through his thoughts. "That folder had built-in plans on where you were meant to go in the situation something happened, and none of us could get you. The wrong person had to have heard me, someone connected to Fenrir. If they kept you from Remus for so long, something isn't right. I just have no idea who or why. Be careful, Emma."

That made Emma a little dizzy to hear, but she nodded. Emma had no idea how she would try and propose that as an idea to Remus without bringing up Sirius, but she would have to try. Maybe it was time she admitted to seeing Sirius, even though she was sure Remus would _never_ let her go anywhere without him ever again.

Before Sirius could say another word, she was fled from the forest. Hopefully, this time Remus didn't try to put together a search party to find her. She wasn't entirely sure she could explain why she was in the Forbidden Forest if anyone found her there.

Emma ran back to the castle, slipping on the snow as she went but not completely falling. Her lungs were burning from the cold, and the sheer exertion required to run through pathways not yet cleared. Her frantic run to the castle at least settled her emotions, but Sirius left her with a gaping hole in her heart. When she felt herself start to break again, she ran faster. She nearly fell as she ran into the courtyard to head back inside and hit a patch of ice.

"We have bloody magic and still can't get rid of all the ice," she muttered to herself as she scrambled into the entrance hall and to the stairs. She refused to stop, even as she barreled past Remus, who was moving at the same speed she was. He must have been on his way to find her because she took so long as he was carrying his cloak over his arm.

"Don't say a word!" she shouted over her shoulder to a completely flabbergasted Remus. "I'll explain, but you need to hear what I have to say first!"

It took Remus quite a bit longer to react than she expected. She knew the exact moment he was pulled out of his stupor and picked up Fenrir's scent. His footsteps were heavy on the stairs as he chased after her, and Emma was incredibly grateful the castle was mostly empty.

"Emma!" Remus shouted. "Stop right where you are!"

"Absolutely not," Emma said, forcing herself to move faster up the stairs. "You _have_ to listen to me first!"

"Emma Hope!"

"Nope! Not stopping!"

"Emma Hope Lupin, you will stop where you are _at once_!"

Emma was almost to the third landing, while Remus was still on the second. To humor him, she stopped to turn and look at him. "I stopped," Emma said. Remus looked at her as if she had gone mental. He took another step, and it sent Emma running up the rest of the stairs. She stopped like he had asked; he just didn't tell her to stay.

"Merlin, _EMMA!_ Stop right now, or I will make you stop myself!"

"I'd love to see you try!" Emma shouted, darting down the hall to the classroom. She wasn't sure if Remus had given up on running since she went straight to the class, but she wasn't going to turn to find out. Emma rushed up the stairs to the office and yelped as Remus stepped into the room, looking frustrated. She wasn't expecting him to actually have his wand out, and Emma hoped that it was meant to be more threatening than anything. She hoped he wouldn't try to use a spell to stop her, but she wasn't sure. It was best not to find out.

Emma scrambled through the office, into the living room, and rushed down the hall to her room. She threw her bedroom door closed for good measure, made her way to the bookshelf, and snatched her copy of _War and Peace_ from the line of books.

"Please be right," Emma whispered to herself, staring up at the ceiling before opening the cover. A small gasp escaped her lips, and she began to laugh as she read the words 'Property of R.J. Lupin' written on the inside of the cover. How could she have ever forgotten such a significant moment for so long? She had even more evidence of being in Remus's presence. She had no idea because it had been years since she actually opened the book.

She flipped through the pages taking in the underlined passages and notes written in the margins. The damned book had been sitting on her bookshelf forever, and Remus didn't even recognize it as his. Did that mean he didn't remember?

Her door slammed open, and she jumped, looking over at Remus.

"God damn it, what is wrong with you? Emma, if I tell you to stop, then you _stop_. I don't understand what has gotten into you in the past twenty-four hours. What did he do to you?"

"Nothing!" Emma said quickly, shoving the book behind her back and backing up as Remus stormed over to her. "Absolutely nothing! I'm fine!" Emma dropped the book into the Honeydukes bag so she could set it down. She reached up and grabbed Remus's face, pulling him down to her level. "I. Am. Fine. Please, I really need you to listen to me right now. It's important."

Remus didn't look as though he wanted to listen at all, worry, and anger written all over his face. He very gently pulled Emma's hands away with shaking hands and nodded, his jaw clenched. Remus sat down on the edge of Emma's mattress and gestured for her to do whatever it was she wanted to do.

Emma sighed in relief, picking up the Honeydukes bag. "I remembered something," she said. "When I saw your copy of _War and Peace_ – I remembered…I remembered you." When Remus didn't say a word, Emma took a deep breath, still trying to get air back into her lungs. She was still panting hard, and she took several gulping breaths to try and get her breathing steady.

"At Saint Nicholas's, there was a park near my primary. Sort of. It was a bit out of the way, but that's not the point. It was the big one over by the river – Rowntree Park. I used to stop there sometimes after school because there was a café nearby. I would go and pick up a hot chocolate and a scone when they gave us play money."

Remus froze slightly, and Emma knew that he knew precisely which park she meant. That helped make things a little easier, considering she had a photo with him in that same park. He swallowed hard and waved Emma on.

"Right, so, I remembered one day that I stopped at the café, I was a few Pounds short because I forgot Jocelyn took my money for that week. It was probably the first time that I ever had a panic attack." Emma let out a nervous laugh at the thought. "But then this man stepped up and paid for me instead. I had no idea who he was. I just know he left before I could thank him. The only thing I knew about the man was that he was carrying a copy of _War and Peace_. I was almost positive that he was wearing a Sainsbury's shirt. Those were the only two things I knew."

Emma let the words hang out there for a moment, watching Remus closely for any recognition. He stared at her for a moment before looking out the window, rubbing his chin as he started to run through his thoughts. She couldn't quite get a complete read on him even when he turned back to look at her.

"Keep going," he said quietly, the anger on his face slowly washing away.

A small smile crossed Emma's face, and she was more than happy to keep going. "A week later, I went to Sainsbury's because we had play money again. I was going to go to the café again, but something told me to go to Sainsbury's instead. It wasn't a very crowded day, and it seemed like every line was open…but then I spotted a man at the register who had a copy of _War and Peace_. He was reading it while waiting for someone to go through his line. I wasn't sure if it was him, but I took a chance. The book is massive, after all, and how many people would be carrying it around?

"I went and picked myself up a bar of chocolate and went to his line to thank him, hoping it was the same man. Even waited for him to finish up with some old bat that moved slower than a snail. He looked terribly sad, and that didn't sit right with me. I thanked him, of course, but that wasn't enough. It wasn't as though I had a lot, but I asked him what sort of sweets he liked. And he told me that he didn't like sweets too much, but he liked raspberries."

Emma paused, waiting for Remus to say something, but he looked almost pained. She knew he wasn't going to say a word until she finished.

"I wasn't sure what to get the man. I didn't think getting actual raspberries was a good idea, so I went back to the sweets aisle. Almost like magic, I found these…" Emma bent down and reached into the Honeydukes bag and pulled out the Fry's chocolate. Like she had done years ago, she placed three of the four bars in front of Remus. "He refused to take them unless we traded, even though I very specifically remembering buying the chocolates for John. He proposed a trade."

Emma pulled one of the bars away. "He said he would take two, but he wasn't taking the third unless I took his book."

She added the third bar back to the line, staring at them for a moment – this seemed too bizarre. With a watery laugh, Emma bent back down to pull out the book, opening the cover and brushing her finger over Remus's loopy writing. "You gave this book to me six years ago…And do you remember what you told me? You told me that perhaps someday we would meet again, and we could discuss the book. Guess you were right, after all."

Emma's laugh was even more pathetic as tears started falling. She sniffled, rubbed her eyes, and stuck her hand out. "I never did get to introduce myself to you back then since we were interrupted, _John_ ," Emma said with a snort. "You really aren't very clever with names, but hi, I'm Emma Lupin, your long-lost daughter. And I never really did get far in this bloody book, but I think I'd like to talk about it now."

Remus looked terribly confused, his eyes moving from Emma's face to the book, to the chocolates and back. "But you didn't look like you," he breathed out. "A part of me wondered if…but I didn't think it was possible. You weren't…you."

Emma slowly dropped her hand, suddenly feeling like she never should have said anything, but Remus captured it in his quickly, holding it tight between his.

"Please, don't take it the wrong way," Remus said earnestly. "I'm relieved because you kept me from doing something incredibly stupid that day, but I'm confused."

"So am I, but there's more," Emma said quietly. "Courtesy of Fenrir," Emma added with a grimace. Remus immediately paled, but he nodded, letting go of her hand.

With a shaky breath, Emma reached into her coat to pull out the photograph and handed it to Remus.

"What's this?" Remus asked sharply, pulling the photo out of Emma's hand and inspecting it closely.

"S-sometimes they would bring us over to Rowntree when it was nice," Emma said quickly. "They would take pictures of us while at the park."

"And Fenrir had this?"

"And more," Emma reluctantly said. "But he told me to give you this one specifically. He wouldn't give me the rest."

Remus's eyes snapped up to meet hers. "What do you mean, he had more?"

"He had a whole folder of things. He said that it was with me when I was found."

"Then why wasn't I given it? That should've been brought to the children's home…or given to someone at the Ministry," Remus said, almost nervously. "If Fenrir has it…"

"Dad, I don't know any more than you do. This is what he gave me, and I wasn't going to not take it," Emma said with a slight shrug. "He told me he would have given me the whole thing, but I kept ignoring him."

"He wouldn't have given you everything regardless of whether or not you ignored him," Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked back at the photo. He looked at it a little closer. "You don't look entirely like yourself here, either," he muttered. "At least in this, I can see that it's you, but it isn't entirely. Almost as if…" He frowned, his forehead wrinkling as he tried to run through the possibilities in his head. "This might be more helpful than we think. I have to show this to Dumbledore."

Remus made to stand up, but Emma grabbed onto his arm to keep him where he was. "Wait," Emma said, "there's still more."

"Emma, how long were you with Fenrir?"

"Honestly, no idea," Emma said quickly. "Felt like a blur. But there's more." She reached back into her coat pocket to pull out the diary entries. "You and Elara haven't told me who the other name on my birth certificate was meant to be is because you thought it was meant to be Sirius, isn't it?"

Remus nodded slowly. "We're almost positive that Sirius was meant to be your biological father. We concluded that there was a strong possibility that he would have done what we did, but there was no paperwork to support it. We don't know the circumstances because your mother was with Jude, and well…Sirius was with me. I thought you might have worked that out for yourself, but I wasn't too sure."

Emma nodded, looking down at the papers in her hand. "I didn't get to read past the first few pages, but I have the proof that was the case," Emma said breathlessly, holding them out for Remus to take. He took the pages slowly, nervously. "I know you said you didn't want to read any of mum's diary, but I think you need to read these. It's all the proof in the world that I'm yours, and I was always meant to be."

Casting Emma a suspicious glance, Remus began to read what was in front of him. Emma watched him closely, nervous that his expression was so impassive, but then his wall started to crack. There were several points that he stopped reading, staring off elsewhere as he tried to run through his thoughts. He began to flip through the pages quickly, scanning the words, looking for key phrases, and then he set the pages aside.

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and Emma knew to wait because he was thinking. She knew that he needed to process what he had just read. As hard as it was for her, Emma knew it would be much worse for Remus. She had the opportunity to take out some of her swirling emotions on Sirius, but Remus didn't. This meant something entirely different for him.

She frowned when she noticed Remus sinking too far into his thoughts. Much like he usually did for her, Emma bent down into his line of sight, giving him a shaky smile. When he finally met her gaze, he was looking at her like he had earlier that day. She gently brushed a finger over one of the scars on his cheek.

"I should have known the moment I saw you back in Diagon Alley," she breathed out. "Guess it didn't matter to me that you had these even then." Emma took a deep breath, straightening up. "Hi, Dad," she added, her voice breaking.

Without saying a word, Remus pulled Emma into a bone-crushing hug and just held her as if it was for the very first time. Perhaps, Emma realized, he truly was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a one shot associated with it.
> 
> [Chocolate and Raspberries](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21662209/chapters/64576264) is the first real moment Emma can remember with Remus, even though she was unaware of it at the time.
> 
> **come find me on:**  
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> 


	44. Exploding Snap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Remus share a sweet moment, and Remus ruminates over his thoughts on Sirius. Emma takes a chance and tries to befriend the Golden Trio at the beginning of the Christmas holiday.

"Dad?"

"Yes, love?"

"I think I want to visit mum's grave."

Remus looked up from the pile of tests he was still grading, tilting his head as he looked over at Emma. She was carefully repairing her mother's diary page-by-page with a repetitious and meticulously cast mending charm. He was already impressed by how well Emma could cast the spell, but her multiple attempts had made that particular charm flawless. He was sure that if she really wanted to, she could cast it as a nonverbal spell and still have the same effect.

Things had been difficult for them over the weekend. When Remus wasn't meeting with Dumbledore, they spent their time pouring through the entries that had been ripped out. It was overwhelming to go through, and they were processing the information slowly. There was no doubt that their dynamic had changed, and it felt like they were navigating their lives together for the first time all over again.

Margaret's diary had made it very clear who knew the truth and what was to occur if something happened to her. Remus was furious that his father had known the entire time, and Emma was just left in such a confused state that it made Remus angrier. It wasn't fair to either of them, but he knew it affected Emma more than she let out.

It was evident from the pages that there was much more information hidden in the folder in Fenrir's clutches. They had no idea how to safely get it. Between Remus and Dumbledore, they weren't sure if another folder existed but based on Emma's information, it seemed it was never replicated.

The good thing about the entire situation was that they were a united front in their hurt. It only served to push them closer, but it was had because the information came indirectly from Fenrir. Remus could only guess at the older werewolf's motives for granting them such a favor.

When Remus didn't say anything, Emma glanced at him, an almost sad smile crossing her face. "It's only right," she said quietly. "I might be yours, but she still carried me and took care of me for two years." Emma paused, looking down at the page in her hand with a half-hearted shrug. "Or she tried to as best as she could considering the circumstances."

That was another unexpected piece of information to learn – Margaret had suffered just as much as Emma did at Jude's hand. The threat of Fenrir had kept Margaret right where she was, not wanting to tell anyone of what Jude was doing. Margaret felt she had a duty to keep Emma as safe as she could and had lamented in later entries that she felt she failed. Remus felt incredibly guilty for leaving so much on missions when he would have stayed had he known any of it. He still couldn't figure out what to think about Sirius's contribution to the situation.

Remus was overjoyed that the not-so-little girl sitting across from him was his, but he was frustrated that Sirius kept her a secret. She should have been _their_ little girl – he should have never been a single parent. Even though Remus had eventually come around to the idea in more recent months, it was much different now. Remus had to more than make up for lost time, and he wasn't sure if he could.

Remus supposed it made sense that Sirius never said a word, but it hurt knowing that everyone thought _he_ was working with Voldemort. He would have died rather than consider actually working for the dark wizard. Having to pretend to be on Fenrir's side made him disgusted as it was – for any of them to believe he would switch from the light to the dark stung. Being a dark creature was more than enough darkness for him.

The small smile on Emma's face turned to a frown. "You think it's a stupid idea?" she asked, looking slightly worried, and Remus finally pulled himself out of his thoughts. So much for having a relaxing holiday.

"No, not at all," Remus said, straightening up in his chair. "I think it's a wonderful idea. I think we could fit it in after your appointment. Or the day after, if you'd prefer."

Emma studied Remus for a moment, nodded, and went back to piecing together the diary. There had been around 150 pages to go through, and each page painted an entirely different story than what Remus knew. He had spent his entire life thinking Margaret hated him, but she had spent just as much time thinking he hated her. It only added to Remus's guilt, but he pushed it aside as he returned to grading. If he worked long enough, he could get all of his grading done before leaving for London in a few days.

"You know, I was thinking about it," Emma said, breaking through the crackling fire, the scratching of his quill, and her quiet mutterings of _Reparo_. "I don't think I was calling you MooMoo when I was younger."

"Oh?" Remus said, unable to stop his smile when he noticed Emma's cheeky grin.

"I think I was trying to call you Mumma," Emma snickered.

Remus snorted, shaking his head. "That's exactly the sort of thing you would have done when you were smaller, quite honestly," Remus sighed wistfully. "You were an incredibly cheeky little thing, even then. Nothing humbles you more than a toddler telling you what they really think."

"As if anything I said as a toddler could be worse than what I've said to you."

"Oh, no, it was worse," Remus said dryly. "Much worse."

"What could be worse than all of the comments I made while you were teaching because I was mad at you?"

"At least that I understood. But when you were younger? I had no idea. You told me I was mean and that I couldn't read to you anymore."

Emma stopped repairing the diary to fix Remus with a disbelieving stare. "That's worse than what I was saying to you?"

"Yes!" Remus said adamantly. "I still don't know what I did to make you get so mad at me. I'm pretty sure I had just walked in the door of your grandfather's, and it was the very first thing you said to me."

"Well, you must have deserved it if I said it so quickly," Emma said, quirking an eyebrow.

"I was wounded by it. Took me a good week to get over it."

"Are you aware of how dramatic you really are?"

"I'm not being dramatic," Remus huffed. "It hurt! I was so excited to see you, and you came up to me with such a scowl on your tiny little face and said that. It was alarming."

"I suppose I apologize for that then. I'm sure my tinier self didn't mean to hurt you," Emma said, setting aside the diary and her wand and stretching. She looked over at the quill that remained sitting in its box and seemed to find a permanent home on the coffee table. "What do you think I should do with the quill?"

"What do you want to do with it?"

Emma had been waffling over the idea of what to do. Her first instinct was to burn the feather, but she _really_ liked it. Emma wasn't sure that she could detach the fact that Fenrir was the one who purchased it for her, but she could argue that he actually paid for it. It was far more expensive than she thought it would be at 5 Galleons, and she never would have purchased it herself at that price.

"I don't know," Emma frowned, setting her things on the table and lying down. She tucked a pillow under her head and tugged the throw blanket down over herself, getting comfortable. "I really do like the quill, but…"

"Then keep it," Remus said with a shrug.

"What? Have you gone mental?"

"Or you could toss it in the fire like you wanted. You didn't pay for it."

"You're really not making this decision easy at all," Emma muttered. "You're supposed to tell me what I'm supposed to do, and you're not."

Remus looked over at the quill and then over to Emma. "Because I've taken gifts from Fenrir, too," he replied. "I'm not really the best gauge of what you should or shouldn't do in this situation."

"But you didn't have a choice, did you?"

"Not really, but unfortunately, neither did you, even if it seemed like you did."

Emma let out a long breath and curled up. "I'm going to bed. You're not helping, and I don't want to think about it right now."

"Nos da fy nghariad bach," Remus whispered. He didn't know why he bothered as Emma had fallen asleep before he had finished his sentence. He allowed himself to watch her for a few minutes, grateful that for the first time in months, she was finally sleeping peacefully.

For the longest time, Remus was sure that sleep wouldn't come easy for her, too plagued by her nightmares. It seemed as though having to face her nightmare in person once more had shifted something in her subconscious. She still struggled with her demons, but they weren't as crippling as they were. It was only the other night that she had woken him up, crying with relief that she wasn't scared like she usually was. She felt terrible waking him up, but he was glad that she did. Remus wanted to share her joys with her, along with her pain.

Emma was a much different person than she was a year prior, and even more different than at the start of term. Remus knew that she didn't see it yet, but she was much stronger than before. She was more open and willing to talk things through and didn't fight him nearly as much as she used to. What once had been epic tidal waves of emotion had started to settle into gentle ebbs and flows. He could read her feelings easily and anticipate what she needed. Emma _wanted_ to get better, which had been a turning point to her recovery, but it was still a journey she was on. Remus could only hope that having another outside influence would help her.

Remus credited a lot of Emma's improvements to Elara, though. As much as he would love to take credit, Elara had been instrumental in getting Emma to open up. Elara related to Emma on a different level than he could, and Remus was grateful to have her as a friend. There had been many times Elara had expressed how much she loved Emma, and he was sure the Emma loved her as well. It made Remus wonder how he ever could have worried that she wouldn't accept what he was – what they were. The only thing that bothered him about Emma loving Elara was he had realized Emma desperately wanted a second parent. Elara could never be that person.

Sirius floated back into his mind far too effortlessly for his liking. Emma was _their_ daughter – the circumstances didn't change a thing. It didn't matter that Emma shared none of Sirius's DNA; he could so easily see him in her personality. Emma had every bit of Sirius's humor, his recklessness, his charm, and his spontaneity. She was passionate and persistent and was impulsive and stubborn. The knowledge of who she was meant to be only made the realization that much more jarring.

Emma, of course, shared traits with Remus, as well. She was intelligent, gentle, observant, and equal parts cynical, nervous, and withdrawn. Emma possessed a hidden mischievous nature that rivaled both him and Sirius when she let it free. She was absolutely perfect, even at her worst, and he was increasingly thankful that life hadn't completely destroyed her spirit. But he worried every single day – he didn't know what Sirius was capable of. The fact Emma saw Sirius at all, on a few occasions, was concerning.

He knew what to worry about with Fenrir, but with Sirius? Remus wasn't sure. Emma still hadn't said a word about seeing him, and there were several points she might have thought about it but didn't. In her defense, he hadn't had the best track record in handling what she had to say, so she was scared to bring it up. Remus wanted to know what Sirius had to say. He wanted to believe that he never would have broken up the family he didn't realize they had together. Remus wanted to believe that Sirius never killed Peter, but there had been too much proof. Right?

Sirius never had a trial.

Remus let out a quiet groan, rubbing his temples. He hadn't thought about the possibility of Sirius actually being innocent in years, but he was beginning to wonder. The fact Sirius didn't have a trial meant that he never got to plead his case, and Remus never bothered to try and get to Azkaban to talk to him. He had been too busy dealing with the loss of Emma and everyone else to consider it. There had been too much pulling him elsewhere, and it wasn't as though they had been talking too much in the end.

Would it have made any difference? Would Remus have known if Sirius was telling the truth, or would he have been too confused and hurt? The only saving grace Sirius had was that he didn't harm Emma in any interactions. He had gotten into the castle and destroyed the Fat Lady's portrait, but what if there was a reason outside of getting to Harry? It didn't sit right that Sirius could see Emma and not hurt her when Harry was just as much his as Emma was. Remus wished he could desperately talk to Sirius, but he couldn't do that – especially not as a professor. There had been enough questioning of his loyalty when Sirius got into the castle. Besides, Remus wasn't sure that he could see his…were they even ex-boyfriends? Ex fiancés? They had never settled on any single label, just being content to have each other, but what _were_ they?

They had never officially ended things, and Remus never truly moved on. They had talked about marriage, and children, obviously. If they didn't, Emma never would have been a possibility and then an eventuality. He felt blessed to have her, but…

For a while, Remus tried to move on. There was a long string of one-night stands, and even the possibility of something long term, but he could never commit. Sirius had given him a ring with the promise they would get married as soon as the war was over, but that never happened. The war had ended, and everything was lost along with it.

The only possible link they had was sleeping across from him. Still, Remus couldn't risk the possibility of losing her just so he could be selfish.

Heaving a heavy sigh, Remus started to gather his things. It was steadily growing later, and he had too much on his mind. Trying to grade would be pointless when Remus knew he would be too distracted. Remus stood, running through his nightly debate of whether or not he would move Emma to her bed. Usually, he would, but she looked too relaxed – he didn't want to disturb her. Instead, Remus brushed her hair off her face and leaned down to kiss her cheek. He went and brought out her jar of blue flames, settling it on the table, and made his way to bed with a heavy sigh. It was going to be a long break.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

Emma had come to love being at Hogwarts like she had in her first year, but this year was different. Though they weren't staying at the castle the entire time, she was experiencing her first Hogwarts Christmas. The castle held a different air with the holidays, and it filled her with glee. The noisy hallways were quiet, the twinkling lights were beautiful, and Emma loved having nearly free reign of the castle. Remus was holding true to reserving his punishment for the start of term, wanting Emma to actually relax for the holiday, and she was grateful. Although she wasn't sure how much she could relax with all of her thoughts.

Emma found herself lying on her back on the floor of the Great Hall in front of the fire and reading. There were so few students left in the castle that the tables had been moved, and most meals were being taken in the dorms. Of course, one _could_ go to the Great Hall if they wanted, but it wasn't a requirement. There was no point in having to leave the dorms if you didn't have to, but Emma had started to wander with Remus's blessings as long as she didn't leave the castle. It was a rule that Emma didn't mind obeying for once.

The discovery of the Marauder's Map had inspired her and having Remus at the castle gave her a little immunity from Mr. Filch. Mrs. Norris tailed her as if she was doing something wrong, but Emma was only taking long walks. No one needed to know that she was secretly looking for hidden passageways. After a brief encounter with Peeves that morning that left her completely soaked through from a bucket of water, Emma had given up on her adventuring for the day.

She didn't want to head back to her room just yet, so off to the Great Hall she went. No one seemed inclined to pass through, and she would be left to her own devices to dry off.

A sigh escaped her lips as she put her book down on her stomach for a moment to think. She was a jumble of emotions, but they weren't _all_ bad for once. She was hurt, yes, but she was working through the situation with her father, and that made things easier – they had each other. This was something that was shared, and they had to work together to figure it out.

 _Her father_. The very thought made her stomach still do a funny little squirm and brought a stupid smile to her face. All of her silly daydreams _were real_. Even better, Remus's instincts were right, and he had figured it out early on. His thoughts and feelings might have been based on whatever werewolf magic existed, but he _knew_. Her chest grew painfully tight at the idea of what she had nearly done out of fear. She was so close to doing something incredibly stupid, but Sirius had been the one to start and convince her _not_ to do something rash. All of the words Sirius had said to her that night stuck out, practically ringing in her ears as if he was still whispering them to her.

Perhaps, if things worked out and Sirius was innocent, she could have _two_ fathers, and that was much better than one. She loved Remus, but it was difficult having to go to him for everything. Elara helped, but Emma didn't think Remus was interested in her. Was he? Just because he was still in love with Sirius, it didn't mean that he couldn't be in love with someone else, too. Remus had spent countless nights telling her it was more than all right to like one person; it was how she acted on it that made a difference. Since she wasn't committed to any one person, it was fine. Could Remus feel the same way? Could he love Sirius, but still be interested in Elara? 12 years was a very long time to not see the person you loved, and Sirius couldn't possibly have expected Remus to wait for him. Sirius had a life-time sentence, after all.

No, Emma would know if he had any interest in Elara. They were friends, and that was obvious. Close friends, even. They had a fair amount in common besides their lycanthropy, so it made sense. At least her father even _had_ friends. She never heard Remus talk about anyone, so Emma wasn't sure if his life ever really revolved around anything other than her. He was dedicated to his work, and of course, to her, but Remus could honestly stand for a bit of fun. She would have to think more about that.

Emma picked up her book and allowed herself to get lost in it. At least until a shadow appeared overhead.

"What are you doing?"

Emma peered to the side of the book she was holding high over her head to find Hermione giving her a funny look. Emma glanced just past Hermione to see Harry and Ron giving her equally puzzled looks. "Uh, reading," Emma said, lifting an eyebrow. "Maybe you should try it sometime."

Hermione let out a huff as Ron and Harry began to snicker behind her.

"Oi, what are you two uglies laughing about?" Emma asked, looking at the two boys who looked at her in surprise. They clearly weren't expecting to be pulled into Emma's sarcasm.

"We're not ugly!" Ron said sharply.

"Have you seen yourself in the mirror lately, mate?"

That set Harry off into full-blown laughter, doubling over.

"Harry, you shouldn't be laughing," Emma said dryly, smirking as Harry looked at her in alarm. "You and Ron make quite a fine couple."

"Gods," Hermione said, covering her face with her hands.

The boys looked at each other and then to Emma in surprise before bursting into laughter, holding onto each other to keep upright. A small swell of pride flooded Emma's being at making both boys laugh, especially Harry. In a different world, they would have been siblings. There was a slim possibility they still could be. She closed her book and sat up, looking at the still laughing boys and Hermione's exasperated face.

"What are you lot doing?" Emma asked, folding her legs in front of her. "Thought you would all wind up staying up in Gryffindor."

"Nah, got too boring. We're the only Gryffindors staying this year," Ron moaned. "We think there are a few Ravenclaws that stayed, but we don't know. We haven't seen anyone else."

"I think nearly everyone went home because their parents are worried about Sirius Black," Hermione said with a shudder.

"Hermione's been doing too much homework, so we decided to force her to leave," Harry said with a laugh as Hermione pouted. "She doesn't know the meaning of relaxing, which is what we're supposed to be doing."

Emma tried to smile at that. "Wouldn't be Hermione if she didn't relax," Emma said, sharing knowing looks with Harry and Ron. "So, what were you all actually _doing_?"

"Keeping Hermione from the library mostly, except now she's seen you reading," Ron said with a dramatic sigh.

"No, she didn't," Emma said, shoving the book behind her back. "I was just laying here because Peeves dropped a bucket of water on me."

"Emma, you just stuck the book behind your back," Hermione said, crossing her arms.

"What book?"

"The book you were reading – _Anne of Green Gables,_ it looked like."

"I was reading?" Emma tilted her head, giving Hermione a questioning look.

Harry and Ron looked at Emma as though she had gone mental, but then they slowly understood.

"Emma wasn't reading, Hermione," Harry said, doing an excellent job of biting back his grin. "I didn't see a book, did you, Ron?"

"No, I didn't see a book."

Hermione turned to look at the boys. "She just put it around her back!" Hermione said, annoyed.

Emma took the opportunity to quickly shove the book under her jumper and tuck it into the back of her trousers so it wouldn't fall. By the time Hermione turned around, Emma was sitting as she was before. It was almost too easy. "Hermione, I really wasn't reading, and I don't have a book behind my back." Emma stood up slowly to avoid dislodging the book. It was incredibly difficult for Emma to not smile when Hermione shouted in aggravation that the book was nowhere obvious to be seen.

"You had a book, Emma!" Hermione said. "I _saw_ it!"

"Hermione, there _was no book_ ," Ron insisted.

It was a stroke of genius that Hermione grew annoyed with Ron and turned back to him. Emma took the opportunity to pull the book back out, and hastily passed it to Harry. He was prepared to pretend he had it the entire time. Emma and Harry shared a smirk and quickly schooled their expressions to look confused. When Hermione was tired of yelling at Ron, she nearly shrieked, seeing the book in Harry's hand.

"What's wrong, Hermione?" Harry asked innocently.

"Nothing!" Hermione shouted, throwing her arms up in aggravation.

Emma was so sure that Harry would have handed the book back to Emma, but he held onto it as if it was his. It was tough not to laugh, and she cleared her throat to try and mask her giggle. She ran a hand through her hair, suddenly feeling awkward over what she was about to ask.

"I, uhm, I know we don't really hang out, but did you lot want to do something? There's not much to do right now, and I'm afraid I don't know what to do, but we could go up to my room and…and maybe play Exploding Snap? Or Gobstones? Dad's got a set of Gobstones, and he tries to make me play with him, but I'm terrible at it."

"Does he have wizard's chess?" Ron asked, perking up.

"He's got regular chess," Emma said with a shrug. "I know it's not the same, but…"

Harry looked at Ron and Hermione for a moment and then smiled at Emma. "I think Exploding Snap would be fine."

"R-really?" Emma asked in surprise. She had only ever had Persephone and Neville anywhere near her room. The idea of having Harry, Ron, and Hermione there seemed almost like it was an impossibility. Would Remus care? No – he wouldn't. He had been trying to convince her to make more friends. Remus would be pleased to see Emma trying to be friends with them.

"Yeah, why not?" Ron shrugged.

Hermione seemed almost excited. "Oh, I've always wondered what a professor's quarters are like!" she said in excitement.

"Well, then wait 'til you see it's exactly like home, then," Emma said, perking up. "Come on!"

The closer they approached the Defense classroom, the more nervous Emma became. She wasn't used to sharing this part of her life. She wasn't ashamed of her life with Remus, but she was well aware that they didn't have as much as most. Neville and Persephone were well off, but she trusted them more than anything, and they didn't care. Would Harry, Ron, and Hermione hate it or judge them for what they had?

"Why are we going to the Defense class?" Ron asked.

"Oh," Emma said, realizing that it seemed odd as they stepped into the room. "Our quarters are attached to the office. I'm not sure if it's like that for everyone, though."

"I believe Professor McGonagall's rooms are attached to her office as well," Hermione said. "I think everyone else has separate living spaces."

Emma hummed quietly as they walked up the stairs to the office. She frowned slightly seeing the blank wall, which meant Remus either sealed the entrance to not be bothered or he was with Dumbledore again. Without a second thought, Emma pressed her hand to the wall to activate the door.

"Whoa," Harry breathed out when a door appeared. "It's like getting into the Slytherin common room."

"Except there's no password," Emma said, putting her hand on the doorknob. "Only Dad and I can get in. Although Neville and Persephone can get in, too," Emma added thoughtfully.

" _Neville_ has been here?"

"A few times," Emma said, pushing the door open with a sigh. The interior rooms were dark, which meant Remus wasn't actually around. "He's never mentioned it?"

"I think Neville's mentioned it a few times," Hermione said thoughtfully.

Emma nodded in surprise. Was she closer to Neville than they were? "Well, come in," Emma said, stepping over the threshold and gesturing for the others to join her. She watched nervously as they stepped in and let out the breath she was holding when they looked fascinated.

"This is where you live?" Ron asked in awe, looking around the living room. Emma wondered if it was the same look she had when she stepped foot into her home the very first time. She tried to look around to imagine that moment all over again. The cottage was quaint, but it was very comfortable, and most of the comforts of home were replicated in their quarters. The books not in the classroom were set up at home, and even the decorations.

"Yeah," Emma said, rubbing the back of her neck as she watched Hermione peering through the books. Ron and Harry had made their way over to the photos sitting on the mantel, and Emma sat down on the couch. "Make yourselves comfortable. It's a near-exact recreation of our home, including down to the furniture," Emma explained. She thought about it for a moment and decided to get up and take Remus's armchair instead. "'Course my room's bigger here, but I like feeling like I'm home."

"Oh, good, you're back." Emma watched in near horror when Remus suddenly walked in, staring at a piece of parchment in his hand. He was utterly oblivious to the fact that there were three other people in their living room, and they all froze. "I thought that we could head out tonight to head home. I thought it might be good…" Remus trailed off, finally looking up and blinking in surprise at the three teenagers standing in his living room. "Er, hello."

Emma gave Remus a sheepish grin as his gaze met hers. "Hi, Dad," she said nervously. "I hope you don't mind. They weren't doing anything. and I thought we could play Exploding Snap for a bit. Sorry, I should have asked first."

Remus's face was unreadable as he looked at all four teenagers, and then his expression softened, and he shook his head. "You didn't have to ask," Remus said, relaxing. "It's your home too, you know. Besides, it's the holidays." Remus smiled warmly at the others. "Did Emma offer you anything? I know it's just after lunch, but are you hungry? Thirsty?"

Emma immediately blushed. She was so used to Persephone just raiding the cabinets, and Neville usually came by after eating that Emma didn't even think to ask. Remus gave Emma a knowing look and winked.

"Oh, no, we're all right, Professor Lupin," Hermione said quickly.

"Well," Ron said slowly.

"I'll make everyone tea," Remus smiled, heading off to the kitchen.

"The magic to set this all up is impressive," Hermione said, looking around curiously. "This is really a recreation of your home?"

Emma scratched her head, starting to feel a little embarrassed. She knew the cottage was nothing like other homes, but she loved it. "Er, yeah."

"You should see the Burrow," Ron said. "At least everything is in one piece here. If it weren't for magic, I would be afraid the entire house would fall down."

"The Burrow is amazing," Harry said excitedly. "It's huge! There are _five_ floors! Ron's room is all the way at the top!"

Ron grinned proudly. "There's the attic, too, mate. My room's not at the top," Ron said. "Hey! Now we can say we've been to Professor Lupin's house! How many people can say they've been to a professor's house?"

"Really, Ron?" Hermione said. "That's what you care about?"

"You know, Neville's been to my _actual_ house," Emma said. "He hasn't just been here."

"Neville's gone to your house?" Ron asked in surprise. "Merlin, he doesn't tell us anything!"

"Your home is very lovely," Hermione said politely.

"Thanks," Emma grinned. "I'm rather partial to it."

"Thank you, Hermione," Remus said, levitating mugs to everyone and setting down a tea tray. "I hope tea bags are all right. Harry already knows I haven't had a moment to get anything else."

"We're sick of tea leaves," Ron said, sitting down on the couch. Hermione agreed.

Remus understood all too well, having to listen to Emma complain about it for weeks. "I think it's safe to say that none of you are interested in Divination?"

There was a resounding groan from all four teenagers.

"Dad, it's _break_ ," Emma said. "Please don't bring up Divination."

"I'll make sure not to bring it up again," Remus said, biting back his grin. "Emma, do you mind if I have a word with you in the kitchen?" Emma gave him a curious look as she slowly set down her cup of tea. "You're not in trouble," Remus added, and Emma relaxed slightly.

"I'll be right back," Emma said, standing up to follow Remus into the kitchen. She stared at him and watched as he pulled out a vial with blue liquid from his pocket. Emma completely forgot that she needed to start her doses of Wolfsbane Potion a day early.

"Severus caught me while I was with Dumbledore," Remus said quietly, handing Emma the vial. "I didn't know you had to start your doses early. Why is that?"

"It's because he's adjusting the aconite levels," Emma said, scowling as she unstopped the vial. "He has a theory, and unfortunately, I get to test it."

"Does Elara know?"

"Mmhmm," Emma said, taking the vial in one swallow. She pulled a face and thrust the container back at Remus. "She knows, and she's okay with it. The goal is to get me down to twice a week instead of every other day. Less waste and less stress if we can adjust to that. Elara wants to try and cut down my exposure to aconite unless I absolutely need it and wants to supplement with other potions instead."

Remus nodded slowly and frowned. "Why hasn't she said anything to me?"

"Not sure," Emma muttered, having a glass of water to wash down the flavor of the potion. "God, that bloody potion is terrible."

"Fairly positive you have said that about every single potion," Remus remarked with a sad smile.

Emma was about to make a comment, but she knew Remus would quickly sink into his melancholy self if she did. "It's all right that I have…well, Harry, Ron, and Hermione over?" Emma asked, wanting to change the subject. "I'm sorry, I really should have asked, but you weren't here…"

"Nonsense," Remus said, giving Emma a reassuring hug. "It's your home, too. Now, if you tried this when term started, then we would be having a different discussion. I'll give you a pass this time." Remus kissed the top of Emma's head before letting her go. "I thought maybe we would head home tonight, but if you want to spend time with them…"

"Oh," Emma said quietly, looking down the hallway towards the living room. "I don't know. I haven't really packed yet."

"I'll start," Remus smiled. "If we have to leave tomorrow morning, then we'll leave tomorrow. It's not a problem."

Emma gave Remus another hug with a smile. She was never going to take Remus for granted for as long as she lived. "Thanks, Dad," Emma said quietly before rushing back into the living room to join the others.

Instead of starting to pack, Remus decided to have a cup of tea as well and settled himself in the kitchen. He didn't want to eavesdrop on their conversation, but he couldn't help himself. It was nice to hear more voices, and he was glad that Emma was trying to make friends.

"Hermione, know what I thought of the other day?" Emma suddenly said before bursting into a fit of giggles.

"Oh, I'm afraid to know," Hermione said nervously.

"All I'm going to say is Madam Malkins."

"Oh, _no_ ," Hermione moaned. "Please, do not remind me."

"Well," Emma said slowly, making Remus start to chuckle. He was curious to hear this story.

"Emma, please don't! I'll never hear the end of it!"

"Oh, come off it, Hermione. You can't tell me that you don't find it funny now. Please let me tell it!"

"Tell it!" Ron said excitedly.

"Right, so you lot remember the measuring tapes Madam Malkin uses, correct? The one that just does it all itself, and she just walks off? Well, I was fitted first, and Madam Malkin set things off to do whatever it was she was doing, I don't really know, and was working on getting Hermione fitted. _Well_ , Madam Malkin just up and left, and poor Hermione had absolutely no idea and had an entire conversation as if the witch was there. I didn't have the heart to tell her."

"I was so cross with you!" Hermione huffed as Harry and Ron laughed.

"You just kept going!" Emma exclaimed. "I don't even know if you took a single breath the entire time!"

"You still could have told me!"

"In my defense, I tried to get your attention a few times, but you were too busy going on and on and on. Just be glad your parents weren't there because your mum would have made fun of you, just like when we went to the apothecary!"

Remus smiled, listening to the four laughing. It reminded him of late nights in the Gryffindor dorm with the rest of the Marauders. With a sigh, Remus realized that the second generation of Marauders was sitting in his living room. It almost felt wrong. He should have done more for Harry, too.

"Do you lot remember the troll?" Ron suddenly asked, drawing Remus's attention further. Emma had never talked about what happened with the troll, and he was curious.

"Oh, God," Harry said with a snort. "I felt as though I was pulling troll boogers off my wand for weeks."

"I just can't believe you wedged it so far up its nose," Emma said, laughing.

"And Ron did the best levitation spell I've ever seen," Hermione said.

"It was rather good, wasn't it?" Ron said with a grin.

"It was brilliant," Emma said brightly. "I thought that was the end for all of us – especially Harry. What made you think of it?"

"Dunno," Ron said after a moment. "It was the first thing I thought of, and I had no idea whether it would work."

There was silence, and then the four teenagers immediately burst into laughter, and Remus smiled over his mug. He knew that Emma was afraid of trying to be their friend, but it seemed that she was worried for no reason. Remus hoped that James and Lily would be proud of who their children were. He knew that he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	45. St. Mungo's Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma has her first therapy appointment at St. Mungo's.

Emma never paid much attention to the sound of a clock before. At least not to the degree that she was currently. It was incessant, the constant _tick, tick, tick_ , as the minute hand moved. The noise was starting to annoy her, aggravating her already anxious mood. All the magic in the world and not even St. Mungo's had silent clocks; it was almost sad.

"Sweetheart, Dr. Wheeler asked you a question."

Emma looked up at Remus, who had spoken, and then to the woman sitting across from them. She wasn't aware that she had completely spaced out. The therapist seemed like a kind woman – possibly. The woman had dark auburn hair like she once had and kind blue eyes. She appeared to be on the taller side, but everyone was taller than Emma. Unfortunately, height was one thing that magic didn't seem to want to touch for her. Looking at the woman, Emma forgot that her hair used to be auburn at one point. As time went on, her hair had shifted to Remus's light brown, and she was eternally grateful that blood magic existed.

Emma assumed that the doctor was nice. She had to be if Elara recommended her, but Emma felt incredibly uncomfortable. This wasn't like having to sit with Remus, and by taking this step, it meant someone else was taking over for him. She still wasn't sure that she was ready to take that step. A month ago, when she was pushed back towards her low point, it made sense, but now that she felt more confident, it seemed silly. Emma was the happiest she had ever been in her life, so why did she still need therapy?

 _Because it's a condition to you staying at Hogwarts and because Dad can't do it anymore_ , Emma thought to herself. She was still frustrated that one single thing had changed their arrangement, but she understood. The idea of having another professor take over her care was presented to her, but that didn't sound like a good idea at all. Emma couldn't stand the idea of another professor taking over.

Remus leaned forward in his chair to get himself into Emma's line of vision, his expression concerned. "Sweetheart?"

With a soft sigh, Emma cleared her throat and tried to put on a smile. "I'm sorry, what did you ask me?" Emma asked the woman – Dr. Davina Wheeler, Emma reminded herself. The woman had a name, and she ought to remember it. They would be seeing each other a lot if the doctor decided she would work with her.

Dr. Wheeler's smile was gentle. "I asked you what you expect from our sessions together?"

 _Was the questionnaire not enough?_ Emma thought bitterly to herself. If she thought Remus's questions were invasive initially, that questionnaire put every question he ever asked her to shame.

_Are you currently experiencing sadness, grief, or depression? – No. Finally._

_Are you currently experiencing anxiety, panic attacks, or have any phobias? – Yes. Absolutely feral werewolves will do that to you._

_How often do you engage in recreational drug use? – Do I have to answer?_

_Are you currently in a romantic relationship? – No comment._

The medical forms made Emma feel as though they had gotten off on the wrong foot. She knew that they were typical with Muggle doctors, but she had never experienced that at the children's home. Emma had floundered entirely when she found herself staring at a section on Family Mental Health History. What was she even supposed to answer? She felt like she stared at it forever, before flipping further on to see that there was _more_ family history she had no idea about. Why did she have to even fill that information out? What was she supposed to say? She didn't know any of it.

Luckily Remus took notice and plucked the forms from her to fill out the rest, taking care to not look at what she answered on her questionnaire. When he filled it out, he passed the forms back to Emma to finish her part. It felt like there were a million questions, each one seemingly more personal than the next. She couldn't keep herself from glancing over at Remus's form to see what he was filling out about her, but he was careful. The only time he didn't bother to keep it hidden was when he filled out his information as "Father" instead of "Step-parent." The dumb little smile he had when he glanced over at her made her feel better – in a very round-about way, he was her father. Emma wasn't sure she could ever get used to that.

After not enough time for Emma's liking, Dr. Wheeler called them into the strange little room they sat in. The entire thing felt weird. Emma already struggled with meeting new people, but now she _had_ to get used to this woman? It already felt impossible to do such a thing.

"Uhm," Emma shifted nervously, looking around the room. It was relatively bare, one that must be used for specific instances like this where another doctor needed to come in. There were a few moving portraits on the wall, a desk, and the three chairs they were occupying. Emma wondered if Healers would set the room to their liking with magic, and that was why it remained so empty. She went to scratch her arm out of nerves, but she glanced over at Remus and quickly stopped. He told her to stop doing that a while ago. Instead, Emma looked at the teddy bear sitting just behind Dr. Wheeler, needing something to focus on for a moment. "I don't really…I don't really know."

Dr. Wheeler studied Emma for a moment, her lips slightly pursed, before turning to Remus with a smile. "Remus, do you mind stepping out for a bit? It might be a little easier if you weren't here."

Emma looked at Remus in a panic – absolutely not! It would _not_ be any easier if he wasn't there. She wasn't ready for this at all. Emma knew that she had to do at least part of this first session by herself, but she wasn't expecting it so soon. Her stomach dropped when she realized they had been there for a while, and it wasn't really as soon as she thought. She had managed to tune out Remus's entire conversation with Dr. Wheeler because she was listening to the stupid clock.

Remus stood up, gently taking Emma's hands and giving them a tight squeeze. "Think about all of the hot chocolate you're going to have when we're done here," Remus whispered, drawing a giggle from Emma. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'll be right outside that door. I'm not leaving you here – remember that. Be brave. I know that you can."

Emma nodded, taking a deep breath. She reluctantly let go of Remus's hand and took another shaky breath as she heard the click of the door. Emma felt _very_ uncomfortable, and the clock was even louder.

 _Tick, tick, tick_ …

"I see you keep looking at Mr. Bear," Dr. Wheeler said, looking over her shoulder at the bear sitting behind her. She turned back to Emma with a smile. "Would you like to hold him?" Emma gave Dr. Wheeler a sheepish grin and nodded. The woman picked the bear up and passed him over to Emma, who held him tightly. "Does it help to hold Mr. Bear?"

"Yes," Emma said quietly with a quiet laugh. "Although his name is just as tragic as my teddy bear's name."

"And what's your teddy bear's name?"

"Boris," Emma grinned.

"Any particular reason?"

"No, he just looked like a Boris."

Dr. Wheeler laughed, looking at the bear held tightly in Emma's arms. "Perhaps I'll have to let you rename Mr. Bear. I'm not sure I've had someone tell me that they've named their teddy Boris. I like it – it's different. What does he look like?"

"Well, he's brown," Emma started, looking down at Mr. Bear. "Maybe like a honey brown. He's a classic-looking bear, I guess. He's not cartoony like Mr. Bear is. He's got dark eyes, a stitched-on nose, and he's soft. Merlin, I don't think I've ever felt a teddy bear so soft before. He…I think that dumb little bear might be my favorite thing in the world. Perhaps more than my books, and that's saying a lot."

"You like to read?"

"I love to read. It's not just a like," Emma said earnestly. "I…I like to blame Dad for my love of reading. I prefer Mug…" Emma froze for a moment, rubbing her head. "I prefer _non-magical_ reading."

Dr. Wheeler laughed again. "You can say Muggle, I know all about the strange words there are in the magical community. My brother was a Hufflepuff, and I've heard a lot about Hogwarts. Elara told me that you were a Hufflepuff, too."

Emma let out a long breath – of course, Elara would find someone else with a Hufflepuff connection. It was almost relieving to know that Elara was in her corner and tried to make things more comfortable in her own way. If anyone understood Emma's anxiety like Remus did, it was Elara.

"Why don't you tell me about your time at Hogwarts?" Dr. Wheeler suggested.

That Emma could easily do, and so she did. Each question that followed was a little easier, though some were incredibly awkward. She still didn't know how to answer the question of what she wanted out of their sessions, but Dr. Wheeler didn't bat an eye.

"You can think about it for the next time," she said. "I think I'd like to meet with you once a week for a few months. Do you think you would be all right with that? Do you feel as though you would need more time than that?"

A few months? Emma could absolutely handle a few months – that meant there was a possible end date, and she wouldn't have to be in therapy for the entire rest of the school year. "I think that would be fine," Emma grinned.

"Wonderful. Do you mind grabbing your father for me? I'd like to talk to him. You're free to stay or wait outside. You're off the hook until our next appointment," Dr. Wheeler said with a wink.

"Sure," Emma said, handing Mr. Bear back and jumping up from the chair. She carefully opened the door and peered around the corner. Emma didn't see Remus in the waiting area and frowned. Where did he go?

"Other side of the door," Remus said, drawing Emma further into the hallway.

"What are you doing on that side of the door?" Emma asked, stepping out completely.

"Elara stopped by for a moment," Remus said with a glint in his eye that Emma couldn't entirely read. "Are you done?"

"I'm done, but it's your turn to go back in there. That means I get to _escape_ ," Emma said breathlessly. She poked Remus in the stomach, with a light-hearted glare. "And _then_ I get hot chocolate like you promised."

Remus snorted at Emma's overall excitement. "All right, Merlin, you're impatient. Why don't you head up to the tea room and I'll meet you there? It's rather boring in the waiting room."

Emma nodded. "Meet you there!" Emma said, running down the hall.

She didn't want to be in the hospital longer than she needed to but going up to the tea room seemed like a good idea. Emma was more than delighted – she would get hot chocolate soon, and they would have a good day, and _ohnoNevilleLongbottom_.

"Emma!" Neville shouted joyfully as she skidded to a halt on the fourth floor landing.

"Uhm, hi," Emma said slowly, her eyes wide as she looked between Neville and his grandmother.

"Hello, Emma," Augusta said, giving Emma a rare smile. "Come to see Jude for Christmas?"

"I, er…I was –"

"Come along with us," Augusta said, taking Emma's arm and motioning for Neville to open the door to enter the waiting area.

Emma had absolutely no idea how to explain that she was going to the tearoom and had absolutely no intention of going into the ward. She had to suppress her groan – Augusta would never let her say no. The eldest Longbottom was obstinate and whatever she said was what you had to do.

"How's your holiday been so far?" Neville chirped. "How's Hogwarts?"

"Er, Dad, and I are home for a few days. We're heading back on Christmas day."

"Oh, that sounds cool! What are the rest of your plans?"

The Healer-in-Charge for the day looked at Emma curiously. "Er, all of you?" the Healer asked.

"Actually –"

"Yes, Emma's here for Jude," Augusta said, cutting Emma off.

Emma slapped a hand to her forehead and ran her hand down her face. Neville gave her a sympathetic look but didn't understand why Emma was so bothered.

"It'll be all right," Neville said, patting Emma's shoulder to be supportive. "I know it's hard without your mum because it's your first Christmas without her, but your dad will be happy to see you."

"Jude's not my dad," Emma said through grit teeth. She wasn't sure how many times she needed to remind Neville before he got it through his head, but she was sure Augusta was part of the issue. It seemed that Jude had been held in high esteem when he worked at the Ministry. Many people knew him, including Augusta Longbottom. Emma had to wonder what reputation Jude actually had because the person everyone else knew was not who he was outside of the workplace.

Though she didn't want to step foot into the ward, it was easier for Emma to just plaster a smile on her face. Could he be any worse than Fenrir in his current state?

"Er, could you let my dad or Healer Douglas know where I'm at?" Emma asked the Healer as Augusta pulled Emma into the ward. "He's downstairs with Dr. Wheeler right now."

The Healer nodded, watching Emma curiously, but not saying a word.

Emma could curse Remus for having to be the reason she was so polite as well. She joined Augusta and Neville for a few moments as they spoke to Neville's parents. That Emma didn't mind, because she knew that Neville was glad to have at least one person know his secret. Emma liked to see how Neville's face would sometimes light up talking to his parents, and she wished that he always felt that way.

"Why don't you go on and see your father?" Augusta said, patting Emma's arm and ushering her down the ward. "Go tell him Merry Christmas."

"He's not…" Emma took a deep breath. "Yes, of course," Emma said, giving Neville's grandmother a polite smile. "Merry Christmas to the both of you." She knew she wasn't going to escape the ward if Augusta didn't see her at least go to Jude's bed, so she went. Emma hoped the Healer said something to _someone_ because this time, she needed someone to actually come save her.

Emma stood awkwardly at the end of Jude's bed, trying to keep herself from sneering at the man. Part of her had always felt that there was something off about him, and standing so close to him, she still felt that way. Jude's eyes were averted, but it still felt like he was watching her. He felt too aware for her liking, though she couldn't explain why. Jude never had the same dull, almost lifeless look in his eyes until she took a second look at him. She had tried to write it off as her anxiety, but she was starting to believe it was something else. It had to be something else.

Jude had always looked better kept than most of the other residents that were meant to be incapacitated. His skin wasn't as dull, his hair cleaner, his facial hair, though not like in her memories, was always trimmed. He wasn't skinny and always looked to be a healthy weight. It just never sat well with her when her mother always looked to be almost lifeless. Her mother always looked dull, with paper-thin skin and limp hair – a shell of the woman she once was. A woman who, at one point, had been brilliant and caring enough to do one of the biggest things she ever could for Remus and Sirius.

Her mother was barely able to take care of herself, but Jude appeared to be much more capable than most. Even the Longbottom's required assistance even though they were mobile. If Jude had gone through the same level of torture as the Longbottom's, shouldn't he also struggle more? Was that why he _never_ left his bed with her there? At least Margaret had gotten up once or twice. Jude never did.

With a quiet and thoughtful hum, Emma decided to sit in the chair next to Jude's bed. She had never done that in any of the times she had set foot in the Janus Thickey Ward. This was a new thing for her to do.

Emma realized that she had never really _looked_ at Jude when she came to St. Mungo's. It was always a hasty greeting and equally as quick departure. The moment she saw Jude for the first time two years ago, she knew she didn't like him. She didn't _want_ to have to look at him, and Remus never forced the issue, but now she felt compelled to.

Jude always had far darker features than she did. Emma had always been pale like her mother, not inheriting Jude's tanned olive skin or dark brown eyes. But that was where their differences had ended only several months earlier. Even though it had been months since she had seen the features on herself, she could still almost see Jude's sharp features on her face. Her face had softened out considerably, something she was grateful for. Jude's entire face was made of sharp angles – pointy chin, pointy nose, sharp eyes.

The moment Emma's face started to lose its baby fat, she had the same sharp angles as Jude. She hated it. Persephone, who had somewhat pointed features, always had the face for it; Emma felt she didn't. Emma often had to do double and triple-takes in the mirror to remind herself she didn't look like the man in front of her anymore. Studying Jude further, Emma felt that maybe their eye shape had actually been the same a few months prior – upturned instead of a roundish-almond. She had always been too focused on the fact Remus shared her eye color with her that she never noticed the shape of their eyes.

Reluctantly, Emma had to admit that she was glad the only thing that didn't seem to change was her lips. Her lips had been the single feature that she liked about herself even when she was younger. It was such a stupid thing to focus on, but when she was made fun of so much for her hair, she needed something to like about herself. At least now, if she wanted, she could pretend it was a feature she shared with Sirius. Sirius had fuller lips as well, and even though she was still furious with him, she still felt that maybe she would want him in her life. He was far more of a father to her than Jude ever was, after all. The only problem was trying to prove Sirius's innocence.

For the second time that day, Emma was grateful blood magic existed. With a relieved sigh, she realized she didn't look like Jude at all anymore. It was much easier to detach the one similar feature they shared and place it with Sirius. She thanked every God in the world for small favors.

"Just because Augusta told me to come and say Merry Christmas to you, it doesn't mean that I am. In fact, I hope you have the worst Christmas ever," Emma said, plastering on her smile because Neville's grandmother had turned to pay attention to her.

"You know, I know what you did to me," Emma said, watching Jude closely. She desperately wanted to know if she had been right over the past few years, but Jude made no movement. "That was really fucked up. Tell me – was it because I was never meant to be yours? Or are you just that much of a sick person that you would do that to a child? Was it because you specifically said you wanted a boy? Anti-werewolf bias, perhaps? Ah, but there's a problem with that last idea – you decided to give me to Fenrir. Can't be entirely biased if you decided to give me to a werewolf as a gift. I just wish I knew what your motives were."

There was a slight twitch of Jude's finger that caught Emma's eye. Her eyebrows raised in surprise, and she nodded to herself. "Right, so, I know about that, too. And the fact that you just let me get lost in Fenrir's pack. Curious to know the story about that, but Fenrir didn't give me much to work off of other than it was your fault." There was another twitch, and Jude's eyes lifted slightly.

"You see, I have a theory about you, Jude and I have for a while," Emma said, pulling her chair slightly closer. "I'm going to hazard a guess and say that uh, you don't actually belong in the ward. Do you?"

Emma startled when Jude's eyes flicked over to her with the same sort of darkness she had seen in Fenrir's eyes. She held his gaze with her brow furrowed. "Interesting," she said quietly, her eyes looking between both of his. There was no doubt in Emma's mind that there was recognition in his eyes, and it made her nervous. She had initially said it just to be antagonistic, but it seemed she might have been onto something. Emma watched Jude's hands clench into fists, and she hummed thoughtfully.

There were precisely two scenarios that she had in this situation – Jude was either entirely out of it, and his reaction was based on the fact that she looked like her mother or she had always been right, and nothing was wrong with him. Remus told her that Jude and her mother had been combative in the ward, which was why they were separated. Would it be so impossible that she was projecting because she needed someone to blame? Emma wasn't sure which situation she would prefer, but the fact Jude wasn't attacking her led her to the second option. But what would that mean, then? Was _that_ what Fenrir was talking about? A chill ran up her spine, and she shivered, not wanting to think about it. The implications of her being right were too chilling to think about it. Fenrir was more than enough to deal with.

The more she studied Jude, the more she found herself becoming angry. She was mad at what he had done to her and furious that he was still alive when it should be her mother still alive. Even if she was meant to be Remus's, it didn't change the fact that her mother still carried her for nine months and didn't have to. The woman had tried to do what was best for her to keep her safe, at least for Sirius. But Jude…Jude had done so much damage.

That odd, prickling rage that Emma had been feeling was slowly starting to surface. It was hard for her to explain to herself, but it was like an itch under her skin. It made her feel hot and made her heart start to race. It was that same intense feeling she felt when she wanted to attack Remus months ago over the monitoring bracelet. It was the same desire that she had seeing Fenrir; she wanted to rip into him and tear him apart. Where were these feelings coming from?

There was an almost amused flicker in Jude's eyes that made Emma's nose twitch, and she had to fight hard against herself. She was having a ridiculous staring contest with Jude, trying to judge for herself if she was right. Emma had to be – there had to be nothing wrong with him. A growl was threatening to pull itself from her chest, and she suddenly understood why Fenrir was always growling – the desire was just _there_. She wanted to bite, to claw, to fight in a way she never wanted to fight before. She could practically see herself launching at Jude and –

"Emma, what are you doing here?"

Emma startled out of her haze with a gasp as she felt Remus's hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, taking in his concerned expression, and she frowned. She took a shuddering breath and looked back at Jude, but at some point, he had resumed the exact same position he was in when she sat down. His gaze was averted and had that eerie not-quite-there expression. His hands were no longer in fists and sat on his lap as if they had been there the entire time. There was no way that she imagined him actually looking at her.

"I, uhm…Augusta caught me on my way up to the tearoom and made me come in," Emma said, looking up and rolling her eyes when she noticed the curtains around the Longbottom's beds were closed. "Trust me, I didn't want to, but I figured because I was here…Just thought I'd share my thoughts with Jude to see what he had to say."

Remus nodded, studying Emma carefully. "Anything of note?" he asked, almost conversationally. "You left your coat downstairs," he added, holding her coat up.

Emma nodded, "I think so." She looked back up at Remus nervously. "Among other things," she added quietly.

"I noticed," Remus said gravely, gently tugging Emma up from her chair. He bent down to whisper in Emma's ear, "For what it's worth, as confusing as that had to be for you, it's the exact same way I feel."

"Oh, reassuring," Emma grumbled, shooting Remus a look as he helped her into her coat. "Are we done here? Can we finally leave? I think you promised me hot chocolate, _Dad_."

Remus rubbed the smirk off his face. "Just one more thing, my wonderful daughter," Remus said, almost smugly. "Come on, Elara has something to give you. She's working in the Dai Llewellyn ward."

"Isn't that the –"

"Ward for Serious Bites."

Emma nodded in understanding. If Elara was working in the Dai Llewellyn ward, it meant that there was a new werewolf getting treatment. Elara had started talking more about her time working in the hospital, and Emma was always impressed by her stories – she did a lot.

She tucked herself under Remus's arm and shot Jude a sneer that would rival Snape's. As Remus pulled her back along the ward to leave, she couldn't help but have that feeling of being watched she always felt. For the first time ever, she looked up at Remus to see him looking over his shoulder as though he felt the same thing. Maybe she wasn't going mental like she thought.

"So, what's the verdict on me?" Emma asked as they made their way down the stairs. "Have I completely lost it, yet?"

"Quite the opposite actually. Dr. Wheeler said that she was impressed that you seemed more adjusted than she expected. She has her concerns, as do I, of course, but it's not as bad as you think."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you have been getting better. There are still the obvious issues to work through, of course, but you're getting better. You're still struggling in some areas, improving in others, and a few things are new, but it's fine." Remus stopped when they made it to the first landing and turned to Emma, holding her at arms-length. "I meant it when you said you weren't going to feel the way you did forever."

"I know," Emma said quietly. "I'm sorry that I didn't believe you."

Remus pulled Emma in for a quick hug. "It's hard to see it in the beginning, but you have made so much progress over the past few months."

"Only because of you."

"No, that was you. I can't make you change your mind, only you can do that," Remus said, taking Emma's hand. "Now let's see if Elara's waiting for us outside the ward. I fear that she might be as impatient as you are, sometimes."

Emma snorted, letting Remus pull her through the double doors.

"There you are!" Elara said, rushing up and pulling Emma from Remus. Emma laughed as Elara picked Emma up with her hug. "I've been waiting for you! How was your appointment, kid?"

"It was all right," Emma laughed, smoothing her coat out as Elara put her down. "It's not fair that you can pick me up like that. You're taller than I am!"

"Well, I'm sure you can pick me up, too, Miss Quidditch Player!" Elara said brightly. "You might be small, but that means nothing."

"I played once!"

"And you got a goal while playing chaser the first time while high up in the air – that's impressive!"

"And you only played because George asked you," Remus said with a cough.

Emma immediately blushed. It was the first time Remus had ever voiced that he even _knew_ that she had a crush on George and his timing was terrible. "Dad!" she whined.

"Oh, does someone have a crush they didn't tell me about?" Elara asked, her eyebrows raising. "No more Draco?"

Remus groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Bit of a touchy subject there, Elara," Remus said.

"Ooh, I'm sorry," Elara grimaced. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Something like that," Emma mumbled, folding her arms over her chest with a huff. She hadn't said a word to Elara about Draco yet because she still wasn't sure what to say. Emma was still feeling burned from the whole situation. She had almost no doubt Elara would talk to her about it when they saw each other next.

Elara looked at Remus, who only shook his head in response. "Right," Elara said brightly. "Enough about stupid boys -" Emma snorted, unable to hold back her grin "- because I have got something for you that I think will really enjoy." Elara practically skipped off to the reception desk and returned with a folder. She held it out to Emma with both hands with a wide smile. "Merry Christmas, kid."

Emma took the folder, casting Elara a curious look. She opened the folder and could only stare at what was in it. For a moment, Emma thought she was given another copy of her first birth certificate, but then she read it closer. It had Remus's name listed as her father, but she couldn't quite believe it. She stared at it, her jaw dropping with shock. "Wait," Emma said slowly, pointing at her name, and then to Remus's name. "This is…Does this mean…But Dad, you said –"

"It's nice to finally meet you, Emma Hope Lupin," Elara said with a cheeky grin.

"When did you do this?" Emma asked Remus with wide eyes.

"Almost immediately after you decided it, actually," Remus said with a smirk. "Took a little longer than expected and a lot of paperwork, but now you're who you were always meant to be."

Emma flung herself into Remus's arms and held onto him tightly. If she had any doubts that she could make a Patronus before, she had absolutely no doubts she could finally make one now. Remus taking the time to get the paperwork filed for the birth certificate amendment meant the world to her. She thought it wouldn't be until the school year was over, but he didn't make her wait. Emma was _officially_ Emma Hope Lupin.

"I know how important it was to you to finally be who you were always meant to be. It didn't make sense to wait when all the paperwork could be done easily. I wasn't going to make you wait any longer than you needed to. I think after this weekend's discovery, it couldn't have come any sooner."

"Stop, you're going to make me cry," Emma said, pulling away from Remus so that she could look at the birth certificate again. She blinked quickly to clear the happy tears that welled up in her eyes.

Remus smiled at Emma, but it faltered as he looked at Elara. "I think we're at the point we need to start paying more attention," Remus said, giving Elara a pointed look. "I'm worried about a certain furry little problem."

Elara looked at him curiously and suddenly understood. "Do you think it was exacerbated by this weekend?"

"I'm right here, you know. I can hear that you're talking about me," Emma said with a slight huff. She yelped as Remus tugged her to stand in front of him and clamped his hand over her mouth to keep her quiet. He sighed, gripping her shoulder firmly with his other hand to keep her from fighting too much.

"I think so," Remus said, ignoring Emma's attempts to free herself from his grip.

"Uhm," Elara watched Emma and Remus in amusement and shook her head. "Are you free on Boxing Day? I can stop by in the evening so we can figure out what's going on."

Emma broke her mouth free from Remus's hand with a grin. "We'll be back on Christmas! You should come then!" Emma insisted.

"Emma, I'm sure Elara has better things to do than come visit us on Christmas day and figure out what's going on with you. She has her own family, you know," Remus said, covering Emma's mouth again. "Don't mind her, Elara. She still thinks she's cool from drinking Firewhiskey on Friday, and I'm afraid it's gone to her head."

That made Emma stop trying to escape Remus's grasp, and her cheeks burned with embarrassment. She leaned back against Remus and tipped her head up to look at him and gave him a pleading look.

"Emma! Have you gone mad?" Elara asked in alarm. Emma glanced at Elara with an equally pathetic look. Elara sighed, shaking her head, and met Remus's gaze. "Well, to be honest, I didn't have plans for Christmas," she said slowly. "But of course, it's whatever's easiest for you. I'm good anytime."

Emma's pleading look turned to one of excitement, and Remus had to sigh himself. "I think my little troublemaker would like to see you on Christmas, but please, don't feel obligated."

Elara took advantage of the situation and ruffled Emma's hair and laughed at Emma's muffled protests. "I think Christmas can be arranged," Elara said brightly. "I should probably go check on Will, so I'll see you both in a few days."

"You called me _your_ troublemaker," Emma said, pulling Remus's hand from her mouth and looking back up at him with a grin.

"That's because you _are,_ and now you've got the birth certificate that proves it."

With all the excitement in the world, Emma broke free from Remus's grip. "Can we go get hot chocolate now?" Emma asked.

"Merlin, help me," Remus said, grabbing onto Emma and pulling her back into his side out of fear she would run off on her own. He held his hand out for the folder in Emma's hand and tucked it into his coat for safekeeping. "Yes, we can go get hot chocolate now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has literally nothing to do with anything, but just a random thing I keep thinking about.
> 
> A while back, someone started a fic on Tumblr with Emma which I thought was absolutely adorable. It was a completely random and unexpected find while scrolling through and I can't find it. I don't even know if they wrote more, but it made me happy. I try to search for it all the time, but it's never come up.
> 
> That being said, if you ever feel like borrowing my characters to write about, let me know so I can read. :D I'd love to see what mishaps you get my OC's into. And that goes for ANY of them. I love my babies, and I'm down to read fanfics of fanfics because that's pretty stinkin' cool.
> 
> Love you all, thank you for reading~
> 
>   
> **come find me on:**  
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)  
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> 
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> 


	46. Traditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma realizes that she shares a rather strange tradition with Remus. She learns what Remus sees in her, though isn't entirely sure if she can believe him. Emma finally finds the confidence to tell Remus her one final secret in the hopes that he'll help her.

It seemed almost fitting to Emma that she would find herself sitting on the floor in front of the fire. For some reason, it was the place she always seemed to gravitate to at home, and she did it frequently while at Hogwarts. Even though she spent every night in almost the same environment, being home was _different_.

Hogwarts didn't have the same scents or the same creaks in the wood. The couch at Hogwarts, though similar, didn't offer the same comfort. Even the fireplace was much different, and Emma didn't realize how much she had longed to be home. The floor in front of the fire was her thinking spot and had been since the first time she set foot into the cottage. It was an excellent place to reflect on her thoughts.

Emma had to concede that the idea of therapy with someone other than Remus wasn't as terrifying as a prospect as she thought. It would be a little more intensive than she thought, but there were worse things to deal with. At least she wouldn't be alone.

Every Friday, at the same time she was used to, she would sit with Dr. Wheeler for forty-five minutes to try and work through things. After those forty-five minutes, Remus would join them, and it would turn into family therapy, something Emma didn't even know existed. She was pleasantly surprised to hear that Remus decided it would be worth getting professional help for himself. Emma appreciated the solidarity and was glad that he was getting help, too.

Spending the entire day in London the previous day had completely knocked them out. The plan was to stay in Muggle London for the day, but they still wound up finding themselves in Diagon Alley. Emma didn't mind at all, sheepishly admitting that she wanted to go into Quality Quidditch Supplies. Remus, though surprised, was not opposed to the idea and more than happily explained things to Emma.

Broomsticks were far more confusing to Emma than she thought it would be. It felt like what she imagined shopping for a car would be like, even though she wasn't planning on getting one. Quality Quidditch Supplies only had racing brooms, but Remus explained that family brooms existed. It was a concept that left Emma reeling, and she could only stare at Remus blankly for a long while. Instead of dwelling on it, Emma looked through the selection of brooms they had in store, eyes wide with curiosity, and at how fast they could go. It was still hard for her to grasp that an item she had used for sweeping could be used to fly and fly at incredible speeds.

The Firebolt, which was the newest on the market, was an impressive broom but incredibly expensive and far too fast for her liking. Though she hated to admit it, the Nimbus 2001, the very broomstick the entire Slytherin team had, seemed more to her liking. It was quick, but not scary quick, and she felt that maybe she wouldn't mind it so much. Perhaps she would own a broomstick someday, but she was more than content with borrowing one of the school's brooms.

"We're going to have to figure out who your favorite team is," Remus blurted out as Emma looked curiously through the replica jerseys the store sold. Emma only shot him an amused look in response, not expecting the suddenness of his comment.

"Do _you_ have a favorite team?" Emma had asked, stepping aside so that Remus could look through the clothes rack.

"Of course, I do," he said, grinning when he found the jersey he was looking for. He pulled it out to show Emma. "Caerphilly Catapults! Have to follow the team from home, of course. You'll get many people telling you that your team is terrible, but at least they're not the Chudley Cannons. This is the team I grew up with, and they're usually higher up in the league standings." Remus studied Emma for a moment before putting the jersey back amongst the others and flipping through again. "You, on the other hand –" Remus pulled out a dark green jersey and held it up " – would most likely like the Holyhead Harpies."

"Really?" Emma asked, taking the jersey from Remus and looking at it curiously. "Why?"

"They're an all-female team from Wales," Remus said brightly before sighing as Emma held it up to herself and looked over at the nearby mirror. "It's rather unfortunate that you'd look good in green."

Emma couldn't stop herself from giving Remus a playful shove. "You would have been absolutely miserable if I were actually sorted into Slytherin," Emma responded, putting the jersey back on the rack.

"I confess it's Gryffindor bias," Remus had said with a shrug and a mischievous glint in his eye. Seeing the slightly offended look on Emma's face, he immediately pulled her into a tight bear hug from behind with a laugh. Emma loved this version of her father more than anything – care-free and happy, but it didn't happen often. Perhaps the Christmas spirit had gotten to Remus as well.

They finished out their night at a Christmas market in Hyde Park. Emma wasn't sure she could have been more delighted. There were so many Christmas lights that left Emma in awe. Remus was true to his word and made sure she had plenty of hot chocolate, especially as the night grew colder. Getting out of the wizarding world for just a little while was exactly what she needed. They both did.

The moment they had set foot back in the cottage, they were asleep. Neither of them bothered to get past the living room. Emma sprawled out on the couch, shoes, and coat still on, and Remus, equally as dressed, only got as far as his armchair. When Emma woke up that morning, surprisingly before Remus, she immediately fell into a fit of giggles.

Leaving Remus snoring in his chair, Emma decided to take advantage of having the bathroom first and took a very refreshing shower. With shower out of the way, and Remus still sleeping, Emma made her way to the kitchen and looked through the cabinets with amusement. They had absolutely no food in the house except for spices.

"I suppose we should have done some grocery shopping last night before coming home," Remus said softly as he padded his way into the kitchen, rubbing bleary eyes.

"Probably," Emma said, turning to look at her father, who was starting to look exhausted with the approaching moon. It didn't take long for him to start having dark circles around his eyes.

Remus sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair. "Well, guess I'll just have to make a quick stop to pick up some things, then," Remus said with a half shrug.

"Oh, I'll come," Emma chirped, frowning slightly at the look on Remus's face.

"Er, I was planning on Apparating there and back. I know that you're not entirely sold on Apparating just yet. Thought you might want to just stay by yourself for a bit and be comfortable."

The idea forced Emma to stop and think and run through her thoughts. She really _wasn't_ too thrilled by the idea, but she didn't want to stay in the house by herself. "Well," Emma said slowly. "Can't be afraid of it my whole life." And that was what led to Emma's first time traveling by Side-Along Apparition, an experience that she could have gone her entire life without.

"It's like ripping a plaster off," Remus told her while holding her close as she tried to breathe through her nausea.

"I think ripping a plaster off is much easier," Emma grumbled into his chest, earning a chuckle for her discomfort. "You didn't tell me it was like _that_."

"It's not exactly easy to explain," Remus admitted. "Although you can't say that I didn't warn you that you wouldn't like it."

Emma could only find it in herself to mutter nonsensically to herself before finally prying herself from Remus. With a grumpy huff, she grabbed his hand to drag him into Asda to get groceries.

Remus couldn't stop his laughter when they finished shopping, and he informed Emma they would have to Apparate back. He had to quickly clamp his hand over her mouth to keep her from letting out the long string of swear words that were about to escape her lips. Remus had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling and school his expression into a semblance of a disapproving parent.

"Now, Emma, we discussed the usage of your, er…colorful language," Remus said firmly, though his eyes told a different story. The glimmer in his eye told her he found it amusing, but he had to at least pretend to play the role of disapproving parent. He gave a nearby family an apologetic grin before turning to Emma with a pointed look.

"Says the one who swears like a sailor and couldn't stop swearing after nearly walking into that display in the store," Emma muttered, smirking when she nearly broke his stern expression. Remus could never deny it, and if he tried, Emma would be very quick to remind him of it. He relented and gave her a half-smile in return.

Luckily, Apparating the second time wasn't as bad as the first, though it still left Emma terribly disoriented. Having breakfast helped a lot.

Remus had been surprised when Emma suggested Apparating to the cemetery where her mother was. He had been so sure that Emma would change her mind on the entire idea, but he more than willingly brought her.

Emma wasn't sure where they would end up and was fascinated to find themselves somewhere in Wales. It was a surprise to her to find out that they were in the town she should have grown up in.

She didn't know that she grew up near the coast. It made her sad because she always wanted to live by the beach, but she wondered if it was because it was what she remembered. It was the first time that Emma didn't feel any connection with a place she should have known.

"I think I'd like to see where I grew up," Emma said quietly as they walked to the cemetery. "I don't remember any of this. But not today – another time."

"I think that we can do that," Remus said after a while.

The entire time spent at the cemetery was incredibly emotional. The cemetery wasn't anything like Emma expected it to be. It was tucked behind a medium-sized church and open-air with only a stone fence surrounding the sides. Emma, who had felt incredibly silly at the start, had settled into comfort with Remus there. It was hard for Emma to voice her thoughts, but Remus communicated her thoughts with ease. Eventually, she expressed some of her own thoughts, and she felt much better when she did. The experience was cathartic even if it left Emma exhausted. She had accepted her mother's death, but she had never had any real closure.

Once they returned home, Emma only got as far as the couch before taking a nap until dinner. It didn't take too long after dinner for Emma to find herself in front of the fire.

"Ah, there's my girl," Remus said, pulling Emma out of her reflection. "I can always count on you to be thinking far too loud. It's been a while since you've done this, so something must have really caught your focus."

She pulled her gaze from the flames and smiled at Remus as he leaned against the wall. "I was not thinking too loud, thank you very much," Emma said.

"I believe the entirety of Yorkshire can hear you thinking, love," Remus said, joining Emma on the floor. "What are you thinking about?"

Emma gave a half-hearted shrug. "The usual, I suppose. Nothing, everything…if I can think about it, I'm sure it's crossed my mind," Emma sighed. She rested her head on Remus's arm, closing her eyes. "Thank you for taking me to see mum today. Could have done with the Apparating bits, though."

"This is going to sound absolutely mad, but your friends are going to be impressed if you tell them you Apparated," Remus chuckled. "It was the height of cool growing up to find someone who had Apparated even by Side-Along. The more you Apparate, the easier it gets."

"Even for you?" Emma asked in disbelief. "Didn't you grow up with it?"

"Yes, but most parents only kept to Floo and using Side-Along when needed. I knew quite a few people who didn't Apparate until we took lessons," Remus said. "You'll probably be better off when it comes to taking lessons just because you know what it feels like. It'll be much easier to manage now that you know what it's like."

"Not sure that's really something to brag about," Emma muttered. "It's not enjoyable at all."

"Trust me, you'll see," Remus insisted. "Now, your thoughts?"

"I'm…I'm worried," Emma said quietly.

"About Greyback?"

"About Jude," Emma clarified. "I don't…I still think about our conversation from Easter."

Remus put his arm around Emma's shoulders so that he could tuck her into his side. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you then," he said quietly.

"What do you mean by that?"

Remus sighed, gently rubbing Emma's arm. "I don't think that Jude was a Death Eater, because he doesn't have the mark, but it's evident that he wasn't the person any of us thought. He took great care in keeping that particular side of himself hidden."

"You felt the same thing I did at St. Mungo's when we left, didn't you?" Emma asked. "Like being watched?"

"It's not the first time I've felt that leaving the ward, but I never put much thought into it until yesterday."

"It's not the first time for me either, but what does that mean?"

"I don't know," Remus admitted. "It could be any number of reasons. Dumbledore and I have been trying to put together possible theories, and we've settled on one. I'm desperately hoping that my current theory is incorrect."

"Why?"

"Because it means the answer to all of our questions is much closer to us than we thought…and Greyback would be telling the truth."

"Which part do you want to be wrong about?" Emma asked quietly, her voice wavering.

"All of it," Remus said after a beat. "It's...we need more information, but if our theory is correct, it's only going to create more questions. And it's going to hurt you."

Emma fell quiet, allowing herself to snuggle into Remus's side. She had been bouncing around her own thoughts for days, trying to piece together her own theories. Fenrir had given her a big clue to work with, but she wasn't entirely sold on one specific possibility. Each idea seemed worse than the next. "Why do I feel like I know what you'll say if I ask?"

"Because you're incredibly intelligent, and you're very perceptive to the world around you. Far more than I ever realized you were."

Emma hummed quietly, sitting up straight as she thought about what Remus said. "That's not all I'm worried about," Emma murmured. "I feel like I don't really know who I am."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I can't even trust my own memories anymore," Emma said, biting her lip. "I don't really want to bring it up, but on Friday when I…" Emma trailed off, playing with her fingers. "I remembered I used to steal all the time when I was at Saint Nicholas's. All the time. I didn't want to, not really, but sometimes I would see something and really want it and just…" Emma reached her hand out and grabbed the air as if she was taking something. "It wasn't ever worth it because Jocelyn would always take what I nicked, but for a moment, it was mine. I'm afraid…what if I started doing that because of Fenrir? What if I'm like him? What if I'm like Jude?"

"Hey," Remus said, pulling Emma into his arms. "Don't _ever_ think that. You are nothing like either of them, and you will never be like them."

Emma felt her throat tighten as tears filled her eyes. "But what if I already am?"

"You're not," Remus said earnestly. Remus let go of Emma so that he could spin her to face him, and he gently took her face in his hands. "You are too loving and too kind to ever be like them. Sweetheart, one bad thing doesn't change who you are. The person you were then is not the same person you are now, and I don't think you ever really had a choice."

"But what if –"

"Emma, listen to me - you are not like either of them. I'm not telling you that because I love you, I'm telling you that because I know who you are. Trust me, if I ever saw you going down the path, I would never let you."

"But –"

"Sweetheart, hush," Remus said firmly. He hesitated for a moment as he studied Emma's face. "Do you want to know who you're really like?" he asked. "I know it's been said to you hundreds of times that you're like me, but…but you're very much like Sirius."

"I am?" Emma asked in surprise.

"Yes," Remus said, smoothing back Emma's hair. "Incredibly like Sirius."

"Am I like mum?"

"Oh, goodness, yes. She was a lot like Sirius, too."

"How am I like Sirius?"

Remus sighed, a sad smile crossing his face. "Come on, let's get off the floor and get comfortable," he said, standing up and holding his hands out for Emma to take.

"I think we've got a tradition," Emma said, finally taking Remus's hands after a moment.

"We do?"

Emma nodded, moving over to the couch and curling up. "Third year in a row we've done this," Emma said with a slight grin. "At least this year, it's not as bad. Yet."

"Yet?" Remus asked, an eyebrow raising as he sat down on the other end of the couch, propping his arm up on the back. "What do you mean by, 'Yet?'"

"Tell me how I'm like Sirius, first," Emma said with an expectant look.

"Well, you have Sirius's humor and wit," Remus said softly. "Sirius had a way of always figuring out how to make even the worst moments funny. Although, admittedly, your wit is often followed by sarcasm, but it's brilliant. You're also incredibly charming."

"I am not," Emma said with a slight frown. "I'm not charming at all."

"Oh, yes you are, my dear," Remus laughed. "You listen to people, and you speak just as well as you listen. You're more concerned with other people than with yourself, and people genuinely like you. It was always the same with Sirius. He could be friends with anyone, and he did it very well."

"So could you," Emma said earnestly.

"It's not the same, though," Remus said. "I don't have charm at all."

"Says the man who's managed to win over nearly the entire student body of Hogwarts. I think that requires an awful lot of charm, Dad."

Remus couldn't think of a comment to that and only smiled and shook his head. "You're imaginative and passionate, just like Sirius," he continued. "You have incredible, incredible dreams, and such a willingness to fight for what you believe in. Any time you're given a challenge, you throw yourself straight into things, and you're determined to not give up."

"Those are all good things, though," Emma said quietly. "It can't be all good things."

"Most of your bad qualities are mine, actually," Remus admitted. "But there are a few things that you share with Sirius."

"I'm almost afraid to know," Emma grimaced.

"They're not all terrible, it's how you act on your qualities that are worrisome, though."

"Best to get it over with, then."

Remus chuckled softly. "Well, you're incredibly impatient," Remus said, giving Emma a pointed look.

Emma cringed and gave Remus a sheepish smile. "In my defense, you would be too if you had to spend nearly your entire life waiting," Emma said quietly.

"I suppose you're right," Remus said sadly. "Do you want me to keep going?"

"Yeah," Emma nodded. "I'd like to know."

"Well…the fact that you're impulsive and incredibly reckless worries me," Remus said gently. "You jump into things without thinking sometimes. I know sometimes you mean well, but there are moments where you act well before you think and get yourself in trouble. However, both of those qualities also mean you're very brave."

"How does that make me brave? That doesn't sound like the qualities a brave person would have."

"They're the perfect qualities for a brave person to have. You're willing to take chances where others won't, even though it absolutely terrifies me."

Emma frowned. She didn't think that made her very brave at all. "And somehow me being like Sirius is better than both Fenrir and Jude?"

"I would like to think so," Remus replied after a beat. "Even if…I try to imagine Sirius as the person I knew. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have you."

"What do I share with you?" Emma asked, curious.

Remus was quiet as he tried to think about it. "You're studious," Remus said with a knowing grin as Emma rolled her eyes. "You're much more mature than your other friends, just like I was. You're very, very adaptable, and even resourceful, but you share both of those qualities with Sirius, as well."

"But what do I share with _you_?"

"I'm afraid you share more of my worst qualities than my best," Remus said quietly.

"I just don't think you see your good qualities," Emma replied.

"Well, what do you think your good qualities are, and what do you think we share?"

"I don't know," Emma admitted. "Not for me, at least. But you're gentle and kind with everyone, not just me. It's why everyone loves you so much. You're very talented, and I'm glad that I get to learn from you because you're really good at magic. And if you call me brave, well…I think you're the bravest person I know." Emma pulled her knees up to her chest and let out a long breath as she looked over at the fire, brow furrowing. She didn't _want_ to admit seeing Sirius, but now just seemed like the right time to say it. "If I was brave, I would have told you that I started to see Sirius weeks ago…" When she looked up and met Remus's gaze, she was surprised to see that he didn't look angry, he just looked sad. He was calm, but it was a resigned calm.

"I wondered if Elara had brought up my concerns," he said with a resigned sigh. His jaw clenched for a moment as he looked over at the fire. "But my question to you is why would you do such a thing?"

"In my defense, I didn't remember that he was a dog. It wasn't as though it's come up in our conversations, so I didn't…It wasn't until Halloween that I realized that the dog I'd been talking to was an Animagus."

"On Halloween?" Remus asked, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"He, uhm…I followed him up to the Shrieking Shack while in Hogsmeade. As a dog, obviously. It would've been obvious if he was transformed."

"Emma," Remus said, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes tightly. "Even if he wasn't an Animagus, it still would have been a terrible idea to follow a stray dog. You don't know what they're trained to do, especially in the magical community. Most animals aren't like Muggle animals unless they come from a Muggle family, and even then, mistakes happen."

"I know," Emma said, running her hands down her face. "But he's…he's rather cute as a dog, actually. Oh…Oh, no." Emma felt her face heat up as she remembered how her first interaction with Sirius went.

"What is it?"

"Well, I let him into the house when you went back to Paris because I thought you'd be all right with me letting in a stray. I, er…not only did I give him a bath, I just remembered that I…I wasn't sure if he was a boy or a girl and kinda just – I looked," Emma said with a grimace.

Remus, to his credit, looked horrified but couldn't hold back his snort. "You couldn't figure it out and had to look? He looks like a boy dog."

"He's very hairy as a dog," Emma said, covering her face. "And what does a boy dog even look like? He could've been a girl, too. No wonder he looked at me as though I greatly offended him."

"I'm really not sure how I'm supposed to feel right now," Remus admitted. "I want to laugh, but I'm meant to be cross with you. You let him into the house – that was extremely dangerous."

"He was a sweet-looking dog!" Emma whined. "You can't be cross at me for thinking I was letting a stray into the house. He looked sweet – pathetic, really, but sweet! And I was sad, lonely, and terribly ill and didn't know why. If he was a nasty little thing, I wouldn't have let him in at all. He even let me call him Snuffles."

"Snuffles?"

"It was the only name he seemed to agree to. He didn't like the other names I suggested because I wasn't just calling him Dog the entire time. He made me feel better and stayed with me."

"Even while your grandfather was here?"

"Even while he was here," Emma confirmed. "Never said a word about it, and Grandpa never brought it up, so I don't think he knew. If he knew, he never said anything."

Remus nodded slowly. "And…where did you keep him the entire time?"

Emma started to fidget a little more. "Erm, under my bed," she said. "He stayed under my bed during the day and then would sleep with me at night. I think he kept me from feeling most of the worst of things. He was a huge help the night of the full. I don't think he was a dog most of that night, though, but I didn't realize until I'd talked to him later on. I thought I imagined the entire thing."

"He actually transformed back?" Remus asked, sounding almost annoyed.

"Yeah. I guess you knew that he was here?" Emma asked, looking over at Remus.

"I did," Remus said. "He sheds like no tomorrow. Even if I didn't smell him, I would have known just by his hair." He met Emma's gaze, crossing his arms. "What has he told you?"

Emma studied Remus for a moment, trying to figure out what was running through his head. When she couldn't decipher his impassive expression, she sighed. "A few things," she said. "There's something important that you need to know, but before I get into that, I want to tell you everything else first. He was the one who told me to ask you about the Cruciatus."

"I wondered where you learned that from. So he was the catalyst to you thinking about –"

"No," Emma said quickly. "He…he stopped me, actually. Well, you were the one to really stop me from being stupid, but he was the first one at the bridge. Sirius was very cross with me the next time I talked to him."

"And when was that?"

"The day I asked if I could go out to the lake and draw. I was going out to see Sirius instead."

The muscle in Remus's jaw jumped, and he nodded. "Why?"

"I'm not quite there yet," Emma said. "Well, I'm almost there, I suppose. Almost everything he's told me at this point has been written in mum's diary. I know we still have more of it to get through, so I don't know if she knew what I need to tell you, but…We only really talked about what I found out in mum's diary the last time I saw him. About us."

"And when was that?"

"Just this past Saturday."

"Emma!" Remus said sharply. "What were you –"

"Wait, listen," Emma said quickly, cutting Remus off. "I only saw him because I was pissed at him for everything. But he's kept me safe. He follows me on the grounds to make sure I don't get hurt and was about to chase Jocelyn off one day –"

"Jocelyn tried to start things with you, and you never said anything?"

"I didn't have to when there was nothing to tell you, but please – just listen to me," Emma said, exasperated. "Sirius has done absolutely nothing to hurt me and has never made any attempts to. He's been apologetic, and he's worried about Harry and didn't even fight back when I…sort of attacked him, but I didn't really. I was so angry that I pushed him, and he just let me. He didn't even try to stop me. Sirius was part of the reason why Fenrir didn't attack me that day in Hogsmeade. Sirius being there made me feel like I could fight. Sirius showing up distracted him just long enough to stop."

"Sirius was there?"

"Yes," Emma breathed out. "I think he wanted to come with me back to the castle, but I told him to stay in the alley because I didn't want you to see him. I wasn't sure what you would do if you did because all I knew was that you were mad at him. With Fenrir being an issue, I thought you might have wound up trying to kill Sirius. And I understand why, but you didn't know the story."

"And are you at the story yet?" Remus asked dryly.

"Yes, but I need you to trust me on this. If I didn't see…if I didn't see what he told me for myself, I never would have believed him."

"What would you have not believed?"

"Sirius isn't trying to kill Harry, and he didn't kill Peter. Peter's still alive."

Remus's expression was blank as he stared at Emma. He made no movement and held Emma's gaze, his eyes narrowing slightly. "That's impossible," he said. "Sirius was the Secret-Keeper for the Potters and went after Peter next."

"That's not what happened, not exactly. It's not impossible," Emma said. "I've seen Peter. He switched with Peter so that he could be Secret-Keeper for me. I feel like at least that much is written somewhere in mum's diary, but we're not at that point yet."

"You've seen Peter?" Remus asked slowly, disbelieving. "She knew about it?"

"Yes. When I met Sirius at the Shrieking Shack, he had a photo from the Daily Prophet – he's Ron's rat. And Sirius said mum asked at my first birthday party."

"And what makes you think that Ron's rat is Peter?"

"Because he's a rat with a missing toe. The only thing they could find of Peter was his finger, yeah? Sirius said that he cut it off, blew up the street, and then ran off. Plus, Ron's rat is twelve years old – not even magical rats live that long."

"Plenty of rats can have missing toes."

"That doesn't change the fact his rat is twelve, Dad."

"And you've _seen_ Peter?"

"As a rat, yes. He was…he was in the lavatory with Hermione and me. I really wanted Sirius to be lying to me, but I don't think he was because the rat seemed too interested in our conversation."

That gave Remus pause and his brows knit together. "He was in the lavatory with you two? What were you talking about that would be interesting?"

"You, actually. Hermione figured out what you were after Snape substituted for you, and she was…angry. I was still very much in denial, but I made her swear not to tell anyone. He was running through the lavatory, and she spotted him," Emma sighed. "I don't want to know what he was doing in there," Emma added with a shudder.

Remus stared at Emma for a moment before standing up and starting to pace. Emma wasn't sure what to make of his reaction. His expression was unreadable as he ran through his thoughts. He stopped short, turning to Emma. "What exactly did Sirius want from you?"

"H-he wanted me to help him. We never came up with another plan."

"Another plan?" Remus asked, an eyebrow quirking. Emma immediately paled, and there was a brief flash of recognition that passed over Remus's face. "You left the castle doors open for him, didn't you? Was the entire thing planned?"

Emma gulped as Remus's eyes narrowed. "Yes and no. I really was planning on offing myself. I wasn't exactly planning to be around," Emma choked out. "Didn't matter to me what happened if I wasn't alive to know."

Remus turned around, covering his face with his hands as he took several deep breaths. He looked over his shoulder at Emma, his gaze sharp. "That was incredibly foolish, Emma," Remus said through grit teeth. "Emma, if he was lying to you –"

"I know it was," Emma moaned. "I know how stupid it was, but if he was going for Harry, he would have gone to the Great Hall. He knew the feast was going on. You didn't see him on the bridge – he was terrified. If I really felt like he would have done something, I would've done something to try and stop him."

Remus turned back to stare into the fire for a moment before starting his relentless pacing.

"So, let me get this straight," Remus said quickly, sounding almost frantic, "you've let Sirius into the house, and he apparently took care of you. You followed him to the Shrieking Shack, where he told you that he was after Peter, who, by rights, should be dead. You then proceeded to make sure that the doors of the castle were left open so that he could get in easily. He proceeded to try and enter the Gryffindor dorms to, I presume, get Peter. You then met up with Sirius, where he transformed on at least two occasions, but you mostly interact with him while he's a dog. He has corroborated the things that your mother wrote in her diary and was part of the reason why Fenrir didn't actually bite you. Also, you have somehow seen Peter in this time? Is that all correct?"

"Yes," Emma said quickly, watching Remus's frantic pacing. "That's the terribly shortened version, but yes. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but Elara told me that you already knew. I didn't know how to tell you everything, but I don't want to keep secrets from you. Especially now. I don't…I know you probably don't believe me, but I need you to. Daddy, he still loves you, too. I need you to trust me on this, I _need_ you to believe me. He has to be innocent."

Remus skidded to a halt and turned back to Emma. "Sirius still loves me?"

"Yes, I think he does. He had the exact same reaction as you when I said that you still love him."

"Why would you tell him that?"

"Because I was angry with him! I-I want what I should have had – what _we_ should have had," Emma shouted, cringing slightly at Remus's look of alarm. Her outburst left him speechless, and he held her gaze for a moment before looking anywhere else than at her. She ran a hand down her face with a frustrated breath. "I know it seems mad," Emma said, shooting up from the couch to stand in front of Remus. She grabbed onto his hands tightly as she looked up at him. "I know that you've spent a very long time being angry with him. But he has to be innocent, and I can't figure out how to help him by myself. I need you to trust me. We need your help."

Remus was quiet for a long moment, making Emma nervous. He was thinking and thinking hard, and Emma wasn't sure what he could possibly be running through his mind.

"I'm disappointed that you kept this from me for so long," Remus finally said, his tone level and less frantic. "This is something that never should have been a secret. This is so much bigger than you are, and it's incredibly dangerous. You get yourself in enough dangerous situations, and I'm not losing you." Remus sighed, pulling Emma into a tight hug. "I need you to promise me that you'll never see Sirius again by yourself. If…if you're going to see him, I want to be there."

"Of course," Emma said in surprise. "Does that…does that mean you believe me? You trust me on this?"

"I believe you, but I'm not sure that I believe Sirius – not yet," Remus said quietly. "But you've never given me a reason to not trust you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	47. Deck the Halls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and Remus make their way to Wales for Christmas.

Emma felt guilty that the very moment she stepped through the Floo at Lyall's, she wanted to go back home. She wanted to be excited about seeing her grandfather for the first time since the summer, but she was hurt. Lyall was one of the few people who knew the truth about her the entire time and never said a word. Of all people in the world, she had hoped he would have said something to her. She tried her best to keep a smile on her face, though. Emma only had to act okay until noon the next day, and then she would be back at Hogwarts. She could handle that. The idea of _wanting_ to go back to Hogwarts nearly made Emma burst into hysterical laughter. She never would have said that her second year.

Luckily Lyall seemed to maintain the past few year's traditions, which meant there wasn't much time to think about things. It was fortunate that they put up the Christmas decorations the Muggle way. It was a tradition that was started when Remus was a child, and it was a tradition that Lyall kept up for her. Conversations were kept to who put up the garlands wrong or deciding if the Christmas tree baubles were placed correctly.

"I really think that they should go up in a different order, Dad," Emma said, tilting her head from side to side as she stared at the tree. "They're too close together."

"What do you mean they're too close? They're perfect," Remus said with a huff.

"No, Dad, I really think if you just take out that one in the middle, it'll be fine," Emma insisted, stepping in front of Remus and removing a gold bauble from between a blue and a red bauble. "See? It's less crowded."

Lyall hummed in thought as he studied the tree. "She has a point, Remy. Might have to let Emma decorate the tree next year," he said with a bright smile. "Seems you're losing your touch, son."

Emma didn't miss the tight smile Remus gave Lyall, though Lyall seemed oblivious. To lighten the mood, Emma gave Remus a smug smile over her tree decorating prowess. He seemed unbothered, but that should've been Emma's first indication that he was plotting. When she wasn't expecting it, Remus pulled her back into his arms to tickle her sides. She was less than enthused and secretly started to plot how she was going to get Remus back.

They were in the middle of adding the final touches to the living room decorations when there were two cracking noises from the kitchen. Emma looked over at Remus in confusion, but Lyall answered her unasked question.

"Ah, the Moons sent their house-elves again this year!" he said brightly, clapping his hands together. "Let me go get them taken care of."

Emma turned to Remus with a look the moment Lyall left. "I forgot that we were still having dinner with them," Emma hissed at Remus, dropping all pretense of finishing decorating. "Do we have to? Can't we just say that I'm sick or something, and we have to go home?"

Remus's brow furrowed as he looked at Emma. "You don't want to have dinner with everyone?"

A slight scowl crossed Emma's face. "Not really," Emma said quietly. "Not after how Ellis was acting in Hogsmeade."

Remus was about to speak when Lyall came back into the room. Lyall looked between Emma and Remus, his lips pursing slightly. "Is everything all right?" he asked in concern.

"I just need to have a quick word with Emma. I don't think she's feeling too well," Remus said tightly, taking Emma's hand and pulling her up the stairs. Remus pulled her into her room, sat her down on her bed, and closed the door, casting a silencing charm for good measure. He crossed his arms over his chest, studying Emma closely. "What exactly happened with Ellis in Hogsmeade? We never got into detail about what happened before Elara and I got there."

"He was…weird," Emma said, scooting into the middle of her bed and grabbing a pillow to hug. "Ellis is normally kind, but he reminded me…he reminded me of how I've always seen Jude in my dreams. It's how I imagine Jude always was. He didn't really care what I had to say until I mentioned Fenrir, and then he panicked."

"How was he weird?"

"Distant, almost," Emma muttered. "Like he was there, but he wasn't. I thought maybe it was because he was drinking, but he was like that before we even got to the Three Broomsticks. I don't really feel comfortable with the idea of having to see him."

Remus cast a non-verbal charm to ensure that his silencing charm wasn't pulled down and sat down on the edge of Emma's mattress. He wouldn't put it past his father to come up the stairs to listen in on their conversation. "It's more than that, isn't it?" Remus asked Emma softly.

Emma's lips pressed into a thin line, and she nodded. "I don't think it was a coincidence that Ellis was in Hogsmeade when Fenrir was," Emma muttered, just barely meeting Remus's gaze. "I didn't understand what Fenrir had meant when he said he had his sources, and that it would hurt me when I realized. If Ellis is his source...what would hurt me more than that? I've spent a lot of time thinking about it the past few days, and I can't come up with anything else. I have the feeling that you have the same theory, and that's why you've seen Dumbledore so much."

"Sometimes I wish you weren't so smart," Remus admitted with a wry smile. "I don't think it's a coincidence either, but the problem is there are still too many different possibilities."

"You know more, then?"

"I know more," Remus said sadly. "The problem is wading through the information that we do have."

"What do you know?"

Remus sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "We know that Ellis was an Auror at the time you went missing. We have reason to believe that he knew where you were and kept tabs on the house to get you out. We also have reason to believe that the children's home director could have played a part in the situation. He was in school at the same time as Jude and Ellis – another Ravenclaw."

"Mr. Ward was at Hogwarts with the both of them?"

"He was two years ahead of Ellis, and three ahead of Jude," Remus said with a sigh, meeting Emma's confused look. "We don't know if they were close friends, but they were friendly enough. The original director was only there until you hit school age, and then he took over. We don't think that was a coincidence."

"They're all connected?"

"They're all connected."

"And you're sure that it all comes down to Ellis?"

"It's our strongest lead, but we don't have anything concrete yet."

Emma nodded, starting to feel sick. Her stomach was twisting in knots the more she thought about it. Everyone had to be wrong; she _needed_ them to be wrong. They were just picking the easiest possible solution because it was the sort of thing Fenrir would want. That was the only logical explanation.

"Are you going to be all right?" Remus asked gently.

"Dunno," Emma answered honestly, hugging her pillow a bit tighter.

Remus turned Emma's head with a crooked finger under her chin so she was looking at him. "I know that you don't want to do dinner tonight, I don't want to either, but I think it would help me try to see if I can get any answers," Remus said softly. "If he's who we need to watch out for, it'll help if you're there. He'll be more likely to talk if he doesn't think there's anything wrong, but I'm not going to force you to come down if you really don't want to. I'll never make you do something you're uncomfortable with."

"You really think it'll help if I'm there?" Emma reluctantly asked.

"I do," Remus admitted. "But I'm not forcing you into anything. I'm perfectly content with you staying up here if you would like," he said, brushing the backs of his fingers against Emma's cheek. "Honestly, I'd join you up here to try and get out of it myself, but it's much harder for me to do as an adult. You still have youth on your side, my dear."

Emma's lips twitched slightly. "You make it sound as though you used to get out of a lot of dinners when you were younger."

"How else do you think I perfected pretending being asleep?" Remus asked with a wink.

"That's only helpful if you don't actually fall asleep while pretending, old man," Emma giggled.

"I'm not that old," Remus said, pretending to look offended. "And I do not fall asleep while pretending to be asleep!"

"Oh, yes, I must be imagining you snoring. Funny how you do that a lot," Emma said with a grin. She looked down at the pillow in her arms and set it aside, trying to figure out what would be best. Emma _did_ want to see Persephone and even Caspian, but she wasn't too thrilled with seeing Ellis. She supposed she didn't mind Sage so much, though. It wasn't as though Remus would get up and abandon her in the middle of dinner. "I guess I should try and get through tonight," Emma sighed. "But I don't want to do this again next year. I just want it to be us next year."

"Done," Remus said quickly. "I would rather we have Christmas together next year, just the two of us – no going back and forth. We can just stay home and do whatever we'd like just because we can."

"I think I'd like that," Emma said quietly.

"Good, so do I," Remus said with a smile. "Why don't you rest before dinner? You're looking a bit peaky. Did I need to get ahold of Severus to get you another dose of Wolfsbane?"

Emma didn't need to be told twice and immediately flopped down on her side into her pillows. "No, I'm still all right. Just tired, I think," Emma said, nestling into her pillows.

"All right," Remus said. "Rest, and I'll come wake you up later. If you need anything, let me know."

As it turned out, Remus would _not_ be the one to wake her up, and Emma should have known better. She was startled out of her sleep by the two pairs of very bright eyes staring at her from the edge of her mattress in the faint moonlight coming in from the window. It took her a few moments to realize that said eyes were attached to heads with very dark hair.

"Merlin's saggy tits," Emma hissed, clutching at her chest. "Why the bloody hell are you both in my room right now? Dad said he was waking me up."

"Professor Lupin sent us up to get you instead!" Caspian said excitedly.

"Correction – _Remus_ sent _me_ up, but Caspian decided to follow because he's a git," Persephone said, shoving Caspian hard off the bed. She took advantage of the empty space next to Emma and laid down. "We thought if we just stared at you, you would wake up. It clearly worked."

"Why?" Emma said, covering her face and rolling onto her back with a groan. "That was so unnecessary."

"It was fun, actually," Caspian said, hauling himself up off the floor and sitting on the edge of the mattress. "Except Persephone kept giggling."

"Did not!" Persephone insisted.

"Did too!"

Emma grabbed a pillow and covered her face to stifle the sounds of Persephone and Caspian bickering. Her shield didn't last long as Persephone ripped the pillow out of Emma's hands with a gleeful grin.

"Come on," Persephone said, tossing the pillow to the side and jabbing Emma in the sides. "Get dressed! Caspian –" Persephone shot Caspian a glare "– turn the light on and _leave_."

Caspian huffed and flicked on the light, sticking his tongue out at his sister and leaving.

Persephone shot up from the bed and slammed the door closed with a grin. "Now, it's just us!" Persephone said, waggling her eyebrows before launching herself sideways back onto Emma's bed. She landed on her stomach and quickly turned on her side, propping her head on her hand. "How's your first Hogwarts Christmas been?"

"Dunno," Emma said, sitting up. "Haven't been there much, actually. Had my appointment at St. Mungo's yesterday with that therapist. Feels weird to be getting a Muggle treatment after doing everything magical for so long."

"What'd you think of her?" Persephone asked, deciding to turn back onto her stomach, kicking her legs up behind her. "I like you telling me about Muggle things."

"Well, she's all right, I guess," Emma sighed. "She's going to make me…talk about my, erm, my assault, though. I don't really want to."

"Did you tell her that?"

"Of course, I did. But she said that even though I was young and don't remember it too well, it doesn't mean it didn't affect me. I suppose she has a point, but it was so long ago."

"I think it would help," Persephone admitted, looking over at Emma, who still hadn't bothered to get up. "You've closed off since Remus showed you those reports. You've been more than willing to snog Draco, which I still hate, by the way. Didn't you practically launch Draco off his bed weeks ago when you snuck into the dorm because he got a little too handsy?"

Emma let out a yelp, ran over to the door, and opened it quickly to make sure no one was around. "Effie! Don't talk about that!" Emma hissed, shutting the door again. "I got scared! If he found out what happened to me…I don't know. I don't think I'm ready for that, even though you apparently were." Emma gave Persephone a pointed look over her intimate encounter with Grant Page. "I don't really know. I also thought it was Fenrir that did those things to me. Not that it makes it any better, but the idea of it being Greyback was a lot worse because it's _him_. How exactly do you tell someone, 'Oh, Greyback is an absolutely depraved monster who assaulted me as a child.'"

"How do you know it wasn't him, though?" Persephone asked, twisting a strand of her hair around her finger. "He could be telling you anything. Sounds like the sort of person who would tell you anything to try and make you comfortable. Besides, I think any sane person would understand – it's _Greyback_. He has a reputation with children, so no one could blame you."

Emma frowned slightly. Sometimes it was hard to talk to Persephone because she held true to not telling anyone Remus's secret. Even though Persephone had been the one to suggest that Remus was a werewolf, Emma took care not to confirm one way or another. That meant she had to keep information she found out from Remus to herself. She could never tell Persephone about Montgomery, not without too many questions. Emma could talk to Luna about it because she knew, but Luna's advice was full of riddles that she had to work through. With Persephone, she was always straight-forward with her thoughts, but Emma couldn't tell her too much.

"I'd thought about the possibility of him just lying to me," Emma admitted. "But I don't think he was. I don't consider myself an expert on Fenrir Greyback in the least, but his demeanor changed slightly when I brought it up. I don't really think he was lying to me about anything. I don't know, though. Is it pathetic that I almost hope he hasn't lied to me? I hate him – it doesn't change the fact he's disgusting, but some odd part of me wants him to be honest with me."

Persephone considered Emma's words for a moment. "I don't think it's pathetic," Persephone said quietly. "From what you've told me, he's terrifying. If he's honest with you, then at least he has a single decent human quality about him."

Emma's nose wrinkled. "I don't think there's a single decent human quality about him," Emma muttered. "Fenrir is a case of more beast than man, and he's proud of it."

"Well, no, not really," Persephone sighed. "But if he's been in your life this entire time, then at least you can say that he didn't hurt you until…" she gestured to Emma's wrist. "He could have done much worse to you."

"Are you seriously trying to give Fenrir Greyback a redeeming quality?"

"I'm just doing what you sometimes do – trying to find the positives," Persephone said, giving Emma a cheeky grin. "Rather annoying, innit?"

Emma picked up another pillow and began to hit Persephone with it. "You are supposed to be a Slytherin!" Emma said, each word punctuated with a smack of her pillow on Persephone's body. "That's not fair!"

"I am a _Slytherin_ – we're not fair," Persephone snickered, yanking the pillow out of Emma's hand and tossing that one on the floor to join the first. "I'm just saying, maybe this woman can help you figure things out, and you too can do naughty things with a member of the male species."

"Ugh, stop it, Eff."

"Oh, please. You can't tell me that you weren't going to say George Weasley when we were playing Truth or Dare," Persephone said, waggling her eyebrows with a giggle. "You're _in love_ with George."

"He doesn't even like me like that," Emma huffed. "Even if I'm somehow in love with George, it doesn't matter. He is strictly a fantasy in my mind."

"Merlin, you are absolutely clueless," Persephone said, rolling her eyes. "Come on. Let's get you dressed. Remus said that Lyall bought you a new dress for tonight, and it's in the closet."

"Oh, bloody hell," Emma said, pulling herself up from the bed and walking to the closet. She ripped the doors open and stared at the dress hanging up in front of the black velvet dress she usually wore when she had to dress up. "Well, at least it's not black," Emma sighed, looking at the scarlet-colored dress. It was pretty – a simple a-line style dress with sleeves and covered in lace. It was much different than the black dress, which was velvet all over except for its illusion neckline.

"That is _Gryffindor_ red," Persephone said with a snort. "I think he's trying to turn you into a Gryffindor."

"And I think it's funny that everyone keeps trying to put me in a house other than my own," Emma sighed, taking the dress off the hanger. She held it up in front of her and looked at herself in the mirror. The dress would stop just at her knees when she put it on, which meant she would have to put on tights. "Is it snotty of me to say that I don't want to wear it? It's pretty, but…"

"A bit," Persephone admitted. "Do I need to go run and get Remus for you?"

"Please?" Emma asked, almost pleadingly.

Persephone smiled, giving Emma a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll go get him and save the day."

"Thanks," Emma murmured as Persephone left. She studied herself in the mirror a bit more, trying to rationalize wearing the dress. A part of her really just wanted to be comfortable and not have to dress up. She was tired and didn't feel well, plus the dress would bring out the redness and dark circles around her eyes. Emma could cover it up with makeup, but she didn't want to layer it on to look presentable.

"Are you sure that you don't need another dose?" Remus asked as he stepped into the room and took in Emma's appearance. "You're starting to look like me."

"I think I'm just tired," Emma said with a wry smile, tossing the dress on her bed. "Though my stomach hurts a lot."

A frown crossed Remus's face as he approached Emma. He pressed the back of his hand against her forehead with a hum. "Well, you're not warm, so that's good. At least that means you're not getting a cold."

"I can still get colds? I thought that was a benefit of being like you," Emma whined. "I've never seen you with a cold before."

"That is because I know how to keep them away," Remus chuckled softly, bending down to kiss the top of Emma's head. "Is anything else bothering you?"

"My head hurts, but that could be from how much thinking I've been doing," Emma said. "Bit dizzy, but that could be nerves, too, I suppose."

Remus studied Emma for a moment as if he was trying to run through other possibilities of why Emma wasn't feeling well. "Hmm, well, if anything else starts to bother you, let me know. Did you want to take something for your headache, at least?"

"No, I think I'll be all right."

"Now, what is this I hear about the dress?" Remus asked, looking over at the dress that laid half-on, half-off the bed. "You don't want to wear it?"

Emma glanced over at the dress and looked down at her feet, guiltily. "No, not really," she said quietly. "I don't understand why we have to dress up at all, and I want to be comfortable."

"So, then be comfortable," Remus said with a shrug. "No one said you have to wear it."

"W-what? But Grandpa –"

"Thought you might like it. Doesn't mean you have to wear it right now," Remus said, giving Emma a reassuring smile. "I told you – I'm not forcing you into doing anything you don't want to. If you don't want to wear the dress, then don't wear the dress. Who's going to stop you from wearing what you'd like? I certainly won't, and no one else can either because you're _my_ daughter, and I want you to be comfortable."

Emma couldn't stop herself from throwing her arms around Remus in relief. "Thank you," she said, squeezing him tightly. "Grandpa won't be upset?"

"No, of course not," Remus said, returning Emma's hug. "And if he is, I'll talk some sense into him. God knows I'm frustrated with him as it is."

"Please tell me you didn't fight with him while I was sleeping," Emma said quickly, pulling away to look up at Remus in alarm.

"Is the house still in one piece?" Remus asked with a glitter in his eye. "Nothing on fire? Roof still on?"

"Well, I suppose everything seems all right."

"Then nothing happened. I haven't said a word to him about anything. Not yet, at least," Remus said. "Now, what do you want to wear? Did you bring anything special with you?"

"No," Emma admitted, looking down at the clothes she was wearing. "But I suppose I should be in something different, though. Jeans and a long-sleeve shirt seem rather silly when everyone else is going to be at least somewhat dressed up."

"Hold on a mo'. I've got the perfect solution," Remus said, leaving the room for a moment. When he returned, he came back with a cream, cable-knit jumper. "Throw this on," he said, handing the jumper to Emma. "I know it's not the usual one you take but humor me." Emma frowned slightly but tossed the jumper on over her shirt. Remus quickly took to the task of rolling up the sleeves so that they weren't too long. "I think if you just tuck in the front, it should be fine. Might look cool if you leave the back untucked. I've seen a few girls wear their jumpers that way."

Emma cast Remus a skeptical look. "Who are you, and what have you done with my father?" Emma asked, tucking the jumper into the front of her jeans and leaving the rest untucked. When she turned to look at herself in the mirror, she had to admit that it did look relatively cool. "How does this actually look all right?"

"Magic," Remus said with a cheeky grin. "Finish getting ready, sweetheart. We'll be waiting in the dining room for you."

"I'll try not to take too long," Emma said, returning Remus's grin with a shake of her head. She turned to look at herself in the mirror as Remus started to leave. "Hey, Dad?"

"What is it, love?" Remus asked, turning back to look at Emma curiously.

Emma met Remus's gaze with a soft smile. "I love you," Emma said quietly. "Thank you for helping."

Remus's expression softened. "I love you, too, fy nghariad bach. Remember – I'll do absolutely anything for you."

As Remus closed the door behind him, Emma had no doubt that he genuinely meant it. She could get through dinner all right. One day she would get it through her head that Remus wouldn't let her down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	48. Christmas Interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The curse of Christmas dinner can't even be broken by celebrating Christmas Eve.

"Well, well, someone's finally decided to join us," Lyall said happily as Emma finally stepped into the dining room.

"'Lo," Emma said shyly to everyone, fidgeting with a sleeve of the jumper she borrowed. She took a quick look at the seating arrangements. Emma frowned slightly, seeing her customary seat next to Remus was across from Ellis for some reason. Ordinarily, Caspian sat across from her, but he was sitting across from Persephone with Sage across from Remus. Remus made to stand up to switch seats, but Emma quickly shook her head. She would be okay with Remus there.

"Merry Christmas," Emma said, taking her seat in between Remus and Persephone. "Sorry, it took me so long."

"It's not a problem," Ellis said with a smile that Emma was much more familiar with. "Remus said you weren't feeling too well. We're just glad that you could join us."

Sage took in Emma's outfit with a hum of approval. "Well, at least one of us is sensible this year," Sage said, giving Emma a kind smile.

"Well, you're the one who insisted that we dress up at our first dinner," Ellis said with a laugh.

"We needed to make proper first impressions!" Sage said, pinning Ellis with a look. "And we've never discussed dress code, so I thought it would be appropriate to maintain the same level of formality. I'm tempted to go home with the children and change."

"Ah, stop," Ellis said, waving Sage off. "It's fine. We'll keep next year casual, yeah?"

"Absolutely," Lyall laughed, giving a hearty clap as the house-elves brought in dinner.

Dinner was somehow equal parts easier and harder to get through. It was more comfortable as it didn't hold the first Christmas's awkwardness or the tension from the previous year. It was harder because Emma was afraid things could change quickly.

Ellis seemed to be acting as he usually did, happy and funny, and easy-going. This was the Ellis that she knew, but Emma noticed that he had Firewhiskey instead of wine with his dinner. Sage even seemed much more open than usual. She was still proper, as Sage was never anything less, but she smiled and laughed more. It was nice to see this side of Sage as it seemed as though it never left the confines of the Moon household.

Emma found it slightly unnerving that Remus could pretend that things were all right, possessing a calmness that she often envied. He was polite, more than willing to talk about his time teaching, and even telling amusing stories about all three children at the table. Remus smiled proudly as he told the story of how quickly Caspian picked up the disarming charm. He chuckled over Emma and Persephone's prowess with the knockback jinx and how funny they were to watch while practicing. Remus more than proudly spoke about how Emma conquered her Boggart, taking care to not mention what it was. All three teenagers were brilliant shades of red from Remus's praise.

However, the conversation took a hard turn as Ellis regarded Emma for a moment. "Well, things can't be too easy all the time, can it? Especially when you've got this one to worry about," Ellis said, picking up his glass of Firewhiskey.

"I'm sorry," Remus said, clearing his throat. "I'm afraid that I'm not sure what you mean by that, Ellis."

"Well, what with the whole drinking on the school grounds," Ellis said, ignoring the look that Sage was giving him. "We were quite cross with Persephone when she told us what happened. Never expected Emma to be the one to suggest it."

Emma shot Persephone an annoyed look. That wasn't what happened at all, and she couldn't imagine that Persephone would say that it was Emma's fault. Persephone looked at her mother, panicked.

"Mum!" Persephone said through grit teeth.

"Ellis, darling, you know that's not what Persephone said," Sage said, putting a hand on her husband's arm. "Persephone very clearly told us that Pansy was the one who suggested that they celebrate and convinced Emma to take Remus's Firewhiskey."

"Well, Emma might as well have suggested it, no? She was the one who took it," Ellis said matter-of-factly. "I'm just wondering what else she might be learning if she's capable of such a thing."

Emma felt her face flush, and she put down her utensils. She wasn't very hungry anymore. She felt a kick underneath the table and looked up to see Caspian looking at her, looking sympathetic. "I'm sorry," he mouthed quietly to her, and Emma gave a half-hearted shrug in response. She wondered if her other friend's parents talked about her like Ellis apparently did.

"You make it sound as though I condone Emma's behavior," Remus said tightly. "If I did, I wouldn't have written to each parent to inform them of the situation. Emma is very aware of what she was responsible for, but she wasn't completely at fault. She wasn't the only girl there."

"I'm just saying it doesn't seem as though Emma ever receives any punishment for her actions. I know that she's not a little angel," Ellis said, with a low and unamused chuckle. "It's not as though we haven't had her over, and we've seen her true colors."

Emma looked between Sage and Ellis in confusion. Had she done something wrong the last time she had gone to their home? Emma couldn't think of a single thing that she could have done. She preferred to keep to herself out of fear of doing something wrong while at their home but participated when needed. The only time she ever truly let loose was in the comfort of Persephone's room. When she looked over at Persephone, she had her head propped up on her hand, her eyes practically boring a hole into the wall just behind Caspian.

"Sage has never mentioned Emma being disrespectful at any point while in your home," Remus said, his eyes narrowed. "If Emma was a problem at all, I would have expected to know about it."

Sage pressed a hand to her forehead and let out an aggravated huff. "Ellis, you told me that you weren't going to do this tonight. It's Christmas," she said with a slight growl. "Now is not the time. I told you if you had an issue to write to Remus and not act like this at dinner. You know perfectly well that Emma has never done anything wrong."

"She could stand to use some disciplining, that's all I'm saying," Ellis shrugged.

"How I discipline my daughter is none of your business," Remus said tightly.

"Does she get disciplined at all?" Ellis asked, still continuing to ignore Sage, who was starting to seethe. "And it's not like she's yours, right? I would think it would make it easier to actually make sure she receives the punishment she deserves."

"Now, wait just a minute," Lyall said, starting to get aggravated. "This isn't an appropriate conversation to be having right now, Ellis. Perhaps you should listen to your wife."

Remus shot Lyall a quick look and chuckled. He placed his knife and fork down and clasped his hands in front of him. "I would like to make a few things clear to you, Ellis since it appears that you're confused. Emma is my daughter, not anyone else's. This little girl was meant to be mine from the moment she was born, but I understand why I wasn't told the truth."

Emma looked up to look over at Lyall, who paled slightly and set his utensils down as well. A flash of guilt crossed Lyall's face as he met her gaze, and he quickly looked away, leaning back in his chair. Christmas dinner officially went wrong for the third year in a row.

"Because she is _my daughter_ , that means I get to decide how she is disciplined," Remus continued in his same calm and level-tone. He draped his arm over the back of Emma's chair, a move that Emma wasn't sure was meant in solidarity or protective or even both. "Just because I haven't discussed her punishment with anyone, it doesn't mean that she won't receive one at all. I have been incredibly blessed to have a daughter who never gives me a reason to have to discipline her. I'll never say that Emma is perfect because none of us are. She has made some bad decisions, but we can sit down and have mature discussions on why what she did was wrong. She's had a difficult upbringing, and I'm not going to fault her for simple things that can be rectified with a simple conversation. I don't feel the need to go so far as torturing her to make her see the error of her ways."

Remus's word choice was deliberate, and Emma knew it, but it made her a little uncomfortable. She looked up at Remus curiously before casting a glance over at Ellis. Emma wished she knew what exactly Remus was looking for because she was clueless. Ellis seemed impassive as he stared back at Remus.

"You're right, Sage," Ellis said, running his tongue over his teeth before taking a sip of his Firewhiskey. He looked across the table at Emma, his expression unreadable, and then turned slightly to Sage. "This isn't the right time for this conversation."

It was Lyall who wound up breaking the tense silence, clearing his throat. "Right, how about we have pudding?"

"Are you all right?" Remus whispered to Emma, looking apologetic.

"'M fine," Emma whispered back, giving Remus a slightly shaky smile.

The conversation drifted to safer topics with dessert served, such as how the kids liked their school year.

"Binns is still boring as ever," Persephone said with a sigh. "It's not the same without Emma."

"I don't think you understand just how quiet it is to have History of Magic with the Ravenclaws. At least you've got it with the Gryffindors," Emma said in response.

"Oi, we've got it with the Ravenclaws this year, too," Caspian said. "It's fun."

"But _you_ have Elijah who can't shut up," Persephone said pointedly.

Caspian stared at his sister for a moment before lifting a shoulder in a shrug. "Guess you're right," he conceded.

Eventually, the conversation shifted to Sage lamenting over taking care of the home, and Ellis always being away for work.

"It's miserable," Sage said. "It makes me miss the children."

"You meet with Narcissa and Camellia at least twice a week, if not more," Ellis muttered. "You can't tell me you're too miserable."

"Narcissa?" Remus asked. "Wasn't aware you two were talking again after the fight you two had shortly after marrying Lucius. Thought you two were at a stalemate over your differences."

"Well, you know how it is – once a Black, always a Black," Sage said. "We're cousins, and it's not like it would change a thing anyway. She's still going to be with Lucius. Besides, with Draco being the same age as Persephone, it was stupid to not make amends."

Emma tensed up slightly and had to resist the urge to look at Remus in alarm. Black? Did that mean Sage was a Black, too? Did that mean Narcissa, Draco's mother, was a Black as well? Emma looked over at Persephone, then to Caspian, and then to Sage. They all had the same dark hair and grey eyes – the same dark hair and eyes that Sirius had. That made things a little confusing for her to process. They were all related? She made sure to tuck that information in the back of her mind to ask Remus about later.

The conversation shifted again to Ellis and Lyall discussing the Ministry's goings-on. Emma spoke quietly with Persephone and Caspian about the books she had been reading. Remus was listening politely to both conversations, nursing his glass of wine.

When a lull in conversation finally came up between Ellis and Lyall, Remus hummed to himself, taking a sip of wine. "You know, Ellis, I find it curious that you and Jude were such close friends, but Emma and Persephone never had playdates growing up."

"They had playdates," Sage said, casting Remus a surprised look.

Emma looked up from her conversation with Persephone in confusion, and she felt Remus tense up next to her. "We did?" Emma asked, turning her attention to Sage. The first time they all had Christmas dinner, Sage had made it sound like a miracle that Emma and Persephone were friends. But perhaps not, if she remembered the moment correctly. Sage said that Emma and Persephone were destined to be best friends…

She was going to question it further, but Remus dropped his arm from the back of her chair to around her shoulders. He gave her arm a slight squeeze in warning, and she knew not to ask any questions. He pulled her slightly into his side, and she went easily, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Really?" Remus said in surprise, smiling politely at Sage. He turned his attention to Ellis for a moment. "It's never come up in conversation."

"It just slipped our minds," Ellis chuckled, grabbing his glass. "I think Emma going missing threw us all for a loop. Didn't seem possible that it could be the same girl we met all over again a few years ago. It was like seeing a ghost."

"Do you have any pictures of them together? I'm sure Emma would love to see them."

Sage was about to answer, but Ellis cut her off. "I'm sure there's a photo or two sitting around," he said, taking a drink from his glass. "We'll have to try and find them."

There was only the slightest of pauses before Remus hummed thoughtfully. Emma didn't miss it, and her stomach sank when she realized what Remus must have been thinking. He had to be thinking about the photos Fenrir had.

"Speaking of Emma being missing, were you one of the Aurors that worked on Emma's case when she went missing? I never did get to meet any of the people that were working on her case."

"Ah, no," Ellis said. "They considered it a conflict of interest."

"They considered it a conflict of interest to find your best friend's missing child?" Lyall asked with a frown. "I'll admit that I met one witch at the time, but never anyone else. It seemed like it was impossible to track someone down."

"Maybe not a conflict of interest," Ellis said, tilting his head back and forth with another drink. "But they didn't want me on the case. Felt it would be too personal."

"Do you know when her case was closed?" Remus asked. "We never did get any notification of it ever being closed."

"Really?" Ellis sounded surprised. "I would have thought the moment she received her Hogwarts letter it would have been closed. It's not like she was missing any longer at that point. I'll have to check on that when I head back to the office when we head back in the new year."

Remus smiled politely. "That would be wonderful. I know I have her with me, but it would be nice to see the case finally closed."

Emma nearly let out a breath of relief when Lyall declared that they should move to the living room to finish out their night. She was tired of sitting at the table, and she used it as her out to go back to her room.

"Daddy, I still don't feel well," Emma said, giving Remus a pointed look. "Is it all right if I say goodnight to everyone now and go to bed?"

"Of course, sweetheart," Remus said gently, doing another quick feel of her forehead to check her temperature. "Just making sure," he said, smiling at Emma's exasperated look.

Sage was the first one who got to Emma, pulling her into a tighter hug than she'd ever received from the woman. "I'm sorry, love," she said earnestly. "Please forgive Ellis. He's been on edge for the past few months." Sage pulled away, smoothing Emma's hair back with gentle hands. "He didn't mean anything by what he said. We love you dearly."

Emma was left speechless and could only nod in response. With hasty good nights and wishes for a Merry Christmas, Emma made her way quickly up the stairs to her room. She nearly giggled to herself at how quiet she made her rapid retreat. _Just like Padfoot_ , Emma thought to herself, wondering idly if he got his nickname for his silent walking.

Even in the relative safety of her room, Emma still didn't feel any better. She had more questions than ever before, and as she laid among her pillows, she was becoming more and more confused.

It had never come up that Emma and Persephone were friends as babies before. Emma felt that it would be something that should have come up at some point. Perhaps Persephone didn't even realize, and that's why it never came up. Was that why Fenrir felt the photos would have been more interesting? Did the photographs he had consist of Emma and Persephone as toddlers playing together? It was the sort of thing that Fenrir would probably find amusing.

Her stomach flipped at another possibility – what if Emma had been friends with Persephone for years, as well? What if the photos were of an older Emma and Persephone like the photo of her and Remus at the park at the same time? Persephone would have told her if they were friends, wouldn't she? Emma quickly squashed that line of thinking. Fenrir would have found the photos fascinating for another reason; he had to.

The more she thought about things, the more nauseous she felt. She wasn't sure if it was from dinner or if it was from the upcoming full moon. Regardless, she felt ill. She felt terribly lightheaded, and her stomach hurt. With a slight grumble, Emma got out of bed so that she could head downstairs to ask Remus for something. She wasn't sure what she could take with the Wolfsbane Potion, and she didn't want to take the wrong thing.

Emma started to make her way down the stairs and froze, hearing Remus and Lyall in the living room. The Moons must have left as the conversation sounded heated. She wasn't expecting to hear them arguing, and neither of them seemed aware that she had left her room. Curious, Emma sat down on the stairs to listen, unsure of what was going to be said. It sounded as though they had been arguing since she had gone upstairs.

"I still can't believe that you _never_ said a word," Remus said sharply. "I would have dropped _everything_ for her."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Why didn't – why didn't I? You've got to be bloody kidding me," Remus said with a derisive breath. "I didn't know! I was fighting to try and give her a better life! There are a million reasons why I didn't stop everything I was doing. I suffered so that she wouldn't have to, so she wouldn't have to grow up in fear. Every sacrifice I have ever made has been for Emma. The fact that you _ever_ considered the idea that I would…you thought I was a monster, just like Greyback. The fact you would even think that when you're the reason he attacked me. You are the reason why I can never take care of Emma the way I should be able to – I can't give her the life she deserves. You are the very reason that I couldn't even truly save her. She is going to suffer for the rest of her life all because _you_ had to piss Greyback off."

"Remus, I tried to get the Ministry to see that Greyback was a monster. I tried to make them –"

"I'm a monster _just like him!_ I am equally as dangerous as he is! You have told me for years that it doesn't matter, but you _still_ –"

"It doesn't mean that I love you any less!"

"You've done a terrible job of showing it then," Remus spat.

"I did what I had to do, Remus."

"So did I."

Emma could practically feel the tension from the living room as silence fell. She covered her mouth to try and keep herself from breathing too hard. It didn't seem that Remus picked up that she was on the stairs, and she wanted to hear what else would be said.

It took a while before Remus started speaking again, "Every single day, I have to worry about whether or not she's going to transform the next full moon. Every single day I have to worry that I can't keep Greyback from her. Twice in a month, she's had to face him. Twice! Both times I could do nothing about it. He _hurt_ her."

"At least it was just a scratch."

" _Just_ a scratch? Do you even understand how just that single scratch could have changed her more than she already is?"

"But she won't transform –"

"We don't know that she won't!"

That wasn't new to Emma, though it was concerning that Remus felt that the scratch from Fenrir could have affected so much. She ran a finger over the shiny skin on her wrist, frowning slightly. It was cruel that everything else could heal so quickly, but the scratch was only just looking as though it was healing. At least it had finally lost its angry red coloring and had started to turn pink.

"Did you know about Sirius being in the house?" Remus asked, making Emma cringe from where she sat. Emma wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"Of course, I did. I talked to him."

"You _what?_ " Remus practically shouted. "You _talked_ to Sirius and didn't say a word?"

"Because you weren't ready to know. Sirius came to me first, actually. Scared the absolute shite out of me when he walked out of Emma's room."

"He _walked_ out of Emma's room? How long was he there?"

"The entire time you were away. Came to me the first night I got there. He was a big help, actually."

"Dad, you've got to be bloody kidding me. _You let him stay?_ "

"Remus, I have been a terrible judge of character, but Sirius has always been easy for me to read. He never would have hurt James and Lily, and he never received a trial. I tried to get him one back when he was detained, but after the issues with Greyback…"

"They never would have listened to you," Remus said almost breathlessly. "And you really believe Sirius?"

"He told me the entire story. I believe him. You always knew that I felt Peter was getting squirrely in the end."

"How could you even know that?" Remus huffed. "Peter was always like that."

"It was different with Peter. He looked like a man who had seen things," Lyall answered. "I'd seen that look in other men before. He wasn't the same Peter. He was changed, and I tried to bring it up, but you were all too worried about other things. I just had to hope that I wasn't right because I knew that you all loved him."

"Then why didn't you know about Jude? If Peter was changed, then why didn't you know what Jude was doing?"

"Because Jude did a great job of hiding who he was. I'm telling you the truth when I say that Margaret honestly never said a word about Jude to me. I don't think she told anyone. If Sirius had any idea of what was happening to Emma, I have no doubts he would have said something to you."

"So then you believe Sirius is innocent?"

"I know he's innocent."

"And how are you so sure?"

"Veritaserum."

There was a long silence before Remus spoke again. "You used Veritaserum on Sirius?"

"He begged me to use it, actually."

"And you just so happen to have some?"

"Perks of being a Ministry employee, I suppose," Lyall said gruffly. "Sirius wouldn't even be able to resist its effects with how long he was in Azkaban. Wouldn't ever be permissible in a trial, but it got me answers. He even wanted me to take his memory from that day, and I almost considered it, but he needs a Healer. I did what I could for him, but other than taking care of you when you were younger, I'm useless at healing magic."

"Sirius is innocent?"

"Sirius is innocent. He would never hurt Harry, and he certainly would never hurt Emma. I don't understand how Sirius plans to get to Peter, but he's determined."

Emma had to strain to hear Remus's response. "Emma said…Emma said that Peter is at Hogwarts," he said. "Shit. If Peter's at Hogwarts, then he could do anything. But what is he waiting for?"

"Peter's at Hogwarts?"

"I…yes," Remus said quickly. "I was just thinking the rest of the school year was going to go smoothly, but now…Shit. I can't even tell Dumbledore, either. He doesn't know that any of them were Animagus, and I don't need him knowing how to find Sirius." Remus trailed off, with a bitter laugh. "Well, as much as it pains me to admit, I don't have to worry about Sirius going after Emma anymore. I'm still confused, but…There are worse things to worry about."

"Is that why you were giving Ellis such a hard time?" Lyall asked, changing the subject. "What was going on with you and Ellis. You always gave Sage a hard time, but Ellis?"

"It's come to my attention that he's most likely the reason why we didn't have Emma for so long. For the longest time, I thought Sirius had something to do with it, but now…it has to be because of Ellis."

"And how do you know that?"

"He was one of the Auror's who was on the guard who took Sirius to Azkaban. If Ellis heard Sirius saying where Emma was, he could have gone to get her. Emma was brought to the children's home only hours after Sirius was detained and while we weren't there. I don't even think a case was opened for her."

"And why is Ellis the only possible person?"

There was a long silence before Remus finally answered. "Because everyone else is conveniently dead or missing themselves."

"If a case was never actually opened…"

"Then that's why there was nothing out there about her other than what we tried to do. An official search was never started. That's why no posters were ever made, why no one seemed to know what we were talking about when we asked for updates. Emma was never considered a missing person."

Emma stopped breathing. Remus never mentioned that Ellis was part of the Aurors that brought Sirius to Azkaban. She had never considered the possibility that posters should have been made for people to try to find her. It never occurred to her that it should have been evident that she was missing. She had seen posters of missing people before, sad photos of children that couldn't be found. Emma was never one of those people because someone knew where she was the entire time.

She had been trying to rationalize with herself for weeks that it had to be impossible that Ellis had to be a part of things. Emma refused to wrap her mind around the possibility, but it made too much sense. Jude and Ellis were friends – best friends, even. Who else to help you do something questionable than your best friend? Emma and Persephone were incredibly guilty of convincing each other to do stupid things.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this sooner?" Lyall asked. "I could have helped."

"The less paperwork there is, the better," Remus responded. "We're trying to eliminate the need for a paper trail because we don't know what we're dealing with. Whatever is going on is ongoing and has been going on for years. The fewer people who know, the better. Right now, Dumbledore is working on getting a request for the names of visitors at the children's home. We're exploring all possible avenues, just in case. Emma was too exposed to Greyback growing up, and we're trying to figure out at what frequency they were together."

"And you think there will be records?"

"We don't know. There's a magical logbook that records anyone going in and out of the building, and we're going to see if it's been tampered with. The problem is Emma seemed to wander by herself. Even if we get ahold of it, we don't know that it'll hold the information we're looking for."

Emma leaned against the wall, tears welling up in her eyes. Was it partially her fault that no one knew how to find her? She tried to stay out of the children's home for as long as she possibly could, and she couldn't see Fenrir ever stepping into Saint Nicholas's. Would the logbook hold any information that would be useful at all? Remus already sounded as though he didn't feel it would be helpful, which didn't bode well.

What was she supposed to do if Ellis was the reason she was kept from Remus for so long? She didn't even know what to think. Emma had really liked Ellis up until how he acted in Hogsmeade. It was such a stark difference from the man she thought she knew, and the very idea that it could be _his fault_ made her sick. What could she have possibly done to deserve the life that she had lived for so long? If it was him, was Ellis acting on something Jude wanted? Did Ellis have some hidden agenda against her?

Emma had to cover her mouth to try and keep herself from taking in a gasping breath. There was nothing she could do to stop her tears from finally starting to fall. It wasn't fair that things were starting to go right, but then something else was beginning to unravel.

"But that's not all we've put together."

"What else is there?"

Remus dropped his voice to a level that Emma couldn't understand, but whatever Remus said had angered Lyall. Lyall immediately launched into speaking in Welsh, with swear words she knew all too well, and much more she didn't understand. She hoped that one day she would be able to understand everything that was being said as.

"I should probably go check on her," Remus suddenly said, forcing Emma's head to snap up in a panic. She couldn't even force herself to get up and leave, and she tried to wipe away her tears, but more kept coming. It was almost as if her legs had given up on her entirely, and she just held herself.

Emma met Remus's gaze as he turned the corner, and he sighed, his expression sad as he took in the tears falling down her face. He climbed the last few stairs and sat down next to her, enveloping her in his arms in a tight hug.

"How much did you hear?" he asked softly.

"Almost everything," Emma whispered, burying her face into Remus's chest. "I think I want to go home."

Remus pulled Emma a little closer. "Then we'll go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a one shot associated with it! The still not-completed [ A Moonlit Christmas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27827719/chapters/68127751)features the scene following Emma and Remus leaving Lyall's house. Read it here! [Holiday Lights](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27827719/chapters/68481320)
> 
> **come find me on:**  
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> 


	49. A Quieter Affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas day is a welcome improvement from Christmas Eve.

Emma felt as though she had woken up from a fever dream. The entirety of her time outside of Hogwarts didn't seem as though it even really happened. It took her a few minutes to realize that she was back at Hogwarts. Remus had decided, even though it would take longer, that it would be best to head back to Hogwarts.

She peered around her room, trying to figure out what else felt wrong. Relatively speaking, she was fine other than feeling ill. Emma's head and stomach still hurt, but with how much anxiety she felt the day prior, it made sense. Her exhaustion upon waking could easily be explained by the full moon, but it felt too early to experience anything else. As if she would be able to tell, Emma pressed her hand to her forehead, trying to determine if she felt any warmer.

Still feeling odd, Emma took another look around, as if something in her room was out of place. Her bag that she left at Lyall's was back in her room, which meant a house-elf retrieved her things. It looked exactly as she had left it, so it wasn't that. Her curtains were closed, only letting in a faint amount of cold winter light. With a hum, Emma got up from her bed and immediately regretted it. The dizziness that swept over her forced her right back where she started. That wasn't very good.

By the time Emma made her way out to the living room, she was exhausted all over again. She plunked herself down on her side on the couch, turned so her back was facing the fireplace, and grabbed a pillow to shove under her head. Remus looked up at Emma over his cup of tea, brow furrowed.

"Er, is everything all right?" Remus asked, tilting his head slightly when Emma glared at him over her shoulder. "I'm going to take that as a no."

"What was your first indication?" Emma asked dryly.

Remus sighed, setting his cup of tea aside and crossing the room to sit next to Emma. He pressed the back of his hand against her forehead. "Well, you're still not warm, at least."

"Oh, wonderful," Emma grumbled.

"Feeling the same as yesterday?"

Emma nodded.

"Merlin," Remus sighed, running a hand through Emma's hair. "Well, if you're going to sulk from not feeling well, I at least recommend looking around first. I'll be right back."

Emma scowled at Remus's back as he left the living room but decided to look around anyway. She was surprised to see that the living room was decorated. Garland was hung off of the fireplace's mantel, and there was even a tall, decorated Christmas tree tucked into the far-left corner of the room. Emma sat up slowly, taking in the twinkling lights on the tree, and frowning slightly at the number of gifts there were. She certainly didn't wrap that many, and she knew that Remus didn't either.

"You completely missed your stocking at the foot of your bed," Remus said as he walked back into the living room. He held a knit stocking in one hand and a glass of purple liquid in the other.

"I have a stocking?" Emma asked, feeling stupid when her voice broke. She never had a stocking at her grandfather's, and she couldn't recall having a stocking growing up.

Remus sat on the edge of the couch, handing Emma the glass of potion first. "For your headache," he explained, taking the glass back and setting it aside once Emma finished drinking it. Remus then handed her the stocking, leaning in to kiss the spot near her temple. "Of course you have a stocking," he said. "I'm sorry that we haven't had one for you the past few years. It was an oversight on my part because it's been years since I've had one. When Minerva arrived this morning to help me decorate, she was quite cross to find you didn't have a stocking."

Emma snorted at the thought of McGonagall being annoyed with Remus for not having a stocking for her. She wished that she had been awake for it as it would have been hysterical for her to hear. "Thank you," she said quietly, leaning forward to rest her forehead on Remus's shoulder.

"You haven't even looked at anything yet," Remus chuckled, putting his arms around her and sighing at her soft sniffles. "Oh, you are going to be emotional all day, aren't you?"

"Probably," Emma admitted, leaning back so that she could rub her eyes. She set the stocking aside and peered over at the tree. "Should we have just stayed at Grandpa's? It's Christmas…"

"Did you want to go back?"

Emma thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. "Not really."

"Then we shouldn't have stayed. Are you happier being here?"

"Would it be terrible if I said yes?

"It's honest," Remus said with a shrug. "I'd prefer you to be honest. Not just to me, but to yourself. I was proud that you told me what you wanted last night and didn't change your mind. A few months ago, you would have just accepted things without question." Remus smiled, glancing over at the tree. "But it's Christmas, and we are not going to talk about any of this right now. I think it's time for presents."

"Oh," Emma said quietly. "I don't…maybe not right now?"

"You're not feeling up to it?"

"Not yet, I don't think. I don't really know."

"All right, well, I am more than willing to do anything you would like today. I think you deserve it," Remus said gently. "But at the very least, I would like you to open two gifts. One from your grandfather and one from me. Can you do at least that much for me?"

"Sure," Emma said, moving her stocking to the coffee table.

"Perfect," Remus said, crossing to the tree and picking up two gifts – one rather tall and skinny, the other small and square.

"Why are you giving me two gifts that are vastly different sizes?" Emma laughed, awkwardly taking the tall box and marveling at how light it was. "Is this just air?"

"Not at all," Remus said with a wide smile. "That one is from your grandfather. Perhaps it would be best to turn it on its side."

Emma gave Remus a questioning look and swung her legs over the side of the couch. She picked up the box, placing it on her lap, wondering if it was what she thought it was. Curious, Emma pulled apart the wrapping paper at the closest corner, her eyes widening at the writing on the box.

"This has to be a joke," Emma said, pulling more of the wrapping paper away. She had only just mentioned that she liked the Nimbus 2001, and now she had one sitting on her lap.

"Well, if you're going to try out for Quidditch, then you need a broom of your own," Remus said, sitting back down on the couch. "Your grandfather was thrilled at the idea. He wasn't sure what to get you this year besides clothes, so –"

"I got the magical equivalent of a bicycle on Christmas?"

A shadow of guilt crossed Remus's face. "You never did get a bicycle, did you?"

"No," Emma answered sadly with a half-hearted shrug. "I learned to ride one, but…" she trailed off immediately, her stomach dropping at the realization of who taught her how to ride a bicycle.

"Don't say it," Remus said. "Don't even think about it. It's Christmas – we're taking one day to not worry about a thing. Although, I now fear that my gift might be a touch tone-deaf."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Remus said, looking at the small box in his hand. "I thought I would follow last year's trend. With my secret out…well, you'll see."

Emma passed the box with the Nimbus over to Remus and took the small box he held out. She undid the ribbon and pulled off the lid of the box and immediately started laughing at what her father had done. The box held a silver necklace with a crescent moon pendant.

"I'm really sorry," Remus said quickly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I can return it, or…or get you something different."

"No," Emma said, pulling the necklace out. "It's perfect."

"Are you sure? It really wouldn't be a bother."

"Dad, stop," Emma said, unclasping the necklace and handing it to Remus so he could put it on her. "Don't be stupid. It's perfect." He sighed, clasping it around her neck, and Emma beamed at the moon that sat just underneath the golden sun. She looked down at the box sitting on Remus's lap with a sheepish grin. "Do you think we could go out and I can try it? I need to practice flying with it, right?"

"Who are you, and what have you done with my daughter?" Remus asked in amusement. "You know it's freezing out, yes?"

"Yes, but I have a new broomstick," Emma said with a grin. "And this is _your_ fault for having me go to that Quidditch match."

"Yes, blame your father," Remus sighed. "All right, fine – we'll go out for a half-hour. Then breakfast, and then we'll get through the rest of the presents. Just let me take a quick shower, and we can head out."

Emma beamed at Remus, taking back the box with the broom and opening it so she could look at her new Nimbus. Remus shook his head, kissing the top of Emma's head. He never could have predicted this change in Emma, and Remus had to admit he loved every minute of it.

Remus was optimistic that they could have a good day. Emma deserved it, especially after how rough dinner had been. He wanted her to have one day where she didn't have to think about her troubles.

"Ready to head out, love?" Remus asked, feeling even more optimistic after a shower. He froze as he turned the corner to the living room, finding Emma sitting on the floor in front of the tree, holding a familiar stuffed animal. He noticed the box sitting next to her with a necklace similar to the two she wore but with a star pendant containing a single diamond in the middle. Only one person would ever think to give Emma those gifts.

Emma turned her head to give Remus a slightly watery smile. She ran her hand over the head of the grey wolf sitting in her arms. "Sorry," she said sheepishly. "I just felt like I needed to look at two of the gifts. I felt drawn to them." Emma looked down at the wolf. "I know he's not the same because he's new, but this is supposed to be Bee, isn't it? I forgot about Bee. I wonder what happened to the original Bee…"

"You carried Bee with you everywhere," Remus said. "It was one of the very first things that Sirius ever gave you, and he found it hysterical. You had a black dog that looked like him, too, but you loved Bee best. Didn't think you would even remember him."

"I didn't until I saw him, just like everything else. It's weird how seeing certain things seem to unlock different parts of my memory, but not all the time," Emma said quietly, wiping her eyes with her sleeve and setting Bee aside. She picked up the small box to look at the necklace. "Rather fitting, I guess. There are earrings to match in another box. It's a bit much."

"That…that would be Sirius for you," Remus sighed, feeling completely at a loss. This wasn't something he anticipated at all.

"Should we bring him something?" Emma asked. "It's Christmas. Maybe we can give him a blanket or something easy for him to carry. It's cold, and we're already heading out there."

Remus couldn't stop the smile that crossed his face. He had no idea how he ended up with such a thoughtful daughter. "We don't even know if he'll come out if he sees me. Or if he's even around," Remus said gently.

"He will," Emma said resolutely. "He usually sticks to the Forbidden Forest. I'd like to try, at least."

"Then we'll bring him out something. Go get dressed, and I'll try and find something for him."

Emma looked down at the necklace she still held. "Would it bother you if I wore this?"

"No," Remus said, kneeling down on the floor next to Emma. He took the box from her hands, pulling the necklace out and clasping it around her neck to join the other two. "He's a part of you, too. It's rather fitting."

"Why is that?" Emma asked, looking at the star that sat next to the moon.

"Because you're my whole world," Remus said, looking at the necklaces. "I think you might be Sirius's, too."

Emma looked at Remus in surprise. "You think so?"

"I think so," Remus replied, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Emma's ear. "Rather difficult to not be fond of you."

"Stop it," Emma said quietly, trying to hide her smile. She looked over her shoulder at her broom sitting on the couch. "Can we go out now?"

"You haven't even gotten dressed," Remus chuckled, taking in Emma's pajamas.

"And it's Christmas morning!" Emma pointed out. "I'll throw my boots and coat on and be good to go. You said a half hour, so it's not a big deal. There's no one here to really see me, we just don't go out the main entrance."

"I can't believe you're getting me to agree," Remus said, shaking his head. "Go get your things, then. At least put on a scarf and a hat so I can feel a bit better."

"Done!" Emma said, jumping up from the floor and scrambling to her room.

With boots, coat, hat, and scarf on, Emma practically dragged Remus out of the castle with her broomstick in hand. Remus carried their last-minute gifts for Sirius – an old blanket that neither of them ever touched and a cloak Remus was sure had been Sirius's. Emma was happy that they had something to give to Sirius.

She sang Christmas carols the entire way out of the castle to Remus's amusement, changing the words where she saw fit. She tromped happily through the snow towards the Forbidden Forest with Remus following behind, smiling all the way.

"Snuffles?" Emma called out, walking along the edge of the forest.

"You're really going to call him that right now?"

"Yes," Emma said, turning back to look at Remus as if he had grown several heads. "What else would I call him? He's Snuffles until we get into the forest."

"Don't forget he might not come out because I'm here," Remus said, placing a hand on Emma's shoulder to stop her frantic search.

"Well, then you need to be the one to tell him it's fine," Emma said pointedly, rolling her eyes at the look she received. "You know you wouldn't have bothered doing this with me if you didn't want to see him."

Remus's lips pressed into a thin line. If Emma ever said that she didn't know him, he would remind her of this exact moment, because she could read him well. "Merlin, help me," he muttered under his breath, stepping into the forest with his now overly gleeful daughter in tow.

"Padfoot, come out," Remus said out loud, clearing his throat to try and settle his nerves. How would he feel seeing Sirius, even as a dog, for the first time in twelve years? A part of him was excited, but the other part of him was still bitter. "I know you're around. Emma told me everything. She – we – have something for you. It's Christmas, and she's not going to let me go back inside until you take your gifts."

There was a slight rustling in the bushes up ahead, and Emma started to run towards them. Remus quickly flung his arm out in front of Emma to keep her from going past him. She gave him a pout and immediately deflated at the look on his face. Emma turned her gaze towards where the noise came from, smiling as a black snout came into view.

"Come out, it's fine!" Emma urged. "I really did tell Dad everything."

The black snout turned into a furry head, and grey eyes stared back at them. Remus took in a sharp breath, and he pulled Emma under his arm, his hold on her tight.

"Dad told me everything as well," Remus added quietly. Padfoot stepped out a little further, tail wagging slightly, almost hopeful.

"Well, this is officially odd," Emma said, looking between the dog and her father.

Remus looked down at Emma and nodded, glancing up at Padfoot. He took Emma's broom and handed her the blanket and cloak. "Here," he said. "I can't…not yet."

Emma sighed and nodded in understanding. She made her way over to Padfoot, kneeling down in the snow in front of him. "I'm still mad at you, you know," Emma said, unfolding the blanket so she could drape it over his back like a cape. She unfastened the cloak and draped that over top of him as well, taking care to make sure the end was tucked in so it wouldn't drag. "But it's Christmas, and it's cold. We –" Emma gave Remus a pointed look "– thought you might like to keep warm. I'm sorry I didn't think of this before it started getting cold." For good measure, Emma fastened the front of the cloak so it would stay. "There, you look dapper."

Padfoot stared into Emma's eyes for a moment before he took a few steps forward to drop his head on her shoulder. Emma gently wrapped her arms around his neck, scratching his head. She leaned back and pulled the star pendant out from underneath her coat to show him she was wearing it. "Thank you for this and the earrings. And Bee," she said. "It's a bit much but thank you. I think having another Bee would have been more than enough." Emma giggled as his nose found its way into her hair. "I'm still mad at you, though."

Padfoot pressed his nose to Emma's and took a few steps back to look at Remus, tail swishing.

"I'm not ready to talk to you yet," Remus said, his voice trembling. He beckoned for Emma to rejoin him and pulled her back into his side. "I'm still…I'm hurt, Pads. I believe Emma and I believe that you told her and my dad the truth, but I'm angry. You never told me that she was ours. You knew what she meant to be, and you _never said a word._ You of all people should have known…" Remus took a deep breath, handing Emma back her broom so that he could take a protective stance behind her. "I can't believe you of all people would ever think I would ever work with Voldemort. I'm willing to help, but you need to give me time. We both need time, but if you even _think_ of trying to hurt her –"

"Dad," Emma said gently, tipping her head up to look at Remus, placing a hand on his arm. "It's Christmas. Save your threats for another day. I want to try out my broom."

Remus looked down at Emma, then over at Padfoot. He bent down to kiss the top of her head, letting her go. "All right – but only for a half-hour like I said," Remus said, shaking his head as Emma darted back out towards the open grounds. He glanced back at Padfoot with a slight frown. "I suppose you could come watch if you'd like."

Padfoot trailed behind Remus as they walked, not daring to get too close. Remus refused to look over his shoulder, keeping a steady pace towards the grounds. As he parted the expanse of trees, he let out a groan as Emma jumped onto her broom.

"Emma, _please_ take it slow," Remus begged, stepping further into the open. "It's going to be far quicker than the school brooms."

"How bad can it be?" Emma said, giving a test lean forward and letting out a yelp as the broom moved far quicker than she expected. She quickly sat up straight, nearly throwing herself off the front of the broom as it jolted to a stop, and she looked over at Remus with wide eyes. Upon seeing his terrified expression, Emma immediately burst into hysterical laughter. "It's a bit faster than I thought," she said through her giggles.

"Please, _please_ , stick close," Remus said, rubbing his temples as Emma took a few test loops to gauge the broom's speed. "Merlin, she's going to bloody kill me," he muttered. The comment made Padfoot sneeze with amusement, and Remus shot him a look. "Oh, think it's funny, do you? Only a month and a half ago, she had absolutely no interest in Quidditch. Put a cute boy in front of her, and she's obsessed with the game. She didn't even _like_ flying."

Padfoot sneezed again, and Remus let out a derisive breath. "Excuse me, don't you dare try and turn it around on me. You try raising a teenage girl. Besides, I liked Quidditch well before you came into the picture. Can't help that you were on the team, and I liked to watch the practices." Remus received a wuff in response, and he could only huff in annoyance, folding his arms over his chest. "No, I did not just go to watch you play."

Remus eyed Emma suspiciously as she started to fly a little too close to the lake for his liking. She at least looked as though she was enjoying herself, but her proximity to the lake was suspicious. "You know, she wants to play as Chaser. I think she'd be a much better Seeker because she's small and quick, but her friend already plays as Seeker." He glanced down at Padfoot and felt his lips twitch into a grin at his fiercely wagging tail.

The entire situation felt strange to Remus; it almost felt normal. For a moment, it was almost as if nothing had changed, that this had always been his life. Remus felt bitter, of course, but the longer he stood with Padfoot at his side, the more he had to admit he wanted this exact moment. Remus wanted to watch Emma with pride with Sirius at his side. If they couldn't prove Sirius's innocence, could they still be together? Could Remus live as a single parent to a teenage daughter with a dog by day and be a "normal" family by night? Would _Sirius_ want this? Remus wasn't sure, but he couldn't stop himself from dreaming about it anyway.

"I know you've watched her play," Remus said quietly. "Is she any good?" Padfoot butt himself up against Remus's leg, and he smiled. "She is? That's a relief. I know she was worried about playing with the boys." Remus's smile immediately fell from his face as he spotted what exactly Emma was planning to do before she did it. "Oh, Merlin, she's going to go over the lake," he said, shooting Padfoot a look. "I blame you for her obsession with the squid," he said, rushing over towards the lake and shouting at Emma.

"Emma Hope Lupin, you get your arse back over here!" Remus shouted, standing at the edge of the lake.

"Why?" Emma shouted back, hovering over the small patch of the lake that wasn't covered by ice. "I'm telling the squid Merry Christmas!"

"Emma Hope, it is absolutely freezing out, and you are still in your pajamas! If you fall off your broom, you are going to drown!"

"I am not going to fall off!"

Remus scrubbed his hands over his face and glanced back at Padfoot, who remained where he stood. Padfoot looked at him and let out a single amused bark, and Remus turned back to Emma with a growl. "Emma, I have no issues in taking that broom away from you until the end of the school year so that you're forced to use a school broom."

"You would _never_."

"Do you want to test that theory?"

Emma sat up straight. "You wouldn't," she challenged.

Remus let out a quiet growl, trying to figure out what to do. Suddenly, he had an idea, and a smirk crossed his face. He wondered if he could rely on an old standby from her toddler days. Perhaps it would click in her mind that he really wasn't kidding. " _One._ "

There was a slight light of recognition behind Emma's eyes, but he could tell that she didn't quite understand. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she asked, "Why are you counting?"

"Do you want me to stop counting? Or would you rather find out why I'm counting?" Remus asked, keeping his smirk on his face. The slight panic in her posture told him he would win this battle easily. " _Two_."

"Dad," Emma said sharply, "why are you counting?"

"Do you want to find out what happens if I get to three?" Remus asked as he reached into the inner pocket of his cloak to pull out his wand. He gave it a twirl between his fingers and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing at Emma's terrified look. "I don't think you do."

"You wouldn't," Emma insisted, eying Remus's wand with wide eyes.

" _Thr–_ "

"Fine!" Emma shouted, leaning forward on her broom to cross the length of the icy lake at a speed much too fast for Remus's liking. Emma leaped off her broom when she approached solid ground with a running dismount. She turned back to grin stupidly at the look of frustration on Remus's face. "Told you I wouldn't fall," she said smugly.

Remus tucked his wand back into his pocket and walked up to Emma, taking her face in his hands. "You, my sweet girl, are trying to put me in an early grave," he said, kissing her forehead.

"I am not," Emma huffed. "I was trying to have fun!"

"I think you secretly enjoy trying to make all of my hair turn grey," Remus said, giving Emma a look. Emma didn't dare deny it and gave Remus an innocent smile as she pulled her face out of his hands. She peered around him, looking at where Padfoot had been, her brow furrowing.

"Where'd he go?" Emma asked.

Remus turned around and found himself disappointed to not see a black dog still waiting. "I think he needs time, too," he said, turning back to tap the end of Emma's nose with his finger. "Now, let's get back inside, or else you're going to try and get back on that broom."

It was the most relaxed Christmas Emma had ever had. When they made it back to their quarters, Remus insisted on breakfast and then insisted they open the rest of the presents. Remus tried to convince Emma to head down to the Great Hall for Christmas dinner, but she was firm in her desire to stay where she was. He eventually gave up, settling for letting Emma lay on the couch with her head in his lap, Bee cuddled up in her arms and one of her new books in hand. Emma still wasn't feeling too well, so he eventually decided to give up the fight. He preferred having her close by, and he didn't feel the need to attend the dinner.

"Unless you plan on letting me go back out flying, I'm staying right here," Emma insisted. "Since you refuse to let me have fun, I'm not moving," she added with a yawn.

"Did you make yourself tired?" Remus chuckled.

"No," Emma said, closing her book and turning on her side, curling up. She closed her eyes, snuggling Bee closer. "Know what I miss?"

"What do you miss, love?"

"Writing you letters," Emma murmured. "I'm glad you're here, of course, but sometimes I wish I could just write you a letter and not have it be weird. It's not the same writing to Grandpa."

"It wouldn't be weird at all if you wrote me letters," Remus insisted.

Emma cracked open an eye to give Remus a funny look. "It would be weird," she insisted. "Sometimes there are funny things that happen throughout the day that I want to tell you, but I can't."

Remus hummed thoughtfully to himself, filing away that piece of information as he stroked Emma's hair. He was sure that he has a solution, but he wasn't sure how long it would take to put it together. It had been a long time since he had used some of his old self-made charms.

He had to admit that out of all the holidays he spent at Hogwarts, this particular Christmas was his favorite. He always enjoyed his time at Hogwarts when he was younger but sharing the holiday with Emma in the castle as an adult brought him a different kind of joy. This was the sort of Christmas he had always wanted to share with her, fun and relaxed and without any stress. Things weren't perfect, but they were as perfect as they could be.

Around half-past seven, Remus left their quarter's relative comfort to fetch Elara from the castle gates. He left a very anxious Emma behind, but her attitude improved the moment she saw Elara. She jumped up from the couch with a happy squeal of delight and launched herself into Elara's arms for a hug. "You came!" Emma said brightly.

"You know, when your father said you've been having some troubles today, I wasn't quite expecting this," Elara laughed, gladly returning Emma's hug.

"Neither was I," Remus admitted. "The kip she had earlier did her good."

"What are we doing tonight?" Emma asked excitedly, skipping back over to the couch and looking at Remus and Elara expectantly.

"Not too sure," Remus said, looking over at Elara. "You're our guest. Any ideas?"

"That's your way of saying you're completely clueless," Elara said, laughing at Remus's shrug. "Well, why don't we bake chocolate chip cookies? I think that sounds like a brilliant idea," Elara suggested. "Remus, when was the last time you had one of those?"

"Oh," Remus said, cringing. "Merlin, Elara, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Elara asked, grabbing Emma's hand and tugging her back off the couch. "It'll be fun!"

"Well, Emma's really not…the best…in the kitchen."

"She's a potion's prodigy," Elara scoffed. "How bad can she be?"

It didn't take long for Elara to realize just how terrible Emma was in the kitchen. In no time at all, there was more flour on Emma and the kitchen than in their mixing bowl. At some point, Emma had gotten Elara covered in flour as well.

"Merlin, Emma," Elara breathed, finally giving up on Emma's assistance and taking the bowl out of Emma's hands. "How? This is one of the easiest things to make."

"I warned you," Remus said from the kitchen table. "Might be a potion's prodigy, but she's dreadful at cooking."

"I am not!" Emma said indignantly, crossing her arms with a sniff.

Remus studied Emma over his cup of tea with raised eyebrows. "Emma, sweetheart, you are covered from head-to-toe in flour. The entire room is covered in flour…"

"So?"

"So you are absolutely dreadful at cooking. You can't be good at everything, my love."

"In a way, it's impressive," Elara said, twisting herself so that Emma couldn't snatch the bowl back out of her hands. "Cooking is like potions. This should have been easy."

Remus coughed to cover his laugh. "Apparently not," he said.

"Remus, you need to teach this girl how to cook."

"I teach Defense," Remus deadpanned. "Not cooking."

Elara shot Remus a glare and handed Emma the half-empty bag of flour with a smirk. "I think you know what to do with this," she said, her grin widening at Remus's look of horror. Emma was more than delighted to tip the bag over Remus's head.

It was safe to say that Emma's smile lasted the entire night. She snuggled up with Elara on the couch after cookies were made, more than content to just listen to her and Remus talk. As the night moved along, Emma tried to hide her yawns and failed miserably.

Remus shared a knowing look with Elara. "It's late, love," Remus said softly. "Leave Elara alone and go to bed."

"She's fine where she is, Remus," Elara said to Emma's delight. "She's comfortable."

"Yes, which means she'll never let you leave," Remus said. "And I know you plan to work up until the morning of the full."

Emma groaned, slowly detaching herself from the comfort of Elara's embrace. "Daddy, don't be sensible," she whined, rubbing her eyes and giving Elara a sleepy smile. "I'm glad you decided to come and spend Christmas with us for a bit. I had fun."

"So did I, kid," Elara said. "Although I still have no idea how you made such a huge mess."

Remus stared at Emma for a moment and sighed, realizing she wouldn't get up any time soon. "All right," he said, getting up from his chair and crouching down next to Emma. "Climb up." Emma grinned, scooting herself off the couch to climb onto Remus's back. He let Emma get situated and straightened up, turning to Elara. "Send help if I don't return."

When Remus didn't return, Elara made her way to Emma's room. She leaned in the doorway with a smile, never expecting the sight in front of her. Remus was sitting up in Emma's bed, leaning back against the headboard, singing what sounded like a Welsh lullaby as he stroked Emma's hair. Emma was very comfortably nestled into Remus's side, head tucked under his chin, already fast asleep. Remus looked up and met Elara's gaze, his face flushing as he trailed off. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "She gets like this sometimes; doesn't want me to leave right away."

"It's all right," Elara said earnestly. "It's sweet, and I wouldn't dare deprive her of what she missed out on growing up. What were you singing to her?"

"Mil Harddach Wyt," Remus replied, shifting Emma slightly to get a little more comfortable. He pat the empty space of the mattress next to him in invitation for Elara to sit. "It was her favorite lullaby as a baby. It's still her favorite, I think. I like to think she remembers all of us singing it to her. I think she had a bit too much excitement today and was feeling a bit anxious."

Elara nodded in understanding. "You know, I don't think she'll ever get tired of you doing this for her. I'm sure she'll act like she hates it, but she's always going to want this."

"Would it sound terrible to say that I hope that she doesn't? I know she's fourteen, so it'll happen sooner rather than later, but I love these moments with her. Makes the time apart seem a little less jarring."

"I really don't think she will," Elara said thoughtfully. "Not for a long while, at least. Not until she finds someone she can love as much as you. It might happen less frequently, but she's always going to love these moments, too."

"Oh, Merlin, I don't even want to think about it," Remus grimaced. "Although she nearly had her first marriage proposal before the term let out."

Elara grinned. "Please tell me it was Neville," she said with quiet glee.

"It was Neville," Remus grinned.

Elara pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle her giggles. "Oh, the poor thing had to have been petrified to ask you to court her. Do you think Augusta put him up to it?"

"You have no idea. And would you believe it, I think he was asking on his own."

"Will you tell Emma?"

"Possibly when she's older, but for now, I just want her to be as much of a normal teenager as she can," Remus said with a sigh. "Except her normal isn't even normal."

"It isn't," Elara admitted, "but she has you to be her rock. She's going to be working with Davina?"

"We both are. Now that I know about Sirius, I think I might need it just as much as she does. Can't just get over twelve years as if they never happened."

"I'm glad you're both getting help. I know you had your reservations and wanted to focus on Emma, but it'll be good for you to go through this together."

Remus nodded and sighed. "Remember when all we had to worry about was Sirius being out of Azkaban and trying to keep Emma level for as long as possible? Can't believe how much changed in such a short amount of time."

"Just out of curiosity, what was the situation with the Firewhiskey?"

"Oh," Remus chuckled quietly. "She nicked my Firewhiskey. It's a little amusing now because I would have done the same thing, but I was absolutely furious with her. I knew she would do it, but I still hoped she wouldn't. I heard her friends talking about it beforehand, so I wasn't entirely surprised, at least. I was more worried about how much she had to drink, not so much that she took it. I wasn't too thrilled about having to write to her friend's parents to tell them what happened, though. Told her I was going to tell her what her punishment would be when term starts back up, but…"

An amused grin crossed Elara's face, and she looked at Emma to make sure she was still asleep. "You were never going to punish her, were you?"

"Never," Remus smiled. "I was cross, of course, but I'm not going to punish her for being a teenager. She knows I was far worse at her age. It's a wonder she hasn't called me out for being a complete hypocrite. Her thinking I'm going to do something is more than enough punishment. She knows what she did was wrong, and the poor thing has suffered enough."

"You are an incredibly sneaky man, Remus Lupin."

"Just doing what I feel is right," Remus said, running his hand through Emma's hair. "It doesn't seem to be winning me any awards, though."

"What do you mean?" Elara asked, her brow furrowing.

"I think we've got a new problem in addition to Greyback," Remus said gravely.

"What's going on?"

Remus heaved a heavy sigh as he gathered his thoughts. "I think things are much closer to home than we were expecting."

Remus went over everything he had been discussing with Dumbledore as Elara listened carefully. The more Remus said, the paler Elara became. "We need to find out more about Ellis," Remus said. "I don't think Sage was putting on a charade, and the children seemed bothered as well. I've gotten to know Sage pretty well; she's a good actress, but not like this. Something is going on over there, but I don't know what."

"And you think that Jude is still somehow involved?"

"Jude has always seemed off to me, but I have never pinpointed why," Remus said. "Emma has mentioned it a few times to me, but of course, I was an arse and never believed her. The problem is he's been in St. Mungo's so long that I don't even know what to believe."

"So right now, your focus is on Ellis and Greyback?"

"Yes. And that worries me the most."

"Because of Emma and Persephone?"

Remus nodded. "That's exactly why. It'll destroy her, and I'm afraid that's exactly what Greyback is hoping for. She won't know who to trust, and he'll take advantage of that."

"She'll know to trust you, at least," Elara said with a sigh. "She's smart. But if that's the case, all we can do is try and soften the blow. And what about the folder Greyback has? What are you going to do about that?"

"No idea," Remus said. "Dumbledore suggested using Emma as bait to try and get it, but I would never put her in danger like that. I have no plans of mentioning it to her, either."

"Because she would do it?"

"Because she would do it with no question to just have answers."

"And what about you and Sirius?"

"I don't know," Remus said quietly. "I have absolutely no bloody clue. If…if things were different, and he's truly innocent and free, then…then maybe I could see us together again. I know Emma wants that reality. I think I do too."

"Well, you know where to find me if you need help. Seems absolutely mental to me, but I can at least keep an eye on things at work. If your dad used Veritaserum, with twelve years in Azkaban, Sirius wouldn't be able to resist its effects. He very well could be innocent."

"You don't need to try and help."

"I want to," Elara said earnestly. "I absolutely adore Emma, and I know you love Sirius. If I can help, I'll help." Elara looked down at her watch. "Oh, bugger, I should probably head out. I took early shifts for the next few days."

"I'll walk you down," Remus said, preparing to move Emma.

"Don't move her," Elara said, standing up. "I know my way around the castle, too, Remus. I think you forget I went here, too. I'll just stop and see Dumbledore really fast so he can get the Dementors moved." Elara took Remus's free hand and gave it a squeeze. "Everything's going to work out. Probably not in the way that any of us expect, but it'll be fine. I think you both have shown me that time and time again."

Remus certainly hoped that Elara was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	50. Playing with Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma's resumed lessons on the Wolfsbane Potion do not go as well as she planned. She isn't too thrilled with her arrangements for the full moon, and Remus discovers the early start of "sibling" jealousy.
> 
> Emma and Hermione get into very unintended hijinks because Emma is far too curious for her own good.

"You're late."

Emma shouldn't have expected anything less from Snape even outside of term. It made sense that he was particularly unpleasant to deal with at all times of the year. If she felt any better, she would consider making a snappy retort, but nothing witty in her brain was ready to use.

"Sorry, Professor Snape," Emma said, stepping further into the Potion's classroom. "Bit of a rough holiday," she added, reluctantly meeting Snape's steady gaze.

Snape studied Emma for a moment, taking in her appearance. Emma was well aware that she looked far worse than usual with the approaching full moon. Her dark circles were far more pronounced, and she was pale. The resemblance to Remus that morning had sent her into a fit of giggles, but he wasn't at all amused by the change. Emma didn't bother trying to cover it up, far too exhausted to care. The way she looked only partially matched up to all of the aches and pains she felt.

"It appears as though it is a good thing you will be starting to prepare the potion on your own," Snape drawled, motioning for Emma to step up to his desk beside him.

Emma set her notebook down on the desk and opened to her pages on the Wolfsbane Potion. She knew that Snape would have her observe the process again before allowing her to touch anything, but she was optimistic. "Where do we begin?" Emma asked, wanting to jump into making the potion. She had already lost several days of learning the potion because of the holiday, and she didn't want to lose more. Emma only had three chances to get the potion right that week, and she was determined despite how ill she felt.

"You will observe me once more from the beginning, and then I will instruct you on how to adjust the potion for your needs."

Emma nodded and watched Snape carefully as he went through the motions of brewing the Wolfsbane Potion. She observed how meticulously he measured ingredients, adding each in turn. At specific steps, he would quiz Emma to make sure she remembered what he said the previous month and ensure she was paying attention.

"What did I tell you last month as you watched me prepare the potion for this step?" Snape asked, not looking up from what he was doing.

"You said to make sure that each stir of the potion takes exactly six seconds. It needs to be kept at a steady pace so that it doesn't explode from the current mixture."

"What else?"

"Not to use a wand to air the stirring process as magic is prone to under or over stirring, rending the potion useless."

Snape didn't comment on her responses, and that was as much praise as Emma would receive from the Potion's professor.

"What is the difference between using pre-made armadillo bile mixture and adding the ingredients separately into the potion?" Snape asked at a later step.

"Armadillo bile is corrosive by itself due to the nature of the ingredients making it incredibly caustic. Adding the ingredients separately, though similar, can be better controlled and done in different steps that eliminate the dangerous qualities."

"But?"

"But you still have to ensure the correct amount of Flobberworm mucus is added, or else you'll run into additional problems."

"Such as?"

Emma took a deep breath. These quizzes, though helpful, could be challenging, especially considering her exhausted state. "If the potion isn't rendered unusable at that point, you run the risk of poisoning or otherwise causing irreparable damage to whoever is taking the potion."

Snape nodded and continued working on the potion in silence, and Emma continued to take notes. When Snape was quiet, she could almost tolerate the man, but she worried whenever he opened his mouth. She was grateful he was teaching her the potion, as it was far more complicated than she thought, but he scared her sometimes. If Emma so much as uttered a single one piece of information to a question, she knew he would question her ability to make the potion. She _needed_ to learn how to make it, and Emma was determined to not ruin her chances.

Emma let out the breath she had been holding as Snape finally extinguished the flame underneath the cauldron. She watched as he filled a goblet full of the brew with a slight frown. Emma never did like how the smoke flowed off the potion's surface, swirling in angry patterns – like the wolf.

"I will be bringing this to your father," Snape said, rounding on Emma, who stared at him with wide eyes. "I am loath to leave you here, but there is no sense in bringing you with me. He will stake a claim and not permit you to return if I do. You are to start prepping for your potion, but you are not permitted to work past the first three steps. I have taken stock of every single item in this classroom, and if a single thing is out of place, I shall know. I will gladly have you removed from my classroom again if you consider repeating your incident from last year. Do I make myself plain?"

Emma blinked owlishly at Snape for a moment in surprise. "Y-yes, sir," she managed to say, ducking her head.

"Very well, I shall return."

It took Emma a moment to move from her spot, mildly unsettled by Snape's warning. With a deep breath, Emma went about setting up a cauldron for herself. The first three steps were pretty standard – gather ingredients, add water, heat up the cauldron. Those were easy things to do, and she puttered about the room, grabbing the things she would need.

Emma was surprised by her sudden nervous tremble at being in the classroom by herself. The very last time she had been in the Potions class by herself…Emma shook herself out, needing to get rid of the thoughts in her brain. It didn't do much to stop her throat from constricting as her eyes filled with tears. She wiped at her eyes and made her way to the tall basin sink to fill her measuring cup with water. Things were different now, and she needed to remind herself of that.

 _The person you were then is not the person you are now_. That's what Remus told her only a few days prior and continually kept reminding her as if he knew she needed to be told often. If she wasn't the same person, why did she still feel like she was? Why did she feel like there was hidden darkness to her that she would never shake off? When Emma made her way back to her cauldron, she leaned down to press her forehead against the cold cauldron and let out a single bitter laugh. There _was_ a darkness to her now – that was exactly why she had to take Wolfsbane at all. A part of her was exactly like Remus, like Elara…like Greyback. That would never go away for as long as she lived.

Emma could never blame Remus or Elara for doing what they thought was best. Neither of them knew that she would actually be affected the way she was, and it really was her fault. It was almost ironic that a potion nearly killed her, but now Emma needed to rely on a potion every month just to function.

It was almost like an out of body experience being alone in the Potion's classroom. It was like a cruel joke, forcing her to relive her worst moment all over again. She could _see_ herself in her frantic scramble to try and prepare the Draught of Living Death so that she could take her near-fatal dose. Emma turned her attention to the cauldron in front of her and scanned the pages of her notebook. She was alive because of Remus, and she was going to make sure that he never had to suffer again. If she could help it, his pain would never be caused by her again. Not deliberately, at least.

She had been so stupid. Emma had been scared and incredibly stupid. All of the things she would have missed, her short-lived romance with Draco – which she was bitter about, her new friendships with Luna, Cedric, and George. Emma never would have discovered that she _liked_ flying and find that sometimes falling could be the best part of life. Falling in love with life, falling in love with a new hobby, falling in love with _love_.

As chaotic and convoluted as it was, she never would have known that Remus _was_ her father. She never would have discovered that Sirius Black, of all people in the world, was meant to be hers as well. Emma allowed herself to giggle at the thought – she was always meant to be the daughter of two canines. It didn't even seem odd anymore; it seemed right. One canine was a wolf that she had yet to see in person, the other a big black dog named after a star. And she was the sun, at least to Remus. She was the sun, and half-werewolf, making her the perfect fit for their strange little family, but they weren't all together.

For now, she could settle for having her werewolf father. Emma was confident that her dog father would follow in time, even if Remus never said it aloud. Emma immediately began giggling at the thought of _dog father_ and the other possibilities that came to mind. Papa Padfoot, Dog Father, the puns could be endless. A wistful sigh escaped her lips as she worked; Papa sounded like a nice thing that she could call Sirius. He didn't seem like a Dad, and that was Remus's title, anyway. Papa Padfoot. Emma liked that.

Emma was in the process of wiping away her tears again when Snape walked back into the room. He paused for a moment, taking in Emma's very glassy eyes, no doubt questioning her sanity, but didn't comment. It was better that way.

Snape surveyed the work that Emma had done so far and nodded. "You may proceed," he said, standing aside to watch Emma work.

Starting off with learning how to make her version of the potion first was the better move, Emma realized. Trying to learn the potion was a lot harder than she thought it would be, and she had to take the steps agonizingly slow. One misstep would ruin the potion for her, and she needed to take care. The worst part was the stirring, trying to keep the proper speed to avoid botching the entire process.

Emma was slowly becoming more confident in the process and felt much better at around the halfway point. So far, everything had been going well until she picked up the lacewing flies and –

"Incorrect," Snape said, waving his wand and vanishing the potion. "What did you do wrong?"

Emma looked at Snape, annoyed. "Nothing was wrong with it," Emma insisted.

"Are you so proud that you can't even recognize your own mistakes?"

"I don't…" Emma ran through the steps she wrote down and tried to compare to what Snape had done. She let out a quiet groan, rubbing her forehead in aggravation. "I forgot to add the Chizpurfle fang before the Lacewing Flies like you said to do." Emma quickly grabbed her notebook and scribbled out that step so that she could rewrite it.

"You also added too much aconite for your current dosage needs," Snape said, waving his wand to clear everything off the table. "While it would not have been fatal, it would have left you ill for the rest of the day, making the potion pointless. You will try again tomorrow. If you make that same mistake again, then I will reconsider teaching you how to brew the potion." He reached into his robe pocket and pulled out a vial of Wolfsbane and handed it to Emma. "Take it before you leave."

Emma shot Snape a look as he turned around and opened the vial, downing the foul liquid. She shivered at the taste – it never got any easier to take, and she had no idea how Remus had a whole goblet of the potion.

"Thank you," Emma grumbled, setting the container down on the table. "What time should I come tomorrow?"

"I think just before noon," Snape said simply, and that was that. She would have to try again tomorrow and do better.

The next day wasn't too much better, but at least she finished brewing the potion. Before Emma could take a moment to appreciate her mildly off-colored creation, Snape had it vanished from the cauldron.

"You were too slow," he drawled, "and you still added too much aconite."

"Rather hard to get the correct level of aconite when you're not telling me how much I need," Emma said in annoyance.

Snape said nothing and handed Emma another vial of Wolfsbane. Emma wasn't thrilled, but she took the potion again. Once again, Emma was dismissed.

Emma grumbled to herself the entire way back upstairs, fully prepared to take a well-needed nap. She stepped into Remus's office, still muttering to herself only to feel eyes staring at her.

"Er, 'lo there," Emma said, looking up to see Hermione and McGonagall staring at her. She frowned slightly as she took in Hermione's appearance. Hermione looked absolutely awful, as though she had been crying for hours and hadn't slept. Emma looked up at Remus in concern. "Is everything all right?"

"I thought Miss Granger and I would stop by to discuss arrangements for when your father goes away tomorrow," McGonagall said politely.

"Oh, right," Emma said slowly. "Almost forgot about that."

"I thought you might have," Remus said with a half-hearted smile. He motioned to the seat next to him, and Emma reluctantly joined their little tea party.

"Miss Granger has expressed interest in spending the night in the Hufflepuff dorm with you," McGonagall said. "Would that be acceptable?"

"Really?" Emma asked, taking the cup of tea that Remus handed her. "I thought you would rather be in Gryffindor."

"Er, Harry, Ron, and Hermione are currently having a disagreement," Remus said carefully.

"Oh," Emma said quietly. That would explain why Hermione looked terrible. "Well, that would be all right with me. If-if it's all right with Hermione." She tried to give Hermione an encouraging smile. "The Hufflepuff dorms are cozy, even if I haven't spent much time there this year. It's like being home."

Tea with Remus, McGonagall, and Hermione was a strange affair. Polite, but strange. Emma wasn't used to Hermione _not_ talking and kept trying to engage her in conversation, but to no avail. They couldn't have left any sooner.

"I still can't believe you're not just letting me stay with you," Emma complained, pulling herself up from her chair.

"It's much safer for you," Remus said firmly.

"Yes, but for how much longer?" Emma asked. Remus said nothing and stood up to head into their rooms. "What are they even fighting about?"

Remus froze just as he was about to head into his room. He looked at Emma with a grimace. "Don't get mad," he said, walking into his room and walking out with a Firebolt.

"A Firebolt? They're fighting over a Firebolt? Whose is it?"

"It's Harry’s," Remus said. "Minerva brought it when she arrived with Hermione. She said that Hermione felt that the broom might be jinxed, McGonagall felt the same."

"Why would they think that? It's a _Firebolt_."

"Because they think it came from Sirius. They want me to help check that there aren't any jinxes on the broom."

"Oh," Emma said, unsure of what she was meant to say to that. It wasn't as though Emma ever cared for expensive things, but she could see why Remus would be concerned. She wouldn't have cared much for a Firebolt, she didn't think. It would be stupid of her to be jealous that Sirius spent far more money on Harry than he did for her. The broomstick was expensive, and her gifts weren't any less pricey.

"I don't want you to feel as though Sirius loves Harry more than you," Remus said, stepping back into his room to set the Firebolt down. "I have no doubt that this came from Sirius. He must have had the money pulled from his Gringotts account to purchase gifts for you and Harry."

"I've got a broom of my own now," Emma said quietly with a shrug. "The Firebolt would have been too much for me. The Nimbus is perfect. Besides, Harry's broom was destroyed, and he plays as a Seeker, so it's perfect for him. He deserves a nice broom." Emma gave Remus a smile and made her way to her room. She didn't leave until the next morning.

"Bore da fy nghariad," Remus said softly when Emma stepped into the kitchen.

"Bore da," Emma answered, settling herself in her chair and propping her head up oner hand to stare out the window.

Remus stood up to move to the seat diagonal from Emma. He placed a hand on her arm, and Emma shot him a side-long glance. "You're upset," he said.

"No, I'm not," Emma said roughly.

"You didn't leave your room at all, and you didn't eat a thing yesterday besides chocolate," Remus pointed out. "I know when you're upset." He lifted his wand from the table to levitate the plate that was sitting on the counter. Remus plucked it from the air and set it down in front of Emma. "It's cinnamon sugar toast. Your favorite."

Emma looked down at the toast with disdain but picked up a slice and took a bite.

"What's bothering you?" Remus asked.

"Nothing," Emma insisted with another bite of toast. She looked over at Remus and rolled her eyes at his arched eyebrow. "I don't know what's bothering me."

"I know what's bothering you," Remus said with a slight shrug as he picked up a piece of toast from Emma's plate. He found he enjoyed the sweet toast more than he thought he would. "You feel slighted by Sirius because you know how much the Firebolt is."

Emma was about to deny it, but Remus knew her too well. "It's stupid," she said quietly. "I don't even know why I care. I have a broom now, I'm not even on the Hufflepuff team…"

"But you want to be."

"It still doesn't matter. I would only be reserve if I made it on the team at all. I missed out on every single practice, so it's not like Cedric would ever put me in the game. The last Hufflepuff match is in March."

Remus sighed. This wasn't something he ever expected to have to navigate, and he hated feeling entirely at a loss. He struggled to navigate his thoughts and feelings on Sirius as it was, and he wasn't sure how to help Emma. Her gifts had been extravagant, but nowhere near as grand as the Firebolt.

Emma wasn't someone who coveted what others had; she never had been but knowing that Sirius was meant to play a much larger role in her life left her hurt. He could understand why she felt bothered by it. Remus had felt the same way growing up when Margaret would get expensive gifts for their parents. Sometimes it felt as though his parents loved his sister better, and he was sure Emma felt that Sirius loved Harry more than her.

"It's fine," Emma said quietly, absent-mindedly scratching at her arm.

"Hey," Remus said softly, grabbing her hand to stop her from scratching. "Is it worse than usual?"

Emma looked at Remus in surprise and then down at her hand caught in his. She didn't even realize she was scratching. "I'm feeling a touch prickly, I guess," she muttered. "It's not that much worse than usual, I don't think." Emma pulled her hand out from under Remus's and took another bite of toast. "Suppose I should head out, though. Have to meet with Snape again, and then I have to wait for Hermione."

"You're leaving so early?" Remus asked, looking at his watch. "It's only ten, and you don't need to leave until three."

"I know," Emma said quietly with a shrug. She got up and kissed Remus's cheek. "Just thought it might be a bit easier."

In truth, it wasn't easier at all, and only set Emma's nerves further on edge. She started feeling feverish halfway through brewing the Wolfsbane Potion, and that made paying attention difficult.

"I think next month I'll need to do this earlier in the morning," Emma muttered to Snape as she neared the final steps. The potion looked to be coming out about the same as it did the previous day.

"You'll need to pay better attention to the moon rise and true lunar nighttime," Snape said, vanishing the potion before she even finished. "You're sloppy with your work."

"Well, maybe I wouldn't be so sloppy if you actually let me work in class," Emma growled, gathering her things. Snape didn't have a vial of Wolfsbane to give her.

Having to spend time with Hermione didn't do much to improve Emma's mood. She tried to listen to Hermione's never-ending chatter about the plants in the Hufflepuff common room, but it was difficult. Emma's head was starting to pound painfully, her skin itchier than it had ever been, and even her _bones_ ached. That was a terrifying thing for her to feel. She was almost tempted to go to Remus and tell him, but Elara promised that she wouldn't transform. Not yet, at least.

They had dinner in the common room, and thankfully Hermione was finally quiet, no longer asking Emma a million and one questions. Until she started asking questions again.

"Merlin's beard, you look terrible," Hermione said quietly, almost nervously. "You're not…are you?"

Emma's groan came out as a slight growl, and she ran her hands roughly over her face just to try and soothe her itchy skin. "A werewolf? No, I'm not," Emma managed to force out. "But I'm different."

"You're…different? What do you mean by different?" Hermione asked, her eyes wide.

Emma bit her lip, studying Hermione's worried expression as if the Gryffindor suddenly wanted to flee. The look Hermione was giving her must be the same look Remus had gotten from people in the past, and her stomach knotted at the thought. Hermione wasn't like Luna, who accepted things without question. She thrived on logic and being able to understand things that could be read in books. Emma's current state couldn't be considered logical or found in books. Still, Hermione knew what Remus was, and had promised to keep his secret. What harm could come from her telling Hermione the truth?

"It's complicated," Emma said, the only real answer that she could give. "I'm not a werewolf, but I suppose I'm…I don't really know. They're not really sure if I'll transform or not in the future because I don't have a bite."

Rather than looking terrified, Hermione looked almost intrigued. "How is that possible?"

Hermione's sudden interest made Emma a little uneasy, but she had never told the story from start to finish before. Luna only knew snippets; Persephone only knew what she was there for. Other than the professors, her grandfather, Sirius, and, unfortunately, Greyback, no one knew what she was. Taking a deep breath, Emma finally told her story. She never expected it would be Hermione who would hear the tale first.

"That sounds…that sounds awful," Hermione said sympathetically, looking at Emma as though she were somehow the bravest person in the world. "I'm glad that you're alive, but to keep you alive…I can't imagine how scared Professor Lupin was to make such a decision."

"It was hard for him, I can tell. He's stopped blaming himself for it, well…he doesn't _say_ that he blames himself for it. At least this is nothing compared to what my dad goes through, I'm sure. It's painful, but at least my entire body doesn't break into a million pieces," Emma said, leaning back into the plush couch. She wasn't sure if she had moved too fast, but a shooting pain shot down her spine, and she winced. "Although right now it really feels like it's trying to. The closer it gets to lunar night, the worse it gets." Emma gave Hermione an apologetic grin as she brushed sweat off her brow. "I apologize because I'll probably be completely useless soon."

"Sh-should I get Madam Pomfrey? Surely there's something you can take, so it's not as painful."

"Pain potions don't last more than an hour before I need another one," Emma sighed, closing her eyes. "Dad's almost lucky in a way. At least once he transforms, the pain is over. He feels it when he transforms back, but as a wolf, he's fine."

Hermione was quiet, clearly trying to think of a solution to try and help. "How long are you going to be in pain for?"

"For the entire duration of the lunar night."

"And how long is that?"

Emma cracked open an eye to look at Hermione with a twisted smile. "Tonight? It's twelve hours because it's winter. This is the longest night I'll have."

"Are you…are you still dangerous?" Hermione asked, almost in a whisper. "Are your senses enhanced?"

"Dangerous? To myself, mostly," Emma said, pulling up her sleeve to see if her scratching from earlier left any marks. She breathed out a sigh of relief that she managed another month without damaging herself further. Hermione let out a sharp breath. Emma brushed her fingers over the scar from Fenrir.

"I have a tendency to scratch the ever-living shite out of myself, but I haven't suffered any long-term effects from it. Yet. This scar here came from Greyback, but the rest are…well, they're from me, but not because I scratched myself," Emma explained, pulling her sleeve back down. "The best way to describe me is I'm like a baby snake. I can't produce my own venom, but there's a potential that I could. Enhanced senses, though? Not at all."

"Does it scare you? The fact you might have to transform?"

Emma had to think about it for a moment, and she shook her head. "Not really," she said. "I've had time to come to terms with it if I do. Does the pain scare me? Yes, but if I have to turn into a wolf every month, well…there's not much I can do to stop it, can I? Dad and I have talked about it extensively, so I understand it a bit, but not entirely. At least he would be there to help me through."

A shooting pain shot through Emma's entire body, and she looked over at the clock with a frown when she noticed the time. She had gone longer than she thought she would and made it to just about 9:30. Nearly four hours after moonrise was the longest she'd gone without going into a frenzy.

"I'm afraid I'm going to be completely useless for the rest of the night, so I'll just head to my bed," Emma said through grit teeth. "Feel free to stay up and wander. There's plenty to look at. Our dorm is the third door on the left - take any of the beds that aren't curtained off. I'll cast a silencing charm so that you don't have to listen to me all night."

Emma absolutely hated the full moon with a passion. She had once found it beautiful, but the desire to tear her skin from her bones wasn't helping the situation in the least. Emma couldn't even bother to take the time to close her curtains since Hermione wasn't in the dorm yet. Instead, in an act of desperation, Emma stood on her bed on a pile of haphazardly placed books so she could press her head against the window. The cold seeping through the glass felt nice, but it was subdued by magic and didn't provide the full relief she needed. At least it was a start.

At around ten, Hermione finally made her way into the dorm. Hermione and Emma could only stare at each other for a moment before Hermione decided she would get ready for bed. A flash of gold from across the room dropped on the nightstand next to Hannah's borrowed bed made Emma curious. The moment Hermione went into the bathroom, Emma hopped off of her precarious perch to see what Hermione put down. She picked up what looked to be a necklace on a delicate, gold chain with an hourglass attached. Emma was about to flip the hourglass over when Hermione stepped out from behind the bathroom door with comically large eyes.

"Emma, do _not_ do anything," Hermione shrieked, running over.

"Why not?" Emma asked, the hourglass half tipped in her hand. "It's a necklace."

"No, Emma, you don't understand," Hermione said, pulling the chain back around her neck and trying to grab at the hourglass in Emma's hand. "Merlin's beard, I shouldn't have left this out. Professor McGonagall is going to be _furious._ Emma, please let go!"

"Hermione, it's a necklace," Emma insisted, humming in curiosity as the chain seemed to lengthen. Without thinking, Emma threw the chain around her neck as well with an amused giggle. "See?" To prove her point, Emma gave the hourglass a single flip and immediately regretted it.

Though they never left the room, it seemed as though it dissolved, and Emma had the distinct feeling of flying backward. The sensation wasn't too dissimilar to Apparating, but Emma knew that she wasn't Apparating at all. Emma tried to shout, but she couldn't, and then suddenly everything was solid again.

Emma stared at Hermione with wide eyes as she looked around the room. "Hermione, what just happened?" she asked, quickly throwing the chain off her neck and shoving the hourglass back at Hermione. It was then that Emma decided to really take a second look around the room and found the clock that very clearly read that it was 9:07 PM.

"Professor McGonagall is going to _kill_ me," Hermione moaned.

Emma shook her head, slowly making her way towards the door to go back into the common room. She didn't want to try going to bed anymore, and the couch seemed like a great idea to figure out what just happened. "I think I need to go sit out there for a bit," Emma said, trying to push aside the dizziness she felt.

"No!" Hermione whisper-shouted, running in front of Emma and keeping herself in front of the door. "You can't!"

"Why not?" Emma asked, shooting Hermione a look. "It's my common room, and there's no one here."

"We have to hide."

"Why do we have to hide?"

Hermione bit her lip and hid her face. "Because we went back in time."

Emma had heard of a lot of strange things while in the magical community. The man who was meant to be her biological father could turn into a dog, her actual father was a werewolf, Harry Potter could talk to snakes…but _going back in time_? That seemed too outlandish for Emma to believe.

"Hermione, what are you talking about?"

Hermione held the hourglass up. "My necklace isn't a necklace – it's a Time-Turner. I got it from Professor McGonagall at the beginning of the year to get to all of my classes. No one is meant to know that I have it except for the professors."

Emma blinked at Hermione several times. "So we've gone back in time?"

Hermione nodded fervently. "We've gone back in time. And we're currently both in the common room."

"So, there's currently another set of us?"

"Yes."

"And that's why we have to hide?"

"Yes."

Emma nodded slowly. "C-can I see? I'm not going to go out into the common room, I just want to see if I can hear us talking."

"No!" Hermione hissed. "If you accidentally see yourself, you'll think you've gone mad!"

"Hermione, I already feel as though I've gone mad. Trust me, if I accidentally see myself, it won't be the weirdest thing I've experienced this year," Emma said. "I promise I'm not about to run out there."

Hermione considered the idea, worrying her lip nervously, and then nodded. She stepped away from the door but kept a firm grip on Emma's arm. "Don't you dare go any further than you need to."

"I won't," Emma hissed, carefully cracking open the door. She was almost sure that Hermione had lied to her, and she was hallucinating the entire thing. There was no possible way she had just gone back in time, but sure enough, she could hear their voices from the common room. Emma swallowed hard, closing the door and looking at Hermione in alarm.

"Holy shit, we've gone back in time," she said. "Now what?"

"We have to hide. We can't see ourselves," Hermione said, tugging Emma towards Leanne's bed. She promptly closed the curtains and sat down on Leanne's bed, casting a silencing charm. "And now we stay here until we know that we've gone back again."

Emma nodded, sitting on the bed next to Hermione. "None of this makes sense, you know that, right? Does that mean we're stuck in a perpetual loop until the end of time?"

"Yes, and no," Hermione sighed. "We're only stuck in one loop because the Time-Turner was turned once and then time moves on like normal. The moment we go back again is when it'll be safe to go back out. You cannot tell anyone about this."

"Right," Emma said, not understanding at all. She began to rub her arms to try and soothe the itch that had gotten worse with her nerves. "You haven't told my secrets, so I'm not going to tell yours," Emma finally said. "I'm just going to pretend that none of this even happened."

Hermione nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. "And now we wait."

"And now we wait."

Every concept of time Emma knew had been destroyed in a matter of seconds. It was almost helpful as it kept her distracted, but she didn't understand in the least. Hermione's sudden speechlessness didn't make the situation any better. Emma was sure she had to be imagining everything – this was just from the full moon. It was one of the weird quirks of her entire being. But Emma did find it curious that Leanne's curtains were closed when she entered the dorm…

Remus did always tell her that she was too curious for her own good.

Hermione didn't deem it safe for them to leave the confines of Leanne's space until 11PM. Without another word, Hermione crossed the dorm and closed the curtains of Hannah's bed. Emma retreated back to her bed and started up her frantic pacing. It was going to be a much longer night than she thought.

By midnight, Emma felt as though her body was on fire. No longer distracted by the confusion of going back in time, she was fixated on every ache and pain she felt. Her joints were started to crack painfully, and her muscles spasmed, forcing full-body cramps. She felt miserable, and it was taking everything in her power not to hurt herself just to pull her focus elsewhere.

In a final act of desperation, Emma ripped open her nightstand drawer, intending to find something to relieve the pain. Remus would be angry at her in the morning for hurting herself again, but she didn't care. She couldn't take the pain anymore, and she felt it would last longer than trying to go to Madam Pomfrey. But instead of finding what she was looking for, she found something else.

Emma stared at the thick envelope sitting on top of her things. It was almost as though it had dislodged itself from the back of the drawer, and Emma had completely forgotten about it. She remembered receiving it from Zeeley the day she found out the truth about Remus, but she had been too angry to read it. With a huff, Emma pulled the envelope out. Better late than never, and it would be a decent distraction.

Emma didn't consider that Remus sometimes had a way with words that could make things much worse. It wasn't just one letter, it was three – one for if Emma never wanted to talk to him again, one for if she did, and one for if she couldn't decide how she felt. It brought her back to that day, the betrayal and hurt that she had felt over him keeping things from her. She read all three.

"Absolute bloody bastard," Emma said, tossing the near 12 pages worth of letter on her bed and wiping away her tears. His writing in the letters had been feverish and nervous. He had been terrified, and it translated in his letters, but all he cared about was her feelings. Though all three letters held different messages, they all came to the same thing – that no matter what, he would always love her. He didn't care what decision she made, as long as she was happy. She reached under her pillow to see if the letter she had kept underneath it was still there. Emma closed her eyes in relief when she felt the worn parchment.

She pulled out the letter that Remus wrote to her where he finally called himself 'Dad' and read back through it. It had been almost a full year since he had written the letter, and she kept it fondly under her pillow for the longest time as a reminder. Emma picked up the pile of letters, added them to the one in her hand, and thought about what she wanted to do. It wasn't an ideal situation, and Remus wasn't going to be happy at all, but she couldn't wait. She would have to talk to him while he was transformed – it wouldn't be the weirdest thing she had experienced that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	51. Two Wolves

Emma didn't bother getting changed out of her pajamas. It wouldn't be the first time she had traversed the castle in socks.

Sneaking out of the common room was easy as Hermione seemed to be a heavy sleeper. Emma didn't find that surprising considering how much stress she had to be under. She shivered at the reminder of the Time-Turner. However, Emma took care to keep quiet; it made things a little easier to escape the dorm room. Once she made it into the common room, she allowed herself to run, as painful as it was. The quicker she made it upstairs, the better.

Apparently, Hogwarts wasn't meant to be on her side that night. She was ordinarily lucky and could avoid Filch and Mrs. Norris, but the cat was onto her the very moment she set foot on the stairs of the marble staircase. The stairs decided it would be appropriate to start moving, forcing Emma to backtrack several times. Her 10-minute walk up to the Defense classroom took at least a half-hour, and Emma was feeling the effects of it.

Her relief of finally reaching the classroom was almost tangible, and she was surprised that the door opened with ease. Did Remus _always_ leave the classroom door open? She leaned against the wall, trying to catch her breath. Emma glanced up at the office door and noticed light underneath the door, and she hoped that meant Remus was up. Then again, she wasn't entirely sure he could put the fire out with paws.

She closed the classroom door behind her and scurried across the room to the stairs and climbed them. Emma faltered near the office door and paled when she spotted the shadow that suddenly appeared, blocking the light. Was this a good idea? She looked at the letters in her hand and decided it was.

Emma let out a yelp at the sudden thud against the office door as she tried to push the door open.

"Are you bloody kidding me?" she asked, trying to open the door several times to no avail. It barely gave way. Remus was holding the door with his entire body to keep her from entering. Even though her body protested, Emma laid down on the floor on her stomach to peek underneath the door. She had to bite back her gasp when she saw massive, hairy paws under the gap.

"I know you know it's me," Emma said quietly. "And I can see your feet, you know. I think you've forgotten that the secret's been out. If I stick my hand underneath the door, I can touch your feet. Just let me in, or I'm going to do it – I'm going to touch your toes, and you are going to deal with it."

She was unable to hold back her gasp when a furry snout came into view, teeth bared with a low, almost half-hearted growl. Emma knew his teeth would be sharp, but they were downright frightening to look at. She absolutely did not want Fenrir as a wolf anywhere near her after seeing how pointy Remus's teeth were. Emma had to suppress her nervous giggles as the tale of Little Red Riding Hood floated through her mind. With everything she knew about magic, the fairy tale had to have been written based on fact. It was impossible to accurately imagine how large and sharp a werewolf's teeth would be without seeing them.

"Are you really going to be like this right now?" Emma asked, glaring at the nose that came into her minimal view. She shoved the letters in her hand under the door so Remus could see them and know she didn't show up just because she felt like it. There was a reason for her intrusion, and she knew Remus would understand. He wouldn't be happy about it, but at least he would recognize that she had a purpose. "I want to talk to you about this. Don't dare try and pretend that you don't know what that is. And no, I can't wait until the morning."

She kept her hand flat on top of the envelope, waiting for something to happen. She watched nervously as the nose moved to sniff her hand, but she knew he wouldn't hurt her. A gasp escaped her lips when the envelope was ripped from underneath her hand by Remus's teeth.

"Oi!" Emma shouted under the door. "Give those back!" She watched as paws began to walk away from the door, and she frowned as they disappeared completely. "D-does this mean I can come in?" When paws didn't return, Emma stood up on her knees and slowly unlatched the door, pushing it open.

She wasn't sure what to expect when she appeared around the door, and for a moment, she saw nothing. A quiet, almost nervous wuff pulled her attention to the right corner of Remus's desk, and she tilted her head curiously at the furry face staring at her. Remus – Moony? No, this was definitely her father _–_ was sitting around the corner of the desk. Most of his body was hidden, and his head was bent low as he looked at her. The entire thing wasn't as weird as she expected, but it was still strange. It wasn't every day you saw your father as a wolf.

Emma was frozen where she was until the wolf whined. "D-do you want me to shut the door?" The look she received told her no, but Remus backed up a bit to hide more and laid down, resting his head on his paws as he stared at her. Emma assumed that it was his way of saying to close the door, but he wasn't planning on moving from where he was.

With a nod, Emma crawled into the room so that she could close the door. With the door closed, she sat back on her heels, curious rather than nervous. Emma wasn't entirely sure what to do, and she almost forgot why she had decided to come in the first place. It was an added bonus that she seemed to forget that she was in pain at all, too focused on Remus being a wolf to care.

It was a lot harder to tell that Remus wasn't just a wolf Animagus than she thought, even despite knowing what to look for. His snout was shorter but not as short as she thought it would be. It wasn't enough to make much of a difference. In any other circumstance, she wouldn't even realize he was a werewolf from that alone. His pupils were smaller, but not to the extent that books said they would be. If it weren't for his eye color, she wouldn't have any issues saying he was just a boring wolf. The books didn't make it at all obvious it was much harder to tell the difference.

"How tall are you like that?" Emma blurted out stupidly, covering her mouth the moment the words escaped her mouth. "Sorry," she added, feeling her face flush. "You just…you look like you're tall even as…"

With an annoyed look that was entirely too Remus-like, he stood and stepped out just from behind the desk, and Emma's eyes grew wide. Curious to compare their heights, she stood from the floor as well and then crossed her arms over her chest with a frown. It was never made clear that werewolves were taller than ordinary wolves, but perhaps most people didn't realize. She had seen normal wolves at the zoo, and they certainly weren't as tall as Remus was. At least seeing his tail, she could see the difference between a wolf and a werewolf – it wasn't as bushy as a regular wolf's tail.

Now that she had time to process, seeing Remus as a wolf wasn't at all as jarring as she thought it would be. She had seen him like this in her dreams before, which she found confusing. His fur wasn't as sandy-colored as she thought it would be. It was the same light brown color as his hair, splashed with grey. He was skinny and annoyingly tall, even with his head bowed low.

"I've seen you like this before," Emma said quietly. "In my dreams, but I don't know what exactly that means. You're a bit different than in my dreams, but…you're you."

Remus tilted his head slightly, and Emma had to bite her lip to keep from grinning. It was unbearably cute, and it made her heart melt her every single time Sirius would do it, as well. When she didn't factor in the fact he was a blood-thirsty creature on the full moon without the Wolfsbane Potion, he was rather cute as a wolf. Emma felt that once more, magic was weird.

"What did you do with the letters? I came here to talk to you about them because you're absolutely mental," Emma said, glaring at the wolf in front of her.

Remus's head popped up, making him even taller, and Emma could only stare in shock. With his head up, he was as tall as her waist. Sirius was around the same height as a dog, and it made her huff in annoyance. If he stood up on his back legs, he would clearly be as tall as his human height.

"You're _tall_ ," Emma said in response to the question Remus was trying to ask with his eyes. "It doesn't really give me a fair advantage."

As if being reminded of something, Remus bolted through the open door to their quarters. He was quick, and that made her slightly nervous to see. Remus was already quick on two legs, having four made him fly. Emma followed into the living room curiously and watched as Remus stepped into the hallway with a belt in his mouth. He launched it across the room towards her and sat down, keeping his head low and ears back. When Emma didn't move, he laid down on his stomach and crawled towards the belt, pushing it closer to her with his nose before backing up quickly.

Emma looked at the belt and the anxious wolf in front of her, trying to figure out what he wanted. She felt her stomach drop when she understood what he was telling her to do.

"No, I'm not going to use that to…Dad, are you mental? I'm not using your belt to bloody muzzle you," Emma walked up to the belt and tossed it aside. "You're not a monster. If you were going to attack me at all, you would have done it already."

Determined not to leave, Emma sat down on the couch and just stared at Remus. "You can stay there if you'd like, but I'm going to be comfortable. We need to talk about those letters you wrote me. Or, well…I suppose I'll talk about them. I'm not entirely well-versed in reading canine, though I've started to pick it up with Sirius. I think it's only easy with you because I know you – your disgruntled mannerisms have managed to translate well."

Emma went to lay down, but every single muscle in her body spasmed painfully, and she whimpered. She clamped her eyes closed to try and breathe through the pain and only opened them at the quiet whine she heard. Remus had gotten a bit closer but still kept his distance. His ears were completely flat against his head, his body hunched where he sat.

"It's a bit rough to deal with," Emma said quietly. "Forgot that you haven't seen me like this since the last time. This is the worst it's been, though." It took her longer than she wanted, but she was finally able to lay down, curling up on her side, tucking a pillow under her head. She kept her eyes locked on Remus, not entirely sure what he would do. To her surprise, he stood back up and slowly walked over to her, settling his head on the couch cushion so that they were almost nose to nose.

"Finally figured out that you're not going to hurt me?" Emma said, settling into the pillow under her head. A sheepish grin crossed her face. "Would it be all right if I pet you? That wasn't something I ever thought I'd ask you, but your fur looks ridiculously soft."

When she didn't get a reaction either way, Emma lifted a hand to run her hand over the top of Remus's head. While his fur was incredibly soft like she thought, she didn't expect the sudden flood of relief she felt that ran through her system. Every burning itch cooled, every tight muscle relaxed, and Emma nearly burst into tears in relief. As if he understood what she needed, Remus climbed onto the couch and laid down next to her.

Emma curled herself around the furry body next to hers and buried her face in Remus's fur for a moment. She didn't understand what exactly made the pain stop, but she relished in the sudden comfort she felt. A part of her worried that she had somehow passed her pain onto Remus, but he didn't appear to be in pain. "I'm sorry," she sniffled, running a hand through his fur. "This is the first time it hasn't been miserable."

Remus turned his head to meet her pained gaze. It was unsettling to see how incredibly human Remus still was despite his furry form, his expression incredibly sad. He gently pressed his nose to hers.

"I don't care if you're mad at me in the morning, but please don't make me leave," Emma said, feeling stupid when her voice broke on a dry sob. "I can't do another night where I have to feel the way I do all night." Guilt finally settled itself in her stomach as she remembered Remus never wanted her to see him like this. She knew he had to be hating every minute, but she felt a million times better. If Remus wanted her to leave, she would do it, but she desperately hoped he would let her stay.

Remus stared at her for a few minutes, heaved a sigh, and sat up, tugging the throw blanket off the back of the couch with his teeth. He settled himself back down next to Emma, resting his head on the pillow next to hers, his gaze fixed on the wall. It was his way of saying to stay.

Emma fixed the blanket over her body and watched as Remus rolled onto his side with a grumpy huff, so his back was pressed to her front. She bit her lip to keep from giggling and snuggled up to him, burying her face in his fur like she had done with Sirius months ago. Emma hated that she started to cry the moment she did, overwhelmed by how comforted she felt. She felt stupid crying into his fur, but she couldn't help herself. He flipped his head up so that he could look at her without turning over, and Emma just hid her face more.

Somehow, Remus still smelled of everything familiar to her even as a wolf. He still smelled of the juniper trees from home, the lavender soaps he used, the cinnamon he had taken to adding to his coffee earlier that year, and the constant presence of chocolate he carried. There was something else hidden beneath those scents, though; an almost raw sort of magic that radiated off of him. Emma couldn't consider it dark energy because it didn't feel dark to her at all. It felt safe. It was a sweeping, all-encompassing warmth – soothing instead of like burning flames.

Remus as a wolf held a completely different level of familiarity that Emma didn't understand. She had wanted to talk to Remus about his letters, but Emma couldn't find it in herself to bother. Rather than dwell on her annoyance with her werewolf father, she let her exhaustion take hold. The conversation could wait for the morning.

It took Emma a few minutes to process things when she woke up, and she struggled to figure out why she felt so comfortable. She was warm, but not uncomfortably so, and light was shining behind her eyelids. It was the fingers brushing through her hair that gave her pause, and then she remembered where exactly she was. Emma had left the dorm to see Remus.

Her eyes shot open, and she went to sit up in a panic, but a hand on her shoulder kept her from moving too far. She turned her head to meet Remus's tired gaze, and she opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Emma decided perhaps it would be best to lay back down since he stopped her from getting up. She curled back up on her side, laying her head back down on her pillow. Did she move from her spot at all while in her sleep? Emma glanced over at the clock – it was nearly 9 in the morning. Remus would have transformed back around three hours earlier, and she slept for longer than she thought she would have.

"You know, you gave Minerva a bit of a fright this morning," Remus said softly, his voice hoarse. "It was a bit hard to convey the situation when she came to check on me – in her Animagus form, of course. It was also a bit tricky to figure things out so that you wouldn't wake up when I transformed back, but we figured it out." Emma turned her head slightly to look up at Remus, surprised to see his sad smile.

"I'm not mad at you," he said in answer to Emma's worried look. "I was terrified, but I realize now, unfortunately, it's more of a danger for you to be by yourself than with me. I can never apologize enough for not realizing that things escalated to the point that they had. I never wanted you to see me like that, but…I can't let you suffer like that again. I should have listened to you when you said you didn't want to leave. I just don't know what to do if…" Remus trailed off, a shadow of nervous guilt crossing his face. "I'm sorry."

"Did I hurt you at all?" Emma asked quietly. "I worried that when I finally stopped hurting that it was hurting you instead…"

"You were in excruciating pain for hours before you came up, and you're the one asking me if you hurt me?" Remus asked with a sigh, tucking Emma's hair behind her ear. He studied Emma's face, looking for any residual signs of pain, and seemed to relax seeing that she only looked tired.

"No, not at all," he said. "I could…feel your pain, but not in a way that I can easily explain. It's like an awareness, almost. You felt something, though, didn't you?"

"Felt what?"

"The connection I was telling you about. You probably still feel it now."

Emma frowned, rolling onto her back to look at Remus better. Was that what she felt? It was strange to hear that, considering how comforting it felt. Was that why she felt warm? She thought it was from the fireplace, but it wasn't lit up any longer, and the blanket was lightweight. If she felt the connection too, what did that mean?

"It's…rather comforting," Emma answered slowly. "If that's what it is."

Remus sighed, running a hand over his face. "I hesitate to say this, but there's no point in trying to deny that we could consider you half-werewolf. If you're aware of the connection…"

"Then I'll become aware of other things as well?"

"There's a strong possibility," Remus said quietly.

Emma grew quiet, wanting to just let that information sink in. Remus had denied it for months, never wanting to consider her werewolf in any capacity. It was relieving, in a way, to finally hear Remus say it. Six months of mystery for her father had ultimately led to his bitter acknowledgment, and months of Emma's identity crisis finally came to an end. Emma would never say that it didn't terrify her because it did, but coming from her father, it seemed almost all right. He would never abandon her to figure things out on her own.

"Is that what you feel all the time with me?" Emma asked curiously.

Remus nodded after a moment. "All the time," he said in a near-whisper.

Emma thought about it for a moment, and a soft smile crossed her face in a sudden understanding of some of Remus's quirks. "Is that why you always like to give me hugs, and you don't mind how much I want to snuggle?"

"Guilty as charged," Remus admitted, returning Emma's smile. "I know you like to be close, so I never minded, but it's also very comforting to me. Does that bother you?"

"No," Emma said, shaking her head. "If it's that comforting, I…I understand. It's a wonder that you don't carry me around like Boris, or Bee, actually."

"I consider it sometimes," Remus chuckled. "Now, about the letters?"

"Have you slept at all?" Emma suddenly asked.

"I did when you got here and finally fell asleep. Haven't since Minerva got me up. Are we going to talk about the letters?"

Emma shook her head, rolling back onto her side and closing her eyes. She didn't want to talk about the letters anymore. Having a better understanding of things was more than enough for her, though everything he wrote made her frustrated. "All I'm going to say is that you were absolutely mental for writing half of what you did. I was mad at you, but it didn't mean that I didn't love you. I was confused, but it doesn't matter now. I'm going back to bed. I think you should go to bed, too."

For once, Remus listened to his daughter and got himself as comfortable as he could where he was. He didn't have any desire to make the trip to his bed, and he always slept better with others around.

Sometimes it was easier for Emma and Remus to drop conversations altogether until they needed to come up again. Remus gave Emma the letters back, and she tucked them away in her room. They had a silent agreement that nothing could change what happened, and they reached an understanding. That understanding was precisely what led to Remus deciding on New Year's Eve that Emma should try working on the Patronus charm again. It was a much different holiday than in the past two years.

As was customary, Emma was curled up on the couch, not caring for proper spell casting stances as she worked on the spell. The last time she had practiced the Patronus, they had discovered that it had four legs and paws. It wasn't fully corporeal, but it gave Emma hope that she could cast it correctly and had spent many hours with Remus debating what it could be. Remus felt he knew; he just hoped that he was wrong.

"Why can't I make a corporeal Patronus? This shouldn't be that difficult," Emma lamented, staring at her wand as if it had caused her great pain. "Why can't I get it to form anything other than legs?"

"The memory you're using is stronger than the last few, but it's not strong enough," Remus said thoughtfully from his armchair. "You're on the right track, so whatever your subject matter is clearly works, you just need something different. If perhaps you just told me -"

"You won't tell me what memory you use, so I'm not telling you mine."

Remus sighed, "Then you'll have to try a different memory."

Emma turned to look at Remus, crossing her arms. "You seriously won't tell me yours? You won't even _show_ me your Patronus?"

"I have several memories, actually," Remus said, amused at Emma's display of annoyance. "And no, I will not tell you mine, nor will I show you what my Patronus is. I'm not going to influence you in any regard."

"I should hex you, you know," Emma pouted. "You're withholding essential information that could help me cast this damn spell."

"I am giving you the tools to work it out yourself. I can't cast the spell for you. This spell requires your skills and your thoughts, not mine."

Emma scowled at Remus and then looked around the room, trying to think of another memory that she could use. She was nearly positive that her surprise party would have been perfect. Even the memory of destroying the cake should have been good enough, she thought. When that didn't work, she had moved along to the joy of her amended birth certificate and finding out what Remus was to her. None of the memories worked like she thought they would. "You said that the subject matter works?"

"I don't believe that you would be able to cast such a strong shield, otherwise," Remus said. "You're nearly there, I can see it; you just need something a little stronger."

Emma stared at Remus, trying to realistically think of what memory she could use. She felt as though she had exhausted all of her memories that she knew made her happy. It was nice to know that her memories with Remus were strong enough to create a shield, but she wanted to have a fully corporeal Patronus. She hoped that looking around would give her something to focus on, but all she could do was find the photos on the mantel. They weren't helping her much. How was she supposed to cast the spell?

She looked back at Remus again, and a thought fluttered across her mind. "Does it have to be a memory that you use?" Emma asked, wondering if she could go about the spell a different way. "Or does it just rely on the feeling of happiness?"

Remus looked thoughtful at her thoughtfully, almost like he didn't quite anticipate the idea himself. "I'm not quite sure what you mean," he said.

"Well, can it be an almost...abstract sort of thought? Like the joint effort of multiple memories that aren't exactly memories? Or does it rely on one concrete moment in time?"

Remus's expression was pensive as he considered Emma's questions. "I'll answer your questions with one of my own - does it elicit a strong feeling of happiness?"

Emma nodded. "Possibly the happiest I've ever felt," she said quietly. If Emma had to pick out the memories that made her happy, almost all of them included Remus to some degree. It almost made sense to her - Remus had been her first real friend. He might be family, but he transcended that role, and she knew that she could rely on him most. If singular memories with Remus weren't strong enough, what if she dropped specific memories and utilized something that covered everything? What if she added the possibility of Sirius to the mix? If she imagined the life they should all have together, that could possibly work. It wasn't real, not yet, but it was a possibility, and Emma latched onto that possibility as much as she could.

"Then it might be worth a try. Do you think you can handle another go or two? I know that you're exhausted – I can see it in your eyes, and it's getting late. I know you were insisting on staying up past midnight, but you're wearing yourself out."

"I think I can handle it," Emma said, standing up and trying to pull up everything she wanted to use. The idea of using so abstract seemed awkward as she wasn't utilizing one specific moment in time, but several.

" _Expecto patronum_ ," she said, groaning as the shield went up but fizzled out. She couldn't even get legs to form. Emma wasn't thinking hard enough, and she knew it.

" _Expecto patronum_!" she tried again. It was a little stronger, but it still wasn't quite there.

"Perhaps we should try this again tomorrow," Remus said gently.

For a brief moment, Emma felt inclined to agree. There were only two minutes until midnight, and the start of 1994 – a year she hoped wouldn't be plagued with so many issues. Her repetitious casting of the Patronus was exhausting, and she felt that she could fall asleep on her feet. As impressive as magic was, it was both physically and mentally exhausting. Simple spells were far easier to manage, but the Patronus charm required a lot of mental power. But she was determined – she wanted to cast the Patronus because once she did it once, it would be easier to cast again.

"I want to try one more time," Emma said. "Once more, and if it doesn't work, then I'll try again tomorrow."

"All right," Remus agreed, standing up to stand next to Emma. "One more try, but don't be discouraged if nothing happens."

Emma couldn't stop her smirk. "I won't be, because I'm going to do it," she said, shaking out shoulders. She closed her eyes, trying to pull herself together, trying to focus. She knew that she wouldn't be able to take her time if she had to cast the spell right away. However, she wasn't in any immediate need of the Patronus other than her own impatience, and she took her time. All she had to do was do it once.

Taking a deep breath, Emma opened her eyes and raised her wand. She could do this.

" _Expecto patronum!"_

Resounding disappointment threatened to take over Emma's entire being when nothing immediately happened, but to her surprise, a large animal burst forth from her wand. She watched in awe as it landed on four legs, large and hairy with a bushy tail. _A dog_! Emma immediately thought as she watched it lope gracefully around the room, but then she realized. It wasn't a dog at all. She watched as a second wolf joined hers, and she stared in surprise. Remus's wolf was a bit taller than hers, but a wolf all the same. Not a werewolf, but an actual wolf with its normal stature and bushy tail. Emma wanted to reach out and try to touch them, but her concentration broke, and both Patronus vanished.

"My Patronus is a wolf," she said quietly. "So is yours."

Emma turned to Remus with a broad smile, but her face fell immediately seeing the look on his face. He looked sad and disappointed by her Patronus, and it stung a little bit. Remus caught himself and quickly put on a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly proud of you," Remus said softly, pulling Emma under his arm. "I knew that you could do it. I was just hoping that your Patronus would have been any other creature."

"Like what?"

"To be honest, when I saw there were four paws and I saw the start of a tail, I thought it would be a fox."

Emma frowned slightly. "Aren't Patronus supposed to be an extension of ourselves? It's a bit rude to say that mine would be a fox. They're sly and cunning."

"No, no, a fox would make sense for you. They might be cunning animals, but they're also incredibly smart and clever – like you are. It would have been incredibly fitting."

"Well, doesn't a wolf make the most sense for me?" Emma asked, looking up at Remus in confusion. "If it's meant to be an extension of yourself, I'm not really surprised that it turned into a wolf at all."

"Why aren't you surprised? Sweetheart, it could have been absolutely anything in the world. Because it turned into a wolf –"

"It's a wolf because of _you_. Not a werewolf, just a regular, ordinary wolf," Emma said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I consider you the safest thing in the world, and honestly, even if you weren't a werewolf, I feel your Patronus would have been the same. It doesn't matter that you're a werewolf at all, you would still be you. We've already established what I am, and _you're_ the one who said it. I like my Patronus."

Remus made to protest, but Emma cut him off quickly, "I know what you're going to say, but quite honestly, it's stupid. You're not dangerous, not to me. Honestly, I like that we have the same Patronus. We're like…we're like our own little wolf pack."

A sigh escaped Remus's lips as he pulled Emma into his side a little tighter. "I'm not particularly fond of your phrasing, but have I ever told you that you never fail to surprise me?"

"Probably at least ten times a week, actually," Emma grinned. "Dad, I have a slightly random question."

"What's is it, love?"

"The Dementors…it hasn't seemed as though they affect you as much as others. You don't seem to be bothered by them like Harry or me. Is it because of Moony?"

Remus looked at Emma in surprise then smiled softly. "You've always had some of the best questions," he said. "Yes, it's partly to do with my being a werewolf. The…animalistic side of me helps to keep those thoughts at bay. They can still affect me, but it's easier to push the thoughts aside."

Emma nodded, looking over at the clock. "Well…Happy New Year," Emma said, giving her wand a slight wave to let out yellow sparks. "Here's hoping 1994 is much better than 1993."

Remus pulled Emma into a hug, resting his chin on top of her head. "Here's hoping," he agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	52. The Start of 1994

"Good morning and welcome back," Remus said brightly to his very unenthused first class of the term. He received tired mutterings in response, and he smiled. Sometimes he enjoyed his job a bit too much.

Emma shot Remus a grumpy look from her desk, already unamused by Remus's overly cheery wakeup that morning. It was unfortunate that her father's class was the first class of the year, and she was ready to go back to bed. Apparently, the rest of the class was as well. Ernie was leaning on Hannah. Daphne and Tracey were practically snuggled with each other. Persephone had her head propped up on her hand, barely half-awake. Emma was positive that Justin seemed to actually be asleep.

"All right," Remus chuckled. "Everyone up, we're switching things up. I'd like everyone to switch desk mates for the term."

Remus's sudden declaration drew everyone's attention and perked everyone up. None of their other professors had ever insisted that they switch seats before. Emma had a feeling she understood why Remus decided on such a thing, and it made her slightly uneasy.

"Professor, do we _really_ need to switch?" Hannah asked, too exhausted to mask the slight whine to her voice. Nearly the entire class murmured their agreement to Hannah's question.

"Yes," Remus chirped. "I think it's important and a very valuable skill to be able to get along with others. Now come on, up you all get. Plenty to cover on our first day back."

"Well, this is bloody annoying," Persephone grumbled, standing up and shooting Emma a look.

"Could be worse," Emma said, casting a curious look in Remus's direction. He refused to meet her gaze.

Trying to figure out who to sit with was much more complicated than Emma thought it would be. Everyone else seemed to think so as well as they debated on where to move to. She moved to a desk to the left, three rows back, and panicked when Draco sat down next to her. Emma took a look around to see that it seemed everyone else had settled into their seats and sighed.

"Really?" Emma asked, glaring at Draco before thrusting her hand into the air.

"What's the problem, Lupin?" Draco asked with a slight sneer.

Remus looked over at Emma, quickly assessing the situation. "Yes, Emma?" Remus asked, acting as though he had no idea what Emma's problem could be.

"Excuse me, Professor, I was just wondering if once we had our seats, if we were stuck with our desk mates or if we were permitted to move to find a _more suitable_ partner for the term?"

"Ah," Remus said almost thoughtfully, pretending to think about for a moment as he surveyed the current layout. "I think I can permit one single move, but I reserve final judgment on placements."

Emma gave Draco a smug smile and stood up. Luckily, she was not the only person who stood. Emma switched seats with Daphne, who had somehow wound up with Justin in the back-right desk. Persephone switched with Pansy so that she could sit at the desk in front of Emma.

Remus studied the newest layout for a moment before making switches of his own. In a move that Emma found mildly surprising, Remus moved Persephone back to the front of the room to the furthest spot from Emma. He had Ernie and Roger switch seats, as Wayne and Ernie could talk _a lot_ , and then decided to switch Pansy and Tracey's spots. As a final switch, he moved Draco to the front middle desk and had Theo take Draco's seat. Seemingly pleased with the new arrangement, Remus started on their first lesson of the year.

It was nothing short of a miracle that Remus kept their lesson simple. Trying to get back into a focus for classes was hard on everyone. Going over their tests from the last term was surprisingly helpful. Emma had to admit that Remus was the best teacher she had ever had in her life. Even though Remus only signed his contract for a year, she was going to be incredibly disappointed if he didn't come back to teach her fourth year. The entire class was surprised when the bell rang for the lesson to be over. It almost didn't seem right.

"Emma, a word before you leave," Remus said as they were packing up their things. Emma looked at her half-packed bag and shrugged, leaving where it was to go see what Remus wanted.

"Sorry I didn't tell you what I was doing," Remus said quietly, looking up from what he was writing down. "I didn't think you'd appreciate it too much."

"I think you are set to turn Hogwarts on its head with that move," Emma said, raising an eyebrow at Remus's smirk. "Not sure any of us have had a professor do that before. Muggle primary, sure, but here? I suppose it wasn't entirely unexpected, though."

"You understand why I did it though, yes?"

"I understand," Emma said, taking a look to see who was still in the room. "Bit extreme, though, don't you think? It's Persephone."

"Who is also very close to her father," Remus pointed out. "I highly doubt that we have to worry about her, but I also need to make sure that _you_ are kept safe. All I'm asking for is for you to take a little more extra care in what you tell her. I can't change what she already knows, but we can't risk her father knowing what we're doing."

"And what exactly _are_ you doing?"

"Nothing, not yet, at least," he said, tapping his quill on his desk. Remus glanced down at his watch. "Suppose you should head off to Potions, though. Don't need Severus taking points away because I made you late. Also, don't forget that we'll be discussing your punishment later."

Emma nodded, walking around the desk to give Remus a quick peck on the cheek. She gathered the rest of her things into her arms and grabbed her bag, giving him a quick smile on the way out.

She wasn't expecting much when she made it the Potions, but she had been used to Snape's treatment for months. She didn't anticipate things being any different and diligently took her seat next to Mandy, catching up from the holiday.

Snape swept into the room, acting very much like his nickname as the dungeon bat, his robes billowing out behind him. He stood at the front of the room, eyes sweeping over the class before settling on Emma.

"Lupin, where are your things?" Snape asked sharply.

"Er, what do you mean, sir?" Emma asked.

"Your potions kit and your cauldron. Where are they?"

"In my room? Where they've been all year?"

Snape surveyed Emma for a moment, a scowl on his face. "You may borrow a kit and a cauldron, but I expect you to come prepared next time."

Emma blinked owlishly at Snape, unsure of what to do until Mandy shook Emma's arm.

"Go grab a spare kit!" Mandy hissed.

It took Emma another moment to process what just happened, and she shot up from her chair to grab one of the spare kits from the closest cabinet. Emma's stomach was filled with excited butterflies – Snape was actually going to let her participate in class! She quickly set her things up and quickly rushed off to grab a cauldron as well. With Emma finally settled back onto her chair, Snape finally began his lesson.

The year was getting off to a much better start than expected.

When lunch came around, Emma wasn't expecting to be approached by Fred and George right away.

"Oi, Lupin, heard you got a broom for Christmas," Fred said with a grin.

"I did," Emma said, looking between Fred and George curiously. "A Nimbus 2001."

George wrinkled his nose. "You've got the same broom as the entire Slytherin team?"

"Would you rather I have gotten another broom?" Emma asked.

The twins looked at each other in thought and then shook their heads. "Well, you wouldn't be playing Gryffindor, so it's fine," George said.

"But we were thinking…" said Fred slowly.

"Ol' Diggs wants you to try out for the Hufflepuff team. And soon from what I gather."

"We thought that you might need some practice."

"Soon?" Emma asked. "How soon?"

"Next Saturday," said Cedric, sitting down at the table next to Emma with a grin. "It'll be our first practice back. We play Slytherin in March, so I want to be ready. It was meant to be Gryffindor, but the matches got swapped."

"Next Saturday?" Emma asked in a panic. "I _just_ got the broom!"

"And Fred and George want to help you practice before then. I suggest taking them up on the offer," Cedric said with a wink.

Emma gulped and nodded. "I'll, erm…I'll have to talk to Dad and see what he says."

It felt odd to have a full day's schedule of classes again, but Emma was grateful that Remus thought she could handle it. However, she was _not_ thrilled about having to go back to two days of Divination. Perhaps she would consider his offer to fill out the form to drop the class.

When she saw Hermione, Emma cast the girl a knowing look as she saw Hermione tucking the Time-Turner back under her robe. Hermione gave Emma a shaky smile, and Emma returned it. They had an unspoken agreement to never speak of what happened, and Emma quickly turned back to Persephone.

Professor Trelawney decided they would start learning Palmistry, and Emma found herself understanding the study less and less. Persephone grabbed onto Emma's hands, trying to decipher exactly what type of hand she had.

"I think you've got water hands," Persephone said, squinting at Emma's hands, tongue poking out between her teeth.

"I think you've got air hands," Emma said, trying to keep her face neutral and serious.

"Really?" Persephone asked excitedly. "Why do you think so?"

"Because you've got to be made of air to actually enjoy this class," Emma snickered, earning a reproachful look from Persephone for her joke. It only sent Emma into a giggle fit that forced Trelawney to descend on them to "assist."

The rest of the day went by quickly, and Emma was more than excited to relax in her room. She had quickly fallen in love with her Weasley jumper, a beautiful Hufflepuff yellow with a badger in the middle. It was warm and cozy and oversized just how she liked. She was determined to steal the jumper that Remus received – it was a beautiful cable knit jumper in a slate blue. Emma _loved_ it, but Remus was determined to keep it out of her grasp. He felt she took enough of his jumpers, but Emma pointed out that she only _borrowed_ them for indeterminate amounts of time. Remus didn't quite agree with her assessment.

Emma hummed quietly to herself, trying to force herself to get through the chapter she needed to read for Ancient Runes. She really wanted to play with the paints Remus gave her for Christmas. They were entirely unexpected, but Remus thought she might like trying a different art form to go with her drawing. She had wanted to try them out over the holiday, but time just seemed to move too fast, and her mind was focused elsewhere.

A gentle knock on her door drew her attention, and she looked up as Remus opened the door.

"I thought you were still up," he said, sitting down next to her. "What are you working on?"

"Ancient Runes," Emma said with a yawn. "I'm afraid I'm not getting too far, though."

"Well, it's a good thing you don't have it again until Thursday. How many more pages do you have to read?"

"Not many," Emma said, counting the pages out. "Around fifteen, but it's a lot of information to get through."

"Well, break it down and read a few pages every day," Remus suggested. "No need to get through fifteen pages in one night. I know you prefer to just get it done, but you still have to take things easy, you know."

"It's only fifteen pages, though. I can get through it tonight," Emma insisted.

Remus took the book from Emma's hands, marked her page, and closed it, setting it to the side. "You can read more tomorrow," Remus said gently. "I'm taking it with me tonight so that you don't try to read it all. This was why I pulled you from classes in the first place. You do too much, sweetheart."

Emma nearly brought up Hermione's Time-Turner and her class load, but she wasn't sure that the moment had even happened still. She also didn't think that Remus would appreciate knowing that she unintentionally went back in time, even for an hour. "Maybe I do," Emma sighed. "But you also say I don't do enough."

"I say you don't have enough _fun_ , dear," Remus said. "There's a big difference between doing too much work and having too much fun. You don't have enough fun."

"I do too have fun."

"Staying inside and reading isn't the only thing you should be doing," Remus chuckled. "At least now that you have a broomstick, you'll go out with your friends flying. That's a start."

Emma couldn't stop her grin. "That is rather fun," she said. "Speaking of which, Fred and George want to help me practice. Cedric wants me to try out at next week's practice."

"I told you it wouldn't be so bad," Remus said. "And we'll talk about you practicing for tryouts in a few days. Let's get you back on a schedule before we start adding more to your days. Now…I think it's finally time that we talk about your punishment from your little party at the end of term."

"Oh," Emma said, pulling her knees up to her chest. "What do I need to do to atone for my sins?" It seemed odd to discuss this in her room as it wasn't their usual spot. This was the sort of conversation they had out in the living room – Remus in his armchair and Emma curled up. He was throwing off their routine, and it made her uneasy.

"What do you think you need to do?" Remus asked.

"Well, that's a rather loaded question, isn't it?" Emma asked with a laugh.

"Possibly, but what do you think your punishment should be?"

"I don't really know," she admitted. "I haven't thought about it."

Remus nodded slowly. "Well, I don't think you really need to do anything to make up for what you did," he said.

That left Emma completely stunned. "You were never going to do anything, were you?" Emma asked slowly, not entirely sure she believed Remus at all.

A sly smile crossed Remus's face. "No idea what you're talking about," he said.

"Dad!" Emma exclaimed. "You made me worry about what you were going to do for two weeks only to do absolutely nothing?"

"Did you _want_ to be disciplined? Did you want to be grounded? I suppose I could ground you if you insist I do something."

"No!"

"So, then I fail to see the problem."

"I'm just…" Emma was speechless. "I'm confused."

"I meant it when I said you've never given me a real reason to have to discipline you at all," Remus said. "I think it was more effective to have you worry about what I would do. I don't anticipate you having a repeat offense, and if you did, then it would be a much different story."

He pulled Emma into a quick hug. "Now, go to bed, or you'll keep yourself up all night. I promise your work can wait until tomorrow."

Emma found that the second day of the term went far quicker than the first. She hoped it would be much easier to get back into a routine than she thought it would be. It was nice to have the castle full again so she could talk to her friends. It made the day go by that much quicker.

On Wednesday morning, Remus was positively bubbling with sudden excitement. The moment she stepped out of her room to head to the Great Hall for breakfast, he held out a leather book towards her with a gallant bow. "I bestow upon thee a gift."

"Erm, all right," Emma said, flipping the book open. "Another diary? I don't even use the other ones I have."

"This is a…special…diary," Remus said with a mischievous grin. "Perhaps you might want to write down your thoughts while in History of Magic. I suggest taking one of the desks in the back – by yourself. Don't share a desk with someone."

Emma nodded, tucking the book into her bag. Sometimes her father could be incredibly cryptic, and his grin was dangerous. Still, she was curious the entire day and couldn't wait for History of Magic. She felt like a child all over again, waiting impatiently for the day to go by. Emma practically launched herself into her seat when she made it to the History classroom, but she decided to wait to write something in the notebook. She more than gladly pulled it out of her bag and set it next to her notebook for the class. Hopefully, she would remember which book to write in.

Twenty minutes into Binns' lecture, Emma felt her mind begin to wander. She felt as though her brain was starting to go to mush, and of course, it was a double class period. Needing to focus on something else, Emma pulled the notebook Remus gave her close and opened it up.

It still looked normal, but Remus insisted that there was something special about it. He wouldn't have had such a cheeky grin otherwise. Dipping her quill in ink, Emma started to write her current thoughts on the page.

' _Sometimes I have to wonder what year Professor Binns actually died. I still don't quite think he believes that he's dead. Do ghosts change outfits? I suppose not since he's been in the same clothes. If a ghost had a closet, what would it look like?'_

Emma sighed, propping her head up and trying to pay attention. Professor Binns seemed to drone on and on in his monotone voice, and she couldn't keep focused. She was about to write down her thoughts on the ghost's voice but let out a quiet gasp instead. When she looked at the notebook in front of her, she found writing that wasn't hers.

' _I was afraid that this didn't work. I suppose you do pay attention in History of Magic, after all. Took you much longer to write something than I thought it would.'_

Emma blinked at the page and immediately looked around to see if anyone was paying attention to her. When no one looked her way, Emma stared down at the page and watched as more writing was added.

' _As to the year? Haven't the foggiest. I'm assuming somewhere around 1880 based off of his robes. Ghosts can change outfits if they'd like. They don't quite have a closet to go through, of course, but they're not limited. Your grandfather would know much more about it than I would if you're really curious.'_

"You're kidding," Emma muttered under her breath, covering her mouth to hide her smile. Her father was an incredibly brilliant, brilliant man. Why was he not teaching her things like this?

' _How in the bloody hell did you do this?'_ Emma scrawled out quickly.

Emma found that she was waiting rather impatiently for a response and was staring at the page far more intently than she meant. If someone were to turn and look at her, they would think she had gone entirely mental. She was no longer going to be able to pay attention at all, and her smile grew as letters started to appear.

' _Magic_ ,' was the cheeky answer she received. She could almost see Remus trying to hide his stupid grin. It was a grin that said he was very aware he wasn't doing something he was supposed to. Even better, Remus was continually writing things down while teaching, so it wouldn't even seem out of sorts for him to be writing to her. ' _Should you not be making sure that you're talking to who you think you are?'_

That gave Emma pause, and she frowned, tapping her quill on the desk. ' _Well, wouldn't you be you? It's your handwriting, and I can't imagine talking to someone else.'_

_'Ah, but handwriting can be copied easily. You, of all people, should know that since you've done it yourself. What if you weren't you? You shouldn't automatically trust something to be what it seems. Ask me something that only I would know.'_

Merlin, the man had to make things difficult, but Emma supposed he had a point. What was something that only Remus would know? There were many things, but she couldn't think of a specific thing she could ask without an example.

' _I can sense your hesitation all the way from the first floor. How about I ask a question first? After all, how do I know that you're you?'_

_'Seems rather silly considering you're the one who gave this book to me this morning, yes?'_

_'All the same – the first morning I had you dance with me in the kitchen, what song was playing on the wireless?'_

Emma couldn't help her smile. It was one of her favorite memories with Remus, as ridiculous as it was. Whenever the song came on, he would drag her from wherever she was and make her dance with him. It had been a while since they had last done that.

' _Rhythm of my Heart – Rod Stewart from the album I never remember.'_

_'Now, you should ask me a question.'_

Emma sighed, trying to think of what a good question would be to ask. ' _What was the first book you ever read aloud to me?'_

 _'Fellowship of the Ring. You fell asleep somewhere in the second chapter_. _I had to start at the beginning the next time you asked me to read to you because you forgot it all.'_

Was it really the second chapter that Emma had fallen asleep? She genuinely didn't remember anything he had read to her that night, more focused on the fact that she was exhausted, and he was terribly warm.

' _There – happy?'_ Emma wrote, waiting for the reply.

' _Very. If you ever have any doubt that you're speaking to me, I urge you to always double-check. Always ask a question that only I would know the answer to. It was one of the best security measures we had during the war.'_

_'But we're not at war.'_

The response took a bit longer this time. ' _No, but you're still in danger.'_

Seeing it written in ink made Emma's stomach sink.

' _Flip the page – it'll work like a regular notebook_ ,' Remus added

Emma flipped the page, her brow furrowed. ' _You've never explicitly said that I'm in danger before_ ,' she quickly scrawled.

_'Your life involves Greyback. That means you're always in danger.'_

_'Shouldn't you be teaching?'_ Emma wrote back as she glanced at the clock.

' _Pretending I'm adding to my notes while lecturing.'_

_'You're clearly a man of many talents.'_

_'I learned the multi-task very early in my Hogwarts years.'_

_'Do I even have to ask who forced you into having to learn how to multi-task?'_

_'Probably not.'_

Emma smiled. She had finally convinced Remus to start telling her stories of Sirius, and it was nice to hear the fondness in his voice. It gave her a small bit of joy whenever Remus would tell her something that sounded like something she would do. She dipped her quill back in her ink to write, _'Did you have something like this while you were in school?'_

_'Yes, we all did. Made our electives easier since we were all in different classes. I was afraid the charms wouldn't work since I haven't had a need to use it in years. One of my own creation.'_

Emma bit her lip. Of course, it was a charm he had created. ' _You created a lot of your own charms, didn't you?'_

_'I made a fair few, yes.'_

Should she bring up the map? Emma wanted to bring up the map, and she supposed it would be better to bring it up while she couldn't see him. She was curious and had a lot of questions about the enchanted parchment. ' _Must have been more than a few to make the Marauder's Map.'_

Emma could practically feel Remus's energy. Perhaps she really did, and she immediately gulped. Maybe she shouldn't have brought up the map at all.

' _How do you know about the map?'_

' _How come you didn't tell me about it?'_

_'The map was lost. There's absolutely no reason you should know about it unless Padfoot told you about it.'_

_'He didn't.'_

Emma received a string of question marks, and she immediately paled when she saw the next line. ' _I'm coming to get you at the bell.'_

 _Well, that's not good at all_ , Emma thought to herself, closing the notebook quietly. If Remus wrote to her again, she didn't want to know. Emma glanced up at the clock and gulped – she only had fifteen minutes of relative freedom before her father would show up. She knew that he wasn't just bluffing. At least it meant she wouldn't have to sit through the entire class.

Emma jumped when she felt a hand on her arm. She whipped her head around to shoot Remus a look as he crouched down next to her. "You seriously came down?"

"Yes," Remus whispered, glancing up to make sure no one noticed he was there. "Merlin, you weren't kidding," he added when he saw that no one noticed him. "Is it always like this?"

Emma nodded, taking a look around herself. "Yes," Emma whispered back, watching as Remus packed her things. "It's always terribly quiet."

Remus snatched the notebook off Emma's desk, added it to her bag, and slung the strap over his shoulder. He jerked his head towards the door. "No one will even know that you're gone. Binns isn't even looking up, and he won't for a while. Come on," Remus said, grabbing Emma's hand and pulling her out of the classroom.

"I honestly cannot believe I have been sprung out of class by my father," Emma said in amusement as the door closed behind them. "And didn't even say a word about it."

Remus immediately whirled around to look at her. "How do you know about the map?"

"You seriously pulled me out of class to ask me about the map?"

"Yes, because I never told you about it, and you didn't hear it from Sirius. I don't understand how you would know about it."

Emma couldn't stop her smirk. "Because I've seen it," Emma said smugly, jabbing her finger into Remus's chest. "And you have failed to tell me about your legacy!"

"Y-you've seen the map? How have you seen the map?"

"Not telling."

"Emma Hope Lupin, how have you seen the map."

"You know, the idea of having my name changed was much more enjoyable when you didn't use it all the bloody time."

"Perhaps you shouldn't do things that make me feel the need to use your full name then," Remus said pointedly. "Now, how have you seen the map?"

"Because I know who had it last. And I know they nicked it from Filch's office."

Remus pursed his lips. "That would be why I didn't find anything in his office then," he muttered. "Who has it, then?"

"Someone else."

"Someone other than the person who had it last?" Remus asked, studying Emma closely as she nodded. "Is it you?"

"No, but I wish it was," Emma said wistfully. "If I had the map, I would never be in my room. Dad, the thing is impressive, and I can't believe you never told me about it!"

"Because the last thing you needed was any more brilliant ideas. You're a troublemaker on your own, and you certainly don't need my help. It's already bad enough that you are a terrifying combination of Padfoot and me. You just admitted that you wouldn't stay in your room if you had the map."

"So you finally admit that you were a troublemaker yourself?" Emma asked with a grin.

"I suppose I might have caused some mischief…"

"Aha! That's why you clear the map saying, 'Mischief managed.' It all makes sense," Emma said as if a great mystery had just been solved.

"You've got to be bloody kidding me. You've really seen the bloody map," Remus said, almost breathlessly. He straightened up, crossing his arms over his chest. "And now you're going to tell me who has it. If the wrong person has it –"

"Relax, the right person has it," Emma huffed. "The legacy has been passed on."

"But to who?"

"Think about it for a bit, I think you'll figure it out."

The aggravation on Remus's face slowly softened. "Prongs would be proud," he said quietly. "But it doesn't change the fact that if the wrong person gets ahold of it, it can be dangerous."

"It's not as though Padfoot would be the problem," Emma said, dropping her voice as students started to walk down the hall.

The expression on Remus's face was grave. "He's not, but others are," he said. "The last thing I need is for someone else to know exactly where you or Harry are at all times. If Wormtail is in the dorm, then he knows how to use it, too."

Emma hadn't thought of it that way, never even thought of what it could mean for Harry to have the map. She was sure that Peter wasn't the only one Remus was worried about, but Peter was a direct threat. "I have to get the map back," Emma said quietly. "If I can get the map, then that means –"

"Possibly. It could possibly help Padfoot," Remus said, not wanting to get Emma's hopes up. He grimaced at the sound of the warning bell. "Come on, I've got your favorite class this period. We're working on dueling today, and I think you'll have fun. If you'd like to participate, maybe I can even pair you up with George."

Remus grinned as Emma's face turned bright red. He would never get over teasing her over her crush on George. If her crush on George helped her overcome her fear of flying, then perhaps it would help her learn how to duel. Remus worried she would near the skill far sooner rather than later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	53. Quidditch Therapy

"Children, please make sure that you are consulting your books as you begin to learn the art of Palmistry!" Trelawney said almost dreamily as she swept through the classroom.

Emma glared at Trelawney's back as she departed the table she sat at with Persephone. "How much trouble do you think I can get in if I jinxed her?" Emma whispered to Persephone out of the corner of her mouth.

"Remus will actually murder you," Persephone said dryly. "Just because she said you have broken life lines, it's not a _bad_ thing."

"If she wasn't too busy telling Harry he was going to die every class, I feel that I would have been her victim," Emma muttered as she watched Trelawney make her way over to Harry's table. "Do we take bets on how he dies this time? I'm thinking that he gets attacked by Mrs. Norris. She hasn't done an animal-related death in a while."

"Mrs. Norris? Really?"

"You never know," Emma said sagely. She was looking forward to History of Magic to use her notebook again. Emma wanted to try and use it while in Divination, but she didn't want to explain to Persephone why she was "taking notes."

The moment the bell rang, Emma more than gladly make the too long walk down to the first floor for History. She hoped that playing Quidditch would make the walk much less exhaustive. Emma practically flung herself into her new seat at the back of the room, pulling out her things. Emma pulled out her things with a sneaky little grin, taking the time to put out her notebooks. She set out her quill and ink and flipped open her notebook to the next page.

' _Divination was miserable,_ ' Emma scrawled out. ' _Apparently, my life lines are broken, and my hands have decided my troubled fate. But I also get married somewhere between 25 and 30, so at least I make it that long. Better start making wedding plans for me now, Dad. Wedding bells are on the horizon.'_

It took a few minutes for Emma to get a response, and she could practically see the look on Remus's face and hear his exasperated sigh. ' _Why don't you let me fill out the form so you can drop the class?_ '

Emma thought about it for a moment, and a slight scowl crossed her face as she wrote down her answer. ' _Because Trelawney said, "Around Easter, one of our number will leave us forever," and I don't want to be that person._ '

' _You are aware that there are weeks until Easter, yes? I also didn't know that you believed in Divination._ '

' _I don't, but that doesn't mean I want to prove her point.'_ Emma tapped her quill on the desk for a moment before adding, _'Am I supposed to ask you a question again?_ '

' _No, but I want to add a few more charms to the notebook._ '

' _More charms?_ '

' _I want to make sure that you can clear the notebook. I don't want others to be able to read it if it gets misplaced._ '

' _So I can also have my "Mischief Managed?"_ '

Remus drew a smiley face in response, and Emma found herself grinning back. She thought about her response back when she had an idea. ' _Is there a charm that'll notify when either of us has written in the book?'_

It took a few moments for Remus to respond. ' _We could make one._ '

' _Really?_ '

' _Really. It would be a shame for you to not learn how to make your own charms. I think Padfoot would be disappointed if I didn't teach you how to make some spells of your own._ '

Emma scrawled out a quick smiley face. This was the best gift Remus ever could have given her. She frowned slightly as the warning bell went off. ' _Which class do you have again?'_

 _'Your favorite class again. Did you want me to come bail you out to see your boyfriend?_ '

' _George is not my boyfriend!_ '

' _Could have had me fooled with the eyes you were making at each other._ '

Emma suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. ' _We were not making eyes at each other._ ' Emma made sure to add multiple lines under her sentence.

' _You absolutely were. It was a wonder George even participated in class. I'm just wondering how long it'll be before I have to have a talk with him._ '

' _Never because he doesn't like me like that!_ '

' _I'm just going to thank Merlin for small favors. If you don't need me to save you from the drudgery of Binns, I'm actually going to teach today. You saw how dangerous the twins are with dueling, and I need to keep an eye on George and make sure he doesn't get any funny ideas._ '

This time Emma rolled her eyes. What did everyone see that Emma wasn't with George? He was the quieter of the twins, and he didn't treat her any differently. Did he? ' _Speaking of George,'_ Emma wrote, _'we haven't talked about the twins helping me practice for tryouts next week._ '

' _Come visit me at lunch, and we'll talk about it. I have office hours today – don't forget._ '

' _Fine, I guess I'll pay attention today. Love you - please don't torture George._ '

' _Rwy'n dy garu di fy nghariad. I make no guarantees. See you at lunch.'_

Emma was surprised that History of Magic actually went fast. She wasn't surprised when Charms went by just as quickly. Emma practically skipped to the Defense classroom and up to Remus's office.

"Give me the book," Remus said, holding his hand out and not looking up from the papers on his desk.

"Really?" Emma huffed, reaching into her bag and handing Remus the notebook. "That's how you're going to greet me? No, 'Hello, sweetheart, how has your day been so far?' or even, 'Wow, I wonder what good looking person you are going to marry,' or my personal favorite, 'At least you make it to 25.'"

Remus finally looked up at Emma with a blank stare. "Emma, you are going to live a very long and happy life and live to be at least a hundred and forty."

Emma wrinkled her nose. " _At least_ a hundred and forty? Is that even possible?"

"Of course, it is," Remus said. "Dumbledore is…" he trailed off, his forehead wrinkling in thought. "I don't know how old he actually is, but it's possible."

"Magic is bloody weird," Emma said, sinking down into the chair armchair by the fire. "What's for lunch?"

"What would you like?"

"I think I just want a sandwich," Emma said with a sigh. "Just a normal, boring sandwich."

"That's made with magic?" Remus asked with a smirk.

Emma shot Remus a glare. "Daddy, please stop," she said, watching as Remus stared at the notebook for a moment before tucking it in his desk.

"I think it would be best if I _don't_ tell you the charm I'm using yet," Remus said with a grin. "Now, what about practicing for Quidditch?"

"Fred and George said they would help me practice for tryouts next week. It's already Thursday, which leaves me not a lot of time," Emma said, sitting up straight and staring at Remus expectantly. "I need to practice and learn what I'm actually supposed to do."

Remus rubbed his chin in thought. "Well, I'll be starting Harry's Patronus lessons tonight at seven. If the twins are willing to help you practice, you can go out after dinner," he said with a slight shrug. "As long as you're back in by eight, I suppose it should be all right. The only night you can't go out is tomorrow."

"Right," Emma said, rubbing the back of her neck. "Back by eight."

"You are incredibly nervous," he said.

"What was your first indication?"

"You'll be fine. Cedric wouldn't have bothered mentioning you trying out if he didn't think you had potential," Remus said, his lips twitching slightly. "Besides, George is going to be there to help you practice."

"Dad!" Emma said, her face turning bright red.

"Oh, Merlin, you _really_ like him. I don't ever think you blushed this much around Draco or Persephone."

"And I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," Emma insisted, shooting up from her chair. "Forget it, I am having lunch in the Great Hall."

"Ah, not so fast, young lady," Remus said, standing up and crossing over to Emma just to kiss the top of her head. "Now you may go."

"You are so annoying," Emma said with a grin.

"Not the first time you've told me that, and certainly won't be the last," Remus said. "If I don't see you before you get back tonight, have fun." Remus sat back down slowly at his desk. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do," he added with a wink.

"Oh, Merlin," Emma muttered under her breath. "I'm not very sure I should be listening to _your_ advice, Mr. Moony."

Remus didn't comment, only smirking and waving Emma off. Emma found her father incredibly annoying.

Stepping on the Quidditch pitch after dinner seemed daunting with just Fred and George, but Emma went. The air was much warmer within the confines of the field, and though it was cold, she knew she would get warm while up in the air. She stood awkwardly, broom in hand, as she waited for the twins to retrieve a Quaffle to practice with. Feeling silly just standing around, Emma decided it would be better to at least fly around. With a quiet sigh, Emma mounted her broom and decided to take a few laps around the pitch.

For a moment, Emma could imagine herself actually playing in a game. She knew it wouldn't happen since she would only be on reserve, but it was fun to pretend. Emma took a loop near the goalposts, imagining herself throwing the Quaffle through the hoops and scoring. She flew past the stands and shook her head when she found a furry face watching her. With a grin, Emma flew towards Padfoot.

"Come to watch me make a fool of myself trying to practice?" Emma asked, reaching out to scratch behind Padfoot's ears as he put his front paws up on the ledge. She snorted at his yip and sighed. "I was upset that you disappeared on Christmas. So was Dad."

Padfoot tilted his head, his ears flattening with a whine.

"It's fine, but please don't leave next time?" Emma said. "Have the cloak and blanket helped? I promise I'll try and get back out to get you some real food."

Padfoot sat back down, and Emma frowned slightly at his reaction. It wasn't until she heard Fred's voice that she understood why he ducked down to hide.

"Oi, Lupin!" Fred called out. "Get back down here!"

Emma gave Padfoot a nervous smile and flew back down to join the twins on the ground. "So, how are we doing this?" Emma asked.

"Well, Freddie and I are Beaters, so we don't normally play as Chasers, but we've seen enough practices to know what to do," George said brightly from his broom. "We thought we could run through some of Cedric's tactics that we've seen him use."

"It's important to know how to work with everyone, but since you're just practicing, we'll all play as Chasers. We can see how you handle the other positions another day. Best to cover all of your bases as reserve, and a better advantage for tryouts next year," Fred said as he got onto his broom. "Sound good?"

"Sounds good," Emma said, catching the Quaffle as George tossed it over to her.

"All right, let's go," George said, shooting up into the sky. Emma took a deep breath and followed – she could do this.

Running through actual tactics was a lot more work than Emma thought. The lights of pitch turned on the moment the sky grew dark. Emma wasn't entirely sure how long they had been playing. Still, she felt accomplished and confident when they finally sank back to the ground.

Emma dismounted and collapsed onto the Quidditch pitch from her exhaustion. The cold ground covered in light snow felt nice against her warm body. If she wasn't afraid of freezing, she thought she could stay there all night. She had no doubt that she would be sleeping very well, her body aching in a good way. Emma was proud of how well she could throw the Quaffle, but she had to work on catching it. At least half of their practice was spent with her fumbling the ball, but the twins felt that she could get better with enough practice. Emma certainly hoped so.

She started laughing as Fred and George joined her on the ground; Fred on her left, George on her right.

"Bit of a day, eh?" Fred asked.

"Bit of a day," Emma agreed. "Is it always this difficult?"

"Nah," George said. "It'll be hard for you in the beginning, but Cedric's pretty fair with his practices."

"You really think I'll make it on the team at all? I know it's only for reserve, but I dunno. They've been playing together all year."

"I think you'll be fine," George said. "The try out is honestly a formality. I think Cedric was already planning on putting you on reserve. You're not half bad. Just have to get all the formalities out of the way and see how you work with the rest of the team. It's Smith you have to worry about."

"Zacharias? Oh, Merlin, he's annoying. Didn't even realize he was on the team."

"Annoying is putting it nicely. He's also on reserve. I'm hoping that if Cedric puts you on the team, he'll kick Smith out."

Emma snorted and stared up at the sky. She greatly underestimated how quick her body would cool off on the ground, and their breaths were coming out in rising smoke. The sky was clear, and all of the stars were out, and even though she had to strain to see them through the lights of the pitch, Emma knew they were beautiful.

The lights suddenly went off, and the sky instantly became that much more beautiful.

"All right," Fred said, sitting up. "I'm taking a shower and heading back in."

George was quiet for a moment. "I think I'm going to stay out here for a few minutes longer," George said quietly. "What about you, Em?"

Emma felt her heart begin to race. "Er, y-yeah, I'll stay out here a bit longer," she said, refusing to turn her head to look at George. Why did George make her so nervous?

Silence filled the air, giving way to only the sounds of their breathing. The Quidditch pitch was quiet, the snow muffling all other noises that could possibly surround them. Not even the breeze could touch them where they were. The cold air held a sudden gentle warmth, and it left Emma slightly nervous as her body started to cool down further. It made George's arm touching hers only that much warmer.

"The, uhm, the stars are beautiful tonight," George said, clearing his throat.

"T-they are," Emma said, feeling her entire body suddenly grow hot. Why couldn't her body keep to one temperature?

What followed after her nervous comment was a terribly awkward silence. Emma had no idea what to do other than keep her eyes fixated on the stars overhead. "Uhm, I really liked the jumper your mum made me. Meant to tell you that earlier," Emma said, needing to break the silence. "Did she know I was in Hufflepuff?"

"Oh," George said with a nervous chuckle. "I, uh, I might have told her once or twice."

 _Once or twice_ , Emma noted. That meant he had told his mum about her. Well, that made sense, she figured. How else would her jumper have been the perfect shade of Hufflepuff yellow? "Right," Emma said stupidly. "Makes sense."

"Right," George said. "You know, you really are a good flyer."

Emma laughed. "I don't feel like I am."

"You can at least stay on. I'd say that's pretty good."

"Oh, yes, my flying skills can be reduced to me being able to stay on the bloody thing."

"You were terrified of falling off before," George pointed out with a laugh of his own.

"I was," Emma admitted. "To be fair, the school brooms are absolutely terrifying. At least now that I have my own, it's not so bad."

"Did Professor Lupin buy it for you?"

"No," Emma said quietly. "He never would've been able to buy it for me," she said with a sigh. "My grandfather, actually."

George nodded in understanding. "Same with us back home. It's hard when there's so many of us, but mum and dad do their best," George said quietly, his expression shifting slightly as he got lost in thought. "Oh, your grandfather works at the Ministry, right? I think my dad's talked about him before. I know I've heard Lupin come up before in conversation with mum."

Emma frowned slightly. "Hopefully, it was nothing bad," she said, thinking about the conversation she had heard at Christmas. That was another one of the things that Emma still needed to ask Remus about. She wanted to know the actual story about Greyback, but she was almost too afraid to ask.

"My dad could never say anything bad about anyone, even if they deserved it," George said.

"He, uhm, he works in the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures," Emma said. _Rather ironic_ , she thought to herself. "Spirit division."

"Oh, yeah, dad's definitely brought him up before," George said after a moment. "Dad went out during the summer because some ghosts were trying to make a home in some rubbish bins out near Liverpool. Cedric's dad works in the same department, but I think he works in the Being division. I'm not sure, though."

"I didn't realize Cedric's dad worked with my grandpa. I think I remember Grandpa telling me about the rubbish bins," Emma laughed. "I thought it was rather silly that they decided on rubbish bins. They could go absolutely anywhere as ghosts but chose the rubbish bins instead."

"Absolutely mad, yeah?"

"Absolutely mad," Emma agreed. "What department does your dad work in if he worked with my grandfather?"

"He's in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, but he works in the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts division," George replied, looking over at Emma with a sheepish grin.

"That's an actual department?" Emma asked. "Had absolutely no idea."

"My dad's absolutely obsessed with Muggles," George sighed.

"He likes Muggles then?"

"Loves them. If it's Muggle, he loves it. He finds it all fascinating."

Emma hummed to herself, knowing how George's dad had to feel. "I can understand that. I still find magic fascinating," she admitted. "Some days, I still can't believe that this is my life. Would it sound stupid to say that sometimes I'm afraid that I'm going to wake up and none of this is going to be real?"

"I don't think it's stupid at all," George said.

Emma held her thumb and index finger together and concentrated hard. She snorted at George's face when blue flames appeared between her fingers. "Bit of a party trick dad taught me," Emma said, letting the fire disappear. "I was real popular at the last dorm party with that one."

"I'm impressed. That was non-verbal _and_ wandless," George said in awe.

"It's easy once you figure out how to do it the first time," Emma said. "I think that might be the most impressive thing I can do. Haven't quite mastered any other spells wandless or non-verbal."

"Wasn't Professor Lupin teaching you to make a Patronus, too?"

"Oh," Emma said, biting her lip. "He was. I can cast one now."

"A corporeal Patronus?"

Emma nodded. "Took weeks to get it, though. We worked on it almost every night since the first Quidditch match."

"Still, that's advanced magic," George said. "I think you might be better than Hermione!"

"No one is better than Hermione," Emma said with a sigh.

George looked at Emma as if she was mental. "But you can cast a _Patronus_ at fourteen," he said. "I don't think you understand how big of a deal that actually is."

"I just think Dad's a really good teacher," Emma admitted.

"He is an excellent teacher," George said earnestly. "Although it's frustrating because Fred and I still can't prank him. Every time we try, he already knows."

Emma's laugh echoed through the pitch. "Yes, well, I'm learning he's terribly tricky," she said. "You have to be at least a good ten steps ahead of him to get away with anything."

"And you still won't help?"

"It's not that I won't help, it's that I genuinely don't know _how_ to even prank him. He's too smart, and it's utterly terrifying."

It was George's turn to laugh. "I can only imagine," he said with a slight sigh. In no time at all, Emma felt the energy around them suddenly shift. "Oi, Em?"

"Yeah?" Emma asked, cursing herself for the tremble of her voice.

George turned on his side, propping himself up on his elbow, and Emma looked at him curiously.

"I've been thinking about some things."

"Things? Such as?"

"Erm, well," George cleared his throat, looking nervous. "I was wondering if you were with anyone?"

"Like…a boyfriend?"

"Yeah."

Emma's lips parted slightly in surprise. Was George asking her because he _liked_ her? Was her father teasing her because he knew? It seemed too good to be true. "No. Thought maybe…" Emma trailed off with a slight frown. "It doesn't matter," she said. "It never would have worked anyway."

"If it wouldn't work out, a-are you interested in anyone else?"

It was embarrassing how quickly her eyes shot to George's lips before she met his eyes. "I might be," she said quietly. "Uhm, you?"

"I might be," George said, his eyes flicking down to Emma's lips, his cheeks flushing. He started to bend his head down towards hers, their breaths starting to intermingle.

George was so close that Emma was sure that she could pinpoint the honey-colored flecks in his brown eyes if it were daylight. It almost made her wish that her vision could be a little clearer in the night. They were so close it was agonizing, but Emma couldn't bear to close the distance as much as she wanted to. Her heart was skipping beats and not at all acting like she felt it should.

She swallowed hard, hoping that the action would somehow still the anxious butterflies in her stomach. Unfortunately, it did the exact opposite as George dared to begin to close the final bits of space between them. Before their lips could touch, there was a sudden barking.

Emma and George immediately shot apart from each other, looking at each other with extremely wide eyes. Emma looked up at the sky, trying to use the moon to gauge what time it was. She let out a groan and looked at George. "Do you have a watch?" she asked, swallowing hard when he nodded. "What time is it?"

"It's nearly nine."

"Shit!" Emma shouted, scrambling up from the ground and grabbing her broom. "Dad said for me to be back _by eight_. Oh, Merlin's saggy tits." Emma looked at George apologetically. "I'm really, really sorry," she added before rushing off of the pitch.

Emma was only partially surprised when she heard the sound of paws in the snow as her furry shadow followed her. "I know you heard me say something about having to be back in by eight several times," Emma huffed at the dog that looked far too amused. He gave a happy yip, his tongue lolling out of his mouth as he ran beside Emma. She let out a groan as she looked at the broom clutched in her hand. If she had any thought at all, she could have flown back to the castle.

"Now I know why you and Dad got together," Emma said, glaring at the dog. "The both of you are terrible. I can't even imagine how terrible you are together because I get the very distinct feeling that you two are relentless." The answering bark told her that her assumption was very correct.

When Emma got too close to the castle, Padfoot stopped running. Emma shot him a glare over her shoulder and booked it into the castle. Merlin help her if Remus decided he was going to be mad.

Emma skidded to a halt, panting hard as she entered the Defense office. She stared with wide eyes at Remus sitting at his desk, reworking his lesson plans. He glanced up at the clock, gave Emma a quick once over, and his gaze met hers.

"It appears as though I need to get you a watch," he said, keeping Emma pinned with his stare. "I said to return by eight, did I not?"

"Yes," Emma said, tensing up and feeling her face heat up. Was she actually going to be in trouble this time? Remus didn't seem too annoyed, but his level tone made her worried.

Remus hummed and took a deep breath. "Did George kiss you, at least?"

"Oh, you've got to be bloody kidding me," Emma said, relaxing. She shot Remus a look before stalking off towards her room.

"Well, did he?" Remus shouted through the door. "If you were out there an hour longer than you were supposed to be, please tell me it was worth it."

"I refuse to answer that question!" Emma shouted over her shoulder. She could hear Remus begin to laugh, and she quickly closed her bedroom door. When his laughter only grew louder, she tossed her broom on her bed and ripped the door open to glare down the hallway into Remus's office. "It's not funny!" It was a little funny, but Emma would never admit it.

"I'm just trying to figure out if I need to have a talk with George!"

"You don't because he didn't kiss me because Padfoot started barking!" Emma said grumpily, closing her door again. Remus, momentarily stunned, burst into hysterical laughter, and Emma rolled her eyes. She leaned back against her door and allowed herself a slight smile. George almost kissed her. It gave Emma a small bit of hope that he liked her as much as she liked him.

Even though things were strange, she hoped Remus's amusement over Sirius's antics meant that he wasn't as angry with Sirius as he was before. Maybe they could really be a family once Sirius was truly free again.

The first full week of the term was finally over, and Emma collapsed onto the couch in a heap after dinner to Remus's amusement.

"You all right?" he asked, the hint of a smile in his voice.

Emma lifted her face up from the couch cushion to shoot Remus a glare. "I forgot what it's like to have a full week of classes," Emma grumbled. "There's a party in the dorms tonight to celebrate."

Remus's lips twitched slightly. "Is that your slightly subtle way of asking for my permission to go after we're done with Dr. Wheeler tonight?"

"Ugh, I forgot about that already," Emma said, pressing her face back into the cushion to whine for a moment. She looked back up at Remus with a pout. "Do we _have_ to?"

"Yes, love," Remus said gently. "We agreed to drop all of the other requirements for the year already. This is the one none of us are quite willing to drop."

"And let me guess – if I try to fight it further, you're going to tell me that I need it?"

"You know me too well," Remus smiled. "You can go to the party after. Absolutely no drinking."

Emma sat up, perking up slightly. "And if somewhere were to offer me a bit of erm, something interesting, would _that_ be all right?"

Remus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "There's a strain that one of the sixth year boys that made that's relaxing without the high. Get ahold of that, and I'll approve."

"Really?" Emma asked in surprise.

"Really," Remus said with a smile at Emma's stunned expression. A Phoenix feather suddenly appeared in front of him, and he sighed. "Ah, that means Dr. Wheeler is here," he said, plucking the feather out of the air as he stood. "Let me go get her and see where she would like to meet. I'll come back to get you."

Emma nodded, reluctantly standing up and smoothing out her skirt. "I suppose I should get changed," she muttered.

"Here," Remus said, giving Emma the feather. "For your collection. Go get changed – it'll be all right, I promise."

It felt like ages before Remus returned, and Emma was pacing the living room anxiously. It wasn't until Remus gave her a look that she realized that she was doing exactly what he did when he was stressed. Emma let out a quiet huff and promptly sat down on the couch, shoulder slumped. She took a look over at Remus just as Dr. Wheeler stepped into the room.

"Hello again, Emma," Dr. Wheeler said with a smile.

"Er, hi," Emma said, straightening up and casting Remus a nervous glance.

"Remus, is it all right if you come back in an hour? I think I want to spend a little extra time with Emma," Dr. Wheeler said, turning to Remus.

"Of course," Remus said, giving Emma an encouraging smile. "I'll be back. I have to have a quick meeting with Professor Dumbledore, so the extra time will be perfect."

"Perfect," Dr. Wheeler said, waving Remus off to Emma's absolute horror. "Is it all right if we meet here? Your father said that there are a few different rooms that we can use," Dr. Wheeler said, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch. "I just felt you might be more comfortable somewhere familiar."

Emma swallowed hard and then let out a huffed-out laugh. She had been worried about this appointment every time she remembered it, but perhaps it wouldn't be so bad again. She had already had one meeting with Dr. Wheeler, even if it wasn't in-depth.

"You were right," Emma said quietly. "This is my favorite place to be in the entire castle."

"Wonderful," Dr. Wheeler said. "How have things been since we last met?"

"Hmm, they've been all right," Emma said. "Bit of a rough start over Christmas, but nothing that wasn't manageable, I don't think."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Emma hesitated slightly, not entirely sure how much Dr. Wheeler actually knew. Emma knew that she knew _of_ werewolves because Greyback had been a conversation topic, but did she know about Remus? Did she know about Emma's odd status? Dr. Wheeler quickly picked up on Emma's hesitation and gave her a soft smile.

"I already know that your father is a werewolf and that you might be as well. You can talk about it with me. In fact, I recommend that we do since that's life-changing. I can only imagine how many thoughts you have about it since the process is so delayed for you." Dr. Wheeler leaned towards Emma. "You can talk to me about anything, and I won't find it strange. Just one of the perks of having me work with you," she added with a wink.

"Oh," Emma said quietly. That was unexpected to hear, but it made sense. That would be another reason why Elara would have suggested Dr. Wheeler in the first place. "And it…it doesn't bother you?"

"My job as a medical professional is to help people who need help – if they want it. I'm not here to judge. It's not as though he's a werewolf every day of the month."

Emma felt Dr. Wheeler had a point, even if the concept of being a werewolf was overly complicated. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly so she could regroup her thoughts.

"Well, honestly, I've already come to terms with it," Emma said. "I think I have, at least. I'm scared, sure, but I think a part of me always felt that it would happen regardless."

"And why is that?"

"Well, because of Greyback," Emma said quietly. "I think he's always had a plan for me, and he's the sort of person where what he wants, he gets. It's obvious from all the books I've read."

"Elara gave me some literature on the matter so that I could understand," Dr. Wheeler said. "And you worry about that?"

Emma tilted her head from side to side. "Yes and no? Yes, because I don't think anyone can stop him, no, because I'm aware of it. I think if I didn't know what he wanted, it would be more worrisome."

"And you feel like he won't be stopped?"

"I feel like he _can't_ be stopped."

Dr. Wheeler nodded slowly. "And what makes you feel that way?"

"Well, no one has been able to stop Greyback before. Why now? What would make me so special? It didn't help my father, so it won't help me either. Even just with my classmates, I've heard what people say about werewolves. They're as bad as Muggle-borns in the magical community. Obviously, I don't care as I might as well have been, but…"

"Do you worry about what people might say about you if they knew?"

"All the time," Emma admitted. It was the first time Emma had noticed that Dr. Wheeler wasn't writing anything down. She had Emma's folder sitting next to her, but she wasn't touching it at all. Emma sighed, surprised at how easily she could talk to the woman as if there was some compulsion.

Maybe the woman was actually magical and never received her letter for Hogwarts. Was she a Squib with hidden powers? Perhaps not – she wouldn't be a Squib, then. Emma found she had many questions all of a sudden, but she shook her head to clear her thoughts. She was getting far too distracted too quickly.

"I worry about my father, I worry about…what could happen to him if people found out. The laws are archaic and have never been touched except to make penalties much worse. And that's not even including the situation with me, but I worry more for him than for me."

"And that's why you're considering a career in law?"

"Law, potion making, possibly a Healer like Elara," Emma said with a slight grin. She wondered if Elara would ever let her shadow her while at St. Mungo's to see what it's actually like. "I'm not really sure what I'd like to do exactly, not yet. I don't really fancy myself at the Ministry, but if I can help other werewolves, I'd like to be able to do it. It's not really fair, considering how many of them don't ask to be what they are."

"I think that's wonderful. And you have the resources to educate yourself?"

"I work with the matron of the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey fairly often. Of course, I have Elara. I'm taking extra potions lessons with Professor Snape, just to…all of this stays private, yes?"

Dr. Wheeler chuckled. "Yes, this stays private unless I feel the need to share with your father. I'll let you know if anything comes up that I feel needs to be shared."

"Right," Emma said, letting out a breath. "I'm learning how to make the Wolfsbane Potion with Professor Snape just so I can start to help Dad. It'll help me, too, but I'm really doing it for him. He doesn't know that I'm doing it. As for law…I suppose I could ask my grandfather. Although two of my friends have parents at the Ministry, maybe I could ask them, too."

"It sounds as though you've put a lot of thought into what you want to do."

Emma nodded. "I have. I know I've got another four years until I graduate, but it's nice to have an idea of what I'd like to do. Elara and I have talked about it a lot. Dad isn't entirely sold on the idea because he knows that people will be…"

"Rather rude?"

"That's putting it nicely," Emma said. "Do you…do you mind if I grab something really fast?" Emma asked with a sheepish grin.

"Not at all, go get what you need."

Emma grinned, shooting up from the couch and rushing to her room to grab Boris and Bee. Bee had quickly become part of Emma's comfort routine, and she snuggled both stuffed animals close to her as she sat back down on the couch.

"Ah, is that Boris?" Dr. Wheeler asked kindly.

"This is Boris," Emma said fondly, burying her nose into the top of the bear's head.

"And I see we have a new friend?"

"Sort of," Emma said, looking at the wolf. "This is Bee. Er, Bee 2.0, rather. I had a Bee when I was much smaller, and I don't quite know what happened to him. So, now I have a new Bee, and I'm pleased to have him."

"Well, that's wonderful," Dr. Wheeler said. "Now that you're more comfortable, how about we talk a little more about some of the things we talked about when we first met?"

Emma sighed, knowing that Dr. Wheeler wanted to jump right into things. Pulling Boris and Bee a little closer, Emma gave a tentative nod. It was best to get it over with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	54. Dropping the Ball

Halfway through the week, Emma realized with horror that her Quidditch tryout was taking place after the Ravenclaw and Slytherin match. Even with practicing with the twins, Emma didn't feel at all prepared. By Saturday morning, she was positively green, and she could barely eat a thing at breakfast.

"Emma! Are you ready to watch the match today?" George sat down on one side of her with Fred on the other at breakfast, beaming. His smile was plastered on his face until he took a good look at her. "You all right?" George asked, looking over her head at his brother.

"Yeah, 'm fine," Emma said shakily, trying to force herself to eat. Remus had attempted to make her feel better by having her favorite toast sent up from the kitchens, but it didn't do much.

"Nervous?" Fred asked, grimacing slightly.

"A bit," Emma said, looking down the table at Cedric. "I just wish it wasn't going to be right after the match. What if people are going to watch?"

"Oh, they're going to watch," Fred said, shouting as George reached around Emma to punch his arm.

"Oi, she's already nervous as is!" George said, shooting Fred a look. He placed a hand on Emma's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "It'll be fine, you really don't have to worry about a thing! At least you can get the Quaffle through the post, I think that's pretty good."

"And you can stay on your broom!" Fred added, trying to be helpful.

"All fine and good, but if people are _watching,_ I don't know how I'll actually do," Emma huffed.

"Emma, you do know that if you play on the team, people are going to be watching you, right?"

"I _know,_ Fred!" Emma said, folding her arms on the table and putting her head down. "At least then they're watching me because I'm on the team and not because I'm terrible!"

"You're not terrible."

Emma lifted her head up to look at Cedric, who had pulled himself out of the conversation he was in to join hers. "I'm terrible, Cedric, you can admit it," Emma said.

"You're not terrible. You're a bit rough, but that makes sense if you haven't really played Quidditch before," Cedric said with a smile. "Believe me, I wouldn't have suggested you trying out if I didn't think you could be decent enough at it."

"Decent enough doesn't mean good!"

"Don't listen to her, Cedric," George said, gently pulling Emma into his side and patting her head. "She's good, even if she doesn't think she is."

"How long have you had her out?" Cedric asked curiously.

"Two hours every night except for last night. We did almost four on Sunday, so she'll be all right."

"Oh," Cedric said with an amused grin on his face. "Emma, you're worrying for no reason at all. It'll be fine." Without a second glance, Cedric went right back to his conversation. It didn't make Emma feel any better.

Emma was so nervous that she couldn't even enjoy the Quidditch match, even with George on one side of her and Persephone on the other. She had never realized how dirty the Slytherins played, and the Ravenclaws were _really_ good. Emma wasn't sure who to focus on – the Slytherins and their sneaky tactics, or the Ravenclaws who were genuinely skilled. She couldn't deny that the Slytherin team was good, but Ravenclaw was better, if just barely. Slytherin narrowly beat out Ravenclaw, and it was only from Draco catching the snitch, putting them only 10 points ahead.

The match went far too quickly for Emma's liking, and the stadium was clearing out too slowly. The Gryffindors were heading in, most of the Ravenclaws left, but a fair amount of Slytherins and Hufflepuffs were sticking around. Emma was grateful to find that Remus had joined the other professors to head back to the castle. She wasn't sure that she could handle him watching how terrible she was.

"You ready?" George asked when he realized that Emma wasn't moving from her seat.

"No," Emma sighed, "but I guess I'm going to have to be, yeah?"

"You'll be fine," George grinned. "Want a hug for good luck?"

Emma looked over at Persephone, who gave her a knowing grin before finding a new place. "I, uhm," Emma rubbed the back of her neck and then nodded. "Yeah, I suppose that would be nice."

The moment the words left Emma's mouth, George had her enveloped in a tight hug. The hug ended as quick as it started. "Now, go – I'll be watching," George said with a wink, leaving to go find his brother.

"Oh, good," Emma muttered under her breath, feeling her face heat up. She took another quick look around the stands and frowned, seeing that Draco had emerged from the locker room to watch. That wasn't at all what Emma wanted.

Grumbling to herself, Emma made her way down the stairs to the grounds and took a deep breath. She didn't particularly want to make her way to the changing room, and she tried to come up with every possible way to get out of trying out. Unfortunately, Emma couldn't come up with any ideas. As she made her way to join the other girls on the team, Emma heard Cedric calling out for her.

"Oi, Lupin, I've got a uniform for you," Cedric said, stopping Emma at the entrance of the changing room.

"Isn't there one in the changing room for me?" Emma asked.

"This is a _special_ one," he said with a smile.

"A special one?"

Cedric nodded, his smile widening. "Professor Sprout and I were doing some searching to see if there would be any uniforms that would fit you since you're so small," Cedric explained, looking at the folded uniform in his hands. He handed Emma everything except for the Quidditch robe. He unfolded it slowly, turning it around so Emma could see the back.

"Professor Sprout said that this was your mum's," Cedric said. "I didn't know that she played as a Chaser. She was small like you."

Emma's tears were near immediate as she took the robe from Cedric. She stared at the yellow robe, and her last name already emblazoned on the back over a large number six. It was unexpected but welcome.

"Y-yeah, she was small," Emma managed to choke out, wiping her tears off on her sleeve and taking the garment from Cedric. "She played for a few years." She took a shaky breath and gave Cedric a tight one-armed hug. "Thank you for this."

Cedric smiled, returning her hug gladly. "All right, go get yourself ready. I'm putting you through the paces today. No holding back even if you are Professor Lupin's daughter," he said.

Emma couldn't help the laugh that burst forth. "Right, no special treatment for me," she said, pulling away and stepping into the changing room. She could do this.

Three pairs of eyes looked up and over at Emma, and she froze. She had seen the girls in the common room before, but to her embarrassment, she didn't know their names. There was a tall brown-haired girl, a short brown-haired girl, and another girl around her size but with black hair. The shorter girls Emma was sure were second years, but the tall girl she wasn't sure about. It appeared they were just as curious about her as she was of them, but none of them seemed willing to break the silence.

"I see you're one of us already," said the taller brown-haired girl, finally ending the awkward silence. Emma looked at the girl curiously, and then noticed she was looking at the robes in her hand with a grin. "We were wondering who Cedric was having join us today. He insisted on keeping us in the dark – wasn't expecting to see Professor Lupin's daughter joining us. I've seen you in the common room. I'm Tamsin, by the way."

"Hi," Emma said, shaking Tamsin's hand as the girl held her hand out. Emma looked over at the shorter brown-haired girl. "Heidi, yeah? You're friends with Caspian."

"Caspian's such a little git," Heidi laughed. "That would be me. And the angry looking one is Maxine."

"Oi, I'm not angry looking," Maxine said, shooting Heidi a glare. "Don't listen to her. She thinks because she's the youngest, she can get away with anything."

"Heidi and I are two of the Chasers for the team," Tamsin explained. "Don't let Heidi fool you, she's a second year like Maxine, and they like to argue over who's actually older. They're like twins, but not really. They have the same birthday and were apparently born within minutes of each other in two separate hospitals. It gets annoying really quickly. Maxine is one of our Beaters."

"Who else is on the team again?" Emma asked, starting to get changed. She already found the three girls interesting, and she would have to start talking to more of her housemates. "I'll admit that I haven't, er, really paid attention much."

"Anthony is our second Beater, Herbert is our Keeper, and Malcolm is the third Chaser. Obviously, you know that Cedric is our seeker."

"I know Malcolm," Emma said thoughtfully.

"Caspian?" Heidi asked brightly.

"Caspian," Emma said with a laugh.

"Then Michael is one of our reserve Beaters, and Zacharias is one of the reserve Chasers, but he can play as Seeker," Tamsin said, filling out the line-up.

Emma nodded, slightly overwhelmed as she continued changing. This was completely new territory for her. She had briefly played football while in primary, but this was _different_. It had been at least five years since she had played a sport on a real team. These were people who had gotten used to each other already, and Emma was just showing up out of nowhere.

Still, they were welcoming and didn't treat her any differently. She supposed that was partly what it meant to be a Hufflepuffs. It was part of what their house was known for – forging friendships despite the odds. Hufflepuff wasn't all hard-work and loyalty; it was about being welcoming and not making everyone feel important. Perhaps she did spend too much time with the Slytherins…

"Oh, Merlin," Emma muttered, looking at the arm guards sitting on the bench in front of her. "How do these go on? George Weasley helped me put these on last time."

Heidi laughed, picking them up. "Put your arms out, mate," Heidi said, showing Emma the easiest way to put the guards on. "They're a bit tricky to put on yourself the first few times, but I think you'll figure it out pretty quick."

"You make it sound as though I'll be practicing with you lot after this," Emma said sheepishly.

"Never say never, Lupin!" Tamsin said.

Emma made her way to the locked brooms and tapped her wand against the lock. She was worried that the lock wouldn't open, and almost hoped that it wouldn't, but the door popped open for her. With a sigh, Emma reached in to grab her broom

"Oooh, you're the Nimbus? We were wondering who got a new broom," Maxine said in awe. "Better than my Cleansweep, that's for sure."

"Yeah, but the entire Slytherin team has the Nimbus 2001," Tamsin said with a scoff.

"So? It's _fast_ ," Maxine pointed out.

"Max has a point," Heidi said to Tamsin.

Tamsin rolled her eyes. "All right, fine – she gets a pass for being Lupin's, but only this time," Tamsin said, flicking Heidi's forehead. "Everyone dressed? Lupin, you've got your guards on correct? All right, let's head out."

There were still far too many people in the stands. Emma wondered if the Weasley twins were responsible for how many people were there to watch the Hufflepuff practice. Even worse – what if people only stayed because she was a professor's daughter and wanted to see how she played? Emma wouldn't be surprised if that was the case, especially since Draco was sitting right at the front of the stands. She could see the slight curl of his lips when he saw what broom she had and could see the gears in his brain turning. Draco knew very well her father never would have been able to afford the broom by himself even with the drastic price-cut from the Firebolt's release.

The girls joined the small circle of boys, and Tamsin introduced the rest of the team. The boys were sizing Emma up, clearly wondering if she would be any good at all.

"Well, she could play as Seeker for Cedric," Malcolm said, his eyes narrowed slightly as he studied Emma. "With the Nimbus, she'll be extra quick."

"Yeah, but Cedric said she would be playing as Chaser," Anthony said.

"Yes, but look at how _small_ she is. She'd probably be better than Cedric!"

"How long have you been playing Quidditch, Lupin?" Michael asked curiously.

"Er, not long at all," Emma said with a grimace. She forced herself to keep from looking up into the stands, but it was hard to ignore Luna and her eagle hat.

"Oh, Merlin, she's going to kill herself," Zacharias scoffed.

"You lot haven't even seen her play yet," Cedric said, joining the others with a grin and a wink over at Emma. Emma grinned back, but she was sure it looked pained.

"Right then, team, let's get this started. Em, we're going to run through today like a normal practice, but I'll keep switching up who you're playing with," Cedric said. "We'll keep the plays basic to start. You remember them, yeah?"

"Yeah, I remember," Emma said with a nod.

"Excellent. All right team, let's head on up."

It was much different playing with the actual Hufflepuff team members, and Emma found it challenging to keep up. Her concentration was continually broken by the jeers of Draco and his friends, but the twins were determined to change that. Each time Draco and his friends would start to shout, the twins would yell out something encouraging. Even Luna joined in with her fascinating advice of watching for Nargles and something about invisible fairies. While the encouraging words were nice, Emma was starting to get frustrated with herself. She was dropping the Quaffle far more than she thought she would, and it was souring her mood.

Cedric flew up next to her with a wide grin. "Relax," he said. "You're doing fine. Just ignore them."

"Easier said than done," Emma muttered, glaring over at Draco.

"Believe it or not, it's much easier to tune everyone out at the matches," Cedric said. "The stadium isn't full, so everything is amplified. Just focus on the twins and er…even Luna with her funny hat."

Emma looked over at Luna, grinning as the girl waved back at her frantically. "Go, Emma!" Luna shouted, her hat flapping wildly on her head, making Emma immediately start to giggle.

"Is her hat _flapping_?" Cedric asked in amusement.

"It is," Emma laughed. "It's brilliant, although I'm afraid it's about to fly off of her head."

"I'm a bit worried about that," Cedric said. "You all right now?"

"Yeah, I'm all right," Emma said, flying off to join the others.

Cedric was making sure to run Emma through every possible play he could think of. She was grateful that the twins knew most of them and taught her, but there were a few she wasn't sure of. The rest of the team was incredibly helpful. Emma reminded herself that this was meant to be a regular practice for the others. Even though she was trying out for the team and it was difficult for her, it wasn't supposed to be stressful. With that in mind, Emma allowed herself to relax a little.

Something had changed near the end of the practice. Emma wasn't sure if it was the fact she was finally letting herself have fun or if Herbert was getting tired of guarding the posts, but she scored a goal. Her friends' cheers were loud even in the empty stadium, and Herbert stared at her in surprise.

"Merlin, she's done it!" he shouted, flying out from the posts to give Emma a thump on the back. "Knew you could do it, Lupin! Now try and get a few more on me."

It seemed that Emma scoring a goal led the Slytherins, except for Persephone, to leaving. The rest of the practice was a breeze, and Emma was enjoying herself. By the time practice ended, Emma had made two more goals. It wasn't as many as the rest of the team, but she was proud of herself.

Setting her feet back on the ground felt nice. She was exhausted and ready for a well-needed nap and shower, but there was still one thing left to do – she had to find out Cedric's verdict.

Emma felt ridiculous, standing off to the side with her broom anxiously awaiting to hear what the verdict was. The entire team was huddled together in discussion, occasionally looking over their shoulders at her. It wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't watched by whoever stayed in the stands. She felt that she did all right, but would it be good enough to be on reserve? Her confidence level had grown throughout the entire practice, but she had a shaky start. Still, she _did_ make three goals.

"Well, we've made our decision," Cedric said suddenly, turning around and looking very serious.

Emma gulped. There was no way that he would put her on the team.

"You're on the team."

_What?_

"You're taking the piss," Emma said breathlessly. She looked at the rest of the team, a smile crossing her face when she noticed the smiles on everyone else's face.

"You're a bit rough," Cedric acknowledged, "but Zacharias was much worse when he tried out."

"Oi!" Zacharias said, punching Cedric's arm.

Cedric laughed, rubbing his arm. "We'll start regular practices next week. I know you're unavailable on Friday nights, but you can definitely be at the practices on Saturdays and Sundays, yeah?"

"Yes," Emma said, still in shock. "Yeah, I – that's perfect."

"Excellent," Cedric beamed, holding his hand out for Emma to shake. "Welcome to the team, Em."

There were loud whoops from the stands, and Emma looked up to see Fred and George jumping up and down with excitement. Persephone looked delighted, and Luna was clapping in her usual fashion, her hat flapping even harder than before.

Emma practically skipped to the changing room to shower and change but stayed back as the other girls left. She sat down on a bench just to look at the robe sitting on her lap, tears in her eyes. It seemed silly to be so emotional over a piece of clothing, but this was something else that had belonged to her mother. Emma felt guilty that she stopped playing because she was pregnant with her. It almost felt like her mother was telling her everything was fine.

She finally gathered her things to head back inside. Emma wondered if there were any pictures of her mother wearing the uniform somewhere. She would have to ask.

"Well? How did it go?" Remus asked as Emma stepped into the office.

Emma leaned her broom against the wall and slowly pulled the Quidditch uniform out from behind her back with a sheepish grin. Remus looked at the yellow outfit in surprise before beaming proudly. He stood up from his desk, crossing the room quickly, and pulling Emma into a bear hug.

"I knew you could do it!" he said, picking her up and giving her a quick twirl. "I am so incredibly proud of you."

"Put me down!" Emma laughed. "I need to show you something."

Remus set Emma back down and gave Emma a curious look.

"Cedric and Professor Sprout had been looking through to see if they could find me a uniform that would fit," Emma said quietly as she turned the robe around to show Remus. "They wound up finding mum's to give me."

It took Remus a moment to find his words, just as stunned as Emma was when Cedric showed her. "She would be so incredibly proud of you," he finally said.

"You think so?"

"I'd like to think that she helped Cedric and Professor Sprout find it for you," Remus said. "Did you tell Padfoot, yet?"

"No, not yet. He wasn't there – he left when you did, so he doesn't know at all," Emma said, looking down at the robe in her hand. "I wanted to tell you first."

"How about we go tell him together? I think he'll be rather proud, too. We both always hoped you would play Quidditch, after all."

"We'll go together?" Emma asked in surprise.

Remus nodded. "I want to see how excited he gets," Remus admitted, walking back to his chair to grab his cloak. "Let's go tell him."

It seemed as though time was suddenly flying. With Emma's Patronus lessons over, Remus had moved into teaching Emma more spells. He wanted to build up her dueling skills and teaching her non-verbal magic. On top of her father's extra lessons, she was going out to visit Sirius in the forest more often, though he mostly remained as Padfoot. He was overjoyed that Emma made it onto the Hufflepuff team but didn't dare transform and instead ran circles around her. Emma felt that Remus was right in saying that Sirius still needed time. The added additions of Quidditch practice meant that she had even less time for herself, but she wouldn't change it for the world.

Elara, who had stopped by half-way through the week for her monthly checkup, was overjoyed by Emma's news. However, Elara had brought news of her own that left Remus annoyed.

"Remus, I really think she needs to see what a transformation is actually like," Elara said, crossing her arms over her chest. Her eyes scanned her most recent read-out. "The spread has slowed, but it's still high, and I think that's why she struggled so hard last month."

"There is absolutely no reason for her to see a transformation," Remus said, his tone icy.

"Remus, I don't know how many more times we have to have this conversation," Elara said in exasperation. "It's not like she would be watching you, she would be watching me, you git, and I think it's a good idea. She would be much better prepared."

"And if she doesn't wind up transforming?"

"Then at least she'll understand what every werewolf goes through. I think she's set on what she wants to do in life, better she sees it now rather than later."

"She's fourteen!"

"And you were four!"

Emma looked between her father and Elara, who appeared to have dropped the conversation to shoot dirty looks at each other. It was a very childish display and very odd for Emma to witness. Emma knew that her father and Elara were close, but she never expected to see such a sibling-like disagreement. "Er, am I allowed to have my say on this one?"

Elara shouted a vehement yes as Remus gave a sharp no. It only served to force them to glare at each other in annoyance.

"Right, well, now that you're both acting like children," Emma said, taking a deep breath as she looked over at her father. "I think Elara is right." Remus looked less than amused by Emma's agreement, though he didn't look surprised. "If…if there's any possibility at all, I want to know. And if I don't ever transform, well, at least I'll understand better. I know what I go through, but it's not the same experience."

With every bit of reluctance in the world, Emma and Elara managed to wear him down and they made plans for the upcoming full moon. Emma wasn't entirely sure how she felt about it.

At the end of the week, Emma found herself tugged into the alcove she used to frequent with Draco near the Defense classroom. She let out an aggravated shout as she was pulled behind the tapestry, and she glared at Draco, who had his hand firmly attached to her arm. "What do you want, Draco?" Emma asked with a slight snarl. "We're going to be late."

"I wanted to apologize," Draco said quietly, dropping Emma's arm and rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm sorry."

"You're _sorry_?" Emma asked slowly. "If you were sorry, you would have said something weeks ago. If you were sorry, you wouldn't have been a complete arse to me at the Hufflepuff practice!"

"I got scared," Draco said. "It was Fenrir Greyback. He's…he's a monster. And…and I needed to get your attention somehow. You haven't talked to me in weeks."

"Really? I had no idea that Greyback's a monster. News to me," Emma said sharply. "If you wanted to get my attention, you could have gone about it a different way, Draco. You didn't have to try and ruin my Quidditch try out like an absolute arse."

"I just thought…"

"Thought _what,_ Draco?"

Draco was quiet. "Let me take you out on the Hogsmeade trip next month to make up for things."

"Oh, you want to go out with me all of a sudden?"

"I want to apologize."

"Draco, taking me out to Hogsmeade is pointless. It's not as if we would be going out on a –"

"A date. Let me take you on a date."

Emma looked at Draco skeptically. "Why now? You were so ashamed of the idea of anyone knowing that we were snogging, and now you decide that you want to take me on a date?"

"Please, I need you to believe me. Let me make it up to you," Draco implored. "I want to go out with you. I know I don't deserve it, but I want to take you out. Please."

That left Emma in a conundrum. He _wanted_ to take her out? She had to force herself to keep from wrinkling her nose at the thought. She still wasn't over what happened after the incident in Hogsmeade with Greyback. Emma knew that Draco wouldn't have gone for help, but a part of her had been hopeful. The fact he had dropped her so quickly after the fact had stung horribly, but was it even worth caring anymore? Emma wasn't sure how to feel about the situation at all. She was still mad at him over that, and angry at his behavior while at the Hufflepuff practice. He had tried to talk to her several times, but Emma wasn't willing to give him the time of day. Still, he seemed earnest, but could she trust him?

She had _just_ started to get over Draco, but the selfish part of her said to just do it. It was only a date – he wasn't asking for much else. He didn't say it was a romantic date, they could just go as friends, but they barely even acted like friends in public. Meals in the Great Hall were often dripping with sarcasm and weak insults. However, when Emma could let herself look past Draco's bad parts, he wasn't that terrible. She felt that he was learning to not be so prejudiced in private.

However, he still portrayed a completely different person in public. Draco was ruled by his image, his father's expectations, and the need to be at the front of everything. By asking Emma out, did that mean he was willing to take steps to change things?

"All right," Emma agreed. "Fine."

"Really?" Draco asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, sure," Emma shrugged. "Why not?"

A rare smile crossed Draco's face. "All right," he said, straightening up. "I'll let you know more when it gets closer to the trip, yeah?"

"Sure," Emma said, watching as Draco left. She had either made the best or the worst decision of her life, but she wasn't sure which she had made.

 _What about George?_ Emma thought to herself as she pushed through the tapestry to continue her way to class. _He almost kissed you…but he hasn't tried since._

Emma ran her hands over her face, pausing just outside the classroom's door. What was she doing? All of the extra time she was spending with the twins made her realize that she enjoyed George's company more than she thought she would. He was funny, but he was sensitive. Fred was loud and boisterous, and George was the calm one. He had a way of soothing Emma's anxiety with his words, and she found that nice. As much as she liked George, maybe he didn't actually like her back if he hadn't tried to kiss her again.

A lot could happen in a few weeks, Emma decided. Just because she said yes to Draco, it didn't mean she actually had to go. If George didn't try to make another move, she would go on a date with Draco.

With a heavy sigh, Emma stepped into the classroom and tried to give Remus a smile as he looked up at her curiously. She was sure it came out as a pained grimace based off of his questioning look. Emma did not look forward to having to tell her father about her potential upcoming date with Draco.

The week before the full came even quicker, and it was hitting Emma harder than ever. Even though she had her initial dose of Wolfsbane the previous night, it didn't do much to help her. She woke up Monday morning with a migraine, and all she wanted to do was stay in bed. Even though Remus knew better, he still checked her temperature as if it would change things.

"Dad," Emma grumbled, burying her face in her pillow. "I appreciate your optimism, but I'm obviously not sick."

"Yes, well, I prefer that over the alternative," Remus sighed. "Why don't you stay in bed today?"

"No," Emma said, sitting up. "I can't. I've got to go to class. I've missed enough time the first term. I don't need to miss anymore."

Remus gently pushed Emma back down on her bed. "If you insist on getting through the day, then at least skip my class."

"Aren't you giving us an exam at the end of the week?"

"Yes, and I guarantee you know the information like the back of your hand," Remus said gently. "Just rest."

Though she didn't want to deal with Snape's comments, going to Potions was almost a relief. Her relief didn't last long when she discovered how difficult it was to work on the Wolfsbane Potion.

"Did you take the potion as instructed last night?" Snape asked half-way through brewing.

"Yes, of course," Emma said, taking her brief reprieve in her current step to rub her temples. "But it doesn't seem to have helped much at all."

"And have you taken anything else today?"

"No," Emma muttered, getting ready to move onto the next step, but Snape grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked over at Snape in confusion.

"Sit," he said. "You're in no condition to continue this."

Emma was about to protest, but the look Snape gave her kept her quiet. She begrudgingly made her way to her usual seat next to Mandy and watched sullenly as he continued her potion. As much as Emma wanted to finish it herself, he had a point. She could fall asleep right where she was sitting, and she would have if Mandy didn't start talking to her.

As Mandy talked, Emma couldn't help but wonder if she would ever be able to make the potion by herself. She didn't understand what was happening to her, or why things were much worse this time. Each month had been getting progressively worse, but this was more than she ever expected, and it was only the first day. How was she supposed to get through the rest of the week? How was she ever supposed to be able to help her father, help any other werewolf? It seemed impossible.

As the bell rang, Snape presented her with several vials of Wolfsbane. "Take them throughout the day as needed. I believe your brew was…satisfactory…although it would not have been made correctly if I didn't complete it. I believe that you require more than your usual dose, and that had led to your issues. I'll be writing to your Healer to discuss."

That wasn't at all what Emma wanted to hear, but she pocketed all of the vials except one. Emma still didn't like Snape knowing as much as he did, but she wasn't about to stick her nose up at a solution. She downed the potion in one swallow with a grimace and handed it back to Snape. "Thank you," she said reluctantly. At least it was a start, and the pounding of her head at least dulled to an ache.

She wasn't sure how often she was meant to take the potion, but she took another dose after lunch. As much as she hated leaving classes early, she received permission to leave Ancient Runes fifteen minutes early to head downstairs. Emma tried not to take advantage of her unique situation to get out of class, but she could admit her defeat. By leaving early, it meant Emma could at least wait for Remus, and they could go down to dinner together.

Rather than going immediately to the classroom, Emma decided to stop by the lavatory near the Ancient Runes classroom. At least she could have another dose of Wolfsbane and hopefully get through the rest of the night. The less people who saw her drinking it, the better, and she didn't want to wait too long.

She stepped into the lavatory with a heavy sigh. Thankfully it was blissfully empty, and she took a look at herself in the mirror. Emma frowned at herself – even with makeup, she still looked ill. That wasn't very good. How had her father managed to get through seven years of Hogwarts without the Wolfsbane potion? She was struggling with only a few months and _with_ the potion.

With another sigh, Emma reached into her pocket to pull out another vial. With a groan, she unstopped the vial, held it up as if in a toast to herself in the mirror, and downed the potion for the third time that day. The third dose appeared to do much more for her then than the first two did. If her numbers were correct, the fourth vial would mean she would have had at least a goblet's worth of the potion. Did that mean she would transform anyway?

Emma ran through her thoughts, trying to figure out the implications of having a full dose of Wolfsbane. There weren't many possibilities or reasons that Emma could come up with other than the inevitable. She gave herself another look in the mirror and immediately froze when she noticed something brown scurrying behind her. Was that who she thought it was?

With a gasp, Emma whirled around to look for herself. She had to blink several times to make sure that she wasn't imagining things. Did she have too much Wolfsbane? Was she hallucinating?

She rubbed her eyes hard as if that would clear her vision, but the rat didn't leave. It was staring right back at her. Emma did a quick once over of the rat, and a smile crossed her face when she noticed its missing toe. She had absolutely no doubt that this rat was Peter. Her rough day had suddenly taken a complete turn. Full of nervous and giddy excitement, Emma perked up and approached the rat slowly.

"Hi, Scabbers," Emma said, keeping her smile pasted on her face. "What are you doing here? You shouldn't be in the girl's loo, you silly thing."

Emma scooped the rat up into her hands as delicately as she could, though her hands were shaking. He was incredibly skinny, and Emma found disconcerting, but she reminded herself that this was a man, not a rat. Ron had mentioned that Scabbers had been ill, but his size had to be from anxiety over Sirius's escape from Azkaban. Every time Ron brought up his rat, Emma listened very carefully, wanting to get as much information as she could. If she was going to help Sirius at all, she needed as much information as she could.

"Let's get you back to Ron," Emma said sweetly as she walked back into the hallway. "We'll meet him at dinner. I bet Ron is missing you. I know he really loves you, even if you've been a bit off-color lately." She started to walk towards the stairs and made it seem like she was heading down to the Great Hall, but she planned to go straight to Remus. He would know what to do.

This was it; Emma was sure of it. She was going to be the one to help Sirius, and she was delighted. They could all be a family – her, Remus, Sirius, and Harry. Emma still wasn't sure how she felt about the idea of having a little brother, but she could be excited over the idea. It would probably be weird, but it would be fine. Where would they stay, though? The cottage wasn't big enough for all of them, and Emma wasn't sure she relished the idea of leaving. Did Sirius have a home for them to go to? Would they all find something new together?

It was becoming evident that the rat knew she wasn't going to the Great Hall. He started to get anxious, squeaking loudly the closer she got to the third floor. The moment she stepped off the stairs for the third floor to head to the Defense classroom, it started to squeal and squirm in her hands. Emma held on a little tighter, holding the rat up in front of her in aggravation.

"You are going to quit this nonsense and pay for what you did," Emma said to the rat with a snarl. "I am taking you to my dad, and we are ending this. You are partially to blame for how my life turned out." Her words seemed to make the rat freeze, his nose twitching almost angrily as they stared at each other.

Emma was so sure that things were going to work out until they didn't. She pulled one hand away to open the door to the Defense classroom in excitement. The rat bit her finger hard, forcing her to drop him, and he scurried away as fast as he could. She was so shocked that she couldn't even pull out her wand to stun him and instead held onto her hand where she was bitten. All she could do was watch helplessly as the rat ran off. Remus opened the door to the classroom, alerted by Emma's shout. Emma could only point in the direction of where the rat was still running.

Remus's face shifted from confusion and then to recognition. His brow furrowed as he did some very quick thinking. He leaned against the doorway as Peter fled around the corner, and he met Emma's gaze. He had no idea what to do either. There was nothing he could do without arousing too much suspicion.

"I had him," Emma said, her voice breaking with her disappointment. Her eyes filled with hot, angry tears. "I had…we were so close…"

"Sweetheart, don't cry," Remus said softly, brushing away Emma's tears as they fell. He sighed, pulling Emma into a tight hug. "There was nothing else you could have done. I'm impressed that you even got this far."

"The bastard bit me before I could get the door open," Emma sniffled. "I just…I wanted you to actually see him…We could have…"

"I know. You did everything perfectly. I don't know why I never realized that it was Peter before," Remus sighed. He pulled away from Emma, lifting her hand to inspect the damage. "Come on, there are only a few more minutes left of class. I'll let everyone leave early, and we can you fixed up."

Emma refused to move from where she was, glaring down the hallway where Peter had been.

"Sweetheart," Remus said softly, gently turning Emma's face to look at him, "don't worry about trying to take care of things yourself. You don't need to handle this on your own - let me take care of Peter. You had the right idea, but I don't need you getting hurt again. I'm not going to let him get away with any of this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	55. Transformations

Emma's mood remained sour the entire rest of the week. Between the crippling disappointment of nearly having Peter and the upcoming full moon, Emma was tired. Working on the Wolfsbane Potion with Snape had been practically pointless as she was struggling to focus. Snape's comments didn't help.

"For someone who came to me to learn this potion, I find it fascinating you can't even take the care to learn it correctly," Snape drawled. Emma ignored him and just did the best as she could.

She wasn't at all thrilled that Elara agreed that it would be better for Emma to have the potion at full strength. It was starting to sink in that she would be struggling for the rest of her life and added to her seemingly perpetual nausea. Perhaps it was a good thing that she still had to meet with Dr. Wheeler after the full.

The night of the full came far sooner than Emma wanted it to. To try and make Emma feel better, Elara arrived earlier and pulled Emma out of Remus's class early to go on a walk. Sometimes having your parent as a professor was a tremendous privilege to have.

"You're anxious," Elara noted as they walked along the fourth floor corridor.

"I'm starting to get scared," Emma corrected, giving Elara a wry smile. "I don't know how my dad did this. Or you – you both have a much better time of it."

Elara sighed, pulling Emma towards a bench and sitting down. "The problem is the nature of your condition is different. It's not so much that we handle it better, so much as it's actually worse for you. You know how we've been discussing your infection rate?"

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?" Emma asked, pulling her legs up onto the bench in front of her.

"Everything," Elara said, taking a look around. "When you're bitten by a werewolf, the process one goes through lasts until the new moon where everything tapers off. You still feel its effects a few months later, but it's nothing compared to the start. For you, you're feeling it stretched out every month because you lack the venom."

"So what is the point of me taking the potion in the first place? It feels like it doesn't even do anything for me anymore."

"It still keeps you all in your mind," Elara said gravely.

Emma looked at Elara in alarm. "Elara, what do you mean by that? It still keeps me all in my mind?"

"Remus is going to kill me for telling you this," Elara muttered, her eyes focusing on the floor in front of her. "Greyback knows more than even I do, but I believe he's trying to speed the process along. I've noticed that you, by nature, have a need to challenge things. He's using that very nature to try and bring out what you already have. You wouldn't need to take the full strength of the potion if you didn't."

"But what does that mean exactly?"

"It means that, though you're still not aware of her, you have a wolfish side. Your wolf wants to fight - _you_ want to fight. Specifically, both sides of you want to fight Greyback. The best way to describe it is it's like she's in a cage, and the closer we get to the full, the more she tries to break free. Greyback wants that side of you to break free to make sure he can keep control of you."

Emma's face twisted at the thought and at what Elara was suggesting. "Please don't tell me that he runs things like an actual wolf pack," Emma said. "Please don't tell me that he sees himself as an actual alpha."

"There's a reason why Greyback exclusively refers to his colony as packs," Elara said, meeting Emma's gaze.

"Brilliant," Emma said, her lips pressing tightly together. "So he's trying to pull my not-so imaginary wolf out of me. To fight him?"

"To make sure that you always remain submissive to him," Elara corrected. "A werewolf willing to challenge him is a dangerous werewolf. All it'll take is one person to overthrow him, and he'll lose everything he has. Of course, this all relies on him not considering you his equal like we initially thought. After all, alphas come in pairs in actual wolf packs. We just haven't decided what the most logical conclusion is."

Emma stared at Elara blankly, trying to understand what Elara wasn't saying. "You think that he…he's threatened by me?" Emma asked slowly. Elara only smiled in response, and Emma's mouth fell open. "I'm fourteen, and he's huge. You can't tell me that Greyback's threatened by _me_? It has to be that he could consider me his equal, as disturbing as that is."

"But there's also the issue that he might have had a lot of time with you growing up," Elara pointed out. "If he had any hand in raising you, then there's a strong possibility that he would have started teaching you things you would have learned in the packs. Your father sees it sometimes. Not bad things, but it's still concerning. He could very well have made you the perfect weapon against himself. By keeping you submissive, whether through convincing you to trust him or by forcing you to be, he ensures you won't challenge him."

Emma couldn't stop her giggling at the very idea. "You really think that's a possibility? Me actually challenging Greyback? And let me guess, dad's not thrilled by the idea?"

Elara nodded. "We do. We all do," she said, giving Emma a knowing grin. "Of course, your father hates the idea, and we're going to do everything he can to keep that from happening. If Greyback has any idea that you know…we don't want to know what he could do to you."

"But that doesn't mean he won't do anything," Emma said pointedly. "We already know that he wants to turn me."

"Well, if you don't transform by the end of the school year…we're just going to have to do everything we possibly can to keep him from getting to you."

"Not sure I really like this plan at all," Emma said quietly. "If it's even possible at all."

"None of us do," Elara said, glancing up at the ceiling just before the bell went off. "Huh…that would have made things a bit easier while I was here," she added, almost to herself. Elara looked at Emma with a sheepish look. "I could hear when the bell was about to go off," she explained. "It always took me forever to get packed up after class. Would have liked knowing when it was about to go off so I could have started getting ready beforehand."

"Oh, Merlin, were _you_ a swot, too?" Emma asked.

Elara stood up from the bench slowly. "Might have been, just a bit. Does that ruin my image of being cool?"

Emma snorted as she stood. "Maybe just a bit," she snickered. "Guess it's time to head back?"

"Time to head back," Elara agreed, looking wistfully at the students walking by. "Being here makes me miss taking classes. Things were so much simpler."

"I wish I could say the same thing," Emma muttered. "My time was simpler before I ever set foot in the castle."

"Emma, things aren't always going to be the way they are," Elara said gently. "I know that things are scary, but it'll get better. The symptoms won't be as strong anymore."

"How am I supposed to believe that, Elara? Everything seems so impossible, and when I can barely function around now..."

Elara took Emma's hand, pulling her towards the stairwell. "It's not impossible. And you won't always feel this way, I promise," Elara said. "And Em?"

"Yeah?"

"Call me Elle."

Their set up for the full wasn't as intricate as Emma thought it would be. Remus would transform in his room with a silencing charm set up, and Emma would stay in the living room with Elara. It gave her father his privacy, and Elara could get away with a blanket to cover herself up.

Emma was so used to Sirius transforming with his clothes that she didn't even consider the need to be completely nude. As uncomfortable as Emma felt, she was glad Elara suggested watching as she wasn't sure what to expect. There was a lot she didn't know, and she wanted to understand. After all, it could be her eventual fate, too.

"I feel like an absolute arse sitting here while you're on the floor," Emma said.

"It's more comfortable for me, honestly," Elara said, stretching an arm over her head and holding the blanket up with the other. "We've all got our rituals beforehand. I sit on the floor. I know your father paces."

"Not so much different from his every day, then," Emma said. "Did you two get together at the full while I was in school last year? Dad doesn't like to talk about it, so I try not to ask him."

"A few times, yeah," Elara replied. She turned her head towards the hallway, trying to listen for anything. "Merlin, I don't think I've met anyone who can cast a silencing charm I actually can't hear through," she said with a slight frown. "Makes it hard for me to figure out how annoyed he's getting with me."

"Probably very," Emma said, grimacing at the jolt of pain she felt.

"You all right?" Elara asked, nodding slightly in return at Emma's nod. "Gets worse the closer it gets to the moon rise?"

"A bit," Emma grimaced. "The worst of it is when I imagine the transformation would take place. Which I'm assuming is fairly soon."

"Soon, yeah. The worst part is the waiting," Elara said softly, adjusting the blanket around her body, scratching her head. "You get itchy, and you know it's coming, but you're still stuck waiting."

"Does it get easier?" Emma asked.

"Yes and no. Yes, because you know it's coming, no, because it still hurts," Elara said, stretching her legs out in front of her. "You know your father is absolutely furious with me over this. He never wanted you to see a transformation."

"He'll get over it," Emma shrugged. "I'm not particularly excited over it, but it's better than not knowing at all."

"Are you sure that you still want to watch?" Elara asked. "It's…not a pretty sounding thing. You can just go back into your room and wait."

"I have to know sometime, right?"

Elara studied Emma closely and then nodded. "I don't want your sympathy after this – remember that," Elara said. "I know that you're sensitive, but this is my reality, and this is your father's reality. There's a potential that it's your reality as well, just not yet. I'll allow you a single pity hug, and that's it."

"That's reassuring," Emma said, her eyebrows raising.

"It wasn't meant to be," Elara said through grit teeth.

A wave of pain shot through Emma the moment Elara leaned forward with a strangled noise. A strong part of her really wished she didn't decide to watch, feeling as though she was intruding on something incredibly personal. Emma had to continually remind herself as she watched that Elara was used to transforming with an audience – she never changed alone.

Emma couldn't figure out which part of the transformation was the worst. The audible cracks of Elara's bones breaking sent shivers down Emma's spine, but she couldn't look away. It was like watching an Animagus transformation in agonizingly slow motion. First, it was the breaking of bones, the audible snaps of muscles twisting and contorting, then fur sprouting as the rest of her body shifted. It was the shifting of Elara's face that was most startling to see.

Elara was far quieter through the process than Emma expected her to be. Emma was sure that she would be screaming, but she was silent, breathing hard through her pain. The only time she made a noise was when she was entirely in her furry form, whimpering as she settled down next to the fire.

Emma stared at Elara in mixed amazement and horror, momentarily distracted from her own pain. Elara's fur was as silvery as her hair, and she was beautiful to look at, her coat practically glittering in the firelight. Elara turned her head to look at Emma, curiosity etched into her eyes.

"Oh, shitting hell," Emma breathed out when words finally formed in her brain. With a huffed-out breath, Emma quickly wiped away the tears she didn't know had started falling. She jumped when she heard scratching at Remus's door, asking to be let out. Emma scrambled up from the couch to open the door. Just like the previous month, he hid, hesitant to come out. She waited for a few moments to see if he would come out, but all she had to work with was the slight reflection of his eyes. Did his eyes always reflect that way in the dark, or was that exclusive to his wolf form? She would have to pay more attention.

When Emma made her way back into the living room, Elara was sitting up, waiting for her to return. "Elle, am I allowed to give you that pity hug now?" Emma asked.

Instead of giving her a nod like Remus would, Elara walked up to Emma, giving her a curious sniff. She jumped up to stand on her back legs, settling her front paws on Emma's shoulders like Sirius did as Padfoot. Emma gave Elara a delicate hug, unsure of how much pain she could still be in.

"I have given far too many hugs like this in the past few months," Emma said with a sigh, letting Elara drop back down to the floor. She felt incredibly stupid at the second wave of pain she felt that nearly forced her knees to buckle. Elara made a quiet noise of concern, and Emma just gave her a weak smile in return.

She was making her slow walk back over to the couch when she felt fur underneath her hand. Emma felt that overwhelming sense of relief, and she sighed, looking at her father's familiar furry face.

"Took you long enough," Emma muttered, scratching behind one of Remus's ears. She got herself comfortable on the couch and closed her eyes, relishing at how _normal_ she felt. Was _this_ always going to have to be a thing at the full moon, or would this be a problem that eventually calmed down? Just like the previous month, Remus settled himself on the couch next to her. Elara laid down near Emma's feet, closing her eyes.

"Is it wrong that I find this…oddly normal?" Emma asked, absent-mindedly running a hand through Remus's fur. The look she received from her werewolf father told her that he felt it was. "Well, that's too bad then," she added, burying her face into the fur on his neck with a slight yawn.

Emma lifted her head just enough to look over at the clock, frowning when she saw it was only seven. After how long the day was and after watching Elara's transformation, she didn't care, and she settled in. Sleep came far easier than it had in months.

It was unfortunate that Emma was woken up to watch Elara's transformation back, this time by McGonagall. For a moment, Emma felt that she woke up in a strange zoo with two wolves and a tabby cat. It wasn't until her father slipped off the couch and back to his room that Emma remembered where she was. She was thoroughly impressed that McGonagall could cast spells while in her Animagus form, but her fascination was short-lived.

Elara's transformation back into a human seemed far worse than shifting into the wolf, and Emma cringed the entire time. Rather than being slow, it seemed like everything was sped up. Elara didn't hold back this time, and Emma was surprised at the sudden howl that left Elara's mouth.

"Oh, hell," Emma muttered, still half-asleep as she got up to cover Elara with a blanket. "It's worse transforming back?"

Elara turned to Emma, panting with a faint smile on her face as she wrapped the blanket around herself. Elara lifted a shaky hand to wipe at the tears that had sprung up. "It's even worse when you're not on the potion, and you're just coming back into your thoughts," Elara said, giving McGonagall an appreciative smile as she took a cup of tea from the woman's hands. "And before you ask – no, I don't need help. Just give me a few minutes," Elara added, turning back to Emma.

The morning moved slowly, which was perfect for Emma. She was struggling to put together her thoughts, unable to come up with anything other than fear. For the longest time, Emma thought she could handle the possibility of being a werewolf, but now it terrified her. Emma wasn't sure what she would do if she didn't wind up transforming by the end of things. It would only take one bite from Fenrir – or accidentally from Elara and Remus – and that would be it. Emma hated suffering the way she did every month, but at least she didn't go through the transformation.

After a very quiet breakfast, Elara left with McGonagall with the promise to talk to Emma about things soon. Emma knew that her father had the same mindset of not wanting to be pitied over his condition and felt suddenly out of place with just the two of them. When he settled himself on the couch and opened his arms in a wordless invitation to cuddle, Emma took it. She was grateful that he didn't comment when she couldn't stop herself from crying.

Between Quidditch, Remus's extra lessons, and homework, time continued to move quickly. Each new thing that Emma came across was a welcome distraction, and she threw herself into everything with more vigor than ever before. Her father was an excellent duelist and recognized that she needed something to distract herself with. Rather than insisting she take a break with their lessons, Remus increased their intensity. It seemed that Remus needed the distraction as well.

Emma felt that she would be able to match her father in dueling skills by the end of the year at the rate she was going. She didn't know the same number of spells he did, but at least she would be able to hold her own if needed.

Emma's need to be distracted translated over to Quidditch as well. If she didn't leave practice completely exhausted, Emma felt she didn't do enough. She was sure that her coping methods weren't exactly any healthier than the one she had been doing, but no one commented on it.

Time came to a grinding halt on the first Thursday of February. Emma woke up, feeling as though something was off. She never liked waking up feeling as though something was wrong when there was nothing obvious to explain why.

Even worse, Remus never looked so grave while reading the Daily Prophet. He barely looked up from the paper as Emma stepped out of her room. Emma couldn't understand what was in the Prophet that would make Remus look so bothered. "What is it?" Emma asked quietly. "Did something happen?"

"The Ministry has authorized the use of the Dementor's Kiss if they find Sirius," Remus answered quietly. "Dumbledore mentioned it to me last week that it could be a possibility, but…"

Emma stared at Remus blankly, not sure she heard him correctly. Her brain finally caught up with her mouth, and she took in a sharp breath. "They what?" She stared at Remus for another moment before rushing over to read the paper over his shoulder. "They can't do that!"

"They've already signed the paperwork," Remus said, rubbing his jaw as he set the paper down on the table.

"But he's innocent! They never even gave him a trial!"

"I know that – we know that – but until we have proof…"

Emma's stomach sank, and her breath hitched almost painfully. "We can't…we can't let that happen," she said through sharp breaths. "I need to be able to get to know him. We're all supposed to be…"

"I know, fy nghariad," Remus said softly, pulling Emma sideways onto his lap to hold her tight. "We can't lose hope, not yet. We need to keep level heads if we're going to help him."

"But if he –"

"He won't get caught," Remus said, pulling Emma as close as he possibly could. "He's gone this long without getting caught, and we're the only people here who know what he is."

Emma nodded with a sniffle. "Do we tell him?" she asked, staring at the paper sitting on the table.

Remus was quiet for a moment before kissing the top of her head. "Perhaps it's best if we don't. Not yet, at least."

Emma tried to stay optimistic throughout the day and believe that they could figure things out. She went through her classes, trying to ignore the news from the Prophet, but it seemed as though it was all anyone could talk about. The only time Sirius wasn't discussed was at Quidditch practice that night. Just like she'd been doing the entire week, Emma made sure to practice hard, so she didn't have to think. Emma wasn't sure how much more she could take before breaking down all over again.

Her optimism wasn't set to last as things took another sudden shift the next morning. Emma and Remus typically took breakfast in their quarters on Friday mornings, but they decided to head to the Great Hall. Emma was torn between sitting at the Slytherin and Gryffindor table but decided to sit with the Hufflepuffs instead. If anyone wanted to join her, they could come over and sit with her. She couldn't be bothered to try and make the decision of where to go.

Emma was talking to Cedric and Tamsin about that weekend's Quidditch match when an almost tearful Hermione sat down across from Emma.

"Er, you all right, Hermione?" Emma asked. Hermione never strayed from the Gryffindor table.

"No," Hermione sniffed, looking over her shoulder at Ron, who was giving her nasty looks. "Ronald thinks my cat's killed his rat."

"What was that?" Emma asked, not entirely believing what she heard. She was sure that she had to have misheard Hermione. It seemed impossible that Hermione would ever say such a thing, especially so soon after the news of the Dementor's Kiss being authorized.

"Ronald came down from dorm with his bedsheets and said that Crookshanks must have killed Scabbers," Hermione sniffed, her eyes filling with tears. "I don't think he did, but Ron found some of Crookshanks' hair."

Whatever Hermione said next, Emma wasn't sure. She looked over at Remus to see if he was listening, and he met her gaze, looking pale. Remus most definitely heard and had to be thinking the exact same thing she was – they lost their only chance at helping Sirius.

Just when Emma didn't think things could get any worse, the unthinkable happened – Sirius broke back into the castle. This time he made it into Gryffindor tower, and though Emma had no hand in the situation, she didn't feel any less guilty. She had been just getting up from the couch to get ready for bed when McGonagall started to bang hard on the door to their quarters.

"We need to do a thorough search of the castle again, Remus," McGonagall said the moment Remus opened the door. "Black made it all the way into the tower." Emma's panicked expression managed to catch McGonagall's attention. "All will be all right, Miss Lupin. We'll catch him."

Remus looked over at Emma with a slight frown and gave McGonagall a tight smile. "Where are we meeting?" Remus asked. "I just need to make sure Emma gets settled into bed and is safe."

McGonagall studied Remus for a moment, as if she were about to protest the arrangement, but nodded. "The main entrance just like last time," she said, glancing over Remus's shoulder at Emma. "Make sure that she's kept safe."

"Of course," Remus said shakily. "I'll be there in a moment."

Remus waited until McGonagall had left the classroom before turning back to Emma. "If he comes here, send your Patronus," Remus said quickly. "Do you remember how to have it find me?"

Emma nodded. "What if any of you find him?" she asked nervously. "Then what?"

"Hopefully, he would think to come here or have left," Remus said tightly. "He's getting desperate, which means he knows about the Dementors."

"We should have told him," Emma said quietly. "If we had just gone out and told him…"

"It doesn't mean he didn't hear it from someone else at the match today. Ron's been rather vocal about the situation," Remus said, putting his shoes on. Emma hummed quietly at the mention – she couldn't convince herself to go to the match, not even to watch George play. "I'm going to try and find him, and if I do, I'm sending him here. Leave the doors open just in case. I'm sure you won't be falling asleep now, but if you do, I'll make sure he wakes you up. Hide him and send your Patronus. Do you understand?"

Emma nodded, giving Remus a tight hug before settling herself back on the couch. She wasn't going to be able to sleep until either Sirius showed up or her father returned.

It was the longest night Emma had in a while, and it seemed to stretch on and on. Emma didn't even fight it when she started to pace, needing to get rid of her anxious energy. Day was just beginning to break over the horizon when Remus finally returned, looking exhausted.

"Anything?" Emma asked nervously, holding her breath until Remus shook his head.

"I'm guessing nothing for you, either?" Remus asked, running a hand through his hair when Emma shook her head in response. He sighed, holding Emma close when she practically launched herself into his arms. "I'm going to have to finally talk to him," he said quietly. "I'll give him a few days, but I think I know exactly where he would go."

"You do?" Emma asked. "Where? He wouldn't go back into the forest?"

"Not right now. He would go to the place I used to transform when we were students."

"And where was that?" Emma asked, looking up at Remus, her brow furrowed.

It took Remus a little longer to answer, and he cupped the back of her head to hold it gently against his chest. He wasn't sure that he could bear the look on her face when he finally answered her question.

"The Shrieking Shack."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	56. The Marauder's Map

Emma wasn't expecting her therapy session to be a group therapy session. At least not in the sense that both Remus and Elara were also present for it. She knew the conversation about the last full moon would come up, but she wasn't prepared to have it like this. Emma assumed that it would be a conversation with just her and Elara, not _everyone_. She was half expecting for McGonagall to walk in at any moment with Madame Pomfrey since they were knowledgeable on the subject.

She felt oddly exposed sitting between Remus and Elara with Dr. Wheeler staring at her from Remus's armchair, waiting patiently. Remus and Elara kept looking at each other over Emma's head, and it was starting to get annoying to her. None of them had said a word since the appointment technically started but trying to wait out the entire time was pointless. The entire two-hour block of time was devoted just to the one topic, and they were only a quarter of the way through their time. Emma felt the start of a growl as Remus and Elara looked at each other again, and she cleared her throat instead.

"You two might as well just say whatever you're going to say if you insist on having a silent conversation about me as if I'm not here," Emma finally snapped, crossing her arms over her chest with a huff.

"Emma," Remus said sharply, "don't act like this right now."

"Act like what?" Emma said, shooting Remus a glare as she pulled her legs up on the couch. "I really don't want to do this right now. I don't need to be here."

"Emma, you _do_ need to be here," Elara said, her voice much softer as she shot her own annoyed glare at Remus. "We're all here together because we _want_ you to talk about your condition."

"Well, I don't want to," Emma said, trying to make herself as small as possible.

"All right," Dr. Wheeler said, straightening up. "Why don't we switch gears for a moment and come back together in a half-hour. I would still like this time for you to be productive for you, Emma. How about we have your father and Elara leave for a little bit, and we can just talk. How does that sound?"

Emma looked over at Dr. Wheeler with a scowl. "I don't want to be here."

"Emma," Remus said, his tone much softer. "I really think –"

"I don't care what you think," Emma said, not caring that she sounded like a child. "I don't want to be here, and I don't want to do this."

"Emma –"

Emma couldn't bother to hear what Remus was about to say and went to her room, slamming the door shut. She threw herself into her bed, facing the wall, and wrapped her blanket tight around her body. Emma didn't care about having to do therapy, didn't care if she would get in trouble for leaving. She didn't want to talk about the possibility of being a full werewolf. She didn't want to talk about transformations, or how she struggled at every moon, or what people would say if they knew. She didn't want to have to be in therapy or feel as though she was any weirder than she was. Emma just wanted to be _normal_ , but normal didn't exist for her anymore.

For good measure, Emma twisted herself to grab her wand and cast a silencing charm. With a slight huff, Emma extinguished her jar of flames. She hoped that the lack of light in her room would keep them from coming in. She didn't want to be bothered.

Emma wasn't entirely sure how long she was given her blissful solitude, but she should have known it wouldn't last. She lifted her head from her pillow, glaring at the door as it started to open.

"Merlin, did your father teach you how to cast your silencing charm?" Elara's head popped around the corner of the door, giving Emma a sympathetic smile. She sighed when Emma only continued to scowl. "I'm coming in whether you want me to or not," Elara said, waving her wand towards Emma's lamp to turn the light on and closing the door behind her. She sat down on the edge of Emma's mattress. "What's going on, kid?"

"Nothing," Emma said, giving her wand a slight wave to check and make sure that the silencing charm was still set. "I didn't want to be bothered."

"I think it's something, kid," Elara said. "Spill."

"It's nothing, Elle," Emma huffed. "Now go away. I want to be alone."

Elara hummed thoughtfully. "I'll go away if you tell me what's wrong."

Emma looked over her shoulder at Elara for a moment, pulling her blanket tighter. When Emma continued to remain silent, Elara sighed, shifting herself onto Emma's bed and leaning against the headboard.

"Listen, kid, there is no sugarcoating it," Elara said softly, "and I would never do that to you because you're old enough to understand. Being a werewolf is fucking terrifying, and I know that. It's painful, and it's hard, and you don't always know what part is you, and what part is the wolf. I know that it feels like you're losing a part of yourself. Some days you think you've gone mental because you can't figure out who you are, but it's not the end of the world."

"You can't even say that, Elle," Emma said, flipping over to glare at Elara. "If any of us were to slip up at this point, everything changes. It _is_ the end of my world… If I don't wind up transforming because of Dad, I still have to worry about Fenrir. If I don't worry about him, then I worry about it being someone else. And now I have to worry about losing Sirius, too? I haven't even gotten a chance to know him, and now I might never get the chance?" Emma sat up to wipe away her tears. "And I am tired of crying all the bloody time over everything."

"You're actually scared now."

"Of course, I'm scared," Emma huffed. "I'm scared every second of every day. I don't have the same nightmares anymore, but that's only because I realized that my life _is_ the nightmare. I couldn't make any of this up if I tried."

Elara nodded in understanding. "Come here," Elara said softly, lifting her arm for Emma to slide under. She gave Emma a moment to get comfortable and hugged her tightly. "I know that you are scared, but you're not alone. You are never going to be alone through any of this. Do you think your father isn't scared? Do you think that I'm not scared?"

"I know you both are, but you're not _me_. You can't…you can't do everything for me. It's not as though you could go through a transformation for me. The two of you can't always be around to keep Greyback from me…"  
"No, but that doesn't mean it won't stop us from trying to prevent the things that we can," Elara said gently. "No one is ever going to deny that you were dealt an incredibly shit hand; that would be a huge disservice to you. But you don't need to take everything on by yourself."

"Dad told you about me almost having Peter?"

"Doesn't keep much from me, really – remember that," Elara said. "And I'm still finding it hard to believe, but that's the sort of thing I'm talking about."

"It wasn't like I _planned_ to find Peter. He just…showed up," Emma sighed.

"I know, but I know you would have gone to try and find him, wouldn't you?"

Emma couldn't reasonably deny Elara's claim, so she didn't. "Are they mad I walked out?" she asked instead.

"No," Elara said. "Your father's worried, of course, but Dr. Wheeler understands. Believe me, you're not the only person in the world who has walked out of therapy. You're not the first, and you certainly won't be the last."

"Do I have to go back out there?"

"Not if you don't want to."

"But won't they be mad?"

"Not at all," Elara said. "We just want you to be happy, kid, and if therapy wasn't making you happy tonight, there's always next week. Do you want me to finally leave you alone?"

Emma pulled away from Elara and laid back down. "Please?"

"You got it," Elara said, making her way to the door and giving Emma a slight smile. "Thanks for talking to me, Em." With a swish of her wand, Elara turned off the lights and left.

Emma tried to stay in her room as long as possible the next morning, just wanting to stay in bed. She was meant to meet Draco in Hogsmeade, but she no longer felt like it. Staying in her bed seemed like a far better idea.

She had just closed her eyes when she heard her door open, and her mattress dip as Remus sat down. "You know, it's pointless for me to have my door closed when people come in anyway," Emma said quietly, keeping her eyes closed.

"I thought you were going to meet Draco in Hogsmeade," Remus said.

"No," Emma muttered. "I don't want to go."

"You should at least tell him."

"What's the point? He never told me about that other girl. Just doing what he did to me."

Remus sighed, rubbing Emma's arm gently. "I have breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen."

"'M not hungry."

"Not even if it's your favorite breakfast?"

Emma turned over to frown at Remus. "That's not fair," Emma whispered.

"If it gets you to eat, I'm not opposed to not playing fair," Remus said with a smile. "Were you planning on going to Hogsmeade at all?"

"No," Emma said, sitting up slowly. "And no Quidditch practice today."

"Homework's all done?"

"Just have to get through yours, and I'm done."

"You always leave mine for last," Remus chuckled.

Emma gave a small shrug. "I figure if I need more time, you're the easiest one to ask."

"You are such a cheeky little thing – preying on your poor father's inability to tell you no."

"You said it, not me," Emma grinned.

"Tell you what – how about breakfast in bed for you? If you want to stay here all day, that's fine by me," Remus said, making his way out into the kitchen to grab Emma's breakfast. He was happy to return to see a much happier girl, and she gleefully took her plate from him, biting into a piece of toast right away. "I'll be working in the office if you need me."

It was approaching mid-afternoon when Emma finally left her room. She walked into the office, almost shyly with her sketchbook tucked under her arm and a pencil behind her ear.

"I was wondering if I would have company while I worked," Remus said lightly as he watched Emma move the armchair. She turned it around to face the fire and placed it next to the desk before sitting down.

"Got bored of being in my room," Emma said, pulling a leg up onto the chair and setting her sketchbook down on her lap.

"What are you planning on drawing? It's been a few weeks since I've seen you touch your sketchbook."

Emma pulled her pencil out from behind her ear. "The Grindylow. Again," she said quietly, flipping to the sketch she had started months ago. Emma stared at it for a moment before turning to a new page. She didn't need to be reminded of the last time she tried to draw the creature currently pressing its face to the glass. "Why do you still have the Grindylow anyway?" Emma asked after a while, looking up from the rough sketch she had made.

"Well, it's freezing out, and I can't let it out safely," Remus said, watching the Grindylow for a moment before giving Emma a mischievous grin. "Plus, I think it's funny."

Emma blinked slowly at her father. "You think it's _funny_?"

"I mean, look at it," Remus said, twisting in his seat to look at the odd-looking creature. "Its head makes absolutely no sense for its body. Its fingers are too long, and despite being its best weapon, it's incredibly easy to defeat." Remus looked at the Grindylow fondly. "Did you know that Merpeople treat them like dogs?"

"You are literally the only person in the world that could find that fascinating."

"What? You don't find it interesting that Merpeople keep Grindylows as pets?"

"No!"

"Well, why not?"

"Because it's…it's a _Grindylow_. And you're not…" Emma trailed off, scratching her head with her pencil, perplexed. "I know you like to take this whole dark creature thing to the extreme, but Daddy – I hate to be the one to tell you, but you're actually a human who doesn't live underwater."

Remus's lips twitched slightly into a smile as he turned back to the essays he was grading. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but I'd like to talk about last night."

"Oh," Emma said quietly. "I think I'm going to go back to drawing _your_ …not very pet-like pet, actually. I take absolutely no responsibility for this thing."

"That's fine because I was the one who planned to do the talking anyway. I just want you to listen to me."

"All right," Emma said reluctantly, slowly putting her pencil back on the page to continue drawing.

"I know there's nothing I can do to change things for you, and I'm sorry," he said earnestly. "I know that you're terrified – I'd be more concerned if you weren't. I have said it repeatedly that you are incredibly brave – far braver than I am. I truly mean that, but you don't need to be brave all the time. I was willing to let you throw yourself into things to be distracted, but you know that ignoring things isn't healthy. I prefer it over the alternative, yes, but I still want you to learn how to find that balance."

"But what if I can't find that balance?"

"You will," Remus said. "I just think you're getting a little too caught up in your head right now because you're scared."

"I just don't…I feel like such a burden sometimes. If it's one thing, it's another with me."

"Sweetheart, you will never be a burden to me. I think you still underestimate how much I absolutely adore you and how I wish that I could do more for you."

Emma fell silent for a moment, continuing her sketching, unsure of what to say. "Dad?"

"Yes, fy nghariad?"

"Will you tell me about how you and Sirius got together?" Emma asked, looking over at Remus curiously.

"I've never told you?" Remus asked, sounding surprised.

"No, you've only just started adding Sirius to the stories of your time here. Like, when did you know that you loved him?"

"Oh, I haven't thought about that in a very long time. I think I realized I fancied him when I was around your age, actually. But when I realized I loved him? Probably just before I turned seventeen."

"Oh, Merlin," Emma giggled, "did you two really wind up pining for each other the entire time you were here like mum said?"

"Well, yes and no, I suppose," Remus said, a slight flush creeping up his cheeks.

A knowing grin crossed Emma's face, and she began to giggle. "I won't ask for the details," she said. "It's nice to know you weren't a complete swot while you were here."

"I certainly had my fun..."

"Gross," Emma muttered.

"Pardon me, young lady, that was not the fun I was referring to. Dare I remind you that not much escapes me, my love? Don't think I'm unaware of you sneaking into the Slytherin dorms because you fancied yourself a snog with Draco."

Emma's face turned bright red, and she immediately turned back to her sketch of the Grindylow. She hoped that he didn't know about that, but apparently, her father chose not to bring it up instead. "How did you know you loved Sirius?"

"That's a bit more complicated," Remus said thoughtfully. "I don't know that there was a single defining moment so much as multiple smaller moments. We were always very close; it was hard not to be when they figured out what I was our second year. I think I can say that a part of me just always knew that I loved him. One of the reasons I realized I loved him is that I loved how he looked at me. He never looked at me with pity, not in later years, at least. He treated me like a normal person." Remus turned to Emma, giving her a soft smile. "I'm sure if you gave me time to really think about it, I could come up with a much better answer."

"I think that's enough for me to go off of - for now," Emma said, smiling back. Her expression grew slightly more serious as she thought about the question she was going to ask next. "Did you always know that you liked boys, too?"

"Not at all. I didn't..." Remus trailed off for a moment. "You know that your mother and I didn't really get to make friends growing up. Of course, we would get to go out and play, but we were never really exposed to children our age. Anything I knew about other boys came from books. They're a lot different than real life."

"I think I knew that I liked girls when I was younger," Emma said pensively, scratching her nose with her pencil. "I always found them pretty, but I didn't know that it could be okay to actually like them. Not until Persephone, at least."

"Does…does the idea of having two dads bother you?"

Emma gave Remus a funny look. "No, of course not. Our family's a bit funny as it is. I hardly think that having two dads is the weirdest part of it."

"What do you consider the weirdest part, then?"

"Having my parents be dogs," Emma deadpanned. "Makes the whole question of, 'Can we get a dog?' quite useless."

Remus looked over at Emma, his eyebrow slowly raising. "I'd say yes, but I'm afraid Padfoot gets a bit jealous and doesn't play well with others."

Emma turned her head away to hide her face and snorted into her shoulder. "A _bit_ jealous?"

"Oh, you have no idea."

"Tell me more about you and Sirius," Emma said, closing her sketchbook and placing it on Remus's desk. She pulled both of her legs up and curled up against the back of the chair to look at her father expectantly.

"Well, what do you want to know?" Remus asked.

"Anything," Emma whispered.

Emma liked the way her father told stories with Sirius in them. The stories he told were always special, but his tone of voice grew much softer, far fonder, with Sirius in them. The way Remus spoke about Sirius now versus months ago was a drastic change. Remus now spoke about Sirius in the same way he talked about her, full of love and a softness reserved only for the people he cared about. It was a big part of why Emma could never mind having two dads – at least her parents seemed to love each other. Even though it had been years since they had been together, it gave her hope

There was a lull at the end of Remus's story, and Emma couldn't stop her yawn, stretching her arms high over her head.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Remus chuckled, his eyes glittering, "does the story of Sirius and I bore you?"

"No," Emma said with a sleepy smile. "I just get sleepy when you tell me stories that I like. Keeps all the bad things away."

Remus opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Snape's disembodied voice coming from the fireplace.

"Lupin! I want a word!"

Emma stared at the fireplace, her jaw dropping. "What in the bloody hell was that? Did Snape die and become a ghost?"

"That was a very unwelcome Floo call from Snivellus," Remus sighed.

"Snivellus?"

"I'll just say that if I dare keep him waiting, that's exactly what he'll be," Remus said, kissing the top of Emma's head. "Stay put. I'll be back."

Emma watched as her father disappeared into the fireplace and shook her head. She would never get used to the Floo. Unsure of how long it would be for her father to come back, Emma curled up in the armchair like a cat. A nap sounded like a good idea.

"Sweetheart, wake up," Remus said softly, giving Emma a shake.

"Why," Emma whined. She was not amused by how often she kept getting woken up. "I was comfy."

"I know, I know, but I need you to look at what I have."

Emma begrudgingly opened her eyes and stared at the parchment that was held in front of her. For a long moment, she was confused as to why her father was holding a beat-up piece of parchment in front of her. And then suddenly, it clicked.

"The map? You got…how did you get the map back?" Emma sat up quickly and reached out for the parchment, but Remus pulled it back out of her reach.

"Well, Prongs would be proud to know that Harry was using it to get to Hogsmeade, but he got caught with it by Snape. Snape recognized our names but had no idea what it was," Remus said almost wistfully. "I insisted it was a Zonko product, and luckily Ron came in and said exactly that. So…I confiscated it."

"You confiscated it when Snape was the one who found Harry with it?"

"Well, I suppose it's not really confiscating it when it was mine at one point," Remus said with a shrug. "Do you want to go on an adventure?" Remus suddenly asked.

"An adventure? What sort of adventure?"

"No idea," Remus grinned. "But we've got the map. Suppose it's a bit hypocritical as I said Harry couldn't have it, but it's safer this way."

"You want to go on an adventure with me because you've got the map?"

"It's something that I never thought I would get to experience with a child of my own. It is a near non-existent opportunity that I'm being presented, and I would like to have that moment with you," Remus said, sounding far too excited. "I would send you off on your own, but I'm not quite sure I want to let you get into that much trouble. Not yet, at least."

"I think you've gone mental."

"Possibly," Remus said, his grin growing impossibly wider. "Tell you what – if you can get the map to reveal itself to you, then we're going on an adventure tonight. If not, then we can do whatever you want to do."

"Even if I asked you to paint my nails for me?"

Remus shrugged. "Not my favorite thing in the world to do because it smells absolutely awful, but I enjoy spending time with you, so I'd do it."

Emma eyed Remus skeptically and held her hand out for the map. "Fine then. Let's let the map decide."

Remus deposited the parchment in Emma's hand, and she stared at it stupidly. "How _are_ you supposed to get it to reveal itself?"

"There's a password. Same way as you clear it, but the password reveals it."

"Excellent explanation of how a password works, Dad," Emma snickered. "I imagine I need my wand? Could you get it for me?" Remus returned very quickly with Emma's wand, practically shoving it in her hand in his excitement. If Emma thought Remus was excited over giving her the two-way notebook, she was sorely mistaken. This was a very rare version of her father, and he looked younger than he actually was. She could almost picture Remus and Sirius wandering the halls of Hogwarts late at night with the map, wearing matching mischievous smiles.

"What am I supposed to do?" Emma asked, looking at the parchment sitting on her lap. "I know it's obviously not sentient because you're _right there_ , but you make it sound as though it… talks?"

"Because it does, in a way," Remus grinned. "A bit of all of us went into making it."

"A bit of…Daddy! Did you lot use _blood magic_?"

"Merlin, no!" Remus said quickly. "Although, Sirius considered the idea – tie it to the four of us, literally imbue the map with parts of us, but no. We all had a hand in making the charms and the creation of the map. Somewhere along the lines, it seemed to take on a mind of its own – our minds."

"All right, all right, can you at least tell me where to start?"

"Absolutely not – you have to figure it out on your own."

"Bloody hell," Emma muttered under her breath, pressing her wand to the parchment. " _Revelio_."

"Really? That's what you start with?" Remus asked, entirely too amused.

Emma frowned as writing appeared on the parchment. "Apparently, you haven't changed much, and your younger self agrees," Emma said, shooting Remus a look. "'Mr. Moony would like to compliment the current holder of this enchanted item on their abysmal attempt at gaining access to its contents.' Bit rude, yeah?" Emma only received a grin in response, and she looked back down at the map, rolling her eyes when she noticed more writing. "You lot were a bunch of gits."

"We were a bit sarcastic," Remus said, turning his head to look at what else was written. "Well, at least Prongs had a pleasant response."

"Oh, yes, because commenting that using _Revelio_ is something a first year would do is such high praise. Or, even better, I see that _Padfoot_ has already deemed me unworthy of the map for using such a spell."

"Well, at least Prongs didn't call you an ugly git."

"Please tell me that's what it said to Snape," Emma said, peering up at Remus with wide eyes.

"Might also have been mentioned that he has an abnormally large nose, as well."

"Dad, _please_ tell me that comment came from you. That had to have been you, yeah?"

Remus refused to answer Emma's question with a response and only smiled to her absolute delight.

"How did you lot even come up with the idea of the map?" Emma asked, still trying to figure out how best to get the password. "The charms needed to make this work alone…I was impressed when I saw it the first time. Was that your contribution?"

"I, er, I became unofficial map maker first year as Peter kept getting lost getting to class," Remus said. "James and Sirius found most of the hidden passages, and things went from there."

"And…you called yourselves the Marauders why, exactly?"

Remus's cheeks turned pink. "We were, in a sense, marauders," Remus said slowly.

"I'm going to have to ask Sirius, aren't I?" Emma asked in amusement.

"Yes, that would probably be best," Remus said hastily, clearing his throat.

Emma shook her head, finding the entire thing amusing. "What if I just asked the map to tell me how to gain access? What would it do?"

"Not sure," Remus said, though Emma wasn't entirely convinced that he didn't know.

"Oh, you're so annoying," Emma said, tapping her wand to the map. "How do I gain access to the map?"

It took longer for a response to appear, but four responses came quickly.

" _Mr. Padfoot finds it fascinating that the current holder of this item believes it to be a map. Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Padfoot and wonders if they are playing a silly game. Mr. Prongs would like to mention that he finds this entire situation fascinating. Mr. Moony would like to know whom they are speaking to."_

"This feels very odd," Emma said. "You're right here, but I can also talk to you _here_ on the map, it seems."

"You should have seen us testing it. The things it would say were hysterical," Remus said wistfully. "Some of the best nights of my life, really. Go on, tell it who you are."

"Merlin," Emma laughed. "I'm Emma Lupin."

_"Mr. Moony finds it strange that a Miss Emma Lupin is in possession of the map. Mr. Padfoot would like to know what Miss Lupin's relation to Remus Lupin is. Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony and Mr. Padfoot. Mr. Wormtail would very much like to know who Miss Lupin is."_

"Do I just say that I'm yours? Or should I say…"

"You're _ours_ – mine and Padfoot's," Remus corrected. "And I'm curious to see what it'll say."

Emma studied Remus for a moment before returning her attention to the map. "I'm Moony and Padfoot's daughter."

The responses took a little longer to appear this time. Perhaps even the map was surprised by her revelation. " _Mr. Prongs is wondering why Miss Lupin does not have her own nickname. Mr. Wormtail suggests that Mr. Moony and Mr. Padfoot get on that straight away. Mr. Moony is surprised to hear that he has a child at all and is sure a prank is being played. Mr. Padfoot hopes that Miss Lupin has Mr. Moony's eyes."_

Emma snorted, leaning against Remus as he put his arm around her. "At least that was one thing I always had, growing up," she said quietly, looking up at him sadly.

"Enough of that," Remus said softly. "Come on, you still haven't gotten into the map."

"I don't know that your younger selves believe that I'm me," Emma said, looking at the writing still on the map.

"Maybe you have to say something that'll prove who you are," Remus suggested. "We might have taken the time to consider the possibility of…of our children getting the map if something were to happen to us."

"Well, that's a bit dark."

"We…wanted to leave something behind. Of course, I never thought I would ever have you. It was one of the last things we decided to add. We knew that we were going to fight in the war, and we planned to keep it to give to the first Marauder child, but Peter lost it before the end of term to Filch. None of us had time to go back to get it, but we were glad that we did that much, at least. It meant that there was a possibility of someone getting the map if we survived."

Which meant the map was meant to be hers, Emma realized. She nodded, brushing her fingers over the map for a moment. There was a lot of history in the parchment in front of her, and it made her curious about the stories it held. She hoped that by Remus having the map, he would tell her more about the map's history.

"I would like to assure Mr. Padfoot that I do, indeed, have Mr. Moony's eyes. And Mr. Moony likes to insist that she has Mr. Padfoot's personality," Emma said to the map, smiling up at Remus when he chuckled. "And, if there's any doubt of who I am, I personally find it fascinating to have canines for parents."

"Only you," Remus said softly, giving her arm a squeeze.

"Says the man who insists on keeping a Grindylow for a pet," Emma said, waiting for something to appear on the map. She was a little disappointed to see that only one response appeared, but her disappointment quickly washed away when she read what it said.

_"Mr. Moony would like to welcome Miss Lupin as the newest Marauder and purveyor of magical mischief-making. On behalf of Mssrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, Mr. Moony kindly requests that Miss Lupin recite our oath and always remember to dutifully clear the map following every adventure with the words 'Mischief Managed.' If Miss Lupin agrees, she may recite the following words –"_

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	57. Birthday Pranks

Remus still hadn't gone to see Sirius, but having the map made him feel considerably less guilty over it. At least he could keep watch with the map if only to ease his worries. Emma was his first priority, his work second, and then Sirius. He hated seeing her regress, seeing the way she slowly started to close off again. Distractions served only as a way to stop what he was sure to be inevitable.

Emma's inability to successfully get Peter to him in time and the subsequent news that followed after had been a crushing blow to her spirit. Remus felt that her real decline arrived the night of the full moon, her fear potent and thick in the air. As strong as Emma was, he knew that her witnessing a transformation would scare her. Emma's sensitive and empathetic nature was a recipe for disaster, and Remus knew it wasn't a good idea. However, Emma made her decision, and he knew better than to fight her – she would never let him win, even if he was right. Her curiosity was one of the things he adored about his daughter, but he feared her need to know everything would be her eventual downfall.

He hadn't been at all surprised that she had fallen asleep so quickly after seeing what happened during the shift to the wolf. Everything about her was tense, nervous, and guilt plagued him because it would be entirely his fault. There were so many steps that could have been taken the year before to have prevented them from reaching where they were. If only he had known the truth, had realized how much Emma had been hurting… No Time-Turner would ever bring him back far enough to change their timeline – he had already tried to look into it.

Remus had wanted to put a pause on their late-night lessons, but when he saw the look in Emma's eyes, he changed his mind. For just a little while, he could give in and let her succumb to the distractions that she needed, just to forget.

Emma quickly took to dueling, her simmering emotions making her a quick learner and an even faster opponent. What she lacked in control and skill, she made up for in power. Her desire for distraction followed her everywhere she went and went into everything she did. Remus seemed to barely speak to her, her attention too focused elsewhere. She would come back from Quidditch practice exhausted, take a shower, and go straight to bed.

Their interactions were brief, mostly silent. Remus had taken to joining Emma on the couch to work rather than being in his office or armchair. Emma would do whatever it was she was doing for a few minutes before setting it aside so she could snuggle into his side. If there was one thing he could thank his lycanthropy for, it was the ease her emotions would settle. She practically melted into his side, momentarily soothed from her anxiety. It was no wonder young werewolves latched onto the first person who provided them such a simple comfort. It was far better than giving her medication or potions, despite Dr. Wheeler's recommendation.

The map had changed things exponentially. For a good week, Emma settled back into a healthier routine, and Remus was enjoying himself. The mischievous side of Emma with the map reminded him so much of Sirius. It reminded him of nights in the Gryffindor dorm planning their next adventure, something Emma eagerly tried to do every night. Remus felt terrible, knowing Harry should be partaking in their journeys, but he reminded himself it was better this way. He was an adult now, not a teenager, and he needed to be mostly responsible.

Remus argued that he was just supervising Emma's adventures with the map – ensuring it remained out of Peter's hands. It would have been a shame to not allow her the simple joy of exploring the hidden passageways of Hogwarts. If Emma wanted him to come along, who was he to turn down the opportunity?

The night before February's full moon, things took a sudden turn that had even left Remus overwhelmed. Emma had woken up one morning, mentioning that she felt stranger than usual, but that wasn't entirely out of the norm with the moon. She often woke up feeling off the week before the moon, and Remus thought nothing of it. It wasn't until he realized the surprising lack of her usual symptoms meant something else and that he started to piece things together. By the time Remus realized what would happen, he couldn't get ahold of Emma in time. He still held onto her two-way notebook, trying to work on the charms they wanted to add. He just had to hope that when Emma realized, classes were over so he could tell her.

It was fortunate that Emma's discovery had been made during his class. The actual moment she realized was not so lucky. He had witnessed the moment happening many times before and was finally prepared for it, but it still broke his heart.

Emma, apparently on a high from feeling much better than usual (though she didn't look it), was participating in his class excitedly. Their progression into darker creatures had been natural, and Emma was extremely knowledgeable. In her desperation to try and understand things, she had read those chapters weeks prior. It was precisely the sort of thing he had done when he was younger, wanting to learn more about other dark creatures. He had spent ages pouring over books, not only wanting to understand himself but what exactly made up a "dark creature." Emma could rattle off just about any known fact straight from her book and add to it from what she researched independently. Remus could safely say that Emma far surpassed Hermione in his class.

She was in the middle of a very animated response to his question on Lethifolds when she just _stopped_. Emma froze as if she had been petrified, before pulling her book close and flipping back to look at something. As if it were a compulsion, Emma's right hand flew to the scar on her left wrist – the one inflicted by Greyback. Emma had finally become aware of the other half of her existence.

It was a jarring experience the first time the wolf introduced itself, or one became aware that they weren't alone in their mind any longer. For a freshly turned werewolf, it happened within weeks; for Emma and her condition, it took months. Remus supposed he should be grateful that it took so long, but he knew how confusing it would be. He often felt that it was one of the more significant reasons why werewolves were so angry during their first transformations. A person's mind was always meant to be the safest place they could be, but that was near impossible when someone else was there with you. It was even worse when transforming without the Wolfsbane Potion.

The class slowly started to turn to look at Emma curiously, but before everyone else could get too distracted, Remus moved along. Emma was already confused, and she didn't need the extra attention. He tried to speed through the rest of his lecture as quickly as he could, letting everyone out fifteen minutes early.

The moment the classroom cleared out, Remus sat down next to Emma with a heavy sigh. He knew that he should say something, wanted to say something, but there was nothing he could do to make it better. At the end of the day, even though all werewolves went through the same thing, Emma's experience was deeply personal. He could only do so much to mitigate the confusion. The only solace he could allow himself to find is that it didn't necessarily mean she would transform, but it didn't stop his guilt.

Emma leaned against him laying her head on his shoulder. "When you said that Moony had a name, I didn't realize he _really_ had a name," she whispered after a while. "It's a bit weird to have a conversation with yourself, but not really. Puts the whole Jekyll and Hyde thing really in perspective."

Remus sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Did she tell you her name?"

"No," Emma said. "She said you had to do it because..." She immediately burst into hysterical laughter. "I can't quite figure out if I like this trade-off or not. I like not being uncomfortable the entire time but the whole…the whole having another set of thoughts is a bit odd. And the vocabulary – that's a new one for me."

"The vocabulary is…well, that's an experience by itself. It's like something out of a history book," Remus admitted, kissing the top of her head. "I'm so sorry…I…this was never supposed to be your life. If I had known…"

"We've had this discussion a million times," Emma said quietly, "and my thoughts still haven't changed. I'm still terrified, but I'm alive. And even though all of this is very, very strange…I'm glad that I'm alive because I have reasons to live. Knowing that this is what I have – you, Padfoot, Grandpa…even Elle. A year ago, I didn't think there was any reason for me to keep going. Now I have more reasons than I ever could have imagined, even if...even if I've got my own furry little problem, well, I suppose I just fit right in. Could do without the whole Greyback bit, but if that's all I really have to worry about…"

Remus didn't know what else to do except hug Emma tightly. He could never understand how a girl nearly fifteen years younger than him could leave him speechless. Then again, Remus supposed that was one of the dangers of having children; they always knew how to say the unexpected.

Rather than force Emma into trying to navigate the day of the moon's rise while being in class, he decided to let her stay in their quarters. For once, Emma didn't argue. The mood swings were dramatic, and though it wasn't planned, he was grateful that Elara was around to help. Elara was the only person he could feel comfortable leaving Emma with, and he was relieved he had that much.

Elara stayed for the transformation again, but they didn't subject Emma to having to watch. The actual night was a little easier to manage with Emma's expectations. Though he hated Emma taking it, the Wolfsbane Potion helped silence her wolf for the night. She still presented as though she had a low-grade fever, but if that was the worst of it, Remus would take it. It was a vast improvement over what she'd been dealing with, and he would take any small miracle he could for her.

He wished he had realized how much of a difference her being close would make, not just for her, but for him. If subjecting himself to Emma petting him while he was a wolf made her feel better, then he would deal with it. Her pain was alleviated, and for as long as he was forced into his wolf form, he could relax, something he had never been able to do before. Besides, he found that Emma wound up giving excellent head scratches. He would never be able to admit that to her, though. Emma would never let him live it down if she knew.

Trying to help Emma navigate her second set of thoughts was harder to handle. It was unfortunate that Emma's wolfish side was equally as stubborn as her human side. Emma's wolf was determined, persistent, and refused to listen. Emma's wolf wanted a name, to have an identity, but Remus wasn't ready to let that happen. By naming Emma's wolf, it meant acknowledging the truth staring right at him. He knew that eventually he would have to name her, but it was not a responsibility he wanted.

February slid into March, bringing in the very faint beginnings of warmer weather. The new month also brought along Emma's delight that his birthday was coming. Remus couldn't say that he shared the same enthusiasm.

The week before his birthday, Emma plunked herself down on the couch, dropping her head in Remus's lap with a wide grin. "Your birthday's coming up," she said, her eyes glittering as she stared up at him.

"I'm aware," Remus said slowly, lifting his book to peer down at his far too excited daughter.

"Sooo, what do we do for your birthday?" she sing-songed happily. "It's the first one I get to spend with you. We should do something!"

Remus was about to say that it wouldn't be the first time they celebrated his birthday together, but he realized that wasn't true. His twentieth and twenty-first birthday were spent on mission work – he didn't get to celebrate with anyone at all. "I don't want to do anything for my birthday," Remus insisted, brushing a finger down the bridge of Emma's nose. "I just want to have a _normal_ day. I still have to teach, you know."

"Well, that's not fun – not the whole teaching bit because I knew that, but doing nothing? Daddy, it's your birthday. We have to do something."

"I just want a nice, relaxing night with my daughter," Remus chuckled. "That's all I need."

"Dad, you're turning thirty-four, not ninety-three," Emma said dryly. "You cannot tell me that you seriously want to do nothing."

"I am perfectly content just being here with you."

Emma's face scrunched up, and she heaved a dramatic sigh. "You are so incredibly boring," she said. "But fine."

Remus was sure that was the end of the discussion, but he should have realized that his mischief-making would truly catch up to him one day. He just never expected it to be on his birthday.

Emma had been going to early morning Quidditch practices all that week with the upcoming Hufflepuff and Slytherin match that weekend. Remus thought absolutely nothing of it when he woke up that morning to find that Emma wasn't there. He was a little disappointed to not have breakfast with her, but her gifts were sweet.

She had been unusually secretive all week, saying that she was going to bed much earlier than usual, but her light staying on. Remus thought she might have been trying to do something to surprise him, but he wasn't expecting a hand-knit scarf from her. Her stitches were a little off, but it was the best thing she ever could have given him. The bars of Fry's Raspberry Creams and her handmade card made things that much sweeter. That should have been his first indication that Emma had been plotting.

The first prank that Remus unintentionally fell victim to was frog spawn soap. He should have recognized it right away, but he was too pleased by Emma's gifts, and he never would have expected it. By the time he realized, dozens of tiny frogs had started jumping around the bathroom to his amusement. The second, equally unexpected prank he walked right into was glitter in his shampoo. He was stunned to step out of the shower to find his hair glittering with flakes of scarlet and gold.

"Oh, bloody hell," Remus muttered as he stared at himself in the mirror. The soap he could have written off as an accident, but the glitter was not a mistake at all. He found it the funniest thing in the world and was thankful it wasn't a color-changing potion. Remus managed to get most of the glitter out of his hair, but he didn't entirely mind the sparkle. His friends had done much worse when they were in school.

Remus wondered idly just how far Emma spread the word that it was his birthday, surprised that most of his first class of the day presented him with cards. His lecture went as it normally did until he went into his desk drawer to grab a quill and rectangular paper confetti squares shot out. The class burst out into hysterical laughter as he peeled confetti off of his face, and he found himself joining in. His birthday was undoubtedly off to a fascinating start.

His second class of the day seemed to follow the first, but this time he found his ordinary-looking bottle of ink was actually transparent ink. It took him several lines of writing to figure out what the problem was, and he could only shake his head. How many times had he played the same trick on his friends?

His third class, and arguably his least favorite to teach, was at least made interesting. Around the mid-point of the class, paper cranes began to slip underneath the door and fly over to him. Each note was a single letter and arrived every minute for the rest of the class. Of course, none of the cranes were sent in the correct order, and it took Remus a few minutes to decipher what it said – Pen-blwydd Hapus Dad! Cael diwrnod braf!

Emma paid much more attention to their Welsh lessons than he thought.

Lunch was surprisingly quiet, and Remus cautiously made his way down to the Great Hall. If Emma was capable of doing what she had done so far, he was worried that something would happen the moment he went to have lunch. He thought he had gotten off with nothing happening, but he noticed that his daughter was suspiciously missing from the room. The moment Remus voiced his concern to Flitwick, oddly quiet fireworks were set off in the room.

Remus was awe-struck by the display, and much to his embarrassment, the words "Happy Birthday Professor Lupin" were spelled out in the air. If anyone started singing, he would duck underneath the table, but luckily only happy well-wishes were shouted in his direction. His daughter was apparently not working alone, and the sudden surge in the scent of gunpowder surrounding the Weasley twins made sense. He was thoroughly impressed, and he wondered how Emma convinced the twins to make the fireworks so quiet.

He was even more embarrassed when he returned to his classroom after lunch only to find the entire classroom decorated. Party hats were sitting atop some of the more curious pieces in his collection of creature skeletons. For curiosity's sake, he ventured into his office to find that even the Grindylow had a party hat sitting on the corner of the tank. He wondered just how long Emma had been planning everything and who exactly was involved.

Apparently, that was the only thing that had been done. Remus had thought that the pranks were over as nothing else seemed amiss. However, he didn't realize that the chalk he was using had been enchanted to change what he wrote each time he turned his back. At first, he thought it was an accident on his part, but the more the words changed, the more he realized the chalk dust was rearranging itself. It was a clever bit of magic, and it didn't happen enough to be annoying, just to be a mild nuisance.

Emma seemed genuinely surprised when it was finally time for her class to start. She stepped into the class, momentarily taken aback by the decorations. Remus wasn't sure if her reaction was genuine or not as he watched an amused smile cross her face.

She met his gaze from the doorway and immediately began to giggle at the glitter that was still sparkling in his hair. Emma dropped her things at her desk and skipped up to the front of the class to meet him, reaching up because she wanted to run her fingers through his hair.

"I see you stumbled upon the glitter. Can't believe you went all day like this," she said gleefully, trying to dislodge some of the glitter from his hair. "Happy birthday Dad."

"It has certainly been a happy birthday. And I've come across everything else," Remus said, a smile on his face. "It's been brilliant. I'm impressed."

"What's been brilliant?" Emma asked curiously. Her face twisted slightly, an almost offended scowl crossing her face. "Impressed by what?"

Emma's expression gave Remus pause. She honestly looked as if she had no idea what he was talking about. He knew that Emma wasn't working alone, but were there others that had joined in on the action? There was absolutely no way that anyone would know him well enough to surprise him so much, but now he wasn't sure.

"The…everything," he said, straightening up. Emma's look of confusion deepened, and he was genuinely confused for a moment. "You didn't…all day things have been happening."

"What things?" Emma asked, giving him a funny look. "I only did the glitter. Felt you needed some Gryffindor spirit for your birthday. Think you're starting to get a bit old, Dad," she said, giving him one final look of confusion before sitting down at her desk to talk to Justin before class started.

Remus genuinely wasn't sure if Emma was acting clueless. There was no other logical explanation for everything all day – it was brilliant, and he was going to be sorely disappointed if it wasn't her doing. He didn't have much of a chance to question it as he had a class to teach, and Emma wasn't acting any different than usual.

Before Remus had a chance to grab Emma to question her about everything that had gone on that day, she was gone. He had a last glimpse of her robe fluttering out the door, and that was it. Perhaps she was just hungry and wanted to eat, Remus reasoned with himself. They didn't have plans until after dinner, although Remus was starting to wonder what else would occur.

Remus's skepticism was raised when he realized Emma wasn't at dinner either. Where had his daughter run off to? It was to his utter horror that Remus never thought to check to see if the map was still in his office.

He immediately shot up, not caring that he hadn't finished eating. He needed to know if Emma had run off with the map – she would have too much power if she had it. Remus cursed his younger self for even creating the map. It seemed like a brilliant idea at the time, but as teenagers, they never stopped to consider the reality of future children having it. Remus quickly made his way back up the stairs and immediately paused when he made it to the third-floor landing. Was that music that he heard?

The sound of music reached Remus's ears from down the hall. He knew it wasn't terribly loud, the sounds faint, but enough for him to hear, but he was incredibly curious. The closer he walked to the classroom, the louder it became, and he rounded the corner of the door, surprised.

It seemed impossible that there were even more decorations – balloons, streamers, even more party hats. There were bottles of Butterbeer sitting at the front of the room, one already in Emma's hand as she laughed, talking to Fred and George. Some of his students that were present were still busy decorating, while the others were doing some rearranging of the desks.

The smell of food suddenly hit Remus's nose, and he noticed a selection of food sitting to the side of the room. Most noticeably, he eyed the takeaway container from the Three Broomsticks with suspicion. Emma had been saving her allowance for weeks, not even asking him to pick anything up for her when he went into Hogsmeade. Had she been saving it just to do all of this for him?

It took a few moments for people to realize that he was there as slowly one by one, his students would turn to look at him in surprise. Emma was one of the last few to realize, clearly in the spirit of things. It wasn't until George gave her a hard tap on the shoulder that she finally looked up from the party popper she had picked up with a mischievous glint in her eye. Emma shot George a look of confusion before turning to the door, her eyes wide.

Emma looked entirely at a loss, her mouth falling open. Clearly, he wasn't meant to be there early. She looked down at the party popper in her hand for a moment and pulled the string, releasing a flurry of confetti and giving him a sheepish look.

"Surprise?" she offered.

Remus was surprised and incredibly touched. The amount of commitment that went into the day was astounding, and he was speechless. It was precisely the sort of thing his friends would have done for him, Sirius leading the charge just to make sure the day was kept interesting. He had never liked birthdays and had especially hated them when he had no one to celebrate with, but this was Marauder level perfection.

His reaction was clearly not what Emma had been expecting, and her face fell. She set the party popper in her hand down, looking nervous that she had done the wrong thing. Emma had no idea how incredibly proud of her he actually was.

With a sigh, Remus crossed the room to pull Emma into a tight hug, laughing at her indignant shout when he picked her up off the ground.

"You don't hate it?" Emma asked nervously.

"How could I?" Remus asked, setting Emma back down. "This is…it's very unexpected. I have to ask, though…"

"Ask what?"

"How much assistance did you have?"

"A lot," Emma said, letting out a sigh of relief. "Wasn't entirely sure if I pulled it all off. I was getting worried when I didn't hear anything from anyone."

"So you planned all of it? Did you even have Quidditch practice every morning this week?"

"I did actually have Quidditch practice, but not for as long as you thought. Planned all of it, although the execution was a bit wobbly, and I needed help. Got a little worried because you started to call me out on it earlier," Emma admitted, perking up with the realization he wasn't upset. She looked at the Butterbeer bottles, and her cheeks turned pink. "Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs were quite brilliant, might I add. Quite helpful in obtaining everything I needed."

"And…your apparent trip into Hogsmeade?"

Emma rubbed the back of her neck, looking back at Fred and George. "Let's just say that my companions were already very aware of the Marauder's existence," she said very quietly. "And I didn't actually go into the village – I didn't want to run into anything…unsavory. I just made sure that we all got there and back all right."

Remus looked over at the twins and shook his head. He should have known that they had owned the map. They were the only ones who seemed to know the passages as well as he did. If George could get over his nerves, Remus could absolutely approve of him dating his daughter. At least he was helping her to figure out how to have fun and do it very well.

"Oh, bloody hell, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind who your parents are," Remus said. He pressed his forehead to Emma's. "You are brilliant, but please, _do not_ almost sneak into Hogsmeade again, or at all."

"I make absolutely no guarantees," Emma beamed. "I'm the daughter of two Marauders, after all."

Remus had to admit it was the best birthday he had ever had.

Emma's first Quidditch match arrived only two days later on the twelfth. Remus had the foresight to ask Dr. Wheeler to change that week's appointment for the next day, a move that was very appreciated by Emma. It was incredibly lucky the doctor was more than willing to come to the castle on a different day. Dr. Wheeler understood all too well the importance of Quidditch.

However, Remus wasn't expecting Emma's unusual and disappointing request that morning.

"It's not even like I'm going to play," Emma said, gathering her things to head down to the changing room before the match. "Please, please, _please_ don't come, or I'll get too nervous!"

"But it's your first match!" Remus said, trying to hide his disappointment. "I've dreamed of this day!"

"That's exactly why I don't want you to go! I don't need you to be disappointed that I'm absolute bollocks at Quidditch! You can come to the next pick-up game we do, but _please_ do not come to this!"

Remus sighed. He wanted to go, even if she sat on the sidelines the entire game, but he would honor her wishes. Emma wouldn't have asked if she didn't feel strongly about it. "All right, I won't come," he eventually said. "But I expect to hear every little detail when you get back."

Emma allowed him to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek before nervously running out.

For once, Remus was glad to have a view of the Quidditch pitch from his class, but he couldn't see who was playing. All he had to work with was the flashes of yellow and green in the sky, unable to tell which blur was which. The chances of Emma playing were slim, but Remus wouldn't know until she returned. Emma wouldn't forgive him if he snuck out to see, though he wasn't sure if she would even notice.

With a sigh, Remus made his way to his desk. He was the one who needed to be distracted now. As Remus stared at the pile of essays sitting on his desk, he realized it would be effortless to get lost in his work. He really needed to stop leaving his grading until the last minute.

It felt like Remus had only settled in, and perhaps he had, but his attention was momentarily drawn away from his papers. He lifted his head, craning his neck to listen to the distinct sound of four paws hitting stone. He looked up at the door and was thoroughly startled out of his work; first by the massive black dog that appeared, and then by the ragged looking man in front of him.

Neither man spoke, both too stunned; Remus at seeing Sirius at all, Sirius, because of what he had just done. It was the first time they had seen each other – _really_ seen each other in twelve years. Sirius wasn't exactly how Remus remembered him last, but he could still see the remnants of his looks hidden beneath the surface. He was too thin, too dirty, but all Remus could see was _his_ Sirius, the very man he had fallen in love with. Remus immediately resolved to make sure that Sirius got more food so he wasn't as skinny. Finally seeing Sirius made him wonder why he avoided this moment for so long. The moment the thought hit him, he felt incredibly stupid. Sirius was standing on the opposite side of his desk as if it were the most natural thing in the world, but it was extremely dangerous.

Remus wanted so desperately to get up and kiss Sirius, but he was frozen to his seat. He wasn't even sure that he was breathing.

"What are you _doing_?" Sirius suddenly blurted out, breaking the terribly awkward silence that filled the room. His voice was incredibly hoarse, and it sent a jolt through Remus's system.

Remus started spluttering, his brain trying to kickstart itself as he gestured vaguely to his desk. "I'm…I'm working! What are you doing? You shouldn't be here – this is dangerous!"

"It's Emma!"

Remus's blood immediately ran cold. "Emma? What's happened?" he asked, immediately shooting up from his chair. Remus had to give Sirius another once over, still not quite believing he was _right there_. He couldn't quite keep his thoughts straight, his mind alternating between the delight of seeing Sirius and the worry that something had happened to Emma.

Sirius growled, running a hand down his face. "Emma is playing right now, and you should be there! Why are you still here?"

"Emma…Emma's playing? She said –"

"Get up, Moony!" Sirius practically shouted. "We can't be missing our little girl's first Quidditch match!" Sirius turned to leave, prepared to transform, but he turned back. Remus was sure his heart had stopped entirely the moment Sirius's eyes met his.

Sirius swallowed hard as he studied Remus's face. "I've wanted to tell you for weeks, and I'm afraid it doesn't translate as well as a dog…but you are still so incredibly handsome. I know what Emma's told me…and if you'll still have me – Merlin, I have never stopped loving you. We have such a beautiful girl…"

Before Remus could say another word, Sirius had shifted back into Padfoot, giving him a single urgent bark. Thirty-four was already proving to be a very strange year for Remus.

Remus's stomach suddenly did a funny little flip as he realized what Sirius had just said – _our little girl_. _Still handsome_. Just like they were teenagers all over again, Remus found himself chasing Sirius. Whatever danger that lay ahead didn't matter – all that mattered was them and their family. He was sure that he had to be dreaming.

Finding a relatively secluded space in the stands was difficult, but Remus and Sirius managed. They were high up, tucked in a shadowy corner where no one would notice them. Remus was immediately focused on the match, spotting Emma before anyone else, thrilled to see her amused expression. She was having fun, and she was an excellent flyer. He would have said it regardless, even if he wasn't a bit biased.

It was an incredibly dirty match, even though Hufflepuff wasn't going to place any higher than third. Remus wondered how much of that was because Emma was playing as the Slytherins seemed to tail her the most, matching her speed for speed. Emma wasn't phased in the least, laughing in amusement as she threw the Quaffle around.

Remus was absolutely amazed at how well Emma actually played. He had no idea why she worried so much; she played Quidditch almost as if she had played her entire life. The extra practices and her need to be distracted clearly paid off. She was _good,_ and he had no doubt that Emma would continue playing Quidditch for the rest of her school career. At least he hoped she would.

It was clear that Emma was meant to be Hufflepuff's primary scorer, her broom much faster than the others. It was a position that she didn't take lightly, but she seemed more concerned with ensuring they actually made goals. If Emma didn't think she could make the goal, she was quick to pass the Quaffle off to Tamsin or Malcolm. Remus took a quick look at who was playing and realized that one of Hufflepuff's beaters was replaced for the game as well. He knew that Heidi and Maxine had an incident in potions that kept them out, so why was Emma playing? Then he remembered Zacharias Smith had detention. It meant that the team was down a Chaser and a Beater with only two out of three reserve players available – Remus was thrilled.

Remus was sure the game would go much smoother if the Slytherins weren't hell-bent on tailing the Hufflepuffs. It seemed as though fouls were being called left and right, the scores reasonably even. Remus had apparently missed a lot of action before getting to the pitch based off of the score. He kept his hand firmly wrapped in the fur on Sirius's neck. He had never been more on edge, and he was starting to get worried over how many bruises Emma would have. The Slytherins were throwing elbows left and right at whoever they could get.

He had to keep himself from shouting at a blatant Blagging attempt with Draco grabbing onto the back of Emma's broom. In her annoyance, Emma immediately started shouting at Draco, and he could only imagine what she was yelling. It was sure to be colorful.

Remus knew that Draco was still incredibly bitter that Emma stood him up in Hogsmeade. He was using the match to take out his aggravation. Emma wouldn't give him the time of day otherwise. It was too loud for him to hear, but he couldn't stop himself from shouting in excitement as Hooch called for a penalty shot. He barked out a laugh as Emma flipped two fingers at Draco when Hooch wasn't paying attention.

"She is so like you," Remus said quietly to Sirius, grinning at his rapidly wagging tail. This wasn't exactly how either of them had imagined this moment, but Remus supposed it would have to do. He wasn't ever going to forget it.

He watched as Emma made her way to the center of the pitch, Quaffle in hand as she debated on which goal to go for. Miles Bletchley weaved in between the goalposts as he waited for Hooch to blow the whistle. He was sizing Emma up as much as she was trying to figure him out.

It seemed that no one anticipated Emma shooting off from the center the moment Hooch blew the whistle. Emma made it seem like she was going to the left post, and Miles fell far too quickly for her trick. He didn't have enough time to catch up when Emma veered off at the last minute, aiming for the right instead. Emma scored.

The Hufflepuffs were up on their feet instantly, the Weasley twins and Luna amongst the sea of yellow. Remus would have joined in the excited shouts, but Sirius let out a single bark of delight. Remus had to clamp his hands around his snout to keep him silent.

"Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed, Pads?" Remus hissed, rolling his eyes when Sirius continued wagging his tail. It appeared Sirius didn't care too much.

Emma's eyes scanned the crowd at Sirius's bark. It was almost like she was attuned to the noise, despite the noisy stadium, and Remus immediately shoved Sirius down into the stands. It didn't appear that anyone else had noticed, at least.

It took a few moments for her to find him, and she turned bright red. She flew a little closer, and her eyes narrowed when she spotted the furry form next to him. Remus immediately pulled his jacket off to cover Sirius. Unfortunately, he couldn't quite cover Sirius's thumping tail.

Rather than looking annoyed, or even worried, a broad smile crossed her face, and she threw her head back and laughed. Remus had never seen her look more confident.

The match went on for a while, but Slytherin ultimately won the game: 360-190. Hufflepuff had scored just enough to secure their third-place spot, only ten points above Ravenclaw in the standings.

Remus remained where he was, covering Sirius a little better with the explicit warning to _not move_. The stadium was slow to clear out, but it was all right. The section of stands they had taken cleared out quick enough and Remus watched Emma start to head towards the changing room. As if something had suddenly crossed her mind, she hopped back up on her broom to talk to Madame Hooch. He wished he could hear what she was saying as her conversation seemed animated.

He was even more curious when Hooch actually smiled and gave an approving nod, handing Emma the Quaffle in her arms. Emma immediately flew over to where he was, her smile bright and infectious, as she carefully landed in the stands. She set her broom down for a moment and tossed the Quaffle up in the air, almost reverently before holding it out towards him.

Remus stared at the Quaffle in Emma's outstretched hands curiously. He felt Sirius's entire body shake with his wagging tail.

"Are you going to take it?" Emma asked. "This thing is rather heavy after playing for what feels like forever."

Sirius popped his head out from underneath Remus's jacket and nudged his hand with his nose. Remus looked down at Sirius and then at Emma, surprised. "Is Madame Hooch aware that you're trying to give away the Quaffle?"

"Yes, that's why I was talking to her," Emma laughed. "She liked the idea and they were using a new one for the next match anyway. Now, will you please take it?"

"But why are you giving it to me?"

Emma looked at the Quaffle in her hand with a sigh. "To make up for all the stupid little Muggle trophies I should've collected over the years. I know you would've always been there to support me in whatever I played – hopefully with our dog," she said, giving Sirius a pointed look and a smile. "And because I'm sorry that I told you not to come today. I'm glad you're here – both of you. I know it probably sounds stupid…"

Remus studied Emma for a moment and then finally took the Quaffle. He looked back at Sirius, who still hadn't stopped wagging his tail, and set the Quaffle down. He turned to Emma and bent down to be on her level, cupping her cheek. "No, this is perfect," Remus said gently, looking over his shoulder at Sirius. "All of this is perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	58. Love and Crystal Balls

It seemed like a late Christmas miracle when Emma stepped into the Divination classroom to find crystal balls on all of the tables. She followed Persephone to their usual table and looked at the smoking ball curiously. It was exactly how she expected a crystal ball to look and found it almost funny. She wondered how many fortune tellers on the streets were witches because it seemed impossible to recreate an object like this. Mild panic threatened to take over at the thought the crystal balls were placed out early.

She was incredibly relieved when Trelawney greeted the class and explained she was moving into crystal balls earlier. When Hermione commented on Trelawney's "prediction" of the crystal ball being the focus of their final exam in June, Emma silently agreed.

"Oh, we're finally done with Palmistry," Emma said in relief, leaning back in her chair. "Finally."

"I liked it," Persephone said with a shrug.

"You've liked everything we've done in this class so far."

"Because it's fascinating!"

"I think you're mental," Emma said, grinning as Persephone stuck her tongue out at her.

Emma listened as Trelawney did her version of a lecture, mostly casting out airy comments as she stood in the front of the room. No matter how much Trelawney said, Emma did not see anything in the smokey wisps of the crystal ball sitting between her and Persephone.

The entire class grew quiet as Trelawney made her way to the table the Ron, Harry, and Hermione shared. Emma knew almost immediately that Trelawney would bring up the Grim again, and the look on Harry's face said the same.

"Oh, for goodness's sake! Not that ridiculous Grim again!" Hermione shouted, cutting Trelawney off before the words could leave her lips.

Emma's eyebrows shot up, and she rubbed her hands together. "Ohh, this is going to be good," she said, propping her head up on her hands, resting her elbows on the table to watch what was going to play out. She let out a quiet shout as Persephone kicked her under the table. "Oi! What was that for?"

"For you being an arse," Persephone said. "Hermione's being rude!"

"Maybe if she didn't predict Harry's death every class, it would be all right!"

Trelawney straightened up as she stared hard at Hermione, her jewelry jangling ominously. Emma didn't think the woman could get angry, but she was sorely mistaken.

"I am sorry to say that from the moment you have arrived in this class, my dear, it has been apparent that you do not have what the noble art of Divination requires," Trelawney said, her voice thick. "Indeed, I don't remember ever meeting a student whose mind was so hopelessly mundane."

Emma's jaw dropped at Trelawney's words. The only other person who had ever spoken something negative aloud about Hermione was Snape. To hear it from another professor seemed like an impossibility.

"Fine!" Hermione shouted, getting up and shoving her things back into her bag. "Fine! I give up! I'm leaving!" And leave Hermione did, kicking open the trapdoor and climbing back down the ladder.

Emma was both impressed and jealous. Should she join Hermione after her display? It would be the perfect time to just _leave,_ and she felt Remus wouldn't mind if she left. He was sick of her stories from the class and practically begged her to just drop the class. With a heavy sigh, Emma decided not to follow suit and slumped back in her chair. She wasn't quite brave enough to leave a class again.

Slowly the class returned to normal, and Emma stared stupidly into the crystal ball. What was she even supposed to be looking for? All she saw was misty fog, and though mesmerizing, it did nothing for her.

"Are you seeing anything?" Emma asked quietly, hoping to not draw Trelawney's attention. After Hermione's unexpected outburst and sudden departure, the witch had been incredibly on edge. Mostly everyone she had gone to assist had good things in their crystal balls, but Emma still didn't want Trelawney to come over.

For the first time ever, Persephone looked entirely at a loss. "No, not really," she admitted with a heavy sigh.

Emma groaned as she noticed Trelawney whirl around, drawn in by the sound of Persephone's aggravation. "Oi, now you've done it," Emma sneered at Persephone. Persephone looked back at her in alarm but said nothing.

"And how are you two fairing, my dears?" Trelawney asked as she approached.

It took a moment for Emma to finally pull her gaze from Persephone to look at Trelawney. Objectively, the woman was nice, but there was something off-putting about her. Emma wasn't sure if it was her glasses that made Trelawney's already large eyes look huge that bothered her, but she struggled to hold her gaze.

"Er, we're all right," Emma said, giving Trelawney a tight smile.

Trelawney looked between Emma and Persephone for a moment before giving them an expectant smile. "May I?"

"Sure," Persephone said, perking up. Much like Lavender and Parvati, Persephone never passed up the chance to have Trelawney do a reading. Emma could care less.

Trelawney stepped a little closer, lowering her face to the ball to study the smoke. She turned to Persephone with tutting noises, and Emma suddenly found herself fascinated. Usually, Emma was the one to receive the brunt of Trelawney's readings. Perhaps that wouldn't be the case this time. Emma watched as Trelawney reached out to gently take Persephone's hand, and she was even more intrigued.

"You, my dear, are on the wrong path," Trelawney said sadly as she looked at Persephone with her large eyes. "I do not see happiness in your future if you don't learn to let go. The answer to the question you have is right in front of you, but only if you allow yourself to truly see."

Persephone turned oddly pale and nodded, pulling her hand from Trelawney's.

Emma bit back a grimace as Trelawney turned to her. Rather than looking grave like she usually did, Trelawney seemed almost excited.

"But you, my dear, will find happiness. I see a dark-haired man in your future that shares the blood of your enemy. He will come into your life when you least expect it. He will be the one that you marry, and you will go through great trials together."

Emma stared blankly at Trelawney. The blood of her enemy? Who was that supposed to be? "He shares the blood of my enemy, and he is the one I'm supposed to marry?" Emma asked slowly.

"You will be familiar with many, commit to few, but only the dark-haired man will be your true match in love. You will immediately know who he is when you truly see him," Trelawney said vaguely.

Emma let out a breath. "Right, well, is there anything else of note?" she asked. Rather than answering, Trelawney walked off to "help" someone else.

"I think she just told me I'm going to sleep around," Emma muttered. "Bit rude."

"Could you imagine if she was talking about Caspian?" Persephone said, starting to giggle.

Emma looked at Persephone curiously. "Eff, are you not telling me something?" she asked, watching Persephone closely.

"What do you mean?" Persephone asked.

"Well, there are two problems. One, that would imply that your brother likes me, which is disturbing, and two, that would imply that someone in your family is my enemy."

Persephone stared at Emma blankly. "I mean…" Persephone trailed off, twisting her hair around her finger. She looked around and leaned closer to Emma. "It's not like my dad's a big fan of yours right now."

"I don't know _why_ ," Emma said slowly, her eyes narrowing slightly. "It's not as though I've ever done anything."

Rather than answering, Persephone turned her gaze back to the crystal ball. Emma stared at Persephone for a moment, trying to ignore the odd howling her unnamed wolf was doing. It was the first time Emma had heard what she imagined would be _her_ howl. She didn't like the sound of the noise.

Having Divination so early in the morning meant having to deal with her thoughts all day. The blood of her enemy? Someone she was meant to marry? Emma wasn't sure that she wanted to believe Trelawney, but the idea of having a true love intrigued her. A dark-haired man. _Could_ Trelawney have been referring to Caspian? The very thought made Emma shudder. The boy was nothing more than her friend, and she considered him her younger brother. Was there someone else within the castle walls that could potentially "share the blood of her enemy?"

It seemed odd to Emma that Trelawney would even make such a prediction. Persephone's reaction was even stranger, closing off so quickly when she normally talked a lot. Rather than working on her homework that night, for once for her father's class, Emma was incredibly fixated on Trelawney's class. None of it made sense.

"What is it, love?" Remus asked, leaning forward to get himself into Emma's line of vision from the other side of the couch. "You're unusually quiet tonight."

"I'm just…I'm thinking about something that happened in Divination today," Emma said quietly. She stared at the parchment in front of her with a frown. Why did her father insist on an entire foot of parchment comparing childhood fears to actual creatures? The idea of even writing about monsters under the bed made her sick knowing Greyback had been exactly that for her father. She almost considered asking him for an entirely different assignment. It was meant to be a fun assignment before break, but it was anything but fun for her.

Remus looked at Emma curiously, waiting for her to continue. If it involved Divination, he knew it could be any number of things. Remus decided he was filling out the paperwork to pull her from the class, even if Emma didn't take it right away. It only seemed to cause more issues, and he didn't want her to continue the subject. He gently reached out to squeeze her knee, if only to just soothe her nerves for a moment.

Emma sighed, moving her work to the coffee table and sitting back, rubbing her hands over her face. "Daddy, what if Persephone is helping her father?" Emma asked, just barely meeting his gaze. "If Peter could do it to all of you…"

The very thought had crossed Remus's mind hundreds of times, and the idea made him equally as nauseated. Emma and Persephone had been a near package deal, and he had been more than willing to let Persephone into their home. Remus never would have even considered the possibility, but he wasn't sure what to think after discovering Peter's betrayal. He had always thought he was a good judge of character, but now he wasn't sure. There wasn't a specific moment that would make Remus outright feel that was the situation, but certain little things didn't add up.

He had noticed the slow decline in their friendship since Christmas, but Emma had slowly been separating herself from the Slytherins overall. Slighting Draco had been enough to have some of them turn on her. It was just enough for Emma to keep her distance, but not enough for anyone to comment on. She had the built-in excuse of Quidditch practice, but with Hufflepuff's final match, she couldn't use it anymore. Instead, Emma had slowly returned to shadowing Madame Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing, feeling the need to fill her time. He would have to try and help her figure out excuses and convince her to spend time with her other friends.

"What made you arrive at that thought?" Remus asked.

"Trelawney, actually," Emma said. "Still not entirely sure of what to make of what she said. I don't think that I believe in it, but I'm a bit worried."

"Haven't had you dance around a conversation in a while," Remus noted.

Emma chewed on her lower lip. "Well, besides implying that I…er, will sleep around…she said that my 'true match' in love will be someone who shares the blood of my enemy. And Persephone made a comment about it maybe being Caspian, and then got a bit funny when I mentioned it was weird."

"What exactly did Professor Trelawney say?" Remus asked, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Please don't say anything to her," Emma said, cringing. "She said, 'I see a dark-haired man in your future that shares the blood of your enemy. He will come into your life when you least expect it. He will be the one that you marry, and you will go through great trials together. You will be familiar with many, commit to few, but only the dark-haired man will be your true match in love.'"

If Remus had any doubts about getting Emma out of Divination, he had none left. He could handle Sybill and her silly thoughts, but he was less than thrilled at her allusion about Emma. Remus tamped down his anger for Emma's sake, wanting to focus on the current root of her worry.

"I don't think that she is," Remus said quietly. "Do I believe that she talks to him? Of course. It wouldn't be any different than how we talk; I believe that they're very close. Do I think that she's helping him? Not intentionally."

"But if –"

"Sweetheart, don't let yourself get caught up in your thoughts and start overthinking things. We've got a few weeks left of the term and the full moon to get through, and I think this is something we can worry about in the summer."

Emma stretched herself out with a huff, dropping her feet in Remus's lap. "Fine," she said, crossing her arms.

"Oh, my sweet, overdramatic girl," Remus said, looking over at Emma with a fond smile. "I love you so much."

Emma tried to scowl at Remus, but a smile crossed her face as she poked his side with her toe. "I love you, too." Her smile faded slightly as she met Remus's gaze. "Dad, what does it mean when you start to howl, though?"

Remus sighed, setting his work aside, and opened his arms up, motioning for Emma to join him. Their conversations about lycanthropy never got any easier.

Time moved quickly, and Emma desperately wished she had Hermione's Time-Turner just to slow things down. Just like before the Christmas holiday, it seemed like nearly every professor decided to have tests the week before break. Emma felt as though she were up to her eyes in revising and wasn't looking forward to final exams in the least. The addition of her second set of thoughts and the accompanying mood swings didn't help.

Emma found that her wolfish side was far stubborn than she thought it would be. Unless she was completely worn out, a part of her wanted to just play like an overactive puppy. Emma had never wanted to really play before. She never wanted to run outside and run among the trees; she had always preferred staying inside or finding a nice spot to read. Now it seemed as though all she wanted to do was be outside, and she worked hard to make herself tired. It didn't work most of the time.

She found herself far more sensitive to things and far more prone to picking fights over complete nonsense. Emma felt incredibly stupid when she got into an argument with Justin over whether the ink he was using was a dark blue or a purple. It wasn't the first time it happened, either. Emma was suddenly very opinionated about many different things and continuously had to backtrack on what she said. Half the time, she didn't mean what she said, unable to filter her thoughts before they left her mouth. The other half of the time, she meant what she said, but she tried to keep herself as polite as possible.

With incredible embarrassment, Emma found herself making her way to Remus's room to sleep again. No amount of Remus assuring her that things would get easier made her feel any better. Emma could have gotten over things if her nightmares didn't make a resurgence as well.

The full moon did not go as smoothly as Emma had hoped. Snape had allowed Emma to start to attempt making the Wolfsbane Potion on her own but refused to let her touch Remus's doses. Elara, who seemed to have become a staple to the full moon, was nervous over the possibility of Emma transforming. Emma was sure her exacerbated symptoms were from her lack of skill in making the potion, but she couldn't explain that to Elara with Remus right there.

Rather than sleeping comfortably, Emma spent her entire night ill with two overly anxious werewolves. She didn't particularly enjoy having to stay near the toilet all night, but her two furry companions were helpful. Remus seemed more than content playing the role of the designated pillow while Elara offered comfort. Emma didn't realize just how hot she would get with both werewolves so close. Elara generally stayed at Emma's feet, keeping her distance, but they both kept close. It kept Emma's cold chills and aches away but made her sweat and drove her mad.

The moment Elara transformed back and was clothed again, she swooped in on Emma, not caring that she had only just gotten out of the shower. Emma made to protest Elara's intrusion, starting to cover herself but realized that it was stupid after watching Elara's transformations. Rather than making a big deal out of things, Emma got dressed like usual, casting Elara a curious look. It wasn't as though she hadn't gotten changed in front of Elara before; it had just been a long time.

"Spill," Elara finally said, her voice rough. "What did you do?"

"What do you mean?" Emma asked, rubbing her towel roughly over her hair to dry it. She could just use a drying spell, but it didn't let her keep her waves.

"A correctly made potion wouldn't have given you such a reaction," Elara said. "Was it your creation?"

Emma swallowed hard, suddenly nervous, but nodded. A smile slowly reached Elara's lips, and Emma was unexpectedly swept into an overly tight hug.

"You brilliant thing, you! You're doing it! I only figured it out half-way through the night but obviously couldn't ask. You'll have to tell me all the steps you took because I think you missed something," Elara said, releasing Emma quickly and giving her an apologetic smile as she realized what she had done. "Sorry, still have a bit of strength immediately after transforming."

"I wasn't expecting Hulk level strength," Emma said, rubbing her sides. "Bloody hell, Elle. Why doesn't anyone talk about that? I'd have to come back as a ghost just to share the tale of, 'I was accidentally hugged to death by a werewolf because they forgot their own strength.'"

Elara immediately burst into laughter. "Oh, Merlin, you are so easy to love, kid."

It was the first time the effects of the full extended past that night. It wasn't until a few days later that Remus realized that Emma had genuinely gotten sick. The flu that had been going around earlier in the year had finally gotten to Emma. Luckily, she was back on her feet with a quick potion and finished out the last week of term grumpily.

The last day of term happened to be the Weasley twin's birthday, but Emma didn't get a chance to celebrate with everyone. Remus tried to move Emma's therapy again, but unfortunately, Dr. Wheeler's schedule couldn't be adjusted due to the holiday. Though Emma wasn't able to join in on the party in Gryffindor tower, she still met Fred and George to give them her gifts.

Trying to be practical, Emma decided to knit them scarves as well. After struggling to make Remus's scarf, she decided that knitting _was not_ for her and needed to use the yarn she purchased. The scarves were a hodgepodge of colors, and Emma was incredibly embarrassed by them, but the twins seemed delighted. She felt funny standing outside the common room, but she had to leave immediately after giving them their gifts.

"They're nothing like what your mum can make," Emma said sheepishly, "but I hope you like them."

"Like them? We love them!" George said, wrapping his scarf around his neck.

"We joke about it, but we love getting handmade things," Fred said, following suit and immediately comparing the different rows of colors to his brother's. "Thank you!"

Emma immediately felt her face grow hot. "Right," she said. "I, er, I need to head back, or else I'll be late. I hope your party tonight is fun. Happy birthday." She quickly turned to leave, but George had grabbed onto her wrist before she could get far. Emma tensed up and looked at George in confusion. She looked just past George to find that Fred had already made his way back into the common room.

George hesitated for a moment before leaning down to kiss Emma's cheek. His face was red when he straightened up, and he cleared his throat. "Er, thank you," he said quietly before quickly turning around to walk into the common room.

It took a few moments for Emma to process what happened, and she burst into giggles. She startled when the Fat Lady began to speak to her.

"I was wondering what was taking him so long," the Fat Lady said with a smile. "About time."

That only sent Emma off further, and she laughed nearly the entire way back downstairs for her appointment with Dr. Wheeler. She very rarely consulted with the portraits of the castle, but maybe she would have to now. What other secrets did they know? Remus studied Emma for a moment when she walked into the living room, taking in her pink cheeks and glittering eyes. He cast Dr. Wheeler a look, and she smiled back at Remus.

"So, I guess George liked his gift?" Remus asked, his eyebrow arching.

"Daddy!" Emma said, covering her face in embarrassment.

"Took him long enough," Remus said much to Dr. Wheeler's amusement. "Didn't think the boy was ever going to get brave enough to just kiss you."

"It was just on the cheek!"

"Well, it's a start," Remus sighed. "Means he's saved from having to sit down and have that talk with me. For now, at least." He quickly crossed the room to kiss the top of Emma's head. "I'll be back later."

Emma could only watch her father leave in absolute disbelief.

A few days later, Emma sat down across from Remus in the kitchen. She stared intently at him, waiting for him to look up from his book. He slowly set his book down and regarded her over the top of his cup of tea.

"Daddy, I have an idea, and I need you to hear me out," Emma said, folding her hands in front of herself and straightening up in her chair.

Remus already found himself intrigued by the sudden business-like manner that Emma took. "I have a feeling this is going to be interesting," he said, mirroring her actions.

"I think we should let Sirius stay here for a few days," Emma said quickly. "You've already seen him, and you've been going out to see him. I can get the Invisibility Cloak –"

"Emma Hope Lupin, you have _got_ to be kidding right now."

Emma blinked owlishly at Remus in confusion. He had pulled her out of her well-rehearsed speech. "What did I do now?"

"How do you know about the cloak? What other secrets have you been keeping from me?"

"Oohhh," Emma said in understanding. "Er, it seems Harry left it in the passage to Hogsmeade. He hasn't gone back to get it. I thought that, er…I could borrow it? Sirius is small enough as a dog, and I'm sure it's not the first time he's had to use it as Padfoot."

Remus let out a long string of rapid Welsh that Emma struggled to follow. "You didn't explain how you even know what it is, though."

"Oh, Fred and George," Emma said, waving Remus off. "Harry got it his first year, apparently."

"Why am I not surprised?" Remus sighed and then eyed Emma suspiciously. "How do you know Harry hasn't gone back for the cloak? Have you gone back and looked?"

"Er, possibly?" Emma said.

"Does that mean you found where I hid the map? Again?" Emma only smiled in response. "I need to come up with better hiding spots from you," Remus muttered, running a hand over his face. "Are you aware of how incredibly dangerous it would be to have him come here?"

"I know, but it's the holiday, and most everyone here is spending time outside. You can say that you're catching up on grading. I can pretend to be getting ahead on work. We can say that we're heading to Grandpa's for a few days, but I can suddenly get 'sick.' It anyone asks, then you say that you have to take care of me. If it's staff, they already know about me, so they'll understand. If it's one of my friends, well…they know I've been a bit funny lately."

"Merlin's saggy tits," Remus breathed out. Every time he felt that Emma was like Sirius, she would change that. Remus had been the mastermind behind so many plots, and he instantly regretted it. Emma was just as dangerous as he was as a teenager.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	59. Moony and Padfoot

Remus had no idea how Emma convinced him that it would be a good idea to have Sirius stay with them. It was such an incredibly stupid thing to do, but then again, he lost all logic when it came to Sirius. Remus should have been the responsible one, insisting that Emma not go back to grab the Invisibility Cloak that wasn't hers. He should have told her to take the break and finally relax. Remus did none of those things, and instead, he agreed, provided they take extreme precautions and not leave their quarters for any reason.

He was even more confused that Emma managed to convince Sirius to join them. In one moment, Emma was alone; the next, she pulled the Invisibility Cloak off of a black dog, until finally, Sirius was standing right next to her. The three of them all stood awkwardly, looking at each other, unsure of what to do.

"I hope that you don't think I'm being rude, but how about a shower?" Remus suggested to Sirius when he finally got his bearings. "Can't imagine you've had many of those lately."

Sirius immediately burst into a burst of bark-like laughter and looked down at his tattered robes. "I think a shower would be perfect. Started to question bathing in the lake after the squid tickled my feet too many times."

Emma, Remus, and Sirius all looked at each other and burst into laughter; the awkwardness was momentarily broken. Emma made her way over to the couch and picked up the closest book to let Remus help Sirius. She had already done the shower situation with Sirius, and Remus took great joy in mentioning it to her complete embarrassment. Emma was glad that Sirius laughed and had an excellent sense of humor. She was sure that neither man would ever let her live it down.

Sirius looked as though he felt much better finally being clean of the grime of having to live outdoors. It had taken a while for Sirius and Remus to emerge from the bathroom, but Sirius looked all the better for it.

Remus's borrowed clothes fit very loosely on Sirius's thin frame, but he at least looked comfortable. His skin was finally clean, and his hair free of knots. Emma studied Remus's face closely as he followed. It didn't appear that Sirius's shower had been as straightforward as she had hoped, but that wasn't entirely surprising. Though Emma didn't have to live twelve years with Dementors, she at least understood what it felt like to be separated for ten years. Her first year with Remus had been challenging, grossly unfamiliar with being around someone who loved her. She knew that Sirius would have the same difficulty, but worse.

The day consisted of small moments of awkwardness as they tried to figure each other out. Remus and Sirius weren't the same people they were, and Emma, though present, wasn't a fully a factor over a decade ago. It wasn't easy for Sirius to get comfortable, but Emma did whatever she could to make things easier. She had been so used to a talkative Sirius over the year, but this Sirius was quiet, almost as if he were afraid to say the wrong thing. Emma did her best to fill the silences with aimless chatter and silly things just to try and get Sirius to smile.

They got through lunch easily. Remus had been making sure that Sirius was fed better as much as he could without drawing suspicion. It meant that Sirius was much less ravenous than he usually would be, but he was still unsure. He hadn't had a real meal indoors with other people in a long time, and it showed. Lunch has been a manageable affair, as sandwiches were foods eaten with hands, but dinner was a completely different beast.

Sirius immediately dove into dinner with his hands, completely ignoring utensils as he ate his chicken. He stopped when he realized what he had done, but Emma followed suit quickly with a shrug.

Emma leaned in towards Sirius as if she were about to tell him a big secret. "It's much easier to eat chicken this way," Emma said, peeling a piece of meat off and popping it into her mouth. "To be quite honest, I don't know what the fuss is over forks. And three spoons? What's the point?" Sirius pulled his gaze away from Emma to look at Remus incredulously to find that he had done the same thing and started eating with his hands.

"She has a point, you know," Remus said, giving Sirius a soft smile as he tucked into his chicken. "Three spoons? You only need one."

Sirius's breath came out sharply as if he didn't quite believe what was happening. It seemed he decided to ignore the strangeness of it all and went back to eating, missing the look Emma and Remus passed to each other. Things weren't going to be easy, but they were willing to try.

The silence from Sirius continued as the sky got dark. Sirius looked as though he wanted to bolt and wanted to stay at the same time. Emma was slowly falling asleep at the kitchen table, her head getting heavier in her propped-up hands. She was certain that she hadn't talked more in her life and talking was _exhausting._ It gave her a moment of appreciation for her father who spent his entire day in lectures and then spent time with her.

"Sweetheart, maybe you should head to bed," Remus said lightly.

It was Emma's turn to have a moment of panic as she sat up slowly, eyes darting between Remus and Sirius nervously.

"I'll…I'll still be here in the morning," Sirius said quietly. "If you want me to be," he added hastily.

Emma nodded, momentarily appeased as she stood up. She made her way to Remus first, giving him a much longer hug than usual and a kiss on the cheek. When she turned to Sirius, she wasn't sure what to do. It wasn't as though she hadn't hugged Sirius before, but this was a different Sirius than she was used to. She could see that Sirius felt out of place, was just as unsure, and more open when it wasn't all three of them together. With a soft sigh, Emma approached Sirius slowly for a hug.

"You're my family, too," she whispered, kissing him on the cheek before straightening up. "Goodnight, Dad…Dads?" Emma paused, scratching her head as she looked between Remus and Sirius, the latter looking at her in awe. "I'm going to have to work on that…I think that might get confusing."

Sirius turned to Remus the moment Emma's bedroom door shut. "Did she just -? Me?"

"I'm jealous, really," Remus said, picking up his cup to drain the last of his cold tea with a good-natured smile. "Took her nearly two years to start calling me Dad, less than a year, and she's already considering it for you." Remus's expression turned sad as he set his cup back down. "But then again, you had her first two years, so really you were already deserving of the title…"

"Remus, I –"

Remus held his hand up. "It's in the past, and she's where she belongs now. With the two of us," Remus added, giving Sirius a pointed look. "And I can rest much easier knowing that the first few years of her life weren't…for the most part, she was happy and had people who loved her."

"I can never apologize enough, Remus," Sirius said quietly. "I didn't…"

"It's fine," Remus said. "Do you want to…I'd suggest moving to the living room, but er…the bedroom is a bit safer. I know I've got the door locked, but…"

A grin crossed Sirius's face. "Moony, are you asking me _to bed_?"

"Bloody hell," Remus muttered, biting back his grin. "You're aware that our daughter sleeps right across the hall, yes?"

"Nothing a good silencing charm couldn't fix."

"As tempting as that sounds, I would rather not have her accidentally come across that. She barely gets through an entire night of sleep without coming to my room, and parenting comes first," Remus said, jerking his head towards the hallway as he stood. "Besides, the summer's coming, and we can send her off to one of her friends when we want some time alone. I think we should talk first."

Remus felt odd being in the same bed as Sirius again. He sat down on one side, Sirius on the other, a wide space between them. It was nice to talk, mostly settling on shared memories to lighten the mood. As the night continued, they moved closer together, shoulders nearly touching as they moved into heavier topics. They were discussing Sirius's last attempt to get Peter when they launched apart when there was a knock at the door. Sirius looked over at Remus nervously, but he shook his head.

"It's just Emma," Remus said quietly, getting up to open the door.

"Can't sleep?" Remus asked softly, taking in Emma's sheepish smile.

"Nightmare," Emma corrected, her smile faltering. "'M sorry. I wanted to… I tried not to come and bother you, but…"

"It's all right," Remus said, stepping aside to let Emma in.

Sirius looked at Emma, looking like a deer caught in headlights. He looked frantically between Remus and Emma for a moment and then put on a tight smile. "I'll, er…I'll go," he said, starting to stand up. "I'll stay in the living room to leave you be."

"No," Emma said quickly, sounding distressed at the possibility of Sirius leaving. "Stay. Please."

"You heard the girl," Remus said with slight amusement. "She wants you to stay."

Emma climbed into the middle of the bed and immediately curled into Remus's side when he got in next to her. She looked at Sirius over her shoulder with a shy smile. "'M sorry," she said.

"It's all right," he said, looking over Emma's head at Remus.

"All right," Remus said, pulling Emma close. "What story will it be tonight?"

"Something Muggle, please? Welsh, maybe?"

Remus hummed softly as he thought about which story to tell. "How about _The Old Man and the Fairies_?"

Emma nodded, closing her eyes. "I do enjoy that one," she said with a giggle. "It's incredibly silly." Emma settled in as Remus started to tell the story, curling up on his chest with her head underneath his chin. It didn't take her long to fall asleep.

"Sorry," Remus said quietly, looking down at Emma, surprised she hadn't stayed up long enough for him to finish the very short story. "Just so you know, she'll get like this sometimes. She gets restless fairly frequently and won't settle down at night. It's gotten worse since…since her furry little problem has decided to make itself known. Usually, it's from a nightmare, though, like tonight. You just have to use your best judgment on what she'll need to go back to sleep. Chances are she'll complain about it a few days later, and it's easier to let her. She's incredibly embarrassed by it and feels that because she's a teenager, she shouldn't need help to fall back asleep –"

"Remus, is it worth me knowing any of this? If she –"

"Sirius, I can say without a doubt that she already loves you." Remus met Sirius's grey eyes and sighed, stroking Emma's hair as he looked down at her instead. "You have to understand that a lot has happened to her, to all of us. She clings to whatever she can, and she has a dreadful amount of separation anxiety. Emma's going to want you to be a part of her life, so it would be good for you to know." He looked over at Sirius, his brow furrowing. "Unless… unless you don't want all of this anymore."

"No! No, I do!" Sirius said quickly. "I just…you two are practically inseparable."

Remus chuckled softly. "I don't think we would have gotten to this point if I weren't here if I'm going to be honest," Remus said. "The summer…well, you know if she told you everything. It was awful. I don't think you have to worry about anything. You had her for the first two years of her life. I've had her for the last two. We're even in that regard."

"She doesn't even remember me."

"She didn't remember me either. For the most part, she still doesn't. We're…Sirius, this little girl's life has been absolute misery. The more we figure out, the worse it gets."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for one, I had been interacting with her for a decade without even knowing."

"How is that possible? You would have known her right away."

A mirthless smile crossed Remus's face. "Polyjuice."

Sirius went pale, his eyes darting to Emma's face and back to Remus. "They were giving Polyjuice potion to _a child_?"

"They were taking great care in making sure that no one would find her."

"For what purpose?"

"We don't know, and that's the terrifying part. I can write an entire novel on all of the potential possibilities we've come up with."

Before Remus could continue with his thought, he heard the faint noise of a knock at his office door. "If I don't answer it, whoever's there will get concerned. I'm positive that it's Minerva just coming to check how Emma's doing. Guess that means the Hogwarts rumor mill worked exactly as it should," Remus said quietly. He studied Sirius for a moment, a slight grin crossing his face. "Get yourself comfortable."

"Get myself…why?"

"Sit like I am," Remus said, waiting for Sirius to mirror his pose. Sirius gave him a strange look, and Remus only smiled as he gently shifted Emma over to lay on Sirius instead.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked in alarm. "I don't know –"

"I'm going to answer the door," Remus said, standing up and smiling at the sight. "And you are bonding with your daughter, even if she's asleep. I'll be back. Don't you dare think of trying to move."

Remus was relieved to find that it was only Minerva at the door, checking in as he thought she would. He loved that the woman he considered a second mother liked to make sure that everything was going well. Remus secretly hoped that Emma would eventually start to see her as family. He certainly did. However, he wanted to make sure that Sirius wasn't having issues with Emma. Remus was pleased to see it was the exact opposite of a problem.

He had to stop in the doorway for a moment just to watch Sirius with Emma. The moment meant something so much different now, and it was far more memorable. Sirius had always been incredibly gentle with Emma, and now that Remus understood why, it made his heart fit to burst. Remus smiled, taking in Sirius's awed expression as he softly brushed his fingers over Emma's cheeks with reverence. Sirius gently kissed Emma's forehead, holding her as if he would never get to do it again. He slowly looked up to meet Remus's gaze, freezing until he processed that it was all right.

"I keep thinking that I'm dreaming, and I'm still in Azkaban. None of this seems possible. I can't get over how beautiful she is," Sirius said softly. "She was beautiful as a baby, of course, but now…"

"It's scary that they grow up, isn't it? She's stunning, and I can't begin to tell you how many times I have to hold back in giving some of the boys a piece of my mind."

Sirius nodded, gently tracing Emma's features. "You've always been a far better man than I was. I would have been kicked out of her in the first week." Sirius looked up at Remus and gave him a small smile. "Professor Lupin. You always were made for the job."

"I love being here," Remus admitted. "Had some of the best memories here."

"And some of the worst…" Sirius said, pulling his gaze away from Remus and down to Emma as he ran a finger down her nose. "She looks so much like you. I thought maybe…well, I think I prefer her looking like you than like me. I always loved that she wound up with your eyes. I'm surprised she doesn't wake up with me doing this."

"Probably because I've done it a million times myself. It's hard not to now, especially knowing that she's…that she's ours," Remus sighed, finally crossing back to his bed and sitting down. "It's only been, well, it's nearly been a year that she's looked like me. The changes were subtle before the potion, not enough to make too much of a difference. But then when she…" Remus cleared his throat as it began to tighten at the thought. Had it almost been a year since Emma had been at her worst? Remus reached over to tuck Emma's hair behind her ear – he was so proud of how much she had grown. "Well, it was practically overnight. It took around two weeks for her face to change, but her hair was almost instant. I was beyond startled the first time I looked at her, and she looked completely different."

"What did she look like before? I didn't see any photos in the house."

"That's because I took them down because I didn't want her to get too confused. She missed nearly a week of the change, so I didn't want her to be overwhelmed if she saw a photo of herself. It was a pretty drastic change, and I'm eternally grateful that none of her friends ever brought it up. She, regretfully, looked a lot like Jude, only as pale as she is now. If it weren't for her eyes, I would have doubted that it was her."

"That's unfortunate."

"It used to bother her a lot. She was still beautiful even then, but she couldn't see it in herself. Kids used to make fun of her for it when she was younger."

"Because of her red hair?"

"Because of her red hair."

"And that happened last year?"

Remus nodded slowly. "Two of the girls from the children's home Emma was in received their letters and were determined to make Emma as miserable as possible. It worked."

Sirius pressed another kiss to Emma's forehead. "Not entirely," he whispered. "She's still here."

"But for her to be here, she has to suffer every month because of me. She's half-werewolf now, at the bare minimum."

"So she gets a little temperamental. It's not the first time I've dealt with an angry werewolf," Sirius said, shooting Remus a grin. "I know you probably beat yourself up over it every day, and I know that it's not going to be easy. When have things ever been easy for us?"

Remus hummed quietly in response. There was no doubt that things always seemed to be complicated. It wasn't about to get any easier.

"Merlin, remember how angry Red used to get with us because we used to make fun of her for her hair?" Sirius asked, shaking his head.

"Certainly made sure we knew not to mess with her, the fireball."

"I miss her," Sirius said. "I miss Prongs, and I miss Red."

"So do I," Remus said softly.

"How's Harry? I never get to see him outside unless he's at Quidditch practice."

"No thanks to you," Remus said pointedly. "Poor boy can't go anywhere without someone watching him like Emma needed to be. Emma at least needed it, but Harry doesn't, but can't exactly try and explain that to anyone right now." Remus sighed, glancing down at Emma. "I swear, if you wake Emma up after what I'm about to tell you, I'll be joining you in Azkaban. It's fortunate that she's excellent and forcing one to keep their emotions down, but I know you."

Sirius shot Remus an anxious look but nodded. Remus took a deep breath, rubbing his forehead. "Harry is…living with Petunia."

"Harry is _what_?!" Sirius froze as Emma began to stir, a grumpy little whine leaving her lips at the sudden shift in the tone of Sirius's voice.

"I swear to God, Padfoot, if she wakes up…"

Sirius took a steadying breath and started stroking Emma's hair, trying to calm himself down. He cleared his throat. "He's with _Petunia_?" he asked through grit teeth. "Of all the places Harry could have gone, Dumbledore decided on _her_?"

"I tried to get Harry," Remus said, watching Emma closely to make sure that she wasn't about to wake up again. He let out the breath he was holding when Emma's breathing leveled out again. "I planned to get Harry, and then to find Emma. Neither of those things happened. He's a wonderful kid despite where he is. I have a suspicion that his situation wasn't any better than Emma's, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember – if you wake her up…" Remus warned as he looked pointedly at Emma. "I believe that he was being abused, as well. Still is, rather."

Sirius's eyes narrowed as he looked at Remus, but he swallowed hard and nodded again. "We have to get him. He can't stay there."

"That's part of why I keep meeting with Dumbledore. I keep trying to convince him to let me take Harry, though I haven't told Emma yet. I don't want her to get excited if I don't succeed."

"Well, when we get Peter, and I'm free, he's coming with us."

"Obviously, but where will we stay? You know the cottage isn't big enough for all of us."

"We'll figure it out."

A tense silence fell between them. Remus wasn't sure how to tell Sirius about Peter and didn't think it was the right time. Instead, he had another idea.

"Do you want to see something amazing?"

"I have no idea what you could show me that's more amazing than this," Sirius said, gesturing to Emma sleeping soundly on him.

"Oh, just you wait," Remus said excitedly, getting up to retrieve the Marauder's Map. "She's still better, of course, but I think you'll like what I'm going to show you."

Sirius watched anxiously for Remus to return, and his mouth fell open when he saw the parchment in his hand.

"Is that –?"

Remus quickly sat back down on the bed with a mischievous grin. " _I solemnly swear that I am up to no good_ ," Remus murmured, tapping his wand to the parchment and casting Sirius a sideways glance.

"Merlin's beard," Sirius breathed out, looking like a child on Christmas morning. "Take her back so I can look!"

Remus snorted, gently shifting Emma back onto him and letting Sirius take the map. "It's how Emma knew you were heading back into the forest again and went to find you," Remus sighed. "She is an absolute terror with it."

"How?"

"Bit of a story. Harry had it last, and Emma happened to be friends with who had it before Harry did."

"And why do you have it now?"

"Er…confiscated it for being a dangerous object," Remus said, the smile on his face fading. "And because I wanted to make sure that Peter couldn't get ahold of it. Emma has far more discretion than Harry does with it. I feel guilty that she's been getting to use it, but she's far more subtle and less likely to get caught with it."

"Meaning she's sneaky."

"Just a bit. She's incredibly cunning."

"Why are all of her traits Slytherin traits?"

"Well…"

Sirius looked up from the map and fixed Remus with a hard stare. "Moony, please don't tell me our little girl was almost a _Slytherin_."

"Then I won't say it," Remus said, trying to hide his amusement.

"Bloody hell," Sirius said, looking down at Emma in alarm. "She's so sweet looking! There is no way in hell she would have been a Slytherin. Our little girl being a Slytherin is preposterous! We would've had to disown her!"

"Don't let that sweet little face fool you. It's part of her manipulation tactics, and she does it well; it's terrifying. Sweet face, such a tiny little body…she knows that people would never consider the possibility that she could outwit them. Our little ray of sunshine being a Hufflepuff also works to her advantage."

"That is terribly Slytherin."

"It is, but for the most part, she uses her powers for good, not evil."

"Which means she can use them for evil."

"And she has. Especially with me – she knows I can never tell her no. I probably wouldn't tell her no to anything regardless, unless it was dangerous, but she doesn't need to know that."

Sirius frowned slightly. "Well, I suppose we weren't entirely innocent when we were young, either."

"It changes when you realize where she learned her behaviors from, though."

Sirius looked up from the map to give Remus a confused look, and then he understood. "I suppose it's a wonder that she's as well adjusted as she is, then."

As if knowing where the conversation was headed, Emma let out a soft whine, turning her face into Remus's chest.

"What is it, baby girl?" Remus asked, stroking Emma's cheek.

"I just want him to go away," she murmured with a soft sob.

Sirius looked up at Remus, startled, but Remus shook his head, mouthing "Greyback" over the top of Emma's head. Sirius nodded in understanding.

"What happened this time?" Remus asked, knowing there was a possibility Emma wouldn't bother answering him.

"He…" Emma sniffled, whining again. "I don't remember. I just…I want him to go away."

"He's not here right now."

"He's always here," Emma muttered.

Remus sighed, looking over at Sirius. Sirius, unsure of what to do, immediately transformed into Padfoot. It was what Sirius used to do for them in school when one of them was stressed.

Emma gave a soft gasp when she felt fur brush up against her arm. She looked at Sirius in confusion for a moment and gently wrapped her fingers into his fur. She was about to say something, but instead, she snuggled against Remus, closing her eyes again. Remus felt the tension leaving her body slowly, comforted by the familiarity of Sirius's fur.

He reconsidered the possibility of getting her an actual dog, though he had no idea how it would work with her in school. Perhaps he could get her permission to have a dog at the castle, especially since Dr. Wheeler recommended it to him. It would have to be a big dog, like Sirius, and he was already dreading the logistical nightmare of having a pet dog, but it would be worth it. If not a dog, perhaps a cat would do. Cats generally didn't like werewolves, overly sensitive to dark creatures, but he wondered if he could find one that wouldn't be too bothered.

It had been heartbreaking the first time he saw Emma try to pet a cat walking in the hallway, and it hissed at her. She didn't understand what had changed and mentioned it happened all the time. It wasn't until he gently reminded her what they were that Emma finally understood. Emma never tried to pet a cat again, but Remus caught her longing looks, wanted desperately to pet every cat she found. As much as Emma loved Aurora, an owl wasn't exactly a pet one could cuddle.

As Emma slowly fell back asleep, Remus sighed, meeting Sirius's gaze. "How about I tell you more about her?" Remus said, needing to fill the silence. He wasn't tired yet, and Emma was clearly joining them for the night. "She doesn't exactly come with a book of instructions, and it would be helpful. For the most part, she's easy to manage, but," Remus kissed the top of Emma's head, "she has her quirks. I think we all do."

Sirius gave a slight nod, settling his head to rest on Emma's leg. Remus sighed, trying to think of where to begin, and then he smiled.

"Well, the first thing you need to know is her favorite color is yellow, but don't be surprised if she changes her mind. She loves every color in the world, but yellow is her favorite…"

Their time together grew easier locked in their little bubble of domestic bliss. Sirius slowly opened up more, telling Emma some of the stories that Remus never did.

"Oh, you have no idea how brilliant Moony was," Sirius laughed after telling one particularly harrowing tale involving a prank on the Ravenclaws. "Best part is he was a Prefect, and no one ever suspected!"

"Yes, and that's precisely why you lot only got worse after our fifth year," Remus sighed, his face a bright shade of red. "Should we be telling her these stories?"

"Moony, our daughter is a Marauder now, and she needs to know our legacy," Sirius said, waving Remus off. "How else is she going to carry it on for us?"

Emma beamed at Remus, happily snuggling up to Sirius. Remus wasn't sure that he could be any happier, already mentally making plans for how the summer would work. With the loss of Peter again, Remus wasn't sure that Sirius could ever truly be free, but he couldn't stand the idea of _not_ having this every night. It wouldn't be easy, of course, but Remus wanted to live this exact moment over and over. He wanted to come home every night to Sirius and to see Emma the happiest she'd ever been.

It didn't even matter that Sirius had his little quirks; Emma was more than willing to work around them. She didn't balk when she realized that Sirius couldn't stand sleeping in a bed and decided they should all camp out in her bedroom as it had more floor space. Emma could care less about eating meals with utensils and suggested they have meals they could eat with their hands.

It was nothing short of a miracle that Emma handled things with all the grace in the world and in a way that didn't leave Sirius embarrassed. It was one of the times Remus was glad that Emma was so empathetic. When Emma realized that Sirius had nightmares, even as Padfoot, she quickly offered comfort the way he provided it for her. Each morning, he woke up to Emma curled around Sirius's furry form, and he felt incredibly blessed. They could help each other.

Sirius knew how to appeal to Emma's wolfish side, being able to shift to Padfoot on a moment's notice. Even in such a small space, Sirius figured out how to help Emma play and silence that side of herself. He was sure that they would destroy their quarters running around, but Remus felt it was worth it. It was the one thing that he couldn't do for Emma all the time, and he was grateful that Sirius was willing. Remus could imagine Sirius remembered when he had to do the same for him when they were teenagers. Granted, they had much more space to run around in, but they made do. Their current situation was only temporary.

Remus had to admit that he was silently relieved when playtime involved two humans instead. To Emma's amusement, Sirius humored her with some of his Pure-blood upbringing and taught her to dance. Remus was never a good dancer, but Sirius grew up with the ancient traditions. He knew that Sirius hated most Pure-blood customs, but he loved dancing. It was something that Sirius wanted to share with Emma, and he gladly sat to the side to watch.

For the first time ever, Remus was surprised to find that Emma didn't have two left feet, and she took to waltzing with ease. All she needed was a good teacher, and Sirius was an excellent dancing instructor. To Remus's horror, Sirius insisted that he take Emma's place, and Emma quickly joined in, pulling him from the couch. Remus would never forget Emma's squeals of laughter as Sirius tried to lead him through a waltz, humming a made-up tune. As embarrassed as he was, stumbling over his feet was entirely worth it just to be close to Sirius again.

Conversations slowly became easier between Remus and Sirius. It was hard to discuss their missing years to fill in the spaces, but having Emma as common-ground made it simpler. Sirius loved to hear stories about Emma as much as she loved hearing stories about both of them. Emma particularly enjoyed sitting in between the two of them, just looking at the map and hearing stories about its creation.

"I want to be brilliant like both of you," Emma said after Sirius shared a story of another near misadventure with the map.

"You are," Sirius said firmly, without missing a beat. "You always were."

Emma's pleased smile was short-lived as she turned back to the map. She quickly picked it up off the table, staring at a spot on the grounds with wide eyes.

"What is it?" Remus asked, looking over Emma's shoulder to see what had drawn her attention. As Emma was about to answer, Remus pulled the map from Emma's hands, meeting Sirius's gaze. "It's Peter."

Sirius was on his feet, but Remus quickly pulled Sirius back down. "There's no point," Remus said sharply. "He's too far away for us to do anything."

Sirius glared at Remus but settled back into the couch, crossing his arms. If Remus let him, he knew that Sirius would run out into the grounds to try and get Peter, but he was heading into the Forbidden Forest. It would be a completely wasted effort at night.

"But that means he's still alive," Emma said, leaning back against Remus. "That means that we still…"

"We still have a chance," Remus finished.

"What do you mean he's still alive?" Sirius asked.

"It's…it's a very long story," Remus sighed. "But because he's still alive, you could be free."

"I could be free…" Sirius echoed quietly.

"And we can be a family and not have to pretend," Emma said happily. "Does that mean we can get a dog, then?"

"Oi, you've got one right here," Sirius said, reaching out to tickle Emma's sides.

"I've got _two_ dogs," Emma giggled. "Except both of them are very much human, so it's a bit odd. Plus, I would only have two dogs for one night. It would be nice to have a dog that's _actually_ a dog. Then I could have three for one night!"

Remus sighed, wrapping his arms around Emma's shoulders. "Sweetheart, you know I'm not really –"

"You're like an overgrown puppy as Moony," Emma said, tipping her head up to look at Remus. "Just with incredibly sharp and pointy teeth. You take the potion, so you're all right."

"She has a point, you know," Sirius said with a grin, thrilled to use a line they had been repeating over the past few days.

"I suppose this isn't an argument either of you plan on letting me win, is it?" Remus asked.

"No," Emma and Sirius said at the same time, grinning at each other.

"Merlin, only a few days of us all being together, and you two are ganging up on me."

"It's only because we love you," Emma said.

"Very much," Sirius added with a wink. He looked over at the map, swallowing hard. "I think I should leave tomorrow," he said quietly. "I don't want to, but if Peter's back out there… People will start to get suspicious if they don't see either of you."

"It'll help keep him in one spot," Remus said, hugging Emma a little tighter when she sniffled. "Hey," he said softly. "No tears, remember?"

"I know," Emma said, "but I haven't been this happy in a long time…"

Sirius sighed, gently taking Emma's hand and pulling her over to him. "Nothing is going to happen to me," Sirius said. "This is all going to be figured out. And we'll all be a family."

"How about we just enjoy our last night together?" Remus suggested. "It's not the last time we'll all be together. When we all get to be together like this again, things are going to be much better."

Remus wasn't entirely sure who he was trying to reassure. They were going to tread into incredibly dangerous territory to try and keep their family together. He still wasn't entirely sure if their family could even work together – three nights wasn't a lot of time. Remus could see Emma's happiness, could see the glimmers of the Sirius he knew, but he wasn't sure. They hadn't gotten truly close, keeping Emma between them as a barrier.

Emma looked up at Sirius and over at Remus, reaching out for his hand to hold it. "I'll try and stay in my room tonight," she said, the slight flicker of guilt crossing her face. "So you two can be together. I know I've been –"

Remus was surprised when it was Sirius that spoke up. "You have been wonderful," he said gently. "I wouldn't trade a single moment that I've been able to spend with you here. I quite like knowing that I have an incredibly cool daughter. If you want to stay, then stay."

Emma smiled up at Sirius and switched back to snuggling with Remus. "No, I'll leave you two alone tonight," she said with a yawn. "But can I hear a story?"

"I think that a story can be arranged," Remus said, looking over at Sirius. "What's your topic of choice tonight?"

"Hmm," Emma hummed softly, trying to think. "How about another one from when you were in school?"

"Moony, have you ever told her the story of the games we used to play?" Sirius asked curiously.

"I'm afraid not," Remus admitted.

"Games?" Emma asked, perking up slightly.

"Oh, bloody hell, Moony. I can't believe you've never told her about the games before, especially when you came up with them," Sirius said.

"I want to hear about the games!" Emma said excitedly.

"I wasn't _entirely_ the reason behind the games," Remus insisted with a groan. "You're going to tell her, and she's going to get ideas now."

"That's the point," Sirius said with a laugh. "Let me tell you all about the biggest game we used to play."

Emma listened very closely as Sirius told her about an overly elaborate game of capture the flag they all used to play in the castle. It sounded brilliant – the simplicity of the game combined with magical elements. Rather than flags, they captured transfigured versions of the gifts to Hogwarts from the founders. She could picture Remus and Sirius running around the castle with their friends, sneaking around at night to try and find the opposing team's relic. By the time Sirius had finished the stories of their multiple games, Emma was amazed.

"I want to play," Emma said breathlessly, looking up at Remus expectantly.

Remus shot Sirius a look and shook his head, looking down at Emma with a sigh. "Then I suppose we'll have to play," Remus finally said. Emma's smile was the brightest he had ever seen it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	60. Allegiance

Remus had no idea how it had even happened. One moment he was talking to Sirius; the next, Sirius was underneath him like they were teenagers again. They quickly realized that they were not teenagers at all, creaking in places they never used to creak. It had been incredibly awkward, bumping heads, the smashing of teeth, but when they found their rhythm, it was sheer bliss.

He found that he enjoyed the scratchiness of Sirius's beard that he refused to shave. Remus found that he still didn't mind the way Sirius still traced his scars. He seemed to know exactly which ones were new, pressing his lips against each unfamiliar raised line of his skin. It felt like no time had passed at all, even though so much had changed. Remus thought he could replay the night over and over again just to wash away every feeling of ill will he ever felt.

The only thing that kept him from feeling too guilty was Emma's instance on Dreamless Sleep, so she was completely unaware. She was determined to let them have their time alone. He felt terrible letting her have it, but she was insistent the night before.

"If this is going to all work out, then you two need time together without me intruding," she had said quietly, taking the vial from Remus's hand, much to his reluctance. "Don't think I haven't seen how you two look at each other…I can take the hint. Just, please make sure you use a silencing charm if you two, er…" Emma couldn't finish her sentence, turning bright red. She gave Remus a quick hug before retreating into her room. Sirius found it absolutely hysterical.

Remus worried that the morning would be awkward, but when he found himself in a tangle of limbs with Sirius, he didn't think he could be happier. For a little while, it didn't matter that they were older, that so much time was lost. All that mattered was being together and knowing they had their little family together. No matter what happened next, they would figure it out.

When they both left the bedroom, Emma was sitting in the living room. She stared at both of them with wide eyes, trying to ascertain what exactly had transpired. It didn't take her long at all as she studied them, focused on the stupid faces they wore.

"Oh, gross," she said, her face twisting slightly before she immediately shuddered.

To Emma's absolute horror, Sirius sat down next to her on the couch and threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. "We're _in love_ ," he said with a wolfish grin.

"Oh, _gross_ ," Emma said, trying desperately to pry herself out of Sirius's embrace as he held onto her tight and laughed. Remus couldn't stop himself from joining in their hug, making sure that Emma couldn't go anywhere. With a sly look at Sirius, they immediately began peppering her face with kisses.

"This is the worst!" Emma shrieked through her laughter. "You can't have done what you've done and then do this to me!"

"It wouldn't be the first time," Sirius said, forcing Emma to fall silent.

"And, don't forget, I've had to walk into the house knowing what _you_ were doing with Persephone," Remus added, causing Emma to go completely limp with pure embarrassment. He took the opportunity to press a kiss into her hair, a smile on his face. They used to joke about how they would torture Emma with how in love they were when she was older.

"Touché," Emma said with a heavy sigh. She gave in and accepted whatever love Remus and Sirius felt the need to bestow upon her. Even though Emma adamantly denied it, the hints of her smile said that she enjoyed it.

"A girl?" Sirius asked curiously.

Emma shot Remus a desperate look to not say a word, but Remus gladly took advantage of the situation. "And boys."

"Merlin, there's multiple?" Sirius asked with a slight snort.

"There are multiples, although…her choices in who she likes have been rather unfortunate…"

"Daddy, _do not say a word_!" Emma shrieked. She was so embarrassed she could melt through the floor.

The morning went too quickly for Emma's liking. She desperately wanted to go down with Remus and Sirius back to the Forbidden Forest, but they forced her to stay.

"You're still supposed to be sick, love," Remus said softly. "At least I can say that I'm going out for a walk while you're resting. Besides, I have to meet with Dumbledore again."

"Dumbledore, _again_? I feel as though you're always there," Emma said, leaning into Sirius's embrace, not wanting to let go.

"It's not goodbye, you know," Sirius said, squeezing her tight. "You'll always know where to find me. This is only temporary." Emma sighed, reluctantly separating herself for Sirius. She knew that they would all be reunited again. When Sirius was Padfoot again, he allowed her to scratch the spot behind his ears, and Remus carefully draped the borrowed Invisibility Cloak over him. Emma was gutted.

Their quarters were disturbingly silent without Sirius around. Yet, he left loud traces of himself everywhere, namely in dog hair. She silently plucked a stray hair from the couch cushion with a sigh. "I miss him already," she whispered, looking from the hair held between her fingers to her father.

"I miss him, too," he said, meeting Emma's gaze.

Emma looked down at the Marauder's Map sitting on Remus's lap. "Anything?"

Remus shook his head. "Nothing at all," he said. "But Peter's alive, and that's a start. I don't think he'll go far because he'll want to know what Sirius is doing. We knew he was smart, but we greatly underestimated him." He tapped his wand to the map with a quiet, " _Mischief managed_."

"What do we do now?" Emma asked.

"We are going to get through the rest of the school year. You are going to focus on being a teenager, and I am going to figure out how to get Peter, while…somehow trying to catch up on my massive pile of grading."

"I could help," Emma said, almost pleadingly.

"If I recall, I believe you have homework to work on," Remus smiled. "And you've got a game to play if you can gather enough people to play."

"We're playing the game?"

"We're playing the game."

Remus should've known not to doubt Emma's abilities at finding people to join in on one of the Marauder's games. It felt odd to even consider playing the game in an approved capacity, but even Dumbledore seemed excited by the idea. After Remus explained the situation with Emma and Persephone, Dumbledore was on board. Even he was curious to see where Persephone's loyalties may lie. Remus was mostly interested to see how much she might have learned from Greyback growing up.

Not expecting much enthusiasm, Remus approached McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout, and Snape with the proposition of joining the game. He was surprised when everyone except for Severus decided to join in. Remus had been expecting him to scoff at the very idea.

He took in the group of 52 students gathered, all ranging between second to fifth year. It was far more than he expected, and he was impressed that Emma had found so many people who would be interested. He was surprised to see a few Slytherins in the crowd, but seeing Draco being present, perhaps it wasn't surprising at all. The youngest Malfoy always felt the need to be in on things, and he wouldn't pass up a situation to show off in front of his friends.

When Remus felt that everyone gathered in the Great Hall was settled, he finally approached the group. "I'm glad to see that so many of you have decided to join in on the fun," Remus said brightly. The crowd slowly grew quiet, looking at Remus curiously. "Before I go into the rules, I would like to reiterate that this game is purely to have a bit of fun over the holiday. This game will go only as long as five days and will be played over the _next 120 hours_ , or until the last team is left. It will be fun, but it will not be easy. If you don't think you can handle playing for so long, I suggest leaving now."

Absolutely no one moved from their spots.

Remus smiled in amusement. He knew that none of them knew how difficult it would be, and he was already mentally picking out who would wind up forfeiting sooner rather than later. Of course, he could be surprised, but he was definitely curious to see how the game played out.

"To keep things fair, we'll play with four teams. House loyalty does not matter in this game; however, I think a captain per house would be best. I think to keep the playing field level, perhaps boys versus girls?" There were nods of agreement from everyone involved. "Right, then I suggest the houses get together and pick their captains. Whenever your choice has been made, please send your captain to join Professor Dumbledore."

The group divided into their respective houses to talk excitedly amongst themselves. Ravenclaw was the quickest at picking their captain and ended up with Terry Boot. The other houses looked at each other and went back into their frenzied talking. Seamus stepped up for Gryffindor and stood next to Terry. It seemed that the third year students were claiming the majority for captaincy.

"That means we need to pick a girl for Hufflepuff," Ernie said thoughtfully as he turned back to the rest of the Hufflepuffs. "I vote Emma."

"I think that might be our best bet. If we have Emma, perhaps we can get Professor Lupin, too," Susan said, looking pointedly at Emma.

"Me? The captain?" Emma asked. "You're joking."

"We're not," Justin said brightly. "All in favor of Emma, raise your hands." Everyone raised their hands, and Emma's cheeks grew bright red. "The house has spoken, Emma. We promise not to be offended if you don't pick us. All we ask for is a win for Hufflepuff."

"Merlin's beard," Emma muttered, standing up from the group and joining Professor Dumbledore.

The Slytherins all looked at each other, and within moments, Persephone stood next to Emma. "Looks like it'll wind up being us against each other," Persephone said smugly, giving Emma a nudge.

Emma peered over at Seamus and Terry and snorted. "I think you might be right."

"Oi, come off it, Lupin," Seamus said, glaring at Emma. "We're going to win!"

With a smirk, Emma looked over at Persephone, and they both raised their eyebrows at each other. Before the game even began, an alliance was made.

"Interesting," Remus said slowly, taking in the four chosen captains. He had secretly hoped Emma would be picked for Hufflepuff, but he kept hearing Ernie's name coming up. If it weren't for Terry and Seamus being picked before a decision was made, Ernie most likely would have been the second boy. The situation was already playing into precisely what Remus wanted – a test for both girls. A test to see how well Emma had been paying attention in their lessons and a test to see just how much Persephone actually knew. It would give Remus a better idea of what they needed to worry about.

"Well, to eliminate any bias, Professor Flitwick, you'll join Emma's team, Professor McGonagall, you'll go to Terry's, and Professor Sprout, to Seamus's. Since Professor Snape opted not to join in the game, I will go to Persephone's team."

"Shit," Emma muttered under her breath. Of course, Remus would want to play fair, and the other Hufflepuff's groaned. They were so sure that they would have Remus on their team.

"Well, guess that means my team will be the one winning," Persephone gloated. "Can't wait to have those bragging rights."

"We'll go in order of last chosen captain to pick teams," Remus said, "so, Persephone, you'll pick your first team member, followed by Emma, Seamus, and then Terry. Are the captains all in agreement?"

As if Persephone would pass up the opportunity of picking her team first. Emma, Seamus, and Terry reluctantly agreed. Emma was already trying to strategize.

If Persephone picked first, Emma would have the second-best choice and make her decision off of the next three picks. She wasn't necessarily going for brain or brawn; she wanted the people most likely to make it to the end of the game. If Emma could get Persephone on her side, then she could guarantee to make it to the end, she hoped.

Picking teams was far more stressful than Emma thought it would be, but she felt that she had a reliable team. Seamus had gone with mostly brawn, sticking to almost entirely Gryffindors. Terry had a mix but mostly went for brains, which wasn't necessarily a good idea. Emma and Persephone had a decent blend, but Emma had gone for more of a variety than Persephone.

As much as Emma had wanted Remus on her team, she felt that she had the better end of the deal – Flitwick was a champion dueler. Plus, she had the added bonus of knowing how his mind worked. Emma was determined to win.

Remus studied the teams curiously, though his expression gave nothing away. He nodded slowly to himself and continued on with the game's explanation.

"Now, the rules are simple. The playing field is within the castle walls' confines, which means absolutely no going onto the grounds. The Great Hall is considered a safe zone – there will be absolutely no magic related to the game allowed.

"Each team will be given two floors to work with. Hufflepuff and Slytherin, your camps will be in the basement and the dungeon, split evenly in half per floor. Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, you will share the sixth and seventh floors. Everywhere else is fair game. As we lose players, the shorter the field will become until only two floors are left, and an announcement will be made to move your items.

"Absolutely no magic that could fatally harm someone may be used. Minor spells that _could_ cause injury are allowed but use discretion. This is meant to be fun, and any faculty member present can shut the game down if they deem it unsafe.

"There is absolutely no use of _Accio_ to retrieve an opposing team's object. No enchantments may be used to make the item impossible to take. Only minor and breakable charms can be used to help guard your item.

"To stop someone who has your team's object, you can duel until it can be taken back or until your opponent surrenders or escapes. If you are caught in your opponent's territory, you can be captured and removed from the game. We will be playing until only one player is left standing with all four items."

Even Emma wasn't aware that the rule was going to be put in place. She had assumed that the team with all four objects would win. Emma shot Remus an annoyed look, but he only shrugged. This changed everything, and she bit her lip as she looked at her team. They would have to partner up to get through to the end. A win for her team would be a win no matter what, and she had to approach the new rule carefully.

Professor Flitwick and Professor Sprout stepped over to one of the tables and began to pick up vaguely familiar bands. Emma stared at them curiously and watched as both professors started to attach the bands to each player's wrists.

"To keep track of everyone playing, we have enchanted bands that will signify your team's color. Yes, this means a few of you will be wearing the colors of another house for the duration you are within the game," Remus explained, smiling at the quiet grumbles of some of the group.

"These bands will not only help to ensure that everyone remains within the playing field but will let you know where you stand. When the bands have a purple line, that means there is only half of the group left. When the bands turn lime green, that means 20 players are left. When it is orange, only 10 players are remaining, and that means the teams are dissolved. When it turns red, there are only two remaining. The moment only ten players remain, the final ten will need to return to the Great Hall as the rules will change."

Emma watched as the band that Sprout put around her wrist turned yellow, and she hummed quietly to herself. It was a fascinating bit of charm work to put together the bands, and she wondered how exactly they were all connected. McGonagall stepped up next to Remus with a bit of fanfare, a rare smile on her face.

"Now, the beauty of this game is the items that will be used. Much like when I played this game while in school, we'll be utilizing the four gifts to the school." Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out a stone, and held it out. McGonagall tapped her wand to the rock, and it turned into a locket. "For Slytherin, we have Salazar Slytherin's locket," Remus said, motioning for Persephone to take the necklace from his hand. Remus reached into his pocket again for another stone, McGonagall repeating the process, but this time a tiara appeared. "For Ravenclaw, Rowena Ravenclaw's lost diadem."

Terry stepped forward to take the tiara in amazement. He passed it off to Cho, who immediately began showing it off to the others. Everyone watched in awe as a brilliant sword suddenly appeared in Remus's hand.

"For Gryffindor, we have Godric Gryffindor's sword – luckily, this one is not sharp and will actually tickle if you touch the edge. I do not recommend trying it," Remus said with a laugh as Seamus took the sword excitedly. "Careful with that, if you please, Seamus. That would be wonderful."

"And for Hufflepuff," Remus turned to Emma with a smile. "Helga Hufflepuff's cup." Emma took the cup with a grin, inspecting it in curiosity. Even though it was only a transfigured stone, Emma would swear that it was the real thing, the gold glimmering in the light.

"One final rule – your items are not allowed to be hidden in common rooms or dorms, but empty and unused classrooms are allowed. Slytherin and Hufflepuff, you will be given twenty minutes to hide your relics. Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, you will have thirty to account for your trip up the stairs. While the Gryffindors and Ravenclaw take their extra time, Slytherin and Hufflepuff, you will stay here until their ten-minute head start is up. Is that all clear for everyone present?" Everyone looked at each other, the energy shifting to pure excitement as Remus lifted his wand. He set off some glittering sparks.

"And the game begins."

The Gryffindor and Ravenclaw team immediately rushed out of the Great Hall, which Emma didn't find at all surprising. Before Persephone had a chance to leave, Emma grabbed onto her hand. "Talk. Now," she said, dragging Persephone off to the side.

"The game just started, and you're already trying to take me hostage?" Persephone asked, looking back at their two very confused teams.

"Oh, shut it. I'm trying to be smart about this, especially since we have ten minutes before we have to leave."

"What do you mean?"

"Effie, if we go in together, we have a better opportunity to make it to the end," Emma said, imploring Persephone to see reason. "If we convince Terry to get on our side, we can take out Seamus, and then our teams can take down Terry. The point is for us to get to the end, right? At least if make Terry think he's on our side, we have more manpower to get rid of the Gryffindor's quickly."

"I like the way you think, Emma Lupin, but how do I guarantee that you won't stab me in the back early on?"

"Hufflepuff and Slytherin loyalty," Emma said, holding her hand out with a grin. "You know how we operate, and I know how you do. If we're going to do this, then we're doing it together. Plus, it'll be easier to get the boys out. Seamus's team is all brawn, no brain. We might have a problem with Terry, but I think it will be all right. I think it would be a much more interesting game if we make it to the end, anyway."

"And you're not in Slytherin, why?"

"I was avoiding you. Remember, you were sorted before me – I wasn't a Lupin yet," Emma grinned. "Didn't want to be stuck in the house with the absolutely frustrating girl I met in The Leaky Cauldron."

Persephone laughed and shook Emma's hand. "You are still an absolute menace. Let's tell everyone else and get Terry on board. I'm starting to think we won't need all five days to play this game."

"Should we bet on three nights?"

"Let's bet on three."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	61. Betrayal

Emma and Persephone's plan went off better than even they expected. In two hours, Seamus's team was taken down completely. The Gryffindor team was entirely out of the running with no casualties on their end. Unfortunately, Emma and Persephone realized that Terry's team was proving to be more of a challenge.

Rather than adding Terry to their alliance, they realized they would have no issues with the Gryffindors. The Ravenclaws kept to their section on the seventh floor and had no idea what was happening on the floor below. It appeared that Seamus's leadership only extended to picking the team, as they weren't working together at all. The Gryffindors did a terrible job hiding Gryffindor's sword, leaving it unguarded in an empty classroom near Gryffindor tower.

"It's because they're almost all Gryffindors," Persephone said with a snort as they hid around the corner. "They're never going to get themselves together."

"Too many of them want to be the one with the brilliant idea," Emma said, snickering as she held onto the sword of Gryffindor. Emma felt the incredulous stares of the Gryffindors around her, including her father, and she only smirked. She didn't entirely mean it, but the proof was right in front of them. The Gryffindors currently could not get themselves together if their lives depended on it. "Send in half of yours, I'll send in half of mine, and we can see what we need to worry about for Terry?"

"Brilliant."

In the end, Emma and Persephone gladly left Remus and Flitwick, along with a few of their other teammates to take care of Seamus's team. Since Emma came up with their allegiance and plot, she got to keep Gryffindor's sword, and she sent Caspian down to join Elijah and Wayne in guarding the cup and the diadem. It wasn't something they needed to do, but it made them feel better with extra protection.

Terry's team had at least gone in with a strategy, and discovering the location of where they hid the diadem was more complicated. It took several nerve-wracking passes along the seventh floor to realize that they were utilizing the hidden alcoves behind the tapestries to play the game. After several stinging jinxes were hurled their way, they ran. With reluctance, they retreated – they needed more time to plan their attack.

Emma and Persephone's team went back downstairs to regroup and figure out their plans. They would have to approach the situation carefully. They went to dinner like usual, the Great Hall their safe zone. For the time dinner went on, the three remaining teams relaxed. It was an unspoken rule that they wouldn't discuss game strategy, and they sat at their tables like usually would.

Even though they weren't discussing the game, Emma found herself thinking about the game so far. Emma had to admit that she was pleased with her team, and she was proud that her idea of working in pairs was working. The team worked better with a partner as it meant someone could attack while the other protected. It didn't take long for Persephone's team to do the same thing, but they paired off with their friends. The only smart move Emma could see that was made was Persephone pairing up with Remus. Emma knew they would make it to the end that way.

Cedric and George got along perfectly. She felt guilty breaking up Fred and George, but George was incredibly good-natured about it. Other than Flitwick, they were the team's main attackers since the fifth years had such a strong focus on spell work. She felt that they would be instrumental in the diadem's retrieval, even though Persephone would get the item. It would make their teams even, and it would work well.

Draco and Theo were an intelligent duo. Draco was surprisingly more willing to protect versus attack but offered excellent ideas for moving forward. She knew that Draco was analytical, but she had never seen his thoughts in action. Theo was slightly more impulsive, but each move was well calculated. She felt that she made excellent choices, even if the rest of the team weren't thrilled with having the Slytherins.

Neville and Luna got along swimmingly. What they lacked in skill and power, they made up for in ingenuity. Neville was extremely shy, not wanting to offer his opinions with Draco and Theo around. Still, when he spoke, he had excellent ideas. Luna was more than willing to give her ideas regardless of what people said. While they were a little more out there and hard to decipher, Emma could see the hidden appeal of what she was trying to say.

Caspian and Elijah were her wildcards and incredibly funny. She didn't see them lasting until the end, but they were fun to have around regardless. Their dueling style was more on the playful side, and even if they weren't very good, it would give them experience. Caspian and Elijah were more suited to item retrieval. Caspian's height gave him the chance to hide Elijah, and Elijah could easily slip in wherever they needed to go.

Hannah and Justin were surprisingly brilliant with protective spells. The strength of their shields was impressive, even if they weren't well-versed in other spells. Justin was better versed in Charms, and Hannah would have been a much better choice if Herbology was needed. All the same, Emma couldn't deny they were talented in their own ways.

Ginny and Colin were forces to be reckoned with and were more than willing to go on the offense but quick to shift to protective spells. Ginny had incredibly powerful jinxes, something that George mentioned was mostly due to him and Fred. Colin wasn't as strong as Ginny, but he also had incredible potential.

Emma had decided to make the executive decision to partner with Professor Flitwick. She wasn't stupid enough to pass up the opportunity to learn how to duel better, and he was fun to watch. Remus had taught her well, but she was picking up new tips from Flitwick exceptionally fast. Emma wasn't at all surprised that Persephone had decided to pair up with Remus for the game. She would have been stupid not to.

By the end of the day, the only players out were the members of Seamus's team.

Even though they had permission to play the game, Mr. Filch was incredibly overbearing. As the clock neared midnight, they all decided to rest just so they wouldn't be bothered by Filch. No matter how many times Remus or Flitwick explained the situation, Filch wasn't accepting it, especially from Remus. Emma wondered just how often her father had tortured the man for him to be so adamant about not accepting his reasoning for students being out past curfew.

Emma and Persephone weren't willing to traverse the castle to get to the seventh floor again, and they weren't about to force everyone to make the trek. Instead, they made their way downstairs to the basement to find a joined place to rest. They were still on the same team until Terry's group was taken out and were willing to share a space.

To keep things fair, they kept their items in two separate classrooms and set up guard duty. The group decided to stay in the classroom across from where the sword, the cup, and the diadem were stored. If Terry's team decided to make their way downstairs overnight, they would know.

Remus and Professor Flitwick conjured up squashy sleeping bags for everyone and plenty of extra pillows. Dumbledore came by and conjured up navy blue pajamas for everyone to sleep in.

Everything was fine until they started to settle in for the night. Draco found anything and everything possible to complain about, and he wasn't letting anyone sleep. No matter how many times the Slytherins yelled at Draco to be quiet, he continued to talk. Flitwick and Remus only watched in amusement.

"Draco, if you don't shut up, I am going to get rid of you myself," Emma growled, throwing a pillow at Draco's head. There were quiet mutterings of agreement across the room. Draco was not making it easy.

"Maybe you shouldn't have picked me then, Lupin, making me join _this_ lot," Draco sneered, sitting on top of his sleeping bag with what Emma swore was a pout.

Emma sat up and shot Draco a glare. "Do you want to know _why_ I picked you, Draco? It's because you're smart, but right now, you're being incredibly stupid. Get over yourself and go to bed, unless you would like to be on guard duty the entire night instead. Believe me, I have no issue forcing you to stay out there by yourself, guarding both items for the rest of the night, and letting everyone else sleep."

The idea of being on guard duty made Draco fall silent, and no one heard a word from him until he was placed on guard duty at his assigned time.

George, who was in the sleeping bag to her left, immediately broke out into quiet giggles but quickly grew quiet when Emma shot him a look. No one was safe from Emma when she was tired.

Everyone woke up the next morning, achy and groggy. Sleeping on the stone floor, even with soft sleeping bags, was not a good experience. The group slowly grew annoyed as they woke up and realized that Remus and Flitwick had conjured themselves up cot beds to sleep in for the night.

"You couldn't have done that for us?" Emma asked Remus incredulously.

Remus only shrugged. "None of you asked," he said, turning to Flitwick with a wink. If Emma didn't have an alliance with Persephone, she swore she would have hexed her father right then and there.

Before going to breakfast, everyone gathered together to plan out their attack on Terry's team. Persephone and Emma spent most of the time arguing. Remus and Flitwick were more than willing to have the two girls try and figure out how to take on the situation.

"Mate, listen, if we go for McGonagall first, then we don't have to worry about having another adult to deal with," Emma insisted. "Why would we go for the weaker members first? Take out the person who is most likely going to cause us issues first and then work our way down."

"But if we take the weaker members out first, then we have less to worry about," Persephone said.

"By tiring out our strongest members at the start? Why attack the majority when we only have to worry about one single person? Everyone else should be easy."

"Because it's less people to deal with!"

"Effie, we've 28 people between the two of us. They have fourteen. I hardly think we need to worry about taking the majority of their members."

"How about we ask everyone else what they think?" Persephone suggested.

In the end, Persephone's plan won in a vote. Emma didn't think it was a good idea at all, but ever the Hufflepuff, she conceded to Persephone's win. They went to breakfast with the plan of attacking the weaker members of Terry's team first. Emma didn't have high hopes.

Just like Emma thought, things went terribly wrong the moment they stepped foot into Ravenclaw territory. Terry's team seemed to have discussed the possibility of them all being rushed and had set McGonagall up to help guard the diadem. Rather than going for the weaker members like Persephone suggested, everyone had to go after McGonagall instead. If they didn't get rid of her first, they were going to run into trouble. But things got worse.

Even though Emma and Persephone decided to attack Terry's team first, Persephone's team decided to go after Emma's as well. The chaos of trying to get past McGonagall and the rest of the team to retrieve the diadem provided the perfect distraction.

Their first casualty for the Hufflepuff team was Caspian and Elijah by Pansy, Daphne, and Tracey. It wasn't entirely unexpected, but it meant fewer players on her team and left Emma aggravated. Persephone wasn't going to do anything about it until Emma reminded Persephone of their alliance and immediately pulled the rest of her team out. She wasn't going to stand for it. If Persephone's team was going to take the diadem, then they were doing it themselves.

Persephone reluctantly pulled the rest of her team out, not wanting to tire everyone out too soon. They decided to regroup after lunch and try again.

Somewhere between trying to take out the rest of Terry's team, Neville and Luna were knocked out. Draco, in his annoyance, finally decided to retaliate and took out Anthony and Roger. Ginny, Colin, Justin, and Hannah soon followed.

Somehow Stephen Cornfoot, Lisa Turpin, Ernie, and Leanne all got knocked out at the same time sometime after dinner. Emma wasn't entirely sure how that happened, but she had a significant loss on her team's part. There were more of Persephone's team than hers, and it was making her nervous. Even though it didn't matter in the end, as the teams would be dissolved once ten people remained, Emma still wanted a Hufflepuff win.

By the end of the second day, half of the players were officially knocked out, and only Emma and Persephone's teams were left. Persephone officially had the diadem, and Emma and Persephone had two items each. Even though the playing field dropped down to the first two floors and the basement and dungeon, they decided to utilize the dungeon and the basement. Emma and Persephone agreed on an armistice after breakfast the next day to level the playing field.

However, tragedy struck overnight. Draco and Theo had fallen asleep during guard duty and were quickly taken out by Persephone's team. Before they could retrieve the sword and the cup, Emma's team was on their feet. They managed to take out Daphne and Pansy, but they were officially outnumbered.

"You said after breakfast!" Persephone said when Emma got annoyed. "The game goes 24 hours, Lupin! Remember that!"

Emma was fully prepared to duel harder, but Tracey and Megan decided to drop out of the game entirely to everyone's surprise.

"It's not worth it anymore," Megan whined, Tracey nodding fervently at her side.

The dueling immediately stopped, and they watched in awe as they had Remus and Flitwick take off the bands.

"We didn't have to do a thing," Emma said breathlessly, watching as her band color changed.

"They were sick of playing," Persephone said with a shrug.

Before anyone else could attack, Remus paused the game. "There are only ten players left," Remus said in amusement. "I think we should all take a break until after lunch and go from there."

Emma tried to immediately size up the situation as she took in who was left. Sue Li, Oliver Rivers, Fay Dunbar, and Wayne Hopkins would be easy. George, Flitwick, Cedric, Persephone, and her father were going to be a problem. None of them were opposed to a much lengthier break.

Gathering in the Great Hall after lunch was a tense affair. There weren't many players left, and they were all trying to figure out how to make it to the end. They were gathered around a single table, all giving each other questionable looks. One of them would be winning the game, but they weren't sure who.

"Well, you've presented an interesting scenario," Remus said as he approached the group and regarded the 8 students left. "We had expected ten students to remain, but there are eight of you, and only two teams remain. Initially, I planned to swap the items in use, but we can continue to play as teams. There's no point in dividing you up when the game can still be played like normal. Professor Flitwick is still offering to play, which means that I would still continue with the game. Is anyone opposed to that?"

No one was opposed to the idea of getting rid of the teams. All that mattered was getting the final two items and keeping them.

"What about still playing until the last person standing?" Persephone asked curiously. "I think we should play until only one member per team remains, and one person has to have all four things."

"Seriously? You're willing to give up teams to have one person win?" Sue asked Persephone.

"Why not?"

"I think it would be an interesting idea," George shrugged. "Adds some more variety to the game. Play with teams, and then go from there."

"Well, I'll admit it changes things a bit," Remus said, rubbing his chin. "But not entirely different than when we used to play it, except we tagged members back in. We eliminated that rule for the game."

"Maybe we should add that rule back in," Fay said.

"No way!" Emma said. "There are more of your team than there is of mine! I don't mind playing with fewer members, but no one can be tagged back in."

"She has a point," Cedric said. "No matter what, we're outnumbered, and being able to tag in those two extra players doesn't help."

"But what if we set a team cap of four on four?" Persephone shrugged.

"Or I can leave now," Fay said almost nervously. Everyone turned to look at Fay curiously, and she ran her hands nervously through her hair. "I-I mean, the game's been fun, but it's a lot harder than I thought it would be."

"If you'd like to leave, that's entirely up to you," Remus said. "Does anyone else want to leave?"

Oliver and Wayne looked at each other and gave small shrugs. Apparently, they didn't want to play either.

"Now you have one extra person, Emma," Persephone said, her tone on the borderline of complaining.

"Well, I'm not leaving," Emma said, straightening up. "I wanted to play the game in the first place, and I'm not leaving."

"I don't mind leaving," Flitwick said brightly.

"What?" Emma, Cedric, and George asked at the same time.

Cedric was the first one to recover. "But Professor Flitwick, that leaves us with –"

"I think the three of you could handle Professor Lupin," Flitwick said, removing his band with a delighted smile. "Good luck."

Remus watched in amusement as Flitwick left. "Well, I guess that settles that then," Remus said, clearing his throat. "How about we take the time until dinner to hide what we have, and then we pick the game back up after dinner? Perhaps keep the game down to the basement and dungeon?"

"I think that should be fine," Emma said, folding her arms over her chest.

"Not many places to hide things down there," George commented.

"You'd be surprised," Persephone said. "There's a decent amount of hidden spots."

Emma thought about it for a moment. "Do we _need_ to hide things with so few of us? Or could we just carry them? With so few of us, I don't think the game will last past tomorrow morning, so I don't think we need to hide anything."

"Well," Remus said slowly, "I suppose there's no need to hide anything. You really think that the game won't last that long?"

"No, because we're going to win," Emma said smugly.

"Wow," Sue said, dragging out the word. "Bit cocky there, eh, Lupin?"

"Not at all," Emma grinned.

"We'll see about that, Emma," Persephone smirked.

"Then we'll pick up the game after dinner," Remus said with a sigh. "I have a feeling we're all going to be in for a long night."

Emma was grateful for the further extended time for their break and retreated to her room. Even though it had only been a few days since she'd been in her bed, she found she missed it. Not even the Hufflepuff dorm could match up to her bed. She took a quick shower and happily curled up under her blanket, burrowing herself in the soft fabric.

A soft knock at her half-open door made her begrudgingly lift her head. "Yes?" Emma asked, giving Remus an unamused look. "I am trying to take a nap, thank you."

"I know," he said quietly, stepping into her room and sitting down on her mattress. "I haven't really been able to talk to you. I miss you."

"Dad, we have been essentially playing on the same team for two days. We've talked plenty," Emma said. Remus smiled, but it didn't quite meet his eyes, and Emma sat up, finding his expression curious. "You found something out, didn't you?"

"Well, I'll admit that I wanted to play the game to try and figure out what we could be missing," Remus said quietly. "I…I have my concerns."

"Like what?"

Remus grew quiet and reached out for Emma's hand, lacing their fingers together. "I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but the way you strategize is very similar to Greyback's," he said gently. "It's a bit strange to see in you. It's not a bad thing, but it's a bit worrisome. A teenager shouldn't know how to approach things like they're going into battle. Unfortunately, it can be a useful skill to have; I just wish you didn't have it at all."

"Well, isn't the point of the game to basically be like we're going into battle? It's just practice, I suppose."

Remus chuckled softly, lifting their joined hands to kiss the back of Emma's. "I will never understand how you try to turn things around," he said. "It doesn't make it any better. Besides, you're not going into battle any time soon – or ever. It gives you an edge, of course, but I don't like the idea that your childhood was spent learning these things."

"But it's helpful…"

"It's helpful, but it almost sounds like you were half-raised like the children in Greyback's pack. I hate the possibility that you might not have had a happy childhood. You already had to grow up far too fast without any input from him."

Emma shrugged, leaning forward to rest her forehead on Remus's arm. "It doesn't matter now," Emma said quietly. "I've got a Moomy and a Dadfoot, and we're all going to be together, and that's all that matters. What about Persephone?"

"I'm still not entirely sure," Remus sighed. "There's no doubt that she's intelligent, and she hides it. I can't say one way or another, not yet. A lot of how she approaches things could be from Ellis, but he has Auror training. What worries me is she's a bit more cut-throat, more willing to risk many for few, and she's persuasive. Your approach is the opposite, and I noticed it when you put your team together. You value different traits and play to your team's strengths, neither entirely offensive nor defensive."

"And…that's something like Greyback would do? My approach?"

"Yes and no. But let's not think about it right now," Remus said. "I'll tell you more, in time, but I've still got to beat you at my own game."

"Oh," Emma said in amusement, a small smile crossing her face. "It's your game now? Funny how you said a few nights ago, you weren't responsible for the Marauder's games."

"It can be mine when I win."

Emma took full advantage of their break from the game and enjoyed spending time with her father. The game was fun, but it was incredibly exhausting and far more fast-paced than how the Marauders played it. The Marauders played the game over weeks with 12; they were playing it in days with 52. Remus suspected that the game would move much quicker with so many different players, but Emma didn't think it would be so fast. She felt that it would be more difficult with such an expansive play area, but the teams kept to their floors. Emma definitely wanted to try and play the game again, but with a much smaller and secretive group like her father did. It seemed like it would be far more enjoyable.

Dinner came much too soon, and the idea of having to start playing the game again made Emma anxious. She ate slowly, foot tapping the floor repeatedly as she listened to the rest of her table talking about how much they enjoyed the game. The general consensus was it was fun, but it was difficult – Emma whole-heartedly agreed. However, Emma was suddenly drawn from her conversations when she heard Persephone's voice suddenly rise over the din of the Great Hall.

"I don't understand," Emma heard Persephone say from the Slytherin table. "Going from Draco to George? Seems like such a downgrade."

Emma immediately tensed up, her stomach knotting painfully. The fact she heard Persephone from across the Gryffindor table was _not_ a good thing, especially with George so close to where they were. What was Persephone doing? Was Persephone aware of how loud she was being? She heard Pansy say something, but she couldn't hear exactly what she said. She had no problem hearing what Persephone had to say.

"Yeah, Dad's been in a right snit over it. Emma – who would have guessed? She thinks she's better than all of us just because her dad's a professor here."

Emma looked up at the head table to see if Remus was paying attention. It didn't appear that he was outwardly, but Emma noticed the subtle way his head was turned as he talked to Flitwick. His brow furrowed slightly as his gaze flicked over towards Persephone. He was listening.

"Well, you see how much she gets away with," Persephone scoffed. "She's given up on her real friends, anyway. Little Loopy Lupin hanging out with Loony Lovegood – it only makes sense. They should get together – Loopy and Loony. It's perfect."

Loopy Lupin. Emma had heard the moniker uttered before, mostly by Peeves to her father, but Persephone apparently knew it. Were other people calling her that without her knowing? Emma wasn't particularly bothered by the nickname as she found it funny, but coming from Persephone, it stung.

Emma desperately hoped that Luna wasn't still in the Great Hall, and she wanted to turn around and look, but she couldn't. She could feel eyes turning her way, and the back of her neck was starting to heat up. What was the exact purpose of Persephone's sudden need to be mean? The last time Persephone had acted like a complete snob was their first year. What had changed? Was this Persephone's way of trying to win the game? Or was this something more?

"What do you mean she doesn't get away with anything? You don't _really_ know her. She does so much for attention. Quidditch? She's not even good at it. She only started playing it because she thought George would like her better."

Emma finally turned around in her seat to look over at Persephone. Persephone's back was facing her, which didn't help Emma's situation at all. The group of Slytherins around her seemed to be paying rapt attention, amused looks on their faces. She glanced over at George, and she felt her face heat up when she realized he and Fred were listening quietly to Persephone.

"And the bloody nickname. I'm sick of it.

"Really, _Persephone_?" Emma finally snapped, not caring that she was shouting across the Gryffindor table. "What is your problem?"

Persephone whirled around to look at Emma in surprise. "I was just joking."

"I don't really think that you were," Emma said slowly. "I know when you're joking, and that wasn't joking at all."

"Oh, please," Persephone scoffed. "You haven't even spent time with me much in the past few months. How can you say that you know me?"

"I haven't spent time with you? I have absolutely spent time with you, just not as much as the past few years," Emma scoffed. "What, are you _jealous_ of me? Really sad to be jealous of the girl who wants to spend time with her father after being holed up in a children's home for almost ten years."

"I'm not jealous," Persephone snapped.

"Aren't you?"

"Why would I be jealous of _you_?" Persephone practically spat out her words, and it left Emma taken aback.

"Because I'm finally happy, and clearly you're not," Emma said with a derisive breath. "I'm starting to think you liked poor, sad, little Emma, and now that I'm happy you hate it."

"I'm happy," Persephone insisted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"But are you _really_?"

"Yes!"

"Sure," Emma scoffed.

"Well, at least I don't have to deal with werewolves my entire life!"

It seemed like the entire Great Hall had grown quiet, now fascinated by the mention of werewolves. Emma suddenly felt very cold and very dizzy. The current situation could go wrong and very fast.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Emma asked, standing up and crossing her arms.

"One word," Persephone spat, " _Greyback_."

Emma immediately burst into near-hysterical laughter at the sheer relief that Persephone only mentioned Greyback. "Real clever, Persephone. Thank you for pointing out the obvious."

"Oh, but it's more than that."

Emma's eyes narrowed slightly. "And what do you mean by that?"

"You know exactly what I mean by that," Persephone said, an eyebrow raising as her gaze shifted slightly in Remus's direction. It was just enough that someone else wouldn't notice, but more than enough for Emma to understand.

It was obvious that Persephone knew the truth. Emma had no doubt that she knew what Remus was. After all, Persephone was the one who had suggested it to her in the first place in their first year. Her stomach simultaneously did an anxious flip and dropped – how did Persephone know to mention her father being a werewolf?

"Tell me, Persephone, have you been my friend at all or has our entire friendship been a complete and utter lie?" Emma asked, her voice trembling with her suppressed anger. "Of all things you had to pick out, you brought up _Greyback_? Seems you know an awful lot about that because I certainly haven't said much to you about it."

This time, Persephone's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by that?"

"You know _exactly_ what I mean by that," Emma snarled through grit teeth.

Persephone always had to get the last word; Emma knew that, but she wasn't expecting what happened next. Persephone stood up on the bench of the Slytherin table, looking at everyone in the Great Hall.

"Attention, everyone!" Persephone said, clapping her hands. "I would like all of Hogwarts to know that Emma Lupin is in love with George Weasley, and she thinks she's much better than all of us because her father is a professor!"

Emma had never gotten her wand in her hand quicker in her life, but before she could even think of uttering a spell, Remus had her wand in his hand. However, that was no issue for Emma; she had punched Jocelyn the year before. She had no problem with scrambling over the top of the Gryffindor table to punch Persephone. Remus put a quick stop to that, as well, his arms wrapped firmly around her shoulders, keeping her where she was. Angry and embarrassed tears filled her eyes, and she wanted nothing more than to get her hands on Persephone.

"It's not worth it, believe me," Remus whispered to her, his arms locking a little tighter. "You're better than this."

Emma twisted her head to shoot Remus a sneer and pulled herself roughly out of his grip, grabbing her wand out of his hand. There were far more eyes on her than she wanted, and all she could do was glare at anyone who stared a little too long. She could feel George's eyes practically boring into her skull, but Emma refused to look.

"Save it for the game, you two," Remus said sharply. "5 points from Slytherin and 5 from Hufflepuff. Persephone, that was incredibly disrespectful, and Emma, you know better than to respond when someone tries to get a rise out of you." Remus turned to the rest of the still very curious room. "And the rest of you – settle down. There's nothing to see here."

Remus looked as though he wanted to say something to Emma, but instead, he gently squeezed her shoulder. He knew better than to try and continue the conversation where they were, and he made his way back to the head table.

The rest of the Great Hall's occupants slowly turned back to their dinners, but Emma could only glare at Persephone's back. They suddenly had another issue besides Peter Pettigrew, and Emma had never felt more betrayed in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	62. Rivalry

Emma couldn't look at George at all, no matter how many times he tried to get her to talk. It made the whole sitting out in the basement hallway, waiting for someone to try and attack situation far more awkward than it should've been. Cedric, the brilliant person he was, tried to keep the conversation light, but Emma refused to talk.

Remus apologized profusely to her for not stopping things before they got as far as they did before officially restarting the game, and she didn't blame him. The very mention of werewolves had made them both freeze up, unsure of where the conversation would head. It wasn't any better with Persephone bringing up Greyback, but it solidified that she knew more than they thought. It wasn't a good situation to be in, and it seemed as though if Persephone wanted, she could weaponize her knowledge.

Trying to focus on the game seemed impossible when all of her thoughts were concerned with Persephone's motives. Why now? What was the point? Emma couldn't understand, and she wasn't sure that she even wanted to. She was hurt and confused. Was Persephone only being nasty because she wanted to win the game? Emma hoped that was the case, but it was an incredibly cruel way of doing it. Did Emma still want to be her friend after all of this? She wasn't entirely sure. To even dare use Greyback as a weapon against her was a bitter pill to swallow. This wasn't the Persephone that she knew – was it?

The idea that Persephone was never really her friend was painful. They had spent the better part of nearly three years together being friends and learning and discovering each other. It seemed impossible that Persephone would do such a thing, and at their age? The worst part was the only person she could reliably go to for answers was Greyback, and she didn't want to do that. What if he was baiting her, and he was pretending like he knew something? But he had the folder and was very insistent that the pictures would have been a better choice.

Emma's stomach did it's hundredth flip that night – Sage and Ellis never sent any photos of Emma and Persephone when they were smaller. Was that on purpose? Or was it because Fenrir was the one who had them?

A warm hand on her arm pulled her out of her thoughts, and Emma's face grew warm when she realized it belonged to George. "I think we need to talk," he said quietly.

Emma looked around frantically for Cedric, not thrilled when she found he wasn't there.

"Where did Cedric go?" Emma asked nervously.

"He ran into the dorm to grab something. You nodded, but I guess you didn't actually hear him."

"No, I didn't," Emma muttered, anxiously twisting the cup over and over in her hands.

"Is it…is it true what Persephone said?" George asked.

"About what?"

"Well, all of it…"

Emma set the cup down and covered her face, taking a deep breath. She didn't want to have this conversation with George, but there was no getting around it.

"George, I don't…" she sighed heavily, tipping her head back to rest it against the wall, her eyes closed. She still couldn't look at him. "I like you. I really, genuinely do. Love is a bit of a strong word, but…I do fancy you, and I have for a while. I didn't quite start playing Quidditch because of you, but it was a bit of an incentive. I really didn't like flying, and when you lot asked me to play, I wasn't about to pass it up. I meant to wait for Dad to take me out. He was going to teach me how to fly instead, but, well… you know how everything worked out."

"And what about Greyback? He's that werewolf, yeah?"

"Yeah," Emma whispered. "He, erm…it's a bit of a story, but he's taken a bit of a liking to me. And he's not really going to go away anytime soon."

"Well, that's absolute shit."

"You're telling me," Emma said dryly. "He makes it a bit hard for anyone to consider liking me at all, I think. And now that the whole school knows… I understand why you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore."

George looked at Emma curiously. "Why would I ever stop?"

"Because it's Greyback…No one wants to deal with that or be friends with someone who has a psychotic werewolf after them."

"But that has nothing to do with you."

"It has everything to do with me," Emma said quietly.

"Aren't there people who can…who can get Greyback?"

"They've been trying for years. I think the Ministry's given up because there's no point in trying to hold him down. He'll get picked up, and within a few hours, he's out because he's escaped. He's too smart."

"What about your dad? He could take Greyback down."

"I'm sure he could," Emma said quietly.

George fell silent, looking at Emma for a moment before nodding. "Well, for what it's worth, I like you. I…I really like you, but I haven't been sure if you felt the same about me. It seems like every time I've tried to make a move, you've had to run off, and I thought that maybe…You're not an amazing Quidditch player, by the way."

"I never wanted to run off," Emma said with a slight laugh. "It's just…things are complicated in my life. I'm complicated."

"I don't think you're complicated at all."

"If only you knew…"

"Oi, anything happen while I was in the common room?" Cedric finally returned to their little trio, and Emma and George looked up at him from where they were sitting.

"Not a thing," Emma replied. "Makes me wonder if they're waiting for us instead."

Cedric looked down at his watch. "It's getting late, too. Nearly midnight."

"And nothing's happened for hours," George said, giving Gryffindor's sword a slight wave. "McGonagall did a good job of this. It looks almost like the real thing."

"Except you laugh when you touch the edge," Emma said, pressing a finger to the falsely sharp edge and giggling as it sent a tickle up her arm. "Not sure that Gryffindor's sword would be as terrifying if that was how it worked."

"What do you reckon we do?" George asked.

"No idea," Emma said, looking up at Cedric. "You have any idea?"

Cedric sat down on the other side of Emma. "Well, we might as well stay here until something happens. I think I'd rather them have to come up here."

"I think it's safe to say that we all know the secret passages around here," Emma said, bumping George's arm with her shoulder. "Would make the most sense for us to stay up here."

"Then it's settled," George said. "We wait until they make their move. Bit worried with Professor Lupin, though."

Emma smirked. "I think I've got him handled. Just worry about the other two. I think it was an accident that Sue made it to the end, but Persephone will be a challenge."

The trio was slowly nodding off as the time passed. Their conversation had long since been exhausted, and the snacks they acquired from the kitchen had all been eaten. All they could do was wait.

"What do you think they're doing?" Emma asked, rubbing her hand roughly over her face to try and wake herself up. She had already accidentally fallen asleep several times on George, and she wasn't about to do it again.

"Probably the same as we are," Cedric yawned. "Just waiting for someone to do something."

"Do you reckon we should just do something? Sitting on the floor is rough," George said, following Cedric's yawn.

"Oh, Merlin, you two need to stop," Emma said, yawning as well. "You two keep yawning, and I'm falling asleep right here, and we'll wind up losing. What time is it now?"

Cedric blinked several times, squinting with bleary eyes as he peered at his watch. "It's nearly two in the morning."

"Buggering fuck," Emma groaned, rubbing her hands over her face again. "Why don't you two have a kip, and I'll stay up and patrol? I need to get off the floor."

"Righto," George said, taking off his jacket and immediately lying down on his side. "'Night, you two. Wake me up if anything happens."

Emma got up as Cedric settled himself against the wall, holding onto the cup tightly. He gave her a slight nod, and Emma began to pace the hallway. The nice part of walking the castle hallways at night was the relative darkness as the torch lights were lowered significantly. Emma was never liked the dark, but the clinking and clanking from the kitchens from the house-elves was almost soothing. The downside was she was left to her own thoughts.

She was still entirely confused by Persephone's behavior, not sure what to think. They were supposed to be best friends, and they had made terrible jokes about each other, but not like that. Emma knew that Remus would have a lot to say about it, and she desperately wanted to talk to him, but they had a game to play. As she walked, she felt her eyelids swiftly growing heavy, but a sudden noise caught her attention.

The noise could be as innocuous as a mouse scurrying through the hallway, there were plenty of them near the kitchen, but it seemed wrong. She glanced over her shoulder at Cedric and George, but they hadn't moved from their spot on the floor. Emma straightened up a little more, brandishing her wand. Did the noise mean that someone was encroaching on their territory? When Emma didn't hear anything else, she slowly backed up towards Cedric and George. If she needed to get them up, she needed to get them up fast.

" _Homenum revelio_ ," Emma whispered, immediately freezing when she felt a light gust of air returning to her. Whoever was on the other end of her wand had done the exact same thing to figure out where they were. That was a problem. She quickly rushed over to Cedric and George, shaking them awake. "Guys! Wake up!"

Cedric and George startled awake.

"Whaisit?" George mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"We're not alone!" Emma said, looking anxiously where she came from. The stairs were far off from where she was, and the spell only worked so far, which meant they were already on their floor. Emma groaned as she looked the other way. Why didn't she think to check both ends? They could be attacked from either end of the hallway as they were in the near middle of the hallway.

Before Cedric and George could get up completely from the floor, Emma heard Persephone's cry of, " _Flipendo!_ "

" _Protego!_ " Emma shouted, casting a quick shield. She grabbed onto George's arm to haul him up faster and waved her wand with a shout of, " _Fumos!_ " The hallway filling with fog wasn't her best move, but they needed extra time with the boys just getting up.

"Is the other way safe?" Cedric asked, finally straightening up.

"Well, we're about to find out!" Emma said, immediately bolting down the hallway with the boys close behind her. To Emma's annoyance, Sue was at the other end of the hallway, but she quickly took out. One solid, " _Petrificus Totalus!_ " from George and Sue threw in the towel when they canceled out the spell. That worked in their favor, putting them three to two.

"Do you think we should just head back the other way?" Cedric asked, still panting from their quick run. "There's three of us and two of them."

Emma leaned heavily against the wall, trying to catch her breath. "What do you say, George?"

"Let's go!" George said, running back the way they came.

"Never ask a Weasley what they think, Cedric," Emma said, shaking her head as she pushed off the wall. "Thought you would've known that one by now." Cedric burst into laughter and followed behind Emma as she followed George.

Even though three of them were going against Remus and Persephone, trying to put in enough power to duel was difficult. Remus was responsive to anything Persephone cast, mostly trying to aid in the control that she lacked. Emma and George were willing to be on the offensive, and Cedric kept up shields for as long as possible. Emma felt that the three of them worked well together, having already practiced together from Remus having her sit in on their classes.

Cedric suddenly froze, his attention drawn elsewhere, dropping his shield just a fraction in his distraction. "George, isn't that Scabbers?"

Emma and Remus immediately followed the direction of Cedric's gaze, momentarily forgetting what they were doing. The very rat they had been trying to find again was skittering along the wall, taking advantage of the commotion to try and leave.

Emma met Remus's gaze in alarm. What were they supposed to do now? Peter was _right_ there and at the worst possible moment. Remus appeared to be doing some very quick thinking, but Persephone decided to take advantage of the situation. Before George could answer, Cedric was hit with a full-body bind from Persephone. Remus quickly lifted the spell off Cedric, who sat up rubbing his back.

"Yeah, that's Scabbers!" George shouted excitedly. As George went to grab Scabbers, she cast a quick Flipendo that knocked him backward.

"Really, Persephone?" Emma shouted, shooting off a hex that Persephone blocked. "George was trying to get the damn rat!"

"Game's still on," Persephone shrugged.

"Oh, fuck this," Emma said, not caring anymore. She hurled whatever spell she could think of towards Persephone, and if it weren't for Remus casting shields, Emma was sure she would have gotten a decent hit. Remus shot her a look, and a low growl rolled up Emma's throat. She wasn't going to get anywhere with Remus right there, and he had to save Persephone from her. His energy would be better spent trying to help George get Scabbers, anyway. In a last-ditch effort, Emma took off at a run. She knew Persephone would follow, and follow she did.

"What is your _problem_ , Persephone?" Emma shouted as they ran down the hallway. It seemed that the game was forgotten as they rushed past the sword and the cup.

"My problem is _you_ ," Persephone shouted, hurling off a tickling jinx.

"Me? What in the hell have I done to you?" Emma asked, throwing up a shield. "We're supposed to be friends – _best friends_ , Persephone! And you just…in the middle of the Great Hall? Of all places?"

"Oh, please, you've always enjoyed your theatrics."

Emma paused for a moment, lazily putting up a shield as Persephone shot three jinxes in a row her way. "I enjoy my theatrics? Have you never stopped once to consider that I've been…I haven't been well the past few years. And you're so quick to use that against me?"

"You _like_ people feeling sorry for you!"

"Never in my life have I ever wanted someone to feel sorry for me!" Emma growled as Persephone blocked another one of her hexes. "Do you really think it hasn't bothered me knowing exactly why people think my dad's here? I've heard the shit people have said for months, and after your little stunt, people are going to think that all over again!"

"Because it's true!"

"It's _not_!"

"Emma, you can't tell me he didn't come here because of you."

"Because I asked him to! He didn't want to!"

Persephone finally stopped her relentless attacks, looking at Emma curiously. "What do you mean he didn't want to? He didn't want to come here?"

"No! I had to beg him to sign the contract because I _wanted_ him here. He didn't want to come here, and…"

"Why?"

"You _know_ why."

"Because he's…"

Emma leaned against the wall to try and catch her breath. She didn't want to confirm or deny Persephone's statement, but it wasn't like it mattered. Persephone already knew. "What even made you come up with that our first year?"

Persephone frowned, tensing up. "I've always known."

"But _how?_ " Emma asked. "There was absolutely no reason why you should have been able to figure that out from the few times you ever met him our first year. What aren't you telling me? What are you trying to hide from me?"

"I'm not trying to hide anything," Persephone said tightly.

"This isn't like you, Persephone," Emma said. "Not since our first year, where you were such an incredibly arrogant arsehole. You told me that you wanted to be Ravenclaw, but damn it, Persephone, half the time you weren't any better than Draco towards everyone else. I never cared because we were friends, and I never thought you would…I never expected to be on the other end of what you had to say. Are we…have we ever actually been friends?"

"Of course!"

"Then what changed? Why _now_?"

Persephone, rather than answering, decided to start attacking much harder than she was before. Emma was secretly relieved that Remus had spent so much time with her working on just shields because she needed it. Persephone was putting every ounce of power she had into her spells, and Emma had to put out the same energy in shields. Not wanting to waste too much of her strength, Emma decided to make a run for it. She needed a place to hide and quick.

Emma ran, ducking around the corner of the hallway. The only thing that helped her was that Remus wasn't attacking, but Emma realized he hadn't been anywhere near them the entire time. Did that mean they had gotten Peter? Or was he giving them a chance to try and take out whatever issues they had on each other? Either possibility seemed likely, though Emma hoped that it was the first possibility. Getting Peter would change everything.

Persephone was beyond relentless with her spells, and even though Emma was hidden, she was still trying to fire off spells. Without George and Cedric, the situation was starting to look impossible, and Emma wasn't sure they were even playing the game anymore. A stray stinging jinx went flying past where she was, and Emma realized that Persephone was close. Emma refused to let herself be taken off guard, and with a growl, she shot back out from around the corner.

" _Flipendo!_ " Emma shouted, grinning when her spell caught Persephone right in the chest as she was approaching. Persephone went flying backward, landing hard. The force of Emma's spell was enough to knock the diadem out of Persephone's hands, and much to Emma's relief, the tiara rolled her way. She practically dove for the tiara and snatched it up.

"You've got to be bloody kidding me," Persephone said with a sneer from where she landed.

Emma shrugged, not bothering to help Persephone off the floor. Remus had incredibly poor timing as he had finally made his way down the hallway to where they were. "Guess I'm better than you, after all," Emma said, mildly bothered by the way she drawled the words.

Persephone scoffed at the very idea and stood up, rubbing her aching back. She thrust her arm out towards Remus to remove the band, shot Emma a look, and left, complaining all the way.

It was hard for Emma to care that she had made it so far. Emma watched as Persephone disappeared, and when she disappeared around the corner, she felt herself sag. Needing support, Emma backed up against the wall, leaned against it, and slid down to the floor. She didn't care what happened at that point and twisted the tiara in her hands.

Remus sighed, making his way over to where Emma was. He watched her for a moment before deciding to sit next to her. "What is it?" he asked softly.

"I don't want to do this anymore," Emma said, leaning against Remus, closing her eyes.

"You're right at the end. You're going to give up now?"

"It's not like it matters. There's no point in playing the game anymore."

Remus put an arm around Emma's shoulders. "It does matter. You're giving up too easy."

"Because it doesn't matter. Peter was right there – again. I'm guessing you didn't get him?"

"No," Remus said sadly. "George and I tried, but he found a crack in the wall and got through it. I didn't want to stun him right in front of George, but at least he's back in the castle walls."

"And Persephone –"

"Is trying to push you away on purpose."

Emma looked up at Remus, not understanding. "It didn't sound like it. Why would she do that?"

"I don't know," Remus admitted. "I still can't get an exact idea of why, but I think she thinks that if she hurts you now, she won't have to do it later. She apologized to me earlier about it, so she feels terrible about it, but…there's something going on."

"But how could she hurt me later?"

"Come on, we can talk about this later," Remus said, standing back up and tugging Emma off the floor. "We're at the end. I'm not letting you give up when we're this far. I doubt you'll win, but I'd like to see you at least try."

"I don't want to do this anymore."

Remus sighed, not bothering to dignify Emma's comment with a response. He took a few steps and gave his wand a flick. Emma squeaked, seeing the white flash of light as Remus sent off a non-verbal full body-bind curse.

" _Protego_!" Emma shouted quickly to throw up a shield. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to end this," Remus said simply. "I thought you were done?"

"You're trying to end this by still trying to fight?" Emma exclaimed. "Have you gone mad?"

"How else would I win?"

Emma stared at Remus incredulously. "You're kidding me."

"I'm not," Remus grinned. "Leave everything, and let's just duel. If you can get the best of me, then you get the locket, and you win. I'm giving you a free pass to do anything – don't hold back."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

Emma studied Remus closely, not sure whether she should believe him. If there was ever a chance for her to try and practice non-verbal spells, this was it. With a flick of her wand, she tried to cast a non-verbal Rictusempra.

"Really?" Remus asked in amusement, casting a weak shield to block it. "You're choosing non-verbal spells?"

"Why not?" Emma asked, trying the spell out again and sighing when Remus blocked it again. "Eh, guess I'll need to work on that one."

Remus gave Emma a terribly lopsided smile. "Don't hold back," he reminded her, lifting his wand.

Emma squeaked out a hasty, " _Protego_!" just as a bolt of red went her way. She shot Remus a mildly annoyed look but smiled before taking off as fast as her legs would allow her.

It was safe to say that Emma and her father were going to practically destroy the basement. They had knocked down two knight statues a piece and couldn't stop laughing about it. Remus nearly knocked over a third but had to quickly recover as he would have accidentally crushed Emma with the massive statue. He didn't at all blame her when she cast a stinging jinx his way, and he only just missed it.

"How are you not tired?" Emma complained, her exhaustion taking over.

"Really? You're going to ask me that when you already know how I'm not tired?" Remus asked in amusement as Emma rolled her eyes.

"What time is it?"

Remus looked down at his watch. "Nearly four."

"It's almost four in the morning? We've been doing this all night!"

"And wrecked just about everything in our path," Remus snorted. "Mr. Filch is going to be after my head if I don't get everything cleared up."

"Well, maybe should've thought about that when you nearly crushed me with the last suit of armor!"

"Maybe you shouldn't have tried hiding behind it again!" Emma shot her father a glare, and he grinned. "All right, _maybe_ I should have thought about using a different spell so it wouldn't have started to fall."

"Daddy!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry."

"You should be!" Emma said with a pout. "You know what – _Expelliarmus!_ " Emma said, giving her wand an aggravated swish.

Remus and Emma watched in equal parts horror and amazement when Remus's wand left his hand. Emma caught it clumsily and stared at it in her hand.

"Did I just?" Emma's gaze flicked between Remus's wand and her incredibly vexed father. "That actually _worked?_ I didn't think that would work!"

"You've got to be bloody kidding me," Remus breathed out, looking at his wand in Emma's hand, his forehead wrinkling in consternation. "You seriously just…" He ran his hands through his hair, not quite believing what just happened. "You just beat me at my own game with one of the most basic spells in existence."

Emma covered her mouth to try and stifle her laughter but snorted. "That's what you get for teaching me how to duel, I guess," Emma snickered.

"I lost to my own daughter, who is half my age, because of _Expelliarmus?_ "

"Oh, I cannot wait to tell Padfoot this one," Emma said, leaning against the wall to hold herself up as she laughed. She held Remus's wand out, doubled over from her laughter.

"Do _not_ tell him about this," Remus grumbled, taking his wand back.

"Oh, no, I am telling him. And I will take great joy in informing him."

"I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I?" Remus sighed.

"Absolutely not," Emma giggled, straightening up to hug her father tightly. "Oh, I'm so tired. Can we go to bed now that we know I'm better at dueling than you are?"

"You are _not_ a better dueler than I am," Remus grumbled.

"You are an incredibly sore loser," Emma snorted. "Just say you're proud of me and carry me back upstairs. I'm too tired, and I plan on sleeping all day."

Remus sighed, hugging Emma tightly. "I am incredibly proud of you," he said, kissing the top of her head. "But you only won because you caught me off guard."

Emma shook her head in amusement. Her father was a sore loser, and she couldn't wait to tell Sirius.

They never did get to discuss what was going on with Persephone as the rest of the Easter holiday went quickly. The day the game finished marked two years of Emma being officially adopted into the family she belonged in. Emma mentioned idly that it felt strange to even celebrate such an occasion, knowing what the next day meant. It felt even more peculiar when she realized that there was no point to the entire adoption. She was always Remus's, even if it wasn't on paper.

While it wasn't intended, they went home for a few days. They packed up their things, made their way to Hogsmeade, and Floo-ed back to Upper Helmsley. Going home was never on the agenda, but Emma felt she wanted to go to her mother's grave again. Remus would never deny her such a request when it was easy to take care of.

Back in Port Talbot, where Margaret was buried, Remus finally brought Emma to her childhood home. She couldn't be convinced to go into the semi-detached home, refusing to move from the sidewalk. She was surprised to find that it was hers since Lyall purchased it early on.

The house seemed so ordinary, so non-descript that Emma never would've imagined this was where she lived. It was close to Swansea, which made sense with how often she was apparently with Lyall, but it didn't seem _real_. She had nearly no recollection of the area or the house other than what her mind could put together. It didn't seem right that such an average looking home held such dark secrets.

"I didn't know that I grew up so close to the water," Emma said, pulling her gaze away from the stucco-covered building to turn around to look across the way. Her home wasn't directly on the water, a wide expanse of field in front of her home separating them from the beach.

"Your mother gave you the room up front, upstairs," Remus said as Emma turned back around to look at the house. "The few times I ever got to come here to see you, you always made me pick you up so you could look out the window. You loved the beach."

"It's mine?" Emma asked, her brow furrowing.

"It's yours."

Emma nodded slowly, turning once more towards the water. "I don't want it. You don't think Sirius would want to stay here, would he?"

"I'm not sure," Remus admitted. "We haven't…we haven't really had a chance to talk about it yet. We just know that if Harry joins us…"

"We'll need more space," Emma sighed. "Can we just sell this, though? I don't ever want to come back here, except to go…to go see mum. The house is stupid to have if I'll never use it."

"Think about it for a bit. If you feel that strongly about it, then we'll sell it."

Emma had no doubt that it was what she wanted to do, but she nodded in agreement. It was the least that she could do.

When they made it back to the castle, things were put into overdrive. Emma had done absolutely none of her homework that needed to be done over break, and Remus had done none of his grading. They both needed a brief respite from Hogwarts, but it meant they were far behind on what they needed to do.

After their third consecutive late night in the living room, Emma looked over at Remus in amusement over her fourth cup of coffee. "Daddy, did you always wait last minute to get your work done when you were a student?"

Remus took a small piece of blank parchment, rolled it up, and flicked it over at Emma. "I will not be answering that question," he said, giving Emma a pointed look. "I refuse to admit to having such a dreadful habit."

"Ah," Emma said slowly, picking up the parchment and throwing it at Remus's head. "So not only are you a sore loser, you're a terrible procrastinator. I guess you're who I get my procrastination from."

"Sirius was much, much worse," Remus said with a slight grimace. "Sometimes."

With the Easter break finally ending, the week before the full moon arrived. Having the start of classes coinciding with Emma's exacerbated symptoms wasn't enjoyable. Emma had improved on making the Wolfsbane Potion, which was a miracle. The full-strength potion did a much better job of calming her symptoms, but it was still challenging to work through. She managed to catch a persistent cold, much to her chagrin, but at least she was making progress.

Her relationship with Persephone seemed to have deteriorated completely. It felt as though they were walking on eggshells around each other. Remus had once again changed the seating arrangement in his class, keeping Emma and Persephone far apart. The girls had an unspoken agreement to change their seats in their other classes, as well. Emma took Hermione's vacated place in Divination, worked with Harry and Ron, and Persephone decided to stick with the other Slytherins in Care of Magical Creatures. Transfiguration seemed up in the air, as they couldn't figure out a different arrangement, and sat stiffly next to each other.

The tension only grew as the week went on, and the final Quidditch match of the year approached. Emma was grateful for the distraction as it meant the Slytherins were more focused on the Gryffindors. The less attention on her, the better, especially since all of her thoughts were on overdrive – not even Dreamless Sleep helped her get through the nights.

Saturday arrived at last, and for the first time ever, Emma donned Gryffindor colors in public. Most of the Hufflepuffs seemed to have done the same, and she practically skipped out to the pitch with Justin, Hannah, and Megan. Neville, Hermione, and Ron had joined them in the stands, with Luna eventually arriving. Remus didn't pass up the opportunity to go to the final match but had chosen to find a less crowded spot so that he could sit with Sirius as Padfoot. They weren't going to miss the last game.

If Emma thought the match she played in was dirty, the Gryffindor and Slytherin match was far dirtier. She wasn't at all surprised that Draco continued to use his ridiculous tactics at slowing Harry down. Lee's commentary was getting increasingly irate, and even Madam Hooch and McGonagall were starting to get aggravated. It was intense, and Emma had no idea how she hadn't completely lost her voice yet.

Emma had been so focused on watching George that she nearly missed Harry finding the snitch. If it weren't for the crowd growing louder and louder, she wouldn't have had any idea. When Harry came up from his dive, snitch in hand, Emma threw herself at Neville in excitement. Gryffindor had won the Quidditch Cup, and she could only imagine how excited Sirius and Remus were.

She gladly joined the crowd spilling out onto the pitch, relishing in the excitement and joy of Slytherin's defeat. Emma cheered as loud as the rest of the crowd, clapping and cheering as the team was lifted up onto the crowd's shoulders. It was such an incredible day that Emma had no idea how it could be made better – it seemed impossible.

With the Gryffindor team back on the ground, Emma made her way over to George to congratulate him. When George spotted her, he immediately turned to Emma, a wide smile on his face. Without a second thought, he swooped her into his arms and kissed her square on the lips. The already loud cheers around them grew even louder, and Emma could only smile against George's lips. When George pulled away, his face was as scarlet as his Quidditch robes, and he laughed nervously as he was pulled back into the crowd of Gryffindors.

Emma felt her face heat up, and she pressed her fingers to her lips, tickled that George had _actually_ kissed her. She let out a soft sigh, sure she would walk on air until she looked around and spotted her father in the crowd, an almost smug look on his face. Emma quickly rubbed her forehead and tried to pretend that nothing had happened. She ducked back into the crowd to try and put some distance between herself and her father.

Remus was glad that Emma missed Professor Sprout sneaking a Galleon in his hand. When he realized what was going on between Emma and George months ago, Remus had placed bets. Remus wasn't entirely sure if they would get together, but he was sure George would tap into his Gryffindor courage at some point to at least kiss his daughter. He still wasn't entirely thrilled by the idea of Emma dating, but he stood firm in his belief that he could trust George with Emma. Especially if plenty of precautions were taken. He could be okay with the idea of Emma and George kissing, but the idea of anything more terrified him. Remus wanted to be very, very, _very_ old when Emma decided she wanted children.

He smiled at Sprout grumbled over losing the bet Remus had made. She should have known better than to make a bet against him, and Remus looked forward to collecting from Flitwick, as well. Remus never lost a bet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	63. The Passing of Time

"Who decided that full moons could occur on a Monday?" Emma grumbled from her spot on the couch.

"Because life has to provide some sort of excitement," Elara said from the other side of the couch. "And because I have a three-day weekend this week, and it starts tomorrow."

"Well, aren't you lucky," Emma said, stretching and giving Elara a sleepy smile.

"At least you're safe from transforming another month," Elara pointed out.

"I guess I'm lucky, too. Did Dad say where he was going?"

"No idea," Elara said, looking over at the mantel. "He's still got a few hours before he needs to be back. I'm sure he'll be back soon since none of us have had dinner yet."

Emma wasn't entirely sure she liked full moon nights. She enjoyed having Elara for extra company and had finally gotten used to the process, but it still wasn't fun. Remus still hadn't given her wolf a name, and once again, the other half of her mind was very talkative. She didn't think she was ever going to get used to that.

"Do you ever…talk to yourself?" Emma asked stupidly. "I don't always understand what's being said, but I still talk to myself."

"I do. It's even worse when I don't realize I'm talking out loud," Elara said with a slight smile.

Emma couldn't stop herself from giggling. "I did that enough before, so it wouldn't be too entirely out there for me."

"Has your father still not given your wolf a name? You seem particularly aggravated tonight."

"No," Emma muttered. "I'm sure you can imagine that a certain part of me is not too thrilled by that." Emma looked over at Elara curiously. "Does…does your wolf side have a name?"

"Everyone's wolf side has a name. Mine's Skadi."

"Skadi?"

"Skadi was a Nordic Goddess of Winter. I was named for the color of my fur."

"Who named you?"

A sad smile crossed Elara's face. "It was meant to be my sire, but it was Greyback. I don't hate it because it's fitting; just hate who named me. I just think your father is taking his time because he wants to make sure it's something you won't hate. Once your wolf side decides it likes the name, you're stuck with it."

"Wasn't aware it was such a picky little thing."

"It's ancient magic; that's the problem. Old magic is very fickle, and even though we can maintain our human minds, we're constantly at war with each other."

"Is it rude to call a werewolf by their wolf name?"

"Depends on who you talk to, really. Some prefer it over their real name, others hate it, and some don't care either way."

Emma sighed, slipping off the couch onto the floor to lay down on her stomach. She turned herself to be facing Elara. Her muscles and her spine ached more than usual, and the floor was more comfortable than the couch. "Guess that makes sense," Emma said. "It does make it easier to differentiate when talking with dad."

"You two are probably the only other people I would ever willingly let refer to me as Skadi," Elara said thoughtfully. "Perhaps it would be good if we ever needed to use codenames."

"You would let me use your wolf name?" Emma asked, lifting her head curiously.

"Of course," Elara smiled. "You're family, kid. I've told you that before. Good luck getting rid of me now."

"I wouldn't want to get rid of you," Emma said, rolling onto her back with an appreciative groan. "Oh, this feels much better tonight."

"Back bothering you tonight?"

"A bit, yeah," Emma said, closing her eyes.

Elara stood up slowly from the couch. "I'll go raid your dad's stash to see what he has. If it's bothering you now, it'll only get worse in a bit. I'd rather take the edge off for you while I can."

"Thanks, Elle."

Emma sat up and leaned back against the front of the couch. She had never considered the possibility of not being able to use a werewolf's second name before. It made perfect sense to her when she thought about it. Names were such an incredibly personal thing – she knew that very well, considering she desperately wanted hers changed. Remus knew that she felt strongly about her name, and it made sense he would take care in trying to pick it. She would deal with the annoying and insistent non-human thoughts in her head for as long as it took. Having the wrong name would be miserable.

But then that brought Emma to an interesting thought.

"Hey, Elle?"

Elara popped her head around the corner, her brow furrowed. "What is it, kid?"

"I've got…I've got a question about names."

A curious look crossed Elara's face, and she nodded. "Give me a minute, and I'll be back out there. I'm trying to mix something up for you that won't wind up making you sick."

Rather than waiting, Emma pulled herself up off the floor and stood in the hallway bathroom doorway. She watched as Elara tried to carefully mix three different potions. "What in the bloody hell are you trying to give me?" Emma asked, pulling a face at the navy-blue color in the glass in front of Elara.

"Bit of something for pain relief, something calming, bit of Wiggenweld, with just a hint of Pepper-Up," Elara said, holding the glass out for Emma to take. "No, you won't smoke at the ears," she added at Emma's skeptical look. "I remember last time I tried to give you Pepper-Up. I have no intention of reliving that again."

"Sorry," Emma said, taking the glass and giving it a slight sniff. It didn't smell much like Pepper-Up, so she took a sip of it. "Oh, Elle, this is terrible. I think you have figured out a combination worse than Wolfsbane."

"I didn't say it was going to be good," Elara said. "Just drink it."

Emma shot Elara a glare and downed the rest of the potion. "Can't I take something Muggle next time?"

"You could…if you wanted to take it every half hour because of your metabolism," Elara said brightly.

"Ugh. Having a fast metabolism is not all it's cracked up to be."

"No, it's really not. Now, you said you have a question about names?"

Emma leaned back to make sure Remus wasn't anywhere close by. She knew how much he detested every time she brought up Greyback. "He's not going to sneak up on us, is he?"

"No," Elara said, turning her head slightly. "I don't hear anything, so we're still good."

"Okay, good," Emma said, making her way back out to the living room. "You said that every werewolf has a second name, yeah?"

"Yes," Elara said slowly.

"And…the wolf is incredibly picky with names?"

"Terribly picky."

Emma frowned slightly as she sat down on the couch. "Then what's Fenrir's real name?"

"Emma Lupin, you just might be the biggest weapon against Greyback," Elara said, a slow smile creeping across her face.

"What do you mean?"

"You ask the important questions. The question has never been, 'Who is Fenrir Greyback?' The question has always been, 'Who was the person before Fenrir Greyback?'"

"Why?" Emma asked. "That seems like such an incredibly stupid question to want answered."

"It's not. By figuring out who he was before he received his bite, it'll give much better clues into who he is. All anyone knows about him is what he wants people to know. He wants to become legendary, and unfortunately, he's done a great job of it. Greyback doesn't want people knowing who he was."

"I'm going to assume that you don't know his real name either," Emma said with a sigh.

"No," Elara said. "But that doesn't mean you can't figure it out."

"You really think I can figure it out, though? If you can't find the information, then how am I supposed to find it?"

"Because you're right at the source. He was a wizard first before he became a werewolf."

"Which means all the information is right in the castle walls."

"Bingo, kid."

Emma hummed quietly to herself. That changed a lot of things, but the year was almost up. Her chest tightened up at the thought that there were only two months left of the year. It had been such a rollercoaster that the idea of going home, as much as she was ready for it, seemed weird. Remus refused to say one way or another about whether or not he was signing a contract for a second year of teaching. She wasn't entirely sure how she would manage if Remus didn't come back to teach.

"He hasn't told me either," Elara said quietly. Emma looked at Elara curiously, and she sighed. "Your father doesn't know if he wants to sign on for another year. Not because of you, but because he's starting to get nervous. He told me about what happened with you and Persephone. Good job beating him at his own game, by the way, that's impressive."

"Oh," Emma said quietly.

"It's because he hears things, and apparently, rumors are going around that _you're_ a werewolf."

"Better me than him."

"But it's not true…yet…and people can be cruel. He doesn't want you exposed to that."

"I know," Emma said. "I realized that when Persephone…I just don't understand."

"People lash out against the things they don't understand. People fear werewolves because all they know comes from what they hear about Greyback," Elara sighed. "He doesn't want you to be subjected to it. Quite honestly, we're both glad that you're mostly oblivious to it."

"After last year, I had to learn how to tune everyone out," Emma muttered before shuddering. "That and after having to listen to people talk about how they think he's fit…not really what I wanted to listen to."

"How's learning the Wolfsbane Potion going?"

Emma groaned, rubbing her temples. "It involves Snape – you tell me."

"Fair point," Elara snorted. "But other than that?"

"Made it almost entirely myself this month. I want to tweak it at some point. There's no reason why the potion needs to be made every day. It just needs better stabilizing. Snape said that if I get through the night with no ill effects, then he'll let me try it entirely on my own next month. If I manage to do it next month without killing myself, then I get to take it over completely for June's full."

"That's impressive. I knew you could do it, but it's still impressive."

"I've been working on it nearly the whole school year. I would hope that I've gotten decent at it."

"Remind me to send you some of my notes on what I've come up with. You might be able to come up with something different," Elara said, quickly falling silent, her brow furrowing slightly. "Well, that's interesting."

Emma was about to ask what was interesting when a sudden bark punctuated the silence. She sat up a little straighter on the couch, and she heard Remus's exasperated sigh.

"Buggering fuck, Padfoot! It was meant to be a surprise, and you just ruined it."

With a wide smile on her face and all thoughts of Greyback gone, Emma twisted herself on the couch. Her smile grew as a half-hidden black dog barreled into the living room, tongue lolling out of his mouth. He looked incredibly silly, half-covered by the Invisibility Cloak, half of his body, and a portion of his head still invisible from the cloak. Emma wasn't sure she had ever seen his tail move any quicker.

Emma dropped down to the floor and opened her arms up for the dog and groaned as she was greeted with a tongue licking her face. "Every part of this is wrong," Emma laughed, pulling the cloak off. She turned back to Elara, almost nervously, but she cleared her throat, nodding her head to Emma to turn around. Emma's eyes grew wide when she found Sirius had transformed and was kneeling in front of her, a massive smile on his face.

"Hello, Pumpkin!" Sirius shouted, pulling Emma into a tight hug. "Sorry 'bout that."

"No, you're not," Emma said with a laugh, returning Sirius's hug.

"Bloody hell, it's a wonder he kept the damned cloak on as long as he did," Remus said as he stepped into the living room and closed the door behind him. "He could barely wait for me to cast a silencing charm."

"Merlin, I didn't think I was going to be able to keep this one a secret, Remus," Elara said, letting out a breath.

"You knew about this?" Emma said, pulling away from Sirius to look back at Elara in surprise. She let Sirius help her off the floor, and she wiped her face off with her sleeve.

"Of course, I knew," Elara laughed, standing up and approaching Sirius. "Hi, Sirius," she said, holding her hand out. "Elara Douglas. Nice to finally meet you."

Sirius stared at Elara's hand for a moment and then finally reached out to shake it. "Nice to finally meet you as well," he said. "Thank you," he added, pulling Emma under his arm and throwing an arm around Remus's waist. "For taking care of both of them for the past few years for me."

"Remus did a huge favor for me way back when," Elara said, waving her hand at Sirius. "And you two have got a great kid. I'm the lucky one, really. You still cool with me doing a quick check?"

"Ah, yeah, all right," Sirius said nervously. "And then a shower. That would be nice."

"She doesn't bite," Emma said, earning a bark of a laugh from Sirius.

"Merlin, Moony, she's got your humor," Sirius said, leaning slightly into Remus.

"I know," Remus sighed. "It's scary when she opens her mouth, and I hear myself instead."

"I'll make it as quick as possible," Elara said, gesturing for Sirius to follow her. "Your room's all right, Remus?"

Emma sighed happily, tucking herself under Remus's arm and hugging him tightly. "I liked this surprise," she chirped.

"I thought you might," Remus said. "It was convenient that Harry hasn't bothered to go back for the cloak. Otherwise, this wouldn't have been able to happen."

"How long's he staying?"

"Just until tomorrow night, and then I have to sneak him back out after dinner. I told Minerva not to come by in the morning because I wanted it to just be us. Thought you might appreciate having additional company, especially since next month…"

"I don't want to think about next month right now," Emma said quietly. "I'd like to get through potentially my last…human full moon, thank you."

Remus sighed and let go of Emma. "I should probably get dinner situated," he said. "I'm sure Sirius will be a bit, and I guarantee we are all starving."

It felt like each full moon was getting stranger and stranger, but this time, it was somewhat enjoyable. Sirius kept shifting between his dog form and his human form just out of awe that he could do so around Remus. Having another werewolf around had been mildly off-putting for him at first, but when he realized Elara would play with him in her wolf form, he didn't mind. Remus, however, cared a lot and looked concerned that they would break things.

"You have to pet Dad," Emma said when Sirius transformed back to his human form. She grinned at Sirius's curious look and only grinned more at the annoyed look Remus shot her. "His fur is _so soft_."

Elara was watching everything that happened in amusement, eyes flicking between Sirius and Remus. She let out a puff of air from her mouth when Sirius began to eagerly run his hands over Remus's body.

"Bloody hell, you _are_ soft," he said breathlessly, excitedly running his hands through Remus's fur. "This is nice!"

"Isn't it?" Emma said, giggling at the grumpy noises Remus made. "Don't let him fool you. He likes it."

"I bet he does," Sirius said, giving Emma a mischievous grin. "Bet I can figure out where he's ticklish, too."

The upcoming summer months meant that Remus and Elara were in their wolf forms for a much shorter time. Emma found it hard to believe that they were only considered dangerous for five hours. Elara settled heavily into Remus's armchair with a groan. Remus sat next to Emma on the couch, scratching behind Sirius's ears as he remained in his dog form.

"It's even worse when it's only for three hours," Elara muttered.

"I think I prefer when it's only three hours," Remus admitted, gently tugging Emma's arm to try and get her to lie down. "And you have to be up for classes in a few hours. You were supposed to sleep and not enable Sirius into bothering me."

"You didn't seem too bothered," Emma yawned, laying her head in Remus's lap and giggling as Sirius immediately shoved his nose in her hair. "I think Snuffles is a very fitting nickname for you."

Emma decided that her favorite mornings involved having Sirius there. She wasn't sure when she had been moved to Remus's room or when her father had gotten up, but having Sirius as Padfoot next to her was nice. When they got home, Emma swore she was going to beg them both for a dog. It seemed like Sirius had fun running around with Elara and had just as much fun trying to get Remus to play.

She was not thrilled about having to leave Sirius to go to her classes, and Remus had to practically shove her out the door after breakfast. Emma had never run back to their quarters for lunch before in her life. She was exhausted and sweaty, having to rush from the greenhouses, but Emma refused to miss out on any time she could have.

"You have a lot of tattoos," Emma noted as she watched Sirius roll up the sleeves of the jumper he was borrowing.

"I do," Sirius said, looking at his arms. "I've got more that you can't see, too."

"There's _more?_ " Emma asked in wide-eyed awe. "I want one!"

"Absolutely not," Remus said firmly.

"Oh, come off it, Moons," Sirius said. "You can't tell her that she can't get tattoos when you have them, too."

Emma turned to Remus, her jaw dropping. " _You_ have tattoos, too?"

"Moony," Sirius said sharply, "you haven't even shown our daughter the tattoo that you got for her?"

"You got a tattoo for me?"

Remus sighed, giving up on having lunch. Emma was far too fascinated by Remus and Sirius having tattoos and was asking a million questions. Remus had absolutely no doubt that Sirius would be taking Emma to get tattoos when she was older. Emma was delighted to see the small tattoo of the sun, similar to the shape of her necklace, inked into the skin over his heart. She was equally as enamored at the sheer number of tattoos Sirius had and the stories behind them.

Just like after breakfast, Remus has to push Emma out of their rooms to go to the rest of her classes. Remus felt guilty when Emma returned for dinner to find that he had already snuck Sirius back out of the castle.

"It's only temporary," Remus reminded Emma gently.

"I know," Emma said sadly. "It doesn't make it any less hard in the meantime, though."

Emma's therapy appointment that week had brought wonderful and unexpected news. Dr. Wheeler studied Emma closely, and Emma frowned. Had she done something wrong?

Emma's distress must have been worn on her face as Dr. Wheeler smiled at her.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice as soft and gentle as ever. "I'm not the only one prone to overthinking. I've spent the past few minutes trying to figure out how to tell you that I think we can end your treatment at the end of next month. I know we talked about it a few weeks ago, but I think you're ready for it now."

It took a moment for Emma to process what was just said, but she tried not to get herself too excited. Did Dr. Wheeler _really_ mean that? "You're…you're not joking, are you?"

"I would never joke about that. Did you want to continue past next month?"

"No!" Emma said quickly, covering her mouth just as quickly when she realized how terrible that sounded. "I'm so sorry, that was rude."

Luckily Dr. Wheeler began to laugh. "You are all right. I know what you were trying to say. I think the twenty-seventh of next month would be perfect, considering it will be a few days after the full moon. I understand that one might be important, and we can discuss then if we need to continue treatment. But for right now, I think our time together is nearly finished. In the time we've spent together, you've made incredible progress. You have had nearly a full year of treatment between your father and me – you should be proud of yourself."

Emma had to let that information sink in. She had never really thought about it before, had accepted that therapy would be long-term for her. They had discussed when they would end treatment right at the start, but Emma never imagined it possible. Emma let herself be proud; she could be stronger than her demons.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

May arriving was a mildly terrifying prospect for Emma. Hogwarts had become her home in a way she never expected, and things were once again moving quicker than ever. Even Remus was starting to realize just how quickly things time decided to move. It felt like there was never enough time in the day to get everything done. Homework piled up as the upcoming exam season arrived, the air was getting warmer, and things moved along.

At the start of their four-day mid-term break, Emma was surprised that Remus brought up going to Hogsmeade.

"It's the second to last trip," Remus said, "and it's pointless to try to go next month in the middle of exams. I'd like to go to Hogsmeade with my daughter on a day where everyone is there. Besides, you haven't really experienced the village still."

Emma was never going to pass up that opportunity.

Saturday arrived, and Emma was in high spirits. She really hadn't been able to experience the village in any capacity – something always went wrong. A shop here and there wasn't really visiting Hogsmeade as far as she was concerned. She had been in the village with Remus at other times, but that was mostly to Floo away from Hogwarts. It wasn't the same thing at all.

She immediately got ready when she woke up and skipped out to the kitchen with a bright smile that immediately faded. Remus was sitting at the kitchen table, staring hard at the Marauder's Map.

"What is it?" Emma asked nervously. "Did something happen?"

"I'm watching Peter," Remus said, motioning to the map. "He's on the move again, but I can't figure out where he's trying to go. He's out on the grounds again."

"He's back outside?"

"Peter must have figured out that we had Sirius here," Remus sighed. "The good news is he won't go far. I think he's going to try and go back to Ron – he's not going to want to lose out on any information that he can get."

"I guess that means we're not going to go to Hogsmeade?" Emma asked, trying to keep her disappointment out of her voice.

"No, we're going," Remus said, looking up from the map to give Emma a smile. "I'm not missing out on Hogsmeade with you. I'd like to keep watching the map for a bit – half-hour at most. If you'd like to head down to the village now, I'll be there in an hour. Padfoot will be waiting."

"He's joining us, too?"

"Of course. It worries me, but he pointed out that it wouldn't be strange for you to be seen with him," Remus said, an eyebrow quirking slightly. "Apparently, people think you've endeared yourself to a loveable stray."

Emma giggled nervously. "He's like a shadow," she said quietly. "You really think it's all right for me to go by myself? What if Greyback's there again?"

Remus hesitated for a moment before nodding. "You've proven that you can handle yourself," he said reluctantly. "And you act like I'm going to send you without the Portkey."

Emma left their quarters, Portkey in her pocket, and wand tucked into the inside pocket of her cardigan. It was a warm day, but not too hot for a cardigan. She started to realize that her father's insistence on long sleeves and layers wasn't just to avoid showing his scars; it was a security measure. It wasn't until he started teaching her how to duel that Emma picked up on it, never noticing that half the time, Remus's wand dropped from his sleeve. Unfortunately, she didn't have that luxury since her wand was too long, but she could see the appeal of near-instant access. For now, the inside of her cardigan would have to work.

She was walking down the staircase to head out when she heard Persephone yelling for her. Emma walked faster, annoyed that Persephone would even try to talk to her. They hadn't spoken in weeks, and though it stung, Emma was able to get over it quickly. She had her other friends to keep her distracted.

"Emma," Persephone shouted. "I need to talk to you."

Emma continued to walk faster, clearing the stairs to hit the ground floor. She made her way for the door, but Persephone was still yelling for her.

"Emma, please!"

With a growl, Emma spun on her heel to glare at Persephone. "No," she said sharply, watching as Persephone flinched. "I don't have anything to say to you."

"Emma, I know you're pissed at me, but I need you to listen to me. It's important."

"What could be so important that you need to tell me?" Emma shot Persephone and turned to leave again, but Persephone reached out and latched onto her arm tightly.

"Emma, _please_ …I can't…I can't do this. I need you to know… I'm not letting you get blindsided. I can't do that to you."

Emma pulled her arm out of Persephone's grip, studying Persephone. She hadn't really looked at Persephone in a while, and she looked terrible. Her usually vibrant eyes were dull, her hair limp, and she was pale. Persephone wore no makeup except for mascara, something that was very unlike her. This couldn't be just from them not talking, especially when Persephone was the one who started their downfall in the first place.

"All right, fine," Emma said, throwing her arms up in exasperation. "What do you need to tell me?"

"You're heading into Hogsmeade today, yeah? I know you haven't been in months…"

"Yeah, Dad's going with me today. Why?"

"Good. That's good," Persephone said quickly, nodding almost to herself. "I need you to do me a favor…I'm meeting my dad at the Hogs Head Inn. Now. We won't be there long."

"I'm not doing you any favors."

"No, no, it's not…it's not a favor for me. I'm only telling you because you need to be waiting outside."

"Outside the Hogs Head?"

"Yes, and I know you're never going to want to talk to me again after this. I don't want you talking to me after. It's…I can't do what they want me to do. Not anymore. You don't deserve it."

Emma stared blankly at Persephone, not understanding. "Persephone, what are you talking about?" she asked slowly. "What's going on?"

"I can't…I want to tell you, but I can't. Just – please be there. You'll understand."

"Persephone, you're not in danger, are you? This isn't…you're not _you_."

"I'm not," Persephone sighed. "But you are."

That was a given – Emma already knew that, and she was sure that Persephone knew that as well. It wasn't like they hadn't talked about it before, but Persephone groaned, rubbing her face roughly. "It's more than just Greyback," she added.

"Who else could be dangerous?" Emma scoffed. "How do I know you're not just telling me this just to be a complete arse again?"

"I'm not, and I know I don't deserve your trust, but I need you to trust me on this. I…If I tell you things that you've never told me, will you believe me when I say you need to be there?"

"Try me," Emma said, crossing her arms.

Persephone took a deep breath. "I know what Remus is."

"We already established that," Emma said. "You were the one who suggested it to me our first year. Although, I've certainly been questioning how you ever thought to bring that up."

"I know what _you_ are," Persephone said, swallowing hard. "I know that you're not…well, other people don't see your issues as anything other than stress." Persephone leaned closer to Emma, lowering her voice. "I know that you're half-werewolf. And I know how you're only half and that Greyback has been trying to bait you into trying to somehow make that final shift. He's an idiot. It won't work unless you're bitten."

Emma's blood ran cold, and her eyes narrowed as she stared at Persephone. "I never told you that…"

"And the dog," Persephone said, looking almost like she didn't want to say what she was going to say next. "The black dog, the wolfhound you hang around with…I know that's Sirius Black. And I that your mum was surrogate for him and Remus. You've always Emma Lupin."

Emma was sure that she stopped breathing. There was no logical reason that Persephone should know any of that information unless she had gone through her things. Ellis wouldn't know that information, at least she didn't think that he would. But someone had to have given the folder with that information to Fenrir. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. The only problem was the folder wouldn't explain that she was half-werewolf or that Sirius was an Animagus.

"You…" Emma trailed off, staring hard at Persephone as she worried her lip, fidgeting nervously. "None of that's true."

"Emma, _please_ …I need you to understand that I know for a reason, and I don't want any part of it. I just don't know how…you need to stay away from me, and it needs to be because you don't want anything to do with me."

"How do you know?" Emma asked quietly, shaking her head. "I never told you, and unless you went through my things."

"I would never do that to you," Persephone said breathlessly. "I've done a lot of things to you, and I'm sorry, but not anymore. I know because I heard from the source."

"From the source?" Emma nearly flew into a panic. It couldn't be Elara, could it? That seemed so unlikely considering Elara had such a common cause. Emma felt she was a pretty good judge of character, and Elara would never do something like that.

Persephone gave Emma a tight smile and shook her head, looking on the verge of tears as she started to walk away. Emma was rooted to the spot, trying to run through her thoughts to try and make sense of what Persephone was trying to tell her. None of it made sense.

"Persephone, wait!" Emma shouted, following Persephone out the doors into the courtyard. "What aren't you telling me? How do you know so much?"

Persephone stopped where she was, lifting her sleeve to her face and rubbing at her eyes. She turned around slowly and gave a slight shrug. "Word travels fast," she said, turning back around and walking away quickly.

Emma's stomach dropped. The only person who ever said those words was Greyback. There was no possible way that it was a coincidence.

"Persephone!" Emma shouted when she finally found her voice again and started following Persephone again. "Persephone! Look at me!"

Persephone stopped, her shoulders lifting and dropping with a deep breath, and she turned around.

"Why did you say those words?" Emma asked, staring hard at Persephone. Persephone still had tears in her eyes, and Emma found her eyes welling up. "Why _those_ words?"

"I don't…I can't," Persephone said, her voice trembling. She rubbed her eyes hard. "I'm sorry. I need you to know that – I'm so sorry."

Just like Remus said, Sirius was waiting for her at the village entrance, tail wagging happily. He ran up to her, head butting her hip in excitement and running circles around her. When Emma didn't respond as she usually did, he stopped in front of her, staring at her, his brows lifting ever so slightly in question.

"I don't know yet," Emma said quietly, reaching out to scratch his head. "Dad said he'd be here a little later, but right now, there's a place I need to be."

Sirius tilted his head, and Emma sighed. "Come on," she said, stepping around him to head into the village. "We need to go by the Hog's Head."

Emma should have known that Remus letting her go ahead to Hogsmeade would be a terrible idea. Nothing ever good happened while she was in the village, and she should have just turned back to wait for him the moment Persephone started talking. However, Emma was curious.

She smiled politely as people waved at her and commented about her having a "cool dog." Any other time, Emma would have been willing to talk, more than happy to discuss Sirius as though he were an actual dog, but she couldn't. She had to be near the Hog's Head, and she needed to know why Persephone was so insistent.

The Hog's Head Inn was down one of the side streets off the high street, and there were just enough buildings to hide around. Emma didn't feel that going into the Inn was a good idea, and she slipped into one of the smaller alleys so that she could watch the door. Had Persephone even made it there? She had gotten to the village before she did, practically running off, but Emma wasn't entirely sure. Had they left already? What was going on?

Sirius whined quietly, nudging Emma with his nose, and she ran her hand through the fur on his neck.

"I don't know," she said. "Persephone said that I needed to come here." Emma looked down to see that Sirius was giving her a look that said he thought it was a terrible idea. "I know it's stupid after everything, but she knows a lot. She knows what _you_ are, and I need to know why."

Sirius seemed mildly placated by that explanation, shaking himself out to try and soothe his nerves. He sat down dutifully next to her. There was no way he could get around arguing that point.

Emma wasn't entirely sure how long they stood there, but she knew it couldn't have been long. She ducked further into the shadows at the door of the pub opened, but not enough that she couldn't see.

The phrase Persephone used should have been Emma's biggest clue of what she was trying to tell her, but she still felt herself stop breathing. Ellis she expected to see, after all, Persephone said she was meeting him there. She expected to see Persephone following her father out. What she wasn't expecting was Fenrir's looming form to follow. The worst part was Persephone didn't look at all bothered by Fenrir's presence.

Ellis turned to say something to Fenrir, and Emma gasped when Fenrir laughed, clasping Ellis's shoulder as if they were old friends. Fenrir's head immediately snapped up and over to where she was, and Emma ducked further into the shadows. She was too slow at moving, though, and met his gaze from across the way. Fenrir held her gaze for a moment, his eyes narrowing. He did not look amused, and his gaze slowly moved to Persephone. He knew.

Emma felt her breath hitch, and she turned herself to lean against the opposite wall, not wanting to look at them anymore. There was a stack of wooden crates and a rubbish bin, and that was where she went.

She thought she had her heart broken before, but not like this. Emma leaned heavily against the wall, hugging herself tightly. It wasn't just Ellis working with Fenrir; it seemed that Persephone was in on whatever scheme they had. But Persephone said she didn't want to be a part of it anymore… Emma didn't understand. She couldn't understand. She slid down to the ground, reaching out for Sirius to hold onto as tears filled her eyes. He whined softly, the noise sad and nervous at the same time, and Emma broke, burying her face in his fur.

It wasn't fair.

Emma could handle Persephone being a terrible person. It wasn't any worse than Draco's nonsense, but this was a different situation entirely. She had understood that Ellis had been part of the problem, had been worried that Persephone was a part of it, but she had proof of it. In the back of her mind, she had known. Everyone had given her the clues to figure it out herself, but why did it have to hurt like this? She lifted her gaze to watch as Ellis and Persephone walked past, completely oblivious that they were there. Then again, Fenrir might have said something.

She felt Sirius lift his head from her shoulder, turning his head and growling. Emma wrapped her fingers firmly in Sirius's fur to keep him from moving far.

"Sirius, stop," she whispered, taking a steadying breath to try and calm herself down. She kept her gaze low as she turned her head and glared at the boots that appeared in her vision. Emma gently pushed Sirius away. "Let him come. I don't want a repeat of last time."

Sirius whined again and sat down next to Emma, keeping himself pressed tightly to her side. Emma held her hand in Sirius's fur, not trusting him not to try and lunge. The last thing she needed was an altercation in the alleyway. She had the Portkey, but she wasn't using it unless she really needed it. Fenrir's presence didn't feel as ominous as it usually did.

Fenrir took a few steps closer and crouched down in front of Emma, tilting his head slightly to the side to try and get in her vision. Emma immediately turned her head further away, not wanting to look at him, and shot Sirius a look to silence his growling.

"Your dog's annoying," Fenrir said, and Emma shrugged.

A sigh left Fenrir's lips, and he crooked a finger under Emma's chin, turning her face to look at him. Emma hated the way he looked at her, his ordinarily cold eyes holding something completely different, his thick brows knitting together. It was disturbing, and it bothered Emma more than his normal behavior. She didn't understand his expression right away, but then she realized. He was pitying her, and it made her angry. He was part of the problem. His pity was meaningless.

"Let this be a lesson in putting your trust in the wrong people," Fenrir said.

"Oh, fuck off, Fenrir," Emma spat, her lips curling back in a sneer. "This was exactly what you wanted, and you know it."

"It was," he agreed, "but under different circumstances."

"You mean you wanted it to happen on your time."

Fenrir shrugged in response. "It'll make you think twice next time."

Emma pulled her face away roughly, finding somewhere else to look. "If you think this will make me trust you, think again." Something heavy dropped on her lap, Sirius started growling, and Fenrir stood.

"You should," Fenrir said. "I've never lied to you."

Emma was about to snap at Fenrir, but before she could, he was gone. It was unfortunate that Fenrir, so far, had been faithful to that statement.

She looked down at what was sitting in her lap and felt her throat tighten up. Sirius pressed himself tighter to her side as she stared at the pile of photos in her lap. It looked like the same pile that Fenrir had the last time she had seen him. With a choked sob, Emma picked up the stack to look closer at the first photo.

The very first photo was a familiar scene. It was the park she always went to. Next to her was Persephone, looking exactly how she remembered meeting her in Diagon Alley. It couldn't have been taken too long before she got her Hogwarts letter. Emma remembered none of it. She flipped through the photos, finding similar scenes of Emma with Persephone through the years, and Emma cried harder. Why couldn't she remember any of this?

"Did this come from the folder?" Emma choked out as she looked at Sirius. He gave a slight nod, and Emma put the photos down, pulling Sirius into a tight hug.

"What are you two doing over here?" Emma suddenly heard. She buried her face further into Sirius's fur at Remus's voice. She didn't want to look at him. "I have been looking…" Remus trailed off quickly, and his tone shifted to something more urgent. "What happened?"

Emma felt Remus crouch down in front of them, and Sirius pulled himself out of Emma's grip to nose the pile of photos towards Remus. There was silence for a moment, and Remus muttered a quiet and drawn out, "Fuck."

Sirius backed himself up so that Remus could sit down next to Emma. Remus put his arms around her and held her tight. He looked at Sirius, hoping that he could convey the message he was trying to pass him. Sirius looked at Remus sadly and nodded, resting his head on Emma's knees.

Peter would have to wait. There were more important things to worry about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	64. Stand By Me

Emma wasn't quite sure what to make of things after the disastrous trip into Hogsmeade. On the one hand, she was grateful that she knew, but on the other, everything hurt. Remus tried his best to make up for the trip, but he picked up that her heart wasn't in it anymore. He decided to end their trip early but spotted George.

To Emma's sheer embarrassment, Remus left her with George. George seemed surprised, but he was glad to bring Emma into their group. It made her feel a little better, and when George put his arm around her, she didn't mind at all. Nothing was official between them, but she was okay with taking things slow, even though he had already kissed her. She needed slow when everything else seemed to be moving far too fast.

It felt like the last full moon had only just passed by, but Emma found herself suddenly making the Wolfsbane Potion again. Making the potion entirely by herself was a terrifying prospect, even with Snape supervising, but Emma did it. She had to force herself through it, but she did it. It was better than allowing herself to think of everything else and trying to make sense of what was happening with Persephone. Remus was steadfast in telling her he would be handling that situation, and all Emma could do was let him.

Persephone didn't even look at Emma anymore. It felt strange, going from such close friends to strangers in a matter of moments, but it was needed. Persephone had finally put in the final bit of separation between them in Transfiguration, sitting on the opposite side of the room. Emma felt the loss immediately. Having no one sitting next to her at their once shared desk felt strange, but no one questioned it. Emma was sure that Remus had brought it up to McGonagall as the woman acted as if Emma always sat alone. She hated that she felt incredibly lonely without Persephone.

Elara suddenly felt like a sudden permanent fixture to her day, coming by to check in with Emma. The upcoming full moon was pivotal to whether or not Emma would transform or not. Elara didn't want Emma to be surprised. Even though they had the discussion for months, it didn't make it any less terrifying.

On Elara's third visit, she brought her notes that she had made on the Wolfsbane Potion and walked Emma through what she had.

"I haven't had much time to play around with it," Elara sighed, flipping through the pages. "You're right in saying that there has to be a better way to stabilize it. The problem is it's too –"

"It's too caustic and volatile on its own," Emma finished for Elara. "I think the problem is the armadillo bile mixture. It's dangerous by itself, so I don't understand why Damocles decided to introduce it into the potion."

"And his notes aren't comprehensive," Elara said. "I came up with the same conclusion. There are other problems with the potion, but I think that'll be the first issue to tackle. If anyone's going to figure it out, it's you."

Emma hummed quietly at Elara's comment, shaking her head. "I don't know," Emma said, pressing the heels of her palms into her eye sockets with a groan. Having Greyback so close to her had set the other side of herself into a frenzy. The wolfish side of her barely tolerated Fenrir, like she did, acknowledged that he had power, but wanted to fight. Emma couldn't find it in herself to fight.

"I'm not letting you give up; I hope you know that," Elara said gently. "I know that losing Persephone is hard, but think of everything you've gained."

"It's not much," Emma muttered, looking over at Elara.

"Not much?" Elara looked at Emma in surprise. "Emma, you know who you are now. You've become the person you were always meant to be. You have held true to your convictions and have even proved me wrong. You've got your Papa Padfoot, who seemingly has a new name every time I see you; you have Luna, who you adore. You have _George_ –" Elara gave Emma a pointed look "– and even though he doesn't know it yet, Harry's basically going to be your little brother. You two have started getting closer, yeah?"

"We have, but it's not the same."

Elara took Emma's hand and gave it a squeeze. "No one is ever going to replace Persephone for you. I know that. No one is going to replace you for her, either. The entire situation is beyond screwed up, but if she didn't love you, she wouldn't have tried to tell you."

"But why did she do what she did in the first place? Elle, we knew each other for _years_ , and she never said a word."

"Love and fear make us do incredibly stupid things. I don't know that we'll ever figure out why, but she's trying to protect you from something."

Emma wasn't too sure anymore. Everything just felt like a cruel joke.

Remus hadn't been as stressed as he currently was in months. What had started as a quest to figure out what was going on behind the scenes had swiftly turned into trying to figure out why Emma couldn't remember things. It had been a part of the discussions he had been having with Dumbledore for months, but it seemed much more important now. The problem was it wasn't going to be an easy feat.

Rather than waiting on someone from the Ministry to run another investigation, Dumbledore went and procured the potion from the children's home himself. After having Severus test the brew himself, nothing came up out of the ordinary, which left them exactly where they started. They had no idea what was wrong.

Severus suggested that she had been on the potion too long, but Dumbledore felt specific memories were removed entirely. Remus thought that it was an Obliviation attempt gone wrong. Then there was the chance that it was all three possibilities. It was never clear what caused Emma to remember some things but not others. She sometimes had innate feelings of being aware of something, almost like amnesia, but other times she had no awareness whatsoever. It was a complicated scenario. Though they could dig deeper to try and figure out the situation, Remus didn't feel comfortable invading Emma's mind so extensively.

Even if Remus was willing to subject Emma to having her thoughts gone through, it wouldn't bode well. It was one thing when she was entirely human, it was another when she was half-werewolf, and they needed to protect that knowledge. Too many people knew about it as it was. Even if Emma didn't transform, she was still considered dangerous in the eyes of the Ministry.

Their entire life was suddenly walking a delicate balance, and it terrified him that things could go wrong and quickly. He didn't worry about Fenrir saying a word. He knew that the werewolf relished in Emma's status, but Ellis and Persephone were a problem. Remus could only hope that the number of people who knew was small. He couldn't stand the idea of Emma being ostracized due to something that was a misguided mistake. She was strong, but Emma would blame herself all over again.

The list of laws they were breaking was growing steadily higher and higher, and he feared for the day Emma researched further. She hadn't yet come across the laws regarding witches and wizards in her particular situation – infected just enough. All matters of half-creatures existed; half-Veela, half-giants, half-vampires, but half-werewolves were a class of their own. The laws weren't any better than for full creatures. Add that to whatever possible charges someone could come up for harboring an innocent fugitive? Remus felt ill thinking about it.

Remus returned quietly to their quarters after yet another meeting with Dumbledore. He felt terrible leaving Emma alone, but it was a night that Elara had to work and couldn't stay. Remus thought he would be indebted to Elara for the rest of his life for all of the help she had been giving. He knew that she offered her assistance as a friend, having erased as much of Emma's paper trail as possible, but he still felt guilty. It was never needed more, especially since Emma insisted that the next week could be her final therapy appointment. The more support Emma had, the better. He was grateful that so many people stepped up for her, silently providing her the help she needed.

Luna's gentle spirit had been crucial for Emma to function. Cedric, who had always been a silent supporter of Emma, was an anchor. Justin was Emma's hand to hold throughout the day. It had been a friendship Remus didn't initially understand until he did. Justin Finch-Fletchley was her Lily Evans, giving her a steady connection to the Muggle world. Fred and George had been instrumental in helping Emma still keep her sense of humor, and George made sure that things were kept tame. Even if she only smiled at their antics, it was enough to help her realize she wasn't alone.

A soft smile crossed Remus's face as he took in Emma's sleeping form on the couch. He was concerned that she was sleeping a lot again. Remus couldn't figure out which stressor was causing her to sleep as frequently as she was, but at least she looked peaceful.

He couldn't remember the last time Emma had fallen asleep surrounded by books. She usually had everything cleared up by the time he came back, but he wasn't entirely surprised by the sight. Remus chuckled softly as he noticed the errant quill tucked behind her ear, and the one still held in her hand. It was a wonder that the notebook held in her other hand wasn't covering her face – it was dangerously close to doing so. Even in the darkest of moments, he treasured the small moments where he could pretend things were all right. It was all they could do.

With a soft sigh, he began to gather Emma's things to make it easier to carry her to her room. He started with her stockpile of quills, and a pile it was. Multiple self-inking quills in different ink colors surrounded her. He noted with mild interest that the quill Greyback had given her was sitting between her fingers, the ink a crimson color that reminded him of the color of blood. She had only used it once that he had ever seen, only barely picking up that she referred to the quill as "The Wolf Slayer."

He had found it funny at the time, an apt name to find peace in a gift given to her from Greyback. Remus didn't understand the point she had been trying to make when she mentioned the name. He continued cleaning up her things, placing them in neat piles as he moved along to the books lying about.

Remus tried to make it a point to not look at Emma's notebooks, never wanting to invade her privacy, but the crimson ink in her book caught his eye. He tilted his head as he looked down at the pages, unsure of whether or not he was reading it correctly.

With all the delicacy in the world, Remus gently lifted Emma's hands away from her notebook to look at it. He flipped through, his brow furrowing at the notes and notes she had on the Wolfsbane Potion. Notes on what different ingredients did, notes on how she reacted to specific steps, notes on things she felt would help him. There were notes on her failed attempts to make the potion, notes on her successes, and notes on the things she wanted to try. Each page was meticulously dated and color-coded. Remus found himself drawn to her stream of conscious thoughts about Greyback. He tried to avoid looking at those, but he couldn't stop himself.

He knew Emma was angry, had always known, but he had never seen just how angry she was. She kept herself far more guarded than he thought, writing all of her pain out like he wanted her to. Out of curiosity, he flipped back to the first page he could find, and he shook his head – November.

Remus looked up from Emma's book when he heard her let out a sigh. She didn't look too bothered by his invasion of privacy, looking resigned as if she expected it to happen.

"Well, 7 months was a pretty decent amount of time to keep a secret from you," Emma said, turning on her side and closing her eyes again. "Considering you've figured out all the others, I'm fairly impressed that I got to this point."

"Why did you…" Remus wasn't entirely sure what to say as he looked back at the notebook. "You've been doing this for months."

"I know," Emma whispered. "I think I'm very aware I've been spending far more time with Snape than anyone ever should."

"Why?"

Emma sat up slowly and took her notebook from Remus's hands. "Because I didn't want you to ever have to suffer again," she said. "I know how much the potion means to you, and if I can make it…it drastically cuts the price. I was planning on sending inquiries under different names to separate apothecaries so I could price out ingredients. At least werewolf hair would never be in short supply, and worst-case scenario, I believe I can use my own…I mean, if I don't…"

Once again, Emma had rendered him completely speechless, and he ran his hands through his hair, trying to understand. He sat down slowly, needing something solid underneath him. "Sweetheart, you never…there was no need for you to ever do this."

"I know," Emma said quietly, "but I wanted to. And…and if you tell me to stop, I won't. You've done so much for me –"

"Because that's my job," Remus said softly, reaching out to cup Emma's cheek. "It's my job to take care of you. Not the other way around."

"That's the thing, though," Emma whispered, leaning into Remus's touch. "I think we were always meant to take care of each other."

Remus could handle Emma making him completely speechless, but he couldn't take her making him cry. To make it worse, Emma was a sympathetic crier and immediately groaned at the sight of his tears knowing hers would follow shortly. She leaned forward, pulling Remus into a tight hug, and he let out a watery laugh.

"This is very backwards," he said, kissing Emma's cheek. "I'm supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around."

"I think this is quite normal for us really," Emma said with her own watery laugh.

Remus sighed, squeezing Emma tighter. "How did I ever get so lucky with you?"

"Dunno. I ask myself the same thing about you."

Emma decided she officially hated full moons at the start of the week. With weekend full moons, she knew she had time to recover with long snuggles on the couch, but the beginning of the week made it impossible. She had expected herself to be edgy, but her father was much more on edge than she was. Emma didn't entirely blame him, but his relentless pacing that had started that morning was getting to her.

Not even Sirius, who had once again been snuck in, could get Remus to settle down, and Elara had given up. Emma would have started ripping out her hair in aggravation if it weren't for Sirius rubbing her back to try and calm her down. Remus and his nervous energy was making her incredibly anxious.

"Daddy, please stop," Emma finally snapped, making everyone stop what they were doing in surprise. Remus skidded to a halt, Sirius half-froze, his other hand halfway towards her hair to stroke it, and Elara looked up from her book. Emma felt her face heat up, and she leaned into Sirius's side. "Sorry."

"Shit," Remus said, rushing over and taking Emma's face between his hands and kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry, I'm just –"

"I'm scared, too, but you're really not helping at all," Emma huffed. "We don't even know that it'll even happen at all."

"That's why I'm so scared – we don't know."

"We should have just gone to the Shack," Emma muttered.

"No," Sirius and Remus said at the same time.

"Absolutely not," Remus continued. "I'm not going to subject you to what I had to go through when you've been taking the Wolfsbane Potion as well. It doesn't make sense to go there when all of us are here."

"I'm more than familiar with young werewolves," Sirius said gently. "And you won't be alone because Elara's going to be there."

Emma sighed, pulling her face out of Remus's grip and laid down with her head in Sirius's lap. "Well, will you at least please stop pacing? You're making me even more nervous."

Remus sat down on Sirius's other side, only to immediately begin tapping his foot.

Elara sighed, slamming her book shut and shooting Remus a look. "You are aware that you're not helping the situation, right, Remus? You were never like this in the pack."

"None of those children were my daughter," Remus said sharply. "This is different."

"You need to have the same calm that you had for them, though. She's sensitive to your energy. She always has been."

Needless to say, things became tense.

It was the worst waiting game Emma had experienced in a long time. The only thing that eventually made it manageable was Elara putting on the wireless. At least with music, the living room wasn't as silent. Elara and Sirius started a game of chess, while Emma and Remus both became lost in thought.

Emma was fixated on staring at the clock even though everyone told her not to watch it, but she felt compelled to watch. The further along the night went, the more anxious she was becoming. She pulled one leg underneath herself and propped her other leg up to rest her head on her knee in the hopes the change in her position would still her mind for a moment. Emma had sworn to herself that no matter what, she would be ready, but she wasn't. She held no animosity, but the choice wasn't hers on whether or not she would turn. There wasn't enough research to clarify whether or not a person would turn just by sharing blood. The idea of turning had been much simpler months ago when it was only an idea. Now that it was more of a reality, it left her anxious. At least she wasn't the only one nervous.

The anticipation of not knowing what would happen sat in her belly, threatening to pull her into a sea of nausea. Her head was spinning with hundreds of swirling thoughts like a dark whirlpool. Other than the incessant chatter of her wolf, who Emma realized sounded like herself, but with a much lower, almost gravelly voice, she felt normal. For the most part, it felt like any of the other full moon nights she had experienced, but slightly more subdued due to the Calming Draughts Elara insisted on. She never liked Calming Draughts; they made her feel dopey and not entirely like herself. It wasn't until after she took the potion that she realized she should have gone down to the dorms to find something to smoke.

She was startled out of her thoughts by a hand grabbing onto hers. Emma wasn't even aware that she had been trying to scratch at her arm; she still hadn't been able to break the nervous habit. She turned her head to look over at Remus questioningly when he didn't let go of her hand. Her unasked question turned to confusion when he slowly got up and stood in front of her, his other hand out for her to take.

"Dance with me?" he asked softly. "I can't just sit here."

Emma stared at Remus's free hand for a moment before sighing, taking it, and standing up. She didn't really want to dance, but it seemed like a better idea than just sitting there. Least of all, she didn't want to dance to something slow.

"I know," Remus said when he saw the look on her face, "but just humor me."

With a sigh, Emma let herself be pulled close. They hadn't danced together in months except for Sirius's impromptu waltzing lesson, which had arguably been fun. Still, she put her left arm around his waist since his shoulder was too high for her and kept her right hand in his left. With another sigh, she stepped a little closer just from the overwhelming sense of calm she felt, and she laid her head on his chest. Perhaps she needed to be held more than she thought as she realized how scared she actually was. She practically melted against Remus, desperately craving the comfort only he could offer.

If only they knew what would happen, so the moment wasn't stressful.

Elara and Sirius recognized that Emma and Remus needed a moment for themselves and silently picked up their chess game and moved it to the unused study. Emma mused to herself that she was impressed that the two had become fast friends, but then again, she wasn't too surprised. Elara and Sirius both had over-the-top personalities, far more extroverted than Emma and Remus were. They almost balanced each other out in a way, Sirius impulsive and loud, Elara logical and slightly less noisy.

"I'm sorry," Remus said, so quiet that Emma nearly missed it. "For everything." Emma felt Remus's chest rise with a sigh, and he leaned down to rest his chin on top of her head. "This song is fitting."

Emma was quiet, trying to listen to the song that had started playing. She huffed out a laugh as she listened to the end of the first verse: " _Oh, I won't be afraid, just as long as you stand, stand by me._ " It was indeed a fitting song. She snuggled a little closer, grateful for music that could say all the things she never could.

"There's no reason for you to be sorry," Emma replied. "We knew that tonight was coming at some point."

"That's not what I'm sorry for. It is, but…it's not the only thing I'm sorry for."

 _Oh_. Emma fell silent once more, suddenly understanding Remus's apology was for all the things that had nothing to do with the current situation. It was for all of the things that he could never change. She shook her head, trying to listen to the song. "I don't…it was bad enough…" Emma trailed off, swallowing hard. "I think I've been pitied enough in my life. I don't need yours."

"I'm your father – it's sympathy, not pity."

"It doesn't matter what it is, I don't want it. I don't need it."

Remus kissed the top of Emma's head. "I know. But I'm never going to stop worrying about you. I always have."

"I know."

"I need you to know that I love you. No matter what happens, we'll get through this," Remus said after a beat. "One day at a time."

Emma smiled slightly. "One day at a time," she whispered.

Around 10:30, everyone made their way to their respective locations – Remus and Sirius heading to Remus's room, Emma and Elara to Emma's. With the door closed, Emma's nerves started to settle in again. Elara cast a silencing charm, mostly for Remus's sake. If Emma transformed, he would be miserable if he listened.

"It'll be all right," Elara said gently, starting to undress.

Emma sat on her bed, averting her gaze. "I hate this," she said, rubbing her hands over her face. "I know I should be getting undressed, but…"

"You don't want to literally shred the last bit of your humanity," Elara said, motioning for Emma to hand her the spare blanket they brought in. "I get it. But if you don't want to rip anything…"

"I know," Emma sighed, standing up, only to start pacing.

"Merlin, you are your father," Elara mused.

Emma rolled her eyes. "And to think I used to do this all the time before? I've always paced."

Elara let Emma pace for a few minutes. "Emma," she said sharply. "It's almost time, and I know you're fond of the shirt you're wearing. At the very least, get down to your underwear if you're not willing to get down to nothing."

Emma looked at Elara in absolute horror as she thought about what she was actually wearing under her clothes. "Elle…I do not think a werewolf in _a thong_ is a vision anyone needs to see in their life."

Elara's eyes grew wide in surprise, and to Emma's embarrassment, Elara burst into hysterical laughter. "Oh, oh, you poor thing," Elara said, wiping away her tears of laughter from her eyes. "I can always count on you to make things interesting."

"Yes, very funny," Emma grumbled, starting to get undressed. She grabbed her blanket and pulled it tightly around herself so that she could get herself out of her underwear. "Yes, just laugh at me when I could be transforming for the first time."

"It's just the entire thing is funny to visualize," Elara snickered. "I'm just picturing the absolute panic on your father's face."

Emma couldn't stop herself from snorting as she joined Elara on the floor, wrapping her blanket tighter around her. "Did I ever tell you how Dad packed me clothes when I was mad at him? I can only imagine the sheer panic he had then."

"No," Elara said with a wide grin. "Tell me all about it."

It was a welcome distraction and kept Emma from staring at her clock. She rubbed at her prickling skin, but she was able to push the thought aside. It wasn't until Elara grimaced at a jolt of pain, nearly doubling over, that Emma finally looked at the clock. She wasn't sure if she should panic or not when her usual aches intensified, but Emma tried not to focus on it. They all said to just let it happen, so she would.

Emma crushed her eyes shut, focusing on her thudding heartbeat and grimacing at the noises Elara was making. She was waiting for the inevitable noise of her own breaking bones and snapping of her muscles, but it wasn't coming. It wasn't until she felt something cold and wet touch her face that she opened her eyes.

She still had the same views as before, and for a moment, Emma thought she had completely missed something. Did she somehow miss the entire transformation? Was she somehow magically immune to the pain? But that didn't seem right…

Her brain still not processing anything; Emma turned her head to look at Elara, who was, without a doubt, a wolf. Elara's mouth fell open in a delighted smile and didn't look at all concerned like Emma thought she'd be. Out of curiosity, Emma looked down at where she thought her paws would be, but she didn't have paws at all. Her hands were still her hands, and Emma kicked out a single leg, and she laughed, tears of joy springing up in her eyes. Emma was still human – she didn't transform.

"Elle, I didn't transform," Emma said breathlessly, feeling stupid as she said it. "I didn't transform!"

Elara gave a single excited bark, and Emma gave a startled shout as her door began to open, and a snuffling nose appeared around the corner. She couldn't figure out which nose had just invaded the space, but Emma didn't want to find out.

"Wait!" Emma shouted, forcing her visitor to immediately pause. "I'm not…bugger…let me get dressed!" Whoever was at the door gave a happy whine and backed out quickly. Emma gave a slight jerk of her head towards the door, and Elara carefully slipped out. Emma stood up and closed the door, leaning against it breathlessly. _She didn't transform_.

Emma stayed there for a moment before finally getting dressed – putting on proper knickers this time. She grabbed her wand and closed her eyes tightly to focus. " _Expecto patronum_ ," Emma muttered under her breath, giggling in pure delight when her wolf burst forth from her wand. She had another memory to add to her happy memories to cast her Patronus.

The moment Emma opened her door back up and stepped into the hallway, she was nearly barreled over by her overjoyed father. She braced herself just in time to keep herself from falling over, but Sirius was quick on his feet as Padfoot and got behind her just in case. Remus sniffed her several times as if he didn't quite believe that Emma was human, making such a wide array of happy noises.

"I didn't transform," Emma said, dropping down to her knees and grabbing onto Remus to keep him from knocking her over. She groaned as Remus did something he swore he would never do, and he licked her face. "I'm okay. I'm still human."

It didn't mean she was entirely out of the woods just yet, and she wouldn't know until everyone was human again, but it was promising. They could enjoy the night knowing that she went another full moon without transforming.

It took a while for Remus to let her back up off the floor, too excited to stop dancing circles around her. Emma laid down on the couch, her smile still plastered to her face and growing as she was suddenly overwhelmed with a pile of fur. If it weren't for the differences in fur color – Elara's silver, Sirius's black, and Remus's light brown – she wouldn't be able to figure out who was where. She didn't even care that within minutes she was sweating from the sheer heat coming off of their bodies. They were all too happy.

The excitement and happiness seemed to last the entire time Remus and Elara were transformed. With the music still playing in the background, and to Emma's amusement, the three canines played. Emma didn't think she would ever see Remus play as a wolf, and it made her happy to see him so relaxed in the form he hated.

To make it more enjoyable, Emma opened all of the doors of their quarters and moved as much furniture as she could out of the way. She never expected to have to referee an actual dog race, and she laughed the entire time.

Remus, apparently in an incredibly good mood, surprised Emma by scratching at the door into their quarters. Curious, Emma opened the door that led out into the office. She was even more surprised when he went into his room, Marauder's Map between his teeth. Raising an eyebrow, Emma took it and followed him back into the office, and he scratched at the office door.

"You want to go into the classroom?" Emma asked, snorting as he yipped and twirled in an excited circle. He nudged the map in her hand, and she shook her head. He wanted to go down into the classroom to have more space, and he wanted her to watch for any possible visitors on the map. "Hold on, let me get my wand."

Emma should have gone to bed instead of staying up, but she was having too much fun. Elara, Remus, and Sirius ran races down in the classroom, continually looking at Emma to confirm who was fastest. With her fiddly and uncontrolled magic from her happiness, Emma managed to move the desks out of the way so that Remus and Sirius could wrestle with each other. Elara was too dignified to wrestle, but it didn't take long for Sirius to somehow drag her into the fold.

It was the first time that Emma found herself excited for the summer. If this was what she had to look forward to, she would be glad to be away from the castle. She liked seeing her father happy enough to forget what he was and just play. He deserved to have fun, too.

Anxiety settled in when Remus and Elara transformed back and were dressed. Sirius finally transformed back, sitting on one side of her on the couch and Remus on the other. Emma swore she was happiest between the two men.

Remus stared hard at Elara, practically not breathing as Elara ran through the checks she had been running for months. Sirius had never sat through one of Emma's testing appointments before and watched curiously, asking Elara questions. He was impressed at how much magic had advanced in the time he was in Azkaban. Elara's brow furrowed as she scanned through her paperwork.

When Elara finally looked up, she smiled. It was all the confirmation they needed that Emma wouldn't transform unless she received a bite. It was one less thing they would have to worry about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	65. Unexpected Truths

June's sudden arrival was bittersweet and the start of the busiest days that Emma had ever had. With all of the upcoming exams, she found herself seeing less and less of Remus, and it was disappointing. She would see him for breakfast, and he wouldn't return until late at night as he put in extra study hours for his O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students. Emma was utilizing her two-way notebook with increasing frequency throughout the day, but it wasn't the same. Test prep for the fifth year students meant that she saw less and less of Fred, George, and Cedric as well.

For the first time in months, Emma allowed herself to be brought back into the Hufflepuff homework group. She didn't feel as though she needed it, having spent so much extra time revising with Remus a few weeks prior, but it was better than being lonely. When she could find the time, she would venture out and sneak into the forest to see Sirius, but she could never stay as long as she wanted.

As much as Emma loved having a desk, she really hadn't used it much that entire year. She preferred to work out in the living room, just sharing the space with her father, but he was elsewhere. Sitting at her desk felt as foreign as her attempts at revising for Ancient Runes. She enjoyed the class, but it was difficult for her to remember some runes' names, their names too similar.

Emma swore she had been staring at her notes for hours, trying desperately to remember that Eihwaz and Ehwaz were two separate runes. She propped her head on her hand, puffing out a bit of air in aggravation. There was only a week and a half until her exams, and she had to do them while also making the Wolfsbane Potion. She wasn't getting any breaks until after the full moon passed.

She glanced over at her clock as her door opened and then looked over her shoulder to give Remus a sleepy smile. Late nights were typical anymore, but she hadn't planned to be up so long.

"Sorry," Remus said, standing in her doorway. "Thought you left your light on again. I didn't think you would still be up. What are you up to?"

"Just trying to do some revision for Ancient Runes," Emma said, rubbing her tired eyes. "Anything interesting happen while you were doing your patrols tonight?"

"No," Remus said, moving to sit on the edge of Emma's bed. "For once, it was a quiet night. I didn't think much would happen considering it's exam time."

Emma hummed quietly as she put her things away. "As much as I like the quiet, I'm not as used to it as I thought I would be," Emma said as she closed her notebook.

Remus sighed, getting up to stand behind Emma's chair, bending down to hug her from behind. "I know you miss Persephone," he said gently.

"I do," Emma said with a slight whine. "I know we weren't talking as much, but it's not the same."

"I know," Remus said, kissing Emma's cheek and squeezing her tighter. "It's not right. It scares me because it reminds me so much of the war."

"It was almost okay when it was just Ellis, but knowing that Greyback's involved…is it stupid of me to be worried for her?"

"It's not stupid, but you can't worry about that right now. You need to worry about yourself – you are far too important to me to lose."

Emma deflated slightly. "You won't lose me again," she said quietly. "And even if something were to happen, I always know how to find my way home."

"Even if we move somewhere else? I'm not sure that we can make the cottage work if there's four of us."

"Of course," Emma said. "Home is wherever I'm with you."

Snape eyed Emma with mild annoyance as she stepped into his class the Friday before exams were to begin. She set her things down at her usual spot and picked up her potion's kit, and brought it to the front table where she worked on the Wolfsbane Potion with Snape.

"Is there any particular reason why you didn't arrive last night to work on the Potion, Lupin?" Snape asked, his eyebrow raising.

"Didn't need to, Professor," Emma said, setting her things out.

"I thought we established you needed to come here the night before as well."

"I know," Emma said, "but my Healer should have written to you to tell you that I no longer need to." She looked over at Snape, brow furrowing slightly. "She did write to you, yes?"

"Unfortunately," Snape said with a sneer.

"Excellent," Emma said brightly. "Now, if you don't mind, I would like to get started on the potion." Emma held Snape's gaze for a moment before going back to her things to grab her notebook with the instructions.

Emma didn't need the instructions on making the Wolfsbane Potion anymore but making it entirely herself made her nervous. The past few months she had direct supervision by Snape, but he wasn't going to help her at all. He would observe to make sure that she didn't make a mistake, but if she hurt herself or Remus, it would be on her. She had to make sure that her steps and measurements were meticulous. Emma had already poisoned herself once – she wasn't going to poison herself again, and she certainly wasn't poisoning her father.

The part that always scared her the most was adding in the aconite. It wasn't done entirely in one step and was added at multiple points to avoid overwhelming the brew. The aconite was almost always added with powdered Dittany and Flobberworm mucus, making her feel a little better.

The potion was so well-practiced that Emma barely had to watch the clock to check her timing as she brewed. Everything was going smoothly, and that was what she cared about. It was still early in the week, though, and Emma sincerely hoped that the potion cocktail Elara came up with would help as the week went on. She had no idea how she would get through the week, but Remus promised her he would help her manage. He had gone through many final exams under the influence of the moon.

She was just finishing the potion as the bell rang. Emma looked up at the clock with wide-eyes and sighed, standing on her tip-toes to make sure that the potion turned the right shade of blue. To her relief, it looked to be the best version of the potion she had ever made. Snape came over to inspect the brew with two empty goblets in hand. He studied it for much longer than Emma had hoped for, but he proceeded to fill both goblets.

"Make sure he takes it straight away," Snape said, setting the goblets down. "And I expect those back tomorrow and cleaned."

Emma rolled her eyes at Snape's back. "Absolutely, sir," she said through grit teeth.

It was tough juggling both goblets of Wolfsbane and her things. She could have had her dose while in the Potion's classroom, but Emma felt the need to celebrate a job well done. Of course, she would have preferred the potion to be anything else, but it could be worse.

Luckily, Emma didn't have to go far to give Remus the potion when she stepped foot into the Defense classroom. He was standing near the door talking to Ernie and Hannah, and he gave her a funny look. Remus bid the two Hufflepuffs a hasty farewell, and he approached Emma, looking curious.

"What are you doing with two goblets?" Remus asked. "You should have had yours already."

"We're celebrating," Emma said, handing Remus a still-smoking goblet. "Cheers!" She lifted her goblet and took a hearty swig of it before gagging. "That was a terrible idea."

"I would think you would know not to do that by now," Remus said lightly.

"Yes, well, the nameless wonder decided it would be an appropriate time to remind me not to do that."

"Speaking of the nameless wonder," Remus said after taking a drink of the potion and pulling a face. He gently pulled Emma off to the side to make their conversation a little more private. "I think I have a name for you finally."

Emma felt stupid when she felt her face light up. It wasn't exactly something to be excited over, but after finding out she wouldn't transform, everything seemed a lot more exciting. "What is it?"

"I'm not telling," Remus smirked. "Not yet. I'll tell you next Thursday."

"But next Thursday is –"

"I know," Remus said, dropping his voice lower. "Moony wants to be the one to tell you."

That seemed like such an incredibly odd thing for her father to say, and she downed the rest of her potion just to give herself a moment to respond. "Bloody hell," she muttered, thrusting the empty goblet at Remus. "How is he going to be able to tell me?"

"There are…ways," Remus said vaguely. "I haven't told you everything because it makes me terribly uncomfortable, but Moony is very insistent. We…have a different sort of magic that we can use."

"Even me?"

"Elle and I believe so, yes."

Emma was terribly intrigued. They had _different_ magic? It was another one of those things that couldn't be found in books, and she wanted to know more. Even _she_ could use it? The bell rang to signal the start of class, and Emma huffed. "You're lucky," Emma said, fixing Remus with a stare. "I want to know more. You were literally saved by the bell."

"Next week – I promise," Remus laughed. "Consider it one of your gifts for completing exams."

"You said gifts…not gift."

Remus only smirked and walked away.

Emma's entire weekend was spent revising, and it seemed endless. If she wasn't with one group, she was with another. Her lunchtime was spent brewing the Wolfsbane Potion, and she lamented the loss of her time to study, but the potion was more important. She was incredibly grateful for Remus's discretion in not giving Snape any indication that he knew what she'd been doing. Remus's deflecting skills and his poker face, as annoying as they could be, were helpful. Snape seemed to know that he knew, but Remus gave him no indication otherwise. He was brilliant.

Nights had finally returned to being for them, though not for as long as usual nor as fun. Remus's ease in helping her revise made Emma give him multiple sideways looks.

"You had to do this a lot, didn't you?" Emma asked as she once again found herself struggling through Ancient Runes translations.

"A bit, yeah," Remus said, rubbing the back of his neck. "At least you sit down and actually listen. Sirius and James, on the other hand, were more concerned with everything else. It's a wonder we all passed our exams. I had very little sleep before exams as they would decide the middle of the night would be the perfect time to study."

Emma thought about it for a moment, and she nodded in agreement. "I'm still getting to know Sirius, but that seems about right."

Remus smiled and turned back to Emma's notes in front of them, pointing at something on the page. "Now, if you're really having a hard time with this, try reading it backward…"

Exam week finally arrived, and Emma found herself exceptionally vexed. Their first exam had been for Transfiguration, and she was not thrilled with how her exam went. For the most part, she had completed everything she needed to do, but the class was never an easy one for her. She had no idea when she would ever need to turn a teapot into a tortoise, but Emma supposed it had to be useful for something.

"It still had a willow-patterned shell, d'you think that'll count against me?" Emma asked Justin as they walked out of the classroom.

Rather than going to lunch, Emma had to go straight down to the Potion's classroom. It felt strange being in the classroom by herself, but Snape had mentioned being too busy with exam work. She took in the empty classroom, her chest tightening painfully. Emma didn't think she would hate being alone, but even Snape's looming presence was better than nothing. She couldn't convince herself to move from where she was, but after a moment, she wasn't alone. Emma turned herself and let out a sigh of relief as Remus stepped into the room, and he pulled the Marauder's Map out of his pocket.

"Didn't think you'd want to be alone, and I kept lunch free this week," he said with a soft smile. "I can slip out before he even knows. Do you mind?"

"Not at all," Emma smiled, giving Remus a quick hug and feeling infinitely better. She should have known that her father would do something like this.

Remus watched in fascination as Emma worked on the potion. His gaze would flick between the map and what she was doing. He smiled as he realized that the funny little song she was singing was the steps to what she was doing.

"How long did it take for you to come up with that number?" he asked, his smile fond as she looked up at him in embarrassment.

"A while," Emma said with a slight giggle. "The worst part was trying to figure out what rhymed with aconite. Took me days to realize I should just call it wolfsbane – hence 'drop in the wolfsbane because that'll make the wolf tame.'"

"I'm rather partial to silver filtering out the shivers."

"Yes, well, you try and come up with something less stupid for that step. Bit of a stretch, but it gets the point across."

Remus had watched Emma brew potions before, but not like this. Seeing her sitting on her chair, legs swinging, reminded him that she was only fourteen. She was still only a child that had to grow up far too quickly. With a funny jolt in his stomach, Remus realized in absolute horror that she would be fifteen in a little over two months. He had to swallow hard against the lump in his throat and sneakily wipe at his eyes with his sleeve. Where had the time gone?

The strong scent of the potion wafted his way and his eyes watered. It was excellent timing as he was becoming increasingly emotional. Emma looked up at him in concern, and she grimaced.

"The scent is too strong for you, isn't it?" Emma asked. "Because of your nose?"

"I've dealt with worse," Remus said gently. "It's fine."

The look on Emma's face told him that she didn't think it was all right. She hummed quietly to herself, debating on what to do as she looked around the room. Her eyes lit up as she looked at the ingredients right in front of her, and she pulled out a sprig of lavender. Without a second thought, Emma skipped over to the ingredients' wall and pulled down a jar of dried rosemary. She grabbed a stone basin and filled it with water, and set it over the top of the closest burner to Remus with a grin.

Emma took a quick look at the Wolfsbane Potion, hummed to herself, and immediately set to crushing the sprig of lavender and some rosemary. "How are you with mint? Mint's all right, yeah?" she asked curiously.

"Er, mint is fine," Remus said, watching as Emma skipped back over to the wall to grab a bottle of mint essence. "But what are you doing?"

"Trying to make your life easier," she said as if it was obvious. She filled a dropper with the mint and dropped it into the basin, giving it a quick stir. Emma leaned forward to give the steam a tentative sniff and hummed in appreciation. She went back to her other table, grabbed the crushed lavender and rosemary, and added it to the basin. Emma gave her simple concoction a few more stirs and grinned at Remus's look of surprise. "It's not as strong as it could be because I just made it, but that should help with the smell for a bit, at least."

"What did you –"

"Just picked out the things you would be most attuned to," Emma said with a shrug. "I know you're partial to lavender. If I let this sit for a while and grabbed more ingredients, I could make something else with the mix, but it'll have to do for now. If it starts to get weak, just give it a stir." Emma went back to work on the Wolfsbane Potion, leaving Remus completely stunned. He was even more astonished by her question. "Do you know how the potion works?"

"I…no," Remus said, surprised that such a simple thing as scented steam kept him from focusing too much on the sharp scent of Wolfsbane. If someone had done what Emma had done for him, he might have had a chance with Potions while he was in school. Remus sometimes had an incredibly hard time imagining people like Emma existed. He had an even harder time knowing that his daughter was someone quick to think of other people well before herself. She started to get better at taking care of herself, but Emma was always one of the first to volunteer to help. He genuinely had no idea how he got so lucky with her.

"It's a rather annoying little potion, really," Emma started with a drawn-out sigh. "But it is rather fascinating…"

After listening to what Emma had to say about the potion, Remus suggested making it after dinner instead. She discussed the possibility that the potion worked differently, depending on the time it was made. Rather than forcing her to wait for the next cycle to figure it out, he told her to wait until dinner the next day to make it. Snape was consistently out of the classroom during mealtimes, and it meant that Remus could join her and keep his regular office hours.

She was overjoyed to find that it was a much better solution. The potion's effects seemed to work much better for her, and she wrote that information in her notebook with glee. As long as Remus had it at some point during the day, it didn't matter when he took it.

As Remus joined Emma each day that week, not only did he learn more about himself, but he was given a moment to see Emma entirely at ease. She liked to create, loved making things with her hands, and understood why she took so quickly to drawing. Emma loved to see what she could make by herself, pleased to see something of her own making. However, he still didn't understand why she couldn't cook.

"I've been trying to go through Elle's notes that she gave me," Emma said on Wednesday afternoon. "I want to start playing with the recipe to see what I can change. It's incredibly stupid that it doesn't have proper stabilization, and I feel like it combines too much." She looked up at Remus, almost thoughtfully. "And I feel like certain properties can be adjusted. The recipe is fine as it's a set recipe that'll work for any Lycan, but I think it can be tailored to individual needs. You, for example, prefer the mind-altering properties. Elle would prefer something for better pain management. It would take some time since Belby's notes are abysmal, but I don't see why it couldn't be done."

Remus had doubts about what Emma wanted to do when she graduated from Hogwarts. He worried about what people would think about her. She would become a target in the magical community for wanting to make such radical changes for werewolves. Her knowledge left him completely stunned; he had no idea how much she had been researching right under his nose. She took the time to learn about their concerns and had plans – _actual plans_ – on how to try and fix the things that were wrong. Emma had him believing that she could genuinely change things, and if anyone could do it, he felt it would be her. He had never been more worried.

Emma woke up Thursday morning in an incredibly good mood. Exams were almost over, and the third years had their Defense exam that morning. Only his exam and Divination were between her and freedom from classwork. She had heard from the other classes that Remus's exam was very practical, and she was curious to see what he had put together. She wasn't surprised to find that Remus wasn't in their quarters, but she was surprised by the bouquet of yellow daisies sitting on the kitchen table.

She plucked one of the daisies out of the vase, cut the long stem, and tucked it behind her ear. It was a nice little gift. Emma read the note left on the table in curiosity. The third year exam would be taking place outside on the grounds. She was disappointed to see that Elara had Floo called that morning to say she wouldn't be with them that night, but it was all right. Emma had never eaten breakfast so fast before in her life, and she excitedly made her way out onto the grounds.

It was incredible. Emma stared in amazement at the brilliant obstacle course that had been set up. Nothing would ever be better than this exam.

"This is what you were doing all morning?" Emma asked, stepping up next to Remus to survey the landscape. She mused at the wading pool and the marsh that suddenly existed on the grounds.

"So quick to doubt my abilities?" Remus asked.

"Of course not. I would be stupid to doubt your skills," Emma said. "I've dueled you, remember? You are quite keen on letting me know just how skilled you actually are as if I didn't know that already." Emma grinned as she leaned close to her father. "Except, I'm better than you are."

"Bloody hell, it was one time," Remus muttered. "I thought it would be better to keep your final exam as realistic as possible. These are the situations that you'll find yourselves in when dealing with these creatures, and it makes the most sense."

Emma nodded and felt her chest tighten at the thought there were only a few days left before they would be going home. Hogwarts was not going to be the same without Remus and his brilliance there, and she dreaded the idea that he still didn't sign another contract.

"No tears allowed, Emma," Remus said gently when Emma sniffled. "Not before the exam, at least. I think somewhere near the middle would be appropriate."

Emma shot her father a good-natured glare, the start of a smile crossing her face. "I'm ready to go home, but I'm not," she said with a sniffle. "I know you've already told me far too many times to count that you won't sign the contract for next year, but I can't imagine coming back here without you. It's not going to be the same."

"And that's why we're going to enjoy the time we have left here."

"But you love teaching…"

"I do."

"So why can't you just stay?"

Remus sighed, putting his arm around Emma's shoulders and pulling her into his side. "My work here is done, sweetheart. I came here for you, and as much as I enjoy teaching, I'm not sure that it's good for me to stay."

"And what about with the –"

"We'll figure out how to get you taken care of during, so you don't suffer. It's not as if I'm going anywhere, you know. You can't get rid of me that easily," he said with a smile. "I think that maybe we'll try going back to Paris this summer. Finally get to do the things we didn't get to do last time. Bring our pet dog. Would you like that?"

"And we can stay at the hotel by the patisserie again?"

"Of course. We'll hide Padfoot underneath my robe and sneak him in."

Emma giggled, pulling herself away from Remus. "That sounds perfect," she said quietly. "I'll let you get started. I'll go last."

Emma didn't want to move from her spot in the sun when it was finally her turn to run through her exam. Remus had to practically drag Emma over to the obstacle course, laughing all the while.

"Dad, I don't _need_ to take your exam!" Emma insisted, trying to dig her feet into the ground. "You're the professor! Just give me full marks!"

"You are _not_ getting off that easy," Remus said, giving up on dragging Emma and just picking her up to her annoyance. He deposited her at the start of the exam with a cheeky grin. "What do you think? You can clear this in twenty-five minutes?"

Emma huffed, crossing her arms as she studied the course. The only thing that worried her was the Boggart – she wasn't thrilled that he had included it like he said. "I'll do it in fifteen."

Remus looked down at his watch. "Best get on with it then. You already lost a minute."

"You're terrible!" Emma shouted, pulling out her wand and climbing into the wading pool. She was thrilled that the Grindylow was _finally_ out of their quarters and looked forward to getting past the ugly little creature.

Everything went well for her exam, though Emma nearly found herself tricked by the Hinkypunk. She was absolutely speeding through the exam, bogged down by having to deal with over-tired creatures, but she was determined. She said fifteen minutes, and she was determined to complete the exam within that time. When she made it out of the marsh and let Remus dry off her clothes, she frowned. The trunk was right in front of her, and she felt ill.

"Why did you insist on this being a part of the exam?" Emma asked, looking over at Remus.

"Because not everyone had the opportunity to take on the Boggart," Remus said. "You've done it before, and I learned from the last time. No one is going to see – not even me."

"You've already seen my Boggart, so that's not very fair."

Remus smiled, pushing Emma closer to the trunk. "You just have to do this, and then you're done. I'd hate to not give you full marks for not finishing the exam, especially when you're coming close to finishing under fifteen minutes. Had me a bit worried about the Hinkypunk."

Emma glared at Remus and took a deep breath. "When we go to Paris, I expect all of the pastries in the world."

"I think I can accommodate that request."

She shot Remus a glare before stepping into the trunk with a heavy sigh. "My father is a git," Emma grumbled, unamused by how the inside of the trunk was transformed. She felt as though she was about to step through into Narnia with how large the inside of the trunk was. Emma had no doubt that was where he took his inspiration. For a moment, Emma felt as though she had been tricked as nothing was in front of her. There was no Fenrir, and there was no Jude. Her racing heart slowly started to calm, and she felt fine. This was just a stupid trick of Remus's. She was about to take another step forward but found herself reeling backward as she realized what was in front of her.

Emma stared in absolute horror at her very much dead father, and she nearly dropped to the floor. She was stunned, staring in open-mouthed horror at his apparent very grisly death. But she had just seen him not even two minutes prior? How could he –

Her Boggart had changed. She hoped that's what had happened at least. Her brain was struggling to process that she had just seen her father, but yet he was right in front of her.

Shaking terribly, Emma stepped back to crack open the trunk. She just _needed_ to see that he was alive. The outside was incredibly bright compared to the trunk's inside. Emma started to panic more when she didn't see Remus right away.

"Daddy?" Emma cringed at how much her voice trembled. There was no way she was finishing in fifteen minutes now.

"What? What is it?" Remus was quick to get over to Emma, looking at her in concern.

"I just…I needed to make sure…" Emma couldn't even finish her sentence and reached out for Remus's hand just for proof that he was actually there.

"Your Boggart changed again," he said in understanding, giving Emma's hand a tight squeeze when she nodded. "I already told you – you can't get rid of me that easily. I'm right here."

Emma was surprised when she laughed, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to get back into the trunk. "I know," she said, taking a shaky breath. "I just…"

"Can I tell you a secret?" Remus asked when Emma couldn't finish her sentence. Emma nodded, curious to know what secret Remus could even have left. "The Boggart I present isn't my true Boggart," he said quietly. "I've never been fond of the moon, but that's what I force the Boggart into thinking I'm terrified of most."

Her father forced the Boggart into changing into something different? She didn't even realize that was possible, but it would make things easier if she could do the same. It made sense that a Boggart could change like that. The Boggart was a creature that tapped into thoughts to try and find the most terrifying thing it could.

Emma was about to slip back into the trunk before she stopped, giving Remus a curious look. "What's your real Boggart, then?" Emma asked.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Well, once again, you already know mine. It's only fair," Emma insisted.

Remus's expression turned grave, his lips pressing together tightly as he looked away. He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, not wanting to answer her question.

"Oh," Emma breathed out. "It involves me, doesn't it?"

"I'm sure it's not too dissimilar to yours," Remus replied, still not looking at her.

"We really need to stop this whole being the same thing, you know," Emma said. Remus lifted his gaze to meet hers, his eyebrow quirking at the wry smile on her face. She gave his hand a squeeze before letting go to slip back into the trunk to approach the Boggart once more.

 _It can change again_ , Emma thought to herself, grimacing as she stepped up to the Boggart. _It's just a Boggart, it's just a Boggart_ …

Even though she had just seen Remus again, the dead Boggart Remus kept twisting her thoughts. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to think of Fenrir – that she could deal with. She didn't _want_ to actively project Fenrir in front of her, but that was manageable. Emma nearly started laughing at the thought of thinking of Fenrir so hard to try and trick the Boggart into shifting. She had to tap into every bit of tucked away fear she had.

Fenrir was still intimidating; he was still a monster that could hurt her easily. He wanted to be the one to turn her into a werewolf. The idea of him biting her finally pulled a shiver of fear, and she shuddered. But that wasn't the only thing that scared her; it never was. Fenrir could do so much more to her, knew her far too well, and could strike at any moment. Even worse, he had ruined the only real friendship she felt she had. That was a terrifying enough thought as it was.

When she heard the very audible and familiar growl of Fenrir, she knew she had made the Boggart shift.

Emma opened her eyes cautiously, almost worried that the Boggart didn't change into what she wanted it to. Never in her life did she think she would be relieved to see Fenrir – Boggart or not. The final bit of her exam had gotten so much easier.

Pulling her wand out, Emma brought up her thoughts of Sirius as Padfoot running around the trunk. It was the exact thing she had used the last time she took on the Boggart, but now it meant so much more.

" _Riddikulus!_ " Emma said, pleasantly surprised by how confident she sounded. Fenrir was gone with a crack, and instead, Padfoot was in his place, jumping around the trunk like she had wanted. She began to laugh from a mix of her nerves and overall joy she had once again conquered the Boggart.

She stepped out of the trunk, looking at Remus expectantly. "Did I do it in fifteen?"

"Merlin," Remus breathed. "You don't bother asking how you did; you ask if you completed the exam in fifteen minutes?"

"Priorities, you know," Emma said with a slight shrug.

Remus looked down at his watch and hummed. "Well, if I give you that minute back…"

"I did it in fifteen?"

"You did it in fourteen."

Emma gave an excited shout. "YES!" Emma shouted. "I knew it!"

"Do you even want to know how you did?" Remus asked incredulously.

"Absolutely not," Emma said, giving Remus a quick hug. She plucked her daisy out from behind her ear and tucked it into the front pocket of his suit jacket. "I did your exam in less than fifteen minutes! I'm going to spend some time with Padfoot after my Divination exam, so I'll see you around dinner!"

"Full marks," Remus muttered under his breath as Emma skipped off.

Emma strongly considered just skipping her Divination exam, but she went. While she didn't mind Remus's exam being done individually, she did care that Trelawney's was. Waiting around to go into the classroom for their exam was excruciating, especially as the crowd of students dwindled down. The moment Neville went up, the more evident it was that Emma hadn't been so close to Persephone in weeks.

Persephone hadn't looked any better since the trip to Hogsmeade. She had become increasingly subdued and quiet, even amongst the Slytherins. Emma could feel Persephone look up at her as she tried to look at her copy of _Unfogging the Future_ , but Persephone didn't look for very long.

Unable to focus on her book, Emma made her way to where Persephone was sitting and sat down next to her. Persephone looked up at her curiously, her mouth opening to say something but closing quickly. She swallowed hard as she stared at Emma, her eyebrows knit close together. Emma could only stare back.

"You know, it's…it's weird not having you jumping into my bed to wake me up every other morning," Emma said quietly. "Did you, uhm…did you do that a lot back…" Emma broke off, biting her lip to try and keep tears from forming. She didn't want to cry, wanted to be angry, but she missed Persephone. A lot. "I, uh, I was thinking about my time at the children's home, trying to make sense of everything. I very vaguely recall being woken up not in a normal way, but I couldn't tell you how. Was it you?"

Persephone looked at Emma in disbelief, mouth opening and closing like a fish as she tried to form her words. "I…yeah," she finally managed. "We, uhm…it was weekly when we were growing up. I used to wake up every Saturday excited, knowing that I would get to see you."

"Is that why you told me Saturday was your favorite day of the week?"

Persephone swallowed hard and nodded. "That's why Saturday has always been my favorite day. Now? Not so much. Saturday hasn't been my favorite in quite some time."

"I just…I don't understand. If you knew all this time…why wouldn't you tell me? I don't understand why you would hide something like this."

"I didn't understand. I thought…there's so much I want to tell you, but I don't know how to because I don't want to see you get hurt."

"You hurt me by not telling me, though. I don't even know what was real between us anymore."

"All of it," Persephone said quickly, closing her book and grabbing onto Emma's hands. "I need you to know that all of it was real. Everything I ever felt about you – I've meant it. Not…not what I said over Easter holiday, but everything else. Emma, you have been my best friend from the time I was born. Things weren't…they weren't what they are now."

"But what are they now? I don't understand Persephone, and you're not explaining it to me."

"Because I need you to hate me."

"Why, though? I'm not…I don't want to hate you."

"I need you to, though, Emma. Things aren't what they seem. I needed you to know at least one thing to try and stay safe."

"With Fenrir? Persephone, I knew about Fenrir already."

"But it's so much worse than you think. Fenrir's not working alone."

"Obviously not. Your father was there."

"It's not just him," Persephone said slowly.

Emma stared at Persephone, trying to understand what she was trying to say. "Then who is it?"

Persephone frowned slightly and took a deep breath, trying to think of what to say next. "You already know," she said. "You've said it out loud before."

"To you?"

"No."

"To my Dad?"

"Most likely. But that's not how I know."

Emma wasn't entirely sure of what to make of that. She had said a lot of things to Remus in the past that she wasn't even sure who it could be. "But why Fenrir? The fact that you…it's bad enough I deal with him but you?"

Persephone shook her head. "He's not concerned with me, although I'll admit there have been a few close calls. He, uh…he was very aware that I let slip where we would be. He was pissed about it at first, but I think he's glad that you know. He's much more interested in you than he is with me, and I'm afraid he's going to make things tempting. Fenrir's smart, Emma. He knows exactly what he's doing, and he has…he has plans on how he's going to get you. You can't let them work."

"But what –"

Emma was momentarily distracted by Neville climbing down the ladder. "She says the crystal ball's told her that if I tell you, I'll have a horrible accident!" Neville squeaked as people asked him how his exam went.

"Emma Lupin," came Trelawney's airy voice from overhead.

"I guess I should probably –"

Persephone grabbed onto Emma's wrist tightly as she stood. "Emma, I need you to listen to me," she said sharply. "I don't…I know that you can't remember things, and there's a reason for that. Fenrir is going to have a proposition for you that's going to involve your memories. I know that you're going to want them, but don't take it. He'll give small gifts freely, but for something as big as that, he's going to want something in return."

"Fenrir…Fenrir has –"

"He has everything. Or nearly everything. He's getting impatient, and he's frustrated that…something changed. I don't know the specifics, only what they've been willing to tell me, but he's pissed. He's determined to have you fully aware of everything, but I don't know exactly why. I'll…I'll try to figure out a way to tell you everything because you're going to need Remus's help, but please – don't talk to me ever again. I can't be the reason you get hurt – any of you. I've done enough."

"Persephone…are you in danger with…whatever is going on?"

Persephone only gave Emma a sad smile in response. With one final look at Emma, she returned to looking through her book. It was almost as if Emma was never even there.

Emma's Divination exam was easily the worst exam she had ever taken. She settled on making up the most pathetic things in the world in the crystal ball, much to Trelawney's disappointment. She was too concerned with what Persephone had to say.

Sirius picked up on Emma's mood the moment she stepped foot into the forest to spend time with him before going back inside.

"What is it, sweetheart? Difficult exams?" he asked, sitting down on the ground next to her.

"No," Emma said, running her hands over her jeans. She was glad that she took the time to at least get changed. "I talked to Persephone today."

"Oh," Sirius said in surprise. "Any particular reason why you would do that?"

"I miss her," Emma said quietly. "But she said some things that have me worried."

"Why don't you wait on telling me?" Sirius suggested gently. "If it's important, it would be better if Remus and I both hear it. Why don't you tell me how your exams went?"

Emma stayed outside with Sirius for a while, just talking about anything and everything. Sirius pointed out that the sky was growing dark, and Emma swore under her breath.

"I should've made the potion already," Emma groaned, standing up quickly.

"It won't be too late, will it?"

"No," Emma sighed. "We've still got some time. It won't take long for me to make. Just as long as Dad has it before transforming, he'll be fine. I'm just surprised Dad hasn't come out to find me."

Sirius nodded, standing up. "I'll walk you back. I don't want you heading back alone with it getting dark. I'm assuming that because Remus hasn't come out that Harry finally went back for the cloak, which means you two will be on your own tonight."

Several things happened very quickly and all at once. Emma was walking back with Sirius, who had transformed into a dog, when he suddenly stopped. Out of nowhere, Emma heard shouting and saw Crookshanks running across the grounds following a rat with Ron following. It took her a moment to realize that the rat was Peter, and suddenly Sirius was following as well. With a groan, Emma found herself joining their strange chase.

Emma, Harry, and Hermione all looked at each other in alarm as they nearly all smashed into each other. Everything was a chaotic mess, the teenagers all scrambling to figure out what to do. Emma only barely realized that they were near the Whomping Willow and kept herself low. She watched in horror as Sirius disappeared with Ron, vanishing through a gap in the tree.

Without a second thought, Emma scrambled towards the gap, shuddering when Ron's leg made a sickening crack. No matter how many times she heard the noise of bones breaking, it still made her sick. She shrieked as the willow's thick branches came slamming down onto the ground, and she dove into the empty space. She landed hard on her hands with a groan. There was no doubt that she would be feeling it later.

With shaking hands, Emma pulled her wand out of her pocket and lit it. She took a look around the earthen tunnel and frowned. The pathway was marked on the map, she knew where it would head, had heard the stories from both Remus and Sirius, but it made her anxious. Time was running out, she needed to make the Wolfsbane Potion for her father, but she couldn't leave Sirius with Ron. She especially couldn't leave them alone if they finally had Peter.

With a heavy sigh, Emma made the walk towards the Shrieking Shack, just like her father had done many times before. She hoped that the shack wouldn't have to be used again for the first time in fifteen years.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	66. Reunited

Emma followed the tunnel as far as it went, muttering to herself all the while. She was furious with Sirius and his impulsiveness. If he had just waited, they could have grabbed Remus. She wasn't sure what Hermione's cat had to do with anything, but surely it wasn't good. Sirius had been quite clear in explaining that Crookshanks had stolen the passwords from Neville for Sirius to have. Emma wasn't convinced that Hermione's cat was entirely a cat at all.

She froze when she made it to the end of the tunnel and straightened up to look through the hole. Emma was surprised to find herself in the middle of a random room, partially expecting to be in an entryway. It was very dusty, the wallpaper peeling from the walls. She gasped when she looked at the floor and saw how many stains there were, dark and brown with age. Her heart broke spectacularly when she realized what the stains were. As she took in the broken furniture strewn around the room, she had no doubt that the house was not a happy place. Moony didn't like being caged up.

With a groan, Emma pulled herself out of the hole and slowly followed the shiny stripe on the floor where Ron had been dragged. She needed to get them out of the shack and back to the castle. The less time they were in the Shack, the better.

Emma couldn't pick a single spot to focus on, alarmed at just how much damage had been caused in the house. Pieces of furniture were torn out, legs ripped off chairs, deep gashes gouged into a table. Her chest tightened painfully as she found a part of the wall nearly completely smashed in, dark stains surrounding the damaged wood. She had no idea how her father handled his transformations alone for so long and without the Wolfsbane Potion. It was no wonder he had so many scars, and she desperately wanted to cry for him but couldn't. There were more important matters at hand, and she had to be the logical one for once. She wasn't her father's daughter for nothing.

"Sirius?" Emma shouted into the quiet, trying to follow the path. "Where are you?"

When she received no response, she decided to head up the stairs. The stairs made her nervous, wobbly, and breaking apart from age. She let out a quiet breath when she finally stepped onto the landing. There were several doors to go through, but one was open down the hall. That had to be where they went to. She extinguished her wand and tucked it back into her pocket.

"Sirius!" Emma said sharply when she pushed the door open. He had Ron's wand held tightly in his hand, pointing it at Peter. "What in the buggering fuck is wrong with you?"

Ron looked between Emma and Sirius in a panic. "Wh-what? You? You and him?"

Emma frowned as she took a look around the room. They were in a bedroom, Ron leaning up against the dusty four-poster bed. The room was just as beat up and worn down as the rest of the house, but luckily there were fewer stains. It seemed Moony recognized the need to not destroy at least one form of comfort. She looked at Ron and glanced over at Sirius with a groan.

"Ron, I know this looks wrong, but he was trying to get…get the rat."

"Scabbers? What could he do with Scabbers?"

"Ron, he's not –"

"You're hurt," Sirius said suddenly, drawing Emma's attention away from Ron. "You…" Sirius swallowed hard, slowly approaching her and gently taking her arm. Emma gasped when she saw the long cut on her right arm. She didn't even feel the Whomping Willow hit her. "I'm sorry," Sirius said so softly. "I didn't…I saw Peter…"

Emma sighed, pulling her arm out of Sirius's grip. "It's fine. I've done much worse, believe me. Give it a few hours, and it'll stitch itself."

"Because of your –?"

"It can be a bit useful," Emma said tightly. "Gave myself a real nasty cut in Potions a few weeks ago. By the end of the day, you couldn't even tell."

Sirius studied Emma for a moment and nodded, stepping away. "I've got Peter."

This was the hard part of dealing with Sirius, Emma had realized. Sometimes, Sirius was mentally closer in age to her than she was to Remus, and she understood Remus's annoyance with her impulsivity. It was never done maliciously, done as a means to an end, but it could be scary like it was right now. Emma had started to learn to see past the consequences of her actions, but Sirius either couldn't or didn't want to. Sirius had grown up in some ways but was stunted in others from his time in Azkaban. Apparently, she hadn't been much better after being in the children's home. She needed Remus there. He would know what to do.

"I know," Emma said lightly, trying to pull in the same tone that her father used. "But now we have another problem. We need Dad, Sirius."

"But I can be free! I'll kill him, and it'll finally be over."

"Sirius, no," Emma said, a bit more firmly. "We need…we need to go back to the castle. Ron's hurt. He has Peter. I can send a Patronus –"

"No!" Sirius shouted. "You can't send one!"

"Why not?"

Sirius fell quiet, keeping his gaze fixed on Ron, looking more terrified by the minute, holding tight to Peter. Emma sighed and walked over to Ron, crouching down.

"How's your leg?" Emma asked, flinching as Ron lifted his hand to hit her.

"Get away from me! I can't believe any of us were friends with you when y-you've been helping him!" Ron snarled through grit teeth.

"Don't you _dare_ hit her," Sirius snarled. "If you touch her –"

"Sirius, it's fine," Emma said, standing up and crossing over to Sirius. She put a hand on his arm, trying to lower Ron's wand. "He doesn't understand. We _need_ to go back. We need Dad."

Crookshanks suddenly came into the room, his tail raised high. He weaved himself between Sirius's legs several times before jumping onto the bed, licking his paws, and ignoring Ron. A few minutes later, the door slammed open, and Harry and Hermione rushed over to Ron. Emma knew that she should go find Remus, knew it was the smartest thing to do, but everything that happened next kept her rooted to the spot.

Sirius quickly disarmed Harry and Hermione, collecting their wands in his hand. Hermione gave Emma a look as if she couldn't believe that she was there. Emma watched in absolute horror as Harry attacked Sirius. Even though Sirius was trying to get Harry off of him, it didn't look great. Emma could only watch in open-mouthed shock as suddenly Hermione and Ron had joined in the scuffle.

"Wait, no!" Emma finally managed to shout as Sirius fell. She rushed over to his side as Crookshanks joined into the chaos, sinking his claws into Harry before dropping to try and grab Harry's wand from the floor. When Harry turned towards them, Emma felt terrible at the look of betrayal etched into his face. That was another person to add to the list of people who didn't trust her. She wanted to explain, but she didn't know how, and then Sirius had to say the stupidest possible thing in the world.

"Going to kill me, Harry?"

Emma ran her hands roughly over her face, looking between Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Sirius. She had absolutely no idea what to do. She went to take her wand out, but Sirius seized her wrist to keep her from doing so.

Harry shot Emma a traitorous look and held his wand more firmly. "You killed my parents," Harry said.

"I don't deny it," Sirius responded quietly. "But if you knew the whole story."

"The whole story? You sold them to Voldemort. That's all I need to know."

Emma pried Sirius's fingers off her wrist and turned to Harry. "Harry, you don't –"

"You've got to listen to me," Sirius said quickly. "You'll regret it if you don't…You don't understand."

"Harry, it wasn't Sirius."

"It wasn't Black?" Harry scoffed at Emma before turning back to Sirius. "I understand more than you think. You never heard her, did you? My mum…trying to stop Voldemort from killing me…and you did that…you did it."

Remorse crossed over Sirius's face, and he opened his mouth to say something but couldn't. Crookshanks crossed the way to where they were and jumped onto Sirius's chest, sinking his claws into the front of Sirius's robes. Sirius tried to push Crookshanks off, but the cat refused to move, and he sighed, remaining where he was, almost defeated. Emma couldn't take that.

"Harry, you don't understand the situation," Emma said, trying to implore Harry to see reason and listen. "I know that none of this makes sense, it didn't make sense to me either, but you need to listen to what he has to say."

"Why should I? Why should I believe either of you? You're… you're Professor Lupin's daughter…I thought I could trust you."

"You can trust me!" Emma said, standing up quickly.

"No, you can't," Hermione said sharply. "You can't trust her."

Emma's mouth fell open at the pure venom in Hermione's voice and fell silent as well. It wasn't though she didn't expect it, could see the look in her eyes, but to hear Hermione voice her distrust hurt. She clamped her mouth shut and met Sirius's gaze. It looked as though he was starting to realize this was a bad idea.

Another sound startled them all out of the silence as they looked up. There were muffled footsteps from down below. They weren't alone.

"WE'RE UP HERE!" Hermione screamed. "WE'RE UP HERE – SIRIUS BLACK – QUICK!"

Emma stood up quickly as Sirius made to try and get up, but Crookshanks refused to get off him. Harry brandished his wand tighter as the footsteps thundered up the stairs. This was an actual nightmare, and Emma couldn't think of anything else she could do except potentially throw up a shield. Who was coming up the stairs? Who was arriving? Emma desperately hoped it was Remus, but it could be anyone. What would happen if it weren't the one person who could reasonably get everyone to understand?

The door of the room slammed open with a shower of red sparks as Remus rushed into the room. He scanned the room, taking in Ron on the floor, Hermione cowering near the door, to Harry standing in front of Sirius with his wand at the ready, over to Sirius, and then he found Emma at Sirius's side. A slight look of relief crossed his face when he found the two of them, but he quickly remembered where he was.

" _Expelliarmus_!" he shouted, waving his wand towards Harry, Ron, and Hermione and catching their wands deftly in one hand. Remus turned back to Sirius, panting hard. "Where is he, Sirius?"

Sirius stared back at Remus for a moment before slowly lifting his hand and pointing directly at Ron.

"He's hiding?"

"In Ron's pocket," Emma said quietly.

"Professor," Harry shouted, "what's going on –?"

Harry's sentence immediately broke off as Remus lowered his wand and walked over to Sirius to help him up. Crookshanks dropped off of Sirius to the floor, slinking back to the bed, and Sirius pulled Remus into a rough embrace. Emma leaned heavily against the wall. At least one potential crisis could be averted.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT," Hermione shrieked, suddenly finding her voice again as she stared at Remus and Sirius in disbelief. She turned to Emma, her eyes blazing. "All this time? And after I promised you that I would keep his secret?"

Remus let Sirius go and turned to look at Hermione, shooting Emma a warning look to not speak.

Hermione turned back to Remus, body swaying as if she might faint.

"You – you –"

"Hermione –" Remus held his hands out pleadingly towards Hermione in a vain attempt to diffuse the situation.

"– you and him –"

"Hermione, calm down –"

"I didn't tell anyone! I've been covering up for you because Emma asked me to…"

"Hermione, listen to me, please!" Remus shouted. "I can explain –"

Emma slowly approached Remus and Sirius, moving to stand in between the two of them. She bit her lip anxiously and placed an unsteady hand on Remus's arm. She wasn't sure who the gesture was meant to calm down more, but it gave her a vague sense of relief.

"I trusted you," Harry suddenly shouted at Remus, his voice shaking in anger, "and all this time you've been his friend!"

"You're wrong," Remus said steadily, "I haven't been Sirius's friend, not until very recently – Let me explain…"

"No!" Hermione shrieked. "Harry, don't trust him either. He's been helping Black into the castle. He wants you dead too – he's a werewolf."

The room grew deathly quiet as all eyes turned to Remus, who looked calm but was very pale. Emma glared at Hermione, rage beginning to pulse through her veins.

"How dare you, Hermione," Emma spat, "You _promised_ me you wouldn't say a word."

Hermione looked at Emma incredulously. " _He's dangerous_ ," Hermione shouted back.

Emma scoffed, shaking her head. She started to make her way towards Hermione, but someone grabbed onto the back of her shirt, pulling her back. Emma glared at whoever pulled her back and frowned at Remus as he pushed her towards Sirius.

"No, Emma. Now is not the time," Remus said quietly. Emma had no idea how he could be so incredibly calm. "Not at all up to your usual standard, Hermione. Only one out of three, I'm afraid. I have not been helping Sirius get into the castle, not in the way you think, and I certainly don't want Harry dead."

Emma looked up at Remus, gasping softly. "Daddy…"

Remus sighed again, giving Emma an apologetic look before turning back towards Hermione and Harry. An odd expression passed over his face before he spoke again, "But I won't deny that I am a werewolf."

Ron tried to stand back up from the floor but sunk back down with a whimper of pain. Remus made his way over to Ron in concern, but Ron gasped, "Get away from me, werewolf!"

"Ron, don't you _dare_ talk to my father that way when he was trying to help you," Emma snarled, ready to break Ron's other leg. If it weren't for Sirius being the one to latch onto her, she would have gone after him.

Remus froze where he was, looked over at Emma, and finally turned to Hermione. "If memory serves me correct, you've known since Professor Snape set the essay, yes?"

Hermione nodded. "If I hadn't listened to Emma, I would have already told everyone what you are. I should have."

"Well, he'll be delighted. Did you check the lunar chart and realize I was always ill at the full moon? Or did you realize that the Boggart turned into the moon when it saw me?"

"Both." Remus forced a laugh that immediately died out at what Hermione said next. "I should have known Emma was as well."

Remus shot Emma another look of warning to her annoyance, and he shook his head. "She isn't a werewolf. The only werewolf here is me."

"But she still gets sick –"

"Hermione, I _told_ you all of this already!" Emma shouted. "I _told_ you what I am. You of all people should know that I'm not a werewolf."

"You told her?" Remus asked, looking at Emma curiously.

"Back at Christmas," Emma said quietly. "And remember, Hermione – I'm not the only one with secrets," Emma spat. That seemed to silence Hermione as she sunk back into the shadows, glaring at Emma.

"Dumbledore hired you when he knew you were a werewolf!" Ron gasped out through grit teeth. "Is he mad?"

Remus sighed, pulling his attention away from Emma to address Ron. "Some of the staff thought so. He had to work very hard to convince certain teachers that I'm trustworthy –"

"AND HE WAS WRONG!" Harry shouted. "YOU'VE BEEN HELPING ALL THIS TIME!"

Emma looked over at Sirius, who crossed the room over to the bed and sat down on it. Crookshanks leaped onto the bed next to him, crawling into his lap and purring as Ron edged away from them. Before Remus had a chance to speak, Emma forced herself to speak up.

"No, Harry, he hasn't been helping Sirius," Emma said, her voice trembling. "I have."

Every pair of eyes turned her way, and Emma felt herself grow as pale as her father looked. Remus's expression was unreadable as she met his gaze, but his eyes were sharp. It wasn't as if he didn't know, but he clearly didn't want her sharing that information.

"You?" Harry breathed out.

"Yes," Emma said reluctantly. "I met Sirius on the first Hogsmeade trip of the year. I didn't know that he was an Animagus at the time…you need to listen to what he has to say because it's important, Harry. It…" Emma looked between Remus and Sirius. "Trust me, when you know, it'll change everything you've ever thought."

Remus studied Emma for a moment and then separated the trio's wands, tossing them back to their owners. "There, you're armed, we're not," Remus said, gesturing for Emma to go sit next to Sirius. "Now will you listen?"

Emma sat down next to Sirius, her head ducked as she listened to the conversation being had. It was all information that she knew already, but she blanched at the sharpness of Remus's voice when he mentioned watching the map. She should have realized he would have been far more worried than she thought but had been careless enough to follow Sirius instead. Emma was just in the process of reaching out towards Crookshanks to see if he would like her, but Sirius had suddenly shot up from the bed.

"Sirius, NO!" Remus yelled, grabbing tightly to Sirius and dragging him back from Ron. "Wait! You can't do it just like that – they need to understand!"

It was a testament to Remus's strength that he could hold onto Sirius when he was like a man possessed. Sirius was determined to destroy Peter, and Emma couldn't blame him, but he wasn't going to get anywhere without everyone understanding. Harry needed to know the truth like she did. It would change everything.

Sirius finally relented and stop struggling against Remus, but he stared hard at Peter. He wasn't letting him get out of his sight after trying to get to him all year. They were all so close to ending things and fixing everything.

To Emma's surprise, Crookshanks jumped onto the bed again. He gave Emma several tentative sniffs before climbing onto her lap. As chaotic as things were, Emma was secretly delighted and ran a hand through his fur. Apparently, not all cats hated her, and she was thrilled.

"…you see, Sirius here played a trick on him which nearly killed him, a trick that involved me –"

Emma looked up from petting Crookshanks to look at Remus curiously. She knew that there had been a prank played, but she had never heard the story before. She didn't know that Snape had been involved at all, and she was intrigued. Emma listened carefully to what Remus was saying, glancing over at Sirius as his expression closed off. Suddenly it made sense as to why Snape didn't like her as well, and it made her wonder if he knew her relation to Sirius. That would explain so much.

"So that's why Snape doesn't like you," Harry said, "because he thought you were in on the joke?"

"That's right," sneered the very distinctive voice of Snape, pulling off the Invisibility Cloak, his wand pointing directly at Remus.

If Emma wasn't so horrified by the sudden twist in events, she probably would have screamed like Hermione. Emma wasn't sure what to do, torn between remaining where she was and getting up. Crookshanks's nails dug painfully into her leg, and Emma grimaced. She was stuck where she was regardless of what she wanted to do. Emma cowed as Snape turned his attention to her.

"Because your daughter didn't appear to make your potion, I thought it best that I made it. I wasn't going to dare to put anyone in danger because of her stupidity. I had just been to your office with a gobletful, and very lucky I did…very lucky for me, I mean."

Emma's breath hitched at the realization that Snape had arrived and didn't bother to bring the Wolfsbane Potion with him. There was still time for Remus to take it, of course, but it seemed almost deliberate that he didn't bring it. Emma was about to mention it, thoroughly aggravated that he should have brought the potion with him. Before she could open her mouth, Emma watched in a panic as snake-like cords burst from Snape's wand twisting tightly around Remus.

Snape had done the wrong thing. Sirius started for Snape with a roar of rage, and Emma was on her feet, dropping Crookshanks to the floor, fully ready to attack.

"Lupin, I suggest staying where you are unless you would like to be expelled from this school."

"I don't care," Emma snarled, reaching back for her wand.

"I recommend you don't do what you're planning to do, Lupin. I'm sure the Ministry would be thrilled to know about a werewolf and a half-werewolf at Hogwarts. Perhaps the three of you can have a family cell in Azkaban…"

The threat of Azkaban forced her to stop where she was. One look over at Remus told her to stay exactly where she was. She lowered her hand back to her side, feeling entirely defeated. She made to go over to Remus's side, but Snape's wand was on her. Emma felt helpless.

Snape swiftly turned his wand to Sirius, pointing it right between his eyes. "Give me a reason," Snape whispered. "Give me a reason to do it, and I swear I will."

Sirius stopped as well, his face twisting in rage. He looked over at Emma, giving her a slight nod, and reluctantly she sat back down on the bed. If Emma felt helpless before, she really felt helpless now. She remembered having to act exactly like this in the children's home – passive and unable to do anything. Listening to Snape, who had started looking completely deranged, made her feel sick. There was something about his yelling that was disturbingly familiar, even if she couldn't quite recall why. The little digs at both Remus and Sirius only made it worse. To Snape, they were nothing more than a werewolf and a (wrongly) convicted murderer. It seemed as though she fit somewhere in between those categories in his mind.

Emma could only manage a gasp when Harry, Ron, and Hermione tried to disarm Snape at the exact same time. Snape hit the wall near her with a sickening thud, sliding down the wall. Not wanting to be anywhere near Snape, Emma shot up from the bed to help Sirius untie Remus. Remus rubbed his arms for a minute, stood up, and pulled Emma protectively against his side. Emma was perfectly content to stay right there, taking a tight handful of his jacket like she always used to when she was nervous.

It was hard having to listen to Sirius explain how he knew about Peter being at Hogwarts all over again. She had heard the story multiple times and listened to the same questions Remus had asked Sirius repeatedly. However, it was still hard to listen to all over again. Having to listen to him tell Harry was even worse. Harry looked torn, his face twisting between anger and hopeful. He didn't know what to think, and Emma wondered how many times she had looked the same.

She didn't blame Harry for wanting to have someone to blame for his parent's deaths. If she was in his position, she probably would have blamed Sirius herself. In fact, she had accused Sirius many times over different things, even if it had absolutely nothing to do with him.

"Enough of this," Remus said with a steely resolve. He kissed the top of Emma's head before gently pushing her towards Hermione. He turned to Ron, his eyes sharp. "There's one certain way to prove what really happened. Ron, give me that rat."

"What are you going to do with him if I give him to you?" Ron asked.

"Force him to show himself. If he really is a rat, it won't hurt him."

Emma watched anxiously from Hermione's side to see what would happen next. Ron reluctantly handed his rat over to Remus, who took a firm hold of him. Sirius grabbed Snape's wand and gave Remus a nod.

A flash of blue-white light erupted from their wands, and the rat was frozen in midair. The rat suddenly dropped to the floor, and then with another flash of light, there suddenly wasn't a rat anymore.

Peter wasn't at all what Emma expected. He didn't look at all like the photographs that she had seen. Peter was no longer a short and round boy but was now a dirty, unkempt, and balding man. If she thought Sirius looked terrible the first time she had seen him transform, Peter looked much worse. Emma tilted her head slightly as she looked at Peter. Even as a man, he looked like a rat, and she peered over at Remus and Sirius curiously. She supposed she could see the vestiges of the dog in Sirius and had already picked out how her father looked like Moony.

It was disturbing to see how quick of a switch Remus could make. She knew her father could be a complete mess, clumsy, but still maintaining eloquence. This was a man that exuded an icy air unlike anything she had ever seen from him before.

"Well, hello, Peter," Remus said. "Long time, no see."

Peter was a skittery looking fellow, Emma noted. She kept watching as his eyes darted to the open door, and she was tempted to inch her way over to it. Remus pinned her where she was with a sharp look, and once again, she was frozen where she was. She could see that Remus was starting to get nervous that she was there at all.

Emma cringed slightly as Hermione tried to be the voice of reason, trying to see all sides of the situation. Like Remus, Hermione didn't go into a problem without knowing all possible logical explanations. The moment Hermione brought up that Peter had been staying in the dorm with Harry for three years, Emma remembered something else.

"Except that's not the only place Peter's been, Hermione," Emma interrupted. She quickly covered her mouth as everyone looked over at her.

"Go on," Sirius said slowly, his eyes narrowing.

"Uhm, he's…we've found Peter in the girl's lavatories before. How many times has he been in there with us without us knowing?" Emma said, shifting nervously as Remus's eyes darkened at the reminder. "It was more than just staying in the dorm with Harry," she added quickly, promptly covering her mouth again to try and keep herself from saying anything else.

Sirius looked at Emma in alarm and turned to Peter with even more rage than before. Remus didn't seem too far behind in his anger; the cold expression that crossed his face as he turned to Peter was terrifying.

"You WHAT?" Sirius roared, once again lunging for Peter. Remus caught Sirius quickly, though he didn't appear as though he cared too much if Sirius got out of his grip.

It was excuse after excuse from Peter. He was scared of Sirius, he was worried that something would happen to the girls, he never sold the Potters out to Voldemort. The more Peter spoke, the more he seemed to dig himself into a hole. She could see that Peter was opportunistic, his eyes still scanning between all of them and the door. He was determined to escape, but she didn't think it was all going to be possible.

She felt herself grow pale as she watched her father and Sirius rolling up their sleeves. The very mention of them both killing Peter settled uneasily in her stomach. Surely they couldn't be serious about doing it.

He groveled to Remus and Sirius, desperate for them to come to his side. He moved to Ron, desperately hoping Ron would help him. Emma stared at Peter with wide eyes as he tried to get Hermione to see reason and backed up well before he could get anywhere near her. She had to mentally check herself for a moment when she realized she found Peter more repulsive than Greyback. Emma blamed it entirely on her nerves and held tight to Hermione when she backed up against the wall next to her.

"Daddy," Emma whispered the moment she realized that Remus and Sirius were set on killing Peter. She knew that Remus could kill someone and told her many times that he would for her if it came down to it. Emma never expected him to be able to do it so coldly. She understood why he would want to, why they would both want to, but it terrified her. Emma didn't like that Remus could tune her out so quickly, too focused on his desire to kill Peter with Sirius.

She wasn't sure if her terror only grew or if she was relieved when Harry threw himself in front of Peter. "NO!" he shouted, staring hard at both Remus and Sirius. "You can't kill him. You can't."

Peter practically launched himself at Harry when he mentioned bringing him back to the castle instead. Harry was quick to throw Peter off of himself in disgust.

"I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it because – I don't reckon my dad would've wanted them to become killers – just for you."

Emma's relieved breath came out slowly, and she leaned against Hermione, grateful that Remus and Sirius had lowered their wands.

It had been decided – they would go back to the castle with Peter. Everything would be all right. She hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	67. Wandering With a Werewolf

Their group was a very strange one, indeed. Crookshanks led the way back down the stairs. Remus, Peter, and Ron went next, followed by Snape drifting eerily behind, held up by his wand in Sirius's hand. Emma, Harry, and Hermione brought up the rear.

Emma listened to Sirius and Harry's conversation as they all walked back, a smile crossing her face. Her smile only grew as Harry gave a resounding confirmation he wanted to move in with Sirius. Sirius looked over Harry's shoulder to meet her gaze. Emma decided it would be an excellent time to add to the conversation.

"That means you're moving in with Dad and me, too," Emma said, grinning at Harry as he turned to look at her. He looked confused, and Emma realized it would probably be important to explain. She looked over at Sirius to confirm it was okay if she explained, and he gave her a delighted nod. "Well, er…my Dad and Sirius are…well, they're both my parents."

Harry looked between Emma and Sirius curiously, and Hermione gave a small "Oh" of surprise. "They're your parents? But they're both –"

"They're both men? I know. They, ah, they're together. Have been for a while, really."

Harry looked terribly confused, his brow furrowing even further, but his smile returned and quickly. "Well, I suppose it would be nice to have a sister. Would that be what you would be?"

"If you'd like," Emma said happily. "I've always wanted a little brother. I think that sounds nice…I'll have you, Daddy, and –" Emma looked up to meet Sirius's gaze "– and Papa."

Sirius looked years younger as he smiled.

Nothing else was said as they continued along the tunnel. It seemed that they were all dreaming of the possibilities they would have with Sirius free. Emma idly wondered where they would live and how long it would take to get Harry moved in with them. Would they all search for a house together? Would they all live in the bungalow to start?

Emma let out a sharp gasp of pain as a cloud suddenly shifted, and she nearly doubled over at the pain shooting up her spine. Her eyes shot up to the moon, and she forced herself to straighten up.

"Sirius!" Emma said in a panic.

Everything came to a sudden halt. Snape collided with Remus, Ron, and Peter. Sirius flung his arm out to stop Harry and Hermione, and Emma felt immediately sick. They were far too late getting back to the castle, and it was her fault for not going inside and making sure Remus had the potion on time.

"Run," Sirius whispered to them. "Run. Now."

But none of them could run, too stunned to make any moves. Harry leapt forward to try and get to Ron, but Sirius caught him around the chest and threw him back.

"Leave it to me – RUN!"

Emma had to force herself not to watch Remus's transformation. It was far worse than it was with Elara's, his wolfish side taking over quickly. She only allowed herself to look up at his pained snarl, and Emma felt exceptionally guilty. It was nearly impossible for her to focus on her own sharp pains, too worried about the ones that her father had to be experiencing. There was nothing luxurious about being a werewolf on the Wolfsbane Potion. It was evidently worse without it.

Sirius was transformed and running after Remus, seizing him around the neck and pulling him away from Ron and Peter. It was terrifying to see just how feral Moony was, quick to snap, and more than willing to fight to get at someone. Hermione screamed, and Emma and Harry turned to watch as Peter bent down to grab onto Remus's wand.

Emma ripped her wand out of her pocket and watched helplessly as Peter turned towards her. She watched helplessly as her wand flew out of her hand as Peter disarmed her, his face twisting with a smile. He stared at her pointedly as he took her wand with both hands and snapped it in two, tossing it to the side. Peter knew that she would be too much of a danger for him and made sure she couldn't strike. She whimpered as her eyes followed the remains of her wand. It had been so perfect…

There was a loud bang and a sudden burst of light, and Ron dropped to the ground motionless. With another bang, Crookshanks was thrown into the air.

" _Expelliarmus!_ " Harry shouted at Peter. Remus's wand flew up into the air and far out of sight. They would never be able to find it in the dark. Harry started to run towards Peter. "Stay where you are!"

Emma, too stunned by the loss of her wand, didn't have any time to react to Remus running towards her. He had managed to shake off Sirius, who was struggling to get back up. She cried out as she was knocked over by massive paws slamming into her chest. Hermione shrieked, but Remus was far too focused by Emma underneath his feet. His head bent low, his teeth far too close for her liking, but he stopped moving.

Remus's teeth were bared, sharp and glistening in the moonlight, and he was growling at her, but he didn't lunge at her. She tensed with a gasp up as he took a step forward, one paw still on her shoulder, the other on the ground. He sniffed her curiously, still growling, but Emma didn't think he would hurt her. If anything, he was curious as to what she was. She cautiously lifted a hand, making sure that he saw what she was doing, just to try and run a hand through his fur. Perhaps if she could get that connection with him, he would stay with her, and they would be fine. It was clear that she was dealing with Moony. Even if he couldn't recognize her completely, she hoped that he recognized her as family.

She heard Hermione's shriek again and turned her head to see Sirius running their way. Emma didn't have enough time to tell him to stop and that she was okay. Remus's head was still too dangerously close to her face, and his teeth were out again. He didn't like Sirius coming near them at all.

Emma felt the sharp pinch of something splitting the skin on her right cheek as Sirius tackled Remus off of her. She had the crippling realization that she had no idea if it was tooth or nail. She sat up quickly, brushing her fingers over where her face burned, and gulped as her fingers came back bloody. Did he accidentally bite her? Was it a swipe of his nail? Did Sirius accidentally scratch her in his attempt to keep her safe? For a moment, she managed to trick herself into thinking that her wound came from Sirius, but the tell-tale burn told her it wasn't.

There was a loud howl off in the distance, and Emma froze at the sound. It almost sounded like…but it couldn't be. She heard Harry shout something at Sirius, but Emma couldn't focus on what was said. Hermione was over at her side in an instant, looking at her nervously.

"Emma, did he –?"

"I…I don't know," Emma admitted, taking a deep breath. "I couldn't tell. I don't think it was his teeth, but…but it burns."

Hermione gasped, turning back to Harry. "We need to go inside! Maybe…maybe if it hasn't been too long –"

"Right," Harry said, looking at Ron and Snape. "We'd better get them to the castle and tell someone. Come –"

There was a sudden loud yelping with a whine.

"Sirius!" Harry shouted, taking off at a run. Hermione helped Emma up off the ground, and they followed after him. The three followed the sounds of Sirius's yelping, heading towards the grounds around the lake. The closer they got to the lake, the colder it became.

Sirius's yelping stopped abruptly. He had transformed back into a man and was crouched on all fours, his hands covering his head. Emma gasped and pointed out over the lake.

"Harry! Dementors!" Emma shouted anxiously. She had no idea what to do – she didn't have a wand. More and more Dementors were closing in on them, the sweeping cold starting to take over. She was grateful for the silence in her mind, but she was quickly finding herself become exhausted. It was almost as if her wolfish side was trying to keep her from having to relive her worst nightmares, but even that was failing.

There were too many Dementors. They were everywhere, swooping in and diving as they got closer. Emma felt the darkness of the Dementors invading their space and her mind. She covered her ears as if that would stifle the screaming that was sure to begin.

"Hermione, think of something happy!" Harry shouted. He began to shout the incantation for the Patronus in vain, desperate to keep the Dementors away.

Emma immediately rushed to Sirius's side, dropping to her knees. She reached out gently for his arm, hoping once more for a connection that would keep them where they were. They were all just in a terrible nightmare, curled up and asleep back in the castle. There was no way that any of this could be real.

Sirius looked over at her but didn't look like he was truly seeing her. He gave a shudder, rolled over, and laid motionless. Emma bent down to press her head to Sirius's shoulder, searching desperately for some sort of reprieve. She listened to Harry's desperate shouting, wishing that she had her wand to do something more. The last thought she had was that she would wake up and that this would all be a nightmare, the sound of screaming loud in her ears.

Emma's head was positively pounding. She heard voices, but she was struggling to make out what they were saying. She kept her eyes firmly closed shut, acutely aware that she was lying on something soft. Was she back in her bed like she thought?

"Thank you, Minister," she heard Snape say.

Nope. Emma was still entirely engrossed in her nightmare.

She forced her eyes open slowly and turned her head slightly. Hermione was facing her direction to her left, looking terrified. She met Emma's gaze across the way and turned over slowly to presumably look over at Harry. Emma forced herself to keep quiet. She didn't want to miss a word that was said.

"And what of the other girl?"

"Attacked by her father. She'll have to go to St. Mungo's to get checked, but I wouldn't be surprised if he bit her. Just as savage as the werewolf who bit him…"

Emma couldn't believe what she was hearing. She hated Snape. She hated his stupid greasy hair, she hated his gigantic nose, and she absolutely hated his arrogant attitude. He spent so much time preaching that Harry's father was arrogant, but Emma couldn't help but feel the man was speaking about himself. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to listen any further as Pomfrey had realized that Harry was awake. There was no point in pretending any longer when Hermione immediately sat up.

Harry was quick to put his glasses on, grabbing his wand. "I need to see the headmaster," he said quickly.

"Potter, it's all right. They've got Black. He's locked away upstairs. The Dementors will be performing the Kiss any moment now –"

"WHAT?" Harry shot up out of bed, and Emma was quick to follow.

"No! They can't do that!" Emma said frantically. She quickly joined Harry's side as he tried to speak to Fudge.

"Sirius is innocent! He didn't do it – it was all Peter's fault! You can't do anything to Sirius unless you give him a trial!" Emma shouted.

Fudge looked at the three astounded. "Surely you can't believe any of that."

"You see, Minister? Confunded, all three of them," Snape said.

"WE'RE NOT CONFUNDED!" Harry shouted.

"Minister, sir – Sirius deserves a trial at the very least," Emma begged. "You can't do this!"

"Minister! Professor! I must insist that you leave! These are my patients, and they should not be distressed!" Pomfrey said angrily, brandishing her massive block of chocolate at Fudge and Snape.

"We're not distressed!" Harry retorted. "We're trying to tell them what happened! If they'd just listen –"

Pomfrey took the opportunity to shove a massive wedge of chocolate into Harry's mouth.

"None of you are listening to us!" Emma said, stomping her foot. "We were not Confunded – we _saw_ Peter –" Pomfrey had stuffed an equally large piece of chocolate into Emma's mouth as well, and she looked over at Harry in a panic. She chewed as quickly as she could and tried to shout her excitement of Dumbledore arriving. That excitement seemed almost short-lived as the only person out of their trio that could speak was Hermione. Harry and Emma were still desperately trying to eat their chocolate, and the adults didn't

"I would like to speak to Emma, Harry, and Hermione alone," Dumbledore said abruptly. "Cornelius, Severus, Poppy, please leave us."

Pomfrey began to splutter in aggravation. "Headmaster! They need treatment, they need rest –"

"This cannot wait. I must insist."

Emma listened as Harry and Hermione tried to explain what had happened. She wouldn't have been able to get a word in otherwise. Emma listened even more carefully when Dumbledore told his side of the story. The moment Dumbledore said that it was too late, she deflated until Dumbledore said something brilliant.

"What we need is more _time_."

Emma gasped as she made the sudden realization at the same time as Hermione to what Dumbledore was trying to tell them. He wanted them to go back in time. They were going to save Sirius, after all.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

Saving Buckbeak was a lot more complicated than Emma thought it would be. Even though Emma wasn't the one who wouldn't need to worry about being seen, Harry still insisted on being the one to get the hippogriff. They had to traverse the forest slowly to avoid running into her from hours prior.

"I think Sirius and I were out of the forest by this point," Emma said quietly, trying to keep her eyes ahead while looking out onto the grounds. "Oh, look – there we are."

Sure enough, there she was walking out of the forest with Sirius. The trio and Buckbeak slowly walked forward to try and get a better view of the Whomping Willow. They sunk down behind a clump of trees to watch was happening.

"There's Ron!" Harry said suddenly.

"Oh, this looks terrible," Emma grimaced, watching as they all tried to converge on the same point.

"It looks worse from here, doesn't it?" Harry agreed. "Ouch – look, I just got walloped by the tree –"

Emma grimaced as she noticed a branch slamming down, clipping her arm. She had wondered when it hit her, and she looked down at her arm with a frown. The long cut had healed itself, but she rubbed at the scar anyway as if it still hurt.

"I don't understand why Dad didn't grab the cloak," Emma muttered as they watched Remus touching a branch to the knot in the Willow. "He was right there."

"It's just lying right there," Harry groaned. "If I just dashed out now and grabbed it, Snape'd never be able to get it and –"

"Harry, we mustn't be seen!"

Sitting out in the woods knowing what was going on in the Shrieking Shack felt incredibly bizarre. They had fallen silent a while ago, waiting for them to come back out of the tunnel. They had been in the shack for far longer than Emma thought they'd been.

"Hermione, this is even worse than when I accidentally used the Time-Turner," Emma muttered, staring through the leaves up at the full moon. She gave a sharp gasp, her hand flying to her cheek in alarm. "Hermione, I've discovered a severe flaw in this plan…"

"What's that?" Hermione asked before her eyes widened suddenly. "We don't know if Professor Lupin bit you…and we heard the howl."

"I don't…" Emma gulped, fisting her hands in her hair. "Hermione, I don't…do you think it matters? Technically I already went through the full moon earlier."

"This would be considered a _new_ full moon for you!"

"Shit," Emma hissed, peering up at the moon. What was she supposed to do if she transformed? "I don't…I don't know where to go."

"And there's no time, either," Harry said in a panic, pointing up to the Willow. They were all starting to leave the tunnel, and Emma's stomach sank.

"Quick! Get behind Buckbeak!" Emma hissed. "If I transform, then you can use Buckbeak to get out. Werewolves are only dangerous to humans, not other creatures."

"Dunno, looked pretty dangerous when Professor Lupin was attacking Sirius."

"But Sirius won't ever have to worry about transforming because he was a dog. That's the difference."

Hermione nodded, quickly moving behind Buckbeak and grabbing Harry.

Emma tried to put some space between herself, Harry, and Hermione. Why did she not consider the possibility that she could transform anyway? She could cry from her stupidity! Why had Dumbledore insisted that she go with them? She could be dangerous! She could attack them! How would she ever be able to explain to Remus what had happened if any of them got hurt because of her?

She closed her eyes tightly with a whimper as she started to feel the sharp pains all over again. Would it be fast? Or would it feel as prolonged as how it looked? She grit her teeth, bracing herself for the snapping of her own bones and shuddered as she heard the crack of Remus's across the way. Emma could hear the sharp snarls and growls of Remus transforming again, and she waited and waited and waited for it to happen to her, as well.

"Oh, thank Merlin," Hermione said breathlessly. "Emma, he's already transformed. Look!"

Emma forced her eyes open, meeting Hermione's relieved gaze, and she turned to look back up the hill to the Whomping Willow. Sure enough, her father was entirely a wolf, which meant he had only scratched her, and she nearly collapsed in sheer relief.

"That's all fine, but we've got another problem," Harry said quickly. "We've got to move."

"We mustn't! I keep telling you –"

"Not to interfere! Lupin's going to run into the forest, right at us!"

Emma gasped, realizing what she had to do. She had howled, but she wasn't a werewolf when she did.

"No, he's not," Emma said quickly. She took in a deep breath, clasping her hands around her mouth, and howled as loud as she could. She was going to have to deal with Moony entirely by herself. At the end of the night, he could potentially bite her anyway. At least then the next full moon wouldn't be a surprise.

"Emma!" Hermione shouted. "What are you doing?"

"Making sure Dad doesn't go after you – go!" Emma shouted, breaking off from Harry and Hermione.

"Emma, if he didn't bite you the first time, he could still bite you!" Hermione yelled, dancing anxiously on the spot. "He could turn you into a werewolf!"

"I'm already halfway there; it doesn't matter. Just go! I'll find you lot later!" Emma paused and gestured for them to run towards Hagrid's. "I'll be fine, I promise! I'll find you later – I promise!"

Emma hesitated for only a moment before rushing off again, howling as she went. She was positive that she had never run more in her life. Her lungs burned, and her muscles ached, but as long as she could keep Moony away from Harry and Hermione, things would be fine. If only she could find Peter in the process…

Her stomach dropped with the crippling realization that she didn't have a wand – again. She couldn't do anything.

"Fuck," Emma said to herself, ducking behind a tree and letting out another howl. She could hear the terribly feral growls of Moony and flinched at his howl in return. Hopefully she was doing the right thing, and Remus wouldn't remember any of this later. If he did, he would be sure to let his displeasure be known in a few hours.

Emma gave herself a moment to breathe, and then she was off again, heading further into the Forbidden Forest. She almost laughed as she ran, the wolfish side of her relishing running amongst the trees. It felt absolutely ridiculous to her to be doing what she was doing and feel almost natural. She felt oddly free, and it was an almost disturbing feeling to have. Emma wondered if it was the same way Moony felt, running free and in the open under the moon. Did he like chasing her? The only thing that worried her was him thinking she was prey. If Moony couldn't resist…well, she didn't want to think of how Remus would feel later on. Her concern was keeping him as far away as possible from Harry and Hermione.

Moony was picking up speed behind her, his paws slamming so hard against the dirt of the quiet forest that it echoed. Not daring to look behind, Emma let out another howl and nearly tripped and fell out of the sheer shock that Moony's call was directly behind her. She skidded to a halt, turning around to find a furious and very untired wolf. She shivered as Moony bent low, teeth bared with a deep growl.

"This…was a terrible idea," Emma whispered to herself as she panted, trying to get her breath back. She took a tentative step backward, and the wolf followed with several steps forward. Emma looked up at the sky and sighed. "Please don't let this be the stupidest idea I ever do."

She sat down slowly where she was, observing Moony. It would do her no favors to keep him chasing her, especially since he didn't seem close to tiring out.

Moony stalked towards her slowly, still unsure of what she was. If Emma didn't know that she smelled like a werewolf, she would be more worried than she was. Still, she felt incredibly nervous about letting him come to her when she had no way to defend herself. All it would take is one accidental slip or his mind to get focused elsewhere for things to go terribly awry.

Emma forced herself to remain still, watching him closely as he circled her, sizing her up. His stance wasn't as threatening as before as he tried to work out in his mind what to do with her, standing up a bit straighter. Moony sniffed at her again, becoming increasingly more curious, and Emma forced herself not to move. What exactly was she meant to do? She wasn't about to lay down like a dog, nor did she have a tail or ears that would be helpful. It was funny how her mind was working in her distress.

She sighed softly, feeling stupid as Moony stepped up to her front again. Emma kept her gaze averted and tilted her head slightly, hoping that the action seemed submissive enough. Her wolfish side seemed to think it was the right move, and she allowed herself to give into that side for a moment. The action seemed to appease Moony as he stepped closer, shoving his nose into her hair and snuffling. She let out a pained whimper as Moony then pressed his nose right into the scratch on her face.

"Uh, yep," Emma groaned. "That's from you." Moony pulled back ever so slightly to look at her and then proceeded to lick her face. Emma was absolutely stunned by the action, letting out a cry, and Moony shoved his snout back into her hair and huffed in annoyance. It appeared he didn't like the way she smelled. To her absolute horror, she felt her hair get pushed to the side and the distinct feeling of wetness.

"Oh, oh no," Emma said in alarm. "You're trying to groom me, aren't you?" Emma tried to push Moony off of her, but he growled at her. She groaned and just let him continue to lick her face and hair. "I really hope you remember this when you transform back because I'm never letting you live this one down. I don't think anything can ever top this. This is by far the oddest thing that has ever happened to me."

Moony finally stopped what he was doing, only to rub his body on hers. He eventually settled down, lying half on top of her lap, almost like a completely different creature. She carefully reached out to scratch the spot behind his ears and was relieved that Moony was receptive. He leaned greedily into her hand, and Emma suppressed a giggle. Remus would _never_ act like this in his right mind. With Moony taking over, he was a full-blown puppy. He was a giant, bloodthirsty and violent puppy, perhaps, but a puppy all the same.

"Hey, watch with the teeth," Emma grumbled as Moony went to nip at her hands. Instead, he let out a huffy breath and sat up, deciding to return to licking her face. Emma let out a disgruntled noise at the realization that there was no point in trying to stop him. Moony very clearly saw her as his cub. While it kept her safe, she wasn't too fond of the behavior that followed.

"Oh, yes. Getting licked to death by a werewolf is exactly how I wanted to spend my night." She tried to push Moony away again to no avail, throwing her arms up in exasperation, causing Moony to growl sharply. He didn't like the sudden movement, and it didn't matter that he saw her as his cub. He was protective of her, and if she didn't comply with Moony, she would be in trouble. "Now I _really_ hope you remember this tomorrow. This is ridiculous."

Emma carefully pushed herself back along the forest floor so that she could lean against a tree, and Moony refused to lose contact. He followed her all the way, keeping himself pressed up against her as if he planned to keep her safe from whatever perceived threat he felt.

"Your need to mother me to death translates very well in Moony's mind," Emma said, watching in fascination at the tail wag at the mention of his name. That was an interesting development. "Remind me not to write to the Scamander's right away because they would have a field day with this one."

Moony plunked back down onto the ground, dropping his head on her lap. Emma cautiously ran her hand through his fur and let out a sigh of relief when he didn't snap at her. He was tolerating her petting him, his ears relaxing with a single swish of his tail.

"I can't stay too long," she whispered. "Harry and Hermione are trying to help save Padfoot, and I need to help them."

At the mention of Padfoot, Moony looked up at her, his tail swishing excitedly.

"You know Padfoot?" Moony's tail wagged a little harder. "And you know your name, Moony?" He wagged even more, and Emma hummed quietly in fascination. "Yes, that's good, Moony. Padfoot is going to be saved. He's going to escape, and we're all going to be fine. I wanted to come out here to be with you to make sure that you were safe, too. I know you don't need me out here, Moony, but I want to be."

Moony seemed to like his name being said. He sat up again, looking at her expectantly, and she reached up slowly to scratch the spot behind his ears. He still didn't seem to mind.

"I'm sorry," Emma said quietly, as she felt her breath hitch as the thoughts of the night caught up with her. "I know that this is what you were always afraid of – accidentally forgetting to take your potion. This was…this was my fault. I should have gone right inside the moment Padfoot ran off. I should have taken the time to make sure that the potion was made so that we wouldn't be out here in the middle of the bloody Forbidden Forest."

Emma took a look around the forest and frowned. "It's bloody scary out here at night," she commented with a weak giggle. "I suppose it's all right, though. Surprisingly, I'm probably safest with you right now as you are. I doubt many people can say that, but maybe I should research into other countries. Maybe only things are completely backward here. Maybe there are others like us somewhere."

She felt tears fill her eyes, and Moony whined softly. She sniffled, running her fingers through his fur. "I'm fine," she said as he gave a slight whimper. "We're fine. I'm upset that I have to get a new wand, though. I really liked my wand a lot.

"I know I've never really told you, but I'm glad that you decided to come here. I know you did it for me, and I appreciate that. I'm sorry that I completely lost it at the beginning of the year, but I think I needed that moment to realize how much you love me. I know, that's terrible, but knowing what I do now…I guess it makes sense that I needed that. At least we found out the truth, yeah? It's always been you and me. We managed to find each other in the end, and we've…we've got Padfoot. And we'll have Harry." Emma didn't want to mention Peter running off, afraid to aggravate Moony if he understood.

Emma decided to chatter absent-mindedly about anything she could think of just to serve as a distraction. Moony laid back down as she talked, content to let her continue petting him. He would whine and look up at her in concern when she would start to get too emotional.

"Buggering fuck," Emma muttered as she let her thoughts start to take over. She was absolutely terrified over what was going to happen when the morning arrived. Snape was angry before they left the Hospital Wing. Emma had absolutely no trust in the Potions professor and had no idea what she would do if something happened. She was terrified of the idea of them failing at saving Sirius. Losing Peter again and having Remus not take his final dose of Wolfsbane was bad enough. She couldn't stand the idea of things getting worse.

Emma swallowed hard at the lump in her throat as she lifted her hand to her cheek to touch the still-burning scratch. She still had no idea what had touched her, and Remus was going to hate himself in the morning for it. If only Elara had been there as well…

She tried to keep herself together, but she broke down into tears. Emma was terrified all over again, and she had such a sick feeling in her stomach. Something was going to go terribly wrong, but she didn't know what. She wasn't sure if it was something that was going to happen to her, something to Sirius or something to Remus. It didn't matter what it was; she was afraid of losing everything they had. As much as Emma tried to force herself to think of something else, anything else, she couldn't. Whatever bad happened was going to be her fault, and she knew it.

Moony didn't take to Emma's tears very well and shot up on all fours. He pressed his nose to her hair, giving her cheek a lick, and she let out a watery laugh.

"You might be Moony, but you're all there, I think," Emma said softly. "You're still Remus Lupin." To Emma's absolute amusement, Moony groaned. "Oh, not a fan? He can be a bit of a pain, yeah? I apologize, but that doesn't change a thing to me. It doesn't matter who you are to me. I don't even know if you know who I am…" She pressed her forehead to Moony's, scratching behind his ears with both of her hands. "You are my best friend regardless of who you are at the time. I sincerely hope that you know that. I love you, a-and you're my best friend, and you are the best dad in the world." She leaned back, daring to kiss the tip of his nose. "This…this doesn't change who you are to me. It never did, and it never will."

Emma pressed her forehead back to his, closing her eyes, hoping to bring back some sense of calm. She wasn't actually expecting it, though. Just like other full moon nights, the warmth she had grown accustomed to swept through her body. Each little ache and pain and the burning of her cheek slowly washing away, and she felt every bit of tension leave. What was odd was the faint vision of a sunrise seemingly sitting in the back of her mind. She wasn't thinking about the sun at all.

She slowly leaned away from Moony to sit back against the tree, confused. It wasn't until she looked up to meet Moony's gaze that she started to understand. She might not have been thinking of the sun, but he was. The odd part of her brain that kept her wolf tucked away seemed to figure out what just happened far quicker than she did. It took Emma another moment to process what she was being told, and then she finally put it together. It was one of the clearest thoughts that her wolf had ever given her, spoken so clearly that Emma should have realized it sooner. Moony had just given her wolf her name.

"Soleil," Emma breathed out, reaching for her necklaces to find the sun she wore around her neck. Moony gave a delighted swish of his tail, and it was all the confirmation she needed. Out of sheer curiosity, Emma pressed her forehead back to Moony's and smiled when the faint vision of the sun came back again. She was grateful that Remus had taken so much time to think of a name for her. Soleil was a name she could live with gladly. It was an incredibly sweet name, full of meaning, and a depth to their relationship together; he was the moon, and she was the sun.

"You do know who I am," she said happily. "It's perfect. Moony, Padfoot, and Soleil."

Moony seemed delighted at hearing all of their names. Emma stood up and sighed. She was about to suggest going on a walk so she could lead him further into the forest, but there was a sudden sweeping cold.

Emma shivered as the forest started to grow colder. _The Dementors_. Moony began to get anxious, feet tapping on the ground as he growled. He didn't like the Dementors either.

"Go," Emma said quietly, crouching down in front of Moony and petting him. "Go. I'll be fine. You need to hang out here for a few more hours. I need to go help with Padfoot."

Moony's tail gave a happy little swish at the mention of Padfoot, but he didn't seem to want to leave.

"Please, go," Emma said. She cringed, wishing she had a wand to cast Avifors for Moony to chase. She spotted a stick and frowned as she looked at it. Would throwing the stick work? She just needed to get him away so that she could leave. Bending down slowly, Emma grabbed the stick. "I'm so sorry if this doesn't work…probably even more sorry if it does work," Emma sighed. She chucked the stick as far as she could, and she let out a sigh of relief as Moony ran off to chase it. She could only hope he would get distracted by something else in the forest, and Emma bolted as fast as she could in the other direction.

"Emma! Oh, thank goodness you're all right! I was worried!" Hermione shouted as Emma got closer to the lake. "Did you find Professor Lupin?"

"I did," Emma said, grinning. "Pet him, too."

"You…you _what_?"

"Pet my dad. It's fine, I've done it before. I think he knew who I was."

"Look at Snape!" Hermione suddenly hissed.

"Get down!" Harry said, grabbing Emma's arm and tugging her down to where they were crouched. They watched as Snape conjured stretchers and lifted their limp forms onto them. With his wand held in front of him, he started moving them all towards the castle.

"What did I miss?"

"Harry cast the Patronus that saved us," Hermione said.

"It was you? Harry, that's amazing!"

"Not now! We've got about forty-five minutes until Dumbledore locks the door to the hospital wing. We've got to rescue Sirius and get back into the ward before anybody realizes we're missing…."

"Tell me more about your Patronus, Harry," Emma said, sinking down onto the ground. She gave Buckbeak a pat on the head as he knocked her with the side of his beak.

Emma listened as Harry explained everything and she smiled. "Dad will be so proud of you, Harry," Emma said quietly. "He always knew that you could do it. Your Patronus being a stag is perfect."

"I think I'm more impressed that you pet a werewolf," Harry said with a cheeky grin.

"I think we've both got bragging rights tonight. Now we just need to get Sirius out."

"D'you reckon he's up there yet?" Harry asked, checking his watch.

"Look!" Hermione whispered. "Who's that? Someone's coming back out of the castle!"

"Macnair!" said Harry. "The executioner! He's gone to get the Dementors! This is it."

"You two go," Emma said. "I don't know that four of us will fit comfortably on Buckbeak."

"Don't be stupid. He's your dad, too," said Harry, pushing Emma towards Buckbeak. "Get up."

Emma groaned and allowed Harry to help her onto Buckbeak behind Hermione. She had just gotten used to flying on a broom, and now she was expected to fly on a hippogriff?

"Ready?" Harry whispered. Both Emma and Hermione shook their heads. "You'd better hold on to me," Harry added to Hermione, and Emma grabbed tightly onto Hermione's waist. She couldn't wait to try and explain this one to Remus later.

Emma decided right then and there that she preferred flying on a broom over flying on Buckbeak. The jerk of Buckbeak's wings was incredibly jerky and smooth at the same time, and Emma was terrified he would buck her off his back. There was barely enough space for Sirius to climb onto Buckbeak behind her. Getting up to the top of the tower made her anxious. It would have been absolutely pathetic to have saved Sirius only to have him drop off the back of Buckbeak.

The moment Buckbeak landed, Harry and Hermione slid off and onto the ground. Emma took a moment longer, holding tightly to Sirius's hand, not quite ready to let him go, even though he needed to.

"You'd better go quick," Harry said urgently. "They'll reach Flitwick's office any moment; they'll find out you're gone."

"And the other boy? Ron?" asked Sirius.

"He's going to be okay. He's still out of it, but Madam Pomfrey says she'll be able to make him better. Quick – go!"

Sirius looked between Emma and Harry breathlessly, squeezing Emma's hand a bit tighter. "How can I ever –"

"Papa, you _need to go_ ," Emma said softly, pulling her hand out of Sirius's. He looked momentarily stunned, not at all used to the moniker, but Emma smiled in encouragement. "We'll take that slow…but you need to leave."

With a slight nod, Sirius wheeled Buckbeak around. "We'll…we'll see each other again," Sirius said, looking over his shoulder at them. "Harry, you are – you're truly your father's son. And Emma…"

"I know," Emma said quietly, gesturing for Sirius to go. "I love you, too."

Sirius squeezed his heels into Buckbeak's sides, and the trio backed away quickly as the hippogriff's wings rose. He took off quickly into the air, and within moments, they were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	68. Resigned

**a/n: I'm so sorry.**

* * *

Emma had completely lost track of time while waiting in the Hospital Wing. At some point, Harry and Hermione had fallen asleep, but Ron was still up.

Getting back to the Hospital Wing had been an anxiety-inducing trip, but the trio was running purely on adrenaline. Dumbledore seemed pleased that their adventure had been successful. He locked them back in the ward, and they slipped back into their beds, trying to act as if they had been there the entire time instead of out on the grounds for the past few hours.

Between Pomfrey and her massive pieces of chocolate, Snape's anger that Sirius had escaped again, and the knowledge of what had happened, Emma was terribly anxious. All she wanted to do was get out and see Remus. She was sure that he had to have transformed back by now.

Unable to remain in the bed when she was perfectly fine, Emma began to pace. She peered out the windows as she passed them and pressed her ear up to the door of the Hospital Wing. Out of curiosity, Emma tried the door and groaned when she realized it was locked from the outside. She had hoped that Dumbledore wouldn't have locked the door again, but he did. Someone would be able to get in, but they weren't getting out unless someone let them, and Emma didn't have a wand to unlock the door.

"Emma, what are you doing?" Ron asked, watching Emma curiously.

"Trying to get out," she said quietly. She turned to Ron with a hopeful grin. "Hey, do you mind if I borrow your wand for a minute? I just want to unlock the door."

"What are you planning to do?" Ron asked.

"Er," Emma peered back out the window, scanning the horizon and glancing up to see where the moon sat in the sky. "Dad'll be transforming back soon if he didn't already. I don't know what time it is. I need to go talk to him."

Ron gave Emma a funny look but reached over to the side table and grabbed his wand, holding it out. Emma gave him a brilliant smile and ran over to take it. It felt odd in her hand, but it would work all right. She pointed it over at the door and took a deep breath.

" _Alohomora_ ," Emma whispered, breathing out a sigh of relief as she heard the lock click open. She passed Ron back his wand. "Thanks, mate."

"Right," Ron said quietly, unsure of what to say.

Emma rushed back to the door and opened it carefully. She was almost sure that something would be set off, and Madam Pomfrey would come running, but not sensing anything, Emma slipped out. She rushed down the corridor to the stairwell and froze as a voice spoke out.

"Ah, I wondered if you would try to leave."

Cringing, Emma turned around to look at Professor Dumbledore. "You knew I wouldn't stay?"

"If I'm quite honest, I'm surprised that you waited so long," Dumbledore said, walking over to her slowly. He pulled out his pocket watch, nodding to himself. "By my calculations, he has been back to normal for the past hour."

"I didn't see him come back in," Emma frowned. "Where is he? He's not still outside, is he?"

"No, he entered the castle in a different direction. He's back in his quarters. I imagine that's where you were headed?"

Emma smiled sheepishly. "There's nowhere else I would go…"

"Allow me to walk you," Dumbledore said, placing a hand on Emma's shoulder. "I don't imagine that Professor Snape would let you off easy if he were to find you. Tell me what happened with you tonight. Not many can say they've been in the vicinity of a werewolf and lived to tell the tale while being mostly unscathed."

"You know about that?" Emma asked in surprise.

"Your father told me…"

As they walked, Emma told Dumbledore everything. She told him how she was scared that something would happen to the others, that something would happen to him, and that something would go wrong. Her only concern was to try and keep everyone safe, even if it meant something happening to her.

"That was very noble of you," Dumbledore said softly.

"It's not noble. He's my father. I worry about him just as much as he worries about me."

Dumbledore and Emma stepped into the Defense classroom quietly. The door to the office was open, and the lights were on.

"Professor Dumbledore, if you're here to try and -" Remus peered out of his office and froze upon seeing Emma.

"Hi," Emma said quietly.

"Emma? What are you doing? Why are you out of the Hospital Wing?" Remus ran down the stairs as quickly as he could and tugged Emma into a bone-crushing hug. "Sweetheart, what were you thinking?"

"I'll make my way out," Dumbledore said softly, leaving the two alone.

"I was worried about you," Emma said, burying her face into Remus's chest as she hugged him back, being careful not to squeeze too tight. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Remus said, pulling back abruptly to study her face. "I hurt you."

"Not on purpose," Emma said, throwing her hand up to her right cheek to cover the scratch. If she didn't, Remus would stare at it the entire time. He looked much, much worse, fresh scratches and deep cuts on his face and hands. "It was an accident. It only happened because Sirius tried to get you off of me."

Remus pulled Emma's hand away from her face and sighed as he looked at the scratch. "I'm still the cause of it, accidental or not," he said sadly.

"It's not bad," Emma said. "You didn't try to bite me."

"I could have killed you."

"But you didn't! You were too busy trying to mother me to death to even consider the idea," Emma said with a nervous smile. "And the good news is I didn't transform!"

"What do you mean you didn't transform? We don't know –"

"Er, well, I guess Professor Dumbledore didn't tell you everything."

"Only mentioned that Sirius is safe, but what are you talking about?"

Emma giggled nervously, looking over at the desks. "Perhaps we should sit down for this one…"

Remus listened patiently as Emma went over what exactly had happened after he had transformed. He knew that she had gone to him while he was Moony but had not known how much had actually transpired. Remus was less than thrilled to find out that it was the second time Emma had ever gone back in time. He had grown terribly pale when Emma mentioned not being sure whether or not he had accidentally gotten her with his teeth. He was ghostly white by the time Emma had finally finished her tale.

He rubbed his temples with a groan. "It is much too early, er, late I suppose for me to be trying to think about this. I don't…I don't know what to say."

"Then say nothing," Emma said. "I think Moony said it all for you earlier."

Remus nodded, swallowing hard, his cheeks turning slightly pink at the mention of Moony. "I'm sorry. I'm so terribly sorry. And to think I had to have terrified you at the Shack, oh…God, I'm never going to make up for any of this. Especially with Moony. I couldn't…I couldn't exactly –"

"It's fine. That was some, uhm impressive magic," Emma said earnestly. "I didn't…I didn't know that was possible. We won't discuss the rest of what happened with Moony, but I promise it's fine."

"Yes, let's not discuss that. The magic, well, it's a bit, er…well, communicating can be very basic. Like I said, I'm not particularly fond of it, but I was willing to let it happen so you could understand. Granted, I would have preferred to be much more aware of it…"

"Soleil understood perfectly well, even if I didn't right away. Bit weird that she has a name now, though."

"And you're all right with it? The name?"

"It's perfect," Emma said earnestly. "I'm glad that you took your time trying to figure it out. It's…it's fitting."

"I, er, _we_ thought so. Sirius thought it was a good name, as well. He said it was the perfect name for a Marauder."

Emma let out a soft gasp. "That's…it's not just my wolf's name?"

"No. We knew that when you were older, we wanted you to have a Marauder nickname as well," Remus explained. "It was only meant to be a nickname, but it obviously didn't work out that way."

Emma, overtired from everything that happened, burst into hysterical tears. Remus gathered Emma back into his arms, holding her tightly.

"My dear, sweet, baby girl, what am I going to do with you?"

"Take me to Paris like you promised," Emma whispered, wiping hard at her eyes. "With our runaway dog, wherever he may be. Just get away for a little while."

Remus sighed, running a hand through Emma's hair. "I'll see what I can come up with. Have you slept at all?"

"Couldn't," Emma muttered. "Have you?"

"Not at all. How about we head up and get you tucked into bed?"

Emma nodded in agreement. "I need a quick shower, first. Too much running around."

"All right. A quick shower and then bed. You're exhausted, and you need to rest."

Finally clean and dressed in her comfiest pajamas, Emma let Remus reapply dittany to the scratch on her face. She could see that he wanted to apologize for it again, but she refused to let him. Remus tucked her into bed, but as he turned to leave, Emma latched onto his sleeve.

"Please, don't leave. Not yet," she begged in a voice so terribly small that it worried him. There was such an underlying panic to her tone that it broke his heart. Emma was trying her best to hide it, but he could see that she was scared of what would happen next. He was just as worried.

He kicked off his shoes and climbed into bed next to Emma, taking his customary position of leaning against her headboard. Emma was quick to curl herself up against him, laying her head on his chest like she always did. He smiled softly at how fast she fell asleep, not at all surprised it was almost instant. When he finally let himself go to bed, he was sure that he would do the same. With exams over, they had the day off and an extended breakfast period. He planned to take full advantage, and he was going to make sure Emma did the same. They needed to hang onto the last bits of normalcy they were sure to get.

When Remus was sure that Emma wouldn't wake up, he carefully eased her from his body and into a comfortable position. Though she sometimes slept at weird angles, he imagined her muscles would ache just as much as his did. A single full moon wrecked her; he couldn't imagine going through two in three hours.

He slipped into his office and went into his desk drawer, pulling out the contract he had signed just the day before. Remus stared at it for a moment in disappointment. He had spent such a long time figuring out what to do, and he truly wasn't planning on returning to Hogwarts, but he felt the same as Emma. Remus wasn't entirely sure what he would do without her the next year, and he had gotten permission for her to have a dog at the castle. He felt it would be perfect. Emma could have Sirius as her pet dog, and they could still all be a family together.

It had been a split-minute decision on his part, and he had planned to show Emma as they settled in for the full moon. Staying at Hogwarts would have been perfect considering the anti-werewolf legislation that had been passed just before Christmas. Remus had been cautious to not let Emma know about it, and he was glad that he did.

Remus glanced over at the Marauder's Map that was still sitting on his desk and the wasted goblets of Wolfsbane. Emma was _really_ going to be feeling her aches and pains since she didn't have the potion. He supposed that it was one thing that he could thank Moony for – he had helped to ease some of that burden the second time around. He picked up his wand with a heavy sigh and lit the fireplace, and tossed the contract into the newly ignited flames.

It was better that Emma never knew he planned to stay.

Emma and Remus seemed to be running on the same wave-length. Their bodies, accustomed to waking up early during the week, still woke them up at six in the morning. They met in the hallway with good-natured laughs, yawning all the while.

"Perhaps this is better," Emma said, stretching and immediately wincing. "We eat now, and we nap for the rest of the day."

Remus found himself inclined to agree. He was starving.

In true Lupin fashion, neither of them brought up the night before as they made their way down to the Great Hall. Instead, they talked about their summer plans, Emma starting to skip the more excited she got. As they walked, Emma started to pick up that they were getting nervous looks as they passed. She finally started listening to the conversations that were being had as they got closer to the Great Hall. They weren't very good.

"Lupin's a werewolf?"

"They caught Sirius Black, and he still escaped?"

"Why was Professor Lupin allowed to teach? Isn't he dangerous?"

Emma stood at the entrance of the Great Hall in absolute terror. How did everyone know? She turned to look back at Remus, but he had disappeared. Emma only caught the fluttering of his robes heading back up the stairs, and she frowned. She turned around to look into the Great Hall, her heart racing as people turned to look at her.

"Is _she_ a werewolf, too?" sneered a Slytherin girl she wasn't familiar with.

"Get her out of here!" a Ravenclaw shouted.

Emma's breath caught in her throat as her chest tightened and her throat constricted. This couldn't be happening, and her eyes welled up. She couldn't move, she couldn't breathe. She was completely frozen. It felt like the entire Great Hall was staring at her, angry, scared, disgusted. Emma didn't understand – how did they know?

Fred and George were up and over to her, blocking her from the Great Hall's view. George gently lifted a hand to her face, careful not to touch the scratch on her cheek.

"Emma, is it true?" he asked gently. Biting back a sob, Emma nodded. "You, too?" Emma shook her head.

"How?" she choked out, keeping her gaze low, rubbing her chest as she tried to breathe.

"Snape," Fred said venomously. "Told the entirety of Slytherin this morning. Might have insinuated that you were a werewolf as well."

"I…I'm not…" Emma's vision was blurry with tears, and she shook her head. She hated Snape with every fiber of her being. What he did was absolutely disgusting and could ruin their entire lives. "I have…I have to go. If everyone knows…"

"Emma, it'll blow over. It's fine."

"Fred…if the Ministry finds out…they could kill him!" Emma practically shouted. She took a shuddering breath and turned around to run back up the stairs.

Emma ran as hard as had the night before, desperate to get back to Remus. She didn't care how many times she tripped on her way up the stairs, ignoring the way her ankle was aching and protesting as she went. Her tears were streaming down her face, and her breath kept catching, forcing her chest to constrict so painfully she had to hold tight to the railing. Still, she forced herself to push through. All that mattered was getting back to Remus. There had to be a way to fix everything. This couldn't be reality.

When she made it back to the classroom, she booked it up the stairs to the office. She could hear Dumbledore's voice wafting from the office, but she couldn't process what he was saying. Emma practically flung herself around the corner of the door and into the office, panting hard.

Remus barely looked up from where he sat, his head hanging low. Dumbledore slowly rose from his chair.

"I'll leave you two alone," Dumbledore said. "I'll return when your carriage is ready. It should be sometime around the afternoon."

As Dumbledore walked by, he placed a gentle hand on Emma's shoulder. "Everything will work out, Emma," Dumbledore said to her before leaving.

Emma didn't like the sound of that, and she turned to watch him leave for a moment. When she turned back to look at Remus, he finally looked up at her, wiping his face off. He stood up slowly, wincing as he straightened up.

"Come here, baby girl," Remus said softly. It was all the invitation she needed as she launched herself into Remus's arms, holding onto him tightly.

It had been months since Emma had cried as hard as she was. Her father crying only made it worse, and they held onto each other like lifelines. Remus forced himself to recover quickly to focus on Emma, rocking her gently.

"It'll be fine," he whispered. "Everything is going to be fine."

Emma shook her head, burying her face into Remus's chest and crying harder. She couldn't understand how he could even say that. Things were not going to be okay, and she knew it with every fiber of her being.

"But if the Ministry –"

"Don't think about it," Remus said, pressing several kisses to the top of Emma's head. "We don't…it'll be fine. I can't let what happened last night happen again. It was irresponsible of me."

"It wasn't even your fault!" Emma cried. "It was mine!"

"Shh," Remus said, stroking Emma's hair. "It wasn't your fault. It was too much pressure on you to expect you to be able to make the potion for me, for both of us. It was part of Severus's job to make it, and he pawned it off on you. You are fourteen, Emma. It was far too much responsibility for you to take on."

"But if I had just –"

Remus let go of Emma to kneel down in front of her, holding her hands tightly. "Emma Hope Lupin, I do not ever want to hear you blame yourself for last night. It was not your fault."

"But –"

"Emma, fy nghariad bach, please – I want you to say it. Say that it wasn't your fault. For me. I need you to understand that you had no control over what happened last night."

"It wasn't…I can't. Daddy, I could have –"

"Please – for me. You can do it. You have done much harder things."

Emma swallowed thickly. "It wasn't…it wasn't my fault," she said with a trembling voice.

"Good," Remus said gently. "Now I need you to believe it."

"I don't know that –"

"I know you'll believe it," Remus said, cupping Emma's left cheek with a sigh as his eyes found the scratch on her face again. "I know that you'll believe it because you are absolutely incredible. Come on, let's get your face cleaned off and have the house-elves bring something up."

The morning seemed like an impossible task to get through. All Emma wanted to do was go to sleep, and she could see that Remus was growing increasingly exhausted. Still, they pushed through to do what they could.

Emma hated helping Remus pack up his things, growing increasingly more upset. She had momentarily forgotten all about her broken wand until Remus started to add it to the current pile he was working on. With a whine, Emma picked it the two pieces of her wand, putting the two shattered ends together as if they would magically fuse together.

"I'm sure that Mr. Ollivander can fix it," Remus said, trying to keep his tone light.

"And if he can't?"

"Then we get you another one," Remus said, turning on the wireless. He took Emma's broken wand from her and grabbed her hands. "Let's dance, shake off everything bad for a moment."

Packing was punctuated by dancing. When it wasn't dancing, it was Emma crying and Remus stopping what he was doing to console her.

"I don't want to be sad," Emma muttered after bursting into tears for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Then don't be," Remus said. "Be happy that we got to spend all of this time together. I know that I am."

"S-so am I, b-but we should be going home together!"

Remus admittedly felt terrible that he was breaking that promise as well. They didn't get to end the year together, and they weren't ending it together either.

"Well, we've got an entire summer to get through together," he said gently. "I won't have to work at all this summer, and we can do absolutely anything in the world you'd like."

"Anything?"

"Anything. I don't care how silly it is; we'll do it."

"Even if I want to go to Alton Towers?"

Remus couldn't help but laugh. "Really? You want to go there?"

Emma nodded fervently, pulling away to look up at Remus, rubbing her very red eyes. "I heard Justin talking about it, and I want to go."

"Oh, Merlin," Remus said. "Well, all right. I did say anything, yes? Maybe we'll see if some of your friends want to meet us there. I doubt you'll want to spend the entire day with me."

"Why wouldn't I?" Emma asked, her brow furrowing in annoyance that he would dare suggest a thing.

"Because I am much too old for rides. And knowing you, you're going to want to go on every roller coaster imaginable."

Emma smiled for the first time that day. Her father knew her entirely too well.

They had made a fair amount of progress in packing their quarters up by the time lunchtime rolled around. They had a quick lunch before moving into the office. Emma found herself nestled into the armchair by the fire, falling asleep as Remus continued to pack. It wasn't until Harry suddenly arrived that Emma awoke long enough to pay attention to what was happening.

"You're the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had! Don't go!" Harry said desperately.

"I already tried," Emma said sadly from the armchair. Remus only shook his head, continuing to empty his drawers. She listened to Remus ask about Harry's Patronus, and she watched his face closely as Harry told his side of the story. Emma knew that Remus would be proud of Harry for casting a successful Patronus. It was nice to see his face light up.

"Here," Remus said after a while, handing Harry his Invisibility Cloak. "I brought this from the Shrieking Shack last night." He peered down at the Marauder's Map with a frown, looking between Emma and Harry. Remus looked at Emma questioningly, and she gave him a small smile. Harry deserved to have the map. "As I am no longer your teacher, I don't feel guilty about giving this back as well. It's no use for me, and I daresay that you, Ron, and Hermione will find uses for it."

Harry took the map and grinned, but then looked over at Emma. "I think Emma should have it," he said, holding the map out towards her.

"Nah, mate," Emma said. "It's all yours. I had my fun with it."

"Well…what if we share it, then?" Harry suggested. "I mean, if…if we're all going to be together at some point, we'll have to get used to sharing things, yeah?"

"We're the children of Marauder's," Emma said with a laugh. "I think that's fair. That means you need a nickname."

"I could…I could always be Prongs. I mean, my dad was named Prongs, and my Patronus is a stag…" Harry looked over at Remus, almost like he was asking for permission.

"I can say that without a doubt that your father would be delighted for you to carry on his name," Remus said, looking over at Emma curiously.

"Dad, I think you need to show me how to fix the map then. I think a change is in order," Emma said brightly. "Moony, Soleil, Padfoot, and Prongs. Think it has a nice ring to it, don't you, Harry?"

"Soleil?" Harry asked questioningly.

"Bit of a story. I'll write and tell you all about it."

Remus couldn't look any prouder.

Harry nodded, a smile on his face. "You told me Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs would've wanted to lure me out of school," Harry said, turning back to Remus. "You said they'd have thought it was funny."

"And so we would have," Remus said with a sigh. "I have no hesitation in saying that James would have been highly disappointed if his son had never found any of the secret passages out of the castle."

There was a knock at the door, and Dumbledore stepped into the office. "Your carriage is at the gates, Remus," he said gently.

Emma shot up from her chair. Remus made to protest Emma wanting to follow him out, but he knew that he would be fighting a losing battle. Even though people would talk, Emma wasn't about to let her father leave so quickly. She was walking with him to the gate no matter what.

Each step closer to the gate seemed to be harder and harder as reality set in. When they arrived at the gates, they could only stand there, staring at the carriage. Needing to break away out of fear of crying again, Emma walked over to pet the Thestral that pulled the carriage for a moment.

"Why does this feel like it's goodbye?" Emma asked, trying to ignore the feeling of dread in her stomach. She looked over at her father, studying his face, almost afraid that it would be the last time she would ever see him.

"I don't know what's going to happen next," Remus said quietly, clearing his throat to try and keep the tremble out of his voice. "But it's not goodbye. You act as though I'd ever let that happen. You're stuck with me, fy nghariad."

Emma huffed out a laugh, stepping away from the Thestral. "I really think it's the other way around, and you're the one that's stuck with me, actually."

"And I am an incredibly lucky man to be stuck with an absolutely brilliant daughter," Remus said with a fond smile.

"And you are an absolute sap," Emma said, walking over to Remus and reaching up to pull him down so she could throw her arms around his neck. "I just want to come home with you. Do you think it'd be all right if I just got in the carriage with you? I've got enough at home to get by until my things get sent back."

"As wonderful as that sounds, there are only a few more days left," Remus said. "I know that things are going to be difficult, but you are strong, and you are incredibly brave. Think about what movies you'd like to watch on Monday night. We'll get takeaway and watch movies all night long. How does that sound?"

"I think that sounds perfect," Emma said, holding onto Remus tighter. She didn't want to let him go.

"Sweetheart, I really need to leave."

"Just a few more minutes. Monday is terribly far away."

Those extra few minutes weren't nearly long enough for Emma, and she reluctantly let Remus go. She stayed at the gates until she couldn't see his carriage any longer and then stayed there for a few minutes more to wipe away her tears. Emma already felt incredibly alone.

Navigating the castle was difficult, and Emma had given up on it entirely by the end of Friday night. If she thought people had said nasty things to her in her second year, it certainly didn't compare to what people said about her now. Instead, she kept herself locked up in the now half-empty quarters she had shared all year with her father.

She was grateful that she didn't have to stop in the dorm to grab her things as she had done that several months prior. However, packing was still difficult. She started with her books, feeling insane as she let out a watery laugh when she picked up _War and Peace_. Her giggles only continued as she found the pile of photos that had been developed throughout the year. All in all, despite every difficult moment, Emma honestly had the best year of her life.

She finally knew who she was, had two loving parents – though she was worried about them both – and learned so much more than she ever thought possible. Emma had grown close to Remus in a way that she didn't think would ever be possible. There was no doubt in her mind that he was her best friend in the whole world. The thought was sobering. Did she have any friends left at all?

A noise coming from outside her room startled her out of her thoughts. She slowly opened her bedroom door and frowned when she heard voices. She could have sworn that she left the door between their quarters and the office closed. Curious, Emma walked out of her room and down the hallway, her eyes widening to see who was there.

Standing right in the living room was Fred and George, Neville, Luna, Cedric, and Justin.

"I, uhm…what are you all doing here?" Emma asked, scratching her head. "I thought I had the door closed."

"Dumbledore," George said by explanation. "We thought you might need some company. It's, ah…it's a bit rough out there right now. Thought you might need some help trying to pack."

"We, uhm…we didn't want you to be alone," Persephone said quietly, gnawing her lip as she stared at Emma. "But if you don't…I can leave if you want everyone else to stay."

Emma looked at the rest of the group. "None of you have to do this," Emma said. "None of you have to pretend to be my friend. I completely understand if you just want to leave."

"We want to be here," Neville said with small nods from the others. "Professor Lupin was the best teacher we ever had. And even if you're a werewolf, we…we're still your friends."

It was such a brave statement to come from Neville that Emma was afraid to let herself believe it. But when she studied each face in the room, she realized that it seemed they were telling the truth. "I don't know what to say," Emma admitted.

"Just tell us what to do, and we'll do it," Fred said.

"What still needs to get packed? Professor Dumbledore said that the house-elves will start collecting things in the morning to send back," Cedric added. "I think there's enough of us that we can get a lot of it done tonight."

"How about the classroom?" Luna suggested. "And we can tell our favorite stories about Professor Lupin."

"I think…all right," Emma said, still stunned. "Let's, uh…let's go downstairs. I just don't know what's my dad's other than the books."

"Well, we can call a house-elf and figure it out," George said brightly.

To Emma's surprise, she was not left alone once the entire weekend. They tried to get Emma to leave the relative safety of the place she'd called home, but they didn't push her. She allowed herself to smile, incredibly grateful that she wasn't entirely alone in the castle. Emma just hoped that when they returned the next year they would still be around. She had lost enough of her friends.

Luna tried in vain to get Emma to take her shoes back, but she refused. "I think yellow looks rather nice on you," Emma said, pulling a smile from Luna.

She spent the weekend pouring diligently through the morning and evening copies of the Daily Prophet in between packing. Emma wanted to make sure that both Remus and Sirius were safe. Sirius had been seen somewhere near the coast, and that made Emma worried. The only good thing was that she saw absolutely nothing about werewolves or Remus. His secret was still safe. She hoped.

When Monday morning arrived, Emma woke up feeling incredibly off. She had that deep-seated feeling of dread in her stomach all over again. Something was wrong, but she couldn't figure out what.

George brought the morning edition of the Prophet to her, and she read it cover to cover just to make sure she wasn't missing anything. Though she found nothing in the paper, she still didn't feel better.

"It's probably the excitement of going home," George said. "I'm sure everything is fine."

Emma wasn't entirely convinced.

She packed up the last few clothes she kept with her in her bag. All of her things had already been brought back home except for what she held in her messenger bag. She felt it was easier to take advantage of the house-elves instead of dragging her things around London. Her bag was much more manageable.

Emma started to leave to head out to Hogsmeade, but she stopped when she spotted the vase of daisies on the kitchen table still. With a slight smile, she pulled one out, gently tearing the stem and tucking the flower behind her ear. Maybe she would try and press the flower to keep it. Emma felt optimistic all over again. She was finally going home.

Stepping out into King's Cross station for the first time in almost a year was welcome, and she did it with a smile. Everyone had kept her distracted enough on the train that she ignored what people were saying. She was looking forward to going home and finally decompressing from everything.

She looked around for Remus, a smile on her face, but she wasn't finding him. That seemed very unlike him, and she stood awkwardly where she was, hoping she was just missing him. When ten minutes had passed, she began to worry. Why wasn't Remus there?

Emma slowly made her way over to a bench, looking around to try and find her father. She walked straight into someone solid with a gasp and threw her hands up to try and push herself away out of embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry," she started to say, turning to look at who she had walked into. Emma froze when something was quickly pushed into her hands. It took her a moment to register that she recognized the hands that had just been on hers. Emma looked up just in time to watch Greyback's back as he slipped past her as if nothing had happened at all.

Emma sat down on the nearest bench with a frown to look at what Fenrir had given her. She stared at the folded paper in her hand in confusion, but she unfolded it anyway.

She wasn't expecting Fenrir to have such nice handwriting, and her frown deepened at the simple message that it contained - _Think twice about who you trust_. What was that supposed to mean? He had already told her that, but why did he feel the need to tell her again? And why did he run off so quickly?

For some reason, she tucked the note into her pocket. It seemed important; she just wished she understood why.

"There you are. I've been looking all over for you!"

Emma looked up to find her grandfather in front of her. "Where's Dad?" she asked, her blood running cold at the dark look that crossed Lyall's face. "Grandpa, what is it?"

"I can't explain here. We have to go," Lyall said, tugging Emma up from the bench, keeping a firm grip on her arm as they walked. The moment they made it out into the street, Lyall turned to her, both hands on her shoulders. Emma knew that whatever was going to come out of her grandfather's mouth wasn't going to be good, but she wasn't expecting what he said next.

"Remus has been arrested."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH BOY. I have been DREADING getting to the end of this one just for that final line, but I tried to make things as realistic as possible.
> 
> We don't know what happened to Remus immediately after resigning from Hogwarts, especially since the anti-werewolf legislation was passed sometime in 1993 by Umbridge. I want to explore that a little bit, while exploring Emma's character arc some more. I promise it won't all be gloomy for year four.
> 
> We've got romance on Emma's horizon, the discovery and increasing bond of family, while solving the final pieces of her biggest mysteries. It'll be a lot to unpack, hopefully not nearly 70 chapters worth of unpacking, though. We've still got quite a few years to get through.
> 
> **come find me on:**   
>  [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)   
>  [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/mymoonyandstars)   
>  [the moonlit stars discord](https://discord.gg/xpzefDeCZw)
> 
> [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/r6xi6203vwza01epk6askwk15?si=t4wwYBERRymTJvw09FJG3Q)  
> 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Written in the Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29717568) by [mymoonyandstars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymoonyandstars/pseuds/mymoonyandstars)




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